I struggle sometimes but the worst is when I see myself in pictures. I actually think I look like a whole swollen potato, especially in my face, in every picture or on video. I’m sad because people will not be able to look on my life because I’ve hidden from pictures for so long. I’m almost 40 and nowhere near getting better about this.
@@ХеленаТадић-е3ю they see u like u see urself in the mirror, when u see ur friend in a mirror he looks same as u see him in real life, pictures don't show the real you trust me, let someone take a video of you, and that you will know how u look for real
It's even been proven scientifically that we are all unphotogenic in the way that nobody looks better in photos than in real life. You DO in fact look better in real life!!
I heared someone on tiktok say "dress to express, not to impress" and that really shifted something in me. wanted to share because I thought it might resonate with you
I feel the prettiest and sexiest when I'm in the middle of doing something I love. Assembling a piece of furniture that is pretty hard to put together but I'm acing it, doing spring work in my little garden box with soil on my face, after a long day of carrying my photohraphy gear and almost dying because I'm not strong but I DID IT, sitting in a library writing an essay I know my professor will be proud of. Those are the moments I feel absolutely GORGEOUS. (It doesn't have to be anything grand or super hard tho, but just doing something I enjoy)
Since high school started, my insecurity has become so powerful that I can't even spend a single day without thinking about how I look. The thing that hurts the most is that I told myself so many times that I'm ugly that I can't even believe that someone could think I'm pretty. My friends or other people tell me I'm good looking, but there's always something here making me doubt that. I feel horrible, ugly and disgusting, and I don't know how to stop myself from thinking that. I should be my biggest fan, but instead, I'm my biggest hater. I'm tired of this.
Girl same here but the only difference is nobody says i’m pretty or even good looking …even when people say it , it is pretty obvious they’re just trying to be nice you know by saying things like “everyone’s beautiful “
I can definitely relate to this. Anytime someone compliments me, I believe they aren't being genuine. I just think "who could possibly find me attractive or good looking". It doesn't help that I use filters when I take pictures, which does a number on my body dysmorphia.
Growing up, my girl friends and I never talked about our bodies. We were the nerdy type and we never talked about "girl stuff" - and, sadly, self-hatred is very much girl stuff. However, in my first year of college, I had to sit behind this group of girls. Every day, before class started, they would pick their own bodies apart and say terrible things about themselves. They never told each other that they were wrong, that they were gorgeous. It was shocking to me. I gained so many insecurities in such a short time, so many things I had never even noticed, so many things I'm still working through. Women need to break this cycle.
So true Ana! I hope every girls find at least one "Jenny Mustard" girlfriend to be there for her and to talk lovingly about herself and her body to set an example and break this cycle. And btw. you are beautiful!!! 🌼
Very true we need to uplift each other! While on one hand you shouldn’t keep all ur insecurities in you can gain from venting to friends saying it all the time and not resolving the issue will weigh on all of you.
That happened to me when i entered junior high too. Was never the type to be insecure but all of a sudden i suddenly wanted to be someone else so i could fit the standard of my community
I also noticed that we tend to "dissect" ourselves and that's when the things that could be considered as "flaws" pop out so much. When I stop myself and look at me as a WHOLE (not just my face, not just my belly, not just my thighs), I feel pretty!! But when I start focusing on the details, that's when I step on a slippery slope.
Yes! My first time feeling ugly is when I noticed my thighs looks bigger than average teenage girl, and boys always make fun of my muscular calves. I began to love my legs again after I realized I can kick those mean boys harder.
even though I'm not being bullied, i still can't believe that I'm pretty it's like I'm spoiled when other people get bullied and it's me here complaining abt my appearance when I'm not getting bullied but i still feel so bad
Big part also plays the moment you are told something is not "pretty" about you during teenage years. I think these comments really stick, even though they might be meant as joke and overtime become internalized self-critic. I remember two moments from my life during early teens when somebody very negatively commented my body and my face (not as a joke) and I can still feel the way I felt in those moments. Even though now I reliaze that those comments are completely irrelavent and I am great and beautiful exactly as I am. But boy was that a long hard way to get to this place.
I agree with this completely! I recall an aunt saying to me when I was 15 ‘you poor thing you got your mothers thick ankles’. That was 55 years ago and all my life until about 2 years ago I fretted about my ankles. I covered them up as much as I could, never wore a dress, always pants. 😢. Similarly, someone made a negative comment about my height (170cm/5’7”) being too tall for a girl. For years I slouched trying to look shorter. Thankfully I got over that quicker and love my height now and realized it’s not actually even very tall! Peoples words at a vulnerable age can have a huge impact. I never make a negative comment to anyone about their looks or appearance because of my own experience.
@@carolannf The worst part is that your aunt probably forgot she said it a week later and it was kind of throw-away-comment for her. My mum once told me that my shoulds are too big. And just like you I covered that part through my whole teenage years. Few years back she asked me something about sleeveless dress (or something, not sure) and I told her "but you told me it doesn't suit me because of my shoulders". Turned out she did not remember that at all and swore that she does not (and never did) think that (which I believe since I actually really don't have broad shoulders). I am glad to hear that you got over that comment and I hope you are rocking some beautiful dresses these days!
yes it’s way harder to be confident when people have made negative comments about your appearance. people (especially guys) are so rude to me and i don’t know why😐
I recently was looking at old photos and saw some of myself as a teenager and remembered how I agonised about my looks and I was so cute! I now try and remember and try to keep in mind that one day I when I am older I will look back on pictures now and think the same now- so enjoy it. I love my grey hairs as I have purple hair and they are like free highlights
I realized that I was cherry-picking from my friends’ beautiful looks: that one’s hair, the other one’s blemish free skin, the third one’s legs, creating an impossible standard for myself. It took me a while to realize that my friends were cherry-picking from me too, and that’s when it clicked for me. I’m not more or less than anyone else. We all have the same parts, just put together differently. So why should I waste time on beating myself up about my body? I realize I hold a lot of privilege, with my skin tone and body shape being represented everywhere I look. I have plenty positive time models around me, and it still took me around 12 years to go from kid-feeling-pretty to I’m-the-ugliest-thing-alive to damn-I-look-cute-today.
@@arvin536 lol I don't get compliments too but in my opinion I would much rather not hear the compliments than to hear them and doubt if they're even true. I would prefer the compliments coming from myself. But u know wut, let's do it why not, ur charming and lovely whoever u are. :)
I remember looking at my thighs and thinking I was fat, too. I also felt mature for my negative mindset towards my body- which says a lot about societal pressure.
True! I remember as a child i never understood why grown up women talk about being too fat or say things like they couldn't eat that piece of cake or whatever.. And when those thoughts occurred to me the first time I somehow felt good about it - because that made me an "adult"? That's so fucked up 😳
@@jk_original It's crazy to keep realizing how many things in life were taught to be a definition of something! Hating our bodies = being woman, etc. And the moment you feel like you realize them all, another realization strikes and all you think is exactly what you wrote: "That's so fucked up 😳"
That was literally the first thing I noticed when I started believing I was fat (thighs) I am now- but when I started thinking that as a kid I was literally skinny in pictures. Not to say fat is bad, just saying how perception can change how you see yourself.
my way of getting rid of the obsession for my imperfection was to 1) realize that it doens't have to matter how i look, like i can look real bad but that should not preventme from being a valid and worthy human being. i have the right to be "ugly" or whatever i look, i don't have to fit in! 2) if i stop judging others i'll also stop judging myself so harshly, which is similar to what you said, so gradually i stopped caring about how others look and especially stop TALKING about it with the people around because that'll only make me more self conscious
I have never felt pretty... in the way that western society considers pretty. I have a high forehead and a big nose... small lips and boobs. I even have a dowagers hump from too much slouching when I was a shy, uncomfortable kid. Then one day I realized that in many other cultures my features are beautiful. I'm almost 40 and now I really don't care what people think. My mother, father, nonno and nonna areall beautiful and I am their byproduct. There should be no standard on beauty. My husband thinks I'm beautiful inside and out and so do I.
I have been told i was fat since the age of 3 years and that if i wax fat i would never get married. No man wants a fat wife. Now i am 55 an never married. My current boyfriend never comments and tells me i look pretty or anything when we go out. It effects me. It takes a lot to look myslef in the mirror and tell myself i am beautiful. Sometimes i cannot. At the end of the day i know i am not bad looking. Isn't it amazing what telling a child in formative years will do to them in later years.
I never comment, but this is perfect. I've said this exact thing, and felt this exact way when I was younger, even the picking apart what we hate about ourselves between friends. I am 53 now, and love who I am, flaws and all, it is me. I love and have accepted my imperfections and focus on the positive, and relay this to the ones who I love and are struggling with self love. Comparisons are the worst, because no one is the same, that is the beauty of it. It is utterly unfair to compare ourselves to anyone (magazines, social media etc) we are all truly unique. Thank you. I am sharing this.
