Your wife deserves a lot of gratitude. Her ability to love you for who you are definitely has helped you to heal a lot of your childhood shame. Thanks for the video.
@@Gingerblaze It always amazes me how anyone can believe to find the true self could be achieved by altering the body w extremely invasive surgeries and by suppressing a huge part or process of the whole physical & mental system we are. ( cross sex hormones) And the same ppl think to stay the way we are was considered suppression and denial…I‘m really wondering how we got there as a society. I‘m happy for this guy that he figured it all out and can be the man he is and accepting his preference for feminine men. Absolutely nothing wrong with that! I like more feminine men myself😂 Not all feminine men are gay, luckily, so it‘s not too hard to find one;)
@@877swissmiss This isn't just a belief, many people HAVE found their true self through these surgeries and through hormone replacement therapy. We are real and our feelings are valid. This man was never a trans woman and he admits that here. He never felt like a woman. He never wanted to live life as a woman. No trans person ever thinks that people comfortable in their biological sex are in denial or suppressing their true self. Trans people are rare and gender dysphoria is a real medical diagnosis that we struggle with. Its hard to imagine not being comfortable with your biological sex, and not understand how you could feel an incongruency when you don't experience it yourself. This does not mean that we don't exist. Just like there's nothing wrong with being a feminine man, there's nothing wrong with realizing the effects of your biology not lining up with how you feel inside and how you want to live.
I wanted to be a boy in grade 1 and just discovered (via Subconscious Imprinting) that it was because I had enough experiences by age 6 to realize boys have all the power. I am a very feminine woman - thank goodness that was in 1992 because it would be terrible to have been transitions as a child, just to turn out feminine. I never really wanted to be a boy - there are often deep psychological reasons why we have these cravings and for me, it had to do with being powerless and I wanted to protect myself (mentally/physically abusive father). I no longer feel this way (age 36).
Oh yes - me too. Was the only girl between all brothers and had a raging, abusive alcoholic father that would beat the crap out of my tiny little mother on an almost daily basis. By age 5, I figured being a girl was too dangerous, and easily chose to be a tomboy and hang out with my brothers and their friends. This was in the 70's and fortunately there was no push to get kids to transition. They just accepted that I was a girl that liked to do typically masculine activities.
No crazy family drama (depending on how you feel about Catholics), but it was clear from the get go that being male was being privileged. That was back when the surgery might not even have been possible? I’m not sure how long the techniques have been out there.
This video is so important!! Thank you for being so honest about your experience the world would be a better place if more people felt they could be this honest
As an FTM who transitioned 10 years ago, I can empathize to an extent the self reflection and doubt that you experienced. It is definitely easier to live in society if one passes according to the local and contemporary norms. I'm glad you found the lifestyle that fits you
Appreciate the willingness to share something vulnerable that really sheds a lot of light on a phenomenon that many people find confusing or have lots of misconceptions about. I'm really glad you sorted out your health and am happy you found a loving partner in marriage along the way. I think you now understand and accept yourself better than ever. To me it sounds like you've got it figured out for real now. It's a beautiful thing!
Thank you! Yes, it’s been a long journey of self-reflection to get to where I am today (“Know thyself”) but I feel like I finally have my head on straight and understand the true reality of my gender situation without shame or confusion.
I’d love to hear your wife’s perspective on this. My partner discovered he was sexually aroused wearing women’s clothes, and decided this meant he must be a woman. I can’t help but see this as deeply misogynistic-being female is not a sexual identity for men. The fact that he insists his arousal makes him a woman led to us splitting. I am happy for him to wear whatever clothes he likes, but I find it offensive that he thinks his distinctly male behavior (AGP) somehow makes him the same as me, or other women.
My wife has a very unique perspective on all this. I’d also love for people to get to hear her speak because she is quite intelligent and is well educated on this topic. As for your ex-partner, I think precisely because there is so much shame surrounding AGP this leads to denial and a total lack of self-understanding which can then lead to confabulation and latching onto certain metaphysical identity claims as a causal explanation for one’s experience instead of knowing what’s really behind these experiences. That’s partly why I’m sharing my story: the more it becomes destigmatized then the more it can factor into people understanding themselves in an objective, rational manner without necessarily violating deeper principles of basic epistemology.
@@RayAlexWilliams Exactly! All of these types of gender and sexuality issues that people have is from the shame of & the stigmatization FROM religious and hetero-normative society telling us we are wrong! If we were taken as human beings with our own stories and not treated as freaks, from important people in our lives and those who have power, then we wouldn't feel like pretending to be someone else & not living authentically, while lying to others. Thankfully things are changing mostly for the better (Well, not in the red states in America, but elsewhere in America and most of the western world)
The way I perceive your story is that you have autogyneaphilia, which is perfectly fine! I can't for the life of me get why your therapist didn't pick up on this, but pushed you immediately into the trans direction. I'm very happy you found your wife, who is supportive of you!
My therapist at the time didn’t know any better. She was swept up in the zeitgeist which was that crossdressers are probably just trans in denial. She didn’t know any better and I didn’t know any better. But ultimately I don’t have regrets. It’s brought me to a good place now where I am happy in my body.
Well autogynephilia is just a symptom. It does not elucidate a deeper truth. There are a lot of cis women and trans women who have it and there are cis men who can have it as well. In my opinion, the question is wether your autogynephilia feels like another part of your male gender identity or wether it feels like a pathway to a deep feeling of incongruence. What do you think?
@@a_g_n_a_0o I’m a WOMAN thank you, I’m not CIS. We already have a term for trans woman, so why exactly do we need one for just A WOMAN insult. And aren’t you people always really concerned to make sure no one’s insulted? Always seems like it’s AOK to insult the women….just not trans women I guess huh. 🙄😮💨
As a trans woman with an entirely different story and no intention of detransitioning, I appreciate you and your story! Life is grey, not black and white, and people need to learn of a variety of experiences to better understand that. After reading some comments, I think it’s unfortunate some people will see your truth as an attack or use it as justification for their anti-trans views. That’s not what I saw in the video! Live and let live
I don’t think people who detransition ever had any intent on detransitioning. I’ve listened to countless detransitioner stories, almost all were certain they’d be trans for the rest of their lives… until they weren’t. It can happened to anyone.
@eliza4549 exactly. For the vast majority of the 8 years I IDed as trans and took hormones the thought of detransition never even entered my mind. It was only recently through conversations with my wife and listening to detrans stories that the very concept of detransition became a viable pathway towards happiness and not just some “rare statistical anomaly” that happens to other people when their transition goes horribly wrong. I needed a possibility model that made detransition a positive step forward and not just a drastic last resort.
I see the adoption and promotion of the word Transgender as having been done unethically and criminally so. They were on the right path with transsexual care. Making distinctions between sexual orientation and I don't think that even went far enough. There are gay and homosexual identified males that transition. I think they have far more in common with AGP's then they'd like to admit. I don't hate AGP's I just think Transgender really caters to it and fetishism and fetishizing transsexualism. Real Transsexuals don't self- identify as transwomen, transgender. or even transsexual they identify as women. They don't hang out in gay bars either. @@RayAlexWilliams
The number of CDers who get called "eggs" is frustrating. When did CDing become invalid? It seems pretty common for TG people to tell CDers they're the same thing and I sure hope it's not, lol.
@@ewetn1Quotes/Quotation marks. Put in quotation marks because they aren't actually, and it's a colloquialism. A lot of folks on trans forums on reddit call crossdressers eggs., stemming from an absolute misconception of what crossdressers are. It's gross because it's suggesting "Everyone who likes to wear the opposite genders clothing MUST be trans", which.. is kind of a harmful thing to think. Apparently an "Egg" is a trans person who doesn't realize they're trans yet. Eg, calling people "in the closet" despite not knowing them, their story, their journey, etc. It's exhausting to deal with.
Your story is very similar to my husbands story. The difference is that my husband never transitioned. But he has a similar history of crossdressing fantasies as a boy and wore his mother's clothes secretly as a child. He also stole my clothes. I've had no idea. I'm still with him. He's not living out his crossdressing fantasy but I know he's doing it in private. And that's okay for me because I know his desire cames in phases and it's not always about arousal it's also about relax and unwind. But for me it's disturbing that what he thinks being like a woman and wearing what he thinks is looking like a woman makes him excited aroused and comfortable. I don't like to watch him because I find it very disturbing. I like him as a man. And I would like him to see him as the man I see in him and that it's great to be just male. He doesn't need to wear women's lingerie to be and feel sexy. He can be a sexy man and that's it. But I know that there is this desire this fantasies and I think that will never leave him. And we're trying to figure it out to deal with it and stay together at the same time. Not always easy. For both sides because there was a time at the beginning as I found out his secret when I realised that he was hoping for some role-playing and me participating in his "hobby". But that's not for me. I've never dreamed of feminised men. I'm attracted to male men who are comfortable in being just male. Something I've never thought it needs to be said but it's true. Some people think that everybody has a little interest in bisexual activities but that it's not for me. I am into men and maleness and women and femininity are my part of the story and not my target of attraction. I hope that all makes sense. English isn't my native language. I am from Germany. I wonder where this desire came from in the first place. There are so much similarities in all the stories. I heard so many of them the last year's since I researching it. The patterns are obvious but I am still asking why? Not every boy does this. It's not a common behaviour. I have a clue about my husbands background but it's very special and individual. I can't speak for everyone. I wonder if you have a clue where it came from in the first place. There is an other UA-cam channel from an other honest AGP and he made a video about his history and his guess where his desire grew up as a child into adulthood. It would be interesting if you could talk about that some day. I think it could give some more useful insights for everybody who's dealing with this issue no matter from which perspective. So thanks again. I'll watch your other videos as well in the next days if I'm having enough time and peace.
I'm so sorry for what you and your husband are going through! 💕 Your husband and others like this had to have experienced some childhood violation (violation comes in different shapes and sizes). Childhood experiences leave lasting imprints. Poor children! One can indulge the imprint or try to overcome it. It's easier to stay in the hole and even dig deeper, than work to climb out. It's not easy, my heart goes out to those who are hurting! Don't let pity compromise what you know is right, this can't help him and it will only hurt you. Jesus says, "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” 🌟 (Matthew 11:28-29) I pray you both will turn to the Lord and you can find freedom in Christ and rest for your souls. ❤️ Here are two resources which would support you with a wise, loving, healthy worldview... • Allie Beth Stuckey alliebethstuckey.com/ • Truth For Life with pastor Alistair Begg, a wise and kind man: www.truthforlife.org/about/about-alistair-begg/ here are his daily devotionals: www.truthforlife.org/devotionals/alistair-begg/archive/
I think this is nothing but the product of society who's telling men from the very young age that there's something wrong in their behaviour 🤔 For eg. if u noticed the boys who's mom constantly tell them " don't be like your father "n they grew up with " I don't want to be like my father" mental gymnastics which hurt them immensely. This type of men started hating every good thing about being a man automatically. They become uncomfortable in their own skin which results into this type of behaviour
I do feel for you I will admit with all we hear about Bruce Jenner the manliest man out there and he now is Caitlyn we all wondered about our own husbands. I for one could not deal with it . I commend the wife of this man. I wouldn’t engage in role play and yes I would find it selfish to the marriage. This runs deep . It’s bizarre for those of us who don’t have these fetishes. That said my brother was caught at a young age trying on my mother’s girdle . He did turn out bi sexual, mostly gay but he once told me that he had flashbacks of assault when very young . He never told me who but it was a family menber . He has since passed and we never got to speak more about it. I wonder if you can get hypnotized against these thoughts. I think you owe it to your spouse if they want that.
