As you were speaking about “voice training” I was just thinking what a nice, resonant, expressive masculine voice you have. I am glad you no longer feel you have to consciously distort your voice to express your authentic self.
It always amazes me that transitioners talk about being their 'true self'. In reality, they are being anything but their true self. They reject their true self for an idea of what they think they want to be. Interesting story told with compassion and honesty.
What amaze me is how much entitled and convinced the trans people are about being the other gender, they will get very aggressive over it yet cannot define the thing they are identifying as.
Well, they do want to be that and often are that (especially if transitioning before excess endocrine sexualization kicks in). Just because it takes chemicals to induce and regulate it [chemicals which are bioidentical granted] doesn’t make it inauthentic or untrue. Just because some detransition - out of newfound self-acceptance, or a desire to live unmedicated unless imminently vital, or out of their own physical health needs - doesn’t mean that transition itself is a poor option. It’s a radical option that should be weighed out as such, and should be taken with caution under the guide of a physician, but it is certainly not a bad deal. Too many people have lived deeply fruitful lives as the opposite gender (outward phenotypic & presentational sex) from what they were born into being for it to just be problematic or unhelpful.
There is also the comparison to the ex-gay movement. The official stats on detransition suggest most detransitioners go on to retransition later, and the surge in detrans idpol content creators seems a lot closer to ex-gay preachers than someone who realised they were cis, financial incentives aside.
My Birth Cert says “Male”, my medical records say “Unspecified”, my passport says “Female” … my family tried to raise me as a boy, but everyone just assumed I was a girl anyway. At the age of 18 I decided to go on a massive hyper masculine crusade to stop strangers asking me questions about my gender etc and have them read me as a man. At the age of 30 I decided to give up trying, changed my name to a feminine one, and saw an endocrinologist to get my hormones in line (I had moderate levels of everything previously). The hormones gave me proper boobs and soft skin but I passed as a woman before that anyway. I’m not sure what my “authentic” self is, but this is the most comfortable I’ve been and the least thought/effort I’ve had to put into my gender in years. Certainly nobody gives me weird looks anymore or stops me to ask questions (which happened all the time in my teens/twenties). Seeing an endo is literally a tiny price to pay for this level of ease. If you want a proper deep-dive into identities and the way the term “Authentic” has changed over the years, I recommend Carefree Wandering here on UA-cam. It’s really not as simple as some people would like it to be
I don't know, but assuming that as a paraphilia, AGP too is misdirected erotic focus why would you feed into it by dressing up etc - and not just let it merely play out on the screen of your mind (if necessary to get aroused)? Why not (predominantly) focus on redirecting the libidinal onto connecting with another person, onto the real experience? That would be 'natural' and healthy, and very rewarding, or so I believe. In the mean time, one can fall back onto fantasy, just in the mind (or possibly on paper), while staying aware of feeding the monster... I admire you for talking this frankly about AGP, and your ability to question it all. It can be very difficult where sexuality is involved.
Hi, I enjoy and appreciate your videos. I'm on estradiol patches for post menopausal issues, and when you actually need them, the sticky residue and having to change them twice a week are not inconveniences. "Transitioning" really is just all cosmetic.
What a refreshingly honest and introspective POV! Especially when you discuss the cross sectionality of gender, sexuality, and the psychology from an autogynophile perspective- definitely think you nailed why these things can be possibly misperceived. Also, i think the overall dissatisfaction with one’s gender/ sex (using the term synonymously here) from a social standpoint- are reasons that gender ideology has appealed to so many people in the first place. Honestly really hope your video is seen far and wide. Glad I came across you!
Good for you. I had a friend who detransitioned after 10 yrs. Told me it had become a barrier in relationships, an artifice that stopped him being completely genuine. Glad you are healthy and haven’t suffered too much from the HRT. In older males the health implications are grim.
Congrats Ray. I’m glad you’re well and I’m glad you’re speaking up about your complications and concerns. Even though I am cautious around these parts for having passionately different views on things and needing certain things to remain so, I can still appreciate your insight and your story, as well as your courage. Keep going, and as you know… I’ll keep watch. 🙏🏾
I always try to understand my fellow humans. I find your videos honest and poinient and a great way to clarify what questions some may have. It struck me that your own searching made me realize (please forgive the oversimplification) that we all should be content with who we are and feel self satisfied about enjoying our authentic selves without major alterations. I'm all for plastic surgery to fix minor imperfections or correct a physical or functional deformity. I do not understand how the medical/psychiatric community allowed a confused thought process to falsely be addressed by hormone and/or surgery instead of pushing for self reflection from those questioning natal gender. I think makeup, hairstyles can approve ones appearance, but when is it enough to just be your natural self? I have friends that get up extra early to beautify while I would rather sleep and be more wash and wear. I'm amazed at the transformation some people can accomplish but I refuse to be forced to pretend that men can be women and vice versa. Your videos have given me the ability to peek at the inner turmoil and I now try to be more empathetic. Thanks for sharing your journey.
What a freaking year it’s been for you and Jules! So glad you decided to put yourself out there in this way, it gives me so much hope and inspiration. Keep up the good work! ❤
You look so much better as a man. You look much healthier and much more attractive. You look very handsome and just clean and once again - healthy - as you are now.
@@L_Martin how isn't it? There have been cultures where men wore make up and women didn't. If those things aren't what make you a woman why do so many of you do them? And if those aren't the things that make you a woman what else could they be if not a performance.
@@Cabal_Therapist My sister has just had a baby. It has absolutely 100% been brought home to me how her higher emotional intelligence, her ability to cry more easily, her higher agreeableness in nature etc. are all as a result of being the sex responsible for the vital job of looking after a baby for the first years of its life. NOT ALL WOMEN. There exist disagreeable women, and women who plain don't want babies. Just like not all men are going to be "typical", and will be higher in emotionality and agreeableness and like to cry at soppy movies. But to put it frankly: these are in the minority. They are naturally non-conforming. I am not a rad fem. I do not think men and women are interchangeable and we are all just "performing" this stuff. I think biology matters, enormously. But to be crystal clear: a man higher in trait agreeableness or who is flamboyant or emotional is NOT a woman.
Hi Ray, been watching you from your early videos and I've learnt a lot about not only you but myself as well. Thanks for always being honest and always being you!
Agree with you and happy to see that you found a way to accept your masculinity. I wish I could make masculinity work for me without feeling like I'm putting on a fake image of myself and that destroys me mentally.
@@SalivatingSteve I have a full time job making 45k a year, and a regular active social friends net work. They if I'm going to be honest are the only things keeping from transitioning
Thank you for expressing your experiences. I hope it can help more males reconsider ideas of "transition", and the whole passing/pretending game of validation. Despite my concerns about HRT, I do see we might reject "gender identity" as a useful category but use "feminine male" identity as less offensive to society, which might include cross dressing in a respectful way, and might include microdosing cross sex HRT. In some ways, that seems to be the way this is going, given groups like Planned Parenthood are basically making Informed Consent the model of self-modification, along with a "fake" Gender Dysphoria insurance code which makes it health care, while I think it should all be cosmetic, paid out of pocket. Reading from reddit, it does seem like many consider trans identities as a form of "sexual orientation" in the sense of presenting in a more masculine or feminine way in sexual relationships. The key open question for me is to see HRT maybe wrongfully is trying to match opposite sex estrogen or testosterone levels, while so-called "microdosing" might be more attractive to males who don't want their sex drive to crash, or females who don't want to be too masculine. idk, just thinking. People are foolish, and HRT in ways seems to be the new "street drug" even if PP stopped their informed consent. People are willing to experiment, and if reproduction loss is acceptable, maybe it is just a new self-expression?
Ive been watching detransition stories for over five months while on testosterone because i was super skeptical that this would help alleviate dsyphoria. I want to cry over detransitioning. Because it really feels right but i cant cope with being medicalized. I was medicalized young and it nearly took my life at 16. I don't want to go through that. I also basically left a cult alil before my transition. Figuring this all out makes me feel so lucky.
