I asked so many times: he you acting like pure single when we are getting to marry?wh you not keep your promises? Do you even want to get married؟ he would just watch me until I yelled…I guess that was when I showed him I slowly know he’s what he is. And one time I didn’t even know the name and it just popped out: you’re acting like a narcissist 🥴
This is what I've been struggling with for over a year. I had to stop caring about showing any empathy and just defend myself. The only way to defend myself was to stop caring because you can't stop the narc from abusing.
@@jbrown2908 There's a few ways to completely rid yourself of them. Though, don't forget, you may rid yourself of them for a few years, but they will reappear if they need you. STAY No Contact!!! Super important. Forgive them, forgive yourself, and don't ever show any reaction (whether good or bad), to their bs or the bs of their flying monkeys. Try to disappear off their radar. They are master manipulators and stalkers, and STAY off social media!
@@lil_Miss_Undrstood Sympathy for the devil. No they are NOT "hurting".....they inflict all the pain on their chosen victims in order to avoid facing their own issues. They feel no pain because their hearts are hard and they are dead inside.
Every video of yours is very true and understanding. I have suffered enough for 2 years. Taken torture day and night till finally I gave up on the relationship . Now healing and feeling better as each day goes by.
You explain and understand the horrific experience like no one else I’ve encountered. Thank you so much for sharing and for your compassion. You are helping me immensely, at last. ❤
So true! My insane ex would literally keep fighting and screaming all night if it was left up to him. He was so arrogant he would refuse to leave my house when I asked him to, would just ignore me and continue fighting and yelling. The only way to get him to leave was by removing myself from the room and locking myself in the bedroom. He’d get bored and leave. I’m done with him now.
That's been my life on and off for 13 years. They ridicule you and abuse you until you react, And they use your reaction To label themselves as a victim. They make your reactions look crazy when you are just using your own defense mechanism. They really can push you to a breaking point And well beyond it. These reactions are involuntary. Very dangerous situation To live your life and day in-and-out.
My parents did this type of thing to me as a child. I would then act out in ways that made me seem like a "juvenile delinquent" which further supported their false narrative that I was the "problem" because they refused to deal with their own issues.
The timing of your videos is uncanny. So many times I have been writing in my journal about something and that very subject will pop up on my phone, and it will be a video you just made and uploaded. Incredible! Thank you for these words of validation and encouragement. It answered the questions about reactive abuse that I was literally just writing about! 🤔
Important topic. It's very difficult to stay composed and bite your tongue forever with a narc. But if you do lose your temper with a narc, best to do it when it's just the two of you and no one else can see you, Easier said than done.
What i found about myself, to get better control, you should get enough sleep. Sleep deprivation can cause your emotions to pour out in greater waves. So get enough sleep, whenever you can.
Yes they love an audience and allow you to do the performing when they’ve already discreetly pushed you over the edge. It’s very important to be vigilant in understanding when they are pushing you emotionally, it is a strategy for them to control you. Opt out of the situation, stay composed for yourself, and understand it is just a game for them. Your well-being and happiness is always the most important.
My ex-husband pushed and pushed for reactive abuse, but I was terrified of him and would fawn … But he continued for a reaction from me … I never did react like he wanted me too … he grew more and more frustrated At my non-reaction … that’s when I got a protection order …. He was shocked that I did such a thing … it stopped his abuse cold …. We divorced, and he remarried, and she left him too …
Emotional Murder , that is so very true , in the deepest darkest recesses of my pain I started researching the Demon I was attached to thinking that he was a murderer who had never been caught , now totally free and healed I can see it was me he was slowly killing so that he could live.
This is exactly how u become. The constant devaluing and criticism. The refusal to compromise about anything, silent treatment, habitual lies, deceit, cheating, anger, rage compared to other women, refusal to help u at all but did everything for the 3rd party. Pictures of other women. Just the constant hurt and pain enjoyed watching u cry. Yes. I did have to become this. No more, after several months after leaving him now I am finally at peace and so much happier once again.
Because Christmas is near the relationships of our family members surface with so many memories, some good and some painful. None of my siblings get together and acknowledge each other. None will go to family therapy to resolve the problems. We are all divorced or never married. Your videos help me understand the narcissist damage is so deep and overwhelming, that we have become strangers. I will be with friends and I recognize this is a difficult holiday for many. God's blessings to all.
Thank you I could relate to everything you just said I've questioned my self am I a narc after having narc abuse from my father and ex boyfriend you've just cleared everything up for me❤️
I didn’t like or understand this need to become like my abuser. I was mean even to my friends and family. I always watch your channel daily. You discuss topics that happened with my ex narcissistic boyfriend that are not addressed elsewhere. So important towards my struggle to achieve peace and happiness. To move on. Knowledge are my bullets and also my cozy worm blanket of comfort
I realize now the rationale of my behaviour, I am still on the stage of survival coming from a discard of a narcissistic friend. Thank you for this insightful content.
That rascal used my rage t take away my child from me.......i have experienced just the same.... blamed and shamed always.... Just t escape his abuse on my child
😢😢, it’s like you’re describing my reality almost on daily basis, I am tired at this point of life from the all the chaos I have been subjected to . Thank you so much for elaborating so well
Having undiagnosed ADHD until age 30 made Reactive Abuse feel like pure evil. Not only did I experience extreme confusion, but I felt so manipulated (without understanding why). Even with medication, it is sometimes difficult to keep up with the manipulation of an abuser using this tactic.
Yes I reacted to the narcissist abuse just a day before yesterday. Why can't they do their work without disturbing others. I was yelling the whole day on them. Their abuse was unnecessary.