Thanks for explaining this. Gender Critical women don’t seem to understand that many of these tendencies start in childhood, it doesn’t mean you’re sexualizing children to discuss this, it’s part of development. If we don’t talk about it then we can’t reach the truth of the matter
Thank you for your openess. I feel a lot of gratitude towards you for doing this. I'd love to 'meet' your amazing wife too. I'm so glad you've managed to largely untangle some of the obviously very difficult conflicting feelings, desires and reactions you have been having and find a path that works well for you. You appear relaxed, somewhat content and like you've found the secret elixir of life (maybe you have?!) I wish for all us beings to have the tools and thought processes to enable us to find our true (and beneficial) happiness. Love from 'across the pond.'
thank you so much for your honesty and also that you don't seem to be blaming anyone for transitioning or detransitioning, that's so refreshing. we are all on a journey and some of us have a more complicated and winding path than others. self discoveries and "mistakes" (seems like the wrong word) are just part of life. and men shouldn't be ashamed to like women's clothing. it shouldn't mean as much as it does. it's just cloth that comes in different shapes, colors and textures.
Wonderful video! One of my former lovers was a crossdresser in private who identified as "he.". In private he was trans and outside the bedroom he was very "masculine.". Your video helps me understand him much better. This was real informative.
As someone who identified as FtM for a little over a year, I really empathize with how you said the pendulum swung waaaay back for you after initially detransitioning. I have always been masculine and I think it was somewhat connected to a sexual desire even though it seems to be less so than it typically is for males with cross-dressing sexual desires (I hypothesize that it's because masculine women are more normalized and not as deeply shamed in society). But yeah initially after I detransitioned and identified as a woman again, accepting my female-ness so to speak, I bought a skirt for the first time, I wasn't "feminine" per se but I was more than I ever have been. Now I'm back to my usual self I'd say, just being how I was before transition but with a lot of the underlying issues resolved. Being gender non-conforming is something that still needs to be normalized, especially for males. Anyways, I thank you for sharing your story, it's really fascinating to hear! I will be sure to keep up with you on UA-cam and Twitter!
Thanks for sharing. These topics are so incredibly complicated and stressful in our culture right now - it's such a breath of fresh air to hear people just being frank and straightforward about their experiences. Appreciate your thoughts!
Thank you for your brave memoir. As a man, I think the rigidity of male socialization drives some of the trans phenomenon. Many boys and men are raised to believe that if a male wears dainty clothes or makeup, enjoys cooking and sewing, or works as an elementary teacher or nurse, that person is hardly a man anymore. What is needed is to expand our understanding of what masculinity includes, not to label these men as somehow “really” feminine.
Thanks for your honesty and humility and willingness to grow. These things will serve you well. There’s not a thing wrong with being a fem man. You’re still a man. I’m a slightly masculine woman. I’m married to a man. I appreciate that I am very much a woman, but accept that I have some masculine qualities. I am no less a woman. This whole trans craze, imo, is very unhealthy. There needs to be de-stigmatizing and acceptance of the fact that not everyone is hyper masculine or hyper feminine. You can’t change your sex. You who nature made you, either male or female. But you can express and identify parts of you that relate to typically opposite sex things and ways of being and that’s ok.
I’m a man and I agree. I also think that male socialization into gender roles may be more rigid. For example, many female service staff wear traditionally male clothing such as neckties and tuxedo shirts. For men, wearing a skirt or dress, makeup, etc is still quite taboo.
It's awesome to hear someone speaking so honestly from the heart. I feel like we're seeing the weight lift from your shoulders with the knowledge that you can be anything you want. The feminine man or masculine man, wearing what you want when you want. Society doesn't need to put people in particular boxes with particular labels. We should all be free to dress and behave individually. If we're not hurting anyone why should it be anyone else's business. You're very blessed to have a loving wife to support you 🙏
IMO, when trans goes wrong it's a societal issue. We tell straight men that cross dressing is shameful so its natural to want to alleviate that. In that situation, going from "shameful cross dresser" to "empowered trans women" makes sense. One is currently being uplifted and the other is not. THEN add that our society's obsession with ONLY one type of male, the very masculine type, then anyone who doesn't fit that starts to literally feel NOT man enough. So it's easy to see how these two things could compound into an outlet like identifying as trans. The solution is more representation for what being a man is. Men can cross dress AND men can be hypermasculine or hyperfeminine and still be MEN. That doesn't take away your dude-card.
It's shameful and sexual harassment to engage in this behavior in public. It's like wearing bondage gear in public or to work. It is only a matter of time before people start filing sexual harassment lawsuits at work against men who engage in this behavior. Also if you want to do this in your home with your partner who also consents that's fine. Privacy and consent are fine. Keep your sex life at home. Stop subjecting people to it. Doing so is sexual harassment. Simple as that.
Appreciate your story and thank you for sharing. One thing I will say is try not to go back & forth because it will just increase your dissatisfaction and you will feel like you want to go back or you will never feel fully like yourself. Nothing is hardwired in us. Be well.
Such a beautiful and healthy way to integrate all the different facets of yourself into a cohesive identity which ens and flows with your connection to yourself. I applaud you in finding this way to be in your world. I think it would be great if you discussed your process in a little more detail so others can understand that they don’t have to go through body and mind altering medication and surgical procedures in order to satisfy their need to express and experience the other parts of themselves which don’t align with their natural physiology. I am blown away by how you have come to such an authentic and balanced way to be, a way where you don’t have to abandon any part of yourself but still are free to explore and express whatever feels right for you. Shame is a self inflicted prison and most people don’t understand that they are in full control of the key. My deepest respect.
Maybe your experiences will help other being able to find themselves without necessarily having to transition into another physical being. I don't fully understand this, but it is fascinating and worth sharing to educate others about our differences. I'm glad you are finding your true self, Ray!
This was such a candid video, and I think everybody can find a reason to appreciate the openness you've shared here. I'll try to keep controversy from my comment here just as you did your video, but I wanted to say that it's a little sad for me to see the sort of hard-line stance pushed today when it comes to femininity and masculinity. When I was a little girl I was considered a Tomboy, and while a Tomgirl (not sure there was ever really a name for the opposite) was never socially acceptable, I think if it were things might be a little different today. There's absolutely nothing wrong with anybody embracing femininity or masculinity, and I don't think swaying in one direction or the other means that one must be of that socially associated gender. I'm a generally masculine woman who has never worn makeup and prefers comfortable, practical attire; I liked Ninja Turtles and Hot Wheels over Barbie and sometimes threw on a baseball cap and wondered if I'd make a cute boy. But that doesn't mean I have to be a trans man. I can be a masculine woman and that's fine. Just as you can be a feminine man and that's fine too. At any rate, thank you so much for sharing this. I hope if anybody else has a similar experience they are able to find this video and take comfort in your words. 💜
Good comment. I have a very similar feeling. I grew up in the 80s, and as far as I was aware (not much, as I was a kid) it seemed like we were trying to move away from "don't cook, you're a boy" and "go inside, you're a girl" ideas. I was in an all-girl family and my mom loved pink, but we didn't really have a lot of pink stuff, as toys tended to be primary colours. And we had hot wheels and Lego and tinker toys as well as a play kitchen and tiny dishes and doll clothes. My parents were perhaps a little more open-minded than some of the parents in our rural community, but nothing very out of the ordinary. Now with my kids, I'm always shocked at the "pink aisle" and "blue aisle" in stores. Obviously they're trying to make double the money off families with both boys and girls, but the message of "we're different, and if you like blue you're a boy and if you like pink you're a girl" is very strong. We'd never be able to do now what we did as kids, where my stuff was yellow and my sister's was red. EVERYTHING has at least a bit of pink in it. My cousin's favourite colour was pink until he was teased in kindergarten. And I was mad about him feeling like he had to do that, and my parents agreed with me that it wasn't fair that he didn't get to like pink just because he was a boy. And I was a tomboy and although I didn't wish to be a boy, I didn't want to grow up to be a woman and would rather be a man. This absolutely had to do with the power imbalance I'd noticed, especially around house chores, which I tried to avoid by running outside to help Daddy carry things and collect the firewood and take care of the cats.
I really appreciate this. I have a great deal of sympathy for trans widows, women who have had horrible experiences and been abused by men who have this tendency and insist that their wives go along with it all. But I also know of some couples who are able to accept this aspect of the man's sexual desires and seem to do very well.... so I don't think it's fair to paint every AGP man with the same, abusive brush. I hope more men like yourself get open about this because I agree that as long as you practice your sexual desires in an adult, consensual relationship, there is nothing shameful in them at all.
Gay, late 30s guy here. Growing up, I was shown pornography by my older brother at a time when he was already going through puberty and i wasn't yet. I think i was about ten or eleven. He thought he was doing me a favour, but i was always a late bloomer, very sensitive and my parents were extremely non tech savvy, so my brother was able to show me how to remove the internet history, cookies etc so hide what we were doing. He showed me what to do then would leave me to it because obv the rest is private ie you do that by yourself. What he didn't know though, was that i was looking at pics of males and females having s e x and becoming aroused by the men, and wanting to be the female. I started to look at trans porn as a 11 year old out of homophobia for myself, because at that time in the 90s, being gay was super bad, so that became my outlet i guess. I've been addicted to pornography ever since. As an adult, even when i used to be in relationships (with men - i don't find women attractive), i would only be able to finish by imagining i was a female whilst having s e x with them. Nowadays my daily life is a struggle to not start hrt, because i know it's just a sex thing, but I'm inching closer and closer, despite zero dysphoria (other than during sex) and when not in the mood i don't care either way. I don't feel attraction anymore either, my testosterone is chronically low and I'm overweight, bald, hairy and unhealthy. I just wish mum and dad had known about conputer settings, or that i told on my brother, but it's like giving candy to a child. It tastes good, and if telling mum and dad means you don't get your fix, you wouldn't tell. I am turned on by cross dressing too, although in the gay community it's seen as strangely taboo also, like if you aren't hyper masculine you are worthless. I ping between wanting to be a gender non conforming man on estrogen while socially being male, vs being a thinner, muscular dude who is the envy of other gay men and presenting as a male. It's very confusing. Whenever I'm aroused i feel this way. Sigh.
I think you would benefit from reading Phil Illy's new book "Autoheterosexual" to understand the quirks of your sexuality because he talks about gay men who get turned on by crossdressing and thoughts of themselves as female.
@@RayAlexWilliams one of the things that I've noted that i don't seem to fall into is, I'm a homosexual. A man attracted to men only. Agp males are for some reason known as being attracted to females. Everything about agp lines up with me except for that one thing. I don't think who you're attracted to is even relevant, all that's relevant from my pov is that an agp person imagine themselves as the opposite sex for arousal. I'm reading the book now. Maybe it will answer to that more? Edit: and I'm very un-feminine. I'm very masculine in appearance.
@stephen6279 Phil Illy accounts for that. in studies they’ve done, about 15% of exclusively male-attracted transsexuals have AGP-like fantasies and arousal patterns. This shows exclusively male-attracted people can have AGP fantasies. The theory is that for some men, AGP becomes dominant sexually and the “meta attraction” to being treated like a woman by men takes over and this can lead to AGPs who exclusively date men, thus qualifying as being gay, without even necessarily being super feminine, except when crossdressing.
@@stephen6279That's because AGP isn't real. People can be turned on by our own bodies and I think it's actually healthy, and that's true no matter what gender or sex or sexuality you are. AGP and HSTS are damaging terms that any sane person should reject, and they always sound demeaning and clunky when used. Change your self love game. Turn off the screens and the lights, put some music on, light a candle, and spend time enjoying your body.
Been watching your interview with Benjamin Boyce and it is very good. Very informative, you both explore your roots and that helps myself as an AGP also. Although my transition time was much shorter than yours, I also stopped due to health issues/ had a stroke. WTching the video I realized that being AGP is more than just a sex addiction by itself, it has it roots beginning at puberty and with the celebration of the transgender in the past ten years I bought into the narrative that it was what I needed, especially when I got a gender therapist who I felt intimate with, a friend that I needed who encouraged it and to go on hormones. I still am AGP- we all will deal with it for the rest of our lives as it is partly a sex addiction but bringing this to the light helps- if I can detach myself from my therapist/ I last saw last summer that can be a start.
Your story is so helpful! By demonstrating how fluid gender and gender expression are, I hope we can get to a point in mainstream society where we feel comfortable exploring these topics openly like you are. I hope we can also get to a point where boxes and labels are less necessary so that we feel able to explore.
