I have BPD. I was most disturbed by a lack of object permanence. I was not angry but overwhelmed by intense feelings of fear. My husband described me as a child lost at the air port.
This is absolutely perfect way of describing this condition. Normally people are so unspecific when describing the BEHAVIOURS that people with BPD exhibit and focus generally on the symptoms which can be shared across other conditions like complex-PTSD.
Being closely involved with bpd can cause c-ptsd. It's a madness if you don't know what the hell is going on. Bonded to madness. It's sad because when you learn about BPD you can have more understanding and set boundaries...lots of people only find out after enduring significant stress
@@mrfake675 I have borderline traits from unhealed trauma and child hood abuse from two narcissistic parents I’m the scapegoat I also have complex ptsd ADD and OCD a lot of which developed from the trauma I suffered from the isolated treatment forced on me.. pure evil 👿
I dated a gal recently who I've known for many years. Our relationship only lasted a few weeks but left me confused. I feel like she has two polar opposite personalities among other things. She told me that she was diagnosed with PTSD and I know that there's a relation between the two. I feel bad for her and wish that I could help but I won't tolerate disrespect and abuse from anyone; ever. So I pray for her and love her from afar.
I was also with someone diagnosed with PTSD for a couple of years, however the more I've looked into these disorders, the more it appears that for the most part, regarding the negative aspects, PTSD appears the same as NPD or BPD. Completely unstable, no seeming capability of accountability, remorse or guilt, and that's to be expected from NPD or PTSD because the person has become self absorbed, in that seemingly constant state of fight, flight, freeze or fawn. Yet, coupled with the idea of being "diagnosed", this actually furthers lack of accountability as they get the excuse-card of "this is why I react this way, because of trauma" rather than "I have experienced these things so I do have my defenses up, but I want to break the cycle". You can love John, but they're so consumed in their requirements of instant-gratification, that love in any sense beyond superficial seems a remote idea. You may also find that they "suffer from" aphantasia, - the lack the ability to produce mental imagery, a subconscious defense mechanism against having to process things like guilt or remorse, because they're already overloaded and instead feel like they need someone / something to fix/save them, yet... since grandiose may well be unable to accept any suggestion of their fault. A completely bizarre minefield of maladaptive responses. As confusing as it may feel, I'd say you dodged a bullet. I on the other hand got shot into pieces. I stuck with her until the malignant narc appeared, and the devaluation, isolation and discard stage occurred, replacing me with another supply after she'd used me up. Never again. A very, very expensive set of lessons which I extremely nearly didn't survive.
@@tylersmith1220 quoting from your comment: “A completely bizarre minefield of maladaptive responses.” I’m reading your words, and I’m thinking to myself; no way someone comes up with this description except from first-hand real world experience. Superbly said, bravo 🙌🏽
@@benevolencia4203 Yep. Really put me through my paces. I very, very nearly didn't make it after the narcissistic discard. After all I'd invested, to her son, her family. To be simply thrown away was mind boggling to me but she'd been pulling strings in the background and had replacement supply. It ended a little over a year ago with her cheating, although from this point I suspect she'd been doing so for a while. Well said? Maybe, but I wouldn't touch someone with PTSD now. Nor a single mother. When I hear people attach labels to themselves that suggest an avoidance of accountability, yep, I'm not interested. If I went to a therapist after this they'd no doubt diagnose me as depressed / with PTSD/-CPTSD, but I'm not interested in being a label. It's a setback, but we build and re-wire with new knowledge - and emotions do take some time to unpackage, reorient and process things. If they didn't, I'd be more concerned about my ability to simply move forwards without the damage. Still, there's great benefit to this situation. Understanding what I did wrong, the signs of an impending train wreck, and the ability to better establish boundaries and independence. My message is just a sincere caution to those who notice red flags. Educate yourself about things like DARVO - understand that we're all narcissistic by default, but the key is learning diplomacy, accountability, and taking a deliberate stance to address our shortcomings. If a person won't do that, then walk away.
I feel like when I am self harming it's because I'm so angry I want to just hurt something like I'm hurting, but I hate the idea of hurting innocent people so I take it out on myself...
Yeah it is to same to me as well i know how it feels like to getting Hurt by yourself and getting conflict within yourself it is painfull indeed Do a breathing exercise.Take a deep breath, hold it for 4 seconds, and then slowly exhale the breath you're holding It helps you to calm down i find helpful actually
In my views, the most common characteristic amongst individuals with personality disorder is the inability to establish and/or retain relationships. This was also mentioned by Otto Kernberg.
Thats the shared characteristic I think because most of the symptoms make it hard not just for us with bdp to keep relationships going but also make it hard for others to understand and cope with our symptoms. The defining symptom imo is the emotional sensitivity. So we're all emotionally sensitive and struggling socially, the rest of the characteristics and symptoms are more specifically tailored to each individual.
@@pyromaniacalmagpie3198 I do agree with you. Personally, I do not believe I have ever met anyone who suffers from BPD. I have read about it in a text book. I do think that isolation is probably a characteristic common amongst individuals suffering from a personality disorder. Nevertheless, I would not know precisely how to deal with individuals with a disorder. I would assume, parents are the best resource of support
I knew a girl for a while & she told me she was diagnosed with BPD… she was very unique & larger than life, I really liked her a lot, I still think about her even though it was years ago now… I would never date her, she’s exactly the sort that would smash your heart.
A coworker said that i had two moods. I express my emotions through sketches and doodles really. I struggle under stress or conflict. I tend to cut and self harm. I lash out. I have to adjust and adapt. Observe. Intergrate. Initialize. I constantly seek balance and question my motives for my thoughts, emotions and consequential actions. I see allies or opposition. I've been trying to not focus on the contradictory but the paradoxical. Antisocial social butterfly. I find it difficult over time to keep it up. I can't seem to make a genuine connection. I feel I'm constantly homesick. An alien in a hostile world. I'm debating on getting back on lexapro.
My honest advice, don't bother with Lexapro. It's just another SSRI of which I've tried every one on the market and I've never found to be helpful. I would try looking into a mood stabilizer or an anti-psychotic. I am now on Lamictal and Seroquel and have found them to actually help me quite significantly.
Wellbutrin turned down my amplified emotion’s. It has taken emotion’s and thought’s that were tearing my mind apart and stopped them. I have never known this kind of peace. I can still be triggered but it doesn’t last long.
@@dollhead2039Seroquel is an anti psychotic drug that sedates the user as it was also prescribed to me for sleep. I don't see how this would help BPD.
He does not. For example, he said that the Borderlines harm themselves because of control, but that is wrong. They are just destroying themselves as a reaction to inner (mental) destruction. It has nothing to do with control.
My ex left me because she feels I didn’t love her enough. I loved her more than any human could love someone. Truth is that her immature, raging, abusive behaviors made me withdraw from her; problem with untreated BPDs is that they don’t account for their behaviors causing the rupture in their relationship; instead placing blame that their partner wasn’t attentive enough. I love her and always will but she will never acknowledge her being the cause of our breakup.
@@beyourself9162 my door is always open for her as well but it’s truly difficult to let go of her cutting me off and finding my replacement. Still … I love her.
And we went far too long only because we love them and pity them at the same time. In the end we gave up bcs it is too exhausting to keep moving. It's living hell. You never gonna know when the rage begins so their even peace makes you feel uneasy, scared, anxious.
@@princhipessa1969 alot of BPD have probably had relationships with narcissists and with that they develop a HUGE lack of trust, it could be that unknowingly you was presenting a behaviour she didn't trust, an unrelated behaviour she linked with abandonment due to a toxic relationship, generally speaking BPD don't end relationships because of the abandonment issues so it must of been incredibly hard for her, hence why she probably found someone else immediatedly and probably feels guilty about it (if she does have BPD)
Self mutilation is because of the physical pain taking the attention away from the emotional pain which is far greater than the feeling of burning fire on the skin. This is something that somebody from the outside perspective can find hard to relate to, and thus understand. I'm not so sure if mere control can explain this type of behavior but it could be a factor. It's a feeling of burning desperation.
I have read recently that there are 2 types of neurons for pain. One for dull pain, one for sharp pain. When the sharp pain neuron is activated it inhibits the dull pain neuron, since pain neurological path is shared by physical and emotional pain, and emotional pain is dull one, it makes sens that sharp physical pain will inhibit emotional pain
@@Kannot2023 interesting. reading this about mutiliation it made me thnk of opiates. they also do not selectively numb physical pain. it is as if they numb ALL pain, and effect is that both emotions and physical sensations are repressed..
Wow!!! If only my therapists & psych knew about this “self mutilating” behaviors among all the rest back in the late 80’s- early 90’s. Born in 72 , at the age of 43 I was finally dx with bpd. Now 47, with therapy weekly I’ve found the tools to help yet still struggle to pick which one before the depression or shame kicks in. Thank you for this channel
It sucks that it wasn't around before, but it's great to know that treatment likely keep getting better and better in the future, and knowing that helps me a lot.