Thank you so much! This is exactly what my sister does to me. Engages me in communication then it progresses to what she wants then I react and she blames me. I’ve gone no contact for now. It’s amazing how much we have to do to protect ourselves from their destructive behavior.
Thank you so so So much for all your vidéo everything you said is exactly what I experienced and still trying to leave him But with 8 kids with that narcissist it’s very complicated
Thank you so much for this information!!! Once you survived this concentration camp of a narcissist, unknowing they made you so mentally strong just a diamond become after extreme pressure..
Danish, thank you so much. You understand. I’m going to actually play this for my therapist in my next session. I am so guilt ridden by how crazy I got as the years went by for two decades of insanity and chaos. And, I’m realizing my youngest daughter is still in survival mode because of the court ordered timesharing, and so the crazy cycle is continuing. She comes home with all this aggression and then we both as survivors are just bouncing off each other just like my (almost ex) husband would set into motion in a family of five children all the time. As they got older, he could light the match as everyone was on edge as to who he would pick on (he even picked on the golden child in his own way) then set the insanity in motion. He could then explode in anger at his family and walk out the door to go off for his extracurricular activities, blaming his family for his prolonged absences… which then triggered more insecurity, more instability, shame, blame, etc., etc. while he’s then off spending the family income on his hobbies and addictions… which triggered even more insecurity and chaos as he’s a financial income earning powerhouse, but we never had money. I had to constantly scrap for basics for our children, he would blame me to our children as being stupid with money so I couldn’t have any, then he would haphazardly be over the top with the children and wow them out with lavish expenditures in front of friends and other people, which would gaslight them, from the day to day groveling for the basics as though it was my fault we didn’t have money. At the same time he would scream at me behind closed doors that all I wanted to do was spend money on the kids and none for him. I’m realizing the financial abuse was also psychological narcissistic abuse that put everyone in survival mode.
Thank you so much for posting it's very true. I have narcissistic family members it explains the moments that i have been through. This video helps to soothe myself & let go of the guilt.
Suffered it 7 years..he videoed my reactive abuse and used against me...just out from all of that now..but continuing to face the abuse even after separation...
This has been an issue for me. I do not care to explode but I have to stick up for myself eventually. This person is at it every waking moment. Slamming,banging, angry to the core! I feel bad after I get angry. It's just toxic toxic toxic
Danish, you are so true and through in your analogy. Once I too reached onto the same point where I became a narcissist with the narcissist in my life who had taken over my life for every single thing. Quite unknowingly I had given up all my boundaries and thereafter he started reprogramming my values and attitudes. Even that was not sufficient and he was demanding more and more. I was not able to take those constant abuses anymore and thought of ending my life. I took a lot of sleeping pills and also many other medicines in order to get a permanent escape that I used to think about many times and then get eventually hoovered and dragged into those never ended cycle of abuses. Surprisingly, the overdosage of multiple pills made me the greatest narc and that day I reverted back with all abuses that was stored in my heart since long. He got so corned and threatened that he could not attend his work for sometime ( reality not verified). But there was something that made the relationship got ended both my himself and his mother .Throughout my life I never felt so inadequate with anyone the way he made me feel not enough about myself. Moreover he was in an enmeshed relationship with his mother and I always was treated as an outsider. The morale of my story is at times reverse Narcissim ( though unknowingly) can turn into the best weapon against the narcissist and made the entitled self righteous individuals taste their own blood. Any relationship which is trauma bonded and based on future faking,manipulation, gas lighting and constant cognitive dissonance deserve a permanent closure. Thanks once again 😊💐
Danish exactly this is what happened when I reacted to the humiliation I faced with my in-laws . Like you said they flipped the coin and calling me aggressor. Unfortunately my wife falls to their manipulation. I don’t really care if they call me aggressor I will keep on doing it as long as they bother me. I don’t care what campaign they carry against me . I can never let them cross my boundaries. I am trying to get your appointment for so long. I am not sure the process. I emailed you. Tried through your website. No luck.
@@jbrown2908 I am unable to do that. They are manipulating my wife. If I have to leave them I have to leave my wife and kids. Then I am afraid that they take charge of my kids and show their narcissist trends. I don’t want my kids to be suffering I wish I am very smart to manipulate my wife.
Thank you Danish for such a beautiful explanation. You have helped me to free myself from the burden of guilt I’m carrying since years. My reaction while dealing with my dad (he’s a narc) always made me question myself. But deep down I know I’m not like him. It was so difficult for me to explain everyone that I’m not like him.
I have watched many videos of yours, listened to you alot lately, but this over here Danish is a totally different level altogether. You are shedding light on the bleeding raw realities that survivors of narcissistic abuse face. How their life goes down the drain during the relationship and the huge struggle to pull up after the release, if any. I have endured 20 years of this horrific madness and I cannot thank you enough for your explanation of how the reactive abuse system works. I have lost a huge chunk of myself on the way and have yet to find it. I'm still dazed confused and struggling to cope. You are seriously the most helpful person I have encountered recently, even though its a virtual connection. Keep the good stuff coming Danish and stay blessed always ❤️.