Hi! Thank you for sharing your story so clearly and bravely! I really appreciated how respectfully and thoughtfully you approached because I have seen a lot of bad faith detransitioners trying to dismantle the trans experience, which is very demoralizing to me as a trans woman whose transition was life saving. You are a gem and a beautiful person!
I'm trying to understand the arousal part of this. You refer several times to an inner feminine identity or aspect of yourself. What would that be? Women don't tend to get aroused by the fact of wearing feminine clothing. That's not a key feature of femininity. Indeed I'm not sure what is, besides biology.
The “inner feminine self” is not intended to be a statement proposing the literal metaphysical reality of an inner feminine self but rather, a merely metaphorical way of speaking about the fact that, as a male, I have a feminine side, or predisposition for desiring a feminine gender expression, where feminine gender expression is defined as engaging in behaviors traditionally and stereotypically associated with females in the culture I live in.
@@RayAlexWilliams Right, but it's not particularly feminine to be aroused by your own clothes and it sounds as through that's the key draw for you, as opposed to just, say, simply liking the aesthetics of frills or dresses or whatever. Apologies if I misunderstood on this. I'm wondering what aspect of wearing these clothes seems feminine to you? I do appreciate the response, I'm just trying to understand.
@samanthathompson9812 being aroused by the clothes isn’t feminine if by feminine we mean “female typical” but the clothes themselves are feminine insofar as they are stereotypically worn by females.
@@samanthathompson9812absolutely some woman feel sexy if they are wearing sexy clothes. Not all woman are just dressing up sexy for a man’s attention, it’s because their outfit makes them feel sexy. I’m sorry if you have never had a favourite dress or lingerie that makes you feel sexy in your own body. People have been cross dressing for thousands of years, so it makes complete sense to me that some feminine men enjoy abit cross dressing at times.
I commented on your first video about the reasons women find this problematic especially in our spaces where males with fantasies and fetishes impose this on us without our consent. I have no issue with you doing what you wish in your own space, but I hope you understand how unfair it is to women to unleash this on all of us. This behaviour can and often does escalate and makes it unsafe and antisocial to bring out into public. Thank you for returning to reality and social respect for others.
You make a really good point and I think young people aren’t always able to realize this - that you can pick and choose what aspects of gender you want to express. It doesn’t have to be 100% one way or the other.
Yes, this is one of the things that give me pause about trans videos. They always list reasons they knew they were trans and they are always based on stereotypes of what a woman is and what are society insists is "female" when really all these things can be enjoyed/loved/obsessed on as a man. Like liking feminine clothing, why wouldn't you, it's soft, stylish, colorful, etc. As a woman, I like men clothing (in addition to female clothing) because I find the fitting more boxy and comfortable. I just like that. Doesn't make me a guy. Someone (MTF) was talking about how they knew they were female because they always relate to female characters. I relate mainly to male characters. I'm still female. Sorry to put all this hear, but I really was curious if there was more to being trans because so much of it that is showed here on youtube tends to be really superficial and based on stereotypes. Like of course if you say men can only be X and women can only be Y and a guy likes Y, he will think he's not a man. But in reality, men can like XY and women can like XY. Because most of that stuff is just forced upon by society/trends/traditions. None of that goes into what makes us innately male/female.
What else would there be to it? He just explained violating his mother by stealing her clothes for sexual purposes and then putting his wife through hell. This is typical male fetish behavior. There’s nothing complicated about it.
I'm a woman and biologically female. I was such a tomboy until really my twenties. I'm still not really girly but I love being a woman. I hated the cramping and discomfort of periods but I was an 80's kid. Had I been born now, I'd have been taught that my lack of interest in most things girly, I loved my dolls and tea sets, that I wanted to be a boy. I just wish people could see that they can be who they are without physically hurting themselves with hormones and surgeries that aren't meant for their genetic make up. Tyler Perry makes a lot of money cross dressing. You probably scared the hell out of your parents but the truth is, you have to live your life the way you see fit. Do the best you can, that's all any of us can really do. Keep a close eye on your prostate. All those years of female hormones have dramatically increased your risk of prostate cancer but if you catch it early you have a better chance of maintaining continence and sexual function. Good luck...
And that Franny is absolutely fine, liking things that are the opposite gender should be normal and shouldn't be stigmatised. but at the same time, that doesn't mean that trans people aren't real, because there are university studies that do show that people with gender dysphoria have brain patterns more similar to the ones of the gender they live as once transitioned. You can have a trans woman who's a complete tom boy, and that's also fine. there are trans men who end up being with gay men in a gay relationship, and aren't the normative heterosexual man. and all of those things should be okay. My point is, let people decide for themselves, sometimes it doesn't work for certain people, and potentially they realise maybe they made a mistake. that doesn't mean that should be enough to then stop every trans person to transition. Do we need some good gatekeeping? yes. but at the same time, people should be understanding instead of seeing it and saying it, how it should be, according to your own mind, just because you don't get it.
Thank you for your honesty. I think a lot of men that are coming out as trans today have the same sexual fantasies. I'm so glad you've realized that you don't have to take those hormones everyday. We all have fantasies and there's nothing wrong with it. I believe that any sexual fantasy that brings you satisfaction is great as long as it doesn't hurt anyone.
All the best on your journey:)! You don‘t have to be one specific type of guy. Just be how you feel like, dress like you feel like. You‘re a man how ever you dress. One day you‘ll have your main style you like but that still doesn‘t mean you are limited to that. Give yourself the space and time to just be and not adapt to an idea you have of yourself that urges you to look and behave in a specific way.
this is so interesting bc im the opposite of you. gender identity is a weird journey. i was in denial about ever taking hormones to help with my dysphoria & tried almost every other solution under the sun before I transitioned, because I considered it to be the last resort. when i finally saw the possibility of being happy as female to male, i did it, and i've felt so much better. even if I ever detransition, i doubt I'll regret this either, because I naturally prefer androgynous presentation regardless of if I call myself a man or woman. every change from taking T i've had thus far has brought me so much peace. got rid of my depression, untangled a lot of my mental health issues, etc. i just want adults to be able to pursue their own identities through hormone therapy, surgeries, etc. i think if people just learned to listen & have empathy for other people instead of trying to control them, tell people what they can and cannot do with their bodies, we'd all have easier journeys of self acceptance. i both understand and don't care that I can't actually change my sex. what I can change is my presentation, and that makes me happy. my only wish is for people to respect my happiness & the happiness of others in *their* personal gender identities, too. im so glad you've found your peace in your journey with gender, too, and that you don't regret the path you've walked. sometimes, i regret not transitioning earlier, but seeing you accept your own journey is helping me learn to respect myself and the path i've walked to get where i am today.
I think the discussion about gender tends to be both shallow and empty. We are humans that's our identity. All this worries about passing and identifying as male or female sounds so unsecure and selfabsorbing, like an obsession. Just be genuine, that's enough.
I super appreciate this whole video but esp your honesty and the end where you talk about how you've found a partner who is cool with you expressing and experiencing gender-play if you will. I want that from a guy, someone who doesn't see me as a masculine man only. Because i look very mad uline. I'm bald, prefer a beard, fat, hairy, hunched shoulders, not fit much, like, i feel typecast and i keep attracting guys who are into masculine guys and when i reveal my gender non conformity ideals they don't like that. Hearing you discuss integrating that part of yourself into your daily self reality, ibspires me to do so aswell :). I'd rather be with someone who accepts all of me, than settle for someone who needs me to be only half of myself.
@@RayAlexWilliams if you ever want to do an interview hmu I have small channel but been meaning to explore the topic more. I’ve always supported trans people (my ex fiancé is trans) but I find myself questioning certain aspects of the movement lately.
My husband wanted to confess something important to me a while ago.. I said okay thinking, what's it going to be? He said when he was a teenager, he watched alot of trans female porn. I thought, well, that's not bad, I've watched all sorts of porn. But then he started crying. He was so embarrassed about it that he'd never told anyone, even though he's now in his 30s. He said he was worried what it meant about his sexuality, his gender, our relationship, everything. Me being a bisexual assured him that unless he was coming out as gay, which he wasn't, then I didn't mind any of it. If he was bi, trans, whatever, that's fine. After some therapy, he seems more settled, so I hope he realises it's just a part of his sexuality, like you said. It's tabboo, which made him ashamed, but no shame is needed.
I’m a late bloomer lesbian, and I think for years I tried in vein to be the woman that I’m actually just attracted to. And I was aroused by being wanted by men, but not actually attracted to men really. It’s wild how we can cross those wires of thinking what we’re attracted to is who we should be.
I have to say that you have gorgeous eyes! And thank you for sharing your story. I know you said you won't get into theories because they are controversial, but I will say that I recently read "Men Trapped in Men's Bodies" by Anne Lawrence, and you seem to describe experiences similar her own and the people she was interested in studying if you are interested in further reading. In the meantime, I'm glad that you were able to let go of some of that shame! As you said, it's sexual orientation and really can't be changed much anyway. So long as you are respectful of others' boundaries you don't have to apologize for what arouses you.
Thank you so much for sharing this. I'm in a very similar position now to where you were at 28, and being able to hear your story means so much. If you don't mind my asking, if, hypothetically, there were no health concerns at all, would you have de-transitioned, or would you have been happy continuing to live as a trans feminine person?
I think I could have continued being happy as trans feminine. But would that be a happier path than detransition? I’m not sure. Being detrans and living as a GNC male is way easier socially. Internally, however, I find myself learning how to cope with my cross gender desires in the context of a male life where it is harder to integrate these two sides of myself.
you respect your self, and that's you are makeing me do for you ! That's all is needed. You need to be truthfull to yourself and the others. Your self-respect is the way you making others to see you. . it's a statement, none can disagree.😉 👍👍👍👍
You are so brave Ray. AGP is much less accepted then being trans in today's climate. I believe that as long as fetishes are not harmful we should accept that they exist period. Fetishes have their own closet and AGP as well as the rarer autoandrophilia should be talked about these days, especially since we have people mixing the two up.
You are a very handsome man. Please do not get hung up on ideas such as 'manhood' ... you are you and you happen to be in a male body. Accept the body, embrace the body, love the body, but do not feel pressure to be a certain way. There is no correct way to be.
This is where autogynephilic straight men and feminine gay men differ. For autogynephilic men, it's sexual arousal that drives their desire to cross dress or even become a woman. Feminine gay men do not view it this way - they view makeup, beautiful clothes and pretty things with a pure appreciation in the same way women do. For instance, someone like James Charles does not love makeup, hair and nails because of a fetish. He enjoys these things as an artistic expression.
AGPs are perfectly capable of appreciating the artistry of femininity. To say otherwise is not simply factual. Just because the erotic component is at the foundation of the orientation does not mean 100% of the appreciation of femininity is rooted in arousal. There can also be affection and love in the expression of autoheterosexuality. Furthermore, the term “fetish” is simply a word for sexual orientations society doesn’t like but AGP is a sexual orientation just the same as being gay.
Women are not "monolith" and do not all enjoy clothing nails and dressing sexy. There are also plenty of HSTS who also find dressing and portraying as the opposite sex arousing. The two are not mutually exclusive at all.
@@Gingerblazetell yourself that if you're an autogynephile. autogynephiles are the ones who equate womanhood with hair, makeup, nails and dresses and that's why they get turned on putting all that on because they imagine themselves as women.
@@RayAlexWilliamsno, it's a fetish. How is being turned on by the idea of yourself as the opposite sex, an orientation? What does that have to do with what sex you are attracted to? There are 2 sexes, male and female and 3 sexual orientations - heterosexual, homosexual and bisexual.
