Mervin Reads! The Twilight Illustrated Guide (The Egyptian Coven)
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- Опубліковано 28 жов 2013
- Fourth coven to be discussed! These are the Egyptians, made up of Amun, Benjamin, Kebi, and Tia. Scattered throughout the scads of appalling behavior and nonsensical characterization, you will find some of the most HILARIOUS stupidity ever. Enjoy!
Credit:
MST3K: 8x16 "Prince of Space"
MST3K: 9x13 "Quest of the Delta Knights" - Розваги
The Volturi might not be the most pleasant people, but if Twilight was the real world... I would tip my hat to Aro.
Humanity's saviour. Only vampire coven leader with half a brain. Leader of the monster police.
I swear Meyer just took well-known ancient history and slotted her vampires in and thought "SEE, I DO know things!"
I think you missed one thing: The chance of an early 19th century Kairo street boy being called Benjamin is close to zero.
That whole "control the four elements" thing just REALLY shoots her its "MY VAMPIRES ARE SCIENCE" explanation in the foot. The four elements are NOT scientific. They're as outdated as alchemy.
Also, Aro is such a troll. He's just leaving Amun alive, laughing his ass off because he just keeps handing Aro new coven members. His trollishness just makes him even better.
Amun isn't just hilariously stupid. He's freaking insane. He does the EXACT same thing over & over again expecting a different result. That's insanity. He's an insane, hilariously idiotic Meyerpire.
Funnily, in German, that is not the definition of insanity, but the definition of stupidity. I think both fit, especially in this case! XD
I just realized Benjamin is Josh from Until Dawn! :D
This made my day
Why can't Meyer write a protagonist who isn't a sociopath? What does that say about her?
I don't mind the idea of a human becoming some supernatural being changing color a bit, especially with vampires because corpses do tend to go pale due to lack of bloodflow, but considering how Meyer considers her vampires the ultimate beings, the embodiments of perfection itself, it makes me a little sick that she turns them all white.
Well Luarant is black
Easy fix: Just make the vampires' skin gain a metallic/crystalline look upon transformation.
12:23 Night at the Museum reference.
The reason Benjamin can control all elemrs but only fire as human is because any vampire with a giift third gift had to do with their human form like Edward he must have really cared about what people thought and now he can read thier lights. So Benjamin's gift can control the elemts it had to do with hjis human life.
I have no idea how Meyer can give so vague dates. I hate putting down anything other than a full date. Even if the date never comes up in the story, I like knowing the exact date the person was born, changed, died, etc.
The Gods in Percy Jackson are more human and relatable though. I related to almost all of them at some point throughout the series (Except Zeus and Aphrodite and Artemis and Hera (though I hear Hera gets some character development in Heroes Of Olympus) whereas I never once related to the Cullens.
Watching this video makes me happy. Amun's idiocy just makes me laugh.
I would make Amon (Amun) really OP vampire that never intervenes into lesser vampire affair. He would be omnipotent, omniscient and omnipresent, invulnerable and immortal Vampire. All gifts of other Vampires would be granted by him.
The fact they used the name of a god and made him this dumb (like Starcraft did) really annoys me.
I'm with Mervin; I'll take the Go'auld over these guys any day, because:(A) The way it was done in the Stargate universe (and I'm not just talking about the first movie, either) made it relevant. Remember, the Go'auld were the Big Bads through most of SG-1, and these Egyptians are pointless.(B) They were villains! They were trouble and they acted like trouble! Meyer writes people who act like trouble and are supposed to be our heroes!
You do realize that Meyer is indirectly demonizing humans with powers while celebrating talented vampires?
This was an awesome start for my day :D
I wish you would make more of these Twilight analyse / Hate videos. Love them :)
I love this coven so much
For all the D&D people out there: Come up with a four- to seven-player party and a strategy that can hard-counter the Cullens in a fight. I'll start off.
Alice & Edward: an aarakocra (old version) of any class that can cast Mind Blank.
The rest: a bunch of aarakocra (again, old version) warlock-sorcerers with Eldritch Blast, picking up the invocations Agonizing Blast (damage increase), and Eldritch Spear (increases the range of Eldritch Blast from 120 to 300 ft), and picking up the Quickened Spell metamagic. Firebolt or Scorching Ray works too. Give each of them a Rod of the Pact Keeper (Very Rare version).
Strategy: Have someone cast Reverse Gravity so that all the Cullens are in the area of effect and then spend ten minutes shooting fish in a barrel with Eldritch Blast/Firebolt/Scorching Ray buffed with Hex (stack with Hexblade's Curse if the warlocks serve the Hexblade). If you want to be extra mean, give the aarakocra warlock-sorcs enough Tomes of Leadership and Influence to raise their CHA to 30.
Extra Credit: Come up with a four- to seven-person party to hard counter any other coven of your choice (Egyptian, Irish, etc).
Note: The vampires, because of Meyer's "mY vAmPiReS aRe sCiEnCe" bullsh*t do not (well, should not) have magical physical attacks.
I say the gods remind me of the Cullens because they're arrogant, spoiled (like they live in fabulous wealth and luxury but never seem to do anything useful with their powers), make high expectations of others, are disdainful and abusive towards the human race, are shitty parents, and that's not even getting into everything they did in the myths. And of course, both universes are heavily Crapsack Worlds, though Twilight is still a better, happier place to live than the PJ world.
I was looking forward to this one too! They were such massive assholes in Wedding Crashers.
You know if the Egyptian gods were Meyerpires, then that just gives more credence to my theory that the Greek and Roman gods were Meyerpires as well. That would certainly explain why Classical gods were a bunch of batshit insane, murderous, rapacious, raging lunatics. Actually the Cullens remind me of the gods in Percy Jackson, like a lot, actually.
Yep, I've thought for a while now 'Pires are dumb.
At least the gods have one braincell to share between them. The 'pires don't.
Can you further expand on that theory??
Actually, considering that the pyramids in their inception were covered with polished marble and capped with gold (Or the other way around) so they practically lit up the surroundings, I can kind of believe that Meyerpires would order the construction of something that flashy and gaudy.
Lmaooooo yooo I'm weak she went in on amun's life !!!!
To Sorakeyblademaster37 I appear to not be able to reply to your post so I can only hope your the sort of person who rereads the comments section. To compare the Greek Gods as portrayed in the Percy Jackson to the characters of Stephanie Meyer is an insult to the writing of Rick Riordan yes the Gods are disdainful and abusive and far far from perfect which is why it is to the authors credit that I feel for them the sympathy that I do Stephanie Meyer on the other hand is an entirely different story and I would thank you to remember the distinction.
Hilarious!
+HatiChantheWolfHog Honestly I still don't get the distinction, no offense. At least the Meyerpires don't have the power to fix at least half the world's problems with a snap of their fingers and yet they don't do it.
15:34 EW