Ballad of Never After is nonsense
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- Опубліковано 14 вер 2023
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Vengeance Slaughterwood may be a ridiculous character name, but it would be a great name for a heavy metal band.
Somewhere out there is a metalhead just waiting to read this book and find their future band name
Or an emo drag queen/king
Or a cat 😂
@@ckd1994Yes!!!
why not all three ??
2:50 Vengeance Slaughterwood actually bops. Thats my new drag persona
Okay actually... as a drag persona i love the name
Instead of "he tasted like night and wind" I think something like "he tasted like a crisp, autumn night with dew in the air". It gives much more imagery and has more ✨️feel✨️ to it
“A Taste of Night and Wind” sounds like the title of a new Romantasy book.
@@disasterfan2995"Bet" - Sarah J Maas, probably
I am a huge fan of purple prose and synesthesia writing. However sometimes it feels like there’s this drive to be different so much so that people end up saying the weirdest things to make that happen. If she had said something like a summer night or a cool wind I would’ve gotten the vibe from it, but the words by themselves mean nothing
i think part of it is a desire to have certain lines snipped and posted on social media. i read some stuff sometimes where you can just tell the author was trying really really hard to write something that could be posted out of context with like a moodboard edit on instagram hahahaha
It's differently different.
I agree. You can't just say "she tasted like hope and sunshine" like those things don't have intrinsic tastes and it's silly to assume people know what you're talking about. Even amongst synesthetes things can have different associations. You have to do a little bit more work, like what you said. Saying he tastes like a frosty winter night or a warm summer breeze evoke two different feelings that I could get into.
Vengeance Slaughterwood is the kind of name that happens when a dramatic 13 year old is allowed to choose their own name.
Wait. So you're telling me Stephanie Garber managed to shoehorn the plot of the 1999 cult classic comedy horror Idle Hands starring Devon Sawa and Seth Green into the middle of this book?
Omg I freaking love Idle Hands!!
Omg!!! Best movie ever ❤❤
I see so much of my teenage self in the main character with just her need to feel “in love” that I loved the two books out so far and I know I’m blind to the flaws 😅😂
We all have that one series thats like "a face only a mother could love" except its a book, and we are the mothers
I love the fact that someone else reads books I'd hate to read and explain to me why they're bad, so I don't have to, but still can learn from the mistakes made.
Same! She’s doing the lord’s work
I love the "reviews are for readers" art you've been adding!
What are the "review for readers art?"
@@seductiveraven4895 The art at the very beginning of the last few videos.
@@ellen4236 Ohhh, sorry if that was a stupid question!
@@seductiveraven4895 lol nah you're good! if you have autoplay enabled then it would be easy to miss :)
All I can say is: Stop bothering my geese. I'm tired of chasing them.
I'm so sad this book sucks because it has auch a beautiful name. Just like with 'a gentle tyranny' and some other books, the names are pure perfection and I already start daydreaming about the meaning behind them and how a story with that title would look like, but the books hiding behind those aesthetic, lyrical, tragically beautiful titles and covers just suck ass, it sometimes actually physically pains me
I'm sure they don't even make up the titles themselves they use a book title generator that's why the titles are more lyrical than the writing
I enjoy Garber’s work but I just turn off my brain and read it. I try not to think too hard. They’re like mediocre tv shows that you keep on in the background and occasionally pay attention to and are always just a bit confused how the show got there.
i personally love the name vengeance slaughterwood, very metal 😅
Definitely sounds like a character from Metalocalypse
I’m 90% sure I dissociated throughout this entire book, except for the ending, which is so hilariously terrible it wraps back around to being amazing.
hahahaha fair enough
So, what I'm hearing you say is that Stephanie Garber would be really awesome writer for a fashion magazine?
I think so!
The craziest part about this book is I was so confused about the plot that I had to check to make sure I watched the previous video and I did. I feel like that says all I need to know about these books 😂 regardless I thoroughly enjoy hearing you talk about them, so I watch them anyways ✨
Pausing this at 15:13 to admire the Merrywood 3 who appear to be Carmen Sandiego, the Unabomber & Apollo. Fascinating. I need more popcorn, brb
posted for the public 4 mins ago is crazy. i feel like i need to come back later so i can see all the good comments
yeah you gotta check back in like 90 minutes post posting for the quality jokes in the comments, i've found
I think this is a facinating series because there are so many varied opinions on it. I actually started with these two and ADORED them, then tried caraval and didn't even finish the first book.
