- Don’t tell your mom where you are going. - Get your own bank account (w/o your Mom on it), and have ALL your income sent there. - Check your credit regularly, I bet your mom will try to take loans out on your name. - Don’t let her claim you as a dependent.
@@Ivana9910 Being claimed as a dependent helps the recipent/parent save a ton of dough on taxes. It also forces you, the taxpayer yourself to be involved in their audit. Something you wouldn't want to be apart of.
@@xyzsame4081 I'm sorry that your idea is that all women or a great portion of them trap men with a baby. I think most women and men prefer to have a child in a committed long term relationship. A part of them isn't realistic about the chances of that happening with a certain person however. What's the current divorce rate? 40%, 50%?
His narc mother is taking all his money but is on government benefits but wants him to pay her under the table so she doesn't lose her benefits which is illegal by the way. Just because he is living under her roof doesn't mean she can take advantage of him. Yeah he needs to crash at somebody's house for a month and budget his money closely and then roommate with somebody splitting the room. Yeah I love you and I appreciate living in your home but adidos I am moving out-give and date and say goodbye. You are right his situation is dysfunctional.
Make all the arrangements, even start to move some items, then tell her that you'll be out that day. Otherwise, the manipulator will guilt him into staying. Whether he is male , or born female, the answer here is to be strong. Stop the cycle of fraud and abuse.
@@CarnivoreStork I so agree. Otherwise, the heffa is going to talk him out of it. The day he tells her should be the day he leaves. Drop $100.00 in her hand and close the door.
I left my parents home 2 weeks after my 18th birthday. I was in a poor situation like you. I’m happy, paid for my 4 year degree on my own. I own 2 houses now, one paid for. You will be fine. Leave.
He is in a bind. He probably does not want to leave his mother and younger sisters in the cold. Guilt like this when it involves family can be a terrible weight on his mind. He has to defy his mother and leave his sisters maybe with no money at all.
@@bighands69 That's the problem, he needs to open his eyes and see that his family is not in a bind. His mom can get a job and if the money is not enough, she can get some public assistance. The issue is that she wants everything and not do anything for it. It's because of people like her that people push for legislation changes that puts people who really need help in a terrible position.
He needs to check his credit report. I have a feeling he is in for a shock. Also, she will probably still try to claim him for IRS purposes. He needs a credit freseze BEFORE he moves out
Wow, this just reminded me of something as, I’m in my 50s and found out 2 years ago that my mother is highly narcissistic. When she married her 3rd husband, who was a college professor, he was not interested in signing papers for me to attend school for free. She did nothing about it. But, when I filed my taxes one time, I remember angrily calling their tax accountant because, when I filed my taxes, I found out they were claiming me. Now, as I lived in their house, they probably had the legal right. But, the lack of morality speaks for itself AND it also came to fruition, when my mother told me 2 years ago, that she’d always just used me. I wonder what she’ll do if she needs eldercare...
(TL;DR: his financial situation gets worse by moving out) I mean, it all depends on how you look at it. If he takes the $25/hr job, that’s around $52K per year, $40K after taxes (I’m being generous). That’s $3333 per month. Zillow estimates the average one bedroom apartment in LA (where he is from) costs $2160 per month. He would also need to pay utilities which average about $129 per month. He also needs to buy groceries. If he is frugal he could do about $400 per month. A cheap car payment would be around $200. Insurance for a guy his age is likely to be around $120 (he can’t get a group discount from being on parental insurance because he now lives on his own). If he never goes out with friends, dates or spends money on cable or entertainment, he will have about $324 left. So, he goes from having 80% of his income gone to having 91% of his income gone and still needs to make minimum payments on his credits cards and that’s all he is likely to able to afford to do. And I haven’t even been realistic-he is 20 and lives at home. He probably can’t cook and will eat out, plus he probably will need to pay for the laundromat as well. Also, he will need a clothing budget and he has no room for savings so an emergency will send him into a tailspin-likely right back to his mom’s house. Dave got caught in the details on this one. He didn’t think that through.
Courage you need to move out today. You are living in a toxic place. I left my parents house at 21 for the same reason always taking, not giving. Red flags all over the place...
It's nice to hear that a 20 year old man from Los Angeles can be so humble, hard working, respectful and giving. Now it's time for him to take the next step.
I can relate to this call. Growing up we were on government assistance and my mom wouldn’t work because she was afraid of her food stamps and other benefits being taken away. When I started working I had to give my mom money for bills and other things. Even when I got birthday money from my dad I never got to spend it the way I wanted. When I wanted to move out she guilt tripped me by saying things like how will she make. Who is going to help her with the bills. Trust me. This guy is about to go through the same thing.
And then when you protest they hit you with "Im the only one who cared for you when your dad left you owe me this" I'm literally going through what he is as we speak
You have to make a decision. Give your mother enough time to adjust tell her you will be moving out by a certain date. Being a single mother in the welfare trap is not easy but you have to go out on your own and make your own life and family.
You can’t swim with an anchor around your neck. Leave, chase your excellence and wealth, then you can help mom if she still needs it when you are wealthy.
We all have poor role models, but we all have good role models too. The trouble comes when you try to figure out which is which. Your conscience usually helps in that aspect.
Bro, f*** telling your mom ANYTHING! Just dip ASAP! Your promotion is going to help you so much that you'll be more financially stable sooner than you think. But you gotta let your mom go, she's super toxic
Yes, it sounds cold to just ditch because he probably doesn’t want to utterly sever the relationship with his mother and other family members. BUT, he’ll likely come to find out, just how toxic they are, as an entire family dynamic and find that he might not ever want to see them again and get an entirely new life.
