The hardest conversation in our relationship |
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- Опубліковано 14 січ 2024
- In this episode, we recount our biggest fight that happened when our parents previously lived with us and we shared some tips for couples that are planning to move in with each other!
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Much love,
John & Pat
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Our Socials:
John - / johnathanchua
Pat - / patrinathy
#johnpatcross
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It takes a while for newly weds to get used to each other’s living habits, so it’s very difficult for Pat to have to suddenly adjust and adapt to the living habits of another 2 people. I understand how repressed she must have felt. If it were my own dad who dirtied the toilet, it’s easy for me to say something like “eek! Dad aim properly leh, if not toilet very smelly” He’ll probably laugh and say eh sorry sorry and I wouldn’t have to worry about coming across as being rude or hurting his feelings and the incident will just pass as though nothing had happened. But if it’s my father-in-law, I’ll probably just keep it in but over time, I will feel very repressed.
Thanks Jon n Pat for openly sharing something so personal and in doing so, hopefully the younger audience can appreciate that a loving relationship between a couple doesn’t happen overnight but is a result of commitment, good communication and a lot of empathy, patience and understanding for both parties. Jon’s Mum is so sweet and understanding ❤❤❤
Both of u are good humans. John’s truly a good son. Damn boy I got teary eyes when I watched the part u told ur mom u cried at the corner as u felt u chased them out. 😢
U have a very gd mom. She is humble and thanksgiving. I see u I can sense u wanna cry. U must be grateful
Wow, you both make me cry. When my son moved out, he came home to lunch with me daily for a long while. He then said the reason they moved when I was in Jerusalem was because he shared that he couldn’t bear to leave if I was home. My DIL really is a very filial girl. It’s a blessing to have her in our family
The first thing i want to say is, thank you for your bravery to tell your story in such a candid manner. It truly is human to experience these things and everyone of us go through similar things. This might be one of the few honest channel left on social media.
Really appreciate their honesty…love these two
Pat has such a big heart and is soooo understanding!
Thanks for sharing such a painful memory, it really helps paint a clearer picture of married life. Always appreciate the content u put out for us!
Very very good episode! A vid that brought laughter (the paper you threw that did not hit the door) and also tears (appreciate parents part). These are very real and difficult issue to talk about but both of you have made it easy to watch.
Keep it up! Luv to see more!
I really enjoy listening to both of you when u guys talk about ur relationship/struggles/solution. Please upload more!! 😊😊😊
imagining the scene of angry john yeeting a piece of paper at the door only to watch it drift down is just funny 😂
I really love John. He’s such a filial son.
I thank God for mine too. My DIL is a gem
Thank you for sharing the painful memory, it helps to know that not all relationship are cherry and beautiful, and that little quarrel are some buried and over time it erupts over the slightest flint.
Thank you for watching. I’m glad we got past that phase. All’s good now! 🙏🏼
- Pat
Was soooo looking forward to this ep! Thank you for opening up and sharing your stories John and Pat!
omo 🥺
Thanks for your support! ❤
- John
thank you for making the vlogs! i hope filming this tiny part of your life brings u joy as u have brought to us!
aww thank YOU for watching! ~~
- John
Thanks for sharing the vulnerable side of your relationship and how you overcome it. Very relatable and insightful.
Thank you for your support! ~
- John
You guys are so cute. Being frank n sharing ur emotions with each other will improve ur relationship!
Very difficult topic but one of my favourite episodes for sure. This is the kind of couple content the channel would do well with! Thanks both for sharing about your experience and the pitfalls ❤
I may have teared a little at some parts but it helped to clear out my nose from the cold 😂
Thank you for your support! I teared at my MIL message to me 🥹
- Pat
Thanks for sharing - uniquely honest, very encouraging to young married adults. Very different from all the rubbish on the internet.
Thank you for watching it. 🙏🏼
- Pat
def can relate to so much of the sharings.... thank you for being ultra candid on these matters .... super love all the content that you both have done thus far.... #continuetoloveeachother
Thank you for your support! 🙏🏼
very touching and wholesome episode. I think you guys gave me some clarity on how I can better manage my expectations and relationships with my parents and spouse if I ever house my parents in my future home.
Thank you for supporting! I hope you will have a better experience if you do house them!
- Pat
this is sooo touching like literally i was moved to tears. Pat, you have such a big heart and I hope i can be a good daughter in law like you!! this just shows how filial John is 🥺 im subscribing after this! ❤❤
Wa if you’re married , automatically your partner takes first place before anybody already , please don’t say hurtful things like that, otherwise don’t get married or get a divorce period
Thanks for the sharing and advice...what pat said really resonated with me in my struggles in my first and new relationship "dont turn everything into a fight". I tend to be more type A where things have to be remembered, done, etc whereas my partner is more easygoing and forgetful but he is happier whereas i get more worried. I have to learn not to be so petty and be angry over small things he does/doesnt do. Thank u once again! Very emotional episode, wanted to cry a few times haha
i love ur channel so much!! literally my comfort channel
AWWW🥲Thank you for your support!❤
What a wholesome episode. And by extension this is by far the best, most authentic “ad” ever. Sold 😂
HAHAHAAHAHAH! Sleek hor? 💀
- Pat
just came across your channel and i love hearing u guys banter haha! pat is so pretty - love her eyes, so smiley! :) happy CNY to u guys! make more vids!!
