Das Ranting: Mervin Reads! Twilight Illustrated Guide (Episode 4)

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  • Опубліковано 1 жов 2024

КОМЕНТАРІ • 101

  • @F1areon
    @F1areon 8 років тому +13

    If Carlisle found Rosalie while she was hurt, wouldn't it have made more sense to, y'know, *get her to a hospital?*

    • @cartooningfanart
      @cartooningfanart 4 роки тому +1

      It was too late for her and he might also have saved her because he wished for a daughter for himself.

  • @DarkMasterofCupcakes
    @DarkMasterofCupcakes 8 років тому +12

    Changing Rosalie without her consent would be horrible either way...but knowing that he did it just so he could set her up with Edward makes Carlisle such a monster. Like, at least if he was doing it because he wanted to help her...it would still be pretty disgusting, considering the both the whole 'they're stuck in the mental state they were in when they turned', and the fact that being turned into a vampire is often a metaphor for sex...but at least you could argue that he had good intentions, since vampirism does technically save your life.
    Turning anyone just so they could be a potential mate for someone is horrible. Turning someone that you, as a doctor, would presumably be able to tell was a rape victim (and that's not even assuming that she didn't have obvious signs that she was sexually assaulted), is just appalling. He just didn't care.
    ...You know, while I don't really like any of them, Rosalie is the Cullen that I can come the closest to sympathizing with, and the one that I think could be the easiest to change into being sympathetic. Namely, you know, take out the "Hand that Rocks the Cradle" stuff in Breaking Dawn Book 2, and also make it that she'd wanted to have children so she could raise them and have a family, not just to have a cute living doll.

  • @maryt.3273
    @maryt.3273 6 років тому +8

    About Esme: All I could think about was "You didn't save my life, you ruined my death!"

  • @WritingByMoonlight
    @WritingByMoonlight 9 років тому +7

    That whole thing about the sewers has always annoyed me no end. They didn't HAVE sewers in London in the seventeenth century. They did have a sewage "system" (for lack of a better word) but it was mostly above ground, ran through the open streets and into the Thames. They had catacombs though, which would have been a much more appropriate and practical place to find blood drinking monsters of superstition.

  • @EmpressofCornwall
    @EmpressofCornwall 12 років тому +5

    Bear in mind that that - I don't know these books - but imagine the perversion imagine if Esme somehow suggested in her hopeless doormat way that he start experimenting with the alternate vampire lifestyle by hunting down her ex hubby? Maybe Esme is darker than we expected...

  • @DarkMasterofCupcakes
    @DarkMasterofCupcakes 12 років тому +7

    Wanting Rosalie to be a companion to Edward would be more understanable if by "comapanion", it was actually supposed to mean "friend", but clearly, she was meant to basically be a slave-bride.

  • @jonnavdpas
    @jonnavdpas 12 років тому +6

    Oh man, I completely laughed my ass off together with you when you were laughing your ass off about Edward's "gay phase". Oh my god....

  • @Sorakeyblademaster37
    @Sorakeyblademaster37 10 років тому +17

    EmpressofCornwall There's a silly fan theory on TV Tropes that Bella is the Twilight version of a zombie. Since Meyerpires have only the faintest vampire characteristics and no downsides, then maybe Twi-zombies are similar.
    Basically, Bella is a zombie because of a flat brainscan (no brainwaves/dead brain), which is why she's immune to telepathy. Also a vacant expression and flat effect (at least in the movies). Bella even describes herself as a zombie in New Moon because she shut down and became practically catatonic when Edward abandoned her.
    That's one of my favorite crack theories.

    • @redjirachi1
      @redjirachi1 10 років тому +3

      The only difference between her and a zombie is that zombies aren't bitches

    • @Sorakeyblademaster37
      @Sorakeyblademaster37 10 років тому +4

      At least a zombie is HONEST about how it doesn't see you as a person.

    • @redjirachi1
      @redjirachi1 9 років тому +1

      +Sorakeyblademaster37 So a lich?

    • @Sorakeyblademaster37
      @Sorakeyblademaster37 9 років тому +2

      John Porteous Wouldn't she obsess over her soul jar though?

