Thief Simulator

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  • Опубліковано 22 лис 2024

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  • @brucekenshibustamante5105
    @brucekenshibustamante5105 3 роки тому +7452

    Mark: Almost too easy
    Also Mark: Gets caught in an abandoned house with no people around

    • @vantus727
      @vantus727 3 роки тому +30

      Holup

    • @spicy_taco2267
      @spicy_taco2267 3 роки тому +200

      He plays hard mode and then complains about getting caught because he can’t see people and their view cones on the minimap

    • @grundlefoot
      @grundlefoot 3 роки тому +25

      How did he get caught with no people

    • @nox_luna
      @nox_luna 3 роки тому +66

      @@grundlefoot spidey sense

    • @4orniy468
      @4orniy468 3 роки тому +1

      lol

  • @Cyrotech
    @Cyrotech 3 роки тому +13839

    This simulator series just keeps getting better and better

    • @magnotec.
      @magnotec. 3 роки тому +118

      Wait a second, a person with a checkmark

    • @magnotec.
      @magnotec. 3 роки тому +71

      Who are you

    • @moss3496
      @moss3496 3 роки тому +31

      It's like low-key my favourite thing to watch rn XD

    • @corexx
      @corexx 3 роки тому +10

      I want to steal you

    • @sourodeepkundu7264
      @sourodeepkundu7264 3 роки тому +14

      Any expectations for forest episodes?

  • @emmpickle5967
    @emmpickle5967 3 роки тому +5055

    imagine you just got in bed and you have a long day of work tomorrow. then your window opens and you see a man crawl through. you start screaming, he starts screaming and proceeds to pick the lock of your bedroom door. then he runs down the hallway and smashes your toilet and drives away

  • @kinghong1565
    @kinghong1565 3 роки тому +3177

    POV: You are in your house peacefully and you see this man breaking in through your window and hopping in and then taking his time picking a lock while you are behind the thief. a few seconds later, the theif shouts, "TERLIT" from the top of his lungs and you see your toilet broken into pieces. Last thing you know, the thief parkours out of the window.
    24:52

    • @limeylemon1685
      @limeylemon1685 3 роки тому +65

      I appreciate the time stamp :)

    • @Corindon
      @Corindon 3 роки тому +83

      It's the second time this has happened to me this week...
      For the idiots who don't understand sarcasme This is what we call "a joke".

    • @TheSucram729
      @TheSucram729 3 роки тому +21

      @@Corindon don’t worry we all understand sarcasm here

    • @lusiferm1187
      @lusiferm1187 3 роки тому +34

      @@TheSucram729 Why do y'all bring Dream into everything that doesn't have anything to do with him or his fans💀 It's annoying as hell, no need to be toxic about content creators

    • @casualbob5515
      @casualbob5515 3 роки тому +7

      @@lusiferm1187 yes need

  • @kronnorkronnor
    @kronnorkronnor 3 роки тому +3470

    “i’m not that good a thief”
    makes a youtube original called a heist with markiplier

    • @paggetio8847
      @paggetio8847 3 роки тому +140

      Actor mark: steals one of the most protected and guarded items known to man
      Mark in this: panicked confusion

    • @pinoy_boy6112
      @pinoy_boy6112 3 роки тому +31

      You can say it's a... "Heist with Markiplier!"
      (Ba dum ksh!)

    • @candleo.
      @candleo. 3 роки тому +7

      @@pinoy_boy6112 Had no mouth.

    • @UchuNoko
      @UchuNoko 3 роки тому +23

      I see you were convinced by Chica simulator as well.

    • @thesmokeysausage3678
      @thesmokeysausage3678 3 роки тому +5

      You're not wrong lol

  • @lordgohan5907
    @lordgohan5907 3 роки тому +1575

    Imagine a man breaks into your home and screams "where's your toilet" and then proceeds to smash said toilet lol

    • @nerf_or_nothin9551
      @nerf_or_nothin9551 3 роки тому +95

      Police: "Ma'am, can you tell us exactly what happened?"
      Woman, sobbing: "I was trying to sleep when they broke in.. A-and they just kept shouting, 'WHERE'S YOUR TOILET?!' over and over... that was when they ran into my bathroom and smashed it.." Snot runs down her face and it appears she is having trouble breathing as she cries. Her voice strained and shaky, she whispers, "...Rest in peace.. my beloved toilet... you will be missed."

    • @cliftonwindham4194
      @cliftonwindham4194 3 роки тому +7

      I’d probably tell him thank you awkwardly as he left

    • @landenscott1753
      @landenscott1753 3 роки тому +26

      imagine waking up to a man just trying to lock pick your bathroom is Hurley as possible and is not even trying to interact with you at all and once he leaves your house he just find out that all he wanted to do is break your toilet I'd be confused not even mad

    • @emmanuelmonge6965
      @emmanuelmonge6965 3 роки тому +2

      Dems some real secret sleepover vibes.

    • @justaguy170
      @justaguy170 3 роки тому +7

      Dunno if I should call the cops or grab a popcorn

  • @ssourbell
    @ssourbell 3 роки тому +4954

    I don't remembrer a Heist with Markiplier being like this

    • @heydontjudge
      @heydontjudge 3 роки тому +66

      Yeah, and this isn't much like watching Stan and Friendly Jimmy rob houses either

    • @imhumaniswear7329
      @imhumaniswear7329 3 роки тому +13

      I love ur pfp ❤!

