As a long time survivor of depression, put brushing your teeth on your "to done" list. Some days, that's the most amazing thing you could have done for yourself and I'm so proud of you for doing it.
I agree wholeheartedly as a person with frequent bouts of depression. Brushing your teeth will become such a hard thing to do, but if your doing it more often. It’s a great indicator of you starting to get back to yourself. Get those smaller Ws in where you can.
Yes! Add on brushing your hair, especially if it’s long, n on a really good day wash your face! I promise you’ll feel like you’re on top of the world. Little acts of self care can go a long way in your fight to get out of your pit of depression
I agree. She was wrong. We are told to say its a victory if i brushed my teeth, or ate something. This must be for minor depressive episodes. I have major depression diagnosed. 5 years of trying everything. Yes a victory is brushing teeth. Or walking the dog. Or finally taking a shower is a huge feat.
I agree that going to the bathroom is a bodily function and that most people don't need to write it down. But some people are so depressed that peeing the bed seems to be a better option than going to the bathroom. So for those people, I think it's important to write it down. I went to the bathroom instead of peeing the bed. I took a shower instead of staying in my pajamas all day. Those are important activities for some very depressed people. Sending lots of love 💖 from sunny 🌞 Arizona 🌵. Take care of yourselves 😷.
Sometimes the only time I get off the couch is to use the toilet. And I think all that writing down of activities sounds like waaaay too much work if I'm so ill I'm barely even eating. I might be able to write down one word on a piece of paper, that's it.
I've definitely thought about peeing in the bed so I don't have to stand up. I would also need to write down "brushed my teeth", as that's something I avoid if I'm not going out or seeing someone
@@bUrRiEdaLiVe6 , Since I live alone, I decided that cleaning up that bed after peeing in it would be more work than getting up and crawling to the bathroom 10 feet away. Cause you can't lay in pee. It really messes up your skin. Ask any baby with diaper rash. And I'm not sure I could ask a loved one to clean it up for me. Sending lots of love💖 from sunny 🌞 Arizona 🌵. Take care of yourselves 😷.
@@bUrRiEdaLiVe6 , I can totally relate to not bushing my teeth. My biggest problem is gum disease. And right now it's a big problem. I usually tell people to plan something on the way back from the bathroom, since you are motivated to get up, might as well do something or get something whilst I'm up!... I guess I'm going to have to take my own advice, and plan to brush my teeth on the way back to the bed or sofa. For me the reward is getting back to the bed/sofa (and healthier teeth, but there never seems to be instant gratification to brushing my teeth.) I have stickers with a smiling tooth holding toothbrush that I stick on the calendar. That's fun. I just wish everyday had two stickers instead of rows of blank spaces. 😝🤫. Sending lots of love💖 from sunny 🌞 Arizona 🌵. Take care of yourself 😷.
I took an online class and when I finished my first assignment, I had such a sudden feeling of accomplishment that it kicked me out of my depression for a little while. It was a completely bizarre experience because I was not used to having those kinds of feelings. I haven’t felt accomplished for so long I forgot what that feels like.
Learning something new can have a pronounced effect on your mental health as I believe it encourages new neural pathways to form within the brain. So the more you learn the more you are able to 'rewire' your brain and gradually break free of the old way of thinking that was contributing to holding you back. Just doing the washing was a major accomplishment for me. But learning a language blew out all my circuits and showed me a new way of living. I wish you well in your journey.
For me it's the opposite, no matter how many projects I finish, I feel nothing. No better at all, still as pointless and worthless. I feel it's never going to be enough, and never going to be good enough no matter what I do. Still , I keep going as standing still is worse and maybe something will come out of it anyway at least.
@@lucialuciferion6720 If standing still seems threatening then you could try meditating and doing nothing. Getting in touch with just being might be better than trying to accomplish anything. The numbness is a form of shock. So don't be hard on yourself try to be gentle. Where does that inner critic come from? Why do you let it control you? Give yourself a hug and try to be more understanding & gentle with yourself first. Its what you would say to someone else.
@@lucialuciferion6720, I feel that way ... except when I do something outside. Gophers were eating all my plants. It was either move what was left or have nothing. Luckily I already had a gardener. He's not good with plants (better with lawns), but I was able to supervise him enough to get the flowers moved to pots. All the books say sunlight will lift a depression. The problem is getting out there. "They" say just find a spot and sit awhile. Are you kidding me? I'd rather slather myself with honey and lay in an ant pile than sit in nature alone with my thoughts! So I walk around, water plants, cut grass, pull weeds, I do non-routine things (the gardener does the routine stuff) so there's no pressure. I'd rather stay in bed than be stressed about having to mow the whole property. Now, I'm starting to paint the shed. It may take me a year at this pace (I only get to work on it when I can get myself out of bed) but it will get done. I keep the to-do list small, scrape half of one board. I keep the scraper next to the back door so I don't have to look for it and on bad days I throw a long shirt over my PJs to keep dust off so I can go right back to bed when I'm done. I tell myself to scrape for 5 minutes, just 5 minutes and once I start I usually end up doing more. Do I like scraping? No. I like being in the sun, being busy and seeing the progress. I like that nobody bothers me. Keep doing things until you find something that you like. Don't give up! Sending lots of love 💖 from sunny 🌞 Arizona 🌵. Take care of yourself 😷.
I hope you know you’re saving lives by making your videos. It’s not a substitute for going through therapy, or course. But for those like me who temporarily can not access healthcare, your videos help me. You arm us with information and I am grateful.
Dr. Tracey your words are GOD SENT AND SCIENTIFICALLY POWERFUL AND LIFE CHANGING AND MAY I ALSO SAY SPIRITUAL BECAUSE GOD IS ALSO IN SCIENCE AND SOUND HEALTH. YOU ARE A LOVELY PERSON WHO REALLY CARES AND YOUR GIFT IS JOYFUL BECAUSE IT REALLY WORKS. AMEN
This is such a good idea! I never take time to focus on what I actually did that day vs what I didnt have time. It always leaves me feeling annoyed and stressed, because I dont focus on all the things I did accomplish…. Dang, ill try this today in the evening, thanks!! 🧡
One of the most helpful things I've heard when I was depressed was: "Nobody is coming to save you." You can get help and support from people, but nobody can save you. Get up, start doing very small things. I started with 30seconds on my hometrainer bike (with no resistance) every hour on the hour, nothing more, nothing less. I will make myself do this for the rest of my life as a habit to maintain my sanity. My body hurts less, my mind is clearer and the darkness has finally lifted.
That's really interesting! I have never been told this but it's something that if I let myself focus on too long, will make me negatively spiral. After over a decade of trying to soak up every tool and bit of information, I'm still not in a healthy place. My brain takes that evidence and says ‘Well no matter what I do or how hard I try I can't save myself’. So for me it's more helpful to think the opposite- 'But it’s ok because someone (a professional) CAN. So don't lose hope’. So I just try to remember that and that these things aren't fixable but they ARE manageable, maybe by yourself or maybe with some outside help. It's genuinely so interesting to me to read/hear about what works for different people. I'm glad you found something that helps you!
I forced myself to just walk round my local park. The gentle exercise coupled with being outside & seeing & feeling life going on often help to 'shift' my mood to try and do something (however minor it may have seemed) it was an obstacle to try and overcome (like tidying up). Sometimes it worked and sometimes it didn't. Don't worry about your failures celebrate your small daily achievements.
I have spent so much time in "therapy" and I have NEVER had a therapist give me actionable things to do. All they ever do is sit and listen to you talk at them. I can't even get mine to give me feedback. I lost faith in the system. This is very valuable and I hope it helps a lot of people who are caught in the God-awfu loop of just existing. ❤l
Although therapists help you with your mind, they are still humans, who cannot scan you and read your thoughts. If you feel like you need an advice instead of just person listening to you, you can ask for it directly. "Please give me an exact instructions of what I can do to solve the problem. Simply talking does not work for me". Most of therapists will do that if you ask them explicitly
I hear you. The only time I got this type of truly helpful guidance with explanations and actionable directives is when I had a psychologist or a psychiatrist instead of a licensed therapist.
I have asked therapist to give me suggestions what to do and ask feedback. And they do that. Also if you search different kinds of therapists. I think cognitive therapist could be great for you. I think it depends a lot what's their field in therapy. Try another one. 😊
When you're hungry you'll eat whatever is available. Then you realize the food you're eating isn't that tasty and is kind of gross, choose another restaurant. Not every restaurant can offer what suits your palette. When you aren't so desperate for help, search for a therapist that suits your needs.
Sometimes I don't want to go to things when I am depressed because they aren't as much fun as they used to be. But they are almost always more fun than staying home and thinking the same negative thoughts over and over.
I didn't know this had a name but I pretty much did this to work my way out of depression. One day, I just decided to join every group and every volunteer project I could find. It took awhile, but I became busy, met people, made friends, and helped others which feels great! Helping others directly feels really good. I helped out at a cold-weather homeless shelter by being there and making sandwiches too. We struggled to find volunteers so the shelter could open so I knew my participation was important. I pushed myself to get out and it wasn't easy because I felt so worthless.
Thanks for sharing this. I'm kind of at this stage now. I need to get out and meet people but being shy and depressed doesn't help with motivation. I've joined a few groups and am looking forward to volunteering at a few things soon.
Sometimes your so depressed that even a shower or eating seems like a chore. So yeah list grooming because it is self care. And even those thing can take chunks of time to do.
I have lived by this since I first started experiencing depression decades ago. It's called: don't give in to what you feel like! as in: isolating, sleeping, staying in bed or inside with curtains closed. I definitely force myself to activate, to reach out not so much because it makes me feel better, but because if I DONT, I will feel worse.
Sometimes I DO wrote things like ‘wake up’ and ‘use the bathroom’, not because it makes me feel accomplished, but because it’s so silly that it makes me smile. And sometimes it’s the only thing that makes me smile.
Good for you for finding things that make you smile. Also for being able to make these lists. I find her methods rather overwhelming sounding. It looks like it helps some people, but for many w/ deeper depression, its a big bunch of extras, when we already are really struggling for the motivation just do bare essentials, like tooth brushing and showers. Making a complicated list of extra activities, then rating them for how we feel about each activity can be too much extra for many.
My father lost his battle with depression in July of this year. He would lay in bed all day, didn't even want to speak to me when i would visit him. A once perfectly groomed man began to not shower and smell like urine most of the time. His bedroom stayed dark with curtains drawn. I begged him to open the curtains and go outside and get some fresh air a few times a day...but he wouldn't. I wish he could have found it in himself to do more, and i wish i could have said or done something more to help him...
It’s not your fault I promise. I know it hurts more than anything else to want to help someone who’s in something so deep and seeing it’s not working. But you did all you could. I promise it’s not your fault.
So sorry you went through that. We can try to help others, but ultimately we are only responsible for ourselves because that's what we can control. I'm so sorry for the pain and doubt you feel. I hope you find peace and relief from any guilt or shame. Lay those burdens down, they're not yours to carry.
I was severely clinically depressed for a decade but I did not know until I was diagnosed properly. After a year and a half of treatment via therapy, lifestyle changes, medication and psilocybin my symptoms are in remission and I am on track towards recovery. I encourage anyone who needs help to get help and if you have financial concerns there are many organizations who can help. I am so grateful that I did not give up and that I’m still here.
When I am depressed and lethargic, the last thing I want to do is make lists or write in a workbook. We need to know what to do to motivate us to get out of bed and open the workbook.
