Something I’ve learned is that when your love language is different, taking something away for revenge doesn’t work lol. If the husband doesn’t care about birthday gifts, he’s not going to care if he gets a card for his birthday, and the wife will just be more upset that they don’t do special things for birthdays anymore. She should talk to him and see if he’s willing to do something special for her, instead of plotting revenge that benefits neither of them. You can’t make someone care when they don’t. But you can ask someone who cares about you to express it differently to make you happy.
i didn't really interpret the advice as "plotting revenge," just simply not pouring energy into a bottomless pit. but maybe i give redditors too much credit.
@@durdleduc8520 she wasn’t outright calling it that no but when you break it down that’s what it is…”i’m gonna do that to him so that he knows what it feels like”. That’s not to say it’s not a natural reaction but it is still petty and avoiding actually talking it out. Words are hard and feelings are harder but that doesn’t mean we don’t try.
I was just about to comment that. This idea of "getting revenge" and "seeing how they like it" is just gonna make the relationship toxic no matter what. They just gotta talk to their partner. Tell them they want a gift and how they felt seeing the outfit.
I had a friend who used to go all out for her husband's birthday and he didn't do the same for her. She decided the next year she was going to match his energy and just do a card and small gift. After he actually THANKED her for "keeping it low key this year" After that they talked more and realized they were giving each other what they actually wanted for themselves so they flipped it. Now he goes all out for her and she keeps it simple for him.
that is awesome - the power of good communication! and wonderful too that they care enough about each other to do their best to fulfill each other's wishes!
This is exactly how it works. Your love language is for you, not for the other side. If you feel like giving gifts is a way to express love, tell the partner it's how you want him/her to express it to you and ask them how they would express it so you can do it for them. People need to start realizing this. It's simple.
I had a teacher who did the "look who showed up" thing to me in front of the entire class- I missed school a lot because I was being abused, had a severe anxiety disorder, had depression, and had just gotten back to school after a suicide attempt. I dropped out not long after that. It was humiliating and made me feel like even my attempt to show up when I was going through so, so very much simply wasn't good enough to a degree that I deserved public mockery. Singling kids and parents out, especially without doing any due diligence to find out why the 'issue' has occurred, can be really damaging. I still went on to get my GED and start with college, but damn lol
That sounds awful. That sort of thing only happened to me once (freshman year of college, NOT when I was in high school). I was depressed, and making it to class was hard, though I did my best every day. I showed up no more than 5 minutes late, and the teacher (who wanted us to arrive there 10 minutes early) stopped talking to say "THANK YOU FOR JOINING US, [NAME]." I still remember that. And it was just one time, in college. Can't imagine how that would have felt for you. :(
i have a very similar sounding story, i remember showing up to my government class in hs one day and the teacher said something along the lines of “look who graced us with her presence today” now i, not sober to deal with my problems, and frankly too su1c1dal to gaf, said “yeah you’re welcome, u wont see me again.” I attempted later that day. I barely graduated because of some really kind teachers who reached out but never expected answers, and almost didnt because of ones like him.
On that first one, teachers singling out kids to shame them is just awful. When my mom was in first grade, her teacher was handing out red and black licorice, alternating colors as she passed by desks. My mom saw she would get black, and asked for red because she dislikes the flavor of black licorice. Her teacher MADE her stand up in the front of the class and told everyone "this is [my moms name] and she thinks she's special and that she just gets to ask for what she wants." My mom is nearing 60, and she still gets embarrassed from this incident in first grade. And she STILL has a hard time asking for special treatment even when it'd be really helpful for her.
people gotta remember how malleable kids are. i remember back in one of the early grades we had baby chicks that we raised in the classroom. at a certain point we were allowed to hold them, we all sat on the floor and had them in our hands. i accidentally dropped one, no more than like 6 inches from the floor mind you, and the teacher said “don’t do that ever again” in a pretty mean tone. i tend to wonder if that’s the point that my constant need to worry about pleasing everyone stems from
Yeah, I HATE having to ask children to make sure their parents get a message (those that don't answer to emails or phone calls (confirmed multiple times the contacts are correct), whose kids are in before-school and after-school care, don't come to parent meetings), but the least you can do is do it privately. Am I happy an 8 year old is responsible for this? Hell no. But if that's the only chance to get a permission slip for the field trip they're excited for, that's how it is. Shaming kids whose parents either won't or can't show up doesn't change the parents behavior, and even if it does it's cruel.
It really Fs you up. I had an art class where we had to buy a portfolio case to turn our work in with. I couldn't afford one myself because I was a kid, and my parents thought it was a waste of money. So, I tried handing them in in a stack with a paperclip and the teacher goes "everybody else could afford this, what are you a piece of s**t or something?" in front of EVERYONE. I was too embarrassed to even tell my parents. On top of that he also gave me a failing grade. I still think about it to this day and it was like a decade ago...
The birthday gift story- OP needs to have a frank conversation with her husband. No hints, no guilt trips. Just tell him what she wants for her birthday. Not everyone picks up on hints and not everyone is great at giving gifts.
FACTS. He might be wrong for assuming that he didn't need to plan anything - I have had the same issue, and it can be exhausting to always be the planner for both my partner's things and MY things -, but if she never truly TELLS him she wants that from him, she can't really expect any changes.
exactly what i was thinking. did she talk to him about it?? she admits she doesn't know when he ordered his outfit, and it's only been a week since the birthday - why would she just assume he hasn't ordered something? she says she always goes above and beyond for him and then is disappointed not to receive what she believes to be equal extravagance - again, has she talked to him about it?? what if he's actually putting a lot of effort into gifts for her, and doesn't realize they're falling flat? and now she's mad and planning some sort of passive aggressive revenge?? yikes.
The other thing is: sure, he might have ordered those clothes two or three weeks ago on layaway... He would have known that his wife was going to be having a birthday soon. We have them every year. He could have also found some thing, maybe a shirt or something for her, and also put THAT on layaway at the same time.
Why are women expected to give intuitively and extravagantly to their male partners, but somehow the situation is always "well I didn't know" in reverse. It's a birthday. It's a holiday. It is expected. Point blank period. Make an effort. No excuses. It's not about specifics, not about gifts, not about money. It's about what your value, prioritize, care about. If you take pleasure in being celebrated (regardless of how), celebrate your partner back. Words of appreciation aren't enough for me to feel appreciated. I need a physical effort and demonstration.
@indigoneutral I have this issue with holidays. None of the guys I know care about holidays at all. I only even celebrate the big ones in the US, Independence Day, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas and birthdays. But if I'm not the one making plans, nothing will EVER happen. I'm trying to change that with my son.
About a year ago I had a pretty severe Vertigo episode, and fell to the ground walking up to my kids' school. Eventually I made my way to the office and they called my husband. He dropped everything and came to help me. Took me to urgent care like our DR suggested, and stayed by my side the whole time. He even took the next day off to make sure I was okay. I love that man.
Glad that you're okay and you have his support! Vertigo can be hella scary and feels friggin terrible! And having a partner who doesn't question you or say nasty things to "pay you back," like you could control it at all, must be so nice. I am truly happy for you and wish you both many years of love and joy.
I know a guy who just had a stroke this Summer, and he just got caught trying to buy a house for himself so he could leave his family. Wife and three kids, and she's a stay at home mom. It seems like ANY serious health issue comes with a risk of your husband leaving you, even if it happens to him.
A good friend of mine died from an aneurism. Our friend group had been playing an online game and we ended early because he had a bad headache. When none of us heard from him the following day, we were concerned. When we still didn't hear from him the day after that, we found a way to contact his mother to go check on him. I wish we had lived closer.
My fiancée (who was my girlfriend at the time) stuck by me through cancer treatment when we had been dating for less than two years. I honestly don't think I could have done it without her, the cancer had metastasized from my brain into my spine and I needed insane doses of chemo to treat it. Hardships like that definitely test relationships but they can certainly strengthen them too. We've been together for 8 years now and I couldn't imagine life without her
I just want to say I’m glad you made it through. I lost my mother to cancer in September that had metastasised from her bowel all the way to her brain and various other places, the treatment and what she went through was awful to witness- I can’t even imagine how it was to experience. Your fiancée is a solid example of who a partner should be and I’m glad you found each other! Sending you both love ❤
I'm prone to getting chronic migraines. They used to be so bad that I was essentially bed bound most of the time. If I so much as sat up, I'd vomit, sometimes went blind for a few minutes at a time. I couldn't keep down water, let alone food. I would do my best to just sleep through it. They'd last a week. I'd just start to recover from the pain and the fasting, and then another one would hit. Any partners I had during this time would make themselves scarce when the migraine hit. If I had a migraine, they wouldn't come over. If one started while they were visiting, they would leave the next day to go do something else. I thought that was reasonable and just something I had to deal with given my disability - nobody wants to hang out with a sleepy vomiting potato. Until my current partner. One day early on when we were dating, I had a migraine. I'd made it to the bathroom to get a cup of water when a bout of blindness hit. I was sitting on the bathroom floor, shaking, waiting for the blindness to fade. We'd been sending voice messages, and that day I sent him "I'm scared". He sent back "I'll be right there" He left his lecture, drove straight over, figured out how to get into the house, came and sat by me and asked what I needed. At this point i couldn't speak and just shook my head. He got on google and then grabbed me tea, and a heatpack, and an icepack, and helped me to bed and stayed with me. Over the next few weeks he went to bat for me, made sure my GP referred me to a neurologist, paid for my groceries so I could afford the medical bills. We've been together 8 years and I'm almost completely migraine free (the magic of Emgality). I now have a full time job, and I bought HIS groceries for a while so he could go back to university and study nursing. He's graduated and we're planning on buying a house together in a year.
the tiktok husband is unhinged. Nevermind your wife being beside you, I couldn't imagine being in an emergency room/urgent care laughing at videos when there are strangers going through things beside you.
I mean, hospitals can be REALLY boring and really a long wait. I think however as the support person it's your job to read the room with the person you are with. If they're on TikTok, okay. If they're freaking out, it's your job to make things easier for them.
It is actually proven that if a woman gets serious illness/injury men are most likely to leave the woman. But if a man gets serious injury/illness a woman is most likely to stay with a man. 😢
I have horrid depression and take medication, I've gone off of my meds sometimes, but that is no excuse for not tending to your traumatized wife. I would have divorced him, dead ass. I couldn't deal with that man.
Oh yeah, same here. I know going off depression meds is different for everyone, but in no way did that change my perception of what was a concerning situation for another person. It was more just disorienting brain zaps and a bit of emotional instability. This guy just seems to have no empathy.