It's such a tragedy for so many people that our understanding was so limited back then. It makes me wonder what our understanding will be like in another 30-40 years time.
Alexithymia identity diffusion and affective dysfunction. Infliction of pain to avoid feeling empty. Some due it through exercise without self harm i.e. cutting.
It's just really sad. I've learned too late that my ex has BPD. I don't know if she knows it but she's aware of her fear of abandonment. I'm an empath so would love nothing more than to try to help her get well and be there for her in that journey, but it was such a draining, stressful relationship that I don't know if I can handle risking the insults, mistreatment and abuse again, not to mention - in contrast - total dependency on me. I loved her "good" side so very much, but the instability was too much. I do hope she can get the help she needs 😌
It’s just the action part that the borderline struggles with. Great insight and almost a hyper analysis of ones self and ones surroundings but when it comes to the the motivation and ability to act there seems to be a disconnect with action
@@juicylucy6488 Borderlines have great logic, but they need to know what that is like coming from an external source. Someone who understands & listens without psychological abuse or gaslighting. Narcissistic abusers will never see a borderline as an individual, just an internalized object to be discarded. Then borderlines keep seeking validation from an impossible source, (narcissist)instead of a compassionate individual. Essentially retraumatizing themselves by seeking validation from a user. Yes borderlines have cognitive impairments that is difficult to deal with...It is hard to self validate while no one has ever understood you & keep projecting & trying to enmesh with a borderline, then blame them for the lack of boundaries. People with bpd want so badly to understand boundaries.
Yeah, same, and I have aspergers and ptsd too, and I can't take life anymore I hate that I Tage out when I'm upset for small things I take meds and it only helps so much
@@cthulhu4411 Learn meditation. It will heal your brain. Seriously. But it's a very big journey you are going to be going on, and it will be quite painful. But your mental pain can be dissolved. For good. Given the therapy. Meditation is therapy.
Me too. And I don’t even have it. The disorder causes severe harm to the people closest to them. It’s like a damn curse. I wish there was a damn cure .
Thx, and was married to a BPD (clinically-diagnosed), so I can 'identify' with the excellent description, especially the 'volatility' parts. But what always amazed me was the way she could 'compartmentalize' these blow-ups, so that one day of total charm could change the next day to total hatred, and then the following day back again to 'charm' mode (aka, "I love you/I hate you")... as though nothing ever happened?!
Borderlines are usually attracted to emotionally unavailable people. Not saying it's all your fault or hers...but they get triggered by lack of communication, lack of empathy etc...they can almost sense when their partner is not right for them. They also are triggered by smothering or clingy people, similar to complex ptsd. It is very black & white . Then they begin pushing them away. Boundaries are a major issue.
It is a concept called splitting or black and white thinking. It involves not being able to hold positive and negative feelings together for the other at the same time.
@@jennifermaxine2453 Perhaps, though even so, the constant volatility and lack of personal 'accountability' probably doesn't help. BTW, why do they usually seem to be of the 'female' persuasion? Or as an attorney friend once told me, they're often the prime 'ingredient' in so-called 'High-Conflict' divorces (as certainly was my own... lol)!
@@mingonmongo1 there's some discussion about how BPD may manifest slightly different in men and women, or whether BPD in men in is simply being diagnosed as antisocial personality disorder in error, because we tend to associate BPD more with women. There are some good videos on UA-cam worth looking up about it. My guess is that BPD is just as common in men, it's just that we don't tend to notice it as much because we tend to just associate some of the symptoms with general male aggression. Some of the controlling and aggressive aspects of the condition are almost encouraged in men sometimes.
I grew up with a borderline mother. I wish she had had therapy when she was younger. Then I wouldn't have had such a difficult childhood. I thought she was crazy and mean and I hated her. The book Understanding the Borderline mother by Christine Ann Lawson Ph.D. helped me a lot to understand my mother. She is almost 87 years old and I can deal better now with her unstable behavior.
I didn't know I had BPD for DECADES but I did know something was really wrong. SO, I worked and saved enough to retire at age 42. After years of watching how others behave I realize that almost everybody has a moderate to severe personality disorder. This includes the U.S, U.K. a lot of the rest of Europe, and Australia/NZ. I'm convinced this is just part of living in the western world. Don't worry Canada, I haven't forgotten about you.
Most people don't have personality disorders. We all have undesirable personality quirks, but that's not a disorder. It's a disorder when it prevents you from living your life in a normal way, i.e being happy, stable relationships, career, etc..
@@jerycaryy4342 You may be correct but from what I've see A LOT of people are not happy, do not have stable relationships, very unhappy with their career.
BPD is honestly a rollercoaster for the person with it aswel as the favourite person. I've noticed being lied to triggers my BPD, because that lie stems from fear of abandonment, no such thing as rational thinking, you have already thought out every scenario and go straight to the end result of it's over, they will leave me or you feel you will end up dead. For me BPD is by far the shittiest condition I've ever experienced, not only you get depressed aswel as anxious you have to deal with all the emotions exploding at the same time. I'm still here and that's purely because that half a day of joy and happiness some what makes me feel I can regain it forever but here I am going down the tracks yet again and considering yet again what's the fucking point, we aren't horrible people we are just damaged to a level which is almost impossible to come back from, but hey im still here so I must have some hope. Good luck to all other BPD sufferers I wish you the best in your future and don't forget to put yourself first, love yourself ❤
I didn't know what I was doing but now I realize I was carrying on the family tradition, mixed with religion it was "God's will" I have been working on myself like no male in my family history now that I see the consequences on my children were opposite what I desired
💯 correct! Sadly but I’ve learned ways to deal but I also made a decision to stay single as sad as that is.. I don’t want to hurt anyone else anymore! It’s devastating but I know it’s the only way I can preserve my environment and kind of feel normal and calm.. it works 🙏
I feel like my BPD is too attached to other people's actions & I can never control it. I thought I was doing better. Found a job I liked and then boom the job got terminated. That put me in the hospital. Than I got all better found a similar job & told them i can only work part time. Then they schedule me full-time 5 days in a row. Wouldn't adjust my schedule and I ended up in the hospital again. I desperately want stability but the worlds not stable and I can't handle it because I never got stability as a child and as an adult the world is less stable but I actually need it to be stable or I can't function or navigate the world. A+B never equals C for me. I can never make anything normal work for me. It always works against me. Whenever I'm alone I always feel so much better and healthy. People make my body and mind sick, and their decisions get in my way or ruin what I'm trying to do.
This is exactly how i feel. Like humans make me sick and when im alone, i am not great but better. Thing is i love my partner, yet being in any sort of relationship tires me out.
@@Lex12102007 I can relate. My fiancee is the light of my world I love her so much. It can be draining though sometimes. I'll spend 3 hours totally being absorbed in her & whatever activity we're doing & I appreciate it & value it so much. It still drains me though. I'll have a good day with her & I still end up needing to go for a long walk or isolate myself in some way so I can recharge.
Could it be that the world is only reflecting just how you feel deep inside. And the way to fix it is not externally. But to see within and heal those parts that feel unstable. Then i believe you will see how and why it was what you were doing. Thats my journey so far with myself
The thing that astounds me the most.. is that Narcisists aren't about people. They don't care about people, yet they care so much about how they are percieved in the eyes of people. In one sense because they can be unveiled as exploitative, in another because the external world offers a mirror of sorts. It supports their grandiosity. People's view of them is kind of like a value system of their psychotic fantasy they are directing. You can't be seem grandiose unless there is some sort of positive feedback loop. Surely this is why they create a false self, to be accepted and function among society.
Narcissist can’t regulate their ego-boundaries-that’s what the rest of the world is here for by providing supply either positive or negative…and the narcissist hates them for it, because their dependence is a narcissistic injury to their grandiose false omnipotent selves.
According to Kernberg, a narcissist is just a borderline who developed a false self to cope with their lack of self. Borderlines failed to develop it and hence why they are referred to as "failed narcissists". Similarly, a narcissist is a "failed psychopath" because they failed to detach themselves from their emotions and their inner emptiness. All Cluster B disorders can be seen as just different stages of defense mechanisms built on top of each other.
Do almost all bpders explicitly self harm, or do some do so in different ways? I have never seriously cut or burned etc. but I’ve driven insanely fast, eaten foods I knew were bad for me, drank excessively to feel ok, etc.
Watch our Krasner videos.. he would say there's a continuum, so things like marrying someone who's not right for you is a form of self-harm, for example. Thank you for your presence here.