Believe me, I know exactly how you feel. If I had enough energy to track all kinds of activities in a workbook, I don't think I would be depressed. Anyway, try little things. If you feel you can't get out of bed, try sitting up and opening your eyes. I find sometimes even that is something. Then build on it bit by bit. Having a shower can be an accomplishment some days.
I can really relate to that. I couldn't even track half of what she was saying, let alone set out to it. I've got a house to clean, bills to pay, a shower to take (finally did that one, forgot to put on skin cream, so am itchy), and other hurdles. If I could get to this list, it would mostly just haunt me, for not getting back to it, and I know in my current state, it's going to take precious motivation for essentials away. Sometimes you have to meet people where they are at, and this list thing is for people w/ less severe depression. I'll try and think of a modified type thing that might help on a better day.
So then, figure that out, bro! Take care! Do one activity or multiple little activities that you tell yourself "I am glad I got that problem over with"...
From my experience, there usually are "windows" when I feel slightly less depressed and have just enough capacity to plan these new activities. And maybe even try them. Then continuing on a depressive day is going to be easier because you're not at the blank page anymore
I am doing all activities I need to do like cook clean iron clothes I hate going out but by the end of the day I just want to go to bed forget about today . The next day it all starts again the cooking cleaning I hate a dirty house so Cleaning is a must . How long can anyone carry on like this with no pleasure in your life.
Wow, the beginning of this video described so well how I’ve been feeling lately. You’re right that it’s a loop: the worse we feel, the less we do, the worse we feel, etc. I heard recently that we are what we do, not what we think. It seems like when people are depressed, we try so hard to change our thinking patterns, but the reality is that we often don’t have much control over our thoughts. Sometimes we just have to accept that we’re having them, realize they aren’t necessarily true, and let them pass by. This video describes the other piece of the puzzle, focusing on what concrete, positive actions we can take, which in turn eventually lead to positive thoughts. So now I will drag myself out of bed and do those things that used to make me happy, hoping and trusting they eventually will again.
People have very different ways of being depressed. It's a motivation killer for me. I do fight my thoughts, but the bigger fight is to get things done. Just very simple things people take for granted, I have to push for, because I'm just existing. A year and a half and counting for this one. Never had one this long, so I'm really fighting hopelessness on this one.
Maybe they will or maybe try new things. For me helping others was really helpful. Like volunteer at a food bank or to help others in some way. Sign up to cook and serve at a soup kitchen, that's really good too.
I'm a single mom and living with a tendency towards depression. For me it's helpful to make a orientation list what I wish to do the next day before going to bed. Including things like Snuggling with my kid, Cooking, eating, doing the laundry with the steps, washing, hanging up and putting the dried clothes in the drawer. Washing hair as my hair needs to be washed all three days. Not daily. That's kind of hard to remember sometimes. 😵 Doing the dishes and listening to upbeat music or a podcast alongside. Beauty and friendlyness are things i value and having strategies to care for those on my list and marking the steps as achieved when done helps me to feel better and seeing what I do helps me not loosing the bigger picture. Marking the done ✔️ tasks on the list gives me the sense of achievement and meaning I need to come through the phase well enough cared for. Plus when fallen of the horse and my brain goes Blanc / frozen I can reconnect with life and reorient via the list. I see what's important I marked those (times to get my son from school or to an appointment, or a doctor's appointment for myself or an important phone call, or laundry if we run out of clean clothes. I chose only one or two each day as non negotiable important) and with that plan i can forgivingly slide back into the day. See the time reorient and pick what I can get done. Knowing what's bringing me into a funk helps. It's not showering in the evening. Staying up to long on my phone. (Like now ☺️ in thirty minutes is bedtime) Shifting showering in the next morning (not today) I need some anchoring habits in the day like how I get up and how I wind down. And a break in the day and meal times, enough water, and movement outside (air, daylight). At least a walk in nature. During winter I put the bright lights on in the morning to wake me up. I guess I'm using some science to be and stay ok. It's so helpful when drowning isn't an option. I love my kid 👩👦
I am happy to read this. It makes life seem beautiful and cosy like a studio ghibli film as opposed to dark and sad. Thank you and yes I will be using your tips to get me through the hard days! ❤❤❤
@@Maderlololohio I'm glad my comment contains helpful informations. Please Cherrypick. It's a lot to build up and I needed a few years to figure out what's really mattering for me, to write it down in easy steps that I can follow when crumbling appart.
This is one of the sweetest most practical and fun coping strategies for depression I’ve read in a comment section. Having beauty and snuggling with your kid on your to do list sounds downright inspiring. Thank you so much for sharing! I’m gonna do this! I’ll include things like admiring the sky and listening to my favorite songs while sketching or dancing. It sounds so good ❤
I have been retired going on 2 years now. At first, I loved just doing nothing, and it may have been good for a while for me to get extra rest, etc. After a while, though, I just felt like I was getting so much older before my time, that I should still have more life left in me. I have had a part time job for about a month now, and have noticed a change for the better, not so much overthinking and going down a depressive spiral. I can really relate to this video, thank you so much!
This is why I try to do at least _a little,_ and acknowledge that I at least did _something._ In fact, because I suck at self care, I _do_ count brushing teeth and keeping track of how many healthy meals I had. Don’t devalue things that are hard for you simply because "they're necessary for your survival." I think if it's something you struggle with, you can count it. In this method, if you genuinely struggle with going to the bathroom, you should be allowed to count it. I have a friend who has contamination and semsory issues and thus struggles with eating different foods and going to a bathroom when it doesn't feel clean enough or offers no way to sanitize afterwards. What seems like a simple and zero thoughts action to us takes more effort for them. Now, some might argue that the act of eating or going to the bathroom on its own doesn’t count and instead it's "eating something different" or "pushing through contamination anxiety" but people can word things however they want. Celebrate your small actions an victories.
For me, the most difficult part of engaging in things to help myself, is actually doing them. This channel and your work is very valuble to me and helpful to know what I can do instead of just being lost. However, getting started is so hard. I will do a little at a time and get going.
Dont beat yourself up over all the things that you can't or don't do. Just celebrate the small achievements. Knowing that you managed to achieve a small step will help you to try and take another step.
Getting a dog really helped me with getting outside daily. That furball relied on me to walk her multiple times a day. It was good for both of us. Plus neighbours would stop to talk to me and my dog.
When I’ve had dark episodes in the past I would make a list of 2 or 3 simple things that didn’t require a lot of thought but that meant getting up and moving around a little bit and instilled even some small degree of order (e.g. empty the trash can, vacuum a room, etc.). The key for me was determining to do those few simple tasks no matter how I felt. They wouldn’t take much time so that would help me start doing them because even it if felt terrible it would only take a few minutes. 👍🏻
I HATE to say this, but the only time my 46 year old daughter seems like her old self is when an episode of mania is coming on. So sad. She’s such a wonderful person.
I find activity trackers helpful when I'm feeling down because I tend to discount a lot of what I do, but when I look at that list at the end of the day, I'm actually surprised at how productive I was. It really helps a lot.
Thank you Dr. Marks! I pet sit and I've had a dog walking assignment all week. I discovered a lovely wooded walking path and a little creek, it's made such a beautiful and peaceful experience. I've come home with my nervous system completely calm. 😊😊
My concept was the spiral - I could spiral deeper into bleakness or spiral into something more positive. I worked on finding something positive in everyone and everything I saw. It helped a lot. But depression sneaks in and has to be constantly pushed against.
even in the depths of despair, there's the potential for change and growth. Countless people have been where you are now and have made it through, often emerging stronger for having navigated those difficult waters. It may not seem like it now, but this phase of your life doesn't define you; it's a chapter, not the entire book. You have the capacity for resilience, and it's never too late to seek help and make the first step toward a brighter future. Remember, it's okay to ask for support; you don't have to go through this alone.
I'm sure this kind of regimen helps with depression when you apply it - after I started therapy improving my daily routine in terms of structure and adding daily exercise helped me a lot. What still feels completely unrealistic to me, however, is that a depressed, disconnected person would be able to make the mental jump of actually starting with something like this on their own.
My car broke down & I .believed it could and I got very down & felt trapped ,also being alone in the woods ete.for awhile .set out to hitch rides from passing motorist to get food ,gas ete.i begin to really enjoy meeting and getting to know lots of different people..I started feeling better ,more energized ,and not so lonely,it helped restore my faith in God ,myself ,and humanity......
So true! You’ve got to "fake it to make it." You have to go through the motions & keep powering through the activities of life even though you’re not feeling any happiness. Eventually you will. Especially true for artists/creatives. Gotta "show up" at your creative space & do any kind of work that you can to be productive. Prep your supplies, reorganize your materials, sharpen your pencils, practice your brush-strokes, whatever… do the mundane, non-creative chores that will benefit your artistry/creativity when it’s ready to bloom. One day you’ll be doing one of these mundane things and you will realize you’re absolutely itching to make your art!!!
This is what I often try to get across to people who ask me. Sometimes it's really as simple as try making a new meal every other night to get the ball rolling.
When you are depressed enough that you aren’t able to do necessary things, tracking your activities is a BIG ask! I wish there were depression doulas - people who could come walk you through the small day to day things that have to happen. If they could also help keep your life orderly, it would help a person to move out of the deepest depression. Also - this video implied that you don’t enjoy things because you don’t do them. For me, I didn’t enjoy things I loved because it actively hurt to do things. Things changed. Music sounded out of tune or just irritated me. I couldn’t sit through a movie or a play. I once actually sat down and cried because the feeling of being out on a walk felt so horrible. Pushing myself to do things in those situations was worse than just not doing them. Also, I was so aware of what I wasn’t doing that doing the little I could do just emphasized my failure. Doing a little felt worse than doing nothing. I agree that as you are healing, or as you are just descending, pushing yourself and celebrating what you do is wonderful and helpful, but in the deep parts of depression I don’t think it helps at all.
Have you tried diamond painting? Creative hobby that requires no skill and little effort. It gave me a reason to want to wake up in the morning, and it gives me the motivation to do things that need to be done like cleaning. I just do a little bit each day and I’m actually making progress but by bit
I hate to say it but eventually the discomfort of the depression will get you to move in SOME direction and out of it. (If the people around you are negative and reinforcing your sadness try and limit your contact with them.) Be gentle with yourself in the meantime.
I hear you. It's a lot. Maybe commit to writing down just one thing a day, starting with grooming. When my depression is in full swing, even showering seems like a mountain of a task. Committing to that might help. Once it's a habit, then you can add one activity. Baby steps are still steps. ❤
I've been depressed for a long time, and I managed to recover from extreme low mood with psychedelics, but I still feel like everything is the same. I exercise, I engage with uni, I talk to my friends, I do volunteer work, but nothing feels like anything. I'm extremely anhedonic and still feel like life is more of a hassle than it is worth. So when will my brain fix itself? Why is it so resistant? I literally feel no different watching Netflix, reading a book or staring at a wall. It does make me want to give up fighting.
You are able to manage much more than I can. It sounds like if you're able to be this active and still anhedonic, you may have to resort to an anti depressant. Or least a natural one like Saint John's Wort, or 5 HTP.
@@saintejeannedarc9460 I've tried to take some Syrian Rue which helps but I am scared to take it everyday because it's an MAOI. I thought about 5htp, need to read about st Johns wart. Also, I really hope you recover soon. I know it feels impossible and tiring but whatever you can manage is important. I hope you find improvement and get the support you need.
Dr. Marks, I would love to watch an educational/awareness post by you with tips on how to “keep marching forward” while dealing with mental health and PTSD in the military. Many of us suffer but want to continue serving our country.