    • @rev8240
      @rev8240 3 роки тому +13

      I don’t remember it being successful

    • @notyourdad9204
      @notyourdad9204 3 роки тому +20

      Yeah I personally remember a lot more boulders

    • @Blueflag04
      @Blueflag04 3 роки тому +3

      I dont remember it ever work well

  • @DeltaSilver88
    @DeltaSilver88 3 роки тому +300

    "Why do I gotta break stuff?"
    Well... you got bailed from prison by a mafia family. Mafia always wants stuff broken so it needs fixing, and then get _their_ guys hired to fix it. Your thief's just being used to create demand. 👏
    *Lombardi:* The stuff in your house looks pretty bad, want my nephew to fix them?
    *Neighbor:* No thanks, everything is still new.
    *Mark:* BLAM BLAM BLAM
    *Lombardi:* So, about fixing your stuff...

  • @jonathanrobinson8926
    @jonathanrobinson8926 3 роки тому +790

    Mark: *Drives on sidewalks*
    Also Mark: *Is surprised when he almost hits people walking*

    • @mrnewb4725
      @mrnewb4725 3 роки тому +4

      Oh that's me every day

    • @Blueflag04
      @Blueflag04 3 роки тому +1

      Stan???

    • @ishitaghosh04
      @ishitaghosh04 3 роки тому +3

      Mr newb uh.. pardon?

    • @iamgenius3784
      @iamgenius3784 3 роки тому +1

      Exactly.

    • @yoshigod6931
      @yoshigod6931 3 роки тому

      @@mrnewb4725 how did you get your drivers license....you know what I’m just gonna, forget that.......

  • @bluelfsuma
    @bluelfsuma 3 роки тому +649

    "I gotta steal Christmas? That's horrible!" said the man who loves The Grinch.

  • @lilyg4436
    @lilyg4436 3 роки тому +6704

    “I signed up to be a thief, not an asshole.” -Markiplier 2021

  • @roxasamory2113
    @roxasamory2113 2 роки тому +442

    So I noticed something. The lock he picked when he woke up the couple, breaking into their bedroom in the middle of the god damn night, was locked from outside the bedroom. They were completely trapped in their own room, if it was their room, and Mark SAVED THEM! Then he broke their captivator's toilet as a last "fuck you". Thief Mark is a hero.

    • @evcv3014
      @evcv3014 Рік тому +42

      That's why they had the window open, to get out in the morning 🤣

    • @hwasoup
      @hwasoup 5 місяців тому +8

      Wait, you're on to something

  • @davidnoahperkins
    @davidnoahperkins 3 роки тому +528

    Imagine, like, someone waking you up in the middle of the night, running through your house, picking a lock in no hasty fashion, and then only breaking your toilet.

    • @supernova9114
      @supernova9114 3 роки тому +5

      Lol

    • @amicosayshi865
      @amicosayshi865 3 роки тому +9

      That, and, as soon as they woke up he yelled at the top of his lungs "WHERE'S YOUR TOILET?"

  • @Dikoto
    @Dikoto 3 роки тому +200

    Oh my god, when he said "Stan?!" I almost cried, miss that man so much

  • @ToonRuinsOfficial
    @ToonRuinsOfficial 3 роки тому +2961

    I can't believe Stan the Waterman made a cameo.

    • @nathanielcarter2688
      @nathanielcarter2688 3 роки тому +9

      Same 😂

    • @ghostinmug8967
      @ghostinmug8967 3 роки тому +88

      I couldn't believe my ears when he said Stan I screamed "Stan the waterman!" :,)

    • @sugarbear4865
      @sugarbear4865 3 роки тому +7

      @@ghostinmug8967 what’s the reference?

    • @kurtgobang
      @kurtgobang 3 роки тому +37

      @@sugarbear4865 marks gta 5 role play

    • @kurtgobang
      @kurtgobang 3 роки тому +13

      Good reference

  • @ruinscrumbleton
    @ruinscrumbleton Рік тому +271

    This game is actually really fun it would've been nice to see him try to break into the harder places or for him to react to the story. It throws you for a loop that you dont expect.

    • @Fine_i_set_the_handle
      @Fine_i_set_the_handle Рік тому +20

      wait is there actually story lol, the vinny phone calls never happened for me when i was playing so i just went around robbing and learned everything on my own

    • @mikahnone893
      @mikahnone893 Рік тому +4

      Bro fr, especially when the guards start walking around on the street

    • @RickHanik
      @RickHanik 11 місяців тому +3

      yeah i played the vr version of this and its really fun and Realistic

  • @dr_skipwith
    @dr_skipwith 3 роки тому +2293

    Hearing mark say "Almost too easy" is like hearing Michael Rosen say "Noice."

