Losing our family and friends is part of growing old. I could never have those close friendships like before because I don't trust people anymore. I haven't dated in 15 years because I finally realized lovers aren't worth all the BS. I fill in the love gaps with lots of dogs and cats. UA-cam is incredible for interacting with other people. My thoughts in the form of a comment have been read by thousands of people worldwide, yet I sit alone in the middle of the desert. I just turned 65.
I'm 65 too. Alone with one 9 year old dog who I adore. I have considered getting another dog but then I worry what if something happens to me, like if I fall and break my hip etc, then what happens to my dogs if I have to go to hospital and rehab center for say 3 weeks ? Dogs would have to go to boarding all that time ? Bad for them and costly. I would have no one to care for them. So I am being hesitant on getting another as I grow older. Hate to live in a " what if" world but it's something that has to be considered
@@sunshineinarizona1726 it’s hard to have our history through our close family and friends die as we get older. I have trouble trusting people as I get older in my 40’s. Haven’t dated for a while and don’t plan to either. I find also if you have a place to live people are looking for somewhere to lay there head on the form of real estate
I moved to a different town , retired in 2020. I live in the mountains , homestead and I hardly ever leave the house. I closed my fb in 2020 because of stupid drama. I no longer wanted in my life. I m not lonely at all because I have lots of animals. I have accepted that my friendship days are over with. I absolutely can not figure out how to meet new people. I’ve just accepted it. It just sucks when you can’t go for a doctors procedure because you have no one to drive you home. That’s when it hits me …. It is a weird feeling thinking you could pass away and no one would really notice. Just a few people. I have ended up drawing close to God. He’s always with me and I’m truly never really alone.
At age 79 I find that often older people need to learn how to be a friend. I have a handful of slightly older friends with health problems. I try to follow developments in their lives, but I find that I am always the initiator of communication. Then six months can pass unless I make the effort to communicate. Frankly I am tired of scurrying around like a schoolgirl trying to keep an unresponsive boy's interest. The fact is, I perhaps unwisely moved to a remote rural location 10 years ago and have no one to see daily . . . I am isolated. Do my old friends not think about my situation? Apparently not. I am game to meet people halfway, but not enthusiastic about carrying the whole load.
I hear you on this laddie! This speaks to how many people don't know how to have balanced friendships. I can understand your frustration about carrying the whole load here. I know there are people that are more giving out there.
I always sent Christmas cards and remember birthdays and all but 2 people in my entire life would barely acknowledge they got the cards and/or even presents I sent them. I couldn't believe it! I thought it was just plain wrong. I've only had a couple people in my life that felt great about sending me cards or whatever on special days. I never expected it from them but they wanted to do this. When I have observed what seems to be reality it seems that is what people do. I always wondered why don't people remember me on special days. These are not just people I've just met either. I got tired of it. I was trying to cultivate in myself unconditional caring about people...not expecting anything back....and that is just what happened...I got nothing alright. Not to sound bitter...ha ha....but in the end it doesn't pay to just be the only one who cares about this kind of thing in a friendship. it's just best to let it all go. The heck with it. I hope everyone finds contentment in whatever life situation they find themselves. I personally love to give of my time and trying to be a better friend to someone. I know I've been an thoughtless person at times myself. But why burn yourself out on this stuff. I don't like being resentful is all. I don't like that feeling inside me.
@@heaven7360I live in a 55 and older community with a clubhouse and plenty of activities if that’s your thing. Not my thing at this point. Many people walk in the morning and at dusk. If I’m lonely I just go out the front door and there is usually a group walking I can join. I really prefer rural but at 68 I have to consider that I am a loner and that might not be the best thing for me.
@@heaven7360 Same here. I found that many elder people don’t want to have friends! They are satisfied just saying hello to the cashier in super markets & called that SOCIAL! If they do called you but only to talk about their ailments and their life, their rants & not at all interested in you genuinely! Or they don’t respond to your ‘reaching out to make real friendships.’ They seem to be contented with their aloneness! I find that a bit strange! So I gave up!
I am not religious, but my spiritual practise keeps loneliness at bay. Even though there aren't many in my life, I feel connected to something greater. This nourishes me.
You are honest, genuine, and you posses about a hundred other incredible qualities. If more people were like you this world wouldn’t be what it’s become. If your son only knew what an incredible person his mother is. Not taking about mistakes here, It’s all about intentions and you have the purest intentions. Because of you, tons of lonely people have someone to listen to and connect with emotionally because you don’t LIE. You are more interested in helping people than making yourself look like a vision of perfection. We owe you.
I am 76. I believe the best way to stay social and relevant is to volunteer! If you are ambulatory, there are always volunteer possibilities. It is the answer.
HA ! Yes I used to love Unity Church & even played / sang at the services. Great group of people. But also , I don’t drive ( life-long visual impairment) & getting around for life’s logistical necessities is challenge enough as I get older. Plus I did weather a very serious illness ( stage 3 breast cancer) & still live with a myriad of consequences from the severe “treatment”. Sooo … pretty isolated. When able, I hope to relocate / reset & start over. It’s tricky tho … finding an affordable place that’s also pedestrian friendly. Meanwhile, you & other youtubers are a huge help to me. Thank you. Fantastic insights & tips here.
I’m depressed. I can only handle people in small time frames. It’s getting worse and worse. The women in my neighborhood, are a bunch of gossip queens. So I completely shut down. They made up a story about me that this guy was coming in and out of my house. And I can’t even stand the guy. I’m 63.
A lady I know down the street just lost her husband after 60 years together and another neighbor texted back a laugh emoji, What the? just a nasty gossip. Why do people do this?
I do much better with acquaintances. Ive never had close friends. Im not the daily phonecall person nor do i like that. I am not the person that meets for morning coffee. And you just said what i run into with every friend encounter...im always willing to help but i cant name one person that has ever been the reciprocating person when i needed help...unless i was paying lol
I'm in my forties and already in this situation. Most friends married and cut regular contact, others moved to a different state/country or we have grown apart. I have no problems with it now, but fear for the future, as I don't intend to have children and can't see marriage in the near or even distant future.
I'm 49 and i'm feeling the same way as you are. I do have that fear of being alone with no one. No kids, nor marriage. My nephews never come around or ask how i'm doing. They only come around asking for expensive gifts around birthdays and holidays.
Hi Allison from Australia. When I was younger, I seemed to need friends and was very sociable. Now I am 69 and feel that my need for friends is not as strong. I am a loner and have to make a real effort to keep in touch with people.
I find and witness most people are pretty ruthless and out for themselves, even my siblings, it’s a shame to say being around them makes me so content to be alone, phone conversations and shorts visits with people are enough for me😊
Get involved with groups you are interested in and go regularly. Become a familiar face. It takes time, but eventually people will know you and vice versa. And say “yes” to new invitations. They can lead to new connections. Making real connections as we age takes longer.
It depends where you live some places do not have much if anything tto offer in the way of social groups. Plus with the cost of living many places are not starting up new activities.
I always find these discussions about friendships/ making friends in our older years fascinating. Every time I read "if you don't have friends, you're going to drop dead prematurely..." Of course, I'm exaggerating but that is how I read it at times. I'm a loner and will welcome any friends God and the Universe send my way. I don't go out of my way to MAKE friends, however. I've learned some hard lessons when it comes to friendship. I was a very good friend to several women that stabbed me in the back and stabbed me hard. It was heart breaking at the time because I loved those two people. Those experiences have jaded me, for sure. I've been a lousy friend to several people over the years and I regret that. I could have done better. I can't do anything about that now but I can learn from the good and the bad of all my experiences. As an introvert, I'm okay being with/ by myself but I do need to connect with others for short periods of time.
yeah being betrayed can really do damage. I'm trying to let go of bad memories and resentments. I know I've been a jerk sometimes, but I don't remember though ever really screwing up someone's head as bad as I've experienced. Well, it's over and I guess I'm not the only person to experience blows to emotional health. I just wish it was easier to move on in my head at times. That's the only thing I don't like about being alone constantly. If I was in a better head space I wouldn't be up in my head thinking about sad or fearful stuff. So that's why, like you, I do like to chat with people and feel a safe space with them for a bit.
I don’t have friends because I’ve always been socially awkward and I’ve always found making friends very difficult, even when I was younger. Then, when I made friends, I’ve had a hard time keeping them. No idea why. Oddly, it seems that a lot of my “friends” over the years have turned on me suddenly or just ghosted me. Of course, I’ve turned that inward. So now, at 60, I sadly, just don’t really bother trying. All that negative stuff being said, I don’t dwell on it. I just go about my business and keep being kind and caring. If I happen to find a friendly acquaintance, I’ll welcome it at face value.
Thanks for sharing this, Rose! Many people have similar experiences. I understand how frustrating it can be, but also glad you've chosen not to dwell on it! Take care!
I know you posted this a month ago, but I wanted to say, this is exactly how I have experienced life. Friends, turning on me, or ghosting me for what I have no clue. Wanted to say you are not alone in experiencing this.
@@hushingsilence Thank you for taking the time to write this. I appreciate it. I know there must be more like us out there. People don’t like to talk about such things, though we probably really should.
TV, social media, and the internet in general have turned a lot of people into self-centered, narcissistic zombies. Forming strong friendships is hard at any age, especially these days. Most people are not emotionally available enough to cultivate solid, lasting friendships. The world has become much too fast and superficial for that.
I've come to realize in the past year that I'm a narcissist magnet. Born into a family of them so it felt normal to allow narc friends and boyfriends into my life. Waking up to that was quite a revelation and now I'm wary of everyone. Not interested in romance anymore , would just like a few friends but when you've been betrayed it's almost impossible to trust anyone again. I'm a pretty good listener so I also attract compulsive talkers. They wear me out. Right now my bestie is the one I've had since early childhood -- reading. It's never failed me.
Maybe. I've tried several things and all of them involved very little interaction with others (e.g. working at the dog pound). Or your interactions will be very limited (e.g. helping people with their taxes; driving people to appointments).
