My New Husband Won't Let Me Support My Kids
Вставка
- Опубліковано 2 січ 2021
- 💵 Create Your Free Budget! Sign up for EveryDollar ⮕ ter.li/6h2c45
📱Download the Ramsey Network App ⮕ ter.li/ajeshj
🛒 Visit The Ramsey Store ⮕ ter.li/7vyom2
📞 Have a question for the show? Call 888-825-5225 weekdays from 2-5 pm ET or send us a message ter.li/n88ly5
Explore More Shows from Ramsey Network:
🎙️ The Ramsey Show ⮕ ter.li/ng9950
🍸 Smart Money Happy Hour ⮕ ter.li/9gcp3d
🧠 The Dr. John Delony Show ⮕ ter.li/2u3mc0
💰 George Kamel ⮕ ter.li/1elws8
💡 The Rachel Cruze Show ⮕ ter.li/n2u6jc
💼 The Ken Coleman Show - Highlights ⮕ ter.li/1rbjr2
📈 EntreLeadership ⮕ ter.li/ktxv2k
Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy
www.ramseysolutions.com/compa...
Say goodbye to debt forever. Start Ramsey+ for free: bit.ly/35ufR1q
If he says “it’s the kids or our marriage” drop him like a hot potato.
And people wonder why there's an epidemic of single mothers.
@pharmer 2020 And what kind of mother did you have?
@pharmer 2020 aka terrible parent Xd. For real, how old are you, how much do you make and how much do you have? If by 30 you make less than $70k and have less than $200k, you are doing worse than average...
@@cj5848 Men do understand the value of children and raising a family. Men just don't want to support grown adult's from previous relationships. Those adult kids are not his responsibility.
Also, women need to stop picking losers to have kids with. Women have 100% autonomy over who they procreate with. If their baby daddy is a deadbeat then it is the women's fault only.
@@chiefs816kc they will always, alwaus be her blood. Her babies. Her life. He can kick rocks. And he knew about this. And they are almost done with school.
He definatly needs to kick rocks
He moved out? Change the locks, get a divorce. He's not helping financially so you're not missing out on anything. And him using the Christian line is BS. Hes one of those bible cherry pickers.
I know exactly what's wrong he's been watching too much jlp and is afraid of being a beeeeeyyydaaa
Bible cherry picker! That is perfect terminology
@@alexacosta2774 jlp?
Bible cherry picker is a great way to describe it, I'm stealing that!
@@hakirby Jesse Lee Peterson.
Any person that says “it’s me or your kids” needs to go.
will u marry me?
I know exactly what's wrong he's been watching too much jlp and is afraid of being a beeeeeyyydaaa
They are adults not kids. Also, it sounds like she's not paying bills in the marriage.
Their argument probably went something like “they are too old for you to be financially support them” and it escalated to this.
these aren't kids.
He is trying to make her choose between him and her kids. That’s a losing situation bud.
I would chose my kids .
Not always. My parents were divorced and they chose their spouses over their children.
No he's making her choose between THEM or financially supporting adults.
That is one of the main reasons to not date single mothers .
@@bend4236 bingo
He’s jealous of your relationship with your children and is now trying to manipulate you by twisting it and making it seem like you’re the one choosing them over your marriage. Let him go.
Bingo 🎯
Thats the point
Well said well said
Hes not jealous of those kids. Those kids arent his and he doesnt care about them. He wants a life with his wife who cant cut the cord on her man children.
Naw.....thats f up... no guy is willing to take care of kids that are not his 😂😂😂 get outta here hehehhehe
🤦🏻♀️ Sorry lady, pick your kids....no regrets or second thoughts. Your marriage is over. Good riddance.
As soon as she mentioned that he said "you should submit to me", I thought this sounds like a control freak. He will continue to drive a wedge between this woman and her family until she is totally dependent upon him for everything.
Like my father did with my mom smh
That's basically alpha male status, but it does not work under Feminism.
Exactly. This man is manipulating her to get her away from her support system to isolate her and control her. It’s textbook cycle of domestic violence starting
Classic narc!😔
That's called marriage. Don't agree with it? Don't get married. Want all the benefits of religion but don't want the negative that comes with it.
Any man who uses the "submit" argument for bs...is not a good husband. Divorce him.
@@saulgoodman2018 😂💯
Bad advice
@@saulgoodman2018 😂😂😂💀
I have not yet tried this on my wife. Going to get a helmet and see how it goes. Lol
If she says “my kids go first” drop her like a hot potato she demands him to be his first priority if the man is not her first one Drop her.
Why do some men act like this? The only thing you need to submit is divorce papers.
Good one
I’m willing to bet the kids run the house and she’s a push over. He’s saying something and she don’t like it. I been through this before. I never said she had to submit to me but I watch her struggle giving the kids everything and while the money they make they spent it on everything but what they needed. They called her up and asked for money they needed for bills and spent the money they made for games and other not needed things
@@twilliams842 that's what I've been tryna say. We only heard one side of the story
@@twilliams842 thats a bit different though. She made a promise to her children and it sounds like financially she can afford to keep the promise but her new husband doesn’t want her to for no explained reason other than he would prefer her not to. Sometimes you have to step back- she wasn’t going to be doing that forever but short-term.