  • @Gabbie.xoxoxo
    @Gabbie.xoxoxo 3 роки тому +3414

    “Mom can we have a Heist with Markiplier?”
    “We have a Heist with Markiplier at home”
    A Heist with Markiplier at home:

  • @sagecsmith
    @sagecsmith 3 роки тому +798

    “I got bailed out of prison for this?”
    (Faint sound of “I Don’t Wanna Be Free” plays in the distance)

    • @sk3tch_art1st35
      @sk3tch_art1st35 3 роки тому +24

      "There's Timmy the timber and *cant remember* " "don't forget about the s*** in the tank" "Toast!!" "I don't wanna be teaaa" That's all I remember from that lol

    • @mar-707
      @mar-707 3 роки тому +12

      @@sk3tch_art1st35 who can forget a timeless classic 😂

    • @sk3tch_art1st35
      @sk3tch_art1st35 3 роки тому +12

      @@mar-707 No one could forget I don't wanna be tea!! It's too good of a song!! XD

    • @animatorblueberrysans7896
      @animatorblueberrysans7896 3 роки тому +4

      My immediate thoughts

    • @Emo.Squidward3
      @Emo.Squidward3 3 роки тому +3

      @@sk3tch_art1st35 "i dont wanna be seen! Cause I dont wanna be tea"

  • @Kairanis
    @Kairanis 3 роки тому +1074

    "Lixian, somehow make this entire intro better than it was. At all."
    He succeeded. By making an appearance. Best tag team effort ever.

    • @jacobmurphy5109
      @jacobmurphy5109 3 роки тому +3

      I thought Lixian was a female

    • @M_Chen333
      @M_Chen333 2 роки тому +18

      @@jacobmurphy5109 Nope

    • @mossycrown
      @mossycrown Рік тому +1

      Reading this when he said it

    • @FullMetalJack-ss
      @FullMetalJack-ss 8 місяців тому

      I searched a whole five comments specifically to find one like this

  • @JediPlays0309
    @JediPlays0309 3 роки тому +11498

    Everyday we get closer to a theft with Markiplier, but now your just teasing

  • @giftndz2208
    @giftndz2208 3 роки тому +544

    Markiplier: Stan?
    Me: The water man? whose son happens to be Roy the water boy? never heard of him.

  • @name-uh5ee
    @name-uh5ee 3 роки тому +1324

    Mark is the only guy that would say he doesn't trust the people he's robbing

    • @iamgenius3784
      @iamgenius3784 3 роки тому +16

      I mean, well. He could be robbing a Mafia Family?..

    • @rahmat4848
      @rahmat4848 3 роки тому +6

      Theifs is a big challenge..if you get caught by police then no coming back

    • @yoshigod6931
      @yoshigod6931 3 роки тому +3

      I would kind of say that too though....

    • @hyperstove
      @hyperstove 3 роки тому

      oop. 666 likes lol

  • @jessgrissetteahmed8407
    @jessgrissetteahmed8407 3 роки тому +608

    Markiplier casually walking into a back yard to break into a house and finds a summoning circle of gnomes

  • @sarcasmismymiddlename2802
    @sarcasmismymiddlename2802 3 роки тому +591

    Mark: *will happily break people’s windows and steal their belongings*
    Also Mark: *thinks that he’s being a terrible person by breaking people’s plates and toilets*

    • @therealbeeve
      @therealbeeve 3 роки тому +15

      you never break plates or toilets, that is gay - Tsung Tzu
      edit: holy shit people just take a joke

    • @ary550
      @ary550 3 роки тому +8

      @@therealbeeve Whats wrong w being gay?

    • @failedtalent1018
      @failedtalent1018 3 роки тому +6

      @@ary550 The meme community has turned gay into a word that replaces bad or terrible. Doesn't mean you're insulting homosexuals, it just means you're saying something is bad.

    • @ary550
      @ary550 3 роки тому +7

      @@failedtalent1018 Haha IK, it's just a terrible "meme" imo and its not funny at all. Prepubescent boy humor really

    • @failedtalent1018
      @failedtalent1018 3 роки тому +6

      @@ary550 Yeah I know what you mean. I'm still in high school so I hear a lot of boys use the word gay in basically every sentence. It's incredibly annoying.

  • @josiehammar1032
    @josiehammar1032 3 роки тому +658

    Mark: *”Be very quiet”*
    Also Mark: *SLURRRRRP*

    • @PSVitaat2am
      @PSVitaat2am 3 роки тому +2

      That didn't last long!

    • @josiehammar1032
      @josiehammar1032 3 роки тому +1

      @@PSVitaat2am Yeah😂

    • @jaxcraft2848
      @jaxcraft2848 3 роки тому +1

      Tell me that didn't remind you of Elmer Fudd going "Be vewy Quiet. I'm hunting wabbits". XD

  • @EverboughART
    @EverboughART 3 роки тому +203

    Just when the world seems to have run out of hope, he returns to us.
    *Stan the Water Man*

    • @devinmoses876
      @devinmoses876 3 роки тому +5

      I was so happy when he said that for some reason

    • @brandygray4422
      @brandygray4422 3 роки тому +3

      We need a return of Stan video so bad

  • @RedChems
    @RedChems 8 місяців тому +14

    Based on the missions it seems like it would have made more sense to call the game "Burglar Simulator" since the focus is really more on breaking and entering than the actual stealing aspect.

  • @Sir_Steven
    @Sir_Steven 3 роки тому +294

    Imagine you just went to bed when suddenly a guy jumps in through your window, runs to your bathroom, breaks your toilet and just runs back out.

