Are Narcissists Lying or Delusional? | Dr Frank Yeomans
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- Опубліковано 14 чер 2021
- Frank Yeomans describes the difference between lies and delusion (and psychosis) within narcissistic pathology, with several clinical examples focusing on employment situations from his Transference-Focused Psychotherapy practice.
Why do people delude themselves? What is the real purpose of narcissistic lies or delusions? How are they different from psychosis? What is their impact on relationships? Does lying to people mean you are antisocial or have NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder)? How should a therapist handle a client who is delusional?
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Dr. Frank Yeomans is an expert clinician who makes use of Transference-Focused Psychotherapy in his practice treating NPD and BPD. In fact, he co-wrote the manual on TFP for Borderline Personality Disorder!
Check out our interview of Otto Kernberg (who mentored Frank Yeomans) for lots more related material: • Otto Kernberg
For more information about BORDERLINE, the feature-length documentary we made about BPD, please visit: borderlinethefilm.com
Our archive of videos on BPD and NPD is expanding - be sure to subscribe to our channel here: / borderlinernotes
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Studio Comma The, LLC and BorderlinerNotes expressly disclaim responsibility and shall have no liability for any damages, loss, injury, or liability whatsoever suffering as a result of reliance on the information in this publication. If you or someone you know is considering self-harm or suicide, it’s okay to ask for help. 24 hour support is provided by www.hopeline-nc.org (877.235.4525), suicidepreventionlifeline.org (800.273.8255), kidshelpphone.ca (800.668.6868).”
The depressing thing about learning about narcissism is when you realize that no matter how well you come to understand it, nor how well you come to understand your loved ones who have it, there's no fixing it. It helps to know that, to an extent, so you stop bashing your head against the wall, and can learn to protect yourself, but at the same moment, you have to mourn the loss of loved ones, be they parents, siblings, children, friends, co-workers or whomever. Mourning the loss of someone that's still alive, and maybe still in your life, is a dark place to be.
Yes I totally understand this.
But there is some fixing it, although it's hard and takes years? Just according to Yeomans himself: ua-cam.com/video/nfRxNg6QKTQ/v-deo.html
Don't sacrifice yourself, but don't lose all hope either
Yes, loss while they are still alive and not far away. They may dump you when you begin seeing through them.
Good post. Its tragic.
Ironically they push the world away and hurt the closest to them to see if they'll come back. They seek unconditional love. However If those people leave that just confirms their conginitive bias and insecurity about people, hence it solidifies their predatory nature. If nobody else can be trusted why should I be trusted. If these people stay to get trampled on they're not respected because they don't have the predatory instincts they perceive you need to exist in the world
I totally get this comment
I held a funeral for my living mom last year
"For the narcissist, reality is an aggression." That's a brilliant statement
.
*temporary for empaths living with narcs👺*
The face he makes when he says that was just priceless.
@@ShreyanshSurana94 *sadly most🤥 of all these offline or online or worse youtube physical or even mental health experts are actually covert narcissists themselves with Internalised misogyny coupled with good old ableistic elitistic racist misanthropy...*
@@davidromero194 *for the colonizing invasive land thieves & rapists this global mere outdated quite aggressive or truly chauvinistic type of reality is a delicious reality while Ignorance is blissfully lethal*
It’s an odd revelation that resonates with how my brother reacted to being grounded for his arrogant grandiose manner. I’d never ever grounded him. He exploded pushing me violently from the room, all of his pent up hatred towards me pouring out verbally revealing his avariciousness and jealousy, till he realised he’d been exposed and his clenched fists dropped. It’s all a mask until reality exposes the aggression within that’s bubbling all of the time, derision and belittling his tools to retain control over his delusional self, hostility warning you to never cross him. Kudos to Dr Yeomans for finally confirming what I’d suspected about my brother.
Compulsive lying is the narcissist's game: 1) I lie, 2) you believe me, 3) therefore, having fooled you, I'm smarter than you.
Excellent deduction!
@@sylviaelizabethclarecholic2073 Thank you for noticing. The idea came to me after reading R.D. Laing's book Knots which goes back a few decades. Lots of "psych haiku" is how it's generally remembered.
Is that really the game? To be smarter or to outsmart someone they feel is the competition?
When it comes to family, this behavior can be extremely sick and hurtful. It is not love but rivalry.
Friends don't put up with it.
Family has to but only if you don't care about yourself.
Make the best of your situation. Bow out if you can and live your best life.
Pride means nothing to a pride filled narcissist ( except to try to hurt yours. )
❤
@@tinyvr7036 In those situations, survival is all. Helps to have a sense of humour.
In Greek philosophy, debating others 'might is right' has that same idea you've mentioned. It's where the word sophomore comes from. Whoever could convince others even if it's a lie or non factual, prevails. Trump is definitely sophisticic. (while his supporters are moronic)
Narcissists are cowards. They are scared of everything, and instead of facing the music like the rest of us, they meltdown and lash out. It is profoundly cowardly.
Two gorillas beating their chest.
Survival comes before altruism
Trump the 🎺 Flatulent 💩📯 BINO:" Hold my 🍺. beer"
It is cowardly
Donald Trump:"I resemble that remark..." 😳
“Reality is an aggression.” Wow.
so true, I feel physically and mentally attacked and abused in many confronting situations. inner child's response to psychological pain and aggression that hasn't been integrated.
Yeah that struck me too.
Ikr this was an amazing sentence
That was deep!
And so true. I always said that 'truth' to the narcissist is like holding up the sign of the cross to the devil. It literally is an assault on them that makes them run for the hills.
Notice the zoom on his face for effect. It was clever, but I admit I found it a bit comical. Even so, it made the point effectively. I imagine a fragile narcissist would have found it scary.
Narcissists PROJECT their own issues, lack of morality, and lack of ethics onto others. You don't have to be around a narcissist long to learn that they will accuse you (or to hear them accuse strangers) of exactly of what they're guilty of doing. THAT is how you learn about what a narcissist is up to in their secret life. They just tell on themselves so so often.
...and although I don't hear this discussed much, and I've personally not found this in any of the research I've read, narcissists genuinely do believe they're unloveable if you can get them to drop their guard long enough to be vulnerable with you. When they finally admit that, no matter what they've done to you or others, it breaks your heart a little realizing they sincerely believe that (and they've believed that since they were little preschoolers.
You are projecting.
Good comment and its true to my experience
"You are poisoning me"
"You hate me"
"You wanna make me suffer"
"You wanna kill me"
That's what my mother and aunts have told me.
"Every judgment is a confession"
...it's too much; honestly
@@BL-sd2qw
Why NPD?
How do you react to this pathetic emotionoal blackmailing?
(They sound like those old glories in holiwood movies from the 50's where the old actress keeps watching movies of when she was famous, whining and abusing her surroundings).
@@ThreetwoOne-wu7ye What?
I had lots of experience with a malignant narcissist, I still believe deep down, they know exactly what they're doing.