Ray, I appreciate that you took this huge risk within the glbT Queer movement as a male who was whisked into it when you really weren't... where anything that isn't T or Q is considered inferior, especially being straight. I feel for you that you went down a very difficult path, but I am glad that you have been able to find yourself before taking surgical options that would have meant the point of no return. Wishing you all the best as a male being a male - because there are so many wonderful variations of being a male. From a gay male who at one point thought that he had to be trans because being gay wasn't an option that was approved of by the trans-normative community that seems to be erasing the validity and ability to be GLB - and indeed for you, being a straight male who simply appears to be "more feminine, less masculine" and instead of realising that this is a natural variation of a straight or bi male... you MUST transition or you are tr*nsph*bic... ❤🧡💛💚💙💜
It's amazing how one's journey can be so unique. This was what you needed in the end. Perhaps for some transitioning is what will help them be their true self. To truly find one's self, I think it takes a lot of introspection and healing to know. Glad you found what makes you happy in your life. I too am all for natural states and natural forms of healing or medicine. Nature has so much available for us that is compatible with us, that won't force/alter our bodies.
Thank you for talking about the medicalization issue, the becoming a patient for life, the being a cash cow for pharmaceutical companies permanently, and much more.
As a man, could you wear male clothing made from fibers like silk or cashmere or merino wool to incorporate femininity? I am pretty sure they make men’s shirts and sweaters out of these materials, and you might be able to get them at a better price at Poshmark or a consignment shop. I myself am not very familiar with these fabrics, but the fashionistas love them. I guess what I am wondering is if you could use male fashion to express your femininity in an acceptable way through the cut and color and texture of your clothing. Could you get a messenger bag, essentially a purse for men? Would it help you to head in the direction of the metro sexual? Or could you use a skin care routine that women use or give yourself a manicure or pedicure but with no polish or a clear polish? Or could you condition your hair and use some styling products in your hair? I am just free associating here and making it up as I go, but even as a woman, focusing on these little things makes me feel more feminine and makes me feel good, but all of these are things that both women and men can do. I am not sure about the erotic element though when it comes to doing any of these things, but they are things women can do. You could even possibly wear makeup if you used very natural colors that matched your skin tone such as mixing in a little bit of foundation with moisturizer and using pink or peach eye shadow. You would be using it, but it would be very subtle and no one would even notice, which would be the same for a woman. You could also wear men’s jewelry such as a gold chain or nice watch, which women also wear. You could moisturize your skin or wear fragrance. See CB I Hate Perfume for his take on fragrance that evokes a memory. Just do not, please do not wear blue eye shadow. It is a crime against humanity.
I suppose after listening to you talk about this I may struggle a little more than I thought, especially with the sexual aspect. I tend to prefer looking more "feminine" but learning fashion history has shown me that for all the so called feminine things I like, men did them first. I often wonder if my preferences are an ancestral reach back to those things. I have integrated the sides wow a bit and don't really look at it so much as masculine and feminine as I do right and left brain. Some of the activities in my life call for wearing 'male ' attire as it makes no sense to wear a dress to work in a tractor or cut wood etc. But in times of lounging or office work the dress or skirt makes more sense.
Exactly!!! Skirts and dresses are NOT inherently womanly. They are only womanly in certain contexts... I would love to come out of all the gender madness with a society that says men can wear skirts any time they want but it doesn't make them women! Because honestly men should be allowed to do that as much as they like, there's nothing wrong with THAT, but claiming a man who has an interest in "womanly" clothing actually changes his gender is soooo ridiculous... it's clothing!!
@@KatMoore-ih6mw I so wish that people thought this way. Makes me want to actively advocate for that sort of thing and try to integrate it in my life in a way that doesn't seem pretentious and performative. I love skirts and dresses!
@@brendadarling7743 but how do we know that the erotic aspect wouldn't be eliminated if wearing women's clothes was an everyday thing for guys? Sometimes we are sexually attracted to something that is opposite of how we act in the world, and maybe there's a mechanism in the brain for that. Like super clean people having weird disgusting fetishes that expose them to contamination, etc.
I'm a 30+ male on the fence on whether I should go on HRT or not. I've been concerned about AGP but my story seems different to yours. I do share the dislike of being a man and definitely suffer from internalised misandry. But I also genuinely feel like a woman inside, and it doesn't seem sexual. Living as a man is like being hidden behind a veil of depersonalization. I don't want to look like a woman to be or feel sexy but to relate to the image in the mirror. Allowing myself the gender identity of a woman makes that depersonalization go away. Still, my body is what it is and I also don't like trying to pass as a woman because, as you mentioned, it would probably result in an act. Transitioning would also risk the future of my near-perfect relationship and make all social interaction awkward. I'm esprcially fond of being able to interact with people from all backgrounds, not having to withdraw into a safe bubble. And I'm not into woke stuff, don't care about being misgendered, hate being the centre of attention, don't like the "trans women are women" chanting, because, obviously, the term woman has been used for biological women since forever and I don't care for the leftist style of redefining words to blur reality. I'm happy with "trans woman" as a male subcategory. I feel like there is a sort of deep masculinity that actually is simultaneously feminine in the same way as, say, the ocean and trees are. Looking at nature for groundedness and wisdom can perhaps help you with finding a natural sense of masculinity. Hope you find peace.
How can you say you feel like a woman if you're not a woman? You are a spectator looking at the female experience and applying it to yourself even though the female experience is largely misrepresented on all fronts. Have you ever considered that you're not a self perceived woman inside and rather just a feminine man who likes feminine aspects? Many people live in such a closed box of stereotypes that they don't realize you can just be you biologically and naturally, and that you can express yourself how you want.
@@Jane-ow7sr not all will accept that and it's fine. If I imagine a woman doing nothing, just existing (this is to rid ourselves from the social role / interests and focus on the baseline), and then consider her energy, eyes, overall feeling etc., it just feels like home. It's maybe kinda similar to when you read a very good book and your relationship with the world and characters does not feel like detached "spectation" anymore, it touches your being. That said, I don't think the "soul", meaning the conscious core of existence, is gendered. That happens on some lower level. If I was brought up on an island with only men around, I of course couldn't "identify as a woman" because I would have no mental image of one. I would probably still feel out of place, and find different ways of coping. I find it quite possible that the brain, during pregnancy, may develop some gendered elements that "expect" a certain type of sexed body. Sapolsky, a Stanford neurobiologist, has talked about something similar in UA-cam. But I cannot prove this of course for myself.
@@Jane-ow7sr I of course am a male (edit: alright, man!) with feminine wiring. On an internal level, I think I've pretty well dropped all limiting masculine stereotypes but living in a society requires some compromise. I have tried to integrate this "feeling like a woman" thing to a more allowing box of masculinity. I don't that much feel the Jekyll & Hyde aspect mentioned in the vid, maybe because I've never tried to pass as a woman, and consider myself pretty integrated. Still, some more mental work is clearly needed.
@@JohnSmith-nm1jk again, what is female wiring, what is feeling like a woman when you are not born or raised a woman. How would you a borna nd raised man, have any clue what feeling and being a woman is outside of your own perception and society's perception of women. You simply can't, masculinity and femininity do not dictate the experience of womanhood or manhood. I don't think you're really listening to what I'm writing, just a personal observation but it seems you are unsatisfied with the logical conclusion/solution that you are just a more feminine leaning man and you want to be more than a possible autogynephilic fetishist because you see it as shameful to be such.
