If you're having trouble letting go, we recommend you check out this video: ua-cam.com/video/W2Ey41-n0Ng/v-deo.html Would you say it is easy or hard for you to let go? Why?
It's really hard for me to watch these videos with the characters having those polyps on their faces. Half the time I have to try to figure out what the artist was trying to draw. Do better.
@ by your logic, why are you still in a situation where you feel the need to question how others handle their relationships? If I’m choosing to respond and move on, maybe I’ve already decided how to deal with it in a way that works for me. Why are you putting energy into behavior you don’t agree with?
I like it when people dry beg. I just tell them, "Hey, i watch a lot of psychology videos, and thats actually a sign of indirect communication, i suggest you be more direct about communicating your needs"
Yeah, I had that in the relationship I have just ended - "you should know what I need, I shouldn't have to tell you" or "you should know me well enough that you can anticipate my needs" and when I asked for more specificity about what those needs were I would get "if you cared about me you would know". Only just realizing now how toxic this person was and what 4 years of this, plus dismissiveness and withdrawal and an inability to hold space for me to have feelings too, did to me. Not only did they make it hard for me to see the relationship as a safe space, they made it hard for me to trust myself, let alone anyone else.
@@boatgeekfindsstuff9443 lol "you should know what I need". There's this miraculous thing that exists in the human species that can be used to convey our thoughts and feelings, almost like telepathy if you really think about it. It's called "speech"!
My mom does this to me. I never knew it had a name, or was a “thing”. It’s just how she is and always has been. I don’t think she does it on purpose, but I can see from watching this video how harmful it can be and why I oftentimes feel the way I do with her. I love my mom a lot, and I think she just didn’t learn good communication skills as a child. I have been learning that some elements of poor communication have unfortunately been passed down to me, by way of not having parents to teach me as they didn’t learn from their parents either. Watching videos like this helps me understand more and I have been working hard to become better so that I can break this cycle for my future partner, and for my children if I ever have children of my own.
We are glad this video helped you. It’s amazing that you’re working so hard to break the cycle. It takes a lot of awareness and strength to do that. Have you noticed any specific changes in how you communicate since you started learning more?
This is my mom too. But, well, she is narcissistic. Not sure if full NPD, but surely enough for her to want everyone to cater to her needs while disregarding the needs of others. I hope this is not your case, but let me tell you, it took me a very long mental health journey to admit her behavior deserved the label.
That's such a great point-hinting to avoid rejection often backfires because if the hint isn't picked up, it can lead to feelings of rejection anyway. It’s a reminder of how important direct communication is, even if it feels vulnerable. How do you think we can encourage open communication without making it feel too risky for either person?
Most of my family members are using dry begging rather than telling it directly. It created an illusion that every word has a meaning under the surface and if I don't turn into a machine that converts these signs into useful information then I can't protect myself from being hurt. Well, I feel like a machine now and the pain didn't go away but feels less painful after experiencing it most of the time😔
I think I used to dry beg for smaller things in the first half of my current relationship. It was absolutely because I was terrified of rejection due to some trauma. I picked up on what I was doing every time, I felt guilty, and gross with how I was going about things. I phased it out eventually, but I dont recall how long this took. For anyone else worried about their current behaviors, I had decided to try to be as honest as I can about my desires and feelings despite how vulnerable I felt. Every once in a while, when i'm in a terrible place, I regress in different ways, like being dishonest about how I feel. Fortunately, in the present, it happens very rarely, and for anyone concerned about themselves, I'm sure you can get there too by practicing this kind of vulnerability and honesty with your loved one. If it's difficult to even think about beginning, I would suggest starting in a location that gives you security like the bedroom or maybe alone outside.
Hi, this video also helped me recognize what im doing is dry begging. I am very used to being told my wants and needs are invalid and undeserving so I have a very hard time voicing things to my partner out of fear of rejection. Im glad im not the only one and i hope i can work on this
I'm the opposite. I started with open communication. But now I do this unintentionally in times I get insecure. Esp the 2nd one. But my partner has been doing things out of obligation since we started getting into fights. Even when I was still communicating directly everytime. I found out that's how she is with her mom too. And more likely bc she's conflict avoidant. So she does it to keep the peace and not to show her love. And I don't like that. I wanted her to love me, not do what I tell her to do. Whenever she does things out of obligation, I'm obviously not satisfied. Not bc it's not enough but bc that's not what I want. I want love, not obligation. Now that I'm aware that this communication just makes her do things more out of obligation, I'll be mindful of it even when I get insecure. The problem is, sometimes, even when I'm communicating directly, she thinks there's a meaning behind it. 😫 But she's learning. I also taught her to voice out her needs and emotions and she's slowly getting used to it now.
I have a friend who has done performative helplessness as long as I have know them. I have tried to address it with them by trying to build them up with "you can do it" or just letting them know about their actions, but it only leads them to move into guilt tripping stating that "no one cares about them" or "no one wants to see me win". Part of me wants to keep the friendship due to the fun times, but I am tired. I want to focus on myself, but that feels selfish. And I am starting to resent them, which feels misplaced.
I am in the exact same situation with a friend from work. His big thing is guilt tripping everyone into buying him things/giving him money. I wish I would've recognized the manipulation sooner, but now that I do, I am never giving him money again. And yeah it's easy to feel guilty for setting a boundary and putting your foot down, but they need to know that you aren't going to stand for being manipulated and take advantage of. I think we can still be their friends, but just step back a little and never cross the boundaries that you've set with them.
If you believe you have rights and responsibilities over other adults, you violate the concept of personal agency and interpersonal boundaries. You don't view them as individuals, you have dehumanised them. This indicates you are not healthy yourself.
I feel like I especially fell into performative happiness. I had a relationship where I was asked to do a lot and I just about got nothing in return, before I cut them off.
Sometimes people accuse their partner of dry begging to cover up their own lack of effort. This can be used to gaslight a partner in feeling like they’re expecting too much when they really aren’t.
Sometimes it is a role thing. As women were not taught to advocate for themselves, they tend to do this more often ... My granny was great at this: "If you want to go home, I finished eating, so we can go." (I had just taken my second piece of cake and she was done ...). Translation: "I am tired, I want to be driven home. Hurry up."
Yeah, my partner does this too. I used to get irritated by it but now I just communicate that I don't like that way of communication and she's slowly learning to be direct too. (we're both women but I'm a direct communicator. idk how bc I also grew up in a family who doesn't allow us to advocate for ourselves but I'm like the black sheep)
I’ve noticed a lot of this this last year. This year of put in a personal policy of me first. And I’ve taken a new core belief “I’m not obligated for your happiness” very seriously. It’s been working very well so far and they’re taking it hard.