Robert Stafford I guess that depends on where he lives. I don’t pay $2K/month for a 1 bedroom. I do earn more than a typical 20 year old and I’m much older than him. But, anything sounds more promising than a parent literally deciding how you earn and what you get to keep. If he were to stay, he should start dictating the choices in that household. Whether she lets him or not should be her problem. I’d bet, if he took the bull by the horns, she wants that money, so she might shut her pie hole. In all likelihood, she needs him, more than he needs her. Definitely one thing I figured out with my controlling narcissistic mother.
@@adolfbidendork2083 you logic is based on him never becoming a Man. he is a young man. He only needs 4 hours a sleep . Every other hour should be for building . He can never be a man living with his Mama....B1.
This is the first and only time I agree with Dave about telling a 20 year old to move out of his parents house. His mom is obviously on something that she has to take her sons money. So sad.
But why, we need both sides of the story 🤔 Lets not be quick to judge. I'm pretty sure there is a good reason behind it. Or she could just be riding the system 🤷 I'm pretty sure Courage didn't always have a job and mom had to make ends meet, or you guys could be right 🤷 Who knows!!!
I strongly disagree with telling her he's leaving. I grew up in a dysfunctional toxic household as well and at 19 I packed a suitcase left and didn't tell my family I was leaving till I was already in another state. Make arrangements prior to getting out and once you get out don't look back
Caryl Halfwassen sadly, as some have found, if you have a narcissistic family dynamic, and this sounds like one, you have to leave the entire family as, it’s typically an entire family dynamic. In this situation, where the mother has set these types of rules, it’s quite likely that she’ll scapegoat him. The siblings will also agree with the mother and feel the sudden pain of financial deficit. But, the fact of the matter is that it should never have been, in the first place and the siblings are unlikely to see that. Just the hint that he’s leaving will cause him to be in a hostile environment, should he make the terrible life choice of staying.
I want to know how him not reporting an income helps her collect extra government money. It doesn't sound like he's in school. If that is the case at his age he shouldn't be on her taxes as a dependent at all.
We do not know her situation so let's not be so critical of her. This is what a classical welfare trap looks like. People get too scared to actually go out and work just encase they lose the welfare check. There is a reason why certain political parties push this.
@@jacobg8640 she can’t claim him as a dependent because of his age, and if he’s living at her house making an income they will cut her off. But for her to take 80% of his income that is just wrong.
@@FeiTheVillain You're kidding right? What kind of defeatist attitude is that? 91K as a single, is great no matter what state (he's in California as per the video). He won't be balling in a 2 bedroom condo, driving a Tesla, eating out daily, rocking Supremes or using a $1200 cell phone on 91K. But he will be able to sock away some decent money in a studio apartment or have a room mate in a 2 bedroom, driving a used car, shopping at Old Navy and making his own meal.
His mother should be ashamed. He sounds like a good kid and doesn’t realize the harm she is doing because he probably idolizes her. Hopefully he can get out and live life on his own. But I see his mother guilt tripping him to live with her forever so he can pay her bills.
I doubt he idolises her, he just doesn’t know any different because he’s grown up with it. What’s normal to us won’t be normal to him, simple as. He just needs educating that it’s not normal.
@@Spazza42 Very true point. I think when we grow up we become our own person. I’m 31 and have been out of the house for 6 years but my mom recently told me that she had to have a talk with my dad when me and my sister were late teens because my father would speak to us any kind of way and as we got older, we got to a point where we would defend our selves - before he would say anything and we’d be quiet but as we got older we found our voice. I could have grown up still feeling like it was “normal” for people to yell and scream at me and allowed myself to be involved with people who treated me badly because that was my normal but I started thinking for myself. I say all that to say, I believe we can grow from what we use to normalize as “normal”. I think he is questioning his normality because he had the guts to call in.
I hope courage took the advice and got out. Speaking from experience, this will go on as long as he lets it. My mom is a taker too, and I had to get out to realize how dysfunctional the relationship was. Loving them at a distance and with some boundaries is the healthiest thing you can do in this situation.
But do u think is it good to put boundaries with yr mom. Cz I'm in the same position ..did that but she kept blemimg me am I not yr mom to do that with me .I'm sooo confused.
I am so glad Dave took this call! None of the others on his team would have been so forthcoming. Sometimes you have to just cut the cord and do your own thing!
I suspect they are immigrants. Courage sounds like they are from Zimbabwe.Those parents are very abusive. African parents especially very abusive financially and emotionally.They dont have children to love them.They have children to have workers and an income
Oh my! That was heartbreaking to hear. I couldn’t imagine doing something like that as a parent to my son. However, it was also encouraging to hear you guys speaking life into that young man by telling him the truth. I pray that he’s strong enough to go forward and break free from the manipulation and control.
Moving out from under the influence of someone that is manipulative, and holds a strong, emotional role, is difficult for the victim and the manipulator WILL be angry with him. I fully agree that the earlier he gets out from under that thumb, the better. Anger fades, and love will prevail.
Oh wow! That is so sad. I have 2 adult children and at 18 they started working and they’ve always kept their own $$. I charged them a minimal rent (like utility bills) so that they would learn experience of what it is to live in the real world. At Age 23 my son bought his first home all on his own. And now my daughter is 24 and is purchasing her own home all on her own as well. You have to let your children fly, not hold them back for your financial gain. I wish Courage the courage & strength to fly on his own. It’s a very liberating feeling!
This young man has a good head on his shoulders for even knowing about Dave! Blessings to you Courage, you will feel so much weight off your back once you leave I promise.
I have listened to all of Dave's videos. I listen to his radio show. I read what he writes. This is one of the best clips I've ever listened to. He and Anthony are awesome hosts.
