My first wife cheated and left me with two small children to raise. Which I did and she paid zero child support. However it cost me half my equity. Second wife was batshit crazy. Had to give her half again. And I owned my home before I met her. Now I am retired with a large mortage and nowhere near as financial stable as I should be. I would never, ever recommend marriage to any man.
@@Billydevito was having sex with ex for over two years after the divorce. It was just her using me for attention and validation. There was no way I could really move on with life with her in it. I don't miss her. I miss the easy sleezy sex. It was like being a teenager having sex in the back seat if the truck on lunch. Screwing in the bar parking lot. Pulling over on a back road. She wss a terrible person and did terrible things. Easier to find someone without the past and do raunchy things with them.
I was happily married for 30 years, and widowed for the past 10. We raised 2 kids and grew a successful business which is still going strong. When my daughter was in high school she told us that her mother and I were the ONLY intact married couple that any of her classmates had ever seen. When she got sick I was able to stay home for a year and nurse my wife through terminal cancer, but it seems that I will probably never remarry. I never met anyone like her...before or since, and I imagine that people like her are so rare that meeting more than one in a lifetime is highly unlikely. I'll help raise these grandkids and hope to find her again on the other side.
Maybe it helped that y’all owned and worked at your own business. When we used to have many mom and pop businesses and farms, marriage wasn’t so looked down upon. This corporate based economy doesn’t do as well, for the family, as the family based economy we used to have.
As a young Chad I worked in the Boston, MA financial district and I fooled around with many married women who aggressively pursued me. Your marriage story is awesome and I think working a family business together kept temptation out of reach of your wife’s hands
I am in the same position as you brother. My Wife of almost 28 years passed away in April. I know that the deck is stacked against ever finding anyone like her again. Seeing these horror stories that so many men have been through, really gives me pause.
The answer is becoming a bachelor. Don't look at women as a potential sex partner but instead as someone to go to movies and shows, walks and boarding, watch TV shows, etc. with. When it comes up make it clear that you're committed bachelor. Sooner or later one or more of them will be interested in sex. As long as there are too old to have children or you have a vasectomy then enjoy it with them while also realizing there will come a day when they don't want to have sex with you anymore. Avoid women who don't have a full life of their own with friends and children. Avoid women who are on the edge of poverty. Just don't even start because they're going to come on to you like glue. And they will temporarily do anything you desire.. for even a couple years to land you. It can be intoxicating but you're going to suffer for about a quarter of the time you spent with them when things end. Ideally, you shouldn't see them more than twice a month. Also set aside about $500 to help them with emergencies and be available to go help them out with a flat tire. It is a fine line but they're not potential wives.
My parents have been married for 25 years now and things are still good for them, I think it’s possible to have a long lasting fulfilling marriage, it’s just one of those things that you have to be more committed towards and one of the best things that could help is both parties need to work on the relationship before they even get married, so basically when dating all the fun time you had, there’s no reason for that to stop during marriage, sure I can get difficult because life becomes more busy, but focusing on each other’s love after marriage is something I’ve been told to work on all the time and my current GF agrees, we both should work on our relationship equally but that’s because we just love each other. Maybe it’s different because my GF is my best friend, but I don’t know. Hopefully there’s men and women that can find the right person that is willing to be fully committed.
Facts. I can live like a king on $60k a year because I’m good at living within my means and sticking to a budget. Plus I’m low-maintenance and prefer a simple lifestyle. But if I tried to factor in a second person, even if she had a good job, it would be lights out. All your money evaporates because of the ten million things she’ll tell you you absolutely have to spend your money on when you’re in a relationship, and there is no negotiating.
In fact.... It would still be cheaper to have a girlfriend and have a defined responsibility to take care of in exchange for her company... A sort of exclusive friends with benefits, Say 50% of her student loan debt while still having your autonomy , space , freedom , hobbies , peace and so on...
The one man-one woman lifelong marriage is an artificial construct designed to counter the natural inclination of women to gravitate towards the top percentage of men. It was invented so that almost all men had a woman and thus had skin in the game so they would cause less trouble and be more productive and protective of their group/clan/village/country. And it worked really well but now we are quickly going back to the pre marriage model. In fact, since women can now provide for themselves and get resources and protection from society, I predict women will continue to narrow down the amount of men they will mate with until society falls apart, we go extinct, or we invent artificial wombs. As a guy who’s not an alpha that women want, I look at the bright side. After the government forcibly takes their cut, I get to keep all of my time and resources for myself. It is what it is and you make the best of it.
Marriage is the worst contract a man could sign and it’s the best contract a woman could sign. Does anyone see the problem here? Smarten up guys, the juice ain’t worth the squeeze.
Yet the women are always screaming and crying about women’s rights. They have no clue that they have way more rights than any man does. And they still want more.
Oh please I was married and I am glad I don't have to out up w/this men sex lusting diease. A man who lives just for sex is just an animal. Plus leaving dirty clothes all over. Lazy. Not gixing anything. I had yo do the gixing. Because all he thought about was SEX
Men are blamed regardless what we do. We are considered a negative until we earn a spot on the unique good man list as defined by women, you’ll see it if you look
Unhappiness is the default setting of a woman once you move into together. Best to extricate yourself from that situation and learn to never live with a woman again.
the truth is, if you can’t take on responsibility of a woman’s happiness then you’re not ready for one. can you tell her STFU? this is how i gauge if im into her or not. no compromises. its all about what you want. and she’s going to go along with it but she’s not going to do it willingly.
There's quite a few problems that would arise from John's idea. It's not a bad idea, but reality would not allow it to work in real life. 1. Men will have feelings for the woman and get jealous when the woman flaunts the men she screws around with (she WILL flaunt them on purpose). 2. Sex will get turned off even faster than it does for married men. Once she has a kid and locks you in, why should she have sex with you any more? You signed a contract and she can have sex with anyone she wants. 3. Many women are manipulative and would say things like "don't you love me?" and push you toward traditional marriage where she can lock you in for life. 4. Whatever deal you make with her will not be honored in court. All she has to do is make less money than she did when the deal was made (or you make more money) and the courts will demand you start paying her more and more money. 5. This scenario could get very complicated because women will figure out the best way to make the most money would be to make the same deal with 4-6 other men who make good money. The kids would never have a full blooded siblings, they would all be half brothers and sisters. And your kid would be subjected to all kinds of other men coming around. 6. Just as it is today, the kid you have with her won't be yours. What if she decides to move to another country and you don't want to follow her? There goes your kid, but you still have to pay child support. So basically, your plan is to skip getting married and go straight into being a divorced Dad and paying child support. Naw, stay single my friends!
Yeah, I don’t think his idea would work for most situations. Also does anyone really want to shuttle kids between two parents? Everyone realizes that is a bad situation for the kids generally.
That is the no.1 comment on this video. It is that good & thank you. I have a question for you: Did you know my ex-wife? Common admit it.... you knew her & had relationship with her. There is no way you could be that accurate & on the ball unless you knew my ex-wife. By the way; you're welcome to her. If I had my time again, I'd just stay single, love 'em & definitely leave them. I used to be a successful, happy go lucky kinda guy, with my shit together. Been trying to pick-up the pieces for the last 24 years since I told the *itch to sling her hook & leave. I really wished I'd stayed single & totally uncommitted in ANY way. Such an excellent comment.
I was married for 14 years and had two great kids, but she eventually got bored and wanted a divorce (to find herself). We remain friends who finished raising our kids (9 and 11 at time of divorce...now 20 and 22 and in college) in separate homes. It's been 11 years and I haven't been in a cohabitating relationship since, and I can't imagine ever doing it again. I love living alone. Yours is a great idea, but, on the whole, women will never go for it. Generally speaking, women are so bad with money that they're always living paycheck to paycheck--no matter how big the paycheck--and looking for some way to allow them to spend more. Paring down to one household, and adding another income (yours) is nirvana to them.
I agree.... And even if women somehow go for the sharing costs , they always push for access or control of whatever it is they want from the man... If it's money then they will want the credit card /a joint account... If it's the house then they want to be on the lease or the title deed ... They will not simply take your word for it that you have an agreement, they need physical or legal access/control and then they usually take over
When I was a kid my parents fought all the time hated each other ended up getting a divorce even my grandparents never got along. That was all I needed to know that marriage sucks I knew at a very young age that I wasn’t going to get married.
I've never heard my parents nor grandparents even raise their voice against each other during my whole life. I know its probably an exception. But it is possible. Obviously. Different generations though.
I never felt marriage was a natural relationship for a man. The horror stories we men hear over and over again reinforces my attitude. The biggest culprit is the state sanctioning a very pro-feminine scenario while it ignore that if a man benefits from the institution, women will too.
Women want to be strong and independent but their number one complaint with men is they don’t do enough. It’s never enough. Let them be independent. 🤷🏻♂️
You are very wise sir. Both my marriages lasted 12 years, but were actually over by year 10. I was a top earner, shared my money with them unselfishly, never cheated on them even once. They both hated me by year 10 lol. Absolutely positively never again! There is nothing that would get me to marry again. The freedom and lack of drama is addicting. The so called modern woman is not worth it in any way whatsoever. I literally feel sadness for the gentlemen out there who are married. I can see the pain in their eyes, every ounce of life has been sucked out of them.
I know what you mean. I have some married clients that I see every week and their lives are miserable. They don't even realize how bad it is because they are in it. It's like a fish not being aware of the water.
@@john-griffin Ouch! I was one of them. She left the kids and me after 10 years. It was the best gift she ever gave me. I never did miss her. The neglect and abuse from her is something I will never forget. She is one miserable creature.
Before the ex- became the ex-, she would constantly hide anything I left out in the nearest drawer. We had a large 3 BR home. She had a “craft room”, I had an “office”. I gave up my office so should could have TWO craft rooms. Almost all my stuff resided in about 1/2 of a 3 car garage. In the home MY spaces was 1/3 of a walk in master closet, a 2nd standard bedroom closet, and three dresser drawers! Then the garage bothered her too much. I finally told her “STFU about the garage, you’ve got the whole house as you like it”. Still wasn’t good enough. We got divorced.
When you WAIT to make it clear that you will walk away, the chances of that ending the relationship are very high. You have to be willing to walk away BEFORE you get married, and make it crystal clear that she can be replaced. It's the woman-worshipping, avoid conflict at all costs, nice guy behavior that is the true culprit of the vast majority of these situations. You were a simp (no disrespect intended). And simping always comes back to bite you.
