The TRUTH About Being Old and Alone
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- Опубліковано 27 вер 2024
- Here's the tea on all of us elder orphans, unfortunately a growing population in the U.S.
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Better ALONE than with the WRONG PEOPLE.
So true William!
That works for me! The _wrong_ people are all too easy to attract. In fact, they can be as difficult to get rid of as fleas or other assorted blood suckers.
all day every day
I'm not sure where your comment is or where to find it so I have not been able to read it
@@lisevoyer7305 It's not unusual for Google to shadowban comments or just make them disappear. If you're looking for a comment by a particular person and you know the approximate timeframe, try sorting the comments by "newest first" and go from there.
I'm 64 - never married, no kids. Since losing my parents, my siblings have decided they don't care about staying in touch. I sent gifts, messages, etc., and gave up a year ago when I realized it was totally one-sided. I realized I meant nothing to them. The absence of love isn't hate - it's apathy.
alisong, that's right. The opposite of love is indifference.
Same. But I celebrate every day! Its all a gift after surviving near death! Gratitude is the Attitude that opens the doors to heaven. Bless them and go forward into your incredible potential
wow we have a similar situation greedy hatriot sibs.
Yes, large families don't mean **** if you don't have something they need like a signature to a document, etc etc.
Self awareness
Robin Williams once said: "What is worse than being alone is being with people who make you feel alone".
I love this! Thanks truthseeker!
Why quote the guy committed suicide. Not a great inspiration.
@@JonMeierding-je2iy Why throw the baby out with the bathwater?
yes it is a citate from.....forgot
@@JonMeierding-je2iy Precisely because of that. It gives his words about feeling horribly isolated that much more meaning.
My husband had a stroke and was in a nursing home for 5 years and then passed last Christmas. I’ve been alone for over 5 years now. At first, it was crushing for a long time. Now I read the Bible, watch a lot of politics and fight my chronic disease. I’m okay. God loves me. I’ve decided to be happy. It is a decision you make.
Thanks for sharing this Teddytiger! You seem to have a good way of dealing with your loss. Take care!
@@eldergal Thank you. God bless you.
Love your comment. Big 🤗
Love this gal tellin' it like it is❤
God bless you, dear! Thank you for your testimony. 😘
I worked in long term care for 25 years and most are dumped there by their children and the staff becomes the family.. having kids is no guarantee you won’t die alone and lonely
Sounds like people are either raised the wrong way by their parents or they become hardened spiritually because of Spiritual blindness. In any case, It doesn't matter who you are, if you do these things when you die, you are going to hell.
@@expo1706 Bwhahaha did you read that in your fakie fake bible??You sound like a true Christian.
Yes, my cousin was like this to his mother and never, ever visited though he lived quite close. Her brother and I visited and cared for all her needs, even from 75 miles away.
@@expo1706not everybody believes in your fairy tales.
@@expo1706 if that's the case. Hells gonna be Really crowded.😮
I would rather be alone than surrounded by fake people including family
Or a miserable husband
It's crazy how family members seem to always be the worst people you ever encounter 😣
I understand. I refused to be in the same room with any of my relatives from the age of 14. I hated the way the gossiped and were cruel behind people's backs. I moved out by 16 and never saw any of them again for 35 years when my mother died. Never saw them again until my Father died. Won't see them for the rest of my life. Because each time I saw them.... they were still talking mean about people.... Life is too short to be that cynical. You don't need to be alone. My life has been filled with wonderful friends and acquaintances. Most have passed now, but I have made one or two new friends in the last few years. Not because I was lonely, but they were lonelier than myself. They needed to share, so why not... We all can gain something from someone else when it makes them feel good thinking someone cared.
I get that, but that doesn't mean that being alone is going to be any easier.
Ditto I can’t ding wait!
The true is that having kids and getting married doesn't meant you're NOT gonna be alone.
This is very true and I keep reminding myself. In fact, it would be heartbreaking to have married and raised a family and still find oneself abandoned.
But it worths the risk. No marriage and no kids grants you a lonely life and a lonely death.
Yep, no guarantees these days, society has changed big time just from 20 years ago! Not much of a social safety net left! 🤨😢
Amazing. One mother can take care of four kids. But four kids can't take care of one mother. I like your vodeo
@@lavane6943 That's not true!
I gave up everything for my kids and they could careless and it blows my mind .
So sorry to read that b.savage! I know how hurtful that must be.
It's an epidemic. I'm experiencing the same. They're the "MeMyselfAndMe" generation.
Update: I'm referring to today's ultra-selfish/entitled, whiny #MilennialMe generation born around & after 1980 A.D.
Give to honest Animal charities
Yep, mine is an idiot too
@@truthbtruth8559 funny this was my parents and still is...
Disrespect of elders is ironic because aging happens to everyone.
@marydd4147… I really love the “ok boomer…” meme. The person using that will be the “boomer” one day.
@@truthboomertruthbomber5125I used to think it was callous and cruel, but I have learned to let young people make their own mistakes and reserve my "words of experience and wisdom" for those who actually ask for my advice - which is seldom the case.
If you don’t teach your kids to love God, they won’t love you later. For life is too harsh. Loving God is the only reason to stay human.
@@99Noodles You think that you are irrelevant?
@@99Noodles That's part of their job knucklehead !! Plus, maybe she just wanted to go outside. I almost always have great interactions at the grocery store either with other customers or staff.
I am 54. I have given up on trying to get People to give a crap about me !!! I have my Dog.
Dogs are definitely God spelled backward!
🥰
Dogs are the best!! And I'm a crazy cat lady - I just can't care for a dog properly because walking several times a day would be difficult for me.
I do have a best friend the Jesus!
Friends cames and go,but God is always there for me!
I got tired of paying to have a 🪑at the family table. Unfortunately, it took me a lifetime to learn they just wanted my $ - not me.
I am 75 and severely handicapped on oxygen and breathing machine, from a large family of 14 siblings, but no contact. No one cares. I leave my home only on doctors visits who have basically given me up to die. Fortunately I was a good earner and saver and investor. I have plenty money and my own home and car. But it is very lonely for the past 15 years all alone. I spent several weeks in a nursing home, and never again if I have any say. Death first! I like being alone but it would be comforting just to hear from some caring soul now and then. Old folks should combine forces and creat their own community without outsiders taking control.
I'm sorry you're so ill jhb, but glad you have money to make yourself more comfortable. Thanks for your comment!
God bless you sir,I'd love to meet you!
I'm 71, never married, no kids. I've tried to stay in touch with my brothers but we have very little in common and when I call, they never answer the phone and don't call back. Same with e-mails. I lived in a retirement community for a year and did not like it -- although I made some friends, most of whom have died as well as my uncle who I loved. I don't have a car so it is expensive to get around (by Lyft). I work out at the apartment gym every day. When I need groceries, I walk to the store. I feel unneeded and purposeless and afraid about not having enough money. I want to die before I run out of it. I watch the world falling apart, and I wonder why I'm still here. I don't know what part of the country you're in but please know you're not alone -- lots of us are in the same boat. I know what you mean about death before nursing homes. I believe life is much nicer on "the other side" and frankly I can't wait to get there. Keep your spirits up, friend. You make a difference in the world even if you don't think so at times. And please don't think no one cares. I care.
God bless.
That’s so truth. I also be allone but I like it, sometimes yes is not so nice , but mostly yes an I got my friends my videocall, because I left my country Switzerland, stressful, cold, cold people, mot open people, elder allways allone, in Spain you are newer allone, the olds are allways together……social
We’ve created the strangest society. So many young people, families unable to afford homes, so many older people living alone. We’re all human yet we are so estranged from our common bond of humanity. For many it’s a choice to be alone, but not for everyone.
I agree with you Antoinette. Thanks for your comment!
So many of us over 50 or 65 whose grown children have not respected and treasured us, the family bonds; so they have estranged from us. Meaning all of life effort and nurturing and caring seem to have come to naught.
We are a new kind of “sandwich Gen” as Boomers whose are gone mostly and our kids have gone their own way and don’t value Family roots, wisdom of elders, the Grace and love of parents.
On top of that our own friends and peers are ill, In Care or deceased 😢
Most people who choose to be alone is because most people are disgusting!!!!!!
I'd like to suggest this horribleness is not a society we've decided to create. When you read Marx and Engels, Lenin and Rosa Luxemburg you come to understand this is the society that capitalism creates where we all become increasingly alienated from each other, ourselves, from nature, creativity and even our sense of worth. Go to the library, listen to some podcasts, the more you learn about capitalism the more sense all of this will make to you. Perhaps then you will also figure out what is to be done to correct and create a happier, kinder, healthier, more dignified and equitable world that works for all people.
thats because people live much longer
I know a group of women in their 60s who bought a home together to live together after retirement and help each other. They are renting it out until then, I believe.
Done often in Europe, read about it and also saw a documentary about it some time ago. Love this idea.
Like the "Golden girls"
There’s a lovely French film about that very topic, featuring among others Jane Fonda, called “Si on vivait ensemble?” (How about setting up house together?).
There are solutions for women and this is just one of many. I've spoken with friends who just can't "let my stuff go" and don't really want to "share." Sometimes women are our own worst enemies. Time to STOP being selfish and "me first ALWAYS" and look for ways to actually enjoy this time of our lives.