@@JohnsonKayla12 sorry but yes he should step back. Back from her period. I’m willing to bet she ask that man for money for that child.
He’s already moved out...
He’s acting like a child. Boy, bye 👋🏼
Actually it’s not acting like a child.
He just left without hesitation, no crying, or begging.
He’s not the one calling Ramsey getting approval from strangers.
Apparently he had his own money and can take care of himself..
The guy don’t mess around.
Learned his lesson about single mothers.
Noticed that Dave only speak about parts of the Bible dealing with marriage that keeps him out of hot water.
The kids won't find another mother, she can find another man more easily. Nothing to be "torn" about; I see no dilemma here at all.
She needs to kick her "husband" (and I use that word loosely) to the curb and stand up for her kids.
Any man that tries to come between a mother and her children should be quartered and drawn. And I say this as a man.
@@ArmageddonIsHere
No kicking necessary.
The guy already left.
Spiked with a red pill I guess.
And yeah we now know she can find another man. She had practice.
Same issues... different man.
Don't waste your time with a dead beat man who already moved out. He made his choice.
@@blackworldtraveler3711 He knew about this agreement prior to marriage. He quit/left before trying couples counseling. A man or woman who will walk away without some efforts is a weak coward.
She is supporting her kids through college, an education. It’s not like they aren’t doing anything, sitting at home and do drugs. It’s manipulative to ask a mother to choose kids or marriage. Wow what a lousy step father.
It's always drugs huh
This what happens when a man comes in on the scene because he believes he should be number 1 over your kids
@@creolelady182 If a man thinks he should be the only priority in a woman's life, he should not get with a single mom.
Yeah... He has a chick on the side
He probably wants to leave anyway..and is using this as an out🤷♀️
The look on Christy's face!
I was cleaning, not even looking at the screen and I heard Christy's frustration
Holy smokes! Mad respect for her reaction here. Can we have her on more often please?
Same look on my face!!
As my dear, dear aunt once said, “give with a warm hand and not a cold hand”. The mother gets the joy of watching her kids graduate without a weight of debt around their necks.
Sounds like the second husband would also deprive these young men of any inheritance if their mom was to pass away.
That's a really good point.
BINGO!!!!!!!
Promises made, promises kept. Husband should have known she was helping her kids.
Simp
Promise maid promise kept ,its only money something that could be made over and over , it's only a short time till there up and on there own , what a wanta be man , not thinking it through
@@dynamicwellness33 Exactly lol. Blue pilled simp
It would be good to understand husband’s side of story before casting the judgement. What if she kept was not transparent about her promises to him? What if he is saying that as part of retaliation (example, she is not allowing him to help his parents or something similar) Relationships are way too complex to cast the judgment based on 2 min narrative by only one person in the relationship.
He did know. And she never asked him to contribute to her supporting her kids to graduation from college...AND THOSE KIDS ARE SO CLOSE TO GRADUATING!
Ladies/Gentlemen, it’s OK to be single! Let’s leave these insecure, traumatized people in 2020.
Without her hubby, she couldn't support them most likely. He pays the bills, she pays for her kids. I wouldn't pay for them either, not his kids.
@@generallordjowbra8871 she literally said she doesn’t ask him for anything did you not listen to the video?
it's ok to be single, it's not ok to place your kids over your husband, in a 2nd marriage. those kids are her second family now, but she act like the husband is her second family. no wonder the man left.
I know exactly what's wrong he's been watching too much jlp and is afraid of being a beeeeeyyydaaa
Amen
Pre marriage counseling... if anyone is wondering why it’s needed.
Thank you!
People like this man LIE!! Before she married him, he 100% would’ve acted supportive of the kids. I once almost married a man who totally flipped the script on what was going to happen in our marriage literally weeks before the wedding. We had met with my pastor several times & he lied about how he wanted the financials to look in our marriage as well as the decision-making for our future. He made our life decisions with his dad and left me out of it. He demanded a prenup out of no where 3 weeks before the wedding. I put up a fuss over the script flipping and I was very upset he decided we were going to move in with this parents the week of the wedding! He dumped me because I’m too opinionated the day of the bridal shower & let me tell you that it was worst but best thing that ever happened to me!!! They don’t show you who they are til they think they’ve got you backed into a corner.
It wouldn't help with people like this man. At best, he'd just go along with it without meaning anything of it, just picking out what he can later use to manipulate her.
People Pleasers often marry controlling narcissist's thinking things will change, it happens everyday..
Most definitely. My children's father talked about living together and said if we did I had to sell my portion of a house that was willed to me. I said why and he said "because if we get in a fight, you'll just go back there." I laughed and said "do you think if we get in a fight my family would let me move back in and live there? Do you think I would ever lower myself to be so dependent on you I would rather stay in a horrible situation than leave?" I told him we would NEVER live together or be together from that point on.