Yeah. OUABH was harder for me to get through, while TBONA was something I couldn't put down. I didn't really think critically about the plot, but more on the vibes and how the characters felt. The prose added to that fairy tale-esque vibes.
I just find it sad sometimes that just because some people don't catch onto hints fast, there's an implication that we're stupid. Like... no, you're just smart. 😂 Some people figured out the Jacks thing in OUABH but I only understood at the tree height one.
Same!! I feel you!!
I was listening to this without the visuals and kept picturing Lala (or however you spell that) as the yellow Teletubby 😭
I read both books and while I recognise all the flaws, the plot lacking consistency etc I can't help but love Jacks 💀 his character has something that draws me in inexplicably. Also for the last hundred pages or so I was SCREAMING because who the fuck thought it was a good idea to help a vampire take off his helmet without thinking "hey, maybe he's going to try and kill us after that!" 😃
No shade at all sometimes we just love what we love!
OMG I FORGOT TO BRING UP THE HELMET
@@ReadswithRachel the helmet pulled me out of the reading frenzy like a slap in the face 😂😂
I literally DNF’d the first book because the prose was so bad. I kept hearing the second was SO good so I felt some fomo. So happy you made this video
the romance between Jacks and Evangeline feels so empty, there's no way they love each other
Fr they only love each other because they are a male and a female
Expanding a bit on cultural touchstones - those can be different from culture to culture, too. I am baffled why Christmas would smell like peppermint 😅
I personally allow a lot of space for descriptions like 'tasting like midnight', because I just fill the blanks in myself. I am much more annoyed by retcons, bad setup-payoff, and bad surprise twists. 🤦
Good point! Peppermint at christmas is even subjective! Although I would love to share with you all my grandmas peppermint christmas cookies because theyre a delight
@@ReadswithRachel Is this the same grandma who put splenda in pasta salad?
No haha that was my dads mom, that poor woman couldn’t bake cookies to save her life. My moms mom was raised in a restaurant so she was the grandma who passed down the GOOD recipes.
@@ReadswithRachel That makes more sense.
@@ReadswithRachel My nostalgic Christmas smells are pine (predictable), beeswax candles, mulled wine and fire-grilled venison sausages, yum.
Thinking about it, I really resonate with the point you made about 'make the vibe-description specific'. Because specificity makes it feel like you are reading about a real person with real history.
(Also, now you've got me looking up peppermint cookies, because I had never before heard of such a thing, and I am super intrigued!)
My friend loves the book so i try to find the good in it. The one thing i HATE, with no hesitation is Jacks. "My girlfriend died so i targeted women and killed them because maybe they are my true love. feel sorry for me teenager i just met!".
He was so vile.
Oh I love how Stephanie Garber's books are so utterly thoughtless, I'll pick them up when I just need to not think because I know that nothing makes sens and I'll be led by the hand to the ending but also you are so right about everything you say
Vengeance Slaughterwood? Talk about tight casting. You really don't stamnd a chance with that name
Just want to say that I 100% agree with your folder colors. Math is red, science is green, and English is blue, although sometimes English was purple depending on the folders I had 🤣
I was exactly the same! I usually had a purple, which I did indeed assign to English, and thus blue was for history.
as a brit it is completely different damn
Vengeance Slaughterwood sounds like the name of a WWE wrestler from the 80's or early 90's, when they had cartoonish gimmicks for their wrestlers. You'll never find a certified accountant with that name, although, I'd read the shit out of whatever book that accountant was a part of.
Vengeance Slaughterwood 😂😂😂 effing sent me. Got me looking like a lunatic while out on a walk.
I swear, it's like Garber is intentionally trying to write the most inane, silly, meaningless, overly flowery metaphors and similes possible. If I didn't know better, I'd swear her books were written by 14-year-olds. It sounds like the kind of shit I wrote in my terrible poetry in high school when I was baked out of my mind.