It can be an explanation or apply more context but NEVER can that be an excuse, Jesus Christ! I get not feeling comfortable with the pain of others, but if she just asked a question and he's snapping back that's a problem
I’ve been on 2 different types of meds for my depression, neither benefitted me even at the highest possible dose and I quit them cold turkey. I can’t honestly say I noticed many adverse effects when I did, but that could purely be because they weren’t benefiting me in the first place. I think I was mainly a bit tired for a week or two then back to “normal”. I’m not saying this as a “it’s okay to go cold turkey on your medications!” I’m saying this as a “the brain is complex and experiences differ, don’t risk it”
Right? I've gone off countless antidepressants but I can't imagine it ever making me tell my spouse the only thing I care about is food when they're in a neck brace with possible spine damage. If whatever he's on causes such severe withdrawalal side effects three days in, it's 1. probably not just antidepressants 2. his goddamn responsibility not to miss THREE doses three days in a row knowing what the risks are.
At this point, he should just say that he needs to fix or check something and then say, “no, actually there’s something wrong with this lamp. Why would you think there’d be a random microphone here? What’s wrong with you?”
Aneurysms are *terrifying*. One of my cousins passed from a sudden brain aneurysm, he was under 30. He was out in his garden, playing with his dogs, and was suddenly gone. I also have POTS and other disabilities, and not once was my husband scrolling whilst I’m admitted to hospital and was upset. We were ether both scrolling, or just me. He certainly has never let any of our 4 kids (2 of whom are disabled, twins) climb on me even when in recovery, or a flare up. I feel so awful for that poster 😔 she deserves so much better
When my appendix burst and marinaded, once I finally got into the hospital my partner came to the hospital every day during visiting hours to check in on me, bring me a coke or something I asked for. He never seemed concerned then - But a long time after I asked him about it and he admitted he got choked up about it because I could've died. I love him very much. ❤❤ Please be safe everyone.
Hey he came to visit you every day, assuming that you didn't have to beg him for it, goes to show he definitely cared, even if he seemed outwardly reserved or even jovial. Negative emotions can be hard to express 😅 Especially when it's a situation we can't "fix"
21:28 this right here got a physical rise out of me. I was diagnosed with epilepsy when I was 8, took medication for a few years, seizures seemed to stop so the doctors said it was in remission. However I was told it could return when I’m in my 20s (I’m 23) so I’m diligent in listening to my body for signs and avoid settings with key triggers (incredibly loud noises and bright or flashing lights) My dad has this mentality of “oh they said it COULD come back so I’m just gonna take that as a definite NO” Tells me to just deal with the noises and lights despite how incredibly disorientating they are
Maybe obsessively worrying over something that MIGHT happen isn't helpful. Parents navigate this from the day their kiddos are born. I got me 4 kiddos all in their 20s. Got a couple that tend towards the dramatic. As a parent, you're the voice of reason. The calm in the storm. Maybe instead of thinking he doesn't care remember that he is trying to teach you how to be an adult with the fortitude to withstand what life throws at you.
@@CasualGamerGirl77generally avoiding strobing lights isn't "obsessing", especially if they're disorienting. If you're being a devil's advocate and trying to be the voice of reason, you can say "it might happen, it might not, but maybe let's try and avoid things that make it more likely to happen". You can be the voice of reason without being an arse
@@CasualGamerGirl77 I have a funny feeling that your kids aren't actually dramatic if you're dismissing sensible seizure prevention as "obsessively worrying".
@@CasualGamerGirl77 I appreciate your comment and understand what you’re getting at, but this isn’t the case for my dad I didn’t mention it in my original comment but he was absent for the majority of my early development years, only moving back in with my mother when I was around 9 but I won’t get into that He also didn’t attend many of my appointments with the doctor, that responsibility was largely carried by my mother and aunt who has two kids with their own neurological challenges so she was always a huge support to have So no I’m sorry but while on the surface it seems like it’s coming from a place of love and reason, it’s really just ignorance
For the second one, being petty isn't going to do anything. They need to communicate. She needs to tell him how she felt and what makes her feel loved. If he's not the type to care about gifts to begin with, her being petty and not getting him a gift won't get through to him anyway. Whether you follow the actual love languages or not, tell your partners what kinds of things make you feel loved. Talk to each other for goodness sake!
Kinda sounds like his love language is spending time with her since he did make an effort to take the day off and focus entirely on her. If so, from his point of view he did the most and since she doesn't seem to even be considering spending special time on his birthday ("make it a normal day") he's probably just going to feel unloved with zero context. Why do people not just talk to each other about these things???
THIS. I get so angry when people are unhappy with something happening in their relationship, and I come to learn they’ve never even talked about it with their partner.
Dude, I completely forgot about the gift one, and I thought you were talking about the wife in the hospital until you said “if he’s not the type to care about gifts”. You had me enraged for a second there 😅
3:46 lol I had a teacher who would constantly single out my friend. But 99% of the time she wasn’t even the one talking or she was only talking to get other kids to shut up… I really hated that teacher
I was that kid, I once got shouted at because my friend scream sneezed from the opposite side of the room, he literally said "these things always happen when you're around" so weird
The last story really hits home. I had a mental health crisis recently and my partner belittled me and copied my crying instead of being supportive. I knew in that moment this man is never going to be there for me when I'm down bad..
@@ILikeCheesesticks sorry Edit: I took the other comment as a joke, and replied wirh one, however I also decided to edit my original comment to hide spoilers to be nice. Top comments can display on the mobile comment preview, and autoplay settings might mean you read comments first. So I decided to heighten the suspense a little bit.
"Men are bad at taking care of the partner's health" --> they aren't typically raised by people who teach them the NEED to care for others. Taking care of the family falls on the woman's shoulders. Antidepressants are NO excuse. My husband is depressive, and definitely suffers from inconsistently taking his meds sometimes, but if there is ONE little thing wrong with me that I can't support him, his brain flips a switch and he worries about me first. That hospital story would literally result in divorce for me. But to be honest, I feel like the woman in the story had already ignored SEVERAL red flags before reaching that point, especially after she mentioned the consequences of her accident and his nonchalance and outright annoyance at the less frequent sex.
When I burst into tears while my boyfriend was watching UA-cam and laughing (I didn’t want to ruin his good mood and kept it in until I couldn’t anymore), he instantly stopped and tried to comfort me. Can't imagine he would do the opposite and start watching TikTok while I'm crying. I could not stay with someone like that.
Your red flag is abandoning someone because they don't adhere to your expectations, your lack of understanding how a brain works on and off anti depressants has me wondering if you should be on anti psychotics lol
"Outright annoyance" to the withholding of sex for a year? She makes it seem like its a punishment for looking at tiktok IN A FCKING HOSPITAL WAITING ROOM, an app designed to be addictive by offering short form distractions
Also if she was critical she wouldn't have been sitting in a neck brace, she would be in immediate care and immobilized so she clearly has just a mild concussion, what does the nurse know though right?
11:20 yeah no for real. A good friend of mine (she’s a good bit older, she was my youth pastor when I was a kid) had a son who was 21 or 22 and was skateboarding at a park he always skateboarded at, it was a super regular thing that he did a lot, and he fell on time a super weird and bizarre way and got a brain injury and died 🥺 it’s seriously no joke. The head and spine and all that good stuff in between are ridiculously important and a hit in just the wrong spot can be devastating 😞
I had a minor medical emergency this week, was unable to work and barely able to move. My husband has been AMAZING. Taking care of me, trying to make me comfortable, and doing what he can to keep the apartment clean while home in the evenings. I am so grateful for him and have been telling him multiple times a day how great he is
My mom had an ex bf who she would drop everything for when he was having eye pain. He’d injured his eye as a child & as he got older, it would swell to the point of almost popping out. Apparently he eventually had to get his eye removed but my mom didn’t stay long enough for that because she took him out for his birthday for seafood & she had an allergic reaction to the seafood (she’d thought she’d grown out of that allergy, oopsie) & he took her to the ER but bitched & moaned that she ruined his birthday by having an allergic reaction THAT WAS OUT OF HER CONTROL ONCE IT HAD STARTED!!! So she dumped him. Now let’s compare that to my dad. 3 months into then dating, my mom had ovarian cyst that burst. She called her parents & her boyfriend aka my dad. She asked my dad to go to her apartment to get a change of clothes while my grandma drove her to the hospital. No questions, no complaints, my dad did it & was there for her the whole time. Idk about her but when she told me those stories, I told her “well obviously you could tell he was the one” she said she didn’t at the time which blows my mind but hey he was the one! They’ve been married 34 years now & my mom was diagnosed with cancer 2 years ago & he’s been by her side throughout her journey through sickness & health damn it! 😅 & sometimes he feels hopeless cause he doesn’t know how to help her when she’s sick from treatment but I think she’s said “you’re doing your best, it’s not your fault if I get sick after eating” he also does his best to be there for me even if he doesn’t understand mental illness. He HAS said hurtful things to me about my mental illnesses but it’s cause he doesn’t understand how it feels/how my brain works. I’ve told I don’t even understand how my brain works & it drives me mad. But he shows his care by what he cooks for me if I’m either physically sick or can’t function because of my depression & it’s really showing outwardly like crying or my small bouts of what I can only describe catatonia that happen after a panic attack. My dad isn’t perfect but he’s rare gem among men.
Regarding the "planned hardship at the beginning of a relationship", I can really recommend going on a trip together. Ideally something like backpacking (hiking/hitchhiking), if that's not possible a completely unplanned trip works too, where you have no hotel or train/plane ticket booked. A vacation generally is also a good indicator of compatibility. You'll spend 24/7 with this person, you'll have to decide what to eat, how to spend your day and you'll see how your partner reacts to frustration or things not going their way.
If your husband getting you a gift on the actual day and making a big deal out of your birthday is important to you, you have to straight up say so. Like “hey, I know we spent time together and I loved it, but Id feel really special and loved if we did a party or you got me a gift on the day.” Just doing it for him on his birthday isn’t necessarily gonna make him realize how important it is to you. Most men don’t understand hints. I know it’s uncomfortable, but you really do have to state your needs, desires, and love language. If he doesn’t attempt to accommodate that once it’s been CLEARLY (but politely and gently) communicated, then you can be upset. I personally don’t care about my birthday at all. But I do have other things that I’ve cared about and my husband didn’t. Once I simply told him, he understood and made an effort on those things. It also sounds like he was tight on money, so maybe he really did all he could. Sometimes, times are hard and we feel disappointed, but that doesn’t mean our spouse didn’t try. You have to look at it from his pov to make sure you’re being fair and reasonable. Sometimes our spouses best try still can leave some lingering disappointment, but you should still be grateful as long as a genuine effort is made in my opinion.
Yeah, I really felt a lot of the takes in the comments weird and almost out of touch... Personally I was raised to reciprocate any efforts that were made ESPECIALLY when it came to gifts because we were not so well off and my mother wanted to really stress that I never owe anyone any money, but I've met so many people who don't really remember the exact birthday, but will get you a gift in the same week if you told them. Communication is really important, if you complain your partner is doing something before you even attempt to communicate with them you're overreacting 100% of the time imo.
