@@scarpfishor in other words, labeling based on a concept famously applied to the hierarchy of wolf packs- a concept which the scientist responsible for observing the hierarchy debunked himself. It actually pisses me off that this poor man's notable achievement was publishing research that coined terminology that he realized was wrong and tried to correct it, but people latched onto it so the mistake became accepted as fact. A scientist's worst nightmare. Neither wolves nor humans fit into a natural hierarchy represented by Greek letters, at least not beyond their college years.
Agreed. It’s like a term you would apply for shopping and investing. “This is a high value car, this is a high value painting. This is a high value stock.” Weird to apply it towards humans
@@IsabellaLanterat some point it will just be a waste of time for the women who was putting on a act and for the man who lacked self confidence and is looking for someone who can boost his ego.
I think it is supposed to be more of a bait and switch. Where you slowly drop the act once you are married/locked in. Since they are to invest in you at the point for it to be a problem.
It's ironically much much much worse if you DO have serious intentions to be with that person. If you are just having a fling it's less of an issue, your idiotic mixed signals aren't going to deeply impact that person and if it's bothering them it's easy to just end it. But it's emotional manipulation and long term you will confuse, hurt, and disappoint them. Imagine falling for someone and realizing you don't even know who they are or how they really feel. This is how you create trust issues for people that often last long after the relationship miserably ends.
right? She's literally telling people to be manipulative and to love bomb people. I literally teach people to be wary of some of these things as red flags. Also the 80s called, and want their drug PSA back.
Her advice is TERRIBLE. Guys don't want to play games, and high value men won't put up with them. Pretending you're someone you're not is a disaster, too.
Tbh it sounds exhausting. Being polite and considerate, and making a good impression are all a good idea, but shrinking your whole personality into an innocent, classy, wide-eyed baby deer with no perspective of her own is exhausting and will make you come across as painfully boring. And then the love bombing /hard to get BS is just 🤮
im just saying!!! That's like me telling someone to "not talk so much" so some man will like them and yall hear me in my videos lol. I YAPPP for a living lol!
This is a huge reminder that you can be true to yourself without having to change drastically for someone to like you. Someones gonna LOVE you for YOU!! And no everyone on the internet needs to be selling a course nor are they a pro.. in my opinion lol.
If you have to dilute yourself or dim your light because someone may feel insecure, that person doesn’t deserve to be around your wonderful self. Been there, done that: I molded myself to be exactly what I thought he wanted me to be, and I was still thrown away like garbage. Now I’m learning to be authentic: I’m a professional ballerina trained in Moscow, I speak 7 languages and I’ve lived and worked in over 30 countries…
@@dolphindiver7724 I’ve said once, I’ll say again: be with someone who treats you like the pink Starburst. And thank you! I’m sure you’re amazing yourself!🫶🏻💖
This reminds me of one of my older brothers telling me to not be so “weird” around guys I was interested in bc that would scare them away. I said hell no and them through being “weird” I found my boyfriend, and we’ve been “weird” together going on 3.5 years. My brother later apologized for it, but still :(
You stop being yourself and you just end up with the wrong person! I've realized that throughout life you will have enough material for 2 comprehensive life advice books: "Advice I Wish I Took, or I'm Glad I Did" and "Advice I'm Glad I Ignored, or Wish I Did" You know where this one goes, keep being your weird self!
Excactly. I went from rejection to another rejection over and over again. Those people just didn't like me for whatever reason. Instead of changing myself, I found the partner who loved me as a whole person. It took a while and a lot of frogs to kiss, but it was 100% worth it.
As a lesbian it's always so interesting when I see dating coaches (especially aimed towards women) who basically tell you to act like you're incompetent to "attract" men or how a lot of times these people tell both parties that they need to act like a whole different person to be in a relationship. If you have to put on an act to be with a "high value man" and vise versa, I don't think that relationship is real nor is it going to last very long like these people say 😅
This is why the clumsy girl trope bothers me. Clumsiness doesn't indicate unintelligence but I feel the people who fetishize it feel like "oh this silly little woman, how precious" and kind of like feeling like a girl needs them to help her and protect her. It's sweet to want to protect someone but it can really be toxic and lead to controlling behavior, especially if you are fetishizing incompetence. Could just be my own bad experiences, but guys have admitted to finding my awkward clumsiness cute and later had a major issue with the fact that I'm not dumb or incompetent and don't need to be treated like a child. Like one guy would buckle my seat belt for me and even tried to cut my steak for me, and he constantly tried to force major life decisions on me.
@@LunarEleven yeah that last paragraph is fuckin’ weird. I feel like that person was fetishizing more child-like behavior, which is super ick. I agree that being clumsy and awkward are not related. I’m not the smartest crayon in the box, but my intelligence has nothing to do with bumping into things and tripping all the time or my social anxiety.
listen maybe it's just me because I've never dated anyone in all my 24 years of life, but I always thought it's just like.. you meet someone you like as a person, you get along and then you start dating. all these mind games and strategies people come up with are truly mind blowing to me. I was sitting the entire video like this: 😧
That is exactly how it happens (however there is no shame in using dating apps). But you meet someone, you get along, and either it works or it doesn’t. Generally speaking, a good relationship does require effort but it shouldn’t feel like a burden.