@@michellerichardson3090 Good for you!!! Self respect, boundaries, and knowing your worth is powerful! I'm glad that you stuck to your guns and didn't sacrifice to put yourself in a trapped situation with a narcissist.
Tragically true, a lot of my friends have been horribly abused by significant other and spouses and stayed because they were too set in the mind that they were at fault and should sacrifice to fix it.
She's being emotionally abused. This is a whole mess! Let 👏that 👏man boy 👏go👏‼️Don't you let anyone destroy your relationship between you and your children.
Yeah, this guy is a goofy.
Yea...this is why single mothers shouldn't be getting married. They should concentrate on raising their kids.
@@DebtFreeDad Assuming we are being told the whole story.
It seems somewhat incredible that the guy would marry her, knowing the situation, and then demand she stop the support.
The other possibility is she knew he didn't want her supporting the kids, but she married the guy anyways, and now is calling in because of the problem.
Women need to stop using that "abuse" word too loosely.
@@thecompetentman5384 fair point, I think because they are almost done it's a non issue. I mean if they were both seniors in HS...might warrant more of a discussion. There are 3 sides to every story, hers, his, and the truth.
This is one reason I will never remarry or date anyone else if I divorce my husband or get widowed. My life will be dedicated to my children and grandchildren.
Good for u!
I don’t understand why people find it absolutely necessary to be married?!
Live ur life, be kind, be happy, treat others with kindness and respect, if u find someone to marry who has the same morals, principles, goals AND who respects u and ur loved ones by all means but don’t live ur life like marrying someone is the ultimate goal.
Leila, may I make a suggestion please? Never say never. My late wife died when my youngest boys were 8 and 9. I adopted a similar attitude as you have regarding the kids - I was all they had. But - a few years later, I met a fantastic woman - a true saint who treated me and all of my children like her own. She was, and is, a terrific mother to them in all ways; emotionally and financially, etc. Their lives are infinitively better with her involved. My point is, yes, you do have to choose wisely, but there are some fantastic folks out there that are willing to do the hard work and love you and your kids. Best wishes!
Because you’ve already gave your all to and, spent the majority of your life with your soul mate so there’s no point.
when you marry someone with kids, you should become the spouse's #1 in his/her life.
you are now a family, and the kids are extended family.
if you don't, you don't deserve the other person, and see him/her only as a provider/wallet.
so, good for you.
Same
Only read the title.... u shouldn’t have married him.
She can divorce him.
@@dchex23 what?
@@That-Wanderer I think he means her children are no longer kids. He married someone without dependents and she's still behaving as if she's financially responsible.
@@tamekaosabutey-aguedje411 but I’m sure he knew that before he married her and theyreyalmost finished. This is dumb and makes no sense. No he stops contributing to the house, naw something is up with him.
@@tamekaosabutey-aguedje411 wait..what!
She made that commitment to the boys so she should follow through. They just got married, why wasn’t this worked out beforehand? There is no way my husband could stay in my house and not help take care of the home.
It is not your house if the husband is the breadwinner. lol
This woman could've encouraged them to apply for scholarships and financial aid, or she could've put off remarriage until she got the kids where she promised. A lot of this is her own fault for not keeping her priorities in order.
@@wewhoareabouttodiesaluteyo9303 he wasn't the bread winner
@@maryjane-vx4dd I was writing about the OP's husband.
@@wewhoareabouttodiesaluteyo9303 OP is using her money to fund her children's expenses, not her hubby's therefore it's her choice.
This is why I don't wanna get married. Feeling trapped with an unreasonable partner. "oh well you should know the person before-" shut up. We can't know a person's reaction to everything.
Amen You can’t plan for every reaction! And you really don’t know a person until the hard times come!
There's unreasonable men and women. This dude is unreasonable, but don't let that make u believe that there aren't plenty of good and reasonable mates out there.
Amen, people barely know themselves and people are subject to change by the second.
Facts!!
@L Cam For sure. Its why when I date i always have an objective in mind "How will she react to splitting the bill? Will she be late for our date? is she in debt?"
Divorce. He's a control freak
So I had a similar situation with my second marriage: as soon as we married and moved in together, he demanded my teen boys work for his business or move in with their dad!! Yikes. Our marriage ended after 2 years, as he continued to up the ante as to what meant I loved him and was all in with him. Basically it meant me forming my life to his ideas. I started marriage counseling on my own 6 months into our marriage, and I'm thankful we are divorcing. He's making that process insanely difficult as well, for no real reason, which also hurts.
🙏
I'm so sorry this happened to you Wendi. Hang in there and keep going with the divorce, he's making it difficult and hurtful because he's angry that his possession is escaping, this is the only way for him to punish you anymore. You keep going and be free of him. You are a complete and happier person WITHOUT him.
Sending love 🙏🏻.
Being the step-child is a terrible situation especially when you're parent chooses an absolute monster for a partner. Remove bad people from your life like a malignant tumor.
For one thing he cared nothing for your kids they just want the woman and act like they care about the kids. Women stop marry these men who don't want your kids.