I come here. I find it very hard at 56 to make friends. I'm raising my grandkids and it's so hard. I desire close meaningful connections but it's very hard. Spaces like your Chanel help. ❤
This is SO helpful, Allison. I had to do a pretty drastic walk-away from my friendships about ten years ago, because I didn't understand that boundaries applied to friendships, as well as other relationships. I was the kind of friend that would attract (and allow) the type of people who call at all hours with all the drama and the same problems over and over. Or people who thought they could just 'pop in' whenever the mood struck. I thought this was what being 'a true friend' was, but I had to isolate once I realized that none of them were people who I could call if the shoe was on the other foot. I feel terrible that I 'ghosted' so many people, but I just couldn't do the emotional support on demand anymore...and I'm sure that I'm long forgotten about anyway. Now the challenge...to venture back in without my hang-ups of thinking I'm supposed to be therapist to the world..lol.
Thanks for sharing this paintergrl! It's good that you now know to set boundaries with people; so it shouldn't be as draining to deal with friends again. Take care!
Yes, chronic health issues. I had sepsis from a kidney infection I didn't know I had in February of 2023. I came home from the hospital and had a HARD fall, hitting my head one week later. My health has never been the same. I don't feel like going out in public. I don't feel like being around people. I hope I heal to the point I was before all of this...but my Dr is telling me, "It's about not letting it get worse." So, there is not much hope there for healing. ...and I do seem to be getting less and less healthy. - But I have my service dog and was raised alone, so I know how to keep myself occupied.
I’m sorry you have been going through all of that. Chronic health conditions make it near impossible to meet people, or even have the desire too. My Drs and nurses are my social interactions
Thanks for sharing this Selah! So sorry you have had such serious health issues. Do what you can - I know it is important to keep moving and get fresh air as much as possible. Don't know if you walk or not, but regular walking would be good for you. Take care!
My kids and I are estranged, their choice, not mine. I have decided to realize that now I have no money, no assets, they've written me off, I can make no effort to keep in touch, and they will not because any money I had was used to help them and is now gone. I will never be repaid, and now I will never see them. It's a hard lesson to learn, but I finally learned it.
I would like a close friend to talk to. My best friend from childhood passed away a couple of years ago. My other close friend had a couple of strokes and she changed. Got nasty and cruel. I am going to classes, attending events and getting involved in other things to make connections.
Hi Allison, I tend to be an empath, and now I find I’ve been disappointed in people and I’m very careful about letting people in my inner circle. Maybe I’m sensitive or the way I approach friendships. Plus my best friend passed a few years ago.
Also I tend to be a loner. I became a serious classical pianist and singer because all I had to do when I was a kid was practice. I guess I’ve been able to entertain myself a lot.
Thanks for sharing this Anna - and sorry about the loss of your friend. I can understand your issues with being an empath - it makes it more difficult in friendships sometimes.
I just moved to a 55+ community. I used my interests to join a couple of groups to meet people. I have found some very warm and welcoming people. Yes you will still find cliques just like high school but don’t limit your interactions with others because of them. Keep putting yourself out there, you won’t get a best buddy every time you say hi; but you just might find a person who is interesting to chat with and that can lead to a good friend.
Your video about being estranged from your son really touched me. I hope you continue to reach out to him. I've been estranged from my dad for 22 years and I pray everyday that I'll get to see him again
@@kurt6410 hi there Kurt, your post & Elder Gals estranged from family really got to me too! With so much loneliness going on what could be so bad that a simple apology can’t fix for all of U, wish U guy’s could try to patch up🙏💕for me it’s too late& believe me it’s a daily heartbreak, full of sadness &sorrow my dad dyed😢Best of Hope to patch up👍🦋✌️
@qso3566 I understand psychology and attachment very well. Children come into this world biologically hard wired to want to attach and have a strong emotional bond with their parents. Parents have to give their children a reason not to love them. And if the emotional connection and attachment doesn't happen it is something the parent has done. Now I'm not saying that makes them bad parents. I think all parents would love to have a strong attachment with their kids, but life is tough and things happen. Raising kids is like a building a home. Even with the best skills and tools you'll have troubles
As we get older, our relationships deepen, expectations increase, and so things become more complicated. It's very easy to meet up with kids our own age when we're school age. We can pretty easily find some sorts of light, fun experiences to share and be carefree, especially because those associations are so low risk.
Wise words. When you get older it´s hard to get close friends, people are so busy with their families. So if you don´t have a family you can easy get lonely.
I know what you mean. I'd like to get a card on my birthday or on Christmas or whatever...but people just don't know what's going on sometimes in a person's head. Maybe they should, but it just happens.
@@chizkiyahukabas7078 hi there just read your post. U should try to reach out to mentally ill( iam sure they can also need a friend! Stay + If u need a friend to talk to I’m here for U 👋🏻🤗
I am 65, I am going to go back to rock and roll nights at the club, they have lessons then social dancing with a dj. i love Elvis and sometimes the dj plays Elvis songs. They also have open mic night once a month.
I can completely relate to this. I've always been pretty much a loner with just a small group of friends. In the last five years I've lost both parents and every friend, one after another. So yes, I am socially isolated and at almost 70 and partially sighted, it's hard to meet new people. I make sure I get out, meet different people and have a chat, but that's more acquaintances than friends. I think the reason making new friends is so difficult is because it takes years to create and build a real friendship, it doesn't happen just like that. I've always enjoyed my solitary time, still do now, and most of the time I'm very contented, not lonely at all. But as you said in another video, there are times when we need someone to help and that is on my mind more now that I'm getting older. Love your videos, you're doing a great job.
Its so hard to find friends. How do you find friends who are single and share your interests! Most everyone my age is in a long term marriage with kids and grand kids. I don't mind being alone, but I do know I'd be healtier with a social circle.
I know it's not easy, particularly depending on where you live, to find friends. And it's definitely not easy as we get older. Just do what you can to expand your social interactions. Appreciate you watching!
@@eldergal that’s good advice. One thing I also have counting against me that you might relate to is I live in a place where everybody goes to church and if you don’t you are just plain weird or even worse in their eyes. I have a neighbor that sneaks into my yard at night and hides one of my outdoor decorations because it is halloweenish! I thought about joining a choir because I love to sing and back in my church days I used to be in the choir, but I know the moment people find out that my spirituality is not based around the Judeo Christian faith. It won’t go well. I’m thinking about moving out of the country together in a few years to be honest. Better healthcare, lower cost-of-living, especially food and many countries have pension visas.
Interesting as you say, "follow your own interests". I have made friends at the dog park which I take my dog to every day. I have made a TON of friends geocaching. I made a few friends beekeeping and signing up for Master Gardening for 10 years. Like interests definitely attract friends!!!! Good, good advice.
I thought I was alone in this situation of being alone. I am not sad at being alone, but vulnerable not having anyone in my life to care about me. This leads me to thinking catastrophe a lot. So it's all up to me. I'm a heavy load. The pain in my legs makes me tired and works against me but I think it's even more than that that I don't have the energy to find new experiences. I think there are many reasons why I'm resisting being more zippy when it comes to life in general. Maybe my baggage is too much for me right now. I'll just say it's temporary to make myself feel better. Thanks for working through some of the ideas of what things affect older people. On youtube I have not come across this in general anxiety or depression videos.
I've joined so many social groups trying to cultivate meaningful friendships, I'm a 65 year old widow with no family and ONE real friend. I've had no luck making new friends and am at the point of just giving up on the effort.
@@wbl5649 hi there, I just came across your post, I m sorry for your loss, I know how hard this is I’m sure you’re partner must have been a wonderful person. Know that all good people are usually called to Gods kingdom for a reason & we R left here for 1 as well! I’m also sure you’re spouse would have’d wanted for U to continue living with a giving heart; even date still cites R out there, church gatherings services, Your only 65 yrs old life has expanded in the world today, u have so much life to offer especially with your life knowledge love & wisdom. You might be able to donate some of your time, with pets, kids(orphanages) in other countries, or even @ childrens Hospitals (reading to them, playing board games with them,your friendship will grow & help these kids tremendously. Friendship woes have nothing to do with luck, friends R made with time,patience & dedication if u like u can start with a 2 friend with me but more than 2 is a headache( too much gossip)🤭🤣some of the most important people in the world today only have 1 true good friend, your lucky, I only have acquaintances! 🫨🤭stay in touch, if u’d like 🦋💕✌️let me know if I have helped in any way, there R still a lot of good people out here 👍Happy 🇺🇸🎆& happy life🦋✌️🦋
I have lived in a nice 55+ community for about 2 years now. I thought I would have a bunch of new friends here but I don't. I've had tons of friends over the years and most kind of faded over time for one reason or another. When I meet other women at pickleball, neighborhood get togethers etc. I am not the kind of person who talks 'at' people or talks incessantly about myself but I find that many of the women here are like that. I just don't get it and I can't connect with people like that. They just don't seem self-aware at all. Still I see women together all over the place. I just haven't connected with anyone in a deeper way. Every week I leave the 55+ bubble and go to a big gym in the city and have met some other women there, they don't talk like the women in my development do. They seem more normal. I am ambivalent at this point. Trying not to blame myself or give up though. I'm an extroverted introvert I think. Thanks Elder Gal, you are so wise!
Thanks for sharing this dizzylizzie! I have found similar dynamics among people in senior communities. That's why I enjoy meeting others through outside activities, such as music. Appreciate you watching!
Wow. This was an answer to a prayer. I have been so confused about older friendship dynamics. You really helped me understand what I have been experiencing - I have been SO confused!! And, as a 70-year old Air Force brat, it is still veeeery easy to go into distancing tactics when meeting new people. I was not like that till the mean girls started in on me in 7th grade. Love your Mean Old Girk video, too. Great content. I appreciate your giving voice to my aging confusion. You are a gift 💜
Thanks for sharing this, Lisa! Staying away from the mean people is essential to mental well-being. Glad this might have helped. So appreciate you watching!
Great topic Allison! You are so right about health issues making it more difficult to get and keep friends and I have been on both sides of that issue. I have friends with major health concerns that affect how and when we can interact but also found out when I got cancer, that they distanced themselves or just dropped out of my life because it was too much. Fortunately, I am still here 8 years later but much wiser for who is in my closest circle. Have a blessed week..