The researcher who coined Autogynephilia said this: “autogynephilia might be better characterized as an orientation than as a paraphilia. The term orientation encompasses behavior, correlated with sexual behavior but distinct from it, that may ultimately have a greater impact on the life of the individual. For heterosexual and homosexual men, such correlated behavior includes courtship, love, and cohabitation with a partner of the preferred sex; for autogynephilic men, it includes the desire to achieve, with clothing, hormones, or surgery, an appearance like the preferred self-image of their erotic fantasies.” ~ Ray Blanchard
As a intersex person I find your situation very interesting. My DNA is male but my body failed to fully develop as a male. In effect I have one foot in the male world and one foot as a female. I did not understand anything about who and what I was as there was very little data being published when I was growing up. As a child I had several surgeries related to my sexual development and that had a profound effect on me. I did marry and my wife knew of my sexual issues and worked our way around my shortcomings. Ive always seen myself as being both female and male but prefer my female side, if that make any sense. At age 45 I developed stage three testicular-ovarian cancer. Extensive surgeries and chemo has had a profound effect on me. At last I fully realize who I am. Ironically Ive come to realize that I would like to start taking a low dose of estrogen as a way of replacing the female parts cut away during cancer treatments but sadly it was found that I carry the genes for both ovarian and breast cancer. Taking estrogen could cause the cancer to return once more. In effect like you I sit between two worlds. I should be glad im alive when from the very beginning I was told this will kill me and yet there is the need to cross over. My doctor has suggested surgeries to change my appearance. Im not sure after having 28 surgeries that I would wish even more surgery. There is a sadness in your eyes, so I write to offer you some degree of comfort. Im glad you have some one who loves you as the wonderful person you are. I too have been extremely lucky in the regard. We have been marry for 50 years and are still very much in love. .
Initially they were concerned because it “came out of nowhere” given that my crossdressing had always been secretive and otherwise I wasn’t effeminate as a child. They didn’t disown me or anything but were very confused about why I was doing what I was doing out of concern for me. Eventually they came around to be supportive as the years went on. And now they’re very happy that I detransitioned.
@@RayAlexWilliams my pleasure 🙏 ☺️ You're a very courageous person and you should be very proud...besides that, you're very attractive spiritually & physically 😘💝✨️
I am soooo happy for you. You are so brave. Anyone who tells you otherwise is a coward and wishes they can be as brave as you. Your a handsome guy. Find God he will help you with this journey.
I'm glad you came full circle coming back to your childhood & discovered it's women's clothing that arouses you, you discovered female hormone therapy killed your libido but have developed it again with male hormones & you have a good solid foundation with your wife as emotional support & therapist in your journey.
Thank you! The truth is all most of us want. You simply explained so much and I pray that leaders and others attempting to hoodwink us all into believing that there is such a thing as a gendered soul could hear your honesty- I’ve heard that as manny as 3% of people have autoheterosexuality- does this term speak to you?
it is good to discover what you are and what you like; it is all very titillating; be careful about objectifying yourself; youtube is using you; you seem like a good and sincere person; take care!
My mother caught my brother trying on her girdle when young , she thought he might be gay and he was . He has passed but I don’t think he ever cross dressed in fact in his later years he dressed very masculine.
I’m surprised that gender dysphoria didn’t come up at all in this video of why you transitioned in the first place. I know not all trans people need to have gender dysphoria but it is a very good indicator. I’m currently a trans woman just starting my transition and I have some arousal from dressing feminine but not all the time. And when it does happen, I hate it. I want it to stop. I don’t want to feel like it is because of the arousal that I’m doing this. There’s also a lot of other gender dysphoria reasons that i want to go through this. Your desires for women’s clothing and arousals from them doesn’t mean you want to be that gender 100%. I appreciate your videos, maybe it makes others lives easier in figuring themselves out.
BTW! I love that your wife stayed with you when you identified as a female and now. I'd definitely do the same if the person I love was male and then switched identities, I'd stick by him/her. I have a lot of questions about trans stuff, but I think when we marry someone we need to accept them no matter what. Glad you have that in your life.
I disagree. There are certain lifestyle choices that someone may make that I won't stick around for. One of them is transition. I'd help him get therapy to help deal with his feelings because I don't believe there's such a thing as true trans, but if he insists on transition even if it's just social but full-time and not just a cross dressing kink to do at parties, I'm out. I respect myself enough to not stay with a misogynistic man who thinks being a woman is a costume he can put on.
You have an amazing wife who is bi or pansexual enough to be with you through all these changes and I guess also big intimacy changes from not being on hormones. Men are so much more likely to pick up a fetish from a young age and getting consumed by it in later life when testosteron throws fuel on the fire. I think it can be so confusing, therapists do not have all the answers and can only go by what complaints their client has with their recommendations. I think we've seen a number of really bad examples of people transitioning for the wrong reasons. I'm not saying you did, I think everyone should be able to explore all possibilities and detransitioning isn't a failing but just another step in finding yourself. But the people who are ruled by a fetish can do really stupid stuff like claim to be a trans 13 year old and that they have to be around girls in puberty and talk about sex with them, that sort of thing gets then used to make all trans people look like pedophiles and "men trying to get into women's bathrooms". That just shows how strong these urges can be, ruling the rational mind. Reality is of course not that black and white you can be trans and also have a fetish. Genderdysphoria has to be present, I think the more we learn the better treatment will get and the less people will end up thinking they made a mistake. That they can feel comfortable being genderfluid without social pressures.
Heya there! I've been meaning to comment on your video, because I really kinda relate to you somewhat. I'm also autogynephilic, and I've transitioned and am planning on srs in the next year or two. I absolutely love your positive vibes, and you're obviously a very intelligent and introspective person. I do like that you to a different route to most mtftms and embrace your fem side as part of who you are. I think that's necessary tbh. I'm curious why you decided to detransition. Forgive me i haven't seen your other videos yet. I've been socially transitioned for 3 years and on HRT for 3.5 but i've felt as time goes on that i'm more secure in my decision to transition. But in the first year of my transition a video like this would've scared the shit out of me. I'm curious as to why it is that some of us have different reactions to transition. Sorry for the ramble. I think it'd be cool to hear you on Strawberry Lemonade Christina's podcast (I was the most recent guest. I can get you in touch with her
I truly hope that you decide against SRS. This surgery can go very, tragically wrong. The detransitioner who goes by Tulip talks a lot about this. You can be who you are without removing healthy body parts.
The arousal he experiences while dressed in feminine clothing is called 'autogynophelia'. Men who specifically get aroused by this in their male parts. Women who dress feminine may feel 'sexy' meaning they know that oyhers will see them as attractive or be aroused by them. No, you dont hear average females ever speak about being 'aroused' by seeing thrmselves in such clothes, rather, they will actually feel aroused by OTHERS reaction to them.
As long as you don‘t harm ppl w your cross dressing, it‘s not up to anyone to judge or shame you! It‘s just a preference. Just clothes for us and for you it‘s more, so what? Doesn‘t harm us as long as it is not related to harmful behavior that includes/affects other ppl. If you need others to take part and especially if those ppl are not giving consent, that‘s a different story.
When you speak of prepubescent arousal with fantasies of being forced to be a girl, do you mean sexually? And are you quite convinced this is an accurate memory? Asking because my understanding of child development is that children don't develop sexuality like that from a young age. Also, is this a 'cissification' thing, like a fantasy of subjugation? If so, a lot of it strikes me as the sort of thing which could be instigated by pornography, but for whatever reason, extended more into paraphilia rather than just ending at the porn like it would for most people. It's pretty interesting that you fit a classic AGP profile in so many ways, but also demonstrate gyneandromorphophilia traits. I wonder if this speaks to bisexuality? I'm applying a value free axiology to all of this by way, Ray. Purely in the spirit of enquiry, and appreciate you sharing your experiences. It helps that you're so articulate and scientifically minded. If I can finally be so bold as to offer a bit of advice, speaking as an average working class British man (hetero, no paraphilias or mental health diagnoses, irreligious upbringing. Only area where I buck the average trend is in education to MSc level as a health professional). If you accept, as I do, that gender is a social construct, then the legitimacy of concepts like masculine and feminine behaviours is questionable. You speak here about embracing your feminine or masculine side, wanting to be a dominant masculine male for a time. I know you're still trying to make sense of all of these things, and what I'd suggest is that you forget thinking about things in terms of masculinity or feminity. This is a somewhat restricting taxology, where activities and behaviours are stuck into boxes labelled 'for men' and 'for women'. If boys like playing with dolls, but can't because 'that's a girl thing', then they're being oppressed. When I act in my everyday life, I'm not thinking about what the masculine or feminine thing to do is. I don't think 'as a man'. I'm just me, doing what I feel like. That's my advice to you: Just be Ray. Do the things you like, and avoid the things you don't like, whether they're considered masculine or effeminate. Don't oppress yourself by avoiding something you like because it's not 'masculine' - do it because you like it. Don't try to be dominant, or to act 'like a man', because you already are a man, and everything you do is therefore a thing a man does. I think life will be less confusing if you strip it back like this and just do you.
Be who you want to be Ray - without health ruining drugs or surgery. Totally cool - however it suits you. No reason for shame. Own it - and with that comes - enjoy it. So glad you have a supportive partner. I have much more respect for a crossdresser - someone who loves the look and feel of another genders typical clothing and ways. But NO respect for anyone who actually believes they can become another sex. Ain't ever gonna happen. It's Biology and most important - the drugs will change the real you - which seems like a pretty cool person.
It's weird how clothes are always talked about when people decide to transition. Like saying when inwas young I used to like to wear feminine clothing etc. These things are just your personality. I don't see what it has to do aith changing gender. The reason people change changes is because society pressure. It's kinda sad I think when people can't embrace masculine and feminine traits without being told they have to be a Trans person or they are gay. I am a female who often dresses tomboy, I was basixally harassed by gay females trying to convince me I am gay because they way I dress. I am totally straight and into men. I think I would know! So it's just funny how clothes and feminine stereotype always get brought up. I wonder if we were all cavemen and everyone wore a leaf for clothing I'd people would feel they were the wrong sex? Lol
Your wife deserves a lot of gratitude. Her ability to love you for who you are definitely has helped you to heal a lot of your childhood shame. Thanks for the video.
Yes, she is incredible and I am very grateful for her and her support. You’re right. It’s been very healing.
Your honesty is so refreshing. I'm happy that you've found your true self , not everyone is capable of doing so.
Thank you!
Not everyone believes its possible.
@@Gingerblaze It always amazes me how anyone can believe to find the true self could be achieved by altering the body w extremely invasive surgeries and by suppressing a huge part or process of the whole physical & mental system we are. ( cross sex hormones)
And the same ppl think to stay the way we are was considered suppression and denial…I‘m really wondering how we got there as a society.
I‘m happy for this guy that he figured it all out and can be the man he is and accepting his preference for feminine men. Absolutely nothing wrong with that! I like more feminine men myself😂 Not all feminine men are gay, luckily, so it‘s not too hard to find one;)
@@877swissmiss That just shows you don't know much at all...
@@877swissmiss This isn't just a belief, many people HAVE found their true self through these surgeries and through hormone replacement therapy. We are real and our feelings are valid. This man was never a trans woman and he admits that here. He never felt like a woman. He never wanted to live life as a woman. No trans person ever thinks that people comfortable in their biological sex are in denial or suppressing their true self. Trans people are rare and gender dysphoria is a real medical diagnosis that we struggle with. Its hard to imagine not being comfortable with your biological sex, and not understand how you could feel an incongruency when you don't experience it yourself. This does not mean that we don't exist. Just like there's nothing wrong with being a feminine man, there's nothing wrong with realizing the effects of your biology not lining up with how you feel inside and how you want to live.
I wanted to be a boy in grade 1 and just discovered (via Subconscious Imprinting) that it was because I had enough experiences by age 6 to realize boys have all the power. I am a very feminine woman - thank goodness that was in 1992 because it would be terrible to have been transitions as a child, just to turn out feminine. I never really wanted to be a boy - there are often deep psychological reasons why we have these cravings and for me, it had to do with being powerless and I wanted to protect myself (mentally/physically abusive father). I no longer feel this way (age 36).
Oh yes - me too. Was the only girl between all brothers and had a raging, abusive alcoholic father that would beat the crap out of my tiny little mother on an almost daily basis. By age 5, I figured being a girl was too dangerous, and easily chose to be a tomboy and hang out with my brothers and their friends. This was in the 70's and fortunately there was no push to get kids to transition. They just accepted that I was a girl that liked to do typically masculine activities.