@@JohnSmith-nm1jk it seems UA-cam deleted my comment so I'll just shorten my response. Your excuses are void and proving what I previously said about applying your perception of woman onto yourself instead of knowing what womanhood actually is. To shorten the rest: you're in denial of your own feminine leanings and femininity and masculinity don't equal womanhood and manhood,
Man, I feel for you on that dilemma between embracing your maleness and preserving a feminine appearance for cross dressing, and it just dawned on me how cruel(?) the implications are. You have an erotic attraction to your cross-dressing avatar, but if you change your appearance more to the way *you* want to look, suddenly the woman in the mirror, to whom you're attracted, turns into a butch woman you're not attracted to. 🤔 In a less surreal way, it's sort of like some movie where the lead character is captured by his alter-ego/split personality. Except in this case, it's not the alter-ego controlling you and holding you back from doing something for yourself; rather, you'd be holding yourself back to protect the avatar you're attracted to...and thereby protecting yourself. 😵💫 It's pretty hard to put myself in that position, but I'm guessing that if you lose the image of 'Rachel', it would be a big deal, since There's only one of 'you' to be attracted to. 🤔 Unless I'm wrong and could still be fulfilled without cross dressing, but I imagine if it were that easy this wouldn't even be a topic.
Just after I said that, you said "Jekyll and Hyde" - that's what I was thinking....except I had Ed Norton and Tyler Durden in mind. 😅 Also interesting that you went on to describe two personalities fighting over you - one wanting to be effeminate and one wanting to be masculine. That framing is different from the one I presented above, in which it's Ray who wants to be masculine, but also Ray who still wants *Rachel* - as the object of his attraction - to be effeminate. Since you don't have a split personality, Rachel is never in the 'driving seat' in my interpretation.
I admire your honesty and I also think that accepting your body and yourself without drugs (or with as few as possible) has got to be the healthy way both physically and mentally. Regarding AGP, I don't understand why so many individuals change their whole lives because of it . . . maybe I'm missing the point but why can't cross dressing just be something you enjoy privately in the bedroom?
The way the wiring works, we are attracted to the idea of ourselves as women. I believe it is an orientation unto itself, there's so much to it. When I am her, I experience the feeling of being loved. It's incredibly appealing, transition is. Who wouldn't want to feel loved all day every day? It's a helluva thing to have, this AGP
@@boogiemcsploogie Sounds like me when I was addicted to a certain substance.. It felt better than anything but also was total hell at the same time to submit everything else to that „need“, to give in and feel helpless and resignated. Only the relief and the power of overcoming it was better although it was tough too. Is there a tendency to raise „the dose“ too in AGP? I can imagine at first there might be joy from beginning to live/act it out, first a bit, then more and more (->transition?) until there‘s no way to further intensify. Then what when you reach the ultimate extreme of „femininity“, whatever it migh mean for a man, I don‘t know. Or is my comparison w addiction not relatable at all? What do you think?
After watching some of your videos and others on AGP, maybe a good way to possibly handle it could be something like using a female avatar in VR, playing female characters in video games/RPGs, writing stories with female protagonists etc. Do you believe this could possibly be a good way to still enjoy and get immersed in femininity, but not have the negative psychological effects of needing to pass in real life? If it needs to be in real life, maybe usage of things like silicone body suits often used for crossdressing could help. Cosplaying characters at conventions like anime and stuff can also possibly be help, because people would not view you as "other" in that situation. Just interested in this because I have seen things like VR, where people often use female avatars and voice changers to depict a character or persona.
Good luck on the Clomid. I was on that for awhile. Unfortunately, not only did it not produce the expected results, but my gonadotropins were testing in the opposite direction. That was the first hint that I had a tumor or other problem in the hypothalamus-pituitary axis. (My pituitary is also undersized; it is not empty sella syndrome.) I was likely born with my problems there, which makes sense given my developmental history.
Is agp on a spectrum? I assumed that AGPs would have no interest in having a relationship with anyone. Does AGP feel natural to you? Do you think this happened to you at the point of puberty or birth? Many say they have been agp before puberty. Do you think this is true or do you think it’s just being said to justify transition? Appreciate your thoughts.
Best of luck on your fertility journey honey and thank you so much for sharing clear, honest information on these issues. I think physically, you would do best to focus on your health rather than bulking up or not. Hugs 💕 Also, isn't it interesting how when you start to question the gender stuff, ALL the woke stuff starts to seem a little off? I used to be 100% in the woke, progressive camp, but I have really changed. Love listening to you as always.
They say that the high rates of depression, and even suicide, among trans people is due to having to deal with society’s transphobia. Ray’s story casts doubt on that rhetoric.
I respect you very much for being open, honest, and just cool. I'm trans and must say that I can't relate to your experience with being trans at all. I would be the "h*mos*xual transgender to your AGP. Everything feminine comes naturally to me, and I had to learn to act "male" when I was a boy. To me, it makes perfect sense that you detransitioned because you are attracted to women and didn't seem to desire the surgery. You are lucky that you can accept your male-ness. That's something I'll never be able to do.
For both males and females, estrogen is a carcinogen. I knew the daughter of a man who did the surgeries and hormones from about age 50, then in his early 60s died of cancer. These iatrogenic harms are ignored by doctors, for the most part, putting patients at risk.
Good for you!!! You're very masculine and good looking!!! Changing that is anti nature. Glad you found a sensitive woman who understands you well. As a man, you're super attractive, articulated, and sweet. Congrats!
I am always sad to hear trans women say they pass at a much higher rate than they actually do. It’s a delusion that, out of being polite, most of the world is indulging. It’s terribly sad.
You know, you could have just went for monotherapy injections. No AAs, no real need for bloodtests after you learn what dose is right for you, no daily pills. Just 1 injection per week and you're done. I almost forgot I was on hrt after switching to injections I detransed 1.5 years ago, but I'm ironically taking much more meds now just to stop myself from going bald
Be cautious if what you're taking is Finasteride. It's a known carcinogen and has other iatrogenic affects, as per Post-Finasteride Syndrome Foundation.
@@Jane-ow7sr Hairloss was one of the major reasons I transitioned in the first place. Watching myself go bald hurts me mentally. That's why I take half a dozen meds for it now
This whole thing seems insane ...I'm an old lady and trying to understand gender Identity and transitioning and detransitioning and then the idea of being "attaching to the medical community" because that is what identity biology is all about - wow and then accepting what you are born with is so much less exhausting so much less superficial ... So no more just teying to pass...
Wow, I recognize you from when you were trans identified. Congrats on seeing the truth! Thanks for mentioning autogynephilia. So many people try to pretend it doesn’t exist. I believe you can heal from being AGP. Good luck to you!
Close shave! Excuse the punn. Good on you for being skeptical and not believing the medical lies- living authentically and naturally is definitely much easier than going the opposite way. Great video and should be shared to enlighten others who are on dangerous transitioning paths.
Before hearing about this gender stuff, I felt some curiosity about feeling female. Seeing some amazing celebrity impersonators inspired me to take up the challenge of seeing a passable I could appear. Then, the trans stuff began in the public domain. I had meanwhile been content knowing that I could always take off the costume. Learning how to become more passable was a healthy way of growing intellectually. So, I’m proud not to have gone the chemical route. It’s a hobby, like acting, stage illusion and cosplay.
May the Good Lord have mercy on you and grant you total healing and restore your fertility! Draw closer to Him (God) and He will make the way when there seem to be no way!
Natural is better and will lead you to your authentic self. You are also wise to focus on your physical health and avoid a medicalized life controlled by big pharma. I admire your journey to reach these insights. It might be interesting to read Lao Tzu and study Taoist philosophy. There are some common threads. Thanks also for your honesty about autogynophilia.
I read a lot of Taoism in undergrad and it is definitely the foundational ground upon which the rest of my psycho-spiritual alignment has grown. It’s been really influential on me and stuck with me all these years.