    • @noahkarpinski1824
      @noahkarpinski1824 8 років тому +2

      +Sorakeyblademaster37 she would if she had a soul

  • @InvaderGIR98
    @InvaderGIR98 9 років тому +5

    I know this video is old as shit, but I must say! Mervin, you silly thing, it's OBVIOUS why the Cullens eat animals even though they don't care about human life - how else will they feel superior and special when compared to other vampires? Vampires are ALL supposed to be special and perfect, mind you, but the Cullens need to be ESPECIALLY special and perfect!

    • @redjirachi1
      @redjirachi1 9 років тому +4

      +Joey Matheny There's only one group of vampires that gets special treatment, and that's the Pillar Men

    • @F1areon
      @F1areon 8 років тому +1

      +John Porteous *poses fabulously*

  • @tadybea
    @tadybea 11 років тому +4

    Not only is it sad that Edward was the one to kill the ex husband and not Carlisle, but it also makes it seem as if Edward had a "mother" complex with Esme

  • @bellamee2775
    @bellamee2775 9 років тому +6

    I think a good way of Edward starting his vigilante days would be for him to be heading out to hunt when he hears the thoughts of a guy who's planning on raping and murdering a woman. So he trails this guy for a bit until the guy attempts to carry out his plan. Edward intervenes, saves the woman but causes the guy to become injured and bleed.
    Since Edward is hungry/thirsty, he starts to drink the blood of the guy and doesn't realise what he's done until the guy is dead. His mind is warped a little and so he realises that he can soothe the burning ache in his throat by rescuing people and 'accidentally' injuring their attackers. After a few years, the guilt catches up to him.

  • @BlueUncia
    @BlueUncia 10 років тому +10

    Edward romanticising World War I is slightly plausible, I have to say. Emphasis on "slightly." At the very start of the war quite a lot of the soldiers moving to the front were actually enthusiastic about the prospect. They thought they were going on some heroic adventure, to do their patriotic duty and fight some faceless enemy they didn't really know or care about.
    It was very naive, of course, and once they realised it was all machine gun fire, trench warfare and poison gas attacks, that enthusiasm evaporated. So it really depends on when exactly during the war Edward wanted to join.

    • @redjirachi1
      @redjirachi1 10 років тому +5

      One problem there: America entered the war at its end, and from what I remember the US didn't like to play a part in European conflicts. So either its sociopathy or war vigor. Either way, it explains a lot

    • @BlueUncia
      @BlueUncia 10 років тому +4

      John Porteous That's true, although it was possible for Americans to join European armies as volunteers, and so be involved right from the start.

    • @redjirachi1
      @redjirachi1 10 років тому +3

      Ah. Still, given from what we know of Edward, I bet that he volunteered for...less benevolent reasons

    • @BlueUncia
      @BlueUncia 10 років тому

      John Porteous This is probably the case, yeah. ;P

    • @redjirachi1
      @redjirachi1 10 років тому +5

      Plus it's canon that all the "heroes" in Twilight are different levels of sociopath. This includes Meyer

  • @animeotaku307
    @animeotaku307 11 років тому +3

    Am I the only one who thinks that map of the Cullen Grounds was done by a five year-old? Because I think I could've drawn that same thing.

  • @Magikalic
    @Magikalic 12 років тому +2

    As far as the romantic story actually goes, it would have been better for Edward to be gay and be in love with Jacob. There is real 'forbidden love', it could play on their traditions and beliefs, they match each other both physically and emotionally so lessens the unbalance Edward and Bella has and no demon baby. It could have been so much better than the canon and you can't often say that about slash pairings.

  • @alysonblackwood3099
    @alysonblackwood3099 6 років тому +2

    The thing that's bothering me the most about Wardo's shirt is the fact that the bottom two buttons and the top buttons are on opposite sides of the shirt. In order for this shirt to make sense, the buttons have to be on the side that's under the overlap. MEYER'S ARTIST DOESN'T KNOW HOW BUTTONS WORK!!!

  • @r.rookley4236
    @r.rookley4236 8 років тому +7

    Twilight smells Edward runaway, Bella dies Jacob cries, POTTER ALL THE WAY YAY!!!!

  • @nomduclavier
    @nomduclavier 12 років тому +1

    You're so right - I could buy him being disillusioned with humanity, and occasionally like, saw a crime being committed and after fighting the perpetrator ended up feeding on them. Hell, I could buy him going out with that specific purpose, if he had had a proper epiphany about and repented, and if Bella hadn't been so goddamn flippant about the whole thing. My god.
    Also, fuck chivalry. I choose suffrage.