  • @Muscle_n_metal
    @Muscle_n_metal 3 роки тому +4878

    If there isn’t a character in heist 2 named Vinny who’s accent changes every 2 seconds I’m going to be very disappointed.

  • @ForestChump906
    @ForestChump906 3 роки тому +795

    Mark: "Stan?!?"
    Everyone here: "the waterman? Who's son happens to be roy the water boy?"

    • @veronicaoviedo711
      @veronicaoviedo711 3 роки тому +14

      Sorry I don't get the reference

    • @jokay1853
      @jokay1853 3 роки тому +35

      I laughed so hard when he said that. Stan must be delivering water to all the people in need in that neighborhood.

    • @monochrome697
      @monochrome697 3 роки тому +20

      @@veronicaoviedo711 you should watch stan the waterman ! its one of markipliers uploads from about two years ago ? its really funny !!

    • @shadowseathe
      @shadowseathe 3 роки тому

      Hahahaha yes 👏

    • @retrorebootmusic
      @retrorebootmusic 3 роки тому +6

      @@veronicaoviedo711 he did 2 episodes on a GTA V RP server

  • @bluewjam4498
    @bluewjam4498 3 роки тому +80

    25:00 I love how markiplier finds out they are still there and continues lock picking their door

  • @beaniesketch
    @beaniesketch 3 роки тому +204

    i'm loving the recurring theme of
    Mark: "nah i don't need a hud/tutorial"
    Mark: "..........how do i play"

    • @PhoenixSanity
      @PhoenixSanity 3 роки тому +5

      Arin from Game Grumps energy lol

    • @beaniesketch
      @beaniesketch 3 роки тому +1

      @@PhoenixSanity very strong yes

  • @justynlee8485
    @justynlee8485 3 роки тому +242

    Mark: “lixian just cover up everything that I did wrong.”
    Lixian: “hmmm... no.”

  • @jash8858
    @jash8858 3 роки тому +179

    PLEASE MAKE A SERIES OUT OF THIS I GENUINELY LOVE THIS GAME SO MUCH-

    • @nulltypebeat
      @nulltypebeat 3 роки тому +1

      You are a bad guy

    • @BrokenCartridge.
      @BrokenCartridge. 3 роки тому +4

      Bruh the vid came out 2 minutes ago and you commented 1 min ago you barely watched the whole thing-
      My brain hurts

    • @shipwrld5861
      @shipwrld5861 3 роки тому +1

      @@kingswish9595 bruh

    • @jash8858
      @jash8858 3 роки тому +5

      @@BrokenCartridge. ive watched other people play it, its a good game lmao

    • @timidb
      @timidb 3 роки тому

      I like how the video was uploaded 3 minutes ago and you are already asking for more

  • @wendyjaa
    @wendyjaa 3 роки тому +64

    Mark: Editor, who I am paying to edit this video, please edit this so that I seem smart.
    Lixian: Best I can do is no

  • @jessiehogue.
    @jessiehogue. 3 роки тому +198

    Mark: "Never played this game."
    Also Mark: *Picks Hard mode right off the bat* "I don't even care if I never figure out how to play this game."
    ...Oh. It's gonna be one of those videos.

  • @CustomName
    @CustomName 3 роки тому +1872

    well it can teach me how to steal someones heart

    • @Revoen
      @Revoen 3 роки тому +53

      In that case, I will highly recommend play persona 5, it will teach how to get waifus and steal people's heart

    • @sorryimlate3830
      @sorryimlate3830 3 роки тому +13

      I know the fastest way to a woman's heart.

    • @Revoen
      @Revoen 3 роки тому +7

      @@sorryimlate3830 jiraiya book?

    • @joevalve2641
      @joevalve2641 3 роки тому +1

      DISCORD UA-cam MAN. HELLO

    • @sorryimlate3830
      @sorryimlate3830 3 роки тому +8

      @@Revoen chidori😔

  • @nephaelia
    @nephaelia 3 роки тому +1060

    That "accent" sounds like the voice actor is TRYING to do a "New York" or maybe "Boston" accent, but they have never actually been to either place so they keep slipping between the two and their actual accent

    • @manymadmidgetzz6293
      @manymadmidgetzz6293 3 роки тому +74

      its supposed to be an italian "wiseguy" accent to sound like an italian mobster

    • @CrystalRose1111
      @CrystalRose1111 3 роки тому +9

      @@manymadmidgetzz6293 Thats the same thing lol

    • @lunaangeleclipse9745
      @lunaangeleclipse9745 3 роки тому +13

      @Kein Herz アニ yeah i think they meant the typical italian american accent front new york

    • @stankydripp
      @stankydripp 3 роки тому +1

      Wasn't that supposed to foreshadow the fact that vinny would end up killing the thief guy at the end?
      Or am I reading too far into it?

    • @MrNight-fy8ml
      @MrNight-fy8ml 2 роки тому +2

      @@stankydripp yes but also SPOILERS

  • @funstuff140
    @funstuff140 Рік тому +18

    "they just fixed this window! Well that not gonna last long-" "*haboosh*"

  • @thegamingpotato6618
    @thegamingpotato6618 3 роки тому +338

    “Hey, it’s me, Vinny. Go break this guys plates. Teach him a lesson.” *in a thick Italian accent*

    • @PSVitaat2am
      @PSVitaat2am 3 роки тому +2

      Hahahaha, I loled'!