Honestly, that post and the comments really bothered me. He spent the day with her and told her money is right and promised to get her a gift as soon as he gets paid. That is effort. That shows that despite him being incredibly broke, he really does care and will still spend money on her, he just can't right this minute. She has the nerve to imply that he really did have money and he should've spent it on her just because he got a new outfit ON LAYAWAY. Does she not know that that means he hasn't paid for it? Is she mad that he didn't go get a credit card and take on debt just to give her a present on time? It really seems like so many women think their feelings should not only come before a man's, but also come before financial responsibility.
I think everyone seeing these idealized relationships online have made them treat their sort of transactionally. Like every partner should be so highly intuitive. I had to learn this about my husband that he shows love for me in different ways and that I can’t expect him to pick up something that’s important to me just because I do him. We are different people and our brains work differently. What he pays the most attention to is different from what I will. So you HAVE to communicate expectations and also be willing to accept if your partner can’t meet a specific expectation (like spending a certain amount of money on you they don’t necessarily have). I’ve just learned over the years that I need to pay attention to how he shows love and then take notice and appreciate it when he does those things. I also let him know what I need when it’s something I want from him. And if it’s something I can do for myself, it doesn’t have to be a tantrum - just treat yourself to the thing! Doesn’t mean they don’t love you.
@@Dog_in_tree Why not put her gift on layaway then? Why did the outfit come first? I imagine that was the thought that triggered her to question how much he values her.
Omg, bad teachers. I was really ill as a kid, through high school mostly. Had to drop out because of it. But I had missed a few months, came back and my class was taken over by a new teacher. He called on me to answer something (didn’t have my hand up) and I said honestly I didn’t know. He told me to guess then, I did. He then called me a stupid bimbo and to not be like me. I then told him I’ve been off 4 months but otherwise a straight A student and science WAS my favourite class but not anymore. Also felt you were used that word implying things about my body (big chest - E cups) and mentioned it to the principal who switched my class but the teacher had zero repercussions. Like what the fuck?! Who says that to a 14yo?
The 2nd story is wild to me because the commenters are enabling, what I believe to be, a *really bad idea.* Let's say she does decide to only get her husband a card and do nothing else for his birthday, I see 3 possible ways that will go down (though I'm sure there's many more, these just immediately popped in my head): 1.) Husband doesn't care. He'll appreciate the card and that his Wife thought of him and just go on with his day. Then where will the Wife be? Left to stew in her negative feelings some more, that's where. 2.) Husband gets upset and asks why they aren't doing anything for his birthday *like they did on the Wife's birthday* and, presuming she tells him the truth, her answer will be, "You don't get me a gifts for my birthdays, so I decided to teach you a lesson (by hurting you)." All this might accomplish is making the Wife look petty and selfish. And it'll probably cause a fight. 3.) Husband gets upset but, like the Wife, decides to hide it and do what the Wife did... Not do anything special for her birthday the next year to "teach her a lesson," which could start a vicious cycle of them just being angry and neglectful towards each other on their birthdays. Here's some actual advice: *TALK. TO. YOUR. HUSBAND.* Your spouse is not a mind reader just because you're married! If you would like a gift on your birthday then just tell him that! And if he still doesn't get you birthday gifts, *communicate* to him that you won't be going the extra mile for him anymore if he won't do the same for you. Edit: "Teaching your wife/husband/gf/bf/partner/etc. a lesson" is a really shitty thing to do imo. Right up there with "testing" them. It feels vindictive af. Like, communication and compromise are always stressed to be incredibly important in a relationship of any kind, and "testing/teaching them a lesson" feels like you're throwing those 2 things out the window just cuz you're in your feelings and you don't wanna properly deal with the issue. Rescinding the efforts you put in to celebrate your husband, without even *TALKING* to him about it first, is not going to solve anything, it's just gonna make one/both of you upset.
If the husband doesn't give her gifts and the wife decides not to give him gifts as an equal response, I wouldn't read that as "teaching him a lesson" so much, rather just as her giving back what she has received. If he really isn't bothered by it, that's probably when she'd end up bringing it up to question why this doesn't mean anything to him. If he does turn out to be bothered by it, there is absolutely no reason her response should/would be "I wanted to hurt you" and I didn't interpret the idea that way. "You didn't get me anything, so I saw no reason to get you anything either" isn't an explanation I would view as vindictive like you did.
That book fair story is so weird. Not only did the parent make it, but the teacher could have made a much better example. Something like “Hey I’m glad you remembered, thanks for making it, I’d just appreciate you being on time in the future” comes off much better than “Everyone make sure that your parents read the email and don’t forget about events”
14:03 then you have my brother who is married to a type 1 diabetic, who has connected his phone to her pump and blood sugar thing (I don’t know what it is forgive me) so he gets updates when her blood is too low or too high and will be there at the drop of a hat if she needs him, and when she was pregnant and preeclamptic, was yelling at the nurses who kept telling her to just “go home” (he finally got through to the staff and turns out my nephew had his cord wrapped around his neck and she needed an emergency c-section that same day) He used to be very dismissive of everything and everybody, but when he met her he did a 180 and cares about her so deeply. Men, be more like him.
I love good self-improvement in people. We aren't born knowing everything we need to know about being a caring person, and we can continue to be clueless, especially without the right coaching. What matters is how much we try to reflect, improve, and not dismiss our past actions. I barely recognize the person I was 10-15 years ago, and while I'm still struggling to be the kind of person I want to be, I'm happy that I'm where I am and not who I was then. It makes me upset when people write off others as irredeemably evil even if they've changed. Maybe people who judge so fast don't know what it's like to grow up with less than ideal messages. Edit: Sorry that went on longer than I meant.
2:44 that is 10000000% a teacher bullying a student and being a teacher they should know that such an action can F up a kids entire school life because you never get pas being bullied by a teacher, I was bullied by a 2nd grade teacher and I didn't get past it until I moved out of the city into a whole new school system, the teacher is total trash, the devil, absolute worst, an definitely wasn't their first offense
seems like the couple in the second story's problem is that they have different love languages- OP's is gift giving and receiving, and her husband's love language seems to be quality time. they need to talk to each other about what makes them feel loved, and especially how to deal with that alongside their financial struggles.
(yes, i know the concept of love languages is a bit outdated now, but it does make sense here. OP and her husband are *not* on the same page on what makes them feel loved and fulfilled/appreciated, which may make OP feel unloved even if her husband is trying his best to express his version of love.)
@@a.n.9800 It's total rubbish made up by a guy with no qualifications. If it's useful to you, then by all means use it. But it's just a fancy way of saying "communicate with your partner"
just because the guy had no training doesnt make it a useless tool. couples counselors wouldn't use it if it didn't have some merit to it. sometimes people just need a little help to understand themselves and each other better. @@Sarah.H5
@Sarah.H5 "made up by" sounds like he just pulled it out of thin air instead of observing that different people express and prefer to receive love in different ways. It became a fad, which distorted it, but the underlying idea is still solid.
For the discussion around 17:00, me and my current bf have been together for 1year. Before we officially started dating, I had a UTI that turned into something pretty severe and had to be hospitalized for 1 week. It was during summer and it was very hot in the hospital, he brought me a tiny fan and lent me his noise canceling headphones (which he wouldn’t share with anyone because they were very expensive) so I could sleep despite the hospital noises. He came to see me twice a day (before and after work) and I was often passed out, so he would just come while I slept and spend a few minutes with me, give me a kiss and go to work. He brought me food when I asked and a change of clothes. When I got discharged he stayed with me and we went to his place where he got me the food I wanted (smoothies because I was too nauseous to eat) and called off work to stay with me. I made it official not too long after and we’ve been very happy since :) he’s a very caring and thoughtful guy who’s always been there for me since day 1 and I couldn’t ask for a more loving and supportive boyfriend.
17:25 I actually think there are a lot of times people show their true colors. And you don't need to be in a very bad situation. It could be anything from going on vacation or just going shopping together. I'd say after a fight if your partner is punishing you by giving the cold shoulder, the silent treatment , passive aggressiveness even though you communicated or apologized, that's a very telling sign. That would make me think they think they are right, and therefore they have the right to 'punish' you. Which is not okay, of course. But that's just my take I could be wrong.
Responding to the birthday post. As a married person, I can tell you that any kind of "Well, they did this, so I'll do that." mentality always leads to something negative unless a conversation is had. Either an argument, resentment, or distrust. Basically, if you're going to purposefully change the way you behave around someone you care about in response to something they did, you should let them know. Even if it's a positive thing, a quick mention won't hurt because they might see your change as unnecessary and patronizing. If it's a big thing, then you should definitely let them know. Remember that you are two different people with two different brains. Until we figure out telepathy, you have to communicate.
Oof, I'm a POTSie myself, and yeah, it sucks, man. Different for everyone and it can be manageable if you get the right doctors, but it's generally disabling. I can barely go outside. Can't imagine dealing with it as a mom with an absent husband. That poor woman 😢
I just had a bad injury a few weeks ago im still recovering from i flew off of my electric scooter going 20mph and smashed my head into the concrete and skid across the floor i was bleeding profusely had a 1.5 inch deep hole in my head and road rash all across the left side of my body and i currently am still suffering from a concussion so that story about the woman who got that traumatic injury really pissed me off if i had a partner like that i dont know what i would do
I mean, get better and stuff... but you kinda asked for it not wearing a helmet. The moment you are on any vehicle moving at more than the speed you run, you should have a helmet if the vehicle lacks that protection.
@@NelielSugiurathey didnt ask for it. Thats a crazy thing to say. Yes it was irresponsible and they should have worn a helmet, but everyone on earth has done something reckless before. Most of us are LUCKY that the few times we are reckless didnt result in an accident. The only difference betweenyou and OP is that they werent so lucky.
For that last story I think the ignorance of men who are like that is because they see their wives as objects and not as human beings who need empathy, respect, compassion in dire, potentially life threatening situations. They may sadly see their wives as replaceable.
My husband and I met right after I had the beginnings of a traumatic experience concerning a spine injury. I learned very quickly what kind of person he was and now we know that nothing would be too hard for us. I am so happily married and so lucky to have found him through that experience. Although I wouldn’t wish trauma on anyone, it really moved our relationship forward in a way that wouldn’t have happened as smoothly otherwise.
Being long distance from my partner helped us to get to know each other only verbally. We only had our communication so now it's super strong! Now 2 years into marriage, (3 years of friendship and dating before that) that foundation helps us appreciate each other, speak exactly what we mean, show each other kindnesses because we know what it's like to be apart. Living together will reveal a lot about your compatibility, and I also believe both people in a partnership should be willing to go to therapy.... That says a lot about someone's commitment to their mental health and the health and longevity of their relationship. I think too many people get married without experiencing those things...
My partner and I actually got a "trial" difficult period after a few months together and it brought us together so much. I developed ocd and depression from stress and hormonal changes and he was my rock. The most patient person. Everyone deserves someone like that in their live. And no less. Don't settle for less.