  • @EmpressofCornwall
    @EmpressofCornwall 12 років тому +1

    Maybe Edward couldn't read Bella's mind because she didn't have a mind? She's just an annoying singing bag of blood?
    Just a notion - from someone who has not read any of these books, but who gets great delight from your fury!
    Well done!

  • @blackmagic5261
    @blackmagic5261 8 років тому +1

    the funny part I would haved loved a story a about vampire vigilante Edward killing evil humans if Edward just strait out said I like killing people so I murder bad people for fun that would have been great lot of people love dexter for a reason here sadly he is just a douch bag

  • @inotaishu1
    @inotaishu1 12 років тому +1

    I didn't really think about Rosalie's fate but you have a point. And I remember how you said in your other version that Jacob is basically another Edward and I think now that the werewolves are just another version of the Cullens. The whole imprinting stuff and the attitude of the male werewolves sounds the same as the one Carlisle had with Rosalie, it doesn't even occur to them that the chosen female might not want them.

  • @Moosh50
    @Moosh50 12 років тому +2

    I worked as a security guard for 3 and a half years. It was mostly noneventful and boring, so I was, well, bored. Your Twilight recaps and other sporks saved me from three years of boredom. This is the second time I'm going trough these Illustrated Guide videos of yours, and they are still brilliant. Keep up the awesome work.
    Also, I want to have your babies.

  • @NoobySniper90
    @NoobySniper90 12 років тому +1

    Look, there is NO ONE on EARTH who knows the Twilight "saga" better than Mervin. Not even Stephenie, "wank to deadward" Meyer.

  • @NovaConstantine
    @NovaConstantine 12 років тому +1

    how can they be so freaking tall when they are supposedly from 100 years before? at that time people were short.. and poor Rosalie... I mean the idea tha tcomes for ms supposed saint of meyerpires is SICK!!

  • @RWBn00b
    @RWBn00b 10 років тому +3

    Just as a little note on the sewers...
    There actually was a simplistic sewer system back then- the roman one, which had fallen out of use by Carlisle's time.

  • @wingslovedvalkria
    @wingslovedvalkria 12 років тому +1

    I'm just happy his birthday june 20th instead of july 20th because that's my birthday

  • @christiegreenwood2642
    @christiegreenwood2642 6 років тому +1

    The sewers of London, eh? Did he take the Tube to work, too? Makes as much sense in the 17th century. Meyer, Wikipedia is your friend.

  • @everlastingdragon4520
    @everlastingdragon4520 2 роки тому +1

    Edward is reading Bella's mind. There's just nothing in it.

  • @gsa14
    @gsa14 12 років тому +1

    Edward's hair...his hair...and his pale, pure white skin...GINGER!!!

  • @thevideogameempire
    @thevideogameempire 7 років тому +3

    Some would argue that the people Edward killed (Rapists, Murderers, pedophiles etc.) can't be redeemed. I can't see jack the ripper doing anything to make up for his rampage. It doesn't make Edward any better a person, mind you; he's still clearly a psychopath. We have due process for a reason, but I personally have issues with the whole "you can't decide who lives and who dies" argument because it implies that the action of killing a murderer and ending the threat they pose is the same as killing an innocent person. Again, he's still a dangerous psychopath, he adopts the whole vigilante thing far to quickly. People like that tend to start moving on to innocent people sooner or later, deliberately or not. What also worries me is that if he can only read surface thoughts, who's to say he didn't kill an innocent person because he listened to their thoughts without context and thought they killed someone? What if some one was thinking of a movie quote or a particularly dark joke and Edward thought he was about to kill someone?

    • @thevideogameempire
      @thevideogameempire 7 років тому +1

      He reminds me of Light Yagami from death note actually. Think about it, God complex? targets criminals? Homoerotic undertones not intended by the author? He's Light, only poorly written, whiny, and instead of a karmic death for all of the innocents he killed, he gets married to a soulless shell of a teenager and spawns the Antichrist. All we need now is a genius kid detective and some modicum of intelligence and we can turn this into Death Note, Vampire addition.

    • @everlastingdragon4520
      @everlastingdragon4520 2 роки тому

      The big problem is that he's ultimately killing people for a selfish purpose: he wanted to drink human blood.

    • @thevideogameempire
      @thevideogameempire 2 роки тому

      @@everlastingdragon4520 What of it? Results are the same.