The two questions I ask immediately are: "do you want kids?" and "How important is sex to you?" if the answers are anything other than "no" and "not important at all" then I know the person is not for me. Saves a fuck ton of time too! Also my moms pro tips: 1. NEVER go anywhere with anyone without a way to get yourself home safely on your own, and 2. NEVER go anywhere without enough money to pay for yourself completely.
Exactly same! Except I want the opposite. If a person I’m dating wants to get married, have kids, doesn’t like s3x or traveling, we’re simply not a match. 🤷
I don’t know what this “coach” is selling but, during the pandemic, a similar person tried to recruit me to work for her as a client liaison. I had the interview (I was in a very vulnerable position) and my first assignment. It was at that point that I realized I was the product and NOT part of her team. I was a high valued single girl and I almost got trafficked. Sometimes it’s not just drama. It’s dangerous! 4:29
@@IsabellaLanter I barely made it but I’m still alive and in treatment for PTSD for all the horrors with a wonderful psychiatrist. And now I can tell my story and get my pitchforks ready to alert other people about this. If there was The Purge that madam is on my list. Love you and your channels (I watched the AITA right before this one!). My PSA: if you’re not paying, you’re the product. ❤️🩹➡️❤️
I hate when they bring up “trust fund” kids. It is not my fault that my parents have enough money that I will be taken care of when they pass. Why should I be punished and looked down on for that? I have a job, I pay my own bills, and I think I’m a great person. I don’t understand why I should be dismissed as a potential partner because my parents liked saving money before I was born.
I agree. Rich kids or trust fund kids that are still able to live their lives like everyone else aren’t a problem for me. Like you’re still a good person and functioning member of society
her dating advice is basically play into the patriarchy- like, it's setting you up to be a tradwife. I don't know how to describe it but the modest-is-hottest (no shade, I dress modest myself) and let your man windowshop feels 1950's...
I do agree with you on the age. Like I'm 32, and like I would feel weird giving dating advice because I'm ONLY 32. I'm realistic in my expectations of a partner, and know myself as a person that I could give advice. However I think dating coaches in the modern age is less about knowing relationships and people, and more about being hot and rich.
honestly yes! If someone gives dating advice I think thats fair. If its free online then idc. I care when someone labels themselves as an alleged PRO and sells courses.. its missleading af in my opinion. I just would expect someone with more life experience connecting people together like that for a living?
I feel like the people who become This Type of dating coach always have a terrible history of toxic relationships and come out of it by saying "I can do this too!" Bestie. Be so fr rn WITH A THERAPIST!
It really is that simple. Date who lines up with your morals and values. Don't try to change people to fit them or talk down on them for not being that.
Tinashe has it right with the idea that you have to find somebody who matches your freak. My boyfriend loves my chaotic energy, and he's also incredibly supportive, and my biggest cheerleader as I've taken some major career steps this year. He's secure in himself, and he's never been intimidated by the fact that I'm strong-willed and ambitious. Telling women to tone themselves down for a man just ensures that they'll be unhappy with the wrong person, because the right person will love you as you are.
This mess she is spitting is setting men up on a bar that we don't belong. My wife and I are equal. Period. She has some strengths that I don't have and vice versa. Therefore, we are a power force together! Ladies....be you. The person that is deserving of you will come.
Loved the entire video, but as someone who lives in NYC it’s an open secret that specifically people in high stress financial positions take cocaine bathroom breaks to keep up with 16 hour days. It’s a real shame, but I’d say it’s not really a generalization this one time.
I feel so bad for young people. Like I can see why there is an epidemic of loneliness. Between dating aps and horseshit salesman, y'all are hurting I hope you find some good people!
I’m almost 40, and I feel like I’m in a good place to start dating myself. But then I see things like this and get terrified. I’m autistic too, so if people play these kinds of games with me I might not be able to tell anyway. Scary stuff.
Dude its so stupid. Not only do we have these messages constantly but also there's all of these messages and expectations that you're supposed to play the dating game correctly. You're not supposed to text after certain amount of hours and you're supposed to make the other person wait and you're not supposed to be too eager but you're also not supposed to be too cool and it's expected that people are talking to multiple people at once when I feel like that's so disrespectful. I don't understand why you would want to get to know somebody while also getting to know 4 other people like it's some sort of restaurant buffet. People treat dating as a game or like everybody they meet is disposable and it's really disheartening
@@chelsey8737 Agreed. I don’t quite understand what would be so wrong with me being myself and taking actions after a date that are consistent with who I am and match my values so I can sleep at night? Isn’t the whole point of dating to get to know someone for who they are as a person so I can figure out if that matches up with who I am? I must be missing something.
@@chelsey8737 Its almost to laugh that swingers a movie that is sadly almost 30 years old called out the madness of this style of dating AND IT STILL EXISTS!
i always tell my date " i dont want kids" because i know that is something they are looking for. When they do ask, I'm honest about it as well. This is terrible advice, dont listen to her. Talking and communicating is crucial for a relationship. Its important to tell each other what you are seeking in the relationship, like you said!