15:31 if you go with the manly man option and get ripped, feel free to share some progress pics/thirst traps for those of us _male gays_ with the _male gaze._
People tend to conflate masculinity with being male, as they likewise conflate femininity with being female. Of course naturally producing hormones-- Estrogen and Testosterone-- have a distinct influence on physicality, appearance, and even a lot of behaviors (especially considering a female's cycle, wherein Estrogen waxes and wans in accordance to the time in the cycle, and men's Testosterone fluctuates from day to day). But I believe that the concept of masculinity and femininity is really just energy, like Yin Yang-- not in opposition, but should be working together. Every person, male and female, have varying degrees of masculine and feminine energy. Thus what feels like conflict for you is your mix of energies trying to work together and find peace. Social norms restrict certain presentations of your feminine energy (not going into biological womens' spaces) and that should be understandable, acceptable. As for whatever drug you're taking to get testosteone levels up, stop. Look at diet, stop eating chicken (which is pumped full of hormones). Research the animal food that is full of hormones and stop eating it. Your body will self-correct.
Thanks for the informal download! I think you’re ready to let go of. The idea of what is feminine. You think it’s not possible to be feminine as a muscular man. You can totally rock your man self and enjoy dressing up sometimes.
@@RayAlexWilliams an aspect of detransitioning that does not get much coverage is what is involved medically in detransitioning. It is something that you discussed. Are there peoole who are unable to detransition ?
Guuurl u can be androgynous have fun play safe and kudos for learning to accept yourself. Mama Ru tried to teach us all but we don’t listen. “We are all born neked and the rest is draaaag.” - Ru This should be everyone’s anthem: Who you waitin' for? Another savior Always lookin' but you never find, never find Wakin' up from another night gone Always lookin' but you never find, never find Goin' downtown You know where you goin' Throw your top down Like you know where you goin' Tell me one thing Do you like where you goin'? Running all the red lights And I said, who? Who do you think you are? Who do you think you are? I'm tellin' the truth now We're all born naked And the rest is drag Who? Who do you think you are? Who do you think you are? I'm tellin' the truth now We're all born naked And the rest is drag A lonely highway You drove the wrong way Always chasin' down a fantasy, fantasy A sexy muscle car, under the radar Always looking but you never see, never see Goin' downtown You know where you goin' Throw your top down Like you know where you goin' Tell me one thing Do you like where you goin'? Ignoring all of the signs And I said, who? Who do you think you are? Who do you think you are? I'm tellin' the truth now We're all born naked And the rest is drag Who? Who do you think you are? Who do you think you are? I'm tellin' the truth now We're all born naked And the rest is drag I'll say it again It's never been the clothes that make the man Nothing can Leave all ya baggage behind And I said who Who do you think you are? Who do you think you are? I'm tellin' the truth now We're all born naked And the rest is drag Who? Who do you think you are? Who do you think you are? I'm tellin' the truth now We're all born naked And the rest is drag Who? Who do you think you are? Who do you think you are? I'm tellin' the truth now We're all born naked And the rest is drag Let me tell you the truth! (Who do you think you are) Who do you think you are? I'm tellin' the truth now We're all born naked And the rest is drag Talkin' 'bout you are born naked and the rest is drag Shit!
My experiences are so much different from yours. I have never been swayed to be a woman. I don't consider myself a woman or a transwoman. I have gender dysphoria. Whether it be a disorder or some neurological symptom associated with my spine, it doesn't concern me. I don't particularly appreciate having gender dysphoria. It is not pleasant. Estradiol reduces this sensation, and that is all I care about. The patch is just annoying but manageable. Thank you for sharing your experience.
Transitioning because of autogynefilia feels extremely misogynistic and disrespectful to me, being a woman isn't a sexual feeling, it has nothing to do with with sex or sexuality, a person who transitions because it makes them horny has no idea what being a woman is and how it affects a persons life.
I agree to that being a woman isn't a sexual feeling, but this is more complicated than you think, and AGP truly makes people confused and suffer. Please don't blame these people for the feelings they have. We are all trying to figure out this thing together as individuals and as a society
Ray mentions he has autogynephilia and healing from his gender dysphoria. Is autogynephilia one thing and gender dysphoria another? To me, autogynephilia is more about cross dressing and getting a sexual rush about yourself as a woman. Gender dysphoria for a MtoF trans person is more about wanting to live full time as a woman, wanting to be treated as a woman, wanting a woman's body including breasts and a vagina, sensing that you are actually a woman and you are in the wrong body. I think it is important to be clear about what is autogynephilia and gender dysphoria. It is very important to help people decide if transitioning is right for them.
@@RayAlexWilliams Causation is a very powerful concept. I would not say autogynephilia causes gender dysphoria. I acknowledge, the two may move together in some way. It is very complicated and different for everyone. Also, how people experience their understood gender identity can change once they begin exploring it. In my opinion, labelling someone autogynephilic should not be a criterion for deciding if transition is right for them. Certainly, if they experience gender dysphoria, transition is an important option to consider. I think the experience of detransitioners who claim to be autogynphelic is used to argue that being trans is a sexual perversion that delegitimizes trans people and their desire, and most often, need to transition. Whether an adult has dysphoria or not, or is sexually aroused at the thought of being a woman, it is up to them to decide if they would be happier transitioning MtoF. For kids, if they identify strongly as other than their birth gender, trained professionals should be consulted to determine if transition is right for them.
@@marti7343 AGP and being trans and wanting to transition is not mutually exclusive. In fact, I'd argue they are one and the same, and people just experience it in different ways and to different degrees. For those for whom it causes the most suffering, transitioning is probably the best thing to do, as long as their health permits it. Even Blanchard who made the AGP typology advocated for transitioning to be used and covered by insurance as a treatment option.
@@karolakkolo123 Many people transition and do not have AGP. Many transitioners feel their bodies and identities do not match. It is called gender dysphoria. Non-trans people have a hard time making sensing of it. It has nothing to do with what trans people are attracted to sexually. There may be people out there who are AGP, but it is inaccurate to think most people who choose transition are AGP. Every trans person's journey is unique. Creating labels and putting us in categories based on some kind of sexual inclination does us a disservice. It just is not that simple. Spend some time with trans people and that becomes very clear. The DSM criteria for understanding gender dysphoria is way more useful than Blanchard's typology in helping trans people understand what is happening with them and getting the support they need.
I'm glad you are doing okay Ray. Just know we support you all the way.
Kudos to your wife for sticking with you through your journey....
As you were speaking about “voice training” I was just thinking what a nice, resonant, expressive masculine voice you have. I am glad you no longer feel you have to consciously distort your voice to express your authentic self.
I am glad too! Thank you 🙏
It always amazes me that transitioners talk about being their 'true self'. In reality, they are being anything but their true self. They reject their true self for an idea of what they think they want to be. Interesting story told with compassion and honesty.
What amaze me is how much entitled and convinced the trans people are about being the other gender, they will get very aggressive over it yet cannot define the thing they are identifying as.
Agree 100%
Well, they do want to be that and often are that (especially if transitioning before excess endocrine sexualization kicks in). Just because it takes chemicals to induce and regulate it [chemicals which are bioidentical granted] doesn’t make it inauthentic or untrue. Just because some detransition - out of newfound self-acceptance, or a desire to live unmedicated unless imminently vital, or out of their own physical health needs - doesn’t mean that transition itself is a poor option. It’s a radical option that should be weighed out as such, and should be taken with caution under the guide of a physician, but it is certainly not a bad deal. Too many people have lived deeply fruitful lives as the opposite gender (outward phenotypic & presentational sex) from what they were born into being for it to just be problematic or unhelpful.
There is also the comparison to the ex-gay movement. The official stats on detransition suggest most detransitioners go on to retransition later, and the surge in detrans idpol content creators seems a lot closer to ex-gay preachers than someone who realised they were cis, financial incentives aside.
My Birth Cert says “Male”, my medical records say “Unspecified”, my passport says “Female” … my family tried to raise me as a boy, but everyone just assumed I was a girl anyway. At the age of 18 I decided to go on a massive hyper masculine crusade to stop strangers asking me questions about my gender etc and have them read me as a man. At the age of 30 I decided to give up trying, changed my name to a feminine one, and saw an endocrinologist to get my hormones in line (I had moderate levels of everything previously). The hormones gave me proper boobs and soft skin but I passed as a woman before that anyway.