Maybe she has a flock of 14 year old girls locked in her basement writing these unhinged books for her?
as a synesthete myself, I am yet to find good synesthesia rep written by a non-synesthete and it's honestly fucking exhausting. so you "just not liking synesthesia writing" is clearly not the issue. EDIT: thanks for the recs in the replies xx
In my experience as someone who also has synesthesia, I feel like it's so much easier to write it as poetry. Poetry is already open to more interpretation, so when I describe loneliness as lavender, it just comes across as ~*artistic*~
I recommend the book The Map of Salt and Stars by Zeyn Joukhadar, who has synesthesia. Its a YA fantasy
"Ballad of Never After is nonsense" will keep this in mind when I'm struggling to understand what this book is about 👀. Her WORST written book?? 🥴😵 OK then. Should I be sober for this? 🤔 I don't have any grown up juice at home.... Vengeance Slaughterwood.... Thanks for answering my question 🚶♂️
i cant with the cover...why is the "of" not centered/why is "the ballad" so high...
It looks like a Wattpad Cover Shop teen has made it
“Make me an apple pie or shut the fuck up” is such a vibe. Brb, making it my new Tinder bio 🤣🤣
If that works I demand you report back 😂
@@ReadswithRachel Oh, if it works, I’m 100% tagging you on Insta and you’re officiating the wedding 🤣🤣🤣
That will be the highlight of my life
It is an honor to have my art used in this video! Great video and thank you for your service lol! Fan artists on instagram love these books haha and it makes me want to read them sometimes (and honestly I might still at some point) but they sound very silly...
It’s think the series would be way better if it a book about over coming deception. Like everyone has a pretty face and Evangeline is a young naive girl who wants to fall in love. It should have been about a girl who wants love but gets tricked my handsome immortal man to do his bidding. He tricks others so hard to fulfill his self ship needs. Evangeline could grow in character by learning from her mistakes and using her kindness to form bonds with people who help her defeat the evil selfish man. But nope she falls in love with a guy who screwed her over and manipulated her and her husband. Literally she ready bounce on her husband who has been horribly cursed. Not to forget she also bounced when Luc got cursed attack by wolves and turned into a vampire!!! She just wants the next big thing
Girl, have you heard about that dark horror author who dedicated an entire book to a reviewer who left him a bad review?? It's freaking nuts.
Oh yeah, I just watched Cindy’s video about that. That would be a great ABB
I wasn’t going to do a video on him because after what happened with Brandon faro I didn’t wanna get death threats again but if Cindy did it, and it went fine, then I suppose I could
@@ReadswithRachel Only do it if you feel comfortable!
Idk if anyone reads into Kirkus Reviews (I don’t but I’ll check in occasionally) and normally they’re so wrong but they hit the nail on the head with BALLAD: ‘…Unfortunately, the impact of Evangeline’s often amusing narration and numerous surprising plot twists is diluted by the meandering pacing, convoluted sensory descriptions, and close focus on Evangeline’s fluctuating attraction toward her potential love interests. Despite the positive emphasis on hope and happily-ever-afters, Evangeline’s romantic relationship with Jacks borders on manipulative and toxic.’
This book's name should've been "Daily life of a stupid damsel in distress. (She dies *not clickbait*)" I know it's a stupid name but that's how this book felt.
So Jack is literally a jack of all trades???
Oh my god the fact that this joke never occurred to me… I’m quitting my job
Also I want to add that some names were translated in the italian version so Vengeance Slaughterwood became something like "Bitterness/Spite" Slaughterwood and it sounds even stupider in Italian 💀 they translated Evangeline's last name and also that one of the girl with the eternal youth stone. It's a complete mess because the puns get absolutely twisted
I haven't read this series but I read Caraval and by the end I just felt like I was being punished for paying attention.
So mad at myself for preordering the second and third without reading the first...the cover got me and I didn't know it was attached to Caraval and wanted to give her another chance. Still gonna read them though lol
I've named my characters some whack shit over the years, but nothing like vengeance slaughterwood 😌🤡
I DNF OUABH because I hated Evangeline. Two books later, I still hate her.
I love this trilogy (well, almost trilogy) despite knowing how bad they are, these videos keep me humble as I look at my billions of copies
Love the art at the beginning!
I gotta say when I started reading 'Once Upon a Broken Heart' I thought that Evangeline and Jacks would have much more chemistry and that it would build to a kiss and she'd be fine and turn out to be his true love hahahaha and then I gave up on that a few chapters in when I realised it was going in a completely different direction. I also really wish her sister hadn't been shady and they could have had a good relationship because the women rivals or betrayers is so tired and overdone I just wish it had been done differently.
Really what I get from that book is that it could have been so much more with some changes and better direction and it looks to be the same for the sequels.