Salute! My observation-as a general rule,support for active military is bare to minimal,asking for help hurts their career. Sites like this helps but there needs to be more available for those trying to wrestle with PTSD,military or not. Good luck
I have chronic pain and it’s difficult to walk , clean or exercise. But I find having a routine helpful. After work I eat and clean the kitchen. Tuesday get trash ready. Every Friday clean my work desk. They are not big things but they do help me to get that sense of satisfaction every day.
i appreciate all the work that you do! i’m having the worst time showering the past 4 months. my depression isn’t terrible i’m taking my meds and i go to the gym. it’s just such a chore to me to shower 😮💨😣
This video came at a perfect time, I've been caught in a depressive loop the last month or so. Just taking it moment to moment, It's so hard to keep in mind that the little things do help in the end.
For me, the only thing that takes away my anxiety while depression is worse, is gardening. Taking care of plants, woking with the hands in the soil, planting seeds etc makes me feel like a child again. Plants teach me so much about life, and each one of them has different needs to express its full potential: the right soil, the right place, the right sun exposure, the right pot, the right supplements, the right medication, the right plants surrounding them. And if they 'feel' they are not able to express their full potential they start to flower or making clones of theirselves in order to make seeds or pups with the hope the wind can carry their genes in another place better than the place the 'mother plant' is. That's so amazing and intelligent!!!
This is such a beautiful post and I really wish I was the same, with green fingers and all the sources of renewal that I know gardening can give. But the reality is: my job is overwhelming and exhausting so I can’t get in the garden often enough, so it looks like a wasteland. And all the things you say about plants, all that knowledge … it’s overwhelming. I can just about remember to water a plant every now and then. All my house plants die within six months. 😢
I'm in a depressive episode right now..I'm here right now. So dilapitating and isolating. I'm getting married next year and I feel this depression is tainting just how much joy I should be feeling about this.
Thank you for not just saying you need to exercise and eat healthy like every other video on anxiety and depression says. Even when you don't have the weight of depression over your life you don't want to exercise so it is useless to tell someone to do that because it feels Impossible. Great video.
Can I just say I appreciate your videos. I didn’t even know I’ve been doing this. I got into rockhounding in recent years after a decade struggle with substance abuse/ severe social anxiety/ and previously debilitating levels of overall mental exhaustion doing regular things. Since I’ve been doing something as simple as collecting/ identifying/ and decorating my rock display it’s like everything else has been falling into place too. Sober 3 years. Anxiety levels down. It’s all so weird. I do have to do stretches and exercise a few days a week for… optimum functioning.
Connecting with people for mental health wellness comes rarely since everyone has work, relationships or excuses which causes me to watch movies, concerts, go to festivals, theme parks, etc. by myself or my mom who can go but complains a lot since she can’t walk for too long. Thank you for the helpful video.
Yes it really is an endless loop. When I was depressed I didn't want to do anything, then I'd feel even more depressed, beating myself up for being "lazy". Now I know it's not laziness and I'm able to be more active being in therapy for a few years and making changes to my life.
I somewhat disagree with you on not including brushing your teeth as an activity. I get what you are saying that you don’t want to bog yourself down with just grooming tasks but rather BUT as others here have mentioned, sometimes brushing your teeth is a difficult task to complete when you have depression. Brushing your teeth is a small thing that makes you feel better because you feel cleaner and a little less gross. Plus, if you don’t regularly brush your teeth, it has very severe, painful, and expensive consequences! That’s why I believe IF you struggle with brushing your teeth, it should be a top priority.
Thank you for mentioning this! Hygiene problems that come with depression are embarrassing, but they are a reality for many people, including me. And now I'm going to finally go and brush my teeth at 2 p.m.😅
I understand your view and I am not argueing with it, but Even after loosing back teeth and my stomach acid from anxiety and depression is so high, it just erodes holes in my teeth whether I brush or not, my anxiety worse from being depressed, i get severe ulcers and acid while sleeping that destroy your teeth, ive had 6 crowns and 7 fillings from stomach acid since this started 5 years ago. Yes its expensive. I am getting implants, to eat again. Another horrible side effect is low oxygen. If you have anxiety with depression, order an oxygen reader for your finger, it led me to the pulmonologist, a fancy low oxgyen dr. With more tests than asthma drs. He said high acid goes into your lungs while your sleeping lowering your oxygen making me more tired more depressed. I have to sleep on a wedge pillow to keep my oxygen above 95. And take 2 different prescription antacids. Everything compounds on itself. What i am saying nicely is its not always that simple, and everyone has to keep asking questions get 3rd 4tg 5th dr. Opinions. It is amazing how many things can happen from stress on the body, that includes gad, and major depression
Dr didn’t say to NOT list brushing teeth. She just suggested that once you are more able to continue that activity, you COULD continue on by including all grooming as one activity.
Something to add- I told my counselor once that I'd finished a craft project and it was the very first time I had finished ANY THING. They disagreed but they were missing the point, I was in a state of wonder that I could persist and just.... accomplish something. Therapists seem to think that if your mood resolves, you'll sail through life but I had so few basic skills, it took me a long time to mature in my 30's when I had been acting like a child for decades, no parenting. Learning to be more capable from accomplishments can be a short cut to success in life- go DO stuff, learn to do a 5km run, or a certain game outdoors, persist, it will reward you in MANY ways, more than just the task!!!
After dragging myself around doing things l didn’t want to do for months on end l quit. It didn’t work….at all. As a matter of fact l developed a distaste for doing the things l used to love to do. I never had a problem with brushing my teeth or the most basic things, laundry, dishes, that stuff l just did because l didn’t want my kids to cart me off to the funny farm. No, it was the forcing myself to go out in the yard to listen to the breeze in the trees, creating music, singing, journaling, going to see a friend, church, anything l had always loved l began to dread even trying to get through it. None of it helped or made me better. Finally l just gave in and did nothing at all of any consequence for months. I watched old movies, organized my sewing box, put hems in pants. Nothing big. Nothing stressful. Nothing challenging. My doc started me on a low dose AntiDep and slowly lve been crawling out. Still have setbacks but after almost 4 yrs, l am somewhat better tho I still feel very hollow a lot of the time. People don’t listen to grieving ppl and people want to fix you by pushing you to do stuff. That’s not always good. Grieving is a process and everyone is different. You have to do what is right for yourself, not what others tell you to do.
At the height of my depression I felt it had full control of me. The only thing I had control of was going on long road rides alone, knowing that even depression couldn’t steal that from me. When I went out the next time my fitness had improved. I had control of this and used it to pull myself up. This video is so on point.
Every little thing you do matters when you are depressed because even the smallest tasks, like using the bathroom and brushing one's teeth, can take an enormous amount of energy. Hang in there, fight the good fight, and know that you are precious, special and deeply loved!
You had me at "Here's how you do it," and then providing actuable steps and real tools with context... Subscribed. Thank you so much for this. Working on gathering my materials now. ❤❤❤
I really like this video. It would be helpful to describe how to do this when you have ADHD and depression. The steps sound like a good idea but also seem overwhelming.
Behavioral activation is a tool I bring up with all my clients suffering from depression and bipolar disorder. It's been so essential to getting them to understand how much that activity can impact their thoughts and mood, and that even though their body feels like it weighs thousands of pounds, they can still go for a walk or take a shower. Great video as always!
Dr. Marks -.Im so glad I found you. I had to just admit myself in June because of depression, suicidal ideation. Your videos help me so much. The video I just watched on "Time" was so helpful. Thank You God for Dr. Marks.
I know everyone has they story and problems, but i just wanted to share mine with you out there. Basically its been getting worse for 2 years since my alcohol and marijuana addiction. I quit everything and am taking xanax to be able to sleep, but my actions costed me a very lonely state, i lost all friends, all connection with anyone besides my gf. I used to be very talkative and open, made people laugh and smile but now i just feel gray and dead. I lost all of that. The last two things that keep me alive is skateboarding and drawing, i love to draw cars and other stuff. Sometimes i just wish i could have anyone to talk and make a new friend, but i feel too disconnected and withdrawn from society.
For me I think recording going to the bathroom and brushing my teeth would be helpful. Edit grooming for some can be listed as individual activities. I don’t always have the energy to do do “grooming” bit I might have the energy to brush my teeth one day and wash my armpits another day.
Thank you for being there for all of us. I needed this to help me power through some post graduate school depression. Found out i had a low Vitamin D level, and am addressing the problem now and becoming more active.
I love your shorts. But your long form videos just give me so much. You explain things so well. I truly appreciate you as a resource. Thank you, Dr. Tracey. ❤️
@markcartwright6480 I suppose it could avoid further pain. When there is no positive reinforcement, any action can only be driven by fear and/or negative reinforcement. Bad feelings basically.
I get periods of anhedonia immediately after the suicidal thinking diminishes in a MDD. This time round I had 3 or 4 specific tasks I made mandatory even when I got no feedback from it. It took about 2 months to recover but that was a lot better than usual which is usually 6 months
Anhedonia can be very difficult to cope with. Personally, I understand that my mental state is not reflective of me so I go ahead and just do shit anyway. Sometimes, it’ll even help pull me out of that rut
I went into a mental health facility hoping that I could learn about my issues. Her book and the book how to help your lost inner child. I got much more from them, 2 hrs a day than I did in the program 46 hours a week
Some of this is good advice but some is just not realistic for most people. Your general advice about doing something when a person suffering from depression doesn't have the motivation to do it is absolutely correct. However, depressed people do not have the motivation to create lists of things (and then to do them) that aren't absolute necessities of life. I am speaking from someone whose experienced it. They're tired, exhausted, feel terrible, aren't well rested, have low self esteem and exist in a loop of negative self talk/image that does not allow them to do all these things. In my opinion (and experience) what does help is: 1) Doing one thing in a whole day by slightly pushing yourself and rewarding yourself for it. 2) Discovering one hobby that doesn't require much physical activity but can bring you outside of that mental loop of negativity for example, reading, listening to music, watching something fun, doodling etc. 3) Learning to breathe properly in a mindful manner. A lot of people think it's just a trend or something but most people (even those who're not depressed or anxious) aren't breathing right and I cannot overstate the impact of breathing properly on my minds and bodies. It's a thousands of years old Eastern wisdom which not only has physical benefits but directly affects our mood as well. 4) Teaching ourselves to be aware of our thoughts is important. Gratitude is important as well. Finding one thing to be grateful about every day is a great practice. You don't have to write it down. Just ask yourself and answer honestly. 5) Another important thing is to reduce your consumption of the lives of the rich and famous. People think it doesn't have a negative impact on them but it does. It's not possible to look at the lives of the rich and famous for prolonged periods of time without having their extreme privileges normalized in our minds. 6) After feeling a bit better at this stage, I wholeheartedly recommend yoga. I am not exaggerating when I say that it's absolutely life changing for depression and anxiety (along with other issues). I didn't know it was possible to feel so light, joyful and calm before I started doing yoga. It's an absolute game changer. I wish everyone suffering from this disease allows themselves to open a tiny window from which they receive the benefits they need to slowly overcome it because it's absolutely possible to heal.
I remember about a statement you said in one of your videos which strikes in my mind i.e “Any kind of movement is an improvement”.In between genuise says that you should be early to get a heart from Tracey, Early bird gets the worm❤.
I was working with a therapist that iI iked for a year over a year when, out of nowhere, i was fired. I lost my insurance and of course my therapist. I turn 50 on 12/27, i have 2 Master's Degrees and i love the work that i do. Yet, 6 weeks later, i am still jobless and struggling to recover from the confusion, shame, sadness, and financial stress that i am experiencing. I will order the work book and try my best to complete it.