I’m not sure what my “authentic” self is, but this is the most comfortable I’ve been and the least thought/effort I’ve had to put into my gender in years. Certainly nobody gives me weird looks anymore or stops me to ask questions (which happened all the time in my teens/twenties). Seeing an endo is literally a tiny price to pay for this level of ease.
If you want a proper deep-dive into identities and the way the term “Authentic” has changed over the years, I recommend Carefree Wandering here on UA-cam. It’s really not as simple as some people would like it to be
I don't know, but assuming that as a paraphilia, AGP too is misdirected erotic focus why would you feed into it by dressing up etc - and not just let it merely play out on the screen of your mind (if necessary to get aroused)? Why not (predominantly) focus on redirecting the libidinal onto connecting with another person, onto the real experience? That would be 'natural' and healthy, and very rewarding, or so I believe. In the mean time, one can fall back onto fantasy, just in the mind (or possibly on paper), while staying aware of feeding the monster... I admire you for talking this frankly about AGP, and your ability to question it all. It can be very difficult where sexuality is involved.
Love this comment! I was thinking the same.
Hi, I enjoy and appreciate your videos.
I'm on estradiol patches for post menopausal issues, and when you actually need them, the sticky residue and having to change them twice a week are not inconveniences. "Transitioning" really is just all cosmetic.
Glad you escaped the cult mate
Yes, people who used to be gay/trans are totally not known for joining cults after the fact.
This is one of the most informative talks I’ve heard. Thank you for your honesty.
You are so welcome!
im a desister, not everyone can completely overcome issues with gender and sex, but i think many can overcome gender dysphoria
What a refreshingly honest and introspective POV! Especially when you discuss the cross sectionality of gender, sexuality, and the psychology from an autogynophile perspective- definitely think you nailed why these things can be possibly misperceived.
Also, i think the overall dissatisfaction with one’s gender/ sex (using the term synonymously here) from a social standpoint- are reasons that gender ideology has appealed to so many people in the first place.
Honestly really hope your video is seen far and wide. Glad I came across you!
Good for you. I had a friend who detransitioned after 10 yrs. Told me it had become a barrier in relationships, an artifice that stopped him being completely genuine. Glad you are healthy and haven’t suffered too much from the HRT. In older males the health implications are grim.
Congrats Ray. I’m glad you’re well and I’m glad you’re speaking up about your complications and concerns. Even though I am cautious around these parts for having passionately different views on things and needing certain things to remain so, I can still appreciate your insight and your story, as well as your courage. Keep going, and as you know… I’ll keep watch. 🙏🏾
I always try to understand my fellow humans. I find your videos honest and poinient and a great way to clarify what questions some may have. It struck me that your own searching made me realize (please forgive the oversimplification) that we all should be content with who we are and feel self satisfied about enjoying our authentic selves without major alterations. I'm all for plastic surgery to fix minor imperfections or correct a physical or functional deformity. I do not understand how the medical/psychiatric community allowed a confused thought process to falsely be addressed by hormone and/or surgery instead of pushing for self reflection from those questioning natal gender. I think makeup, hairstyles can approve ones appearance, but when is it enough to just be your natural self? I have friends that get up extra early to beautify while I would rather sleep and be more wash and wear. I'm amazed at the transformation some people can accomplish but I refuse to be forced to pretend that men can be women and vice versa. Your videos have given me the ability to peek at the inner turmoil and I now try to be more empathetic. Thanks for sharing your journey.
The ideas that you present in your delightful ramble confirm my beliefs that natural is better.
Welcome back. Spread the word.
What a freaking year it’s been for you and Jules! So glad you decided to put yourself out there in this way, it gives me so much hope and inspiration.
Keep up the good work! ❤
You look so much better as a man. You look much healthier and much more attractive. You look very handsome and just clean and once again - healthy - as you are now.
And you have great hair!
Artificial femininity consumes ones life leaving little time or energy for enjoying, experiencing, and exploring all the other aspects of life.
Men don't understand that women deal with the pressure of this *all the time*.
Many women also spend so much time, money and energy on this unattainable feminine "perfection."
@@llIlIlllII The difference is, for us it's not a lie or a performance.
@@L_Martin how isn't it? There have been cultures where men wore make up and women didn't. If those things aren't what make you a woman why do so many of you do them? And if those aren't the things that make you a woman what else could they be if not a performance.
@@Cabal_Therapist My sister has just had a baby. It has absolutely 100% been brought home to me how her higher emotional intelligence, her ability to cry more easily, her higher agreeableness in nature etc. are all as a result of being the sex responsible for the vital job of looking after a baby for the first years of its life.
NOT ALL WOMEN. There exist disagreeable women, and women who plain don't want babies.
Just like not all men are going to be "typical", and will be higher in emotionality and agreeableness and like to cry at soppy movies. But to put it frankly: these are in the minority. They are naturally non-conforming.
I am not a rad fem. I do not think men and women are interchangeable and we are all just "performing" this stuff. I think biology matters, enormously.
But to be crystal clear: a man higher in trait agreeableness or who is flamboyant or emotional is NOT a woman.
Appreciate you being so honest here and on twitter - it has to be tough!
I thought it was simple. Listening to you working through it I realize it’s more complex than I thought.
You have the best hair.
Hi Ray, been watching you from your early videos and I've learnt a lot about not only you but myself as well. Thanks for always being honest and always being you!
I appreciate that!
Agree with you and happy to see that you found a way to accept your masculinity. I wish I could make masculinity work for me without feeling like I'm putting on a fake image of myself and that destroys me mentally.
You have to go out in the real world and stop spending so much time in online spaces. You have an anime profile pic.
@@SalivatingSteve I have a full time job making 45k a year, and a regular active social friends net work. They if I'm going to be honest are the only things keeping from transitioning
@@defenestratorX are you under age 30?
@@SalivatingSteve yes
Thank you for expressing your experiences. I hope it can help more males reconsider ideas of "transition", and the whole passing/pretending game of validation.
Despite my concerns about HRT, I do see we might reject "gender identity" as a useful category but use "feminine male" identity as less offensive to society, which might include cross dressing in a respectful way, and might include microdosing cross sex HRT.
In some ways, that seems to be the way this is going, given groups like Planned Parenthood are basically making Informed Consent the model of self-modification, along with a "fake" Gender Dysphoria insurance code which makes it health care, while I think it should all be cosmetic, paid out of pocket.
Reading from reddit, it does seem like many consider trans identities as a form of "sexual orientation" in the sense of presenting in a more masculine or feminine way in sexual relationships.
The key open question for me is to see HRT maybe wrongfully is trying to match opposite sex estrogen or testosterone levels, while so-called "microdosing" might be more attractive to males who don't want their sex drive to crash, or females who don't want to be too masculine.
idk, just thinking. People are foolish, and HRT in ways seems to be the new "street drug" even if PP stopped their informed consent. People are willing to experiment, and if reproduction loss is acceptable, maybe it is just a new self-expression?
This is real great to hear Ray 🤙
Ive been watching detransition stories for over five months while on testosterone because i was super skeptical that this would help alleviate dsyphoria. I want to cry over detransitioning. Because it really feels right but i cant cope with being medicalized. I was medicalized young and it nearly took my life at 16. I don't want to go through that. I also basically left a cult alil before my transition. Figuring this all out makes me feel so lucky.
