Stop copying everyone else (they're not you)
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- Опубліковано 28 тра 2024
- In this video I share a personal reflection about how learning to stop copying everyone else and instead leaning into my own creative energy when it comes to making decisions about all sorts of things in life has allowed me to learn to love and value myself. To be clear, I'm not talking about autistic masking in this video - I am talking about 'copying' more generally. My newsletter essay I was referring to is here for you to read: charlierewilding.substack.com...
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Thank you for this video, I have honestly struggled with copy people my whole life and it is something I have felt a lot of shame around so hearing that other people have had this issue as well makes me feel so seen.
“You will always have yourself to get to know and to be inspired by and to learn through and create systems for”. Wow this whole video, especially that point really spoke to me. As a late diagnosed neurodivergent I have imitated others since teenagehood, and your words have given me food for thought, and did nearly bring me to tears at my own realisation from this (or more accurately, unburying my repression of this). Thanks Charlie. Keep working on being you, you’re great :)
I had a realization recently, at thirty-seven: I almost speak in memes sometimes. I naturally do goofy voices, make jokes, etc. For the longest time I've wondered if maybe I should dial it back. Then realized, you know what? I want people to like me for me, and if they like me for something I'm pretending to be, its not going to benefit ANYONE. So goofy nonsense it is! Not sure who said it originally, but I'm reminded of the quote "be yourself; everybody else is already taken!"
Yes to this!!!
I just found your channel today and felt really inspired by your content. With that said I found myself wanting to do exactly what you describe here; I wanted to get a flip phone, pocket notebook, practice creativity, slow down, etc. This all resonates with me as someone who struggles with being on my phone too much and not being happy about it.
This is all to say and if I am being honest, I want to copy you.
Seeing this video did make me pause, and become aware of ways in which I copy people for the reasons you describe (if I do this I’ll finally be happy; If I switch to a flip phone I’ll finally be happy and have my own ideas and be creative again.) versus adopting certain behaviors because I have thought through how they will be realistically applicable to my life.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. It has made me very self reflective today.
Great listening i think social media has heightened the coparing ones self to other people like these trends if i like it im wearing it or with cooking i dont care about trends im cooking what i want
Well done for realising at 31... I'm working on this at 53! I don't even know what my own laugh sounds like (I just copy other people's)!!
So very relatable!!
Thank-you for this video. It 100% applies to me. I am so glad that you have come to this realisation at 30 as I am still on this journey at 62. Like you, I have never know who I am - I have always described myself as a chameleon who adapts to fit in wherever I am and whoever I'm with. I mirror and mask and, yes, basically still have no idea who the authentic me is. You are a real inspiration. Please keep these coming! ❤
Thank you for sharing your experience too, I appreciate it!
Your videos always strike me as so relatable and down to earth, i'm so glad you make content!
I'm glad you enjoy them! :) x
I think a lot of this is also related to online influencers who are so easily able to target people with a product through ads. They’re able to advertise products they supposedly love linked to anything now like health, mental health, physical appearance, beauty etc and when their followers are maybe suffering with their mental health, feeling insecure about how they look etc it’s so easy to fall into the trap of copying them, copying the product because they’ve been influenced by someone with a huge following who actually probably just advertised the product to make money.
Thank you for your candid and inspiring video. Your words resonated deeply with me, especially as someone with Asperger's Syndrome. The theme of authenticity versus adaptation that you discuss is something I grapple with on a daily basis.
The concept of 'masking,' which you mentioned, is quite familiar in the Asperger community. We tend to adapt and mimic behaviors to get by in social situations. This adaptation can often come at the expense of our own identity and well-being, akin to your experience of losing yourself in the process of trying to resemble others.
Your journey towards self-acceptance and appreciating your uniqueness is not only admirable but also incredibly encouraging. It serves as a reminder that each of us, despite our challenges, has a unique perspective and valuable contributions to offer. Your insights on the difference between inspiration and copying are particularly enlightening. They prompted me to reflect on my own interactions and ensure that I stay true to myself while learning from others.
Additionally, your discussion on systems and routines resonated with me. Many of us with Asperger's find comfort and efficiency in structured systems and routines. The way you have developed your planning system to make it a reflection of your true self is something I greatly admire and aspire to replicate.
Overall, your video reinforced an important message: the significance of knowing, valuing, and loving oneself. Thank you for sharing your experiences. It’s a powerful reminder that the journey towards self-acceptance is challenging yet incredibly rewarding.
