@@susanmcmahon4733 that's true. Bcz to actually love someone you require lots of important soft traits like compassion, empathy, and even gratefulness. These are all lacking in a narc.
It's a struggle which most of us are trying to endure. It's heart wrenching when you realise that you threw away all those years for nothing. Infact, threw ourselves out for nothing. But if you believe in destiny then hold onto that Ray of hope... That better days are around the corner for you, for me, for all survivors. Stay blessed beautiful souls❤️.
In all honesty I had no idea what a narcissist was until after we broke up. I felt so stupid when I could mark off all the narcissists traits and how I was played. How could I have been so dumb?
I am exactly the same,I had never even heard the word narcissist before I got involved with one,I feel foolish for thinking everyone was kind and honest . Never have I met someone who causes so much damage in such a charming way
#3. "They promised you a dream and delivered a nightmare!" That is the hardest hitting truth that I have ever heard! My subconscious processed the lies, the passive-aggressive behavior, the dark energy into literal nightmares when I slept. I never understood why I would have nightmares about this person until I got education on Narcissism, toxic personalities and behaviors
@@samk6051 that's the craziest part. I had been beaten up in relationships before, but at least I understood what happened. This death by a thousand cuts is a whole 'nother hell!
The scary part is the children of narcissists find partners that either have narcissistic traits or are full blown narcissists themselves. This is where I was at for 30+ years of my life. It took a lot of talk therapy to get my life in order and I still have symptoms and problems from the mental abuse I suffered.
I left her for the seventh time. So far this is the longest. It’s been 8 weeks. I left her during another Hoover and love bombing without warning. It took every ounce of strength within me to block her on everything 100%. This is the hardest and most painful thing I’ve ever gone through. In sorry everyone here is going through the same. It’s pure hell. And after all this I still cry sometimes because I miss her. I can’t believe I fell in love with an illusion. I can’t believe all the red flags I ignored because I loved her so much and only wanted to help change her and help her to be the best she can be and we could live happily ever after. Thank you for your videos. I appreciate the help in trying to understand what happened. This video help and was perfect timing. It’s so hard to stay strong even though I know it was a horrible situation. Releasing her in my mind and heart is proving to be the hardest thing I’ve ever done. 🥺🥺😢😢
Same here. 3 weeks without my answer .. I know how are you feeling. I had same questions in my head, is he narc or not, do I feel right what I feel .. it’s crazy :( Thanks Danish for your video
@@rgch-raw729 I know. 🥺🥺 countless times I’ve thought maybe she’s not a narcissist or maybe I’m looking at this wrong. And every time she proved me wrong. In fact she checked every box. 🥺🥺😢😢 this sucks so bad. I know I have to keep moving forward in hopes that sooner rather than later I will heal and be able to put all this behind me. 🥺🙏🏼🙏🏼
Another thing that was difficult for me was going back to my memories of the beginning of the relationship and understanding that all what He did was analyze me, imitate my likes and passions and pretend He was my soulmate and that We shared similarities. Accept that everything was fake!! and this person can be adapted to new people according to the interests that he wants to obtain. THAT WAS VERY HARD TO ACCEPT FOR ME.
It’s hard to wrap my head around the whole thing and that it was an act on his part while it was all genuine on my part. I loved someone who I find out is so cold and dark-my mind is traumatized
Please watch Batel Skater's "When darkness can't hide from the light" to see the bigger picture of your road ahead. We are graduates, and will become leaders. A gift of note.
It is hard for me, too, to accept others knowing these blood-sucking vampires exist. I am very suspicious of other people now and if I get even a whiff of narc world, I'm gone. I've realized I was a fawner-to everyone, not, of course, realizing why I was a fawner, or even what a fawner was. No matter what any piece of crap did or said, I fawned. This, actually, is a rather recent realization on my part and I'm a work in progress. Better late than never, I guess.
Knowing that I lowered my boundaries, and walked past red flags.... Because I allowed them to lead me into thier darkness... I remember telling myself this is a red flag... And then saying oh it's ok it's a little one.... Oh mabe my boundary is wrong, because it hurts them..... That's not even how I am! The fact that I was fooled to this degree... And I allowed it to keep going.... God please help me.... Don't make me bitter.... 💚💚💚💚💚💚
Read the story in Quran Surat Taha about hazrat Mosa and Firon. That was exactly the case between a narcissist and an empath. Also listen this story by Nauman Ali khan on utube and you'll know all the answers.
I can’t get over how perfectly you described things here. You hit on absolutely everything just right. Thank you so much for being wonderful and sharing you, Darnish. ❤
All my life I've had narcs attached to me like a parasite. 46 years. I'm alone now and finally free and at peace. So I will cherish that. Cats, flat, new job and listening to the rain falling outside while all warm and cosy inside. It's the little things you appreciate..
It's been three decades and I unable to leave even today just to protect kids from trauma of broken homes and because we are financially dependent on him. He took all that was mine and has total control. Socially no one understand s. It always the women s fault. Going on is as difficult.
I wouldn’t take my narc back despite his repeated efforts and I eventually went no contact. I only learned afterwards what narcissistic personality disorder is and what narcissistic abuse is. Everything I learned was like checking off a list of my narc’s personality traits and behaviour. The more I learn and the longer we remain no contact the better my life is.
This really hit home! It’s been about 2 months & I’m really struggling with everything, the soul crushing heartbreak. The future faking. I’m devastated & lost so much. Moving on is f…… hard!!!! Almost seems impossible
Yes Sheila, moving on is hard, but keep strong and do it, staying put is staying stuck and sinking further. You’ll make it through to a far happier life. x
I know exactly how you are feeling, but please know that time does heal, not entirely but enough to stop asking so many why? questions. Have faith in yourself, and love the the survivor you will become x
Hold on Sheila... You are not alone. All of us out here are struggling in their own way and trying to keep their head above water. As difficult as it is and may sound... Please do not demotivate yourself. I know it sucks but you have to keep going. It's not impossible, nothing is. Stay strong my friend.
The hardest thing that I find hard to accept is how he had such a hold on my soul my mental being. How my whole body had to go through a detox when I left him. Getting over the anger the disappointment and the realization once I found out he was a narcissist. I am on the healing path now no contact whatsoever and I'm feeling better I still have a little bit of a road to travel but I'm doing good. There was so many things that he done to me which confused me throughout the seven years I never knew about narcissism. Learning and growing and understanding narcissism has helped me recover a little faster than what I would have if I didn't know
Wow! You nailed every realization that I had after an abusive 20 year marriage. I was so broken, I couldn’t even decide what to eat or what to watch on TV. It took me an entire weekend to buy a pair of shoes that I desperately needed. I’m so better now, but still lack self-worth. Listening to everything I can to try to understand and gain that.
Such precise explanation. I am so very thankful for all the help provided by your work . 25 years of marriage all the rage, manipulation, triangulation,devaluation, blame shifting,trauma bonding,discard,no closure all these after the discard snd now just falls into place.
Latest Narcissist I had in my life (sibling I was living with) I just upped and left them out of the blue with no notice 😏😏best thing I could've done! After playing the victim, claiming they was afraid of me and actually needed COUNSELLING to deal with the situation 😏😏😂😂😂 (me having been in therapy and seeking professional help for years previous to cutting them off), doing the whole smear campaign alongside all this pity show and EXPECTING ME to go beg for forgiveness 😂😂😂👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻I said that would happen over my dead body. They still can't let go, can't believe I DARED leave them before they was ready to discard me (I could feel it coming, all the signs were there as I was discarded before 🤣🤣). So now they're up to something, pretty sure they'll never accept that I, the weak people pleasing slave with no life of my own, don't give a f*** about revolving around the 'centre of the universe' they think they are 😏😏😂😂😂😌
Wonderful. You discarded that evil wicked person. They got blindsided. My narc sibling got completely blindsided by me as well. They never believed this was possible, in their wildest dreams. Stay no contact and have NO dependence on them at all !
The most hard thing to accept for me was being in that "sandwich": Accept HE IS A BAD HUMAN BEING was the most shocking episode in my life. I was giving him (more than one year) many excuses for his behaviour until I realized everything.
For me it was the realization that I didn't care about myself or love myself because my mother was a wack job just like my ex husband. Once I began connecting the dots I realized the lies I told myself about my entire life ripped apart at the seams. Then, the healing began and although it hurt it was the best thing to ever happen to me and they can both KMA and have a nice day! I am well!
It took me about five years of listening to Narcissist videos to Finally completely understand. I really truly got it after we moved in together . I realize I am living the nightmare. I met him right after my Husband had a fatal accident and I was still traumatized. He of course knew I was and took total advantage of my situation, I was soooooo vulnerable. Which now I totally understand I was the perfect supply for Him. I’m now ready to take my time to finally heal my soul 💗 I am very grateful for Danish!