Yall are so open and honest - thank you for sharing your hearts with the world 🥺❤️
This video is so inspiring! And it’s never easy to adjust living with your partner initially and especially harder with in laws in the same roof. Both of u did well in this aspect!
A beautiful couple journey nonetheless. Enjoyed the video, thank you!
5:08 what John said PREACH! I 1000% agree to that. My Mom and my Bro love to keep too many things and its driving me crazy. it makes is 10000% more difficult to clean the house...
I like this episode so much I told my hubs to watch it. When my hubs ask me why.. I said sth like.. this is a very honest episode and it felt like ive learnt sth from it..? You guys really have the kindest heart ❤️
Really thankful of such a open sharing. I would like to believe it is such a norm on struggles living w in-laws. Pat is rlly being gracious to have been ok for the extended 2yrs. To be honest to up keep cleanliness standards tat is different from your standards can be so frustrating. Often cause conflicts. It has caused so much conflict within my fam. It's just a norm that usually within the couple one will have higher standards than the other. The only solution will be for the one w higher standard to just suck it up n clean it up instead out of love. Or it will be a cycle of unhappiness n forever dissatisfaction. Personally, I have the same concern for my future. My bf said the same thing as Jon. He is the only son. I am a messy person who loves my free time to myself not to packing... ops. Idk if it's me I could have taken another 2 yrs though. It might actually cause one to go crazy. Jon's mum is clearly a lovely mum as well. It's gonna be such a conflicted lifestyle if it's just too diff in living standards. It's sweet for a son to think this way that being able to house ur parents it's a privilege. But I do wanna highlight that the person that stays w you through your life most likely will be ur wife over ur parents. Not trying to make the scale unbalance but the probability is there n worth a short for consideration before saying any siding words. It just further proves that strong love exists btw the two of u or it will be so much harder in walking it through tgt. It might have ended as separation instead. It's amazing how much love can make u do things more willing w/o dissatisfaction.
Love the Spotify background music
Love yall
Wow, John’s mother has the greatest wisdom.
ohmygosh im going to cry
Lol.. the way you describe your mom ("impossible standards of mopping") sounds exactly like my mom! If I had my way, I'll probably just change the pail of water after I'm done with the whole bedroom. 😂
My husband says the same thing like what John has said. Put things back to its original position. This is a good habit in ensuring the house is always clean and neat😀 Most women are like Pat including me.😅
Any relationship takes both parties to be willing to accommodate & embrace each other. If it's only one sided, it will not work out.
I want to see a skincare video by Pat pleaseeee or like say which places you visit to maintain your skin!?
For a couple, it’s a give and take matter. Building a home together is a couple task. Sometimes doing housework as a couple can build bonds and understanding on each other’s faults and likes.
Always communicate and respect each other’s company and presence. Its a new phase in life for a couple. Make it work.
What John said about some people throwing their clothes and bags all over the house is so true n relatable, no point buying a getting so much unnecessary stuff if you got nowhere to put or store...
I can vouch for them. They are very filial to Jonathan's parents. I was with them (John, Pat and John's parents) last March to Japan in a tour group. They really take good care of the elderly throughout the trip. 👍
Hey Poland! Hahahah! Thanks for supporting! 🙏🏼 it was a great trip! Hope you and your family are doing well. :)
- Pat
@@JOHNPATCROSS Hey Pat! We are doing well. Thank you. 🙏 Love your channel with John. Happy new year! :)
It is not true about the part when u have kids, u want your parents to stay with you. By then you will argue about parenting style. Unless there is only 1 parent left, it is still best for everyone to stay apart. Chinese has a saying, easy to meet, hard to stay together.
I think really depends on the dynamic between in-law and spouse uh. But yes, I agree with your last line.
- Pat
It's almost nuts to think that even with very nice and understanding spouses, parents and in-laws, it is not always straightforward to stay together. I don't think having kids make a difference here as they introduce a new kind of dynamic (or challenge) to the family i.e. overly doting grandparents. Ultimately, like Jon said, we all learn from this and no matter what, keeping the marriage together is the key.
Omg John is literally me. I’m the female version of John! Everything must be placed back in its original place where you took it from. My husband always kena KB by me. I can’t stand messiness at all.😂
Hahahahah! But I’m not even messy leh 🥲 His standard too high man.