@@cbrashsorensen
I'm 65, unmarried, no kids. I sold my condo, got an RV, and the beauty of it is I can get in and out of this RV park without running into anyone. My main goal in life is to avoid assholes. I dig the isolation.
Word!
I like your style. I'm thinking of an RV, too. 😮😂
Is it difficult if you're in your 70s to take care of an RV to live in? The RV Parks charge space rent which can be getting expensive. Plus driving around an RV in your 80s+ age seems unlikely. Right?
@@RicsBag I'm diggin it. Stuff to learn, but it's like anything else. Ya just learn it. Get a used one, made prior to covid, 2019 or earlier. Evidently, to meet the demand during covid, they were just slapped together. I got lucky. Had no idea about this, bought a used, 2019, just prior to covid.
@user-go1jm7ib6j Yep, used for me, I'm into less expensive. 30 years ago, I owned two at different times. I miss those day's, I'm a big fan of boondocking and state parks.
I would rather be alone than with cruel children or neglectful a spouse. Going for my run in the woods now. I'm 64!❤😊
I hear you ishabella! Thanks for your comment!
Dear Isabella. Cr is el children are the worse. I have cut mine off. I'm 80 look decades younger, most days feel 2). I'm BLESSED. Have a wonderful taxi cab driver. We all wind up alone to some extent. It is sad when people are cruel and mean. Karma is very real. You je😮😮eo running in those woods, never lose a belief in God, bless you. It would be wonderful, if there were communities of old ppl people, helping one another.
agree
totally agree because i saw the hurt and sorrow in elder people I helped out. It was so sad to witness. Could tell horror stories too… I’m single, 68+ and just take one day at a time. Doing my best to take care of my health, of which I have a few issues. Still bike riding and determined to do so till the day I die! 😀 I have always prayed to the good Lord, that when my time comes to leave this life and “beam me up”, He zap me (with a heart attack). Because I saw my mother and some friends suffered with cancer….
don't get bit by a snake.
I’m moving back to Europe. I grew up in Switzerland and also spent a lot of time in Italy. Since I live in the US, I can’t afford healthcare. I have no friends. Most European countries have free or affordable healthcare insurance. Most probably I’m moving to Italy. Healthcare insurance there will cost me approximately 100$ per month. Everything is paid with that: doctors appointments, screenings, lab, medication, ambulance rides, ER visits, operations and hospital stays. So this is a huge plus. Healthy food will cost me approximately 1/3rd of what I pay here in the US. In cities there is great public transportation. It’s easy to meet people while having a coffee, lunch or dinner in downtown. The mentality of Italians is taking care of your elderly family, friends and neighbors. I can’t wait moving to Europe where life is nicer, especially as a single old lady with no family.
Thanks for sharing this MissRed! I know what you mean about the healthcare in the US. Best wishes to you for your move overseas!
I left the USA as well. It's not the same country I grew up in.
Same here. Plan on moving to Argentina next year. A developed country that went through social economic problems so their cost of living is very inexpensive. Great people, great food a lot of activities and places to visit. One of the most cultural places in South America. Very good medical care too. House keeping is very affordable. Restaurants are also inexpensive enough to not cook. One of the safest places in South America. If you are interested in looking out out of country it would be great to get people to travel together to check out those places.
@@helenirving4788my country❤
Now that is a thought!
What's incredibly sad to me is finding this channel and realizing this is how my life is turning out.😢
Find a good little salvation by grace church..ask if they are founded on who Jesus is & His death alone. You believe & become apart of God's family worldwide on earth..not Cathocism or those old religious ones & none who believe in water baptism for salvation.
One who teaches The Apostle Paul's gospel of Grace.
Make sure..its important & urgent for your souls eternal future.
Be blessed.
Well, we are ultimately all in this together.
yes it was a shock-face-emoji but i already know it was this way - but just how common this has all become - was wot i found amazing . welcome to the misery hole - however this channel is for you mum of 8
_ _ BUT this comment section _ _
on this video - -> is for child less . pet less , friand less , chronically ill people , being abused or afraid of being abused in care homes , or dyeing allown and being eaten by coyotes
please reframe from coming here just to get silver lining for you life by proving there are people moor afflicted than you self - This comment was not directed AT you but for OTHERS after you that will find sume deep pain / anonymous weeping below this time stamp - this will become our place our hope/dream/wish Grave Yard
edited - -> i hate spelling mistakes
I was thinking the same thing, then realized -- well then, take to heart what (imo) is the main point of this video -- your attitude is a key part of your armor in this struggle; so focus instead on her tips: "stay hopeful, keep moving forward" ... and say "stop" to the thoughts bring you down. Negativity and worry get us nowhere -- only make things harder than they already are. The only things that truly help are staying hopeful and taking the next positive step. (I know -- it's often much easier said than done -- but that's why I love this video so much and am saving the link to come back to it -- Elder Gal has an infectious optimism and smile, as well as warmth & understanding! I find this video helps me put a stop to the cycle of negativity. (TY, EG!))
Me too..
The younger you realize you are ultimately truly alone, regardless of relationships, the better off and prepared you are in the long run.
Prepared for what? To look in the mirror to have a good laugh? Some things are better with others.
You are right. I've hit rock bottom this winter, at 35. My parents are still alive and my sister lives in my city. I also have a few "friends" here too. But I woke up one snowstorm morning to 40 degree fever (celsius) and nobody could help buy meds for me or take care of my dog. And when I needed to take my dog to the vet but had no car, nobody could bring us. And when I was asked for someone to call to pick me up after wisdom tooth removal, I didn't even have a name to give. As much as it's sad and depressing, I like to think of it as preparation for older years. I'm developing hobbies I can do alone. I joined choirs and writers groups and am planning to start a meetup group for lonely folks this summer. I use Uber to travel when public transport won't cut it. I meditate and keep a gratitude journal. As I get older, being alone will be nothing because I'm so used to it. It still hurts not to feel the love others experience, but the world is so diverse. Naturally, life experiences have to be. People are not blessed the same. We just have to appreciate our blessings and make the best out of our lives.
@@gianellab.4953You are wrong about one thing: it’s still worse the older we get because we decline. Things you do at 35 I can’t do at 60.
@@gianellab.4953 So sad, if I lived close, I would be happy to help you! I always tell people 'let me know if I can do something for you'.
@@K3r0411what things? You are 60 not 90.
I have 30 chickens. I know I have to get up in the morning to care for them. They are my reason for getting up and going outside. I also have a huge garden, that feeds me and others. Home and land are paid for, so I am fortunate and blessed.
Sounds like you have a sense of purpose voodoo!! That's great! Thanks for sharing this!😊💜🌟
Love ❤️ my chickens
I live on a farm and have 40 or so chickens and horses. I love my garden and this beautiful life. Thank you for the reminder of why I get up. 💜
As an old farm kid, l love it!!!
I love my chickens, heart and soul.
I’m a never married 63 year old man. No kids or ex wives. I am a free man. I am in the process of making space in my home for my last surviving uncle, my Father’s youngest brother. He is also a lifelong bachelor who is having great difficulty keeping his life together in these difficult times of high inflation on a fixed income.
He and I have always kept in contact and have always had friends and memberships in various organizations. I think it can be done successfully if people are willing to help each other out with getting to medical appointments or whatever. I focus on the positives and try to mitigate the negatives.
Thanks for sharing Scott! Glad you and your uncle are there for each other!
I'm an elder orphan. I'm a hermit living in the hills with 2 cats and a horse. I live off grid in a peaceful beautiful but rough location. I used to be sociable but little by little I'm withdrawing from everyone. My " friends " ask me to go to lunch with them, but I'm finding that I really don't want to. Everything just seems like a game or power plays. I'd rather be alone or spend time with my horse.
I totally agree with you !
Which part of the world you are?
Pls go to lunch with them.
Yeah, people have had it easyn the past several years and they don't go out and just enjoy the food and conversation. They like to be competitive. Translation: borring!
DITTO ---I went through the same pattern and I no longer will be a part of others agenda and they ALL have one.
Yes, this happens too.
I am an 84 year old elder orphan. Don't worry about the future live and enjoy each moment to the maximum while keeping a positive attitude. The alternative to this is no fun indeed.
You are a very wise woman.
Thank you for your words of wisdom 🙏 ❤
Can you share the plans you have in place for your future? You sound super prepared!
Yes!
Follow Christ Jesus it’s the only way to heaven
Elder Orphan ... Because of you I have an identity now, Thanks
66 year old man who lost his wife to breast cancer, deeply introverted and learning how to live all over again.
Thanks, you're inspirational.
Thanks so much for watching James! Take care!
@jamesmoga8892. 59 years here - guess that makes me the youngster? -, divorce 20 years ago, been living single eversince, have no intention of ever resuming dating or having a 'romantic' (for real....?) relationship of any kind. Physical proximity is barely tolerable for me due to existing major PTSD from basically day one for all of my life, shallow chitchat exhausts me to no end. The depth and meaning I sought in people, I have only found briefly and temporarily. Human relationships in our day and age have devolved into almost purely transactional interactions, I find.
