What Are The 4 Attachment Styles?
Вставка
- Опубліковано 28 вер 2024
- Timestamps
4:12 Anxious Attachment
9:35 Avoidant Attachment
16:10 Secure Attachment
20:48 Fearful Avoidant Attachment
HELLO! This video is one I feel like I have recorded 500 times now but it's worth getting right because attachment styles is a system that has been revolutionizing my life over the past year. The 4 styles are: Anxious Attachment, Avoidant Attachment, Fearful Avoidant Attachment and Secure Attachment. And in this video we go into depth about what each of those profiles look like.
I've been studying Attachment Theory in some form since University but it wasn't until I discovered the Personal Development School and Thais Gibson (Website here: university.per...) that I started to do deep healing work. (This is not an ad for the Personal Development School, I just love them).
I'm planning on putting out a LOT of content related to Attachment Styles over the next year. But what I really want to hear about is where you're at in your attachment style journey! Do you know your type? Are you in a relationship with someone whose type is very different from your own? What do you really want to learn about (or have explained to you in easy-to-understand terms)?
LOVE YOU ALL and Happy Valentine's Day!!
And remember to visit www.heidipriebe.com for all your ENFP & INFP Soul Bootcamp needs.
Why isn’t attachment theory a topic in school?!? Being able to understand this aspect of ourselves is incredibly useful for emotional regulation and development healthy relationships with others. It’s amazing how much sense this all makes.
Haha, because school is not meant to help you, but to train you to be a good little obedient citizen, dependent on the state. If you're interested, you can read John Holt, Ivan Illich, John Taylor Gatto. And Larken Rose.
School/Prison/Brainwashing isn't in place for the benefit and well being of common humanity
It is, if your school has a psychology class
It's available as AP Psychology. I took it junior year of high school.
Because it would put the lions share of fault and responsibility on the parents. 🤷♀️
Fun fact: If I slow this video down to 0.75x, it sounds like your videos now. I didn't realize you had worked so hard on your presentation. Very good work, ma'am! 😊
opinion
Agree, love Heidi but this was just a whirlwind!!
@@KentBuchla Captain obvious with the most useless comment of the day. Must be one of those secure types..
i came here to see if i was the only person having issues with the speed of her presentation. Great information but it's difficult to process at times. I think editing out the space between sentences and subjects is part of the issue, not her personal style to be clear.. Kent.
@@nickernator4788 Tell me you're American without... well, you know...
"The fearful-avoidant type is very confusing, even to the fearful-avoidant themselves..."
Great video, Heidi!
Yep! 😂😂
It's the definition of literally being broken
As an ENFP with an anxious attachment style, I’ve spent many years neglecting my needs of what makes me come alive, often repressing my true self to get love and attention from others. Struck gold with finding Heidi’s channel as she lays out what ENFPs need to be happy in other videos. My inner Si is taking lots of notes, Te is building a step by step self-healing program, Fi is obsessing over finding out what’s wrong with me, and Ne is sitting there bored as hell waiting for all this to get sorted out so the ENFP can go explore the world and have fun.
Oh man, you nailed it, Amir! Same! ❤️
That’s exactly where I find myself. Only me being rather fearful avoidant
OMG THE SET DESIGN IS AMAZING!
Thank you for mentioning the vilification of avoidant at the end.
I stumbled over a description about dismissive avoidant some time again & it fit me in ways that stung quite a bit.
Since then I have been trying to gather bits of information here and there & absorb/accept it (not just dismiss it out of hand)
But I am at a point where f.e. Instagram now keeps telling me how anxious people are amazing, deserve people that treat them & their needs well, while I am a piece of shit that does not deserve a single human relationship & should get over themselves RIGHT NOW.
Which is pretty hurtful & demotivating. I have been trying to make the best of things & keep working on myself (even if it was not on the mental health portion of my life) for years, but apparently, that was for nothing.
Nothing else encourages one so well to change as being told one is an inherently bad person (\sarcasm).