My family chose me to be the scapegoat since around 5 years old. My son is not treated great by them either. They minimize his accomplishments, don’t ask questions and they ignore him at times. I find it hard to accept they absolutely do not like to see ANYONE do well (family, relatives, friends, neighbors, etc). It is VILE. I cannot accept their bad intentions for others.
the good times … they were good only if i followed there lead. if i wanted to do something different.. forget it . blind Compliance, was the only way to have even a little peace ..But sadly that is no way to live 😞
How they triangulated people against me and I didn’t know, so I went to them for support or comfort, but got questioned!! 🤦🏽♀️ I can’t believe I endured so much and felt alone , when they initiated the whole mess.. 🙄
That it wasn’t real was the first thing came into my mind. Everything calculated, here and then a little bit water, it was like a thirsty person in the desert.
Three decades and still unable to leave. It's equally difficult to continue. He has complete financial control and kids at vulnerable age group. With social stigma of broken home. Just trying to survive each day and protectings kids from the trauma. Not able to do a very good job of it but they need more time to be on their feet. What hurts most is not seeing this earlier and taken advantage of. Of being robbed of your dignity, happiness, years, youth, trust, money, friends, family, health, aspirations, belief, beauty, memories. Almost everything. It's a broad daylight theft of ones soul and the predator with his army devoured you bit by bit. Relished devouring and discarded and accused and blamed you for your mutilated state.
Reading how you've listed the things you've lost makes me relate so much, just thinking about what you could have been and how things could have been different. We have been robbed of life itself. So sad. I get anxious thinking, can we really rebuild our lives again? Is it too late? Did this life just pass us by?
Start to try making baby steps, for your own Future.. Try to get some money system going that’s only yours…! try to get a confident or professional to help you.. Have a written or printed document you don’t keep at home. And Tick off this list as you accomplish more.. so sorry, that you going through this.. I’m starting ALL over again at age 60..! who you completely trust.,God will be with us! 👼🏻
You Are so right Danish I kicked my husband out 2 months ago and that's the best thing I've ever done they are nothing then kids in an adult body and as poisonous as a snake I'm happy and relaxed now don't have to walk on egg shell's any more and no abuse.
I am afraid of talking or contact with any woman after my narc wife abuse. For sure, not every woman is like that(even men). But my mind was in a trauma and i am frankly afraid. So making myself comfy with plants and meditation. Gods love and showing some love for self without any expectations on anyone is the best thing for rest of my life. Live and let live.
I can’t stop ruminating about them and one that scammed me for money. I’m angry I trusted them and that I was nothing but good to them and I feel like a fool. It’s made me mistrusting of everyone.
The most crazy thing is when you realize that you’re the only one always apologizing for the issues in your relationship from sex to finances to keeping the house in order and managing life’s responsibilities along with work and even when you get sick from it it’s all your fault
The applause for the perfect description. Everything is our fault... Even the fact that we exist is a fatal flaw. We're decreasing their oxygen supply and polluting them with carbon dioxide! Sick maniacs. I hope they all rot in hell, hopefully.
I changed my entire way of life, left my home to move in with him. I took care of his home and dog as my own. Within months after moving in, the first episode of physical abuse took place. He spent that night at a hotel., however during that night kept texting me how horrible and messed up I am and I deserved what he did. ( put a dent in the wall using my head) Carrying on with more abusive texts for the next two days. He returned on the third day and the silent treatment was used. It wasn’t until the facial swelling and bruises became to look so horrible that he broke down and cried. Never apologized just said “I don’t know why I did that.” That began the cycle. Not noticeable in the beginning, until it nearly breaks you in every single way. I still cannot believe I cried and begged for a hug, and my reply was that I need to just let things be. It’s the way they hold anger for days or weeks going nearly no contact and blame EVERYTHING on the victim. Not making ANY attempt to TALK effectively about the relationship, it’s as if they truly hate you . I have never been witness to any person who can deny and blame and not take ant responsibility for their behavior. It’s like living in another world. He is an addict/ alcoholic. I’m a social drinker. He’d get inebriated, id have two drinks. He’d get into a “dark mood” and begin to verbally abuse me. If id stand my ground, he’d always blame me saying I’m an alcoholic and it’s my fault. It’s been 8 weeks since I’ve left. Honestly the trauma bond is bad but improves little bit more. Sometimes I just sit in awe thinking about what the heck I just lived through. That’s the worse thing about trauma bonds……you REALIZE that you must stop obsessing over your abuser, because at this point you KNOW you are playing with fire. Yet, there is the part of you that just cannot seem to help it, and you can feel stuck reliving the “good times “ and it’s a painful thing. You are at war with yourself. It’s a war that must be won. I believe after the shock of it wears off a bit, education on the topic has been vital. Then, self forgiveness has to come. Prayers to anyone who is fighting to repair and get peace back in their lives. ❤
@@anngardner5607 THANK YOU 🙏 it’s getting better, good days and tuff days too. But more importantly, I’m noticing more good ones and less triggers. Thank you again so so much for sharing your support !! 🌸
The hardest thing I learned is that it is that love is conditional 100% for a parent with NPD they can't love so it is a tool to manipulate and is often weaponized.
It’s amazing that once you step away you see all the patterns, red flags and falsehood of it all. I have children with one and he just decided to find someone new and move out. Even with this new person he still seeks my validation especially when I’m being quite distance and neutral. He still can’t make major decisions for himself or stick to a decision. Something simple like a hair style- getting locs (a lifestyle hairstyle) months later cutting it off and asking my opinion. The little things I see now…the validation, the low self esteem, and manipulation.
I knew about narcissism due to the nightmare ex husband (5 years together, total of 19 years of my life wasted on his crap) and so I vowed to never allow another man into my life. But then.. along comes a gay friend so I thought it was safe. Turns out, he was the worst. I couldn't understand his jealousy later on. And going from supporting me (as I did him) to degrading, belittling and mocking me. He had changed his entire personality to the opposite in every way. I even googled "stealth narcissism" to try and make sense of it and a whole new and terrible world opened up before me. *COVERT NARCISSISM* Omg 😫 I couldn't....could not....absolutely not comprehend the fact that, at 46 years of age and having sworn off men for life, this went and happened to me again!! There's no fool like an old fool. Or so they say.
Sassi, you were no fool, you were deceived, as I was for over 30 years. And when we’re programmed to see the best in people, we are easier to deceive. Not any more! Take care.
@@sassi7966 I was shy too and naive, easy pickings for these con artists. I’ll keep you in my thoughts and prayers, you deserve so much better in life. x
i want to figure out …why i hurt so for my abuser … ? i am getting better at that but.. i know deep down she wants to change but refuses to really try . thank you. your shows are truly helping so many 🙏🏼
I use to feel the same as you in regard to my abuser. But he sucked up alllll the empathy I had for him. Just like he sucked up alllll the joy, alllll the shine, alllll the love and respect. He sucked up everything. All the money,, everything belonged to him... Therefore, now his hurt and pain and punishments can belong to him.. because they don't suck up punishments. They let other people take their punishments...And at some point, if you can't handle it, God will move you out of the way, so God can take over. And by then, all you can do is just look at God work. And while God is working, all you can do is think about ALLLLL of the horrible things they did
18 years of being fooled by one of 'em....led to ME finally understanding MY LIFE PATHS !!! I'm 84 and just NOW realizing that BOTH my parents & brother, 1st hubby, S.O. pals...etc. were ALL 'narcs' to some degree, AND strong enough at it to warp MY views on how to live life. NOW......I just left him [11/2022]. I had to evacuate from wildfires behind my house in 2018. I HAVE left. I AM done. I may go home to ASHES, so to speak, but I'm also going to CREATE MY OWN NEW LIFE. I'm starting to look forward to it. I wonder who I'll become next? Thanks to you, Danish, and to the others who reach out and give Survivors a REAL chance to heal and LIVE!
..........he'd 'camped out' in MY house; on MY nickel....etc. I OWN it outright, yet he refused to go...for the last 8 YEARS. So. Stalemate? Nope. He'll DO it or it gets legal. NO MORE terrors for me, once this is done.
Anyone post narc relationship: Please don’t berate yourself into believing that you should feel the shame that the narc is so good at projecting. They have a shame wound that originated in childhood which caused them to develop a false self and created an inability to form true relationships. The narcissist mind actually takes a mental photograph of their perceived ideal version of you. The version of them they wish they could be and what they energetically feed off of but because you are human it is impossible for you to live up to the ideal of their perception. Every time you show your humanness it collapses their ideal mental image of you hence the discard. You are no longer the air they breathe. Yes - you are like oxygen to them. They cannot accept your humanity and because they cannot cultivate any human emotions other than shame, they project that shame on you. It is called object impermanence. It is impossible to get them to see anything other than the first impression you offered them upon your first meeting. Don’t even try. This is why they Hoover. They can only recall the original image of you. The best defence against attracting another narcissist is to be as blunt, boring and homely as possible to people when you first meet them or if you are the unfortunate target of a Hoover from your ex narc. Those who matter, don’t mind and those who mind, don’t matter. Hold strong and grey rock!