We don't all NEED friends or family. I find they are/have been the source of my poor mental health. Letting people 'in' is not healthy for me. I am fed-up with people telling you that everyone needs friends/human connection. I am 77, no pain,no meds, often climb the 8 flights to my apartment. Enjoying my best life.3:01
Hi Alison, So true. One of my best friends has 5 kids so we don't meet up for maybe 4 months but it's ok for me because when I need her she always answers the phone. Plus her kids are my friends too. That's another thing if you accept friend's kids you will hang up with them and see your friend as a reward. See you in the next one. LOVE 😘😘
I was putting in a lot of effort in trying to meet other women in my area, but I wasn’t successful. Then I became seriously ill 3 months ago. It was so unexpected! Dealing with failing health alone is terrifying. I started looking at Independent (retirement) living last week. I think I would be able to make friends in a retirement community. It’s hard to think about selling all my stuff and my home. Unfortunately, I continue to deteriorate and I may be forced to do this in a few months. Can you believe I’m still in my 50’s. I hope others watching your videos take your advice to heart while they are still healthy and able to contribute to a friendship.
It's impossible. I find older people are great to gossip and not nice. I lived in a 55 plus, and these people bring me back to high school. I rather be alone. I'm going to be 70 and look very young and find women are so jealous. My friends live in a different state, and even after 60 years, we're still great friends. Socializing yes is important, but I do small talk. I'm a loner, and I'm ok with it.
@@Santana-i5u I live in a senior apartment complex and make a point to be a good neighbor, kind and civil to everyone, but do not participate in activities, where gossip starts.
my mother loved in a retirement village and no-one could MOVE without the whole place knowing the windows had eyes and the walls had ears on the other hand my mother was mixing and socialising more in her 80s than she ever did so it had it's great points most of the people were lovely - just very bored which is why the bitching starts
I am 69 and live in a retirement village. I basically keep to myself because of the toxic gossip. I would never have moved here if I knew what it would be like.
I have found the same to be true. I belong to a Red Hat group, and 2 widows groups. The women are gossip and there are cliques. I hate that. And bossy Betty's who take card games way too seriously. Honestly it seems any womens groups are full of bs.
I would love to see people connect with each other after they find someone here on youtube in their same situation. Maybe a phone call or zoom chat once in a great while? It might be more important than we can imagine for someone who is alone🙂
@@carrie3390 Aloha Carrie, I am late for the party but I only just found Allison’s channel ‘Elder Gal’ today. According to your comment, making friends on this UA-cam channel via zoom or other means sounds good. Have you found a way as yet? I am from Hawaii now living in California for 10 years. The topic of making new friendships is tough even in the mainland here especially in LA. I think you have good suggestions. Blessings, Chantel from So-Cal. 🎉
I’m autistic and as I get older, the more difficult it gets. I think if I were home in California it would be easier, but I live in a place I do not fit in at all. I can’t be me. 😢 People here are more inclined to form cliques and with my autism/ADHD, it’s so anxiety provoking. 😢
I wonder if our skills at making friends are modeled after what we saw our parents do. My father had few friends and they were other men he did things with. Whereas my mother's friendship group was wider and consisted of women who shared interests or enjoyed one another's compansionship. That was a different time and, also, we lived in a rural setting where few people moved. Your firend options were pretty much fixed.
Probably we did learn from our parents about friendships. Times were different then and people seemed to have more friends and more socializing. We live in different times...
Friends and acquaintances, of course are different. I have 2 friends lve known since elementary school back in 1963, and at least 5 people that lve become good friends with, through work, being a neighbor or we became buddies because of mutual interests. I thinks it's easier for men to make friends, although my wife has quite a few friends. it's great for the both of us. l feel having friends creates a better quality of life.
I wish I could find friends who share my interests. I belong to a group of women and the get-together meetings are in restaurants, very superficial talk and I find it depressing. Too much talk about health issues can be boring too. I tend to be the listener and sometimes I resent it when the other person shows no interest in my life. I guess I would like close friends, not just acquaintances. My very close friend died 6 months ago and I miss her a lot.
Sorry about your best friend, Edie! I know what you mean about the superficial talk. I have found increasingly people don't express a real interest in others. Thanks for sharing this - take care!
Thank you for your brave, hospitable spirit and for inspiring me to push myself a bit our of my comfort zone more often to make new friends. You sparked my confidence that maybe I CAN make a new friend or two.
For me at 71 am I not so much to making friends, I have never had a friend but am still social person. I miss to have someone protecting me because evil people do see it and go for to make your life a hell. I have more people who am evil to me than nice to me. But now it this age many people loose their partners or friends have passed away and I think it is worse for them than me who am use to be on my own and I think more and more about it that I am not the only one who am lonely.
You’re not alone. I’m in the same situation-my husband & grandkids. I don’t have any friends but chat with neighbors, & people wherever I go outside my community & find peace at church.
3 місяці тому
I'm the same. My husband is my best friend. I do have a brother. But I can't stand his wife. And she is mad at me anyway lol
I always find you so wise, dear girl! And maybe it's because so many of the things you talk about, match directly with my circumstances & priorities. I too live far away from my family ( one of the best choices!) I learned today you are/ were a bereavement counselor. I am/ was a hospital chaplain. Your advice to us about having/ finding friends is so important...& accurate! At 65+, a great advantage we have is that new people we meet don't know about the " former us". We get to approach people, based on who we are today & what we are able to offer. And be honest about our expectations. No individual can be a bestie... or help us in every crises. I now thrive living alone. I am careful, to maintain honest companionship. I love listening to your thoughts! 😊
Thanks for summing it up. I couldn't have done it any better. I feel the same way. Yes, friendship has to be a two-way street, give and take. It is hard to find that when you are older. I am 74, don't feel my age, absolutely not. I am very thankful for that.
Very good points. You give us a lot to ponder over and perhaps make changes in our behavior. Or rethink our expectations. I like the term "friend lite"!
Love your suggestions about finding friends. I felt very alone in 2020 having to leave my job as a caregiver and realizing something was very wrong with this so-called “pandemic “. I didn’t trust mainstream media and being on Facebook a lot I listened to a doctor who realized we were being bamboozled. From her I became a member of her national group called “warriors of the radical light”. It spread in local communities all over the US and I believe into Canada. Here I found friendships that I desperately needed and am so grateful. We all need friends in these unpredictable times. Thanks Elder Gal for bringing up a very important subject as we all are in the process of aging and many of us do not have family we can count on. 🤗🙏
Volunteer, soooo many opportunities to volunteer. City Parks and recreation senior's program, Senior Gleaners, church thrift shop, church making food for homeless, church cafe and church food pantry. I could be out volunteering amongst others full time, seven days a week. Love, love, love volunteering.
I am 34 and have felt this loneliness since my childhood. I think it's our hyper-individualistic society and the me me me attitude. People in their 20s have it even worse right now.
I agree 100% with you that you need friends or at least a friend that you can depend on especially when you live hundreds of miles away from family or have no family left. And yes, making friends is difficult actually from the time you leave college if you were fortunate enough to go to college. You also need to have a social life because it does affect your mental health whether you realize it or not.
I'm new as in haven't even had a chance to watch full video. The partial one I did see, I find you and I are alot alike in our situations. Though my own fault on a bunch of it. Mine keep in contact but it's verry stand off? I'm now in my 60s and my husband in 70s and his don't have anything to do with either of us. So a bunch of the topics your covering seems to be of big interest to me. Thank you for doing these and I will grab some time to watch
I struggled with making friends as a child and younger person. I was very quiet and withdrawn. My teen years were difficult and bringing a child up alone meant no money for social activities Result? Social anxiety and gross lack of confidence. I know a few people but they are either busy, working or sick. The suggestion to join groups of similiar interests is good if there are any. I enjoy walking but there are no walking groups in my area. Another difficulty is lack of transport no everyone drives or has events on the doorstep.l have to use public transport and do not relish the though of waiting around on my own in the evening for a bus. As for social isolation for me it is a lack of oppitunities due to the afore mentioned reasons. Its not the same as loneliness but it can lead to being lonely.
Dusk on a summer evening is my favorite time too! Thank you for this well-done analysis! Good point about as you age you become more discerning in relationships, and friendships. I have recently joined a senior citizen belly dancing group - the Senioritas - and I am having a blast with this group of ladies.
As always, I enjoyed the content of this pod cast, Allison. It would be the most rewarding thing that could ever happen to me to have a friend like you. I wish for your happiness dear lady. Sincerely.
@@claudesmith9422 I live in a senior apartment complex. I make no friends there but I am kind and civil to everyone. I don't participate in activities in the recreation room due to all the bullying. My friends are in other states and I visit them every three months. Also, I invite them to visit me and put them up in a nearby hotel. Also, I have many friends overseas. Foreigners see friendship differently than Americans.
Hi Allison. So true. I find having enough time in the day can be tricky, trying to balance it between all the different categories of friends and family. It's no good becoming overwhelmed.
I tend to make and maintain friendships that last for 25-40+ years. My best friend passed away in 2015, and no one can fill that void. Honestly, I don't seek to replace her, (thats not fair to the lovely ppl I meet) 😊.. I am learning to be more "intentional" with staying connected ( not just a text or only call while I'm driving in traffic (hands free 😂).. I meet ppl all the time, I'm 61, some are in their mid- late 70's or mid thirties... I just try to be open-minded, and if I feel "safe".. cool.. no pressure, let's get together. I do enjoy solitude..so.. every now and then, cool. I think I want to know that someone still remembers me, care how I'm doing ( not invisible). ❤🎉 Happy Holiday!
Like many others here, I'm a loner, an only child. I was mainly left to my own devices. I've always felt a bit different from others. That being said I think I am or was, at the same time quite gregarious. I left my childhood/school friends behind when I emigrated in 1972. I then made friends at work as a nurse and some I found out weren't my true friends, but I had a few that I kept for 30 years, we socialized a bit, went through lots of life stuff together. I think we were close, but they all died the last 4 years. I've joined groups in the past, but honestly it's not my thing. I live on a street that is (it seems) filled with people like me! We nod to each other, and that's about it... which is fine with me. It's possibly a vibrational thing, birds of a feather flock together but not in a social way. I don't want a friend at the moment, but one day down the road I might be ready. It would have to be a special person, a 5D kind of person, who understands boundaries, and is a frequency match for me. If anyone understands that? I'm doing some inner healing work, and have needed this time alone as I've spent my life being there for others one way or another. It's very nice to just do what you want to do, when you want to do it!