No crazy family drama (depending on how you feel about Catholics), but it was clear from the get go that being male was being privileged. That was back when the surgery might not even have been possible? I’m not sure how long the techniques have been out there.
I had a similar experience.
I cannot tell you how much I respect your honesty and candid sharing. Cross dressing is nothing to be ashamed of. You do you! ❤
Thank you!
I think a lot of trans people are cross dressers but for some reason they think they have to be trans. I think I get it though.
This video is so important!! Thank you for being so honest about your experience the world would be a better place if more people felt they could be this honest
Thank you!
As an FTM who transitioned 10 years ago, I can empathize to an extent the self reflection and doubt that you experienced. It is definitely easier to live in society if one passes according to the local and contemporary norms. I'm glad you found the lifestyle that fits you
Thank you
Appreciate the willingness to share something vulnerable that really sheds a lot of light on a phenomenon that many people find confusing or have lots of misconceptions about. I'm really glad you sorted out your health and am happy you found a loving partner in marriage along the way. I think you now understand and accept yourself better than ever. To me it sounds like you've got it figured out for real now. It's a beautiful thing!
Thank you! Yes, it’s been a long journey of self-reflection to get to where I am today (“Know thyself”) but I feel like I finally have my head on straight and understand the true reality of my gender situation without shame or confusion.
@@RayAlexWilliams That's awesome. :)
this is radical self acceptance. your self reflection is incredible. thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your experience!
I’d love to hear your wife’s perspective on this. My partner discovered he was sexually aroused wearing women’s clothes, and decided this meant he must be a woman.
I can’t help but see this as deeply misogynistic-being female is not a sexual identity for men. The fact that he insists his arousal makes him a woman led to us splitting.
I am happy for him to wear whatever clothes he likes, but I find it offensive that he thinks his distinctly male behavior (AGP) somehow makes him the same as me, or other women.
My wife has a very unique perspective on all this. I’d also love for people to get to hear her speak because she is quite intelligent and is well educated on this topic. As for your ex-partner, I think precisely because there is so much shame surrounding AGP this leads to denial and a total lack of self-understanding which can then lead to confabulation and latching onto certain metaphysical identity claims as a causal explanation for one’s experience instead of knowing what’s really behind these experiences. That’s partly why I’m sharing my story: the more it becomes destigmatized then the more it can factor into people understanding themselves in an objective, rational manner without necessarily violating deeper principles of basic epistemology.
@@RayAlexWilliams Exactly! All of these types of gender and sexuality issues that people have is from the shame of & the stigmatization FROM religious and hetero-normative society telling us we are wrong! If we were taken as human beings with our own stories and not treated as freaks, from important people in our lives and those who have power, then we wouldn't feel like pretending to be someone else & not living authentically, while lying to others. Thankfully things are changing mostly for the better (Well, not in the red states in America, but elsewhere in America and most of the western world)
I find these arousals and fetishes very selfish . It’s an addiction that easily ruin other people’s lives.
The way I perceive your story is that you have autogyneaphilia, which is perfectly fine! I can't for the life of me get why your therapist didn't pick up on this, but pushed you immediately into the trans direction. I'm very happy you found your wife, who is supportive of you!
My therapist at the time didn’t know any better. She was swept up in the zeitgeist which was that crossdressers are probably just trans in denial. She didn’t know any better and I didn’t know any better. But ultimately I don’t have regrets. It’s brought me to a good place now where I am happy in my body.
@@RayAlexWilliams❤
Well autogynephilia is just a symptom. It does not elucidate a deeper truth. There are a lot of cis women and trans women who have it and there are cis men who can have it as well.
In my opinion, the question is wether your autogynephilia feels like another part of your male gender identity or wether it feels like a pathway to a deep feeling of incongruence.
What do you think?
It’s called GETTING THE MONEY. She probably got kickbacks for referrals…..
@@a_g_n_a_0o I’m a WOMAN thank you, I’m not CIS. We already have a term for trans woman, so why exactly do we need one for just A WOMAN insult. And aren’t you people always really concerned to make sure no one’s insulted? Always seems like it’s AOK to insult the women….just not trans women I guess huh. 🙄😮💨
As a trans woman with an entirely different story and no intention of detransitioning, I appreciate you and your story! Life is grey, not black and white, and people need to learn of a variety of experiences to better understand that.
After reading some comments, I think it’s unfortunate some people will see your truth as an attack or use it as justification for their anti-trans views. That’s not what I saw in the video! Live and let live
Thank you! Appreciate your understanding 🙏
I don’t think people who detransition ever had any intent on detransitioning. I’ve listened to countless detransitioner stories, almost all were certain they’d be trans for the rest of their lives… until they weren’t. It can happened to anyone.
@eliza4549 exactly. For the vast majority of the 8 years I IDed as trans and took hormones the thought of detransition never even entered my mind. It was only recently through conversations with my wife and listening to detrans stories that the very concept of detransition became a viable pathway towards happiness and not just some “rare statistical anomaly” that happens to other people when their transition goes horribly wrong. I needed a possibility model that made detransition a positive step forward and not just a drastic last resort.
@@RayAlexWilliams really glad to hear your perspective.
An interview on SWU titled Raven and Dove might interest you.
I see the adoption and promotion of the word Transgender as having been done unethically and criminally so. They were on the right path with transsexual care. Making distinctions between sexual orientation and I don't think that even went far enough. There are gay and homosexual identified males that transition. I think they have far more in common with AGP's then they'd like to admit. I don't hate AGP's I just think Transgender really caters to it and fetishism and fetishizing transsexualism. Real Transsexuals don't self- identify as transwomen, transgender. or even transsexual they identify as women. They don't hang out in gay bars either. @@RayAlexWilliams
The number of CDers who get called "eggs" is frustrating. When did CDing become invalid? It seems pretty common for TG people to tell CDers they're the same thing and I sure hope it's not, lol.
What?.. why is the word egg in parentheses? Who calls cross dressers eggs? What are you using the word egg to allude to?
@@ewetn1Quotes/Quotation marks. Put in quotation marks because they aren't actually, and it's a colloquialism. A lot of folks on trans forums on reddit call crossdressers eggs., stemming from an absolute misconception of what crossdressers are. It's gross because it's suggesting "Everyone who likes to wear the opposite genders clothing MUST be trans", which.. is kind of a harmful thing to think.
Apparently an "Egg" is a trans person who doesn't realize they're trans yet. Eg, calling people "in the closet" despite not knowing them, their story, their journey, etc. It's exhausting to deal with.
Your story is very similar to my husbands story. The difference is that my husband never transitioned. But he has a similar history of crossdressing fantasies as a boy and wore his mother's clothes secretly as a child. He also stole my clothes. I've had no idea. I'm still with him. He's not living out his crossdressing fantasy but I know he's doing it in private. And that's okay for me because I know his desire cames in phases and it's not always about arousal it's also about relax and unwind. But for me it's disturbing that what he thinks being like a woman and wearing what he thinks is looking like a woman makes him excited aroused and comfortable. I don't like to watch him because I find it very disturbing. I like him as a man. And I would like him to see him as the man I see in him and that it's great to be just male. He doesn't need to wear women's lingerie to be and feel sexy. He can be a sexy man and that's it. But I know that there is this desire this fantasies and I think that will never leave him. And we're trying to figure it out to deal with it and stay together at the same time. Not always easy. For both sides because there was a time at the beginning as I found out his secret when I realised that he was hoping for some role-playing and me participating in his "hobby". But that's not for me. I've never dreamed of feminised men. I'm attracted to male men who are comfortable in being just male. Something I've never thought it needs to be said but it's true. Some people think that everybody has a little interest in bisexual activities but that it's not for me. I am into men and maleness and women and femininity are my part of the story and not my target of attraction.
I hope that all makes sense. English isn't my native language. I am from Germany.
I wonder where this desire came from in the first place. There are so much similarities in all the stories. I heard so many of them the last year's since I researching it. The patterns are obvious but I am still asking why? Not every boy does this. It's not a common behaviour. I have a clue about my husbands background but it's very special and individual. I can't speak for everyone.
I wonder if you have a clue where it came from in the first place.
There is an other UA-cam channel from an other honest AGP and he made a video about his history and his guess where his desire grew up as a child into adulthood.
It would be interesting if you could talk about that some day. I think it could give some more useful insights for everybody who's dealing with this issue no matter from which perspective.
So thanks again. I'll watch your other videos as well in the next days if I'm having enough time and peace.
Thank you for sharing your story. Wishing you both the best of luck in dealing with this in a healthy way. I know it’s not easy.
I'm so sorry for what you and your husband are going through! 💕 Your husband and others like this had to have experienced some childhood violation (violation comes in different shapes and sizes). Childhood experiences leave lasting imprints. Poor children!
One can indulge the imprint or try to overcome it. It's easier to stay in the hole and even dig deeper, than work to climb out. It's not easy, my heart goes out to those who are hurting!
Don't let pity compromise what you know is right, this can't help him and it will only hurt you.
Jesus says, "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” 🌟 (Matthew 11:28-29)
I pray you both will turn to the Lord and you can find freedom in Christ and rest for your souls. ❤️
Here are two resources which would support you with a wise, loving, healthy worldview...
• Allie Beth Stuckey alliebethstuckey.com/
• Truth For Life with pastor Alistair Begg, a wise and kind man: www.truthforlife.org/about/about-alistair-begg/ here are his daily devotionals: www.truthforlife.org/devotionals/alistair-begg/archive/
I think this is nothing but the product of society who's telling men from the very young age that there's something wrong in their behaviour 🤔 For eg. if u noticed the boys who's mom constantly tell them " don't be like your father "n they grew up with " I don't want to be like my father" mental gymnastics which hurt them immensely. This type of men started hating every good thing about being a man automatically. They become uncomfortable in their own skin which results into this type of behaviour
I do feel for you I will admit with all we hear about Bruce Jenner the manliest man out there and he now is Caitlyn we all wondered about our own husbands. I for one could not deal with it . I commend the wife of this man. I wouldn’t engage in role play and yes I would find it selfish to the marriage. This runs deep . It’s bizarre for those of us who don’t have these fetishes. That said my brother was caught at a young age trying on my mother’s girdle . He did turn out bi sexual, mostly gay but he once told me that he had flashbacks of assault when very young . He never told me who but it was a family menber . He has since passed and we never got to speak more about it. I wonder if you can get hypnotized against these thoughts. I think you owe it to your spouse if they want that.
thanks for putting your story out there. It takes bravery to discuss more personal issues. I appreciate you.
Thank you 🙏
Thanks for explaining this. Gender Critical women don’t seem to understand that many of these tendencies start in childhood, it doesn’t mean you’re sexualizing children to discuss this, it’s part of development. If we don’t talk about it then we can’t reach the truth of the matter
Appreciate the videos as someone who's trying to figure themself out :)
Glad they’re helpful!
Thank you for your openess. I feel a lot of gratitude towards you for doing this. I'd love to 'meet' your amazing wife too. I'm so glad you've managed to largely untangle some of the obviously very difficult conflicting feelings, desires and reactions you have been having and find a path that works well for you. You appear relaxed, somewhat content and like you've found the secret elixir of life (maybe you have?!) I wish for all us beings to have the tools and thought processes to enable us to find our true (and beneficial) happiness. Love from 'across the pond.'
Thank you for your kind words! I share the same wish as you!
Wow. Recalling these things not just for us but for yourself is so healing. Thank you for being you.
thank you so much for your honesty and also that you don't seem to be blaming anyone for transitioning or detransitioning, that's so refreshing. we are all on a journey and some of us have a more complicated and winding path than others. self discoveries and "mistakes" (seems like the wrong word) are just part of life. and men shouldn't be ashamed to like women's clothing. it shouldn't mean as much as it does. it's just cloth that comes in different shapes, colors and textures.