    • @everlastingdragon4520
      @everlastingdragon4520 2 роки тому

      @@thevideogameempire I was saying that you're right about the whole problem with people saying that you can't decide who lives or dies and that the big problem is that, again, Edward isn't even doing this for justice in the first place. He's doing it because he wants to drink human blood.

    • @thevideogameempire
      @thevideogameempire 2 роки тому

      @@everlastingdragon4520 Again, what does it matter?

  • @redjirachi1
    @redjirachi1 9 років тому +1

    My vampire interpretation is that, being clinically dead(they are undead after all), vampires decay without food. They need to drink human blood in order to replenish their body and not slowly rot

    • @Orthrus
      @Orthrus 8 років тому

      +John Porteous
      1. A clinical death is a term used to describe a situation in which you have no pulse and are not breathing. It does not mean that you are brain dead and generally 'dead' dead.
      2. Death is irreversible because of a series of chemical reactions that cause your cells to literally tear apart and break down - preventing them from ever performing their functions again. In a nutshell, your brain turns to mush on the cellular level, so you cease to function.
      3. The human body needs oxygen, water, and dozens of various supplements and nutrients in order for the chemical reactions needed to keep cells running to function. Blood alone cannot sustain that.
      So your 'interpretation' is scientifically invalid. A better solution: Dude, they're frickin' vampires! They're mythological creatures. Just say they're magic and have done with it. Trying to scientifically explain a supernatural being is just shooting yourself in the foot.

    • @redjirachi1
      @redjirachi1 8 років тому +2

      It's psuedo-science. Fuctional magic. The other explanation is that vampires drink human blood because they're evil...which, let's be honest, was the case for the original Dracula

  • @ifruit216
    @ifruit216 11 років тому +1

    Dean IS right.

  • @NosKryme
    @NosKryme 13 років тому

    @nicolebmoviesFTW2 It depends what kind of reading you mean, there are a few questions you asked in this video that have been answered in the book. Though if you're randomly reading the book and not taking it in, then i don't expect you to find answers for your questions which were already answered in book ONE (there could have been answers in book two as well but I skipped that one.)

  • @jazzywolf9250
    @jazzywolf9250 5 років тому

    Sorry Carlyle finding vampires in the sewers in the 1600s is impossible. Construction of the London Sewerage System began in 1859 and went on for six years until completion in 1865.

  • @NosKryme
    @NosKryme 13 років тому

    @dasmervin Why would I need too? o___O the answers already ARE in the book (...though considering how the book is written, I wouldn't be surprised if one forgot what it said, cause in all honesty, I don't remember the extra scenes in the book besides the answers.) Most of the answers, I believe, would be in the first book though.

  • @WingsOfASong
    @WingsOfASong 11 років тому

    The art for the Cullens are gorgeous. But I still despise them. And kudos for recapping this bullshit. And to the UA-camr questioning you and your skill to go through this with a fine tooth comb, I have the links to her recaps and I will gladly send them if you'd like to look at them.

  • @PhantomOfTheSchool
    @PhantomOfTheSchool 13 років тому

    I took a peek in the guidebook thing myself. Wasn't all that impressive AT ALL. I find it rather lulzy when they tried to go all Tolkien with the werewolf family trees, but that's something for another time.
    Say, I'm not seeing the link you mentioned in the vid. Where is the link?

  • @LauraIsPink
    @LauraIsPink 13 років тому

    i think it's pretty stupid that stephenie meyer had to write a SEPARATE book about all of the stuff that she should have been put IN THE ORIGINAL BOOKS!!!! my god! j.r.r. tolkein had the maps literally written in the lord of the rings books. i mean you open up the books an BAM there's a map of hobbiton, mordor, gondor ect. as the inside art. you know shits going down when frodo's sword turns blue. where as NOTHING happens in twilight.

  • @NosKryme
    @NosKryme 13 років тому

    As amusing as this is, it really makes your accusations kinda of...bottomless cause alot of the questions you asked were answered in the book ^^'
    Soooo I'll just assume you DIDN'T read the book, but I'd suggest you do if you want yer answers.

  • @dasmervin
    @dasmervin  13 років тому +1

    @NosKryme Considering I am doing a sentence-by-sentence analysis and recap of all of the Twilight books right now and am currently in the middle of Eclipse, that is a bottomless accusation as well. If you have answers to the questions I still have, feel free to point me in the direction of the passages that contain said answers.