Most do, but not all or all of the time.
Some delude themselves believing they can accomplish what another has done, but without thinking it through or putting in similar effort.
I agree with you
They do. They bury, suppress it, cover it with their self imposed victim narrative
Honestly, I think narcissists are usually aware when they are lying, but they bury it so deep that it looks like self delusion.
Self delusion is due to a person burying something so deep that it’s in the subconscious or unconscious realm.
Saying a person is aware when they are lying, but then describing self delusion, is contradictory… they usually believe their lies.
@@Alphacentauri819interesting. That is probably closer to accurate than not. Thanks for sharing your perspective
We are responsible for our own mental health, delusive or not. Blaming life is different than owning life. If we refuse responsibilities, we are owned by life, rather than owning our lives. Nevertheless, ultimately, we pay for it with our lives.
@@timlewis7218 I agree with all but the first sentence.
So true that if we blame we get stuck and owned by life! Yes, we are prisoners if we are stuck in blame and lack personal responsibility, accountability.
However, we can get in the same trap that narcissists are fully caught in…if we believe the thought that they are responsible to attend to that which they cannot see. The reality is that narcissists don’t see reality clearly. So, their reality doesn’t reflect back the things you see, that they need to be accountable for! So how can you address something that you are blind to?
Delusion means that you don’t see reality clearly.
Wanting a colorblind person to see color (much less problematic than narcissism, yes), and demanding them to take accountability for not being able to, are different.
This is the problem. If they could see, they wouldn’t be narcissistic! It is that extremely powerful, continually reinforced, defensive structure (from seeing, feeling, anything that will cause them to feel shame) that their subconscious (out of their realm of awareness) is fighting hard to keep them from seeing things about themselves
@@Alphacentauri819 naw.
Neuroplasticity is painful and grueling, but possible.
I understand that developmental abuse plays a large role in the way these folk turn out.
It is not their fault, and the tragic, often suppressed circumstances that cause these types of disorders occur during childhood years, when the individual is utterly helpless to do anything about it.
I'm not asking an amputee to grow a new leg, it's more like asking someone who doesn't appreciate music, to learn to play the violin, but even more counterintuitive than that.
Honesty, and acceptance are at the foundation of all mental and spiritual healing.
Know thy self.
A narcissistic pathological liar is hopeless in my opinion. Anyone who can't admit and learn from their mistakes and deny are doomed to suffer. Doubling down when they get called out as a liar or a fake is the narcissists worst enemy. The denial can lead to worse behaviour. Narcissists who are also pathological liars can turn into criminals, rapists, stalkers and child molesters when they lose narcissistic supply.Thank you for an informative video.
that described my stalker to the t
Absolutely. It becomes _so pathological_ it can destroy the *entire planet.* But it’s always about their “fweeings... so go away” - petulant child syndrome.
Toddlers literally control our planet.
It's terrifying. The police won't intervene and the narc ex is volatile and unpredictable. He's delusional and raving about being God. I have it on video. They still won t section him.
well put. could not agree more.
This sums it up 😂😂 I refuse to entertain these looneys over exaggerating their involvement with me just to force engagement. May God help them 🙏
My mother and father were both diagnosed with NPD, and they lie lie lie all the time. Constantly. My father always tries to steal from me, and as a former police officer I always manage to catch him in the act. When I ask him why he's stealing from me, he yells, "BECAUSE I'M THE IMPORTANT ONE, NOT YOU"!
Wow.....
Wow!!
Oh. That's interesting.
Wow 😳
Oh wow
It is entirely possible for a narcissist to be both genuinely deluded and a ratbag that uses lies to shaped to suit their self serving agenda.
A ratbag! You made my day.
Seems like the one I know
They are all ratbags!!
That would be a psychopath narcissist
Yeah, they sure are/do both.
5:05 for the narcissist, reality is an aggression. That’s got to be so painful for the narcissist.
7:05 the need to delude themselves as protection against the suffering of feeling worthless.
And because they must not be at fault for anything (from my understanding because that would make them feel to not exist anymore, thus they're fighting for their life), they also cannot properly learn from mistakes and are condemned to repeat the same problematic behaviour again and again. They don't even seem to understand when they did a mistake.
And then some people ask when they reap their karma. They already do. All the time. And upsetting as they may behave - I do pity them. But there's nothing one can do to really help them. At least nothing I'd know about.
It is.
They inflict pain. They exploit others for their own gain.
I think that, one of the things that either made my mother’s mask fall or drove her into narcissistic behavior, was the realization that the successes she had and wanted for her life, were being overcome by age, time, losing relevancy, me moving on with my own life, etc. As precursor to destructive narcissism, she became very depressed.
I do get it, however. When you work so hard (and she did), to do the accomplish the things you want and there is no amount of sacrifice that will get you there, it blows up the idea of working hard and getting what you want in life. This may have also been generational. As a Gen X, I’m accustomed to working hard and getting little of what I want. That may have not been as much so for her generation.”, as the world economy wasn’t evidently spiraling, as it is now.
Her situation has made me think that the typical origins of narcissism should also include the disappointment of life. There are a lot of quiet stories of people never achieving what they’ve worked for and not everyone comes out the other end settling for it and walking slowly into the light.
I lived in Hollywood for many years. I learned a lot about narcissism.
They seem to be everywhere in my world. Make it stop lol.
@@theorganizedplaylist8956 10% of the world is a narr/scio/pycho. and in certain industries like art its higher.
That's the Capitol of narcissism. I was raised there.
@@transformationclass5054 i can't believe i spent 16 years there. 🤷
That's still different from NPD
Don't get me wrong, NPD and people with Narc traits are both nasty, but that's not the same as dealing with an actual narcissist
I can’t get over the perfect ending, “For the narcissist, reality is an aggression”. Wow!
I know! That hit me right between the eyes. So very true. I needed that clarification
It's the blurring, on the part of the narcissist, between self-delusion and lies that makes them so dangerous. Self-delusion is sad; lies are bad. All those around the narcissist are vulnerable to gaslighting themselves into taking the latter for the former - and the narcissist will always help them to do that. Why wouldn't they?
This sums up my life. I'm 25, never worked, attended to college but didnt conclude yet. I always felt like I was super inteligent and better than other people, but on the other hand always felt owrthless and unlikable, always had serious problems making friends and interacting and living in general. For many years I feel so ashamed of myself that the only way for me to interacti with someone is to constantly lie. I believed my antisocial tendencies were the mark of the great genius I was, having a much deeper understanding about life and the world could only led to isolation. Only recently, after 4 years of abusing drugs, i managed to get clean and finally perceive that all my thoughts were delusions. Reality does feel like agression indeed. Im supercritical of myself and everyone else too, and literally anything I try to do feels horrible. I don't know what to do and been contemplating ending my life on multiple ocasions, but my belief in God and spirituality prevents me from doing it.