Wonderful video! One of my former lovers was a crossdresser in private who identified as "he.". In private he was trans and outside the bedroom he was very "masculine.". Your video helps me understand him much better. This was real informative.
youre level of self awareness and honesty is amazing. This is how progress is made.
As someone who identified as FtM for a little over a year, I really empathize with how you said the pendulum swung waaaay back for you after initially detransitioning. I have always been masculine and I think it was somewhat connected to a sexual desire even though it seems to be less so than it typically is for males with cross-dressing sexual desires (I hypothesize that it's because masculine women are more normalized and not as deeply shamed in society). But yeah initially after I detransitioned and identified as a woman again, accepting my female-ness so to speak, I bought a skirt for the first time, I wasn't "feminine" per se but I was more than I ever have been. Now I'm back to my usual self I'd say, just being how I was before transition but with a lot of the underlying issues resolved.
Being gender non-conforming is something that still needs to be normalized, especially for males.
Anyways, I thank you for sharing your story, it's really fascinating to hear! I will be sure to keep up with you on UA-cam and Twitter!
Thanks for sharing. These topics are so incredibly complicated and stressful in our culture right now - it's such a breath of fresh air to hear people just being frank and straightforward about their experiences. Appreciate your thoughts!
Welcome back, man! Glad you didn’t cut off your man hood.
Thanks me too lol
Thank you for your brave memoir. As a man, I think the rigidity of male socialization drives some of the trans phenomenon. Many boys and men are raised to believe that if a male wears dainty clothes or makeup, enjoys cooking and sewing, or works as an elementary teacher or nurse, that person is hardly a man anymore. What is needed is to expand our understanding of what masculinity includes, not to label these men as somehow “really” feminine.
Thanks for your honesty and humility and willingness to grow. These things will serve you well. There’s not a thing wrong with being a fem man. You’re still a man. I’m a slightly masculine woman. I’m married to a man. I appreciate that I am very much a woman, but accept that I have some masculine qualities. I am no less a woman. This whole trans craze, imo, is very unhealthy. There needs to be de-stigmatizing and acceptance of the fact that not everyone is hyper masculine or hyper feminine. You can’t change your sex. You who nature made you, either male or female. But you can express and identify parts of you that relate to typically opposite sex things and ways of being and that’s ok.
I’m a man and I agree. I also think that male socialization into gender roles may be more rigid. For example, many female service staff wear traditionally male clothing such as neckties and tuxedo shirts. For men, wearing a skirt or dress, makeup, etc is still quite taboo.
Thank Heaven you didn’t have any surgery. There are so many who have been mutilated beyond repair.
Thank you for your honest sharing.
Thanks for watching!
It's awesome to hear someone speaking so honestly from the heart.
I feel like we're seeing the weight lift from your shoulders with the knowledge that you can be anything you want. The feminine man or masculine man, wearing what you want when you want. Society doesn't need to put people in particular boxes with particular labels.
We should all be free to dress and behave individually. If we're not hurting anyone why should it be anyone else's business.
You're very blessed to have a loving wife to support you 🙏
IMO, when trans goes wrong it's a societal issue. We tell straight men that cross dressing is shameful so its natural to want to alleviate that. In that situation, going from "shameful cross dresser" to "empowered trans women" makes sense. One is currently being uplifted and the other is not. THEN add that our society's obsession with ONLY one type of male, the very masculine type, then anyone who doesn't fit that starts to literally feel NOT man enough. So it's easy to see how these two things could compound into an outlet like identifying as trans. The solution is more representation for what being a man is. Men can cross dress AND men can be hypermasculine or hyperfeminine and still be MEN. That doesn't take away your dude-card.
It's shameful and sexual harassment to engage in this behavior in public. It's like wearing bondage gear in public or to work. It is only a matter of time before people start filing sexual harassment lawsuits at work against men who engage in this behavior.
Also if you want to do this in your home with your partner who also consents that's fine. Privacy and consent are fine. Keep your sex life at home. Stop subjecting people to it. Doing so is sexual harassment. Simple as that.
Sorry that’s weird men can’t be all of that what planet are you on? I guess you are very young and not married 🙄
Appreciate your story and thank you for sharing. One thing I will say is try not to go back & forth because it will just increase your dissatisfaction and you will feel like you want to go back or you will never feel fully like yourself. Nothing is hardwired in us.
Be well.
Such a beautiful and healthy way to integrate all the different facets of yourself into a cohesive identity which ens and flows with your connection to yourself. I applaud you in finding this way to be in your world.
I think it would be great if you discussed your process in a little more detail so others can understand that they don’t have to go through body and mind altering medication and surgical procedures in order to satisfy their need to express and experience the other parts of themselves which don’t align with their natural physiology.
I am blown away by how you have come to such an authentic and balanced way to be, a way where you don’t have to abandon any part of yourself but still are free to explore and express whatever feels right for you.
Shame is a self inflicted prison and most people don’t understand that they are in full control of the key.
My deepest respect.
Maybe your experiences will help other being able to find themselves without necessarily having to transition into another physical being. I don't fully understand this, but it is fascinating and worth sharing to educate others about our differences. I'm glad you are finding your true self, Ray!
Thank you 🙏
Thanks for your honesty! It needs to be said. We need more men like you. The debate needs more of your honesty. Thank you!
This was such a candid video, and I think everybody can find a reason to appreciate the openness you've shared here. I'll try to keep controversy from my comment here just as you did your video, but I wanted to say that it's a little sad for me to see the sort of hard-line stance pushed today when it comes to femininity and masculinity. When I was a little girl I was considered a Tomboy, and while a Tomgirl (not sure there was ever really a name for the opposite) was never socially acceptable, I think if it were things might be a little different today. There's absolutely nothing wrong with anybody embracing femininity or masculinity, and I don't think swaying in one direction or the other means that one must be of that socially associated gender. I'm a generally masculine woman who has never worn makeup and prefers comfortable, practical attire; I liked Ninja Turtles and Hot Wheels over Barbie and sometimes threw on a baseball cap and wondered if I'd make a cute boy. But that doesn't mean I have to be a trans man. I can be a masculine woman and that's fine. Just as you can be a feminine man and that's fine too.
At any rate, thank you so much for sharing this. I hope if anybody else has a similar experience they are able to find this video and take comfort in your words. 💜
Good comment. I have a very similar feeling. I grew up in the 80s, and as far as I was aware (not much, as I was a kid) it seemed like we were trying to move away from "don't cook, you're a boy" and "go inside, you're a girl" ideas. I was in an all-girl family and my mom loved pink, but we didn't really have a lot of pink stuff, as toys tended to be primary colours. And we had hot wheels and Lego and tinker toys as well as a play kitchen and tiny dishes and doll clothes. My parents were perhaps a little more open-minded than some of the parents in our rural community, but nothing very out of the ordinary. Now with my kids, I'm always shocked at the "pink aisle" and "blue aisle" in stores. Obviously they're trying to make double the money off families with both boys and girls, but the message of "we're different, and if you like blue you're a boy and if you like pink you're a girl" is very strong. We'd never be able to do now what we did as kids, where my stuff was yellow and my sister's was red. EVERYTHING has at least a bit of pink in it.
My cousin's favourite colour was pink until he was teased in kindergarten. And I was mad about him feeling like he had to do that, and my parents agreed with me that it wasn't fair that he didn't get to like pink just because he was a boy.
And I was a tomboy and although I didn't wish to be a boy, I didn't want to grow up to be a woman and would rather be a man. This absolutely had to do with the power imbalance I'd noticed, especially around house chores, which I tried to avoid by running outside to help Daddy carry things and collect the firewood and take care of the cats.
Thank you for your honesty and for helping us to understand the complexities of transgenderism. I appreciate you so much, Ray.
I really appreciate this. I have a great deal of sympathy for trans widows, women who have had horrible experiences and been abused by men who have this tendency and insist that their wives go along with it all. But I also know of some couples who are able to accept this aspect of the man's sexual desires and seem to do very well.... so I don't think it's fair to paint every AGP man with the same, abusive brush. I hope more men like yourself get open about this because I agree that as long as you practice your sexual desires in an adult, consensual relationship, there is nothing shameful in them at all.
Watched all your videos this week. It's been a roller coaster. I guess this explains a lot.
Good luck.
I'm so glad for you! People should love the body they have.
I do.
Gay, late 30s guy here. Growing up, I was shown pornography by my older brother at a time when he was already going through puberty and i wasn't yet. I think i was about ten or eleven.
He thought he was doing me a favour, but i was always a late bloomer, very sensitive and my parents were extremely non tech savvy, so my brother was able to show me how to remove the internet history, cookies etc so hide what we were doing.
He showed me what to do then would leave me to it because obv the rest is private ie you do that by yourself. What he didn't know though, was that i was looking at pics of males and females having s e x and becoming aroused by the men, and wanting to be the female.
I started to look at trans porn as a 11 year old out of homophobia for myself, because at that time in the 90s, being gay was super bad, so that became my outlet i guess.
I've been addicted to pornography ever since.
As an adult, even when i used to be in relationships (with men - i don't find women attractive), i would only be able to finish by imagining i was a female whilst having s e x with them.
Nowadays my daily life is a struggle to not start hrt, because i know it's just a sex thing, but I'm inching closer and closer, despite zero dysphoria (other than during sex) and when not in the mood i don't care either way.
I don't feel attraction anymore either, my testosterone is chronically low and I'm overweight, bald, hairy and unhealthy.
I just wish mum and dad had known about conputer settings, or that i told on my brother, but it's like giving candy to a child. It tastes good, and if telling mum and dad means you don't get your fix, you wouldn't tell.
I am turned on by cross dressing too, although in the gay community it's seen as strangely taboo also, like if you aren't hyper masculine you are worthless.
I ping between wanting to be a gender non conforming man on estrogen while socially being male, vs being a thinner, muscular dude who is the envy of other gay men and presenting as a male.
It's very confusing.
Whenever I'm aroused i feel this way.
Sigh.
I think you would benefit from reading Phil Illy's new book "Autoheterosexual" to understand the quirks of your sexuality because he talks about gay men who get turned on by crossdressing and thoughts of themselves as female.
@@RayAlexWilliams Cheers mate, I shall look into it 👍
@@RayAlexWilliams one of the things that I've noted that i don't seem to fall into is, I'm a homosexual. A man attracted to men only. Agp males are for some reason known as being attracted to females. Everything about agp lines up with me except for that one thing. I don't think who you're attracted to is even relevant, all that's relevant from my pov is that an agp person imagine themselves as the opposite sex for arousal. I'm reading the book now. Maybe it will answer to that more? Edit: and I'm very un-feminine. I'm very masculine in appearance.
@stephen6279 Phil Illy accounts for that. in studies they’ve done, about 15% of exclusively male-attracted transsexuals have AGP-like fantasies and arousal patterns. This shows exclusively male-attracted people can have AGP fantasies. The theory is that for some men, AGP becomes dominant sexually and the “meta attraction” to being treated like a woman by men takes over and this can lead to AGPs who exclusively date men, thus qualifying as being gay, without even necessarily being super feminine, except when crossdressing.
@@stephen6279That's because AGP isn't real. People can be turned on by our own bodies and I think it's actually healthy, and that's true no matter what gender or sex or sexuality you are. AGP and HSTS are damaging terms that any sane person should reject, and they always sound demeaning and clunky when used. Change your self love game. Turn off the screens and the lights, put some music on, light a candle, and spend time enjoying your body.
Been watching your interview with Benjamin Boyce and it is very good. Very informative, you both explore your roots and that helps myself as an AGP also. Although my transition time was much shorter than yours, I also stopped due to health issues/ had a stroke. WTching the video I realized that being AGP is more than just a sex addiction by itself, it has it roots beginning at puberty and with the celebration of the transgender in the past ten years I bought into the narrative that it was what I needed, especially when I got a gender therapist who I felt intimate with, a friend that I needed who encouraged it and to go on hormones. I still am AGP- we all will deal with it for the rest of our lives as it is partly a sex addiction but bringing this to the light helps- if I can detach myself from my therapist/ I last saw last summer that can be a start.