I’ve made a point of saying that the narcs opinions of me is not going to define who I really am. Both narcs in my life are mentally sick and I limit my time around them at all possible. 👍
@@karlabritfeld7104 I get that. My goal now ever since I embarked on this education is also focusing on myself because my issues go back to my family. I left home entirely when I was 16, before that I had put myself in 2 foster homes because being the youngest in my family my mothers alcoholism went to a dangerous level. I admit I did things as a means of survival which is what no one has understood but me. Growing up in Hawaii wasn’t totally a great experience. I feel privileged to have been able to live there but realistically there can be trouble in paradise. I’m sorting out what was happening but I have to move on. No child should have to be put into the position of escape goat by an adult so I have strong feelings when it comes to child abuse and now that I’m 67 years old seniors can be abused as well. In thinking about a saying I read I can totally relate to “gee Harold that’s a bad birthmark you got” meaning the bulls eye mark when it comes to being the target. I live with it every day but always feeling like the bad guy I’m not willing to go there. Emotional and physical abuse takes time to get over and correct because I deserve to be here and live a happy life 👍
We have absolutely no control over what others do. The only thing we have control over is our reactions. You cannot defeat a narcissist; you can only peacefully and gracefully exit. A narcissist is a deeply tortured individual. They've never learned to love themselves and are thus incapable of loving anyone else.
God I wish I'd seen this video six months ago when it came out, when I ghosted my narcissistic friend. I'm going back to her last Saturday to apologise and she immediately started playing the victim despite her insults being the reason I stopped talking to her. I've not written a letter detailing exactly why i no longer want us to be in each others lives (she's been back in mine for 6 days and after day 1 I could already feel myself slipping away) and without a doubt this feels like the right move. Thank you for this video, I really thought I was becoming a narcissist for trying to stick up for myself
Very dangerous time . Been there, done that and definitely will never get engaged in that madness again... Felt like I was in a warzone... Had I known this was a set up to destroy me so he could obtain supply. . How disturbing and sick these Narcs are.. Once I cut him out of my life forever , I did become more stable and calm. Definitely could get PTSD from this ....
Hey thanks, I have been with a narcissist and there were so many moments esp when he discarded me and started to cheat with multiple woman in front of me, that I started to see myself behaving and hating him like he did. And I wondered if I am the narcissist here. I was sock looking at myself why am I reacting like him. Glatd found this video to know I became who I had to in order to start forgiving myself.
So lucky my call resulted in a police officer who understood coming to our home. He talked to me inside while his partner kept my husband outside. I had told the dispatcher they'd better send someone quick or somebody was going to get hurt. The officer talked to both of us separately and afterwards came back in and talked to me. He asked, he's a provoker, isn't he? I almost cried because he understood what I was going through. He's the one who made the bastard leave and made his life hell for a while
Thank you for the explanation, it's really helpful, to understand what happened to me . you're right a lot of my emotions were used against me I have become a shell of a person, reactive or dismissive , losing touch with myself . Being an empath , I constantly blame myself . I hate who I became. Feel guilty and angry all the time . trying to leave and he's being the victim now and I feel bad. Just need to feel whole and safe again and not blame myself and feel guilty for his sadness, how do I break the cycle of self blame ?.
It's very dangerous because the narcissist can use it to get you arrested and or record you to use it against you in court. This is especially dangerous if you are/were married and have children involved. You risk losing everything because the system doesn't recognize reactive abuse and will side with the narcissist as the victim if they are crafty enough to set you up.
In my ex's deluded mind her screeching and screaming and slapping is justified, if I raise my voice to retaliate, I'm an abuse bully. She'd say she couldn't hurt me cos I'm a man. Total BS.
I researched many years & hours of learning. My main come out is understanding how to ACT & NOT REACT- gracefully remove myself from the whole situation
At the end of a four year relationship me being the empath, and my ex the narcissist, I mirrored off him so bad that I became more toxic than he. I would look in the mirror every morning and say under my breath who am I looking at? who is this woman? I was doing things out of spite that I’ve never done to any man, anyone in any relationship ever by the time I moved out my family had to get me in therapy thank God because I’ve learned so much about myself and how to deal with triggers now
After four years, the last seven weeks of the relationship, I was more toxic than he was with you ever he threw at me. I gave it back to him double to the point he couldn’t take what I was just now and threw me out.
I have to say you are Spot on in so many ways. You break things down to be a True understanding of what happens in Narcissistic relationships. For that I thank you. I have experience narcissistic relationships my whole. I’m married to one and have been for 35 yrs. I have related to the talks I’ve listened to in so many ways I don’t know how but I want to leave this situation. There are so many factors involved. I’m about to 69 this yr. I retired from my cosmetology profession in 2007 to move for his career. I kept my license active until a year ago when he convinced me to let it expire. “No need to spend that money anymore”. Much against my better judgment I did as told. Physically I could if the need be do barbering/ hair cutting a few hrs a day. No chemical work. But now I would have to have license reinstated and I don’t know what that entails. Furthermore my daughter lives in his deceased mothers home, deemed unsalvageable, due to a land issue, if I walk out he will put her out on the street I’m sure. She is raising her fourteen old daughter on her own. She is a dental assistant and can’t make it from paycheck to paycheck without our help here and there. She owes him!!!! Always no other way no gifts everyone owes him. I’m fed up but I can’t convince myself it’s bad enough to leave. I continue to walk on eggshells daily. I have friends that invite me to play golf, he has no friends , and says it must be nice when he won’t even take a damn golf lesson because he is not going to be told what to do. I have gone to the rage moments before just hoping he hears me, but I’m the insane one. I never know what I’m talking about, if I go out a limb to voice my thoughts or opinion I’m chastised like a child. He tells me how to drive, he throws temper tantrums at any cost. I am grieving deeply my youngest sons death. It’s been two yrs I should be over it. He doesn’t say it directly but implies it and doesn’t even know he is doing it. My younger brother told me he use to have the utmost respect for him until we took a trip together and saw the way he treats me first hand. He just keeps saying one word “ Lawyer”he has even said I could live in his house so I have a place to go. I’m damned if I do financially and damned if I don’t mentally and physically. I’ve been on antipsychotic meds for 33 yrs all due to trauma bonding. Every signal thing in your programs fits him to a t. I keep listening and trying to find the courage and right decisions.