Ooh no, don't think of harming yourself. You are more worth than you can imagine and so is everyone else. When I remember that I have been bought at a price of the life of Christ, I can't allow anyone to devalue and shake me, neither do I need to hurt the other person who has been bought also by the blood of Jesus. That is the thought I live by. If you do the same, you will value your life because it's not actually yours as it belongs to God, and you will see others as God's property to be respected and loved..make it a habit which eventually will be your character by God's grace. Pray daily to have the mind of Jesus. Philippians 2:5 . What a transformation you will see in your life. God bless
My EXACT feeling! You couldn’t have said it better . @user describing being narcissistic.
We are all capable of improving ourselves, this is why we’ve been put on earth.
No body’s perfect. No race is better than rest. Arrogance is root of all sorts of evil.
I believe from personal pain a person evolves n becomes more caring &compassionate.Find your purpose, don’t settle with anything. Use ur God given intellect, reasoning logic. If you seek you will find. I had some pride, l stomped on it and am a completely different person, than my earlier years.
dont give up
You seem pretty self-aware. I believe if you want help, you can benefit from it.
The narcissists I knew spent all of his life smoking marijuana , drinking, and chasing women. I once asked him what were his plans for the future? He stated " I'm going to be a millionaire one day."
I asked how was he gonna do that when he doesn't even have a high school diploma? He replied with so much anger " I don't need to have a high school diploma to become a millionaire ".
I then replied " Do you have the numbers to win the mega millions ?"
The look on his face was anger to say the least.
True
Omg reminds me so much of an ex. College drop-out, kept changing jobs but deludes himself.
I 100% love that you called them out and asked the questions!!!
The truth is a narcissists worst nightmare...
💯!
A BIG YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
They tell lies; engage in plagiarism: Joe Biden
My daughter once told me, "I know it isn't true but thats how I feel ".
To maintain her self esteem my mom lies about others. Outrageous stories about her own kids that are fictitious. It’s sad. I had to seek a reason why! Thx for this video
Omg, my mother does it!
Always lies about me!!!!
This seems to be very common. I met a woman one time in her 40s who lied about having a famous modeling career, but would only lie to actual professional models about this and target them. When they would question her on this, she would stalk them and convince others to do the same
Mine has reached middle age and none can be around her....she is alone and breaking down and per usual the reality is an aggression,,from the beginning when she realized at 30 she had messed her life up and there is no going back,,she entered a fantasy of destroying my life and to be in it providing breadcrumbs...now I do not want to be around her but she made me such a big part of her life...infact I am too much In her than she is of herself it's breaking her down because it brings to reality what her life is....
Same, lied about an argument we had to the police and I ended up getting arrested for battery. When I asked what evidence there was the cop said she had red marks on her knees. The one saving grace is that I have videos of her falling during arguments with my siblings when they’re standing several feet away. She’s a performer. Never imagined it would go this far but learn from my mistake - never tell a narcissist that you know they’re a narcissist, lying and delusional, because they will seek to destroy you for revenge.
Same.
I had the opportunity to talk to my ex about his lies. I finally understood him well enough to know that I had to dangle something that he wanted in order to get the truth. I really wanted to know why he had said that he loved me and wanted to be with me when he had a new girlfriend. He said, "I wanted to keep you around, so, I told you what you wanted to hear." But, I mean, he wasn't just telling me what I wanted to hear. He was bawling his eyes out while he said it. The whole statement, tears, etc was all bullshit. He knew it was bullshit. He just wanted my response. Ive met other Narcissists since, similar behaviour.
I started noticing in high school that if I wanted my mother to say yes to ANYTHING, I would state what I wanted and then come up with some way that it benefitted her or made her look good. I would SAY THIS OUTRIGHT to her "And this will make you look good because" and then the answers went from default no to default yes. Unfortunately as a good person who doesn't enjoy manipulating people, this damaged me too but I was just a teenager trying to have a normal life at all.
@@airthrowDBT oof that sucks. my parents have some narcissistic traits but none as full blown as my ex.
@@karen0karen I think my narc mom (and from my research she's at the top-of-the-top of the extreme end) set me up to be a honeypot for Borderline women
Really sux. Sorry for your lost time.
My (eventual ) ex husband did a similar thing with the tears and all. He acted so emotional. I finally told him I was leaving him and he made up a damn story about how he was raped when he was a kid. They have no limits to lying just to get what they want.
''For the narcissist, reality is an agression'' This is a very powerful statement by Dr. Yeomans. I was blown away. Wow!
The look after he said reality was an aggression with the camera zoom was gold
Very self satisfied
Both my father and ex partner lie and do believe their lies, I have witnessed events and later when they relayed their story which included their lies, I pointed out to them that I was present at the time of the event and in fact the events didn’t happen as they said, they looked confused because they actually formed their story and convinced themselves of the delusion. It was then I realised that they actually do believe what they say. My ex did become extremely offended when I pointed out what I had witnessed, I was then in his mind against him and I got the silent treatment and he would punish me by acting out. How dare I point out my reality to him !!!
Narcissistic injury = any real threats from _actual_ reality.
Embellished false truths. I am so familiar with this as it reflects some of the features of my narc. malignant golden child brother. He tells half truths and will embellish his stories to high heaven. It is one lie after another. One half truth embellished story after the other. It is sickening and the abuse stories he talks about I am coming to resolve to not believe most of them. One abuse story after another and after hearing the same stories for years I am detached. I went no contact two years ago, because of his threatening aggressive behavior toward me. He is highly triggered by anything and dangerous.
When I was growing up, I had multiple family members that would tell very distorted versions of events that just happened. It made me really wonder if I was seeing things correctly at times. But when I was a teenager, we had a lot of friends around and when they would do this big spin on the truth everyone would laugh breathlessly at them for exaggerating to comic book levels. They would double down on the lie. I was my interpretation that they absolutely needed to believe the lies. The lies were always at some one else’s expense, the one telling the story was always some mythical hero or god. It was exhausting. Learning about cluster b has helped me understand all that chaos by understanding the what and the why. I haven’t forgotten, nor do I forgive, but I am working on accepting.
Those with Cluster B grow old and keep telling teenage stories in a very distorted and delusional way.
@@benmahdjoubharoun1467 for sure, you get it, and they tell it to over and over like they just remembered it for the first time. I’ve also had the experience of telling them “you told this story to me, many times” and then tell them, their story. They look at me annoyed, and then finish telling the story like I never said anything. A truly bizarre behavior.
@sawdustadikt979 they never learn their lessons because they are masters at manipulation so they are capable of avoiding consequences and then they shift blame to their victim which leads to the same traumatic experiences over and over again, so just move away and grief like they are already dead. They are the Walking Dead. Could you imagine I just went outside and they were laughing about the times they poisoned me and proceeded to call me crazy!?