When she says send mixed signals and be available when in person and distant when not. I had two relationships do that to me and it made me feel like crap. It really messed me up emotionally in terms of relationships. My current partner has been amazing and doesn’t do this to me and has helped me a lot. I still have anxiety but it’s not as bad as it used to be
I had a man that acted sweet and nice in real life and then over text be cold and just barely answer. I broke up with him on our two month anniversary cuz i was sick of that behavior
Ex-CUSE me??? “Tall man, no personality”. MA’AM. My husband of 17 years is 6’7” and far from boring. She should re-label her advice from “dating advice” to “advice on how to try to snag a rich man so you can be a trophy wife”.
@@melissaj1310 but that would also be disingenuous because she herself has not mastered that smh lol dating coaches in general just need to cease and desist
As a happily committed woman in my 40s, this "girl" sounds like the tips I heard in high school. Why would I want a man who I would have to pay games with? Life is too short.
I went against her advice almost 4 years ago and I get married in October after leaving an awful marriage. Date 1: awkward AF but laid it all out. I want kids, I'm divorced, if you're not planning on getting married and only want ass let me know so I can go home now" 😂 After a month of dinners/hanging out(NO SEX) we had discussed, kids, living situation, future aspirations and more. My opinion is be yourself!!
She should call her channel 'how to set yourself up for a toxic relationship', because this is exactly what her perception of a 'high value' man is giving.
3:31 My kid is aro-ace and they give relationship advice all the time. When I asked how come they feel they can give said advice, they said "coaches don't play"😂
I follow another woman on UA-cam who's a diagnosed sociopath, and she talks about using some of these same tactics when she's dating. I'm not saying this woman is a sociopath, I'm just saying.....
Not talking about having children with someone you’re in a relationship w is so wild to me. It’s not that uncomfortable of a situation..it is a deal breaker but it’s important to talk about
Every time I hear one of these ‘dating coaches’ bring up being more ‘classy’ etc etc, I think about my Nanna telling me to be more ladylike 😂 This was back when I was under 10yo and practically feral (like all children lol). So it makes me take them even less seriously; like Nanna tried and failed, you aren’t gonna succeed here 😂
I brought up children, marriage and stuff like that at the second or even first date. I was not about to waste his or my time if our core expectations of the future don't align. You should always talk about things that are important to you early. If he's put off by what you want or are passionate about, then good! You wouldn't want to be with him anyways.
I hate people who use the phrase "high value ..." it's so demeaning and arbitrary. Money and being successful in business is one thing but being a good person is what should matter most. Also "manifesting"... girl bye!
i work, i tell my stories of my job and i have not encounter any rebuff from a guy. If your date gets mad or insecure about your career or job, then clearly that person is not for you.
My husband thought it was amazing that I was a math major when we met (he was comp sci). We got to do school together and now we are both engineers ❤️❤️❤️
Yes, because every young lady who struggles to find true love should pay big money to a scammy-sounding "dating coach" who doesn't even have a steady boyfriend, let alone husband. Girls don't need help GETTING a date. 🤦🏻
Heavy on the last part!!! Anyone who thinks "dating is doom" is likely just inside too much. Ladies, I PROMISE, there will ALWAYS be someone available lol.
As someone who's very vulnerable to these types of dating coaches and genuinely believes no one will love me unless I perform after many many breakups I'm so glad I have these videos to ground me.
the idea that a woman has to change all these things about herself, fit herself into a box.... just for nelly to turn around and say "don't expect to be the only one"??? INSANE
Anytime I see the so-called "relationships professionals", all I hear is don't be yourself, be what you think the man wants you to be. Then once you get the man interested, you can never be yourself again. Because he didn't fall for who you were. He fell for the girl you pretended to be. Forward to work he has to fall for you, all of you. For you to be truly happy.
"Tall guy, no personality" yeah okay. I mean my husband's 6'1" (so not super tall but still) and he's an actual goblin. Just a real jokester, a true menace. Absolutely chaotic and I love it. Get outta here with the "tall guy, no personality" mess. There are plenty of guys out there who are over 6 feet tall and have the personality of a feral chihuahua.
Its wierd how the idea of a "high value man" for these coaches is someone who is insecure, immature and get's scared of questions about marriage and kids. Isn't the whole point of having a "high value man" is to feel secure in a relationship with them without walking on eggshells?
I’m glad you’re going down through the rabbit hole of the dating world. I had to stop watching all of this content because honestly it was driving me crazy. Could you possibly do a deep dive on Matthew Mc. He seems to be one of the biggest dating coaches out there, but he isn’t dating, nor is married.
If my first (and only boyfrienddd, love himmm) got so intimidated or uncomfortable by me talking openly about my feelings about kids or possibilities of doing (x) thing and my dream career, we would not make it past a second date 💀
16:32 brotha I know I want children. Why would I waste time with someone who doesn’t???? Like I’d want to get that out of the way before I become very emotionally invested!!! Now we aren’t getting married and popping out babies right away, but in the future!
But what if I pretend to be busy and he thinks I’m doing something of actual value and then get intimidated? What if he thinks I have a job or hobbies and a fulfilling life? Her advice is all over the place!