Maybe a pet at some point once I managed to move into a nicer area again. Other than that: I feel like everything I came to do here is done. Might as well move on to the next dimension (provided one is open to those ideas).
May God brace you up and bring beauty back into your life.
I'm sorry about your wife. I never married and no children. My siblings are either dead or never answer my calls. Besides we are so different. I know what you mean about being introverted -- I am too. Also, there is so much violence and hate in the world now, I feel afraid to open up to people. You're not alone -- lots of us are in the same boat.
I’m so very sorry. Where you are is where my husband and I will be…whichever one is the last one standing. We’re very introverted and really just have each other and our dog.
I fear leaving him here without me but fear him leaving me here without him as well. Everyone wants to die like the couple in The Notebook but…that’s not real life.
I’m sure she’s there with you, still loving you and waiting to take you home. We’re never truly alone ❤
When I was young I was told to save my money. I see people buying cars, houses, clothes and Walmart crap that fills up goodwill, spending up their credit cards on vacations....I mean .... I'm shocked at how my friends spend at restaurants and clutter their house with crap & complain they have no money.
That's wonderful that you were taught to be frugal LKaempen! I wish everyone got that message. Appreciate you watching!
I aaved my money also.Vella Hogsed
I talk about the need to save to every young person I can. And, having been a high school teacher, I preached that sermon to a whole lotta kids. But this society is all day every day preaching the opposite. I am grateful that my one kid who is on her own listened, at least.
Ok! Ever hear to each their own? I agree on the shopping. This country is endlessly spending money on meaningless holidays( look at ridiculous Christmas nightmare). Look at the alcoholics…. Drink drink and drink some more. lol. Talk about gross. Some people never save. Some people always spend more than they make. People do whatever they want, as they should. Some people never spend and only save. Not really your business 👍💜
Yep
I am an elder orphan. No family, friends ? Support system ? Alone is ALONE !
Thanks Elaine!💜
It can be frightening to be older and alone. If my car broke down I’d have no one to call for help. If I fall in my house and hurt myself no one would know for days. It makes me feel so vulnerable. I have serious mental health issues. Can’t always muster rose colored glasses. Anyway, I feel you. 💞
@@4estdweller4everI completely agree with you.
Why no friends?
Elaine, in my state they have senior citizen centers & if needed mini bus transport. Because I still work and drive , a few years shy of retiring, I haven’t tried this service yet, but my parents would go to play bingo & have lunch and meet old & new friends. Do you have anything like that ?
We chose an elderly lady to adopt as “Mom for the Day” yesterday for Mother’s Day and took her out to enjoy a dinner with us and got her a Mother’s Day gift. A very small step in such large needs in our world but if we all would do one small step of love and kindness for another the small ripple effects grow.🙏🏼💗
That's lovely of you! Thanks for your comment!
Sometimes when I am in a restaurant and see a single elder person eating alone I will buy their lunch. Many years ago, I'm 76, I paid for the lunch of a woman eating alone and she remembered me many years later! I am blessed to be able to help, even in a small way, some of the people I come across.
@@eldergal I just came across your post recently, and I appreciate the videos that you were making. Truly, these are so helpful. God bless you.
Thank You. I see this & know about what you are addressing here. I am 63, work full time & primarily all alone.
@@DonnaFry-v8w How sweet a gesture. You will definitely go to heaven!
Senior living in my vehicle here, estranged from family. I can't consider myself an orphan because of a close relationship with my heavenly Father. He is the friend to the friendless, the father to the fatherless and husband to the widow! ❤
I’m not religious but that’s beautiful. I wish you well and hope you will get a bricks and mortar home soon. Thankfully right now you have shelter and safety of your vehicle 💪🙌🏼
Tough situation for you, indeed. Are you waiting for your heavenly Father to rectify your situation? And if He doesn't, will he block you from heaven finding you unfit? Believing all this may make you feel better of the moment, but it's you that has to do something real and effective, if it's nothing more than keep asking for help and assistance from real people, real agencies, real organizations. Reach out your hand for a hand up. If even that does not help, all of us will be found unfit for heaven along with you.
I don’t understand. How would one be found unfit for heaven by being homeless (but not car-less) ? Would you please tell me ? I’m not looking for any drama I’m genuinely interested in your perspective 🤍
@@Daniel9.13 Daniel me too lol
Me too 2010 Ford Transit Connect vagabond. Age 66
People don't treat old people good because they don't think they will ever get old. You know what sometimes they don't.
I know what you mean Jennifer. Thanks for watching!
It's sad that our society has lost the meaning of family. I'm 56 and feel sad that even my children have distanced themselves already 😥
Kissinger - work of art - NSSM 200 - destroyed extended families and “liberated” women to become low wage laborer for corporations to increase their profit margin. His work is detailed, by country, to lower live births around the world. 🌎
I’m 71. When I was a kid, we would go to grandparents house for Sunday dinner. My Aunts/Uncles/Cousins would come too. We were family. That doesn’t exist now days. Memories are all I have.
@@MissPrissy6688 Exactly, visits on the weekends, parties with extended famil, visits in the holidays... now nothing. Memories are all I have too.
How about a 'choice-family' instead of the genetic family, as Goethe mentioned many decades ago?
It's happening all over the world. The trouble is our children and young people don't realise that age creeps up on until suddenly you realise you are old, and no one wants you in their life. What goes around comes around.
I'm 64 . Live in a shared house because I can't afford more . Fortunately the people I share with are nice folks . I am estranged from my two sons due to a horrible divorce years ago . I can't ever tell them the abuse their father subjected me to because I just can't share that stuff . I work full time in a Nursing Home end of life care . I have worked in health care since 1976 . I am all cared out ! Emotionally exhausted . Not the patients , their relatives are the exhausting ones . Rude and demanding . I am on minimum wage . It's really helped me to listen to you and also read comments . I feel a bit less alone now . Thank you
Thanks for sharing .... sounds like you sure could do with a caring hug or three!! Sending virtual ones.... ♡♡♡
Your reward will be in heaven for sure!
As a caregiver you are underpaid and under appreciated, but this is the nature of this society, which lacks empathy.
It sounds like your sons NEED to hear YOUR experiences (assuming they were clueless). I don’t know your situation but your male children need to know their mother’s experience. My mom had two husbands that tried to kill her. One tried to run over her and my brother and sister and my dad had her beaten and left for dead outside our apartment building when I was 10. They need to know that violence isn’t ok.
So you’re helping your abuser destroy your life forever by living a lie with your children who you don’t respect enough to tell the truth. Sounds like you are exactly where you want to be.
It's not that there was more care for people it is that more people cared.I am a teacher and I swear that we have no future based on what I see in the classroom.
That is scary, Marta! I taught community college until 2017 and I was not encouraged about where society is headed either! Thanks so much for your comment!😊💜🌟
I wish that I could argue with you, but serious doctors and academics agree with you. Did you know that a man with an IQ of 200 quit working for NASA in order to be a teacher?
Multi generational living was more common, many people moved away from "home" for school or work resulting in distance from extended family. Also families are significantly smaller than they used to be. Fewer women are at home full time so the traditional caregivers are not at home these days. So yes, things are very different than say 40 or 50 years ago. And it's even more concerning if resources are tight. I think that's a bug part of the drive in seniors retiring abroad.
Community has to be experienced by the younger generations in order for them to then hopefully live in community themselves and because of how society is set up a lot of people feel alone and estranged from each other. Hopefully one day this will change to connection and helping on all levels.
Matthew 24:12 And because lawlessness will abound, the love of many will grow cold.
One of the hardest things has been reaching out to people over and over (like we're told we should) but only getting ignored, indifference or crumbs back, or worse, being regarded as a nuisance or burden on their "busy" lives. This makes me feel worse, not better. Going to redirect my limited energy now and stop looking for potatoes in the cabbage patch, as my grandmother used to say 😂. God bless all of you!
I know what you mean teineuaine! People are told to ask for help, but if no one responds to that, then we tend to not want to ask anymore. Thanks for sharing this!
Truth! I have reached out, invites to eat out, go shopping, spend time together. The answer is: to busy, to tired, need a nap, or oh alright but only have 15 minutes to visit and have to leave. I'm done...I am making my own life and staying busy.
I'm 68 and long retired, but now volunteer with several animal rescues. A pet is great for company, BUT, please make plans for that pet if you are hospitalized, placed in a rehab/nursing home, or if you die. We get cats in our sanctuary rescued after their person has passed...no family will take it in, no alternative plans were made, and so they are thrown outside. Please don't let that be your pet's future.
I totally agree.
Also if the pet is elderly who wants to take on the extra financial burden of Vets Bill's?
Yes that is true. However, people don't even make arrangements for their own demise let alone their animals.
They figure, when I die it's not my problem anymore.
Poor people rely on the system to deal with the fallout of death and burial, and 99% of the time their family members won't deal with it.
What are you supposed to do if possibly no family wants my cat. I don't know what to do
It always bothers me that so many people rush to rescue animals but ignore the needs of homeless persons of any age.
I'm 61 and I have a very large dog but this will be probably my last dog because for me it seems like the responsible thing to do. I don't want to risk my dog going into a shelter if something was to happen to me
Difference between alone and lonely. I've lived alone with someone for 44yrs .