Living with another human being is always difficult and stressful. It really does not matter how much “in love” you are with your housemate. It’s still super stressful, because everything, (and I mean everything), has to be negotiated. Human beings need their own space. John is 100% correct. It’s better for each person in the marriage to have their own place, and to just get together temporarily for companionship and for copulation. After that, you can maintain your connection by going your own way and living in your own house.
Agree with this 100 percent. Just the logistics alone make everything more complicated, more stressful; and more difficult. It will slowly erode your sanity, even if you truly do love the other person. I like your idea of separate dwellings, and meeting in the middle. Keep it fresh and keep the passion/connection while still having privacy/freedom/autonomy.
After my 8 year marriage ended (no children) I invite girls over to hang out, then they have to leave when I’m ready for bed. Works great. No drama. Ever.
John! Excellent Video! I've been doing exactly what you shared in today's video for the past 25 year's! NEVER, let a women move in - EVER! My entire home is my "man-cave." Peace & Freedom!👍👍
I've become so happy with freedom and peace that I wouldn't even get married or cohabitate with a "unicorn." Seriously, if you offered me a 21 y/o virgin who can cook, clean, and take commands I still would say no to marriage. I'm 35 and have been redpill since age 11. Over these nearly 25 years of aware living, I realized that "husband" will ALWAYS mean manager; no matter what kind of wife I get married to. I refuse to ever be responsible for another adults livelihood. I do not care how fit, nice, and submissive they are. As far as "legacy" goes. No one will remember me, you, nor John Griffin 2000 years from now.
I don't know you personally, so everything I'm about to say is an assumption. Being red pill aware since age 11 tells me one thing, you've been rejected since age 11. I'm not saying that's necessarily a bad thing, but awareness at such a young age makes me believe that your awareness was born from bitterness. If you're 35 and have never been married or cohabitated, is it because you're smart, or is it because you've never had the option to do so?
@CAPSFANDC ugh. Here we go. Why do so many of you on this side of yt think it's hard to find a gf? Have you ever been to Cosco or the mall on a busy Saturday afternoon? Every time I go shopping on the weekend, I see an abundance of overweight, bald, short guys with a wedding band and a chick. It's not that hard to find a wife. All you have to do is be willing to serve.
@KeyHimself101 First off all, we know it's not hard to get a girlfriend. But do you WANT the girlfriends you see those low value guys with? Also, you have no idea how those guys looked when they met their wife. My father is 5-9, about 275 lbs, with a bald ponytail (think of a short, obese, ginger hulk hogan). When my parents got married in '97, my father was a 5-9, 160 lb law student.
My 26yo daughter is about to get married. She has found a good guy, they seem to be able to cohabitate happily. Children are planned to happen soon after marriage. I am confident all will be well. However if things start to go off the rails, then I know I will be very strict with her about being accountable and taking responsibility for the sake of the children. I would appeal to her new husband's parents to match this. I think that is the role of the grandparents, there seems to be not enough of this extended family management in modern society.
It's almost certain the kids don't want the grandparents micro-managing their, or the grandkids lives. I speak from the position of being a 72 year old with four married kids and seven grandkids.
I not confident that anyone can truly hold women accountable in this day and age. The state/society ensures that they can act like children and be rewarded with no consequences.
You are so spot on. If you give up anything for sex, you are screwed. My happiest time, even though I was broke with child support, I lived by myself for 10 years.
When I separated from my ex, there was a short period of time (2 to 3 months) where we would only spend time together on weekends. Best relationship of my life, Just wonderful. Unfortunately, despite how smooth things were going, it just wasn't good enough for her.
I live this way now, after my divorce. But most of the time, these women don’t want to live like this. They want marriage because they know that if and when it goes wrong, they get something out of it. I’ve tried convincing a few women of this way of living. But they soon get frustrated that the relationship isn’t going anywhere. They’re not stupid. They know the benefits of marriage. The thing is, us men are waking up too.
With women I’ve realized it’s not who you are as a person, it’s what you have. They want your stuff, not you. Men need to start waking up and realizing that fact.
It's more nuanced than your hunch... a woman's value goes down with age as far as romantic prospects, hence, women are motivated to "lock it down" because an Uncommitted Relationship provides no security that a Man won't bail and dump her for a younger model and it gets harder to replace that man with a New Man as a woman's looks fade.
Married 15 years and divorced for 30 years. Two five year relationships but both wanted "commitment". No thanks. Third time, found a like minded woman who wanted to live separately. She's a couple of miles away. We see each other every evening and we have weekly sleep overs and share cooking and going out a couple times a week. It's been like that for almost 18 years. It's the ideal situation for both of us and couldn't be happier. Never get married! Live separately! Be happy!
@@Wong-Jack-Man Whats expensive is getting divorced after 15 years with 3 young children and paying child support for an additional fifteen years. Don't fall for that commitment crap.
@@gustavothegreat100 Perhaps that's true. It does require financial independence. The only account that we share is a travel/trip account to which we both contribute.
42, no wife,no children, no intention of creating a nuclear family, no fantasy about a "legacy" Focus on the work I like doing and making money. Peace and no stress, no compromise anymore.
Good job mate!!! 👏 Same here. Was abandoned by my parents when I was a baby. Foster care abused and neglected me!...😢 At a young age I knew family was a joke!....😂😂 Got dumped in high school by a narcissist, for some chad.... Never looked back. Single, never married, don't want the family thing....😂 My freedom is all I ever wanted from life!!!🎉 Got plenty of women who like me... I just don't need them! Nothing against them, some are actually nice, but I know how quickly things can change as well!!😂😂 Being abandoned at a young age was the best thing to ever happen to me. It taught me how to be content by myself!! 😂😂
High rise downtown luxury 2br apt with amenities is magic, they don't want to leave, always come back, and they assume they aren't the only one without a lot of discussion about it.
@@Jonathan-yr3so As someone who audited the PE firm that birthed BlackRock (The Blackstone Group) during my time with Deloitte & Touche in NY I absolutely second this!
I wish builders would start focusing on building smaller, more affordable homes. With fewer people getting married and those that do having smaller families, it makes sense to build homes to suit what people these days are looking for. JMO.
I've seen bad relationships, bad divorces, I've heard all the advice about staying single and somehow my brain is still stuck on having that traditional family, being a dad and "living happily ever after." It's like my brain is convinced this is what I need. I guess I must be insane or something.
You are rolling the dice. Keep reading the blogs and see what other men have gone through. I did it once. I was very fortunate. When the wife abandoned me at the 10 year mark, she didn’t want our kids. I was more than happy to continue to raise them. I got the divorce done quickly, but it still took 5 months. She tried coming back. I said No. She would return our kids to me on Sunday evenings crying and hungry to get back at me. She did other hateful stunts too. She was so angry that I had moved on and made no attempt to get her back. Her affair partner is/was an alcoholic on dialysis. I am still shaking my head. Good luck to you.
Russian roulette my man. Everything is perfect then all of the sudden it isn't . She WILL change her mind eventually. They all do. It then depends on what other women tell her to convince her whether to stay or or take your life's work. Marriage is the worst form of a gambling addiction there is.
Actually if the family courts system treated the men fairly many more of us would take the chance and do it again. I was married twice and enjoyed the 2nd one much more, 21 yrs of happiness and then suddenly nothing was good enough! Then had my first real court experience of what it means for a man to be divorced and it was awful, the lies my ex said and children said were taken as gospel and nothing I said or did in that fucked room ever worked for me. But when a marriage is good, its great, I had 2 kids that were wonderful for a while then once they turned into teenagers, the whole house changed for the worst. You actually liking marriage is a healthy instinct but experiencing the divorce that almost always comes with marriage these days will destroy that man's desire to ever try that again. As a society, we are doomed, our kids today are woke morons with no discipline and totally untrustworthy, our women are mercenaries and the men are constantly kicked around by movies, the media and just in general, we are getting it from all sides! So once this fragile house completely collapses, guys will have nothing to lose! So it will work out for us in the end since we are naturally stronger and better at living below our means. What will it mean to the women once marriage is now no longer an option? No children, no future, no alimony, no child support and the women will have to work until they fucking die, like they deserve once they try to enslave us through the courts. Good on them! They deserve this bitter end, enjoy your cats and wine, there isnt really anything you can do to stop the decline and it will be fun looking at homeless women!!
Think your BRAIN is in conflict with your instincts ...😂 If you listen to your instincts, it would tell you that you don't NEED it...!! Gotta retrain your brain.... Only way to do that is to BE ALONE.... your brain will LEARN that being alone is actually good for you!!!😂 You can still be social and have fun if you know what I mean!!!.... 😉
You nailed it with this one John. In this economy staying single and not letting her cohost you into living together is the best option. I have lost 3 women because I won’t let them move in but I still have my shit and sanitary. Stay strong men at this age you have the upper hand. There are many women to choose from so please don’t take the bait.
The inherent unfairness of outcome B (co-existing) is that the woman no longer provides the value she promised, while the man still provides the value he promised.
I met a biz owner that said he works to hire men that are married with a mortgage and kids because he knows that they will be a work horse with no compliant.
This biz owner is very cynical and looking for trapped people who can not defend themselves when they will face is power abusive nature. This biz owner is a spider, not human.
You’ve hit the nail on the head John. The problem in guys’ heads over time is perceived lack of independence due to cohabitation. The power struggle is diminished significantly if parents live apart. Healthier for all parties involved
Term contract marriages for say 5 to 7 years. If things are good you renew and extend the contract. If things are bad you do not renew and the terms of a non-renewals are clear from the beginning of the contract just like a prenup. It could incentives both sides and remove the vindictiveness and lawyering after the fact.
you're doing a great job expressing yourself through this channel, john. i think this channel has a ton of further growth potential. your delivery will appeal to all sorts of guys. thanks and keep going bro!
@@john-griffin Agreed! You're helping a lot of men out there, I can testify. This channel, and the community you've created brings me some perspective and solace, and lots of knowledge. You're doing good things sir 👍
Marriage or non marriage will not determine if she's loyal or not. If anything marriage makes it more likely because they know you can't easily leave and if you do she gets half your stuff.
John, I am glad you made this video. I have no children and never married. Life can be hard and difficult. Life is worth living. Don't get lonely if you can help it. Men age and women age. Both have it rough. Live for today in the present moment! God helps!
