Im an atheist & i find this channel to be one of the most beautiful on the internet. It has helped me tremendously & i see refreshing changes in my (u faithful) partner. Thank you for your content & honesty!!
When my wife left me 25 years ago for a man with more money, she came back in a few weeks. But my heart was broken beyond repair. I became a different person and never recovered. I have spoken with many, many men who had a betraying wife yet kept the marriage. I asked them how they and their spouse were really doing. Got the same answer every time, Their wives seemed to be so happy to stay in the marriage... but their husbands lived with a sort of permanent depression. They too had unmendable broken hearts, but felt it better than starting over and all that would entail.
Adultery happens because a person doesn't truly love or know themselves. It is a healing journey that one must take before partnership or marriage. I have the courage to say this because I needed to take the journey. I'm four years divorced and purposely set on healing for myself.
The betrayed spouse really did love them, if one who has been betrayed leaves, it doesn’t mean that they didn’t fully love their spouse. It means that they love themselves too and don’t want to stay with a betrayer. It’s perfectly acceptable to leave a betrayer.
Nothing is ever the same after betrayal. Don’t be fooled. Trust is broken. When you sleep with the cheater you sleep with who they slept with to. That’s enough to make you sick and just hope they don’t give you a STD. He definitely is not worth dying for.
Exciting video, A year ago I took the no contact route, well i wouldn't say it didnt go well, but i missed her and sometimes you have to leave your comfort zone and go for what you want, Without knowing and having a huge ego, we might actually miss out on our soul mate all in the name of not settling for less, I know who i am, and at the same time i know what i want for me, so i did all i could to get her back, and I must say, it was the best decision i have ever made, we have been together again for over 7 months, yes marriage isn't always rosey, but i am lucky to have her, just as she is to have me, we compliment each other.
If you're in a sexless and near loveless relationship, you've already been cheated on by a low effort partner. The word "entitled" comes up so often and usually by those that have a fundamental misunderstanding of a relationship. Relationships are about give and take & reciprocity. One person doing a lot the giving and someone doing lots of taking is going to lead to resentment and contempt. Affairs can be a direct result of neglectful behavior. Some affairs are for the reasons the speaker cited.
@touch0ph1001 I recently read a comment by a betrayed husband under a @Marriage Helper video where he acknowledged his hostility and lack of safety for his unfaithful wife and began to work on himself to try to save the marriage. He changed the way he reacted and spoke to her and made extra efforts to be loving, kind and empathetic. These are qualities he had lacked in before. Because most women have affairs first out of emotional need before sexual, once her emotional needs started being met by her husband and she started to feel safe, intimacy slowly began to return emotionally as well as physically later. He reported that they have a better sex life now than they ever had before, even years before she had an affair. I find that emotional intelligence when it comes to men relating to women really does make all the difference. Hope that helps.
Should I tell the man that his girlfriend cheated on him with me and still cheats with someone else? Or should I keep quit? The affair is over. I am really hurt and damaged actually. I really don´t know. I feel handcuffed, angry. She sold me on believing in us and that he/him is her room mate. I didn´t want to say no at a certain point. I fell in love. But it was dumb. What do I do? I also feel very angry about her.
I did wrong by engaging in this. I want to own up. I want to get past it. But I feel so much shame especially what the past 8 month done to me. The affair lasted from December to April. It still bugs me.
We are often stuck and dying inside. There are no easy answers, but jumping from the frying pan into the fire is not an answer. It takes two people to make a marriage worthwhile. It takes one person that is not present or trying within the marriage to make an entire familyr miserable. What is the answer? Cheating is often an after effect of a severe sick marriage. The cheating causes pain; however, the marriage should have been over years ago because the other person was horrible to their partner.
Yes. Like a wife not touching her husband for decades or a husband not touching the wife for decades. But for religion, fear of family opinions, and a big checkbook they stay. Seeing it in someone now. The abandonment has given rise to alcohol abuse , porn addiction and an affair. It’s very painful to see.
If someone is horrible then leave. Cheating has nothing to with marriage. It happens in the context of marriage because it’s a relational wounding. But cheating is about what’s missing in the betrayer. The courage to leave. The courage to be alone. The courage to speak their minds. Its lack of courage on the betrayer to do what’s best interest of both themselves and their partner. Which is to set boundaries, ask for what you need and know when to leave before you cause more harm to yourself and your partner. Thats what mature adults do.
What would you say about someone who cheated on their husband, broke up a family with children, married the AP and stayed married for 50 years. That was my husband’s first wife. Could the APs have had a happy life together?
We would be naive to think it never works out for unfaithful spouses and their APs, but statistically the chances are extremely low for long term success. Often times the unfaithful spouse has issues within themselves that remain unresolved and cause them to repeat the behavior. Not to mention that both people know the other is capable of cheating or getting involved with a cheater. The entire relationship is built on a foundation of deception and pain.
They were lucky it worked out for them. You described my in laws. However, I see the avoidant behaviors they choose to live with. And they have a marriage that looks healthy on the outside. It lacks intimacy and deep connection. They are flitting along the surface of life but conversations with them about emotions , they come up short.