I was wondering the same thing. I never cut myself but I have self medicated and put myself in very dangerous situations. I was diagnosed with bpd and bipolar 2 and I didnt understand how I had bpd because I didnt cut myself. I did fit all the other criteria. I never tried to commit suicide but I didnt care if I lived or died in the depths of my addiction. And I do have a problem ( big time ) with object constancy and black and white thinking.
chaostheory16 I can remember sitting on my grandmas lap while rocking me she’d say, “Kristen what if you wiggled you’re tied instead? You hurt grandmas heart when you pick.” I’ve driven too fast, picked, in recovery now but was addicted to pain pills, never thoughts of suicide though. I wondered the same thing. Is it odd I don’t have those tendencies? I don’t rage or pop off instead I go deep inside & feel shame. Grief is a hard one with bpd. I’ve never had healthy eating habits. It’s Binge or starve. I swear sometimes I’ll do anything to numb. The only time I never once picked at my feet was when I was pregnant. Best I’ve ever felt. Being a mom & wife gives me purpose. A chance to do everything I never received.
I never cut or injured myself, instead I overdose on drugs. Luckily I have no interest in opioids, only stimulants like speed, meth, mdma, adderall. I take em once every month non-stop for 2-3 days then feel insane/destroyed/fearing death, then wake up feeling reborn which last about five blissful days. I'm on day one right now. Personally I don't get it, but I've come to terms.
Appreciate this insight. In my opinion, the label of narcissism is being used too easily and broadly these days without understanding its underpinners. Dr Kernberg explains at least some of its underpinners in this brief message. Very worthwhile.
@@jennifermaxine2453 borderlines tend to “give too much” from a place of wanting to be loved and fearing abandonment: giving from a conditional place of need..
@@69birdboy If you're anything like me, then you react or "overreact" to psychological/emotional abuse. Never self blame, you are a victim of narcissistic abuse. We take on a lot of guilt that is a byproduct of being a gaslighting victim. Do you have relationships with narcissistic individuals? Ask yourself this, because a narcissist will hold you accountable for their personal issues. Then, observe yourself around healthy individuals. I bet the reaction is different when not in an abusive cycle. Narcissists Use us as a mirror for their own self hatred. Borderlines are used, they're empathy is used as a weapon.
@@vanessae_e When you find your true sense of self you will not be attracted to their "mask" because you are a gaslighting victim...& your comment suggests self blame & self doubt. That's the effect abusive partners have on others. They lack empathy & use everyone as a mirror. So, we all deserve to be treated with respect & allowed to be ourselves without condemnation. Borderlines have strong emotional empathy, so they clash with narcissists,,,,but also share some similar traits. That's why they don't get along.
Mental health professionals should be helping people love themselves. Not finding ways to control or destroy a person's natural state of being. Sometimes docs diagnose to carry out state agendas... be careful ppl. I learned young at 11. I would never have lived or loved had I not weeded out the wackos from the professionals who really cared about me ;-)
" Sometimes docs diagnose to carry out state agendas..." Yes, this is a fact. "Mental health professionals should be helping people love themselves." Yes, because BPD, essentially, is caused by deep lack of love from their caregivers in their childhoods. Only love can truly heal BPD, but Big Pharma loves money, so....
You are codependent not a toddler. Focus on yourself instead of enmeshing with abusers. You can become independent. You just need the right people to give motivation x. You can do it. strong x
No, you're not a toddler, you are bashing yourself...& not seeing your true potential. That's what happens to anyone after emotional abuse, you are not defective, stop the self blame . You're feeding abusers.
I'd hate to think you are a masochist because of abuse, you let your abuser have power over you. So, you betray yourself with that mentality....yuck...gross when you learn effective strategies to get out of abusive situations you will certainly see this comment as self defeating & gross you see yourself as weak, that disgusting. That is self hatred & extremely masochistic.
Please be aware the amount of women in particular who struggle all their lives and get misdiagnosed with bpd when in actual fact they have autism and adhd alot of psychologists are only as good as what they specialize in make sure you find someone really good to assess you before settling because it's so common
My late mother showed all the symptoms (exept automutilation). However this started only after around 40. Before that, she was very very insecure. She had had a traumatizing childhood. There has never been a diagnosis or treatment. Maybe it was CPTSS.
I think Frank Mahovlich had a Blue Line Personality disorder (BLPD). He'd grab the puck, like a puck hog, skating all the way out to the blue line, totally confusing the defensemen, then switch over to a forward, deek out the opposing team, wind up a big Slapshot and score. People with BLPD may be confusing, but they are beautiful to watch.
Well, I was well, until my father beat me and constantly degraded me for years until I broke down now I absolutely hate people and hate bad emotions coming from others, will drive me over the edge.
Go to therapy and process your difficult childhood. It's a shame if you remain angry for the rest of your life. Someone has to break the cycle of violence and anger. It's up to you. ❤
I call myself a chameleon because I can camouflage into almost any situation. My demeanor changes, my mood changes, and even my accent will slightly change. It took me years to realize it was happening. It feels like I'm the only one that's really aware of everything and everyone else are kind of like NPCs
But doesn´t the fact that "normal people" react with annoyance also mean that a certain type of behaviour is tolerated and understood if a person is a child? An adult is expected to behave in a totally different manner, is it not? But the reaction, from the normal population, is clearly emotional. It´s not a logical emotion, it´s an emotional response because of something. Is it connected to disruptive and attention seeking behaviour, which in turn causes annoyance and a negative emotion response, in the so called normal population? So it´s really a matter of people wanting to get on with their business, on a day-to-day basis and not being bothered? Then, if that is the case, it´s a one road sign definition of normal. You can train people, can you not? Even adults can learn, yes?
My short experience of Otto was to see him as a very rigid, arrogant individual. His model or perception of human nature and his language had to dominate or he would become dismissive. It is the problem that some have for being brilliant and conceited. It was as if he had found this island labeled personality disorders, claimed it for himself, and deigned to develop the island exclusively to his own vision regardless if a visitor might have a legitimately smarter perspective on the land use. I suppose that his being a human being with his own imperfections should not be a surprise to anyone. There are these intellectual constructions in words that we build, but then there is the multidimensional complexity of life to which we often reflexively respond. I was just taken aback by his defensiveness at that moment and had hoped for an open exchange of ideas which he could not at that moment provide.
@@s4nder86 If a personality disorder is a strategy for coping, albeit a limited one, the healthiest individuals actually are capable of engaging all the strategies described as personality disorders. To be personality disordered is to repeatedly, reflexively and consistently demonstrate a limited means of coping irrespective of the circumstances. It would be like a musician who plays every piece of a classical repertoire loud and fast irrespective of the music's intended dynamics. A healthy individual appreciates how best to achieve their optimal desired outcome in each situation and has the flexibility to adapt optimally to the specifics of each situation! So I can't say how limited anyone is without observing them within a range of circumstances. Interpersonal rigidity when exercised irrationally is not a sign of mental health. I only recognized on the two attempts to politely and enthusiastically speak to him about personality disorders, in general, that he was irritable, dismissive, and impatient with me despite acting quite personable with certain others in the conferences. I've never experienced what appeared as a kind of defensive arrogance with people who were genuinely brilliant, patient teachers.
Uncertainty about other people and the world and the need to adjust, lacking sense of control. My mother was very controlling, rage, accusations. They should stop thinking, relax. Like a student surrendering control to a teacher or a parent. Just accept certainty. We need more certainty in the world, something written in stone, something unchanging. Stop adjusting. Just keep behaving the same way all the time, do the right thing. Find out what it is, from school or books maybe, then just keep behaving that way. I just wish BPD wouldn't be so controlling and blow up with rage and then sulk not speaking for days.
this does not explain why I hear voices and having these thoughts that everyone is spying on me or the fact that the antipsychotic is poison. I really don't know where this diagnosis is coming from but it's leaving me more hopeless and more wanting to withdrawal from everything. maybe it's just better to stay home and not go out as no one understands that the voices are real and many other things that I won't go into. they could be listening into this post. like I'm taking the risk of saying anything. heck they probably got someone on the way to get me and silents me. or its just my mind twisting and the voices pushing me to believe this more and more as time goes on. who knows maybe my medication is to low of a does to have any sanifficant effect. yeah maybe the rubber ducks are flying over the city sending secret messages to other people.
Only in hindsight did we see the warning signs from when she was a child. Extreme jealousy toward siblings and others. Extreme nonsensical temper tantrums at 8 years old that you would only expect from a 3 year old. She had been seeing a psychologist for years and he never diagnosed it. By the time we had ever heard of BPD she was in her 20's and was chaotic to even be around. She was finally diagnosed as BPD in her late 20's. She was married to a therapist. Neither could help. She committed suicide.
There could be many external factors that can lead healthy humans to BPD behavior. frequent engagement with social media can make it worse (due to targeting of ads and the use of algorithms)
I am finally at a stage where all I need is good friends and great sex and a man for companionship. Took many decades of doing things I was told to do to find who I was.