Sorry to read this, Susan! It is a big difference between alone and lonely! Thanks for your comment!!😊💜🌟
That's your fault. Ho Hum !
Absolutely!🎉 and I choose being solo over that any day 🎉😊
I live with the possibility of living the other side of that coin. At 74 I just had a major physical . Did it all, and It turns out I am in robust health . Yeah. My best friend and I had a conversation about living a long time. He said he didn't think he'd like it, because you get to watch everyone you know die. I lost my best friend to Leukemia last year. He was 74. And since that conversation, I lost an older brother, a very good friend I rode motorcycles with. A great grand mother who lived to be a 100. Everything has a price. As for being alone. I've never been nor will I ever be alone or lonely. I bless in that.
A lot of us can understand that all too well.👀
I been alone so long i don't think i could handle being around most people
I am so sorry...
@@stephaniedegange2737 Why? Everyone is built different. Some need to be the center of attention while others prefer as little as possible.
@@TheBudgetWarrior I'll take as little as possible
@@stephaniedegange2737 I'm not
I think people saying they don't like people and prefer to be alone, would love me. I don't cause any stress and drama. It's a shame that it's so hard to connect irl these days.
It's not just the elder. This is becoming more and more common amongst all ages around the world, but especially in countries where there are less family values.
Yes indeed maxa!
True.
A lot of people feel lonely. Without children, husband, love of my life who died, I am so sad about it, I feel alone and lonely.
But I notice all the ages are concerned.
Young, elders, etc...
Family values is neither..mostly people with children who have high opinions of themselves and care nothing about those who have no family
Here in New Zealand for us Maori - it is unthinkable to abandon our elderly whanau/family members. I'm 67 have COPD, but don't consider myself to be old or sick, my hubby died 5 yrs ago ...After our kids grew up - 20 years ago we adopted a Downs Syndrome newborn who'd been abandoned at the hospital. She's now 20 and keeps me on my toes 😅 active busy and involved in our community. Couple of my adult kids and grandkids and family live nearby and provide the supportive embrace when and if we need it. My daughter and I live in a brand new 2 bedroom house complete with everything we need, drive a modest van we like freedom camping, sometimes travel overseas to visit another daughter and we have huge family summer camping reunions every year at the beach. I know we are very blessed and I'm thankful that I have raised very caring, considerate sons and daughters and that my parents raised me and my siblings to love, care for and be there for each other. Blessings to all.
**PS In spite of COPD I pushed myself and began learning to play saxophone 5 yrs ago when I was 62 and I love it. Keeps me focused, centered and motivated!!
used to have a widow next door. (now deceased) no family in the area. used to mow her grass for her when she couldn't. took care of flat tires, house repairs, etc. nobody had to tell me. it's just something men in my family were taught to do. when there's no one else around, the neighbors step up. that's how it should be. hopefully, someone will do it for me when i need it.
Thanks for sharing this carcarjinks! Glad you helped your neighbor. It is something that used to be more common.
"hopefully, someone will do it for me when i need it." - you are joking right jinks - the moanilles and Gen Z are snivelling little sh*ts , spoiled intitled and selfish .
May I ask which part of the country you live in?
@@maggiv5401 new orleans area, but outside of orleans parish
@@carcarjinks1430 I asked because I think there are certain areas of the country where that kind of communal support is the norm. I think the point is that we’re finding that it is not the norm in many areas whether it should be or not.
Younger people look down on the elderly because they can see what will become of them in the future and it terrifies them . My body is old now but I am still 14 in my head.
good sprit
Same!
Me too!
I think this is very accurate. People always try to make sense of the seeming contradiction that the young treat the old so badly, when they themselves will also suffer the same fate (likely), but I think the answer is exactly this: we young (I still consider myself semi-young, at least compared to actual seniors) do not want to take part in this death sentence decreed on us by some invisible heartless force of evil several million years ago. We don't want it. It's an absolute shitshow, but we are powerless to do anything about it, short of suicide. It's endlessly horrifying.
Absolute truth. I'm figuratively still in our family basement in 1971 building balsa wood airplanes and watching The Price is Right with Bob Barker
I'm also a 69 year old elder orphan, but I became an orphan at age 12. I've pretty much always taken care of myself. Always will.
Wow, u are impressive, strong woman!
You can come to Rosarito Baja with me.
we need communities to accommodate orphans living together at least.
Who can afford leisure world!... at 60 alone...many times afraid....
I thought same...
They already exist at every single Catholic Church in every town in America, and all across the world. Older people need to become very close to the Lord. Attend Mass daily, if you can!
Your religious beliefs shouldn't be pushed onto others. Everyone deserves a quality life regardless of their religious beliefs or lack of. @@Mariecherement
My dad used to say... you were born alone, and you will die alone. I like living alone, people always f everything up anyways! 😅 I'm done with the people pleasing anyway. Besides, I'm not alone, God is with me. If I can't take care of myself anymore, I hope I leave this place quickly.🙏
I told my husband that if I should die before him that I do n I t want my children notified. If they want nothing to do with me when I am alive, they needn't be told I am gone. I gave them a good education and my best as a divirced mlm .I retired frombeing an elder care giver. I would be welcomed back at my old job, but I would prefer to just help people as the Lird puts in mu life. I am by no means rich as far as money is concerned, but Ihave a roof over my head, food on my table, shoes on myfeet clothes on my back and a church where the pastor preaches the truth. My husband and I share the same faith and many lives. We lead a very simple life
I feel the same way
With you!
I love that. What a smart dad. Mine raised me mormon, which is the most co dependent CULTure out there. One cant get to heaven unless they are married with lots of kids then its, "We gave you life now you owe us" smh-
@styphlynne8253 Thank you.⚘️ He was pretty smart. 😉
I am 70, recently widowed, no children, no brothers or sisters, and my late husband was an only child, too. My best suggestion for any older person finding themselves alone in the world is to join a church. My church is my family now, and I know that if things get tough for me, they won't let me go hungry or sleep in the street.😊
I hope church helps you, mine does nothing for me and it's practically next door. I gave up on my church. The people are like all the rest so I don't even bother. There's no getting around the fact that most people in 2024 are selfish and self centered, even churches.
Be careful alot of church leaders take advantage of people , when they are alive and when they are dead , if they signed something over.
Don't put too much faith in your church friends
I found they are two-faced. They are all talk and can't do the simplest favor when you're in need.
Church is an even lonelier place when I'm sitting there alone. I won't go there alone.
Yup. Like joining a social club if you get the right one with a few compassionate souls.
It is true. One mother can take care of 5 children but 5 children cannot take care of one mother. Sad but true.
Not "can't."
Won'r.
Because that mother did not learn anything about child brain development, and sent her kids to public school, trusting the system that deliberately is set up to break every child’s brain.
@@jeepstergal4043 it’s not a choice when children are not developing an amygdala in their brain because school is so traumatic their amygdala development is stunted. Whether you understand it or not, your thoughts are not magical and don’t come out of the thin air. It requires a functioning brain with synapses that fire appropriately so that you can feel emotions. Without an amygdala a person cannot feel emotions for anyone else. No baby is born with an amygdala. Kids develop the amygdala mostly in puberty years. Then it stops forever, so whatever is emotionally done to a child lasts a lifetime. So if public school traumatizes kids and that trauma stunts their amygdala development, then they grow up without an amygdala and they can never feel emotions for other people, including their own parents. Why do we have modern medicine and modern psychology and modern science if absolutely none of you will educate yourself on any of it? Then you cry about the consequences that happen when your children are savages because you went to work and did not spend any time with them and did not protect them from public schools that destroyed their lives so now they are savage monsters who just pretend to be normal people but can’t feel a single emotion for anyone but themselves. American parents, being mentally lazy and deciding that they could trust the wealthy class who run the government to raise your kids for you while you went to work for those wealthy people… Now you’re understanding the wealthy people offered to take your kids off your hands while you went to work for them and they got two workers for the price of one because they stopped giving raises to men as soon as women started going to work. And all of you will only vote for wealthy people to run the government and your public schools. All of you see nothing wrong with both parents working for the same amount of money that used to be paid to one parent so the other parent could raise the kids as civilized human beings. so the fact of the matter is all of this is a consequence of choices that most American made to wash their hands of parenting and go off to work and let strangers raise your children. And this is what has come of it.
depends on their relationship with that mother. Not all mothers are good mothers.
God never said "Honor your good parents". Any non criminal, non abandoning parent should be honored- maybe with boundaries.
My Husband and I have health issues preventing us from supporting ourselves now. We feel grateful to our daughter and her family for moving us into their home recently. Of our six children, she’s the only one with the means and space for us. It’s a tight family budget, but we have a home. ❤
So glad you have a caring daughter! Hope things go well. Take care!
I'm 54, but already in this circumstance. I'm just thankful Jesus is my best friend. Never alone with Him.
Agreed. My guides and guards have become quite prevalent in my life.
Can I sleep on his couch ?
Me too sister.