Have you ever thought about where this belief comes from? What moments or experiences might have planted the idea that you’re undeserving of care, and what steps could you take to challenge it?
It sounds like some things are being conflated…it’s not always the recipient of “dry begging” who is giving and not getting … sometimes the reason why the person is “dry begging” is because they themselves are giving but not receiving. Like you said they were taught or conditioned to hint rather than ask directly. Also … let’s all be clear about the definition of manipulation is to handle or control in a skillful way - so asking directly is also manipulation. Basically the definition of manipulation is handling something skillfully. However, sometimes people don’t have good intentions…but everyone manipulates.
Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her..
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let her go i did all i could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring her back
I’ve bought (my ex now) an apple watch and I didn’t know that apple watches don’t connect to android phones. Instead of being happy for the gift and maybe ask to get something else she acted like I betrayed her by not knowing that apple watches don’t work with android phones. She tried to scold me on Christmas eve for it but I didn’t accept it. At that time the way she handled my gift broke my heart but now I know it wasn’t me the bad one.
One of the most important points after you do something maybe you mention it to them like hey how about a thank you or something and they say "no one made you do it".
These people are not monster and need help in turn; if you can point these things out to them they might be willing to change, don't just assume everyone and everything's always a red flag and needs to be left behind. Of course, do that respecting your time and energy (and remembering we're probably far from perfect either)
This. This is obviously a result of neglect. I, too, developed this in my current relationship. I appreciate the information given bc it made me aware of what I've started doing and how unhealthy it is but I didn't like that the video villainizes the person who dry begs. My partner does some of these too. But she's now learning to communicate her needs, wants, and feelings. I taught her to communicate directly. And yes, "I" taught her. That's how I was at the start of our relationship. I still communicate directly til now but there's dry begging here and there bc of my built up resentments and insecurity from the neglect I got from my partner. She's improving though. It's just that she also grew up in a neglectful family that's why she's the way she is. But she loves me and doesn't want to lose me so she's learning to change her unhealthy behaviors.
@jppoco8366 Yup. Precisely. It's important to differentiate "real" villains (if they even exist) from people that are as brokers as we are, just in a different way, and even if their way of being broken hurts us. Of course, everyone needs to draw a line of respect that they decide when and if it can be crossed, but "villainizing" one way of suffering against the other is far from the solution
I hear you, and it's completely valid to feel torn in situations like this. When we love someone deeply, it's easy to overlook certain behaviors, even if they hurt us. Silent treatment can be a sign of unresolved issues or struggles with communication. It might help to have an open and gentle conversation with your partner about how their actions make you feel. Love thrives on mutual understanding and care, and addressing these feelings together could bring you closer. Remember, your feelings matter too. How do you think love and boundaries can coexist in situations like this?
@Psych2go in my situation, my partner are constantly giving silent treatment. We've been dating for months, almost a year. At some point my partner's silent treatment made me feel very heartbroken it made me cry. I was expecting my partner to reassure me. But she sounds like she's begging me not to cry instead of reassuring me, I just ignored that fact because I don't want to make her feel guilty. We both still show love to each other, it's just the way my partner acts are somehow very obsessive or possessive towards me. After watching your video, i might talk about it to my partner. Thanks Psych2go!!
I have BPD and while the symptoms can come off as intense and unpleasant, (and yes even dry begging and emotional manipulation) I know it comes from a place of deep seated hurt, past abandonment and rejection and an intense fear that history is gonna repeat itself; it’s a long road of recovery; however, taking accountability and focusing on healing inwardly instead of relying on an external locus of control is a giant leap forward
I was dating this woman who quite perfect, but she displayed all of these signs. They would be very subtle but wouldnt sit right with me. Everything was so aligned and different than any other relationship that i have had in the past. After a tough convo and some quick distance i decided to listen to my body and heart and soul and end it there. I felt both of our hearts break but ive been getting better every day since. We spoke the next day when i reached out, and i even came and comforted her in her time of need. We both needed that for closure. As of right now idk where we stand, the conversation back and forth has mainly been energetic here and there - all i know is im giving this love to myself and my family first.
I noticed I could be a dry beggar , but the reason for this is because my partner does forget when I ask him for something… so I tend to just hint it in fear of rejection and lower my expectations … I have had this dynamic in almost all my relationships even platonic and family ones where I say my need explicitly and they say ok but never do … and when I ask them on it again they yell at me or say they already did something else that is not what I wanted ..
Timestamps 1). Unspoken expectations 0:51 2). Guilt tripping 1:29 3). Performative helplessness 1:59 4). Silent treatment 2:28 5). Withholding gratitude 2:55 Hope this helps you out. Hope you have a nice day. Sorry this is so late. 💙💙💙💙💙💙
What I dealt with for 2.5 years in a situationship. Then looking back a lot of my so called “friends” and some family members….. are indeed dry beggars. I’m super good on them and people who act like this.
This happened to me with my ex-boyfriend. He use to message me first by saying "Hey" and I responded back. The conversation was normal until he replied "Can I ask you something?" or "Can I tell you something?" I said "Yes," but he never replied back. This happened more than once. It doesn't make sense for someone to ask can they tell me something and then not ask. My ex was just trying to see if I was paying attention to him. There was no normal genuine conversation between us. He would falsely accuse me of not wanting to talk to him when I always responded to him. I would start the conversation and he refused to reply or he would reply insulting me. My ex only texted me when it was convenient for him. I left that relationship after 2 ½ years.
Can you do a video about how to know if someone really loves you, or if they are just lonely, desperate, and in fear of ending up alone so they take whoever they can get?
Or because they Know you are a Doer & they Are Not! A form of laziness in doing, in learning, in taking responsibility … is really fear & usury of others. Making excuses & uber negative words about their circumstances or perceptions only makes they look pitiable. They are responsible for their own happiness & choices. Find solutions and work on YOU! Elbow grease goes a long way in relationships when both or all parties participate in the DOing & resonating their willingness & LIGHT TOO!
to all the people watching this video who use this as an excuse to get out of their actual responsibilities to their relationships. Here's a reality smack in the face. Be responsible, stop looking for excuses. Compremise is a part of any relationship (partner, friend, parent, coworker, ECT.) You need to know when enough is enough. Also, you should have the conversation with them. They may be feeling that they are doing the same for you and you 2 have been dragging the pain on for years, thinking you are making the other happy.