I wonder whether the algorithm profiled BPD and prioritised it, particularly on TikTok, resulting in distortions in our perceptions of the distribution in the population + extension of it through its normalisation, allowing vulnerable people to experiment at the edges. I think it's more likely naturally reinforcing due to the tendency to track aberrance like being unable to avert the eyes from a train wreck; this tendency would then become crystallised due to the survivorship bias, essentially reproducing the personality profile and behavioural dispositions, which tightly cluster with other psychological pathologies that reinforce the train wreck.
Then they do it wrongly. Because BPD can be removed completely. But very hard work, takes thousands of hours of meditation on it, and most psychologists do not really understand the nature of meditation. But if you can learn it, you can heal your brain.
Aren’t the frequently found together? That’s my experience. The extreme up and down of bipolar that can devolve into psychosis but with the insecurities and irrational fears inability to cope of a bpd. Fun times.
This is little more than a rhetoric of denigration, with the suffering patient reduced to a diagnostic object. Not a hint here of a compassionate attempt to understand behaviour as an adaptive attempt to cope with intolerable internal and/or external pressures. Rather, the BPD patient is "immature", "childish", with " rage attacks", "excessive demands", "they get into problems all the time" etc. They provoke irritation in others and "make" them react - as if the sufferer must assume the blame not only for their own pain but for how others react to them as well. Apparently interacting with a BPD sufferer exonerates "normal" people from any responsibility for their own behaviour! Psychiatric patients already suffer a world of internal pain, then social exclusion and a system of demonization in the form of diagnostic categories. How is this humiliation at the hands of experts on normality meant to help them? In any other context it would be viewed as verbal abuse, but in psychiatry it has a healing function? How is it that representing a patient in these degrading terms would help them, rather than distorting the therapist's perception and treatment of them?
@@Johannastairwellstudio I know of BPD sufferers who fight heroically every single day to stabilize and get better. There seems to be very little recognition of this. There's a struggling person being overlooked behind the chaos of the symptoms. To me, Kernberg's is making value judgements in the guise of objective description.
Many people with mental issues feel the first deep relief the day they are correctly diagnosed. I don't see any problem in diagnosis itself. The real problem I see is in incorrect diagnosis or the denial of a precise diagnosis, both of which happen far too frequently. The painfulness of the diagnosis can come from an unempathical professional or from the facts themselves. In this case I believe it belongs to the facts. Besides, such deep wounds are almost impossible to touch without them hurting badly. Other option would be to deny them and create a fantasy that would separate the person from the painful facts without solving anything. I believe that in this type of therapy, for the defined diagnosis, understanding the facts is vital to getting better, and denying the facts goes in the opposite direction.
@@gerzio1 I don't necessarily disagree with anything you said. What I'm questioning is the value-laden, dismissive and judgemental language used in describing the symptoms of what is supposed to be an "objective" diagnosis. I'd also question whether it is accurate or helpful to characterise symptoms in this highly pathologising way. This is the "disease model" at work, which psychiatry and psychotherapy owes to its medical background. Wouldn't it be more useful to view these "symptoms" as attempts on the part of a child to find an adaptive solution to unendurable stress? Dissociation in BPD would be an example of this.
My doctor diagnosed me with borderline and histrionic personality … I’m a 36 year old male… is it possible to have this diagnosis for me. ? Please reply…
I dont know if you have it, but I know that it can be removed completely. But it takes thousands of hours of therapy/meditation. And it's hard work. Your brain was messed up as a child, so to reshape and rewire it will be a big work. But yes, it can be done.
Does he know my first ex gf? She would create these jealous situations, collapse on the floor and kick and scream and throw tantrums like a child. She would say she loved me but treat me like she hated me. I still hate her 14 years later.
Well, you either accept her condition as an illness or just be at peace with the fact that humanity is psychologically diverse! But dont hate for that long ;)
@Chris Henley In this context, it's "vicious cycle" as OK said. Not a "circle" of any kind, figuratively or literally. The misnomer, "vicious circle" is idiotic. Stop defending it.
Oof, Otto Kernberg used judgmental terms such as "childish" or "excessive demands", this seems highly unprofessional. I bet his approach to therapy is "I'm going to give you a list of bad behaviors, like 'making excessive demands', and we're gonna sit here until you've accepted that they're all wrong". Then the patient asks "shouldn't we look at them from a non-judgmental point of view and call them dysfunctional coping mechanisms or something?" and Otto Kernberg sprays them with a water bottle. Jokes aside, I wouldn't go to see Otto Kernberg as a therapist.
You're looking at this completely the wrong way. He's primarily a psychoanalyst, and as such will describe stuff in the way he has because that's what psychoanalysts do. He's primarily interested in describing and analysing the characteristics of personality disorders. Therapies can then designed based on that understanding. It doesn't mean he's going to go into a room and start calling people childish. It means that understanding that people with BPD can be childish is one element of understanding the condition and developing therapies for it.
I have BPD. I was most disturbed by a lack of object permanence. I was not angry but overwhelmed by intense feelings of fear. My husband described me as a child lost at the air port.
We suffer from extensive abandonment anxiety, yes. Probably because we got betrayed or neglected as children.
Evil people
Too difficult to live with. I would rather be alone.
Object permanence? What do you mean?
@@potatochalbro A stable day-to-day life, predictable, orderly, safe.
This is absolutely perfect way of describing this condition. Normally people are so unspecific when describing the BEHAVIOURS that people with BPD exhibit and focus generally on the symptoms which can be shared across other conditions like complex-PTSD.
Being closely involved with bpd can cause c-ptsd. It's a madness if you don't know what the hell is going on. Bonded to madness. It's sad because when you learn about BPD you can have more understanding and set boundaries...lots of people only find out after enduring significant stress
@@mrfake675 I have borderline traits from unhealed trauma and child hood abuse from two narcissistic parents I’m the scapegoat I also have complex ptsd ADD and OCD a lot of which developed from the trauma I suffered from the isolated treatment forced on me.. pure evil 👿
I dated a gal recently who I've known for many years. Our relationship only lasted a few weeks but left me confused. I feel like she has two polar opposite personalities among other things. She told me that she was diagnosed with PTSD and I know that there's a relation between the two. I feel bad for her and wish that I could help but I won't tolerate disrespect and abuse from anyone; ever. So I pray for her and love her from afar.
Yup!
I was also with someone diagnosed with PTSD for a couple of years, however the more I've looked into these disorders, the more it appears that for the most part, regarding the negative aspects, PTSD appears the same as NPD or BPD.
Completely unstable, no seeming capability of accountability, remorse or guilt, and that's to be expected from NPD or PTSD because the person has become self absorbed, in that seemingly constant state of fight, flight, freeze or fawn. Yet, coupled with the idea of being "diagnosed", this actually furthers lack of accountability as they get the excuse-card of "this is why I react this way, because of trauma" rather than "I have experienced these things so I do have my defenses up, but I want to break the cycle". You can love John, but they're so consumed in their requirements of instant-gratification, that love in any sense beyond superficial seems a remote idea.
You may also find that they "suffer from" aphantasia, - the lack the ability to produce mental imagery, a subconscious defense mechanism against having to process things like guilt or remorse, because they're already overloaded and instead feel like they need someone / something to fix/save them, yet... since grandiose may well be unable to accept any suggestion of their fault. A completely bizarre minefield of maladaptive responses. As confusing as it may feel, I'd say you dodged a bullet. I on the other hand got shot into pieces.
I stuck with her until the malignant narc appeared, and the devaluation, isolation and discard stage occurred, replacing me with another supply after she'd used me up.
Never again. A very, very expensive set of lessons which I extremely nearly didn't survive.
Lame!
@@tylersmith1220 quoting from your comment:
“A completely bizarre minefield of maladaptive responses.”
I’m reading your words, and I’m thinking to myself; no way someone comes up with this description except from first-hand real world experience.
Superbly said, bravo 🙌🏽
@@benevolencia4203 Yep. Really put me through my paces. I very, very nearly didn't make it after the narcissistic discard. After all I'd invested, to her son, her family. To be simply thrown away was mind boggling to me but she'd been pulling strings in the background and had replacement supply.
It ended a little over a year ago with her cheating, although from this point I suspect she'd been doing so for a while.
Well said? Maybe, but I wouldn't touch someone with PTSD now. Nor a single mother. When I hear people attach labels to themselves that suggest an avoidance of accountability, yep, I'm not interested. If I went to a therapist after this they'd no doubt diagnose me as depressed / with PTSD/-CPTSD, but I'm not interested in being a label. It's a setback, but we build and re-wire with new knowledge - and emotions do take some time to unpackage, reorient and process things. If they didn't, I'd be more concerned about my ability to simply move forwards without the damage.
Still, there's great benefit to this situation. Understanding what I did wrong, the signs of an impending train wreck, and the ability to better establish boundaries and independence.