- Pat
told my mom, my wife is the person that will walk the rest of my life with me so she's going to be no. 1. My mom nv fail to bring this up but hey I'm not married ahhahahahaa
And kinda affirms my decision on insisting to have my own home before I get married back a few years ago…. Hahaha.
i didnt cry its just sand in my eyes
If you need an elderly at home, I’m available!! Confirmed you will get subsidy!!
It must’ve been very difficult for Pat. To never feel truly 100% comfortable because her in-laws are there. And to have her space invaded but can’t voice any annoyances.
John… can u do a video how to make our husband be more understanding like u? a lot a lot a lot of guys don’t know who. And a lot a lot of wife like me don’t know how to make them understand why we are upset on things. I think u somehow have this rare talent that can think and also speak/ share about how to. Pls teach leh. I will share the video with my husband…. Wahhahaha
hahah yah lah, knew it. see that's the problem with these beautiful homes. the dust will collect on all the display shelves and it's damn shag to clean one. esp imagine if u had a more elaborate chandelier/sculpture/dunnowhat(?lol) pendant light thing. but i guess no choice lah huh, since ryan helped to get sponsor so you gotta feature a bit more zhng.
'everything in its place' is correct. cluttered place is a cluttered mind, and it will subconsciously make u feel very pek cek one - and a house is supposed to be your relax place, so that little discipline actually makes a shitload of difference. plus if u make it a habit right, it doesn't even become a chore, cuz it's habit alr mah. it's just the interim period of developing the habit.
anw no, peeing on toilet seat and not cleaning up is an unacceptable habit lah. cuz it's disrespect. and it's a habit of disrespect that - sure, if you disrespect your own wife and family for decades in your own house, that's fine - but it's no longer acceptable as a guest in a house paid for by someone else. so your dad was wrong to do it and pat should not have internalised it. (btw i can relate, and that's why i prefer my mother in law staying with us hands down, than with my own parents)
regarding the mopping thing - actually pat shouldn't have apologised, because there's nothing to apologise for - it gives the wrong impression if you apologise. and also should use the 'criticism sandwich' - thank u so much for cooking dinner, i really appreciate that you cook for us and take the effort to cook for us. i clean the kitchen cuz it's a habit from my own home and also anyway treat it as my thanks for you cooking dinner for us. - then like that should be can mah. it's just a matter of communication here.
wah lau when u interview ur mom I decided to call helpling lah. must be my house v dusty..... keep getting into my eye
It's not always good thing to stay with parent after marriage.
It’s whether would u like to solve your partner’ issue tgt not.
All about give and take, hard to balance up the ruler at midpoint one lah.
Nothing wrong, it may not be possible to make everyone happy all the time.
Great content, keep it up!
hi john & pat!!! love all of your videos and insights 💕 i have a question… how often are your small tiffs vs big fights? do you feel that once an argument happens, it creates a period of consecutive arguments and if so, how do you all get out of it? do you all have any couple rules like for e.g. no going to bed mad at each other and are these rules enforced 100% of the time?
We fight for years alrdy. So I think ran out of stuff to fight about. I think normal because 2 different people are trying to do life together. So the I think the lesson we learnt is that when we argue, are we trying to solve a problem or hurt the other party? Once you both on the same page, I think it’s difficult to even recall the small tiffs.
Atleast you guys talk it out and able to understand and move on. Most (atleast one side) dun even want to talk and this is just sweep under the rug, and fester and fester.. and blow out later. Worse is that the wife will take it out of you personally.
It must not have been easy to wait an additional t w o years, even if you're on the best of terms with your in laws eh
🙏👍🙏
There can be more conflicts arising from your in-laws taking care of your children.
Algooooooooooooooooo
next time before you fight let us know. we want to bet who will win.
Okay! Heads up, bet on me!
- Pat
allow me to take a guess : Is Pat a Leo, John maybe a Sagittarius/Aquarius?
Cancer!
IM A LEO! How you know!!
- Pat 😳
@@JOHNPATCROSS because you RRoaRR! hehe. can't think of other sign that is close to your personality.
I was laughing so hard when Jon talked abt his paper flying off…till Jon’s mummy came into the video… 🥹❤
Pat is “Ko tak”, therefore a small thing she dislikes will triggers her anger n displeasure.. nothing wrong with cleaning the floor after dinner, so what if u tracked oil into the living room or elsewhere..a mop with hot water is your best friend ….
I’m curious to know what Pat will do or react to ..in future if her daughter in law does the same thing. We can only totally understand how we have hurt others with our actions or our words until it happens to us. For now, glad they have cleared the situation. 😅
Omg yes! I really am a bit ko tak leh. But it’s really the habit of cleaning up after cooking that my mom cultivated in me since young luh. Not easy to change it overnight leh.
- Pat
Is john a cancerian? 😂
That's why I'm single #foreveralone
But fr tho, lowkey thanks John and Pat for your sincere sharings...
Marry her for what???