As the “weird” daughter, I was always told to act proper and ladylike, and that never worked out for me. Now, being myself since day one has led me to being in such a happy and healthy relationship with my now boyfriend. My mom also adores him :)
Nelly’s advice: be a pick me, stroke a man’s ego, make yourself small and play games. Ummmm no, I’m so good on that. I am not going to make myself smaller for a man. My ex (I know he’s an ex but still) he was obsessed with me and loved everything about me. We only broke up because my mental health got super bad and I shut him out, but until then we were so healthy. He wasn’t intimidated by who I was and didn’t want me to shrink for him, he loved how outspoken I was and I never played hard to get.
I love that it's seen that if a "high value woman" can't find a date cause they are intimidating, they have to change everything thing about themselves and degrade themselves in a way to make sure the man doesn't feel intimidated...
imagine falling in love with someone, spending all of your time together, then a year into the relationship you find out that you have wildly conflicting plans for the future because some single girl told you that you shouldn’t bring up the future
I am very happily married and I have never and will never minimize myself for him. He LOVES that I’m a strong independent woman. Women please don’t make yourself smaller for guys. They are truly NOT worth it! And the ones who are won’t make you feel small.
“What can I offer her?” Ummm exactly. If I can do this, that and the other thing on my own I don’t need or want you unless you can ADD additional value.
Not discussing future with your potential partner (unless you are up for no strings attached) is important at the beginning. There is no point in wasting your time on someone whose values don't align with your own. My partner and I discussed kids and stuff like what you'd like to do in the future pretty much at the beginning to make sure what we want from life works for both of us.
My theory is that this “dating coach” is really just trying to coach women into dating the men she ISN’T into to eliminate the competition and getting money for it too.
Surprisingly, I found the show Married at First Sight on Hulu encouraging for singles. You are watching people navigate personalities, get to know each other and merge their expectations.
My boyfriend and I's first phone call, before our first date, was planning a hypothetical wedding and seeing who would invite more people... A year later and now we are discussing those future plans seriously, so not discussing future plans early on really is dependent on you and your partner and you won't scare off someone who matches you for you.
Been married for 22 years. The night we met I had a skin problem and my face was basically peeling off. I still went out to party. He still asked for my number! And here we are 😊
USE CODE 'ISABELLABLEND' www.lovehoney.co/isabella_blend
Let’s retire the terms “high value man” and “high value woman” please and thank you! Love the vid, Isabella!
I agree. I think its getting exessive and nobody can clearly define what that means half the time
Let's stop classifying people by Greek letters while we're at it.
for real. hearing that was the first red flag
@@scarpfishor in other words, labeling based on a concept famously applied to the hierarchy of wolf packs- a concept which the scientist responsible for observing the hierarchy debunked himself. It actually pisses me off that this poor man's notable achievement was publishing research that coined terminology that he realized was wrong and tried to correct it, but people latched onto it so the mistake became accepted as fact. A scientist's worst nightmare. Neither wolves nor humans fit into a natural hierarchy represented by Greek letters, at least not beyond their college years.
Agreed. It’s like a term you would apply for shopping and investing.
“This is a high value car,
this is a high value painting. This is a high value stock.”
Weird to apply it towards humans
Do these women have to perform for the rest of their lives? Like once you get the man, you just "play the game" forever? Sounds exhausting.
That’s what I’m thinking. How awful
Right I'd be exhausted
@@IsabellaLanterat some point it will just be a waste of time for the women who was putting on a act and for the man who lacked self confidence and is looking for someone who can boost his ego.
Like your only goal in life is to get and keep a man!
I think it is supposed to be more of a bait and switch. Where you slowly drop the act once you are married/locked in. Since they are to invest in you at the point for it to be a problem.
“It’s only toxic if you don’t intend on being with this person” *continues to explain how to send mixed emotions💀
It's ironically much much much worse if you DO have serious intentions to be with that person. If you are just having a fling it's less of an issue, your idiotic mixed signals aren't going to deeply impact that person and if it's bothering them it's easy to just end it. But it's emotional manipulation and long term you will confuse, hurt, and disappoint them. Imagine falling for someone and realizing you don't even know who they are or how they really feel.
This is how you create trust issues for people that often last long after the relationship miserably ends.
right? She's literally telling people to be manipulative and to love bomb people. I literally teach people to be wary of some of these things as red flags. Also the 80s called, and want their drug PSA back.
SO SO much internalised sexism and misogyny drip out of every word she says
Yes, the call is definitely coming from inside the house. I am not amused.
Her advice is TERRIBLE. Guys don't want to play games, and high value men won't put up with them. Pretending you're someone you're not is a disaster, too.
Tbh it sounds exhausting. Being polite and considerate, and making a good impression are all a good idea, but shrinking your whole personality into an innocent, classy, wide-eyed baby deer with no perspective of her own is exhausting and will make you come across as painfully boring.
And then the love bombing /hard to get BS is just 🤮
8:49 "This is real ironic when you say less is more when you're overlining your lips" IM CACKLING
im just saying!!! That's like me telling someone to "not talk so much" so some man will like them and yall hear me in my videos lol. I YAPPP for a living lol!
@@IsabellaLanter that roast was iconic HAHA. Wish i coulda came up with that 🤣
This is a huge reminder that you can be true to yourself without having to change drastically for someone to like you. Someones gonna LOVE you for YOU!! And no everyone on the internet needs to be selling a course nor are they a pro.. in my opinion lol.