After 20yrs married 18years, 4yrs after a motorcycle accident and lose of my business. She ran off after cleaning out bank account, left me unable to work with 3 kids to support and my immune system destroyed. Almost cost me my sanity and life, but finally after 20yrs I know what I was dealing with and it was worse than I ever imagined.
I felt this with ex narc friend. I took antidepressants from my psychiatrist for 6 months. It dulled the pain while I read up on this heinous personality type. I am just coming off them now and boy do I feel the pain. But I don't think I could have functioned without them during the worst of it.
Wow so true. I often think the ex narc friend had an angel 😇 in him at the start and for five years! Then a devil 😈 for the last one year! Unbelievable and incomprehensible 🤯
I was all teary after hearing all the points you mentioned because of how true yet painful it was. Then you used the word “entity” somehow it made me giggle a bit. 😅
Most difficult for me is a lot of these types are such sneaks and very predatory years later after you leave. I tried since 1989 to stop them from accusing and following me with a smear campaign. Also, if you have to work for and with them it is extremely abusive as you're near to them too many hours. Anytime our livelihood depends on them either as family, marriage, school or work it is extremely difficult to shake them loose! Love and light!🕊️
It takes time to heal... Like long time... Just think about the hurt, I wouldn't recommend it to people but if u have the chance and gut to see how he moved on with a speed of light and what he is doing currently, I know it hurt but it will give u strength and u will accept the fact that he is unreal.
Because you still choose to believe a lie my friend and maybe you think you can change him somehow. I had the same feeling for her but then I started to realize what happened and then a great anger tooke place - and that anger was the fuel for making me move forward!!! I tooked my revenge after 3 years of breakup when I saw her again and I choosed to ignore her and I felt nothing for her - not anger-not heartbeat nothing and she couldn't take it!! You will be OK with time God bless!!!....
Make a list of every single narcissistic thing he has done or shown to you. Read it when you feel that pull. Tell yourself you will get that and more by going back. Or worse.. If you are away, stay away..
@@sassi7966 thankyou-he wrote 12 page document and gave it to the cops as his wife found out he was seeing me,it was all lies that he wrote but sufficient to have me arrested so he could continue his lies and deceit with other women while also deceiving his wife. Twisted and evil. I still feel for him though even after that.
I can confirm each word you say. You explain it so well and clear and unfortunately it was exactly this Way in my Story. You help me to restore my soul. You are doing a amazing work. Thank you very much. Damian
He pretended to be the person you wanted him to be, then used you. Write down who your perfect person is to be with, then become that person. Without any effort you will find the one. Be Safe. Be Well. Be Patient.
Biggest struggle is the ending … I just got a text “Were over but we can be friends if you like “ I didnt talk to him anymore.. I felt so lost, it was all quite.. It just ended like that… after months… “yeah you didnt deserve that maybe we can talk”. I already feel like I was just a person who he could throw away like I am nothing… just like a can in the garbage. All I did was loving him… at least he could just say it to me in person just some respect 😢😢
Oh wow I can so relate to this. He blocks me suddenly after making so many memories with me. Then he comes back and tells me some random story of how he got caught up and went no contact for 2 months straight. Then he said 'can we start over and become friends'. Little did I know, he didn't even know the meaning of friendship. How do you not get attached with someone after looking into their eyes and speaking vulnerably? Spending hours together talking funny random things which both us like, only to later find out that nothing made an impact on him..not even enough to stay and to treat me like a good friend, which he himself used to call me once upon a time!!! He gave me a special name and we all know that only close friends do that. I was at complete shock and denial for so long..it almost felt like I had lost trust in feeling things bcz I was afraid I would get betrayed again. On the flipside though, I feel grateful for who I am. You know how they say 'it could be worst, you could be them!'. I'm glad I'm not.
Silent treatment was my first step into the rabbit hole of narcissism. 14 months of confusion bs 6 months getting over it then today I find out he got married at Gretna green I’m gobsmacked someone can move on like that but it’s all part of it isn’t it all about them and what they look like to others for supply.
Dude I need help!! Need to know of anyone's experienced this... husband became physically abusive bit my face during an arguement, he apologized... few days later he pushed me.. he sent a text 10 minutes later I ignored it and no 3 weeks later he won't tell me he loves.mw touch me compliment me, nothing. We have been together 7 years but thisbjas never happened he usually pretends nothing happened but now it's different. Hes the one that hurt me yet I'm beonf rejected wtf. Got a 1 year old with him. I have no Idea what's happening
My goodness I hope you’re able to safely escape soon! Please be careful! Things unfortunately will never get better only worse with the narcissist unless you’re being love bombed or hoovered and those stages get shorter and shorter. 🥺🥺
So what we got played. As if we are all stupid? Hey, even Einstein wasn't smart at everything. No one should beat themselves up for being conned by the Narcissist. Just be glad you are not a bad person like they are. The Narcissist will get theirs eventually.
I'm struggling accepting that after a clear and kind boundary was made to my narc in laws that my wife is not able to stand by me on it and after much abuse from a huge network falls for feeling bad for them while I'm now the scapegoat of the situation. She told me she regrets I went no contact and told the narcs this. Once she said "what if I did that to your family (no contact)" and I said ya but my family doesn't abuse us, that's the only reason why I'm doing this. Part of me thinks "well this is new to her, I have to be patience and she will see in time" but more so that I feel betrayed and saddened that she feels so bad for them but doesn't say much about what I'm going through and processing cause it hurts her too much. She has a friend that says "well once Sean heals his past then he will be able to be around them one day" which I find untrue, I'm not exposing myself to these abusers. Another one says to her "well you can't say they are narcs that is a loose term people are throwing around alot" and I know in my heart and all the information I gathered they clearly are. Meanwhile the enablers are crazy making us both and my wife only plays up to them while now they are being "nice". It's a nightmare.
@@jbrown2908 They did turn on her J as they did me at the same time. She plays up to them cause she doesn't want to be pulled through hell again. It's a survival tech she uses and insists she wants to maintain a relationship with them but I wish she would go no contact.
Actually, the goods times I had with the narc was not a lie. I still had a good time. The circumstances around why we were having that good time was based on HIS falsehood, but that does not negate MY experience. His lies were not my lies. I had some good times during my 23 year abusive marriage but they were DESPITE my spouse not because of him. No one is going to take away the few good times I experienced by telling me they were lies. I was living my life authentically.
You are helping so many people. So spot on. It's been a while in the past for me but everything you say is such a great reminder and further processes my trauma and healing ♥️ And, helps hone my eagle eye for these predators now.
It's hard to imagine 12 years of marriage and two kids later that the good times were fake. We had good times, I really felt it, but it wasn't real. My ex still acts like he loves the kids so much, he treats them like crap, no unconditional love. It's all about money for him and his image.
I was thinking why did the narcissist at this moment treat me so nice with a wonderful night out dinner and then treat me like dirt the next moment if i say or done something to her dislike? She doesn't really treat me that badly,she still cook dinner for me everyday & we still have lovely moment together. But she will get frustrated easily and gave me the sulk face if she is not happy. It seem like a roller coaster ride with up and down, sweet & loving , then angry mode switch on suddenly.
Accepting that when you want to tell your story to your friends and they dont get it. They dont understand and they want you to move on. Get over it already. Accept that you are alone in the process and this is the toughest you have ever experienced.
And again. What do I tell my own daughter who was abused by my abuser? Mentally and sometimes physically? She is so angry at me for not leaving. For not seeing the lie for what it was. For in her words participating in the abuse because I didn’t stop it. For sometimes projecting my own issues because of the abuse I suffered onto her. She said she was a child and I was the adult and I should have know better and just left. I know it is nothing like that and it is not easy and at the same time I feel as though I will never be able to repair my relationship with her. I thought we were in a good track but when I was upset and she asked me what was wrong and I told her she unleashed on me. Blamed me for everything. She does not see me as a victim at all.
Similar situation here, only I did leave him when my kids were small. And my oldest daughter now 18 resents me that I left and has fought me for years. She sees him as the golden parent and chose to go live with him at 15.....taking my youngest daughter aged 11 with her! So I lost them both. 50 miles away now. They stay over sometimes and we keep in touch. They sometimes blurt out terrible things about me and my situation....and I know exactly where those ideas have originated from. The smear campaign. I swear to God, I have despaired at times. But actually my faith in God has pulled me through some dark, dark times. All I can do is focus on my healing and rebuilding my life. You never know, they might mature later, take a more balanced view, and things will pick up later on. It is the best that I can do. If we are doing that every day, then what more can be expected? All the best.