This is just sad. He sounds like a sweet guy and his momma is taking advantage of him. She outta be ashamed of herself but I’m sure she’s not! This is the problem when people think kids are retirement and income plans. Parents somehow convince themselves they made a sacrifice..._sacrifice the child didn’t ask for. Now they want ROI for the so called sacrifice. Boundaries!!!! Maybe he can rent a room.
Totally.. had to say no to mom who wants to move in with me after I moved out, and she flipped hard... cursed me and all. Only years later she is thinking of retirement that don’t involve living with me or me being the solution.
@@einstini15 I think the main thing she is doing is filing him as a dependent for the tax return. Also since he has credit cards if he froze his account he wouldn't be able to use his own. That's why I suggested just filing his taxes
@@einstini15 that's what I mean, he won't be able to open a new card. He never said he was worried about that. He probably already checks his credit report because of him having a card. Now I could understand him doing that once he moves out, but as long as he's paying her money she's not going the other route
Actually really good that this young lad is about to take a huge pill of uncomfortable decision making. He will appreciate the fruits of this single decision for the rest of his life. His wife and kids are going to thankful of this as well.
It was nice to hear some strong men stand up for Courage. I think deep down he knows he is being wronged and I'm so glad he called and got the support. I honestly wish we could get follow ups on some of these
He seems to be a good guy, and really motivated man. Dave would probably say something like "your mom gives so many guilt trips, she could be a travel agent". I really hope the best for him, and I think he has the COURAGE to build a great future for himself, and create a bright future for his future family.
Mothers who enslave their children financially to their problems is the worst type of abuse. Don’t give her your income, period. DO NOT TELL HER YOU ARE LEAVING OR WHERE YOU ARE GOING. !!!
When I was little I worked on the family farm, driving tractors and stuff. Paid under the table. My dad would keep 80% and put it in a college fund, and I would keep the 20%. Did that from 12 years old to 17. Paid for my college loans. Because they made me pay my own loan for a while to learn to pay my debts then just paid them off in full when I got the lesson.
WOOOOOW! I had a 17 yo patient this was happening to. I had one mother admit that she had her 16 yo start work to help take care of house and siblings while she stays home. Mothers don’t work and bully their child into giving their entire paycheck and ration the child 20 dollars here and there and complain if they ask for more.The guilt trip these children go through is insurmountable. To the point where they feel brain washed. If you’re of age, see if you can explain situation to a family or friend, crash somewhere for a month or 2 and transition to you own. Rent a room or get a room mate or two so you can continue to save and build for a while. Get out of there. You don’t have to tell the parent. You are an adult. This is pathetic on a parents part; I’m sorry. Children are not something we breed to take care of us like an animal. It’s our job to raise them and teach them how to go out and be productive members of society and forge their own way.
When I listen to stories about parents that behave like this I am ever grateful for the fact that when I was growing up, my parents were the parents in the relationship.
God bless Courage! You'll be able to grow when you move out and grow in all your relationships and teach your siblings. Every one will be healthier for her. Then if you want a family later on you'll already be in a healthier mind set and situation.
Thank GOD this guy found you guys!!!! His mother wouuld have him locked into generational poverty and corruption! HE NEEDS TO SET BOUNDARIES with her and always tell her NO !!!!!
It's nasty because not only is she ripping him off financially and undermining efforts to get on in his life but she's also putting him at risk for being prosecuted for fraud and ending up with a criminal record. And she has the audacity to call him selfish!
Living with my mom 99% of my income went to my mom. I only saw change. Had to leave to live with friends to be able to work for myself. It blew up on me too after I kept taking it from her. People finally offered me a place to stay after my brother layed his hands on me rather than just talking that I need to leave from there.
I paid my mother under the table to my mum just because I said I wanted to move out and I was already paying for school tuitions and books. It’s like crazy how she wants to kick me out knowing I barely have anything saved. It’s like we are young adults and how can we pay for certain things if we have not been set in life. And already parents would be asking for so much.
He may have younger siblings that live with the mother, did not mention a father, so I guess he can't and he shouldn't deliver his mom to the system (have a look how big biz exploits the loopholes and the stimulus money, also what was intended for smaller biz).
No it is easy...you have to prioritize not being a victim over having a home. Also dave told him to find a friend to stay with for a month while he gets on his feet.
I started working 3 weeks ago I just turned 19 and my mom took all my pay checks and said she will give me the money whenever I need it because she thinks I’m gonna spend on bad things
@@lucius8686 that is different, she is trying too help you. but you should be able too keep around 25%-40% just too spend as fun money. Amd she should teach you, how to spend your money wisely and save it.
She accomplishes two things...she gets play money while she " manages obligations "..two..this keeps him under her thumb so he will always need her. This is toxic.
I'm 20 years old, I live at home, and my mom still runs my life. My name is Courage. Oh boy. It's not this generation's fault. It's the parents. We really are in a mess.
I have been in that situation before. The mom is living centuries ago were the children would grow up and and care for the parents. Run and don't look back!
so many young men need to stand up to their mothers. There's nothing wrong wit h standing up when she's wrong rather than being stepped on like this all the time.
Well I mean she’s clearly following the 80/20 rule...80% off of her 20 year old‘s paycheck
Thanks for that. I needed a laugh.
🤣🤣🤣🤣... I needed this because what his mom is doing makes me sad
🤣🤣🤣
Ufff 😂😅😂😅😂
Man you made me chuckle with that one 😂
This is one of the rare callers that I want an update.
Thought the same thing
Right!
This Dave guys a clown in every facet of the word.
Plot twist: his mom told him he can't leave and she's raising his dues to 90% of his income
@@letmecatchyouslippin2425 Why do you say that? Him using common sense is wrong how?