It can be disheartening to see hurtful or negative comments. At Affair Recovery, we strive to create a safe and supportive community where everyone feels comfortable sharing their experiences and seeking guidance. We understand that infidelity can be a deeply painful and complex. Please reach out to us via email (info@hope-now.com) with any particular comments or questions. Remember, you're not alone, and we're here to support you every step of the way.
Just remember that you had no marriage before the A. You just didn't know it. Some of us tell our partners over and over and over again that we are miserable and we show them and still, they are surprised. Why would we share the problems again when we know that you won't change, can't change or are not safe to share those issues because of past track record? Better to work on ourselves and show up as the best versions of ourselves. That gives you a great marriage but a dead relationship. It works and we all end up with a fantastic marriage but the WS knows deep down that there is no hope for the relationship. Those are 2 distinct and separate things that sometimes can cohabit but not for us.
Your statement is wrong on so many levels. It shows the typical mindset of a WS who is happy with any excuse and justification to justify their own actions and calm their own conscience.
If the wayward has no hope for getting their spouse to change then leave. Keep your dignity intact. Request counseling. They refuse then tell them it’s over. There a many other choices that ADULTS choose when they are in unfulfilled relationships. Children cheat. Adults make mature choices based on what they can do, what they can change and know how to do it. The decision to stay in marriage and cheat because your partner can’t change is an excuse to cheat. It’s not going to be a justifiable reason. Ever.
First of all, I think it is wrong to talk about what is "normal" and what is not. Unfortunately, people tend to have to evaluate and classify everything and everyone. This is almost impossible with a single individual, with clinically relevant exceptions. When we talk about partnerships or marriages, we are talking about two individuals and their shared dynamic. A person who has gained experience with one dynamic cannot possibly have exactly the same experience with the next person; that is mathematically impossible. We would therefore do very well to be extremely cautious when we talk about what is "normal" and what is not in a dynamic. Every case of infidelity is a very individual dynamic and must be considered specifically; it cannot be divided into "black and white"; such ideas are simply irrational and naive.
Im an atheist & i find this channel to be one of the most beautiful on the internet. It has helped me tremendously & i see refreshing changes in my (u faithful) partner. Thank you for your content & honesty!!
When my wife left me 25 years ago for a man with more money, she came back in a few weeks. But my heart was broken beyond repair. I became a different person and never recovered. I have spoken with many, many men who had a betraying wife yet kept the marriage. I asked them how they and their spouse were really doing. Got the same answer every time, Their wives seemed to be so happy to stay in the marriage... but their husbands lived with a sort of permanent depression. They too had unmendable broken hearts, but felt it better than starting over and all that would entail.
So u r still with her ? Does ur wife knows how u feel ?
Adultery happens because a person doesn't truly love or know themselves. It is a healing journey that one must take before partnership or marriage. I have the courage to say this because I needed to take the journey. I'm four years divorced and purposely set on healing for myself.
The betrayed spouse really did love them, if one who has been betrayed leaves, it doesn’t mean that they didn’t fully love their spouse. It means that they love themselves too and don’t want to stay with a betrayer. It’s perfectly acceptable to leave a betrayer.
Nothing is ever the same after betrayal. Don’t be fooled. Trust is broken. When you sleep with the cheater you sleep with who they slept with to. That’s enough to make you sick and just hope they don’t give you a STD. He definitely is not worth dying for.
Sometimes it's better, not everyone had a good thing before the affair.
@@Avocado396look up the meaning of cheating
Oftentimes affairs have nothing to do with Perceived deficits in a marriage especially during a midlife crisis
Like a breeze…I needed this,i can’t afford the program but watching help me
Exciting video, A year ago I took the no contact route, well i wouldn't say it didnt go well, but i missed her and sometimes you have to leave your comfort zone and go for what you want, Without knowing and having a huge ego, we might actually miss out on our soul mate all in the name of not settling for less, I know who i am, and at the same time i know what i want for me, so i did all i could to get her back, and I must say, it was the best decision i have ever made, we have been together again for over 7 months, yes marriage isn't always rosey, but i am lucky to have her, just as she is to have me, we compliment each other.
Sometimes real home is somewhere beyond the marital home. Sometimes there is no forever.
@czarina Were you a betrayed or unfaithful spouse? Why do you feel this way?
If you're in a sexless and near loveless relationship, you've already been cheated on by a low effort partner. The word "entitled" comes up so often and usually by those that have a fundamental misunderstanding of a relationship. Relationships are about give and take & reciprocity. One person doing a lot the giving and someone doing lots of taking is going to lead to resentment and contempt. Affairs can be a direct result of neglectful behavior. Some affairs are for the reasons the speaker cited.
@touch0ph1001 I recently read a comment by a betrayed husband under a @Marriage Helper video where he acknowledged his hostility and lack of safety for his unfaithful wife and began to work on himself to try to save the marriage. He changed the way he reacted and spoke to her and made extra efforts to be loving, kind and empathetic. These are qualities he had lacked in before. Because most women have affairs first out of emotional need before sexual, once her emotional needs started being met by her husband and she started to feel safe, intimacy slowly began to return emotionally as well as physically later. He reported that they have a better sex life now than they ever had before, even years before she had an affair. I find that emotional intelligence when it comes to men relating to women really does make all the difference. Hope that helps.