It doesn’t just have to be the parent who impacts the attachment style. It can also be an older sibling or other “authority-type” person close to them.
She put 5 things together! Thats actually pretty impressive.
I always thought I had an anxious attachment style. I learnt that I’m fearful-avoidant. Thank you so much for this Heidi❤. I was so happy to find your UA-cam… Over the years I’ve read all of your essays on thought catalog, they got me through really difficult moments In my life. I’m glad I found you here as well❤😃
Heidi, Being the son of two architects, we tend to look down on interior designers, so you should be proud that you fill your brain with things that are more important than where you put the couch. Fearful avoidant are probably the result of mothers who cared more about the couch than the child. You are great!
That’s really sad that you look down on someone else for having a different purpose than you! Why do you think you’re better than someone else for what they do? Not everyone can fulfill the same purpose. Interior designers are needed in the world too. Who wants to live in an ugly house even if it was architected well?
The fact some of us do not already know these things says something about us. It says more about our culture, society, schools, and parents. Like, so much more!
So glad you've been posting on UA-cam, your content has been SO SO GOOD!!! Learning attachment theory through Personality Hacker podcast a few years so was life changing for me, and will be for others too. Was thrilled to see this topic pop up!
I have listened to countless hours of your videos, and you have absolutely become a great resource for attachment styles and healing. Your videos are invaluable! ❤
I don't care that it's been two years but I'm still going to throw in a compliment 😘 that's beautiful what you've put together for us...
... the tree, and the photograph isn't bad either 😆 I hope you are well. Thank you VERY MUCH for your videos. You take care of YOU, and your inner child too ❤
Thank you for taking the time to make this video, Heidi! Your knowledge is a generosity.
Your set looks really great! It feels good to my eyes. All 3 things in the background (the squares of the door, the plant and the photo) are interesting to me and it feels good to look at them. They all feel relaxing to me rather than distracting.
Thank you very much for this video! I have been lost lately and been binging all of your content. When I watched this I realized I am mostly likely fearful avoidant. I exhibit all the classic behaviors - the only reason I’ve been able to stay in my current relationship is exactly because I “know we won’t be together forever”… Part of my feeling lost I think has to do with the inner child work I need to do, and while I’ve done some grief work in the last year, I think this is a piece I’ve been missing. I already reached out to a therapist today that works on attachment issues. Thanks again!
Incredible video - this is the first time I've heard of attachment styles and I felt like you explained a great deal in a super clear way. This is definitely something I want to learn more about and develop in so really looking forward to your next one :)
Heidi, this was incredible. Recommending it to everyone who wants to know more about it. Thanks for putting it out!
I absolutely adore you and thank you for sharing! I started learning about attachment styles about 2 yrs ago. Great information and I love becoming aware of things I can do to improve my journey.
I am an ENFP and really love exploring and understanding how people work on the inside.
Thanks Heidi for this informative video, and Happy Valentine's Day to all. When you talked about protest behaviours I immediately resonated with that as I use that quite often. I'm an anxious ENFP, and I find myself in constant need to get assurance and feedback .
Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! There is so much good information here presented in such a kickass accessible way. Understanding your attachment style and its ramifications on your adult life can alter your reality.
I have worked on myself for years became a psychologist and frequently look at my response to others and how it affects others.
I need to meet my needs. I don't focus on the environment. I can be alone. I like my own company. I assume anxious is preoccupied. Action discharge behavior in avoidant a play video games to get away from feeling. Your not ok.avoidant. proccupied will need more from other partner. Avoidant pulls away. Thank you for this detailed view of attachment.
Heidi, I hope you are reading this. Your videos are changing my life, thank you so much for sharing. Never before has the truth hurt so much, but it is a good type of hurt, it's healing and growth. You're incredible. I want to know about your story if you'd be willing to tell, maybe you have already. Each video is an incredible transforming light, tysm ❤❤❤
I second the personal development school. I've been active in the school for 3+ years and it's been life changing!