Yeah i got everything one of those things done to me and it’s really affecting my confidence and worth . I feel so stupid for being such a gullible mug while he lives his best life 😢
I think sweet guys have never been attracted to me because I was always the sweet one. To be honest, I always thought sweet guys were a bit pathetic which is ridiculous because I thought me being sweet was just fine lol. That girls should be sweet. I balk at my rationality now. Sweet guys are wonderful. They're actually strong in their own quiet ways. I finally learned it too late though. No one wants me now. But oh well. Sorry sweet guys. I was wrong. Too late, too late..
After a life changing medical condition, my dad turned into a humble, charming old man and we became friends after 55 years of torment. My regret is l was a fool to believe he'd changed. Gone no contact for 2 years..
They'll either laugh at you as they take pride in themselves for manipulating and abusing people, it makes them feel superior. They will think to themselves, "hahaha, it took this b**** 12 years, 3 kids and losing her entire life savings before she figured out that Ive been lying to her the whole time. She deserved it...I am the best in the whole universe....niceness is weakness, silly whore believing she is worthy of love...." Blah blah blah. Basically it won't lead them to suddenly have an epiphany, it will simply feed their ego. To them ANY attention, even negative is narcissistic supply and they crave It, soak it up and their whole lifes purpose is to get as much of it as possible. To them narcissistic supply is crack. Either that or they will use it against you to say you are mentally ill, take your children away from you, use flying monkeys to turn your family, friends and anyone who could have supported you against you. All outsiders will see is someone who looks mentally ill accusing someone who to them is so nice, so generous, so caring being accused of being this terrible monster, hearing these outlandish accusations of abuse that they have either never witnessed or never noticed due to being fooled themselves. All they will be thinking is that the victim/survivor is either knowingly lying for some ulterior motive, child custody perhaps, to get more favorable divorce terms, to keep the house, etc, or they may instead see these sudden post breakup accusations as evidence of mental illness, delusional, unresolved trauma from the victims life before the narc, i.e. if the victim had a narc father than he/she is now seeing her ex as a narc cause she has trust issues, is paranoid, unable to accept true love etc. IF, however friends, family, etc do believe the victim, that the ex really Is a narc, etc than all too often they engage in victim blaming, if he/she was that bad why didn't they leave, if my partner ever hit me I would leave straight away...I'm not that stupid. Why does he/she always seem to be dating narcs, he/she obviously enjoys the abuse and is attracted to narcs, well he/she did annoy them, wind them up, lie, etc. She deserved it, she was a whore. He deserved it, what wimpy man let's himself be abused by a woman...lolz. This is just a small snapshot of the crap we survivors have had to put up with.... After abuse, the narc looks to the outsider like the nice sane person, their good person public persona is kept. The survivor, however now has CPTSD, is often struggling with BASIC executive functioning, poor employment history and finances, judged to be a bad parent as the child/ren are likely to also have CPTSD, noticeable behavioral issues and possibly developmental delays, not to mention be living in chronic poverty, That is until the family courts/Childrens services remove them permanently from the traumatized parent and place them into the fully custody of the narc so that the child/ren will spend the remainder of their childhood being abused/neglected/etc, plus turned against the other parent. Great video. Depressing topic
Mine was so deft at alluding to a future together without making an outright statement. That way he could never say he ever said such a thing. For example, he'd take me to his condo in Florida and say, "Can you see yourself retiring here?" But he would never say that he would love to retire there with me.
U are amazing and spot on to what I just walked away from Once I realized what he was doing to me I called my lawyer to start this divorce. I think I was living with 2 different people at the same time Once he dropped the mask.i couldn't wrap my head around how he could be so loving and horrible at the same time. It was time to end this nightmare
Today I blocked my "mother". I didn't give her any closure. Just wrote her, we won't be in contact from now on. Previous she sent me a message, which again got me in a bad emtal state. As I know it when having contact with her. Again I could say so much, sooo much going on in my mind. But I cant say nothing at all. I am 29, at home, living from health insurance because I had a breakdown a few months ago. Everytime I have contact with her, I die inside. I have no power left to keep this up any longer. And struggle a lot beeing fearless and relaxed with other human. This influenced my ability to earn money for living. It's enough.
What I m struggling with is: he never loved me. He was an 1000% perfect acter.... omg. And the worst is that my two formal partners were narcissist too, acting so great that they deserve Oscars. The question is: how can i be sure that the next i will meet after healing is really loving me? This is my biggest fear becauseI obviously dont know whats true love between a man and a woman...😢😢😢😢
You have to get out,and go full on no contact,however painful.. I totally trusted my eldest son, what a mistake.. Took 34 years to accept this and move on ! 💖💖💖💖🙏🙏🙏🙏
One last thing that was not mentioned about things to accept after leaving a narc. "They never loved you"
They are not capable of loving ANYONE, they are to damaged.
You need to learn that this was not your fault…this one I really struggled with.
Right
@@susanmcmahon4733 that's true. Bcz to actually love someone you require lots of important soft traits like compassion, empathy, and even gratefulness. These are all lacking in a narc.
So true. Good one.
I struggle to accept that he didn't really love me and that he will never change💔
I hung on to hope for soooo long and wasted my years🥺
Never wasted. You learned so much
very same 😔
It's a struggle which most of us are trying to endure. It's heart wrenching when you realise that you threw away all those years for nothing. Infact, threw ourselves out for nothing. But if you believe in destiny then hold onto that Ray of hope... That better days are around the corner for you, for me, for all survivors. Stay blessed beautiful souls❤️.
In all honesty I had no idea what a narcissist was until after we broke up. I felt so stupid when I could mark off all the narcissists traits and how I was played. How could I have been so dumb?
I am exactly the same,I had never even heard the word narcissist before I got involved with one,I feel foolish for thinking everyone was kind and honest .
Never have I met someone who causes so much damage in such a charming way
You're not dumb he fooled you, blinded you under your detection. I'm glad you finally realized it.
You are far from dumb blessed one! Your actually learning and growing whereas they cant. They were your lesson and now you've become their karma!😉
I was on the same boat. Just a total monster 👿
I've been married 20 years and just realized a few years ago. I feel stupid.
#3. "They promised you a dream and delivered a nightmare!" That is the hardest hitting truth that I have ever heard! My subconscious processed the lies, the passive-aggressive behavior, the dark energy into literal nightmares when I slept. I never understood why I would have nightmares about this person until I got education on Narcissism, toxic personalities and behaviors
Same.
PTSD is real after narc abuse
@@samk6051 that's the craziest part. I had been beaten up in relationships before, but at least I understood what happened. This death by a thousand cuts is a whole 'nother hell!
This all happened to me. At first it's so sweet but it start to become nightmare.
The scary part is the children of narcissists find partners that either have narcissistic traits or are full blown narcissists themselves. This is where I was at for 30+ years of my life. It took a lot of talk therapy to get my life in order and I still have symptoms and problems from the mental abuse I suffered.
I left her for the seventh time. So far this is the longest. It’s been 8 weeks. I left her during another Hoover and love bombing without warning. It took every ounce of strength within me to block her on everything 100%. This is the hardest and most painful thing I’ve ever gone through. In sorry everyone here is going through the same. It’s pure hell. And after all this I still cry sometimes because I miss her. I can’t believe I fell in love with an illusion. I can’t believe all the red flags I ignored because I loved her so much and only wanted to help change her and help her to be the best she can be and we could live happily ever after. Thank you for your videos. I appreciate the help in trying to understand what happened. This video help and was perfect timing. It’s so hard to stay strong even though I know it was a horrible situation. Releasing her in my mind and heart is proving to be the hardest thing I’ve ever done. 🥺🥺😢😢
Same here. Worse as time goes on. Leave? praying on that one, but don't think so cuzwe are not young and both disabled.
Same here. 3 weeks without my answer .. I know how are you feeling. I had same questions in my head, is he narc or not, do I feel right what I feel .. it’s crazy :(
Thanks Danish for your video
@@timr2007 I’m sorry to hear that. 🥺🥺🙏🏼 praying for you.
@@rgch-raw729 I know. 🥺🥺 countless times I’ve thought maybe she’s not a narcissist or maybe I’m looking at this wrong. And every time she proved me wrong. In fact she checked every box. 🥺🥺😢😢 this sucks so bad. I know I have to keep moving forward in hopes that sooner rather than later I will heal and be able to put all this behind me. 🥺🙏🏼🙏🏼
Same
Thank you for being so kind and understanding of the victims. It goes a long to me accepting what happened to me
♥️🌹♥️
Its exactly me after 35 years and it hurts 😢
Another thing that was difficult for me was going back to my memories of the beginning of the relationship and understanding that all what He did was analyze me, imitate my likes and passions and pretend He was my soulmate and that We shared similarities. Accept that everything was fake!! and this person can be adapted to new people according to the interests that he wants to obtain. THAT WAS VERY HARD TO ACCEPT FOR ME.