I was so shattered and destroyed by this man, even after suffering from the death of my son in 2015 I was strong enough to get through it without therapy, but this man took me below the darkest level of my life three weeks after leaving him my family literally carried me into therapy. I’ve been in therapy for five months, because I thought I was a narcissist, knowing I was an empath I was mirroring off of him for survival
I can't believe this popped up I on the discard stage from a narcissistic relationship ,it's been 2 months and one of my co workers of 10 yrs said to me today that I have been nicer than I have been in 5 yrs. He had been escalating for past 5 yrs
You explain and understand the horrific experience like no one else I’ve encountered. Thank you so much for sharing and for your compassion. You are helping me immensely, at last. ❤
WOW!! Thank you so much, Danish! Finally, an intelligent and compassionate explanation for what I knew was not my fault. I am so tempted to send this video to every psychiatrist who was paid to put bipolar and worse on my health records for the crybaby narci's false narratives and plethora of false witnesses to use my journals, emails, texts, and phone calls against me to drag me down further in the mud to ultimately force me to suicide, just so he can be the martyr and say that "I told you she was crazy." They have it all figured out and DO know EXACTLY what they are doing!
I became someone different sometimes i was mute. But after While i tried to act like the narc. Trying to assert myself but i always lost. Thank you for explaining why i LOST myself
I’m afraid of I’ve become this as a son and person. I’m 23 and I think I’ve become a covert narcissist through addictions, lies, stealing, and child hood. Please pray for my me and my family. I’ve destroyed my life and family
Brother, My Father Touched me Too Much, That Makes me Angry & hate about People. After the Death Of My Mom, He Didn't Allow Me Go Outside of Home Since Childhood, When School over & After doing homework. When I want for play he Started to Shouting at me. And Say i will break your legs and Hands. Keep lives inside the House.
I get the impression that once you decide to raise your voice, and it is decision, it's like opening Pandora's box. And it's damn near impossible to shut that box. It was very rare that I might cuss, but it certainly became part of my vocabulary around the narcissist. In the end I know I'm a kind man because I allowed her to live, unscathed by my anger.
I asked in the last months before discard: why don’t you keep your promises? Why you’re acting like pure single, m mom died I needed you! On vacation Hr would sleep all the time! He would just watch me & ask: why are you so aggressive? Then I’d start yelling: I’m not aggressive! Do you want this relationship or not, i can leave, if it’s that what you want! You even changed our marriage date, without talking to me before that decision: that’s disrespectful! Yes: then came the discard 🥴 I was a strong I independed, happy person. Became tired, sick and gained weight only functioning for him and his needs, in the end I was just sleeping😞
This video honestly lifted a huge weight off my shoulders. There is not enough light shed on the reason for the reaction from the person being pushed and poked constantly. Sometimes the boundaries that are constantly being crossed by someone is very quiet and not noticeable to others, but it is what pushes the person that it is happening to over the edge. Thank you for shedding light on this topic♥️
This is so true! Holy shit!! I still love people but am I different towards her? 100%. I feel that I’m in “WAR” mode all the time. I was never one to yell about anything to begin with and I always talk things through but when someone plays like they’re stupid or don’t understand after I break it down to her so that a 2 year old can understand, it’s frustrating.
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U said it.... thank God..... there's someone on the earth....who can understand ur pain
I am glad that this helped you feel validated
Thank you again
I went through this last night and I got the blaim again for not talking as a normal person 😤🤬 I hate those people who treat us like this
I asked so many times: he you acting like pure single when we are getting to marry?wh you not keep your promises? Do you even want to get married؟ he would just watch me until I yelled…I guess that was when I showed him I slowly know he’s what he is. And one time I didn’t even know the name and it just popped out: you’re acting like a narcissist 🥴
This is what I've been struggling with for over a year. I had to stop caring about showing any empathy and just defend myself. The only way to defend myself was to stop caring because you can't stop the narc from abusing.
Sad, but true. They are hurting too. But, you must keep No Contact. It's unfortunate.
@@jbrown2908 There's a few ways to completely rid yourself of them. Though, don't forget, you may rid yourself of them for a few years, but they will reappear if they need you. STAY No Contact!!! Super important. Forgive them, forgive yourself, and don't ever show any reaction (whether good or bad), to their bs or the bs of their flying monkeys. Try to disappear off their radar. They are master manipulators and stalkers, and STAY off social media!
@@lil_Miss_Undrstood Sympathy for the devil. No they are NOT "hurting".....they inflict all the pain on their chosen victims in order to avoid facing their own issues. They feel no pain because their hearts are hard and they are dead inside.
I know that's right!
Every video of yours is very true and understanding. I have suffered enough for 2 years. Taken torture day and night till finally I gave up on the relationship . Now healing and feeling better as each day goes by.
i’m glad you are out! ♥️
congrats
You explain and understand the horrific experience like no one else I’ve encountered. Thank you so much for sharing and for your compassion. You are helping me immensely, at last. ❤
True, 100%
Agree 💯🙌🏽❤️
I was exactly looking for this video.. Being abused by the narcissist make us a to act like a narcissist and they like it..
So true! My insane ex would literally keep fighting and screaming all night if it was left up to him. He was so arrogant he would refuse to leave my house when I asked him to, would just ignore me and continue fighting and yelling. The only way to get him to leave was by removing myself from the room and locking myself in the bedroom. He’d get bored and leave. I’m done with him now.