So something that's always been a big hit to my self esteem is my fine hair, when I realised that I was constantly trying to style it like someone with thick hair one of those switches flipped back. My hair is mine, it's never going to magically thicken so why not style it like it deserves, I can rock a blunt cut like a god damn queen.
same!!! I'm wearing it long anyway, even though every magazine/people tells people with fine hair to cut it really short. I like it long, I try not to compare it to thick hair, but it's actually pretty hard not to
@@kristinalazarus4956 I would swap with you, I love looking at long thin hair and I constantly despair because no matter how much I thin it out it always grows super thick again. I always try to flatten it because it doesn't look good, I feel like a lion🙃
As soon i see myself in pictures i cant stop thinking about how ugly i am and thats sad but cant help it ._. also i like that you speak about this topic on your channel :D
omg I don’t love seeing myself in pictures either I can appreciate a selfie but if you take one of me it’ll take a million tries to get the angle right (bc my expression or something will look off to me)! I tell myself that picture is not who I am it’s a flat one dimensional photo of one moment it’s not three dimensional me no one sees me as that they just see me as ME! ❤️
I don't have memories about me felling pretty ever in my life. Ever since I can remember I felt ugly. And it is really hard to not think about my flaws negativly when there are so many.
I hope you can get to a place where you truly feel beautiful but just know this even those who have flaws who aren’t “societies idea of beautiful” are valid you deserve to be happy and love yourself for your own well being! Also the moments I’ll say I “felt prettiest” where not when I stared at myself but when I wasn’t analyzing myself and doing my favourite things and just having fun I hope you have and will have many more moments like that were you smile and just feel content 💗💗
There is an amazing book called beauty sickness which touches on how women are programmed to be hyper focused on their looks and how society is also programmed to value women’s looks before anything else and how it’s impacting our mental health. It’s extremely unfair because we are so much more than our looks.
I always loved stretch marks, probably because no one ruined them for me before I came to like them, I also noticed that now that I'm on my fitness journey I feel so much more confident the stronger I get, every new bit of visible muscle is so exciting ✨
Kinda late, but I am the same way! When I was younger, I was pretty lanky and all the pretty older girls were curvy and shorter, so I started to work out cause I felt insecure My motivations are different now, but back then I noticed I had gotten some stretch marks, and I knew that was when skin stretches a lot or “constricts?” More, so I felt like I was getting results. I’m really happy they never got ruined for me
oh god the 'double pressure' thing is 100% how i'm feeling, the way that modern girls/women don't "just" have to be pretty, we have to be pretty AND smart to be a 'good woman' or whatever fuck
@@alexforce9 men and women both have unrealistic standards, but don’t try to make it out like one group has it worse. This girl is just being frustrated with her own problems, and it undermines her struggle by saying “my problems are worse than yours”.
@@toxicsugarart2103 Its just funny to see women to complain when they have to bring something to the table whe their own expectations of the others are sky high. And btw - men dont pressure women to be smart. We dont care about your educations or degrees. So if you feel pressure to get them - its from other women lol.
@@alexforce9 I’m not saying all men think that way or that women can’t pressure other women. But it’s the same on both sides, the average woman doesn’t care about height or money either.
I felt the boredom reason so so so badly! Since COVID happened I just had way too much time to think about all my insecurities and all of the compulsive behaviour came with it. Happy to share now that I've been able to funnel that energy to a better purpose :D
I feel like the secret to not feeling ugly is to stop comparing yourself to others and making the time to appreciate everything that makes you, you... like your personality, your hobbies or talents... not just your looks. Having said that... easier said than done lols I love your videos ~! thank you for sharing, Jenny!
@@maddydohnt3736 omg exactly. like sometimes i think i have to make up for my lack of personality and talents with my looks, that's why i'm so harsh on myself. i have 0 personality and think like a hive mind, and i have no cooking, no cleaning, no drawing/painting, no musical, no computing, no dancing, no language, no literature, no athletic, no... skills at all.
@@bingbong6323 when I read your comments, it makes me wanna give you a big hug. I felt like this way before as well, I wanna tell u that you are wrong about it :)! You have personality of course! Everyone has an unique personality! You are beautiful in your own way! You just haven’t really opened it up to yourself!!
I find that other people never let me forget what I look like. It's really hard to maintain my self esteem when I'm feeling good and minding my own business, then a colleague says, "You OK? You look so tired." 😐
This is something I feel like I can relate too as well. I have quite dark under eye circles and the skin is quite sunken in. I just think I look so tired and like a zombie, some days I just don't like the way I look at all.
Same! For a very long time everybody told me I was a walking skeleton. Then, I put on 8kg during quarantine and felt great. When I got out, people told me I am fat and I should lose weight. Never good enough..
I get this I'm 37 and only 5ft with a small frame and people remind me daily I'm small I get it all day every day, as if I don't already know? It kills me inside.....
The bit about having to look good and sound smart (double the pressure!) really spoke to me! A study on student feedback for university science courses in the US showed that while comments for courses with male lecturers focused on course content, a large proportion of feedback for courses with female lecturers focused on * how they looked and dressed * ! That spoke volumes for me.
A very important message. Thank you for this video. As a teenager I always felt ugly. I had acne, was wearing glasses, didn’t wear the newest stuff and we had a very serious bully problem at school resulting in groups of boys telling me and my twin sister: you’re so ugly, one should decapitate you. Needless to say that words like these hurt a lot and leave their scars. I still find myself looking in the mirror sometimes thinking that I’m ugly but I have to say that it’s not as bad as during my teenage years. Accepting the way your body looks is difficult sometimes. But I also have to say that the older I get, the less „ugly-moments“ I have, e.g. I completely stopped wearing make up, even though I always thought I’m only pretty wearing it. Long way to go, but I’m getting there.
I know my body's only purpose is to house my soul, so looks truly don't matter. But I honestly can't think of one time that I felt pretty in my life, and that hurts my soul.
Your comment about by commenting about things we don’t like will make others also think about them is so true! Thanks for this video- it’s high time we change the way we talk about ourselves and giving ourselves more love
So true Davina! We can make the difference ourselves every day! I am much aware of this fact and I make sure I always say positive things about myself and my body in front of my younger sister and it does make a huge difference in the way she is accepting her body while growing up!!! 🌼
My mom always said that for women, their early 30s are the best years - it's when you become confident of who you are in all aspects. Now that I'm past those years, I think she was right because somewhere in your 40s (for a lot of us) your body begins to change again and it's kind of like going through puberty backwards where you are once again awkward, uncomfortable, moody, and don't seem to fit anywhere or into anything. A lot of women overcome this and feel "pretty" again, but it's different than before. I think the important thing to know is that even if you accept how you look at one age, it isn't going to last and you'll have to keep adapting and accepting. It's better to try and take looks out of it altogether and accept who you are as a person but that isn't easy, and is probably harder these days with social media and influencers.
Amy you are so lucky for having a role model to share this little secret with you 😀 I wish it was spoken about more often - about the fact that "it all gets better with age"! Maybe women would even stop fearing aging so much and look forward all the mental benefits that aging actually brings!!! 🌼
i find 40/50 year old women so so beautiful. i think it's something about owning yourself in a way that isn't possible when your 20 or 30. i hope I remember that when I reach that age and can see myself how I see these gorgeous middle aged beauties now (im 25)
My perspective has shifted over the years from trying to be pretty to focusing on being interesting. This is where your own personal quirky style can lift you up and change your perception of yourself. Accepting your own composition with all its weird, hence unique aspects is what makes you special while complying to current beauty standards will always put you in line with others.
I grew up hearing that I am fat and not beautiful, especially from my mom. And I wish!!! that she would have put emphasis on me getting smarter, acquiring logical and cricical thinking skills, reading books etc instead of me just getting prettier and slimmer...
I became more confident when i moved to dallas and saw other boys carrying purses and realized i was not as alone in the world as i thought 🎀 I'm back in tennessee now but with a world more confidence🎀❤️🎀
💖 Lovely and so so necessary, Jenny! As my body ages, I often think, what the heck did I ever complain about in my youth when things were pretty good?! Now the challenge is to STILL, even now, be grateful for health, looks, and my individual traits, even when wrinkles are increasing. And yes, projects, what we want to create in our life for ourselves and others, are so much more important than looks. And suddenly looks don't even exist! Thanks for this Jenny. 💖
I watched this because It was highlighted to me how much I avoid taking photos. I have no real photos with my friends,bf,mom etc because I can’t look at my face. I am working on it but I didn’t realise so many people felt the same
My first time feeling ugly was my family constantly pointing stuff out that is wrong with me.... even now I cant get myself to look in the mirror without crying
Omg saaame my own mother who brought me into this world points out my insecurities and it kinda hurts although to her it's alright. My siblings also and all my friends. I can't even get myself to look at the mirror
I’m so sorry that you are treated this way. It will get better one day and you will be able to be surrounded by people who treat you the way you deserve to be treated.
@@cupcake4041 I’m sorry that your mother is unable to see that what she says hurts you. It will get better one day even though it may not seem like it. (Also if you are saying your friends make fun of your appearance, they aren’t your friends) stay strong
i'm grateful for my first interaction with stretch marks. i saw a post on social media that compared them to a tigress' stripes. not only have i NEVER felt insecure about them (or believed society's opinions on them), but they also happen to be my favourite part of my body! i like to think of them as tiny lightning bolts gracing my skin
some days ago i found stretch marks on my hips and tbh i was so happy about them! i don't know why but although i know that i am 'meant to hate them' by society, i really love them. they feel like a new beginning, like a snake getting rid of its old skin in order to grow new skin. so so beautiful!
I related to this so much! Back when I was a small child, I used to love my face so so so so so much. Then, something changed around my late teens. Not even the bullying in my early teens brought me down but an abusive relationship was all it took to completely strip me from my self-esteem. I am healing. It is a process and I'm loving myself and the way I look more and more again every day.
