The 9 Biggest Lesbian Dating Mistakes
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- Опубліковано 18 бер 2020
- Go to www.audible.com/alexisandlilian or text "alexisandlilian" to 500 500 to start your free Audible membership! Lots of great LGBTQ+ content on there as well.
Lesbian/queer dating can be fun but is has its traps - here we discuss the 9 biggest lesbian dating mistakes, based on our own or other people's experiences.
Falling for a straight girl, your best friend, accidentally getting involved with a friend's ex, being asked to join a threesome... Any of these sound familiar?
Thank you for watching!
Love,
A + L
/ one99four
/ liliangessner
/ alexisandlilian
Want some personal dating advice? Send us a message and receive a video response here: www.wisio.com/Alexis_and_Lilian
There is also being into women that are so far away from you. I think the l in lesbian stands for long distance 😂
Haha true, but we lived in two different continents for two years and still made it work so it’s not necessarily a mistake;)
Ohh you're muslim?
@ white nigga whts wrong with being gay and muslim lmaoo🏳️🌈
MY PROBLEM ALWAYS SLJFJSJF
Not me being in a long distance wlw relationship lol
Have you guys ever struggled with comparing your body to your female partner's in a relationship??? I wonder how one would go about that.
Lexathorn attraction to someone isn’t the same as females within the heteronorm comparing themselves to other females in order to find flaws about themselves based on a patriarchal idea of what a female body ”should” look like. It’s not a competition, it’s love, the comparison is just toxic!
what has happened to me is thinking a girl won't like me because they are way skinnier and closer to the norm (shaved, etc.) than me
You know that quote about how flowers are beautiful but so are Christmas lights and they look nothing the same? People's taste are actually very much like that and not everyone likes the stereotype of beautiful. I'm not attracted to girls like that but for some reason I see models and wish I looked like them even though I've seen girls who look like that in my life and wasn't interested and tend to choose the nerdy type. And I'm really into awkward girls who get nervous when I talk to them. I prefer lanky over skinny or curvy. So I've always had issues with having to convince someone that I'm into them and not messing with them or trying to use them or something. People should just own who they are because I guarantee that if you look at the search terms on pornhub, there are people out there looking for girls like you
Robin Hardy for some reason your comment made my day
The moment comparison begins, love stops.
1. don’t fall for straight chick 2. don’t have a dinner date for the first date 3. don’t mess w exes 4.don’t bring a straight guy to a lesbian bar 5.don’t get desperate 6.falling for your best friend 7. only looking for 3some 8.pms arguments
I never understood the ”don’t fall for your best friend”. Best friends make the best partners... But I’m also demi, so I can’t relate to getting romantic/sexual feelings for someone I don’t already know well :) Anyway, I don’t want people to be discouraged from falling for their best friends. Friendships makes for a great foundation for a romantic relationship, since you already know and respect eachother, and have probably been through stuff together ❤️ It’s not fun if the feelings aren’t answered of course, but that goes for anyone.
agree ^ and Demi here aswell!
"Best friends make the best lovers" cit.
I Also do this omg
Agree, though I still worry about what would become of our friendship. Also can't relate to the whole getting romantic feelings for someone you don't know well. Plus, I'm Asexual :D
Same! I'm also demi.
Well, I want my strap on back! Haha, I laughed so hard!!!
ME TOO! HAHA THEY ARE HILARIOUS!
hey! how did you cope with internalised homophobia? Im struggling to see myself happily in a long term relationship because of it :/
Alex what would happen if you lived for yourself, and not for the idea of how others may or may not think of you? Which one will make you happy if you are being honest? And the internalized homophobia, ask yourself, do you really dislike lgbt+ people, if so, why? Ask yourself a bunch of questions and sort them, and they will be the road for your life of acceptance of who you are, and also it’s not going to give you the excuse to talk yourself out of nice experiences that will make you feel good. You life, your agency! You don’t have less or more of a worth no matter where you are in terms of your sexuality. We are all equal, Alex!