Seriously, thank you so much. I've been watching a few of your videos (and taking notes for myself and to speak with my therapist also). You are interesting, and I really appreciate the grace you give with these issues. Thank you!!!
i feel like i’m definitely anxious. i’ll deal things on my own for sure, i’m an enfp and type 4 so going through thoughts on my own time is important. however, if some scenario happens that is too much for me to deal with, i immediately freak out and call or text as many people as possible and continue panicking until multiple people respond and tell me it’s okay. when i was younger and highly anxious, i had a habit of telling my friends IN DETAIL what happened to me every day because i needed them to say something calm or funny to soothe my anxiety about what happened. idk why though, because i had a fairly good childhood and my mom is quite overprotective, so i can’t imagine her neglecting my needs.
EDIT: LOL just read that an overprotective mother can cause the anxious style. ok... makes sense now
You are simply the best at covering these topics. Keep up the work. It has really helped me understand why I do what I do.
All I needed in 1 video! I've watched a few videos on attachment, but this was by far the most helpful and info-packed. Thanks! Looking forward to more. Subscribed ✔
AHHH HEIDI!!! It's so amazing watching this after mostly consuming your newer videos!! I relate so much to the energy, passion, and scatterbrained-ness so much!!! I see myself in you and it makes me a bit excited for the future!
I'm an fearful avoidant....
Thank you so much for a very clear explaination! I just understand myself better and my friends attachment style.
I appreciate your videos so much not only do u pass on to in a way that makes it easy to get u also have such a warm and kind spirit about u that i appreciate so much. Wish u many blessings🎉
I learned to self-soothe and take care of my own needs. I believe I’m okay you’re not okay.
This was really informative, thank you! Just have some questions
- Is it possible for a secure type to become anxious or avoidant from trauma in their adult life, e. g. being cheated on and become anxious?
- Is it possible for an avoidant type to be genuinely sad about being alone, or for anxious types to be sad about being in a relationship?
1. Yes that’s possible!
2. Also yes. The coping mechanisms we pick don’t always make us happy, they’re just knee-jerk responses to intimacy. Though generally there is a feeling of relief associated with playing them out.
@@heidipriebe1m guessing there's probably spectrums to these behaviors right
like with any other behavior
like with introvert and extrover your more introverted than extroverted but there probably are them days times where you hang out with others something like that
This was really helpful! Now I know that I need to do some more digging into what I thought was a disorganized attachment style into what may just be anxious with some coping strategies or “protest and deactivating” strategies to get my needs met. Wild. I may be more fearful avoidant than I thought
I just want to thank you for this very interesting and inciteful video. I will definitely be watching as many of your other videos on this subject as I can.
That set is so peaceful. Nice job, Heide! Your eyes definitely work! 👀✌😍
this was super interesting! i think i'm secure attachment style with a little tendency to being avoidant. Which makes feel pretty o'right and it explains a lot
I want to say I'm fearful avoidant, but I'm not sure if I'm ready to commit to that label yet.
Lmfao
My question is what about something like (C)PTSD, where a trigger can seemingly change someone’s attachment style in a big way. Where perhaps they seem secure, but then some related or unrelated trigger occurs and suddenly the strategy changes? What’s the perspective on this type of situation. I’m sure this relates to other mental health issues that can change someone’s experience too.
My immediate guess would be that perhaps their default attachment style is one way (be it secure or insecure), but then when the trigger occurs, it changes into another. Like a trigger/situation dependent Chameleon Attachment Style. When I think of this relating to myself, I think of my thought, emotional and relational patterns and they can seem secure plenty of the time. But then something happens that triggers a trauma response, and suddenly the way I think, solve problems, contextualize experiences, etc, becomes disorganized, and my trajectory can change.
I’ve only recently been diagnosed with severe PTSD, and it’s suspected that I have CPTSD, and I’ve likely had it most my life. Learning this has helped me a lot to heal and grow. Though now that I’m seeing your video again, and reviewing my life relating to it, I’m seeing pockets of different attachment styles show up. Situation dependent. For a while I thought I was anxious style, then fearful avoidant for a little bit, but looking back, I’d only have considered myself any of those insecure attachment styles during specific times when I was actually not in okay situations, or when after leaving a long term relationship. Of which loss is a big trigger of mine (dad died when I was 15, to cancer, and I virtually lost almost everything about my life that day).