I recently had to end a friendship because the person, who I thought was a good friend, told me she was not willing to talk about my feelings in the relationship. And, she kept saying things that put distance between us… Like how I wasn't one of her best friends. Why say that to someone? Unless you want to hurt them, or push them away.
I met lots of great ladies at the gym I joined. We work out together 4 times a week and then go to lunch together afterward many days. It's my social life and so enjoyable! I'm 70
My interest in making new friends over 60 is challenged by the fact that we all have extensive relationship histories that potential new friends are just not a part of. Young people are like a blank page ready to be written upon. As we grow older those accumulating pages get filled with people, children, grandchildren, divorces, deaths, betrayals and all kinds of baggage becoming more and more complex and difficult to deal with. We become set in our ways and very particular about who we associate with. I have a romantic interest in a lady in her seventies, and feel keenly that I am ‘late to the party’ with her because of all the life we have both lived prior to our meeting.
Thanks for sharing this Will! There are so many things that do challenge friendships/relationships as we get older. We are no longer that blank page, which is both good and bad. Take care!
I am 35 years old. and it’s hard trying to keep in touch with friends as they transitioning into life such as marriage, starting families, traveling, moving and new careers. Alot of content creaters I see around my age mostly says “You/I don’t need friends.” seems to have been speaking from trauma they’ve been through in life with past friendships. It makes you think when trying to make new friends as adults even harder. my thoughts “I like this person but He/She probably don’t wanna make new friends.” or “They already have established friendships.” or “I’m not good enough to be their friend.”
Thanks for sharing this Keith! It is more complicated now than it was 30 or 40 years ago. Lots more issues related to making friends now. Appreciate you watching!
@keith2o9 have you considered “Meet Up” groups in your area? There are tons of interest groups with “Meet Up”. Great way to meet people with similar interests. I would beg to differ from those content creators who state that “one doesn’t need friends”. Unless one is on a deeply spiritual path with the knowledge that all of life is changeable, including people and that the only one True, Eternal and unchangeable Truth with a capital “T” is God/Goddess, the Universe or whatever one’s belief is - then one needs a reliable friend/s.
Most older people have learned to see red flags from their experiences with problematic relationships and we would rather be isolated than deal with trying to extract ourselves from associations with people who take but offer little or nothing in return or those who are so emotionally immature that it's impossible to have a "healthy" relationship with them. If having "friends" means we become caregivers to parasites or abusers, we'll pass. The little life we have remaining is too precious to waste embroiled in situations that drain us. Groups are usually good options because the interactions are often short and somewhat superficial. If we find someone in a group who we resonate with, there's always the option of reaching out to deepen the connection.
You make a good point here jekalambert, but I do think there are still healthy friendships out there. I agree that society has changed and even the younger people are having difficulty making meaningful connections. Thanks for watching!
I can so relate to your thoughts about problematic, draining relationships. When you've been through that repeatedly it becomes almost impossible to trust anyone.
@@lumpygravy52 yes of course there is walking etc. but I can’t afford to go out either, for breakfast or lunch or coffee. I do buy a bottle of wine and have a couple friends over. Or do coffee at home. Nice channel. You are good woman.
Yes, that is the truth, but we have to eat, to share a meal would be good, but not just for the sake of it. I don't mean share $, I mean share time, talk. I'm on a fixed income and it's so fixed, it's practically broken. Still I do okish.
Just discovered you… you just ‘popped up’ on my phone 😱 😃👋🏼👋🏼 We have a great deal in common… Thank you for having the grit and determination to put yourself on UA-cam! I would love to, also, but I guess I’m scared of failure or just plain scared… Lol Anyway, I find your subjects and info/statistics very thought-provoking and enjoyable to listen to… And, by the way, you have absolutely lovely skin!
Glad you discovered my channel Christine! You just have to push through the fear to do something like this. So glad I did. You never know, you might take the plunge too! Take care!
I really enjoy your videos, you’re such a relatable woman. It’s amazing how similar people are to one another. I too lost contact with friends I grew up with or from school later in life; we’ve moved to different geographical locations. By nature I’m a loner and enjoy being alone, but not all the time. You’re actually a friend to those of us who follow you!☺️
You are very welcome. In case you have any doubts, making a new friend will never be a problem for you, Allison. You could walk out the door today and speak two short sentences to anyone and they would become your friend. It is a gift of yours. Trust me on that. They would have little choice in the matter. So, please be of good cheer. Also, much Gratitude and Respect to both you and your Dad on this 4th of July holiday. My heart goes with you this day. Take care, Allison.
@eldergal Likewise, Allison. Thank you. My pleasure always. You are also pretty strong in the Kind Words Dept. I always appreciate it. Enjoy the rest of your day. Take care, Allison.
I am not sure what loneliness is. I value and need my alone time but I cant seem to find anyone with enough character to have or be a friend. I crave a real friend. Maybe that is loneliness. Dosent really matter
Losing our family and friends is part of growing old. I could never have those close friendships like before because I don't trust people anymore. I haven't dated in 15 years because I finally realized lovers aren't worth all the BS. I fill in the love gaps with lots of dogs and cats. UA-cam is incredible for interacting with other people. My thoughts in the form of a comment have been read by thousands of people worldwide, yet I sit alone in the middle of the desert. I just turned 65.
💯
Thanks for sharing sunshine! I know it's hard to trust others sometimes. Appreciate you watching!
I'm 65 too. Alone with one 9 year old dog who I adore. I have considered getting another dog but then I worry what if something happens to me, like if I fall and break my hip etc, then what happens to my dogs if I have to go to hospital and rehab center for say 3 weeks ? Dogs would have to go to boarding all that time ? Bad for them and costly. I would have no one to care for them. So I am being hesitant on getting another as I grow older. Hate to live in a " what if" world but it's something that has to be considered
@@sunshineinarizona1726 it’s hard to have our history through our close family and friends die as we get older. I have trouble trusting people as I get older in my 40’s. Haven’t dated for a while and don’t plan to either. I find also if you have a place to live people are looking for somewhere to lay there head on the form of real estate
@@wbl5649Maybe a cat.
I moved to a different town , retired in 2020. I live in the mountains , homestead and I hardly ever leave the house. I closed my fb in 2020 because of stupid drama. I no longer wanted in my life. I m not lonely at all because I have lots of animals. I have accepted that my friendship days are over with. I absolutely can not figure out how to meet new people. I’ve just accepted it. It just sucks when you can’t go for a doctors procedure because you have no one to drive you home. That’s when it hits me ….
It is a weird feeling thinking you could pass away and no one would really notice. Just a few people. I have ended up drawing close to God. He’s always with me and I’m truly never really alone.
I know what you mean Lisa! Glad you have found a different living situation for yourself and peace with being alone! Take care!
Good for you you have become closer to God. You will be lead to the right companions.
Thank you❤
At age 79 I find that often older people need to learn how to be a friend. I have a handful of slightly older friends with health problems. I try to follow developments in their lives, but I find that I am always the initiator of communication. Then six months can pass unless I make the effort to communicate. Frankly I am tired of scurrying around like a schoolgirl trying to keep an unresponsive boy's interest. The fact is, I perhaps unwisely moved to a remote rural location 10 years ago and have no one to see daily . . . I am isolated. Do my old friends not think about my situation? Apparently not. I am game to meet people halfway, but not enthusiastic about carrying the whole load.
I hear you on this laddie! This speaks to how many people don't know how to have balanced friendships. I can understand your frustration about carrying the whole load here. I know there are people that are more giving out there.
I always sent Christmas cards and remember birthdays and all but 2 people in my entire life would barely acknowledge they got the cards and/or even presents I sent them. I couldn't believe it! I thought it was just plain wrong. I've only had a couple people in my life that felt great about sending me cards or whatever on special days. I never expected it from them but they wanted to do this. When I have observed what seems to be reality it seems that is what people do. I always wondered why don't people remember me on special days. These are not just people I've just met either. I got tired of it. I was trying to cultivate in myself unconditional caring about people...not expecting anything back....and that is just what happened...I got nothing alright.
Not to sound bitter...ha ha....but in the end it doesn't pay to just be the only one who cares about this kind of thing in a friendship. it's just best to let it all go. The heck with it. I hope everyone finds contentment in whatever life situation they find themselves. I personally love to give of my time and trying to be a better friend to someone. I know I've been an thoughtless person at times myself. But why burn yourself out on this stuff. I don't like being resentful is all. I don't like that feeling inside me.
@@heaven7360I live in a 55 and older community with a clubhouse and plenty of activities if that’s your thing. Not my thing at this point. Many people walk in the morning and at dusk. If I’m lonely I just go out the front door and there is usually a group walking I can join. I really prefer rural but at 68 I have to consider that I am a loner and that might not be the best thing for me.
That is quite what I feel about finding and being friends. Some days. I'm really at a loss
@@heaven7360 Same here. I found that many elder people don’t want to have friends! They are satisfied just saying hello to the cashier in super markets & called that SOCIAL! If they do called you but only to talk about their ailments and their life, their rants & not at all interested in you genuinely! Or they don’t respond to your ‘reaching out to make real friendships.’ They seem to be contented with their aloneness! I find that a bit strange! So I gave up!
I am not religious, but my spiritual practise keeps loneliness at bay. Even though there aren't many in my life, I feel connected to something greater. This nourishes me.
I know what you mean Dianne! I too have a strong spiritual connection which sustains me. Thanks for sharing this!
Same here 😊
There is no shame in being a loner. I was a loner even as a child, like my father.
I agree. I was also a loner, still am. It’s the reason I became a serious classical musician. Just practiced a lot all day when I was a kid.
@@annabanana50well, that’s wonderful, an instrument that you’ve become familiar with is wonderful, but it’s not available or a talent for everyone
@@kimfelopulos8139 I’m very lucky thank you
I too have always been a loner. I could be in a room full of people and still feel alone. I feel uncomfortable around people
@@Houdini_Bob I totally get that..