@@cindytrayer4279 you are right they just need constant way to fight to abuse because they are deep down miserable
That's been my life on and off for 13 years. They ridicule you and abuse you until you react, And they use your reaction To label themselves as a victim. They make your reactions look crazy when you are just using your own defense mechanism. They really can push you to a breaking point And well beyond it. These reactions are involuntary. Very dangerous situation To live your life and day in-and-out.
Yes it's a crime scene waiting.
My parents did this type of thing to me as a child. I would then act out in ways that made me seem like a "juvenile delinquent" which further supported their false narrative that I was the "problem" because they refused to deal with their own issues.
The timing of your videos is uncanny. So many times I have been writing in my journal about something and that very subject will pop up on my phone, and it will be a video you just made and uploaded. Incredible! Thank you for these words of validation and encouragement. It answered the questions about reactive abuse that I was literally just writing about! 🤔
Important topic. It's very difficult to stay composed and bite your tongue forever with a narc. But if you do lose your temper with a narc, best to do it when it's just the two of you and no one else can see you, Easier said than done.
What i found about myself, to get better control, you should get enough sleep. Sleep deprivation can cause your emotions to pour out in greater waves.
So get enough sleep, whenever you can.
Yes they love an audience and allow you to do the performing when they’ve already discreetly pushed you over the edge. It’s very important to be vigilant in understanding when they are pushing you emotionally, it is a strategy for them to control you. Opt out of the situation, stay composed for yourself, and understand it is just a game for them. Your well-being and happiness is always the most important.
My ex-husband pushed and pushed for reactive abuse, but I was terrified of him and would fawn … But he continued for a reaction from me … I never did react like he wanted me too … he grew more and more frustrated At my non-reaction … that’s when I got a protection order …. He was shocked that I did such a thing … it stopped his abuse cold …. We divorced, and he remarried, and she left him too …
ABSOLUTELY TRUE. over the years the many narcissist I came into contact with forced me to awaken and be cut throat.
Emotional Murder , that is so very true , in the deepest darkest recesses of my pain I started researching the Demon I was attached to thinking that he was a murderer who had never been caught , now totally free and healed I can see it was me he was slowly killing so that he could live.
I agree with the emotional murder.
The abuse changed me completely my Empathy is gone I’m numb now
This is exactly how u become. The constant devaluing and criticism. The refusal to compromise about anything, silent treatment, habitual lies, deceit, cheating, anger, rage compared to other women, refusal to help u at all but did everything for the 3rd party. Pictures of other women. Just the constant hurt and pain enjoyed watching u cry. Yes. I did have to become this. No more, after several months after leaving him now I am finally at peace and so much happier once again.
Thank goodness you got out.
This is the best explanation of reactive abuse I have heard. You have a beautiful gift for wording things with such clarity 🙏
👍👍👍👍👍👏👏👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍
Because Christmas is near the relationships of our family members surface with so many memories, some good and some painful. None of my siblings get together and acknowledge each other. None will go to family therapy to resolve the problems. We are all divorced or never married. Your videos help me understand the narcissist damage is so deep and overwhelming, that we have become strangers. I will be with friends and I recognize this is a difficult holiday for many. God's blessings to all.
Amen let the healing begin 🙏
Thank you I could relate to everything you just said I've questioned my self am I a narc after having narc abuse from my father and ex boyfriend you've just cleared everything up for me❤️
Thank you for saying this Danish. How I wish everyone could understand this.
I didn’t like or understand this need to become like my abuser. I was mean even to my friends and family. I always watch your channel daily. You discuss topics that happened with my ex narcissistic boyfriend that are not addressed elsewhere. So important towards my struggle to achieve peace and happiness. To move on. Knowledge are my bullets and also my cozy worm blanket of comfort
I can relate to everything you’ve said. These videos are the best on YT. Stay strong!
I realize now the rationale of my behaviour, I am still on the stage of survival coming from a discard of a narcissistic friend. Thank you for this insightful content.
That's exactly how it was in the narcissist relationship I was in!! I cried so much! I feel so sorry for him because I knew he was sick in the head.
Indeed narcissists are mentally ill. Nothing you can do to help them.
That rascal used my rage t take away my child from me.......i have experienced just the same.... blamed and shamed always....
Just t escape his abuse on my child
Thank you for explaining this problem
I was feeling so guilty for my reactions
I never ever was like this before relationship with Narcissist
Danish Bashir, you are excellent . You are helping enormous number of people. Thank you.
As I said they are possessed...
😢😢, it’s like you’re describing my reality almost on daily basis, I am tired at this point of life from the all the chaos I have been subjected to . Thank you so much for elaborating so well
@@jbrown2908 The most amazing thing is they sleep like babies after creating chaos, while the victim spends sleepless nights bawling their eyes out.
@@jbrown2908 Absolutely!
So we’ll put !
Having undiagnosed ADHD until age 30 made Reactive Abuse feel like pure evil. Not only did I experience extreme confusion, but I felt so manipulated (without understanding why). Even with medication, it is sometimes difficult to keep up with the manipulation of an abuser using this tactic.
I had asked Danish a question on similar lines recently: How can a functional autistic person deal with the manipulation of a narc?
Yes I reacted to the narcissist abuse just a day before yesterday. Why can't they do their work without disturbing others. I was yelling the whole day on them. Their abuse was unnecessary.
Yes, yes, yes, this is the one I've been waiting for this for. Thank you.
Thank you so much! This is exactly what my sister does to me. Engages me in communication then it progresses to what she wants then I react and she blames me. I’ve gone no contact for now. It’s amazing how much we have to do to protect ourselves from their destructive behavior.
