Thank you so much Lisa Romano!!! My notification popped up and I was so blessed to see this video!! Thank you for putting knowledge into this world for people like myself who need it! Your an amazing beautiful soul!!
Somethimes its difficult to identify those kind of emotions since it becomes "familiar". And by living wifh a narcisist they make you feel exactly what is familiar and could destroy you. Thank you Lisa! Here in Brazil we love your videos.
Thank you Lisa. Scapegoat here. This video is me to a T. I recently explained was I have never felt I was allowed to have feelings. I had them of course...but it might have just been like witnessing nightmares. I guess I was good at surviving and and managing in "emergencies". I know that. But this video is hard to listen to. But I will but I have to take it piece meal. It hurts right now. I have figured this out already. But it is hard to hear. But you are lovingly right on target. Thank you Lisa.♥️
@@lisaaromano1 sigh. Very important to acknowledge the reactions to other people. Very important to remain peaceful. Very impossible after a narcissistic abuser to accept any of the same Ill treatment. Validate your own justified reaction to refusing to go through the same behaviors in others again. We will run into plenty of narcissists. We do respond, we do have reactions. It was an outrage and still is. Be cautious to avoid more trouble in the future.
My anger can often be broken down into three pieces ...sad ..... Scared .... Tired. Grew up in a toxic family with a narc mother. Working on identifying and feeling my feelings
Wow. That really makes sense cause the anger does Protect me from certain family members eating me alive as you say. It's like without my trauma what am I ? But It's lonely when You feel like you can't trust anyone
That's how I feel too. My anger was all I had to protect myself with. I'm not good with confrontation! Without my anger... there is nothing but sadness. No other emotions. I can't trust... I've been betrayed by damn near everyone since my unwanted birth. This is A lot, but does make sense. I'll think about this for sure. Someone needs to Care about what I think n feel. Guess it needs to start with me tho huh....😔
Thank you a thousand times! I can now better understand why I feel so low when I come back home. Hypervigilance, that's the problem. Home was such a toxic place, where I was laughed at for being clumsy, my dad was verbally and physically abusing towards my mum. My mum was so low and desperate. No one cared about my feelings, and moreover I had to be careful not to trigger my mum. That's why I became a people pleaser, so out of touch with myself, with eating disorders. I started taking care of myself in 2020. The more I dig, the more issues I find. Oh Lord!
Yes, that's it exactly. Under the anger, I feel so sad and lonely, and in need of someone to love me that I feel like I'm falling apart. But I refuse to trauma bond with anyone in this state. I have come to the realization that real unconditional love will never come from anyone in my family, and I have to be okay with that, and believe it will some day come from elsewhere. For now, what sustains me is that, to my creator, I am worth an only begotten son, and he loves me unconditionally. Always has, and always will. And that has to be enough.
I’m right there with you. I felt the same way until i had kids. That is the purest unconditional love I ever got in my life was from my 3 beautiful kids and i believe my grandchildren will love me unconditionally as well. The path will get clearer, but it takes time. Be patient with yourself.. in Love and Light 🤍
@@lovesylvia2621 While I'm happy for your having kids, and trust you do your best every day in raising them; the fact that they are your kids is never a guaranty they will grow up healthy. My mom raised a narcissist whom she thought she could trust til her dying day. and in the end, he was a monster narcissist who turned on her for power and money.
No one will love you more than Our Lord did. That doesn't necessarily mean you only have to rely on Him. Else, His Grace won't shine through your heart.
It's taken me SOOO long to admit to myself that I'm an adult child of an alcoholic. I couldn't admit it to myself because it was always described as something else (like mother would rather him drink beer over taking antidepressants). I have sooo much anger!! I've been trying so many avenues and it's true, I didn't realize how many other emotions lie under the anger. I wasn't allowed to be unhappy OR I would hear "Oh, I thought you were like me and your sister (happy, happy, happy, fakely) but you seem to be more like your father" Yeah because y'all wanna pretend that upset between us never happened and la dee da all is well by ignoring the problem at hand. I definitely try to feel into my feelings more and to be the healthy example my children deserve. Thank you Lisa!! You're kindness extends the world many times over. Xx
Lisa, thank you so much for the distinction between anger as an emotion vs. anger as a defense, especially as a scapegoat. This SO describes my experience!
I've had a couple revelations in the last couple days listening to you. #1 was the concept that if my parent/ex-spouse were unhappy that means I was bad. #2 was. how I am currently feeling, that no one seems to understand is "I feel as if my ex and his girlfriend (they had an affair that broke up our 32 year marriage) "murdered" someone close to me and got away with it. Now I'm expected to go to family events and treat them respectfully even though I know, they were the ones that did it." It's so much easier for everyone else to sweep it all under the rug. No one feels my pain, so they expect me to put on my big girl pants and suck it up. I don't want to suck it up anymore and its ok for me to not want to suck it up.