Ps. Why value homophobia more/higher than happiness? And if you are afraid of losing people, why sacrifice your mental health on making someone else happy because they think they like you for who you are when that is not who you are? Those who can’t accept you never loved you, so no need to hold onto toxic people. You get one go at life and making someone else happy on your expense is not fair to yourself.
What is the worse that could happen, that you end up happy. Would that be so bad, considering that you sound sad and self-loathing now. Don’t entertain toxic people’s idea of what you may and may not feel.
*You are valid!* 💛
move to a city where you can Live OUT loud, and it's so full of different people and experiences that you have no choice but to get out of your comfort zone because if you surround yourself with the right people and activities, you start to take a deeper, better look at yourself and the inventory and weight you've been carrying around, and how the hell did it get there! ...well, this worked for a friend BEST!
K R this worked for me too! I moved 3.5 hours away and I knew only a handful of people and I lived my truth and I did what I want and I had an amazing first relationship with a woman. It taught me a lot about what I do and don’t want In a relationship, as well as how to love myself and also, I learned what I love about myself.
How does your internalized homophobia take shape? I think that's a great place to start and then try to understand why you feel that way? Hope you're well!
i was about to reply but then realised this was 2 years ago 😭 i hope you're better and happier now !!
That's funny because my girlfriend's name is Stephanie and our first date was a dinner date. She's a vegan foodie and we talked for hours and then ended up going for coffee after and talking for a few more hours. It was the longest date I'd ever been on but it felt like it was over too soon
Very relatable we part away at 2:00 am I fell sleep immediately ♡
Traditionally speaking that's a short first date. 😁
R see as ace sssa🙈
every lesbian i know (including myself) has fallen for her best friend 😭
I didn't yet, luckily, but I'm bi and have fallen for my best guy friends ?
I did and she likes me back
How did u know
Also she liked me back but then she didn’t tell me so I lost feelings
Married her
Wow, both of you are so soft and gentle with each other. Very calming energy. Thanks for sharing your love and light.
2:23 is when it starts.
Thx
😚
UA-cam vanced! Skips the sponsorships
Getting feelings for someone who is still getting over an ex or trying to be into someone when you're now over an ex...both not fair to the other person.
I only left a ten year marriage last year, and have yet to take that first step and dip my toe into lesbian dating. However I'm loving binging on videos like this in the meantime, awesome content, thanks!
@Lesbian Amazon Sister Aw thanks. Appreciate your comment! x
I'm a trans lesbian who masqueraded as a straight guy for most of my life. I have yet to get myself out there and date as a gay woman. For over a month, I've had a bit of a girl crush on my hormone doctor. Always thought she was cute and hot, and have also gotten at least some bi vibes from her. Maybe she's gay or pan, maybe not. But I do know this much: If she paid me enough money to marry her, I'd do it. I'd be marrying a doctor so that means I'd be set for life.
@@DarDarBinks1986 you will always be a straight guy. full stop 🙄
Another mistake might be like comparing partners or experiences, kind of predicting something in the relationship based on previous ones. But that is not just a lesbian mistake tho
and it has nothing to do with the partner being compared. The other person shouldn't be in a relationship until those issues are done and taken care of and they are in a healthy place.
It's so nice that you've finally updated
But if you find that you KEEP falling in love with your friends, you might be demisexual or asexual. Look into it if that resonates!
Why asexual?Im confused but intrigued
@@AHAHAHHAHA confusing platonic feelings for romantic ones
My girl friend was my best friend, our relation ship is very complicated but we are complementary. It's a challenge every day but we are happy just like you 💛 Love from France 🏳️🌈
@6:59 The Henhouse always had the best music. Every time I went there I had my phone permanently unlocked just so I could Shazam everything.
I really loved the video, especially the skits. Lilian is hilarious 😂😂😂😂
I love when you told stories about your experience it's hilarious 💙 I've had a crush on my STRAIGHT BEST FRIEND so kind of get it haha it happened so many years ago so now she's still my friend and we are cool with that awful past story
The falling for your best friend... I did and so did she lol.
ru still together
I used to go to lesbian bars looking for a good third base or right field player.