#6 That part of the life is wasted and gone. We can't re-live that wasted part of life.
It’s hard to wrap my head around the whole thing and that it was an act on his part while it was all genuine on my part. I loved someone who I find out is so cold and dark-my mind is traumatized
I feel stupid and used. It is hard to accept others now that I know people like the Covert Narc exist. I struggle with accepting what happened.
Ryan , you are not Stupid.. just inexperienced. if you did it 6 times.. mabey something is off .. you are not stupid my friend
Please watch Batel Skater's "When darkness can't hide from the light" to see the bigger picture of your road ahead. We are graduates, and will become leaders. A gift of note.
It is hard for me, too, to accept others knowing these blood-sucking vampires exist. I am very suspicious of other people now and if I get even a whiff of narc world, I'm gone. I've realized I was a fawner-to everyone, not, of course, realizing why I was a fawner, or even what a fawner was. No matter what any piece of crap did or said, I fawned. This, actually, is a rather recent realization on my part and I'm a work in progress. Better late than never, I guess.
Knowing that I lowered my boundaries, and walked past red flags.... Because I allowed them to lead me into thier darkness... I remember telling myself this is a red flag...
And then saying oh it's ok it's a little one.... Oh mabe my boundary is wrong, because it hurts them.....
That's not even how I am!
The fact that I was fooled to this degree... And I allowed it to keep going....
God please help me....
Don't make me bitter....
💚💚💚💚💚💚
Stay strong 💪
God is with you.
You are not alone in this.
Amen 🙏🏼
Read the story in Quran Surat Taha about hazrat Mosa and Firon. That was exactly the case between a narcissist and an empath. Also listen this story by Nauman Ali khan on utube and you'll know all the answers.
@@shehlakishwer8149
Thank you, I will read this story and look up this channel.
Your sharing this with me, is very much appreciated!
💚
I can’t get over how perfectly you described things here. You hit on absolutely everything just right.
Thank you so much for being wonderful and sharing you, Darnish. ❤
Realizing that after a forty year marriage it was all for nothing. There's no hope for repair and I'm left with nothing.
16 years for me.
My heart goes out to you. 🥺🥺🙏🏼🙏🏼
All my life I've had narcs attached to me like a parasite.
46 years.
I'm alone now and finally free and at peace. So I will cherish that. Cats, flat, new job and listening to the rain falling outside while all warm and cosy inside.
It's the little things you appreciate..
It's been three decades and I unable to leave even today just to protect kids from trauma of broken homes and because we are financially dependent on him. He took all that was mine and has total control. Socially no one understand s. It always the women s fault. Going on is as difficult.
30 year for me and I left when he turned pervert
I wouldn’t take my narc back despite his repeated efforts and I eventually went no contact. I only learned afterwards what narcissistic personality disorder is and what narcissistic abuse is. Everything I learned was like checking off a list of my narc’s personality traits and behaviour. The more I learn and the longer we remain no contact the better my life is.
WOW! Thank you. The LORD God has given you a gift to help others.
God sent me to this video because it is exactly what I need to hear and accept.
This is so true. It is so devastating to be objectified. No closure ever happened.
This really hit home! It’s been about 2 months & I’m really struggling with everything, the soul crushing heartbreak. The future faking. I’m devastated & lost so much. Moving on is f…… hard!!!! Almost seems impossible
Yes Sheila, moving on is hard, but keep strong and do it, staying put is staying stuck and sinking further. You’ll make it through to a far happier life. x
If l may recommend, please watch Batel Skater's When darkness can't hide from the light, to prep you for your future.
I know exactly how you are feeling, but please know that time does heal, not entirely but enough to stop asking so many why? questions. Have faith in yourself, and love the the survivor you will become x
Hold on Sheila... You are not alone. All of us out here are struggling in their own way and trying to keep their head above water. As difficult as it is and may sound... Please do not demotivate yourself. I know it sucks but you have to keep going. It's not impossible, nothing is. Stay strong my friend.
Time will lessen the pain, I promise! One day, you'll wake up and see what you need to see...then your love will turn to hate and contempt.
The hardest thing that I find hard to accept is how he had such a hold on my soul my mental being. How my whole body had to go through a detox when I left him. Getting over the anger the disappointment and the realization once I found out he was a narcissist. I am on the healing path now no contact whatsoever and I'm feeling better I still have a little bit of a road to travel but I'm doing good. There was so many things that he done to me which confused me throughout the seven years I never knew about narcissism. Learning and growing and understanding narcissism has helped me recover a little faster than what I would have if I didn't know
Walking away from them is the first step to regaining your life!
I can’t wait, TO go NO contact I’m in soo much pain.. 2 months to go!
Thinking about the past and blame my self for being blind, fooled, ....
I feel the same. 🥺
No just good hearted and kind.
Was that our only "crime"?
We're too nice it seems.
Wow! You nailed every realization that I had after an abusive 20 year marriage. I was so broken, I couldn’t even decide what to eat or what to watch on TV. It took me an entire weekend to buy a pair of shoes that I desperately needed. I’m so better now, but still lack self-worth. Listening to everything I can to try to understand and gain that.
Hang in there. I know how you feel!
This is all true I do feel ashamed with no confidence or strength. No closure from him to move on. Thank you for making things clear Danish.
If l may, please watch Batel Skater's "When darkness can't hide from the light", to help give you strength and direction.
Such precise explanation. I am so very thankful for all the help provided by your work .
25 years of marriage all the rage, manipulation, triangulation,devaluation, blame shifting,trauma bonding,discard,no closure all these after the discard snd now just falls into place.
@@rashmikodibagkar7324 Hello, fellow phoenix. Welcome to your new life. Lots of love from South Africa.🌹
Latest Narcissist I had in my life (sibling I was living with) I just upped and left them out of the blue with no notice 😏😏best thing I could've done! After playing the victim, claiming they was afraid of me and actually needed COUNSELLING to deal with the situation 😏😏😂😂😂 (me having been in therapy and seeking professional help for years previous to cutting them off), doing the whole smear campaign alongside all this pity show and EXPECTING ME to go beg for forgiveness 😂😂😂👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻I said that would happen over my dead body. They still can't let go, can't believe I DARED leave them before they was ready to discard me (I could feel it coming, all the signs were there as I was discarded before 🤣🤣). So now they're up to something, pretty sure they'll never accept that I, the weak people pleasing slave with no life of my own, don't give a f*** about revolving around the 'centre of the universe' they think they are 😏😏😂😂😂😌
Wonderful. You discarded that evil wicked person. They got blindsided. My narc sibling got completely blindsided by me as well. They never believed this was possible, in their wildest dreams. Stay no contact and have NO dependence on them at all !
♥️🌹♥️
You just described my life.
👏
Gee you need therapy.
The most hard thing to accept for me was being in that "sandwich": Accept HE IS A BAD HUMAN BEING was the most shocking episode in my life. I was giving him (more than one year) many excuses for his behaviour until I realized everything.
For me it was the realization that I didn't care about myself or love myself because my mother was a wack job just like my ex husband. Once I began connecting the dots I realized the lies I told myself about my entire life ripped apart at the seams. Then, the healing began and although it hurt it was the best thing to ever happen to me and they can both KMA and have a nice day! I am well!
It took me about five years of listening to Narcissist videos to Finally completely understand. I really truly got it after we moved in together . I realize I am living the nightmare. I met him right after my Husband had a fatal accident and I was still traumatized. He of course knew I was and took total advantage of my situation, I was soooooo vulnerable. Which now I totally understand I was the perfect supply for Him. I’m now ready to take my time to finally heal my soul 💗 I am very grateful for Danish!
Soo sorry. A big Hug to you!
Hope you able to move forward. In time… Jenny 👼🏻💕
My family chose me to be the scapegoat since around 5 years old. My son is not treated great by them either. They minimize his accomplishments, don’t ask questions and they ignore him at times. I find it hard to accept they absolutely do not like to see ANYONE do well (family, relatives, friends, neighbors, etc). It is VILE. I cannot accept their bad intentions for others.
Often times the hardest thing to accept is the loss of the dream
So very very true...
That is indeed what hurts the most.
Only one, accepting that I can do everything I need to on my own.
the good times … they were good only if i followed there lead. if i wanted to do something different.. forget it . blind Compliance, was the only way to have even a little peace ..But sadly that is no way to live 😞
How they triangulated people against me and I didn’t know, so I went to them for support or comfort, but got questioned!! 🤦🏽♀️ I can’t believe I endured so much and felt alone , when they initiated the whole mess.. 🙄
That it wasn’t real was the first thing came into my mind.