Just once, it'd be nice to meet someone who puts in the same amount of commitment I do. At least it's gotten better and better with each relationship I've been in! But still... I can't help but feel the type of woman I value is very rare. I know there are women who feel the same way I do about men. To you all, I say don't stop believing! :D
I hear you, it's frustrating to put in your all and not always get the same effort in return. It's good to hear you're finding relationships that are a better fit though!
if this channel didn’t exist, I don’t know what I’d be in. It pretty much carried the entirety of my 2024 romantic stories. I’m still single but I’ll be sure to find someone pretty soon thanks to your videos. Once again thanks so much ❤❤
My "ex" did this to a T. I thought it was some sort of brainwashing. Put up with it for almost 8 years. The entire time, he only told me he "loved" me twice (and then later said he didn't remember saying it). When I would voice my concern about how he treated me, he would in turn say that I "wouldn't be happy if he gave me what I wanted on a silver spoon", or "it wouldn't matter if he told me he cared abut me, because I wouldn't believe it anyway"...
In my experience, hinting comes after multiple direct communication attempts have failed. The solution is to leave the relationship. Don't give them a chance to lure you back in with promises of changing. No fighting, begging, crying... just leave. It's just more dignified and peaceful to leave that mess behind. 😂
Thank you for this video, about a year ago I was dating someone who fits in with some of these, the biggest one being silent treatment. She'd disappear for days at a time without a word and after returning would say anything like 'i was busy' or 'needed alone time' and never give a full explanation. I was always giving and giving and giving, and then 7 months in she ends it saying 'I cant handle always making you upset' and sometime after that she also said i could still visit her in her country sometime if i wanted, but I cried for an hour straight after that, and now I find that she removed me from her friends list on discord so like, what was I to her? I guess I didn't mean much if she decided to remove my from her friends list
The feel of "Ok, lets try to be better next time" turns into "Dont get so excited in the eye of the storm" and then every attempt to feel like "ok, its getting better" turns into a failed attempt to feel better
Very eye opening ... ive experienced quite a lot of these things and some ive done without realising how seriously negative the impact was on rhe person i was with.
Hi! So im sort of on the toxic end of this example.. this video really helped me realize some of my poor behaviors towards my partner and im glad videos like this are out here for those of us who dont always realize what we are doing is harmful. I am very used to being told my needs and wants are invalid and i dont deserve anything, so now that i have a partner who is very giving i have an incredibly hard time actually voicing my wants and i tend to be a little passive aggressive. I hope to work on this, Thanks phych2go
This is so inspiring. My mind has been consumed with thoughts of him. It's been 6 months since he left, and the pain feels like a physical ache. The laughter, the memories, the adventures they're all gone. I've tried to distract myself, but the harder I try, the more I think about him. How do people truly move on? The memories are still so vivid, and I miss him more than words can express.
Sweetheart, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. My heart breaks for you and I can imagine the pain and longing you must be feeling.last year, my fiancé ended our 3yrs relationship for reasons best known to him. I would cry all night because I couldn’t imagine life without him. I want you to know that you’re not alone and I’m here for u always. I reached out to a spiritual counselor for some guidance and it really worked for me My fiancé and I are back together.
I had no idea that I was unintentionally doing "performative helplessness". I used to tell people about a material item I was interested in getting, but couldn't afford it, and they would offer to buy it for me, much to my surprise. I always rejected their offer too, unless they insisted. I mean, it's nice of them to offer, but I always feel bad because it was never my intention to manipulate them into buying things for me 😭 I stopped doing it ages ago, but this video helped me realize that it was part of dry begging. Now I know to truly never do it again. Unintentional manipulation is so...ugh 🙉 Really trying to be "aware in the moment" whenever I do or say something these days, lol.
I don't think it's performative helplessness if it's unintentional though. In performative helplessness, there's some kind of expectation. And you'd be disappointed if they don't offer to give you or they don't insist. If it's truly unintentional, then that's just sharing your thoughts and experience. Nothing wrong with that. And I'd like to emphasize "if it's truly unintentional". Also, there are instances that you started not expecting anything but you get used to that treatment that if you communicate it that way, they'll offer. So you do it again and again bc it's rewarding yet there's less vulnerability.
I suppose I’ve done some of these things like being passive aggressive about receiving affection from my other half. When they never do anything for my emotional needs and take me for granted I suppose joking passive comments are a cry for help. Maybe they will realise and do something for me for a change but no, nothing. My communication has been clear in the past but being let down over and over makes you realise there is no point being the only person trying.
This sounds like a friend I lost during the pandemic. The difference is, his helplessness wasn't performative, he would put himself in actual danger and expect to be rescued, but he would at least be thankful and reciprocate after he was safe again. The pandemic made it impossible to be safe.
Just leave if you feel drained when with the person. You'll always feel alive (fired up, joyful, energized) with people who know how to express real love. Even in moments of discomfort or difficult times in your life, loving people tend to make you feel like everything will be ok. If they don't...just leave...lovingly.
The way I did things in the past tend to creap up on me from time to time like this; I did just find myself a dry beggar, and the reasoning trauma does imply. Though I do try to be better. PS: Dry begging is the side of anime that I don't like so I guess that's why I'm just not caught up with it...
I find this back and forth with my son is very toxic behavior and I only want what's best for him but I find myself becoming irritated that we're still stuck in this mud and I don't know what it is I should be doing but I somehow can't get through to him, my relationship with him might be too far gone to save 😢 💔 I'm to blame too, it's not just him 😢
A healthy partner is supportive & understanding. If they are an annoying or destructive inconvenience, a threat to your well being, health & safety then they are not a partner. If they are intentionally difficult, challenging, competitve or rival you they thrive off conflict not consideration.
Huh, I got away away from a kind of relationship a week ago, and I thought that it was my fault because I hurt her but, I was put in a state where she wanted me as a "boyfriend or nothing" and even knowing that I'm not well with myself and I can enter a relationship, she was pushing me to act like her boyfriend through manipulation and I felt for it without realizing and thinking it was my feelings, and no, I'm not innocent, I had mistakes that damaged the relationship we used to have and the friendship after the break up (Almost two years ago), and trying to be something that I can't be anymore was damaging me and her, so yeah, I made mistakes on my own but I think I was manipulated and my resistance lead me to other mistakes, I guess I'll be better on my own for some time
so my friends read this book called Magnetic Aura and they all started acting way more confident-one got a job they didn’t even apply for, another’s meeting all these amazing people who actually lift them up. it’s like something shifted in their vibe, not in a flashy way, just subtle and real. it’s wild tho, this book keeps getting removed so fast cuz it’s apparently too powerful-good luck finding it if you’re curious.
Is it really that bad to want your partner to do something without being told directly? For example for valentines day I did the first thing with my partner and also have shown him a picture of earrings saying ohh they are so pretty (note I can buy these things very much myself, these things are also not expensive. I did this so that if he wants to gift something it’s easier for him to chose something).