Welcome to generational poverty, he needs to get out ASAP.
He’s off to a really good start! Love to see people breaking the cycle. I’m sure it’s not east
- Don’t tell your mom where you are going.
- Get your own bank account (w/o your Mom on it), and have ALL your income sent there.
- Check your credit regularly, I bet your mom will try to take loans out on your name.
- Don’t let her claim you as a dependent.
wait why not let her claim me as a dependent? She probably do even after I move out. What does it do?
@@Ivana9910 Being claimed as a dependent helps the recipent/parent save a ton of dough on taxes. It also forces you, the taxpayer yourself to be involved in their audit. Something you wouldn't want to be apart of.
@@kevindao1103 ah I see
@@frugaldutchmom1359 he also should be VERY careful with birth control. He seems like a man that is easy to be taken advantage of.
@@xyzsame4081 I'm sorry that your idea is that all women or a great portion of them trap men with a baby.
I think most women and men prefer to have a child in a committed long term relationship. A part of them isn't realistic about the chances of that happening with a certain person however.
What's the current divorce rate? 40%, 50%?
There are a lot of single mothers who live off their children like this. Sad.
Son husband
😢
Son husband....beta male provider in training
@@achavez78 messes them up for future women
Im blessed to have a single mother completely on the other side of the spectrum
Yeah, my underclass parent didn’t want me to get a job, either. When this dude escapes, he will realize the dysfunction he was living under.
His narc mother is taking all his money but is on government benefits but wants him to pay her under the table so she doesn't lose her benefits which is illegal by the way. Just because he is living under her roof doesn't mean she can take advantage of him. Yeah he needs to crash at somebody's house for a month and budget his money closely and then roommate with somebody splitting the room. Yeah I love you and I appreciate living in your home but adidos I am moving out-give and date and say goodbye. You are right his situation is dysfunctional.
💯
Yea lol never any optimism
He will realize the time wasted too.
Definitely a toxic family, he has to leave
DO NOT TELL YOUR MOM YOU ARE MOVING!
What's the alternative, leave and freak her out?
@@DigiMyst Yep, tell her you have MOVED.
Exactly Michelle!!!
Do not tell mom you’re moving till after it’s said and done.
Make all the arrangements, even start to move some items, then tell her that you'll be out that day. Otherwise, the manipulator will guilt him into staying. Whether he is male , or born female, the answer here is to be strong. Stop the cycle of fraud and abuse.
@@CarnivoreStork I so agree. Otherwise, the heffa is going to talk him out of it. The day he tells her should be the day he leaves. Drop $100.00 in her hand and close the door.
The IRS has entered the chat.
And so has DHS!
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
This call can be monitored or recorded for quality purposes.
@@G-bit88 lol
This call is monitored for training purposes...IRS agent training services lol
I left my parents home 2 weeks after my 18th birthday. I was in a poor situation like you. I’m happy, paid for my 4 year degree on my own. I own 2 houses now, one paid for.
You will be fine. Leave.
He is in a bind. He probably does not want to leave his mother and younger sisters in the cold. Guilt like this when it involves family can be a terrible weight on his mind. He has to defy his mother and leave his sisters maybe with no money at all.
@@bighands69 Next thing a younger sibling might move in with him when he has his own place that _can_ work if the siblings get along well.
niiiiiiice much respect! ♥
Wow congrats!! You're an inspiration
@@bighands69 That's the problem, he needs to open his eyes and see that his family is not in a bind. His mom can get a job and if the money is not enough, she can get some public assistance. The issue is that she wants everything and not do anything for it. It's because of people like her that people push for legislation changes that puts people who really need help in a terrible position.
At 20 years old, you are already ahead. Take that income and establish yourself my friend!
Best to move to a LOW income place and get $15 per hour than live in LA at $25.
@@adolfbidendork2083 Good advice there! Cost of living in many places of California is through the roof! Thanks for the input.
Telling you !!! Need about 5000+ to realistically survive I hope he makes it
@@Mychannel-gr1fn you got it. 💪🏼
Courage: My mom takes 80% of my income.
Dave: Sell your mom!
😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂
Lol 😂😂😂😂😂
Good one, I needed that 🤣
She is worse than a car loan! (That's kinda though to beat!)
Mom probably has an only fans.
She been giving this dude a guilt trip his whole life. And she will disown him if he stands up for himself
Good!
Good, it may be for the best. We aren’t obligated to stay connected to toxic people in our life. Parent or not. 🤷🏽♂️
The narcissistic DISCARD is what it's called I believe.
Good!!!
That does happen.
He needs to check his credit report. I have a feeling he is in for a shock. Also, she will probably still try to claim him for IRS purposes. He needs a credit freseze BEFORE he moves out
good idea
He said he has credit card debt he needs to pay off.
Wow, this just reminded me of something as, I’m in my 50s and found out 2 years ago that my mother is highly narcissistic.
When she married her 3rd husband, who was a college professor, he was not interested in signing papers for me to attend school for free. She did nothing about it. But, when I filed my taxes one time, I remember angrily calling their tax accountant because, when I filed my taxes, I found out they were claiming me. Now, as I lived in their house, they probably had the legal right. But, the lack of morality speaks for itself AND it also came to fruition, when my mother told me 2 years ago, that she’d always just used me. I wonder what she’ll do if she needs eldercare...
yep
Yes. There may be some identity theft
I’m astonished that someone of such little character raised this young man who seems to have incredible character. God speed, young man!
it makes sense, he has had to take on all of the responsibility that the mother should have been taking on to look after her kid
Isn't he just too precious?
