Are they Toxic OR Narcissists: WHY IT MATTERS
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- Опубліковано 10 лют 2025
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My UA-cam Videos help explain WHAT narcissistic abuse looks, WHY narcissists act the way they do and HOW to deal with difficult people but..... no amount of knowledge will heal the traumatized personality that often results from this type of relational trauma. That's where the School of Transformation comes in. It's in the SOT that we put the focus within and HEAL our nervous system, UPGRADE our subconscious beliefs and we learn to EMBODY the recovery journey.
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ARE THEY TOXIC OR NARCISSISTS: WHY IT MATTERS
Not every toxic person is a narcissist, and understanding the difference is crucial for your mental and emotional well-being. In this video, we explore the key distinctions between toxic behaviors and narcissistic personality traits. Learn how to identify what you’re dealing with, why it’s important to know, and how these differences affect your healing journey. Whether you’re navigating a challenging relationship or seeking clarity on narcissistic abuse, this video will give you practical insights to protect yourself and set healthy boundaries.
My You tube videos on this channel provide as much free information to help people to identify narcissistic relationships and to be able to see when they've been caught in the web of narcissism.
This information will help you to learn how to stop getting sucked into the narcissists drama and to break free of enmeshment so that you can put an END to toxic patterns.
BUT - learning about the narcissist - while it helps you to put a STOP to the abuse, it doesn't HEAL the damage that you've endured. It's only by putting the focus ON YOU that you can begin healing from the scars of this deep emotional trauma.
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More explanation is needed I think about the covert narcissist as they are very different from the overt narcissist. It can take years before you spot the patterns and realise that there is something wrong about the person. They are very sneaky and clever and excell at fooling everyone!
Oh yes that's correct, we are very sneaky indeed, very dysregulated -however sooner or later the mask has to drop as we have a difficult time controlling our emotions.
SO TRUE~ and they pride themselves on being sneaky. Its like a fun game to them. Again the lack of empathy. It takes years to spot them because the abuse /love bomb cycle is so long. But we finally cracked the code and time is running out on these toxic thugs. Yes, they deserve to be understood for the trauma they went through, but not at anyone's expense
@@kalpapadapa there are some differences as you are correct, they just wear different disguises to get basically the same thing, covert or vulnerable narcissists are in my opinion- failed grandiose narcs.
For me, the covert narcissist comes across as a people pleaser. They like to be in the spotlight to get the validation that they crave for, as other narcissists but at the same time, they pretend to be humble, simple, generous, over giving. The covert narcissist will take time to build a relationship/friendship with you. During this period, they will show their admiration and their devotion by helping you with everything that is you need. They will try to convince you that you are soulmates and that they understand you deeply. At the same time, you will see them being overly altruistic, maybe helping society by engaging in charities, activism. They feed the poor, take care of the homeless. All this makes you think how lucky you are for having met such a beautiful soul. You want to be by their side for ever.
However, soon you notice how much they enjoy being invited in galas to talk about their achievements. But they don’t admit that. They still play the humble guy who doesn’t want all this. Who is beyond money, beyond fame and recognition, who wants to share the floor with other people. But their acts don’t match their words. You come to realise that this selfless soul is actually doing whatever it takes to be in the centre of attention. When you do something together be it at work or at home, they want to control everything about it. They just exerce their control in a more polite and implicit way, making you believe that your voice was heard whereas in reality you did what they wanted you to do. Covert narcissists have a smooth way of leading you on. They don’t shout, they don’t give orders. They are master actors. They convince you that you are together in this. What makes them a narcissist is that when the time comes for them to use you in order to draw certain benefits, they will do it without a second thought and you are not going to believe in your eyes.
And when you stand up for yourself and raise your voice against them calling them for their phony identity, then you will see their rage for the first time and the mask will fall. Covert narcissists manipulate less with rage/exhibiting superiority and more with people pleasing behaviour/playing the eternal victim. They are not aggressive as overt narcissists. They are more cunning. What they both have in common is self-centered ness and lack of empathy. In the case of coverts, it will take you longer to find out.They knew what they wanted to get out of you from the beginning. They created a whole theatre play to fool you about who they are and their true motives. You will trust them with all your heart but when the time comes for them to prove their loyalty by choosing your bond over their personal gain, they will choose the latter with no remorse, without even taking any responsibility. Unlike the overt narcissist, they will have an eloquent excuse for doing so, rationalizing why they had to f@ck you over. They will pretend to be sorry about it because this is something that matches the image of modesty that they want to project but in reality they are not sorry at all. You will see them partying with your own money when they said they didn’t have enough to pay you back. You will see them being unfair and untrustworthy to other people as well. When the mask of the victim will fall, you will see the cruel smile of a perpetrator who managed to get what they want without deserving it. If you decide to unmask them run for your life.