Your words cut right to the deep hurt so many of us have felt but could never verbalize. You explain it effortlessly. Thank you for putting us on the road to healing our 💔.
Lisa, this video is so good. Thank you for being brave and sharing your story about being mocked for having emotions as a child. I am sorry you went through that. Sharing your story and validating that "we were not allowed to be sad" provides the witness/shared experience that many need to move forward.
Exactly my life! Especially from childhood to pre-widowhood, feelings had to be suppressed often, so one adapts as best as one can. You have a beautiful, giving soul, a tremendous instant resource! So many like me are grateful.💓
Thank you Lisa, this is sooo helpful❤ Growing up with an alcoholic father and codependent mother I used to feel sadness instead of anger. After working on my anger and finallly meeting It was a revelation and liberatiin. However, something happened on the way. I got stuck in my anger mode where by I get physical symptoms and sensations. It's actually a medical condition but I refuse to seek medical treatment. I strongly believe it's my activated anger that's causing my suffering. So, I am committed to finding the way out of it. I knoe I'm gonna get there 😅💯💫
@@melaniea3927 that's exactly how I feel. We need to transform the anger, all of it as it's such a low wibrating emotion that is destroying us and everything around. The way to transmute it is to intentionally be grateful for all the experience it has given us, for all lessons and then make peace with it, forgive ourselves that 'we didn't know'. 🥰
Wonderful! We need to always first teach proper identification, then healthy processing. Social teaching of this would move our species forward and address getting out of these toxic social cycles, which we would all benefit from. Collective elevation must be a goal to achieve progress!
Yep, young boys were taught that angry was wrong, especially toward a parent who were wrong. You were belittled, bullied, threatened and yelled at. You learn to stay away, you couldn't do right. You couldn't cry, it was wrong or like it was a burden that parents didn't want to deal with.
Everything you're saying resonates with my upbringing and interactions as an adult. Have no feelings, stuff it, otherwise there are negative consequences. Vulnerability is something I don't do well, not because I don't want to be, it's not having the confidence to do so.
I just have to say, thank god for your videos. I go through periods where i start to 'disappear' or hide within myself. Everything seems fine on the surface, but i feel so 'lost' inside. And there's no one who gets it, who I can communicate it to, who can see it. It feels so validating hearing someone talk about the reality of this at length and in detail. Because it gives words and images to what is going on inside me, and it's like I can come out of hiding. Thanks.
Thank you so much Lisa, got my divorce from narcissist, settlement sorted but he's now trying to control what house I buy, where I live ect. Felt so overwhelmed but watched your video. So helpful Thank you ❤️
When your parent ,has been used to repressing their emotions [even in grief],and you grew up ,in learning to ,not talk about what happened [treading on eggshells],does this pass on to you,even though you do have intense feelings ,and cant express them ,it becomes [in my case] depression,and shutting myself away ,not talking to people [which was the worst thing , as I have now found out ,through talking to others ,who did talk about how they felt ,and what had happened to them,how they dealt with them ,this was so liberating .I am a very introspective person ,sometimes ,too much so ,people do need to talk [when they can about what really matters ,not just small talk.
@@loriraemorris4142 It takes the right people ,to bring you out of your self,,positive and those who look at what you can do,not the opposite,they do exist,just hard to find. ,you can blossom in these conditions ,
Oh Boy!😭😭😭😭😭 the way that I can relate to this! 😫 neither of my parents were alcoholics so I didn’t feel this applied to me till I read the book you recommended Codependent No more! It changed my life! This was my upbringing. My father has a lot of Narc traits and my mother many codependent traits throw religion in there and one big giant mess! 😢
Thanks for all your hard work and for caring about people so much. Happy Women's month Ma'am. Blessed be. The Force is always with you. 🌍☮️ 🚫🥄 Aww Hugs! Rock on, Lisa!
Great video Lisa. I learned so much. I learned in my divorce that you can not control other people. You can only control yourself. I feel I need to journal my feelings daily after I work out. So I may take other action steps to achieve peace, love & joy in my life. And spend more time with happy, healthy friends in my life. People who want to be the best version of themselves on a daily basis. Just like me.
Amazing! Although I am a male, and grew up in different family circumstances, (not an alcoholic or narcissistic family), the results were very much the same. Shutting down of emotions.
Dear One you are speaking to me with aha after aha moments here! Wow wow wow! It so happens I am embracing this very area of my healing journey. Almost very sentence here is an aha moment! Brilliant just Brilliant!!!😀🙏❤
Lisa your opening line of child to the alcoholic just made me cry love my late mum and dad, Without them would not have chance to change EVOLVE, me undo the old in with the new.