I'm saying this as a woman who is more on the independent side. It sounds like a great idea only if most women are willing to do that with you. As long as the majority of women are still looking at marriage as a way to move up in socio-economic status or as a way to secure financial resources for offsprings, most men wouldn't have the option to not marry the woman that they want to get with. And the few women who are financially independent and don't need marriage for security and resources, their bar for getting into a relationship with a man is a lot higher. So in theory this is a great idea, but probably will be hard to do in practice.
Its going to be awful for the women once most of the men get wise about how they get robbed in divorce courts, and that tipping point is now upon us! Get used to no children, no alimony, child support, home, washer and dryer! Get used to paying rent for decades and dying alone. It's not like women wanted this particular outcome but once the men recoil from getting divorce raped there is no other outcome for women except for them to buy more cats, wine and dying alone with all their drama. Good riddance to a bad society that beats up its men and makes women mercenaries!
It is already happening. Most marriages end within 5-8 years anyway and more and more people are choosing to live together. It makes more sense to set up the terms so it is fair to both sides and he doesn’t get destroyed by the legal machine. At the pace things are going now, marriage is going to become obsolete within a few generations.
It’s normal for relationships to encounter problems, but there’s always a way to navigate through them. My marriage faced major difficulties, but with the right support, my wife and I were able to solve our issues and fortify our bond. Solutions are possible if you’re committed to working together. Don’t give up-there’s always a solution.
I’m facing significant relationship problems and can’t stand the idea of losing her. My love and longing for my partner are profound, and I’m ready to do anything to restore our connection. I would greatly appreciate any advice or help you could give.
Moving on from someone you hold dear is invariably challenging, but in my experience, I was guided by a spiritual counselor who prevented the breakdown of my marriage. Her name is Suzanne Ann Walters.
Your guidance is well-received. I'll quickly search for her online. Thank you. I'm optimistic that taking this approach will yield results for me as well; her absence is keenly felt.
A friend of mine came up with the idea of a predetermined period of marriage, say 15 years. At the end of that 15 years you can either agree to continue for a further predetermined period, or go your own way with no penalty. It actually kind of makes sense.
Nah, doesn't make rational sense for a woman to enter into this "deal" because her ability to find new partners declines with age as looks fade. A 30 year old woman would be 45 at the end of the term and unlikely to ever find a replacement man, so she loses out. This is why women seek the security of Commitment, our value as romantic partners depreciates as we grow older.
If the average marriage lasts about 7 years, then a 5 year “contract” makes sense. If a prenuptial agreement is set up prior to marriage, then all that is required is follow that, with no need for lawyers or judges- hence no additional cost. I would add an escape clause where in certain criteria is met, then the marriage is immediately dissolved (infidelity, one spouse sent to prison…).
This scenario was played out by an unmarried couple from Canada. Look it up, happened a few years ago. It cost him millions. The system won't let this happen, men are to be monetized and women will never let that slip through their entitlement. IMO men must deny them access.
Canadian viewer here. What couple are you talking about? If they did not move in together and weren’t married, I seriously doubt your story. There is something you’re not telling us.
A very special case, but still an important one to note, especially for Canadians. "Justice Sharon Stone admitted she struggled with whether the time the couple spent together during their relationship was enough to find they “lived together” in a conjugal relationship. She ultimately ruled they should be considered spouses under the law since they’d been in a committed relationship, he covered her expenses, they referred to each other as husband and wife to their families and friends and lived together every summer at his 13,000-sq.-ft. cottage and alternate winter weekends at his Florida condo."
@@glenbarratt1257 IMO the case shouldn't be considered to be special, doing so leads to a return trip to bluepilled thinking. Any connection that can be made for a man's pockets to get robbed will be made. Men are tained to hope for the unicorn and "it won't happen to me"
Marriages as an institution should be done away with and replaced with a 1 to 5 year renewable contract. If the couple wishes to end the relationship, just let the contract expire. The whole idea of making marriage an institution of the state is completely wrong. Religions can define "marraige" as they see fit. The contract can be made binding on two or more consenting adults 18 and older. This accommodates gay couples, lesbians, polygamous, and polyamorous relations, as well as the traditional male/female couples. Its a win win that maximizes freedom.
💯 And make each partner financially responsible for raising their children. Abolish no fault divorce. Abolish alimony. Feminists want equality, so It should be two consenting adults that renew their partnership for 5 years at a time. After the 5 years they can renew for another 5 years or walk away without their partner owing them anything. This is the way forward with modern relationships. Men have way too much to lose in the current system.
Every time the state has a divorce the state gets 500,000. The state does not have an incentive to stop divorce and Family Court. As long as divorce is a tool to steal, be the sole owner of the children.
Married 14 years on January 8th..it's no fun your right it's no fun..it's tiring..it's frustrating..endless disappointment and failures and setbacks, I'm fed up, don't get married unless it's your Soulmate. Your right society in general just isn't working nothing is..were all just fiddling with our thumbs playing pretend.
@bobw1909 yeah but I've had spiritual experiences, I've had an nde 2 million people have seen my story..and the reason I bring it up was because in my experience I did encounter a soul that I would consider to be my soul mate..it was an indescribable connection..I have no connection to my wife now not even as a friend..and I know this is subjective to me but to me this stuff is real
Best girlfriend arrangement I had was with us maintaining separate households. Her house was used to raise her daughter, mine was used for 'sexy time.' The only downside was everything in my house was sticky.😂
Everyone remember to watch Nick Johnson recently posted, INSIDE A COLLAPSE: The Most Abandoned American Cities Ever Film. Like Nick Johnson or not he is spot on. Read the comments, such sadness to see this dying of America . His work is amazing. I shared his video twice. Scary America. Marriage maybe on the decline!.... stay healthy everyone
I like the way you think! The UN. marriage relationship allows for a family structure and a level of commitment while still protecting a level of freedom and asset protection. You can have a committed family structure without allowing either party to abuse the other financially. Personal accountability and work ethic are encouraged. I know a couple like this that live on each side of a duplex. They each have their own space and they have had this relationship happily for decades.
Good video John. I see red flags entering into a contract with an emotional creature! I'm glad my kids are grown. I had a Girlfriend suggest we get married and live apart. We would still be together if not for her insisting on Marriage. Never again!
Think about the popularity of man caves in the context of what's being discussed in this video. The woman has taken over the entirety of the house and the man has no sense that the place belongs to him. So then he carves out some inferior space in the garage, the attic, or the basement, to call his own. She gets all of the premium spaces like the bedroom, the kitchen, and the living room.
I don't see how this is a good solution for the children. They would basically be living the lifestyle of a kid of divorced parents from day one. Bouncing between houses, having different rules/customs for each parent, having multiple different social circles, dealing with the outside sex partners each parent will inevitably have, (if they're not married, you KNOW this will happen)..... Yeah, that sounds like a terrible new norm for childhood.
Two thoughts: 1. I am currently in a relationship described in this video - not living together for 3 years now…this is brilliant. 2. This arrangement won’t work for very small kids (unless you have a full-time helper/nanny). Small kids require too much attention to handle them alone. Job, kid and housekeeping are a huge burden when combined (again, talking from experience).
Now that’s a situation I would sign up for! I have my place and she has hers. We can go out, have fun, music, food, dancing. Or make a meal together at home, clink wine glasses, make love on the bear rug next to the fireplace and then she goes home. Wonderful!
Societies without marriage will die. It is unsustainable this is why the future of humanity is Indian, Filipino and Middle eastern because they still marry and gave kids
1) Only 6 figure income couples could afford your scenario John 2) Blue collar couples can't afford two homes / Blue collar will not be able to have kids without cohabitate/ really they can't afford kids NOW
@@john-griffin No, it's not. As a 28yo with multiple homes. I worked my backside off working 2-4 jobs. I want to be able to have freedom and be financially independent later. It's been hard to find a women on the same page money wise but I'm still searching. Problem is women, don't save and they want everything now. No delayed gratification, hence why they have the most debt.
I wish UA-cam would allow me to give this video 5 thumbs up. The past 8 years of my life have been great for me. The two long term relationships I’ve had are with women who have their own place and their own money. Circumstances have been such that most of our time together has been at their homes instead of mine when we’re just hanging out. This has allowed me to maintain full control over everything in my home. What you propose IS the answer to a better future if it can be widely adopted.
I’d say whenever there is a marriage it should be a contract for a certain amount of time . Say 10 year contract and if you’re miserable at the 10 year mark then it can end with no financial penalty to either party. If everything good sign for another 10 and so on. At least if it’s a miserable marriage you’re not stuck in a lifetime of misery because of this unrealistic lifetime commitment. Just an idea
The arrangement you outline in this video would, and does, work for people. The problem not being addressed is the long term effects on children. I am a Corrections Officer at a juvenile jail, so I've not only read a ton of studies on how families shape the mind of a child, but I get to speak to children about how their lives shape their decision making as well as track their behaviors over long periods and talk to them about those decisions. Children have not yet developed the rational faculties necessary to understand an arrangement between their parents. Children always feel a sense of pull. Whether their parents were never married or were married for most of their lives, they feel pain at the end of the relationship, they feel stress at the change in schedule, and they feel neglected when one or both parents begins dating again. These feelings manifest as anxiety and/or depression at the best of times and drug use/criminal behaviors at the worst, but it's very rare that the dissolution of thier parents' relationship manifests as anything positive for the child. The proliferation in anxiety/depression disorders and personality disorders in adults of today (people in their 30's-40's) is evidence that most children of divorced or single parent homes did not fare as well as those who had both parents in the home. The system you suggest in this video prioritizes the self and gives children the back seat. Children feel this at a deep level that they almost never learn to process and it effects them in profound ways for the negative.
I watch a lot of youtube videos every day. A wide variety of subjects. For many years. I have had a lot of successful "UA-cam university" outcomes. If I had to make a choice to only watch one channel, yours would be in the top three...At least.
Wow, I really appreciate that. I watch a lot of UA-cam, too, and I wanted to do something unique. I tried the traditional stuff for a while, and it felt wrong sitting at my desk or working out in my gym. Walking the dogs was actually just a way to work the videos into my day to save time. Who knew that shooting outside would be such a draw?
I’d guess the number of really happy marriages is less than 10%. There is typically only contentment, not happiness. Most people that claim to be “happily married” will also tell you that if they are ever somehow single again, they’ll never marry again. After marriage, happiness becomes heavily handicapped.
Yup! This is me. Contentment and a sexless relationship and marriage. Contentment, knowing I have Shelter, Food and Other Things. There is long time, security and a roommate. Yes, there is divorce. I’m a Messianic Jew and believer in Jesus Christ. In order for me to have sex again, I must be married. But honestly, do I want to get married again?