Should I tell the man that his girlfriend cheated on him with me and still cheats with someone else? Or should I keep quit? The affair is over. I am really hurt and damaged actually. I really don´t know. I feel handcuffed, angry. She sold me on believing in us and that he/him is her room mate. I didn´t want to say no at a certain point. I fell in love. But it was dumb. What do I do? I also feel very angry about her.
I did wrong by engaging in this. I want to own up. I want to get past it. But I feel so much shame especially what the past 8 month done to me. The affair lasted from December to April. It still bugs me.
We are often stuck and dying inside. There are no easy answers, but jumping from the frying pan into the fire is not an answer. It takes two people to make a marriage worthwhile. It takes one person that is not present or trying within the marriage to make an entire familyr miserable. What is the answer? Cheating is often an after effect of a severe sick marriage. The cheating causes pain; however, the marriage should have been over years ago because the other person was horrible to their partner.
Yes. Like a wife not touching her husband for decades or a husband not touching the wife for decades. But for religion, fear of family opinions, and a big checkbook they stay. Seeing it in someone now. The abandonment has given rise to alcohol abuse , porn addiction and an affair. It’s very painful to see.
If someone is horrible then leave. Cheating has nothing to with marriage. It happens in the context of marriage because it’s a relational wounding. But cheating is about what’s missing in the betrayer. The courage to leave. The courage to be alone. The courage to speak their minds. Its lack of courage on the betrayer to do what’s best interest of both themselves and their partner. Which is to set boundaries, ask for what you need and know when to leave before you cause more harm to yourself and your partner. Thats what mature adults do.
What would you say about someone who cheated on their husband, broke up a family with children, married the AP and stayed married for 50 years. That was my husband’s first wife. Could the APs have had a happy life together?
We would be naive to think it never works out for unfaithful spouses and their APs, but statistically the chances are extremely low for long term success. Often times the unfaithful spouse has issues within themselves that remain unresolved and cause them to repeat the behavior. Not to mention that both people know the other is capable of cheating or getting involved with a cheater. The entire relationship is built on a foundation of deception and pain.
From what I understand, these people regret their decisions and would not have made the same decisions if they had it to do over.
That sounds like an anomaly
@@cyrusfreeman9972only 30% of affair participants obtain each other in a new relationship. Very rare.
They were lucky it worked out for them. You described my in laws. However, I see the avoidant behaviors they choose to live with. And they have a marriage that looks healthy on the outside. It lacks intimacy and deep connection. They are flitting along the surface of life but conversations with them about emotions , they come up short.
Some of these comments are egregious.
It can be disheartening to see hurtful or negative comments. At Affair Recovery, we strive to create a safe and supportive community where everyone feels comfortable sharing their experiences and seeking guidance. We understand that infidelity can be a deeply painful and complex. Please reach out to us via email (info@hope-now.com) with any particular comments or questions. Remember, you're not alone, and we're here to support you every step of the way.
Just remember that you had no marriage before the A. You just didn't know it. Some of us tell our partners over and over and over again that we are miserable and we show them and still, they are surprised. Why would we share the problems again when we know that you won't change, can't change or are not safe to share those issues because of past track record? Better to work on ourselves and show up as the best versions of ourselves. That gives you a great marriage but a dead relationship. It works and we all end up with a fantastic marriage but the WS knows deep down that there is no hope for the relationship. Those are 2 distinct and separate things that sometimes can cohabit but not for us.
Everyone makes their own decisions. If you’re unhappy then get a divorce. Nobody can make someone cheat on them.
Your statement is wrong on so many levels.
It shows the typical mindset of a WS who is happy with any excuse and justification to justify their own actions and calm their own conscience.
If the wayward has no hope for getting their spouse to change then leave. Keep your dignity intact. Request counseling. They refuse then tell them it’s over. There a many other choices that ADULTS choose when they are in unfulfilled relationships. Children cheat. Adults make mature choices based on what they can do, what they can change and know how to do it. The decision to stay in marriage and cheat because your partner can’t change is an excuse to cheat. It’s not going to be a justifiable reason. Ever.
When should someone that has lost his brain, heart and courage do? Become a politician is a yellow brick road for success…
😂😅 Sorry. You're right though, good 1.
First of all, I think it is wrong to talk about what is "normal" and what is not. Unfortunately, people tend to have to evaluate and classify everything and everyone. This is almost impossible with a single individual, with clinically relevant exceptions. When we talk about partnerships or marriages, we are talking about two individuals and their shared dynamic. A person who has gained experience with one dynamic cannot possibly have exactly the same experience with the next person; that is mathematically impossible. We would therefore do very well to be extremely cautious when we talk about what is "normal" and what is not in a dynamic. Every case of infidelity is a very individual dynamic and must be considered specifically; it cannot be divided into "black and white"; such ideas are simply irrational and naive.