Wanted to send you a warm hug Elina! Keep going and stay gentle and loving to yourself in the healing process. I know you can make it and I wish you all the strength in the world! Rebuilding self-esteem is a challenge and you deserve finishing it 🌼
thank you for this video, it's really hard not to fall into this dark hole full of insecurities now and it's nice to hear all the things you said in this video. I think the biggest thing for me is not matching to beauty standards when it comes to my body because i don't really have big curves & my lips are more on the smaller scale and no matter how much i try to accept it, something always pulls me back & points out all of my insecurities and i start comparing myself to other people. And i swear, seeing myself in pictures is literally the worst thing that makes me feel ugly almost instantly, even if i feel pretty that day after looking at myself in the mirror.
I'm so happy that you've found peace in your self journey. As for me, it's hard for me to admit, but I never had that initial "I'm so pretty" phase in my childhood. My parents are wonderfully incredible people, but I cannot remember a single time they called me pretty, in fact, I distinctly remember more than a few occasions where I was criticized for my body. As I grew up, gained more insight and experience, my self esteem is much, much better than it was when I was a teen, but I'm still on my journey, no rush :) Im not sitting here crying about how my parents were mean to me because they really werent, they provided me with an amazing upbringing, but I do feel it couldve helped me a bit more in how I treated myself if theyd maybe done things a bit differently. I'm in my early twenties now, and the other day I saw a girl rocking big curly hair, and I dont think I'll ever forget the sparkle in her eyes when I told her she looked gorgeous. I think I am healing.
Love this comment I wish you the best in your self love journey! Remember it’s not always linear we all have our good and bad days but over time you will put less emphasis on what everyone else thinks! Have a lovely day gorgeous your comment really resonated with me thanks for sharing❤️
This is the first video I clicked on this morning when trying to find a video to make me feel better about my looks and it definitely did. It even left me smiling :) I'm glad I came across it.
I started thinking I was ugly at the age of 4 or 5 because the children at my school bullied me for having glasses. :/ Then I had really terrible acne in high school and felt so disgusting all the time. I still go in and out of the ugly feelings because I have bad scarring and occasional breakouts. But I'm getting there at age 30.
Honestly I ain't gonna stop feelin ugly cause I know I'm ugly but at this point I just accept it. My main focus now is money and providing for my family.
I just found your channel via your childfree videos being suggested to me (34 year old married woman getting my tubes removed in March 2021). I’m now watching all of your other videos. You’re such a beautiful person with wonderful, unique insight. I was a big tomboy growing up (my whole life, really!), so I never wanted to be pretty or even look like a girl until 8th grade. I remember wanting to be pretty and thin starting in 8th grade, but I was very athletic and not accustomed to dressing nicely or wearing makeup. I developed eating disorders that extended through high school- first exercise-induced anorexia for two years and then bulemia for 3 years, varying in severity. One way I was able to recover from the eating disorders was exactly what you mention: I kept myself busy. My parents specifically used to plan a family activity after dinner so that I wouldn’t be tempted to retreat to my room and purge. I have found what you say to be so true my entire life: when I don’t feel positively challenged in life, when I don’t have a project, or feel bored, I tend to criticize my looks and make my looks my project. So happy to hear that you’ve learned to absolutely love yourself in your entirety. I’ve come a very long way and these past 2-3 years have probably been the most impactful after going through a health struggle, overcoming that health problem, and being forced to rediscover myself and my identify. Cheers to you!
Thank you for this video! I had a few lightbulb moments watching it. And in the add I immediately saw after titled "lose those love handles", my brain read "love those love handles" at first. Thank you for that!
for the longest time, I found humour in self depreciation and could never take a compliment without deflection. Only recently did I realise that this stemmed from my own inner insecurities- and realising this fact and attempting to do otherwise has been the most liberating step in my self-love/acceptance journey!
Thank you Jenny for this video 💕 I remember feeling inadequate in my body as young as 5 years old, at my first day at kindergarden. I asked a group of girls playing "mermaids" if I could play with them and even though most of them said yes, one girl said "she cannot be a mermaid because mermaids are pretty and not fat". When I ran away crying and told my aunt (who worked at the school) she said something like "you souldn't be upset, you can't expect people to not notice your overweight". I remember being ashamed of my body from that day on and it only got worse over the years. It's sad that I'm 25 years old, no longer fat at all, but still remember it vividly. I've worked hard on accepting myself and I've improved a whole lot. All the things I used to hate, now I don't mind. Some of them I even love now, but I still haven't spend a whole day without thinking my legs are too thick, my arms too fat, my stomach too big, etc. :( I feel this conversation is sooo important and I wish someday we can live in a wold where every girl and boy and other can feel beautiful no matter what, because we all are. However, this tips are a GREAT start. Brilliant as always 💕
So true!!! I can relate to most of the facts you state, and having battled the past 15 years with anorexia I still find it hard to love my body as it is!! My struggle now, that I am 35, is to teach my 2year old daughter to love her self as it is, because she is perfect the way god made her
I’ve been struggling with my body image for a while now and this video definitely gave me a new and fresh perspective when I think about how I view myself! Thankyou!
Through the whole junior high school i felt as insecure as never before, the other girls looked like goddesses to me while I was the ugly and lonely one. I would never reveal I felt like this even when my thoughts became too overwhelming for me to control. I'd use sarcasm and pretend to be confident about my looks when needed. I hated going shopping so much. It meant I had to try various clothes on, only to realize I look terrible in them, i saw myself as fat but i really wasn't. My mum had always been prasing me for turning into such a pretty girl, but I couldn't let myself believe her. I wanted to change myself so much, until I found some old photos of my deceased grandma in her 30s. I realized i was her complete copy. I had never liked my face, but something changed in me when I spotted the resemblance. I felt proud. Because she was a beautiful and very sweet person and her loss had an important impact on my family but i was too young to understand it when it happened. I still prefer baggy clothes and feel awkward in the beach, but I sometimes have some time for myself to appreciate my talents, goals and progress over the years. I've only got 2 more years of school left and a whole life ahead me. No matter how sexy and pretty the popular of my class girls are, they will never be me: an adhd art teen with an overdose of creativity, humour, incredible daydreaming abilities and determination when it comes to topics that interest me.
I can relate to that so much! When I was younger I thought that I was genuinely beautiful and I don't know when it happened but something changed and I became very aware of my imperfections and my appearance. It might have been when I first got a phone and discovered bad selfie angles actually! I think I'm finally getting to the other side of it and coming back to how I felt when I was younger. Its not that I don't care what people think anymore, just that I care more about what I think and how I see myself, if that makes sense. I see my insecurities as things that make me unique and although that's very cheesy, thinking like that makes me feel more secure in who I am.
Wow! That bit about it feeling glamorous as a teen when degrading ones self.... accurate as heck! I was always the bigger body type... chubby, boobs, belly and an ass... when the stretch marks came in I became obsessed with covering up with jumpers and baggy jeans.. I would also cut any part of my body that had an imperfection 😥 Now I'm 34 and left with scars... I refuse to read magazines that suggest I need to be or look a certain way.. I'm busy fixing my psychology at present and that's been so freaking rewarding when it comes to how deeply I can love myself... as I am... Your content is always fantastic! Thank you for today's thoughts!
I'm 13 and I have super low confidence and feel ugly almost every day because I have a face full of acne. I look at everyone else and they all have only a few blemishes if not totally clear skin and it makes me feel terrible and like everyone thinks I'm ugly. I just want to hide myself away. I wash my face 2 times every day and I moisturize, but it just doesn't go away. Thank you for making this video and helping me to realize that ugliness is only a worry and can not be described with any appearance
Love all these ideas! One thing that has helped me love my body more is actually working out. Not just because its changed my physical appearance, but its awesome when you see what your body can achieve and you learn to appreciate it way more! If you've never tried working out, please give it a try and stick to it because you will become so much more proud of your body :)
The annoying thing is that looks can get you far in life. I believe my appearance has prevented me from getting taken seriously. I get treated differently when I make an effort with makeup. I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have got messed around if I “looked the part” 🙃 It’s nice to think that looks aren’t everything but it’s not realistic in today’s society
I agree looks sadly play a too large role (and I’m so sorry you were treated that way) nonetheless glad this video highlights how we shouldn’t let that cause insecurities and self hatred inside us.
There is a truth and a place that exists in all of us where we think we - ourselves - just as we we are warts and all - is the most beautiful thing in the world. Not taking from anyone else’s beauty. Not diminishing another…. But just truly revelling in all that we are. After all very flower is beautiful.
You are right during teenage lots of stuff and contrasting voices about our imperfections, the way we behave and other things that happen. Being busy with our projects and life helps to survive to everything
Up until I was 14 I always liked the way I looked and then I remember in the space of that one summer I went from an A cup to a D cup, grew hips and a bum...and I began to feel incredibly uncomfortable in my body. I was also drawing male attention because of this and I felt incredibly uncomfortable with that attention. It wasn't really until my mid twenties that I have begun to embrace my looks and curves.