Teenagers are finding their own identity and place in the world. Kids are constantly testing reality, driving too fast, pulling pranks, pushing back to see how far they can go... However, when you are a young person growing up with absolutely no reliable adults in your world (my mother's gaslighting "That NEVER HAPPENED" and a grandiose capricious, punishing, unpredictable raging NPD father) you're totally lost. Now I'm finally safe; independently living in another country and just waiting for the call that my 84-year-old father is nothing but a pile of bones on the highway after crashing his $200,000 sports car. His search for supply is never-ending and my sister and brother continue to enable him.
I love that Dr Yeomans talks about mistakes he made with a client. So refreshing.
The most wonderful thing about this film is at 5:09 when Dr Yeomans says "For the narcissist reality is [an] aggression". That is what is so psychotic about Narcs and so baffling and gaslighting for their friends, family and partners, anyone they meet. Your response is "How could somebody possibly think that....but they're so sure....they must be right." As you get to know the Narc, you become more part of the fabric of reality (and less part of their fantasy) and so you become more and more a threat and a bore.
Next time try a human being. If you can.
They need everyone to follow their script. Which is really crazy if you think about it. No one is ever going to follow their false narrative in the long run. Even if they did, the narcissist is STILL going to be miserable because they'll never understand that their misery comes from within.
I lived with a man who was a sadistic narcist for 10 yrs!I survived because of my strong faith!
I love listening to this guy! He's so smart, and articulates everything he says so beautifully & so clear! Makes his points so clear!
He has a calm demeanor, me gusta.
nothing you know about what he's talking about. everything perfect but not one meaning of subject.
These videos are brilliant. I wanted to just mention another way in which someone speaks a falsehood; there is delusion, and there is intentional lying to reach a goal, but there is also half-conscious lying in which part of someone knows they are lying, and is probably not very at ease about it, but they are doing it under the power of a strong subconscious compulsion to meet a neglected need. For example, if someone is not aware, or in control of, a rampant need to be loved and accepted, they might lie to keep someone around but not in a fully-conscious, nasty way. They are at the mercy of unconscious, unmet needs. They watch themselves doing it, but they are perhaps partially deluding themselves that this lie is ok, somehow...they do not feel like they have a choice, they are not in control of the decision to lie in that moment. I imagine many of the damaging actions of narcissistic folks in relationships fall into this category. What can seem like the worst gas lighting and manipulation in the world is sometimes fuelled by either delusion or unconscious needs taking over, or both. I speak from both sides of the experience. 😊
There is confabulation where people subconsciously fill in missing gaps with a manufactured reality and it 'is' real to them. I was left very disturbed by an agressive confrontational company owner who did not have a college degree but sold himself professionally as an engineer. It was a lie, but justified that he was so much better than others that he did not need a degree. I have worked several decades in a different area of engineering to him, and passed my bachelors with honours and had a masters.
There is something odd about talking to someone who is gobsmackingly wrong but unaware as to why they are wrong, and yet talking condescendingly to you like you are some 'jumior' that needs to be educated.
He had theories as to how technical and software systems worked that were bizarre and I then checked up on and found the issues. Once he even (unknowingly) took a piece of code I had written as an 'example' for a tirade at me showing me 'how it should be done'. He would hold 'training' only to be embarrassed by being mistaken or got stuck and needed prompting.
Behind the scenes it is like dealing with uncomprehending robotic machinery that hands him old pages of script from a hack play to read out. A play I think scripted 30 years ago when his supposed 'brilliance' was ignored and he did not make the grade to get into engineering school.
@wideeyed searcher 🙏🙇🏼♂️
@@JohnKNMurphy-nz, Your comment reminds me of my malignant golden child younger brother who presents himself as a psychological professional in the field of mental health. He comes off as your boss to others as a highly knowledgeable and proficient person who is educated extensively in the professional field of psychology. You can never disagree with his opinion or provide insight about a particular aspect in mental health as he will become agitated, argumentative and highly volatile, and flip out into an full blown rage about how wrong you are and how right he is. My brother barely graduated high school and he could not pass college, but he knows everything about the practice of mental health. His arrogance and ego driven attitude is nauseating.
“…Reality is an aggression.”
Boom! 🤯🙌🔥👊💥
Hence, people raging when confronted with reality…😐
I have narcissistic traits and I knew this to be true. Yet it 's a whole other story to change that.
@@verfassungspatriot Why do you think you have narcissistic traits?
That is so deep and true. To the victim of narcissistic abuse, they would say the narcissist hates the truth! The act of speaking the truth and/or challenging their delusion is felt as an act of aggression that causes narcissistic injury.
we all burn any way whether creation is real; or not. GOD Sounds and what ever he is evil murder blood shed comes true every day.
As on CRT and PC B's.
"For the narcissist, reality IS an aggression." *mic drop*
Calling out a narc on their lies is percieved by them as an insult,a lie,an act of aggression.
Reality, to the narcissist, is an aggressive act against their self esteem. Reality, from the narcissist, is an aggressive act to maintain their self esteem. Now you know why it’s so difficult to treat. And why unless they’ve pushed it so far they’ve been incarcerated, or sent into therapy, they never seek help. Why help perfection? It’s totally pointless, when your narcissism sees that as defining you.
The way he looks at the camera right after tho 😂
I had to laugh...run. they never learn or change. These lies are constant, they know they are lies, but they shut you down by insisting. Im sorry it isnt sad, i have a diagnosed NPD father and sister, i feel sorry for the victims...they gave me a heart attack by sending police 2-1 had me thrown out, and my mother to an early death as they belittled her symptoms and her requests for help (i live interstate).
"For the narcissist, reality is an aggression." - powerful.
These videos really help me keep my sanity after experiencing my ex's completely delusional outlook. Just to know that there is an understanding of this in the medical community gives me hope. "For the narcissist, reality is an aggression." - I've witnessed this first hand soooooo many times. No matter which way you try to address it, being as supportive as one can be, as soon as you get towards reality they get more aggressive and insist that somehow you're the one being aggressive.
Anyone in relationship with a narcissist must live within the narrative they create or there is hell to pay. The gravity of what true narcissism is somewhat lost because the word is thrown around so much now.
Omg! Reality is aggression! That's exactly what I'm dealing with...game changer to know that.
OMG YES, SO TRUE!
If you understand narcissistic supply, it becomes clear that they are just lies. Successful lies give them supply, just like any power play.
Sam Vatkin states they know exactly what they are doing and are actually very attuned to their “audience”
because they NEED their attention and feedback. They must have their “supply” or die. So they are constantly going through the feedback they get from their “supply” and are changing their responses to get/keep more supply. So, according to Sam, they definitely know right from wrong, and outside of very rare dissociative episodes, they are very aware of what they are doing and even that it may be hurting others. So if you think they are psychotic, then perhaps we are taking about a person who is more than just a narcissist and who may have other co-morbidities???
No.