My message is just a sincere caution to those who notice red flags. Educate yourself about things like DARVO - understand that we're all narcissistic by default, but the key is learning diplomacy, accountability, and taking a deliberate stance to address our shortcomings. If a person won't do that, then walk away.
I feel like when I am self harming it's because I'm so angry I want to just hurt something like I'm hurting, but I hate the idea of hurting innocent people so I take it out on myself...
Yeah it is to same to me as well i know how it feels like to getting Hurt by yourself and getting conflict within yourself it is painfull indeed Do a breathing exercise.Take a deep breath, hold it for 4 seconds, and then slowly exhale the breath you're holding It helps you to calm down i find helpful actually
In my views, the most common characteristic amongst individuals with personality disorder is the inability to establish and/or retain relationships. This was also mentioned by Otto Kernberg.
Thats the shared characteristic I think because most of the symptoms make it hard not just for us with bdp to keep relationships going but also make it hard for others to understand and cope with our symptoms.
The defining symptom imo is the emotional sensitivity.
So we're all emotionally sensitive and struggling socially, the rest of the characteristics and symptoms are more specifically tailored to each individual.
@@pyromaniacalmagpie3198 I do agree with you. Personally, I do not believe I have ever met anyone who suffers from BPD. I have read about it in a text book. I do think that isolation is probably a characteristic common amongst individuals suffering from a personality disorder. Nevertheless, I would not know precisely how to deal with individuals with a disorder. I would assume, parents are the best resource of support
Npds dmt really isolate they need constant attention
@@pyromaniacalmagpie3198you people are terrible there’s no cure either hell no
I knew a girl for a while & she told me she was diagnosed with BPD… she was very unique & larger than life, I really liked her a lot, I still think about her even though it was years ago now… I would never date her, she’s exactly the sort that would smash your heart.
I wad just ghosted by a super narc
@@dnotesdnotes8245 that’s great man, out of your life & now you know the warning signs
A coworker said that i had two moods.
I express my emotions through sketches and doodles really.
I struggle under stress or conflict. I tend to cut and self harm. I lash out. I have to adjust and adapt.
Observe. Intergrate. Initialize.
I constantly seek balance and question my motives for my thoughts, emotions and consequential actions. I see allies or opposition.
I've been trying to not focus on the contradictory but the paradoxical.
Antisocial social butterfly.
I find it difficult over time to keep it up.
I can't seem to make a genuine connection.
I feel I'm constantly homesick.
An alien in a hostile world.
I'm debating on getting back on lexapro.
My honest advice, don't bother with Lexapro. It's just another SSRI of which I've tried every one on the market and I've never found to be helpful. I would try looking into a mood stabilizer or an anti-psychotic. I am now on Lamictal and Seroquel and have found them to actually help me quite significantly.
Critical Thinking helps
Wellbutrin turned down my amplified emotion’s. It has taken emotion’s and thought’s that were tearing my mind apart and stopped them. I have never known this kind of peace. I can still be triggered but it doesn’t last long.
@@dollhead2039Seroquel is an anti psychotic drug that sedates the user as it was also prescribed to me for sleep. I don't see how this would help BPD.
I just got on meds again. I hope sertraline helps. Cymbalta worked wonders years ago.
He absolutely nails it in every one of his videos. I'm so glad someone understands.
He does not. For example, he said that the Borderlines harm themselves because of control, but that is wrong. They are just destroying themselves as a reaction to inner (mental) destruction. It has nothing to do with control.
My ex left me because she feels I didn’t love her enough. I loved her more than any human could love someone. Truth is that her immature, raging, abusive behaviors made me withdraw from her; problem with untreated BPDs is that they don’t account for their behaviors causing the rupture in their relationship; instead placing blame that their partner wasn’t attentive enough. I love her and always will but she will never acknowledge her being the cause of our breakup.
@@beyourself9162 my door is always open for her as well but it’s truly difficult to let go of her cutting me off and finding my replacement. Still … I love her.
I wouldn't diagnose her purely on rage, because you need 5 out of 9 criteria, not 1 out of 9...
@@neurofunkie I’m not diagnosing her on rage alone, I was just commenting on that aspect. Thanks.
And we went far too long only because we love them and pity them at the same time. In the end we gave up bcs it is too exhausting to keep moving. It's living hell. You never gonna know when the rage begins so their even peace makes you feel uneasy, scared, anxious.
@@princhipessa1969 alot of BPD have probably had relationships with narcissists and with that they develop a HUGE lack of trust, it could be that unknowingly you was presenting a behaviour she didn't trust, an unrelated behaviour she linked with abandonment due to a toxic relationship, generally speaking BPD don't end relationships because of the abandonment issues so it must of been incredibly hard for her, hence why she probably found someone else immediatedly and probably feels guilty about it (if she does have BPD)
Self mutilation is because of the physical pain taking the attention away from the emotional pain which is far greater than the feeling of burning fire on the skin.
This is something that somebody from the outside perspective can find hard to relate to, and thus understand.
I'm not so sure if mere control can explain this type of behavior but it could be a factor.
It's a feeling of burning desperation.
I have read recently that there are 2 types of neurons for pain. One for dull pain, one for sharp pain. When the sharp pain neuron is activated it inhibits the dull pain neuron, since pain neurological path is shared by physical and emotional pain, and emotional pain is dull one, it makes sens that sharp physical pain will inhibit emotional pain
@@Kannot2023 interesting. reading this about mutiliation it made me thnk of opiates. they also do not selectively numb physical pain. it is as if they numb ALL pain, and effect is that both emotions and physical sensations are repressed..
Doesn't make it any less stupid. I'm so tired of folks rationalizing their stupidity just because they don't feel understood for being stupid.
That's exactly why I do it.
@@smokingcrab2290😂😂😂
Wow!!! If only my therapists & psych knew about this “self mutilating” behaviors among all the rest back in the late 80’s- early 90’s. Born in 72 , at the age of 43 I was finally dx with bpd. Now 47, with therapy weekly I’ve found the tools to help yet still struggle to pick which one before the depression or shame kicks in. Thank you for this channel
It sucks that it wasn't around before, but it's great to know that treatment likely keep getting better and better in the future, and knowing that helps me a lot.
It's such a tragedy for so many people that our understanding was so limited back then. It makes me wonder what our understanding will be like in another 30-40 years time.
❤
44 years old. Finally told. All these f'en years of suffering. I just lost another girlfriend and I'm scared she was the last real fit for me.
@@whateveritwasitisI was dx around the same age.
Keep the faith… life can enter through the back door at any time. Much ❤
I understand the struggle
Thats the closest description to how my internal and external battle in life and its never ending patterns of distraction
Alexithymia identity diffusion and affective dysfunction. Infliction of pain to avoid feeling empty.
Some due it through exercise without self harm i.e. cutting.
thanks i never heard that term before
He has compassion for people suffering with this condition. He feels their pain. Incredible. I just run and stay away
its his job bro
@@figgettit Yes. I'm admiring him. I can't cope with these people.
@@cantrell0817 AND MAYBE (just maybe) they cant cope with whatever your particular personality issues are? ever think of that?? lol!!!
@@marciestoddard730 Projection and circular logic at its finest. 🙄
You can have some heart too girl
It's just really sad. I've learned too late that my ex has BPD. I don't know if she knows it but she's aware of her fear of abandonment.
I'm an empath so would love nothing more than to try to help her get well and be there for her in that journey, but it was such a draining, stressful relationship that I don't know if I can handle risking the insults, mistreatment and abuse again, not to mention - in contrast - total dependency on me.
I loved her "good" side so very much, but the instability was too much. I do hope she can get the help she needs 😌
A lot of borderlines have great insight & abilities to analyze beyond other disorders. They are grounded in reality.
It’s just the action part that the borderline struggles with.
Great insight and almost a hyper analysis of ones self and ones surroundings but when it comes to the the motivation and ability to act there seems to be a disconnect with action
@@juicylucy6488 Borderlines have great logic, but they need to know what that is like coming from an external source. Someone who understands & listens without psychological abuse or gaslighting. Narcissistic abusers will never see a borderline as an individual, just an internalized object to be discarded. Then borderlines keep seeking validation from an impossible source, (narcissist)instead of a compassionate individual. Essentially retraumatizing themselves by seeking validation from a user. Yes borderlines have cognitive impairments that is difficult to deal with...It is hard to self validate while no one has ever understood you & keep projecting & trying to enmesh with a borderline, then blame them for the lack of boundaries. People with bpd want so badly to understand boundaries.
Their perception is altered from gaslighting, & abuse.. they just need intensive therapy.
for realll i literally keep helping ma friends with ma ideas and sometimes they have the advantage 😅😂😥
@@jennifermaxine2453 Jennifer you have really deep insights.... do you know of any therapists that specialize? Or support groups?
BPD is the worst thing that has happened to me.
Yeah, same, and I have aspergers and ptsd too, and I can't take life anymore I hate that I Tage out when I'm upset for small things I take meds and it only helps so much
@@cthulhu4411 take a spiritual counseling it will help.