@Leeta I just read your post here 2 mo later (now Feb 2024). I felt an upbeat sense from your words, despite the loss of your job, insurance and therapist. Hoping that new doors have opened for you since then 😊
Reading the comments of this video is an essential behavioural activation, as people talk honestly about where they are in their depression. Thank you. Every activity that is positive, however small, is not to be eliminated, as it does help (me) you to live, before worrying about connecting to people. Self compassion is my value schedule for 2024.
I've been dealing with depression for weeks now, seems like since the end of July. I tried going to a dance that I didn't want to go to, but ended up being pretty fun. I've been wanting to stay in bed till noon.
Yes, making something helps me too. A friend told me the three m's to attempt when depressed: Move Make Meet I'm definitely not able to do all three of them per day if I'm in the depth of depression, but it really helps me to come up with stuff to do.
I went to an AMAZING music festival in the Coachella Valley over the weekend, with my 2 brothers, my nephew, and one our oldest friends. It was a struggle for me in the 110 degree heat to walk the mile or so it took to reach our seats, herded like human cattle from the parking lot on each of the 3 days of the show. I have a long history of panic attacks, but this was a once in a lifetime event and I would be damned if I was going to fall apart! I felt the fear and did it anyway - just like the book says. We made friends with locals and distant travellers, and pretty young women who thought we were the bomb... and ten years that weighed 100 lbs each slipped from my shoulders. I was me again. For three days in the desert, I remembered what it felt like to be ALIVE. In the climactic crescendo of the entire event - when AC/DC played an extended version of "Let There Be Rock", and Angus Young and his eldest brother, George, broke into the Chuck Berry-esque boogie in the middle eight, I literally wept with joy. Where had I been for the past decade? It didn't matter. The moment filled me up and reminded me who I was - who I AM! Things were going to be different from now on. From the moment I got home, I would spend more time outwardly DOING instead of inwardly shrinking. Rock n Roll is gonna save my soul - ONE MORE TIME! What an epiphany! Then I drove home, and... it was time to pay the piper. There were no masks, 100,000 screaming fans in the middle of the desert for 3 days. Full-blown mutant Covid. This is the first real moment of lucidity I've had since arriving home early Monday morning. I've been unable to get out of bed, and I've never been sicker than I was up until this afternoon (and still very touch and go). In my depressed state, I didn't bother with booster shots because I didn't really care if I lived or died. I'm not sure what to do with that. Talk about a momentum killer! 🤦♂
I love how matter of factly she speaks without a lot of fake smiles and really high pitched talking. She’s so easy to listen to even when I am sad and cannot take most people. I’m so glad she said at the end some alternatives if you don’t have the energy and motivation to do all that. lol if you can do all that then your depression isn’t the bottomless pit of nothingness that it could be - be thankful. I will say when I had an accountability partner - whether a therapist or a friend - it helped. I have had trouble following through and remembering these things but appreciate all the tips here. I will try again. No matter how sad you are, please don’t give up. You deserve to learn to live the life that you find worthwhile. Hang in there for future you!!
Best thing that helped me over come depression is when ever I cry or have bad mode I recognize that I’m crying for no reason and immediately I go to do something else and by the time it will better
How do you get motivated to do the small things. Especially when there isn't a reward for them. Clean your home body maintenance ( shower teeth hair medical heck even lotion). How do you work towards that when depression, ADHD, and anxiety slows you down?
Yes, I’ve Thrown my hands up to insomnia by scrolling social media. The video was Subtle enough but not, lol!! Thanks for the information Dr. Marks. 🙂 Not feeling “depressed” but I’ll be more sensitive to mood changes as the seasons change. Some of your suggestions will perhaps help plan to get ahead of the fall and winter. Ty again!
None of these things matter if you are in a negative environment. Getting out on my own and getting a decent career helped improve my depression significantly. Time also heals. I’m not 100% there but I am hopeful that I’ll get where I want to be mentally and emotionally. I will say getting some sun and learning to laugh by watching comedians, etc helped a lot when I was in the depths of depression. I looked into manifesting as well and that works surprisingly well. I wish everyone peace and well being.
You don't need to BUY anything to fix this. I found it truly does help to start with cleaning your room. If that's too, daunting, start with just pulling your sheet and blanket up when you eventually get up. Spend a week on just that..and making the bed neater each time. It's an easy win. Also: setting an alarm ..if u sleep until noon B4 u can make yourself get up, set the alarm for 1145...then 1130...then 1115..then 11 🎉 congrats! You're up an hour earlier by the end of the first week. Keep going! 💪
When I am at work for 12 to 14 hours, then have to come home and try to do some chores around the home and a bit of homework before trying to sleep to do it again the next day... It's not just depression keeping me from my personal activities. It's not being able to engage in my personal activities that adds fuel to the depression.
It is so true that when we push ourselves to do something, we feel a mood boost. Even just clearing out the junk drawer or cleaning a window or two. The front of my stainless steel stove was bugging me (smudgy) and I just cleaned it. It took all of maybe 3 or 4 minutes. I also love the timer method: just set a timer for 15 mins., or even just 5, and start in on a task. No pressure to tackle the entire project. When the timer goes off, you may find you want to keep going. But even if not, you have the satisfaction of knowing you completed your task.
Definitely one of my favorite videos of yours. I my case, I'm having depression since my very young age. Now that I'm 59, finally I understood that depression is like alcoholism or having Presbyopia. The pharmaceuticals has never been able to create a molecule able to solve the problem, so this is something that we need to accept. Once we understand that is an illness that will be present, the strength will start decreasing, like confronting a fear and find out that is not there.
these videos help to reinforce how intuitive i am about what ive been experiencing in my life and the things that i do(always have and stopped because of trauma) and how my methods of recovery and self help reflect the videos i feel to anxious or scared to watch bit i feel relief in knowing that the content in your videos, and others reaffirm the things i think of to help as i dont have a doctor atm. ultimately im improving
I lost my job about over a month ago now, and I have absolutely been caught in that feedback loop. I'm literally 30 seconds in and hoping that this video can be the kick I need to get going again, on the career path and enjoying my life in the (currently plentiful 😅) free time I have, instead of the depression flare up I've been stuck in now.
I took one of those personalities tests. It showed that I am very sensitive to situations. Just recently, I had a major episode of depression that is just now starting to ease up. It's taken weeks. It's been a battle. I FORCED myself to go to a museum, visit family, go to the movies & exercise. I feel better but it takes time & a good therapist.
This is the best advice I've ever heard surrounding behavioral activation. All my MH professionals have basically just said "do the thing even if you don't feel like it" and that always felt like I was forcing it, just hoping it would work someday. I have a lot of executive dysfunction, so just "doing the thing" is very hard for me. This actually gives a framework to approach it. Thank you! I immediately went to buy the workbook and I'm excited to try it. 😊🥰
I use my phone calendar and reminders to schedule chores, appointments including travel time, recurring tasks, items to follow up on, creative time, meals, weaving in goals or tasks I am avoiding or procrastinating- feels better to just get something done even if it’s just one step in a larger process. Been doing this 90+ days and I’m still autistic with cPTSD and physical disabilities but dang I’m learning a lot. Great to have a name for it, behavioral action, and to know I did it intuitively. I was a Planner in my career so I fell back on what I knew.
As someone who suffers with extreme severe anxiety I can totally relate to her. I would stop eating for days at a time as a punishment. I worry a lot about my life, everyone around me and pleasing everyone. It's absolutely crippling, so glad she got the help she needed, lovely young lady it's so sad that society has 1 in 3 people suffering mental health issues. I hope everyone seeks help
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about how mushrooms and psychedelics treats anxiety, but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
When you're really depressed--people often encounters sadness even for some time but as depression that affects your daily life/activities--it shows how messed up and defeated you are in multiple fronts (relationships, romantic relationship, work, family, health, hobbies, education etc.) especially of those that's within your own personal locus of control. It's a useful idea to think of your daily life as a city/state/country with different frontlines and you're the sovereign king/queen who's responsible to what happens to your own kingdom, but before you can manage many different things, you ought to manage your own state first and to always practice the ritual of "bringing habitable order to and out of chaos" like making your own domain/house as livable (cleaning your room, fixing your bed, washing the dishes, deal with trash etc.) Everyone from the military know those things and with those little things that we'd do in our daily lives produce little wins that'll always start the momentum of feeling of "power" against the suffering in our daily chaotic experience.
Would you say it's possible to be depressed but having a good self-esteem? I've been feeling without motivation to do almost anything, but at the same time I'm pretty confident it will not be forever and I'm completely confident I am capable of getting through this and whatever comes. So, what I'm trying to do is to go right into the last step here, but I'm using a to-do list, which is way more simple. So far, I'm glad I'm doing some things I needed to do.
Thank you so much for this. I’ve been very aware of my depression but I wasn’t finding anything to really help me. I feel this is the right step for me.
As a long time survivor of depression, put brushing your teeth on your "to done" list. Some days, that's the most amazing thing you could have done for yourself and I'm so proud of you for doing it.
There is a TED Talk that talks about coping (and essentially harm reduction) in depression and anxiety. The speaker's name is KC Davis.
Thank you! And right back atcha! Job well done!
I agree wholeheartedly as a person with frequent bouts of depression. Brushing your teeth will become such a hard thing to do, but if your doing it more often. It’s a great indicator of you starting to get back to yourself. Get those smaller Ws in where you can.
Yes! Add on brushing your hair, especially if it’s long, n on a really good day wash your face! I promise you’ll feel like you’re on top of the world. Little acts of self care can go a long way in your fight to get out of your pit of depression
I agree. She was wrong. We are told to say its a victory if i brushed my teeth, or ate something. This must be for minor depressive episodes.
I have major depression diagnosed. 5 years of trying everything.
Yes a victory is brushing teeth. Or walking the dog.
Or finally taking a shower is a huge feat.
I agree that going to the bathroom is a bodily function and that most people don't need to write it down. But some people are so depressed that peeing the bed seems to be a better option than going to the bathroom. So for those people, I think it's important to write it down. I went to the bathroom instead of peeing the bed. I took a shower instead of staying in my pajamas all day. Those are important activities for some very depressed people. Sending lots of love 💖 from sunny 🌞 Arizona 🌵. Take care of yourselves 😷.
I came to the comments to say exactly this !
Sometimes the only time I get off the couch is to use the toilet. And I think all that writing down of activities sounds like waaaay too much work if I'm so ill I'm barely even eating. I might be able to write down one word on a piece of paper, that's it.
I've definitely thought about peeing in the bed so I don't have to stand up. I would also need to write down "brushed my teeth", as that's something I avoid if I'm not going out or seeing someone
@@bUrRiEdaLiVe6 , Since I live alone, I decided that cleaning up that bed after peeing in it would be more work than getting up and crawling to the bathroom 10 feet away. Cause you can't lay in pee. It really messes up your skin. Ask any baby with diaper rash. And I'm not sure I could ask a loved one to clean it up for me. Sending lots of love💖 from sunny 🌞 Arizona 🌵. Take care of yourselves 😷.
@@bUrRiEdaLiVe6 , I can totally relate to not bushing my teeth. My biggest problem is gum disease. And right now it's a big problem. I usually tell people to plan something on the way back from the bathroom, since you are motivated to get up, might as well do something or get something whilst I'm up!... I guess I'm going to have to take my own advice, and plan to brush my teeth on the way back to the bed or sofa. For me the reward is getting back to the bed/sofa (and healthier teeth, but there never seems to be instant gratification to brushing my teeth.) I have stickers with a smiling tooth holding toothbrush that I stick on the calendar. That's fun. I just wish everyday had two stickers instead of rows of blank spaces. 😝🤫. Sending lots of love💖 from sunny 🌞 Arizona 🌵. Take care of yourself 😷.