You are honest, genuine, and you posses about a hundred other incredible qualities. If more people were like you this world wouldn’t be what it’s become. If your son only knew what an incredible person his mother is. Not taking about mistakes here, It’s all about intentions and you have the purest intentions. Because of you, tons of lonely people have someone to listen to and connect with emotionally because you don’t LIE. You are more interested in helping people than making yourself look like a vision of perfection. We owe you.
Yes!! ❤❤❤
Thanks so much for the extra-kind words thetruth! Appreciate it so much!
Very well said! I really look forward to and enjoy hearing her straightforward and interesting videos... She is a very wise and kind-hearted lady...❤
Agreed!
I am 76. I believe the best way to stay social and relevant is to volunteer! If you are ambulatory, there are always volunteer possibilities. It is the answer.
Great suggestion john!
Yes - volunteer at something you truly care about and you will find like minded people. The friend thing will come naturally then.
Volunteer at an animal shelter. You will find tons of like minded people who are good and caring of all ages.
Agreed. I volunteer all the time and I’m young. I’ve met some wonderful people while volunteering and it does my heart good to be there for others.
@@Thatsher21 What kind of volunteering do you do?
Don't aim for best friends. Just kind acquaintances is fine.
A lot of wisdom in that!
@@eldergal ❤️
agree❤
@@rochellea9652 ❤️
Yes takes all the pressure off for sure.
HA ! Yes I used to love Unity Church & even played / sang at the services. Great group of people. But also , I don’t drive ( life-long visual impairment) & getting around for life’s logistical necessities is challenge enough as I get older. Plus I did weather a very serious illness ( stage 3 breast cancer) & still live with a myriad of consequences from the severe “treatment”. Sooo … pretty isolated. When able, I hope to relocate / reset & start over. It’s tricky tho … finding an affordable place that’s also pedestrian friendly. Meanwhile, you & other youtubers are a huge help to me. Thank you. Fantastic insights & tips here.
Thanks for sharing this! I hope you remain cancer-free!
I’m depressed. I can only handle people in small time frames. It’s getting worse and worse. The women in my neighborhood, are a bunch of gossip queens. So I completely shut down. They made up a story about me that this guy was coming in and out of my house. And I can’t even stand the guy. I’m 63.
@@Contessa998
This is why I prefer telephone and Zoom friends, whom I visit every three months (out of state).
@@monicaperez2843
Thanks Monica……..❤
I know what you mean Contessa about the drama queens. I understand. It's one thing I don't enjoy about senior living places.
A lady I know down the street just lost her husband after 60 years together and another neighbor texted back a laugh emoji, What the? just a nasty gossip. Why do people do this?
@@nolaparker9574
Some women are just biachy! And 🧐 nosy and evil 👿
I do much better with acquaintances. Ive never had close friends. Im not the daily phonecall person nor do i like that. I am not the person that meets for morning coffee. And you just said what i run into with every friend encounter...im always willing to help but i cant name one person that has ever been the reciprocating person when i needed help...unless i was paying lol
I'm in my forties and already in this situation. Most friends married and cut regular contact, others moved to a different state/country or we have grown apart. I have no problems with it now, but fear for the future, as I don't intend to have children and can't see marriage in the near or even distant future.
I'm 49 and i'm feeling the same way as you are. I do have that fear of being alone with no one. No kids, nor marriage. My nephews never come around or ask how i'm doing. They only come around asking for expensive gifts around birthdays and holidays.
@@Bethh3890 What kind of nephews are those? Does the family all get together for Thanksgiving and other holidays?
Hi Allison from Australia. When I was younger, I seemed to need friends and was very sociable. Now I am 69 and feel that my need for friends is not as strong. I am a loner and have to make a real effort to keep in touch with people.
@@Kirbygal55 I hear you on that. I had more friends when I was younger too. Thanks for watching!
I find and witness most people are pretty ruthless and out for themselves, even my siblings, it’s a shame to say being around them makes me so content to be alone, phone conversations and shorts visits with people are enough for me😊
Get involved with groups you are interested in and go regularly. Become a familiar face. It takes time, but eventually people will know you and vice versa. And say “yes” to new invitations. They can lead to new connections. Making real connections as we age takes longer.
Such good advice: "Become a familiar face."
It depends where you live some places do not have much if anything tto offer in the way of social groups. Plus with the cost of living many places are not starting up new activities.
where do you find such groups?
I always find these discussions about friendships/ making friends in our older years fascinating. Every time I read "if you don't have friends, you're going to drop dead prematurely..." Of course, I'm exaggerating but that is how I read it at times. I'm a loner and will welcome any friends God and the Universe send my way. I don't go out of my way to MAKE friends, however. I've learned some hard lessons when it comes to friendship. I was a very good friend to several women that stabbed me in the back and stabbed me hard. It was heart breaking at the time because I loved those two people. Those experiences have jaded me, for sure. I've been a lousy friend to several people over the years and I regret that. I could have done better. I can't do anything about that now but I can learn from the good and the bad of all my experiences.
As an introvert, I'm okay being with/ by myself but I do need to connect with others for short periods of time.
yeah being betrayed can really do damage. I'm trying to let go of bad memories and resentments. I know I've been a jerk sometimes, but I don't remember though ever really screwing up someone's head as bad as I've experienced. Well, it's over and I guess I'm not the only person to experience blows to emotional health. I just wish it was easier to move on in my head at times. That's the only thing I don't like about being alone constantly. If I was in a better head space I wouldn't be up in my head thinking about sad or fearful stuff. So that's why, like you, I do like to chat with people and feel a safe space with them for a bit.
I don’t have friends because I’ve always been socially awkward and I’ve always found making friends very difficult, even when I was younger. Then, when I made friends, I’ve had a hard time keeping them. No idea why. Oddly, it seems that a lot of my “friends” over the years have turned on me suddenly or just ghosted me. Of course, I’ve turned that inward. So now, at 60, I sadly, just don’t really bother trying.
All that negative stuff being said, I don’t dwell on it. I just go about my business and keep being kind and caring. If I happen to find a friendly acquaintance, I’ll welcome it at face value.
Thanks for sharing this, Rose! Many people have similar experiences. I understand how frustrating it can be, but also glad you've chosen not to dwell on it! Take care!
I know you posted this a month ago, but I wanted to say, this is exactly how I have experienced life. Friends, turning on me, or ghosting me for what I have no clue. Wanted to say you are not alone in experiencing this.
@@hushingsilence Thank you for taking the time to write this. I appreciate it. I know there must be more like us out there. People don’t like to talk about such things, though we probably really should.
@@rosebetitwrites3447 Thank you for your reply just when I needed to hear from a friendly voice. I hope your weekend is going well.
@@hushingsilence My weekend is going fine. Enjoying the cooler fall weather. I hope your day is going well too.
TV, social media, and the internet in general have turned a lot of people into self-centered, narcissistic zombies. Forming strong friendships is hard at any age, especially these days. Most people are not emotionally available enough to cultivate solid, lasting friendships. The world has become much too fast and superficial for that.
You may be right to some degree caspianblue! Thanks for your comment!
I've come to realize in the past year that I'm a narcissist magnet. Born into a family of them so it felt normal to allow narc friends and boyfriends into my life. Waking up to that was quite a revelation and now I'm wary of everyone. Not interested in romance anymore , would just like a few friends but when you've been betrayed it's almost impossible to trust anyone again. I'm a pretty good listener so I also attract compulsive talkers. They wear me out. Right now my bestie is the one I've had since early childhood -- reading. It's never failed me.
Volunteer work is a good way to meet people and make friends.
Maybe. I've tried several things and all of them involved very little interaction with others (e.g. working at the dog pound). Or your interactions will be very limited (e.g. helping people with their taxes; driving people to appointments).
I come here. I find it very hard at 56 to make friends. I'm raising my grandkids and it's so hard. I desire close meaningful connections but it's very hard. Spaces like your Chanel help. ❤
Thanks for sharing your experience Jeannemarie! Glad you found the channel.
Thank you for this topic, it is so hard to make friends as one gets older. The number of people you help with your channel is heart warming.
Thanks so much Supernova!
This is SO helpful, Allison. I had to do a pretty drastic walk-away from my friendships about ten years ago, because I didn't understand that boundaries applied to friendships, as well as other relationships. I was the kind of friend that would attract (and allow) the type of people who call at all hours with all the drama and the same problems over and over. Or people who thought they could just 'pop in' whenever the mood struck. I thought this was what being 'a true friend' was, but I had to isolate once I realized that none of them were people who I could call if the shoe was on the other foot. I feel terrible that I 'ghosted' so many people, but I just couldn't do the emotional support on demand anymore...and I'm sure that I'm long forgotten about anyway. Now the challenge...to venture back in without my hang-ups of thinking I'm supposed to be therapist to the world..lol.
Thanks for sharing this paintergrl! It's good that you now know to set boundaries with people; so it shouldn't be as draining to deal with friends again. Take care!
Yes, chronic health issues. I had sepsis from a kidney infection I didn't know I had in February of 2023. I came home from the hospital and had a HARD fall, hitting my head one week later. My health has never been the same. I don't feel like going out in public. I don't feel like being around people. I hope I heal to the point I was before all of this...but my Dr is telling me, "It's about not letting it get worse." So, there is not much hope there for healing. ...and I do seem to be getting less and less healthy. - But I have my service dog and was raised alone, so I know how to keep myself occupied.
I’m sorry you have been going through all of that. Chronic health conditions make it near impossible to meet people, or even have the desire too. My Drs and nurses are my social interactions
Thanks for sharing this Selah! So sorry you have had such serious health issues. Do what you can - I know it is important to keep moving and get fresh air as much as possible. Don't know if you walk or not, but regular walking would be good for you. Take care!
@@Tisha269 thank you for that supernova. Much love and many hugs to you.
Look up Carnivore diet, you CAN heal. Dr Berry, Dr Ovadia, Dr Fung...look it up!
I seem to make friends about my age (I am 66 and my friends are 60-85). The friendships seem to last 10 years and they either pass away or peter out.
Involvement in Facebook is kind of like gambling. The more time and emotion you put into it the more empty you feel afterwards...