I can relate to your story Robyn. I only went from cup 0 to B when I was 13 and my hips broadened slightly but the difference was visible...I still felt like a child but I looked like a woman already. It was confusing for myself and for my surrounding as well. I happy we both found the love for our looks and curves. They so deserve it 🌼
When I was a little kid, I got a lot of compliments for the way that I looked. But somewhere near puberty when I gained weight and I was just learning to take care of myself, I started hearing more negative comments from friends and family concerning my appearance. Now, as I’ve started to grow into myself more, I hear an even mix about my appearance (some people will shower me in compliments and others will make snide comments about my nose or body or whatever else they find) but I love the way that I way that I look. Yes, I have to mentally deal with hurtful things people have said to me but they are free to think what they want and that is not how I feel about myself so 🤷🏾♀️
I love this Jenny! I think it’s especially important not to speak negatively about yourself when it comes to weight! people will often say “oh well its just MY standards for MY body and I still think you’re beautiful”, but what they’re really saying is “I would hate it if I looked like you”. It’s important to protect others through how we talk about ourselves!
The secret is age & realism! I've long accepted I look perfectly average - better than some, less beautiful than others, with above average physical strength (not visible). Average/above average is fine by me. But a friend got utterly offended when I told her we both look pretty average for looks, which is simply a fact. Nobody would mistake us for models or actors. The key is to ditch the socially imposed standard that all women *have to* be beautiful. Actually we don't owe that to anybody, and there's still a very high probability of finding love.
idk what it is but i go through phases where i feel pretty or i feel ugly. the past few months i had felt so pretty and actually confident and then out of nowhere i feel ugly again. it’s not my body or anything i just am in a slump and feel so ugly all the time
I stopped feeling ugly after I have done a combination of things to have my negative energy removed. After a while not only I started feeling beautiful but I also started ro look much better . I started getting approached and I don't even struggle to put makeup on or nice clothes. I just feel better and more confident. I don't know which one of these things worked but I did a spell with black candle ,salt and a mirror to remove the negative energy, someone did some kind of spell for me as well to make me feel better and attract love, I burned bay leaves and also my aunt went to the church to pray for me and she got me some souvenirs(It is a very famous church in my country). She bought a flower which she named after me and the flower started blooming after a while . This is my experience. I have to mention I never used black spell to hurt anyone ,I just used to manifest good energy in my life.
My friend keeps picking on my insecurities thinking it is just for fun because I made him think I have no problem with my body... I cry myself to sleep every night..
I love your philosophy about when and how to talk about imperfections, so much 🤗 I will be making this my mantra, thank you for this precious thought, you gorgeous human!
I have this weird thing where I believe I’m attractive but don’t believe others feel that way. Like I’ll look at myself and think “you really are pretty” but simultaneously feel like nobody else feels that way when they see me. I feel like I’m very average through the eyes of others and that hurts cause I wanna be the apple of someone’s eye ya know? I wanna be good enough and I don’t ever feel like I am.
something that ive come to realize is that everyone wants what they cant have: for example i have incredibly thick and hard to manage hair, and for a period of time i absolutely hated it. i would constantly straighten my hair to the point of bad heat damage yet it would never turn out the way i wanted and i wanted so bad to have thin, straight hair that was easy to brush. that all changed when i talked to a friend who had this type of hair, and she confided in me that she absolutely hated fine hair because she didnt like the way it styled and hated the lack of volume. she told me that she wished she could have my hair, now i love my hair and wouldnt change anything aboyt it, what people need to remember is that people are going to be unhappy no matter what and the only thing you can do is embrace and love what you already have
I think this is a very nice thing you're doing? Trying to get people to feel better about themselves. It's hard when you feel you don't fit in and frankly? Don't really know how or who to talk about it.
i think the first time i noticed i had a body that needed to be prettier was when a friend of mine started pointing out things on herself that she changed and how i should too. shaving her hair arms and hairy legs and “wow, you have the same kind of hairyness as me, i bet you would look so beautiful with smooth skin.” i know it was not from a place of hate or bullying, and it was really likely that someone said the same things to her and created insecurities that were shared with me (ones i also went to share with my sisters). it’s a terrible cycle and i am so glad to grow up and learn to be pretty by just being myself.
True I saw a good example that even body shaming yourself is harmful to those around you ie your example! I love this channel not only for messages like this but how everyone talks about body shape and what to wear for your body shape but in a video she mentioned highlighting things you love about yourself (so big hips show them off or whatever you love) it’s not about do cover up that about embracing your body
dear jenny, what a great video! could you talk about how you quit being mean to yourself / saying harsh things to yourself? For me it seems like the most amazing thing you can achieve to appreciate your whole self. It is such a fix routine to talk to one self in such a hurtful way. I feel powerless and unable to control it at all. thank you and love
Thank you so much for this video! You seem like such a well intended person, and this video just is so right. I can totally relate, and I’m so glad I decided to watch it!
I realise this won't be applicable to a lot of people, but what really helped me was realising I was a lesbian. I found out that it really wasn't about the way you look, but your personality and your confidence, and that i'd never seen a woman and thought she was ugly. My biggest issue growing up was always my weight, so realizing i found fat women attractive really changed my life.
When I was a kid and in my early teens I was overweight. Since I was 6 or 7 years old my father told me that I am fat. I need to lose weight. My mom was not agree with him so I was OK with my body until 14 years old. I was still overweight. About 60kg (156 height). At this point also my mom started to say that I need to diet and lose weight. There started my eating disorder. I have lost about 20kg in a year, so my period stopped for a 6 mounth and was really unregular, I was skinny, but never good enough. At the age of 17 I started to eat normally again because my health was not good. I am 22 now (50kg, my healthy weight) and still have some problems with my body image. (sorry for my bad english 🙂)
Oh my I’m so sorry! Eds are so scary I wish you the best in your recovery! Remember no matter your weight or looks you are beautiful you are valid you deserve to eat and be happy and healthy 💗 also your english was really good don’t worry I understood :)
I grew up in women dominant household, with 2 sisters and till this day I don't understand why some women want to get rid of their stretch marks so bad. It is NATURAL. It's like having your elbows or knees slightly darker than rest of your body. I wouldn't call it beautiful, I wouldn't call it ugly, it's just there.
This is such a great video! Thank you for making it! I would add to the feeling bored point: For me, it's also when I have a bigger problem that I feel I focus more on my "faults" to shift the (negative) energy. It's easier to focus on something on my body than on the real problem that cannot be solved - like the loss of a loved one or a breakup.
I struggle sometimes but the worst is when I see myself in pictures. I actually think I look like a whole swollen potato, especially in my face, in every picture or on video. I’m sad because people will not be able to look on my life because I’ve hidden from pictures for so long. I’m almost 40 and nowhere near getting better about this.
Same! Then I question myself is it how i really look and is it how other people see me...
@@ХеленаТадић-е3ю they see u like u see urself in the mirror, when u see ur friend in a mirror he looks same as u see him in real life, pictures don't show the real you trust me, let someone take a video of you, and that you will know how u look for real
same. being unphotogenic sucks in a world focused on social media & selfies. i literally cry when i see pictures of myself 😭😭
It's even been proven scientifically that we are all unphotogenic in the way that nobody looks better in photos than in real life. You DO in fact look better in real life!!
@@zf5214 same bruh i’m just convinced i’ll never be able 2 look good in pics
"when I don't have a project my brain automatically tells me my appearance *is* my project"
thanks for pointing it out - it is such a common thing to happen!
That's so important to remember!
Yes I can totally relate
Also very motivating this thought.....
Wow that's soooo true
I heared someone on tiktok say "dress to express, not to impress" and that really shifted something in me. wanted to share because I thought it might resonate with you
It has with me
I feel the prettiest and sexiest when I'm in the middle of doing something I love. Assembling a piece of furniture that is pretty hard to put together but I'm acing it, doing spring work in my little garden box with soil on my face, after a long day of carrying my photohraphy gear and almost dying because I'm not strong but I DID IT, sitting in a library writing an essay I know my professor will be proud of. Those are the moments I feel absolutely GORGEOUS.
(It doesn't have to be anything grand or super hard tho, but just doing something I enjoy)
This! Somehow when doing something that makes you feel beautiful inside that beauty goes outside :)
❤️❤️
Your comment made me giggle and made me believe you’re such a beautiful and talented person! ❤️i love to see it! Keep going ❤️
Your comment made my day more beutiful
Since high school started, my insecurity has become so powerful that I can't even spend a single day without thinking about how I look.
The thing that hurts the most is that I told myself so many times that I'm ugly that I can't even believe that someone could think I'm pretty. My friends or other people tell me I'm good looking, but there's always something here making me doubt that. I feel horrible, ugly and disgusting, and I don't know how to stop myself from thinking that.
I should be my biggest fan, but instead, I'm my biggest hater. I'm tired of this.
Same…
I have never felt so related to a comment
Girl same here but the only difference is nobody says i’m pretty or even good looking …even when people say it , it is pretty obvious they’re just trying to be nice you know by saying things like “everyone’s beautiful “
I can definitely relate to this. Anytime someone compliments me, I believe they aren't being genuine. I just think "who could possibly find me attractive or good looking". It doesn't help that I use filters when I take pictures, which does a number on my body dysmorphia.
Growing up, my girl friends and I never talked about our bodies. We were the nerdy type and we never talked about "girl stuff" - and, sadly, self-hatred is very much girl stuff. However, in my first year of college, I had to sit behind this group of girls. Every day, before class started, they would pick their own bodies apart and say terrible things about themselves. They never told each other that they were wrong, that they were gorgeous. It was shocking to me. I gained so many insecurities in such a short time, so many things I had never even noticed, so many things I'm still working through. Women need to break this cycle.