Additionally, Catching a cheating narcissist can be difficult, and understanding local laws regarding what you can and cannot do may be even more challenging. To simplify the process, consider hiring a private investigator to handle the investigation for you. I genuinely appreciate your incredible work! Thank you for a job well done, Metaspyhub@gmail. com.
Not everyone that pleases people is a narcissist.
Excellent comment! Thank you!🙋♀️
I 💯 agree, it does make a difference. As I studied narcissism, i began to analyze my past relationships in that light, and some were blatant narcissists. Then, I came to someone who didn't fit the narc personality, but she had similar behaviors, and I realized she wasn't a narc, but a highly toxic individual.
Exactly - in the end it's about us being able to have healthy behaviors like boundaries with everyone, healthy people AND unhealthy people.
Thank You Michelle! Such a revealing video. I had a narcissist best friend on & off since 7th grade - over 45 years. Your instructive information has helped me to walk away and start healing at age 60. Energy drain, disrespect, pushing boundaries - they were all present, and I was conscious of it. But, as an empath, I constantly forgave her and worked so hard to improve our friendship. No doubt I was co-dependent. Now, putting a label on her behavior, and realizing it’s not me, other than the role I played by fawning and accepting abuse. I was able to walk away and stay away and now love and respect myself. 🙏💗🤗
So happy that you are no longer tolerating unhealthy behaviors!!! And that you're loving and respecting yourself - that's what healing is all about, having that healthy relationship first with ourselves and then with others as well!!
One learns from his mistakes and becomes a better person and the other one also learns but gets even worse of a person, there is no limit to their toxicity. The Narcissist is a pro opportunist.
This point needs to be made. It's kinda like the gazillion people who had a mildly negative experience, and omg have CPTSD. Victimhood is popular.
this is such a good video, its the reminder i needed to keep these people at a safe distance, thank you!
So glad it was helpful
Narcissists are skilled in mirroring. They copied someone charming for example. They had to do it for survival.
I 100% relate. I definitely fawn and feel bad if I put up a boundary and it upsets someone especially those I love.
I can relate - fawning is a trauma response we tend to learn when we're young!!! The good thing is that we CAN heal that trauma response and it allows us to continue to respect and care about others .... but not at our own expense. We then can ALSO respect and care about our needs and perspectives!!
My ex covert narc would last about 3 weeks of no contact. I didn't notice it at the beginning but over the course of 8 months a lot came into my sight. If these types of people truly want to change because they care, love you, they will do what it takes to make the difference.
Honestly and respectfully, I don’t care if they are a narc or toxic, they’re both bad and I refuse to deal with either one.
I’m just grateful I know how to deal with either one if I HAVE to (short term).
I describe narcissistic people as being rigid. They never change. But your point about the educated narcissist changing is very interesting.
Their selfish beliefs never changes. At their core of they don't care about others do not change. They do change, adjust and better the mask they are wearing to better manipulate and deceive others for their own self gain. When you change a core belief, your actions change permanently. Actions never lie. Therefore the "I am sorry changes" they make to be better towards you are only temporary. They can only tweak those type actions for a short while, because the core belief of themselves didn't change.
I agree that they never change as in becoming better people, sadly due to education they are becoming better.... narcissists.
Narcissist change can change their behaviour in a specific subject but shift that behaviour to a new subject of abuse or continue behaviours in a more convert way once you learn to trust them again. They always need to have control and they will get that control little by little over time without you noticing until it’s too late.
Soo well explained, my darling...thank you🙋♀️🤗
I think it's important to always have in mind that the time we have on this planet is limited. Is your existence so infinite you can afford to keep on working on "difficult" relationships instead of looking for people that naturally click or finding peace in your own company? Do you want to spend this precious time constantly reinforcing boundaries or enjoying your life in a flow state? Tic Tac... Chose wisely.
Michelle, that is THE MOST BALANCED AND *FAIR* explanation I have EVER heard! Thank you so much ❤
So glad you enjoyed the video!!!
This is amazing i feel like i really needed to find this and watch it.
WOW, this is one of the best videos explaining a narcissist. This is just a part of my long nightmare. My husband and I were mentally and verbally abused by our evil narcissistic demon of an adult daughter, For years. It got so bad that the stress cause an emotional breakdown for my husband, One day he started crying uncontrollably with him gasping for air ( this is a guy that never cried because of his upbringing of men don't cry ) He was asking what he did wrong on raising her to be so evil then he collapsed and took his last breath 4 years and 8 months ago. She always had anger issues since she was a teen, but we chopped it up as just being a teen and hormons since she seemed to be a very well-rounded person overall. We noticed the changes in her as she got older and thought she was bipolar. But it was too late for us to get her help because she was over 18. She wouldn't amit that she has mental problems and get help. By the time I learned about narcissism, it was too late. The trauma damage was already done. In those horrible years of walking on eggshells, she had us under her control because she was kicked out of her ex-husband's home for stepping out on him and the trauma she caused. She ended back with us because she was homeless and 3 months pregnant with another's man child. So, of course, we took her in. She was lying from the start, telling us her marriage failed because he was abusing her physically. I know different now. We tried to help her, going through her pregnancy and the birth, then she couldn't handle being a mother. She wouldn't do what a mother should do and we ended up raising our grandson until he was 6 years old.