Now the state etc will now know
Government charity sometimes makes people dishonest. It also stops them from making progress in their lives less they give up that little check
Unfortunately this high level of maturity is a side effect of being abused and having to grow up beyond expectations of their age. Disgusting parent.
He sounds like he is just really giving and nice. I hope he goes through with this. For his own good.
Yea he's a simp raised by a toxic mother.
@@mr.e5791 Harsh words but true
(TL;DR: his financial situation gets worse by moving out) I mean, it all depends on how you look at it. If he takes the $25/hr job, that’s around $52K per year, $40K after taxes (I’m being generous). That’s $3333 per month. Zillow estimates the average one bedroom apartment in LA (where he is from) costs $2160 per month. He would also need to pay utilities which average about $129 per month. He also needs to buy groceries. If he is frugal he could do about $400 per month. A cheap car payment would be around $200. Insurance for a guy his age is likely to be around $120 (he can’t get a group discount from being on parental insurance because he now lives on his own). If he never goes out with friends, dates or spends money on cable or entertainment, he will have about $324 left. So, he goes from having 80% of his income gone to having 91% of his income gone and still needs to make minimum payments on his credits cards and that’s all he is likely to able to afford to do. And I haven’t even been realistic-he is 20 and lives at home. He probably can’t cook and will eat out, plus he probably will need to pay for the laundromat as well. Also, he will need a clothing budget and he has no room for savings so an emergency will send him into a tailspin-likely right back to his mom’s house. Dave got caught in the details on this one. He didn’t think that through.
@@shalombereshiyth he can rent a room somewhere, he does not need to rent an apartment.
Knew a lady who did this to her teenaged sons. Refused to work and charged them rent.
Dave, this young man is obviously in an abusive home. He needs to be led through things.
Agreed!!! Im happy he called
@Gess C Why did he only charge u and not the other brothers&sisters?
@Gess C Sorry 2 hear about the struggle. Thank God ur free.
No one needs to be led. Stand up and be a man. We from these streets round heyur
I'm wondering if this young man has some challenges is that why she takes his money.
What a manipulative mother. That’s really
Sad.
Sad to say too many out here like that
A lot of them out there. I know quite a few, it is deeply disturbing.
Abusive is the word 😢🎉
Abusive is the word 😢🎉
Courage you need to move out today. You are living in a toxic place.
I left my parents house at 21 for the same reason always taking, not giving. Red flags all over the place...
Same here Im greatful for it though to not do that to my children ❤❤❤
It's nice to hear that a 20 year old man from Los Angeles can be so humble, hard working, respectful and giving. Now it's time for him to take the next step.
I can relate to this call. Growing up we were on government assistance and my mom wouldn’t work because she was afraid of her food stamps and other benefits being taken away. When I started working I had to give my mom money for bills and other things. Even when I got birthday money from my dad I never got to spend it the way I wanted. When I wanted to move out she guilt tripped me by saying things like how will she make. Who is going to help her with the bills. Trust me. This guy is about to go through the same thing.
And how did she make it on her own?
@@pmbarroshe’s fine. She got knocked up by 3 different guys and has child support coming in now.
🎉 😊 0:58 😢😂p😢😢😮
He aged out of her welfare doll at 18 and then required HIM to keep paying!!! Toxic toxic toxic.
Mom is toxic. Get out of there. Even if you gotta live with a friend for a bit.
Mom has to realize this is her son and not her man. Besides, Courage can do better and even help his mom by leaving.
I feel sorry for the man whose wife takes 80% of his paycheck. lol. ;)
I know what you're saying. :)
Son husband
And then when you protest they hit you with "Im the only one who cared for you when your dad left you owe me this" I'm literally going through what he is as we speak
You have to make a decision. Give your mother enough time to adjust tell her you will be moving out by a certain date.
Being a single mother in the welfare trap is not easy but you have to go out on your own and make your own life and family.
Never tell her when or if your moving out just be gradually doing it
I hope you both get out of this situation soon.🙏
You can’t swim with an anchor around your neck. Leave, chase your excellence and wealth, then you can help mom if she still needs it when you are wealthy.
@@onebridge7231 Yeah your exactly right, how am I supposed to help others when i haven’t even been able to help my self
Much respect to this young who is honorable despite having a very poor role model
Respect for being taken for a ride without having a spine to stop it? 🤔🤔 nah
We all have poor role models, but we all have good role models too. The trouble comes when you try to figure out which is which. Your conscience usually helps in that aspect.
Bro, f*** telling your mom ANYTHING! Just dip ASAP! Your promotion is going to help you so much that you'll be more financially stable sooner than you think. But you gotta let your mom go, she's super toxic
Yes, it sounds cold to just ditch because he probably doesn’t want to utterly sever the relationship with his mother and other family members. BUT, he’ll likely come to find out, just how toxic they are, as an entire family dynamic and find that he might not ever want to see them again and get an entirely new life.
He should RUN TODAY with only the shirt on his back..B1
LOL...so he gets an apartment at $2000 each month and buys food at $400. $25 take away about 40% for taxes or higher. He will be in a bigger hole...
Robert Stafford I guess that depends on where he lives. I don’t pay $2K/month for a 1 bedroom. I do earn more than a typical 20 year old and I’m much older than him. But, anything sounds more promising than a parent literally deciding how you earn and what you get to keep. If he were to stay, he should start dictating the choices in that household. Whether she lets him or not should be her problem. I’d bet, if he took the bull by the horns, she wants that money, so she might shut her pie hole. In all likelihood, she needs him, more than he needs her. Definitely one thing I figured out with my controlling narcissistic mother.
@@adolfbidendork2083 you logic is based on him never becoming a Man. he is a young man. He only needs 4 hours a sleep . Every other hour should be for building . He can never be a man living with his Mama....B1.