Me too…. I’m an only child and alway enjoyed my own company but I do worry about my old age
The elder orphan is not about loneliness; lots of people are lonely at any age. It's about what to do when you can't take care of yourself, when you have dementia and can't handle your affairs, make decisions, can't protect yourself and your money. Loneliness is solvable with many of this woman's suggestions. Getting real help when you are helpless is near impossible.
Yup. 60 years and divorced from my abusive family of origins. I will work until I drop, but the wild birds are my passion. They need our care , desperately. I am happiest alone( not alone) caring for god’s angels.
I have mourning doves and barn swallows who come to my porch each spring to nest 🪺🤍
Bless you
Alone at 55 and it's intentional. Maybe I could see myself cohabitate with a good friend in the future, but I like my space and privacy.
Every word your have written is also my life too and those feather angels along with my pets are also my passion.
I’m happy for you that you find peace in caring for the wonderful birds!
Elder gal, your skin is gorgeous! Also, your speaking voice is confident and positive...What you are saying is supportive and energizing. Thanks so much!!!
How kind of you Liz! Thank so much for watching!
So glad to have found your video!
Your so right.
👍
Just found this channel today purely by chance. I lost my wife two months ago and have found myself living alone (but with our dog) and going through the grieving process. She died suddenly in bed next to me with her head on my shoulder at midnight. She was my second wife, the love of my life and I miss her desperately.
Our children have all been terrific…calling me every day, visiting after work and at weekends (and inviting me to their’s) staying overnight and so on. I have thousands of very happy memories and stacks of photos which I’m going to turn into a memory book. So I’m very lucky in many respects and even though I’m not wealthy, I’m ok for money. But I’m now an elder orphan and I just have to get used to it.
Thanks for the message.
So sorry for the loss of your wife pgtips! Your loss is relatively recent, so be gentle with yourself during this and allow yourself to grieve as you need to. Glad you kids are there for you. Take care!
@@pgtips9511 sad for your loss. Your a bit lucky having a dog’s shoulder to cry on. Think travel, or group setting/hobby to redirect your mind at times.
Such a recent loss!! I'm glad that you have so much support, but grief is grief and has to be suffered through. All the best to you.
I live alone, with my Cat. My beloved Husband died in 2020.
We have 3 Children and 3 Grandchildren. They visit weekly, sometimes staying over. I love that but also love closing my front door and embracing my solitude.
I’m very fortunate. But I often feel depressed, stuck in this body that has let me down due to osteoporosis, numerous fractures and surgeries.
Gentle hugs from this 74 year old ‘oldie’ to each of you! ❤
Thanks for the hugs Ann!💜
❤️😘🙏🏻
It’s not your fault, the stress and poor food choices aren’t up to us and we have to live with it.
Gentle hugs back to you!
Until my mother died a month ago, aged 101, we were a four generation family living here. I am 72, take care of my preschool grand kids. I am so lucky to have so many family orientated people and let's around me. My prayers to out for those alone.
You are one of the fortunate ones.
@@ankhpom9296 yep a unicorn now days
that's how Italy does life.
I woke up just now. it's
4am. I am 65. I am in shock to have found this channel of yours. I have Chronic illnesses, and am basically Disabled. I was living in my Motorhome and it was totalled about a month ago.. I moved into an independent living place. I am experiencing abuse by staff. I have COMPLEX PTSD, from my Horrific childhood. I also have
Severe Depression. It's unreal to me to be in an abusive place that lie about things I would NEVER do. It is elder abuse. I have no family,
Nor friends and I am very mentally and physically beyond in a very bad place I cry a lot. ALOT. I live with and for my Service Dog in training. He is the most adorable guy. I cannot tell you how thrilled I am to have found You and your Channel. I was an artist and Dancer my whole life. I went around the USA for years in my Motorhome. All of that is gone. I am actually excited to hear you speak about this reality.
Thank You so much. I will Subscribe right now. Hello to anyone who is barely hanging on. It doesn't mean you or I caused this. ❤❤❤❤❤
Very sad to read your comment - sorry things have been so difficult for you. I appreciate you sharing!
@@eldergal I appreciate your response. I watched a few oldest videos today. Where do you live. And if you feel like sharing, are you mentally or physically in challenging times. Again, so grateful I found you and your channel.
And hello to you too. Seems that she has hit on a Huge topic. A sore one. A sad one.
Take care of You as best you can ♡
@@joysachs9032 hi Joy, thanks for your reply to me. I appreciate it.
Thankyou for sharing your story I pray it gets better for you the fact that you was living in a van traveling and other great things your done in life then to end up in your situation can sounds cruel I pray things get better and God take care of you and send caring warm hearted people sending the love from Australia 🌹🤍🕊️
61 year old here, living on my own for s ven years after 22 year relationship break-up.
Happy as never before, enjoying my non compromise life, working two part time jobs for business owners 10 and 12: years older than I.
Having the best time and hoping it will not change.
I never invade my children lives. I visit when I am invited. As a senior I realized before I became a senior that I needed to maintain interests and friendships in addition to my family. Church, charities, cultivating occasional new friendships. I also make sure I am often of service to others. My children owe me nothing, their involvement with me is their choice. So far I have a very good relationship with both of them and their families.
Excellent comment
I’ve also taken this attitude. 45 this year, not elderly yet, but I will be. My daughter is not obligated to involve me in her life and I owe myself a lot of good years ahead and some preparation for my later years. Good job for staying engaged in life!
you have a good attitude.
This is my view of life too! I’m a club joiner. I’ve picked “my people”. I enjoy being around others taking inspired action on things we’re passionate about.
I also love honoring boundaries, because that is how the Lord treats me, which means if there is no contact for a while, I don’t get resentful, I just rejoice when we have contact. I trust the spirit moves others like He moves me. I am where I’m supposed to be if I’m listening.
Swedenborg (1688-1772) was a scientist and prolific theological writer who never married.
In his later years Swedenborg always traveled alone. He said that he had no need of an attendant as his angel was always with him. Wherever he went he was beloved, and people said that he brought them luck.
Even sea captains swore that they always had prosperous voyages when he was on board.
One of them was reported as saying, “If Mr. Swedenborg chooses he can always have a free passage with me, for during the whole of my experience at sea I have never sailed better.”
Shearsmith, with whom he lodged in London, remarked that “everything went on prosperously with him while Swedenborg lodged at his house”; and Mrs Sheersmith said that “he was a blessing to the house because everything was in harmony while he was with them.”
I know exactly what will happen when I can no longer take care of myself...I will die. Completing the circle of life. It ALWAYS ends the same. Complaining does nothing.
That’s my plan too.
Hear. Hear. For whatever reason, maybe a challenging childhood, I fear not death.
I hope society continues the trend toward allowing people to choose their own end.
Yep....Im one of them. At 62 I have no one to help me. No friends either. No support system. Family wasnt close growing up. Lots of abuse. Estranged from 2 adult daughters for decades.
So sorry to hear that GM! I understand what it is like to be alone! Thanks for sharing this! Take care!!😊💜🌟
Same here
Yes I was the scapegoat of a narcisstist family....a covert narcisstic mother and now realize I suffer from Complex PTSD because of it. Sometimes I think I am alone now because of them. They made my life very hard for me.
Same here
I’m 69 years old I’m never alone Jesus is my life partner
I'm 55 homeless and been on my own living in my tiny trailer going from place to place for the past 5 years. I have no support from anyone. I had made plans for my future and ran my own business but all that changed when divorce, followed by an expensive property dispute with my next partner and losing my house in my 30s, then a serious chronic health issue in my 40s and having to go on disability, and that dream kind of ended then. But I did adjust my mental state, like you say, and now I'm pretty happy on my own in my tiny rolling home and I'm so thankful for my dog. I make a bit of extra income from busking and my UA-cam channel. Yeah, life didn't work out the way I'd hoped, but I decided to make pink lemonade out of life's lemons and try to enjoy whatever this crazy ride we call life brings me! 😍
Thanks for sharing this Lisa! Sounds like you are making the best out of a difficult situation - wishing the best for you!
@@eldergal thanks for replying! 😍
wow! you have a fantastic attitude! I'm sorry life hit you so hard, but admire your spirit so much. I wish you happiness.
@@zoponex3224 thank you 🙏
Well, you're getting the hard crap out of your way... the rest of your days should be easier, now that you have learned to roll with the punches... kind regards.
You are speaking for so many who are quietly slugging it out alone and bringing a bit of hope. That’s pretty cool Elder Gal.
Thanks Kathleen!
I live in a rural community. I’m in my 7th decade. Sometimes I am ignored, but sometimes not. I love it when someone is kind to me! Even when they call me “Sweetheart.” In their thinking, they are being kind, and kindness counts.💜
So, you're in you're in your 60s, correct?
@@dammar117 …70’s
@@marilynpeppers1356 Then you're in your eighth decade. People always get this wrong, even doctors. Your first decade is from 0 to 10; second from 10 to 20. Therefore, your 20s are your third decade, and so forth.
i allways chat with old ladys - when i drive in to town - they love it im 55 but look 30 and am a chad - i like how their eyes light up - i tell them rude jokes an teases them - if i can make three old ladys larf on my shopping trip i feel good all week - my 23 year old cat died last week - my regular granny's were worried why i was not smiling and being funny - one hugged me - that made me realy cry when i got home
@@HNH421 Miss my cat which I had to put down due to kidney failure...no treatment. I don't know if I can have another one as I'm 75..Care for strays when/if I get a place street level.