Change some stuff and give the plot more focus and let Evangeline be a bit smarter and more in control of her life. Like the book isn't about her doing stuff and reacting the plot just kind of happens to her. She's so passive and kinda unintelligent
If someone wants to write purple prose and weird similies, it's completely possible to do without making a word salad! Just look at Adam Douglas' writing (Hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy)
That would require some actual understanding of normal similies and the rules to break for effective surprises 😢
Thank you for reading these, I'm not strong enough to handle this series anymore.
Can I just say you look really nice today! The makeup, the glasses, the hair - love it!
honestly vengeance slaughterwood is an absolutely raw name. only good part about the book
That sure did sound like some words were put into a book. Um... Anyway. I definitely wouldn't be able to read this series, one reason being it sounds like the main girl would frustrate me to no end. I think I may even cry a little, begging this fictional character to Please gain some IQ points.
i’m still new to your channel and i’m not sure if you take requests but if so, PLEASE CONSIDER READING THE STARS ARE DYING. i was fooled by tiktok and read it, and it was so terribly bad. This is the first line: “He’d learned that dying, no matter how slow and painful the seconds before a final breath, was nothing compared to taking infinite more without the one he loved.”
INFINITE MORE WHAT???
I read that line and my brain blue-screened 😵💫
I love your reviews of books that you don't enjoy. As others have said before, you give a lot of good advice that aspiring writers could (and should) take note of.
It is also the reason why I would love for you to be able to BETA read the epic fantasy novel I have written (currently in first editing phase). But I don't know when(if) it will be ready for other eyes on it. (I haven't even let my partner read it yet!)
You look very lovely today.
that is my comment to defeat AL-Gorthm, the evil King of UA-cam.
I feel like night in Iceland tastes WAYYYYYY better than night in Florida. No shade to Florida, but Iceland looks like a magical land
Having been to Iceland, the memory makes me think of cold wind and greenhouse grown veg, salt and fried fish. Florida? Carnival food after an hour left on the picnic table.
I had the same color folders for school subjects!
FINALLY FOUND SOMEONE WHO UNDERSTANDS ME *sobs*
Would descriptive synesthesia be like 'his kiss was sweet and warm like the deep earthen spice of a cracked cinnamon stick in a mulled cider'? And I apologize if that's too rosy or long-winded. lol
I’ve found with Stephanie Garbers books I just have to go along for the ride and not think to much about it or else it makes no sense lol
This was not the video to watch with an edible. I have no idea what just happened in this book and I was confused the whole time. I have a feeling if I watch this sober it'll be about the same, though.
i liked the books well enough. MC is not the brightest. shes so me when i was 14 😭
Rachel every time she reads and reviews a new Stephanie Garber book: this is Stephanie's worst book yet!!!
Someone help this woman, she gives up her soul for content😭😭😭
Everyone knows I sold my soul long ago for the devil to create the peach tea flavor monster, you're all welcome btw
I hate SO MUCH about this book tbf nearly everything from Vengeance Slaughterwood, to the writing and the horrible romance.But for this reason I love it it's so trash, unserious and wacky. Honestly most booktok/modern y/a fantasy is high-key SHITE it just makes it easier for me to like good books. sometimes I feel embarrassed when ready bad books like these and have fun :(
Don’t be embarrassed! It’s okay to love things everyone else hates ❤️
Or maybe its a good book.
11:28 The wicked witch of the east, bro!
And Stephanie Garber fans act like this is better than Caraval no girl this is worse 💀
Actually did u know that the last book has TWO different epilogues, each will be in a different exclusive book so we won’t get them both 👀 (I ordered both exclusive versions so I can get both endings 😩)
She is really coming from you guys' money. Next step is a retelling of the 5 books from the male love interest pov.
😂*
@@moustik31 tbh I’m a big fan of her books but i watch videos like these bc it’s so funny
@@Sofia-wr6nh Sorry, I didnt manage to convey my tone properly. I'm a reader as well and I meant that joke in a kind/understanding way.
@@moustik31 nahh I agree with u🤣🤣
I forced myself through the audiobooks of the Caraval trilogy at 2x speed and it still felt too long and just... ridiculous. I wanted to grab both Tella and Scarlet by the shoulders and just scream "What the hell are you doing?!?!" as they both constantly flounder around in need of continuous saving by men that are manipulating them at every turn.