This is the first and only time I agree with Dave about telling a 20 year old to move out of his parents house. His mom is obviously on something that she has to take her sons money. So sad.
yep....she's on lazyitis.....common among welfare cases.
Yep! She is ON welfare.
But why, we need both sides of the story 🤔 Lets not be quick to judge. I'm pretty sure there is a good reason behind it. Or she could just be riding the system 🤷 I'm pretty sure Courage didn't always have a job and mom had to make ends meet, or you guys could be right 🤷 Who knows!!!
Yeah but he was a kid. That was her job
He`s 20... time to cut the cord lady!
I strongly disagree with telling her he's leaving. I grew up in a dysfunctional toxic household as well and at 19 I packed a suitcase left and didn't tell my family I was leaving till I was already in another state. Make arrangements prior to getting out and once you get out don't look back
🎉8 p76🎉🎉😂😢
This young man really needed to hear this. I'm so glad he called in
Poor kid. Reminds me of myself. He needs to put as much distance as he can between him and his mom.
When I did this in my life, took the negativity of that person away , my life became ten folds better
And his siblings?
Caryl Halfwassen sadly, as some have found, if you have a narcissistic family dynamic, and this sounds like one, you have to leave the entire family as, it’s typically an entire family dynamic.
In this situation, where the mother has set these types of rules, it’s quite likely that she’ll scapegoat him. The siblings will also agree with the mother and feel the sudden pain of financial deficit. But, the fact of the matter is that it should never have been, in the first place and the siblings are unlikely to see that. Just the hint that he’s leaving will cause him to be in a hostile environment, should he make the terrible life choice of staying.
That mother will never let him go. He's gonna have to stand up strong
That's so bad of his mother to have him work under the table so she can collect government money. He needs to go.
@@BobDobbs681 it’s not maybe lol it is.
I want to know how him not reporting an income helps her collect extra government money. It doesn't sound like he's in school. If that is the case at his age he shouldn't be on her taxes as a dependent at all.
We do not know her situation so let's not be so critical of her. This is what a classical welfare trap looks like.
People get too scared to actually go out and work just encase they lose the welfare check. There is a reason why certain political parties push this.
@@jacobg8640 she can’t claim him as a dependent because of his age, and if he’s living at her house making an income they will cut her off. But for her to take 80% of his income that is just wrong.
@@jacobg8640 She's collecting foodstamps for him and he's getting his Healthcare for free through Medical
At 20 he'll be making more than most people. Once he moves out he'll be fine.
Yeah. At 40/hr week + 20/hr overtime, he’ll be making $91,000/year. What a GREAT income for a 20 y/o!!
@@collinsmith2568 That depends on what state he lives in. 91k per year in a state that taxes heavily is just ok.
@@FeiTheVillain yeah that’s definitely true. And living wages in the state. Guess I hadn’t thought too deep about it lol
@@FeiTheVillain You're kidding right? What kind of defeatist attitude is that?
91K as a single, is great no matter what state (he's in California as per the video). He won't be balling in a 2 bedroom condo, driving a Tesla, eating out daily, rocking Supremes or using a $1200 cell phone on 91K. But he will be able to sock away some decent money in a studio apartment or have a room mate in a 2 bedroom, driving a used car, shopping at Old Navy and making his own meal.
@@collinsmith2568 he won’t be getting taxed 80% like what his mom is doing to him
"She made a mistake, she called you Courage."
Love that!
I think Anthony did a really nice job here. I worry that none of the panel will do it like Dave but Anthony was awesome here.
I love the level of respect they withhold still while being humorous. I love it !🙏🏽
I agree!! Its so entertaining
His mother should be ashamed. He sounds like a good kid and doesn’t realize the harm she is doing because he probably idolizes her. Hopefully he can get out and live life on his own. But I see his mother guilt tripping him to live with her forever so he can pay her bills.
I doubt he idolises her, he just doesn’t know any different because he’s grown up with it. What’s normal to us won’t be normal to him, simple as. He just needs educating that it’s not normal.
@@Spazza42 Very true point. I think when we grow up we become our own person. I’m 31 and have been out of the house for 6 years but my mom recently told me that she had to have a talk with my dad when me and my sister were late teens because my father would speak to us any kind of way and as we got older, we got to a point where we would defend our selves - before he would say anything and we’d be quiet but as we got older we found our voice. I could have grown up still feeling like it was “normal” for people to yell and scream at me and allowed myself to be involved with people who treated me badly because that was my normal but I started thinking for myself. I say all that to say, I believe we can grow from what we use to normalize as “normal”. I think he is questioning his normality because he had the guts to call in.
Boys need strong men in their lives.
Yes they do. I’m sure this boy will become prosperous because he’s listening to Dave at such a young age.
men always run from their responsibilities so theyre obviously not strong.
I was glad he called. Dave and Anthony stood up strong for him
@@gennagresham3986 Not true. Most fathers are alienated from their kids. So they have no chance of taking responsibility.
@@Faith-un7ns I cannot like this comment enough!
Mum said she doesn’t want to talk right now, that’s okay because she will come around later, she wants money 💰.
Savage! ....and true 😂
I feel for this kid, the same thing happened to me when I was living with my mom
I hope courage took the advice and got out. Speaking from experience, this will go on as long as he lets it. My mom is a taker too, and I had to get out to realize how dysfunctional the relationship was. Loving them at a distance and with some boundaries is the healthiest thing you can do in this situation.
But do u think is it good to put boundaries with yr mom. Cz I'm in the same position ..did that but she kept blemimg me am I not yr mom to do that with me .I'm sooo confused.