It’s also confusing because I’ve been passionate about my mental and relational health for about 9 years or so, and have made tremendous progress between coping and healing. But from time to time the triggers hit and things get strange.
So, I suppose to summarize, I’m wondering how things like mental illness can effect the ways that attachment styles present themselves between mental illnesses that are apparently chronic vs ones that tend to have more acute moments and that are at least more trigger dependent than not.
I really love her videos and how in depth they go and the material she covers, I just wish she would speak a bit slower. I tried putting her on 0.5 times speed but that's a bit too slow haha. Maybe if it was a bit less edited it would be easier to retain the information, currently I'm just having to rewind a lot.
But thank for all the amazing videos you're putting out! Very helpful, honestly!
Love your videos and Personal Development School too, so I was really glad to hear you give them a shout out 🙂
ENFP here.
Thank you. Had to look up this video to find out what an attachment style is after seeing another video and having no idea what all this typology was about. Then, at 2:23 in this video, I learned I didn't need to watch these videos afteraall, which was what I suspected but wanted to be sure. So no sarcasm in that "thank you". I appreciate the confirmation and clarity.
Been watching your videos in kinda reverse order and kept feeling like I related to all the attachment issues, but didn't want to acknowledge i could have fearful avoidance took the quiz on the website you reccomened and got disorganized fearful avoidance 😅
That show "How I met your mother" was a great example of the attachment styles ( heard on a podcast I listen to about these attachment styles) . I fit most in the fearful avoidant (the character of Robin), it is exhausting making efforts in any relationship. I stay to myself most of the time, its the only time I feel at peace. The only relationships I seem to stay in are with people that treats me like how I was treated growing up.
What was the podcast?
I love Thais as well! Learned so much from her and the PDS!
I've seen scenarios of myself in all these styles of attachment. I think though I'm less prone to act like an anxious attatched person who tries to get other people's attention, but I do have tendencies to feel safer being walked through something when doing tasks but if that is not possible I prefer to do it all by myself and want no distractions or other people getting in my way. Which makes me think I could be fearful avoidant because of the self hate I have and mistrust of others I have to accomplish things with. But I also have developed some secure traits in the right times when I have the energy to do so, I think.
I used to test as infj a lot but I think it's boiled down to infp.
The more I hear about each style, the more I realize that we truly aren't just one style because development occurs at different times and ways in our lives, and so does trauma and processing that trauma.
I don’t know what style I am but I’m jumping over to that channel you recommend now
❤ thank you for putting the effort in to making this information accessible and clear ❤
Can a fearful avoidant also be the other way around? I tend to be very held back about forming new intimate relationships (or even showing interest) but once I we have bonded I have a very hard time letting go. My self view has always been very negative but also my view about others.
Man, your set looks amazing, well done! Good job. :)
Wow, I loved this video and many of your other videos. I just wanted to say that I’m so relieved to hear your mention a resource that doesn’t paint the avoidant types as villains. When I read Attached, it was super eye opening, it was bitter but potent medicine- a powerful wake up call, but did feel unnecessarily harsh and isolating at times. I did gain a lot of compassion toward my anxious partner. I know people often mis-type themselves but I’m almost certain I’m fearful avoidant. Learning about attachment theory has been life changing for me and explains so much of the confusion I’ve had throughout my life and relating. Your videos are so so clear and well articulated and I could not be any more grateful. 🤍
Great picture behind you!
This explanation has made it strikingly clear that anxiety arises from some significant degree of neglect and avoidance arises from some significant degree of abuse, and that people who have a parent who neglects them and a parent who abuses them -or two parents to do both -are more likely to end up as struggling with fearful-avoidant tendencies. Whereas those of us who were not the product of physical abuse or neglect but who had emotional neglect are more likely to end up with some anxiety.