So true Ana! I hope every girls find at least one "Jenny Mustard" girlfriend to be there for her and to talk lovingly about herself and her body to set an example and break this cycle. And btw. you are beautiful!!! 🌼
Very true we need to uplift each other! While on one hand you shouldn’t keep all ur insecurities in you can gain from venting to friends saying it all the time and not resolving the issue will weigh on all of you.
That happened to me when i entered junior high too. Was never the type to be insecure but all of a sudden i suddenly wanted to be someone else so i could fit the standard of my community
I’ve had the same experience as you. I hope I can keep my inner circle of friends as nice, supportive, and kind people.
Amen sister! We need to build each other up!!
I also noticed that we tend to "dissect" ourselves and that's when the things that could be considered as "flaws" pop out so much. When I stop myself and look at me as a WHOLE (not just my face, not just my belly, not just my thighs), I feel pretty!! But when I start focusing on the details, that's when I step on a slippery slope.
This is sooo true!! I need to switch my mindset on this to focus on the whole!
Yes!💖💖💖
I think this just flipped a switch in my mind
I like my details honestly
@@armyshope I'm glad you do! Hopefully, we all get there at some point :)
Yes! My first time feeling ugly is when I noticed my thighs looks bigger than average teenage girl, and boys always make fun of my muscular calves.
I began to love my legs again after I realized I can kick those mean boys harder.
Yes, exactly! You go girl!
Lol pepole make fun of your muscular calves, one of the dummest things i heard somebody is making fun of
even though I'm not being bullied, i still can't believe that I'm pretty it's like I'm spoiled when other people get bullied and it's me here complaining abt my appearance when I'm not getting bullied but i still feel so bad
Obviously those boys ain't got no taste
Muscular legs on women are way better than skinny model ones..
As a parent of a 21 year old daughter, I truly appreciate you shining a light on this important issue.
Big part also plays the moment you are told something is not "pretty" about you during teenage years. I think these comments really stick, even though they might be meant as joke and overtime become internalized self-critic. I remember two moments from my life during early teens when somebody very negatively commented my body and my face (not as a joke) and I can still feel the way I felt in those moments. Even though now I reliaze that those comments are completely irrelavent and I am great and beautiful exactly as I am. But boy was that a long hard way to get to this place.
I agree with this completely! I recall an aunt saying to me when I was 15 ‘you poor thing you got your mothers thick ankles’. That was 55 years ago and all my life until about 2 years ago I fretted about my ankles. I covered them up as much as I could, never wore a dress, always pants. 😢. Similarly, someone made a negative comment about my height (170cm/5’7”) being too tall for a girl. For years I slouched trying to look shorter. Thankfully I got over that quicker and love my height now and realized it’s not actually even very tall! Peoples words at a vulnerable age can have a huge impact. I never make a negative comment to anyone about their looks or appearance because of my own experience.
@@carolannf The worst part is that your aunt probably forgot she said it a week later and it was kind of throw-away-comment for her.
My mum once told me that my shoulds are too big. And just like you I covered that part through my whole teenage years. Few years back she asked me something about sleeveless dress (or something, not sure) and I told her "but you told me it doesn't suit me because of my shoulders". Turned out she did not remember that at all and swore that she does not (and never did) think that (which I believe since I actually really don't have broad shoulders).
I am glad to hear that you got over that comment and I hope you are rocking some beautiful dresses these days!
Yes it happened to me...I know how bad this is ...just here trying to feel better arrh
yes it’s way harder to be confident when people have made negative comments about your appearance. people (especially guys) are so rude to me and i don’t know why😐
Same thing happened to me when I was 13.
I recently was looking at old photos and saw some of myself as a teenager and remembered how I agonised about my looks and I was so cute! I now try and remember and try to keep in mind that one day I when I am older I will look back on pictures now and think the same now- so enjoy it. I love my grey hairs as I have purple hair and they are like free highlights
I realized that I was cherry-picking from my friends’ beautiful looks: that one’s hair, the other one’s blemish free skin, the third one’s legs, creating an impossible standard for myself. It took me a while to realize that my friends were cherry-picking from me too, and that’s when it clicked for me. I’m not more or less than anyone else. We all have the same parts, just put together differently. So why should I waste time on beating myself up about my body?
I realize I hold a lot of privilege, with my skin tone and body shape being represented everywhere I look. I have plenty positive time models around me, and it still took me around 12 years to go from kid-feeling-pretty to I’m-the-ugliest-thing-alive to damn-I-look-cute-today.
I love this comparison the cherry picking idea makes it easy to see how impossible it is to reach the perfect idea of beauty!
The problem is nobody ever compliments me
@@arvin536 lol I don't get compliments too but in my opinion I would much rather not hear the compliments than to hear them and doubt if they're even true. I would prefer the compliments coming from myself. But u know wut, let's do it why not, ur charming and lovely whoever u are. :)
@@arvin536 since no one compliments you, you just have to fuel your own confidence
oh my gosh yes i cherry pick too!
I remember looking at my thighs and thinking I was fat, too. I also felt mature for my negative mindset towards my body- which says a lot about societal pressure.
True! I remember as a child i never understood why grown up women talk about being too fat or say things like they couldn't eat that piece of cake or whatever.. And when those thoughts occurred to me the first time I somehow felt good about it - because that made me an "adult"? That's so fucked up 😳
@@jk_original It's crazy to keep realizing how many things in life were taught to be a definition of something! Hating our bodies = being woman, etc. And the moment you feel like you realize them all, another realization strikes and all you think is exactly what you wrote: "That's so fucked up 😳"
That was literally the first thing I noticed when I started believing I was fat (thighs) I am now- but when I started thinking that as a kid I was literally skinny in pictures. Not to say fat is bad, just saying how perception can change how you see yourself.
I think this might have happened to me, too. It’s fucked up, yeah.
my way of getting rid of the obsession for my imperfection was to 1) realize that it doens't have to matter how i look, like i can look real bad but that should not preventme from being a valid and worthy human being. i have the right to be "ugly" or whatever i look, i don't have to fit in! 2) if i stop judging others i'll also stop judging myself so harshly, which is similar to what you said, so gradually i stopped caring about how others look and especially stop TALKING about it with the people around because that'll only make me more self conscious
I have never felt pretty... in the way that western society considers pretty. I have a high forehead and a big nose... small lips and boobs. I even have a dowagers hump from too much slouching when I was a shy, uncomfortable kid. Then one day I realized that in many other cultures my features are beautiful. I'm almost 40 and now I really don't care what people think. My mother, father, nonno and nonna areall beautiful and I am their byproduct. There should be no standard on beauty. My husband thinks I'm beautiful inside and out and so do I.
Wow, you look like those elegant ladies from historical portraits!
@@MakeUpWitch lol me?
I have a high forehead and big nose too! :D I always loved them bc I think I look like a little fairy/alien~ I'm glad you feel beautiful now!
@@marissa4603 ooo i want to join the alien/fairy club! Being human is so boring!
I have been told i was fat since the age of 3 years and that if i wax fat i would never get married. No man wants a fat wife. Now i am 55 an never married. My current boyfriend never comments and tells me i look pretty or anything when we go out. It effects me. It takes a lot to look myslef in the mirror and tell myself i am beautiful. Sometimes i cannot. At the end of the day i know i am not bad looking. Isn't it amazing what telling a child in formative years will do to them in later years.
I never comment, but this is perfect. I've said this exact thing, and felt this exact way when I was younger, even the picking apart what we hate about ourselves between friends. I am 53 now, and love who I am, flaws and all, it is me. I love and have accepted my imperfections and focus on the positive, and relay this to the ones who I love and are struggling with self love. Comparisons are the worst, because no one is the same, that is the beauty of it. It is utterly unfair to compare ourselves to anyone (magazines, social media etc) we are all truly unique. Thank you. I am sharing this.
So something that's always been a big hit to my self esteem is my fine hair, when I realised that I was constantly trying to style it like someone with thick hair one of those switches flipped back. My hair is mine, it's never going to magically thicken so why not style it like it deserves, I can rock a blunt cut like a god damn queen.
cool Marge Simpson pic.
same!!! I'm wearing it long anyway, even though every magazine/people tells people with fine hair to cut it really short. I like it long, I try not to compare it to thick hair, but it's actually pretty hard not to
@@kristinalazarus4956 I would swap with you, I love looking at long thin hair and I constantly despair because no matter how much I thin it out it always grows super thick again. I always try to flatten it because it doesn't look good, I feel like a lion🙃
@@surlespasdondine Same here! :D What a mane.. I think I want average hair, that will do.
same, giving up layers for the blunt cut was the best decision 😤
As soon i see myself in pictures i cant stop thinking about how ugly i am and thats sad but cant help it ._. also i like that you speak about this topic on your channel :D
omg I don’t love seeing myself in pictures either I can appreciate a selfie but if you take one of me it’ll take a million tries to get the angle right (bc my expression or something will look off to me)! I tell myself that picture is not who I am it’s a flat one dimensional photo of one moment it’s not three dimensional me no one sees me as that they just see me as ME! ❤️
I don't have memories about me felling pretty ever in my life. Ever since I can remember I felt ugly. And it is really hard to not think about my flaws negativly when there are so many.