I took an online class and when I finished my first assignment, I had such a sudden feeling of accomplishment that it kicked me out of my depression for a little while. It was a completely bizarre experience because I was not used to having those kinds of feelings. I haven’t felt accomplished for so long I forgot what that feels like.
Learning something new can have a pronounced effect on your mental health as I believe it encourages new neural pathways to form within the brain. So the more you learn the more you are able to 'rewire' your brain and gradually break free of the old way of thinking that was contributing to holding you back. Just doing the washing was a major accomplishment for me. But learning a language blew out all my circuits and showed me a new way of living. I wish you well in your journey.
For me it's the opposite, no matter how many projects I finish, I feel nothing. No better at all, still as pointless and worthless. I feel it's never going to be enough, and never going to be good enough no matter what I do. Still , I keep going as standing still is worse and maybe something will come out of it anyway at least.
@@lucialuciferion6720 If standing still seems threatening then you could try meditating and doing nothing. Getting in touch with just being might be better than trying to accomplish anything. The numbness is a form of shock. So don't be hard on yourself try to be gentle. Where does that inner critic come from? Why do you let it control you? Give yourself a hug and try to be more understanding & gentle with yourself first. Its what you would say to someone else.
@@sharonjuniorchess Thank you for your kind words 🤗I will see how I can change/lessen those critical thoughts.
@@lucialuciferion6720, I feel that way ... except when I do something outside. Gophers were eating all my plants. It was either move what was left or have nothing. Luckily I already had a gardener. He's not good with plants (better with lawns), but I was able to supervise him enough to get the flowers moved to pots. All the books say sunlight will lift a depression. The problem is getting out there. "They" say just find a spot and sit awhile. Are you kidding me? I'd rather slather myself with honey and lay in an ant pile than sit in nature alone with my thoughts! So I walk around, water plants, cut grass, pull weeds, I do non-routine things (the gardener does the routine stuff) so there's no pressure. I'd rather stay in bed than be stressed about having to mow the whole property. Now, I'm starting to paint the shed. It may take me a year at this pace (I only get to work on it when I can get myself out of bed) but it will get done. I keep the to-do list small, scrape half of one board. I keep the scraper next to the back door so I don't have to look for it and on bad days I throw a long shirt over my PJs to keep dust off so I can go right back to bed when I'm done. I tell myself to scrape for 5 minutes, just 5 minutes and once I start I usually end up doing more. Do I like scraping? No. I like being in the sun, being busy and seeing the progress. I like that nobody bothers me. Keep doing things until you find something that you like. Don't give up! Sending lots of love 💖 from sunny 🌞 Arizona 🌵. Take care of yourself 😷.
I hope you know you’re saving lives by making your videos. It’s not a substitute for going through therapy, or course. But for those like me who temporarily can not access healthcare, your videos help me. You arm us with information and I am grateful.
Absolutely! I got better solely from her UA-cam videos ❤
Dr. Tracey your words are GOD SENT AND SCIENTIFICALLY POWERFUL AND LIFE CHANGING AND MAY I ALSO SAY SPIRITUAL BECAUSE GOD IS ALSO IN SCIENCE AND SOUND HEALTH. YOU ARE A LOVELY PERSON WHO REALLY CARES AND YOUR GIFT IS JOYFUL BECAUSE IT REALLY WORKS. AMEN
She makes so much sense and explains things so clearly and specifically.
I'm with you on that. Take care.
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Last week, I started writing on a white board what I DID that day, not a to-do list. I feel accomplishment!
That's genius and I love it
Great tactic! I do this too, journaling.
This is such a good idea! I never take time to focus on what I actually did that day vs what I didnt have time. It always leaves me feeling annoyed and stressed, because I dont focus on all the things I did accomplish…. Dang, ill try this today in the evening, thanks!! 🧡
I’ll try that from now on. Thank you so much ❤❤❤❤
I started keeping a journal of the same thing!
One of the most helpful things I've heard when I was depressed was: "Nobody is coming to save you." You can get help and support from people, but nobody can save you. Get up, start doing very small things. I started with 30seconds on my hometrainer bike (with no resistance) every hour on the hour, nothing more, nothing less. I will make myself do this for the rest of my life as a habit to maintain my sanity. My body hurts less, my mind is clearer and the darkness has finally lifted.
That's really interesting! I have never been told this but it's something that if I let myself focus on too long, will make me negatively spiral. After over a decade of trying to soak up every tool and bit of information, I'm still not in a healthy place. My brain takes that evidence and says ‘Well no matter what I do or how hard I try I can't save myself’. So for me it's more helpful to think the opposite- 'But it’s ok because someone (a professional) CAN. So don't lose hope’. So I just try to remember that and that these things aren't fixable but they ARE manageable, maybe by yourself or maybe with some outside help. It's genuinely so interesting to me to read/hear about what works for different people. I'm glad you found something that helps you!
Thank you for sharing this. You have no idea how this was helpful for me to see this written. Thank you
I forced myself to just walk round my local park. The gentle exercise coupled with being outside & seeing & feeling life going on often help to 'shift' my mood to try and do something (however minor it may have seemed) it was an obstacle to try and overcome (like tidying up). Sometimes it worked and sometimes it didn't. Don't worry about your failures celebrate your small daily achievements.
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I like that, 30 second IS meaningful, just starting was quite an accomplishment
I have spent so much time in "therapy" and I have NEVER had a therapist give me actionable things to do. All they ever do is sit and listen to you talk at them. I can't even get mine to give me feedback. I lost faith in the system. This is very valuable and I hope it helps a lot of people who are caught in the God-awfu loop of just existing. ❤l
Although therapists help you with your mind, they are still humans, who cannot scan you and read your thoughts.
If you feel like you need an advice instead of just person listening to you, you can ask for it directly. "Please give me an exact instructions of what I can do to solve the problem. Simply talking does not work for me". Most of therapists will do that if you ask them explicitly
I hear you. The only time I got this type of truly helpful guidance with explanations and actionable directives is when I had a psychologist or a psychiatrist instead of a licensed therapist.
Maybe cognitive therapist could be good for you.
I have asked therapist to give me suggestions what to do and ask feedback. And they do that. Also if you search different kinds of therapists. I think cognitive therapist could be great for you. I think it depends a lot what's their field in therapy. Try another one. 😊
When you're hungry you'll eat whatever is available. Then you realize the food you're eating isn't that tasty and is kind of gross, choose another restaurant. Not every restaurant can offer what suits your palette.
When you aren't so desperate for help, search for a therapist that suits your needs.
Sometimes I don't want to go to things when I am depressed because they aren't as much fun as they used to be. But they are almost always more fun than staying home and thinking the same negative thoughts over and over.
I didn't know this had a name but I pretty much did this to work my way out of depression. One day, I just decided to join every group and every volunteer project I could find. It took awhile, but I became busy, met people, made friends, and helped others which feels great! Helping others directly feels really good. I helped out at a cold-weather homeless shelter by being there and making sandwiches too. We struggled to find volunteers so the shelter could open so I knew my participation was important. I pushed myself to get out and it wasn't easy because I felt so worthless.
Thanks for sharing this. I'm kind of at this stage now. I need to get out and meet people but being shy and depressed doesn't help with motivation. I've joined a few groups and am looking forward to volunteering at a few things soon.
Sometimes your so depressed that even a shower or eating seems like a chore.
So yeah list grooming because it is self care. And even those thing can take chunks of time to do.
Grooming is definitely difficult for me.
Or doing laundry, cleaning your room. That was my nemesis.
Just breathing is a hard job.
Definitely peace...😇😇😇
Yes
I have lived by this since I first started experiencing depression decades ago. It's called: don't give in to what you feel like! as in: isolating, sleeping, staying in bed or inside with curtains closed. I definitely force myself to activate, to reach out not so much because it makes me feel better, but because if I DONT, I will feel worse.
Well said!!!!
You have a good mindset.
Usually going out, doing things also gives you better feeling.
Sometimes I DO wrote things like ‘wake up’ and ‘use the bathroom’, not because it makes me feel accomplished, but because it’s so silly that it makes me smile. And sometimes it’s the only thing that makes me smile.
Good for you for finding things that make you smile. Also for being able to make these lists. I find her methods rather overwhelming sounding. It looks like it helps some people, but for many w/ deeper depression, its a big bunch of extras, when we already are really struggling for the motivation just do bare essentials, like tooth brushing and showers. Making a complicated list of extra activities, then rating them for how we feel about each activity can be too much extra for many.
@@saintejeannedarc9460: Thank you for understanding what this Dr. does not!
My father lost his battle with depression in July of this year. He would lay in bed all day, didn't even want to speak to me when i would visit him. A once perfectly groomed man began to not shower and smell like urine most of the time. His bedroom stayed dark with curtains drawn. I begged him to open the curtains and go outside and get some fresh air a few times a day...but he wouldn't. I wish he could have found it in himself to do more, and i wish i could have said or done something more to help him...
It’s not your fault I promise. I know it hurts more than anything else to want to help someone who’s in something so deep and seeing it’s not working. But you did all you could. I promise it’s not your fault.
So sorry you went through that. We can try to help others, but ultimately we are only responsible for ourselves because that's what we can control.
I'm so sorry for the pain and doubt you feel. I hope you find peace and relief from any guilt or shame. Lay those burdens down, they're not yours to carry.
I’m so sorry, I can’t imagine the grief. But then again. 🤍
I’m sorry love ❤
I'm so sorry for loss. ❤️
I was severely clinically depressed for a decade but I did not know until I was diagnosed properly. After a year and a half of treatment via therapy, lifestyle changes, medication and psilocybin my symptoms are in remission and I am on track towards recovery. I encourage anyone who needs help to get help and if you have financial concerns there are many organizations who can help. I am so grateful that I did not give up and that I’m still here.
Can you please share some of the organizations regarding the financial concerns?
When I am depressed and lethargic, the last thing I want to do is make lists or write in a workbook. We need to know what to do to motivate us to get out of bed and open the workbook.
Believe me, I know exactly how you feel. If I had enough energy to track all kinds of activities in a workbook, I don't think I would be depressed. Anyway, try little things. If you feel you can't get out of bed, try sitting up and opening your eyes. I find sometimes even that is something. Then build on it bit by bit. Having a shower can be an accomplishment some days.
I can really relate to that. I couldn't even track half of what she was saying, let alone set out to it. I've got a house to clean, bills to pay, a shower to take (finally did that one, forgot to put on skin cream, so am itchy), and other hurdles. If I could get to this list, it would mostly just haunt me, for not getting back to it, and I know in my current state, it's going to take precious motivation for essentials away. Sometimes you have to meet people where they are at, and this list thing is for people w/ less severe depression. I'll try and think of a modified type thing that might help on a better day.
So then, figure that out, bro! Take care! Do one activity or multiple little activities that you tell yourself "I am glad I got that problem over with"...
From my experience, there usually are "windows" when I feel slightly less depressed and have just enough capacity to plan these new activities. And maybe even try them. Then continuing on a depressive day is going to be easier because you're not at the blank page anymore
I am doing all activities I need to do like cook clean iron clothes
I hate going out but by the end of the day I just want to go to bed forget about today .