Sam vaknin is wrong about a lot of things, i have produced proof hes wrong and posted in his comments and he NEVER acknowledged his errors. He is wrong about milder forms of npd and wrong about borderlines, they get worse with age, he says they get better, if a borderline gets better than they were not borderline, its bipolar or something like adhd or cptsd, and wrong about psychopaths, in reality, some are very productive and harmless brain surgeons and ceo's. Sam coined a few terms about NPD in the 1990s and hes been riding the coat tails of that ever since. He also has completely contradicted himself more times than i can count. Most real psychologists and researchers steer clear of him because of his caustic atitude in person. Nobody in real research takes him serious.
Richard Grannon knows Sam well. Lately RG has been talking about psychosis and it seems to describe the experience of being around an NPD pretty well. Remember that Sam himself is NPD and very intelligent...Maybe it varies with individuals since NPD is a model and not absolute?
They aren't psychotic. They can't use insanity in a court case. NPD is a disorder. A personality disorder.
Mine has now begun to make up conversations we've had in real time. I just got accused of saying something rude when I never said a word. The entire conversation never occurred. This is the second time this has happened. If this shit is intentional then that is terrifying. How someone can fly into a rage over something they know isn't true is truly sick.
Unfortunately, infidelity tends to go hand in hand with narcissism. Especially, somatic narcissism. Narcissists believe EVERYTHING they need is external, including self-worth, self-esteem, validation, etc. Those things are what make up our inner world and we are supposed to develop and cultivate them within/on our own. Narcissists DEPEND on people to supply those things for them. Because we cannot (nor, are we supposed to) supply every want/need of a partner, narcissists are always on the lookout for "better supply". They will always gravitate toward anyone they feel can meet the needs/wants their spouse isn't (and can't). Narcissists are unstable and they cannot soothe themselves. They cannot meet their own needs and their needs/wants are constantly changing. Narcissists are black holes. They are human abyss' of unmet needs/wants. Even if you gave them everything, they'd still want MORE... All while giving NOTHING in return. Narcissists are also pathologically bored. They do not experience boredom the way normal adults do. They're like children. Once they become bored, they tend to throw their toys (people) in a corner to collect dust. Then, they search for new ones... Untilllll, they realize that their newest toy isn't as fun. Or, it doesn't function as well as the old toy did. Then, they'll go digging in the corner to find that old toy (the reason their relationships tend to be off and on). People are objects meant to keep them occupied and entertained. The newer the toy, the better/more exciting it is. However, EVERYONE will inevitably lose their shine with the narcissist. You must accept their reality and realize that it's NOT ABOUT YOU and it never was. This is also the point when it becomes crucial to sit your ego on the curb. Your ego will want to fight to be seen. Your ego will want to fight to prove you're enough. Your ego will feel it's "worthy" of the narcissist and fight to "keep" them... But, again: IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU. Most narcissists are extremely irresponsible. Many of them marry to secure stability. Or, to have someone they can count on to help with bills to free up their resources. It also ensures they'll have somewhere safe to land when they fall - because they always f*** up... Do yourself a favor and pull that rug of security out from under them and save YOURSELF. Narcissists do not have a moral compass. They do not respect the union of marriage. It'll always be a one-sided arrangement with you being the giver that's making their life easier and them being the taker that's making your life harder. We deserve the same love, attention, support and understanding that we give our spouses. You will never get it from someone suffering with NPD. Moreover, if you feel sure that your husband might never cheat on you, you might have to rethink. Most wives in marriages are shocked when they find out their husband cheating, and it happens more with people who never thought they would cheat. This is why you have to take the tiniest suspicion carefully. If your husband is cheating on you, the best and probably the only guaranteed way to catch him is to spy on their phones. However, spying on a phone is not something you can do without any external help unless you have the James bond level of spy skills. In such case you will need an expert phone spyier Metaspyhub@gmail. com for the purpose,,,
That was the most oddly detailed and well written spam I've ever seen
@@surfingshewolflmao.. I wasn't sure if it was, I kinda believed it even after seeing the email 😂tnx
@@goofyahhh254 I think they got the text from a legitimate source book. A lot of it is actually decently written 😂
SPAM - SPAM - SPAM - SPAM - SPAM
ChatGPT spam at its best.
If you have a narcissist as a parent, their dysfunction may as well have been a life test in the Self Love category. Although their narcissistic ways are nothing you would want to become they inadvertently teach you self love by standing up for yourself, set boundaries and if necessary no contact. Do not think your entire life was a curse. It was a learning lesson.
100% and at some point you'll need to face it that there is no other way than to look at your background as something valuable and badass xd otherwise you'll suffer. I think learning to value and kinda like your experiences as 'lessons' is a really really great choice.
I, personally think that's bullshit 😂 no offense and if it works for you then that's really great.
I was raised by 2 of them. 2 of my 4 siblings have joined the dark side.
I was the scapegoat for 30+ years until I found out what boundaries were. But I was already married to one... 🤷♀️
I did NOT need to go through almost 4 decades of torture to learn about self love and boundaries. People who already have that in their life just had parents that taught them... thats why what you (and others) have said, doesn't make sense to me.
My kids know all about boundaries and self care.. they didn't need decades of torture to learn it.. neither did their friends or my friends.
We just got the very long and very *unnecessary* road to discover that.
@@jenster29 I'm sorry, I hope you are ok now.
@@TheOddStranger I am thank you. Just feeling battered and bruised for no good reason, I guess
@@jenster29idk if your religious but coming from a vicious lions den family of narcs what makes me feel it wasn’t pointless is that I’ve always heard the bigger the calling on your life the harder your life will be and more tests you’ll be put through. It’s like the brighter your light could be the more the opposing forced want to dim it, Just food for thought. I feel your pain either way though friend. Hugs
"For the narcissist, reality is an aggression " Frank Yeomans. The most helpful statement on narcissism ever.
Dr. Yeomans is clear and profound. His explanations on NPD are valid not only for patients but for every person who aspires for a more meaningful life.
aspires is meaningless shit and just helps the crazy get away with practical torture . Worse puting it the way you said.
When I said to the narcissist when they were in lying/self delusion mode, 'that's your perspective' (that was the best I could do to diplomatically not dismiss directly their blatant revision and delusion on certain flipped events), they accused me of gaslighting them for using the word 'perspective' 😳. And they were highly offended that I was 'belittling' them and being 'rude'. Really?!
Do you not find that 90% of the population are "offended" by normal conversation in 2022?
I try to force people who are easily offended to watch some offensive movie or TV show. Like The Life of Brian or South Park. Then I make fun of them if they get offended by it.
"Awww! Did the TV hurt your wittle feelings. Hahaha!"
The look of indignation on their face is priceless.
Yes, this is completely common.... daily
@@GenerationX1984 interesting.
So, you admit that you bully others, while completely lacking empathy.
Were you referred to this video because you are the narcissist?
Watch that you don't get offended by that question now...or else you just prove your blindness and hypocrisy!
If you are trying to force others to do something that bothers them...with no purpose other than provoking... examine your internal dynamics. Why? Use introspection and metacognition (if you even can).