I hope you can get to a place where you truly feel beautiful but just know this even those who have flaws who aren’t “societies idea of beautiful” are valid you deserve to be happy and love yourself for your own well being! Also the moments I’ll say I “felt prettiest” where not when I stared at myself but when I wasn’t analyzing myself and doing my favourite things and just having fun I hope you have and will have many more moments like that were you smile and just feel content 💗💗
Right? Especially when the ppl in your life who are supposed to make you feel good are also the ones that bring you down
There is an amazing book called beauty sickness which touches on how women are programmed to be hyper focused on their looks and how society is also programmed to value women’s looks before anything else and how it’s impacting our mental health. It’s extremely unfair because we are so much more than our looks.
I always loved stretch marks, probably because no one ruined them for me before I came to like them, I also noticed that now that I'm on my fitness journey I feel so much more confident the stronger I get, every new bit of visible muscle is so exciting ✨
Kinda late, but I am the same way! When I was younger, I was pretty lanky and all the pretty older girls were curvy and shorter, so I started to work out cause I felt insecure
My motivations are different now, but back then I noticed I had gotten some stretch marks, and I knew that was when skin stretches a lot or “constricts?” More, so I felt like I was getting results. I’m really happy they never got ruined for me
@Hela ni I purposely scratched my chicken pox scabs so I could have scars 🙈😅
@Umbra they’re not cool when they literally are everywhere covering your body
Yeah I’ve never been bothered by stretch marks or cellulite, some things I hear other women complain about a lot
oh god the 'double pressure' thing is 100% how i'm feeling, the way that modern girls/women don't "just" have to be pretty, we have to be pretty AND smart to be a 'good woman' or whatever fuck
Just try to be a modern man when you have to be tall and successful. You at least have make up.
@@alexforce9 men and women both have unrealistic standards, but don’t try to make it out like one group has it worse. This girl is just being frustrated with her own problems, and it undermines her struggle by saying “my problems are worse than yours”.
@@toxicsugarart2103 Its just funny to see women to complain when they have to bring something to the table whe their own expectations of the others are sky high. And btw - men dont pressure women to be smart. We dont care about your educations or degrees. So if you feel pressure to get them - its from other women lol.
@@alexforce9 I’m not saying all men think that way or that women can’t pressure other women. But it’s the same on both sides, the average woman doesn’t care about height or money either.
I felt the boredom reason so so so badly! Since COVID happened I just had way too much time to think about all my insecurities and all of the compulsive behaviour came with it. Happy to share now that I've been able to funnel that energy to a better purpose :D
I feel like the secret to not feeling ugly is to stop comparing yourself to others and making the time to appreciate everything that makes you, you... like your personality, your hobbies or talents... not just your looks. Having said that... easier said than done lols I love your videos ~! thank you for sharing, Jenny!
what if you have no talents lol
@@maddydohnt3736 omg exactly. like sometimes i think i have to make up for my lack of personality and talents with my looks, that's why i'm so harsh on myself. i have 0 personality and think like a hive mind, and i have no cooking, no cleaning, no drawing/painting, no musical, no computing, no dancing, no language, no literature, no athletic, no... skills at all.
@@bingbong6323 me too 💀
@@maddydohnt3736 no talent ganggg 🥳✌
@@bingbong6323 when I read your comments, it makes me wanna give you a big hug. I felt like this way before as well, I wanna tell u that you are wrong about it :)! You have personality of course! Everyone has an unique personality! You are beautiful in your own way! You just haven’t really opened it up to yourself!!
I find that other people never let me forget what I look like. It's really hard to maintain my self esteem when I'm feeling good and minding my own business, then a colleague says, "You OK? You look so tired." 😐
This is something I feel like I can relate too as well. I have quite dark under eye circles and the skin is quite sunken in. I just think I look so tired and like a zombie, some days I just don't like the way I look at all.
Same! For a very long time everybody told me I was a walking skeleton. Then, I put on 8kg during quarantine and felt great. When I got out, people told me I am fat and I should lose weight. Never good enough..
I get this I'm 37 and only 5ft with a small frame and people remind me daily I'm small I get it all day every day, as if I don't already know? It kills me inside.....
“No and I’d appreciate if you didn’t point out your unprompted opinions about how I look. Thanks.”
That's what people say a lot to me too, they point out my eye bags (which are genetically really big and blue) and call my nose a Jew nose
The bit about having to look good and sound smart (double the pressure!) really spoke to me! A study on student feedback for university science courses in the US showed that while comments for courses with male lecturers focused on course content, a large proportion of feedback for courses with female lecturers focused on * how they looked and dressed * ! That spoke volumes for me.
Self-acceptance is the most liberating… beautiful and whole feeling yet.
You’re lovely! What a beautiful and well intentioned video. I feel your kindness through the screen.
A very important message. Thank you for this video. As a teenager I always felt ugly. I had acne, was wearing glasses, didn’t wear the newest stuff and we had a very serious bully problem at school resulting in groups of boys telling me and my twin sister: you’re so ugly, one should decapitate you. Needless to say that words like these hurt a lot and leave their scars. I still find myself looking in the mirror sometimes thinking that I’m ugly but I have to say that it’s not as bad as during my teenage years. Accepting the way your body looks is difficult sometimes. But I also have to say that the older I get, the less „ugly-moments“ I have, e.g. I completely stopped wearing make up, even though I always thought I’m only pretty wearing it. Long way to go, but I’m getting there.
Cheering you on with your journey Jessica! Also, the older you get the easier it will naturally be I think 🌼 take care beautiful!
Yes, very good ! Step by step ! You will get there ! You are beautiful the way you are ! Have a nice day ☀️☀️
I know my body's only purpose is to house my soul, so looks truly don't matter. But I honestly can't think of one time that I felt pretty in my life, and that hurts my soul.
Aw I’m sorry 😞
That would be hard. But you’re not alone in that feeling so maybe that can comfort u a little.
Because I believe in God, I know that he at least thinks of me as his beautiful creation. Don’t know if that helps you at all. Do you believe in God?
You said that so perfectly…
Your comment about by commenting about things we don’t like will make others also think about them is so true! Thanks for this video- it’s high time we change the way we talk about ourselves and giving ourselves more love
So true Davina! We can make the difference ourselves every day! I am much aware of this fact and I make sure I always say positive things about myself and my body in front of my younger sister and it does make a huge difference in the way she is accepting her body while growing up!!! 🌼
My mom always said that for women, their early 30s are the best years - it's when you become confident of who you are in all aspects. Now that I'm past those years, I think she was right because somewhere in your 40s (for a lot of us) your body begins to change again and it's kind of like going through puberty backwards where you are once again awkward, uncomfortable, moody, and don't seem to fit anywhere or into anything. A lot of women overcome this and feel "pretty" again, but it's different than before. I think the important thing to know is that even if you accept how you look at one age, it isn't going to last and you'll have to keep adapting and accepting. It's better to try and take looks out of it altogether and accept who you are as a person but that isn't easy, and is probably harder these days with social media and influencers.
Wow this is so interesting! As a girl in my mid 20s I look forward to the ups and downs of the journey 😊
Amy you are so lucky for having a role model to share this little secret with you 😀 I wish it was spoken about more often - about the fact that "it all gets better with age"! Maybe women would even stop fearing aging so much and look forward all the mental benefits that aging actually brings!!! 🌼
i find 40/50 year old women so so beautiful. i think it's something about owning yourself in a way that isn't possible when your 20 or 30. i hope I remember that when I reach that age and can see myself how I see these gorgeous middle aged beauties now (im 25)
I’m in my early 30’s and I am no more confident now than I was when I was younger. I hope that someday I will feel confident.
At least attractive people have heydays when they are young, we uggos had nothing and had to work harder.
My perspective has shifted over the years from trying to be pretty to focusing on being interesting. This is where your own personal quirky style can lift you up and change your perception of yourself. Accepting your own composition with all its weird, hence unique aspects is what makes you special while complying to current beauty standards will always put you in line with others.
I grew up hearing that I am fat and not beautiful, especially from my mom. And I wish!!! that she would have put emphasis on me getting smarter, acquiring logical and cricical thinking skills, reading books etc instead of me just getting prettier and slimmer...
Yep..I hear ya💚
I became more confident when i moved to dallas and saw other boys carrying purses and realized i was not as alone in the world as i thought 🎀 I'm back in tennessee now but with a world more confidence🎀❤️🎀
hey you! yess you who is reading this! you are being pretty!
💖 Lovely and so so necessary, Jenny! As my body ages, I often think, what the heck did I ever complain about in my youth when things were pretty good?! Now the challenge is to STILL, even now, be grateful for health, looks, and my individual traits, even when wrinkles are increasing. And yes, projects, what we want to create in our life for ourselves and others, are so much more important than looks. And suddenly looks don't even exist! Thanks for this Jenny. 💖
I watched this because It was highlighted to me how much I avoid taking photos.
I have no real photos with my friends,bf,mom etc because I can’t look at my face. I am working on it but I didn’t realise so many people felt the same
Me too I hate taking pictures.
My first time feeling ugly was my family constantly pointing stuff out that is wrong with me.... even now I cant get myself to look in the mirror without crying
Omg saaame my own mother who brought me into this world points out my insecurities and it kinda hurts although to her it's alright. My siblings also and all my friends. I can't even get myself to look at the mirror
I’m so sorry that you are treated this way. It will get better one day and you will be able to be surrounded by people who treat you the way you deserve to be treated.
@@cupcake4041 I’m sorry that your mother is unable to see that what she says hurts you. It will get better one day even though it may not seem like it. (Also if you are saying your friends make fun of your appearance, they aren’t your friends) stay strong
@@wildpuddle Thank you so much, those words mean a lot!