I love the clips you use to underline the points you make! Must have been some extra work, but it is appreciated! Also thank you for making me laugh I really enjoyed the video and the stories you tell
That little scene at 5:16 where you're wearing sweaters, you look so wonderfully cozy 💖
The two of you are extremely pleasant and likable. Wish you much success.
we love your stories Lilian!!
I like how you commit more and more to playing characters in your sketches. I think it would be really funny if these people became recurring characters like if Belinda and her 'strapon hoarding' habits get mentioned again in a sketch in the future. XD
Haha glad you enjoy it! And that’s a good idea, we’ll keep that in mind to see if we get ideas ;)
@@AlexisLilian My Fiancee and I been frighting a lot we been together nearly year we getting marry in may 2023 now she want spend time with her friends and I spend time with my ex girlfriend now wy my fiancee is jealous i spend time with my ex she spend time with her friends ??.
I fell for my best friend last year, we tried dating, didn't work, tried to stay friends after, tried dating again, failed again, the friendship got ruined, she became toxic and i had to cut her off during this Summer. Safe to Say, DON'T FALL FOR YOUR BEST FRIEND
loving the new video format with mini skits 👌🏻😆
Please do more little skitz, I love them!
I should just date girls
Yeah?!?! DUH!!
But Robby's so hot
*gives up on life*
im super lucky seeing this video^_^ i already made two or three mistakes you mentioned, now i feel like ive skipped the part of having more bad dates to learn dating lessons from. I will surely keep these tips in my mind in my life thank you girls
you both have amazing hair always!. That is the thing which drew me to your channel
haha thank you!
I tried explaining my intrests in dating a girl who was gay but was a platonic friend but she was not accepting that I could date a girl and be monogamous. I realized that she was straight up biphobic and not only was I rejected but our friendship died.
This was great! I actually learned something. Plus I need to keep hearing "stop falling for straight girls" because I feel like one day it will click for me
I slept with a lot of straight girls when I was younger, and then as I got older I realized it had nothing to do with them, but with me and the way I saw myself then.
You girls are making such a good videos . You are very good at That . I enjoy watching you .
Good point about the dinner first date! I really need to start taking notes, for if I ever get past the swiping phase of OkCupid. Also I'm kinda into the Cassie/Belinda saga and the case of the stolen strap on!
Haha your comments are always the best!
@@AlexisLilian Aw thank you, I really appreciate that! 🥰 I'm just saying, I think you have a good start on a couple of characters if you ever wanted to film some skits.
Haha this was a good one your acting skills are so cute and lovely 🤗 ❤️ I love your temper you are calm and reserved make me calm and not anxious ❤️
cassy and belinda is sending me lmaooo 😭😭 great name choice
haha glad you appreciated it, we lol‘d about it too ;)
Funny and practical advice☺ Been there, done that and hopefully I will learn from my mistakes.
Watching you and seeing your love makes my day.
The acting was superb :D
Help please! I just came out I'm 36 and I just don't know what im doing as far as attracting and dating women. Not a clue!
Hey Sherryl, we recently did a video “Advice for Newly out lesbians”, you may find that helpful:)
@@AlexisLilian thank you! I love you guys!
Dr. Franki Bashan. Google her, and good luck!
Don’t worry baby you’ll be fine
there is a subreddit called "latebloomerlesbians". I think you could check it out!
Def. been guilty of a few of these....
p.s: I read Eleanor Oliphant (the book not audiobook) and loved it!! So heartbreaking and heartwarming at the same time. Would recommend you read the book if the Scottish accent was too much!
I cannot wait to see you guys’s wedding I am a new subscriber and newly coming out I’ve been this way but pretended to be straight and omg I love you guys already
lmaoooooo this was a hilarious story. i love you two.