Ray, I appreciate that you took this huge risk within the glbT Queer movement as a male who was whisked into it when you really weren't... where anything that isn't T or Q is considered inferior, especially being straight. I feel for you that you went down a very difficult path, but I am glad that you have been able to find yourself before taking surgical options that would have meant the point of no return. Wishing you all the best as a male being a male - because there are so many wonderful variations of being a male. From a gay male who at one point thought that he had to be trans because being gay wasn't an option that was approved of by the trans-normative community that seems to be erasing the validity and ability to be GLB - and indeed for you, being a straight male who simply appears to be "more feminine, less masculine" and instead of realising that this is a natural variation of a straight or bi male... you MUST transition or you are tr*nsph*bic... ❤🧡💛💚💙💜
Thank you for sharing your journey, Ray…so relatable and so important for us all to hear.
Thanks for listening🙏
Thank you for telling your story ❤
Simplicity indeed. Good explanation.
It's amazing how one's journey can be so unique. This was what you needed in the end. Perhaps for some transitioning is what will help them be their true self. To truly find one's self, I think it takes a lot of introspection and healing to know. Glad you found what makes you happy in your life.
I too am all for natural states and natural forms of healing or medicine. Nature has so much available for us that is compatible with us, that won't force/alter our bodies.
Thank you. This has been very helpful (and hopeful) for me as the grandmother of someone who is going through what you did as now a teen
Glad it was helpful!
One persons experience doesn’t speak for everyone’s. People make mistakes. Glad you were able to come out of YOUR mistake.
Thank you for talking about the medicalization issue, the becoming a patient for life, the being a cash cow for pharmaceutical companies permanently, and much more.
As a man, could you wear male clothing made from fibers like silk or cashmere or merino wool to incorporate femininity? I am pretty sure they make men’s shirts and sweaters out of these materials, and you might be able to get them at a better price at Poshmark or a consignment shop. I myself am not very familiar with these fabrics, but the fashionistas love them. I guess what I am wondering is if you could use male fashion to express your femininity in an acceptable way through the cut and color and texture of your clothing. Could you get a messenger bag, essentially a purse for men? Would it help you to head in the direction of the metro sexual? Or could you use a skin care routine that women use or give yourself a manicure or pedicure but with no polish or a clear polish? Or could you condition your hair and use some styling products in your hair? I am just free associating here and making it up as I go, but even as a woman, focusing on these little things makes me feel more feminine and makes me feel good, but all of these are things that both women and men can do. I am not sure about the erotic element though when it comes to doing any of these things, but they are things women can do. You could even possibly wear makeup if you used very natural colors that matched your skin tone such as mixing in a little bit of foundation with moisturizer and using pink or peach eye shadow. You would be using it, but it would be very subtle and no one would even notice, which would be the same for a woman. You could also wear men’s jewelry such as a gold chain or nice watch, which women also wear. You could moisturize your skin or wear fragrance. See CB I Hate Perfume for his take on fragrance that evokes a memory. Just do not, please do not wear blue eye shadow. It is a crime against humanity.
I suppose after listening to you talk about this I may struggle a little more than I thought, especially with the sexual aspect. I tend to prefer looking more "feminine" but learning fashion history has shown me that for all the so called feminine things I like, men did them first. I often wonder if my preferences are an ancestral reach back to those things. I have integrated the sides wow a bit and don't really look at it so much as masculine and feminine as I do right and left brain.
Some of the activities in my life call for wearing 'male ' attire as it makes no sense to wear a dress to work in a tractor or cut wood etc. But in times of lounging or office work the dress or skirt makes more sense.
Exactly!!! Skirts and dresses are NOT inherently womanly. They are only womanly in certain contexts... I would love to come out of all the gender madness with a society that says men can wear skirts any time they want but it doesn't make them women! Because honestly men should be allowed to do that as much as they like, there's nothing wrong with THAT, but claiming a man who has an interest in "womanly" clothing actually changes his gender is soooo ridiculous... it's clothing!!
@@KatMoore-ih6mw Amen preach! Skirts are healthier for men too.
@@KatMoore-ih6mw I so wish that people thought this way. Makes me want to actively advocate for that sort of thing and try to integrate it in my life in a way that doesn't seem pretentious and performative. I love skirts and dresses!
Doesn't the act of cross dressing give them a euphoria bone? Not sure I'd wanna be around that. I think there's a tad more honesty needed from AGPs
@@brendadarling7743 but how do we know that the erotic aspect wouldn't be eliminated if wearing women's clothes was an everyday thing for guys? Sometimes we are sexually attracted to something that is opposite of how we act in the world, and maybe there's a mechanism in the brain for that. Like super clean people having weird disgusting fetishes that expose them to contamination, etc.
This awareness is amazing about feeling good as a man.
I like your choice of words 'I hated myself...'
I do have one question. How do you feel about Retransitioners? Do you feel you would retransition later on in life?
I'm a 30+ male on the fence on whether I should go on HRT or not. I've been concerned about AGP but my story seems different to yours. I do share the dislike of being a man and definitely suffer from internalised misandry. But I also genuinely feel like a woman inside, and it doesn't seem sexual. Living as a man is like being hidden behind a veil of depersonalization. I don't want to look like a woman to be or feel sexy but to relate to the image in the mirror. Allowing myself the gender identity of a woman makes that depersonalization go away. Still, my body is what it is and I also don't like trying to pass as a woman because, as you mentioned, it would probably result in an act.
Transitioning would also risk the future of my near-perfect relationship and make all social interaction awkward. I'm esprcially fond of being able to interact with people from all backgrounds, not having to withdraw into a safe bubble.
And I'm not into woke stuff, don't care about being misgendered, hate being the centre of attention, don't like the "trans women are women" chanting, because, obviously, the term woman has been used for biological women since forever and I don't care for the leftist style of redefining words to blur reality. I'm happy with "trans woman" as a male subcategory.
I feel like there is a sort of deep masculinity that actually is simultaneously feminine in the same way as, say, the ocean and trees are. Looking at nature for groundedness and wisdom can perhaps help you with finding a natural sense of masculinity. Hope you find peace.
How can you say you feel like a woman if you're not a woman? You are a spectator looking at the female experience and applying it to yourself even though the female experience is largely misrepresented on all fronts.
Have you ever considered that you're not a self perceived woman inside and rather just a feminine man who likes feminine aspects?
Many people live in such a closed box of stereotypes that they don't realize you can just be you biologically and naturally, and that you can express yourself how you want.
@@Jane-ow7sr not all will accept that and it's fine. If I imagine a woman doing nothing, just existing (this is to rid ourselves from the social role / interests and focus on the baseline), and then consider her energy, eyes, overall feeling etc., it just feels like home. It's maybe kinda similar to when you read a very good book and your relationship with the world and characters does not feel like detached "spectation" anymore, it touches your being.
That said, I don't think the "soul", meaning the conscious core of existence, is gendered. That happens on some lower level. If I was brought up on an island with only men around, I of course couldn't "identify as a woman" because I would have no mental image of one. I would probably still feel out of place, and find different ways of coping. I find it quite possible that the brain, during pregnancy, may develop some gendered elements that "expect" a certain type of sexed body. Sapolsky, a Stanford neurobiologist, has talked about something similar in UA-cam. But I cannot prove this of course for myself.
@@Jane-ow7sr I of course am a male (edit: alright, man!) with feminine wiring. On an internal level, I think I've pretty well dropped all limiting masculine stereotypes but living in a society requires some compromise. I have tried to integrate this "feeling like a woman" thing to a more allowing box of masculinity. I don't that much feel the Jekyll & Hyde aspect mentioned in the vid, maybe because I've never tried to pass as a woman, and consider myself pretty integrated. Still, some more mental work is clearly needed.
@@JohnSmith-nm1jk again, what is female wiring, what is feeling like a woman when you are not born or raised a woman. How would you a borna nd raised man, have any clue what feeling and being a woman is outside of your own perception and society's perception of women.
You simply can't, masculinity and femininity do not dictate the experience of womanhood or manhood.
I don't think you're really listening to what I'm writing, just a personal observation but it seems you are unsatisfied with the logical conclusion/solution that you are just a more feminine leaning man and you want to be more than a possible autogynephilic fetishist because you see it as shameful to be such.