  • @RWBn00b
    @RWBn00b 13 років тому +1

    @RWBn00b
    Plus, the romanian coven story confirms that her vampires dies from regular fire. Without tearing them apart, as they were literally burned to death by arson. XD
    Makes sense what with her saying her vamps have incredibly flammable cells.
    Napalm would absolutely murder the meyerpires.

  • @Squirreltasticqueen
    @Squirreltasticqueen 10 років тому

    This is going to sound stupid but where is Episode 5? I really love this examination but it's missing.

  • @dianesummers1989
    @dianesummers1989 12 років тому +1

    I actually have a theory about how the Cullens managed to evade the law. In Meyer's world, the government and every form of law available is as competent as Barney Fife from the Andy Griffith Show.

  • @hollyfaye
    @hollyfaye 12 років тому

    Only because I just finished Eclipse can I pick out the Vetenarian quote. Otherwise, I drew out a blank.

  • @MorSonny11
    @MorSonny11 13 років тому

    Wait in the last videos Myeres said that vampires cant starve. But then now she said he was starving

  • @ReviewForReel
    @ReviewForReel 12 років тому

    There is no way a probate judge would release a family fortune to the same man for 70 odd years.

  • @EsmeAmelia
    @EsmeAmelia 12 років тому

    Oh yeah, Rosalie's blonde, so that means she must be shallow, right? God I hate Meyer.

  • @BlackSheepNara
    @BlackSheepNara 10 років тому +1

    Why do people say Edward is gay? I always assumed he was either asexual or demi-sexual.

    • @noahkarpinski1824
      @noahkarpinski1824 8 років тому

      Because we hate him

    • @tawnyowl1764
      @tawnyowl1764 8 років тому +1

      Because apparently sparkling = gay. It doesn't make a great deal of sense, but then, I really doubt Meyer knows that asexuality and demisexuality exist, so he's not that either.

    • @noahkarpinski1824
      @noahkarpinski1824 8 років тому +1

      tawnyowl
      Its not just that. If you read the books he literally rejects every women (until bella) and has more onscreen chemistry with Aro then his wife.

  • @Tolly7249
    @Tolly7249 12 років тому

    ...I would seriously read the hell out of that and I don't even like romance novels.

  • @KanadeWolfDemon
    @KanadeWolfDemon 13 років тому

    England didn't have a sewer system in the 1600's...

  • @xxx-funandtheories8337
    @xxx-funandtheories8337 3 роки тому

    You read or you mocking it? Too bad because it could be a great video

  • @lexalina132
    @lexalina132 12 років тому

    i think they did... but i could be wrong

  • @DestinyHime
    @DestinyHime 12 років тому

    What is the name of that song?

  • @jonnavdpas
    @jonnavdpas 12 років тому

    This.
    This might just be the biggest fail on Meyers part of all times, ever. There's no point in questioning it, really. She didn't do her research, apparently.

  • @tehsupervampy
    @tehsupervampy 13 років тому

    I just love hearing about how much somebody hates Twilight on Harry Potter's birthday... well here.

  • @CeruleanRogue
    @CeruleanRogue 13 років тому

    *prays*
    Something tells me you're going to need a mountain of advil before this is all done..

  • @CheekyCharlotte143
    @CheekyCharlotte143 12 років тому

    this is the funniest video ever, loveyou lmfao! im sitting here laughing

  • @jlouisa
    @jlouisa 7 років тому

    Happy Birthday to you dad. Sorry he had to share it with an awful person.

  • @HeadofSpectre
    @HeadofSpectre 11 років тому

    He looks like Raoul Silva from Skyfall! =O

  • @lexalina132
    @lexalina132 12 років тому

    so funny XD hahaha!!! AND TRUE!!!

  • @IzZyVanDizZy
    @IzZyVanDizZy 13 років тому

    This is off topic, but just when you started laughing about Edward's "alternative lifestyle", my dad came in and asked me, why >I< was laughing so hard. I didn't notice because I haven't heard my own voice recorded in a long time, but we sound very, very much alike, especially the laughter.
    Now I really like my voice. =)

  • @maritzagarcia9033
    @maritzagarcia9033 11 років тому

    yo whats your problem why are you hating on it so much if you don't like it don't fucking review it then, if you going to do it do it right and stop saying shit about it

  • @tallblondasian
    @tallblondasian 13 років тому

    @Catalaya270 lol but Edward's is June 20th I remember cuz I was pissed that he was a Gemeni like me.