I am so glad Dave took this call! None of the others on his team would have been so forthcoming. Sometimes you have to just cut the cord and do your own thing!
Courage seems like a very nice young man. I hope he made his escape. I wish there could be an update on his situation.
I suspect they are immigrants. Courage sounds like they are from Zimbabwe.Those parents are very abusive. African parents especially very abusive financially and emotionally.They dont have children to love them.They have children to have workers and an income
Oh my! That was heartbreaking to hear. I couldn’t imagine doing something like that as a parent to my son. However, it was also encouraging to hear you guys speaking life into that young man by telling him the truth. I pray that he’s strong enough to go forward and break free from the manipulation and control.
I've always said, "the system is broken when you get more on it than off it." Leaves zero incentive to get off the system.
Moving out from under the influence of someone that is manipulative, and holds a strong, emotional role, is difficult for the victim and the manipulator WILL be angry with him. I fully agree that the earlier he gets out from under that thumb, the better. Anger fades, and love will prevail.
Never heard Dave call someone a Turkey before
Oh wow! That is so sad. I have 2 adult children and at 18 they started working and they’ve always kept their own $$. I charged them a minimal rent (like utility bills) so that they would learn experience of what it is to live in the real world. At Age 23 my son bought his first home all on his own. And now my daughter is 24 and is purchasing her own home all on her own as well. You have to let your children fly, not hold them back for your financial gain. I wish Courage the courage & strength to fly on his own. It’s a very liberating feeling!
You charged them rent? You're a monster! Lol jk
This young man has a good head on his shoulders for even knowing about Dave! Blessings to you Courage, you will feel so much weight off your back once you leave I promise.
I have listened to all of Dave's videos. I listen to his radio show. I read what he writes. This is one of the best clips I've ever listened to. He and Anthony are awesome hosts.
This is just sad. He sounds like a sweet guy and his momma is taking advantage of him. She outta be ashamed of herself but I’m sure she’s not! This is the problem when people think kids are retirement and income plans. Parents somehow convince themselves they made a sacrifice..._sacrifice the child didn’t ask for. Now they want ROI for the so called sacrifice. Boundaries!!!!
Maybe he can rent a room.
Totally.. had to say no to mom who wants to move in with me after I moved out, and she flipped hard... cursed me and all. Only years later she is thinking of retirement that don’t involve living with me or me being the solution.
There is a book about boundaries. I think the author was Townsend or something close.
Yes, that’s that narcissistic parenting. I discovered I have one. I wonder what she’s going to do for eldercare now.
@@privateprivate8366 call the 800 # to a place for mom. 😂
V M that, too, is her problem. They can take her 2 properties, where she destroyed the pipes, by letting them freeze over, too.
Check your credit and then freeze it because she knows your social.
Or just file your own taxes next year and let the IRS deal with her
@@michellerichardson3090 The freeze is to make sure she doesnt open credit cards or a car/house with your social
@@einstini15 I think the main thing she is doing is filing him as a dependent for the tax return. Also since he has credit cards if he froze his account he wouldn't be able to use his own. That's why I suggested just filing his taxes
@@michellerichardson3090 freezing your credit doesnt stop you from using your existing credit cards. It stops people from opening new lines of credit.
@@einstini15 that's what I mean, he won't be able to open a new card. He never said he was worried about that. He probably already checks his credit report because of him having a card. Now I could understand him doing that once he moves out, but as long as he's paying her money she's not going the other route
Actually really good that this young lad is about to take a huge pill of uncomfortable decision making. He will appreciate the fruits of this single decision for the rest of his life. His wife and kids are going to thankful of this as well.
Go Courage! We're rooting for you brother!
Got a job at 17, moms was taxing me hard. Moved out at 17 and been on my own ever sense.
*since
@@mysticaltyger2009 yeah sometimes people make errors. I appreciate your response and correction. You are a scholar.
Started at 15, 19 now and I only sometimes help out. Im very Lucky to only have to pay for my own stuff (school for example)
How did you moto it at 17
A parent who uses his/her kids is not just selfish. She is a USER, and the worst kind. Using your kid as a meal ticket is despicable.
Family can be toxic. You can’t tell me nothing. Especially moms.
Preach!
My brother in law couldn't figure out why I keep my distance with my family the past few years but figured it out the past 6 months.
All I can say is, when I left, I never turned back. My brothers that are 3-5 years younger then me are GOING THROUGH it right now with her.
Amen
could be a close knit immigrant family and she guilt trips him with help of cultural norms.
Was living in a very similar situation to this. I’ve been on my own for 2 years and it is the best thing that’s ever happened to me
His mom is gonna act a fool when he TRIES to leave! She lives off his income. He better leave for work one day and not go back! 🚗
It was nice to hear some strong men stand up for Courage. I think deep down he knows he is being wronged and I'm so glad he called and got the support. I honestly wish we could get follow ups on some of these
He seems to be a good guy, and really motivated man. Dave would probably say something like "your mom gives so many guilt trips, she could be a travel agent". I really hope the best for him, and I think he has the COURAGE to build a great future for himself, and create a bright future for his future family.
Mothers who enslave their children financially to their problems is the worst type of abuse. Don’t give her your income, period.
DO NOT TELL HER YOU ARE LEAVING OR WHERE YOU ARE GOING. !!!
...the worst...?...what world do you live in...?...
When I was little I worked on the family farm, driving tractors and stuff. Paid under the table. My dad would keep 80% and put it in a college fund, and I would keep the 20%. Did that from 12 years old to 17. Paid for my college loans. Because they made me pay my own loan for a while to learn to pay my debts then just paid them off in full when I got the lesson.
Difference is he kept the money for YOU, not lived off you. Congrats! Dad is the bomb!