My mum just thinks I’m being stupid complaining about this which hurts
i'm grateful for my first interaction with stretch marks. i saw a post on social media that compared them to a tigress' stripes. not only have i NEVER felt insecure about them (or believed society's opinions on them), but they also happen to be my favourite part of my body! i like to think of them as tiny lightning bolts gracing my skin
Beautifully said, Irene! Your body must be thanking you for this approach every day! 🌼
"i don't balance... I highlight" 🙏
some days ago i found stretch marks on my hips and tbh i was so happy about them! i don't know why but although i know that i am 'meant to hate them' by society, i really love them. they feel like a new beginning, like a snake getting rid of its old skin in order to grow new skin. so so beautiful!
Zebra print
I related to this so much! Back when I was a small child, I used to love my face so so so so so much. Then, something changed around my late teens. Not even the bullying in my early teens brought me down but an abusive relationship was all it took to completely strip me from my self-esteem. I am healing. It is a process and I'm loving myself and the way I look more and more again every day.
Wanted to send you a warm hug Elina! Keep going and stay gentle and loving to yourself in the healing process. I know you can make it and I wish you all the strength in the world! Rebuilding self-esteem is a challenge and you deserve finishing it 🌼
thank you for this video, it's really hard not to fall into this dark hole full of insecurities now and it's nice to hear all the things you said in this video. I think the biggest thing for me is not matching to beauty standards when it comes to my body because i don't really have big curves & my lips are more on the smaller scale and no matter how much i try to accept it, something always pulls me back & points out all of my insecurities and i start comparing myself to other people. And i swear, seeing myself in pictures is literally the worst thing that makes me feel ugly almost instantly, even if i feel pretty that day after looking at myself in the mirror.
In my world there is no such thing as ugly everyone just has different teachers
U r all beautiful and amazing
I'm so happy that you've found peace in your self journey. As for me, it's hard for me to admit, but I never had that initial "I'm so pretty" phase in my childhood. My parents are wonderfully incredible people, but I cannot remember a single time they called me pretty, in fact, I distinctly remember more than a few occasions where I was criticized for my body. As I grew up, gained more insight and experience, my self esteem is much, much better than it was when I was a teen, but I'm still on my journey, no rush :) Im not sitting here crying about how my parents were mean to me because they really werent, they provided me with an amazing upbringing, but I do feel it couldve helped me a bit more in how I treated myself if theyd maybe done things a bit differently. I'm in my early twenties now, and the other day I saw a girl rocking big curly hair, and I dont think I'll ever forget the sparkle in her eyes when I told her she looked gorgeous. I think I am healing.
Love this comment I wish you the best in your self love journey! Remember it’s not always linear we all have our good and bad days but over time you will put less emphasis on what everyone else thinks! Have a lovely day gorgeous your comment really resonated with me thanks for sharing❤️
This is the first video I clicked on this morning when trying to find a video to make me feel better about my looks and it definitely did. It even left me smiling :) I'm glad I came across it.
I started thinking I was ugly at the age of 4 or 5 because the children at my school bullied me for having glasses. :/ Then I had really terrible acne in high school and felt so disgusting all the time. I still go in and out of the ugly feelings because I have bad scarring and occasional breakouts. But I'm getting there at age 30.
And then I got old...glasses, scarring, flab, and now wrinkles and sag. It's fascinating but horrible.
Honestly I ain't gonna stop feelin ugly cause I know I'm ugly but at this point I just accept it. My main focus now is money and providing for my family.
I just found your channel via your childfree videos being suggested to me (34 year old married woman getting my tubes removed in March 2021). I’m now watching all of your other videos. You’re such a beautiful person with wonderful, unique insight.
I was a big tomboy growing up (my whole life, really!), so I never wanted to be pretty or even look like a girl until 8th grade. I remember wanting to be pretty and thin starting in 8th grade, but I was very athletic and not accustomed to dressing nicely or wearing makeup. I developed eating disorders that extended through high school- first exercise-induced anorexia for two years and then bulemia for 3 years, varying in severity.
One way I was able to recover from the eating disorders was exactly what you mention: I kept myself busy. My parents specifically used to plan a family activity after dinner so that I wouldn’t be tempted to retreat to my room and purge. I have found what you say to be so true my entire life: when I don’t feel positively challenged in life, when I don’t have a project, or feel bored, I tend to criticize my looks and make my looks my project.
So happy to hear that you’ve learned to absolutely love yourself in your entirety. I’ve come a very long way and these past 2-3 years have probably been the most impactful after going through a health struggle, overcoming that health problem, and being forced to rediscover myself and my identify. Cheers to you!
This video is what I needed through my own healing journey, thankful for your vulnerability
Every woman should watch this video! Thank you!
Thank you for this video! I had a few lightbulb moments watching it. And in the add I immediately saw after titled "lose those love handles", my brain read "love those love handles" at first. Thank you for that!
I feel warmth just listening to you.
for the longest time, I found humour in self depreciation and could never take a compliment without deflection. Only recently did I realise that this stemmed from my own inner insecurities- and realising this fact and attempting to do otherwise has been the most liberating step in my self-love/acceptance journey!
YOURE SO BEAUTIFUL I CANT
Thank you Jenny for this video 💕 I remember feeling inadequate in my body as young as 5 years old, at my first day at kindergarden. I asked a group of girls playing "mermaids" if I could play with them and even though most of them said yes, one girl said "she cannot be a mermaid because mermaids are pretty and not fat". When I ran away crying and told my aunt (who worked at the school) she said something like "you souldn't be upset, you can't expect people to not notice your overweight". I remember being ashamed of my body from that day on and it only got worse over the years. It's sad that I'm 25 years old, no longer fat at all, but still remember it vividly. I've worked hard on accepting myself and I've improved a whole lot. All the things I used to hate, now I don't mind. Some of them I even love now, but I still haven't spend a whole day without thinking my legs are too thick, my arms too fat, my stomach too big, etc. :(
I feel this conversation is sooo important and I wish someday we can live in a wold where every girl and boy and other can feel beautiful no matter what, because we all are. However, this tips are a GREAT start. Brilliant as always 💕
So true!!! I can relate to most of the facts you state, and having battled the past 15 years with anorexia I still find it hard to love my body as it is!! My struggle now, that I am 35, is to teach my 2year old daughter to love her self as it is, because she is perfect the way god made her
I’ve been struggling with my body image for a while now and this video definitely gave me a new and fresh perspective when I think about how I view myself! Thankyou!
Through the whole junior high school i felt as insecure as never before, the other girls looked like goddesses to me while I was the ugly and lonely one. I would never reveal I felt like this even when my thoughts became too overwhelming for me to control. I'd use sarcasm and pretend to be confident about my looks when needed. I hated going shopping so much. It meant I had to try various clothes on, only to realize I look terrible in them, i saw myself as fat but i really wasn't. My mum had always been prasing me for turning into such a pretty girl, but I couldn't let myself believe her. I wanted to change myself so much, until I found some old photos of my deceased grandma in her 30s. I realized i was her complete copy. I had never liked my face, but something changed in me when I spotted the resemblance. I felt proud. Because she was a beautiful and very sweet person and her loss had an important impact on my family but i was too young to understand it when it happened. I still prefer baggy clothes and feel awkward in the beach, but I sometimes have some time for myself to appreciate my talents, goals and progress over the years. I've only got 2 more years of school left and a whole life ahead me. No matter how sexy and pretty the popular of my class girls are, they will never be me: an adhd art teen with an overdose of creativity, humour, incredible daydreaming abilities and determination when it comes to topics that interest me.
I can relate to that so much! When I was younger I thought that I was genuinely beautiful and I don't know when it happened but something changed and I became very aware of my imperfections and my appearance. It might have been when I first got a phone and discovered bad selfie angles actually! I think I'm finally getting to the other side of it and coming back to how I felt when I was younger. Its not that I don't care what people think anymore, just that I care more about what I think and how I see myself, if that makes sense. I see my insecurities as things that make me unique and although that's very cheesy, thinking like that makes me feel more secure in who I am.
thank you!!!!
i get it now: keep myself busy so i dont focus only on my looks
This is propably the most beautiful eye shadow I've ever seen and she has such pretty big eye lids. That combo is just perfect :)
Thanks Jenny, I found your video when I was feel particular ugly and sad about it.
It made me feel better, tack så mycket!
Wow! That bit about it feeling glamorous as a teen when degrading ones self.... accurate as heck!
I was always the bigger body type... chubby, boobs, belly and an ass... when the stretch marks came in I became obsessed with covering up with jumpers and baggy jeans.. I would also cut any part of my body that had an imperfection 😥
Now I'm 34 and left with scars... I refuse to read magazines that suggest I need to be or look a certain way..
I'm busy fixing my psychology at present and that's been so freaking rewarding when it comes to how deeply I can love myself... as I am...
Your content is always fantastic! Thank you for today's thoughts!
I'm 13 and I have super low confidence and feel ugly almost every day because I have a face full of acne. I look at everyone else and they all have only a few blemishes if not totally clear skin and it makes me feel terrible and like everyone thinks I'm ugly. I just want to hide myself away. I wash my face 2 times every day and I moisturize, but it just doesn't go away. Thank you for making this video and helping me to realize that ugliness is only a worry and can not be described with any appearance
I feel like as a kpop stan i got much more insecure since there perfect with their body and faces and voice👤💔
me too
Love all these ideas! One thing that has helped me love my body more is actually working out. Not just because its changed my physical appearance, but its awesome when you see what your body can achieve and you learn to appreciate it way more! If you've never tried working out, please give it a try and stick to it because you will become so much more proud of your body :)
Thank you.