Thank you so so So much for all your vidéo everything you said is exactly what I experienced and still trying to leave him
But with 8 kids with that narcissist it’s very complicated
Extremely informative! Extremely helpful! Thank you Danish😲
Thank you so much for this information!!! Once you survived this concentration camp of a narcissist, unknowing they made you so mentally strong just a diamond become after extreme pressure..
Danish, thank you so much. You understand. I’m going to actually play this for my therapist in my next session. I am so guilt ridden by how crazy I got as the years went by for two decades of insanity and chaos. And, I’m realizing my youngest daughter is still in survival mode because of the court ordered timesharing, and so the crazy cycle is continuing. She comes home with all this aggression and then we both as survivors are just bouncing off each other just like my (almost ex) husband would set into motion in a family of five children all the time. As they got older, he could light the match as everyone was on edge as to who he would pick on (he even picked on the golden child in his own way) then set the insanity in motion. He could then explode in anger at his family and walk out the door to go off for his extracurricular activities, blaming his family for his prolonged absences… which then triggered more insecurity, more instability, shame, blame, etc., etc. while he’s then off spending the family income on his hobbies and addictions… which triggered even more insecurity and chaos as he’s a financial income earning powerhouse, but we never had money. I had to constantly scrap for basics for our children, he would blame me to our children as being stupid with money so I couldn’t have any, then he would haphazardly be over the top with the children and wow them out with lavish expenditures in front of friends and other people, which would gaslight them, from the day to day groveling for the basics as though it was my fault we didn’t have money. At the same time he would scream at me behind closed doors that all I wanted to do was spend money on the kids and none for him. I’m realizing the financial abuse was also psychological narcissistic abuse that put everyone in survival mode.
the thought of reactive abuse makes my skin crawl
Thank you so much for posting it's very true. I have narcissistic family members it explains the moments that i have been through. This video helps to soothe myself & let go of the guilt.
Suffered it 7 years..he videoed my reactive abuse and used against me...just out from all of that now..but continuing to face the abuse even after separation...
It sounds like PTSD to me.
This has been an issue for me. I do not care to explode but I have to stick up for myself eventually. This person is at it every waking moment. Slamming,banging, angry to the core! I feel bad after I get angry. It's just toxic toxic toxic
Danish, you are so true and through in your analogy. Once I too reached onto the same point where I became a narcissist with the narcissist in my life who had taken over my life for every single thing. Quite unknowingly I had given up all my boundaries and thereafter he started reprogramming my values and attitudes. Even that was not sufficient and he was demanding more and more. I was not able to take those constant abuses anymore and thought of ending my life. I took a lot of sleeping pills and also many other medicines in order to get a permanent escape that I used to think about many times and then get eventually hoovered and dragged into those never ended cycle of abuses. Surprisingly, the overdosage of multiple pills made me the greatest narc and that day I reverted back with all abuses that was stored in my heart since long. He got so corned and threatened that he could not attend his work for sometime ( reality not verified). But there was something that made the relationship got ended both my himself and his mother .Throughout my life I never felt so inadequate with anyone the way he made me feel not enough about myself. Moreover he was in an enmeshed relationship with his mother and I always was treated as an outsider. The morale of my story is at times reverse Narcissim ( though unknowingly) can turn into the best weapon against the narcissist and made the entitled self righteous individuals taste their own blood. Any relationship which is trauma bonded and based on future faking,manipulation, gas lighting and constant cognitive dissonance deserve a permanent closure. Thanks once again 😊💐
Danish exactly this is what happened when I reacted to the humiliation I faced with my in-laws . Like you said they flipped the coin and calling me aggressor. Unfortunately my wife falls to their manipulation. I don’t really care if they call me aggressor I will keep on doing it as long as they bother me. I don’t care what campaign they carry against me . I can never let them cross my boundaries. I am trying to get your appointment for so long. I am not sure the process. I emailed you. Tried through your website. No luck.
@@jbrown2908 I tried ignoring. It became worse. After the fight I got some opportunity to say to my wifeI am not interested to deal with them.
@@jbrown2908 I am unable to do that. They are manipulating my wife. If I have to leave them I have to leave my wife and kids. Then I am afraid that they take charge of my kids and show their narcissist trends. I don’t want my kids to be suffering I wish I am very smart to manipulate my wife.
@@jbrown2908 Thank you . I am exactly doing what you have said .
Thank you Danish for such a beautiful explanation. You have helped me to free myself from the burden of guilt I’m carrying since years. My reaction while dealing with my dad (he’s a narc) always made me question myself. But deep down I know I’m not like him. It was so difficult for me to explain everyone that I’m not like him.
I have watched many videos of yours, listened to you alot lately, but this over here Danish is a totally different level altogether. You are shedding light on the bleeding raw realities that survivors of narcissistic abuse face. How their life goes down the drain during the relationship and the huge struggle to pull up after the release, if any. I have endured 20 years of this horrific madness and I cannot thank you enough for your explanation of how the reactive abuse system works. I have lost a huge chunk of myself on the way and have yet to find it. I'm still dazed confused and struggling to cope. You are seriously the most helpful person I have encountered recently, even though its a virtual connection. Keep the good stuff coming Danish and stay blessed always ❤️.
Yes this describes what I have become He sucked the life out of me 😞
Thank you so much for your videos. You don’t know how much I needed to hear this.
I have just gone through the same.... what u said
I’ve made a point of saying that the narcs opinions of me is not going to define who I really am. Both narcs in my life are mentally sick and I limit my time around them at all possible. 👍
Narcissists are mentally ill and refuse refuse refuse to ever get help.