    • @_.Dylan._
      @_.Dylan._ 3 роки тому +3

      Ok Vinny

    • @awsomeman253
      @awsomeman253 3 роки тому +4

      That guy didn't give Vinny the spaghetti he ordered

  • @Gabbie.xoxoxo
    @Gabbie.xoxoxo 3 роки тому +286

    Mark: *Plays Thief Simulator*
    Me: “He has to be prepared for the second heist since the first one didn’t really work out as planned”

    • @ItswildII
      @ItswildII 3 роки тому +1

      Lol

    • @Gh0sTsssss
      @Gh0sTsssss 3 роки тому +2

      lolll exactly

    • @mikentikes11
      @mikentikes11 3 роки тому +3

      What ever happened to those zombies I wonder?

    • @macncheesy0548
      @macncheesy0548 3 роки тому +2

      Gabriella i literally see your comments on every mark vid i watch lol

  • @adnaanp0299
    @adnaanp0299 3 роки тому +261

    Markiplier: shhh I’m stealing things
    The people getting robbed: *understandable have a nice day*

  • @wesleycolvin7158
    @wesleycolvin7158 Рік тому +37

    Mark establishing himself as the LAST person you would EVER need for part of your crew as a professional thief. ALSO Mark: Having a crisis of conscience while playing a professional thief.

  • @materialgworl7530
    @materialgworl7530 3 роки тому +244

    I’m beginning to think that mark saying “tuturial” isn’t a joke and he actually says it like that

    • @AxxLAfriku
      @AxxLAfriku 3 роки тому +1

      GAGAGAGAGA I just disliked my own face because I am unpretty. HOWEVER: I always like my GOOD videos however. No dislikes allowed where I come from. Don't be mean, dear sci

    • @kellimbt
      @kellimbt 3 роки тому +4

      He actually does. lol

    • @Scrofar
      @Scrofar 3 роки тому +3

      let's not tell him otherwise

    • @aurochtamer
      @aurochtamer 3 роки тому +3

      New here?

    • @ohdang3833
      @ohdang3833 3 роки тому +1

      @@AxxLAfriku I don't get you

  • @School.project.2024
    @School.project.2024 3 роки тому +451

    “I signed up to be a thief, not an asshole” -Markiplier 2021

    • @breelovejoy6612
      @breelovejoy6612 3 роки тому +5

      I love this man sjkfsd

    • @Muhaimin-ot3ns
      @Muhaimin-ot3ns 3 роки тому +13

      Professional have standards

    • @maxousan
      @maxousan 3 роки тому +1

      @@Muhaimin-ot3ns your old xd

    • @pump6536
      @pump6536 3 роки тому +1

      AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
      - MARKIPLIER

    • @mob-6920
      @mob-6920 3 роки тому +1

      Proceeds to brake windows

  • @henthaitea
    @henthaitea 3 роки тому +442

    "I signed up to be a thief, not an asshole."
    Professionals have standards

    • @jeej811
      @jeej811 3 роки тому +6

      facts

    • @jennsmith3177
      @jennsmith3177 3 роки тому +15

      be polite
      be efficient
      have a plan to kill everyone you meet

    • @mastergreenfox6004
      @mastergreenfox6004 3 роки тому +2

      I mean, He's just stealing their joy at that point. Or sense of security. Actually probably both.

    • @Kibbuster
      @Kibbuster 3 роки тому +5

      @@mastergreenfox6004 Ya like jazz?

    • @Auriacularia
      @Auriacularia 3 роки тому

      @@jennsmith3177 seduce spyyy

  • @jennw6809
    @jennw6809 2 роки тому +83

    Mark is so chill now compared to his old videos where he just screams the whole time

  • @TesiaCullen
    @TesiaCullen 3 роки тому +338

    Mark: "I'm very thirsty"
    Us: We know Mark... We know...

    • @TesiaCullen
      @TesiaCullen 3 роки тому +10

      @Anthony Cellura Omg you're right! That makes it so much better!!

    • @jessmess7170
      @jessmess7170 3 роки тому +4

      It's not a sexual thing. It's about THE POWER

  • @MDPthatsme
    @MDPthatsme 3 роки тому +2581

    Mark picking out a random NPC on the sidewalk, "STAN?!"
    Everybody liked that.

    • @nox_luna
      @nox_luna 3 роки тому +68

      you saw stan the waterman right? that npc looks just like him

    • @kalysian
      @kalysian 3 роки тому +34

      W A T E R

    • @superbros3235
      @superbros3235 3 роки тому +32

      It wasn’t random it was because Stan is the character he plays in gta

    • @nox_luna
      @nox_luna 3 роки тому +10

      @Nathaniel Pease there may be a stan reference in heist 2 when he makes it, but im pretty sure mark is simpler than that, he see stan he call out stan

    • @nox_luna
      @nox_luna 3 роки тому +6

      @Nathaniel Pease heehoo still makes me laugh

  • @prioprioprio
    @prioprioprio 3 роки тому +198

    "I'm very thirsty" Thinking about Dimitrescu again, are we.

  • @monke2448
    @monke2448 3 роки тому +118

    news report: TOILET BREAKERS: A man has been running around greenvile and terrorizing the locals by running inside and breaking their toilets and yelling loudly, police have not been able to catch up to his 20 dollar car.