As simple as that, I don't do that to poeple so I won't accept in my life someone who act like that with me. Always remind myself that I deserve love, acceptance, peace and kindness if your behaviour doesn't fall in this 4 categories them, we are not compatibles. I used to experience all of this manipulator tactics even more, in all my relations family, friends, love, so I know them well. Hopefully i had long therapy and this type of game i learn to challenge them and the first part of my answer is the way i grow up in my journey. I don't supporte anymore this type of behaviour and don't take them personnal neither.
I was married to a narcissist for 16yrs and in a relationship with her for 21yrs. She would do this all the time; blame me for her unhappiness and always want me to know what’s going on with her instead of just telling me. We had the most toxic relationship ever. She filed for divorce and immediately had a new situation. That new dude she with literally has no idea what he’s in for. But that’s on him for getting involved with a married female. Now she’s passing on all her trauma to our children and I’m constantly doing damage control. Be careful who you have kids with people; really get to know someone first before laying down with them. If I knew then what I know now…..🤷🏾♂️
I have a friend who's ex was like this (controlling). Most people saw it, except her. It was disgusting to see. Every time I or someone else pointed it out, it was always a "But I love him" type of thing. My thought was always "You love him but he loves using you to get his desires" I just hope her next one isn't like that.
So i definitely caught myself doing this when I was in my early twenties, and this is the first time I've heard a name for it. Dry begging... I realized then that dry begging makes me look pitiful and manipulative, even though that was never my intention. You see, I grew up in a toxic environment and my mom was a narcissist and dry begging was one of the smart ways that i got my needs met in such a competitive environment. If she knew I needed something, she would withhold it until she "rewarded me" and got her ego boost. So it works in those environments. But on the other hand, my coping mechanism gave normal people around me the "ick" and it took a lot of unlearning in my twenties to stop that behavior.... dry begging is what humans do when their needs aren't being met and they're scared to ask for them directly because they've been hurt for doing that exact thing. You can't just tell people to stop doing the behaviors that once saved them. You have to help people realize that normal people won't attack them for being themselves, needs and all. And a healthy way to respond if they do get attacked again for expressing their needs. That's an important one. There's a huge wound healing necessary to get there, can't just turn it off like pushing a button
sometimes my girl turns really cold when I spend time with friends or when I tell her that I am busy or just want to have some time for myself. I feel like she doesn’t want to ask for attention and is very sensitive to rejection. To me it feels tho as if I disappoint her if I don’t read between the lines and call her/give her attention. I can’t really enjoy my time for myself when she acts like this. I don’t know what to do.
I've never experienced anything other than dry begging. Maybe that's why I seem to behave this way without even realizing it...? It takes a LOT of neglect to push me to this point... But when it's how you were raised, it's all you know. Let's do better together.
My ex did this a lot always made himself seem like a victim like no one cared about him. I spent 6 years trying to make him feel loved and accepted while he indirectly make me feel like I still wasn't enough or always doing something wrong. Yep, he has a hard time just saying "wow, baby this is really nice thank you" he always would seem surprised say he likes it then later on come up with a bunch of excuses for why that gift is now not as good and he needs something better.
I reminds me of a friend that had a huge crush on me but i didnt see him that way. He gives the 'nice guy' but not a good guy. I did everything in this vid on rejecting him. I told him way ahead of time that i didnt like him. Moral of my story: dont waste time on some1who doesnt want u.
If you're having trouble letting go, we recommend you check out this video: ua-cam.com/video/W2Ey41-n0Ng/v-deo.html
Would you say it is easy or hard for you to let go? Why?
It's really hard for me to watch these videos with the characters having those polyps on their faces. Half the time I have to try to figure out what the artist was trying to draw.
Do better.
This only talks about romantic relationships but mine is between my son and I
@TeresaOverholt-ky1ct Does your son have polyps on his face like in the cartoon?
@@ThatOne77I’ll send the feeedback to the artist :)
@@Psych2go You chose the artist and the style.
At this point, I’m so used to it, that I just respond with, “Oh, that‘s too bad,” and move on with my day.
this
@@littleleah310ðat
If it's like that frequently, it's not worth it, dudeee
@@OmniTarget13 The bigger issue is, why are you still in that situation with that person? Why do you put up with that behaviour to begin with?
@ by your logic, why are you still in a situation where you feel the need to question how others handle their relationships? If I’m choosing to respond and move on, maybe I’ve already decided how to deal with it in a way that works for me. Why are you putting energy into behavior you don’t agree with?
0:54 Unspoken expectations
1:30 Guilt tripping
2:00 Performative helplessness
2:30 Silent treatment
2:55 Withholding gratitude
Thanks!
2:00 performative helplessness
Gratitude
| o
-| \ ← with
/ \
Did you mean "withholding"?
❤
I like it when people dry beg.
I just tell them, "Hey, i watch a lot of psychology videos, and thats actually a sign of indirect communication, i suggest you be more direct about communicating your needs"
@@jamalcole1985 straight like that. We don’t have time for games anymore lol
@Bria_White hahaa.. thats shit lil kids do. I had a chick do that and say "well other men.." ✌️. Just like dat bruh
Amanda's voice is so smooth...
Ikr
Indeed.
exactly what I think everytime I hear her
Thank you! Are you opened to us having more voices on the channel?
fr
Partner has started this "if i have to tell you, it doesn't count" bs as an excuse to withhold my needs. I'm done.
Yeah you shouldn't put up with stuff like that
Yeah, I had that in the relationship I have just ended - "you should know what I need, I shouldn't have to tell you" or "you should know me well enough that you can anticipate my needs" and when I asked for more specificity about what those needs were I would get "if you cared about me you would know". Only just realizing now how toxic this person was and what 4 years of this, plus dismissiveness and withdrawal and an inability to hold space for me to have feelings too, did to me. Not only did they make it hard for me to see the relationship as a safe space, they made it hard for me to trust myself, let alone anyone else.
@@boatgeekfindsstuff9443 lol "you should know what I need". There's this miraculous thing that exists in the human species that can be used to convey our thoughts and feelings, almost like telepathy if you really think about it. It's called "speech"!
@boatgeekfindsstuff9443 *gasps this is me right now. I resorted to telling him how he can better phrase things...
Not everybody has telepathy. Also women like that don't know what they want. They can't even make themselves happy.
Never continue to give and give to someone who doesn't appreciate you and constantly needs more from you again every day.
My mom does this to me. I never knew it had a name, or was a “thing”. It’s just how she is and always has been. I don’t think she does it on purpose, but I can see from watching this video how harmful it can be and why I oftentimes feel the way I do with her. I love my mom a lot, and I think she just didn’t learn good communication skills as a child.