The dinner part made me laugh so hard. I cant stand silent dinner..what is the point
Tip for the near the Period PMS fights, get her something she is carving, food really helps with mood swings.
Your vignettes are hilarious!!!
Thank You so much for the wonderful work you are doing, girls! You are both so enchanting.
Seems to me like Lilian is more experienced with girls, therefore has more stories to share. Alexis, you can share some of your stories with men too; we can learn how to be better on dating women by avoiding the mistakes men make.
Let's make bisexuality more visible. :)
I'm proud to say my first lesbian girlfriend was NOT my best friend. I mean- we were kinda friends but you know
I absolutely love Lilian ❤️❤️❤️
love this video!! and I've made a lot of those mistakes before ahaha you guys are so cute together :)
Just started this video praying nothing sounds like something I've already done.
The skits are so funny you two are hilarious
You guys r so funny lol, love ur show
Love watching the two of you! How about dating and both menopausal. Flashing! It was a HOT time! 🔥
Haha oh damn, rough times are ahead I see ;)
odds you guys talk about uhauling, your thoughts on it, and how to really get to know someone and connect while keeping it fun?
UHauling! How could we forget! Good questions, lots to say about it so we’ll keep them in mind for a future video!
The thing about dating someone’s ex... also you should be aware of the people your friends used to “talk” to but didn’t actually date. Sometimes that can be messy.
My ex gf was talking to this girl and they added each other on Facebook. This was shortly after we broke up. The girl saw my ex’s pictures which had the ex and I in it and she recognized me from seeing me around town/at my retail job and she started asking my ex questions about me (bc she had a huge crush on me and didn’t know for sure that I was gay when she had seen me in person). My ex got mad and told her that I was dating someone even though I wasn’t and she told her other lies. Later on I felt bad that she lied to this girl so I messaged her and told her the truth and we hit it off. My ex got really mad when I had an interest in her because she “saw her first” but in reality the girl had a crush on me even before they started talking. My ex would call me non stop if she knew I was with the girl and made it really hard for me. Plus the girl didn’t like that I didn’t stand up against my ex but it was hard at that time bc I was kind of scared of my ex who had been emotionally abusive when we were together. It is now about 6 years later?? And the girl and I have not officially dated yet, we still are very attracted to each other, I would even say we love each other. I think we will end up together, but that messiness in the beginning definitely delayed things for us. I think we have had to grow as people before we could come together.
damn, 6 years?! what about the what ifs now, is she seeing somebody ?
i love you guys!!🥰
Fall for the straight girl, that's so me haha
ooh
You are both so beautiful and eloquent. Love your videos!
Thanks for being so honest and having fun with it. Very educational for a straight guy , FYI I'd be attracted to both of you ! LOL
The first point is obsolutly my case 😂.. I looove my friend and she is straight + married .. I know I'm stupid but I didnt plan for it , it just happened..
Haha :P I got my best friend's name tattooed on my wrist, you are at least smarter than that! Oh and she is happily married :P
@@namrata_manna6156 omg the worst thing can do is tattooing someone's name in ur body .. but it's okayyy girl try to cover it with another tattoo and move on ...we are in the same boat 🐸
@@MichaelJacksonFan yes, I am planning to cover it up soon😄
@@namrata_manna6156 yeaaa bienn
This is helping when learning how to set boundaries and not settle. Ie falling for straight girls who are unavailable haha x
2:42
Holy sh*t I felt that facial reaction in my SOUL 😂
You both so good looking ❤️❤️❤️
The story with straight friend looking for bisexual girls in lesbian bars made me laugh so hard. :D
With my dating experiences ( I've never been big on relationships, btw)
I've dated women who were serial daters and never experienced being alone just jumped from one Betty to another Felicia lol.I asked god for a woman who was comfortable and secure with being alone & in 2022, he granted me that. She had been single for 5 years. We are still together and are by far the best relationship i have ever been in.
We also want to hear your stories Alexis
Grüsse aus Deutschland ,Bleib zu hause
OMG du bist der erste deutsche Kommentar den ich unter ihren videos gefunden habe 😂
Ich bin eine Deutsch schulerin
Hugs from Argentina!