It matters not how old your children are, adults or minors. Run from this man as quickly as you can. If he hasn't accepted your children, he hasn't accepted you. Your children are forever. He obviously is not as he is proving it. I had one who didn't show his hand until after we were married. Low life.
To be fair, he doesnt have to support her children, but he cant say anything if she supports her kids
@L Cam
I doubt she needs to run. He will race her out the door on this.
I’m sure he learned a lesson here.
Many guys through the early years laughed and criticized me for avoiding single mothers since high school learning the hard way.
One good thing is the kids are grown so no weaponized child support.
Since she said more than once she can use her own money so I guess she’s that so called strong independent type and doubt there’s alimony.
Just clean break, learn from this, and move on.
She can can spend and.or get in as much debt she wants to pay those kids tuition.
“It’s me or the kids”...”ok there is the door”
Considering they are not his adult kids and she wants to use her own money for them I have a feeling he’s already in mid air flying for that door.
@@blackworldtraveler3711 and im happy for him.
That's why second marriages rarely work
When you marry someone with kids you have to love their kids. If you don’t then you need to see a professional or don’t marry that person.
No, depending on the kids age(s), you don’t necessarily have to love the step-children. Young children? Yes, it is important to make a place in your life for them; however, adult children who engage in bad behavior, and are out on their own, have to earn their way into your life. If you married their mother, that doesn’t mean you have to love them and welcome their chaos into your relationship with their mom.
Obligated to love? Sounds fishy lol
@@T25de lol
@@probablynot1368 really? The woman's children are her children! You can't love a woman with children and not love her children. You're dead wrong.
@@joshobrien8995 Agreed. Thus never marry a single mom. Problem solved 🤷🏼♂️
It sounds like he’s trying to find a way out or trying to control you. He’s misinterpreting the Bible yet he doesn’t love you like he should love the church. Don’t chase him, someone who loves you wont manipulate and leave you. Let him go and take time to work on yourself. My heart is with you ♥️
If he's not contributing to the household/family then HE'S the one who's wrong. (1 Timothy 5:8)
It's so funny how he's only picking and choosing from the Bible what suits him. Sounds like just an excuse for him to get out of this new marriage.
That’s what’s wrong with using translated text as “God’s word”.. scripture is up for so many interpretations and I’m sure there are people that would claim the Bible DOES suggest to follow the man, even down the wrong path and I’m sure they would have passages to back them up just like you have passages to back your interpretation up. When believers can’t agree on their own rules and guidelines, then that only means the source of info isn’t reliable.
sounds like you're picking and choosing too.
since when has the Bible taught children to freeload off their parents? and for that matter did the Bible tell her that the first father who is nowhere to be found was a good biblical pic?
I mean it sounds like they're living in LA which is a good example of gangs and Drug BS.
Can you truly consider her a good mother if she raised her children in such a place? if she truly loved her children she would have moved out of that area.
The Stepfather sounds like the only person with any real sense.
@@otrogreandcorgi9818 um it sounds like you are deaf and maybe the video doesn't have closed captioning. The children are not forcing her to do anything--since she is the mother who brought them into the world, she does not want them to be burdened by debt so she is taking care of their college tuition--they are in college. She is a single mother and her children are in college not gang members idiot.
Honestly you sound like you are her husband--troll.
@@otrogreandcorgi9818 The kids didn't freeload. They were offered a deal and they worked hard and fulfilled their half of the bargain.
@@kxd2735 2 Peter 1:20: Knowing this first, that no prophecy of the scripture is of any interpretation.
Translation: there aren't "so many interpretations" as you said. There is only one. The #1 reason there are so many private interpretations, and therefore denominations, is because believers don't study to understand the Bible. It's not a matter of believers agreeing-it's a matter of reconciling passages regarding the same topic to come to a complete understanding of the text. The Bible is reliable. It's consistent and doesn't contradict itself. God is not the author of confusion. Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever.
I'm waiting for the upcoming call titled, "My new wife is over $200,000 in debt due to paying for her 2 kids' college in their 20s at UCLA and TCU!"
He doesn't love her . When you marry someone that has kids you have to understand those kids come first no matter what. Real love is loving a person with their whole package.
BS! They are not his kids. He only has an obligation to semi support her (I still disagree that a man has to support anyone but himself). Feminist gave females equality and it is up to the female to sort her life out and support herself.
@@wewhoareabouttodiesaluteyo9303 she is. Sounds like she was also supporting him
Kids come first, and that is the reason why I would not get involved with a single mom.
And by the numbers of single moms complaining in the media that they can't date because men runaway as soon as she mentions she has kids, I suspect the number of people thinking like this is not negligible.
Well I don’t think adult kids should always come before your spouse but I don’t think this has anything to do with that. He’s an abusive selfish arse
The dynamic is a bit different when your married with your own kids. We as a married couple our feelings are most important, more so than our childs.
Where as being married to a solo mother. I would guess its her feelings first, then the childs, then the mans.
I dont think that in a situation where the man earns the money he would be happy about being on the bottom of the priority list.
Girl, do you. The stress he’s bringing into your life isn’t worth it.