If you have to dilute yourself or dim your light because someone may feel insecure, that person doesn’t deserve to be around your wonderful self. Been there, done that: I molded myself to be exactly what I thought he wanted me to be, and I was still thrown away like garbage. Now I’m learning to be authentic: I’m a professional ballerina trained in Moscow, I speak 7 languages and I’ve lived and worked in over 30 countries…
@@isabelaandzico Damn that’s so cool!!!
@@dolphindiver7724 I’ve said once, I’ll say again: be with someone who treats you like the pink Starburst. And thank you! I’m sure you’re amazing yourself!🫶🏻💖
This reminds me of one of my older brothers telling me to not be so “weird” around guys I was interested in bc that would scare them away. I said hell no and them through being “weird” I found my boyfriend, and we’ve been “weird” together going on 3.5 years.
My brother later apologized for it, but still :(
awww im so sorry. I got the same thing when I was younger. I was told to tone it down. I don't tone it down at all!!! Love this for us
I got the same thing in high school (from “friends”) and ended up finding my now husband just by being my weird self ❤
You stop being yourself and you just end up with the wrong person! I've realized that throughout life you will have enough material for 2 comprehensive life advice books: "Advice I Wish I Took, or I'm Glad I Did" and "Advice I'm Glad I Ignored, or Wish I Did"
You know where this one goes, keep being your weird self!
Excactly. I went from rejection to another rejection over and over again. Those people just didn't like me for whatever reason. Instead of changing myself, I found the partner who loved me as a whole person. It took a while and a lot of frogs to kiss, but it was 100% worth it.
As a lesbian it's always so interesting when I see dating coaches (especially aimed towards women) who basically tell you to act like you're incompetent to "attract" men or how a lot of times these people tell both parties that they need to act like a whole different person to be in a relationship. If you have to put on an act to be with a "high value man" and vise versa, I don't think that relationship is real nor is it going to last very long like these people say 😅
This is why the clumsy girl trope bothers me. Clumsiness doesn't indicate unintelligence but I feel the people who fetishize it feel like "oh this silly little woman, how precious" and kind of like feeling like a girl needs them to help her and protect her. It's sweet to want to protect someone but it can really be toxic and lead to controlling behavior, especially if you are fetishizing incompetence.
Could just be my own bad experiences, but guys have admitted to finding my awkward clumsiness cute and later had a major issue with the fact that I'm not dumb or incompetent and don't need to be treated like a child.
Like one guy would buckle my seat belt for me and even tried to cut my steak for me, and he constantly tried to force major life decisions on me.
@@LunarEleven yeah that last paragraph is fuckin’ weird. I feel like that person was fetishizing more child-like behavior, which is super ick. I agree that being clumsy and awkward are not related. I’m not the smartest crayon in the box, but my intelligence has nothing to do with bumping into things and tripping all the time or my social anxiety.
It only needs to long as much as it takes to get the inheritance 😉
Well divorce rates for straight people are high for a reason, this is probably one of the contributing factors 💀
listen maybe it's just me because I've never dated anyone in all my 24 years of life, but I always thought it's just like.. you meet someone you like as a person, you get along and then you start dating. all these mind games and strategies people come up with are truly mind blowing to me. I was sitting the entire video like this: 😧
That is exactly how it happens (however there is no shame in using dating apps). But you meet someone, you get along, and either it works or it doesn’t. Generally speaking, a good relationship does require effort but it shouldn’t feel like a burden.
Happily married woman here, my advise is - if you have to manipulate him into being with you, find someone else 😉
“If you’re interested in a HIGH VALUE man” 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
The two questions I ask immediately are: "do you want kids?" and "How important is sex to you?" if the answers are anything other than "no" and "not important at all" then I know the person is not for me. Saves a fuck ton of time too! Also my moms pro tips: 1. NEVER go anywhere with anyone without a way to get yourself home safely on your own, and 2. NEVER go anywhere without enough money to pay for yourself completely.
Exactly same! Except I want the opposite. If a person I’m dating wants to get married, have kids, doesn’t like s3x or traveling, we’re simply not a match. 🤷
If he’s intimidated by my intelligence and drive, then he’s not a high value male, is he?
her saying to avoid guys in finance cause they’re all addicted to drugs but then recommends guys in tech and sales 😭😭😭 girl
Ahahaha your reaction to the "be classy" shit 😂 I audibly groaned when she said that, but you took it to the best level possible!
The raisins line killed me
I don’t know what this “coach” is selling but, during the pandemic, a similar person tried to recruit me to work for her as a client liaison. I had the interview (I was in a very vulnerable position) and my first assignment. It was at that point that I realized I was the product and NOT part of her team. I was a high valued single girl and I almost got trafficked. Sometimes it’s not just drama. It’s dangerous!
4:29
HOLY SHIT! Oh my god im so sorry
@@IsabellaLanter I barely made it but I’m still alive and in treatment for PTSD for all the horrors with a wonderful psychiatrist. And now I can tell my story and get my pitchforks ready to alert other people about this. If there was The Purge that madam is on my list. Love you and your channels (I watched the AITA right before this one!). My PSA: if you’re not paying, you’re the product. ❤️🩹➡️❤️
Never heard of this kind of scam / MLM. How specifically you were supposed to be a "client liaison"? S*x work?