@@cthulhu4411 Learn meditation. It will heal your brain. Seriously. But it's a very big journey you are going to be going on, and it will be quite painful. But your mental pain can be dissolved. For good. Given the therapy. Meditation is therapy.
Me too. And I don’t even have it. The disorder causes severe harm to the people closest to them. It’s like a damn curse. I wish there was a damn cure .
Thx, and was married to a BPD (clinically-diagnosed), so I can 'identify' with the excellent description, especially the 'volatility' parts. But what always amazed me was the way she could 'compartmentalize' these blow-ups, so that one day of total charm could change the next day to total hatred, and then the following day back again to 'charm' mode (aka, "I love you/I hate you")... as though nothing ever happened?!
Thank you for saying this. My father had huge outburst and we always had to pretend none of the abuse happened. It was out of control.
Borderlines are usually attracted to emotionally unavailable people. Not saying it's all your fault or hers...but they get triggered by lack of communication, lack of empathy etc...they can almost sense when their partner is not right for them. They also are triggered by smothering or clingy people, similar to complex ptsd. It is very black & white
. Then they begin pushing them away. Boundaries are a major issue.
It is a concept called splitting or black and white thinking. It involves not being able to hold positive and negative feelings together for the other at the same time.
@@jennifermaxine2453 Perhaps, though even so, the constant volatility and lack of personal 'accountability' probably doesn't help. BTW, why do they usually seem to be of the 'female' persuasion? Or as an attorney friend once told me, they're often the prime 'ingredient' in so-called 'High-Conflict' divorces (as certainly was my own... lol)!
@@mingonmongo1 there's some discussion about how BPD may manifest slightly different in men and women, or whether BPD in men in is simply being diagnosed as antisocial personality disorder in error, because we tend to associate BPD more with women. There are some good videos on UA-cam worth looking up about it. My guess is that BPD is just as common in men, it's just that we don't tend to notice it as much because we tend to just associate some of the symptoms with general male aggression. Some of the controlling and aggressive aspects of the condition are almost encouraged in men sometimes.
I grew up with a borderline mother. I wish she had had therapy when she was younger. Then I wouldn't have had such a difficult childhood. I thought she was crazy and mean and I hated her.
The book Understanding the Borderline mother by Christine Ann Lawson Ph.D. helped me a lot to understand my mother. She is almost 87 years old and I can deal better now with her unstable behavior.
Life is all memory
This video seems to hit the nail on the head.
I didn't know I had BPD for DECADES but I did know something was really wrong. SO, I worked and saved enough to retire at age 42. After years of watching how others behave I realize that almost everybody has a moderate to severe personality disorder. This includes the U.S, U.K. a lot of the rest of Europe, and Australia/NZ.
I'm convinced this is just part of living in the western world.
Don't worry Canada, I haven't forgotten about you.
Most people don't have personality disorders. We all have undesirable personality quirks, but that's not a disorder. It's a disorder when it prevents you from living your life in a normal way, i.e being happy, stable relationships, career, etc..
@@jerycaryy4342 You may be correct but from what I've see A LOT of people are not happy, do not have stable relationships, very unhappy with their career.
🙄 O.K.
BPD is honestly a rollercoaster for the person with it aswel as the favourite person. I've noticed being lied to triggers my BPD, because that lie stems from fear of abandonment, no such thing as rational thinking, you have already thought out every scenario and go straight to the end result of it's over, they will leave me or you feel you will end up dead. For me BPD is by far the shittiest condition I've ever experienced, not only you get depressed aswel as anxious you have to deal with all the emotions exploding at the same time. I'm still here and that's purely because that half a day of joy and happiness some what makes me feel I can regain it forever but here I am going down the tracks yet again and considering yet again what's the fucking point, we aren't horrible people we are just damaged to a level which is almost impossible to come back from, but hey im still here so I must have some hope. Good luck to all other BPD sufferers I wish you the best in your future and don't forget to put yourself first, love yourself ❤
"Almost impossible to come back from" -- love this. Almost, not totally! Thanks for being here, wishing you well. -P
I was raised with total contradiction. My parents had me thinking good if of myself then they shot me down and scapegoated me. I’m a damn mess.
I didn't know what I was doing but now I realize I was carrying on the family tradition, mixed with religion it was "God's will" I have been working on myself like no male in my family history now that I see the consequences on my children were opposite what I desired
💯 correct! Sadly but I’ve learned ways to deal but I also made a decision to stay single as sad as that is.. I don’t want to hurt anyone else anymore! It’s devastating but I know it’s the only way I can preserve my environment and kind of feel normal and calm.. it works 🙏
Good bpd is terrible and the people you hurt are hurt forever
What a horrible thing to say. bdp can be healed with the right therapy. @@Blackgrimreaper2024
Hey thanks for describing both my parents
I feel like my BPD is too attached to other people's actions & I can never control it. I thought I was doing better. Found a job I liked and then boom the job got terminated. That put me in the hospital. Than I got all better found a similar job & told them i can only work part time. Then they schedule me full-time 5 days in a row. Wouldn't adjust my schedule and I ended up in the hospital again. I desperately want stability but the worlds not stable and I can't handle it because I never got stability as a child and as an adult the world is less stable but I actually need it to be stable or I can't function or navigate the world. A+B never equals C for me. I can never make anything normal work for me. It always works against me. Whenever I'm alone I always feel so much better and healthy. People make my body and mind sick, and their decisions get in my way or ruin what I'm trying to do.
This is exactly how i feel. Like humans make me sick and when im alone, i am not great but better. Thing is i love my partner, yet being in any sort of relationship tires me out.
@@Lex12102007 I can relate. My fiancee is the light of my world I love her so much. It can be draining though sometimes. I'll spend 3 hours totally being absorbed in her & whatever activity we're doing & I appreciate it & value it so much. It still drains me though. I'll have a good day with her & I still end up needing to go for a long walk or isolate myself in some way so I can recharge.
So real.
Could it be that the world is only reflecting just how you feel deep inside. And the way to fix it is not externally. But to see within and heal those parts that feel unstable. Then i believe you will see how and why it was what you were doing. Thats my journey so far with myself
The thing that astounds me the most.. is that Narcisists aren't about people. They don't care about people, yet they care so much about how they are percieved in the eyes of people. In one sense because they can be unveiled as exploitative, in another because the external world offers a mirror of sorts. It supports their grandiosity. People's view of them is kind of like a value system of their psychotic fantasy they are directing. You can't be seem grandiose unless there is some sort of positive feedback loop. Surely this is why they create a false self, to be accepted and function among society.
Narcissist can’t regulate their ego-boundaries-that’s what the rest of the world is here for by providing supply either positive or negative…and the narcissist hates them for it, because their dependence is a narcissistic injury to their grandiose false omnipotent selves.
@@seamr05 That's quite an interesting dynamic. They seek but resent the supply because of their dependence on it?
@@PaddyVieira4 exactly :)
Perfect!
According to Kernberg, a narcissist is just a borderline who developed a false self to cope with their lack of self. Borderlines failed to develop it and hence why they are referred to as "failed narcissists". Similarly, a narcissist is a "failed psychopath" because they failed to detach themselves from their emotions and their inner emptiness. All Cluster B disorders can be seen as just different stages of defense mechanisms built on top of each other.
Do almost all bpders explicitly self harm, or do some do so in different ways? I have never seriously cut or burned etc. but I’ve driven insanely fast, eaten foods I knew were bad for me, drank excessively to feel ok, etc.
Watch our Krasner videos.. he would say there's a continuum, so things like marrying someone who's not right for you is a form of self-harm, for example. Thank you for your presence here.
I was wondering the same thing. I never cut myself but I have self medicated and put myself in very dangerous situations. I was diagnosed with bpd and bipolar 2 and I didnt understand how I had bpd because I didnt cut myself. I did fit all the other criteria. I never tried to commit suicide but I didnt care if I lived or died in the depths of my addiction. And I do have a problem ( big time ) with object constancy and black and white thinking.
chaostheory16 I am 47yo & have multilated the bottom of my feet since I can remember.
chaostheory16 I can remember sitting on my grandmas lap while rocking me she’d say, “Kristen what if you wiggled you’re tied instead? You hurt grandmas heart when you pick.” I’ve driven too fast, picked, in recovery now but was addicted to pain pills, never thoughts of suicide though. I wondered the same thing. Is it odd I don’t have those tendencies? I don’t rage or pop off instead I go deep inside & feel shame. Grief is a hard one with bpd. I’ve never had healthy eating habits. It’s Binge or starve. I swear sometimes I’ll do anything to numb. The only time I never once picked at my feet was when I was pregnant. Best I’ve ever felt. Being a mom & wife gives me purpose. A chance to do everything I never received.
