I think this is a much healthier way to look at people bc it has become too common to label almost everyone we struggle in a relationship with a “narcissist” . It’s overplayed I think. We all have an attachment style and we can do some deep research and inner healing with this information. As well as better understand those we are or have been in relationship with. I’m so glad I saw this ❤
“Thank you so much for explaining attachment theory! It’s amazing that you’re offering this valuable education at no cost to the public. So many of us are incredibly undereducated about attachment, and we’re truly grateful for all the inspirational material you share with us.”
Fearful avoidant so close to secure. I realized there has been a few things that trigger this still BUT i am able to come to self and be aware much quicker and get through it.
On Chapter 3 of PDS new book Learning Love ❤️ Learning Attachment Styles, core wounds Reprogramming and Communication has transformed my life and I'm grateful for @PersonalDevelopmentSchool and my willingness and perseverance today ❤
Hello! I took your quiz and it says that I have a secure attachment style. I unfortunately did not have a loving and healthy upbringing and this confuses me…just a little lol. Now, I have been practicing self reflection since childhood..but I can’t tell if some of the healing methods I’ve implemented have worked, or if I have a false reading of sorts. I generally feel out of touch in relationships and have been told by many close to me that I tend to make them feel small. I feel as if I match the description and genuinely try to be a solid person walking the earth…but I also feel like horrible for unintentionally making anyone feel a certain way. Like if I walk my shopping cart back and someone makes a joke I’ll say something like “well, good people wouldn’t think twice about it” then the other person feels as if I said something about them….with people telling me that I make them feel this way, I always feel as if I’m in a cycle of neutral growth. I know obviously there isn’t a finish line, but if I’m doing alright….I hate the thought that it’s not me and it’s just all around me….the reason is because I accidentally lost someone important to me..I had expected them to see growth as an objective and easy to implant tool (because I reason everything like a dumbass). That’s when I learned that I learned that my weakness was impatience…or was my weakness adhering to boundaries that I now I realize I could have been stronger throughout. Ahhhhh! In all my life that’s the only time I really regret standing up for myself…..well..thanks for reading and for the awesome video! I got to get back to work cause I paused the video to take the quiz and got all caught up for a second. Bye y’all!
You did a video for me. Thank you. I thought I was all screwed up with all the other attachment styles but I scored a secure attachment style on your test. But can a secure attachment style person get fooled into a relationship by a dark empath, covert narcissist, bpd or anxious/fearful avoidant
@@bayareaprepper I think it's hard to say what went into the soil of our minds. Perhaps a combination of both nature and experience? I also scored as securely attached on the tests, yet grew up in an alcoholic home. My mother, always there, loving, supportive, etc, probably saved me.
@@GeoffreyAngapa I agree. I also think that degradation of morals is strengthening our morals and it is probably a good thing we seen or experienced the soil, water and sun as well as the storms and earthquakes we have been through. Stay strong and open on your journey brother. Glad we are in the same classroom! Happy Thanksgiving!
So, is it possible to embody two or more of these attachment styles? I feel that I resonate with two of them strongly and the other one mildly. How do we navigate our way through healing that if there's layers to our attachments?
I got FA from the test, but looking at my childhood, can relate more to DA and AP. There were inconsistencies and lack of emotional support. Not so much chaos, nor substance abuse. My mom did experience some emotional distress when I was young. Also my parents didn’t fight much and had a fairly healthy relationship and still do. Did I get FA because I can relate to those two different styles? When listening to other info on FA I can relate to many characteristics… just not so much the childhood home.
thank you so much for your videos! I'm always wondering, is it a tiny bit more healthy, if I start to be more open to my anxious patterns, whereas before I was only avoidant and thought I don't need anyone? is moving from avoidant to anxious a sign of going in the directioon to secure? 😅 because at least you start to have hope for relating with people, where as before you didn't even saw it as an option.
Hi Thais, I’ve been going through a period of dealing with post infidelity stress disorder and am trying to reconcile with my husband, his infidelity has caused me to become anxious pre-occupied where I was leaning more secure prior to his infidelity (it was 5 years ago, I was suspicious for 4 years and then he confessed a year ago, I’ve been in therapy since) can our attachment be altered and dictated by circumstances in our adult lives too? I believe he is fearful avoidant, Thanks ❤
Off topic but maybe someone can elaborate or may know the video for my question... Secure attachment here. I have had two friendships with anxious p. attachments and both times they would contact me and ask how I'm doing and so on. I answer fully and friendly ask what they are up to...Then they don't respond until they want something else a month or so later. When asked they forgot to answer. Is this testing something or dissociating or see if I care and ask whats wrong, or is this everything is fine I can now take my attention back to my partner that is my first and most important focus?? Just curious what behavior this was..
APs tend to be very needy which makes them seek out ways to get their various needs met from multiple sources (in your case it sounds like they needed a place to vent. On a deeper level, they have a strong need to control everyone and everything around them, which is why they tend to want their partners to abandon their relationships with other people. In your case with them leaving and popping back up again, they probably wanted to make sure you were still around. They get a high out of knowing people they don't care much about are (somewhat) dependent to them.