There were moments where I thought a setting was nice. I liked the cottage, but it was so removed from the setting it felt ridiculous. And I am still not over the ending with Apollo showing up and, if I remember right, he did something to Evangeline's memories to make her forget. It came so far out of left field it left me furious.
I'm curious to know what the last book looks like, because I hope Jacks has to earn his happy ending. The problem with that is Evangeline is the POV and so passive that I cannot bear to think of a book of her relearning the info from books one and two.
Vengeance Slaughterwood sounds like an edgy thirteen-year-old's first D&D character. You know the one, the lone wolf who works alone and doesn't communicate with the party, or even actively works against them sometimes?
WOLF HALL!
I love good historical fiction. It's my favorite genre after (urban) fantasy.
Agree with your review 1000% I dislike Evangeline, especially after reading from Jude’s POV in Cruel Prince. However, character motivation is what’s missing for me the most. I don’t understand why jacks wouldn’t go all the way back in time to the first fox? And save his friends? Also, why does Apollo like Eva? Idgi
I loved Caraval, but the first book of the new triology was painful to read. I think it was because I hate Jacks as a character and the new characters felt worse than the Caraval ones.
I HAD HOPED THE MAIN GIRLY BECOME THE WITCH OF BROKEN HEARTS AND SHE BECOME A VILLAIN AND IN THE LAST BOOK 100 YEARS LATER A MAN SHOWED UP TO SLAY THE WITCH THAT HAUNTS THE EAST AND THE NORTH AND THEY FELL IN LOVE CUZ HE GET TO KNOW HER BUT NOOOOO SHE AINT EVIL 😭😭😭
Or a woman. WLW 💅💅💅💅✨️✨️✨️
Did this book have a plot? No. Did it simply build on relationships to set up the last book? Yep. Is it still my favourite book in the trilogy? Absolutely
Girls hair in this video omg the LOOQUEING
This question has nothing to do with the video but if it's not too much trouble would you tell me where you got your wig? I really want to find one for everyday wear and yours looks so natural!
JB extensions!
Hoping that Rachel reads Finale. Have I read any of these books? No. Did I understand anything you tried to explain? No, but I know it is as close as I'll ever get to understanding, because the books seem so badly written.
I’m planning to but my god, my poor brain cells
re: the mirror curse, wait shouldn't she also be in a coma since her husband is in a coma?? or do comas not count as afflictions/wounds?
Really enjoyed this review. Any chance you'll review the third book? i have THOUGHTS.
I plan to!
Vengeance. Slaughterwood. That has to be a joke, right?
Hey Rachel, have you read The Blue Sword by Robin McKinley?
I haven’t!
❤❤❤
I've been trying to figure out Jacks' whole thing. Donatella was supposed to be his one true love right? That happened in Legendary. So how is he actually the love interest in this trilogy now? Did something happen in finale that explains that?
(Edit: Never mind. It comes up in this book. But we still do not understand.)
Vengence Slaughterwood what's next Elvira Baddock
💜💜💜
i had such a hard time finishing this book, i had to start it seven times but i still enjoy this book ngl
I'm just popping in to say, objectively correct that Math is red and Science is green.
i would interpret "sparkles on her skin" as that weird feeling in your arm when you bump your elbow bone. not pleasant at all.
i love flowery prose but this feels like she's forcing herself to describe feelings that don't need to be elaborated on. purple prose for it's own sake. that kind of thing can distract from the actual writing if it doesn't serve a purpose
10:35 I literally wrote a writing prompt about this exact situation back in 2020. It's on Pinterest. Like, sure anyone can come up with that idea but it's a hell of a coincidence...
Lol I myself have synesthesia and I know how absurd my associations sound to other people. Putting them in a book for a wide audience is either very self-centered or just silly.
Vengeance and Robin.. is vengeance supposed to be Batman? 😂
OMG this book has a 4.56 on Goodreads, with over 97,000 ratings. I'm trying to fathom having such low standards.
Well, that sounds horrid, all right.
the fucking descriptions. i haven't even read this book (and i don't plan to) and i'm criiiiinging. sorry you had to read this 😭
Jax and Lala? I’m choosing to believe this is a Vanderpump Rules fan fic. Or this is the cast’s DnD campaign.
Wait... did the author steal the whole "similar wounds appearing on two different people" from the anime Kiznaiver?! That was a big part of the anime's plot!