:”)
@@IBUINTAN aww you’re welcome!
The annoying thing is that looks can get you far in life. I believe my appearance has prevented me from getting taken seriously. I get treated differently when I make an effort with makeup. I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have got messed around if I “looked the part” 🙃
It’s nice to think that looks aren’t everything but it’s not realistic in today’s society
I agree looks sadly play a too large role (and I’m so sorry you were treated that way) nonetheless glad this video highlights how we shouldn’t let that cause insecurities and self hatred inside us.
There is a truth and a place that exists in all of us where we think we - ourselves - just as we we are warts and all - is the most beautiful thing in the world.
Not taking from anyone else’s beauty. Not diminishing another…. But just truly revelling in all that we are. After all very flower is beautiful.
You are right during teenage lots of stuff and contrasting voices about our imperfections, the way we behave and other things that happen. Being busy with our projects and life helps to survive to everything
Seriously you're so pretty and I can't relate to you.. and I feel more bad about myself now!!!
Up until I was 14 I always liked the way I looked and then I remember in the space of that one summer I went from an A cup to a D cup, grew hips and a bum...and I began to feel incredibly uncomfortable in my body. I was also drawing male attention because of this and I felt incredibly uncomfortable with that attention. It wasn't really until my mid twenties that I have begun to embrace my looks and curves.
I can relate to your story Robyn. I only went from cup 0 to B when I was 13 and my hips broadened slightly but the difference was visible...I still felt like a child but I looked like a woman already. It was confusing for myself and for my surrounding as well. I happy we both found the love for our looks and curves. They so deserve it 🌼
When I was a little kid, I got a lot of compliments for the way that I looked. But somewhere near puberty when I gained weight and I was just learning to take care of myself, I started hearing more negative comments from friends and family concerning my appearance. Now, as I’ve started to grow into myself more, I hear an even mix about my appearance (some people will shower me in compliments and others will make snide comments about my nose or body or whatever else they find) but I love the way that I way that I look. Yes, I have to mentally deal with hurtful things people have said to me but they are free to think what they want and that is not how I feel about myself so 🤷🏾♀️
Proud of you for this mindset transformation and for loving yourself the way you are! 🌼
I love this Jenny! I think it’s especially important not to speak negatively about yourself when it comes to weight! people will often say “oh well its just MY standards for MY body and I still think you’re beautiful”, but what they’re really saying is “I would hate it if I looked like you”. It’s important to protect others through how we talk about ourselves!
The secret is age & realism! I've long accepted I look perfectly average - better than some, less beautiful than others, with above average physical strength (not visible). Average/above average is fine by me. But a friend got utterly offended when I told her we both look pretty average for looks, which is simply a fact. Nobody would mistake us for models or actors. The key is to ditch the socially imposed standard that all women *have to* be beautiful. Actually we don't owe that to anybody, and there's still a very high probability of finding love.
idk what it is but i go through phases where i feel pretty or i feel ugly. the past few months i had felt so pretty and actually confident and then out of nowhere i feel ugly again. it’s not my body or anything i just am in a slump and feel so ugly all the time
My mom makes me wear stuff I don't want or feel comfortable in, she doesn't let me express who I truly am but thank you for this, new sub
I stopped feeling ugly after I have done a combination of things to have my negative energy removed. After a while not only I started feeling beautiful but I also started ro look much better . I started getting approached and I don't even struggle to put makeup on or nice clothes. I just feel better and more confident.
I don't know which one of these things worked but I did a spell with black candle ,salt and a mirror to remove the negative energy, someone did some kind of spell for me as well to make me feel better and attract love, I burned bay leaves and also my aunt went to the church to pray for me and she got me some souvenirs(It is a very famous church in my country). She bought a flower which she named after me and the flower started blooming after a while .
This is my experience. I have to mention I never used black spell to hurt anyone ,I just used to manifest good energy in my life.
that's really inspiring:)
My friend keeps picking on my insecurities thinking it is just for fun because I made him think I have no problem with my body... I cry myself to sleep every night..
I have never seen anyone THIS elegant. *gorgeous*
I love your philosophy about when and how to talk about imperfections, so much 🤗 I will be making this my mantra, thank you for this precious thought, you gorgeous human!
*No one is born ugly we just live in a judgemental society*
*- Kim Namjoon*
Yes we are social animals, we don't just live in a void.
It's TRUE. In a sick way, criticizing ourselves makes us feel adult. That's very insightful.
Oh yes, I like how you said it's going from "pretty to ugly". So much truth. Thank you
I have this weird thing where I believe I’m attractive but don’t believe others feel that way. Like I’ll look at myself and think “you really are pretty” but simultaneously feel like nobody else feels that way when they see me. I feel like I’m very average through the eyes of others and that hurts cause I wanna be the apple of someone’s eye ya know? I wanna be good enough and I don’t ever feel like I am.
something that ive come to realize is that everyone wants what they cant have: for example i have incredibly thick and hard to manage hair, and for a period of time i absolutely hated it. i would constantly straighten my hair to the point of bad heat damage yet it would never turn out the way i wanted and i wanted so bad to have thin, straight hair that was easy to brush. that all changed when i talked to a friend who had this type of hair, and she confided in me that she absolutely hated fine hair because she didnt like the way it styled and hated the lack of volume. she told me that she wished she could have my hair, now i love my hair and wouldnt change anything aboyt it, what people need to remember is that people are going to be unhappy no matter what and the only thing you can do is embrace and love what you already have
I think this is a very nice thing you're doing? Trying to get people to feel better about themselves. It's hard when you feel you don't fit in and frankly? Don't really know how or who to talk about it.
I was 🤏🏼 close to a breakdown teary eyed already but this video calmed .e down omg love u
sending love ❤️🫶🏻
I def also feel the need to look pretty AND say clever things to be "attractive". Fellow Swede!
i think the first time i noticed i had a body that needed to be prettier was when a friend of mine started pointing out things on herself that she changed and how i should too. shaving her hair arms and hairy legs and “wow, you have the same kind of hairyness as me, i bet you would look so beautiful with smooth skin.” i know it was not from a place of hate or bullying, and it was really likely that someone said the same things to her and created insecurities that were shared with me (ones i also went to share with my sisters). it’s a terrible cycle and i am so glad to grow up and learn to be pretty by just being myself.
True I saw a good example that even body shaming yourself is harmful to those around you ie your example! I love this channel not only for messages like this but how everyone talks about body shape and what to wear for your body shape but in a video she mentioned highlighting things you love about yourself (so big hips show them off or whatever you love) it’s not about do cover up that about embracing your body
I literally cry about my appearance...
I'm 14 and this feeling is new to me..I don't want to remember my tee
Don’t you are amazing just the way you are and nothing can change how gorgeous you are and how you’re such an amazing person god bless you
dear jenny, what a great video! could you talk about how you quit being mean to yourself / saying harsh things to yourself? For me it seems like the most amazing thing you can achieve to appreciate your whole self. It is such a fix routine to talk to one self in such a hurtful way. I feel powerless and unable to control it at all. thank you and love
I prefer so much watching people that don't look "standard"
The world or at least UA-cam and social media need more people like you 🤍
I love how your natural eyebrows look!
Thank you so much for this video! You seem like such a well intended person, and this video just is so right. I can totally relate, and I’m so glad I decided to watch it!
I realise this won't be applicable to a lot of people, but what really helped me was realising I was a lesbian. I found out that it really wasn't about the way you look, but your personality and your confidence, and that i'd never seen a woman and thought she was ugly. My biggest issue growing up was always my weight, so realizing i found fat women attractive really changed my life.
When I was a kid and in my early teens I was overweight. Since I was 6 or 7 years old my father told me that I am fat. I need to lose weight. My mom was not agree with him so I was OK with my body until 14 years old. I was still overweight. About 60kg (156 height). At this point also my mom started to say that I need to diet and lose weight. There started my eating disorder. I have lost about 20kg in a year, so my period stopped for a 6 mounth and was really unregular, I was skinny, but never good enough. At the age of 17 I started to eat normally again because my health was not good. I am 22 now (50kg, my healthy weight) and still have some problems with my body image. (sorry for my bad english 🙂)
Oh my I’m so sorry! Eds are so scary I wish you the best in your recovery! Remember no matter your weight or looks you are beautiful you are valid you deserve to eat and be happy and healthy 💗 also your english was really good don’t worry I understood :)
@@helenavasic9989 Thank you for your support! 🤗
I love your perspective!!!! Boredom!!!! I'm going to work on that!!!! Thank you!
I grew up in women dominant household, with 2 sisters and till this day I don't understand why some women want to get rid of their stretch marks so bad. It is NATURAL. It's like having your elbows or knees slightly darker than rest of your body. I wouldn't call it beautiful, I wouldn't call it ugly, it's just there.
This is such a great video! Thank you for making it! I would add to the feeling bored point: For me, it's also when I have a bigger problem that I feel I focus more on my "faults" to shift the (negative) energy. It's easier to focus on something on my body than on the real problem that cannot be solved - like the loss of a loved one or a breakup.