Your story is so helpful! By demonstrating how fluid gender and gender expression are, I hope we can get to a point in mainstream society where we feel comfortable exploring these topics openly like you are. I hope we can also get to a point where boxes and labels are less necessary so that we feel able to explore.
Hi! Thank you for sharing your story so clearly and bravely! I really appreciated how respectfully and thoughtfully you approached because I have seen a lot of bad faith detransitioners trying to dismantle the trans experience, which is very demoralizing to me as a trans woman whose transition was life saving. You are a gem and a beautiful person!
Thank you 🙏
I'm trying to understand the arousal part of this. You refer several times to an inner feminine identity or aspect of yourself. What would that be? Women don't tend to get aroused by the fact of wearing feminine clothing. That's not a key feature of femininity. Indeed I'm not sure what is, besides biology.
The “inner feminine self” is not intended to be a statement proposing the literal metaphysical reality of an inner feminine self but rather, a merely metaphorical way of speaking about the fact that, as a male, I have a feminine side, or predisposition for desiring a feminine gender expression, where feminine gender expression is defined as engaging in behaviors traditionally and stereotypically associated with females in the culture I live in.
@@RayAlexWilliams Right, but it's not particularly feminine to be aroused by your own clothes and it sounds as through that's the key draw for you, as opposed to just, say, simply liking the aesthetics of frills or dresses or whatever. Apologies if I misunderstood on this. I'm wondering what aspect of wearing these clothes seems feminine to you? I do appreciate the response, I'm just trying to understand.
@samanthathompson9812 being aroused by the clothes isn’t feminine if by feminine we mean “female typical” but the clothes themselves are feminine insofar as they are stereotypically worn by females.
@@RayAlexWilliams Okay, thanks again for responding.
@@samanthathompson9812absolutely some woman feel sexy if they are wearing sexy clothes. Not all woman are just dressing up sexy for a man’s attention, it’s because their outfit makes them feel sexy.
I’m sorry if you have never had a favourite dress or lingerie that makes you feel sexy in your own body.
People have been cross dressing for thousands of years, so it makes complete sense to me that some feminine men enjoy abit cross dressing at times.
I commented on your first video about the reasons women find this problematic especially in our spaces where males with fantasies and fetishes impose this on us without our consent. I have no issue with you doing what you wish in your own space, but I hope you understand how unfair it is to women to unleash this on all of us. This behaviour can and often does escalate and makes it unsafe and antisocial to bring out into public. Thank you for returning to reality and social respect for others.
You make a really good point and I think young people aren’t always able to realize this - that you can pick and choose what aspects of gender you want to express. It doesn’t have to be 100% one way or the other.
Yes, this is one of the things that give me pause about trans videos. They always list reasons they knew they were trans and they are always based on stereotypes of what a woman is and what are society insists is "female" when really all these things can be enjoyed/loved/obsessed on as a man. Like liking feminine clothing, why wouldn't you, it's soft, stylish, colorful, etc. As a woman, I like men clothing (in addition to female clothing) because I find the fitting more boxy and comfortable. I just like that. Doesn't make me a guy. Someone (MTF) was talking about how they knew they were female because they always relate to female characters. I relate mainly to male characters. I'm still female. Sorry to put all this hear, but I really was curious if there was more to being trans because so much of it that is showed here on youtube tends to be really superficial and based on stereotypes. Like of course if you say men can only be X and women can only be Y and a guy likes Y, he will think he's not a man. But in reality, men can like XY and women can like XY. Because most of that stuff is just forced upon by society/trends/traditions. None of that goes into what makes us innately male/female.
What else would there be to it? He just explained violating his mother by stealing her clothes for sexual purposes and then putting his wife through hell. This is typical male fetish behavior. There’s nothing complicated about it.
I'm a woman and biologically female. I was such a tomboy until really my twenties. I'm still not really girly but I love being a woman. I hated the cramping and discomfort of periods but I was an 80's kid. Had I been born now, I'd have been taught that my lack of interest in most things girly, I loved my dolls and tea sets, that I wanted to be a boy. I just wish people could see that they can be who they are without physically hurting themselves with hormones and surgeries that aren't meant for their genetic make up. Tyler Perry makes a lot of money cross dressing. You probably scared the hell out of your parents but the truth is, you have to live your life the way you see fit. Do the best you can, that's all any of us can really do. Keep a close eye on your prostate. All those years of female hormones have dramatically increased your risk of prostate cancer but if you catch it early you have a better chance of maintaining continence and sexual function. Good luck...
And that Franny is absolutely fine, liking things that are the opposite gender should be normal and shouldn't be stigmatised. but at the same time, that doesn't mean that trans people aren't real, because there are university studies that do show that people with gender dysphoria have brain patterns more similar to the ones of the gender they live as once transitioned.
You can have a trans woman who's a complete tom boy, and that's also fine. there are trans men who end up being with gay men in a gay relationship, and aren't the normative heterosexual man. and all of those things should be okay.
My point is, let people decide for themselves, sometimes it doesn't work for certain people, and potentially they realise maybe they made a mistake. that doesn't mean that should be enough to then stop every trans person to transition.
Do we need some good gatekeeping? yes. but at the same time, people should be understanding instead of seeing it and saying it, how it should be, according to your own mind, just because you don't get it.
It’s sadly about stereotyping; I do more masculine physical things than many men but still a feminine woman
Wow the rythem of these videos is crazy. Full health to you
Good for you! Find out who you are and be the best you!
Thank you for your honesty. I think a lot of men that are coming out as trans today have the same sexual fantasies. I'm so glad you've realized that you don't have to take those hormones everyday. We all have fantasies and there's nothing wrong with it. I believe that any sexual fantasy that brings you satisfaction is great as long as it doesn't hurt anyone.
All the best on your journey:)! You don‘t have to be one specific type of guy. Just be how you feel like, dress like you feel like. You‘re a man how ever you dress. One day you‘ll have your main style you like but that still doesn‘t mean you are limited to that. Give yourself the space and time to just be and not adapt to an idea you have of yourself that urges you to look and behave in a specific way.
this is so interesting bc im the opposite of you. gender identity is a weird journey. i was in denial about ever taking hormones to help with my dysphoria & tried almost every other solution under the sun before I transitioned, because I considered it to be the last resort. when i finally saw the possibility of being happy as female to male, i did it, and i've felt so much better. even if I ever detransition, i doubt I'll regret this either, because I naturally prefer androgynous presentation regardless of if I call myself a man or woman. every change from taking T i've had thus far has brought me so much peace. got rid of my depression, untangled a lot of my mental health issues, etc.
i just want adults to be able to pursue their own identities through hormone therapy, surgeries, etc. i think if people just learned to listen & have empathy for other people instead of trying to control them, tell people what they can and cannot do with their bodies, we'd all have easier journeys of self acceptance.
i both understand and don't care that I can't actually change my sex. what I can change is my presentation, and that makes me happy. my only wish is for people to respect my happiness & the happiness of others in *their* personal gender identities, too.
im so glad you've found your peace in your journey with gender, too, and that you don't regret the path you've walked. sometimes, i regret not transitioning earlier, but seeing you accept your own journey is helping me learn to respect myself and the path i've walked to get where i am today.
I think the discussion about gender tends to be both shallow and empty. We are humans that's our identity. All this worries about passing and identifying as male or female sounds so unsecure and selfabsorbing, like an obsession. Just be genuine, that's enough.
I'm so glad you're feeling more comfy ❤ That sounds emotionally grueling ❤
Thank you for your honesty and for sharing.
Keep sharing...🍀
I super appreciate this whole video but esp your honesty and the end where you talk about how you've found a partner who is cool with you expressing and experiencing gender-play if you will. I want that from a guy, someone who doesn't see me as a masculine man only. Because i look very mad uline. I'm bald, prefer a beard, fat, hairy, hunched shoulders, not fit much, like, i feel typecast and i keep attracting guys who are into masculine guys and when i reveal my gender non conformity ideals they don't like that.
Hearing you discuss integrating that part of yourself into your daily self reality, ibspires me to do so aswell :).
I'd rather be with someone who accepts all of me, than settle for someone who needs me to be only half of myself.
Thank you for sharing your story! I just subscribed, I’m looking forward to hearing more of what you have to say.
Thanks for listening!
@@RayAlexWilliams if you ever want to do an interview hmu I have small channel but been meaning to explore the topic more. I’ve always supported trans people (my ex fiancé is trans) but I find myself questioning certain aspects of the movement lately.
Some amazing honesty right here, thank you.
I appreciate that!
Keep it up my G.
My husband wanted to confess something important to me a while ago.. I said okay thinking, what's it going to be? He said when he was a teenager, he watched alot of trans female porn. I thought, well, that's not bad, I've watched all sorts of porn. But then he started crying. He was so embarrassed about it that he'd never told anyone, even though he's now in his 30s. He said he was worried what it meant about his sexuality, his gender, our relationship, everything. Me being a bisexual assured him that unless he was coming out as gay, which he wasn't, then I didn't mind any of it. If he was bi, trans, whatever, that's fine. After some therapy, he seems more settled, so I hope he realises it's just a part of his sexuality, like you said. It's tabboo, which made him ashamed, but no shame is needed.
Thanks for sharing your story, it can’t have been easy.
I’m a late bloomer lesbian, and I think for years I tried in vein to be the woman that I’m actually just attracted to. And I was aroused by being wanted by men, but not actually attracted to men really. It’s wild how we can cross those wires of thinking what we’re attracted to is who we should be.
I have to say that you have gorgeous eyes! And thank you for sharing your story. I know you said you won't get into theories because they are controversial, but I will say that I recently read "Men Trapped in Men's Bodies" by Anne Lawrence, and you seem to describe experiences similar her own and the people she was interested in studying if you are interested in further reading. In the meantime, I'm glad that you were able to let go of some of that shame! As you said, it's sexual orientation and really can't be changed much anyway. So long as you are respectful of others' boundaries you don't have to apologize for what arouses you.
Thank you so much for sharing this. I'm in a very similar position now to where you were at 28, and being able to hear your story means so much. If you don't mind my asking, if, hypothetically, there were no health concerns at all, would you have de-transitioned, or would you have been happy continuing to live as a trans feminine person?
I think I could have continued being happy as trans feminine. But would that be a happier path than detransition? I’m not sure. Being detrans and living as a GNC male is way easier socially. Internally, however, I find myself learning how to cope with my cross gender desires in the context of a male life where it is harder to integrate these two sides of myself.
Refreshing to hear your experience and also proves not all trans experiences are dysphoria so all the more need for intense therapy before transition.
AGP is actually a common cause of gender dysphoria
you respect your self, and that's you are makeing me do for you ! That's all is needed. You need to be truthfull to yourself and the others. Your self-respect is the way you making others to see you. . it's a statement, none can disagree.😉 👍👍👍👍
You are so brave Ray. AGP is much less accepted then being trans in today's climate. I believe that as long as fetishes are not harmful we should accept that they exist period. Fetishes have their own closet and AGP as well as the rarer autoandrophilia should be talked about these days, especially since we have people mixing the two up.
Very interesting... Thank you for sharing your story!!❤❤
Glad you enjoyed it!
You are a very handsome man. Please do not get hung up on ideas such as 'manhood' ... you are you and you happen to be in a male body. Accept the body, embrace the body, love the body, but do not feel pressure to be a certain way. There is no correct way to be.
Just be you that’s all you need to do. ❤
Great story, thanks for sharing!
This is where autogynephilic straight men and feminine gay men differ. For autogynephilic men, it's sexual arousal that drives their desire to cross dress or even become a woman. Feminine gay men do not view it this way - they view makeup, beautiful clothes and pretty things with a pure appreciation in the same way women do. For instance, someone like James Charles does not love makeup, hair and nails because of a fetish. He enjoys these things as an artistic expression.