@@lowans971 interesting you say that. This was not the MLM, but that actually also happened during that time.
Things like this are why I'm happily single in my mid-20s. I can't be someone that plays these games, and I can't be with someone who does.
Yup and I’m not dealing with men who are vague about what they want to do with you because they can’t be straight up about only wanting sex
@@skipperino2677 Gold 🙏
Gold 🙏
I hate when they bring up “trust fund” kids. It is not my fault that my parents have enough money that I will be taken care of when they pass. Why should I be punished and looked down on for that? I have a job, I pay my own bills, and I think I’m a great person. I don’t understand why I should be dismissed as a potential partner because my parents liked saving money before I was born.
I agree. Rich kids or trust fund kids that are still able to live their lives like everyone else aren’t a problem for me. Like you’re still a good person and functioning member of society
Girlie pop saw Wolf of Wall Street one time and now thinks aaaaaall the finance bros are snorting white powders
her dating advice is basically play into the patriarchy- like, it's setting you up to be a tradwife. I don't know how to describe it but the modest-is-hottest (no shade, I dress modest myself) and let your man windowshop feels 1950's...
She’s from Miami, literally explains everything. Would never live in that self and money obsessed shallow cesspool
I do agree with you on the age. Like I'm 32, and like I would feel weird giving dating advice because I'm ONLY 32. I'm realistic in my expectations of a partner, and know myself as a person that I could give advice. However I think dating coaches in the modern age is less about knowing relationships and people, and more about being hot and rich.
honestly yes! If someone gives dating advice I think thats fair. If its free online then idc. I care when someone labels themselves as an alleged PRO and sells courses.. its missleading af in my opinion. I just would expect someone with more life experience connecting people together like that for a living?
I feel like the people who become This Type of dating coach always have a terrible history of toxic relationships and come out of it by saying "I can do this too!" Bestie. Be so fr rn WITH A THERAPIST!
It really is that simple. Date who lines up with your morals and values. Don't try to change people to fit them or talk down on them for not being that.
Tinashe has it right with the idea that you have to find somebody who matches your freak. My boyfriend loves my chaotic energy, and he's also incredibly supportive, and my biggest cheerleader as I've taken some major career steps this year. He's secure in himself, and he's never been intimidated by the fact that I'm strong-willed and ambitious. Telling women to tone themselves down for a man just ensures that they'll be unhappy with the wrong person, because the right person will love you as you are.
Listening to her talk was like hearing what old woman match makers say where my mother is from. I.e, in places where women don’t have equal rights 💀
She sounds like a 15 year old without life experiences. Im surprised that she's 28.
This mess she is spitting is setting men up on a bar that we don't belong. My wife and I are equal. Period. She has some strengths that I don't have and vice versa. Therefore, we are a power force together!
Ladies....be you. The person that is deserving of you will come.
I can save her a lot of breath and embarrassment😂:
“Nothing keeps a man except a man that wants to be kept.”🤷🏻♀️
And good cooking and seggs lol
i hate the term high value !! like, what makes you high value? it gives me a vibe of superiority and its gross.
Loved the entire video, but as someone who lives in NYC it’s an open secret that specifically people in high stress financial positions take cocaine bathroom breaks to keep up with 16 hour days. It’s a real shame, but I’d say it’s not really a generalization this one time.
I feel so bad for young people. Like I can see why there is an epidemic of loneliness. Between dating aps and horseshit salesman, y'all are hurting I hope you find some good people!
I’m almost 40, and I feel like I’m in a good place to start dating myself. But then I see things like this and get terrified. I’m autistic too, so if people play these kinds of games with me I might not be able to tell anyway. Scary stuff.
Dude its so stupid. Not only do we have these messages constantly but also there's all of these messages and expectations that you're supposed to play the dating game correctly. You're not supposed to text after certain amount of hours and you're supposed to make the other person wait and you're not supposed to be too eager but you're also not supposed to be too cool and it's expected that people are talking to multiple people at once when I feel like that's so disrespectful. I don't understand why you would want to get to know somebody while also getting to know 4 other people like it's some sort of restaurant buffet. People treat dating as a game or like everybody they meet is disposable and it's really disheartening
@@chelsey8737 Agreed. I don’t quite understand what would be so wrong with me being myself and taking actions after a date that are consistent with who I am and match my values so I can sleep at night? Isn’t the whole point of dating to get to know someone for who they are as a person so I can figure out if that matches up with who I am? I must be missing something.
@@chelsey8737 Its almost to laugh that swingers a movie that is sadly almost 30 years old called out the madness of this style of dating AND IT STILL EXISTS!
Why is nobody telling the men "a woman will not take you seriously if you're not behaving like a gentleman" anymore, but the reverse is still around?
i always tell my date " i dont want kids" because i know that is something they are looking for. When they do ask, I'm honest about it as well. This is terrible advice, dont listen to her. Talking and communicating is crucial for a relationship. Its important to tell each other what you are seeking in the relationship, like you said!