The next day it all starts again the cooking cleaning I hate a dirty house so Cleaning is a must .
How long can anyone carry on like this with no pleasure in your life.
Wow, the beginning of this video described so well how I’ve been feeling lately. You’re right that it’s a loop: the worse we feel, the less we do, the worse we feel, etc. I heard recently that we are what we do, not what we think. It seems like when people are depressed, we try so hard to change our thinking patterns, but the reality is that we often don’t have much control over our thoughts. Sometimes we just have to accept that we’re having them, realize they aren’t necessarily true, and let them pass by.
This video describes the other piece of the puzzle, focusing on what concrete, positive actions we can take, which in turn eventually lead to positive thoughts.
So now I will drag myself out of bed and do those things that used to make me happy, hoping and trusting they eventually will again.
People have very different ways of being depressed. It's a motivation killer for me. I do fight my thoughts, but the bigger fight is to get things done. Just very simple things people take for granted, I have to push for, because I'm just existing. A year and a half and counting for this one. Never had one this long, so I'm really fighting hopelessness on this one.
Me too.
@@saintejeannedarc9460 I will say a prayer for you
Maybe they will or maybe try new things. For me helping others was really helpful. Like volunteer at a food bank or to help others in some way. Sign up to cook and serve at a soup kitchen, that's really good too.
❤❤❤
I'm a single mom and living with a tendency towards depression. For me it's helpful to make a orientation list what I wish to do the next day before going to bed. Including things like Snuggling with my kid, Cooking, eating, doing the laundry with the steps, washing, hanging up and putting the dried clothes in the drawer.
Washing hair as my hair needs to be washed all three days. Not daily. That's kind of hard to remember sometimes. 😵
Doing the dishes and listening to upbeat music or a podcast alongside.
Beauty and friendlyness are things i value and having strategies to care for those on my list and marking the steps as achieved when done helps me to feel better and seeing what I do helps me not loosing the bigger picture. Marking the done ✔️ tasks on the list gives me the sense of achievement and meaning I need to come through the phase well enough cared for. Plus when fallen of the horse and my brain goes Blanc / frozen
I can reconnect with life and reorient via the list. I see what's important I marked those (times to get my son from school or to an appointment, or a doctor's appointment for myself or an important phone call, or laundry if we run out of clean clothes. I chose only one or two each day as non negotiable important) and with that plan i can forgivingly slide back into the day. See the time reorient and pick what I can get done.
Knowing what's bringing me into a funk helps. It's not showering in the evening. Staying up to long on my phone. (Like now ☺️ in thirty minutes is bedtime) Shifting showering in the next morning (not today)
I need some anchoring habits in the day like how I get up and how I wind down. And a break in the day and meal times, enough water, and movement outside (air, daylight). At least a walk in nature. During winter I put the bright lights on in the morning to wake me up. I guess I'm using some science to be and stay ok. It's so helpful when drowning isn't an option. I love my kid 👩👦
I am happy to read this. It makes life seem beautiful and cosy like a studio ghibli film as opposed to dark and sad. Thank you and yes I will be using your tips to get me through the hard days! ❤❤❤
@@Maderlololohio I'm glad my comment contains helpful informations. Please Cherrypick. It's a lot to build up and I needed a few years to figure out what's really mattering for me, to write it down in easy steps that I can follow when crumbling appart.
This is one of the sweetest most practical and fun coping strategies for depression I’ve read in a comment section. Having beauty and snuggling with your kid on your to do list sounds downright inspiring. Thank you so much for sharing! I’m gonna do this! I’ll include things like admiring the sky and listening to my favorite songs while sketching or dancing. It sounds so good ❤
All the best to you and your child ❤ great strategies and priorities, it can take a long time to figure out a working routine
I have been retired going on 2 years now. At first, I loved just doing nothing, and it may have been good for a while for me to get extra rest, etc. After a while, though, I just felt like I was getting so much older before my time, that I should still have more life left in me. I have had a part time job for about a month now, and have noticed a change for the better, not so much overthinking and going down a depressive spiral. I can really relate to this video, thank you so much!
Even writing things down is too exhausting.
I use voice dictation
Thank you for writing this because it's true for me, can't write and my head is in a fog so I do breathing exercises to ground myself
@@Nyx773the sound of my own voice tho. Oof.
@@zhenren9703 try a British accent lol
@@zhenren9703you don't need to record, just voice to text
Dr. Marks, your straight-faced, straight-forward demeanor is somehow very helpful to me. Thank you for the videos.
This is why I try to do at least _a little,_ and acknowledge that I at least did _something._ In fact, because I suck at self care, I _do_ count brushing teeth and keeping track of how many healthy meals I had. Don’t devalue things that are hard for you simply because "they're necessary for your survival." I think if it's something you struggle with, you can count it. In this method, if you genuinely struggle with going to the bathroom, you should be allowed to count it.
I have a friend who has contamination and semsory issues and thus struggles with eating different foods and going to a bathroom when it doesn't feel clean enough or offers no way to sanitize afterwards. What seems like a simple and zero thoughts action to us takes more effort for them. Now, some might argue that the act of eating or going to the bathroom on its own doesn’t count and instead it's "eating something different" or "pushing through contamination anxiety" but people can word things however they want. Celebrate your small actions an victories.
For me, the most difficult part of engaging in things to help myself, is actually doing them. This channel and your work is very valuble to me and helpful to know what I can do instead of just being lost. However, getting started is so hard. I will do a little at a time and get going.
Me too.😪
Dont beat yourself up over all the things that you can't or don't do. Just celebrate the small achievements. Knowing that you managed to achieve a small step will help you to try and take another step.
For me it's walking, I kinda got into a habit now where I walk outside for 10 min. It's always the same path but helps me a lot
Getting a dog really helped me with getting outside daily. That furball relied on me to walk her multiple times a day. It was good for both of us. Plus neighbours would stop to talk to me and my dog.
Same, it's like I know which activities make me feel better but I can't get myself to do them.
When I’ve had dark episodes in the past I would make a list of 2 or 3 simple things that didn’t require a lot of thought but that meant getting up and moving around a little bit and instilled even some small degree of order (e.g. empty the trash can, vacuum a room, etc.). The key for me was determining to do those few simple tasks no matter how I felt. They wouldn’t take much time so that would help me start doing them because even it if felt terrible it would only take a few minutes. 👍🏻
I HATE to say this, but the only time my 46 year old daughter seems like her old self is when an episode of mania is coming on. So sad. She’s such a wonderful person.
This video is quite timely for me. I realized last week that the depressive loop was ruining my relationships. Now I have a lantern in the darkness.
I find activity trackers helpful when I'm feeling down because I tend to discount a lot of what I do, but when I look at that list at the end of the day, I'm actually surprised at how productive I was. It really helps a lot.
Thank you Dr. Marks! I pet sit and I've had a dog walking assignment all week. I discovered a lovely wooded walking path and a little creek, it's made such a beautiful and peaceful experience. I've come home with my nervous system completely calm. 😊😊
Nature gives ... so much.
My concept was the spiral - I could spiral deeper into bleakness or spiral into something more positive. I worked on finding something positive in everyone and everything I saw. It helped a lot. But depression sneaks in and has to be constantly pushed against.
I try to find something beautiful outside. It makes me excited about going out. I go out late at night so I don’t have to see anyone.
even in the depths of despair, there's the potential for change and growth. Countless people have been where you are now and have made it through, often emerging stronger for having navigated those difficult waters. It may not seem like it now, but this phase of your life doesn't define you; it's a chapter, not the entire book. You have the capacity for resilience, and it's never too late to seek help and make the first step toward a brighter future. Remember, it's okay to ask for support; you don't have to go through this alone.
I'm sure this kind of regimen helps with depression when you apply it - after I started therapy improving my daily routine in terms of structure and adding daily exercise helped me a lot. What still feels completely unrealistic to me, however, is that a depressed, disconnected person would be able to make the mental jump of actually starting with something like this on their own.
My car broke down & I .believed it could and I got very down & felt trapped ,also being alone in the woods ete.for awhile .set out to hitch rides from passing motorist to get food ,gas ete.i begin to really enjoy meeting and getting to know lots of different people..I started feeling better ,more energized ,and not so lonely,it helped restore my faith in God ,myself ,and humanity......
So true! You’ve got to "fake it to make it." You have to go through the motions & keep powering through the activities of life even though you’re not feeling any happiness. Eventually you will. Especially true for artists/creatives. Gotta "show up" at your creative space & do any kind of work that you can to be productive. Prep your supplies, reorganize your materials, sharpen your pencils, practice your brush-strokes, whatever… do the mundane, non-creative chores that will benefit your artistry/creativity when it’s ready to bloom. One day you’ll be doing one of these mundane things and you will realize you’re absolutely itching to make your art!!!
This is what I often try to get across to people who ask me. Sometimes it's really as simple as try making a new meal every other night to get the ball rolling.
When you are depressed enough that you aren’t able to do necessary things, tracking your activities is a BIG ask! I wish there were depression doulas - people who could come walk you through the small day to day things that have to happen. If they could also help keep your life orderly, it would help a person to move out of the deepest depression. Also - this video implied that you don’t enjoy things because you don’t do them. For me, I didn’t enjoy things I loved because it actively hurt to do things. Things changed. Music sounded out of tune or just irritated me. I couldn’t sit through a movie or a play. I once actually sat down and cried because the feeling of being out on a walk felt so horrible. Pushing myself to do things in those situations was worse than just not doing them. Also, I was so aware of what I wasn’t doing that doing the little I could do just emphasized my failure. Doing a little felt worse than doing nothing. I agree that as you are healing, or as you are just descending, pushing yourself and celebrating what you do is wonderful and helpful, but in the deep parts of depression I don’t think it helps at all.
This is waaaaaaay too much work for this depressed recluse. Completely overwhelming and anxiety producing.
Have you tried diamond painting? Creative hobby that requires no skill and little effort. It gave me a reason to want to wake up in the morning, and it gives me the motivation to do things that need to be done like cleaning. I just do a little bit each day and I’m actually making progress but by bit
I hate to say it but eventually the discomfort of the depression will get you to move in SOME direction and out of it. (If the people around you are negative and reinforcing your sadness try and limit your contact with them.)
Be gentle with yourself in the meantime.
I hear you. It's a lot. Maybe commit to writing down just one thing a day, starting with grooming. When my depression is in full swing, even showering seems like a mountain of a task. Committing to that might help. Once it's a habit, then you can add one activity.
Baby steps are still steps. ❤
Just pick one thing to do a day that you aren't doing.
This would be way too much for me as well.
I've been depressed for a long time, and I managed to recover from extreme low mood with psychedelics, but I still feel like everything is the same. I exercise, I engage with uni, I talk to my friends, I do volunteer work, but nothing feels like anything. I'm extremely anhedonic and still feel like life is more of a hassle than it is worth. So when will my brain fix itself? Why is it so resistant? I literally feel no different watching Netflix, reading a book or staring at a wall. It does make me want to give up fighting.
You are able to manage much more than I can. It sounds like if you're able to be this active and still anhedonic, you may have to resort to an anti depressant. Or least a natural one like Saint John's Wort, or 5 HTP.
@@saintejeannedarc9460 I've tried to take some Syrian Rue which helps but I am scared to take it everyday because it's an MAOI. I thought about 5htp, need to read about st Johns wart.
Also, I really hope you recover soon. I know it feels impossible and tiring but whatever you can manage is important. I hope you find improvement and get the support you need.
Dr. Marks, I would love to watch an educational/awareness post by you with tips on how to “keep marching forward” while dealing with mental health and PTSD in the military. Many of us suffer but want to continue serving our country.