Ugh, locked in syndrome, what a nightmare. Nope. And you have NO CONTROL AT ALL to relieve any of your own pain and suffering, and no way to even outsource for help to deal with things. It's essentially, "I have no mouth and I must scream".
Ok, I'm pretty sure I don't have that specifically, but like a decade ago, I went across the border to get some weird lump I had on my cheek under the skin. There were apparently more than the one lump I thought there was, and they went deeper than anticipated. He definitely pulled on a nerve or something, because after that I would get headaches on that side of my had, my cheek and eyebrow were mainly where I felt it, and if I pressed down on my brow on the inner side of it it would relieve some of the pain.
14:38 this is so, so true. i’m on a high dose of antidepressants and if i forget them one morning, three hours later i get brain zaps. this means my brain quite literally electrocutes itself when i move my head or eyes. it’s horrible, painful, and startling. but despite that, the husband is still horrible and definitely the asshole.
Agreed with some of the commentors idk what she thinks is going to happen but if my spouse got me a card and we ate dinner together I'd call it a bday win so that may backfire on her if she doesnt just tell him "Next year I'd like a gift, it doesnt have to be anything crazy just something that makes me feel special" lol
I mean, I got a "Happy Birthday" yesterday from my partner an hour before my birthday ended and I'm not too bothered about it. I'm cashing in through extra hugs and kisses.
I know you're not trying to be a weird therapist, but these reddit react videos and the tangents you go on, really shine a light on things going on in my life and help me self reflect. So thank you Daniel ❤ The hardship thing puts things into perspective for me. Like yeah, I can't know 100% how a guy is gonna show up for me but with my current crushes I'm now thinking "Huh, do I want them at the hospital with me hypothetically? Will they step up? 🤔"
i take two antidepressants and the withdrawal symptoms of both are different but i cant imagine even if it was the one that makes me super groggy and a little loopy that i would ever be hung up on food and tiktok if my WIFE was in the HOSPITAL for a potentially life-changing (or ENDING??) condition
I think I've become too powerful... I predicted both surprise microphones. I literally absent-mindedly said surprise microphone the second time and he grabbed another one 😅
Brain aneurysms are nothing to play with. Mine burst when I was 10 and we had no sign, no reference to what it was. When we got to the hospital the only reason we found out what it was; a nurse in the back that heard the symptoms and had me rushed to the pediatric hospital.. I had two more surgeries after that. That nurse saved my life, and my mom of course. I couldn’t imagine going through any of that with someone sitting beside me not caring.
The birthday gift wife is being so passive aggressive if she wants to just do less effort for his birthday. It feels in the moment like it would be a good plan but its the opposite of good communication. She needs to talk to her husband and tell him that his use of money (or how she perceived it) hurt her. That's the end of it.
Yeah, the comments were a big yikes. Revenge should never be on the table in any relationship, especially a marriage. It could be they just have different love languages, and clearly need to have that conversation. It's not fair to take it out on him and not SAY something jfc. Also, like, a weird bit of entitlement from her? Doing something for someone should be for its own sake, but it sounds like she's mad he's not reciprocating something he didn't even ask her to do. That's scummy.
It sounds to me like she's feeling resentful for having made loads of effort in the past and it never having been reciprocated. She's not lazy, she's fed up.
@@KooblyKshe said it’s been a pattern for years, it’s fair to assume she’s brought it up in the past since it has been a recurring problem. It’s not entitled to want people whoyou put so much effort into p,easing to at least try to showyou some of same level of thought and care back. She’s not getting g revenge, she’s just finally decided to save herself all that effort never appreciated. If anything it’s entitled to expect her to keep putting in all that work even when it’s never reciprocated
@@botanicalitus4194 If she'd had that conversation, sure. But then she would have mentioned it or referred to it somehow in her post. Like, when you're mad about someone's behavior, and complaining to others, you're going to want to mention that you even tried talking to them and nothing changed, to further justify your upset. We can't assume anything happened except what she told us. You're saying it was going unappreciated, but that's pure conjecture. Just because he doesn't reciprocate in the exact same way doesn't mean he's not appreciative and showing it in his own way. Again, love languages are important to recognize and discuss. We don't know how he feels about any of this, we only have her side. He is celebrating her birthday. He did get her a present, it was just late that time (and she even begrudgingly admitted it was on layaway, who knows how long he'd been making payments). No mention that that had happened before. And yeah...if you're doing something for someone you love, and then getting upset that they don't do that exact thing the exact same way for you without saying what you actually want, then it is entitlement. It means it's not really about making them happy, and is at least a little manipulative. Equity is the name of the game in a healthy relationship NOT equality. And jumping to conclusions about people's motivations based on our upset, then deciding to withhold a show of care without any discussion??? That's insanely unhealthy behavior. If I came in to my therapist in OP's shoes talking about this, she'd verbally smack me upside the head. Thinking that any of that is okay is a sign of disregulation, and that work needs to be done. So I'm hoping OP finds her way to therapy, or she's going to blow up her relationship.
I’m in pharmacy school right now and we were just learning about causes, diagnosis and treatment of a stroke. The theme for treating a stroke (or any brain issue) is brain is time, so it’s good that the nurses and doctors in the ER immediately we’re looking after the woman in the one story.
I work directly with students in a classroom setting and I can tell you that shaming and embarrassing students for stuff they can't control (or even for behavior in most cases) does nothing but make the kid feel more like crap than they probably already do. Adults need to learn how to treat children and teens with respect while also teaching them.
Re: gifts. My husband and I have, at times when we struggled financially, decided to only spend literally a few £s, like £5-10 max each at Christmas. Our normal present limit is £30, but sometimes we can't afford to spend the 60 getting each other a gift on our income (we have 4 kids to buy for aswell)
My worst nightmare as someone with autism and ADHD is a get into a situation where I can’t get a grasp of the dynamic and no one will explain it and someone talks to me and I respond and I’m then branded as an attention seeking disruptor. It’s happened many times and I’ve tried just not talking but then I get branded as anti social and not engaging
Fro the birthday one - this is also something I've dealt with as giving presents is my love language. A lot of people I know don't reciprocate that love in gift form which is totally fine but the problem is when you're expecting it from them. Just because your love language is gifts, the OPs husband might be quality time instead (he took off work even though finances are tight but knew that your birthday was important). So being on the same page and knowing how your SO, friends or whomever express THEIR love to you might help resolve a situation like this.
I really felt that "brain snaps" when someone you love is hurt/sick. I definitely go offline (panic) but as a mom my response is to hold on so tight that I don't realize that I am not necessarily being helpful anymore. I have about 5 good minutes when the adrenaline first surges and I can be a powerhouse, but then I am a gooey useless mess...
The mom in the hospital story had a PRESCHOOLER; she’d been married for 8 years. Dad should have been taking care of the 3 or 4 year old, worried about feeding his child, not himself.
OK, it's starting to look like "What do you think the nature of gift-giving is?" should be added to the shortlist of questions to ask a potential romantic partner. (AITA vids had multiple posts about hand-made gifts versus store-bought gifts, which led to some heated discussion in the comments. Seems like it's a somewhat important issue for some people.)
I agree, but spending even one holiday together should realistically answer this, right? lol (re: the story in this video) I can't imagine being with someone for that many years and not picking up on their gift habits after so many holidays.
@@jijitters That SHOULD be the case, but judging from other stories... It seems like both sides think the OTHER should adjust for them. (Again, thinking more about these stories in general.)
Teaching kids being a hard profession doesn't make it okay for teachers to act like little tyrants. I've seen so many teachers in my time just taking out any frustrations they had in life on us kids and nobody could hold them accountable unless the kid dared speak to their parents about it.
Something I’ve learned is that when your love language is different, taking something away for revenge doesn’t work lol. If the husband doesn’t care about birthday gifts, he’s not going to care if he gets a card for his birthday, and the wife will just be more upset that they don’t do special things for birthdays anymore. She should talk to him and see if he’s willing to do something special for her, instead of plotting revenge that benefits neither of them. You can’t make someone care when they don’t. But you can ask someone who cares about you to express it differently to make you happy.
For sure this is dipping into the “playing games” territory when a conversation is really the way to go
i didn't really interpret the advice as "plotting revenge," just simply not pouring energy into a bottomless pit. but maybe i give redditors too much credit.
@@durdleduc8520 she wasn’t outright calling it that no but when you break it down that’s what it is…”i’m gonna do that to him so that he knows what it feels like”. That’s not to say it’s not a natural reaction but it is still petty and avoiding actually talking it out. Words are hard and feelings are harder but that doesn’t mean we don’t try.
She could talk to him and express her feelings
I was just about to comment that. This idea of "getting revenge" and "seeing how they like it" is just gonna make the relationship toxic no matter what. They just gotta talk to their partner. Tell them they want a gift and how they felt seeing the outfit.
I had a friend who used to go all out for her husband's birthday and he didn't do the same for her. She decided the next year she was going to match his energy and just do a card and small gift. After he actually THANKED her for "keeping it low key this year"
After that they talked more and realized they were giving each other what they actually wanted for themselves so they flipped it. Now he goes all out for her and she keeps it simple for him.
Communication is such a big deal!
that is awesome - the power of good communication!
and wonderful too that they care enough about each other to do their best to fulfill each other's wishes!
This is exactly how it works. Your love language is for you, not for the other side. If you feel like giving gifts is a way to express love, tell the partner it's how you want him/her to express it to you and ask them how they would express it so you can do it for them. People need to start realizing this. It's simple.
I had a teacher who did the "look who showed up" thing to me in front of the entire class- I missed school a lot because I was being abused, had a severe anxiety disorder, had depression, and had just gotten back to school after a suicide attempt. I dropped out not long after that. It was humiliating and made me feel like even my attempt to show up when I was going through so, so very much simply wasn't good enough to a degree that I deserved public mockery. Singling kids and parents out, especially without doing any due diligence to find out why the 'issue' has occurred, can be really damaging.
I still went on to get my GED and start with college, but damn lol
That sounds awful. That sort of thing only happened to me once (freshman year of college, NOT when I was in high school). I was depressed, and making it to class was hard, though I did my best every day. I showed up no more than 5 minutes late, and the teacher (who wanted us to arrive there 10 minutes early) stopped talking to say "THANK YOU FOR JOINING US, [NAME]." I still remember that. And it was just one time, in college. Can't imagine how that would have felt for you. :(
@@Jupiter-T how passive aggressive from that teacher
i have a very similar sounding story, i remember showing up to my government class in hs one day and the teacher said something along the lines of “look who graced us with her presence today” now i, not sober to deal with my problems, and frankly too su1c1dal to gaf, said “yeah you’re welcome, u wont see me again.”
I attempted later that day.
I barely graduated because of some really kind teachers who reached out but never expected answers, and almost didnt because of ones like him.
Damn dude.
I really hope you're doing fine now.