That behavior is disturbing and says something is deeply disturbed, wounded, in you.
-a former medical professional, who is working towards a PhD In Neuroscience
Seeing this intelligent professional admit that he made a mistake and should have tried a different approach is so refreshing. As a covert narcissist, I could learn a lot from him.
Looser
Entitlement as a defense against dependency. Reality is an aggresser against the story they are telling about themselves.
Then there is the Biden and Obama and Clinton and Bush group
A personal experience. I have seen and experienced adults with NPD lie without any sense of shame. Some of the lies have been delusional because they were unrealistic in the details.
But adults never lie do they? I imagine most adults never want to think an adult they are talking to would lie. So there is often no overt correction, if adults feel unease with someone lying they just keep the relationship at a distance or end it without correction. It is easier to offer the benefit of the doubt.
But in my experience I guess that the shame part was not really gone, because the same NPD defended adults often gaslighted people that were oriented to reality. If someone, for example, talked about their regular life or work experience, the adult with NPD gaslighted and acted with raised eyebrows like what the reality oriented person said was not true. The adult with NPD acted like he or she listened to a lying idiot. It was quite bizarre and emotionally painful. Imagine a kid coming home to an parent with NPD talking about their regular day in school and the parent act against the kid like the kid is lying and should be ashamed. Five minutes later the NPD parent drops some real delusional lies.. Horrible.
Yep. Im the son of a NPD mother and a lot of othe4 NPDs in my family. They lie constantly, AND accuse you of lying about the most mundane things, because that is what THEY do. Whenever I talk to someone and they start grilling me about stupid details trying to imply that I'm lying, I know I'm dealing with a narcissist just projecting if I have given them no reason to think I am lying. Theyre really saying, "I know what *I* do to other people constantly, that is because you all are so dumb! Don't try to fool me like I'm dumb like you!" It's imaginary power battles taking place in their head.
He's so frank! (open, honest, and direct, especially when dealing with unpalatable matters)
Very funny,😀 I got that one.
It's a red herring
Right when a narcissist is lying on me due to a smear campaign this video gets posted lol love yall
Great topic, and important distinction made between outright lying and delusional. Two incidents w/ same person occurred a 2 & 3 yrs ago. One, female relative put up a hidden camera to spy on me while I was babysitting . 2. On a different day, While sitting, they said eat what u want, so I helped myself to a pastry to share w/ the child. The next day the relative had a HUGE meltdown, that the pastry was eaten. She explained it was for 4 ppl, (one scone) so how could I do this HORRIBLE thing?!?! So, fast forward to 2024, 2 years after the event, & the family member w/ the spying issue told me, that spying didn’t happen bc the camera was off. At the time of the incident, I checked to see if the camera was on, & it was, so this was a blatant lie. Then 3 yrs after the pastry incident, the same person made up an entirely new excuse why the pastry incident was a MAJOR crisis, trying to justify her insane meltdown. So, lying or delusional? That is the question, and there are MANY more examples of sh** they pull. What a massive costly mistake, moving near wacked, jealous family.
You poor thing 😮 I can't believe you have to live through this mess
You were doing something positive for this person (baby sitting), they wronged you (spying on you, reacting inappropriately to you doing something as normal as following their instruction regarding eating something)...
Yet she is the one having the meltdown and causing a scene.
Just shows you can never win with a narcissist. Even if you're doing them a favour, it'll come back to bite you
May you find a way to cut this person out of your life
One incident like that years ago and until now it keeps flaring up in a way that's clearly distressing for you.
I feel sorry for you
@@AB-lp8jd Yes. It helps to start with a new notebook, writing down every conceivable detail regarding the events, the time of day, who else was in the room (mother, brother, sister) what the food smelled like (Beatings often came at the dinner table the main time I was guaranteed to see my dad and he'd just reach out and slap me, the scapegoat, across the table -- and worse-- for no good reason), the season, specific location in the house, it being your childhood home or wherever. This is how I managed to overcome years of gaslighting from Cluster B family about my father's horrific abuse. Helpful to refer back to whenever you're tempted to break No Contact. They never let up in trying to prove you're wrong and they're better than you.
they make up their lies because it feels good as narcissists; then believing their lies makes the lies more convincing and they use this self delusion as a lying technique!
It is refreshing to hear someone describe the nature of these people without needing to judge them too. He is an extremely empathetic and curious person. I very much appreciate his concise clear descriptions - for example, how he distinguishes between delusion and psychoses. I am sure that he has another metric, perhaps a private one, of how he determines (or senses) the difference between those who are delusional and those that are just lying. The examples he gave fall neatly into those categories - but why?
It's refreshing to hear a therapist on UA-cam acknowledge that people with NPD are suffering.
No they’re not Lmao
@@boop5287 depends
@@boop5287 If you understand NPD then you'll know they suffer deeply.
Yes sadly but the ones used to project onto also suffer.
Yeah they suffer like a serial killer suffers in jail.
It does seem when the delusions are projected as part of another's persona when it is obvious its gaslighting is when a person becomes toxic and a must to avoid. Narcissistic fleas can jump onto a uncombative too exhausted to reason with a malicious intent. Doesn't matter if it's intentional or natural. It's toxic.
Hey Brad :)
Those "fleas" tend to be maladaptive coping strategies that people adopt in response to someone else's personality disorder.
@@NeonCicada Whatever the reasons those 'fleas' exist because of and as a result of the person's personality disorder. The end conclusion is the same. The other is impacted negatively.
IT KILLS WITH NO REMORSE. Yet they keep these types out of prison.
One worst things about narcissists that I've encountered is that the history of your past interactions with them is always changing in their minds. A good time had by all can become a failed outing that they deeply hated; a small gesture made by them can morph into a major act of generosity that you should be forever grateful for; a promise made by them can become something they swear they never said, or the wording of the promise can significantly change, ect. So you realize nothing is ever really fixed or "in the can" with them. The past is full of shifting sands -- and always shifting to favor the narcissist's narrative. It's maddening, and, this case, they seem to partly believe the new and changed version of the "truth." You'd need to carry a rolling video with you 24/7 to fight against this neverending shaping of the past -- but even then you'd soon discover that it's not really about the evidence. It's all about how they want things to have been to suit their current needs.
Well said, it's exactly so. - Just have a look on this lyrics. ~ Do they warn you in advance to be careful? Did he challenge you "as if" to a duel and warn you what to prepare for? Playing you songs as Running up that Hill by Kate Bush (just have a look on the video on yt) or this one:
October Swimmer
The dreams of dying mothers
I awoke, my insides shuddered
The greycoats of the infantry
Victims looking for sympathy
And splash of
October swimmers
The cheers of Helsinki winners
My barbed bones of futility
Leeking marrow of ability
And I don't need anyone
And you don't need anyone
I want to be a happy boy
This means that you must employ my lies
When I want you
And I don't need anyone
I want to be a happy boy
This means that you must employ my lies
And I don't need anyone
And you don't need anyone
I want to be a happy boy
This means that you must employ my lies
When I want you And I don't need anyone (3x)
Dude that is so true. It truly makes you want to record everything. What a crazy world they create
This was a very, very good video. Frank is the best when it comes to examples!