This story sounds crazy, who would tell a mother to not help her kids? Like she would even listen.
Well I do agree that kids should work in college. I never got a penny from my parents after 16, she supporting a 22 and 24. I wish my parents would lol,
I've had conversations with people who believe once kids are 18, parents should completely cut all financial help in order to teach them how to be an adult. That with a mix of, "I'm the man of the house and no woman tells me what to do" and you get this situation
@@MoltarKaio I went to school with kids like that as well. Me and my siblings knew our parents didn’t save a dime for us lol.
Community college for first 2 years and then transfer and pay is what I did. I did have a sister get almost a full ride. I look back and kind glad we didn’t need our parents help. They need that for their retirement
@@edb484 exactly, I wish my parents would help too. But this mother is supporting her children on her own, I have no qualms with that. Props to her
My ex told my oldest at 15 she could not eat if she didn't get a job. We've been devoriced for 24 yrs
Keep the promise....the guy needs to go.
why is it that the answer isn't that the children should either get a trade or join the military to pay for college?
I mean I save around $100,000 every two years driving OTR as a company driver.
if these two sons truly love their mother they would provide for themselves.
they would tell their mother to build a retirement fund and they can be strong enough for themselves.
@@otrogreandcorgi9818 I agree, but in speaking to the previous promise she made to them, before they ever went to college. Had a promise not ever been made then yes, put yourself through school and be an adult, they mom shoulda never put herself in the position of committing to putting them through. However, I agree her kids should be receptive and concious of the situation, step up and say "mom we got this from here, figure out your marriage".
It's a tough spot for that group, because there are things each of them could be doing to avoid any of the drama.
She seems like a caudler and those kids now adults will suffer throughout life because of it.
@@otrogreandcorgi9818 she made a promise to these boys! End of stoty
@@maryjane-vx4dd it's likely she also made a promise to her previous husband that the marriage would be for a lifetime.
And she broke that promise.
She has shown that she's done a horrible job raising her children. by the fact that they're just freeloading off of her.
side note. Single mothers are a form of child abuse.
She needs to hurry up and divorce him
Their is always 2 side of a story
@@tonywasikhongo7510 That's irrelevant
@@ClaxtonBay123 why so
@@tonywasikhongo7510 not in this one
She a female the courts pick the side of the female most times, so she has an advantage on that front .
You finish your promise to the kids.
If you don't fulfill your promise to your children, you will never forgive yourself. You don't need this man.
You are a great mother and stay that way, you need to get away from him as fast as possible. God blessed you and will continue
My ex-fatherinlaw used to say a mans word is his bond.The word man being used in the Biblical since,aka mankind. That promise to your children is important and that they are important enough to you to keep your word to them
Only a loser would give you an ultimatum like this. Husbands are supposed to love their way the way God loves the church. The kids are almost done with school. Dave is right on this one as he explains what is happening.
The way she presented this leads me to believe there is a lot more to it than, I'm paying for their school.
"It is me or your kids."
BOOM! There is the door, show him out.
The sooner you divorce him...the sooner the right man can come into your life! There are good men out there who will love this side of you! Promise!
99.9% chance she ends up a single mom.
3rd time is the charm? 🤔 If she is getting married again for the 3rd time something tells me she might be the problem.
@@wewhoareabouttodiesaluteyo9303 the system works 👌
@@vicsosa5703 exactly 💯 👏 👌 🙌 😏
Everyone deserves love...people can have relationships and not be married. I have been married 3 times, twice to my first husband🥰. Sure I am not perfect, divorce was very hard, I was a single parent too but I am human and deserve to have someone special in my life too. I just consider it as experience, not baggage or anything broken. My heart goes out to those that have to keep trying to find the right one...please never give up!🙏🏼
somone wants a sugar momma
Exactly. He wants her money for himself.
We don't know that she even has any money, Dave never asked. They could be up to their eyeballs in debt trying to pay for these kiddos.
@@Scorpiomaj27889 He married her knowing she made the promise and has only 3 years to go. Its manipulative for him to change the rules after the wedding and try and get her to abandon 2 youth who relied on this deal to get through their first years of adulthood.
@@TahtahmesDiary So she says. Maybe they're not communicating clearly. For instance, some parents will say "I help my kids out here and there", which to them might mean they buy a few packs of diapers every other week and for others that could mean sending them on a lavish vacation or buying them a used Toyota.
The question that was not asked was “prior to getting married, was she able to pay cash for their college or was she stacking up debt?” He has a say in how household income is spent. Unfortunately for him, now that they are married, he is responsible for half of her debts.
She's in LA and one of her kids go to TCU?!?! 49,000 TUITION plus high living costs. She isn't telling the whole story. I bet she can't afford it.
Why would you say that? She has been paying for their college. She obviously makes good money. To think a woman can make it without a man highlights your insecurity.
Christy face when she said he wants her to submit was oooohh man. She looked liked she was going to beat someone up, almost felt scared for Dave.