I had an epiphany. The unmarried relationship is ideal for men, but to women it’s a port in a storm. What majority women want is marriage, and in the absence of a marriage-minded “high quality” man she’ll settle for the unmarried relationship with a man she’s attracted to until the man who will marry her shows up. Either way, a woman in your life is temporary and men just have to accept it. Either she casually dates you until she gets bored or finds someone better, or you succumb to the marriage wheel and drive each other insane. I’ll happily take the unmarried option, because when she gets bored and moves on at least we never lived together and I’m not stuck holding the bag.
In my country, living together for 3 years unmarried is considered the same as being married if you decide to part ways. Before 3 years, a contract out agreement must be decided incase of a break up and you lose half your house and 401k.
Definitely I think is a really great idea. I feel that we are very slowly heading to something like what you mentioned where you find a partner but you don't cohabitate with each other. Getting married the traditional way by ceremony and in law is something that is very risky in today's society and on top of that marriage comes with a lot of headaches. I also think if your married, guys tend not to rock the boat with his woman, because he fears that if he does even one wrong move that his wife will threaten to leave him and split up with him so we tend to just let go and that is where the women start to take control. It also becomes a constant battle as well. Eventually the relationship starts to wear down and that's where it falls apart. I think like what John says in this video is that we just have to be honest with our intentions and find someone who sees eye to eye with us. Most women aren't going to be cool with it but there are still some who definitely would be open to it. I've known a few older couples who just stayed boyfriend and girlfriend for the longest and made it work and they share a space together. So it basically comes down to what are you seeking and finding someone who shares similar values.
For 33 years, my partner and I lived together on the weekends and on vacations. Initially we decided to do that because we lived in 2 different cities, 50 miles apart and commuting was too difficult. But that arrangement turned into something along the lines of what you're suggesting. Occasionally we quarreled on the weekend but we each knew that come Monday morning we could return to our separate apartments and escape any tension that might have carried over from those disagreements. We kind of stumbled into this arrangement but it did work well for a very long time.
Gosh its sad how transactional things have become. Everyone out for themselves and what's in it for me? Doesn't anyone fall in love anymore? Also you'd expect this kind of bitterness and selfishness from maybe a millennial or a gen z, but to see it from a man of this age and coaching younger men to it is shocking.
You nailed it John! This is what happens. You absolutely 💯 get fed up with each other. Point in case here. And, your time line is spot on, 7 to 10 years, also case in point.
also, the new model you lay out in this video is something I have been saying to my friends and even mother for about 5 years now. great minds think alike
I never got married but lived with a few women. I will never willingly be forced to lose my ability to choose my life path in order to make another person happy or lose everything
John, I've thought about this topic so much. I was 24 when I met the witch and 31 when separated. I still had so much time to have another family. But I was going through hell in trying to see my son and the games played were horrendous. I'm 48 now so I don't think I have the energy to have a family now. But in the next life you can: -pay for a surrogate and let your mum help out to satisfy the feminine component. (Only if she is not a narcissist and very competent) Or - do what you mentioned and get a contract in place. Unfortunately the current system won't allow you to contract out of child support. She could still accuse you of stuff and legally break the contract, in the rational of protecting the child. Or - go to a third world country and if she plays up then she loses the lifestyle that you're paying for, and that lifestyle is affordable for you. ( Downside is you have to live in that country for the kids) Or - be a modern day bull and get everything pregnant and pay the support you want to pay, through incorporated businesses, and hope that some of the kids seek you out when they are older. Have a record of attempting to be in their lives but don't remortgage the house in doing so. (Downside is the kids will be disadvantaged from a broken home straight away and the mum might not be healthy herself, which will inturn effect the kids.) 4 options there. But being the nice, doting husband, then being discarded, while losing your assets and sanity should not be an option moving forward.
If there was assurances that the parenting in an unmarried relationship would produce raising a happy and well adjusted family (children) it would be worth exploring. But I agree in today’s world the institution of marriage is broken and doesn’t work
What I found in my own marriage was my even asserting an opinion on a course of action would trigger aggression: raised voice, exasperation, hand wringing. If I persisted in the disagreement it would invariably lead to the water works and a screaming match. Eventually, you are trained to just relent immediately knowing that, as you said, following through to the end would require enduring the large fight and usually it just isn't worth it. Of course you put your foot down for the big decisions, but the bar for those becomes higher and higher as time goes on. This stopped in my marriage when I got to the point where I stopped giving a shit about her little tantrums and started treating her like a spoiled child. I basically indicated to her that if she didn't like it we could start talking about divorce. Her hegemony was over at that point because she knew I was serious. This is something that a young man can't do that easily because they actually fear the idea of their girl leaving them.
Hey John, I'm mid 30s and recently divorced. The way you described things it was like you were talking directly about my marriage. I appreciate your insight, thank you.
An idea like mandatory official agreement you mentioned was in a comment I made to a previous video of yours. Life became too complicated for both men and women. Default definition of marriage or lack of it does not meet the needs of the current society. Such agreement is absolutely necessary to help couples.
This is why at 62 years old, sex as a weapon women use against me has very little power over me as it did from my 20s to 40s. The testosterone isn’t there as much anymore to constantly look for sex as it did in my youth. As a divorced military retiree completely retired and still dates younger women and has sex, I can take it or leave it if it competes with my other interests. I will not go back to marriage or live ins and lose my independence and freedom! Peace of mind is priceless!
@15:24 I did this with my ex girlfriend but unfortunately she developed into an alcoholic! I can still talk to her just I’m not romantically involved and as a drunk she can be unreasonable at times. About 3 years ago I met another mid 30s woman desperate for a child but she showed me narcissistic tendencies such as silent treatments hot and cold and some violence and after 10 months of on/off dating gave me a give me a baby ultimatum and I felt that the child could be used as a hostage if I went ahead with her and she wasn’t interested in my concerns and blocked me! In revenge even after two years she tries to provoke me with other men even though she ended it and I may have complied if i had known her for a stable couple of years.
Dating a malignant narcissist woman will destroy you. The rules and her moods are constantly changing. She will love you for a moment and hate you for days. Nothing you do will be good enough. Consider it a gift that the relationship ended.
Love all your content John. I’m gonna throw my two cents here. I agree with you on the entire conversation regarding separate house holds and such with kids, however it is EXTREMELY rare that a woman would agree to this. I’ve never seen it personally ever. I’m 33 no kids no wife and had a vasectomy at 30. My life is quiet, relaxed and peaceful. Thanks John!
I feel good men get into marriage and the women and other people try to destroy the marriage and decent man's life. Good men feel powerless while abusive men continue to be abusive. We need to look deeper about this.
My first wife cheated and left me with two small children to raise. Which I did and she paid zero child support. However it cost me half my equity. Second wife was batshit crazy. Had to give her half again. And I owned my home before I met her.
Now I am retired with a large mortage and nowhere near as financial stable as I should be.
I would never, ever recommend marriage to any man.
@@darrylg7600 what attracted you to these women in the first place? Did they change over time?
@@MADMOGtheFrugal absolutely they did! It was liked they flipped the switch to crazy.
Sorry to hear that. I hope you have good relationships with your grown children.
@@samiamgreeneggsandham7587 my two sons are fine young men, educated and working. They turned out to be the bright spot in my life.
Sorry to hear and thank you for sharing.
When a woman starts using sex to get what she wants in a relationship or marriage that marriage or relationship is over
@@Billydevito it's not over, just showing it's true colors, prostitution.
My wife uses sex to get sex 1:16
@@Billydevito @19 my girl did
this all the time we were just kids lol
Very true. And that's because it is her last resource when she set the "negotiation phase" of the relationship.
@@Billydevito was having sex with ex for over two years after the divorce. It was just her using me for attention and validation.
There was no way I could really move on with life with her in it.
I don't miss her. I miss the easy sleezy sex. It was like being a teenager having sex in the back seat if the truck on lunch. Screwing in the bar parking lot. Pulling over on a back road.
She wss a terrible person and did terrible things. Easier to find someone without the past and do raunchy things with them.
I was happily married for 30 years, and widowed for the past 10. We raised 2 kids and grew a successful business which is still going strong. When my daughter was in high school she told us that her mother and I were the ONLY intact married couple that any of her classmates had ever seen.
When she got sick
I was able to stay home for a year and nurse my wife through terminal cancer, but it seems that I will probably never remarry.
I never met anyone like her...before or since, and I imagine that people like her are so rare that meeting more than one in a lifetime is highly unlikely.
I'll help raise these grandkids and hope to find her again on the other side.
Maybe it helped that y’all owned and worked at your own business. When we used to have many mom and pop businesses and farms, marriage wasn’t so looked down upon. This corporate based economy doesn’t do as well, for the family, as the family based economy we used to have.
As a young Chad I worked in the Boston, MA financial district and I fooled around with many married women who aggressively pursued me. Your marriage story is awesome and I think working a family business together kept temptation out of reach of your wife’s hands
I am in the same position as you brother. My Wife of almost 28 years passed away in April. I know that the deck is stacked against ever finding anyone like her again. Seeing these horror stories that so many men have been through, really gives me pause.
The answer is becoming a bachelor. Don't look at women as a potential sex partner but instead as someone to go to movies and shows, walks and boarding, watch TV shows, etc. with.
When it comes up make it clear that you're committed bachelor.
Sooner or later one or more of them will be interested in sex. As long as there are too old to have children or you have a vasectomy then enjoy it with them while also realizing there will come a day when they don't want to have sex with you anymore.
Avoid women who don't have a full life of their own with friends and children. Avoid women who are on the edge of poverty. Just don't even start because they're going to come on to you like glue.
And they will temporarily do anything you desire.. for even a couple years to land you. It can be intoxicating but you're going to suffer for about a quarter of the time you spent with them when things end.
Ideally, you shouldn't see them more than twice a month. Also set aside about $500 to help them with emergencies and be available to go help them out with a flat tire.
It is a fine line but they're not potential wives.
My parents have been married for 25 years now and things are still good for them, I think it’s possible to have a long lasting fulfilling marriage, it’s just one of those things that you have to be more committed towards and one of the best things that could help is both parties need to work on the relationship before they even get married, so basically when dating all the fun time you had, there’s no reason for that to stop during marriage, sure I can get difficult because life becomes more busy, but focusing on each other’s love after marriage is something I’ve been told to work on all the time and my current GF agrees, we both should work on our relationship equally but that’s because we just love each other. Maybe it’s different because my GF is my best friend, but I don’t know. Hopefully there’s men and women that can find the right person that is willing to be fully committed.