I was feeling lonely today ... when you have no one to talk with it seems to really make a big difference in how well your day goes ... it was so nice finding your channel ... I will come back again to see you ... Thank you for taking the time to share your kindness . 💖
Thank you Lkj for the kind words! So nice that you found my channel!!😊💜🌟
(HUG) Our Lord left us His word (He Jesus is the Word John 1-1-14) He is still talking to us, but few will listen to Him,. He gave to those who ASK Him a comforter His Holy Spirit to guide us, teach us, love us. we are never alone, we have a best friend who will live inside of us and loves us so much, but most reject Him. We just talk to Him all the time and He will help us to study His Words. HE WILL APPROVE US, and He will be the best friend er could ever have:)
Jesus told us he will never leave us nor forsake us
What used to upset me was believing I should have had children then I wouldn't die alone. You know what? I know people that had kids & are alone anyway. So guess I'm glad I'm not them. For real, that would hurt worse. My mom used to say growing old isn't for the weak or faint hearted. For today I'm good. Glad I found your channel 🙂
It's tough...at some points, some ages, it's easy to imagine no courses or running around will get you a job that will get you to being able to get a pension in old age...
You are correct, I had twins at 15, kept them, took good care of them, now they have little to do with me. I decided who your family is are people who WANT to BE your family. I have friends who would do more for me. God sent me a couple of good gal pals, but they are far better off financially than I am. I can;t AFFORD to pay my own way and don't want them to pay, even though they sometimes offer. But I do go out with them once a month at least. They've saved me. Have dogs lots of cats and chickens.
I was hesitating about having kids or no but understood this too and thought:
if I have to choose between..
1. taking care of someone... trying my best but then wasted my time being betrayed by my kids
2. have life without kids with full of things I wanted
Id rather choose the last option. If I ever feel regret for not having kids rather that way since
I didnt bring others to suffer.
I already had huge betrayal trauma in my life.. I dunno if I can handle another one anymore. Its too painful to think someone love you but.. in the end they never ever cared
I am 78 year old, widow feeling melancholy over the many deaths - loved spouse of 58 years, family, friends, and pets. My thinking perspective is thanking God to have known these many loves. The God who cared for me for 78 years will continue to protect me until I am safely home I would never choose for any of my loves to experience grief.
Yes you're so right. I'm experiencing exactly the same thing. God bless you and keep you
@@antheairenedevilliers1657Yes, the good Lord will finish with us what he has started and then bring us safely home.
I'm 74, and have been an elder orphan for years. I was an Arizona nomad for about 10 yrs but aged out of that life and settled in Texas a few yrs ago. Like you I'm financially solvent, live alone, and have only myself to rely on. Pretty much keeping my fingers crossed that one day I'll just tip over, and at some point, someone will question why my lot rent didn't get paid. I've been alone for enough years that I've mentally adjusted. I've got one friend I can call just to chat, but beyond chatting with the greeter at Walmart I don't talk to many people anymore. I get into a routine and before you know it the week has passed. No worries here. 🤠👍
Thanks for sharing Captain-Max! It sounds as though you are coping in your life - and still have a sense of humor. Appreciate you watching!
I have a mortgage which is paid automatically as are most of my bills now. I read of a man who had been dead for three years and no one knew until his money ran out. I might be gone as many months as it takes until the family holiday gatherings which I still get invited to.
@@Captain-Max after reading your post I think I should take my lot fee off automatic payments.😱 just so they will find my body. Thanks 😊
@LFish637 I don't believe in automatic payments because that gives others access to your money, and if they get hacked, you could wake up broke before your clock runs out.
@@Captain-Max thanks
There isn’t a single person on this planet who is entitled to treat you like shit, not even a cruel only child 😢
Or a parent to a child...
@ohbebe But that cruelty may be a contributing factor to being alone.
I love this !
My situation too. This is an important conversation . I titled grown children are not going to be there when they should riding to the occasion.
I love being alone. The world has gone to seed.
Same here. There is a difference being alone and being lonely. I never feel lonely. Too many activities to do and hobbies to pursue.
Me too. Relationships go as the society breaks down.
I agree
well, it's covered more and more with cement and plastic, but I get your drift.. human seed yes.. too much being spread around and too much hurt growing out of that.
Cats in the cradle and the silver spoon, little boy blue and the man in the moon. When u coming home, child, I don't know when, but we'll get together then. U know we'll have a good time then.
I am 64. I have overcome RA and degenerative disc disease. I got a coach at pacificrim athletics that are teaching me how to stay young. I don't want to be cared for. I'll be dying the same day I mow the yard, fix lunch, sew me something, paint a picture, play a guitar, play with my dogs, read a book, walk in the park, have a beautiful conversation start, sing a tune.
Most beautiful song ever.. They don't create lyrics like that anymore. Part of the problem?
Having kids guarantees nothing. Nowadays, they might even become a long term liability on you if they can't even take care of themselves.
Who ever said it did? Huh? What? You don’t have children as a future babysitter for yourself.
@@Lbhacksaw Look outside of your own culture and you’ll understand.
That’s kinda true ! Mental health issues & this horrible economy doesn’t help anything
@@Lbhacksawlooks,like you made an assumption that tells on yourself! The person said kids could be a long term liability if they couldnt take care of THEMSELVES, meaning they might live in your basement till they're 40 playing video games . How many new parents that you see out there talk about how their kid is going to take care of them when they're old? NOBODY .
When I was young around 18 I became depressed and life lost meaning. This was the start of my spiritual journey. Now in late 70's I realise that life presents heaven and hell.... that's the point. It's not meant to be easy. Every moment has to be navigated with compassion and wisdom to align our time here with the highest. I feel for all the older ones like me. Become aware of what matters and drop the rest...be a worrior...then die, it's ok.
Thank you so much 💓
LOL - I'm chuckling at that last bit of instruction. Indeed.
My late father-in-law once said to me “ If this is all there is to life…. I’d just rather not have done it.”
That was years ago he said that, I’m 71 now, and I get it !
care for the elderly by immediate family is unheard of in North America these days. I recently lost my dad but I was his main caregiver for the last ten years due to his dementia.
I kept him in his home throughout his palliative journey ;when he was diagnosed with cancer I took an unpaid leave of absence from my job. We held out together on his last days in his home, as he would watch me light fires in his wood stove and comment on the snow falling on the roof. Aside from having my own children, this is one of the most intimate experiences I’ve had and I would never trade it for the world. Family do not know what they’re missing out on, the experience in growing through this process. I know my dad felt loved, safe and cared for and I would do it again in a heartbeat.
You are correct, it’s not as if we who sit by the side of our loved ones can ever convince “they” who don’t sit that it’s not as they may imagine it to be.
We who sit know things! We are blessed 😊 we know how deeply loving others is at once deeply loving ourselves too.
@@martinescincotti5385 Trouble is, knowing such love makes the pain of losing them unbearable
I think you fail to mention that there are many people whose parents have abused them, whose parents are narcissistic etc. Imagine your ten years with a parent like this, maybe then you change your mind about how this experience can/ should be for everyone.
Out of 7 children I was the only one there for mother as she aged. But I know more about her life, her upbringing and my ancestors than any of my siblings and I feel so privileged.
@@wjblake66 That's lovely, perhaps you could write about those past times.
Some parents have traumatized their children so badly that they are physically mentally and emotionally unable to care for them. Im not talking about this channel cause i dont know her but some people in the comments need to hear it.
Yes, in the past few decades people have learned about proper boundaries with their parents and just won't abide hurtful behavior.
I was going to comment something similar. I am an only child and growing up my mother was horrible to me. She is very lucky she isn’t in prison for the abuse and torture she put me through. I swore by the time I could leave I would never look back and that’s exactly what I’ve done.
And some children have treated parents so bad with addictions and dumping their children on grandparents to raise that parents cant deal with them anymore.
@@chetyoubetya8565That's true but that's not what we are talking about is it? And who raised those kids? Whenever someone says their kids are narcissistic I think do you realize narcissism is caused by poor parenting!
Sure, if they really abused you, but for example, my son can't get over what ever strife we had for a few years & hasn't matured & grown up & is not able to let things go b/c of those reasons.
I'm not saying go be with parents who still abuse you, but the best gift you can give yourself is to let go of the childhood trauma so you become a stronger person & grow up emotionally.
I have a list of alternative therapy courses (I don't believe in anything conventional) if you want it, just reach out.
I'm there at 68 no living family, no husband, no children 👉live alone (friends all married have spouses, children + grandchildren. Retired RN after a 30-year career, live with MS & limited income due to because of my MS had to give up my nursing career at 51. No big fat retirement financially. Now self-reliant but it's rough. Enjoyed your content & framed it perfectly. Most of my married friends I know could not adapt easily to my day to day. The brutal isolation, having to find ways to fill in time throughout the day. I keep going but it is a challenge.