I have been learning that some elements of poor communication have unfortunately been passed down to me, by way of not having parents to teach me as they didn’t learn from their parents either.
Watching videos like this helps me understand more and I have been working hard to become better so that I can break this cycle for my future partner, and for my children if I ever have children of my own.
We are glad this video helped you. It’s amazing that you’re working so hard to break the cycle. It takes a lot of awareness and strength to do that. Have you noticed any specific changes in how you communicate since you started learning more?
I love you ❤
I just want to tell you I’m proud of you for taking on change. ❤
This is my mom too. But, well, she is narcissistic. Not sure if full NPD, but surely enough for her to want everyone to cater to her needs while disregarding the needs of others. I hope this is not your case, but let me tell you, it took me a very long mental health journey to admit her behavior deserved the label.
I learned this from a parent and am desperately trying to unlearn it before I ruin my first healthy relationship
"without risking rejection" but if you don't pick up on the hint they feel rejected anyway so it just makes everything harder.
That's such a great point-hinting to avoid rejection often backfires because if the hint isn't picked up, it can lead to feelings of rejection anyway. It’s a reminder of how important direct communication is, even if it feels vulnerable. How do you think we can encourage open communication without making it feel too risky for either person?
Hell, I play dumb. It works, too 😅
Hell, I play dumb. It works too 😅
Most of my family members are using dry begging rather than telling it directly. It created an illusion that every word has a meaning under the surface and if I don't turn into a machine that converts these signs into useful information then I can't protect myself from being hurt. Well, I feel like a machine now and the pain didn't go away but feels less painful after experiencing it most of the time😔
It's so hard to learn to be direct when no one ever was...
I can not thank Psych2go enough. I am subscribed for about 2-3 years and I feel like I can understand people better.
While I was watching your videos, you described my ex which kinda did all this.
You're too kind! You did most of the heavy lifting.
SAME
I think I used to dry beg for smaller things in the first half of my current relationship. It was absolutely because I was terrified of rejection due to some trauma. I picked up on what I was doing every time, I felt guilty, and gross with how I was going about things. I phased it out eventually, but I dont recall how long this took.
For anyone else worried about their current behaviors, I had decided to try to be as honest as I can about my desires and feelings despite how vulnerable I felt. Every once in a while, when i'm in a terrible place, I regress in different ways, like being dishonest about how I feel. Fortunately, in the present, it happens very rarely, and for anyone concerned about themselves, I'm sure you can get there too by practicing this kind of vulnerability and honesty with your loved one.
If it's difficult to even think about beginning, I would suggest starting in a location that gives you security like the bedroom or maybe alone outside.
Hi, this video also helped me recognize what im doing is dry begging. I am very used to being told my wants and needs are invalid and undeserving so I have a very hard time voicing things to my partner out of fear of rejection. Im glad im not the only one and i hope i can work on this
I'm the opposite. I started with open communication. But now I do this unintentionally in times I get insecure. Esp the 2nd one. But my partner has been doing things out of obligation since we started getting into fights. Even when I was still communicating directly everytime. I found out that's how she is with her mom too. And more likely bc she's conflict avoidant. So she does it to keep the peace and not to show her love. And I don't like that. I wanted her to love me, not do what I tell her to do. Whenever she does things out of obligation, I'm obviously not satisfied. Not bc it's not enough but bc that's not what I want. I want love, not obligation.
Now that I'm aware that this communication just makes her do things more out of obligation, I'll be mindful of it even when I get insecure. The problem is, sometimes, even when I'm communicating directly, she thinks there's a meaning behind it. 😫 But she's learning. I also taught her to voice out her needs and emotions and she's slowly getting used to it now.
yeah the title itself summarised all of my relationships.
What do you think is recreating those patterns?
I have a friend who has done performative helplessness as long as I have know them. I have tried to address it with them by trying to build them up with "you can do it" or just letting them know about their actions, but it only leads them to move into guilt tripping stating that "no one cares about them" or "no one wants to see me win". Part of me wants to keep the friendship due to the fun times, but I am tired. I want to focus on myself, but that feels selfish. And I am starting to resent them, which feels misplaced.
I am in the exact same situation with a friend from work. His big thing is guilt tripping everyone into buying him things/giving him money. I wish I would've recognized the manipulation sooner, but now that I do, I am never giving him money again. And yeah it's easy to feel guilty for setting a boundary and putting your foot down, but they need to know that you aren't going to stand for being manipulated and take advantage of. I think we can still be their friends, but just step back a little and never cross the boundaries that you've set with them.
If you believe you have rights and responsibilities over other adults, you violate the concept of personal agency and interpersonal boundaries. You don't view them as individuals, you have dehumanised them. This indicates you are not healthy yourself.
I feel like I especially fell into performative happiness. I had a relationship where I was asked to do a lot and I just about got nothing in return, before I cut them off.
What if it's your grown son doing it? I'm stumped
Sometimes people accuse their partner of dry begging to cover up their own lack of effort. This can be used to gaslight a partner in feeling like they’re expecting too much when they really aren’t.
Sometimes it is a role thing. As women were not taught to advocate for themselves, they tend to do this more often ... My granny was great at this: "If you want to go home, I finished eating, so we can go." (I had just taken my second piece of cake and she was done ...). Translation: "I am tired, I want to be driven home. Hurry up."
Yeah, my partner does this too. I used to get irritated by it but now I just communicate that I don't like that way of communication and she's slowly learning to be direct too.
(we're both women but I'm a direct communicator. idk how bc I also grew up in a family who doesn't allow us to advocate for ourselves but I'm like the black sheep)
@@jppoco8366 💛
I’ve noticed a lot of this this last year. This year of put in a personal policy of me first. And I’ve taken a new core belief “I’m not obligated for your happiness” very seriously. It’s been working very well so far and they’re taking it hard.
I often feel like I don't deserve anyone to take care of me.
Have you ever thought about where this belief comes from? What moments or experiences might have planted the idea that you’re undeserving of care, and what steps could you take to challenge it?
same
It sounds like some things are being conflated…it’s not always the recipient of “dry begging” who is giving and not getting … sometimes the reason why the person is “dry begging” is because they themselves are giving but not receiving. Like you said they were taught or conditioned to hint rather than ask directly. Also … let’s all be clear about the definition of manipulation is to handle or control in a skillful way - so asking directly is also manipulation. Basically the definition of manipulation is handling something skillfully. However, sometimes people don’t have good intentions…but everyone manipulates.
Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her..
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let her go i did all i could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring her back
Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach her?