Take care yeah ?
Hope everyone in this thread are all doing well ❤
On that first one, teachers singling out kids to shame them is just awful. When my mom was in first grade, her teacher was handing out red and black licorice, alternating colors as she passed by desks. My mom saw she would get black, and asked for red because she dislikes the flavor of black licorice. Her teacher MADE her stand up in the front of the class and told everyone "this is [my moms name] and she thinks she's special and that she just gets to ask for what she wants."
My mom is nearing 60, and she still gets embarrassed from this incident in first grade. And she STILL has a hard time asking for special treatment even when it'd be really helpful for her.
That teacher was already an asshole for bringing black licorice to children in the first place.
man this is heartbreaking
people gotta remember how malleable kids are. i remember back in one of the early grades we had baby chicks that we raised in the classroom. at a certain point we were allowed to hold them, we all sat on the floor and had them in our hands. i accidentally dropped one, no more than like 6 inches from the floor mind you, and the teacher said “don’t do that ever again” in a pretty mean tone. i tend to wonder if that’s the point that my constant need to worry about pleasing everyone stems from
Yeah, I HATE having to ask children to make sure their parents get a message (those that don't answer to emails or phone calls (confirmed multiple times the contacts are correct), whose kids are in before-school and after-school care, don't come to parent meetings), but the least you can do is do it privately.
Am I happy an 8 year old is responsible for this? Hell no. But if that's the only chance to get a permission slip for the field trip they're excited for, that's how it is. Shaming kids whose parents either won't or can't show up doesn't change the parents behavior, and even if it does it's cruel.
It really Fs you up. I had an art class where we had to buy a portfolio case to turn our work in with. I couldn't afford one myself because I was a kid, and my parents thought it was a waste of money. So, I tried handing them in in a stack with a paperclip and the teacher goes "everybody else could afford this, what are you a piece of s**t or something?" in front of EVERYONE. I was too embarrassed to even tell my parents. On top of that he also gave me a failing grade. I still think about it to this day and it was like a decade ago...
The birthday gift story- OP needs to have a frank conversation with her husband. No hints, no guilt trips. Just tell him what she wants for her birthday. Not everyone picks up on hints and not everyone is great at giving gifts.
FACTS. He might be wrong for assuming that he didn't need to plan anything - I have had the same issue, and it can be exhausting to always be the planner for both my partner's things and MY things -, but if she never truly TELLS him she wants that from him, she can't really expect any changes.
exactly what i was thinking.
did she talk to him about it?? she admits she doesn't know when he ordered his outfit, and it's only been a week since the birthday - why would she just assume he hasn't ordered something?
she says she always goes above and beyond for him and then is disappointed not to receive what she believes to be equal extravagance - again, has she talked to him about it?? what if he's actually putting a lot of effort into gifts for her, and doesn't realize they're falling flat?
and now she's mad and planning some sort of passive aggressive revenge?? yikes.
The other thing is: sure, he might have ordered those clothes two or three weeks ago on layaway... He would have known that his wife was going to be having a birthday soon. We have them every year. He could have also found some thing, maybe a shirt or something for her, and also put THAT on layaway at the same time.
Why are women expected to give intuitively and extravagantly to their male partners, but somehow the situation is always "well I didn't know" in reverse. It's a birthday. It's a holiday. It is expected. Point blank period. Make an effort. No excuses. It's not about specifics, not about gifts, not about money. It's about what your value, prioritize, care about. If you take pleasure in being celebrated (regardless of how), celebrate your partner back. Words of appreciation aren't enough for me to feel appreciated. I need a physical effort and demonstration.
@indigoneutral I have this issue with holidays. None of the guys I know care about holidays at all. I only even celebrate the big ones in the US, Independence Day, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas and birthdays. But if I'm not the one making plans, nothing will EVER happen. I'm trying to change that with my son.
About a year ago I had a pretty severe Vertigo episode, and fell to the ground walking up to my kids' school. Eventually I made my way to the office and they called my husband. He dropped everything and came to help me. Took me to urgent care like our DR suggested, and stayed by my side the whole time. He even took the next day off to make sure I was okay. I love that man.
Glad that you're okay and you have his support! Vertigo can be hella scary and feels friggin terrible! And having a partner who doesn't question you or say nasty things to "pay you back," like you could control it at all, must be so nice. I am truly happy for you and wish you both many years of love and joy.
Whoa, this happened to my mom too! It was pretty scary
I feel like the husband from the head injury story would be one of the guys who leave their wives after the wife gets a serious illness diagnosis.
Definitely. Or they cheat on you and you find out after you get better.
I know a guy who just had a stroke this Summer, and he just got caught trying to buy a house for himself so he could leave his family. Wife and three kids, and she's a stay at home mom. It seems like ANY serious health issue comes with a risk of your husband leaving you, even if it happens to him.
He seems like the guy who complains about how hard men have it because they're uncomfortable when their wives give birth but at least she has a bed
A good friend of mine died from an aneurism. Our friend group had been playing an online game and we ended early because he had a bad headache. When none of us heard from him the following day, we were concerned. When we still didn't hear from him the day after that, we found a way to contact his mother to go check on him.
I wish we had lived closer.
I'm sorry for your loss, hoping you and your friends find peace.
My fiancée (who was my girlfriend at the time) stuck by me through cancer treatment when we had been dating for less than two years. I honestly don't think I could have done it without her, the cancer had metastasized from my brain into my spine and I needed insane doses of chemo to treat it. Hardships like that definitely test relationships but they can certainly strengthen them too. We've been together for 8 years now and I couldn't imagine life without her
I just want to say I’m glad you made it through. I lost my mother to cancer in September that had metastasised from her bowel all the way to her brain and various other places, the treatment and what she went through was awful to witness- I can’t even imagine how it was to experience. Your fiancée is a solid example of who a partner should be and I’m glad you found each other! Sending you both love ❤
I'm prone to getting chronic migraines. They used to be so bad that I was essentially bed bound most of the time. If I so much as sat up, I'd vomit, sometimes went blind for a few minutes at a time. I couldn't keep down water, let alone food. I would do my best to just sleep through it. They'd last a week. I'd just start to recover from the pain and the fasting, and then another one would hit.
Any partners I had during this time would make themselves scarce when the migraine hit. If I had a migraine, they wouldn't come over. If one started while they were visiting, they would leave the next day to go do something else. I thought that was reasonable and just something I had to deal with given my disability - nobody wants to hang out with a sleepy vomiting potato.
Until my current partner. One day early on when we were dating, I had a migraine. I'd made it to the bathroom to get a cup of water when a bout of blindness hit. I was sitting on the bathroom floor, shaking, waiting for the blindness to fade. We'd been sending voice messages, and that day I sent him "I'm scared".
He sent back "I'll be right there"
He left his lecture, drove straight over, figured out how to get into the house, came and sat by me and asked what I needed. At this point i couldn't speak and just shook my head. He got on google and then grabbed me tea, and a heatpack, and an icepack, and helped me to bed and stayed with me.
Over the next few weeks he went to bat for me, made sure my GP referred me to a neurologist, paid for my groceries so I could afford the medical bills.
We've been together 8 years and I'm almost completely migraine free (the magic of Emgality). I now have a full time job, and I bought HIS groceries for a while so he could go back to university and study nursing. He's graduated and we're planning on buying a house together in a year.
the tiktok husband is unhinged. Nevermind your wife being beside you, I couldn't imagine being in an emergency room/urgent care laughing at videos when there are strangers going through things beside you.
I mean, hospitals can be REALLY boring and really a long wait. I think however as the support person it's your job to read the room with the person you are with. If they're on TikTok, okay. If they're freaking out, it's your job to make things easier for them.
It is actually proven that if a woman gets serious illness/injury men are most likely to leave the woman. But if a man gets serious injury/illness a woman is most likely to stay with a man. 😢
Men leave women 7 to 1.
I have horrid depression and take medication, I've gone off of my meds sometimes, but that is no excuse for not tending to your traumatized wife. I would have divorced him, dead ass. I couldn't deal with that man.
That's not a man, he's the ipad kid
Oh yeah, same here. I know going off depression meds is different for everyone, but in no way did that change my perception of what was a concerning situation for another person. It was more just disorienting brain zaps and a bit of emotional instability. This guy just seems to have no empathy.
It can be an explanation or apply more context but NEVER can that be an excuse, Jesus Christ!
I get not feeling comfortable with the pain of others, but if she just asked a question and he's snapping back that's a problem
I’ve been on 2 different types of meds for my depression, neither benefitted me even at the highest possible dose and I quit them cold turkey. I can’t honestly say I noticed many adverse effects when I did, but that could purely be because they weren’t benefiting me in the first place. I think I was mainly a bit tired for a week or two then back to “normal”. I’m not saying this as a “it’s okay to go cold turkey on your medications!” I’m saying this as a “the brain is complex and experiences differ, don’t risk it”
Right? I've gone off countless antidepressants but I can't imagine it ever making me tell my spouse the only thing I care about is food when they're in a neck brace with possible spine damage. If whatever he's on causes such severe withdrawalal side effects three days in, it's 1. probably not just antidepressants 2. his goddamn responsibility not to miss THREE doses three days in a row knowing what the risks are.
At this point, he should just say that he needs to fix or check something and then say, “no, actually there’s something wrong with this lamp. Why would you think there’d be a random microphone here? What’s wrong with you?”
We're at the point where that would hit perfectly
Aneurysms are *terrifying*. One of my cousins passed from a sudden brain aneurysm, he was under 30. He was out in his garden, playing with his dogs, and was suddenly gone.
I also have POTS and other disabilities, and not once was my husband scrolling whilst I’m admitted to hospital and was upset. We were ether both scrolling, or just me. He certainly has never let any of our 4 kids (2 of whom are disabled, twins) climb on me even when in recovery, or a flare up. I feel so awful for that poster 😔 she deserves so much better
When my appendix burst and marinaded, once I finally got into the hospital my partner came to the hospital every day during visiting hours to check in on me, bring me a coke or something I asked for. He never seemed concerned then - But a long time after I asked him about it and he admitted he got choked up about it because I could've died. I love him very much. ❤❤ Please be safe everyone.
Hey he came to visit you every day, assuming that you didn't have to beg him for it, goes to show he definitely cared, even if he seemed outwardly reserved or even jovial. Negative emotions can be hard to express 😅 Especially when it's a situation we can't "fix"
See this I can understand; the third story is just not it compared to this
21:28 this right here got a physical rise out of me.
I was diagnosed with epilepsy when I was 8, took medication for a few years, seizures seemed to stop so the doctors said it was in remission.