@@karlabritfeld7104 I get that. My goal now ever since I embarked on this education is also focusing on myself because my issues go back to my family. I left home entirely when I was 16, before that I had put myself in 2 foster homes because being the youngest in my family my mothers alcoholism went to a dangerous level. I admit I did things as a means of survival which is what no one has understood but me. Growing up in Hawaii wasn’t totally a great experience. I feel privileged to have been able to live there but realistically there can be trouble in paradise. I’m sorting out what was happening but I have to move on. No child should have to be put into the position of escape goat by an adult so I have strong feelings when it comes to child abuse and now that I’m 67 years old seniors can be abused as well. In thinking about a saying I read I can totally relate to “gee Harold that’s a bad birthmark you got” meaning the bulls eye mark when it comes to being the target. I live with it every day but always feeling like the bad guy I’m not willing to go there. Emotional and physical abuse takes time to get over and correct because I deserve to be here and live a happy life 👍
Here's my thing: If they put their hands on me, I am going to defend myself. Got to teach them a lesson in humility.
@@jbrown2908 Here's my question: If they put their hands on you, you wouldn't defend yourself?
We have absolutely no control over what others do. The only thing we have control over is our reactions. You cannot defeat a narcissist; you can only peacefully and gracefully exit. A narcissist is a deeply tortured individual. They've never learned to love themselves and are thus incapable of loving anyone else.
It is much more deep and diabolical than that. Narcs are evil.
God I wish I'd seen this video six months ago when it came out, when I ghosted my narcissistic friend.
I'm going back to her last Saturday to apologise and she immediately started playing the victim despite her insults being the reason I stopped talking to her.
I've not written a letter detailing exactly why i no longer want us to be in each others lives (she's been back in mine for 6 days and after day 1 I could already feel myself slipping away) and without a doubt this feels like the right move.
Thank you for this video, I really thought I was becoming a narcissist for trying to stick up for myself
Very dangerous time . Been there, done that and definitely will never get engaged in that madness again... Felt like I was in a warzone... Had I known this was a set up to destroy me so he could obtain supply. . How disturbing and sick these Narcs are.. Once I cut him out of my life forever , I did become more stable and calm. Definitely could get PTSD from this ....
You WERE in a warzone! A spiritual WARFARE zone.
I moved away from my family because I realised what was happening. I don’t care what they say about me. I just don’t care whether they live or die
Hey thanks, I have been with a narcissist and there were so many moments esp when he discarded me and started to cheat with multiple woman in front of me, that I started to see myself behaving and hating him like he did. And I wondered if I am the narcissist here. I was sock looking at myself why am I reacting like him. Glatd found this video to know I became who I had to in order to start forgiving myself.
So lucky my call resulted in a police officer who understood coming to our home. He talked to me inside while his partner kept my husband outside. I had told the dispatcher they'd better send someone quick or somebody was going to get hurt. The officer talked to both of us separately and afterwards came back in and talked to me. He asked, he's a provoker, isn't he? I almost cried because he understood what I was going through. He's the one who made the bastard leave and made his life hell for a while
Thank you for the explanation, it's really helpful, to understand what happened to me . you're right a lot of my emotions were used against me I have become a shell of a person, reactive or dismissive , losing touch with myself . Being an empath , I constantly blame myself . I hate who I became. Feel guilty and angry all the time . trying to leave and he's being the victim now and I feel bad. Just need to feel whole and safe again and not blame myself and feel guilty for his sadness, how do I break the cycle of self blame ?.
It's very dangerous because the narcissist can use it to get you arrested and or record you to use it against you in court. This is especially dangerous if you are/were married and have children involved. You risk losing everything because the system doesn't recognize reactive abuse and will side with the narcissist as the victim if they are crafty enough to set you up.
How do you heal from this? How do you move on past ending up like this? Thank you x
Your voice is so calming. Thank you for sharing your knowledge.
Hi Dannish hope you are well, I usually listen to you on podcast, I just wanted to say thank you for your help.
I do not feel guilty in the very least. Nope. Treat me like trash (for years and years), you get the same in return.
In my ex's deluded mind her screeching and screaming and slapping is justified, if I raise my voice to retaliate, I'm an abuse bully. She'd say she couldn't hurt me cos I'm a man. Total BS.
Ok I have this on automatic replay so I can get it drilled into my head. I need to be the person I really am.
I researched many years & hours of learning. My main come out is understanding how to ACT & NOT REACT- gracefully remove myself from the whole situation
At the end of a four year relationship me being the empath, and my ex the narcissist, I mirrored off him so bad that I became more toxic than he. I would look in the mirror every morning and say under my breath who am I looking at? who is this woman? I was doing things out of spite that I’ve never done to any man, anyone in any relationship ever by the time I moved out my family had to get me in therapy thank God because I’ve learned so much about myself and how to deal with triggers now
After four years, the last seven weeks of the relationship, I was more toxic than he was with you ever he threw at me. I gave it back to him double to the point he couldn’t take what I was just now and threw me out.
Reactive abuse is emotional abuse.
Thank you for addressing this. I was extremely ashamed that this happened to me.
You are right again thank you for channel you are truly a life saver
Thank for this video. I didn't feel like myself
Thank you for making this video.
Complete wicked and evil. I had so much potential but my parents took it all from me.
I have to say you are
Spot on in so many ways. You break things down to be a
True understanding of what happens in Narcissistic relationships. For that I thank you.
I have experience narcissistic relationships my whole. I’m married to one and have been for 35 yrs. I have related to the talks I’ve listened to in so many ways I don’t know how but I want to leave this situation. There are so many factors involved. I’m about to 69 this yr. I retired from my cosmetology profession in 2007 to move for his career. I kept my license active until a year ago when he convinced me to let it expire. “No need to spend that money anymore”. Much against my better judgment I did as told. Physically I could if the need be do barbering/ hair cutting a few hrs a day. No chemical work. But now I would have to have license reinstated and I don’t know what that entails. Furthermore my daughter lives in his deceased mothers home, deemed unsalvageable, due to a land issue, if I walk out he will put her out on the street I’m sure. She is raising her fourteen old daughter on her own. She is a dental assistant and can’t make it from paycheck to paycheck without our help here and there. She owes him!!!! Always no other way no gifts everyone owes him.