My kids and I are estranged, their choice, not mine.
I have decided to realize that now I have no money, no assets, they've written me off, I can make no effort to keep in touch, and they will not because any money I had was used to help them and is now gone. I will never be repaid, and now I will never see them.
It's a hard lesson to learn, but I finally learned it.
I would like a close friend to talk to. My best friend from childhood passed away a couple of years ago. My other close friend had a couple of strokes and she changed. Got nasty and cruel. I am going to classes, attending events and getting involved in other things to make connections.
Keep doing what you're doing kimr! Sorry you lost your best friend. Take care!
Hi Allison, I tend to be an empath, and now I find I’ve been disappointed in people and I’m very careful about letting people in my inner circle.
Maybe I’m sensitive or the way I approach friendships. Plus my best friend passed a few years ago.
Also I tend to be a loner. I became a serious classical pianist and singer because all I had to do when I was a kid was practice. I guess I’ve been able to entertain myself a lot.
Totally get it.
I am an empath, also.
@@monicaperez2843 we give sometimes more than we get and also sensitive
Thanks for sharing this Anna - and sorry about the loss of your friend. I can understand your issues with being an empath - it makes it more difficult in friendships sometimes.
I just moved to a 55+ community. I used my interests to join a couple of groups to meet people. I have found some very warm and welcoming people. Yes you will still find cliques just like high school but don’t limit your interactions with others because of them. Keep putting yourself out there, you won’t get a best buddy every time you say hi; but you just might find a person who is interesting to chat with and that can lead to a good friend.
Your video about being estranged from your son really touched me. I hope you continue to reach out to him. I've been estranged from my dad for 22 years and I pray everyday that I'll get to see him again
I hope so too Kurt! Thanks for sharing and for watching!
@@kurt6410 hi there Kurt, your post & Elder Gals estranged from family really got to me too! With so much loneliness going on what could be so bad that a simple apology can’t fix for all of U, wish U guy’s could try to patch up🙏💕for me it’s too late& believe me it’s a daily heartbreak, full of sadness &sorrow my dad dyed😢Best of Hope to patch up👍🦋✌️
@qso3566 I understand psychology and attachment very well. Children come into this world biologically hard wired to want to attach and have a strong emotional bond with their parents. Parents have to give their children a reason not to love them. And if the emotional connection and attachment doesn't happen it is something the parent has done. Now I'm not saying that makes them bad parents. I think all parents would love to have a strong attachment with their kids, but life is tough and things happen. Raising kids is like a building a home. Even with the best skills and tools you'll have troubles
As we get older, our relationships deepen, expectations increase, and so things become more complicated. It's very easy to meet up with kids our own age when we're school age. We can pretty easily find some sorts of light, fun experiences to share and be carefree, especially because those associations are so low risk.
Wise words. When you get older it´s hard to get close friends, people are so busy with their families. So if you don´t have a family you can easy get lonely.
I know what you mean. I'd like to get a card on my birthday or on Christmas or whatever...but people just don't know what's going on sometimes in a person's head. Maybe they should, but it just happens.
Me too
I'm alone ,no friends ,no family left , toxic sybllings, on the autism spectrum and mentally ill with avoidant personality disorder
Do you feel lonely or are you doing ok?
Thanks for sharing this chizkiyahukabas! I hope you can find someone to connect with.
@@chizkiyahukabas7078 hi there just read your post. U should try to reach out to mentally ill( iam sure they can also need a friend! Stay + If u need a friend to talk to I’m here for U 👋🏻🤗
At 70, my best friend is a dog. I don't want to listen to others complain about personal problems and arthritis aches and pains.
I am 65, I am going to go back to rock and roll nights at the club, they have lessons then social dancing with a dj. i love Elvis and sometimes the dj plays Elvis songs. They also have open mic night once a month.
That sounds like a good time Ruthie - thanks for sharing this!
Just found out the dancing is cancelled. Just when I was going to go there. Tired of having no friends. It's hard.
You’ve got the right idea! I’m a big Elvis fan also.
I can completely relate to this. I've always been pretty much a loner with just a small group of friends. In the last five years I've lost both parents and every friend, one after another. So yes, I am socially isolated and at almost 70 and partially sighted, it's hard to meet new people. I make sure I get out, meet different people and have a chat, but that's more acquaintances than friends. I think the reason making new friends is so difficult is because it takes years to create and build a real friendship, it doesn't happen just like that. I've always enjoyed my solitary time, still do now, and most of the time I'm very contented, not lonely at all. But as you said in another video, there are times when we need someone to help and that is on my mind more now that I'm getting older. Love your videos, you're doing a great job.
Thanks for your thoughtful comment. Yes, it does take time to build a solid friendship, and it gets harder as we get older. Appreciate you watching!
Its so hard to find friends. How do you find friends who are single and share your interests! Most everyone my age is in a long term marriage with kids and grand kids. I don't mind being alone, but I do know I'd be healtier with a social circle.
I know it's not easy, particularly depending on where you live, to find friends. And it's definitely not easy as we get older. Just do what you can to expand your social interactions. Appreciate you watching!
@@eldergal that’s good advice. One thing I also have counting against me that you might relate to is I live in a place where everybody goes to church and if you don’t you are just plain weird or even worse in their eyes. I have a neighbor that sneaks into my yard at night and hides one of my outdoor decorations because it is halloweenish! I thought about joining a choir because I love to sing and back in my church days I used to be in the choir, but I know the moment people find out that my spirituality is not based around the Judeo Christian faith. It won’t go well. I’m thinking about moving out of the country together in a few years to be honest. Better healthcare, lower cost-of-living, especially food and many countries have pension visas.
Interesting as you say, "follow your own interests". I have made friends at the dog park which I take my dog to every day. I have made a TON of friends geocaching. I made a few friends beekeeping and signing up for Master Gardening for 10 years. Like interests definitely attract friends!!!! Good, good advice.
Thanks for sharing this Lee! Glad it has led you to friends.
a zero dollar production that outweighs many million dollar productions in actual message . ❤
That means a lot - thanks Jeri!
I thought I was alone in this situation of being alone. I am not sad at being alone, but vulnerable not having anyone in my life to care about me. This leads me to thinking catastrophe a lot. So it's all up to me. I'm a heavy load. The pain in my legs makes me tired and works against me but I think it's even more than that that I don't have the energy to find new experiences. I think there are many reasons why I'm resisting being more zippy when it comes to life in general. Maybe my baggage is too much for me right now. I'll just say it's temporary to make myself feel better.
Thanks for working through some of the ideas of what things affect older people. On youtube I have not come across this in general anxiety or depression videos.
Thanks for sharing heaven! Sorry you have challenges right now. Hope things improve for you. Appreciate you watching!
I've joined so many social groups trying to cultivate meaningful friendships, I'm a 65 year old widow with no family and ONE real friend. I've had no luck making new friends and am at the point of just giving up on the effort.
We all can do what we can. If it hasn't worked out, at least you have tried. Thanks for sharing this wbl!
@@wbl5649 hi there, I just came across your post, I m sorry for your loss, I know how hard this is I’m sure you’re partner must have been a wonderful person. Know that all good people are usually called to Gods kingdom for a reason & we R left here for 1 as well! I’m also sure you’re spouse would have’d wanted for U to continue living with a giving heart; even date still cites R out there, church gatherings services, Your only 65 yrs old life has expanded in the world today, u have so much life to offer especially with your life knowledge love & wisdom. You might be able to donate some of your time, with pets, kids(orphanages) in other countries, or even @ childrens Hospitals (reading to them, playing board games with them,your friendship will grow & help these kids tremendously. Friendship woes have nothing to do with luck, friends R made with time,patience & dedication if u like u can start with a 2 friend with me but more than 2 is a headache( too much gossip)🤭🤣some of the most important people in the world today only have 1 true good friend, your lucky, I only have acquaintances! 🫨🤭stay in touch, if u’d like 🦋💕✌️let me know if I have helped in any way, there R still a lot of good people out here 👍Happy 🇺🇸🎆& happy life🦋✌️🦋
its exhausting. And I refuse to mix with racists.
I have lived in a nice 55+ community for about 2 years now. I thought I would have a bunch of new friends here but I don't. I've had tons of friends over the years and most kind of faded over time for one reason or another. When I meet other women at pickleball, neighborhood get togethers etc. I am not the kind of person who talks 'at' people or talks incessantly about myself but I find that many of the women here are like that. I just don't get it and I can't connect with people like that. They just don't seem self-aware at all. Still I see women together all over the place. I just haven't connected with anyone in a deeper way. Every week I leave the 55+ bubble and go to a big gym in the city and have met some other women there, they don't talk like the women in my development do. They seem more normal. I am ambivalent at this point. Trying not to blame myself or give up though. I'm an extroverted introvert I think. Thanks Elder Gal, you are so wise!
Thanks for sharing this dizzylizzie! I have found similar dynamics among people in senior communities. That's why I enjoy meeting others through outside activities, such as music. Appreciate you watching!
I agree we should keep trying new options, it is healthy to stay connected
Yes indeed MariGolds!
I attend church and got busy with other singles at the age of 66. Being around others who understand me and just give them the love.
Wow. This was an answer to a prayer. I have been so confused about older friendship dynamics. You really helped me understand what I have been experiencing - I have been SO confused!!
And, as a 70-year old Air Force brat, it is still veeeery easy to go into distancing tactics when meeting new people. I was not like that till the mean girls started in on me in 7th grade. Love your Mean Old Girk video, too.
Great content. I appreciate your giving voice to my aging confusion. You are a gift 💜
Thanks for sharing this, Lisa! Staying away from the mean people is essential to mental well-being. Glad this might have helped. So appreciate you watching!
Great topic Allison! You are so right about health issues making it more difficult to get and keep friends and I have been on both sides of that issue. I have friends with major health concerns that affect how and when we can interact but also found out when I got cancer, that they distanced themselves or just dropped out of my life because it was too much. Fortunately, I am still here 8 years later but much wiser for who is in my closest circle. Have a blessed week..
Thanks for sharing this Sue and so glad you health improved. Have a blessed week too!
I like how you make us "think." Thank you, sweetie!