However I was told it could return when I’m in my 20s (I’m 23) so I’m diligent in listening to my body for signs and avoid settings with key triggers (incredibly loud noises and bright or flashing lights)
My dad has this mentality of “oh they said it COULD come back so I’m just gonna take that as a definite NO”
Tells me to just deal with the noises and lights despite how incredibly disorientating they are
As someone who's just started having seizures in my 20s, your dad makes me SO FRUSTRATED! Sending good vibes and lots of patience ❤
Maybe obsessively worrying over something that MIGHT happen isn't helpful. Parents navigate this from the day their kiddos are born. I got me 4 kiddos all in their 20s. Got a couple that tend towards the dramatic. As a parent, you're the voice of reason. The calm in the storm. Maybe instead of thinking he doesn't care remember that he is trying to teach you how to be an adult with the fortitude to withstand what life throws at you.
@@CasualGamerGirl77generally avoiding strobing lights isn't "obsessing", especially if they're disorienting. If you're being a devil's advocate and trying to be the voice of reason, you can say "it might happen, it might not, but maybe let's try and avoid things that make it more likely to happen". You can be the voice of reason without being an arse
@@CasualGamerGirl77 I have a funny feeling that your kids aren't actually dramatic if you're dismissing sensible seizure prevention as "obsessively worrying".
@@CasualGamerGirl77 I appreciate your comment and understand what you’re getting at, but this isn’t the case for my dad
I didn’t mention it in my original comment but he was absent for the majority of my early development years, only moving back in with my mother when I was around 9 but I won’t get into that
He also didn’t attend many of my appointments with the doctor, that responsibility was largely carried by my mother and aunt who has two kids with their own neurological challenges so she was always a huge support to have
So no I’m sorry but while on the surface it seems like it’s coming from a place of love and reason, it’s really just ignorance
For the second one, being petty isn't going to do anything. They need to communicate. She needs to tell him how she felt and what makes her feel loved. If he's not the type to care about gifts to begin with, her being petty and not getting him a gift won't get through to him anyway. Whether you follow the actual love languages or not, tell your partners what kinds of things make you feel loved. Talk to each other for goodness sake!
Kinda sounds like his love language is spending time with her since he did make an effort to take the day off and focus entirely on her. If so, from his point of view he did the most and since she doesn't seem to even be considering spending special time on his birthday ("make it a normal day") he's probably just going to feel unloved with zero context. Why do people not just talk to each other about these things???
THIS. I get so angry when people are unhappy with something happening in their relationship, and I come to learn they’ve never even talked about it with their partner.
Dude, I completely forgot about the gift one, and I thought you were talking about the wife in the hospital until you said “if he’s not the type to care about gifts”. You had me enraged for a second there 😅
Unfortunately, what that woman in the third story had in that hospital room was TWO children. One of them was just wearing a grown-up suit.
Daniel: "Am I overreacting about the surprise microphone?"
No, never! 😂
3:46 lol I had a teacher who would constantly single out my friend. But 99% of the time she wasn’t even the one talking or she was only talking to get other kids to shut up… I really hated that teacher
I was that kid too lmao, pissed me off to no end
I was that kid, I once got shouted at because my friend scream sneezed from the opposite side of the room, he literally said "these things always happen when you're around" so weird
The last story really hits home. I had a mental health crisis recently and my partner belittled me and copied my crying instead of being supportive. I knew in that moment this man is never going to be there for me when I'm down bad..
I just realized Daniel is a super considerate partner which makes him reading about the shitty ones even better
In under a minute, we got a nose tape solo (?), a song segment, and a [Spoiler Below]. This'll be good!
Surprise microphone
Way to spoil the entire video
@@ILikeCheesesticksthat was just the first minute
@@ILikeCheesesticks sorry
Edit: I took the other comment as a joke, and replied wirh one, however I also decided to edit my original comment to hide spoilers to be nice. Top comments can display on the mobile comment preview, and autoplay settings might mean you read comments first. So I decided to heighten the suspense a little bit.
@@ILikeCheesesticks Anyone going to the comments before they finish the video is spoiling it for themselves. Exercise a little self control.
@@ameliaduncan3236 anyone who spoils video in the comments needs to exercise self control. You're not smarter for seeing it first.
Why do I feel like I would sit there doing the same thing with a sticky note on my face like that?
Why do i feel like i already have done something like this? 😂
@Wheeliam_Ironside lol I don't know.
@@DespairDoctor 😅😓
I love Daniel bragging about his wireless microphone whilst being held back by his wired headset 17:35
😂😂😂😂😂
"Men are bad at taking care of the partner's health" --> they aren't typically raised by people who teach them the NEED to care for others. Taking care of the family falls on the woman's shoulders.
Antidepressants are NO excuse. My husband is depressive, and definitely suffers from inconsistently taking his meds sometimes, but if there is ONE little thing wrong with me that I can't support him, his brain flips a switch and he worries about me first. That hospital story would literally result in divorce for me. But to be honest, I feel like the woman in the story had already ignored SEVERAL red flags before reaching that point, especially after she mentioned the consequences of her accident and his nonchalance and outright annoyance at the less frequent sex.
When I burst into tears while my boyfriend was watching UA-cam and laughing (I didn’t want to ruin his good mood and kept it in until I couldn’t anymore), he instantly stopped and tried to comfort me. Can't imagine he would do the opposite and start watching TikTok while I'm crying. I could not stay with someone like that.
Your red flag is abandoning someone because they don't adhere to your expectations, your lack of understanding how a brain works on and off anti depressants has me wondering if you should be on anti psychotics lol
"Outright annoyance" to the withholding of sex for a year? She makes it seem like its a punishment for looking at tiktok IN A FCKING HOSPITAL WAITING ROOM, an app designed to be addictive by offering short form distractions
Also if she was critical she wouldn't have been sitting in a neck brace, she would be in immediate care and immobilized so she clearly has just a mild concussion, what does the nurse know though right?
11:20 yeah no for real. A good friend of mine (she’s a good bit older, she was my youth pastor when I was a kid) had a son who was 21 or 22 and was skateboarding at a park he always skateboarded at, it was a super regular thing that he did a lot, and he fell on time a super weird and bizarre way and got a brain injury and died 🥺 it’s seriously no joke. The head and spine and all that good stuff in between are ridiculously important and a hit in just the wrong spot can be devastating 😞
Was he wearing a helmet and protective gear? Just wondering
I had a minor medical emergency this week, was unable to work and barely able to move. My husband has been AMAZING. Taking care of me, trying to make me comfortable, and doing what he can to keep the apartment clean while home in the evenings. I am so grateful for him and have been telling him multiple times a day how great he is
My mom had an ex bf who she would drop everything for when he was having eye pain. He’d injured his eye as a child & as he got older, it would swell to the point of almost popping out. Apparently he eventually had to get his eye removed but my mom didn’t stay long enough for that because she took him out for his birthday for seafood & she had an allergic reaction to the seafood (she’d thought she’d grown out of that allergy, oopsie) & he took her to the ER but bitched & moaned that she ruined his birthday by having an allergic reaction THAT WAS OUT OF HER CONTROL ONCE IT HAD STARTED!!! So she dumped him. Now let’s compare that to my dad. 3 months into then dating, my mom had ovarian cyst that burst. She called her parents & her boyfriend aka my dad. She asked my dad to go to her apartment to get a change of clothes while my grandma drove her to the hospital. No questions, no complaints, my dad did it & was there for her the whole time. Idk about her but when she told me those stories, I told her “well obviously you could tell he was the one” she said she didn’t at the time which blows my mind but hey he was the one! They’ve been married 34 years now & my mom was diagnosed with cancer 2 years ago & he’s been by her side throughout her journey through sickness & health damn it! 😅 & sometimes he feels hopeless cause he doesn’t know how to help her when she’s sick from treatment but I think she’s said “you’re doing your best, it’s not your fault if I get sick after eating” he also does his best to be there for me even if he doesn’t understand mental illness. He HAS said hurtful things to me about my mental illnesses but it’s cause he doesn’t understand how it feels/how my brain works. I’ve told I don’t even understand how my brain works & it drives me mad. But he shows his care by what he cooks for me if I’m either physically sick or can’t function because of my depression & it’s really showing outwardly like crying or my small bouts of what I can only describe catatonia that happen after a panic attack. My dad isn’t perfect but he’s rare gem among men.
Regarding the "planned hardship at the beginning of a relationship", I can really recommend going on a trip together. Ideally something like backpacking (hiking/hitchhiking), if that's not possible a completely unplanned trip works too, where you have no hotel or train/plane ticket booked. A vacation generally is also a good indicator of compatibility.
You'll spend 24/7 with this person, you'll have to decide what to eat, how to spend your day and you'll see how your partner reacts to frustration or things not going their way.
A WIRELESS one? We're doomed. ☠️
"Tomantha" has real Jimothy energy
I smack one of my buddies with Nickothy sometimes. His roommate goes for Nickopher.
I understood that reference
Big if true
19:30 different values? What sort of values make you yell at somebody in the hospital? Never mind your significant other….
If your husband getting you a gift on the actual day and making a big deal out of your birthday is important to you, you have to straight up say so. Like “hey, I know we spent time together and I loved it, but Id feel really special and loved if we did a party or you got me a gift on the day.” Just doing it for him on his birthday isn’t necessarily gonna make him realize how important it is to you. Most men don’t understand hints. I know it’s uncomfortable, but you really do have to state your needs, desires, and love language. If he doesn’t attempt to accommodate that once it’s been CLEARLY (but politely and gently) communicated, then you can be upset. I personally don’t care about my birthday at all. But I do have other things that I’ve cared about and my husband didn’t. Once I simply told him, he understood and made an effort on those things. It also sounds like he was tight on money, so maybe he really did all he could. Sometimes, times are hard and we feel disappointed, but that doesn’t mean our spouse didn’t try. You have to look at it from his pov to make sure you’re being fair and reasonable. Sometimes our spouses best try still can leave some lingering disappointment, but you should still be grateful as long as a genuine effort is made in my opinion.
Yeah, I really felt a lot of the takes in the comments weird and almost out of touch... Personally I was raised to reciprocate any efforts that were made ESPECIALLY when it came to gifts because we were not so well off and my mother wanted to really stress that I never owe anyone any money, but I've met so many people who don't really remember the exact birthday, but will get you a gift in the same week if you told them. Communication is really important, if you complain your partner is doing something before you even attempt to communicate with them you're overreacting 100% of the time imo.
Honestly, that post and the comments really bothered me. He spent the day with her and told her money is right and promised to get her a gift as soon as he gets paid. That is effort. That shows that despite him being incredibly broke, he really does care and will still spend money on her, he just can't right this minute. She has the nerve to imply that he really did have money and he should've spent it on her just because he got a new outfit ON LAYAWAY. Does she not know that that means he hasn't paid for it? Is she mad that he didn't go get a credit card and take on debt just to give her a present on time? It really seems like so many women think their feelings should not only come before a man's, but also come before financial responsibility.