Everything calculated, here and then a little bit water, it was like a thirsty person in the desert.
Great video. Thank you.
after reading many comments.. we/ you are NOT STUPID. just inexperienced… but now we know . hold your head up . we did nothing wrong 👍🏼
Three decades and still unable to leave. It's equally difficult to continue. He has complete financial control and kids at vulnerable age group. With social stigma of broken home. Just trying to survive each day and protectings kids from the trauma. Not able to do a very good job of it but they need more time to be on their feet. What hurts most is not seeing this earlier and taken advantage of. Of being robbed of your dignity, happiness, years, youth, trust, money, friends, family, health, aspirations, belief, beauty, memories. Almost everything. It's a broad daylight theft of ones soul and the predator with his army devoured you bit by bit. Relished devouring and discarded and accused and blamed you for your mutilated state.
i did 40 years 🫣 i took my wedding vows very seriously and three kids … but there came a time to say NO MORE.. stand tall , you will get past this 🙏🏼
Reading how you've listed the things you've lost makes me relate so much, just thinking about what you could have been and how things could have been different. We have been robbed of life itself. So sad. I get anxious thinking, can we really rebuild our lives again? Is it too late? Did this life just pass us by?
@@reginaogwal9777 we have today and hopefully many tomorrows. life is what you make it 👍🏼
Start to try making baby steps, for your own Future.. Try to get some money system going that’s only yours…! try to get a confident or professional to help you.. Have a written or printed document you don’t keep at home. And Tick off this list as you accomplish more..
so sorry, that you going through this.. I’m starting ALL over again at age 60..!
who you completely trust.,God will be with us! 👼🏻
Just leave!!! It will only get worst the longer you stay!!! 😢
You Are so right Danish I kicked my husband out 2 months ago and that's the best thing I've ever done they are nothing then kids in an adult body and as poisonous as a snake I'm happy and relaxed now don't have to walk on egg shell's any more and no abuse.
I am afraid of talking or contact with any woman after my narc wife abuse. For sure, not every woman is like that(even men). But my mind was in a trauma and i am frankly afraid. So making myself comfy with plants and meditation. Gods love and showing some love for self without any expectations on anyone is the best thing for rest of my life. Live and let live.
This is wisdom born out of experience and goodwill to help other sufferers of narcissists. Thank you 🙏
This is why I will never get involved with another man again.
I can’t stop ruminating about them and one that scammed me for money. I’m angry I trusted them and that I was nothing but good to them and I feel like a fool. It’s made me mistrusting of everyone.
@@jbrown2908 You’re absolutely right J Brown. Thank you for your reply and be happy and healthy! So very true indeed!
The most crazy thing is when you realize that you’re the only one always apologizing for the issues in your relationship from sex to finances to keeping the house in order and managing life’s responsibilities along with work and even when you get sick from it it’s all your fault
Nothing is ever good enough for them. Watch for the corner of their mouth curl up as they get off on their power trip. Pure evil.
Good point. I took all the blame. He never apologized for anything.
Applause 👏👏👏👏👏
The applause for the perfect description. Everything is our fault... Even the fact that we exist is a fatal flaw. We're decreasing their oxygen supply and polluting them with carbon dioxide! Sick maniacs. I hope they all rot in hell, hopefully.
I changed my entire way of life, left my home to move in with him. I took care of his home and dog as my own. Within months after moving in, the first episode of physical abuse took place. He spent that night at a hotel., however during that night kept texting me how horrible and messed up I am and I deserved what he did. ( put a dent in the wall using my head) Carrying on with more abusive texts for the next two days. He returned on the third day and the silent treatment was used. It wasn’t until the facial swelling and bruises became to look so horrible that he broke down and cried. Never apologized just said “I don’t know why I did that.” That began the cycle. Not noticeable in the beginning, until it nearly breaks you in every single way. I still cannot believe I cried and begged for a hug, and my reply was that I need to just let things be. It’s the way they hold anger for days or weeks going nearly no contact and blame EVERYTHING on the victim. Not making ANY attempt to TALK effectively about the relationship, it’s as if they truly hate you . I have never been witness to any person who can deny and blame and not take ant responsibility for their behavior. It’s like living in another world. He is an addict/ alcoholic. I’m a social drinker. He’d get inebriated, id have two drinks. He’d get into a “dark mood” and begin to verbally abuse me. If id stand my ground, he’d always blame me saying I’m an alcoholic and it’s my fault. It’s been 8 weeks since I’ve left. Honestly the trauma bond is bad but improves little bit more. Sometimes I just sit in awe thinking about what the heck I just lived through. That’s the worse thing about trauma bonds……you REALIZE that you must stop obsessing over your abuser, because at this point you KNOW you are playing with fire. Yet, there is the part of you that just cannot seem to help it, and you can feel stuck reliving the “good times “ and it’s a painful thing. You are at war with yourself. It’s a war that must be won. I believe after the shock of it wears off a bit, education on the topic has been vital. Then, self forgiveness has to come. Prayers to anyone who is fighting to repair and get peace back in their lives. ❤
Let me tell you a story, she makes it, the end 💪 this war is already won xx
@@anngardner5607 THANK YOU 🙏 it’s getting better, good days and tuff days too. But more importantly, I’m noticing more good ones and less triggers. Thank you again so so much for sharing your support !! 🌸
One of the most helpful videos in understanding and coping with what one is living.
Not only did I allow it a second, third or fourth time I allowed it probably at least 10+ times. Talk about embarrassing. Ughhh!!
Don’t worry it’s so hard to break the trama bond. I understand, I’m on my seventh time myself. I hope this’ll be the last! 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🥺
@@mikep4472 I hope it is too!! 🙏🙏🙏
@@jenniferalbrecht2967 thank you 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
The hardest thing I learned is that it is that love is conditional 100% for a parent with NPD they can't love so it is a tool to manipulate and is often weaponized.
It’s amazing that once you step away you see all the patterns, red flags and falsehood of it all. I have children with one and he just decided to find someone new and move out. Even with this new person he still seeks my validation especially when I’m being quite distance and neutral. He still can’t make major decisions for himself or stick to a decision. Something simple like a hair style- getting locs (a lifestyle hairstyle) months later cutting it off and asking my opinion. The little things I see now…the validation, the low self esteem, and manipulation.
I knew about narcissism due to the nightmare ex husband (5 years together, total of 19 years of my life wasted on his crap) and so I vowed to never allow another man into my life.
But then.. along comes a gay friend so I thought it was safe.
Turns out, he was the worst.
I couldn't understand his jealousy later on. And going from supporting me (as I did him) to degrading, belittling and mocking me. He had changed his entire personality to the opposite in every way.
I even googled "stealth narcissism" to try and make sense of it and a whole new and terrible world opened up before me.
*COVERT NARCISSISM*
Omg 😫
I couldn't....could not....absolutely not comprehend the fact that, at 46 years of age and having sworn off men for life, this went and happened to me again!!
There's no fool like an old fool.
Or so they say.
Sassi, you were no fool, you were deceived, as I was for over 30 years. And when we’re programmed to see the best in people, we are easier to deceive. Not any more! Take care.
@@someonenew9442 yes, programmed. Also, shy as a child and not very worldly wise. I really didn't learn enough about life.
@@sassi7966 I was shy too and naive, easy pickings for these con artists. I’ll keep you in my thoughts and prayers, you deserve so much better in life. x
@@someonenew9442 you are so kind! I hope things work out for you. Stay strong 💪
i want to figure out …why i hurt so for my abuser … ? i am getting better at that but.. i know deep down she wants to change but refuses to really try . thank you. your shows are truly helping so many 🙏🏼
I use to feel the same as you in regard to my abuser. But he sucked up alllll the empathy I had for him. Just like he sucked up alllll the joy, alllll the shine, alllll the love and respect. He sucked up everything. All the money,, everything belonged to him... Therefore, now his hurt and pain and punishments can belong to him.. because they don't suck up punishments. They let other people take their punishments...And at some point, if you can't handle it, God will move you out of the way, so God can take over. And by then, all you can do is just look at God work. And while God is working, all you can do is think about ALLLLL of the horrible things they did
@@blackberry1134 thank you BB that make sense.. 🙏🏼 and yes God will see us through
@@heyoldman2003 ♥️♥️♥️
18 years of being fooled by one of 'em....led to ME finally understanding MY LIFE PATHS !!! I'm 84 and just NOW realizing that BOTH my parents & brother, 1st hubby, S.O. pals...etc. were ALL 'narcs' to some degree, AND strong enough at it to warp MY views on how to live life. NOW......I just left him [11/2022]. I had to evacuate from wildfires behind my house in 2018. I HAVE left. I AM done. I may go home to ASHES, so to speak, but I'm also going to CREATE MY OWN NEW LIFE. I'm starting to look forward to it. I wonder who I'll become next? Thanks to you, Danish, and to the others who reach out and give Survivors a REAL chance to heal and LIVE!