I’m fed up but I can’t convince myself it’s bad enough to leave. I continue to walk on eggshells daily. I have friends that invite me to play golf, he has no friends , and says it must be nice when he won’t even take a damn golf lesson because he is not going to be told what to do.
I have gone to the rage moments before just hoping he hears me, but I’m the insane one. I never know what I’m talking about, if I go out a limb to voice my thoughts or opinion I’m chastised like a child. He tells me how to drive, he throws temper tantrums at any cost.
I am grieving deeply my youngest sons death. It’s been two yrs I should be over it. He doesn’t say it directly but implies it and doesn’t even know he is doing it. My younger brother told me he use to have the utmost respect for him until we took a trip together and saw the way he treats me first hand. He just keeps saying one word “
Lawyer”he has even said I could live in his house so I have a place to go. I’m damned if I do financially and damned if I don’t mentally and physically. I’ve been on antipsychotic meds for 33 yrs all due to trauma bonding.
Every signal thing in your programs fits him to a t. I keep listening and trying to find the courage and right decisions.
"Whoever battles monsters should see to it that, in the process, he does not become a monster himself" - Friedrich Nietzsche
This is so very helpful! Thank you.
I was so shattered and destroyed by this man, even after suffering from the death of my son in 2015 I was strong enough to get through it without therapy, but this man took me below the darkest level of my life three weeks after leaving him my family literally carried me into therapy. I’ve been in therapy for five months, because I thought I was a narcissist, knowing I was an empath I was mirroring off of him for survival
Thank you for this. I have lived this. Thank you for shedding a clear light on this even more.
true,what comes around goes around
I can't believe this popped up I on the discard stage from a narcissistic relationship ,it's been 2 months and one of my co workers of 10 yrs said to me today that I have been nicer than I have been in 5 yrs. He had been escalating for past 5 yrs
I have no regret giving them taste of their own
Yep, was there, done that. I´m still in the process of healing from it and this came to me at the right time. Thank you.
You explain and understand the horrific experience like no one else I’ve encountered. Thank you so much for sharing and for your compassion. You are helping me immensely, at last. ❤
WOW!! Thank you so much, Danish! Finally, an intelligent and compassionate explanation for what I knew was not my fault. I am so tempted to send this video to every psychiatrist who was paid to put bipolar and worse on my health records for the crybaby narci's false narratives and plethora of false witnesses to use my journals, emails, texts, and phone calls against me to drag me down further in the mud to ultimately force me to suicide, just so he can be the martyr and say that "I told you she was crazy." They have it all figured out and DO know EXACTLY what they are doing!
Thank you for this video. You have explained it so well. It really helps us to understand the impact of their abuse it has on us.
Always always helpful ☕👍💖
Amen! Love your videos!
Thank you 🙏🏼
Thank you!
100% facts
hi dear Danish, is any way to aks you something?
very specific question, kinda confused mood for me. thanks.
You explained the complicated topic with such clarity and poetic eloquence. Thank you for helping us in healing from a broken soul.
I’m feeling like it’s me cause it’s always said you are the problem every thing my fault
I became someone different sometimes i was mute. But after While i tried to act like the narc. Trying to assert myself but i always lost. Thank you for explaining why i LOST myself
Thank You For 🔯
Your Service 🌞🌈
Allah Hu AUM ❤️🔥
I’m afraid of I’ve become this as a son and person. I’m 23 and I think I’ve become a covert narcissist through addictions, lies, stealing, and child hood. Please pray for my me and my family. I’ve destroyed my life and family
Brother, My Father Touched me Too Much, That Makes me Angry & hate about People.
After the Death Of My Mom, He Didn't Allow Me Go Outside of Home Since Childhood, When School over & After doing homework. When I want for play he Started to Shouting at me. And Say i will break your legs and Hands. Keep lives inside the House.
I get the impression that once you decide to raise your voice, and it is decision, it's like opening Pandora's box. And it's damn near impossible to shut that box. It was very rare that I might cuss, but it certainly became part of my vocabulary around the narcissist. In the end I know I'm a kind man because I allowed her to live, unscathed by my anger.
I asked in the last months before discard: why don’t you keep your promises? Why you’re acting like pure single, m mom died I needed you! On vacation Hr would sleep all the time! He would just watch me & ask: why are you so aggressive? Then I’d start yelling: I’m not aggressive! Do you want this relationship or not, i can leave, if it’s that what you want! You even changed our marriage date, without talking to me before that decision: that’s disrespectful!
Yes: then came the discard 🥴
I was a strong I independed, happy person. Became tired, sick and gained weight only functioning for him and his needs, in the end I was just sleeping😞
This video honestly lifted a huge weight off my shoulders. There is not enough light shed on the reason for the reaction from the person being pushed and poked constantly. Sometimes the boundaries that are constantly being crossed by someone is very quiet and not noticeable to others, but it is what pushes the person that it is happening to over the edge. Thank you for shedding light on this topic♥️
This is so true! Holy shit!! I still love people but am I different towards her? 100%. I feel that I’m in “WAR” mode all the time. I was never one to yell about anything to begin with and I always talk things through but when someone plays like they’re stupid or don’t understand after I break it down to her so that a 2 year old can understand, it’s frustrating.