  • @itsxbear
    @itsxbear 3 роки тому +395

    “tools for thieves” sounds like the biggest sting operation ever

    • @talesofarcadiauval8848
      @talesofarcadiauval8848 3 роки тому +22

      Welcome class of 2021 we now start our day with lockpicking 101 then after that you have geography as you need to know what house you gotta steal shit from

    • @sophied1703
      @sophied1703 3 роки тому +18

      Send us the time and location of your next crime and we'll come give you a big hug!

  • @edgelord590
    @edgelord590 3 роки тому +496

    Mark: wants to be a thief
    Also mark: “I don’t wanna be an asshole”

    • @PSVitaat2am
      @PSVitaat2am 3 роки тому +3

      He's gotta choose one

    • @TheLibermania
      @TheLibermania 3 роки тому +13

      A thief does something bad for a reason (to get money).
      Breaking plates has no reason behind it.
      Unneccesary stuff = Asshole

    • @halleyscomett
      @halleyscomett 3 роки тому +1

      Even though he’s already said he’s an asshole in a different video 😂

    • @zack99293
      @zack99293 3 роки тому +3

      @@TheLibermania wellll robbing someone is unnecessary.....just get a job

    • @Kuchhh
      @Kuchhh 3 роки тому +2

      @@TheLibermania you’re probably just joking, but just in case, I feel like I should clarify that you are in fact an asshole if you steal.

  • @scarychy8729
    @scarychy8729 3 роки тому +183

    marks neighbors get back at him by mowing their lawns when he’s in the middle of filming

  • @emmaak8
    @emmaak8 3 роки тому +77

    Why am I crying laughing at Mark getting instantly caught sneaking in through someones window to break their toilet? :')

  • @TRASH_AND_SPAM
    @TRASH_AND_SPAM 3 роки тому +750

    Family: sitting in living room enjoying Christmas.
    Markiplier: HELLO EVERYBODY my name is Markiplier and welcome back to, im stealing your shit

    • @cookiecat7163
      @cookiecat7163 3 роки тому

      @@FirstNameLastNameFirstName did u even watch the video?

    • @FirstNameLastNameFirstName
      @FirstNameLastNameFirstName 3 роки тому +2

      @@cookiecat7163 yes and I now get the joke I just forgot to delete the comment

    • @trendingtens468
      @trendingtens468 3 роки тому

      Let's see how many subscribers would I get from this comment will you help me?
      Current: 760

    • @vodkabread
      @vodkabread 3 роки тому +4

      @@trendingtens468 bruh no stop

    • @TRASH_AND_SPAM
      @TRASH_AND_SPAM 3 роки тому

      @Chris hasexploded youre right, i cant remember the last tim i enjoyed Christmas...

  • @heykenzo4284
    @heykenzo4284 3 роки тому +148

    0:09
    Mark: "I'm very thirsty"
    Me, after watching the Huniepop 2 videos: "Yes, I know."

  • @iota8732
    @iota8732 3 роки тому +486

    He's training for A Heist with Markiplier 2. His dedication is impressive.

  • @kathrynhoward4196
    @kathrynhoward4196 3 роки тому +21

    35:02 Fuck, I love Lixian.

  • @lord_salazaar3932
    @lord_salazaar3932 3 роки тому +1559

    Plot twist: He’s playing this to train because heist 2 is gonna be a real heist.

    • @Asmi.
      @Asmi. 3 роки тому +12

      Fudge yeah!

    • @kirixer9704
      @kirixer9704 3 роки тому +11

      while we were looking at yt, he studied the gun

    • @shittytransman8501
      @shittytransman8501 3 роки тому +2

      Hell yeah!

    • @strangewayfaringstranger
      @strangewayfaringstranger 3 роки тому

      This is definitely not like actual stealing lol

    • @cosam-shop
      @cosam-shop 3 роки тому +4

      Well, this should be interesting then, with his now broken foot

  • @boriws7846
    @boriws7846 3 роки тому +213

    Mark: "I know how to steal things... No I don't..."
    Also Mark: *makes a heist with Markiplier*

  • @bospookle8012
    @bospookle8012 3 роки тому +574

    Mark: "Because I know how to steal things"
    Everyone Else: "Heist with Markiplier"
    Me: "One of the last episodes of Unus Annus where he and Ethan stole all of those sex toys"

  • @edittime9116
    @edittime9116 2 роки тому +45

    I love how mark legit says EVERYTHING in his head and that's why he is so relatable and we love him for it.

  • @wyattdambra2886
    @wyattdambra2886 3 роки тому +418

    This man doesn’t even realize that in 11 hours he’s going to break his foot.

  • @mrsphish96
    @mrsphish96 3 роки тому +241

    I’m glad the “almost too easy” joke is going strong.