She hunted down for a new supply because my husband became disabled and we couldn't give her a free ride anymore. We asked her to start paying her own way because if she didn't we would end up homeless. That pissed her off, and she really got bad. She finally found a nieve 24 year old guy, 6 years younger than her, Within 3 months, she manipulated and lied to him and they moved in together. Then she trapped him by getting pregnant. My husband I ended up homeless with her stalking us and still messing with our heads using our grandson against us. Then my husband died. She destroyed me beyond repair. I have been abandoned by everyone,... She made sure of that with her lies.. I went no contact but it is slowly killing me from the inside out. I can't have a relationship with my grandson. I can't function anymore. I'm the one who is at fault somehow. And you know what.. I'm starting to believe I must be. I'm just a failure and a lost cause.. I can not heal . It hurts so much. I'm so tired of trying. I just want to die.
So sorry you and your husband went through that…… I believe what you’re saying because I’ve witnessed this with a cousin of mine and her only daughter.
Its really sad and all she (the mom) did was love on her only child. Maybe a little spoiled…. Anyhow, sending prayers your way and much love and strength.🫂♥️
@iamaleo247 Thank you. I never imagined I would be living in a nightmare that I can't wake up from.
I was blamed for everything but the crazy thing is the more my mind cleared up I started remembering all the things that happened not only did I ignore the red flags but in the end I stopped to her level I remember a situation when she got out the hospital the doctor told her she can’t drink eat greasy food etc she broke down and cried promising that for her kids and me she’s going to stop i told her I got her it’s not going to be easy but I’ll hold you accountable for your own actions type of situation simply if I seen her drinking more than she should I would make a comment like “ Babe be mindful “ and leave it at that and for the first few times it was okay she would stop and tell me thank you for reminding her than towards when things ended I get told I could give her what she needed that I was controlling it’s just like how there for you in the hospital there after making sure she was okay leaving work earlier if she truly needed me when she was sick making her food losing sleep more or less losing myself … trying to show this woman i was deserving of her love … shit sucks cause I know that’s a childhood trauma and in the moment I wasn’t realizing that’s what I was doing all I know is I did my best to be a good man for her but if what I did wasn’t enough or couldn’t give me what she needed I was never going to give her what she needed it’s like trying to fill a empty part of space it’s never fulfilled
Thanks for that !!!
First video that teaches 360 accountability
Most people are forgetting that these Narcissist people are not only mean and cruel, but are naturally aggressive also. All aggressive people view kindness as weakness. Once had a woman laugh at me because I liked the music group Ambrosia from the 70s. What she didn't realize is I also listen to The Warning. Talk about shallow and judging a book by its cover
Your videos are helpful: thank you for that. I would like to give some feedback on the layout. I wonder if I am the exception in this, or that maybe more people have the same problem. I want to concentrate on the content, and I find that difficult when your face disappears and various images are shown as illustration. I tend to close my eyes to deal with the visual distractions. In this video there is also dramatic music added to the mix. I had to quit the video because of the sensory overload. Am I weird or overly sensitive, and do other people like the added sensory drama to the content?? I wonder. As for the content of your videos: helpful and good.
All the toxic ones hates thriving
Omg this is totally what I am going through when I am going through when I decided to separate from my hubby, and now he is still the guy who's been a cold crewl ass
Have you counselled anyone that dated a sociopath that did mind altering control…what I went through I think was someone above a narc ..I think possibly a sociopath or psychopath…he actually made my brain disregulated where he kept me up 40 hrs partying and then in front of the tv expecting me to be quiet…as a result things were not right …I started having bad disregulation has anyone else dealt with this …it goes way beyond boundary setting. This person did circuitry damage …has anyone heard of such a thing ??
Beautiful sweater Michelle
He begged and begged for another chance. I finally gave in and I was making him work for a chance and when I finally began to open my heart and caring about our marriage again, he was in another affair again.
😢😢😢😢😢❤❤❤🥹🥹🥹🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻😘😘😘😘🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌
So very typical of the narcissist behavior patterns, it takes a lot for a narcissist to change, trust me I am one myself.
That is so harsh. Now you know it is a cheating pattern and you can trust your instinct about this person.
@@Philip-z3n It was utterly cruel. And he still wants me back again. I had to get a restraining order
@@NarcissistHex-nf9eq He has only learnt to cunningly manipulate. And does not see me as a person, but as his property. He also threatens suicide frequently, and has manipulated my friend.
They are both
i seem to like Michele's talks, i do prefer less editing tho.
So beautiful ❤❤
What a fine ass woman.....