A man will sacrifice his happiness for his marriage, a woman will sacrifice her marriage for her happiness!!!
@@ValentinG23 well said. Sad. But true.
That is brilliant, I agree wholeheartedly!
I want a T shirt with this on
It's so much cheaper to live by yourself. Stay single gentlemen.
not in Germany. Rents are off the roof.
Facts. I can live like a king on $60k a year because I’m good at living within my means and sticking to a budget. Plus I’m low-maintenance and prefer a simple lifestyle. But if I tried to factor in a second person, even if she had a good job, it would be lights out. All your money evaporates because of the ten million things she’ll tell you you absolutely have to spend your money on when you’re in a relationship, and there is no negotiating.
In fact.... It would still be cheaper to have a girlfriend and have a defined responsibility to take care of in exchange for her company... A sort of exclusive friends with benefits, Say 50% of her student loan debt while still having your autonomy , space , freedom , hobbies , peace and so on...
Not true it depends on the state you live in.
The one man-one woman lifelong marriage is an artificial construct designed to counter the natural inclination of women to gravitate towards the top percentage of men. It was invented so that almost all men had a woman and thus had skin in the game so they would cause less trouble and be more productive and protective of their group/clan/village/country. And it worked really well but now we are quickly going back to the pre marriage model. In fact, since women can now provide for themselves and get resources and protection from society, I predict women will continue to narrow down the amount of men they will mate with until society falls apart, we go extinct, or we invent artificial wombs. As a guy who’s not an alpha that women want, I look at the bright side. After the government forcibly takes their cut, I get to keep all of my time and resources for myself. It is what it is and you make the best of it.
Marriage is the worst contract a man could sign and it’s the best contract a woman could sign. Does anyone see the problem here? Smarten up guys, the juice ain’t worth the squeeze.
Yet the women are always screaming and crying about women’s rights. They have no clue that they have way more rights than any man does. And they still want more.
Relation without Cohabitation.
It’s an incredibly good contract for a woman. Name another contract , which if you break it , you walk away with half of the other party’s assets.
Oh please I was married and I am glad I don't have to out up w/this men sex lusting diease. A man who lives just for sex is just an animal. Plus leaving dirty clothes all over. Lazy. Not gixing anything. I had yo do the gixing. Because all he thought about was SEX
Being blamed for someone else's unhappiness is the line.
I've been saying this for years. Have a relationship if you want but, don't smother each other and become too complacent.
Men are blamed regardless what we do. We are considered a negative until we earn a spot on the unique good man list as defined by women, you’ll see it if you look
Unhappiness is the default setting of a woman once you move into together. Best to extricate yourself from that situation and learn to never live with a woman again.
the truth is, if you can’t take on responsibility of a woman’s happiness then you’re not ready for one.
can you tell her STFU? this is how i gauge if im into her or not.
no compromises. its all about what you want. and she’s going to go along with it but she’s not going to do it willingly.
Always remember you don’t owe anyone a damn thing!
There's quite a few problems that would arise from John's idea. It's not a bad idea, but reality would not allow it to work in real life.
1. Men will have feelings for the woman and get jealous when the woman flaunts the men she screws around with (she WILL flaunt them on purpose).
2. Sex will get turned off even faster than it does for married men. Once she has a kid and locks you in, why should she have sex with you any more? You signed a contract and she can have sex with anyone she wants.
3. Many women are manipulative and would say things like "don't you love me?" and push you toward traditional marriage where she can lock you in for life.
4. Whatever deal you make with her will not be honored in court. All she has to do is make less money than she did when the deal was made (or you make more money) and the courts will demand you start paying her more and more money.
5. This scenario could get very complicated because women will figure out the best way to make the most money would be to make the same deal with 4-6 other men who make good money. The kids would never have a full blooded siblings, they would all be half brothers and sisters. And your kid would be subjected to all kinds of other men coming around.
6. Just as it is today, the kid you have with her won't be yours. What if she decides to move to another country and you don't want to follow her? There goes your kid, but you still have to pay child support.
So basically, your plan is to skip getting married and go straight into being a divorced Dad and paying child support. Naw, stay single my friends!
Great points
Yeah, I don’t think his idea would work for most situations.
Also does anyone really want to shuttle kids between two parents? Everyone realizes that is a bad situation for the kids generally.
That is the no.1 comment on this video. It is that good & thank you.
I have a question for you: Did you know my ex-wife? Common admit it.... you knew her & had relationship with her. There is no way you could be that accurate & on the ball unless you knew my ex-wife.
By the way; you're welcome to her.
If I had my time again, I'd just stay single, love 'em & definitely leave them. I used to be a successful, happy go lucky kinda guy, with my shit together. Been trying to pick-up the pieces for the last 24 years since I told the *itch to sling her hook & leave.
I really wished I'd stayed single & totally uncommitted in ANY way.
Such an excellent comment.
@@johnkay4701 most women act exactly the same way, that’s why all of these stories sound alike. It could’ve been any one of our wives.
Excellent response, I agree with you
I was married for 14 years and had two great kids, but she eventually got bored and wanted a divorce (to find herself). We remain friends who finished raising our kids (9 and 11 at time of divorce...now 20 and 22 and in college) in separate homes. It's been 11 years and I haven't been in a cohabitating relationship since, and I can't imagine ever doing it again. I love living alone.
Yours is a great idea, but, on the whole, women will never go for it. Generally speaking, women are so bad with money that they're always living paycheck to paycheck--no matter how big the paycheck--and looking for some way to allow them to spend more. Paring down to one household, and adding another income (yours) is nirvana to them.
I agree....
And even if women somehow go for the sharing costs , they always push for access or control of whatever it is they want from the man... If it's money then they will want the credit card /a joint account... If it's the house then they want to be on the lease or the title deed ... They will not simply take your word for it that you have an agreement, they need physical or legal access/control and then they usually take over
When I was a kid my parents fought all the time hated each other ended up getting a divorce even my grandparents never got along. That was all I needed to know that marriage sucks I knew at a very young age that I wasn’t going to get married.
Smart observation
Very smart move.
I've never heard my parents nor grandparents even raise their voice against each other during my whole life. I know its probably an exception. But it is possible. Obviously. Different generations though.
100% about the grandparents part too.
I never felt marriage was a natural relationship for a man. The horror stories we men hear over and over again reinforces my attitude. The biggest culprit is the state sanctioning a very pro-feminine scenario while it ignore that if a man benefits from the institution, women will too.
Women want to be strong and independent but their number one complaint with men is they don’t do enough. It’s never enough. Let them be independent. 🤷🏻♂️
You are very wise sir. Both my marriages lasted 12 years, but were actually over by year 10. I was a top earner, shared my money with them unselfishly, never cheated on them even once. They both hated me by year 10 lol. Absolutely positively never again! There is nothing that would get me to marry again. The freedom and lack of drama is addicting. The so called modern woman is not worth it in any way whatsoever. I literally feel sadness for the gentlemen out there who are married. I can see the pain in their eyes, every ounce of life has been sucked out of them.
Gospel🙏 ❤️💪
I know what you mean. I have some married clients that I see every week and their lives are miserable. They don't even realize how bad it is because they are in it. It's like a fish not being aware of the water.
@@john-griffin Ouch! I was one of them. She left the kids and me after 10 years. It was the best gift she ever gave me. I never did miss her. The neglect and abuse from her is something I will never forget. She is one miserable creature.
@@racebannon96sounds like my ex. I'm addicted to my freedom. My kids are happy. We are doing fine.
@racebannon96 most women are miserable creatures.
Before the ex- became the ex-, she would constantly hide anything I left out in the nearest drawer. We had a large 3 BR home. She had a “craft room”, I had an “office”. I gave up my office so should could have TWO craft rooms. Almost all my stuff resided in about 1/2 of a 3 car garage. In the home MY spaces was 1/3 of a walk in master closet, a 2nd standard bedroom closet, and three dresser drawers!
Then the garage bothered her too much. I finally told her “STFU about the garage, you’ve got the whole house as you like it”.
Still wasn’t good enough. We got divorced.
I'm sorry you went through that
When you WAIT to make it clear that you will walk away, the chances of that ending the relationship are very high. You have to be willing to walk away BEFORE you get married, and make it crystal clear that she can be replaced. It's the woman-worshipping, avoid conflict at all costs, nice guy behavior that is the true culprit of the vast majority of these situations. You were a simp (no disrespect intended). And simping always comes back to bite you.
Fckkk that's brutal. How annoying.
@@kroenkeout708 The truth hurts sometimes.
I can second that my friend.
Living with another human being is always difficult and stressful. It really does not matter how much “in love” you are with your housemate. It’s still super stressful, because everything, (and I mean everything), has to be negotiated. Human beings need their own space. John is 100% correct. It’s better for each person in the marriage to have their own place, and to just get together temporarily for companionship and for copulation. After that, you can maintain your connection by going your own way and living in your own house.
Agree with this 100 percent.
Just the logistics alone make everything more complicated, more stressful; and more difficult. It will slowly erode your sanity, even if you truly do love the other person.
I like your idea of separate dwellings, and meeting in the middle.
Keep it fresh and keep the passion/connection while still having privacy/freedom/autonomy.
After my 8 year marriage ended (no children) I invite girls over to hang out, then they have to leave when I’m ready for bed. Works great. No drama. Ever.
Not many men have your opportunities
Well stated. We are childfree too
@@shirleygriffin7672Wait What?.. are you related to John?
No, just a good last name!
@@NeiyMaritz Most guys do they're just lazy
Never NEVER get married since you will PAY THEM to divorce you. Then after being made homeless, they will turn the kids against you. Not worth it.
That’s exactly what my ex did to me. I’m convinced these people are evil.
@@Freedom-Fighter1really u went through dat??? Sorry mate
Unfortunately a lot of people can't be alone and that's where the problem is.
True
The more serious problem is that people want children. The model being proposed in this video isn’t going to work because of that
Getting into a marriage creates this prison...
Wise words from a wise man.
Thanks!
No. Being a simp is what creates this prison.
John! Excellent Video! I've been doing exactly what you shared in today's video for the past 25 year's! NEVER, let a women move in - EVER! My entire home is my "man-cave." Peace & Freedom!👍👍
I've become so happy with freedom and peace that I wouldn't even get married or cohabitate with a "unicorn." Seriously, if you offered me a 21 y/o virgin who can cook, clean, and take commands I still would say no to marriage.