..........he'd 'camped out' in MY house; on MY nickel....etc. I OWN it outright, yet he refused to go...for the last 8 YEARS. So. Stalemate? Nope. He'll DO it or it gets legal. NO MORE terrors for me, once this is done.
I love your energy
thanks alot for making this video i really appreciate it from the bottom of my heart !
Anyone post narc relationship:
Please don’t berate yourself into believing that you should feel the shame that the narc is so good at projecting. They have a shame wound that originated in childhood which caused them to develop a false self and created an inability to form true relationships. The narcissist mind actually takes a mental photograph of their perceived ideal version of you. The version of them they wish they could be and what they energetically feed off of but because you are human it is impossible for you to live up to the ideal of their perception. Every time you show your humanness it collapses their ideal mental image of you hence the discard. You are no longer the air they breathe. Yes - you are like oxygen to them. They cannot accept your humanity and because they cannot cultivate any human emotions other than shame, they project that shame on you. It is called object impermanence. It is impossible to get them to see anything other than the first impression you offered them upon your first meeting. Don’t even try. This is why they Hoover. They can only recall the original image of you. The best defence against attracting another narcissist is to be as blunt, boring and homely as possible to people when you first meet them or if you are the unfortunate target of a Hoover from your ex narc. Those who matter, don’t mind and those who mind, don’t matter. Hold strong and grey rock!
After 20yrs married 18years, 4yrs after a motorcycle accident and lose of my business. She ran off after cleaning out bank account, left me unable to work with 3 kids to support and my immune system destroyed. Almost cost me my sanity and life, but finally after 20yrs I know what I was dealing with and it was worse than I ever imagined.
♥️♥️♥️
You done well to survive !!! 👏
Being able to walk away is my issue.
My ex narcissist made it very easy to walk away because of his toxic, lying, cheating, manipulative behavior.
@@gloriachapman5618 same!
I felt this with ex narc friend. I took antidepressants from my psychiatrist for 6 months. It dulled the pain while I read up on this heinous personality type.
I am just coming off them now and boy do I feel the pain. But I don't think I could have functioned without them during the worst of it.
They disguise themselves as angels. You know what they say about the devil once was an angel, sugar looks like salt.
Wow so true. I often think the ex narc friend had an angel 😇 in him at the start and for five years! Then a devil 😈 for the last one year!
Unbelievable and incomprehensible 🤯
I was all teary after hearing all the points you mentioned because of how true yet painful it was. Then you used the word “entity” somehow it made me giggle a bit. 😅
Most difficult for me is a lot of these types are such sneaks and very predatory years later after you leave. I tried since 1989 to stop them from accusing and following me with a smear campaign. Also, if you have to work for and with them it is extremely abusive as you're near to them too many hours. Anytime our livelihood depends on them either as family, marriage, school or work it is extremely difficult to shake them loose! Love and light!🕊️
Why do I still have loving feelings for him after all that he has done to me?
Why cant I just let go?
It takes time to heal... Like long time... Just think about the hurt, I wouldn't recommend it to people but if u have the chance and gut to see how he moved on with a speed of light and what he is doing currently, I know it hurt but it will give u strength and u will accept the fact that he is unreal.
Because you still choose to believe a lie my friend and maybe you think you can change him somehow. I had the same feeling for her but then I started to realize what happened and then a great anger tooke place - and that anger was the fuel for making me move forward!!! I tooked my revenge after 3 years of breakup when I saw her again and I choosed to ignore her and I felt nothing for her - not anger-not heartbeat nothing and she couldn't take it!! You will be OK with time God bless!!!....
Make a list of every single narcissistic thing he has done or shown to you.
Read it when you feel that pull.
Tell yourself you will get that and more by going back.
Or worse..
If you are away, stay away..
@@sassi7966 thankyou-he wrote 12 page document and gave it to the cops as his wife found out he was seeing me,it was all lies that he wrote but sufficient to have me arrested so he could continue his lies and deceit with other women while also deceiving his wife. Twisted and evil.
I still feel for him though even after that.
@@princess_sapphire keep learning about narcissism.
It kindof builds immunity to their charms over time.
Why,why so many whys that will never have an answer
I can confirm each word you say. You explain it so well and clear and unfortunately it was exactly this Way in my Story. You help me to restore my soul. You are doing a amazing work. Thank you very much. Damian
I ruminate alot - that he was such a liar and i miss the person who doesn’t exist
He pretended to be the person you wanted him to be, then used you. Write down who your perfect person is to be with, then become that person. Without any effort you will find the one. Be Safe. Be Well. Be Patient.
Same. 🥺🥺😢
Biggest struggle is the ending … I just got a text “Were over but we can be friends if you like “ I didnt talk to him anymore..
I felt so lost, it was all quite.. It just ended like that…
after months… “yeah you didnt deserve that maybe we can talk”. I already feel like I was just a person who he could throw away like I am nothing… just like a can in the garbage. All I did was loving him…
at least he could just say it to me in person just some respect 😢😢
They are cowards and can't even take responsibility for actually ending a relationship in a dignified manner
@@NR817 How true is that. !
Oh wow I can so relate to this. He blocks me suddenly after making so many memories with me. Then he comes back and tells me some random story of how he got caught up and went no contact for 2 months straight. Then he said 'can we start over and become friends'. Little did I know, he didn't even know the meaning of friendship. How do you not get attached with someone after looking into their eyes and speaking vulnerably? Spending hours together talking funny random things which both us like, only to later find out that nothing made an impact on him..not even enough to stay and to treat me like a good friend, which he himself used to call me once upon a time!!! He gave me a special name and we all know that only close friends do that. I was at complete shock and denial for so long..it almost felt like I had lost trust in feeling things bcz I was afraid I would get betrayed again. On the flipside though, I feel grateful for who I am. You know how they say 'it could be worst, you could be them!'. I'm glad I'm not.
Hey Danish I feel like u r talking about me now😢everything u said just happened with me.
Thanks for truth and wisdom 👍
Silent treatment was my first step into the rabbit hole of narcissism. 14 months of confusion bs 6 months getting over it then today I find out he got married at Gretna green I’m gobsmacked someone can move on like that but it’s all part of it isn’t it all about them and what they look like to others for supply.
Dude I need help!! Need to know of anyone's experienced this... husband became physically abusive bit my face during an arguement, he apologized... few days later he pushed me.. he sent a text 10 minutes later I ignored it and no 3 weeks later he won't tell me he loves.mw touch me compliment me, nothing. We have been together 7 years but thisbjas never happened he usually pretends nothing happened but now it's different. Hes the one that hurt me yet I'm beonf rejected wtf. Got a 1 year old with him. I have no Idea what's happening
My goodness I hope you’re able to safely escape soon! Please be careful! Things unfortunately will never get better only worse with the narcissist unless you’re being love bombed or hoovered and those stages get shorter and shorter. 🥺🥺
So what we got played. As if we are all stupid? Hey, even Einstein wasn't smart at everything. No one should beat themselves up for being conned by the Narcissist. Just be glad you are not a bad person like they are. The Narcissist will get theirs eventually.
Very true. 🙏🏼🙏🏼
I'm struggling accepting that after a clear and kind boundary was made to my narc in laws that my wife is not able to stand by me on it and after much abuse from a huge network falls for feeling bad for them while I'm now the scapegoat of the situation. She told me she regrets I went no contact and told the narcs this. Once she said "what if I did that to your family (no contact)" and I said ya but my family doesn't abuse us, that's the only reason why I'm doing this. Part of me thinks "well this is new to her, I have to be patience and she will see in time" but more so that I feel betrayed and saddened that she feels so bad for them but doesn't say much about what I'm going through and processing cause it hurts her too much. She has a friend that says "well once Sean heals his past then he will be able to be around them one day" which I find untrue, I'm not exposing myself to these abusers. Another one says to her "well you can't say they are narcs that is a loose term people are throwing around alot" and I know in my heart and all the information I gathered they clearly are. Meanwhile the enablers are crazy making us both and my wife only plays up to them while now they are being "nice". It's a nightmare.
@@jbrown2908 They did turn on her J as they did me at the same time. She plays up to them cause she doesn't want to be pulled through hell again. It's a survival tech she uses and insists she wants to maintain a relationship with them but I wish she would go no contact.
@@jbrown2908 perhaps too much insight J lol thx you have a great day!
Very right and very great information!
Actually, the goods times I had with the narc was not a lie. I still had a good time. The circumstances around why we were having that good time was based on HIS falsehood, but that does not negate MY experience. His lies were not my lies. I had some good times during my 23 year abusive marriage but they were DESPITE my spouse not because of him. No one is going to take away the few good times I experienced by telling me they were lies. I was living my life authentically.