Awesome advice.
God bless you guys, Happy New Year!!!
Name- Courage
Dave-WHHAATTT?😂
Made me remember Courage the cowardly dog
You got this, courage!!
He needs to move out, and rent a room.
If you can do that.
Another single mother using her kid for an income. Sir MOVE OUT NOW. You owe her NOTHING.
WOOOOOW! I had a 17 yo patient this was happening to. I had one mother admit that she had her 16 yo start work to help take care of house and siblings while she stays home. Mothers don’t work and bully their child into giving their entire paycheck and ration the child 20 dollars here and there and complain if they ask for more.The guilt trip these children go through is insurmountable. To the point where they feel brain washed. If you’re of age, see if you can explain situation to a family or friend, crash somewhere for a month or 2 and transition to you own. Rent a room or get a room mate or two so you can continue to save and build for a while. Get out of there. You don’t have to tell the parent. You are an adult. This is pathetic on a parents part; I’m sorry. Children are not something we breed to take care of us like an animal. It’s our job to raise them and teach them how to go out and be productive members of society and forge their own way.
Leave today, cut all contact and if you need to communicate with her use intermediaries.
Your mom is a narcissist.
As a mother, I cannot fathom treating any of my children that way, incredibly so after they become my ADULT son or daughter
This is one of my favorite calls, great stuff
Dave, you've got to have Courage to move out.
ahahahha
If Courage could see into the future, he’d know he’d need tons more courage to stay in that mess.
When I listen to stories about parents that behave like this I am ever grateful for the fact that when I was growing up, my parents were the parents in the relationship.
God bless Courage! You'll be able to grow when you move out and grow in all your relationships and teach your siblings. Every one will be healthier for her. Then if you want a family later on you'll already be in a healthier mind set and situation.
My dad did same thing to me too.
I left his house and I started doing good for myself.
"What's your name again?" XD absolutely brilliant
I was in a similar situation myself. But I told mom “NO” and eventually she kicked me out.
Thank GOD this guy found you guys!!!! His mother wouuld have him locked into generational poverty and corruption! HE NEEDS TO SET BOUNDARIES with her and always tell her NO !!!!!
It's nasty because not only is she ripping him off financially and undermining efforts to get on in his life but she's also putting him at risk for being prosecuted for fraud and ending up with a criminal record. And she has the audacity to call him selfish!
My mom is the same way. It took me at 27 to leave. It's going to happen or else you will suffer.
It took me 24 years but we’ll worth it
Good for you
This young man doesn’t have a father to guide him, so glad he could call and ask for advice
Times like this I wish Dave could be a little more uh... mean? This mom deserves no honor. He needs to run and never look back.
I just found the channel, but you guys give fantastic advice!
"she'll come back around. she'll want money later."
lol.
She won't let you? You're 20.
Living with my mom 99% of my income went to my mom. I only saw change. Had to leave to live with friends to be able to work for myself. It blew up on me too after I kept taking it from her. People finally offered me a place to stay after my brother layed his hands on me rather than just talking that I need to leave from there.
I paid my mother under the table to my mum just because I said I wanted to move out and I was already paying for school tuitions and books. It’s like crazy how she wants to kick me out knowing I barely have anything saved. It’s like we are young adults and how can we pay for certain things if we have not been set in life. And already parents would be asking for so much.
Charge the mom with welfare fraud. Son needs some male influences like Anthony and Dave in his life.
I completely agreee
Then he gets kicked out. Lool not as easy as that
Word
He may have younger siblings that live with the mother, did not mention a father, so I guess he can't and he shouldn't deliver his mom to the system (have a look how big biz exploits the loopholes and the stimulus money, also what was intended for smaller biz).
No it is easy...you have to prioritize not being a victim over having a home. Also dave told him to find a friend to stay with for a month while he gets on his feet.
This is beyond sad, I pray he will leave. His mama need to be a shame of herself, living off her son!!
I really want to comment on this UA-cam post, but my mother won’t let me...
After he gets his own place, his mother will still come knocking for money
Another reason that he has to move out with no notice and NEVER tell her where he is living.
Taking 80% of you kids pay is very selfish anf making him not getting a promotion. Imagine holding your own kid back in life🤢
Just so she can stay on welfare. She should be excited her son is moving up instead of delaying his future goals.
@Sponge Bob
Government fraud from both mom and the son getting paid under the table.
@Sponge Bob
You’re right, it’s affecting things all down the line in both directions.
I started working 3 weeks ago I just turned 19 and my mom took all my pay checks and said she will give me the money whenever I need it because she thinks I’m gonna spend on bad things
@@lucius8686 that is different, she is trying too help you. but you should be able too keep around 25%-40% just too spend as fun money. Amd she should teach you, how to spend your money wisely and save it.
Pack your bags and get out on your own. Don't let the door hit you on the way out. Run.
She accomplishes two things...she gets play money while she " manages obligations "..two..this keeps him under her thumb so he will always need her. This is toxic.
The IRS and DHS are gonna have a field day with this Situation
I'm 20 years old, I live at home, and my mom still runs my life. My name is Courage.
Oh boy. It's not this generation's fault. It's the parents. We really are in a mess.
He didn't pick the name. Not his fault his mother is a controlling deadbeat. How would he know any different.
@@abark yes, it's his parents' fault. Notice I mentioned that?
I have been in that situation before. The mom is living centuries ago were the children would grow up and and care for the parents. Run and don't look back!
so many young men need to stand up to their mothers. There's nothing wrong wit h standing up when she's wrong rather than being stepped on like this all the time.
My grandparents were this toxic to my parents. It ended with my parents cutting them out of our lives cuz they just didn’t get it.