Thanks so much for your support Selah!!
We don't all NEED friends or family. I find they are/have been the source of my poor mental health. Letting people 'in' is not healthy for me. I am fed-up with people telling you that everyone needs friends/human connection. I am 77, no pain,no meds, often climb the 8 flights to my apartment. Enjoying my best life.3:01
I'm glad you are doing so well Elizabeth! Thanks so much for watching!
Hi Alison,
So true. One of my best friends has 5 kids so we don't meet up for maybe 4 months but it's ok for me because when I need her she always answers the phone. Plus her kids are my friends too. That's another thing if you accept friend's kids you will hang up with them and see your friend as a reward.
See you in the next one. LOVE 😘😘
It's great you have a friend like that!
I was putting in a lot of effort in trying to meet other women in my area, but I wasn’t successful. Then I became seriously ill 3 months ago. It was so unexpected! Dealing with failing health alone is terrifying. I started looking at Independent (retirement) living last week. I think I would be able to make friends in a retirement community. It’s hard to think about selling all my stuff and my home. Unfortunately, I continue to deteriorate and I may be forced to do this in a few months. Can you believe I’m still in my 50’s. I hope others watching your videos take your advice to heart while they are still healthy and able to contribute to a friendship.
Really appreciate you sharing your experience here snowboard! Glad you have a plan for what you can do. Hope things improve for you. Take care!
I'm so sorry and I'm in the same boat.
Thank you, food for thought
Absolutely!
It's impossible. I find older people are great to gossip and not nice. I lived in a 55 plus, and these people bring me back to high school. I rather be alone. I'm going to be 70 and look very young and find women are so jealous. My friends live in a different state, and even after 60 years, we're still great friends. Socializing yes is important, but I do small talk. I'm a loner, and I'm ok with it.
I cannot stand the gossip...with you on this.
@@Santana-i5u
I live in a senior apartment complex and make a point to be a good neighbor, kind and civil to everyone, but do not participate in activities, where gossip starts.
my mother loved in a retirement village and no-one could MOVE without the whole place knowing
the windows had eyes and the walls had ears
on the other hand my mother was mixing and socialising more in her 80s than she ever did so it had it's great points
most of the people were lovely - just very bored which is why the bitching starts
I am 69 and live in a retirement village. I basically keep to myself because of the toxic gossip. I would never have moved here if I knew what it would be like.
I have found the same to be true. I belong to a Red Hat group, and 2 widows groups. The women are gossip and there are cliques. I hate that. And bossy Betty's who take card games way too seriously. Honestly it seems any womens groups are full of bs.
I would love to see people connect with each other after they find someone here on youtube in their same situation. Maybe a phone call or zoom chat once in a great while? It might be more important than we can imagine for someone who is alone🙂
how can we make this happen?
@@ruthie600 Let's brainstorm some ideas! I'll think on this . . .
@@carrie3390 Hi Carrie, any ideas.? Where are you? I am in Sydney.
@@ruthie600 I'm in Hawaii
@@carrie3390 Aloha Carrie, I am late for the party but I only just found Allison’s channel ‘Elder Gal’ today. According to your comment, making friends on this UA-cam channel via zoom or other means sounds good. Have you found a way as yet? I am from Hawaii now living in California for 10 years. The topic of making new friendships is tough even in the mainland here especially in LA. I think you have good suggestions. Blessings, Chantel from So-Cal. 🎉
Thank you for charing this message 🙏🙏
From a 63 year women living in Sweden
Thank you Carola for watching from Sweden!
@@eldergal it is intressting listen to you!
I rescentely was in the Usa. My son with family lives there.
I’m autistic and as I get older, the more difficult it gets.
I think if I were home in California it would be easier, but I live in a place I do not fit in at all. I can’t be me. 😢
People here are more inclined to form cliques and with my autism/ADHD, it’s so anxiety provoking. 😢
Thanks for sharing this! I hope your living situation improves for you. Take care!
I wonder if our skills at making friends are modeled after what we saw our parents do. My father had few friends and they were other men he did things with. Whereas my mother's friendship group was wider and consisted of women who shared interests or enjoyed one another's compansionship. That was a different time and, also, we lived in a rural setting where few people moved. Your firend options were pretty much fixed.
Probably we did learn from our parents about friendships. Times were different then and people seemed to have more friends and more socializing. We live in different times...
Friends and acquaintances, of course are different. I have 2 friends lve known since elementary school back in 1963, and at least 5 people that lve become good friends with, through work, being a neighbor or we became buddies because of mutual interests. I thinks it's easier for men to make friends, although my wife has quite a few friends. it's great for the both of us. l feel having friends creates a better quality of life.
Thanks for sharing daleamaral! It sounds as though you are rich in friends!
I wish I could find friends who share my interests. I belong to a group of women and the get-together meetings are in restaurants, very superficial talk and I find it depressing. Too much talk about health issues can be boring too. I tend to be the listener and sometimes I resent it when the other person shows no interest in my life.
I guess I would like close friends, not just acquaintances. My very close friend died 6 months ago and I miss her a lot.
Sorry about your best friend, Edie! I know what you mean about the superficial talk. I have found increasingly people don't express a real interest in others. Thanks for sharing this - take care!
Thank you for your brave, hospitable spirit and for inspiring me to push myself a bit our of my comfort zone more often to make new friends. You sparked my confidence that maybe I CAN make a new friend or two.
You go, lovesings! It IS possible, but it may take some time. Wishing you the best with this. Take care!
For me at 71 am I not so much to making friends, I have never had a friend but am still social person. I miss to have someone protecting me because evil people do see it and go for to make your life a hell. I have more people who am evil to me than nice to me. But now it this age many people loose their partners or friends have passed away and I think it is worse for them than me who am use to be on my own and I think more and more about it that I am not the only one who am lonely.
I have not had a true friend in 50 years! So lonely. Not even a way to socialize and no family around me, just my husband
Thanks elder gal ❤
You’re not alone. I’m in the same situation-my husband & grandkids. I don’t have any friends but chat with neighbors, & people wherever I go outside my community & find peace at church.
I'm the same. My husband is my best friend. I do have a brother. But I can't stand his wife. And she is mad at me anyway lol
I always find you so wise, dear girl!
And maybe it's because so many of the things you talk about, match directly with my circumstances & priorities. I too live far away from my family ( one of the best choices!)
I learned today you are/ were a bereavement counselor. I am/ was a hospital chaplain.
Your advice to us about having/ finding friends is so important...& accurate!
At 65+, a great advantage we have is that new people we meet don't know about the " former us". We get to approach people, based on who we are today & what we are able to offer. And be honest about our expectations. No individual can be a bestie... or help us in every crises. I now thrive living alone. I am careful, to maintain honest companionship.
I love listening to your thoughts! 😊
Thanks so much for sharing this! Appreciate you watching!
Thanks for summing it up. I couldn't have done it any better.
I feel the same way. Yes, friendship has to be a two-way street, give and take. It is hard to find that when you are older. I am 74, don't feel my age, absolutely not. I am very thankful for that.
Excellent share.
Thanks TWC!
Hi Allison. Going to your channel is teaching me to listen. The advices you share are good reminders. Thank you
So very kind of you KeepFocus! Thank you!
Very good points. You give us a lot to ponder over and perhaps make changes in our behavior. Or rethink our expectations. I like the term "friend lite"!
@@kimr3755
Kim, I break it down to light acquaintance, acquaintance, good acquaintance, casual friend, good friend and best friend.
Thanks kimr! That term "friend lite" just popped into my head, but it does seem to describe a certain type of friend. Appreciate you watching!
The casual friend would probably be a friend-lite! Thanks!
We are not alone in being alone 😂
How true Pete! Thanks for watching!
Love your suggestions about finding friends. I felt very alone in 2020 having to leave my job as a caregiver and realizing something was very wrong with this so-called “pandemic “. I didn’t trust mainstream media and being on Facebook a lot I listened to a doctor who realized we were being bamboozled. From her I became a member of her national group called “warriors of the radical light”. It spread in local communities all over the US and I believe into Canada. Here I found friendships that I desperately needed and am so grateful. We all need friends in these unpredictable times.
Thanks Elder Gal for bringing up a very important subject as we all are in the process of aging and many of us do not have family we can count on. 🤗🙏
Thanks for sharing Mary! Glad you found support! Take care!
Volunteer, soooo many opportunities to volunteer. City Parks and recreation senior's program, Senior Gleaners, church thrift shop, church making food for homeless, church cafe and church food pantry. I could be out volunteering amongst others full time, seven days a week. Love, love, love volunteering.
Sounds like you've found the thing that gives you joy Gurka! The world needs more people like you. Thanks for sharing!
I work with people between the age of 20 to 35 and they are experiencing the same thing. They can't find and maintain friendships.
I do believe it's a social phenomenon Gladys - a sign of the changing world we live in. Thanks for watching!
I am 34 and have felt this loneliness since my childhood. I think it's our hyper-individualistic society and the me me me attitude. People in their 20s have it even worse right now.
@@shanishine38 the pendulum will have to swing back because this is not sustainable. We are meant to be social creatures.
I agree 100% with you that you need friends or at least a friend that you can depend on especially when you live hundreds of miles away from family or have no family left. And yes, making friends is difficult actually from the time you leave college if you were fortunate enough to go to college. You also need to have a social life because it does affect your mental health whether you realize it or not.
I do agree, Betty! Thanks for watching and for your comment!
Im loner at 65. Just retired..but married. Happily.
Thanks for being there Alison!! 😊 ❤
You too Cathy!
I'm new as in haven't even had a chance to watch full video. The partial one I did see, I find you and I are alot alike in our situations. Though my own fault on a bunch of it. Mine keep in contact but it's verry stand off? I'm now in my 60s and my husband in 70s and his don't have anything to do with either of us. So a bunch of the topics your covering seems to be of big interest to me. Thank you for doing these and I will grab some time to watch
Appreciate your comment Lady-bug! So glad you found the channel. Take care!