You are helping so many people. So spot on. It's been a while in the past for me but everything you say is such a great reminder and further processes my trauma and healing ♥️ And, helps hone my eagle eye for these predators now.
It's hard to imagine 12 years of marriage and two kids later that the good times were fake. We had good times, I really felt it, but it wasn't real. My ex still acts like he loves the kids so much, he treats them like crap, no unconditional love. It's all about money for him and his image.
I was thinking why did the narcissist at this moment treat me so nice with a wonderful night out dinner and then treat me like dirt the next moment if i say or done something to her dislike? She doesn't really treat me that badly,she still cook dinner for me everyday & we still have lovely moment together. But she will get frustrated easily and gave me the sulk face if she is not happy. It seem like a roller coaster ride with up and down, sweet & loving , then angry mode switch on suddenly.
It’s hard to accept that you meant nothing to them
Yep.
Yeah exactly. It hurts to the core to know we all fell in love with an illusion. 🥺😢
Accepting that when you want to tell your story to your friends and they dont get it. They dont understand and they want you to move on. Get over it already. Accept that you are alone in the process and this is the toughest you have ever experienced.
The fact that he was just another narcissist. He said he was bipolar. So did the one before, who was the first one I identified as narcississtic.
After 42yrs years of marriage. Made my children against me. They treat me so bad. This is the most heart breaking for me
hang on Fay . i only pulled 40 years . unbelievable …..40 wasted years 🙁 but we have today and many tomorrows🙏🏼
And again. What do I tell my own daughter who was abused by my abuser? Mentally and sometimes physically? She is so angry at me for not leaving. For not seeing the lie for what it was. For in her words participating in the abuse because I didn’t stop it. For sometimes projecting my own issues because of the abuse I suffered onto her. She said she was a child and I was the adult and I should have know better and just left. I know it is nothing like that and it is not easy and at the same time I feel as though I will never be able to repair my relationship with her. I thought we were in a good track but when I was upset and she asked me what was wrong and I told her she unleashed on me. Blamed me for everything. She does not see me as a victim at all.
Similar situation here, only I did leave him when my kids were small. And my oldest daughter now 18 resents me that I left and has fought me for years. She sees him as the golden parent and chose to go live with him at 15.....taking my youngest daughter aged 11 with her!
So I lost them both. 50 miles away now. They stay over sometimes and we keep in touch. They sometimes blurt out terrible things about me and my situation....and I know exactly where those ideas have originated from. The smear campaign.
I swear to God, I have despaired at times. But actually my faith in God has pulled me through some dark, dark times.
All I can do is focus on my healing and rebuilding my life.
You never know, they might mature later, take a more balanced view, and things will pick up later on.
It is the best that I can do.
If we are doing that every day, then what more can be expected?
All the best.
@@sassi7966 thank you so much for this. It really helps! My best to you. ❤️
@@otherworlder1 same 🙏 ❤
The thing I've struggled to accept is that I tolerated it as long as I did. 🤦
Yeah i got everything one of those things done to me and it’s really affecting my confidence and worth . I feel so stupid for being such a gullible mug while he lives his best life 😢
@@jbrown2908 yeah I’d love to be that fly on the wall 😂.
They never loved you
The why is because usually they come to you in your most vulnerable state. This is done because the narcissist fears abandonment as much as we do.
How stupud i was to believe he was real,why i put so much on it
CAN YOU PLEASE MAKE VIDEO ON WOMEN NARCISSIST.
Once you know !
full speed ahead
thank - you
Thank you so much for this video ☺️💕
Why isn’t this more sweetness out there
I think sweet guys have never been attracted to me because I was always the sweet one.
To be honest, I always thought sweet guys were a bit pathetic which is ridiculous because I thought me being sweet was just fine lol. That girls should be sweet.
I balk at my rationality now.
Sweet guys are wonderful. They're actually strong in their own quiet ways.
I finally learned it too late though.
No one wants me now. But oh well.
Sorry sweet guys. I was wrong.
Too late, too late..
After a life changing medical condition, my dad turned into a humble, charming old man and we became friends after 55 years of torment.
My regret is l was a fool to believe he'd changed.
Gone no contact for 2 years..
I let him physically abuse me and I didn't leave. That's the hardest thing to live with. I do know better, or so I thought.
Ya I feel he robbed me but he say I robbed him
Thank you. Tears and heartfelt. Thank you for the words of encouragement ♥️🌹♥️ One love
what happens if i send this video to the narcisist?!
They'll either laugh at you as they take pride in themselves for manipulating and abusing people, it makes them feel superior. They will think to themselves, "hahaha, it took this b**** 12 years, 3 kids and losing her entire life savings before she figured out that Ive been lying to her the whole time. She deserved it...I am the best in the whole universe....niceness is weakness, silly whore believing she is worthy of love...." Blah blah blah.
Basically it won't lead them to suddenly have an epiphany, it will simply feed their ego. To them ANY attention, even negative is narcissistic supply and they crave It, soak it up and their whole lifes purpose is to get as much of it as possible. To them narcissistic supply is crack.
Either that or they will use it against you to say you are mentally ill, take your children away from you, use flying monkeys to turn your family, friends and anyone who could have supported you against you. All outsiders will see is someone who looks mentally ill accusing someone who to them is so nice, so generous, so caring being accused of being this terrible monster, hearing these outlandish accusations of abuse that they have either never witnessed or never noticed due to being fooled themselves. All they will be thinking is that the victim/survivor is either knowingly lying for some ulterior motive, child custody perhaps, to get more favorable divorce terms, to keep the house, etc, or they may instead see these sudden post breakup accusations as evidence of mental illness, delusional, unresolved trauma from the victims life before the narc, i.e. if the victim had a narc father than he/she is now seeing her ex as a narc cause she has trust issues, is paranoid, unable to accept true love etc.
IF, however friends, family, etc do believe the victim, that the ex really Is a narc, etc than all too often they engage in victim blaming, if he/she was that bad why didn't they leave, if my partner ever hit me I would leave straight away...I'm not that stupid. Why does he/she always seem to be dating narcs, he/she obviously enjoys the abuse and is attracted to narcs, well he/she did annoy them, wind them up, lie, etc. She deserved it, she was a whore. He deserved it, what wimpy man let's himself be abused by a woman...lolz. This is just a small snapshot of the crap we survivors have had to put up with....
After abuse, the narc looks to the outsider like the nice sane person, their good person public persona is kept.
The survivor, however now has CPTSD, is often struggling with BASIC executive functioning, poor employment history and finances, judged to be a bad parent as the child/ren are likely to also have CPTSD, noticeable behavioral issues and possibly developmental delays, not to mention be living in chronic poverty,
That is until the family courts/Childrens services remove them permanently from the traumatized parent and place them into the fully custody of the narc so that the child/ren will spend the remainder of their childhood being abused/neglected/etc, plus turned against the other parent.
Great video. Depressing topic
It's hard for me to accept is that the person that I fail in love with never loved me.I have never felt so much pain.
Everything was A LIE..
Heart breaking,but True
THEY ARE INCAPABLE OF LOVE 😔😔😔😔😔😔😔
Mine was so deft at alluding to a future together without making an outright statement. That way he could never say he ever said such a thing.
For example, he'd take me to his condo in Florida and say, "Can you see yourself retiring here?" But he would never say that he would love to retire there with me.
Thank you
U are amazing and spot on to what I just walked away from
Once I realized what he was doing to me I called my lawyer to start this divorce. I think I was living with 2 different people at the same time
Once he dropped the mask.i couldn't wrap my head around how he could be so loving and horrible at the same time. It was time to end this nightmare
Today I blocked my "mother". I didn't give her any closure. Just wrote her, we won't be in contact from now on. Previous she sent me a message, which again got me in a bad emtal state. As I know it when having contact with her. Again I could say so much, sooo much going on in my mind. But I cant say nothing at all. I am 29, at home, living from health insurance because I had a breakdown a few months ago.
Everytime I have contact with her, I die inside. I have no power left to keep this up any longer. And struggle a lot beeing fearless and relaxed with other human. This influenced my ability to earn money for living. It's enough.
What I m struggling with is: he never loved me. He was an 1000% perfect acter.... omg.
And the worst is that my two formal partners were narcissist too, acting so great that they deserve Oscars.
The question is: how can i be sure that the next i will meet after healing is really loving me? This is my biggest fear becauseI obviously dont know whats true love between a man and a woman...😢😢😢😢
You have to get out,and go full on no contact,however painful..
I totally trusted my eldest son, what a mistake..
Took 34 years to accept this and move on ! 💖💖💖💖🙏🙏🙏🙏