I never cut or injured myself, instead I overdose on drugs. Luckily I have no interest in opioids, only stimulants like speed, meth, mdma, adderall. I take em once every month non-stop for 2-3 days then feel insane/destroyed/fearing death, then wake up feeling reborn which last about five blissful days. I'm on day one right now. Personally I don't get it, but I've come to terms.
Appreciate this insight. In my opinion, the label of narcissism is being used too easily and broadly these days without understanding its underpinners. Dr Kernberg explains at least some of its underpinners in this brief message. Very worthwhile.
That was a perfect description of my life. I’m 45 and unfortunately he is spot on, except I don’t cut.
Focus on your sense of self...that's what I try to do. Borderlines give too much & don't give themselves enough credit..You are very intellectual.
@@jennifermaxine2453 borderlines tend to “give too much” from a place of wanting to be loved and fearing abandonment: giving from a conditional place of need..
This is true..but we also hurt others too
@@69birdboy If you're anything like me, then you react or "overreact" to psychological/emotional abuse. Never self blame, you are a victim of narcissistic abuse. We take on a lot of guilt that is a byproduct of being a gaslighting victim. Do you have relationships with narcissistic individuals? Ask yourself this, because a narcissist will hold you accountable for their personal issues. Then, observe yourself around healthy individuals. I bet the reaction is different when not in an abusive cycle. Narcissists Use us as a mirror for their own self hatred. Borderlines are used, they're empathy is used as a weapon.
@@vanessae_e When you find your true sense of self you will not be attracted to their "mask" because you are a gaslighting victim...& your comment suggests self blame & self doubt. That's the effect abusive partners have on others. They lack empathy & use everyone as a mirror. So, we all deserve to be treated with respect & allowed to be ourselves without condemnation. Borderlines have strong emotional empathy, so they clash with narcissists,,,,but also share some similar traits. That's why they don't get along.
Buddha and the Borderline is a memoir I read that provided a fairly descriptive and harrowing picture of the BPD experience.
We werent born like this....
I believe him because he has an accent and glasses. I also believe him because I've dealt with this.
Otto Kernberg, no less. A genius in the field. Again, utmost respect to the channel, choice of speakers and production values.
Mental health professionals should be helping people love themselves. Not finding ways to control or destroy a person's natural state of being. Sometimes docs diagnose to carry out state agendas... be careful ppl. I learned young at 11. I would never have lived or loved had I not weeded out the wackos from the professionals who really cared about me ;-)
" Sometimes docs diagnose to carry out state agendas..."
Yes, this is a fact.
"Mental health professionals should be helping people love themselves."
Yes, because BPD, essentially, is caused by deep lack of love from their caregivers in their childhoods. Only love can truly heal BPD, but Big Pharma loves money, so....
I'm literally a big toddler.
You are codependent not a toddler. Focus on yourself instead of enmeshing with abusers. You can become independent. You just need the right people to give motivation x. You can do it. strong x
No, you're not a toddler, you are bashing yourself...& not seeing your true potential. That's what happens to anyone after emotional abuse, you are not defective, stop the self blame . You're feeding abusers.
I'd hate to think you are a masochist because of abuse, you let your abuser have power over you. So, you betray yourself with that mentality....yuck...gross when you learn effective strategies to get out of abusive situations you will certainly see this comment as self defeating & gross you see yourself as weak, that disgusting. That is self hatred & extremely masochistic.
No, you're figuratively a big toddler.
Excellent video 👍🏼👍🏼
This man 👏👏
Please be aware the amount of women in particular who struggle all their lives and get misdiagnosed with bpd when in actual fact they have autism and adhd alot of psychologists are only as good as what they specialize in make sure you find someone really good to assess you before settling because it's so common
👏👏👏
Thank you! 🌻
Most Western women have BPD though, it's all about me me me.
@@s4nder86 Wrong, wrong, wrong! 😂
The sexism is strong with this one. Ever notice that UA-cam is jam packed with incels, lol?
My late mother showed all the symptoms (exept automutilation). However this started only after around 40. Before that, she was very very insecure. She had had a traumatizing childhood. There has never been a diagnosis or treatment. Maybe it was CPTSS.
Hey thx so much for your chanel, it helps me a lot to deeper understand the people i m working with! Greetings from the Drôme (Fr)
thank you so much for these videos, they are so helpful
This is exactly me ha.... well explained
Yay u get a cookie 😊
I think Frank Mahovlich had a Blue Line Personality disorder (BLPD). He'd grab the puck, like a puck hog, skating all the way out to the blue line, totally confusing the defensemen, then switch over to a forward, deek out the opposing team, wind up a big Slapshot and score.
People with BLPD may be confusing, but they are beautiful to watch.
I think Mickey Malkovich was the sanest character in “Shameless”.
This is important education
Well, I was well, until my father beat me and constantly degraded me for years until I broke down now I absolutely hate people and hate bad emotions coming from others, will drive me over the edge.
That sounds like a good start.
Go to therapy and process your difficult childhood. It's a shame if you remain angry for the rest of your life. Someone has to break the cycle of violence and anger. It's up to you. ❤
I call myself a chameleon because I can camouflage into almost any situation. My demeanor changes, my mood changes, and even my accent will slightly change. It took me years to realize it was happening. It feels like I'm the only one that's really aware of everything and everyone else are kind of like NPCs
Im struggling ,that why im watching
Well i am there.
But doesn´t the fact that "normal people" react with annoyance also mean that a certain type of behaviour is tolerated and understood if a person is a child?
An adult is expected to behave in a totally different manner, is it not?
But the reaction, from the normal population, is clearly emotional.
It´s not a logical emotion, it´s an emotional response because of something.
Is it connected to disruptive and attention seeking behaviour, which in turn causes annoyance and a negative emotion response, in the so called normal population?
So it´s really a matter of people wanting to get on with their business, on a day-to-day basis and not being bothered?
Then, if that is the case, it´s a one road sign definition of normal.
You can train people, can you not? Even adults can learn, yes?
I'll just go bonkers is a
Borderliners way to self soothing. Eventually.
Ever notice they point out the problem, but not the solution. Oh I get it, don't be like that.
I'm now confused between BDP and ASPD🤔
My short experience of Otto was to see him as a very rigid, arrogant individual. His model or perception of human nature and his language had to dominate or he would become dismissive. It is the problem that some have for being brilliant and conceited. It was as if he had found this island labeled personality disorders, claimed it for himself, and deigned to develop the island exclusively to his own vision regardless if a visitor might have a legitimately smarter perspective on the land use. I suppose that his being a human being with his own imperfections should not be a surprise to anyone. There are these intellectual constructions in words that we build, but then there is the multidimensional complexity of life to which we often reflexively respond. I was just taken aback by his defensiveness at that moment and had hoped for an open exchange of ideas which he could not at that moment provide.
So the BPD expert has BPD himself.
@@s4nder86 If a personality disorder is a strategy for coping, albeit a limited one, the healthiest individuals actually are capable of engaging all the strategies described as personality disorders. To be personality disordered is to repeatedly, reflexively and consistently demonstrate a limited means of coping irrespective of the circumstances. It would be like a musician who plays every piece of a classical repertoire loud and fast irrespective of the music's intended dynamics. A healthy individual appreciates how best to achieve their optimal desired outcome in each situation and has the flexibility to adapt optimally to the specifics of each situation! So I can't say how limited anyone is without observing them within a range of circumstances. Interpersonal rigidity when exercised irrationally is not a sign of mental health. I only recognized on the two attempts to politely and enthusiastically speak to him about personality disorders, in general, that he was irritable, dismissive, and impatient with me despite acting quite personable with certain others in the conferences. I've never experienced what appeared as a kind of defensive arrogance with people who were genuinely brilliant, patient teachers.
Does the start of chemical agriculture have anything to do with an increase in disorders?
Uncertainty about other people and the world and the need to adjust, lacking sense of control. My mother was very controlling, rage, accusations. They should stop thinking, relax. Like a student surrendering control to a teacher or a parent. Just accept certainty. We need more certainty in the world, something written in stone, something unchanging. Stop adjusting. Just keep behaving the same way all the time, do the right thing. Find out what it is, from school or books maybe, then just keep behaving that way. I just wish BPD wouldn't be so controlling and blow up with rage and then sulk not speaking for days.
This and Autism in women is mixed up a lot (especially Autism and CPTSD)
Welp...that just explained my brain perfectly lol
...and yes im diagnosed
this does not explain why I hear voices and having these thoughts that everyone is spying on me or the fact that the antipsychotic is poison. I really don't know where this diagnosis is coming from but it's leaving me more hopeless and more wanting to withdrawal from everything. maybe it's just better to stay home and not go out as no one understands that the voices are real and many other things that I won't go into. they could be listening into this post. like I'm taking the risk of saying anything. heck they probably got someone on the way to get me and silents me. or its just my mind twisting and the voices pushing me to believe this more and more as time goes on. who knows maybe my medication is to low of a does to have any sanifficant effect. yeah maybe the rubber ducks are flying over the city sending secret messages to other people.