Thank you for your lovely insights, I appreciate it :)
Gladly, deserved is deserved :)@@charlierewilding
Today I found your channel and for the first time in a long time I felt sooo good hearing someone talk about things I thought I was alone with. I'm turning 29 in May and I feel like making a similar shift. As a classical harpist, I was in a very competitive environment from a very young age and always needed to be the best at everything. I was constantly comparing myself to other harpists and with social media, it gets even worse. I was always listening to my teachers who told me I needed to be a certain way in order to be succesful as a musician. After my studies, I just fell into this black hole... it felt like the person that I once was as a kid, had disappeared entirely. I'm slowly getting there, doing the things I want to to with my unique talents, but there was a lot of shame and guilt involved! How dare I do what I want to do! Thanks for your insights in all of you videos, I look forward seeing them in the future. 🤍🖤
I can see how happy/maybe content you are thinking on and reflecting on this as you speak. It's lovely to see. 😊
:):):)
Love the video. I would love future videos with further details on how you got to a place where you knew yourself better. Obviously a personal experience but any tips or tricks would be appreciated 👍
I can tell this made you feel vulnerable and I think you're super brave for being so honest. You're absolutely right about lack of placing value on yourself (for people in general) leading to copying others and hoping for inner peace or more self love.
I am so hopeless, my ADHD impulsivity has made me jump into groups to try to fit in, totally copying them and wanting their praises, so I did it to an extreme. My autistic self screaming inside me to flee and lock myself into my room and to stick to my routines. It has always been a big battle within me, being both autistic and ADHDer.
I have totally lost myself, who I am, what I am, and where my boundaries are, now as a late diagnosed women I have the knowledge to work on my boundaries and learn to keep them and not compromise my needs.
Imitation is often the first step in learning. When one learns to speak, they mimic what they hear. When one learns to draw, they copy other drawings. After all, good artists copy but great artists steal.
Maybe the problem is when one can't figure out how to move past emulation? If they don't understand what they're doing, how can they add their own twist? How does one learn to be a great artist?
Thank you for posting this! I finally am hearing someone talk about a phenomenon I've struggled with and also have recently tried to make a change in - people pleasing and masking led to a lot of copying coping mechanisms that I would like to grow from!!
Charlie, I appreciate your videos so much. I had burnout (my nervous system shut down, whatever you call it) two years ago, and found your channel maybe last year? :) I relate to a lot of what you are sharing with us and am ever so grateful for today's video as well. For me, this behavior/pattern of being some sort of chameleon with people, and copying as you say was always a way to feel accepted, liked, and therefore belong (ie. not be alone) but I realized that now while I am alone sometimes, I prefer to be liked for who I am truely, by friends and people that come in my life, rather than being a version of everyone around me. thank you for reminding me of this tonight (while I write this:))
🙌🏻 love this!
Very well said, and I can relate to it. Thanks 😀 👍
Thanks so much for talking about this Charlie. It's something I'm still really struggling this. It's certainly a work in progress ♥️
Thank you so much for sharing this Charlie, i so relate to so many of the things you shared here ❤
I do this and always have done. Thanks for putting it into words x
You're so welcome!
Well this is another level! I honestly call it being inspired, because it's ok to change our minds about things, if I see someone's approach better to mine by all means it's ok. Not obsessively, but I think we are always evolving and becoming who we are suppose to be regardless and I cherish that, even copying something it will always have our own take and if this realization of stop doing something that is detrimental to you is freeing that's is cool too.
An inspiring video again! I love your recent content about going analogue and I relate so much. I too thought having planning apps is the way to be because everyone else was using them and because why have a notebook if you can have everything on your phone. Encouraged my your analogue experiment I made my own planner and it felt indeed grounding making it. It feels so much more me and I feel so much more intentional about everything I plan in it. Thank you for reminding us how soothing it can be to write again!
I'm so happy you're enjoying experimenting with your analogue planner! :)
Outstanding video. I really needed to hear this. Thank you!
You are so welcome!
Hello, Charlie, how are you ?
I really deeply resonate with this. There were multiple factors as to why I was copying people such as (undiagnosed) autism, anxiety, deep insecurities and the like.
I would find myself insecure and envious for the dumbest reason : I did not have this trendy bag, I didn't have the best pencil in primary school, etc. I was CONVINCED that if I had X or Y, I'd fit in, I'd be "normal" maybe even popular - spoiler : it never happened, I always was the "loser" lol.
However, even when I successfully copied someone or a trend, I still stood out because of my autistic behaviours and mannerisms. I will never be "normal" when it comes to our society's standards.
I kind of think of myself as a patchwork made from all the people I know and admire as well as my family. I'm trying to find who I am, to un-sew the blanket/duvet I am and understand what thread and cloths I'm made of (if you get what I mean).
You're a great source of inspiration and thinking
The imagery of a patchwork is very powerful! I relate. :)
you’re so lovely !!! 💛
This is something I really struggle with too and actually even more now that I know I’m autistic as I’m not sure when I’m copying versus masking? Do you have any insights on this?
think adaptation is such a beautiful thing and strengthens practices in a sense 🪢