I just wanted to say you two are the most adorable couple I've ever seen. ♥
They are beautiful but in wrong relationship it's meant to be between a man and a woman
this video is so hilarious and useful hahaha
That kind of videos are so cool. Love you 🏳️🌈
Lol the dinner date was hillarious
Im glad I’ve never fallen for my friend that would be torture. But i have fallen for bicurious/curious straight girls who pretend to be more into women than they are. It’s really messed up but I’ve learned the red flags for those type of girls and steer clear now.
I'm glad someone mentioned the "bisexual" girl, she might be somewhat interested in women and says she's super open, but every lesbian relationship she had was forced and she only dates seriously with men. I now subconsciously avoid bisexual women and I don't want to feel that way about them! Not all of them are like this, but I knew A LOT of them, and made me give up on dating all together.
Ouch that hurt I’m actually bisexual haha. There are a lot of bisexual women who will seriously date other women, the key is sifting out the girls who use that label for clout. It isnt “politically correct” to define someone else’s sexuality for them but I’ll do it if it means protecting myself from heartbreak. Sorry not sorry 🤷🏽♀️. I’m not going to be your crazy hookup story or “that time I dated a girl” story you use to seem edgy or freaky.
Idk how old you are but it’s worse with younger women (I think, I’m still pretty young). Also, you should just start asking straight up if they will seriously be with women and about their prior relationships. I’m not trying to force you to date bi women but I see this idea perpetuated by lesbians a lot. That bi women can’t be trusted and it isn’t true. There are lesbians that are players just like their are “bi” girls who just want sex and attention. Most of them should really just call themselves bicurious but that’s not going to get the sort of results calling themselves bisexual will
@@brioche8123 I sure hope I didn't offend you... but yes I agree with everything you said. When I say subconsciously, I mean when a girl defines herself as bisexual it turns me off a little due to my experience with them whether I like it or not. I hear a lot of harsh judgement on bisexuals because of the bad apples and young curious women who simply don't know how they feel. A lot of my bad experiences stemmed from both types, they were all in high school and middle school. I'm a college student now, so I still run into these types sometimes, but not nearly as much (I know better now too) because a lot more women have a good grasp on who they prefer.
Ouch that hurt no you didn’t offend me I can understand where you are coming from. I’ve seen people be muchhh more offensive. I’m also in college now and my first heartbreak was right after hs. It was a girl I met sophomore year. It caused the same reaction in me. I’m Immediately turned off by any girl that’s bragging about experimenting or seems wishy washy. Especially when they’re so nonchalant about it. I could rant about this forever lol. I hope I can find more girls who are sure about what they want. I keep running into the type of girl who will only seriously date guys. I don’t always want a serious relationship but that doesn’t mean I want to be left feeling used.
Same!!!!! Never fall for a friend (they are like a sister to me) but bi-curius girl, that will force you to buy them stuffs and then they u they have a boyfriend wtf you kiss me mary
thanks legends 🥺
I think dinner is a good first date, but out at a neutral restaurant -- not at your home or hers. Because you can talk and listen and decide if this is somebody you want to see again.
I just have one best friend i like and it's because we stated in a very gay note and are rlly close and attracted to each other. Today i present you best friends with benefit s. As for my other 2 best friends ive always been happy with things the way they are so when things got a bit blurry i didn't let it evolve and the other is straight anyway. I just rlly need these 3 in my life and i love them so much platonically.
You are so funny! I love your acting out the examples :D and why do you say Tschüss/Tschüssi? Do you speak german?
Oh gosh I love you both so much...I can just see Lil' checking out her make out friend on the streets by the club, like shock, I'm kissing my mom's friend...."Where you been all my life?" "Oh just graduating college with your mama." lol
😂😂
vid began and my first thought was 'wow! you guys are so good-looking!' ha ha... what a beautiful couple you are :)
oh, and thanks for the content - super good as usual ;)
Thank you!!