Her name is Shelly renee white , and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive
This a bot, seen these comments on other youtube video's just shameful promotions for this woman
I’ve bought (my ex now) an apple watch and I didn’t know that apple watches don’t connect to android phones. Instead of being happy for the gift and maybe ask to get something else she acted like I betrayed her by not knowing that apple watches don’t work with android phones. She tried to scold me on Christmas eve for it but I didn’t accept it. At that time the way she handled my gift broke my heart but now I know it wasn’t me the bad one.
One of the most important points after you do something maybe you mention it to them like hey how about a thank you or something and they say "no one made you do it".
@@danieb4273 I can’t stand ungrateful people like that smh
My kid does this. I make them ask with words and accept what answer comes.
These people are not monster and need help in turn; if you can point these things out to them they might be willing to change, don't just assume everyone and everything's always a red flag and needs to be left behind.
Of course, do that respecting your time and energy (and remembering we're probably far from perfect either)
This. This is obviously a result of neglect. I, too, developed this in my current relationship. I appreciate the information given bc it made me aware of what I've started doing and how unhealthy it is but I didn't like that the video villainizes the person who dry begs. My partner does some of these too. But she's now learning to communicate her needs, wants, and feelings. I taught her to communicate directly. And yes, "I" taught her. That's how I was at the start of our relationship. I still communicate directly til now but there's dry begging here and there bc of my built up resentments and insecurity from the neglect I got from my partner. She's improving though. It's just that she also grew up in a neglectful family that's why she's the way she is. But she loves me and doesn't want to lose me so she's learning to change her unhealthy behaviors.
@jppoco8366 Yup. Precisely.
It's important to differentiate "real" villains (if they even exist) from people that are as brokers as we are, just in a different way, and even if their way of being broken hurts us.
Of course, everyone needs to draw a line of respect that they decide when and if it can be crossed, but "villainizing" one way of suffering against the other is far from the solution
I felt some of these signs from my partner sometimes, especially silent treatment and i keep denying it because i love my partner sm......
I hear you, and it's completely valid to feel torn in situations like this. When we love someone deeply, it's easy to overlook certain behaviors, even if they hurt us. Silent treatment can be a sign of unresolved issues or struggles with communication. It might help to have an open and gentle conversation with your partner about how their actions make you feel. Love thrives on mutual understanding and care, and addressing these feelings together could bring you closer. Remember, your feelings matter too. How do you think love and boundaries can coexist in situations like this?
@Psych2go in my situation, my partner are constantly giving silent treatment. We've been dating for months, almost a year. At some point my partner's silent treatment made me feel very heartbroken it made me cry. I was expecting my partner to reassure me. But she sounds like she's begging me not to cry instead of reassuring me, I just ignored that fact because I don't want to make her feel guilty. We both still show love to each other, it's just the way my partner acts are somehow very obsessive or possessive towards me. After watching your video, i might talk about it to my partner. Thanks Psych2go!!
I have BPD and while the symptoms can come off as intense and unpleasant, (and yes even dry begging and emotional manipulation) I know it comes from a place of deep seated hurt, past abandonment and rejection and an intense fear that history is gonna repeat itself; it’s a long road of recovery; however, taking accountability and focusing on healing inwardly instead of relying on an external locus of control is a giant leap forward
I was dating this woman who quite perfect, but she displayed all of these signs. They would be very subtle but wouldnt sit right with me. Everything was so aligned and different than any other relationship that i have had in the past. After a tough convo and some quick distance i decided to listen to my body and heart and soul and end it there. I felt both of our hearts break but ive been getting better every day since. We spoke the next day when i reached out, and i even came and comforted her in her time of need. We both needed that for closure. As of right now idk where we stand, the conversation back and forth has mainly been energetic here and there - all i know is im giving this love to myself and my family first.
Its very helpful watching this video, because i didn't even realise i was doing this until i watched this and now i know how to communicate better
I noticed I could be a dry beggar , but the reason for this is because my partner does forget when I ask him for something… so I tend to just hint it in fear of rejection and lower my expectations … I have had this dynamic in almost all my relationships even platonic and family ones where I say my need explicitly and they say ok but never do … and when I ask them on it again they yell at me or say they already did something else that is not what I wanted ..
glad to know im not alone feeling this..
Timestamps
1). Unspoken expectations 0:51
2). Guilt tripping 1:29
3). Performative helplessness 1:59
4). Silent treatment 2:28
5). Withholding gratitude 2:55
Hope this helps you out. Hope you have a nice day. Sorry this is so late. 💙💙💙💙💙💙
What I dealt with for 2.5 years in a situationship. Then looking back a lot of my so called “friends” and some family members….. are indeed dry beggars. I’m super good on them and people who act like this.
They call or text pretending to have something to say.
How so?
Probably because they just wanted to talk to you?
This happened to me with my ex-boyfriend. He use to message me first by saying "Hey" and I responded back. The conversation was normal until he replied "Can I ask you something?" or "Can I tell you something?" I said "Yes," but he never replied back. This happened more than once. It doesn't make sense for someone to ask can they tell me something and then not ask. My ex was just trying to see if I was paying attention to him. There was no normal genuine conversation between us. He would falsely accuse me of not wanting to talk to him when I always responded to him. I would start the conversation and he refused to reply or he would reply insulting me. My ex only texted me when it was convenient for him. I left that relationship after 2 ½ years.
@Tatianas_Inezpirations that sounds annoying. I've dealt with that type of game before. Not fun, well not the kind of fun i like.
By calling and giving unnecessary small talk
Sadly i've been there. IT really hurts
thank you for this!! it’s like you read my mind lol; needed to hear everything. forever my fav channel
You're too kind! What do you think is the best sign for spotting dry begging?
Can you do a video about how to know if someone really loves you, or if they are just lonely, desperate, and in fear of ending up alone so they take whoever they can get?
For sure! I am surprised we don't have a video covering this. Stay tune for it. We will title it "Do They Love You or Just Fear Being Alone?"
@@Psych2go Maybe you have. I didn't really look tbh^^"
Edit: anyway, thanks! ♥
Or because they Know you are a Doer & they Are Not! A form of laziness in doing, in learning, in taking responsibility … is really fear & usury of others. Making excuses & uber negative words about their circumstances or perceptions only makes they look pitiable. They are responsible for their own happiness & choices. Find solutions and work on YOU!
Elbow grease goes a long way in relationships when both or all parties participate in the DOing & resonating their willingness & LIGHT TOO!
to all the people watching this video who use this as an excuse to get out of their actual responsibilities to their relationships. Here's a reality smack in the face. Be responsible, stop looking for excuses. Compremise is a part of any relationship (partner, friend, parent, coworker, ECT.)