Pick the children! Not him
@@dchex23 amen lol
Pick the children In this situation, not as a general rule. That should be clear if people have any sense when saying that since everyone is so against a man leading anything nowadays
20 year olds are not children. Only in the United States do you call 20 year old people children
@@dipsomaniac124 Umm... They are her children. That's their kinship to her... and she can support them until they finish college if she wants to. It was working for her before she married that man..
@@dchex23 lol me a snowflake, her children are working hard to improve their futures. Their not bumming around the house, so yes I’d pick the children.
He’s a dirt bag! You’re a great mom & wife!
Agreed
SIMP!
Says a bit different in the Bible on this subject.
@Randall Johnson
Has to be more to this story.
It begins with the father of those kids and this guy could have jumped into a snake pit marrying her.
This isn’t going to go well if he doesn’t learn to compromise, no respect, not on the same page.
He is narcissistic he has narcissistic Behavior she could not see it now he's made it plain
Spammer is back. Did you actually watch the video this time? You also “edited” your comment that has no value. Funny.
I don't see him learning that at this point, it's kind of who he is. Let some other woman be miserable with this pansy.
Hopefully they’re divorced by now .
Please stop harassing others. The break over New Years from you on UA-cam saved others from your leechful posts.
This is a sad situation. Solid advice from uncle Dave.
Lots of holes in this story. No mention of this mom's financial situation, and supporting two college tuitions is worrisome (one is at TCU-out of state). She never mentions her household income, if she is out of debt or even in a position to help. She'll be the one calling Dave at age 60 with no retirement b/c she took out parent plus loans or paid for college tuition. I'd be highly doubtful that he's never contributed to his family's finances. Two sides to every story.
She said support them not pay for there college tuitions. It sounds like she is paying for everything else for them like phones, car insurance, food and spending money. I would imagine they have school loans and she wanted them to get through school with out having to worry about paying for all the other things in life.
I feel like I don’t even know half the story and everybody was ready to judge immediately. They didn’t even ask any questions.
old video/old comment but I agree
As much as you might love your spouse, your kids are forever.
Oh and your spouse isn't forever?
@@sobc2737 can be. But if it’s between your blood and your spouse, there’s always one that comes out on top
You're spouse is supposed to be forever, you're kids are the ones that move away and start new lives.
@@rundmc8628 uhhhhh...
@@rundmc8628 there is a difference when your spouse is the parent of those children.
When they are not the parent they don’t rank as high 🤷🏼♀️ it’s just the truth
Something is missing from this.
You all are only drawing that conclusion because you don't want this to be the actual story when it probably is. The man is emotionally abusing her, which happens in a lot of marriages. She'll be happier when he leaves.
@@spiritualisrael007 You know this for a fact?
@@spiritualisrael007 Um no...you always hear two sides of the story. This year, especially, females have been called out on visual evidence. You want equality? You better take the blame!
@@spiritualisrael007 So you hear one side and assume his side and conclude I'm the one making conclusions? Even though I didn`t say what my opinion was other than there is another side. Funny how you think your right.
Now add Dave after a 30 sec statement on money calls for a divorce? Jumping the gun by a mile IMO.
@@MrYort13 Dave even said "from the story you told me".
Okay maybe it's the case that she isn't able to the kids to misbehave, but it really doesn't sound like that.
If you told her that she was required to submit to him and whatever he orders then he is being a control freak and thats not good.
Especially if she had a very reasonable agreement with her kids
Honestly, I almost did this. My wife and I got some extra money. I wanted to give a portion to our church. My wife wanted to save it. I was going to give that money no matter what. As I was in the process of doing so I felt like GOD was telling me, "If you are going to give that money to me while angry and despite your wife's wishes, I don't want it.". I held off and s few hours later she agreed to do so.
My point is, if a guy is a true Christian and listening to GOD, he will not force something on his wife but wait and pray for an agreement.
That's an incredible story. Wow! Thanks for sharing. 🙏
how do you know he hasn't already prayed? maybe his prayer led him out the door and out of the marriage?
Good on you and your right that’s how it’s supposed to be. But, I didn’t get the feeling that the guy was much of a Christian just that he wanted to use her Christianity to manipulate her.
Oh for real? Now put him on the phone and we'll see how much of this is actually true.
This is heartbreaking.
Her kids aren’t his kids. This is the main problem.
Don’t be with someone with a kid if you don’t want to be bothered.
There are some questions that should have been asked before they just sided with her outright. Was she forward about this "promise" to her husband before they got married? Has the promise changed over time? Or does she keep changing the deal (I mean, one of them is 24 years old. That's 6 years to get a 4 year degree. So what happened?).
For all the people in the comments blaming the husband.... Where is the father in all of this
I would like to hear his side of it.
Really wanted to hear Dave’s philosophy regarding supporting the adult kiddos in college. Didn’t feel like we got the whole story from the caller.
Need both sides of the story, get the husband on call
What could she be lying about? Worse case scenario is that the kids don’t like him but they’re still her children.
these types of discussions need both parties present. Too many assumptions being thrown out here and accusations that this man is evil almost without any evidence or proof or his side of the argument.