I think everyone seeing these idealized relationships online have made them treat their sort of transactionally. Like every partner should be so highly intuitive. I had to learn this about my husband that he shows love for me in different ways and that I can’t expect him to pick up something that’s important to me just because I do him. We are different people and our brains work differently. What he pays the most attention to is different from what I will. So you HAVE to communicate expectations and also be willing to accept if your partner can’t meet a specific expectation (like spending a certain amount of money on you they don’t necessarily have). I’ve just learned over the years that I need to pay attention to how he shows love and then take notice and appreciate it when he does those things. I also let him know what I need when it’s something I want from him. And if it’s something I can do for myself, it doesn’t have to be a tantrum - just treat yourself to the thing! Doesn’t mean they don’t love you.
Yep, you have to ask for what you want.
@@Dog_in_tree Why not put her gift on layaway then? Why did the outfit come first? I imagine that was the thought that triggered her to question how much he values her.
Omg, bad teachers. I was really ill as a kid, through high school mostly. Had to drop out because of it. But I had missed a few months, came back and my class was taken over by a new teacher. He called on me to answer something (didn’t have my hand up) and I said honestly I didn’t know. He told me to guess then, I did. He then called me a stupid bimbo and to not be like me. I then told him I’ve been off 4 months but otherwise a straight A student and science WAS my favourite class but not anymore.
Also felt you were used that word implying things about my body (big chest - E cups) and mentioned it to the principal who switched my class but the teacher had zero repercussions. Like what the fuck?! Who says that to a 14yo?
The 2nd story is wild to me because the commenters are enabling, what I believe to be, a *really bad idea.*
Let's say she does decide to only get her husband a card and do nothing else for his birthday, I see 3 possible ways that will go down (though I'm sure there's many more, these just immediately popped in my head):
1.) Husband doesn't care. He'll appreciate the card and that his Wife thought of him and just go on with his day. Then where will the Wife be? Left to stew in her negative feelings some more, that's where.
2.) Husband gets upset and asks why they aren't doing anything for his birthday *like they did on the Wife's birthday* and, presuming she tells him the truth, her answer will be, "You don't get me a gifts for my birthdays, so I decided to teach you a lesson (by hurting you)." All this might accomplish is making the Wife look petty and selfish. And it'll probably cause a fight.
3.) Husband gets upset but, like the Wife, decides to hide it and do what the Wife did... Not do anything special for her birthday the next year to "teach her a lesson," which could start a vicious cycle of them just being angry and neglectful towards each other on their birthdays.
Here's some actual advice: *TALK. TO. YOUR. HUSBAND.* Your spouse is not a mind reader just because you're married! If you would like a gift on your birthday then just tell him that! And if he still doesn't get you birthday gifts, *communicate* to him that you won't be going the extra mile for him anymore if he won't do the same for you.
Edit: "Teaching your wife/husband/gf/bf/partner/etc. a lesson" is a really shitty thing to do imo. Right up there with "testing" them. It feels vindictive af. Like, communication and compromise are always stressed to be incredibly important in a relationship of any kind, and "testing/teaching them a lesson" feels like you're throwing those 2 things out the window just cuz you're in your feelings and you don't wanna properly deal with the issue. Rescinding the efforts you put in to celebrate your husband, without even *TALKING* to him about it first, is not going to solve anything, it's just gonna make one/both of you upset.
If the husband doesn't give her gifts and the wife decides not to give him gifts as an equal response, I wouldn't read that as "teaching him a lesson" so much, rather just as her giving back what she has received. If he really isn't bothered by it, that's probably when she'd end up bringing it up to question why this doesn't mean anything to him. If he does turn out to be bothered by it, there is absolutely no reason her response should/would be "I wanted to hurt you" and I didn't interpret the idea that way. "You didn't get me anything, so I saw no reason to get you anything either" isn't an explanation I would view as vindictive like you did.
You are exactly right. Well summarized
That book fair story is so weird. Not only did the parent make it, but the teacher could have made a much better example. Something like “Hey I’m glad you remembered, thanks for making it, I’d just appreciate you being on time in the future” comes off much better than “Everyone make sure that your parents read the email and don’t forget about events”
14:03 then you have my brother who is married to a type 1 diabetic, who has connected his phone to her pump and blood sugar thing (I don’t know what it is forgive me) so he gets updates when her blood is too low or too high and will be there at the drop of a hat if she needs him, and when she was pregnant and preeclamptic, was yelling at the nurses who kept telling her to just “go home” (he finally got through to the staff and turns out my nephew had his cord wrapped around his neck and she needed an emergency c-section that same day) He used to be very dismissive of everything and everybody, but when he met her he did a 180 and cares about her so deeply. Men, be more like him.
Wow good on your brother potentially saving his wife and kid’s lives
I love good self-improvement in people. We aren't born knowing everything we need to know about being a caring person, and we can continue to be clueless, especially without the right coaching. What matters is how much we try to reflect, improve, and not dismiss our past actions.
I barely recognize the person I was 10-15 years ago, and while I'm still struggling to be the kind of person I want to be, I'm happy that I'm where I am and not who I was then. It makes me upset when people write off others as irredeemably evil even if they've changed. Maybe people who judge so fast don't know what it's like to grow up with less than ideal messages.
Edit: Sorry that went on longer than I meant.
2:44 that is 10000000% a teacher bullying a student and being a teacher they should know that such an action can F up a kids entire school life because you never get pas being bullied by a teacher, I was bullied by a 2nd grade teacher and I didn't get past it until I moved out of the city into a whole new school system, the teacher is total trash, the devil, absolute worst, an definitely wasn't their first offense
I predicted the surprise microphone!
YOU HAVE NO POWER OVER ME!!
seems like the couple in the second story's problem is that they have different love languages- OP's is gift giving and receiving, and her husband's love language seems to be quality time. they need to talk to each other about what makes them feel loved, and especially how to deal with that alongside their financial struggles.
(yes, i know the concept of love languages is a bit outdated now, but it does make sense here. OP and her husband are *not* on the same page on what makes them feel loved and fulfilled/appreciated, which may make OP feel unloved even if her husband is trying his best to express his version of love.)
@@BrowniePokemon Is it an outdated concept? I only learned about it a few years ago
@@a.n.9800 It's total rubbish made up by a guy with no qualifications. If it's useful to you, then by all means use it. But it's just a fancy way of saying "communicate with your partner"
just because the guy had no training doesnt make it a useless tool. couples counselors wouldn't use it if it didn't have some merit to it. sometimes people just need a little help to understand themselves and each other better. @@Sarah.H5
@Sarah.H5 "made up by" sounds like he just pulled it out of thin air instead of observing that different people express and prefer to receive love in different ways. It became a fad, which distorted it, but the underlying idea is still solid.
For the discussion around 17:00, me and my current bf have been together for 1year. Before we officially started dating, I had a UTI that turned into something pretty severe and had to be hospitalized for 1 week.
It was during summer and it was very hot in the hospital, he brought me a tiny fan and lent me his noise canceling headphones (which he wouldn’t share with anyone because they were very expensive) so I could sleep despite the hospital noises. He came to see me twice a day (before and after work) and I was often passed out, so he would just come while I slept and spend a few minutes with me, give me a kiss and go to work. He brought me food when I asked and a change of clothes. When I got discharged he stayed with me and we went to his place where he got me the food I wanted (smoothies because I was too nauseous to eat) and called off work to stay with me.
I made it official not too long after and we’ve been very happy since :) he’s a very caring and thoughtful guy who’s always been there for me since day 1 and I couldn’t ask for a more loving and supportive boyfriend.
All couples should put together IKEA furniture before marriage.
Reading this with no context 😂😂😂
Oh no....his shenanigans are no longer bound by a wire... may God have mercy on us all
But his headphones are still wired 😂😅
0:17 "Did you just riff yourself?" 😆
Well, I know you’re new
17:25 I actually think there are a lot of times people show their true colors. And you don't need to be in a very bad situation. It could be anything from going on vacation or just going shopping together. I'd say after a fight if your partner is punishing you by giving the cold shoulder, the silent treatment , passive aggressiveness even though you communicated or apologized, that's a very telling sign. That would make me think they think they are right, and therefore they have the right to 'punish' you. Which is not okay, of course. But that's just my take I could be wrong.
The true surprise microphone of this video is when Daniel switched back to the wired microphone.
If they shared a bank account she would know when he ordered the outfit. Or she at least has the capability of finding out
Responding to the birthday post.
As a married person, I can tell you that any kind of "Well, they did this, so I'll do that." mentality always leads to something negative unless a conversation is had. Either an argument, resentment, or distrust.
Basically, if you're going to purposefully change the way you behave around someone you care about in response to something they did, you should let them know. Even if it's a positive thing, a quick mention won't hurt because they might see your change as unnecessary and patronizing. If it's a big thing, then you should definitely let them know.
Remember that you are two different people with two different brains. Until we figure out telepathy, you have to communicate.
Oof, I'm a POTSie myself, and yeah, it sucks, man. Different for everyone and it can be manageable if you get the right doctors, but it's generally disabling. I can barely go outside. Can't imagine dealing with it as a mom with an absent husband. That poor woman 😢
Same here
Same, totally agree
I just had a bad injury a few weeks ago im still recovering from i flew off of my electric scooter going 20mph and smashed my head into the concrete and skid across the floor i was bleeding profusely had a 1.5 inch deep hole in my head and road rash all across the left side of my body and i currently am still suffering from a concussion so that story about the woman who got that traumatic injury really pissed me off if i had a partner like that i dont know what i would do
Hope you feel better soon
I mean, get better and stuff... but you kinda asked for it not wearing a helmet. The moment you are on any vehicle moving at more than the speed you run, you should have a helmet if the vehicle lacks that protection.
@@NelielSugiurathey didnt ask for it. Thats a crazy thing to say. Yes it was irresponsible and they should have worn a helmet, but everyone on earth has done something reckless before. Most of us are LUCKY that the few times we are reckless didnt result in an accident. The only difference betweenyou and OP is that they werent so lucky.
@@NelielSugiura what an incredibly insensitive and condescending thing to say. wow.
For that last story I think the ignorance of men who are like that is because they see their wives as objects and not as human beings who need empathy, respect, compassion in dire, potentially life threatening situations. They may sadly see their wives as replaceable.
My husband and I met right after I had the beginnings of a traumatic experience concerning a spine injury. I learned very quickly what kind of person he was and now we know that nothing would be too hard for us. I am so happily married and so lucky to have found him through that experience. Although I wouldn’t wish trauma on anyone, it really moved our relationship forward in a way that wouldn’t have happened as smoothly otherwise.
that is…. the most captivating intro i have ever seen
I really want to try it now
@@AutisticTea me too ngl
How will you know how the books end if you never finish them, Daniel? 😂
Being long distance from my partner helped us to get to know each other only verbally. We only had our communication so now it's super strong! Now 2 years into marriage, (3 years of friendship and dating before that) that foundation helps us appreciate each other, speak exactly what we mean, show each other kindnesses because we know what it's like to be apart.