When she says send mixed signals and be available when in person and distant when not. I had two relationships do that to me and it made me feel like crap. It really messed me up emotionally in terms of relationships. My current partner has been amazing and doesn’t do this to me and has helped me a lot. I still have anxiety but it’s not as bad as it used to be
I had a man that acted sweet and nice in real life and then over text be cold and just barely answer. I broke up with him on our two month anniversary cuz i was sick of that behavior
Ex-CUSE me??? “Tall man, no personality”. MA’AM. My husband of 17 years is 6’7” and far from boring.
She should re-label her advice from “dating advice” to “advice on how to try to snag a rich man so you can be a trophy wife”.
@@melissaj1310 but that would also be disingenuous because she herself has not mastered that smh lol dating coaches in general just need to cease and desist
Not even that though, it’s like how to mold yourself to the patriarchy to find the very specific type of man Nelly likes??
As a happily committed woman in my 40s, this "girl" sounds like the tips I heard in high school. Why would I want a man who I would have to pay games with? Life is too short.
If I was seeing a guy and he was seeing ANYONE else cause he “hAs OpTioNs” we’re donezooooo. Know your damn worth.
My credentials: I’m married 😂
This is why people hate the modern dating scene…she’s literally telling people to “play the game” and that’s NOT what dating should be about! 🤦🏼♀️
I went against her advice almost 4 years ago and I get married in October after leaving an awful marriage.
Date 1: awkward AF but laid it all out. I want kids, I'm divorced, if you're not planning on getting married and only want ass let me know so I can go home now" 😂
After a month of dinners/hanging out(NO SEX) we had discussed, kids, living situation, future aspirations and more.
My opinion is be yourself!!
tired of women being told to minimize themselves and “tone down” their personalities for the approval of men. i will do and say whatever i want
Yes it’s pathetic
@@Psilolcybin say it!!🔥💅
She should call her channel 'how to set yourself up for a toxic relationship', because this is exactly what her perception of a 'high value' man is giving.
3:31 My kid is aro-ace and they give relationship advice all the time. When I asked how come they feel they can give said advice, they said "coaches don't play"😂
I follow another woman on UA-cam who's a diagnosed sociopath, and she talks about using some of these same tactics when she's dating. I'm not saying this woman is a sociopath, I'm just saying.....
MORE OF THESE KINDS OF VIDEOS YASSSS. LOVEEEEEEE.
I've got tonssss more video topics similar ;)
Never cut yourself up into bite-sized pieces to make someone else comfortable. Stay whole and let them choke on you.
😂😂😂👏👏👏
unironically love the way you wrote this
Not talking about having children with someone you’re in a relationship w is so wild to me. It’s not that uncomfortable of a situation..it is a deal breaker but it’s important to talk about
Every time I hear one of these ‘dating coaches’ bring up being more ‘classy’ etc etc, I think about my Nanna telling me to be more ladylike 😂 This was back when I was under 10yo and practically feral (like all children lol).
So it makes me take them even less seriously; like Nanna tried and failed, you aren’t gonna succeed here 😂
I brought up children, marriage and stuff like that at the second or even first date. I was not about to waste his or my time if our core expectations of the future don't align. You should always talk about things that are important to you early. If he's put off by what you want or are passionate about, then good! You wouldn't want to be with him anyways.
Your spice fuels me
thank youuuuuuu lol
I did the opposite of everything she said and I’ve been married over 17 years. Guess I should be making a course. 😂
21:05 If a man is easily “intimidated” by women who are “independent” and “career driven”, he’s not “high value.”
I hate people who use the phrase "high value ..." it's so demeaning and arbitrary. Money and being successful in business is one thing but being a good person is what should matter most. Also "manifesting"... girl bye!
i work, i tell my stories of my job and i have not encounter any rebuff from a guy. If your date gets mad or insecure about your career or job, then clearly that person is not for you.
My husband thought it was amazing that I was a math major when we met (he was comp sci). We got to do school together and now we are both engineers ❤️❤️❤️
@@dominiquenicole6266 that's awesome!!!!!
I'm the least romantic girl in existence. My guy thinks I'm more like a dude than him. I still have an awesome one ❤
Yes, because every young lady who struggles to find true love should pay big money to a scammy-sounding "dating coach" who doesn't even have a steady boyfriend, let alone husband.
Girls don't need help GETTING a date. 🤦🏻
Heavy on the last part!!! Anyone who thinks "dating is doom" is likely just inside too much. Ladies, I PROMISE, there will ALWAYS be someone available lol.
she reminds me so much of justpearlythings. preaching about how men want younger women while she’s already out of the “ideal zone” 😪
As someone who's very vulnerable to these types of dating coaches and genuinely believes no one will love me unless I perform after many many breakups I'm so glad I have these videos to ground me.
This is basically exactly like the alpha bros dating advice, weak and useless
"Who am I and why the heck should you listen to me?" Probably the only sentence she said about her "job" that made sense.
i would love to someone do a series where they follow these coaches terrible advice and show us how it goes along the way
the idea that a woman has to change all these things about herself, fit herself into a box.... just for nelly to turn around and say "don't expect to be the only one"??? INSANE
Anytime I see the so-called "relationships professionals", all I hear is don't be yourself, be what you think the man wants you to be.
Then once you get the man interested, you can never be yourself again. Because he didn't fall for who you were. He fell for the girl you pretended to be.