I'm 35 and have been redpill since age 11. Over these nearly 25 years of aware living, I realized that "husband" will ALWAYS mean manager; no matter what kind of wife I get married to. I refuse to ever be responsible for another adults livelihood. I do not care how fit, nice, and submissive they are. As far as "legacy" goes. No one will remember me, you, nor John Griffin 2000 years from now.
You are LITERALLY in every comment section on YT. Lol. You are omnipresent. Jokes aside, RP'd since 11?! What?!
I don't know you personally, so everything I'm about to say is an assumption. Being red pill aware since age 11 tells me one thing, you've been rejected since age 11. I'm not saying that's necessarily a bad thing, but awareness at such a young age makes me believe that your awareness was born from bitterness. If you're 35 and have never been married or cohabitated, is it because you're smart, or is it because you've never had the option to do so?
@CAPSFANDC ugh. Here we go. Why do so many of you on this side of yt think it's hard to find a gf? Have you ever been to Cosco or the mall on a busy Saturday afternoon? Every time I go shopping on the weekend, I see an abundance of overweight, bald, short guys with a wedding band and a chick. It's not that hard to find a wife. All you have to do is be willing to serve.
@KeyHimself101 First off all, we know it's not hard to get a girlfriend. But do you WANT the girlfriends you see those low value guys with? Also, you have no idea how those guys looked when they met their wife. My father is 5-9, about 275 lbs, with a bald ponytail (think of a short, obese, ginger hulk hogan). When my parents got married in '97, my father was a 5-9, 160 lb law student.
Very true! Cohabitation is a no go! Thanks!!
I'm 45 & have never been married. My last "relationship" ended late in 2019 & I left relationships alone since then. I just love rolling solo.
My 26yo daughter is about to get married. She has found a good guy, they seem to be able to cohabitate happily. Children are planned to happen soon after marriage. I am confident all will be well. However if things start to go off the rails, then I know I will be very strict with her about being accountable and taking responsibility for the sake of the children. I would appeal to her new husband's parents to match this. I think that is the role of the grandparents, there seems to be not enough of this extended family management in modern society.
Some people truly do realize the fairytale
It's almost certain the kids don't want the grandparents micro-managing their, or the grandkids lives. I speak from the position of being a 72 year old with four married kids and seven grandkids.
I not confident that anyone can truly hold women accountable in this day and age. The state/society ensures that they can act like children and be rewarded with no consequences.
You are so spot on. If you give up anything for sex, you are screwed. My happiest time, even though I was broke with child support, I lived by myself for 10 years.
When I separated from my ex, there was a short period of time (2 to 3 months) where we would only spend time together on weekends. Best relationship of my life, Just wonderful. Unfortunately, despite how smooth things were going, it just wasn't good enough for her.
I live this way now, after my divorce. But most of the time, these women don’t want to live like this. They want marriage because they know that if and when it goes wrong, they get something out of it. I’ve tried convincing a few women of this way of living. But they soon get frustrated that the relationship isn’t going anywhere. They’re not stupid. They know the benefits of marriage. The thing is, us men are waking up too.
With women I’ve realized it’s not who you are as a person, it’s what you have. They want your stuff, not you. Men need to start waking up and realizing that fact.
It's more nuanced than your hunch... a woman's value goes down with age as far as romantic prospects, hence, women are motivated to "lock it down" because an Uncommitted Relationship provides no security that a Man won't bail and dump her for a younger model and it gets harder to replace that man with a New Man as a woman's looks fade.
Married 15 years and divorced for 30 years. Two five year relationships but both wanted "commitment". No thanks. Third time, found a like minded woman who wanted to live separately. She's a couple of miles away. We see each other every evening and we have weekly sleep overs and share cooking and going out a couple times a week. It's been like that for almost 18 years. It's the ideal situation for both of us and couldn't be happier. Never get married! Live separately! Be happy!
This is how it’s done!
@@Wong-Jack-Man Whats expensive is getting divorced after 15 years with 3 young children and paying child support for an additional fifteen years. Don't fall for that commitment crap.
That is exactly how I see my future relationships being. I know two women that are really just f-buddies but after a little while I am glad she leaves
Sounds like a FWB not real relationship
@@gustavothegreat100 Perhaps that's true. It does require financial independence. The only account that we share is a travel/trip account to which we both contribute.
I like just being alone.
42, no wife,no children, no intention of creating a nuclear family, no fantasy about a "legacy"
Focus on the work I like doing and making money. Peace and no stress, no compromise anymore.
Good job mate!!! 👏
Same here. Was abandoned by my parents when I was a baby.
Foster care abused and neglected me!...😢
At a young age I knew family was a joke!....😂😂
Got dumped in high school by a narcissist, for some chad....
Never looked back.
Single, never married, don't want the family thing....😂
My freedom is all I ever wanted from life!!!🎉
Got plenty of women who like me... I just don't need them!
Nothing against them, some are actually nice, but I know how quickly things can change as well!!😂😂
Being abandoned at a young age was the best thing to ever happen to me.
It taught me how to be content by myself!! 😂😂
I've begun to sell my single-family homes as I see a future where current home sizes won't work, for singles.🏠
High rise downtown luxury 2br apt with amenities is magic, they don't want to leave, always come back, and they assume they aren't the only one without a lot of discussion about it.
mistake if in California
A lot of these larger houses they could make duplexes out of.
@@Jonathan-yr3so
As someone who audited the PE firm that birthed BlackRock (The Blackstone Group) during my time with Deloitte & Touche in NY I absolutely second this!
I wish builders would start focusing on building smaller, more affordable homes. With fewer people getting married and those that do having smaller families, it makes sense to build homes to suit what people these days are looking for. JMO.
Your way works (in theory). But, you'll never be able to sell them on NOT being paid for breathing.
I've seen bad relationships, bad divorces, I've heard all the advice about staying single and somehow my brain is still stuck on having that traditional family, being a dad and "living happily ever after." It's like my brain is convinced this is what I need. I guess I must be insane or something.
You are rolling the dice. Keep reading the blogs and see what other men have gone through. I did it once. I was very fortunate. When the wife abandoned me at the 10 year mark, she didn’t want our kids. I was more than happy to continue to raise them. I got the divorce done quickly, but it still took 5 months. She tried coming back. I said No. She would return our kids to me on Sunday evenings crying and hungry to get back at me. She did other hateful stunts too. She was so angry that I had moved on and made no attempt to get her back. Her affair partner is/was an alcoholic on dialysis. I am still shaking my head. Good luck to you.
Russian roulette my man. Everything is perfect then all of the sudden it isn't . She WILL change her mind eventually. They all do. It then depends on what other women tell her to convince her whether to stay or or take your life's work. Marriage is the worst form of a gambling addiction there is.
Actually if the family courts system treated the men fairly many more of us would take the chance and do it again. I was married twice and enjoyed the 2nd one much more, 21 yrs of happiness and then suddenly nothing was good enough! Then had my first real court experience of what it means for a man to be divorced and it was awful, the lies my ex said and children said were taken as gospel and nothing I said or did in that fucked room ever worked for me. But when a marriage is good, its great, I had 2 kids that were wonderful for a while then once they turned into teenagers, the whole house changed for the worst. You actually liking marriage is a healthy instinct but experiencing the divorce that almost always comes with marriage these days will destroy that man's desire to ever try that again. As a society, we are doomed, our kids today are woke morons with no discipline and totally untrustworthy, our women are mercenaries and the men are constantly kicked around by movies, the media and just in general, we are getting it from all sides! So once this fragile house completely collapses, guys will have nothing to lose! So it will work out for us in the end since we are naturally stronger and better at living below our means. What will it mean to the women once marriage is now no longer an option? No children, no future, no alimony, no child support and the women will have to work until they fucking die, like they deserve once they try to enslave us through the courts. Good on them! They deserve this bitter end, enjoy your cats and wine, there isnt really anything you can do to stop the decline and it will be fun looking at homeless women!!
its the old paradigm talking...we have been brain washed most of our lives...
Think your BRAIN is in conflict with your instincts ...😂
If you listen to your instincts, it would tell you that you don't NEED it...!!
Gotta retrain your brain....
Only way to do that is to
BE ALONE.... your brain will LEARN that being alone is actually good for you!!!😂
You can still be social and have fun if you know what I mean!!!.... 😉
You nailed it with this one John. In this economy staying single and not letting her cohost you into living together is the best option. I have lost 3 women because I won’t let them move in but I still have my shit and sanitary. Stay strong men at this age you have the upper hand. There are many women to choose from so please don’t take the bait.
The inherent unfairness of outcome B (co-existing) is that the woman no longer provides the value she promised, while the man still provides the value he promised.
Not just the value he promised. But what he is legally obligated to maintain.
Or big daddy government will crush the man.
I met a biz owner that said he works to hire men that are married with a mortgage and kids because he knows that they will be a work horse with no compliant.
😂 it makes sense
Great slaves.
This biz owner is very cynical and looking for trapped people who can not defend themselves when they will face is power abusive nature. This biz owner is a spider, not human.
@kamaltaibi4745 the business owner represents the powerful who rule us...
You’ve hit the nail on the head John. The problem in guys’ heads over time is perceived lack of independence due to cohabitation. The power struggle is diminished significantly if parents live apart. Healthier for all parties involved
Term contract marriages for say 5 to 7 years. If things are good you renew and extend the contract. If things are bad you do not renew and the terms of a non-renewals are clear from the beginning of the contract just like a prenup. It could incentives both sides and remove the vindictiveness and lawyering after the fact.
you're doing a great job expressing yourself through this channel, john. i think this channel has a ton of further growth potential. your delivery will appeal to all sorts of guys. thanks and keep going bro!
Thanks!!
@@john-griffin Agreed! You're helping a lot of men out there, I can testify. This channel, and the community you've created brings me some perspective and solace, and lots of knowledge.
You're doing good things sir 👍
The problem with your cunning plan is the assumption that she will be loyal...it will be others sharing her guaranteed
Marriage or non marriage will not determine if she's loyal or not.
If anything marriage makes it more likely because they know you can't easily leave and if you do she gets half your stuff.
John, I am glad you made this video. I have no children and never married. Life can be hard and difficult. Life is worth living. Don't get lonely if you can help it. Men age and women age. Both have it rough. Live for today in the present moment! God helps!
Therapy is in session. 👍
Always in session!😂😂
Renting the item is always better than buying!!😂😂😂😂
Cheaper also
Uh huh!
If it flys, floats or f@cks it's cheaper to rent.