🌹❤
I am 79 years old and I live on a 30 foot sailboat in a marina. I suppose that I qualify as an elder orphan. On the good side, since I avoid doctors like the plague, I take no medication at all. On the negative side, I am subject to all of the negative things the Elder Girl talked about. My biggest fear is that I will outlive my ability to continue on my own. I often wonder which one would I fear the most? A one way ticket to an old folks home or a one way ticket to sail out into the ocean alone to avoid that old folks home. Any old girls out there that want to take a chance? We might even make it across.
Where are you?
Sounds like an adventure! ☺ I do feel like heading out somedays.
@@noquarter2 Nothing scares me so much as a moonless night at sea. The stars look like they are ten feet above the mast. I would like to wake up on a moonless night far at sea at least one more time before I check out for good.
Thats the life. I miss being aboard so much. Meow
Ok sounds good I am coming where are you?
I am so happy to find this page...thank you. I am 79 and sole caregiver to my 82 yr old husband who has had 2 strokes 4 years ago. i am exhausted and need help but am not eligible for assistance. I have 1 son and 1 grandson. My grandson works at least 50 hours a week and has 2 babies so I get it. My son lives 90 miles away and rarely comes around. I have 1 sister who is fighting cancer and has a lot on her plate but helps with transportation for doctor visits. I feel sick a lot and depressed and to top it all my doctor retired...lol. going to see a new doc next week at 79 is not a comfortable feeling. I have no ambition as I am always tired from caring for my husband so my house is cluttered and a mess. I can not afford a house cleaner as they are so expensive and they don't give senior discounts. I never thought my life would be so messed up. I have very low blood pressure and it takes a toll . I feel like an elder orphan but Jesus has gotten me this far so I am trusting in the Lord. Didn't mean to write a book here . Just knowing I am not alone in this means a lot to me...thank you New subscriber
I'm sure you are beyond exhausted! How Could you not be? I took care of an elderly lady with dementia several years ago. Yes, it can leave you just drained! Loved her to bits though, and am very grateful that I was able to be there for her as she truly had No One else! For some reason all her grown children didn't seem to give a Damn about her! This was my sister in laws mother. It still bothers me deeply how they all just pretty much Abandoned her?? And she was one of the sweetest, kindest person I have ever met. 💔💔💔
I am alone. The only person I see who comes over is my caretaker. I have made friends on the internet. I reached out like you have here. I know friends online, through pictures, texts, phone calls, cards and sometimes gifts. I have a newer friend I have known for several years now. There are other places to go and share company. Sometimes you won't fit but there are other places people are more open and you will. I hope you will reach out until you find a couple of decent people you can share your true self with. It will still be hard but you definitely deserve at least emotional support. Maybe a support group for caregivers... also Zoom or FaceTime if you can use that.
My heart goes out to you and I'm sure many others. 🤗🌺🌿🌺🌿🌺
I completely relate to this. This is a perfect description of my life. Most of the elders I know are homeowners with families and some financial security. They don’t understand this.
I’m glad to have found your videos. Your delivery is classy and calming. I really like it. Liked and subscribed.
Thanks so much Anne! Glad you found my channel!
First time watching "elder gal", elder orphan guy here 80 VN vet, life-time self-employed two narcissistic daughters, good riddance to them. Last ten years a celibate loner refusing most socialization and doing fine, finding solace in staying healthy nature and avoiding doctors/meds like the plague except my dermatologist who manages to find things needing removal from my aging over exposed skin. Looking back eight decades remembering tragic suicides accidental/early deaths so many regrets but hey, what luck to have survived intact to witness what is probably our current near extinction of mankind/collapse of civilized society, is this our destiny? I fear so, but me fear not! ~
Jesus is coming back, the signs are there. Many won’t accept that but it makes sense if we read and believe what scripture says. I’m a 68 yo widow, estranged kids…I garden a small amount and take care of my dog. After my husband died came lockdowns and deteriorating social environment. Thankfully I do enjoy my time alone and the Lord gives me hope. Bless you 😊🙏🏼
@@born4this783 ffs
Cool!!
Did you ever read Pere
Goriot? It's about him and his 2 narcissistic daughers. One of my favorite books by Balzac.
My mom told me they lived near the railroad tracks in Los Angeles and her Grandmother would always invite the hobos in to feed them and help them out. People barely care for their own family now.
Thanks for sharing this mamawren! How much things have changed!😊💜🌟
My grandpa used to feed gypsies that camped in the farmyard. Grandma kept my Dad and 3 aunts inside, would give the gypsies bread, food, apples from the orchard, but she was afraid of them. Grandpa carried the food to them, gave them firewood, and their was never a problem. This was in the 1920s. Dad would run into the front room, put his chin on the windowsill and watch them
Yup. Grandpa carried a rifle. Generous, but not stupid.
My great Granny, mother of 13 kept a box of things under her bed and gave it to things to anyone in need. She migrated from Italy and Pop was a show cobbler so they weren't rich but she never forgot that the struggle was real. This was in the early 1900s.
Times weren't as dangerous as they are today.
@@LorenasChesed1beads I disagree
I felt like an orphan when my last parent died in 2013. I'm 68 and alone. The kids are all moved away. I live in Idaho in a small town. My problem is I don't want to go out and visit. I could go to the Senior citizens for lunch or go to a church. I can call people and chat but I dont. I feel socially burnt out. Maybe in time I'll get my old groove back, but at the moment I'm enjoying my little dog. I'm careful, but busy. I gutted out my bathroom and redid it. I'm still trying to pay that off but it was necessary. I went through all my kitchen cabinets and cleaned, rearranged and threw stuff away yesterday. I'm content for now. I really should just go get a job but I can't make myself do it. Oh well. I appreciated your thoughts and subscribed. Love the afghan on the chair and the signs on the wall, for reminding. Great idea. 💜💛💙
I, too, am an elder orphan. I will be 69 in 3 days and live alone with my lovable constant companion, my German Shepherd. I've had a couple of minor strokes and lumber spinal stenosis, which can be painful, but everything works. As far as getting lonely, it never happens for me. I enjoy my time alone. My approach to living alone until death, hopefully, is to keep as physically and mentally fit as possible. To that end, I walk for at least 30 minutes 5 days a week and do lots of reading and sudoku puzzles. I also live in a home I own debt-free and drive a 2022 car which I own outright, so no debt. I keep busy with yard work, doing about 3 hours mowing my lawn and gardening both of the past couple days, home maintenance and household chores. There's always something to do when you own your own home. Then there are my hobbies, including woodworking, sewing, knitting, crocheting, and artistic painting. Hobbies and lots of exercise are two of the best things for elder orphans to remain alert and able, along with a healthy diet.
Thanks for sharing this blatevola! It sounds like you have made a full life for yourself. Appreciate you watching!
I love your whole attitude which is that you are taking responsibility and control of your own life, I’m late 60’s and that’s what I’m aiming for too
You are very fortunate.
Having chronic crippling disease and little help is what led me to being an alone shut in. I'm amazed at how well I have survived so far.
Me too.❤
This woman is funny, frank, empathetic, educated & knowledgeable about what’s really going on. She gives clarity to this topic of aging and loss.
Well, You are the BEST Lor!! Thanks so much for the kind words!!😊💜💜🌟
@@eldergal Thank you for sharing things so many ppl do not share--believe it is something many silently struggle with. What about having this community brainstorming some ideas to help each other---maybe something like old school telephone tree (or digital) to check in on each other--what about people who on verge of not being able to afford homes any more/fearing homelessness--partner w/ others to be roommates, etc.
Just a thought.
I have no one too. I had 4 children none want anything to do with me. And I don’t even know why. It hurts sometimes on holidays and birthdays. Right now I live in the same state as my daughter. Before I moved to this state we had what I thought was a good relationship. I moved here all of a sudden she wants nothing to do with me. Don’t know what I really did. I’m not happy living where I’m living now. I’m hoping someday I can move back to the state I left and loved God willing. This past Christmas was the worst for me I slipped way down into depression. I didn’t know if I would get out of it. I’m slowly coming out. I went back to the gym which helps. I’m 66 years. Thank you for talking about this. It is need to be put into the light. God bless you!
Thanks for sharing this Jill! Sorry you experience the same as a lot of us. Glad you're getting some exercise. Take care!
As a strict rule I do not do Christmas and I do not do birthdays, problem solved. People will always disappoint you, so when they do you are happy because you predicted they would!😄
I'm alone,have been for years. It used to bother me, now I embrace being alone.
Im alone also. Helps to have a personal relationship with Jesus
Thanks Sharon! Glad you have your faith!😊💜🌟
He'll never abandon nor forsake us. Hebrews 13:5
@@eldergal
Knowing the love of God in Christ is everything ❤️
Not everyone believes in fairytales.
@@blase7733. An interesting study was done that showed those who don’t believe were lying.
I'm 66 and right there with you. I have retirement funds but nobody for support and It's an epidemic for us. Many of us will just die at home and be discovered weeks later eaten by the dog or cat.
I have that fear too at 61, although in my case I don't, or barely have, the retirement funds. Makes it even more scary.
Yep my cats will eat me if i dont have to eat them first meow
My father told stories of old people feeling hopeless during the depression, of old men shooting their wives and themselves rather than facing the humiliation of having no food. There was no social security, so as rough as it is on that now, it was worse.
Exactly why church families and values are so important.