My ex husband is 53 and diagnosed with NPD. He’s retired from Law Enforcement. He screamed at me in a rage because he told me he’s in love with a transgendered person. I said “so you’re LGBT” and he called me delusional and called me a pathological liar.
He doesnt have to be LGBT himself to be attracted to one
Ewwwwwww
@@offensivediscourse8514 lmaoooo. He is gay at minimum
Some men don't like the term gay, preferring the term men who have sex with men!
@@offensivediscourse8514 he's not straight. 😂
"I told her she lied .... She said "Not really..." ... I said you bear false witness with the intent to deceive. "She said, that's not lying .... not really...."
One thing that being around narcissists has taught me, including the criminal justice system: Society functions on some level with "Ok ya got me fair and square", i.e., normal people might lie, but after incontrovertible proof is repeatedly shoved in their face, only people with personality disorders repeatedly double down on clear disproven lies. Its actually VERY hard to give consequences to a person who refuses to admit ANY wrongdoing or defeat. Which makes sense because it is DRAINING and TIME consuming to deal with liars and most of us are just people who dont have much power to "punish" other adults. So, witness politicians repeatedly tell blatant lies and there are no consequences for them whatsoever.
@@airthrowDBT I have a religious nut neighbor who is actually a predator ... he doesn't just try to convert me, he ASSULTS me with his constant and invasive efforts. Ok, I have learned to keep away etc ... but it does bring up a question. He says things the Bible does not support ... and he says things that are ghastly and that most people would judge to be unChristian. BUT, he claims that the Bible is only for people who do not know God as well as him and that in his case God speaks directly to him with the REAL truth. QUESTION: Is he lying? Or, ... like many people who say untrue things ... is he merely being himself and he himself doesn't buy into our objective idea of the truth? ..... I mean, we agree everyone is unique, right? QUESTION #2: Is having compassion for people like him ultimately harmful to the rest of us?
Whether lying or deluded, its the reframing or rejection of reality that is the problem. Rather than trying to apply labels I think it is probably more important to describe behaviors. Its the bad behaviors that destroy others.
I was hoping for an answer more in the specific context that the narcissist has done something shockingly immoral, mean-spirited, petty, vindictive, and when called on it, refuses to accept that they did, and if they did it was no big deal, and if it was a big deal, it wasn't intended, and if it was intended, you made them do it, and if you didn't... you know how it goes.
The examples shown here are much more... innocuous.
Much appreciation for this channel, so informative and humanising. Please keep posting. Frank's wisdom and compassion is inspiring.
Yes, it is rare you get this perspective. Everyone gives the advice: Narcissist? Can't be healed. Due to their defence mechanisms. RUN!!!!
The tragedy of it all that after you realise what you are dealing with, you also realise you just simply do not know the person there. I was baffled when I learnt that I do not know my father AT ALL. All I've known in my entire life was a mask, a web of lies, pretensions, and astronomical agression when something was not to his liking. Apologies for being harsh, but sometimes I feel it would be better if he had cancer, even if incurable, but at least I could have some kind of connection with the person he is. But he is not a person. He has totally lost his connection to his own feelings and personality long ago, hence no possibility to him to connect with anyone, not even with his own daughter, though I know he's been trying here and there. Tragic.
The last time I spoke with my 84-year-old father he was bragging about his fitness routine, maintaining his ideal weight, preparing to run a 5K marathon, (constantly shames me and others about being overweight) yet my sister enables him and went to help recently when he was in the hospital. He never said a word to me about it. I tried to offer sympathy but he's just not A REAL HUMAN. Bizarre. Yes, tragic.
So nice hearing a wise person talk!
Employment may not be helpful for people because of the many personalities in the work environment some of which can be toxic for someone who is struggling to find themselves in a realistic way.
It’s liberating to listen to such a nuanced analysis of narcisism as opposed to the usual which hunt
One thing about narcissist parents: real life details, the minutia, is just offensive to them. They are too cool for it, too important. They can't stand it.
@@natatattful Sure. Well, picking kids up from school, or participating in some frivolous thing that's mostly only relevant to kids... they are too cool for it, too important for it, too grandiose for it.. and most of all, too truly miserable. They know that they would eventually have to face themselves with the loss of that facade, and that would be intolerable. They are too grandiose for the petty details of being a mom or dad.
For the Narcissist, the truth about anything else takes the attention away from him as the sole existence, the life giver, even women giving birth is a problem, a woman must come from his rib and avoid the tree of human conscience, he is right and can never be wrong.
Thank you thank you thank you so much for these videos. As someone that is struggling to achieve the most stable relationship possible with someone that has been diagnosed with BPD, these videos are incredible. Since DBT isn’t supported by health insurance, my friend is not getting any treatment and has refused to see anyone that’s under the insurance plan UNLESS they treat all of her the disorders. So, your channel is the best I can do right now. It’s hard because some days I want to give up on this person because it’s caused a lot of pain, but I’ve a lot of faith in her and the possibility for her being a happier person. Seriously, thank you.
The American health system really is evil.
You can buy the DBT workbook online and go through it on your own. Plus there are many books to read on the subject to self educate. Hope this helps!
This is a spiritual sickness caused by deception and trama to a young child by a care giver. Loss of trust, loss of self, loss of hope, lost without feeling human love. Child decides to be like the abuser to protect herself from others, and control others for personal gains. At this point unclean spirits oppress the child, infecting the child's mind and will towards wickedness. Without Jesus Christ there is no hope for soul sickness!" An innocent heart that is broken by adults who are demonized and out of control. Call on Jesus, he can restore your broken heart he loves you!" You must repent of your sins, your unforgiveness, and want the unclean spirits to go in Jesus name. Jesus said, when you hear the truth, you will know it. And the truth will set you free" I have 53 years experience with Narcist, I have wittnessed many things!" Jesus loves you!"
A woman rages at a dangerous level, so I take the kids and leave. Later, I return and want to talk about it. Talk about what, she asks. Does she really not know what she's doing? After many episodes, I realized, who cares if she's delusional or deeply deceptive. This relationship isn't working. If they can't own their shit, you've got to quit.
You were supposed to agree that it didn't happen.
@@markhatfield5621🤢🤢🤮
Certain cultures and their expectations can foster this delusion/lie with career, especially within diaspora communities in wealthy countries. It's easier to maintain the cover when the people of the diaspora don't know anyone within the other worlds of their fellow immigrants like work, school, house of worship. I knew a lady who implied for many years that she had a high position within the state dept of transportation. It turned out that she worked at a toll booth. This was back in the day before automatic toll-by-plate. In those days it was a great job with high pay, excellent pension and other benefits, but I think she was still ashamed of it. When I went through the toll I also felt secondhand shame because I knew she would be afraid that I would tell everyone (I told no one). She also couldn't ask me not to tell, because that would prove intentional effort to mislead. She was right to feel this way because this particular diaspora community had an unkind hierarchy.