    • @raz802
      @raz802 3 роки тому +8

      It's almost too easy

  • @Goobleck
    @Goobleck 3 роки тому +410

    Mark: * literally learns how to pick a lock* Also mark: “I’m not sure if that’s how locks work”

    • @IgnatiusBlaze4
      @IgnatiusBlaze4 3 роки тому +22

      No he didn't pfft what are you talking about, where's the proof?... *cough *

    • @jrcspiderman2003
      @jrcspiderman2003 3 роки тому +8

      @@IgnatiusBlaze4 lmma take a wild guess from your reply and say he learned how to on the *[redacted]* channel

    • @IgnatiusBlaze4
      @IgnatiusBlaze4 3 роки тому +2

      @@jrcspiderman2003
      Yeah I know that was the joke I was going for

    • @jrcspiderman2003
      @jrcspiderman2003 3 роки тому +2

      @@IgnatiusBlaze4 just wanted to make sure I understood right because I missed that and a lot of the other videos

    • @madeliner1682
      @madeliner1682 3 роки тому +1

      Exactly what I thought too

  • @Egg_Sandwich1
    @Egg_Sandwich1 3 роки тому +55

    Imagine living in that neighborhood and seeing a dude open his car door,whisper “no I gotta open it slowly”,open it again, start driving,look at a pedestrian and say “Stan” *(echoing)Stan Stan Stan*

  • @rshay1025
    @rshay1025 3 роки тому +182

    This is the pre broken foot video. Shortly after, Mark was attacked by a Storm drain, and history was written. .

    • @reydragonclaw1128
      @reydragonclaw1128 3 роки тому +23

      those damn storm drains came in broad daylight... they almost succeeded in assassinating him

  • @scrootlemcdoomper6290
    @scrootlemcdoomper6290 3 роки тому +161

    Imagine seeing a thief in your yard and screaming in fear but the thief just screams back at you and now you're both standing there screaming at each other

  • @venceslavtodorov8620
    @venceslavtodorov8620 3 роки тому +142

    Imagine explaining to the police that a robber broke in your house just to break your toilet

  • @zombieo3259
    @zombieo3259 3 роки тому +15

    being a thief is something not everyone could do, and that no one could do better than mark. stealth skills definitely above the maximum level.

  • @chilldemon5071
    @chilldemon5071 3 роки тому +430

    Mark: “Be very quiet”
    Also Mark: * slurps aggressively *

    • @mew2031
      @mew2031 3 роки тому +1

      @@kingswish9595 👁️👄👁️ rlly?

    • @chickenwarriorr
      @chickenwarriorr 3 роки тому +7

      @@kingswish9595 And you deserve 0 subs because you had the audacity to beg

    • @JadeTechna
      @JadeTechna 3 роки тому +1

      @@kingswish9595 bruh-

    • @theratking805
      @theratking805 3 роки тому +2

      yea that's the joke

    • @magnotec.
      @magnotec. 3 роки тому +1

      @@kingswish9595 bot shut up

  • @thefunseeker9545
    @thefunseeker9545 3 роки тому +127

    “Because I know how to steal things- wait no I don’t”
    *Heist with markiplier flashbacks*

  • @irmproductions4839
    @irmproductions4839 3 роки тому +196

    Him: Complains about no map
    Game: “hard mode is hard for a reason”

  • @codyt.346
    @codyt.346 10 місяців тому +5

    13:00 No man, you break their old crappy stuff and a couple weeks later, steal the new replacement stuff.

  • @RasziusTV
    @RasziusTV 3 роки тому +485

    it's true Markiplier IS a thief. Because he stole our hearts....

  • @flammableplays3080
    @flammableplays3080 3 роки тому +491

    If mark was a robber he would be like.”Hello is someone here if not am taking your shit”.

    • @TheRealKissyRee
      @TheRealKissyRee 3 роки тому +12

      That 1000% sounds like Mark, why does this sound so painfully accurate? 💀

    • @samjplayseverything5392
      @samjplayseverything5392 3 роки тому +2

      A heist with Markplier

    • @Asmi.
      @Asmi. 3 роки тому +1

      Yeah. Honestly that would be him

    • @nisreenqassem8448
      @nisreenqassem8448 3 роки тому

      I would be like: “please I am leaving take it all when I am at work”

    • @strangewayfaringstranger
      @strangewayfaringstranger 3 роки тому +3

      And then the people in the house would be like, "You look awfully familiar." He'd answer with "YOU CAN'T SEE ME!" *slurps drink loudly*

  • @user-ov2ex4it2h
    @user-ov2ex4it2h 3 роки тому +207

    Mark: Plays as a thief.
    Also Mark: Leaves his car door open.

  • @shadowcross4813
    @shadowcross4813 3 роки тому +12

    I honestly would like more of this
    Edit: 100% Mark needs to play more if this! I got it myself and its addictive as hell

  • @GaminGabe9000
    @GaminGabe9000 3 роки тому +482

    "I'm not a masochist!"
    Picks hard mode immediately.

    • @cyrusthelizardking
      @cyrusthelizardking 3 роки тому +8

      Oh my lordddddd wait-

    • @dewitter323
      @dewitter323 3 роки тому +10

      lmao. he just gives us more proof with every video he makes

    • @GaminGabe9000
      @GaminGabe9000 3 роки тому +8

      @@dewitter323 lol, exactly. Each video he makes half the comments are just showing how he is a masochist.

    • @Wildnose1337
      @Wildnose1337 3 роки тому +1

      You don't pick hard mode?

    • @GaminGabe9000
      @GaminGabe9000 3 роки тому +4

      @@Wildnose1337 I'm not against hard mode, but mark claimed hes not a masochist wich is TOATALLY true.