If the dinner is a bad idea for the date, what would be good? Cinema or something?
Drinks or coffee, a show, walk or something- cinema isn’t good because you don’t get to talk. Something casual!
Falling for your STRAIGHT best friend 😪😪😪💔💔😭 the worst!!! 😭
Omg- the ex thing! My sister (S)ended up getting with the ex (M)of her best friend (A) of over 20 years and lost that friendship. M had even been friends with S for several years before A and M got together so I don’t understand why S never realized she’d wanted to be with M before S trashed such a long-standing relationship with A. It’s crazy!
Watched some of your vids before going on a date from the HER dating website. Haven’t asked a gal out since 1997😳. Please, especially on a 1st date leave you previous relationships at home as it’s TOO SOON. My pet peeve is having a ghost 3rd party in my own bedroom or in our space. WHY do we do that? Nerves? She insisted on a phone call before meeting at the Farmers market which is when I started watching your vids as I wasn’t just rusty in the dating scene, I was catatonic 😻! I took notes writing what I might like to say and what I would like to know. I assumed she would not be prepared to my extent and be okay with that. My date I believe nervously threw in her last two adventures. To hear how she and the deceased are both program (AA, ditto) but the SO died of a heroin overdose is never, I emphasize not even a bit appropriate.
As much possibility as we still have we’re both a few years shy of free to travel or get into a great project for women. My good match person selector has failed me regularly so I’m glad to continue enjoying your vids and still getting out there💜
PS. Much of your advice can easily be applied to dating anyone🤗
Love u❤ I was smiling the whole time")
“Cassie..? Belinda???”
I’m dead 😂😂😂
😂😂, you guys are funny !
Where'd you get the black sweater @ 3:28 >.>
ladies hello It's so nice to have this life were in !
I'm in a Meet Up app group CNY lesbian club ! I don't know what I'm doing wrong ? I keep going to our outings stag hoping to meet up with someone who I we get somewhere with !
I died when she said "tschüss"
You both are so funny and cite 😂😂😂😂
Here's a suggestion, read forty rules of love by elif Shafak. You'll love it.
hahahah your Scottish accent was pretty good
your relationship is my role model ❤️
Woman is made for man not woman for woman/ what is cool about this / the biggest mistake should not be /
What is love / lesbian mis interpret love to mean attraction / emotion/ and leave out the will and what is right
I just keep getting friendzone left and right. I am a nice person, funny, and accomplished. I think everything is going well then out of the blue, she says I don't think I am ready to be dating but i don't want to loose you dialogue 🤬
1) communicate your intentions/ask what they're looking for
2) offer to pay ot split the bill
3) first date location where you can actually talk (lgbtq-friendly helps)
4) consent is sexy, listen for hesitation (withing yourself too)
5) compliment her
6) use her name
7) don't talk abouy ex (if it happens, you're not ready)
8) expand on what's been mentioned before
9) coming-out stories
10) what do you have in common
11) get friend and family opinions, red flags, green flags, etc.
12) know when to move on. Don't ghost.
13) don't ignore incompatibility just because you don't want to be alone
14)get out there & go get her!
Thanks got the video , i love your appartement so beautiful ans clean .
wow awesome video!!!!!!!
Wow thanks for doing dis vid honeyz, you both seem so sweet and caring and are really funny, I'd date you both, I love Alexis wavey hair so much and Lilian is hot asf. I will bare some of these tips in mind but I don't know when I will feel ready to try with a woman, a bit due to rejections due to my wording with people as it is not very good and I am really shy when it comes to that sort of thing, also not had much experience which doesn't help and I'm 30, also atm there is this covid thing going round so that makes things more difficult but I'm not in any hurry, want to focus on myself more first and I just would like more lezbo and or bi mates to talk to but I guess you two can be included now if you'd like to do that, if not it's cool and also some of your subs as we comment on your vids on here. I hope your both doing ok :) love yous. Xxxx