I'm saying this as a woman who is more on the independent side. It sounds like a great idea only if most women are willing to do that with you. As long as the majority of women are still looking at marriage as a way to move up in socio-economic status or as a way to secure financial resources for offsprings, most men wouldn't have the option to not marry the woman that they want to get with. And the few women who are financially independent and don't need marriage for security and resources, their bar for getting into a relationship with a man is a lot higher. So in theory this is a great idea, but probably will be hard to do in practice.
I don't think it will work for every woman, but it will be a perfect fit for some. Thanks
Its going to be awful for the women once most of the men get wise about how they get robbed in divorce courts, and that tipping point is now upon us! Get used to no children, no alimony, child support, home, washer and dryer! Get used to paying rent for decades and dying alone. It's not like women wanted this particular outcome but once the men recoil from getting divorce raped there is no other outcome for women except for them to buy more cats, wine and dying alone with all their drama. Good riddance to a bad society that beats up its men and makes women mercenaries!
It is already happening. Most marriages end within 5-8 years anyway and more and more people are choosing to live together. It makes more sense to set up the terms so it is fair to both sides and he doesn’t get destroyed by the legal machine. At the pace things are going now, marriage is going to become obsolete within a few generations.
It’s normal for relationships to encounter problems, but there’s always a way to navigate through them. My marriage faced major difficulties, but with the right support, my wife and I were able to solve our issues and fortify our bond. Solutions are possible if you’re committed to working together. Don’t give up-there’s always a solution.
I’m facing significant relationship problems and can’t stand the idea of losing her. My love and longing for my partner are profound, and I’m ready to do anything to restore our connection. I would greatly appreciate any advice or help you could give.
Moving on from someone you hold dear is invariably challenging, but in my experience, I was guided by a spiritual counselor who prevented the breakdown of my marriage. Her name is Suzanne Ann Walters.
Your guidance is well-received. I'll quickly search for her online. Thank you. I'm optimistic that taking this approach will yield results for me as well; her absence is keenly felt.
You should... I promise you will not regret it
That Suzane person is a scam artist, dont fall for this bot comments. UA-cam should be ashamed for allowing this
A friend of mine came up with the idea of a predetermined period of marriage, say 15 years. At the end of that 15 years you can either agree to continue for a further predetermined period, or go your own way with no penalty. It actually kind of makes sense.
Nah, doesn't make rational sense for a woman to enter into this "deal" because her ability to find new partners declines with age as looks fade. A 30 year old woman would be 45 at the end of the term and unlikely to ever find a replacement man, so she loses out. This is why women seek the security of Commitment, our value as romantic partners depreciates as we grow older.
If the average marriage lasts about 7 years, then a 5 year “contract” makes sense. If a prenuptial agreement is set up prior to marriage, then all that is required is follow that, with no need for lawyers or judges- hence no additional cost. I would add an escape clause where in certain criteria is met, then the marriage is immediately dissolved (infidelity, one spouse sent to prison…).
This scenario was played out by an unmarried couple from Canada. Look it up, happened a few years ago. It cost him millions.
The system won't let this happen, men are to be monetized and women will never let that slip through their entitlement. IMO men must deny them access.
Canadian viewer here. What couple are you talking about? If they did not move in together and weren’t married, I seriously doubt your story. There is something you’re not telling us.
@learningisfun2108 don't doubt what I say. You can easily find it. Toronto 2020. Micheal Latnerhad to pay 50k / month for 10 yrs. 🎤 drop.
A very special case, but still an important one to note, especially for Canadians.
"Justice Sharon Stone admitted she struggled with whether the time the couple spent together during their relationship was enough to find they “lived together” in a conjugal relationship. She ultimately ruled they should be considered spouses under the law since they’d been in a committed relationship, he covered her expenses, they referred to each other as husband and wife to their families and friends and lived together every summer at his 13,000-sq.-ft. cottage and alternate winter weekends at his Florida condo."
Deny them access. But we only learn these harsh lessons after divorce.
@@glenbarratt1257 IMO the case shouldn't be considered to be special, doing so leads to a return trip to bluepilled thinking. Any connection that can be made for a man's pockets to get robbed will be made. Men are tained to hope for the unicorn and "it won't happen to me"
Marriages as an institution should be done away with and replaced with a 1 to 5 year renewable contract. If the couple wishes to end the relationship, just let the contract expire. The whole idea of making marriage an institution of the state is completely wrong. Religions can define "marraige" as they see fit.
The contract can be made binding on two or more consenting adults 18 and older. This accommodates gay couples, lesbians, polygamous, and polyamorous relations, as well as the traditional male/female couples. Its a win win that maximizes freedom.
💯 And make each partner financially responsible for raising their children. Abolish no fault divorce. Abolish alimony. Feminists want equality, so It should be two consenting adults that renew their partnership for 5 years at a time. After the 5 years they can renew for another 5 years or walk away without their partner owing them anything. This is the way forward with modern relationships. Men have way too much to lose in the current system.
Every time the state has a divorce the state gets 500,000. The state does not have an incentive to stop divorce and Family Court. As long as divorce is a tool to steal, be the sole owner of the children.
7
Nope I ain’t signing no contract with no woman. Ever!
It should be a state renewed license like the DMV
Married 14 years on January 8th..it's no fun your right it's no fun..it's tiring..it's frustrating..endless disappointment and failures and setbacks, I'm fed up, don't get married unless it's your Soulmate. Your right society in general just isn't working nothing is..were all just fiddling with our thumbs playing pretend.
No such thing as a soul mate, we live in the physical world with the flesh and all humans are flawed
@bobw1909 yeah but I've had spiritual experiences, I've had an nde 2 million people have seen my story..and the reason I bring it up was because in my experience I did encounter a soul that I would consider to be my soul mate..it was an indescribable connection..I have no connection to my wife now not even as a friend..and I know this is subjective to me but to me this stuff is real
I wouldn’t get married to my soulmate. 😂😂
Its terrible because YOU are liking dropping the ball. Polarity suffers and women get bitter. That's my guess.
@@Ben-kw8nb lol
Best girlfriend arrangement I had was with us maintaining separate households. Her house was used to raise her daughter, mine was used for 'sexy time.' The only downside was everything in my house was sticky.😂
😂
Soo you were banging a single mom?
Why date a single mother?
That made me spit my coffee
Imagine the smell.
Everyone remember to watch Nick Johnson recently posted, INSIDE A COLLAPSE: The Most Abandoned American Cities Ever Film. Like Nick Johnson or not he is spot on. Read the comments, such sadness to see this dying of America . His work is amazing. I shared his video twice. Scary America. Marriage maybe on the decline!.... stay healthy everyone
I'm subscribed to Nick Johnson I like his videos and content👍
Are you saying that the cities are being abandoned because people aren't getting married?
@@FreedomTalkMedia no! Did you watch the video
One of the best channels on YT. Thank you
Thank you for the value 🙏
My pleasure!
G😂😂🎉ood morning 🌄. Thanks for sharing and the world 🌎 has changed. Stay healthy guys.......... Resting in bed this morning, getting ready for Monday!
Thanks
I like the way you think! The UN. marriage relationship allows for a family structure and a level of commitment while still protecting a level of freedom and asset protection. You can have a committed family structure without allowing either party to abuse the other financially. Personal accountability and work ethic are encouraged.
I know a couple like this that live on each side of a duplex. They each have their own space and they have had this relationship happily for decades.
Good video John. I see red flags entering into a contract with an emotional creature! I'm glad my kids are grown. I had a Girlfriend suggest we get married and live apart. We would still be together if not for her insisting on Marriage. Never again!
Think about the popularity of man caves in the context of what's being discussed in this video. The woman has taken over the entirety of the house and the man has no sense that the place belongs to him. So then he carves out some inferior space in the garage, the attic, or the basement, to call his own. She gets all of the premium spaces like the bedroom, the kitchen, and the living room.
I don't see how this is a good solution for the children. They would basically be living the lifestyle of a kid of divorced parents from day one. Bouncing between houses, having different rules/customs for each parent, having multiple different social circles, dealing with the outside sex partners each parent will inevitably have, (if they're not married, you KNOW this will happen)..... Yeah, that sounds like a terrible new norm for childhood.
When you say "Yes" to something you don't want to do, you are saying "No" to something you do want to do..
Two thoughts: 1. I am currently in a relationship described in this video - not living together for 3 years now…this is brilliant. 2. This arrangement won’t work for very small kids (unless you have a full-time helper/nanny). Small kids require too much attention to handle them alone. Job, kid and housekeeping are a huge burden when combined (again, talking from experience).
Now that’s a situation I would sign up for! I have my place and she has hers. We can go out, have fun, music, food, dancing. Or make a meal together at home, clink wine glasses, make love on the bear rug next to the fireplace and then she goes home. Wonderful!
She may feel the same way. Her house, is nice and neat, without your junk.
Exactly!!!
"And then she goes home" 😂😂😂
If a woman reads this, she will rage with anger lmao
Societies without marriage will die.
It is unsustainable this is why the future of humanity is Indian, Filipino and Middle eastern because they still marry and gave kids
1) Only 6 figure income couples could afford your scenario John
2) Blue collar couples can't afford two homes / Blue collar will not be able to have kids without cohabitate/ really they can't afford kids NOW
That is probably true.
@@john-griffin No, it's not. As a 28yo with multiple homes. I worked my backside off working 2-4 jobs. I want to be able to have freedom and be financially independent later. It's been hard to find a women on the same page money wise but I'm still searching. Problem is women, don't save and they want everything now. No delayed gratification, hence why they have the most debt.
I wish UA-cam would allow me to give this video 5 thumbs up. The past 8 years of my life have been great for me. The two long term relationships I’ve had are with women who have their own place and their own money. Circumstances have been such that most of our time together has been at their homes instead of mine when we’re just hanging out. This has allowed me to maintain full control over everything in my home. What you propose IS the answer to a better future if it can be widely adopted.
Thanks for sharing your experiences!
John you are not dreaming....I agree 100 percent. Brilliant solution.
It is SO much easier letting adults take care of themselves. Especially when they have a history of being poor investments.