Does the research say anything about witnessing abuse rather than being a victim of it?😢
Nice set Heidi!
Excellent information 👌 👏 👍
In addition to the background, your audio has super improved recently. Keep up that production value. :-)
This is the best explanations of the attachment styles I’ve ever come across. Thank you!!
Another hella insightful video. Fascinating.
Really helpful video, everything is presented so clearly. Subscribed!
Love the poster!
Excuse my limited understanding.
How far can one slide on the spectrum?
I feel like when I was a teenager and in my early 20s, I leaned more into what you've explained as the anxious attachment, but spent my late 20s and most of my 30s avoidantly attached.
Did I overcorrect?
I've been in a relationship with an anxiously attached or fearful avoidant (I'm not sure which one they are) for over 8 years now. It's been good for the most part, and when we do have disagreements, she might get quite intense, while I tend to pull back, reflect and then addres the situation (not always possible, I know).
Still, we have a communicate-even-if-it-sucks approach.
Pull the plaster instead of picking at it passively as it were.
Avocado-Egg relationship, haha
Dismissive avoidant? You mentioned it towards the end but I didn’t hear an explanation. If its this video or another, can you please let me know? Thanks 🫶
This video has left me with more questions than answers. I feel like I have been through a few different attachment styles. However, I feel like my relationships have either sent me back to a particular attachment style from my past, or I am in a different attachment style in each relationship due to the dynamics and from the attachment strategies I developed as a child. Could you possibly clarify this confusion? Thank you for your videos. They are all very helpful.
Anxious attachment style :( you are on point
Great set
I feel like any problem that comes my way I have to handle it myself.
Nice background Heidi good job.
I am Fearful Avoidant. My mom left when I was four. Giggled and called me sensitive in my 30s when I wanted to talk about it. Dad remarried a Mommy Dearest type when I was 7.
I'm currently feeling an "I'm not ok. You're not ok. But I'm willing to work on it, if you are" I just don't know how to find that or even follow my intentions. I also am a sucker for really aggressive women who love bomb me with physical chemistry, but are negative verbally. I don't want that anymore. I'm afraid of asking a person out to get to know them, because I feel like it's offensive.
nice set, great energy, perceptive observations. love to you, Heidi Priebe
I think I was the avoident type but then I got ill when I was 11, I was fainting and dealing with alot of pain, I was to scared to have tantrums but I tried all other ways even when they saw me unconscious in the floor they acted as if It's not a big deal, talked about waking up every night sweating and need for sugar, but never checked on me once, they said I'm strong and didn't tell school and I never learned how to asked for accommodations and hated myself and wished someone will save me. But also they being so aggressive and emotional unstable PLUS mother is definitely anxious type but also the head department of victim mentality with dad being a narcissistic manipulater he would allow her to treat us like shit and then tell us to go and apologise and soothe her because we stood up to her shitty treatment also would praiseus when it benefits him only and gaslight us that he is the chill one but i was the one most aware that both of them are shit, he once said that he found me by the fridge a sleep so he woke me up and made me a sandwichand said it was his saddest memory, but i told him that was happeningeverynight and you ignoredme!!!. I hated myself, I despised and hated them all. Disoriented is true but it is more like walking in fog, frightened where to place your foot next. I hated romance movies it felt like they gonna suck my soul but would dream of someone perfect who will fix everything. Too scared to have crush even, I don't look at men faces for long but would choose this one friend that seem stable, sutible for me and for my parents to approve, I would be more the anxious but then just feel I want to run. I had few friends and after I stop talking to them I feel in peace. I'm okay now, oh not to forget as kid I liked and trusted God and felt he is always with me because at night no one would answer my call but I had strong faith from some reason and carried me all my life and will always the one i love and feel safe just knowing he is watching and helping me. Also i deveoped masks depending on the people am with, always felt like i see them throw glass and my memory is mostly blank oy few clips or images. First part of healing is collapsing at work and quiting then having a big tantrum that you would need alot of meds to be able to sleep again but after that it took me about three years but I feel like the secure attachment type and will always keep learning about my self, thank you this helped understand why people get overwhelmed when I open up to them 😂
Thank you Heidi, great videos on attachment styles.. one question.. where does the dismissive avoidant fit into the 4 types is it in the same group with fearful avoidants?