@@CarolReidCA Church today is just a cult that sucks money out of everyone and judges anyone who is even slightly different/out of the norm. It was never about churches and it was more about the tribe. Don't forget it was Christians that decimated the natives who actually had family values and respected/cared for their elders and the land/animals.
@@CarolReidCA aren’t church values supposed to be, “Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself: sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.” matthew 6:25.
God is a God of common sense..we are to prepare for days but not live in fear ...if we have Jesus as our savior..
.we are never alone and we need not fear...
@@CarolReidCAI will bet that the vast majority of elder orphans are from Christian homes/families. No doubt in my mind. There is nothing special about Christians. They are just as good and awful as everyone else in the world. Church communities, like any group, can be very gossipy and hurtful. Yet they are kind of unique in that they often do good work purely out of self interest (to get through those pearly gates.)
This is the day the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it. You don’t know when the Lord will take you.
Huh? Which lord? Please tell me. Is this the same lord that tortures people or s different one? Please let me know👍
@@Lbhacksaw Fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. God is not all puppy dogs and rainbows. God punishesthe wicked
@@Lbhacksaw “Fools despise wisdom and instruction.”
Your video hit me like a ton of bricks. Only child here, deceased parents, 57, never married, no kids. I have 5 friends, 2 of whom are on the verge of homelessness within the next month or 2. Life is tough alone.
Maybe you and your friends could help each other and not tough it out alone?
At least you have friends. Maybe you guys could live together?
two years older than me and still have 5 friends - way to rub my face in it my guy L0Lz
I'm 60 , live alone. I do have adult children they don't even call. I have no support system. I'm alone most of the time. I get very depressed.
So sorry for your circumstance Gina! I hope things will go better for you. Take care!💜💜
A new hobby perhaps?
Gina, I'm a 53 yr old guy in NC. I'm not alone, but we can talk sometimes.
If you can join a gym, senior center. Go for walks in the morning and evening and your depression will go away, that’s what I did after Trump’s Lockdown. Exercise really help me get out of my funk.
USA is the worst place imaginable for elder orphans.
I saw a movie about an elder lady who was living the elderly person's life but then she moved to Greece and her life changed. She became young again....hung out with the workers and smoked cigarettes with them and was incredibly happy. If it wasn't for all my animals I would move out of this country.
Yes, it is!! Thanks Parisian!!😊💜🌟
Really? USA is the worst place??? Try North Korea, Russia, China, then come back here and tell us what you discovered.
Agreeed!!!!
Naaah....try Russia freezing collecting wood wearing rags....at least here we can go to food closets
This video just popped up on my UA-cam feed. I'm not sure why. There's nothing in my recent watched history like this.
But man, did this ever hit home... Hard. This is EXACTLY what I'm going through; what I've been thinking about & feeling. It brought me to tears.
I'm 65 and your story is very close to mine. I have a daughter, 44, and granddaughter, 21. I believe they care about me. To a degree. They live 900 miles away, so I rarely see them (last time was 2020).
What is extremely hard to deal with is I rarely get to talk to either of them. They don't hesitate to call when something is wrong in their lives, but to call for a friendly chat is extremely rare.
I will NOT go to a nursing home, unless my cognitive decline comes to the point I'm unaware of anything going on in my life.
Thank you for sharing your story. I'm following your channel now.
Thanks for sharing this Lorelei! I know how hard it can be to not have the connection you want with family. So glad you did find my channel. Wishing you well!
I'm going on 75 and I still feel young. I have my fears and that is I might outlive my children. Two of my eldest children are deceased now and I have one left. Every day I fear she'll die before me. Yes, I have grandchildren, but they just don't care about me. All they want is their own good times. And yes, I've been a loving, warm-hearted grandma, but they just don't seem to give a damn about me. I don't mind being alone; I just need to make sure someone is around to grocery shop for me and bury me when I die.
I'm 63, divorced, no kids and don't live near family. This issue has been on my mind for a while and it's comforting to know there are others like me. Thank you for sharing your insights! ❤
Thanks for watching lenap!
I am in the same life situation. Had long term partners (2) and being chucked when they are no longer enamored with me, make me wonder what my advancing and ailing years are going to be.
I’d give anything to have my Mother here to take care of still. Being her caregiver was the hardest time of my life but at the same time, it was the best.
What a gift you were able to give her bucksuey! Thanks for sharing!
Same I so miss my mother and my dad
Agree, it's hard but it's a treasure, exhaustion but priceless. We just buried her with Pops about a month ago and my mom 6 years ago.
I told my older cousin, before her mum passed away too, that although my mum is a total pain is the ass, I know that this is better than having the pain in my heart when she passes. My twin brother and me already had a dress rehearsal with his aneurysm bleed-out 16-years ago.
I miss my father every day. His wisdom was a comfort. He’s been gone 12 years. There’s no one like my dad.
UA-cam is great for connecting socially. Thanks for making this video: you’re so articulate[
Thanks so much for the kind words Kathleen! Glad you found me!
I am at Rosarito Baja..my house is open for you.
I am loving being an "elder" orphan, and I don't want a partner or a committed relationship. I am fine living very simply and frugally, I augment my pension by about $10,000 a year by taking on freelance work. I will choose assisted death when I'm ready to go. I'm 67, healthier than I've ever been. I do yoga and meditation daily, have wonderful friends and a dog companion. I am child-free and not interested in men at ALL. I do not need a support system; I think that's a story that we were all sold, and we don't need to buy into it. I feel your pain, and I'm sorry you're going through this. We are all here to walk each other home. (PS: If the government would stop blocking access to building tiny home communities, this would be an amazing solution for all us elder orphans).
Thanks Lorrie! Yes, tiny home communities would be great for seniors; maybe those will be more plentiful. 😊
I am going to be 60 this year. I never would have thought that it would be like this. It never crossed my mind..as life was full and busy when i was younger. Now its just me and my cat. It's a very lonely existence...
Its crazy huh? I never thought id be here, 60 with no kids two cats no socialising and surrounded by bricks sigh
praying for you.
It's amazing but scary how UA-cam brings us what we need to hear.
Thank you for this. I'm a mess.
I'm 79 and have 4 children and 7 grandchildren, and consider myself very lucky. Yet I find myself becoming more and more invisible. Life is becoming harder and much busier for our chidren and and today's economy becomes a struggle for young familys. We become an afterthought, and we wait for that phone call or letter, so at the end of the day we still feel part of "something". There are a lot of lonely people in my low income senior complex and the scary truth is that suicide is becoming a sad reallity. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this ever growing problem
Thanks for sharing this and for watching bbaranski!
I'd rather be unalive than spend one minute helpless in a nursing home.
Same here. I will never go to a nursing home. I will die first.
I agree.
Just out of curiosity, why do you use the term "unalive" rather than dead? I see this often and am wondering where it came from.
@@BSOG3 It's just more pleasant sounding, and it's a new term and people always like 'new'. It also sounds less 'dead' than saying dead.
@@BSOG3 it is because sometimes the word "dead" will flag a post as being violent, as will kill, so sometimes it is posted as "he unalived his enemy." I thought it was weird, too, until a Gen Z explained.
I'm 52, single, never married, no kids, mom died, dad is being taken care of by my one sibling. I have MS living on disability. In my 20s i moved 4 states away from my immediate family seeking a better life/career. My relatives don't speak to me or my sister. I don't have a living will, etc. I'm scared to death. I know I'll end up in a home of some kind. I'm just glad I have my dogs and my pool. No friends. Just a loner now with agoraphobia with bad anxiety, not to mention ADHD! I'm not lonely. I do FaceTime with my sister about 5 times a week. I'm just scared of what's going to happen in the future or how to go about making a will, etc. thanks to the MS and ADHD, my brain gets overwhelmed easily. Anyway, I'm so glad I just discovered your channel 😊 Thank you!
🩵💜💚💙
Be at peace, and know that the One who knitted you together in your mother's womb knows, loves, and delights in you. Why, you may ask, did such a loving Father "afflict" you with MS? Look at the birds: are they not lovely and perfect, yet every single one varied and unique? Who said that the blue wing was better than the brown, and who said the trembling hand better than the steady? God is PERFECT, and what He creates is Perfect as well.Beautiful, heavy, blessing and burdensome.
Thank you for sharing your story Amy! So glad you have your sister for support. I know it must be a struggle at times with your MS. I hope you stay as well as possible. So glad you found my channel! Take care!😊💜🌟
The best way to begin is to get your paperwork in order. Find an elder care attorney and they can assist you in setting up a will, power of attorney, final medical directive, and medical power of attorney. While, unfortunately, this costs money, the price for peace of mind is worth it. And you can check with your aging and disability center in your town if you are low income to help you retain an attorney via legal aid. While these papers do not address where we will live or who will take care of us, I too am an elder orphan, at least my medical desires are in legal format and will be followed, such as a DNR. I am 74, have had a heart attack, colon cancer, a year of chemo, breast cancer twice, more chemo and masectomy of left breast. Surprise! I am still here and still able to care for myself, thank God. But time may come when it is not possible. One day at a time.
@@qso3566 my sister only talks to me. She lives 4 states away. I've not seen her in 21 years.
I never said I was an elder orphan. I only have me to take care of me.