  • @intensom5785
    @intensom5785 3 роки тому +134

    “You ain’t never gonna know nobody that ain’t never gonna help use”
    -Mark “watch your double negatives” iplier

  • @alexostapyk113
    @alexostapyk113 3 роки тому +102

    Mark: "I'm pretty sure that's not how locks work"
    Mark & Ethan literally picking locks like that

    • @abbeyphoenix1194
      @abbeyphoenix1194 3 роки тому +8

      *Video unavailable*

    • @Kibbuster
      @Kibbuster 3 роки тому +2

      @@abbeyphoenix1194 Rip

    • @FulloutPostal
      @FulloutPostal 3 роки тому

      it's actually not...
      each pin has at least two parts and you're not trying to push the whole pin all the way down but instead separate the pin using torque on the lock-core...

  • @memer2428
    @memer2428 3 роки тому +16

    18:57 imagine if you sitting on your porch and you hear this

  • @calebbailea8125
    @calebbailea8125 3 роки тому +192

    Mark: “I know how to steal things.”
    “excuse me?”
    Mark: “Nothing.”

    • @jw5386
      @jw5386 3 роки тому +6

      @Tara - Porn STARS ღ*GO MY PROF!LE* ღ what a sweet bot

    • @calebbailea8125
      @calebbailea8125 3 роки тому +1

      @@jw5386 lmao yes

  • @Madame_Talos
    @Madame_Talos 3 роки тому +146

    Alternate title: _A heist with Markiplier but he's in our place and just as confused_

  • @cymbabrzmiacy7561
    @cymbabrzmiacy7561 3 роки тому +173

    The moment when he said 'Stan?!' was just a blast to the past.

    • @MdKader-ko9xg
      @MdKader-ko9xg 3 роки тому +11

      Stan the waterman

    • @tbagginsesq8169
      @tbagginsesq8169 3 роки тому +9

      @@MdKader-ko9xg Here to deliver water to the thirsty people of the city.

    • @whatsitsbucket
      @whatsitsbucket 3 роки тому +5

      I wonder if he got to see his baby boy Roy ever again?

    • @verryberryman7655
      @verryberryman7655 3 роки тому +2

      @@whatsitsbucket only time will tell.

    • @AkiRyuto
      @AkiRyuto 3 роки тому +3

      I miss Stan, his never-ending quest to earn the respect of his sweet baby boy Roy the Waterboy

  • @EliSingsSometimes08
    @EliSingsSometimes08 3 роки тому +6

    25:00 Imagine being this person, a random dude dressed in black leather comes into your house, screaming, stops and takes time to pick a lock, sprints into your bathroom, smashes your toilet with a crowbar, then jumps back out the window and drives off- I-

  • @weirdgamer2985
    @weirdgamer2985 3 роки тому +97

    "I came here to be a thief, not an asshole" best quote so far

    • @greyseth2721
      @greyseth2721 3 роки тому +1

      I read this exactly when he said that lol

  • @CinnamonEllie
    @CinnamonEllie 3 роки тому +78

    Vinnie: “Be stealthy, stay in the dark”
    Bush in the shade: *beep beep*

  • @apocalypsiia
    @apocalypsiia 3 роки тому +95

    the little “stan?” made me miss his gta rp! we miss you stan the water man :(

  • @MagicMagicaI
    @MagicMagicaI 3 роки тому +10

    25:29 pause before you press, HES JUST IN THE CORNER.

  • @kaiya63
    @kaiya63 3 роки тому +86

    Stan the Water Man wasn’t the man we wanted but was the man we needed

  • @ivymoore8482
    @ivymoore8482 3 роки тому +65

    Stan just delivering water while this thief takes from those in need

  • @Glisten456
    @Glisten456 3 роки тому +116

    "Shh, I'm stealing things!"
    ~A Heist With Markiplier. the Non-interactive Sequel.

  • @randomtrucks
    @randomtrucks 3 роки тому +44

    mark, yelling over the fence to the person hes gonna rob: hEEEEY HOW DO I GO TO SLEEP?

  • @jacobthomas6621
    @jacobthomas6621 3 роки тому +51

    Imagine a deranged man just busts into your house frantically breathing, sprints to your bathroom, smashes your toilet, and jumps out the window

  • @ittybittyrampagingcommittee
    @ittybittyrampagingcommittee 3 роки тому +132

    Mark: I'M A THIEF!
    Mark: * _hits fence_ * Sorry!

  • @starkiller7724
    @starkiller7724 3 роки тому +231

    Mark:
    “Could’ve been on the lips but you know”
    Lixian:
    E X C U S E M E? Y O U W O T M 8?

    • @daft_mervy
      @daft_mervy 3 роки тому +3

      what's the timestamp for this

    • @weiwei4804
      @weiwei4804 3 роки тому +1

      @@daft_mervy 35:01

    • @daft_mervy
      @daft_mervy 3 роки тому +1

      @@weiwei4804 thank you

    • @effort_lament
      @effort_lament 3 роки тому +1

      @@daft_mervy 35:16 your welcome l lol

  • @PragmaticProsecutor
    @PragmaticProsecutor 2 роки тому +6

    We all know the most effective way of stealing is to have your accomplice call you every 30 seconds while not even bothering to put your phone with its loud ass ringtone on silent