Sell the kids... beans and rice... debt free in 3 years Linda!!
Yes!
Love it lol
Sell those kids lol
im be upside down on that :) ...
Imagine how different it would be if the man called and said the woman spends all her money (lets say 50%)on her adult kids but expects him to contribute to her debt, mortgage, bills, holidays and generally look after her when she didn't afford him the same freedoms with his kids in the past. He was condemned without details because of his gender.
Obviously, she was supporting herself and her kids before he came along.
Something is not right here, we're not getting the whole story.
One thing my friend told me that always sticks to me to this day. I asked him if I marry a girl who already has children, should it be my responsibility to also support them? (Was just a question nothing deep lol).
He responded by saying "Her burdens becomes your burdens because you two become one." He didn't mean that the children were burdens but he mean't it as whatever you two struggle, have, or etc... those becomes both of your things. If this guy is saying choose him or her kids, thats a horrible ultimatum. As a Christian I hate it when "Christian" men say submit to me. If that is the case then, they misinterpret what marriage should even be. I really hope this woman supports her kids because if we're going by what the guy seems like. It's her kids then, not his. She should be allowed to support them.
We’re only hearing one side of the story.
She is probably draining the marriage of the finances on these kids.
@@SarahR2D2 Seen it a hundred times
If you marry someone with kids grown or not. You marry the whole family, not just the one person. If you don't want that for yourself, do not get married to someone with kids, period.
How did she and her husband not talk about this before they got married?!
“Submit doesn’t mean endorsing misbehaviour”
What a terrible situation to be in. Her husband is trying to be controlling and putting her children in the middle of it. Sad.
And you are privy to the WHOLE story ?
SIMP!
@@bigchills7194 didn’t say that I know the whole story and also didn’t say who was right or wrong. My opinion is that the situation is terrible especially because children, albeit adult children, are involved (according to the wife of course). There’s usually more to the story, I know that 🙂.
@@ItsMeCJ TBH There’s always 3 sides ... his, hers and the truth 😉
What a terrible situation to be in.
To be a man that marry a single woman with kids, and then finding out she made a promise to them and that she pays all her salary on them, instead of letting them face life and go to work, since they are adults.
To be a man that is seen as a wallet only, and not as a husband.
To be the 5th guy in your woman's life, after her kids and dogs.
To be expected to provide for your spouse but also for kids (who are adults and not yours), because they are lazy to get a job.
To be expected to keep a promise you never did, because it's only one year left of college.
To probably not know about the fact that your spouse is enabling her kids, until you marry her.
My mother was in the same situation. Her ex didn't like the fact that my siblings and I lived with her. I was in college my brothers were in high school. My mother always said "you can live with me so as long as you work or go to school" I paid for my own expenses but also helped my mother has she was a single parent. Fast forward, my mom finally got the hint that he was just rude and disrespectful to the fact that we were such a close family and we will be there for each other through hard times. My mother is okay with being single for the rest of her life.
The husband did not make the promise and has no obligation to fulfill her commitment. The kids are old enough to support themselves.
She has a right to keep her commitment to her children. My husband is more generous with my kids than I am. You are kind of a jerk..
Wow I’m surprised. After reading the title, I thought Dave was going to say that the marriage came first as the kids were old enough.
As a husband how could you not expect a mother to support her children? Of course that’s the most important for her and he should know that 🤦🏻
As a millennial in debt, this is how I see it. If Mom wants to help let her. But if you raised good children they will not let their parents suffer all the burden either. My Mom has offered many times to help in payments but I refuse it because I have a job and she is allowing me to live with her rent-free to get out of debt faster.
So I take it that you would stay married? 👀 it’s an integrity issue.
@@kenyattaknox5163and also he’s emotionally abusing her issue
Playing Devil's advocate here but she never said she told him about it before they got married and always get both sides of the story before judging. Is it possible that her paying for their tuitions caused the husband to carry most of the financial weight of her new family?
Right? Maybe she was banking on HIM changing once they got hitched? Perhaps she hemmed & hawed about the support stopping post graduation?? Wish I had a little more info pertaining to this call...
From what she saud, he has not been asked to support her kids at all, she does that all on her own. As for their new family, he is responsible for it as the head of the household. Let's say he didn't know before hand - what he is doing is still not the way to go.
Blood over water
And not under the bridge either, sadly.
@Randall Johnson exactly
Your spouse isn't water what are you talking about
Run girl run...Same words my ex told me. I had three kids when I married him and after I married him, he wanted me to send my kids to their dad who is an alcoholic. I told him that I would keep my kids so he stayed hoping I get rid of the kids at some point and I stayed hoping he changed. The following 5 years of marriage were awful and he left anyways after 5 years leaving us emotionally scarred. I just wished that I would have left him the same day he asked me to choose. it’s been 22 years he left and me and my kids are just recovering emotionally from all the emotional abuse and the feeling of worthlessness. The funny thing is that after he left me there were few good men coming my way but I rejected them because I was still hoping for reconciliation and a chanced of heart from my ex. Now I am still single, those good guys that liked me are happily married and ex is with someone else. I wasted precious years of my life hoping for one man. I just wish I would have changed churches and got the helped I needed to move on with my life. WE ONLY HAVE ONE LIFE TO LIVE. WE HAVE NO TIME TO WAISTE IN MEN THAT ARE CONTROLLING AND UNLOVING. I had two kids with this man so total of 5 kids and I am in a good place finally enjoying life with them at my older age thanks to Life Skills International that helped me with their 3 years program.