Makes me think of adhd. My anxious friends who did that had also adhd and they just got distracted and forgot to text back. But if you text them they get fully interested again. And also some people are just not texters. But if you are secure you could just talk about it.
@@user-js4mt1nr2y Narcissistic people and Psychopaths tend to be misdiagnosed as having ADHD. They do not have ADHD. They are just too self-Centred to care about what does not spark their interest.
@@sifublack192Interesting take. I’m AP and while I agree I’m needy, I certainly don’t want to control everyone around me. I do want to be somewhat of a priority to my partner though, as I will prioritize them above my other relationships. My reaction to the question was to think it’s likely the AP friends sought support from multiple people in a time of need, and kind of “went with” the first person to respond. I can’t explain the no reply thing though… I tend to put a lot of effort into maintaining relationships, even those which are “over”. I still get along well with my exes. In fact I spent six hours yesterday helping my son work on his mom’s car. I don’t expect anything in return from her except maybe a “thank you”.
Thais, your videos have helped tremendously in my marriage. Thank you for all the effort. Please allow me to point out something unrelated and rest assured that I do not intend to offend you. Please lose the voice 'fry'... it is so annoying to the degree that I stopped watching your videos then came back again because you're the best on this topic. And like you, I'm an FA and my husband a DA 😂... so you've really helped a lot here.
Made the test. Came up secure. Cannot be. Since i can relate to insecure attachment and wasnt bonding with my caregivers. Idk. More like DA. or. FA. But always speaking truth when nobody wants to hear it.
Share this with anyone you think needs to know about Attachment Styles!
I think this is a much healthier way to look at people bc it has become too common to label almost everyone we struggle in a relationship with a “narcissist” . It’s overplayed I think. We all have an attachment style and we can do some deep research and inner healing with this information. As well as better understand those we are or have been in relationship with. I’m so glad I saw this ❤
So true!
Absolutely true!
“Thank you so much for explaining attachment theory! It’s amazing that you’re offering this valuable education at no cost to the public. So many of us are incredibly undereducated about attachment, and we’re truly grateful for all the inspirational material you share with us.”
I love how your explanation of how childhood issues impact this!!
❤
I never knew.
Fearful avoidant so close to secure. I realized there has been a few things that trigger this still BUT i am able to come to self and be aware much quicker and get through it.
This is one of the very best videos on self-awareness and I have watched hundreds:). This is pure gold. Thank you!!🙏
❤the updated versions of the 2020 videos. We’ve progressed together 💗
Thank you for your support over the years!
Yes I remember 2020 😊
On Chapter 3 of PDS new book Learning Love ❤️ Learning Attachment Styles, core wounds Reprogramming and Communication has transformed my life and I'm grateful for @PersonalDevelopmentSchool and my willingness and perseverance today ❤
Such a succinct explanation. We appreciate this.
Excellent summary, Thais. Thank you!
Can someone use different attachment styles for different people?
I think i see this in myself and others in my family.
Thank you so much.
Hello! I took your quiz and it says that I have a secure attachment style. I unfortunately did not have a loving and healthy upbringing and this confuses me…just a little lol. Now, I have been practicing self reflection since childhood..but I can’t tell if some of the healing methods I’ve implemented have worked, or if I have a false reading of sorts. I generally feel out of touch in relationships and have been told by many close to me that I tend to make them feel small. I feel as if I match the description and genuinely try to be a solid person walking the earth…but I also feel like horrible for unintentionally making anyone feel a certain way. Like if I walk my shopping cart back and someone makes a joke I’ll say something like “well, good people wouldn’t think twice about it” then the other person feels as if I said something about them….with people telling me that I make them feel this way, I always feel as if I’m in a cycle of neutral growth. I know obviously there isn’t a finish line, but if I’m doing alright….I hate the thought that it’s not me and it’s just all around me….the reason is because I accidentally lost someone important to me..I had expected them to see growth as an objective and easy to implant tool (because I reason everything like a dumbass). That’s when I learned that I learned that my weakness was impatience…or was my weakness adhering to boundaries that I now I realize I could have been stronger throughout. Ahhhhh! In all my life that’s the only time I really regret standing up for myself…..well..thanks for reading and for the awesome video! I got to get back to work cause I paused the video to take the quiz and got all caught up for a second. Bye y’all!
You did a video for me. Thank you. I thought I was all screwed up with all the other attachment styles but I scored a secure attachment style on your test. But can a secure attachment style person get fooled into a relationship by a dark empath, covert narcissist, bpd or anxious/fearful avoidant
Or did I grow into a secure attachment style because I learned so much about relationships/and people?
@@bayareaprepper I think it's hard to say what went into the soil of our minds. Perhaps a combination of both nature and experience? I also scored as securely attached on the tests, yet grew up in an alcoholic home. My mother, always there, loving, supportive, etc, probably saved me.