I’d say whenever there is a marriage it should be a contract for a certain amount of time . Say 10 year contract and if you’re miserable at the 10 year mark then it can end with no financial penalty to either party. If everything good sign for another 10 and so on. At least if it’s a miserable marriage you’re not stuck in a lifetime of misery because of this unrealistic lifetime commitment. Just an idea
The arrangement you outline in this video would, and does, work for people. The problem not being addressed is the long term effects on children. I am a Corrections Officer at a juvenile jail, so I've not only read a ton of studies on how families shape the mind of a child, but I get to speak to children about how their lives shape their decision making as well as track their behaviors over long periods and talk to them about those decisions. Children have not yet developed the rational faculties necessary to understand an arrangement between their parents. Children always feel a sense of pull. Whether their parents were never married or were married for most of their lives, they feel pain at the end of the relationship, they feel stress at the change in schedule, and they feel neglected when one or both parents begins dating again. These feelings manifest as anxiety and/or depression at the best of times and drug use/criminal behaviors at the worst, but it's very rare that the dissolution of thier parents' relationship manifests as anything positive for the child. The proliferation in anxiety/depression disorders and personality disorders in adults of today (people in their 30's-40's) is evidence that most children of divorced or single parent homes did not fare as well as those who had both parents in the home. The system you suggest in this video prioritizes the self and gives children the back seat. Children feel this at a deep level that they almost never learn to process and it effects them in profound ways for the negative.
Single father outcomes have nearly the same as a two parent household.
Just keep them at dad's, then.
Problem solved.
If you want kids find yourself a woman who has Christ in her heart as long as you do as well.
So happy that I moved in my with exgirlfriend for 4 years, now I know what you are saying, and I will not be marrying or cohabiting ever again
I watch a lot of youtube videos every day. A wide variety of subjects. For many years. I have had a lot of successful "UA-cam university" outcomes. If I had to make a choice to only watch one channel, yours would be in the top three...At least.
Wow, I really appreciate that. I watch a lot of UA-cam, too, and I wanted to do something unique. I tried the traditional stuff for a while, and it felt wrong sitting at my desk or working out in my gym. Walking the dogs was actually just a way to work the videos into my day to save time. Who knew that shooting outside would be such a draw?
I’d guess the number of really happy marriages is less than 10%. There is typically only contentment, not happiness.
Most people that claim to be “happily married” will also tell you that if they are ever somehow single again, they’ll never marry again.
After marriage, happiness becomes heavily handicapped.
Well stated
Yup! This is me. Contentment and a sexless relationship and marriage. Contentment, knowing I have Shelter, Food and Other Things. There is long time, security and a roommate. Yes, there is divorce. I’m a Messianic Jew and believer in Jesus Christ. In order for me to have sex again, I must be married. But honestly, do I want to get married again?
Yeah, I agree with you. 100%.
@@john-griffin and in China men are rejecting marriage!
Marriage wasn’t invented to make you happy. If you’re unhappy, it’s a you-problem.
You may have solved the Seinfeld episode "The this, and the that". If you are not familiar with this episode, please watch it.
I'm sure i have seen it as I have binged the whole show once, I just don't remember it right now. Ill look it up. thanks
I had an epiphany. The unmarried relationship is ideal for men, but to women it’s a port in a storm. What majority women want is marriage, and in the absence of a marriage-minded “high quality” man she’ll settle for the unmarried relationship with a man she’s attracted to until the man who will marry her shows up. Either way, a woman in your life is temporary and men just have to accept it. Either she casually dates you until she gets bored or finds someone better, or you succumb to the marriage wheel and drive each other insane. I’ll happily take the unmarried option, because when she gets bored and moves on at least we never lived together and I’m not stuck holding the bag.
11:02 Me: You can’t have your cake and eat it too
John: Unless you bake two cakes
Yes!
In my country, living together for 3 years unmarried is considered the same as being married if you decide to part ways. Before 3 years, a contract out agreement must be decided incase of a break up and you lose half your house and 401k.
Definitely I think is a really great idea. I feel that we are very slowly heading to something like what you mentioned where you find a partner but you don't cohabitate with each other. Getting married the traditional way by ceremony and in law is something that is very risky in today's society and on top of that marriage comes with a lot of headaches. I also think if your married, guys tend not to rock the boat with his woman, because he fears that if he does even one wrong move that his wife will threaten to leave him and split up with him so we tend to just let go and that is where the women start to take control. It also becomes a constant battle as well. Eventually the relationship starts to wear down and that's where it falls apart. I think like what John says in this video is that we just have to be honest with our intentions and find someone who sees eye to eye with us. Most women aren't going to be cool with it but there are still some who definitely would be open to it. I've known a few older couples who just stayed boyfriend and girlfriend for the longest and made it work and they share a space together. So it basically comes down to what are you seeking and finding someone who shares similar values.
For 33 years, my partner and I lived together on the weekends and on vacations. Initially we decided to do that because we lived in 2 different cities, 50 miles apart and commuting was too difficult. But that arrangement turned into something along the lines of what you're suggesting. Occasionally we quarreled on the weekend but we each knew that come Monday morning we could return to our separate apartments and escape any tension that might have carried over from those disagreements. We kind of stumbled into this arrangement but it did work well for a very long time.
Gosh its sad how transactional things have become. Everyone out for themselves and what's in it for me? Doesn't anyone fall in love anymore? Also you'd expect this kind of bitterness and selfishness from maybe a millennial or a gen z, but to see it from a man of this age and coaching younger men to it is shocking.
You nailed it John! This is what happens. You absolutely 💯 get fed up with each other. Point in case here. And, your time line is spot on, 7 to 10 years, also case in point.
Thanks
In order for this to actually work, you'd have to abolish the family court system
John...perhaps your best video yet ! ........ I watched it to the end !
Thanks! I think I am getting better with practice. I look back at some of my older videos, and I cringe.
You just described my life.
also, the new model you lay out in this video is something I have been saying to my friends and even mother for about 5 years now. great minds think alike
I never got married but lived with a few women. I will never willingly be forced to lose my ability to choose my life path in order to make another person happy or lose everything
It must be very disruptive to be continally changing partners and lifestyles every few years. I guess people thrive on the drama.
John, I've thought about this topic so much. I was 24 when I met the witch and 31 when separated. I still had so much time to have another family. But I was going through hell in trying to see my son and the games played were horrendous.
I'm 48 now so I don't think I have the energy to have a family now.
But in the next life you can:
-pay for a surrogate and let your mum help out to satisfy the feminine component. (Only if she is not a narcissist and very competent)
Or
- do what you mentioned and get a contract in place. Unfortunately the current system won't allow you to contract out of child support. She could still accuse you of stuff and legally break the contract, in the rational of protecting the child.
Or
- go to a third world country and if she plays up then she loses the lifestyle that you're paying for, and that lifestyle is affordable for you. ( Downside is you have to live in that country for the kids)
Or
- be a modern day bull and get everything pregnant and pay the support you want to pay, through incorporated businesses, and hope that some of the kids seek you out when they are older. Have a record of attempting to be in their lives but don't remortgage the house in doing so. (Downside is the kids will be disadvantaged from a broken home straight away and the mum might not be healthy herself, which will inturn effect the kids.)
4 options there.
But being the nice, doting husband, then being discarded, while losing your assets and sanity should not be an option moving forward.
If there was assurances that the parenting in an unmarried relationship would produce raising a happy and well adjusted family (children) it would be worth exploring. But I agree in today’s world the institution of marriage is broken and doesn’t work
Great points in this video
What I found in my own marriage was my even asserting an opinion on a course of action would trigger aggression: raised voice, exasperation, hand wringing. If I persisted in the disagreement it would invariably lead to the water works and a screaming match. Eventually, you are trained to just relent immediately knowing that, as you said, following through to the end would require enduring the large fight and usually it just isn't worth it. Of course you put your foot down for the big decisions, but the bar for those becomes higher and higher as time goes on. This stopped in my marriage when I got to the point where I stopped giving a shit about her little tantrums and started treating her like a spoiled child. I basically indicated to her that if she didn't like it we could start talking about divorce. Her hegemony was over at that point because she knew I was serious. This is something that a young man can't do that easily because they actually fear the idea of their girl leaving them.
Great story and advice
Or every conversation would devolve into an attack/defend affair with you doing the latter.
MAN YOU GOT IT RIGHT PERFECT LOGICAL RATIONAL THOUGHT
Hey John, I'm mid 30s and recently divorced. The way you described things it was like you were talking directly about my marriage. I appreciate your insight, thank you.
An idea like mandatory official agreement you mentioned was in a comment I made to a previous video of yours.
Life became too complicated for both men and women. Default definition of marriage or lack of it does not meet the needs of the current society. Such agreement is absolutely necessary to help couples.
Everyman in his youth needs to listen to this!
This is why at 62 years old, sex as a weapon women use against me has very little power over me as it did from my 20s to 40s. The testosterone isn’t there as much anymore to constantly look for sex as it did in my youth. As a divorced military retiree completely retired and still dates younger women and has sex, I can take it or leave it if it competes with my other interests. I will not go back to marriage or live ins and lose my independence and freedom! Peace of mind is priceless!
In the movie Our Souls at Night, two senior citizens live in their own homes and visit each other periodically for companionship
Leave the women and the children at a distance.
I don’t think that the world today is conducive to having a family.
@15:24 I did this with my ex girlfriend but unfortunately she developed into an alcoholic! I can still talk to her just I’m not romantically involved and as a drunk she can be unreasonable at times.
About 3 years ago I met another mid 30s woman desperate for a child but she showed me narcissistic tendencies such as silent treatments hot and cold and some violence and after 10 months of on/off dating gave me a give me a baby ultimatum and I felt that the child could be used as a hostage if I went ahead with her and she wasn’t interested in my concerns and blocked me! In revenge even after two years she tries to provoke me with other men even though she ended it and I may have complied if i had known her for a stable couple of years.
You dodged a bullet; trust me.
Dodged a big bullet!
Dating a malignant narcissist woman will destroy you. The rules and her moods are constantly changing. She will love you for a moment and hate you for days. Nothing you do will be good enough. Consider it a gift that the relationship ended.
@ I do! Thanks
Love all your content John. I’m gonna throw my two cents here. I agree with you on the entire conversation regarding separate house holds and such with kids, however it is EXTREMELY rare that a woman would agree to this. I’ve never seen it personally ever. I’m 33 no kids no wife and had a vasectomy at 30. My life is quiet, relaxed and peaceful. Thanks John!
It may not be the most likely solution for most people, but it might be a solution for some.
I feel good men get into marriage and the women and other people try to destroy the marriage and decent man's life. Good men feel powerless while abusive men continue to be abusive. We need to look deeper about this.
Outstanding video John.
Thanks
the word "evolving" implies something is getting better, more optimized.... no, this is hell.... it really is hell....