Are you kidding? The US are not a diaspora.
This is powerful information and just gave me closure from a self-deluding person who seems to believe their own lies, and doesn't get it when confronted. Thank you kindly for the examples too 😊
I think delusion and lie overlap each other
Be interested to know if that is apart of splitting
Not at all - one is intentional, there is not
What you said is like saying "being incorrect and lying overlap"
Lies ensue whenever the delusions are challenged. Narcissist's massive and fragile ego protects the lies they believe with more lies. It's literally their only defense mechanism for their own self hatred. If they didn't believe everyone else was bad they would delete themselves.
i have a relative who is like this, and until i heard the doctor say "for the narcissist, reality is an aggression", it didn't click for me. the reaction this relative had after she was given feedback (which she herself solicited, mind you) for the hairbrained schemes she came up with was rage. and the blaming others for destroying her dreams by asking silly questions such as, can you afford it? have you considered A,B,C etc? have you put forth a budget to see if this feasible? instead she raged: it was "you just love to destroy my dreams!"
i have pity for them - but from a distance. because i certainly am not willing to sacrifice my own peace of mind to coddle a narcissist and humor their pathology just because they may be suffering.
Thanks to this and all who are devoting their professional lives to try to help folks come to feel relief in themselves and be happy and help others be ok too
"For the narcissist, reality is an aggression." That sentence resonates with every victim who tried to reason with a narc
My mother used to tell everyone in earshot that she gave up a career because of her kids. (she got married at 21 & never had a job)
In his essay "On Bullshit", Harry Frankfurt lays out that, in order to lie, a person must care about the truth. Otherwise their statements are not even lies, but mere bullshit. Scientifically speaking 😂
Thank you for this video. So often with the narc in my life I have wondered about this when the narc says untruths, events that didn't happen, etc., and about their upset reaction when corrected. 'Self delusion' seems to be the case
To a narcissist, everyone lies. It's whether you lie in a way that profits you or not, whether you lie in a believable way that determines it's value and justification.
I recently had a "friend" stop speak to me. I challenged his narrative that everything other people work extremely hard to achieve is "easy" for him once he "decides to do it". Maybe this is why.
Amazingly conscise. Thank you so much
It is more complex than just lying or delusion. Sometimes lying is a kind of probing others, elicting reactions from them, to understand better who you are dealing with. When it is felt that the other is not genuine, or hiding something, a lie can help because you see how they react and that is information you might not have gotten by any other means than the lie.
Sure, that works well if you're a police officer interrogating a suspect about a crime. But when parents systematically lie to their children or other loved ones just to keep up the illusion that they are good parents and have your best interest at heart, or when the gaslighting is coming from your husband or wife, it's psychotic and very damaging. Run.
@@firehorse9996 thanks for sharing about your particular point of view, interesting.
That's exactly what narcissists do. That's sick.
@@cassiebennet4262 Thanks for sharing your particular point of view, interesting.
That is some of the most brilliant insightful descriptions of narcissism I have ever heard. Excellent. Thank you
WHY!? Why should you have just moved on after her sense of grandiosity was disturbed. Couldn’t this have been the ultimate teaching moment? Its a genuine question I would love love love the answer
It’s the Merry Go Round of delusion with these people.
Excellent questions and answers. Good lecture.
Amazing! So well verbalised. Thank you Dr. Frank. This really helped straighten what I could not pinpoint.
My X gf use to always say. " i can't lie " yet she lies daily, butttt she's never wrong, never owes anyone an apology, even after destroying my home. In a fit of rage over her keys being misplaced. 🙄
I have been waiting for an explanation like this for YEARS! Very well explained, great calm delivery, I am forever grateful. Married for 32 years to someone who does this exact kind of lying and my kids and I are continually wondering- is he knowingly lying? Or just deluded? I know this therapist cannot conclude 100% but the way he’s explaining it still makes me feel closer to the answer that he is probably delusional and that is sad.
Fear less, Love more
The treatment for people whove been abused neglected and unloved is ........
Love
Imagine that one, folks!
Not true with NPD. They abuse the ones who love them most.
@@ESumner no but it is true
@@duewhit310 only the love of Jesus can help them but they have to be willing... it’s bigger than another human can cure.
@@duewhit310 Where can one find love? I'd like some.
Daniel Scheff's initial comment about the nature of loss to those in a narcissistic relationship is absolutely true. His observation does, however, tell us where to begin on the road to recovery and what to work with, where not to spend your energy. It is less difficult to make progress when you are in touch with reality.
Just to point out that Lying to your “Loved-ones” (close ones, from a narcissist’s POV) NEVER makes you smarter than the person you lied to. Narcissists MAY feel or think that, but it’s not true. The only thing lying to a close person proves is they are deceiving and damaging. #narcissist
Sounds like there are a ton of narcissists in this chat who are labeling others as being narcissistic. Not all but many! The irony in that delusion is real because it’s being displayed blatantly in narcissistic UA-cam video comment sections 🤨
I really like the way you explain things. I have been doing research as I have had a hard time with relationships. I do care and love people so I am
not sure. I just seem to say things that I don’t want to but seem to have a hard time holding back. Anger gets the enemy of me. I try and talk to myself and or God. I now am delegated with my second wife at 42!!!! Live alone and am lonely. I am trying really hard to make positive changes and look at the positively in people. I seem to always want to see all the problems ready to pounce if I need to. I do want to change and ma going to, it’s just going to be harder for me than others. I will stay single as I don’t want to hurt anyone. What is important going forward for me is to treat every interaction as a opportunity to do my best. I hate when I act so stupid. But their is always hope!!!! Goodluck to all who suffer with this. Praying never hurts…..
I will continue to watch you!!! Thankyou
Dr. Yeomans is excellent in his analysis and eloquent in his description of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Very Interesting.
Great video, love the ending!
It's a combination of both what works at a given moment for a given goal.
the thing is what about the victims because when they speak no one beleives them because the narcisst has them in a trap....so what your saying can be similar for the victims. its a very toxic psychological trap that only hell can desricbe
they don't want anyone to know their true identity and be clever nasty lying snakes who will no doubt throw their victim under the bus with LIES and smearing them
Dr. Yeoman's is the best there is out there imo with breaking down NPD. 💯💯💯
Yep he's pretty good and his ability to contain interpretations until the patient is ready. In my opinion it's very difficult as a clinician. So you take notes during a session. It may be a long time until reality testing is good enough that you can make such an interpretation.
That last comment is so fascinating and useful for anyone who is super self critical! To remember you cant read minds, youre projecting your own critical judgements.