@@GeoffreyAngapa I agree. I also think that degradation of morals is strengthening our morals and it is probably a good thing we seen or experienced the soil, water and sun as well as the storms and earthquakes we have been through. Stay strong and open on your journey brother. Glad we are in the same classroom! Happy Thanksgiving!
Wise words, my friend. And thank you. Be strong on your journey too! Happy Thanksgiving!
Now I can't stop thinking that I'm like Katy Perry's "Hot & Cold" song's inspiration
So, is it possible to embody two or more of these attachment styles? I feel that I resonate with two of them strongly and the other one mildly. How do we navigate our way through healing that if there's layers to our attachments?
Take the quiz. Otherwise I would talk to a therapist. They will be able to give you a definite answer.
I got FA from the test, but looking at my childhood, can relate more to DA and AP. There were inconsistencies and lack of emotional support. Not so much chaos, nor substance abuse. My mom did experience some emotional distress when I was young. Also my parents didn’t fight much and had a fairly healthy relationship and still do. Did I get FA because I can relate to those two different styles? When listening to other info on FA I can relate to many characteristics… just not so much the childhood home.
FA is literally a combination of DA and AP.
Clearly communicated. Well illustrated. Invaluable information. ❤Thank you, Thais! ❤
thank you so much for your videos! I'm always wondering, is it a tiny bit more healthy, if I start to be more open to my anxious patterns, whereas before I was only avoidant and thought I don't need anyone? is moving from avoidant to anxious a sign of going in the directioon to secure? 😅 because at least you start to have hope for relating with people, where as before you didn't even saw it as an option.
Many thanks.
❤
Hi Thais, I’ve been going through a period of dealing with post infidelity stress disorder and am trying to reconcile with my husband, his infidelity has caused me to become anxious pre-occupied where I was leaning more secure prior to his infidelity (it was 5 years ago, I was suspicious for 4 years and then he confessed a year ago, I’ve been in therapy since) can our attachment be altered and dictated by circumstances in our adult lives too? I believe he is fearful avoidant, Thanks ❤
Happy Thanksgiving PDS💜🦃😊
❤❤
I felt I was a different type than the test result gave me - what do I do?
Follow the fix for each ?
Off topic but maybe someone can elaborate or may know the video for my question...
Secure attachment here.
I have had two friendships with anxious p. attachments and both times they would contact me and ask how I'm doing and so on. I answer fully and friendly ask what they are up to...Then they don't respond until they want something else a month or so later. When asked they forgot to answer.
Is this testing something or dissociating or see if I care and ask whats wrong, or is this everything is fine I can now take my attention back to my partner that is my first and most important focus??
Just curious what behavior this was..
APs tend to be very needy which makes them seek out ways to get their various needs met from multiple sources (in your case it sounds like they needed a place to vent. On a deeper level, they have a strong need to control everyone and everything around them, which is why they tend to want their partners to abandon their relationships with other people. In your case with them leaving and popping back up again, they probably wanted to make sure you were still around. They get a high out of knowing people they don't care much about are (somewhat) dependent to them.
According to Psychologists, majority of Narcissistic people have Anxious Attachment
Makes me think of adhd. My anxious friends who did that had also adhd and they just got distracted and forgot to text back. But if you text them they get fully interested again. And also some people are just not texters. But if you are secure you could just talk about it.
@@user-js4mt1nr2y Narcissistic people and Psychopaths tend to be misdiagnosed as having ADHD. They do not have ADHD. They are just too self-Centred to care about what does not spark their interest.
@@sifublack192Interesting take. I’m AP and while I agree I’m needy, I certainly don’t want to control everyone around me. I do want to be somewhat of a priority to my partner though, as I will prioritize them above my other relationships.
My reaction to the question was to think it’s likely the AP friends sought support from multiple people in a time of need, and kind of “went with” the first person to respond.
I can’t explain the no reply thing though… I tend to put a lot of effort into maintaining relationships, even those which are “over”. I still get along well with my exes. In fact I spent six hours yesterday helping my son work on his mom’s car. I don’t expect anything in return from her except maybe a “thank you”.
I think im anxious avoidant 😮
Thais, your videos have helped tremendously in my marriage. Thank you for all the effort. Please allow me to point out something unrelated and rest assured that I do not intend to offend you. Please lose the voice 'fry'... it is so annoying to the degree that I stopped watching your videos then came back again because you're the best on this topic. And like you, I'm an FA and my husband a DA 😂... so you've really helped a lot here.
First like First comment 😊 sincerely yours Fearful-Dismissive Avoidant 💜
❤
They offered a free quiz to see which attachment style I am. I took the quiz, but never received results as promised.
And Teach, why do people that have hurt attachment styles don't want to learn about getting better?
Made the test. Came up secure. Cannot be. Since i can relate to insecure attachment and wasnt bonding with my caregivers. Idk.
More like DA. or. FA.
But always speaking truth when nobody wants to hear it.
Ok ,I'm guessing I'm most likely an anxious attachment style, at least.
Furst.
❤
Love you but can’t listen to your “VOCAL FRY”!
What u r saying is good, but u may need 2 slow down a bit.❤