Thank you!
Where should I go in USA to have a teacher or supervisor that level ?
trust me you cant afford it noone gets help here
My mother. Textbook description of her behavior.
Read the book Understanding the borderline mother by Christine Ann Lawson. It will help you a lot.
Adaption, Balance, Control. 2 is a struggle 3 is a balance, that's the way through life for me at least.
Moody people can be aggressive. They are always unpleasant. I don't believe it should be tolerated.
Only in hindsight did we see the warning signs from when she was a child. Extreme jealousy toward siblings and others. Extreme nonsensical temper tantrums at 8 years old that you would only expect from a 3 year old. She had been seeing a psychologist for years and he never diagnosed it. By the time we had ever heard of BPD she was in her 20's and was chaotic to even be around. She was finally diagnosed as BPD in her late 20's. She was married to a therapist. Neither could help. She committed suicide.
So sorry to hear this. Am wishing you well; and thank you for sharing. -P
This is literally me 😭😭😭
This is me, there is any chance to change ? I'm 26 years
Yes, definitely. It’s the most treatable of the personality disorders.
Yes, with 5000-10.000 hours of intense therapy, you can be normal again. But it's very hard to do and learn.
There could be many external factors that can lead healthy humans to BPD behavior. frequent engagement with social media can make it worse (due to targeting of ads and the use of algorithms)
I am finally at a stage where all I need is good friends and great sex and a man for companionship. Took many decades of doing things I was told to do to find who I was.
I wonder whether the algorithm profiled BPD and prioritised it, particularly on TikTok, resulting in distortions in our perceptions of the distribution in the population + extension of it through its normalisation, allowing vulnerable people to experiment at the edges. I think it's more likely naturally reinforcing due to the tendency to track aberrance like being unable to avert the eyes from a train wreck; this tendency would then become crystallised due to the survivorship bias, essentially reproducing the personality profile and behavioural dispositions, which tightly cluster with other psychological pathologies that reinforce the train wreck.
You're working off a premise that other people aren't and assuming we know what you're talking about.
Autism is often misdiagnosed BDP
Nothing has truly changed after 13yrs of trauma therapy
ask your doctor for beta blockers
@@wutwaVo542 ?? for what lol
@@Kristen10-22 beta blockers can help with BPD, as it breaks learned unhealthy reactions
Then they do it wrongly. Because BPD can be removed completely. But very hard work, takes thousands of hours of meditation on it, and most psychologists do not really understand the nature of meditation. But if you can learn it, you can heal your brain.
Perfect describcent
Societies scapegoats.
Bipolar if we like the patient, BPD if we don't.
Interesting statement on the therapist client power dynamic
Aren’t the frequently found together? That’s my experience. The extreme up and down of bipolar that can devolve into psychosis but with the insecurities and irrational fears inability to cope of a bpd. Fun times.
Which one allows for writing more prescriptions for profits?
it me
This is little more than a rhetoric of denigration, with the suffering patient reduced to a diagnostic object. Not a hint here of a compassionate attempt to understand behaviour as an adaptive attempt to cope with intolerable internal and/or external pressures. Rather, the BPD patient is "immature", "childish", with " rage attacks", "excessive demands", "they get into problems all the time" etc. They provoke irritation in others and "make" them react - as if the sufferer must assume the blame not only for their own pain but for how others react to them as well. Apparently interacting with a BPD sufferer exonerates "normal" people from any responsibility for their own behaviour!
Psychiatric patients already suffer a world of internal pain, then social exclusion and a system of demonization in the form of diagnostic categories. How is this humiliation at the hands of experts on normality meant to help them? In any other context it would be viewed as verbal abuse, but in psychiatry it has a healing function? How is it that representing a patient in these degrading terms would help them, rather than distorting the therapist's perception and treatment of them?
Gray Shus agree
@@Johannastairwellstudio I know of BPD sufferers who fight heroically every single day to stabilize and get better. There seems to be very little recognition of this. There's a struggling person being overlooked behind the chaos of the symptoms. To me, Kernberg's is making value judgements in the guise of objective description.
Gray Shus ok that’s interesting. By the way you described me! Thank you for the validation. Keep well
Many people with mental issues feel the first deep relief the day they are correctly diagnosed. I don't see any problem in diagnosis itself. The real problem I see is in incorrect diagnosis or the denial of a precise diagnosis, both of which happen far too frequently. The painfulness of the diagnosis can come from an unempathical professional or from the facts themselves. In this case I believe it belongs to the facts. Besides, such deep wounds are almost impossible to touch without them hurting badly. Other option would be to deny them and create a fantasy that would separate the person from the painful facts without solving anything. I believe that in this type of therapy, for the defined diagnosis, understanding the facts is vital to getting better, and denying the facts goes in the opposite direction.
@@gerzio1 I don't necessarily disagree with anything you said. What I'm questioning is the value-laden, dismissive and judgemental language used in describing the symptoms of what is supposed to be an "objective" diagnosis. I'd also question whether it is accurate or helpful to characterise symptoms in this highly pathologising way. This is the "disease model" at work, which psychiatry and psychotherapy owes to its medical background. Wouldn't it be more useful to view these "symptoms" as attempts on the part of a child to find an adaptive solution to unendurable stress? Dissociation in BPD would be an example of this.
Herb 🌿
You know you have the diagnosis right when tons of people are praising the definitions lol
My doctor diagnosed me with borderline and histrionic personality … I’m a 36 year old male… is it possible to have this diagnosis for me. ? Please reply…
I dont know if you have it, but I know that it can be removed completely. But it takes thousands of hours of therapy/meditation. And it's hard work. Your brain was messed up as a child, so to reshape and rewire it will be a big work. But yes, it can be done.
Coping mechanisms
Or drugs
Does he know my first ex gf? She would create these jealous situations, collapse on the floor and kick and scream and throw tantrums like a child. She would say she loved me but treat me like she hated me. I still hate her 14 years later.
She "treated" like she hated you which is one symptoms of BPD, but you actually did hate her. For 14 years. What does that say about you
@@sleeplessinmanila4300 “she would SAY she loved him but TREATED him like she hated him...”. The self is revealed through behavior, not words.
@@sleeplessinmanila4300 lol you dont get an excuse just cause you "have" BPD.
Well, you either accept her condition as an illness or just be at peace with the fact that humanity is psychologically diverse! But dont hate for that long ;)
@d n how does having bpd excuse abusing other people?
One needs to have loved a bpd
Kohut must be turning in his grave right now :(
kohut eats poo for breakfast #teamkernberg
Im so shit
At 1:56: Yes, "vicious cycle" not "vicious circle [sic]", dunces!
@Chris Henley Spelling corrected twice.
@Chris Henley Bullshit! What am I wrong about? What the fuck would a "vicious circle [sic]" be, idiot, a meeting of you and your family?
@Chris Henley In this context, it's "vicious cycle" as OK said. Not a "circle" of any kind, figuratively or literally. The misnomer, "vicious circle" is idiotic. Stop defending it.
@Chris Henley Stop splitting hairs; OK used the correct expression.
@@autodidact2499 You are wrong. Otto is correct.
Major signs and symptoms of fibromyalgia... I mean the female
Dees ees dee explanation dat is like very goot. It sensible makes unt un think ya unt mein. WTF.
In other words its a mess
Indeed! BPDs are completely chaotic.
Idk how to live
Lol
Meditation will remove it. If you do it enough.
probably BPD I suspect.
wow all those edits are very distracting - please get a professional editor
Oof, Otto Kernberg used judgmental terms such as "childish" or "excessive demands", this seems highly unprofessional. I bet his approach to therapy is "I'm going to give you a list of bad behaviors, like 'making excessive demands', and we're gonna sit here until you've accepted that they're all wrong". Then the patient asks "shouldn't we look at them from a non-judgmental point of view and call them dysfunctional coping mechanisms or something?" and Otto Kernberg sprays them with a water bottle. Jokes aside, I wouldn't go to see Otto Kernberg as a therapist.
He is german and an older man. Therapeutic tact has evolved but you can tell he has the same sympathy any doctor would have a sick patient.
Well put. The Germans aren’t known for their bedside manner.
Your are bdp dont you
He made like a major contribution that helps people with cluster B disorders to get treatment. Did you not know this?
You're looking at this completely the wrong way. He's primarily a psychoanalyst, and as such will describe stuff in the way he has because that's what psychoanalysts do. He's primarily interested in describing and analysing the characteristics of personality disorders. Therapies can then designed based on that understanding. It doesn't mean he's going to go into a room and start calling people childish. It means that understanding that people with BPD can be childish is one element of understanding the condition and developing therapies for it.
F bpd, Everyone struggles Somewhere
But some more than others...
Tn kk bbhjh