Salute! My observation-as a general rule,support for active military is bare to minimal,asking for help hurts their career. Sites like this helps but there needs to be more available for those trying to wrestle with PTSD,military or not. Good luck
I have chronic pain and it’s difficult to walk , clean or exercise. But I find having a routine helpful. After work I eat and clean the kitchen. Tuesday get trash ready. Every Friday clean my work desk. They are not big things but they do help me to get that sense of satisfaction every day.
I been walking in the morning lately because I been feeling depressed and overwhelmed by life. It has been helping me.
Nothing is helping me
i appreciate all the work that you do! i’m having the worst time showering the past 4 months. my depression isn’t terrible i’m taking my meds and i go to the gym. it’s just such a chore to me to shower 😮💨😣
This video came at a perfect time, I've been caught in a depressive loop the last month or so.
Just taking it moment to moment, It's so hard to keep in mind that the little things do help in the end.
For me, the only thing that takes away my anxiety while depression is worse, is gardening. Taking care of plants, woking with the hands in the soil, planting seeds etc makes me feel like a child again. Plants teach me so much about life, and each one of them has different needs to express its full potential: the right soil, the right place, the right sun exposure, the right pot, the right supplements, the right medication, the right plants surrounding them. And if they 'feel' they are not able to express their full potential they start to flower or making clones of theirselves in order to make seeds or pups with the hope the wind can carry their genes in another place better than the place the 'mother plant' is. That's so amazing and intelligent!!!
This is such a beautiful post and I really wish I was the same, with green fingers and all the sources of renewal that I know gardening can give. But the reality is: my job is overwhelming and exhausting so I can’t get in the garden often enough, so it looks like a wasteland. And all the things you say about plants, all that knowledge … it’s overwhelming. I can just about remember to water a plant every now and then. All my house plants die within six months. 😢
It helps a lot to have friends that will give you a push when you need it.
I'm in a depressive episode right now..I'm here right now. So dilapitating and isolating. I'm getting married next year and I feel this depression is tainting just how much joy I should be feeling about this.
Thank you for not just saying you need to exercise and eat healthy like every other video on anxiety and depression says. Even when you don't have the weight of depression over your life you don't want to exercise so it is useless to tell someone to do that because it feels Impossible. Great video.
Can I just say I appreciate your videos. I didn’t even know I’ve been doing this. I got into rockhounding in recent years after a decade struggle with substance abuse/ severe social anxiety/ and previously debilitating levels of overall mental exhaustion doing regular things. Since I’ve been doing something as simple as collecting/ identifying/ and decorating my rock display it’s like everything else has been falling into place too. Sober 3 years. Anxiety levels down. It’s all so weird. I do have to do stretches and exercise a few days a week for… optimum functioning.
Connecting with people for mental health wellness comes rarely since everyone has work, relationships or excuses which causes me to watch movies, concerts, go to festivals, theme parks, etc. by myself or my mom who can go but complains a lot since she can’t walk for too long. Thank you for the helpful video.
Yes it really is an endless loop. When I was depressed I didn't want to do anything, then I'd feel even more depressed, beating myself up for being "lazy". Now I know it's not laziness and I'm able to be more active being in therapy for a few years and making changes to my life.
I somewhat disagree with you on not including brushing your teeth as an activity. I get what you are saying that you don’t want to bog yourself down with just grooming tasks but rather BUT as others here have mentioned, sometimes brushing your teeth is a difficult task to complete when you have depression. Brushing your teeth is a small thing that makes you feel better because you feel cleaner and a little less gross. Plus, if you don’t regularly brush your teeth, it has very severe, painful, and expensive consequences! That’s why I believe IF you struggle with brushing your teeth, it should be a top priority.
Thank you for mentioning this! Hygiene problems that come with depression are embarrassing, but they are a reality for many people, including me. And now I'm going to finally go and brush my teeth at 2 p.m.😅
I understand your view and I am not argueing with it, but Even after loosing back teeth and my stomach acid from anxiety and depression is so high, it just erodes holes in my teeth whether I brush or not, my anxiety worse from being depressed, i get severe ulcers and acid while sleeping that destroy your teeth, ive had 6 crowns and 7 fillings from stomach acid since this started 5 years ago.
Yes its expensive. I am getting implants, to eat again. Another horrible side effect is low oxygen. If you have anxiety with depression, order an oxygen reader for your finger, it led me to the pulmonologist, a fancy low oxgyen dr. With more tests than asthma drs. He said high acid goes into your lungs while your sleeping lowering your oxygen making me more tired more depressed.
I have to sleep on a wedge pillow to keep my oxygen above 95. And take 2 different prescription antacids. Everything compounds on itself. What i am saying nicely is its not always that simple, and everyone has to keep asking questions get 3rd 4tg 5th dr. Opinions.
It is amazing how many things can happen from stress on the body, that includes gad, and major depression
Dr didn’t say to NOT list brushing teeth. She just suggested that once you are more able to continue that activity, you COULD continue on by including all grooming as one activity.
Thank you -- wish I could find a therapist like you, instead of the bored, sleepy and useless ones I have had.
Something to add- I told my counselor once that I'd finished a craft project and it was the very first time I had finished ANY THING. They disagreed but they were missing the point, I was in a state of wonder that I could persist and just.... accomplish something. Therapists seem to think that if your mood resolves, you'll sail through life but I had so few basic skills, it took me a long time to mature in my 30's when I had been acting like a child for decades, no parenting. Learning to be more capable from accomplishments can be a short cut to success in life- go DO stuff, learn to do a 5km run, or a certain game outdoors, persist, it will reward you in MANY ways, more than just the task!!!
Ohh that sounds great! Congratulations!!
After dragging myself around doing things l didn’t want to do for months on end l quit. It didn’t work….at all. As a matter of fact l developed a distaste for doing the things l used to love to do. I never had a problem with brushing my teeth or the most basic things, laundry, dishes, that stuff l just did because l didn’t want my kids to cart me off to the funny farm.
No, it was the forcing myself to go out in the yard to listen to the breeze in the trees, creating music, singing, journaling, going to see a friend, church, anything l had always loved l began to dread even trying to get through it. None of it helped or made me better. Finally l just gave in and did nothing at all of any consequence for months. I watched old movies, organized my sewing box, put hems in pants. Nothing big. Nothing stressful. Nothing challenging. My doc started me on a low dose AntiDep and slowly lve been crawling out. Still have setbacks but after almost 4 yrs, l am somewhat better tho I still feel very hollow a lot of the time. People don’t listen to grieving ppl and people want to fix you by pushing you to do stuff. That’s not always good. Grieving is a process and everyone is different. You have to do what is right for yourself, not what others tell you to do.
At the height of my depression I felt it had full control of me. The only thing I had control of was going on long road rides alone, knowing that even depression couldn’t steal that from me. When I went out the next time my fitness had improved. I had control of this and used it to pull myself up. This video is so on point.
Every little thing you do matters when you are depressed because even the smallest tasks, like using the bathroom and brushing one's teeth, can take an enormous amount of energy. Hang in there, fight the good fight, and know that you are precious, special and deeply loved!
mental, emotional and physical health should be taught throughout the whole schooling system, should be imperative imho
You had me at "Here's how you do it," and then providing actuable steps and real tools with context... Subscribed. Thank you so much for this. Working on gathering my materials now. ❤❤❤
I really like this video. It would be helpful to describe how to do this when you have ADHD and depression. The steps sound like a good idea but also seem overwhelming.
@JuliaJones5948
Yes!, sometimes there's NO motivation. I wouldn't say I'm depressed so much ad overwhelmed.
Behavioral activation is a tool I bring up with all my clients suffering from depression and bipolar disorder. It's been so essential to getting them to understand how much that activity can impact their thoughts and mood, and that even though their body feels like it weighs thousands of pounds, they can still go for a walk or take a shower. Great video as always!
You released this episode at the right time. Just when i needed reassurance that my body needs rest, but not bed-locking.
Dr. Marks -.Im so glad I found you. I had to just admit myself in June because of depression, suicidal ideation. Your videos help me so much. The video I just watched on "Time" was so helpful. Thank You God for Dr. Marks.
I know everyone has they story and problems, but i just wanted to share mine with you out there. Basically its been getting worse for 2 years since my alcohol and marijuana addiction. I quit everything and am taking xanax to be able to sleep, but my actions costed me a very lonely state, i lost all friends, all connection with anyone besides my gf. I used to be very talkative and open, made people laugh and smile but now i just feel gray and dead. I lost all of that. The last two things that keep me alive is skateboarding and drawing, i love to draw cars and other stuff. Sometimes i just wish i could have anyone to talk and make a new friend, but i feel too disconnected and withdrawn from society.
Exercise is the main thing i use for anxiety and depression
My other weapon is a low ish carb high fat diet.
These 2 have saved my life
For me I think recording going to the bathroom and brushing my teeth would be helpful. Edit grooming for some can be listed as individual activities. I don’t always have the energy to do do “grooming” bit I might have the energy to brush my teeth one day and wash my armpits another day.
Thank you for being there for all of us. I needed this to help me power through some post graduate school depression. Found out i had a low Vitamin D level, and am addressing the problem now and becoming more active.
Magnesium is also another good supplement I have been on it for 3 yrs.
I love your shorts. But your long form videos just give me so much. You explain things so well. I truly appreciate you as a resource. Thank you, Dr. Tracey. ❤️
The problem is that anhedonia removes any feelings of reward from said activities.
Numb.
@markcartwright6480 I suppose it could avoid further pain. When there is no positive reinforcement, any action can only be driven by fear and/or negative reinforcement. Bad feelings basically.
I get periods of anhedonia immediately after the suicidal thinking diminishes in a MDD. This time round I had 3 or 4 specific tasks I made mandatory even when I got no feedback from it. It took about 2 months to recover but that was a lot better than usual which is usually 6 months
Anhedonia can be very difficult to cope with. Personally, I understand that my mental state is not reflective of me so I go ahead and just do shit anyway. Sometimes, it’ll even help pull me out of that rut
My motto is not that I'm doing something because it makes me feel better, but more because if I don't do something I will feel worse.
I went into a mental health facility hoping that I could learn about my issues. Her book and the book how to help your lost inner child. I got much more from them, 2 hrs a day than I did in the program 46 hours a week
Some of this is good advice but some is just not realistic for most people. Your general advice about doing something when a person suffering from depression doesn't have the motivation to do it is absolutely correct. However, depressed people do not have the motivation to create lists of things (and then to do them) that aren't absolute necessities of life. I am speaking from someone whose experienced it. They're tired, exhausted, feel terrible, aren't well rested, have low self esteem and exist in a loop of negative self talk/image that does not allow them to do all these things. In my opinion (and experience) what does help is:
1) Doing one thing in a whole day by slightly pushing yourself and rewarding yourself for it.
2) Discovering one hobby that doesn't require much physical activity but can bring you outside of that mental loop of negativity for example, reading, listening to music, watching something fun, doodling etc.
3) Learning to breathe properly in a mindful manner. A lot of people think it's just a trend or something but most people (even those who're not depressed or anxious) aren't breathing right and I cannot overstate the impact of breathing properly on my minds and bodies. It's a thousands of years old Eastern wisdom which not only has physical benefits but directly affects our mood as well.
4) Teaching ourselves to be aware of our thoughts is important. Gratitude is important as well. Finding one thing to be grateful about every day is a great practice. You don't have to write it down. Just ask yourself and answer honestly.