I struggled with making friends as a child and younger person. I was very quiet and withdrawn. My teen years were difficult and bringing a child up alone meant no money for social activities Result? Social anxiety and gross lack of confidence. I know a few people but they are either busy, working or sick. The suggestion to join groups of similiar interests is good if there are any. I enjoy walking but there are no walking groups in my area. Another difficulty is lack of transport no everyone drives or has events on the doorstep.l have to use public transport and do not relish the though of waiting around on my own in the evening for a bus. As for social isolation for me it is a lack of oppitunities due to the afore mentioned reasons. Its not the same as loneliness but it can lead to being lonely.
I can understand your frustration in finding what can work for you in your situation Dianne! Do what you can. Take care!
Dusk on a summer evening is my favorite time too! Thank you for this well-done analysis! Good point about as you age you become more discerning in relationships, and friendships. I have recently joined a senior citizen belly dancing group - the Senioritas - and I am having a blast with this group of ladies.
That's great that you found the belly dancing group! Thanks for sharing this familyolson!
As always, I enjoyed the content of this pod cast, Allison. It would be the most rewarding thing that could ever happen to me to have a friend like you. I wish for your happiness dear lady. Sincerely.
Wouldn't it be nice to find a friend like this?
@@claudesmith9422
I live in a senior apartment complex. I make no friends there but I am kind and civil to everyone. I don't participate in activities in the recreation room due to all the bullying. My friends are in other states and I visit them every three months. Also, I invite them to visit me and put them up in a nearby hotel. Also, I have many friends overseas. Foreigners see friendship differently than Americans.
@@Selah1141 YES
Thanks so much Claude - you're always so supportive!
To be social is so much healthier , making friends is more challenging north of 60
I love your voice. For some reason it’s very comforting to me. You have a nice flow when speaking. Ur intelligence shines through ❤
So kind Contessa - thanks so much!
HERE PEOPLE ONLY GOSSIP! NO FRIENDS AT ALL! I SMILE AND WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME HOW ARE YOU???? I SAY GREAT!! THANK YOU HHHHHHHHHHH
Hi Allison. So true. I find having enough time in the day can be tricky, trying to balance it between all the different categories of friends and family. It's no good becoming overwhelmed.
Yes, it's all about balance weirdfish, that's for sure!
l have read comments in here...all are good. In my life today....l am so good with my peace and quiet times. Friends aren't needed
Thanks for sharing this, Tina! Glad you are at peace!
I tend to make and maintain friendships that last for 25-40+ years. My best friend passed away in 2015, and no one can fill that void. Honestly, I don't seek to replace her, (thats not fair to the lovely ppl I meet) 😊..
I am learning to be more "intentional" with staying connected ( not just a text or only call while I'm driving in traffic (hands free 😂).. I meet ppl all the time, I'm 61, some are in their mid- late 70's or mid thirties... I just try to be open-minded, and if I feel "safe".. cool.. no pressure, let's get together. I do enjoy solitude..so.. every now and then, cool. I think I want to know that someone still remembers me, care how I'm doing ( not invisible). ❤🎉 Happy Holiday!
Thanks for sharing this Duena! Sorry you lost your best friend. Appreciate your comment!
You will always be ok because of your sense of humor ❤
Thanks leerod! It's always been a great asset to look at things with humor!
Thanks leerod! It's always been a great asset to look at things with humor!
I'm sure that you will make friends through your UA-cam channel, good luck x
Great listening to this. Definitely gave me something to think about.
Friends???? 🤔 Thank you, happy 4th 🎉
Thanks for watching sattooh!
💜VALUABLE INSIGHT & GOOD ADVICE, THANK YOU FOR SHARING EG💜
Thanks for watching Tartarian!
Like many others here, I'm a loner, an only child. I was mainly left to my own devices. I've always felt a bit different from others. That being said I think I am or was, at the same time quite gregarious. I left my childhood/school friends behind when I emigrated in 1972. I then made friends at work as a nurse and some I found out weren't my true friends, but I had a few that I kept for 30 years, we socialized a bit, went through lots of life stuff together. I think we were close, but they all died the last 4 years.
I've joined groups in the past, but honestly it's not my thing. I live on a street that is (it seems) filled with people like me! We nod to each other, and that's about it... which is fine with me. It's possibly a vibrational thing, birds of a feather flock together but not in a social way. I don't want a friend at the moment, but one day down the road I might be ready. It would have to be a special person, a 5D kind of person, who understands boundaries, and is a frequency match for me. If anyone understands that? I'm doing some inner healing work, and have needed this time alone as I've spent my life being there for others one way or another. It's very nice to just do what you want to do, when you want to do it!
I love Brit TV too!
@@redwarrior2424 yes… great isn’t it?! I don’t have regular tv, stream Brit shows instead!
I recently had to end a friendship because the person, who I thought was a good friend, told me she was not willing to talk about my feelings in the relationship. And, she kept saying things that put distance between us… Like how I wasn't one of her best friends. Why say that to someone? Unless you want to hurt them, or push them away.
That is so hurtful! I have experienced something similar. Take care!
I met lots of great ladies at the gym I joined. We work out together 4 times a week and then go to lunch together afterward many days. It's my social life and so enjoyable! I'm 70
My interest in making new friends over 60 is challenged by the fact that we all have extensive relationship histories that potential new friends are just not a part of. Young people are like a blank page ready to be written upon. As we grow older those accumulating pages get filled with people, children, grandchildren, divorces, deaths, betrayals and all kinds of baggage becoming more and more complex and difficult to deal with. We become set in our ways and very particular about who we associate with. I have a romantic interest in a lady in her seventies, and feel keenly that I am ‘late to the party’ with her because of all the life we have both lived prior to our meeting.
Thanks for sharing this Will! There are so many things that do challenge friendships/relationships as we get older. We are no longer that blank page, which is both good and bad. Take care!
But the party is still going, so there is time for a nightcap. Nothing ventured, nothing gained…
@@sarahgerman8593 being there doing that 😉
I am 35 years old. and it’s hard trying to keep in touch with friends as they transitioning into life such as marriage, starting families, traveling, moving and new careers. Alot of content creaters I see around my age mostly says “You/I don’t need friends.” seems to have been speaking from trauma they’ve been through in life with past friendships. It makes you think when trying to make new friends as adults even harder. my thoughts “I like this person but He/She probably don’t wanna make new friends.” or “They already have established friendships.” or “I’m not good enough to be their friend.”
Thanks for sharing this Keith! It is more complicated now than it was 30 or 40 years ago. Lots more issues related to making friends now. Appreciate you watching!
@keith2o9 have you considered “Meet Up” groups in your area? There are tons of interest groups with “Meet Up”. Great way to meet people with similar interests. I would beg to differ from those content creators who state that “one doesn’t need friends”. Unless one is on a deeply spiritual path with the knowledge that all of life is changeable, including people and that the only one True, Eternal and unchangeable Truth with a capital “T” is God/Goddess, the Universe or whatever one’s belief is - then one needs a reliable friend/s.
Most older people have learned to see red flags from their experiences with problematic relationships and we would rather be isolated than deal with trying to extract ourselves from associations with people who take but offer little or nothing in return or those who are so emotionally immature that it's impossible to have a "healthy" relationship with them. If having "friends" means we become caregivers to parasites or abusers, we'll pass. The little life we have remaining is too precious to waste embroiled in situations that drain us.
Groups are usually good options because the interactions are often short and somewhat superficial. If we find someone in a group who we resonate with, there's always the option of reaching out to deepen the connection.
You make a good point here jekalambert, but I do think there are still healthy friendships out there. I agree that society has changed and even the younger people are having difficulty making meaningful connections. Thanks for watching!
I can so relate to your thoughts about problematic, draining relationships. When you've been through that repeatedly it becomes almost impossible to trust anyone.
Thank you
Who can afford to go out anymore?
Not all activities cost a lot - such as a walking group or book club. Thanks for watching!
@@lumpygravy52 yes of course there is walking etc. but I can’t afford to go out either, for breakfast or lunch or coffee. I do buy a bottle of wine and have a couple friends over. Or do coffee at home. Nice channel. You are good woman.
Yes, that is the truth, but we have to eat, to share a meal would be good, but not just for the sake of it. I don't mean share $, I mean share time, talk.
I'm on a fixed income and it's so fixed, it's practically broken. Still I do okish.
Just discovered you… you just ‘popped up’ on my phone 😱 😃👋🏼👋🏼
We have a great deal in common… Thank you for having the grit and determination to put yourself on UA-cam! I would love to, also, but I guess I’m scared of failure or just plain scared… Lol
Anyway, I find your subjects and info/statistics very thought-provoking and enjoyable to listen to…
And, by the way, you have absolutely lovely skin!
Glad you discovered my channel Christine! You just have to push through the fear to do something like this. So glad I did. You never know, you might take the plunge too! Take care!
I really enjoy your videos, you’re such a relatable woman. It’s amazing how similar people are to one another. I too lost contact with friends I grew up with or from school later in life; we’ve moved to different geographical locations. By nature I’m a loner and enjoy being alone, but not all the time. You’re actually a friend to those of us who follow you!☺️
Thanks so much for your kind words inquisitive! So glad you found the channel!
You are very welcome. In case you have any doubts, making a new friend will never be a problem for you, Allison. You could walk out the door today and speak two short sentences to anyone and they would become your friend. It is a gift of yours. Trust me on that. They would have little choice in the matter. So, please be of good cheer. Also, much Gratitude and Respect to both you and your Dad on this 4th of July holiday. My heart goes with you this day. Take care, Allison.
Happy July 4th to you as well John! Thanks again for the kind words. See you in the livestream Saturday!
@eldergal Likewise, Allison. Thank you. My pleasure always. You are also pretty strong in the Kind Words Dept. I always appreciate it. Enjoy the rest of your day. Take care, Allison.
I am not sure what loneliness is. I value and need my alone time but I cant seem to find anyone with enough character to have or be a friend. I crave a real friend. Maybe that is loneliness. Dosent really matter
I know what you mean about craving a REAL friend - that is much more difficult as we get older. Thanks for your comment Steve!
I had two heartattacks, husband died all friends died r very unhealthy and i started gig work to get out of I'm 72 and go thru alot of pain
So sorry you have gone through so much pain Linda - hope things improve!
Thanks!
Many thanks to you Selah!!😊💜