AGPs are perfectly capable of appreciating the artistry of femininity. To say otherwise is not simply factual. Just because the erotic component is at the foundation of the orientation does not mean 100% of the appreciation of femininity is rooted in arousal. There can also be affection and love in the expression of autoheterosexuality. Furthermore, the term “fetish” is simply a word for sexual orientations society doesn’t like but AGP is a sexual orientation just the same as being gay.
Women are not "monolith" and do not all enjoy clothing nails and dressing sexy.
There are also plenty of HSTS who also find dressing and portraying as the opposite sex arousing. The two are not mutually exclusive at all.
@@Gingerblazetell yourself that if you're an autogynephile. autogynephiles are the ones who equate womanhood with hair, makeup, nails and dresses and that's why they get turned on putting all that on because they imagine themselves as women.
@@RayAlexWilliamsno, it's a fetish. How is being turned on by the idea of yourself as the opposite sex, an orientation? What does that have to do with what sex you are attracted to? There are 2 sexes, male and female and 3 sexual orientations - heterosexual, homosexual and bisexual.
The researcher who coined Autogynephilia said this:
“autogynephilia might be better characterized as an orientation than as a paraphilia. The term
orientation encompasses behavior, correlated with sexual behavior but distinct from it, that
may ultimately have a greater impact on the life of the individual. For heterosexual and
homosexual men, such correlated behavior includes courtship, love, and cohabitation with
a partner of the preferred sex; for autogynephilic men, it includes the desire to achieve, with
clothing, hormones, or surgery, an appearance like the preferred self-image of their erotic
fantasies.” ~ Ray Blanchard
As a intersex person I find your situation very interesting. My DNA is male but my body failed to fully develop as a male. In effect I have one foot in the male world and one foot as a female. I did not understand anything about who and what I was as there was very little data being published when I was growing up.
As a child I had several surgeries related to my sexual development and that had a profound effect on me. I did marry and my wife knew of my sexual issues and worked our way around my shortcomings. Ive always seen myself as being both female and male but prefer my female side, if that make any sense. At age 45 I developed stage three testicular-ovarian cancer. Extensive surgeries and chemo has had a profound effect on me. At last I fully realize who I am.
Ironically Ive come to realize that I would like to start taking a low dose of estrogen as a way of replacing the female parts cut away during cancer treatments but sadly it was found that I carry the genes for both ovarian and breast cancer. Taking estrogen could cause the cancer to return once more.
In effect like you I sit between two worlds. I should be glad im alive when from the very beginning I was told this will kill me and yet there is the need to cross over. My doctor has suggested surgeries to change my appearance. Im not sure after having 28 surgeries that I would wish even more surgery.
There is a sadness in your eyes, so I write to offer you some degree of comfort. Im glad you have some one who loves you as the wonderful person you are. I too have been extremely lucky in the regard. We have been marry for 50 years and are still very much in love. .
Thank you for sharing your story.
again I enjoy what you have to say and will take away things that I can apply to my life. @@RayAlexWilliams
Happy you are finding your true self, and that you didn't get any surgeries so you can actually transition back.
How did your family take your transition initially?
Initially they were concerned because it “came out of nowhere” given that my crossdressing had always been secretive and otherwise I wasn’t effeminate as a child. They didn’t disown me or anything but were very confused about why I was doing what I was doing out of concern for me. Eventually they came around to be supportive as the years went on. And now they’re very happy that I detransitioned.
@@RayAlexWilliamsthank you for responding and very much for what you’re doing to educate us.
HooRay! You're fabulous 🎉❤
Thank you 😊
@@RayAlexWilliams my pleasure 🙏 ☺️ You're a very courageous person and you should be very proud...besides that, you're very attractive spiritually & physically 😘💝✨️
I am soooo happy for you. You are so brave. Anyone who tells you otherwise is a coward and wishes they can be as brave as you. Your a handsome guy. Find God he will help you with this journey.
I'm glad you came full circle coming back to your childhood & discovered it's women's clothing that arouses you, you discovered female hormone therapy killed your libido but have developed it again with male hormones & you have a good solid foundation with your wife as emotional support & therapist in your journey.
Thank you! The truth is all most of us want. You simply explained so much and I pray that leaders and others attempting to hoodwink us all into believing that there is such a thing as a gendered soul could hear your honesty- I’ve heard that as manny as 3% of people have autoheterosexuality- does this term speak to you?
The term does speak to me. I recently read Phil Illy’s book on the subject and it explains my whole life.
Brilliant! Very impressive
Thanks for sharing
it is good to discover what you are and what you like; it is all very titillating; be careful about objectifying yourself; youtube is using you; you seem like a good and sincere person; take care!
My mother caught my brother trying on her girdle when young , she thought he might be gay and he was . He has passed but I don’t think he ever cross dressed in fact in his later years he dressed very masculine.
I’m surprised that gender dysphoria didn’t come up at all in this video of why you transitioned in the first place. I know not all trans people need to have gender dysphoria but it is a very good indicator.
I’m currently a trans woman just starting my transition and I have some arousal from dressing feminine but not all the time. And when it does happen, I hate it. I want it to stop. I don’t want to feel like it is because of the arousal that I’m doing this.
There’s also a lot of other gender dysphoria reasons that i want to go through this.
Your desires for women’s clothing and arousals from them doesn’t mean you want to be that gender 100%. I appreciate your videos, maybe it makes others lives easier in figuring themselves out.
BTW! I love that your wife stayed with you when you identified as a female and now. I'd definitely do the same if the person I love was male and then switched identities, I'd stick by him/her. I have a lot of questions about trans stuff, but I think when we marry someone we need to accept them no matter what. Glad you have that in your life.
I disagree. There are certain lifestyle choices that someone may make that I won't stick around for. One of them is transition. I'd help him get therapy to help deal with his feelings because I don't believe there's such a thing as true trans, but if he insists on transition even if it's just social but full-time and not just a cross dressing kink to do at parties, I'm out. I respect myself enough to not stay with a misogynistic man who thinks being a woman is a costume he can put on.
Have you heard of Ray Blanchard and AGP theory? And if so , do you feel it applies to you?
Yes, I have definitely heard of AGP and think it does apply to me.
My nephew crossdresses at home. My uncle was a manly man and he cross dressed so I get it.
You have an amazing wife who is bi or pansexual enough to be with you through all these changes and I guess also big intimacy changes from not being on hormones. Men are so much more likely to pick up a fetish from a young age and getting consumed by it in later life when testosteron throws fuel on the fire. I think it can be so confusing, therapists do not have all the answers and can only go by what complaints their client has with their recommendations.
I think we've seen a number of really bad examples of people transitioning for the wrong reasons. I'm not saying you did, I think everyone should be able to explore all possibilities and detransitioning isn't a failing but just another step in finding yourself. But the people who are ruled by a fetish can do really stupid stuff like claim to be a trans 13 year old and that they have to be around girls in puberty and talk about sex with them, that sort of thing gets then used to make all trans people look like pedophiles and "men trying to get into women's bathrooms". That just shows how strong these urges can be, ruling the rational mind.
Reality is of course not that black and white you can be trans and also have a fetish. Genderdysphoria has to be present, I think the more we learn the better treatment will get and the less people will end up thinking they made a mistake. That they can feel comfortable being genderfluid without social pressures.
Heya there!
I've been meaning to comment on your video, because I really kinda relate to you somewhat. I'm also autogynephilic, and I've transitioned and am planning on srs in the next year or two. I absolutely love your positive vibes, and you're obviously a very intelligent and introspective person. I do like that you to a different route to most mtftms and embrace your fem side as part of who you are. I think that's necessary tbh. I'm curious why you decided to detransition. Forgive me i haven't seen your other videos yet. I've been socially transitioned for 3 years and on HRT for 3.5 but i've felt as time goes on that i'm more secure in my decision to transition. But in the first year of my transition a video like this would've scared the shit out of me. I'm curious as to why it is that some of us have different reactions to transition.
Sorry for the ramble. I think it'd be cool to hear you on Strawberry Lemonade Christina's podcast (I was the most recent guest. I can get you in touch with her
I truly hope that you decide against SRS. This surgery can go very, tragically wrong. The detransitioner who goes by Tulip talks a lot about this. You can be who you are without removing healthy body parts.
Our clothing in the modern day is so same similar, I wish we could see that it's such a non big deal.
The arousal he experiences while dressed in feminine clothing is called 'autogynophelia'. Men who specifically get aroused by this in their male parts. Women who dress feminine may feel 'sexy' meaning they know that oyhers will see them as attractive or be aroused by them. No, you dont hear average females ever speak about being 'aroused' by seeing thrmselves in such clothes, rather, they will actually feel aroused by OTHERS reaction to them.
Correct
As long as you don‘t harm ppl w your cross dressing, it‘s not up to anyone to judge or shame you! It‘s just a preference. Just clothes for us and for you it‘s more, so what? Doesn‘t harm us as long as it is not related to harmful behavior that includes/affects other ppl. If you need others to take part and especially if those ppl are not giving consent, that‘s a different story.
When you speak of prepubescent arousal with fantasies of being forced to be a girl, do you mean sexually? And are you quite convinced this is an accurate memory? Asking because my understanding of child development is that children don't develop sexuality like that from a young age.
Also, is this a 'cissification' thing, like a fantasy of subjugation? If so, a lot of it strikes me as the sort of thing which could be instigated by pornography, but for whatever reason, extended more into paraphilia rather than just ending at the porn like it would for most people.
It's pretty interesting that you fit a classic AGP profile in so many ways, but also demonstrate gyneandromorphophilia traits. I wonder if this speaks to bisexuality?
I'm applying a value free axiology to all of this by way, Ray. Purely in the spirit of enquiry, and appreciate you sharing your experiences. It helps that you're so articulate and scientifically minded.
If I can finally be so bold as to offer a bit of advice, speaking as an average working class British man (hetero, no paraphilias or mental health diagnoses, irreligious upbringing. Only area where I buck the average trend is in education to MSc level as a health professional). If you accept, as I do, that gender is a social construct, then the legitimacy of concepts like masculine and feminine behaviours is questionable. You speak here about embracing your feminine or masculine side, wanting to be a dominant masculine male for a time. I know you're still trying to make sense of all of these things, and what I'd suggest is that you forget thinking about things in terms of masculinity or feminity. This is a somewhat restricting taxology, where activities and behaviours are stuck into boxes labelled 'for men' and 'for women'. If boys like playing with dolls, but can't because 'that's a girl thing', then they're being oppressed.
When I act in my everyday life, I'm not thinking about what the masculine or feminine thing to do is. I don't think 'as a man'. I'm just me, doing what I feel like. That's my advice to you: Just be Ray. Do the things you like, and avoid the things you don't like, whether they're considered masculine or effeminate. Don't oppress yourself by avoiding something you like because it's not 'masculine' - do it because you like it. Don't try to be dominant, or to act 'like a man', because you already are a man, and everything you do is therefore a thing a man does. I think life will be less confusing if you strip it back like this and just do you.
Support you
Thank you
Way to go! Just keep being yourself
Thank you 😊
I have an ex friend that’s secretly going thru this
Be who you want to be Ray - without health ruining drugs or surgery. Totally cool - however it suits you. No reason for shame. Own it - and with that comes - enjoy it. So glad you have a supportive partner. I have much more respect for a crossdresser - someone who loves the look and feel of another genders typical clothing and ways. But NO respect for anyone who actually believes they can become another sex. Ain't ever gonna happen. It's Biology and most important - the drugs will change the real you - which seems like a pretty cool person.
It's weird how clothes are always talked about when people decide to transition. Like saying when inwas young I used to like to wear feminine clothing etc. These things are just your personality. I don't see what it has to do aith changing gender. The reason people change changes is because society pressure. It's kinda sad I think when people can't embrace masculine and feminine traits without being told they have to be a Trans person or they are gay. I am a female who often dresses tomboy, I was basixally harassed by gay females trying to convince me I am gay because they way I dress. I am totally straight and into men. I think I would know! So it's just funny how clothes and feminine stereotype always get brought up. I wonder if we were all cavemen and everyone wore a leaf for clothing I'd people would feel they were the wrong sex? Lol
Such a good looking guy. Please embrace your manhood.