5) Another important thing is to reduce your consumption of the lives of the rich and famous. People think it doesn't have a negative impact on them but it does. It's not possible to look at the lives of the rich and famous for prolonged periods of time without having their extreme privileges normalized in our minds.
6) After feeling a bit better at this stage, I wholeheartedly recommend yoga. I am not exaggerating when I say that it's absolutely life changing for depression and anxiety (along with other issues). I didn't know it was possible to feel so light, joyful and calm before I started doing yoga. It's an absolute game changer.
I wish everyone suffering from this disease allows themselves to open a tiny window from which they receive the benefits they need to slowly overcome it because it's absolutely possible to heal.
I remember about a statement you said in one of your videos which strikes in my mind i.e “Any kind of movement is an improvement”.In between genuise says that you should be early to get a heart from Tracey, Early bird gets the worm❤.
I was working with a therapist that iI iked for a year over a year when, out of nowhere, i was fired. I lost my insurance and of course my therapist. I turn 50 on 12/27, i have 2 Master's Degrees and i love the work that i do. Yet, 6 weeks later, i am still jobless and struggling to recover from the confusion, shame, sadness, and financial stress that i am experiencing. I will order the work book and try my best to complete it.
@Leeta I just read your post here 2 mo later (now Feb 2024). I felt an upbeat sense from your words, despite the loss of your job, insurance and therapist. Hoping that new doors have opened for you since then 😊
Reading the comments of this video is an essential behavioural activation, as people talk honestly about where they are in their depression. Thank you. Every activity that is positive, however small, is not to be eliminated, as it does help (me) you to live, before worrying about connecting to people. Self compassion is my value schedule for 2024.
I've been dealing with depression for weeks now, seems like since the end of July. I tried going to a dance that I didn't want to go to, but ended up being pretty fun. I've been wanting to stay in bed till noon.
What helps me with my depression is using my hands, making art, cleaning, staying busy so my mind doesn't have time to wander.
Yes, making something helps me too.
A friend told me the three m's to attempt when depressed:
Move
Make
Meet
I'm definitely not able to do all three of them per day if I'm in the depth of depression, but it really helps me to come up with stuff to do.
@@Nino-xp5df those are good ones. Thanks for sharing.
I went to an AMAZING music festival in the Coachella Valley over the weekend, with my 2 brothers, my nephew, and one our oldest friends. It was a struggle for me in the 110 degree heat to walk the mile or so it took to reach our seats, herded like human cattle from the parking lot on each of the 3 days of the show. I have a long history of panic attacks, but this was a once in a lifetime event and I would be damned if I was going to fall apart! I felt the fear and did it anyway - just like the book says. We made friends with locals and distant travellers, and pretty young women who thought we were the bomb... and ten years that weighed 100 lbs each slipped from my shoulders. I was me again. For three days in the desert, I remembered what it felt like to be ALIVE. In the climactic crescendo of the entire event - when AC/DC played an extended version of "Let There Be Rock", and Angus Young and his eldest brother, George, broke into the Chuck Berry-esque boogie in the middle eight, I literally wept with joy. Where had I been for the past decade? It didn't matter. The moment filled me up and reminded me who I was - who I AM! Things were going to be different from now on. From the moment I got home, I would spend more time outwardly DOING instead of inwardly shrinking. Rock n Roll is gonna save my soul - ONE MORE TIME! What an epiphany!
Then I drove home, and... it was time to pay the piper. There were no masks, 100,000 screaming fans in the middle of the desert for 3 days. Full-blown mutant Covid. This is the first real moment of lucidity I've had since arriving home early Monday morning. I've been unable to get out of bed, and I've never been sicker than I was up until this afternoon (and still very touch and go). In my depressed state, I didn't bother with booster shots because I didn't really care if I lived or died. I'm not sure what to do with that. Talk about a momentum killer! 🤦♂
I love how matter of factly she speaks without a lot of fake smiles and really high pitched talking. She’s so easy to listen to even when I am sad and cannot take most people.
I’m so glad she said at the end some alternatives if you don’t have the energy and motivation to do all that. lol if you can do all that then your depression isn’t the bottomless pit of nothingness that it could be - be thankful. I will say when I had an accountability partner - whether a therapist or a friend - it helped. I have had trouble following through and remembering these things but appreciate all the tips here. I will try again.
No matter how sad you are, please don’t give up. You deserve to learn to live the life that you find worthwhile. Hang in there for future you!!
If no one else cares it’s hard to care
Peace and love. You're saving me right now
Best thing that helped me over come depression is when ever I cry or have bad mode I recognize that I’m crying for no reason and immediately I go to do something else and by the time it will better
Even if you have reasonable reasons to cry don’t let it be more than its needs
How do you get motivated to do the small things. Especially when there isn't a reward for them. Clean your home body maintenance ( shower teeth hair medical heck even lotion). How do you work towards that when depression, ADHD, and anxiety slows you down?
Her workbook really looks like it would help you.
I have the same issue, I don't care about long term consequences of not doing that kind of stuff. And I don't even want a future lol
My counsellor once suggested the phrase grit your teeth and do it. You don’t have to expect to enjoy it. Just to do it. And it doesn’t need to be much
Yes, I’ve Thrown my hands up to insomnia by scrolling social media. The video was Subtle enough but not, lol!! Thanks for the information Dr. Marks. 🙂 Not feeling “depressed” but I’ll be more sensitive to mood changes as the seasons change. Some of your suggestions will perhaps help plan to get ahead of the fall and winter. Ty again!
These videos offer THE BEST info, since grad school. Bless you, Dr. Marks. You’re saving lives.
Brushing my teeth is hard for me. Laundry is very hard.
Keep the ball rolling, I’m cheering for your success:)
Its all hard but it get done
You have achieved something.
None of these things matter if you are in a negative environment. Getting out on my own and getting a decent career helped improve my depression significantly. Time also heals. I’m not
100% there but I am hopeful that I’ll get where I want to be mentally and emotionally. I will say getting some sun and learning to laugh by watching comedians, etc helped a lot when I was in the depths of depression. I looked into manifesting as well and that works surprisingly well. I wish everyone peace and well being.
You don't need to BUY anything to fix this. I found it truly does help to start with cleaning your room. If that's too, daunting, start with just pulling your sheet and blanket up when you eventually get up. Spend a week on just that..and making the bed neater each time. It's an easy win. Also: setting an alarm ..if u sleep until noon B4 u can make yourself get up, set the alarm for 1145...then 1130...then 1115..then 11 🎉 congrats! You're up an hour earlier by the end of the first week. Keep going! 💪
When I am at work for 12 to 14 hours, then have to come home and try to do some chores around the home and a bit of homework before trying to sleep to do it again the next day...
It's not just depression keeping me from my personal activities. It's not being able to engage in my personal activities that adds fuel to the depression.
It is so true that when we push ourselves to do something, we feel a mood boost. Even just clearing out the junk drawer or cleaning a window or two. The front of my stainless steel stove was bugging me (smudgy) and I just cleaned it. It took all of maybe 3 or 4 minutes. I also love the timer method: just set a timer for 15 mins., or even just 5, and start in on a task. No pressure to tackle the entire project. When the timer goes off, you may find you want to keep going. But even if not, you have the satisfaction of knowing you completed your task.
Definitely one of my favorite videos of yours.
I my case, I'm having depression since my very young age. Now that I'm 59, finally I understood that depression is like alcoholism or having Presbyopia. The pharmaceuticals has never been able to create a molecule able to solve the problem, so this is something that we need to accept.
Once we understand that is an illness that will be present, the strength will start decreasing, like confronting a fear and find out that is not there.
these videos help to reinforce how intuitive i am about what ive been experiencing in my life and the things that i do(always have and stopped because of trauma) and how my methods of recovery and self help reflect the videos i feel to anxious or scared to watch bit i feel relief in knowing that the content in your videos, and others reaffirm the things i think of to help as i dont have a doctor atm. ultimately im improving
thabkyou!!❤
I lost my job about over a month ago now, and I have absolutely been caught in that feedback loop. I'm literally 30 seconds in and hoping that this video can be the kick I need to get going again, on the career path and enjoying my life in the (currently plentiful 😅) free time I have, instead of the depression flare up I've been stuck in now.
I took one of those personalities tests. It showed that I am very sensitive to situations. Just recently, I had a major episode of depression that is just now starting to ease up. It's taken weeks. It's been a battle. I FORCED myself to go to a museum, visit family, go to the movies & exercise. I feel better but it takes time & a good therapist.
As a long term patient, in my experience, Mindfulness techniques have been the greatest help augmented by sticking to my medication regime...
This is the best advice I've ever heard surrounding behavioral activation. All my MH professionals have basically just said "do the thing even if you don't feel like it" and that always felt like I was forcing it, just hoping it would work someday. I have a lot of executive dysfunction, so just "doing the thing" is very hard for me. This actually gives a framework to approach it. Thank you! I immediately went to buy the workbook and I'm excited to try it. 😊🥰
I use my phone calendar and reminders to schedule chores, appointments including travel time, recurring tasks, items to follow up on, creative time, meals, weaving in goals or tasks I am avoiding or procrastinating- feels better to just get something done even if it’s just one step in a larger process. Been doing this 90+ days and I’m still autistic with cPTSD and physical disabilities but dang I’m learning a lot. Great to have a name for it, behavioral action, and to know I did it intuitively. I was a Planner in my career so I fell back on what I knew.
I’m so lost and overwhelmed, 🙈😵💫😞
As someone who suffers with extreme severe anxiety I can totally relate to her. I would stop eating for days at a time as a punishment. I worry a lot about my life, everyone around me and pleasing everyone. It's absolutely crippling, so glad she got the help she needed, lovely young lady it's so sad that society has 1 in 3 people suffering mental health issues. I hope everyone seeks help
People need to realise that people with anxiety disorders have oversensitised nerves, it's not a simple case of manning up and getting over it.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about how mushrooms and psychedelics treats anxiety, but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Dr. Marks, you've helped me so much over the years. Thank you for doing this UA-cam channel.
When you're really depressed--people often encounters sadness even for some time but as depression that affects your daily life/activities--it shows how messed up and defeated you are in multiple fronts (relationships, romantic relationship, work, family, health, hobbies, education etc.) especially of those that's within your own personal locus of control. It's a useful idea to think of your daily life as a city/state/country with different frontlines and you're the sovereign king/queen who's responsible to what happens to your own kingdom, but before you can manage many different things, you ought to manage your own state first and to always practice the ritual of "bringing habitable order to and out of chaos" like making your own domain/house as livable (cleaning your room, fixing your bed, washing the dishes, deal with trash etc.)
Everyone from the military know those things and with those little things that we'd do in our daily lives produce little wins that'll always start the momentum of feeling of "power" against the suffering in our daily chaotic experience.
Even if someone has good support from family and friends, seeing a therapist can be extremely helpful.
Dr Marks, I find your videos a cut above most others of their kind. . You address the topics with such conciseness and clarity. Thank you.
Would you say it's possible to be depressed but having a good self-esteem? I've been feeling without motivation to do almost anything, but at the same time I'm pretty confident it will not be forever and I'm completely confident I am capable of getting through this and whatever comes. So, what I'm trying to do is to go right into the last step here, but I'm using a to-do list, which is way more simple. So far, I'm glad I'm doing some things I needed to do.
Yes you may have low mood which lacks motivation.
Exercises will give motivation this used to work for me
Until i was unable to get to the gym.
Thank you so much for this. I’ve been very aware of my depression but I wasn’t finding anything to really help me. I feel this is the right step for me.