@@JohnSmith-nm1jk it seems UA-cam deleted my comment so I'll just shorten my response.
Your excuses are void and proving what I previously said about applying your perception of woman onto yourself instead of knowing what womanhood actually is.
To shorten the rest: you're in denial of your own feminine leanings and femininity and masculinity don't equal womanhood and manhood,
Man, I feel for you on that dilemma between embracing your maleness and preserving a feminine appearance for cross dressing, and it just dawned on me how cruel(?) the implications are. You have an erotic attraction to your cross-dressing avatar, but if you change your appearance more to the way *you* want to look, suddenly the woman in the mirror, to whom you're attracted, turns into a butch woman you're not attracted to. 🤔
In a less surreal way, it's sort of like some movie where the lead character is captured by his alter-ego/split personality. Except in this case, it's not the alter-ego controlling you and holding you back from doing something for yourself; rather, you'd be holding yourself back to protect the avatar you're attracted to...and thereby protecting yourself. 😵💫
It's pretty hard to put myself in that position, but I'm guessing that if you lose the image of 'Rachel', it would be a big deal, since There's only one of 'you' to be attracted to. 🤔
Unless I'm wrong and could still be fulfilled without cross dressing, but I imagine if it were that easy this wouldn't even be a topic.
Just after I said that, you said "Jekyll and Hyde" - that's what I was thinking....except I had Ed Norton and Tyler Durden in mind. 😅
Also interesting that you went on to describe two personalities fighting over you - one wanting to be effeminate and one wanting to be masculine. That framing is different from the one I presented above, in which it's Ray who wants to be masculine, but also Ray who still wants *Rachel* - as the object of his attraction - to be effeminate. Since you don't have a split personality, Rachel is never in the 'driving seat' in my interpretation.
I admire your honesty and I also think that accepting your body and yourself without drugs (or with as few as possible) has got to be the healthy way both physically and mentally. Regarding AGP, I don't understand why so many individuals change their whole lives because of it . . . maybe I'm missing the point but why can't cross dressing just be something you enjoy privately in the bedroom?
The way the wiring works, we are attracted to the idea of ourselves as women. I believe it is an orientation unto itself, there's so much to it. When I am her, I experience the feeling of being loved. It's incredibly appealing, transition is. Who wouldn't want to feel loved all day every day? It's a helluva thing to have, this AGP
Thought provoking
@@boogiemcsploogie Sounds like me when I was addicted to a certain substance.. It felt better than anything but also was total hell at the same time to submit everything else to that „need“, to give in and feel helpless and resignated. Only the relief and the power of overcoming it was better although it was tough too. Is there a tendency to raise „the dose“ too in AGP? I can imagine at first there might be joy from beginning to live/act it out, first a bit, then more and more (->transition?) until there‘s no way to further intensify. Then what when you reach the ultimate extreme of „femininity“, whatever it migh mean for a man, I don‘t know. Or is my comparison w addiction not relatable at all? What do you think?
Connection with your body. Glad you're doing well. Looking gorgeous xxx
When you say "philia", do you only mean attraction/feeling hot or is it also satisfying, does it feel "right"?
After watching some of your videos and others on AGP, maybe a good way to possibly handle it could be something like using a female avatar in VR, playing female characters in video games/RPGs, writing stories with female protagonists etc. Do you believe this could possibly be a good way to still enjoy and get immersed in femininity, but not have the negative psychological effects of needing to pass in real life? If it needs to be in real life, maybe usage of things like silicone body suits often used for crossdressing could help. Cosplaying characters at conventions like anime and stuff can also possibly be help, because people would not view you as "other" in that situation. Just interested in this because I have seen things like VR, where people often use female avatars and voice changers to depict a character or persona.
Good luck on the Clomid. I was on that for awhile. Unfortunately, not only did it not produce the expected results, but my gonadotropins were testing in the opposite direction. That was the first hint that I had a tumor or other problem in the hypothalamus-pituitary axis. (My pituitary is also undersized; it is not empty sella syndrome.) I was likely born with my problems there, which makes sense given my developmental history.
Thanks be God for saving you from self-harm.
Is agp on a spectrum? I assumed that AGPs would have no interest in having a relationship with anyone. Does AGP feel natural to you? Do you think this happened to you at the point of puberty or birth? Many say they have been agp before puberty. Do you think this is true or do you think it’s just being said to justify transition? Appreciate your thoughts.
How are you treating your AG?
Best of luck on your fertility journey honey and thank you so much for sharing clear, honest information on these issues. I think physically, you would do best to focus on your health rather than bulking up or not. Hugs 💕
Also, isn't it interesting how when you start to question the gender stuff, ALL the woke stuff starts to seem a little off? I used to be 100% in the woke, progressive camp, but I have really changed. Love listening to you as always.
Had there been no negative side health effects of hormones, would you have kept yourself as a trans woman?
They say that the high rates of depression, and even suicide, among trans people is due to having to deal with society’s transphobia. Ray’s story casts doubt on that rhetoric.
I respect you very much for being open, honest, and just cool. I'm trans and must say that I can't relate to your experience with being trans at all. I would be the "h*mos*xual transgender to your AGP. Everything feminine comes naturally to me, and I had to learn to act "male" when I was a boy. To me, it makes perfect sense that you detransitioned because you are attracted to women and didn't seem to desire the surgery. You are lucky that you can accept your male-ness. That's something I'll never be able to do.
For both males and females, estrogen is a carcinogen. I knew the daughter of a man who did the surgeries and hormones from about age 50, then in his early 60s died of cancer. These iatrogenic harms are ignored by doctors, for the most part, putting patients at risk.
That’s so sad. If you don’t mind me asking, what type of cancer did he have?
so is testosterone, but you need one or the other or your bones will fall apart
What specifically inspired you to go public on UA-cam?
Good for you!!! You're very masculine and good looking!!! Changing that is anti nature. Glad you found a sensitive woman who understands you well. As a man, you're super attractive, articulated, and sweet. Congrats!
I am always sad to hear trans women say they pass at a much higher rate than they actually do. It’s a delusion that, out of being polite, most of the world is indulging. It’s terribly sad.
You know, you could have just went for monotherapy injections. No AAs, no real need for bloodtests after you learn what dose is right for you, no daily pills. Just 1 injection per week and you're done. I almost forgot I was on hrt after switching to injections
I detransed 1.5 years ago, but I'm ironically taking much more meds now just to stop myself from going bald
Be cautious if what you're taking is Finasteride. It's a known carcinogen and has other iatrogenic affects, as per Post-Finasteride Syndrome Foundation.
Nothing wrong with being bald. You can do a lot of cool shit with a bald head
@@Jane-ow7sr Hairloss was one of the major reasons I transitioned in the first place. Watching myself go bald hurts me mentally. That's why I take half a dozen meds for it now
@@xenoamrwhat do you take? Are u dutasteride master race?
@@LunarVamp Finasteride 5mg, dutasteride 0.5mg, oral minoxidil 5mg, stemoxydine, microneedling pen
We’d love to hear your wife’s perspective on your journey.
You are not passing. You are you.
detransition is the weirdest form of self harm ive come across
nah my life detransed is 10x better than when I was trans identified.
This whole thing seems insane ...I'm an old lady and trying to understand gender Identity and transitioning and detransitioning and then the idea of being "attaching to the medical community" because that is what identity biology is all about - wow and then accepting what you are born with is so much less exhausting so much less superficial ... So no more just teying to pass...
Wow, I recognize you from when you were trans identified. Congrats on seeing the truth! Thanks for mentioning autogynephilia. So many people try to pretend it doesn’t exist. I believe you can heal from being AGP. Good luck to you!
Close shave! Excuse the punn. Good on you for being skeptical and not believing the medical lies- living authentically and naturally is definitely much easier than going the opposite way. Great video and should be shared to enlighten others who are on dangerous transitioning paths.