You need to know when enough is enough. Also, you should have the conversation with them. They may be feeling that they are doing the same for you and you 2 have been dragging the pain on for years, thinking you are making the other happy.
Just once, it'd be nice to meet someone who puts in the same amount of commitment I do. At least it's gotten better and better with each relationship I've been in! But still... I can't help but feel the type of woman I value is very rare. I know there are women who feel the same way I do about men. To you all, I say don't stop believing! :D
I hear you, it's frustrating to put in your all and not always get the same effort in return. It's good to hear you're finding relationships that are a better fit though!
Literally my crush...
Fr
if this channel didn’t exist, I don’t know what I’d be in. It pretty much carried the entirety of my 2024 romantic stories. I’m still single but I’ll be sure to find someone pretty soon thanks to your videos. Once again thanks so much ❤❤
I'm so glad these videos have helped you navigate your romantic journey! Keep believing in yourself.
My "ex" did this to a T. I thought it was some sort of brainwashing. Put up with it for almost 8 years. The entire time, he only told me he "loved" me twice (and then later said he didn't remember saying it). When I would voice my concern about how he treated me, he would in turn say that I "wouldn't be happy if he gave me what I wanted on a silver spoon", or "it wouldn't matter if he told me he cared abut me, because I wouldn't believe it anyway"...
In my experience, hinting comes after multiple direct communication attempts have failed.
The solution is to leave the relationship. Don't give them a chance to lure you back in with promises of changing. No fighting, begging, crying... just leave.
It's just more dignified and peaceful to leave that mess behind. 😂
Monika has finally invaded our Reality ( >.
And she brought her fellow club members, too!
Finally, somebody mentioned it 😅
Just Monika
This is my favorite art style I’ve seen so far ❤
Thank you :) Glad you like it
I needed this two years before 😭😫
But thanks to all of you in this channel, I changed for the better. Thank you 🗣❤🔥
It's never too late to learn and grow!
Thank you for this video, about a year ago I was dating someone who fits in with some of these, the biggest one being silent treatment. She'd disappear for days at a time without a word and after returning would say anything like 'i was busy' or 'needed alone time' and never give a full explanation. I was always giving and giving and giving, and then 7 months in she ends it saying 'I cant handle always making you upset' and sometime after that she also said i could still visit her in her country sometime if i wanted, but I cried for an hour straight after that, and now I find that she removed me from her friends list on discord so like, what was I to her? I guess I didn't mean much if she decided to remove my from her friends list
The feel of "Ok, lets try to be better next time" turns into "Dont get so excited in the eye of the storm" and then every attempt to feel like "ok, its getting better" turns into a failed attempt to feel better
Very eye opening ... ive experienced quite a lot of these things and some ive done without realising how seriously negative the impact was on rhe person i was with.
Thanks for this video!
Thanks for watching! Don't forget to check out the one about letting go in the pinned comment too.
I think you just described my last girlfriend. We can't talk about it though because she's giving me the silent treatment.
I so needed this❤
Hi! So im sort of on the toxic end of this example.. this video really helped me realize some of my poor behaviors towards my partner and im glad videos like this are out here for those of us who dont always realize what we are doing is harmful.
I am very used to being told my needs and wants are invalid and i dont deserve anything, so now that i have a partner who is very giving i have an incredibly hard time actually voicing my wants and i tend to be a little passive aggressive. I hope to work on this, Thanks phych2go
Me watching this to see if my bf acc loves me js to realize this describes BOTH of us 😭🙏
Thank goodness I've screenshotted the previous thumbnail, it was so cute and the world will never see it again 😭
This is so inspiring. My mind has been consumed with thoughts of him. It's been 6 months since he left, and the pain feels like a physical ache. The laughter, the memories, the adventures they're all gone. I've tried to distract myself, but the harder I try, the more I think about him. How do people truly move on? The memories are still so vivid, and I miss him more than words can express.
Sweetheart, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. My heart breaks for you and I can imagine the pain and longing you must be feeling.last year, my fiancé ended our 3yrs relationship for reasons best known to him. I would cry all night because I couldn’t imagine life without him. I want you to know that you’re not alone and I’m here for u always. I reached out to a spiritual counselor for some guidance and it really worked for me My fiancé and I are back together.
A spiritual counselor? That sounds fascinating
And how do I reach out to him .
his handle is Father Tosin Ayodele, He can help rekindle the spark in any broken relationships.
Tnx for sharing that! I really appreciate your openness.
I see these manipulation tactics all over my social media timelines. Interesting.
I had no idea that I was unintentionally doing "performative helplessness". I used to tell people about a material item I was interested in getting, but couldn't afford it, and they would offer to buy it for me, much to my surprise. I always rejected their offer too, unless they insisted. I mean, it's nice of them to offer, but I always feel bad because it was never my intention to manipulate them into buying things for me 😭 I stopped doing it ages ago, but this video helped me realize that it was part of dry begging. Now I know to truly never do it again.
Unintentional manipulation is so...ugh 🙉 Really trying to be "aware in the moment" whenever I do or say something these days, lol.
I don't think it's performative helplessness if it's unintentional though. In performative helplessness, there's some kind of expectation. And you'd be disappointed if they don't offer to give you or they don't insist. If it's truly unintentional, then that's just sharing your thoughts and experience. Nothing wrong with that. And I'd like to emphasize "if it's truly unintentional".
Also, there are instances that you started not expecting anything but you get used to that treatment that if you communicate it that way, they'll offer. So you do it again and again bc it's rewarding yet there's less vulnerability.
I suppose I’ve done some of these things like being passive aggressive about receiving affection from my other half. When they never do anything for my emotional needs and take me for granted I suppose joking passive comments are a cry for help. Maybe they will realise and do something for me for a change but no, nothing. My communication has been clear in the past but being let down over and over makes you realise there is no point being the only person trying.
I think an invisible impulse is the key 🔑.♡
the art style is so cute! :D
Aww thank you!
This found me really when I needed it.
This sounds like a friend I lost during the pandemic. The difference is, his helplessness wasn't performative, he would put himself in actual danger and expect to be rescued, but he would at least be thankful and reciprocate after he was safe again. The pandemic made it impossible to be safe.
Huh, and i just started replaying ddlc too
Just leave if you feel drained when with the person. You'll always feel alive (fired up, joyful, energized) with people who know how to express real love. Even in moments of discomfort or difficult times in your life, loving people tend to make you feel like everything will be ok. If they don't...just leave...lovingly.
1:01 I just remembered how Glenda did that with Boq in Wicked. Boq only played nice to Nessarose which didn't end well.
The way I did things in the past tend to creap up on me from time to time like this; I did just find myself a dry beggar, and the reasoning trauma does imply. Though I do try to be better.