Forward to work he has to fall for you, all of you. For you to be truly happy.
"Tall guy, no personality" yeah okay. I mean my husband's 6'1" (so not super tall but still) and he's an actual goblin. Just a real jokester, a true menace. Absolutely chaotic and I love it. Get outta here with the "tall guy, no personality" mess. There are plenty of guys out there who are over 6 feet tall and have the personality of a feral chihuahua.
When you mentioned her saying to be more "ladylike" i immediately thought of chelsea giving the middle finger 😂😂😂
Its wierd how the idea of a "high value man" for these coaches is someone who is insecure, immature and get's scared of questions about marriage and kids. Isn't the whole point of having a "high value man" is to feel secure in a relationship with them without walking on eggshells?
Im so tired of hearing the terms High value men/women 🙄
I’m glad you’re going down through the rabbit hole of the dating world. I had to stop watching all of this content because honestly it was driving me crazy. Could you possibly do a deep dive on Matthew Mc. He seems to be one of the biggest dating coaches out there, but he isn’t dating, nor is married.
I used to follow him. And was crazy how manipulative he wants people to be🤦🏼♀️
If my first (and only boyfrienddd, love himmm) got so intimidated or uncomfortable by me talking openly about my feelings about kids or possibilities of doing (x) thing and my dream career, we would not make it past a second date 💀
YES GIRL you won't intimidate the right man, so fucking true. my ex was so insecure
16:32 brotha I know I want children. Why would I waste time with someone who doesn’t???? Like I’d want to get that out of the way before I become very emotionally invested!!! Now we aren’t getting married and popping out babies right away, but in the future!
exactly!!!!!!!!! Like damn why do women have to wait to know if who theyre dating wants the same thing they do?
I can’t believe I’m hearing “purposely give mixed messages” as “professional” dating advice. Wooww 😂😂
But what if I pretend to be busy and he thinks I’m doing something of actual value and then get intimidated? What if he thinks I have a job or hobbies and a fulfilling life? Her advice is all over the place!
bro, the terms “high value women, high value men” sounds so dystopian to me. like they sound like auction pieces…
She’s treating women to shrink themselves and and let the man have all the say
In my opinions that’s what I think is happening. It’s super weird…
The minute I hear “high value” I immediately know two things: the person is single and has no idea what they are talking about 😂
This lady is the reason we queer folk keep asking if the straights are ok.
As the “weird” daughter, I was always told to act proper and ladylike, and that never worked out for me. Now, being myself since day one has led me to being in such a happy and healthy relationship with my now boyfriend. My mom also adores him :)
Nelly’s advice: be a pick me, stroke a man’s ego, make yourself small and play games.
Ummmm no, I’m so good on that. I am not going to make myself smaller for a man.
My ex (I know he’s an ex but still) he was obsessed with me and loved everything about me. We only broke up because my mental health got super bad and I shut him out, but until then we were so healthy. He wasn’t intimidated by who I was and didn’t want me to shrink for him, he loved how outspoken I was and I never played hard to get.
Idk why, but the 1990s made me distrust dating and life coaches forever.
Her using the term "courting" is very telling of her mindset to me. Such an archaic term.
I love that it's seen that if a "high value woman" can't find a date cause they are intimidating, they have to change everything thing about themselves and degrade themselves in a way to make sure the man doesn't feel intimidated...
“Less is more, when you’re literally over lining your lips” STAPH!🤣🤣🤣💀
imagine falling in love with someone, spending all of your time together, then a year into the relationship you find out that you have wildly conflicting plans for the future because some single girl told you that you shouldn’t bring up the future
I am very happily married and I have never and will never minimize myself for him. He LOVES that I’m a strong independent woman.
Women please don’t make yourself smaller for guys. They are truly NOT worth it! And the ones who are won’t make you feel small.
“What can I offer her?” Ummm exactly. If I can do this, that and the other thing on my own I don’t need or want you unless you can ADD additional value.
Not discussing future with your potential partner (unless you are up for no strings attached) is important at the beginning. There is no point in wasting your time on someone whose values don't align with your own. My partner and I discussed kids and stuff like what you'd like to do in the future pretty much at the beginning to make sure what we want from life works for both of us.
My theory is that this “dating coach” is really just trying to coach women into dating the men she ISN’T into to eliminate the competition and getting money for it too.
Her series seems to primarily be “how to lock in a man who makes a lot of money”, not how to find a healthy, successful relationship
I don’t take dating/marriage advice for someone who isn’t sustaining a successful marriage/relationship.
45 and never plan to be in a relationship
Surprisingly, I found the show Married at First Sight on Hulu encouraging for singles. You are watching people navigate personalities, get to know each other and merge their expectations.
Immediatly. "High value man" in my mind is 🚩🚩🚩
My boyfriend and I's first phone call, before our first date, was planning a hypothetical wedding and seeing who would invite more people... A year later and now we are discussing those future plans seriously, so not discussing future plans early on really is dependent on you and your partner and you won't scare off someone who matches you for you.
I fucking love you. You consistently make me cackle🤣
Been married for 22 years. The night we met I had a skin problem and my face was basically peeling off. I still went out to party. He still asked for my number! And here we are 😊
What a Pickme! 😅 Wth. The call is coming from inside the house.