Thanks for looking at both sides! Refreshing to see. And inspiring too 😊
Thank you so much! 🙏
Before hearing about this gender stuff, I felt some curiosity about feeling female. Seeing some amazing celebrity impersonators inspired me to take up the challenge of seeing a passable I could appear. Then, the trans stuff began in the public domain. I had meanwhile been content knowing that I could always take off the costume. Learning how to become more passable was a healthy way of growing intellectually. So, I’m proud not to have gone the chemical route. It’s a hobby, like acting, stage illusion and cosplay.
Brave man!
May the Good Lord have mercy on you and grant you total healing and restore your fertility! Draw closer to Him (God) and He will make the way when there seem to be no way!
Natural is better and will lead you to your authentic self. You are also wise to focus on your physical health and avoid a medicalized life controlled by big pharma. I admire your journey to reach these insights.
It might be interesting to read Lao Tzu and study Taoist philosophy. There are some common threads.
Thanks also for your honesty about autogynophilia.
I read a lot of Taoism in undergrad and it is definitely the foundational ground upon which the rest of my psycho-spiritual alignment has grown. It’s been really influential on me and stuck with me all these years.
15:31 if you go with the manly man option and get ripped, feel free to share some progress pics/thirst traps for those of us _male gays_ with the _male gaze._
People tend to conflate masculinity with being male, as they likewise conflate femininity with being female. Of course naturally producing hormones-- Estrogen and Testosterone-- have a distinct influence on physicality, appearance, and even a lot of behaviors (especially considering a female's cycle, wherein Estrogen waxes and wans in accordance to the time in the cycle, and men's Testosterone fluctuates from day to day). But I believe that the concept of masculinity and femininity is really just energy, like Yin Yang-- not in opposition, but should be working together. Every person, male and female, have varying degrees of masculine and feminine energy. Thus what feels like conflict for you is your mix of energies trying to work together and find peace. Social norms restrict certain presentations of your feminine energy (not going into biological womens' spaces) and that should be understandable, acceptable.
As for whatever drug you're taking to get testosteone levels up, stop. Look at diet, stop eating chicken (which is pumped full of hormones). Research the animal food that is full of hormones and stop eating it. Your body will self-correct.
Thanks for the informal download!
I think you’re ready to let go of. The idea of what is feminine. You think it’s not possible to be feminine as a muscular man.
You can totally rock your man self and enjoy dressing up sometimes.
It sounds like you matured your way out of it.
Excellent.
Thanks for listening
@@RayAlexWilliams an aspect of detransitioning that does not get much coverage is what is involved medically in detransitioning. It is something that you discussed.
Are there peoole who are unable to detransition ?
Guuurl u can be androgynous have fun play safe and kudos for learning to accept yourself. Mama Ru tried to teach us all but we don’t listen. “We are all born neked and the rest is draaaag.” - Ru
This should be everyone’s anthem:
Who you waitin' for?
Another savior
Always lookin' but you never find, never find
Wakin' up from another night gone
Always lookin' but you never find, never find
Goin' downtown
You know where you goin'
Throw your top down
Like you know where you goin'
Tell me one thing
Do you like where you goin'?
Running all the red lights
And I said, who?
Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?
I'm tellin' the truth now
We're all born naked
And the rest is drag
Who?
Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?
I'm tellin' the truth now
We're all born naked
And the rest is drag
A lonely highway
You drove the wrong way
Always chasin' down a fantasy, fantasy
A sexy muscle car, under the radar
Always looking but you never see, never see
Goin' downtown
You know where you goin'
Throw your top down
Like you know where you goin'
Tell me one thing
Do you like where you goin'?
Ignoring all of the signs
And I said, who?
Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?
I'm tellin' the truth now
We're all born naked
And the rest is drag
Who?
Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?
I'm tellin' the truth now
We're all born naked
And the rest is drag
I'll say it again
It's never been the clothes that make the man
Nothing can
Leave all ya baggage behind
And I said who
Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?
I'm tellin' the truth now
We're all born naked
And the rest is drag
Who?
Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?
I'm tellin' the truth now
We're all born naked
And the rest is drag
Who?
Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?
I'm tellin' the truth now
We're all born naked
And the rest is drag
Let me tell you the truth! (Who do you think you are)
Who do you think you are?
I'm tellin' the truth now
We're all born naked
And the rest is drag
Talkin' 'bout you are born naked and the rest is drag
Shit!
Yeahhh I don't think that's helpful advice
@@Jane-ow7sr it is helpful advice 😊
@@jacksonmcnuggets7488 your say so doesn't make it so.
You cannot do it alone (without God)
I thought AGP was debunked? *googles*
It’s not.
My experiences are so much different from yours. I have never been swayed to be a woman. I don't consider myself a woman or a transwoman. I have gender dysphoria. Whether it be a disorder or some neurological symptom associated with my spine, it doesn't concern me. I don't particularly appreciate having gender dysphoria. It is not pleasant. Estradiol reduces this sensation, and that is all I care about. The patch is just annoying but manageable. Thank you for sharing your experience.
Transitioning because of autogynefilia feels extremely misogynistic and disrespectful to me, being a woman isn't a sexual feeling, it has nothing to do with with sex or sexuality, a person who transitions because it makes them horny has no idea what being a woman is and how it affects a persons life.
I agree to that being a woman isn't a sexual feeling, but this is more complicated than you think, and AGP truly makes people confused and suffer. Please don't blame these people for the feelings they have. We are all trying to figure out this thing together as individuals and as a society
Ray mentions he has autogynephilia and healing from his gender dysphoria. Is autogynephilia one thing and gender dysphoria another?
To me, autogynephilia is more about cross dressing and getting a sexual rush about yourself as a woman. Gender dysphoria for a MtoF trans person is more about wanting to live full time as a woman, wanting to be treated as a woman, wanting a woman's body including breasts and a vagina, sensing that you are actually a woman and you are in the wrong body.
I think it is important to be clear about what is autogynephilia and gender dysphoria. It is very important to help people decide if transitioning is right for them.
Autogynephilia is one of the primary causes of gender dysphoria.
@@RayAlexWilliams Causation is a very powerful concept. I would not say autogynephilia causes gender dysphoria. I acknowledge, the two may move together in some way.
It is very complicated and different for everyone. Also, how people experience their understood gender identity can change once they begin exploring it.
In my opinion, labelling someone autogynephilic should not be a criterion for deciding if transition is right for them. Certainly, if they experience gender dysphoria, transition is an important option to consider.
I think the experience of detransitioners who claim to be autogynphelic is used to argue that being trans is a sexual perversion that delegitimizes trans people and their desire, and most often, need to transition.
Whether an adult has dysphoria or not, or is sexually aroused at the thought of being a woman, it is up to them to decide if they would be happier transitioning MtoF. For kids, if they identify strongly as other than their birth gender, trained professionals should be consulted to determine if transition is right for them.
@@marti7343 AGP and being trans and wanting to transition is not mutually exclusive. In fact, I'd argue they are one and the same, and people just experience it in different ways and to different degrees. For those for whom it causes the most suffering, transitioning is probably the best thing to do, as long as their health permits it. Even Blanchard who made the AGP typology advocated for transitioning to be used and covered by insurance as a treatment option.
@@karolakkolo123 Many people transition and do not have AGP. Many transitioners feel their bodies and identities do not match. It is called gender dysphoria. Non-trans people have a hard time making sensing of it. It has nothing to do with what trans people are attracted to sexually. There may be people out there who are AGP, but it is inaccurate to think most people who choose transition are AGP.
Every trans person's journey is unique. Creating labels and putting us in categories based on some kind of sexual inclination does us a disservice. It just is not that simple. Spend some time with trans people and that becomes very clear.
The DSM criteria for understanding gender dysphoria is way more useful than Blanchard's typology in helping trans people understand what is happening with them and getting the support they need.
@@marti7343 Well, if you say so
drugs...
First!