Living together will reveal a lot about your compatibility, and I also believe both people in a partnership should be willing to go to therapy.... That says a lot about someone's commitment to their mental health and the health and longevity of their relationship. I think too many people get married without experiencing those things...
My partner and I actually got a "trial" difficult period after a few months together and it brought us together so much. I developed ocd and depression from stress and hormonal changes and he was my rock. The most patient person. Everyone deserves someone like that in their live. And no less. Don't settle for less.
Honestly, aneurysms don't scare me. Locked-in syndrome scares me. And trigeminal neuralgia.
TN- my mom has it, my great aunt had it, and I’m f*cking terrified. Like, _terrified_
Ugh, locked in syndrome, what a nightmare. Nope. And you have NO CONTROL AT ALL to relieve any of your own pain and suffering, and no way to even outsource for help to deal with things. It's essentially, "I have no mouth and I must scream".
I had locked-in syndrome back in early 2018 as part of another, larger issue. (Guillain-Barre Syndrome) I *still* have nightmares about it.
Ok, I'm pretty sure I don't have that specifically, but like a decade ago, I went across the border to get some weird lump I had on my cheek under the skin. There were apparently more than the one lump I thought there was, and they went deeper than anticipated. He definitely pulled on a nerve or something, because after that I would get headaches on that side of my had, my cheek and eyebrow were mainly where I felt it, and if I pressed down on my brow on the inner side of it it would relieve some of the pain.
14:38 this is so, so true. i’m on a high dose of antidepressants and if i forget them one morning, three hours later i get brain zaps. this means my brain quite literally electrocutes itself when i move my head or eyes. it’s horrible, painful, and startling. but despite that, the husband is still horrible and definitely the asshole.
Agreed with some of the commentors idk what she thinks is going to happen but if my spouse got me a card and we ate dinner together I'd call it a bday win so that may backfire on her if she doesnt just tell him "Next year I'd like a gift, it doesnt have to be anything crazy just something that makes me feel special" lol
How dare UA-cam gatekeep this from me for 29 seconds
They gave it to me at four minutes. That's the fastest I've ever got it.
Edge with uBlock, motherbuckers! No ads at all! XD
I mean, I got a "Happy Birthday" yesterday from my partner an hour before my birthday ended and I'm not too bothered about it. I'm cashing in through extra hugs and kisses.
Daniel is just brilliant. I love this guy!
I know you're not trying to be a weird therapist, but these reddit react videos and the tangents you go on, really shine a light on things going on in my life and help me self reflect. So thank you Daniel ❤ The hardship thing puts things into perspective for me. Like yeah, I can't know 100% how a guy is gonna show up for me but with my current crushes I'm now thinking "Huh, do I want them at the hospital with me hypothetically? Will they step up? 🤔"
If these stop, I’ll be sad
i take two antidepressants and the withdrawal symptoms of both are different but i cant imagine even if it was the one that makes me super groggy and a little loopy that i would ever be hung up on food and tiktok if my WIFE was in the HOSPITAL for a potentially life-changing (or ENDING??) condition
Did you play Linus and Lucy but dramatically?
I think I've become too powerful... I predicted both surprise microphones. I literally absent-mindedly said surprise microphone the second time and he grabbed another one 😅
I feel like they are always predictable lol there’s always a buildup…
1:59 Charlie Brown?
the beginning sounded like one last time from Hamilton 😭
Lmao it did kinda@@Lala_Vampire
If he's so hungry he can't focus on her serious situation how can he focus on Tiktoks???
Easy to turn off ones brain for that rot-infested platform.
Short attention span?
@@AielHeart if it was only a short attention span he should be capable of short bursts of concern for his wife.
@@NelielSugiura probably partially true, but that doesn't explain his lack of empathy.
@ I was being sarcastic :P I didn’t convey that well though sorry
Brain aneurysms are nothing to play with. Mine burst when I was 10 and we had no sign, no reference to what it was. When we got to the hospital the only reason we found out what it was; a nurse in the back that heard the symptoms and had me rushed to the pediatric hospital..
I had two more surgeries after that. That nurse saved my life, and my mom of course.
I couldn’t imagine going through any of that with someone sitting beside me not caring.
The birthday gift wife is being so passive aggressive if she wants to just do less effort for his birthday. It feels in the moment like it would be a good plan but its the opposite of good communication. She needs to talk to her husband and tell him that his use of money (or how she perceived it) hurt her. That's the end of it.
Yeah, the comments were a big yikes. Revenge should never be on the table in any relationship, especially a marriage. It could be they just have different love languages, and clearly need to have that conversation. It's not fair to take it out on him and not SAY something jfc. Also, like, a weird bit of entitlement from her? Doing something for someone should be for its own sake, but it sounds like she's mad he's not reciprocating something he didn't even ask her to do. That's scummy.
It sounds to me like she's feeling resentful for having made loads of effort in the past and it never having been reciprocated. She's not lazy, she's fed up.
She doesn't want to "just do less effort" she's happily making the effort and feeling hurt that he doesn't seem to care or value that effort.
@@KooblyKshe said it’s been a pattern for years, it’s fair to assume she’s brought it up in the past since it has been a recurring problem. It’s not entitled to want people whoyou put so much effort into p,easing to at least try to showyou some of same level of thought and care back. She’s not getting g revenge, she’s just finally decided to save herself all that effort never appreciated. If anything it’s entitled to expect her to keep putting in all that work even when it’s never reciprocated
@@botanicalitus4194 If she'd had that conversation, sure. But then she would have mentioned it or referred to it somehow in her post. Like, when you're mad about someone's behavior, and complaining to others, you're going to want to mention that you even tried talking to them and nothing changed, to further justify your upset. We can't assume anything happened except what she told us. You're saying it was going unappreciated, but that's pure conjecture. Just because he doesn't reciprocate in the exact same way doesn't mean he's not appreciative and showing it in his own way. Again, love languages are important to recognize and discuss. We don't know how he feels about any of this, we only have her side. He is celebrating her birthday. He did get her a present, it was just late that time (and she even begrudgingly admitted it was on layaway, who knows how long he'd been making payments). No mention that that had happened before. And yeah...if you're doing something for someone you love, and then getting upset that they don't do that exact thing the exact same way for you without saying what you actually want, then it is entitlement. It means it's not really about making them happy, and is at least a little manipulative. Equity is the name of the game in a healthy relationship NOT equality.
And jumping to conclusions about people's motivations based on our upset, then deciding to withhold a show of care without any discussion??? That's insanely unhealthy behavior. If I came in to my therapist in OP's shoes talking about this, she'd verbally smack me upside the head. Thinking that any of that is okay is a sign of disregulation, and that work needs to be done. So I'm hoping OP finds her way to therapy, or she's going to blow up her relationship.
I’m in pharmacy school right now and we were just learning about causes, diagnosis and treatment of a stroke. The theme for treating a stroke (or any brain issue) is brain is time, so it’s good that the nurses and doctors in the ER immediately we’re looking after the woman in the one story.
HAPPY HALLOWEEN YALL
So spooky. So spooky.
BOO!
👻tehehehehe
I work directly with students in a classroom setting and I can tell you that shaming and embarrassing students for stuff they can't control (or even for behavior in most cases) does nothing but make the kid feel more like crap than they probably already do. Adults need to learn how to treat children and teens with respect while also teaching them.
Oh shoot a WIRELESS surprise microphone. Daniel’s feeling mischievous today.
Re: gifts. My husband and I have, at times when we struggled financially, decided to only spend literally a few £s, like £5-10 max each at Christmas. Our normal present limit is £30, but sometimes we can't afford to spend the 60 getting each other a gift on our income (we have 4 kids to buy for aswell)
Hands down your best intro Daniel
The paper on the nose bit was top tier. That was me in the back of my classroom being a little shit. Nostalgic.
My worst nightmare as someone with autism and ADHD is a get into a situation where I can’t get a grasp of the dynamic and no one will explain it and someone talks to me and I respond and I’m then branded as an attention seeking disruptor. It’s happened many times and I’ve tried just not talking but then I get branded as anti social and not engaging
Love the tradition of checking in with eye bleach at the end of these 👌🏻✨✨
14:25 yeah I would divorce the guy, even if he was cold turkeying his meds. This is who he is, depression or not. Just absolutely no way.
ehrmehrgehrd the surprise microphone was wireless, I did not see that coming!!
I’m over here bamboozled cuz i thought the old surprise microphone was already wireless
Fro the birthday one - this is also something I've dealt with as giving presents is my love language. A lot of people I know don't reciprocate that love in gift form which is totally fine but the problem is when you're expecting it from them. Just because your love language is gifts, the OPs husband might be quality time instead (he took off work even though finances are tight but knew that your birthday was important). So being on the same page and knowing how your SO, friends or whomever express THEIR love to you might help resolve a situation like this.
I thought I’d finally seen the surprise microphone coming and then you hit us with the second one that’s hocked me to the moon and back
Daniel, you’re my favorite weird therapist 🥰
Hey Daniel,
Just wanted to say I really appreciate your video's and hope you are doing well.❤
I really felt that "brain snaps" when someone you love is hurt/sick. I definitely go offline (panic) but as a mom my response is to hold on so tight that I don't realize that I am not necessarily being helpful anymore. I have about 5 good minutes when the adrenaline first surges and I can be a powerhouse, but then I am a gooey useless mess...
The mom in the hospital story had a PRESCHOOLER; she’d been married for 8 years. Dad should have been taking care of the 3 or 4 year old, worried about feeding his child, not himself.
I want to try this nose post-it instrument lol😂😂😂
3:25 that "everybody, look at bob" story is so incredibly cathartic and i can't explain why but thank you
Next Daniel thrasher video: the weird therapist😂
OK, it's starting to look like "What do you think the nature of gift-giving is?" should be added to the shortlist of questions to ask a potential romantic partner. (AITA vids had multiple posts about hand-made gifts versus store-bought gifts, which led to some heated discussion in the comments. Seems like it's a somewhat important issue for some people.)
I agree, but spending even one holiday together should realistically answer this, right? lol (re: the story in this video) I can't imagine being with someone for that many years and not picking up on their gift habits after so many holidays.
@@jijitters That SHOULD be the case, but judging from other stories... It seems like both sides think the OTHER should adjust for them. (Again, thinking more about these stories in general.)
I'm on an SSRI, being off it for a few days isn't going to make me heartless.
bruh this video is gold. I LOVE DANIEL. his adhd is so present and it is beautiful and artisitic and he needs to enjoy it OHHHH MA GAAAH
This series should be called Thrasher's Reddit Disasters.
Just wanna say, happy Halloween everybody! And to you too sir Daniel! Your Reddit videos always make me smile!
Daniel is just brilliant
Teaching kids being a hard profession doesn't make it okay for teachers to act like little tyrants. I've seen so many teachers in my time just taking out any frustrations they had in life on us kids and nobody could hold them accountable unless the kid dared speak to their parents about it.