PS: Dry begging is the side of anime that I don't like so I guess that's why I'm just not caught up with it...
I find this back and forth with my son is very toxic behavior and I only want what's best for him but I find myself becoming irritated that we're still stuck in this mud and I don't know what it is I should be doing but I somehow can't get through to him, my relationship with him might be too far gone to save 😢 💔 I'm to blame too, it's not just him 😢
*insert back into the future voice*
"Hey i know that one!"
Some people may only know how to communicate this way because that’s what they were raised with
A healthy partner is supportive & understanding.
If they are an annoying or destructive inconvenience,
a threat to your well being, health & safety then they are not a partner.
If they are intentionally difficult, challenging, competitve or rival you they thrive off conflict not consideration.
I needed this...ty
I can be quite needy or clingy sometimes, is that bad?
Wow!! Thanks for this vid
Thanks for watching!
Huh, I got away away from a kind of relationship a week ago, and I thought that it was my fault because I hurt her but, I was put in a state where she wanted me as a "boyfriend or nothing" and even knowing that I'm not well with myself and I can enter a relationship, she was pushing me to act like her boyfriend through manipulation and I felt for it without realizing and thinking it was my feelings, and no, I'm not innocent, I had mistakes that damaged the relationship we used to have and the friendship after the break up (Almost two years ago), and trying to be something that I can't be anymore was damaging me and her, so yeah, I made mistakes on my own but I think I was manipulated and my resistance lead me to other mistakes, I guess I'll be better on my own for some time
The timing istg!!!!! 😮😮😮😮 but i also know i do it so ugh 😢
This actually helped a lot! Thank you!
You're welcome! Glad it was helpful.
so my friends read this book called Magnetic Aura and they all started acting way more confident-one got a job they didn’t even apply for, another’s meeting all these amazing people who actually lift them up. it’s like something shifted in their vibe, not in a flashy way, just subtle and real. it’s wild tho, this book keeps getting removed so fast cuz it’s apparently too powerful-good luck finding it if you’re curious.
nice try diddy
multi level marketing victim spotted
Is it really that bad to want your partner to do something without being told directly? For example for valentines day I did the first thing with my partner and also have shown him a picture of earrings saying ohh they are so pretty (note I can buy these things very much myself, these things are also not expensive. I did this so that if he wants to gift something it’s easier for him to chose something).
Excellent video, it proves I made the right decision.
Glad you found it helpful!
The stark and fern reference, lovely
As simple as that, I don't do that to poeple so I won't accept in my life someone who act like that with me. Always remind myself that I deserve love, acceptance, peace and kindness if your behaviour doesn't fall in this 4 categories them, we are not compatibles.
I used to experience all of this manipulator tactics even more, in all my relations family, friends, love, so I know them well. Hopefully i had long therapy and this type of game i learn to challenge them and the first part of my answer is the way i grow up in my journey. I don't supporte anymore this type of behaviour and don't take them personnal neither.
I literally live with someone who exhibits 99% of this. Holy shit..
I was married to a narcissist for 16yrs and in a relationship with her for 21yrs. She would do this all the time; blame me for her unhappiness and always want me to know what’s going on with her instead of just telling me. We had the most toxic relationship ever. She filed for divorce and immediately had a new situation. That new dude she with literally has no idea what he’s in for. But that’s on him for getting involved with a married female. Now she’s passing on all her trauma to our children and I’m constantly doing damage control. Be careful who you have kids with people; really get to know someone first before laying down with them. If I knew then what I know now…..🤷🏾♂️
I saw Monika and clicked. do not regret
Trauma bonding was exactly how to describe my last relationship
I have a friend who's ex was like this (controlling). Most people saw it, except her. It was disgusting to see. Every time I or someone else pointed it out, it was always a "But I love him" type of thing. My thought was always "You love him but he loves using you to get his desires" I just hope her next one isn't like that.
I’ve had this happen. That’s why I don’t help anyone anymore
So i definitely caught myself doing this when I was in my early twenties, and this is the first time I've heard a name for it. Dry begging... I realized then that dry begging makes me look pitiful and manipulative, even though that was never my intention. You see, I grew up in a toxic environment and my mom was a narcissist and dry begging was one of the smart ways that i got my needs met in such a competitive environment. If she knew I needed something, she would withhold it until she "rewarded me" and got her ego boost. So it works in those environments. But on the other hand, my coping mechanism gave normal people around me the "ick" and it took a lot of unlearning in my twenties to stop that behavior.... dry begging is what humans do when their needs aren't being met and they're scared to ask for them directly because they've been hurt for doing that exact thing. You can't just tell people to stop doing the behaviors that once saved them. You have to help people realize that normal people won't attack them for being themselves, needs and all. And a healthy way to respond if they do get attacked again for expressing their needs. That's an important one. There's a huge wound healing necessary to get there, can't just turn it off like pushing a button
sometimes my girl turns really cold when I spend time with friends or when I tell her that I am busy or just want to have some time for myself. I feel like she doesn’t want to ask for attention and is very sensitive to rejection. To me it feels tho as if I disappoint her if I don’t read between the lines and call her/give her attention. I can’t really enjoy my time for myself when she acts like this. I don’t know what to do.
Be honest and direct because if she keeps this up you'll just become more resentful towards her
I see ddlc characters
Me too, I think the girl in the thumbnail is Natsuki
@Tartine-x1o yup it’s natsuki
Same! I see Natsuki and I think I saw Monika
@Rosebud076 yea there was Monika too
@ yeah
I've never experienced anything other than dry begging. Maybe that's why I seem to behave this way without even realizing it...?
It takes a LOT of neglect to push me to this point...
But when it's how you were raised, it's all you know.
Let's do better together.
My ex did this a lot always made himself seem like a victim like no one cared about him. I spent 6 years trying to make him feel loved and accepted while he indirectly make me feel like I still wasn't enough or always doing something wrong. Yep, he has a hard time just saying "wow, baby this is really nice thank you" he always would seem surprised say he likes it then later on come up with a bunch of excuses for why that gift is now not as good and he needs something better.
1:41 my ex said that something like that too me when we went through hard patch.😅
Omg the Fern and Stark image is so real though. I feel so bad for him.
This really helped! Thanks! :)
Glad to hear. Does this video remind you of anyone you know?
@@Psych2go Yeah definately
Praise be to the queen of therapy
I reminds me of a friend that had a huge crush on me but i didnt see him that way. He gives the 'nice guy' but not a good guy. I did everything in this vid on rejecting him. I told him way ahead of time that i didnt like him.
Moral of my story: dont waste time on some1who doesnt want u.
Too much relatable
the art style is so good T_T
Aww thank you so much