We can change everything we think we are... nothing is permanent.
We’re all worthy of love.
I've never heard of this before and I'm very inrigued. I just took a test and my results came out as:
Fearful Avoidant 21%
Anxious Preoccupied 21%
Dismissive Avoidant 29%
Secure 29%
What the heck am I supposed to do with that? Lol!
Are there overlaps in Attachment Styles to MBTI and Enneagrams types? I'm an ENFP 9.
Can you share the test link? 👀
I would say that's a bad test. Most online tests can't be trusted to give accurate results for whatever they are testing you for. Learning yourself is the only way to figure it out accurately
Yeah where’s the test at?
one video to take them all. I owe you my life. anyway, I want to learn about these attachment styles. can you please name a book? a book that is easy for amateurs and rookies
I love the setup
Thank you ❤
Hiya, I'm in counselling training and I love your videos. Very well described! There's something that I still can't grasp... What's the difference between the push/pull response of the anxious-preoccupied/ambivalent style vs the disorganised style responses (who keeps close / pulls away) according to you ? Would truly appreciate your insight. All the best! 🌺
I really like your videos. What does positive view of oneself mean? Please define it in short. Thank you
Amazing video, Heidi! Do you think around 60% of the population is secure? I feel like it's much lower than that, maybe 20-30%. I've talked about this with a few therapists and they all agreed with me.
Super helpful ..thank you Heidi !
Yes, the tree is fire 🔥
I actually am an INFJ, but thankfully, I have a secure attachment style, near as I can tell.
I feel like being avoidant is a superpower in our modern society, where like confidence, independence and self-sufficiency in general is praised so highly.
Excellent presentation!
I'm very overwhelmed trying to figure out which attachment style I am and my husband too. He grew up with narcissistic mother and siblings. He's youngest of 4 and they treat him awful. I thought I was a 'normal ' person but I am thinking I may be dismmissive avoidant. How do I figure it out? This video didn't seem to cover the dismmissive avoidant type. Or I'm just not understanding. I'm new to this and not sure who or what I am anymore.
Does this mean that both Anxious and Avoidant types stem from the same kind of "mis-parenting" - parents that did not pay enough attention to their children to fulfill their essential needs, but they took opposite approaches to try to rectify this. (Being crudely reductionist):
Anxious - Make as much noise and trouble as possible so that parents must pay attention to them and give them what they need, regardless of the consequences.
Avoidant - sulk off and try to deal with all of their issues solo, even if it doesn't work very well, because they figure they are never going to get what they need from parents anyway.
Or, is there a unique type of parental failure mode that leads to one or the other?
love you and your back ground
Hi, how does disorganised attachment fit into this?
First: you are adorable and I love your content
Second: Myers briggs and eangram are hugely problematic and unscientific
WOW!! awesome. thank you so much
Hi , can anyone plz help me understand the types, Ive heard of Anxious, Avoidant, Fearful or anxious avoidant and secure. But ive also hear of Dismissive , is that just another word for avoidant ? what about disorganized ? are there sub groups or is this just different names ? I was very confused by the term dismissive avoidant as well, is that again just a term for avoidant ?
enfp with a secure attachment style. where my infj and intjs at
Excellent video❤
Love your background good job!
I think I was always anxious till after having a toxic relationship and having a mental breakdown I became avoidant
Do you ever have conversations 1o1 with your followers? I love your content and I think it would be amazing to have a conversation with you.
What is this inner world at 11:38? It sounds like what my gf has been talking about but I don’t feel like I’ve ever seen it. Is there somewhere that would explain this better? I can’t really understand why anyone would just talk about that stuff for no reason and it’s startling that you say it’s normal.