There are 3 sides to every story. I’d love to hear his side.
Also, TCU and UCLA are VERY expensive. How do we know that she isn’t going massively into debt to fulfill this promise to her sons? Maybe she isn’t cash flowing this and it’s drowning them in debt. If that’s the case, I wouldn’t support it either.
I think meat of the story is with the father of those kids and probably nothing at all to do with this guy.
He just married into a mess.
If they are low income they may get a needs based full ride though. UC has those still.
1:50 just moved out... well things arent ever going to work after that.
I wonder what the husband's side of the story is.
I'd pick my kids
I do wonder if there’s more the story here.. is she spending all of her income supporting her children? So much so, that her own household is suffering? What BS are they on? Is she adding to debt to pay for the lifestyles of her kids? Just some food for thought...
Lol sounds like he wants to be the only child you take care of. Drop him like a hot rock and value yourself like the diamond you are.
1. BRAVO freaking BRAVO for you for being disciplined enough to feed, house, and clothe your children and then also support them through college as a single mom. You are an amazing woman and an amazing Mom.
2. Who is picking out your nursing home; him or the kids?
Yikes! Once he said “submit”.............time to go buddy!
I'm divorced and have never remarried.
I do have a GF of 17 years.
Once was enough.
Fornication is bad
Way more to this story than what she claims!!! Thinking she is stretching the truth here.
I was the college student in this nearly exact situation. The BEST way this could go if both spouses and the kids all have someone like a pastor they could trust and would actually listen to, there’s a chance it could work. Seldom do people either (1) have that or (2) are willing to humble themselves and do that.
Thank you for clarifying “submission in marriage” Dave!
why cant i ever meet a single mom ?
Your money you can do what you want, HE doesn’t have to give them money.
He said he won’t contribute to the household at all because of this, so that leaves her stuck...just the way he wants her.
@@rachelle8971 ☹️
Let's think this way: her disposable income before giving money to her kids is 50% of the couple's expenses. No problem, each spouse pays 50% of expenses.
But if she giver money to her children, now her disposable income is less than 50% of expenses, in practice forcing the husband to pay more.
Effectively he is also giving money to her children.
@@rafaelcosta3238 she stated the contrary. As she continued to support the sons, her husband refused to pay HIS share of household expenses. So she _can_ obviously afford that. She also said she never expected him to pay for the sons. and obviously planned to pay for their college when they were in highschool so likely before she dated that man.
Now they live separated and she does not mention financial distress. She obviously would have liked to stay married and probably thought she had gotten herself a good Christian man.
His moving out w/o consulting a pastor / Christian marriage counseling with her before leaving is a big red flag. He cites her biblical obligation to be submissive to her husband, but what about his obligation towards "holy matrimony".
He thinks she is in the wrong (at least he _says_ that is the reason) he gave her an ultimtum and left. But even if she withheld some information, and he has justified concerns about her financial engagement towards her sons - as a good Christian man he is supposed to work that out, at least give it a try. Only cheating is a biblical ground to divorce.
@@xyzsame4081 So a good Christian husband must put up with everything his wife comes up with short of cheating?
And my pastor finds it confusing why I am not that interested in marriage.
LOL
Hmm, I have no issues if the mother had promised to fund her sons' education and is fulfilling her promise to them now. I do have some questions? Where is her kids' father? Why is he not contributing to his sons' education? Is the funding taken from the mother's salary or is she taking a loan to fund her sons' education? Does this mean, she has less to contribute to her new household financially because of this promise to her sons? Did she not discuss this arrangement fully to her new husband so that he knows exactly for how long she will support her kids?
Video just ended and neither of yall asked any financial questions, just preached.
So, is the husband supporting her so she can support her adult children? Maybe so and he feels used. Maybe more to the story.
I agree. Way more to this one sided segment. Unfortunately, Dave and the other panelist jumped on the bandwagon.
Dave can be a simp sometimes and jump on the white night band wagon!
@@dynamicwellness33 🤣🤣🤣
She was supporting her kids on her own before marrying him... so she doesn't need his money.. She needs peace and that man ain't it.
She says that he says he is against supporting children over the age of 20. And to punish her for giving them money despite his objections he also did not pay HIS share of the common bills (as couple) - the sons do not live with them they are at college. His argument seems to be that in his opinion she gives them a free ride, so he can get one as well. (Now they are separated).
Great successful children. Congrats!
these kids listen to there mother. do you know how many parents wish there kids were finishing college. or even going to college
It sounded like the husband is being forced to pay HER bills, while she pays for her adult children's bills.
He isn't forced to do anything. Paint or get off the ladder 🪜