Thanks again Lisa! I might have to watch some of your videos more than once! I’m an older woman who’s been clean and sober for many years. My adult children can also use this content, I sent this to my daughter. I really struggle with boundaries and caretaking. I’m trying to make better choices. This video is so good because I feel like I have a pattern of shutting down and going to anger. That was my mother and my siblings too. Just watching your videos brings up a lot that needs to be processed!!!! Thanks for everything! Namaste 🙏
It makes things hard when you have people tell you you're to emotional and you need to learn to control yourself. Makes you feel like you need to avoid your emotions and disappear never to be seen or heard from again.
Thank you so much. You truly are amazing and have helped me recognize what is going on around me and inside of me. I can't stress enough how valuable you are to this world for sharing your experiences and helping so many people. I wish you so much love and abundance!
The part about siblings turn on one another hit home hard. I could not trust my eldest brother, and my mother whitewashed all of his toxic behavior because he was #1.
My mother often used to say You shouldn't feel that way. I was left bewildered. I too put up a shield in fear of getting "eaten alive" if I dared told the truth bout my feelings.
I am codependent and I suffer from Complex-PTSD. I live in a state of hypervigilance. My mother is a covert narc. My father is passive aggressive. It is no wonder where it comes from.
Surrendering to the situation yes! Thank you so much for this message, the path seems more clear to me now, thank you for the step-by-step instructions.
Thank you for sharing your wisdom and insight! LIghtbulbs kept going off within me throughout this video. Your video is like a lost road map that I needed to find. Looking forward to more videos.
It helps to listen. When I was a teen, my mother would wake up before us and walk to the kitchen, screaming nonstop about those "lousy, Godamned spoiled brats." A few times, I couldn't take it anymore and start yelling that I couldn't stand her constant yelling. She would get a puzzled look on her face and say "I don't yell at you." I tried to state the obvious but she wouldn't get it. Later, she was try to explain things to me with ludicrous statements. Once, she even had Dad come home from work to find out what my problem was. I was horrified that he left work. He was a workaholic. I did tell myself that I knew what really happened but believed that no one would believe. At school, my grades were all over the place. A few teachers were baffled that I would go from As to Ds on tests. I just shrugged it off.
Lisa I am living exactly what you describe. I'm scared to say anything unless it's something that's going to boost his ego or he will make me pay for it. I decided today to be just quiet and not argue with him and so he took it out on my dog. I live in a marina and you don't take your dog for a walk in a marina without a halter and tags. If your dog falls in you need to be able to lift him out by the body and not the neck. I have begged and pleaded and he grabs my dog and takes him out with a rope around his neck. Today when he left he took the dog food. This is not a husband or a lover this is someone who a friend of mine said would be a good roommate but he never paid rent. I am handicapped 63 years old and I feel like I'm cowering in my room and I don't have a home left. My husband passed away last year he was wonderful I don't know what to do anymore. Please help me Lisa. I've been watching your show for several years now and I don't know who else to talk to.
Oh wow. I am so relieved to hear that someone understands what I am going through. I so appreciate the enlightenment and understanding you have brought to my heart with this explanation. I wish you were in Houston.
Wow😳 this just made me finally identify a particular experience in my childhood that is a very intense emotional one. My parents were young ( very) and the incident really left me feeling emotionally abandoned. Very intense and I was about 5 yrs old. I think well I know this is something that has some affect in my adult life. I need to explore and understand it and get it out of me. Thank you Lisa💗There was intense sadness and feeling of not being wanted. And yes, being mocked when trying to say how I felt. Made to feel stupid for feelings that I could not quite explain.
For me it was the opposite - no anger, only sadness, fear and anxiety. Always hypervigilant toeards my surroundings and other people’s feelings - serving everyone but myself.
Timing is everything...I just found this and it was much needed. I am having problems with my emotions. Some of it is repression and some of it is just feeling weird in certain instances because I have shut down for so long. Saved this to revisit again...thank you dear lady!
Namaste Lisa🙏 I feel even more enlightened watching this✨A sense of calm “knowing” in my heart & head💝 So true that anger is often a “cover” emotion for grief & sadness. So often, especially for men, the other emotions like sadness are considered weak in dysfunctional families & still in many ways by society overall. So then anger is the go to reaction when let’s say a close family member gets sick. I watched this happen repeatedly in my family & never understood it until I began to heal. We were definitely never allowed to be sad. We’d be told we were ungrateful or having a “pity party.” This was on both my Mom & Dad’s sides. 😿 I truly believe so much of our world is emotionally dysregulated due to repressed emotions. Our world is so uncomfortable with what are perceived as “negative” emotions when in fact all the emotions are valid, it’s just what we DO with those feelings to ourselves & others that matters. Our emotions are messengers to deeper levels of our lives. I know I STILL need to refer to an emotional wheel image to suss out exactly what I’m feeling at times. I’m so glad you brought up the 123 process as well….that is a lifesaver for me💝🙏✌️
Thank you Lisa, I can so relate to all you say. I was often picked on and we were not allowed to speak about emotions or how we felt, all was to show a good side outwards whilst we were all desolate separete entities in a family unit. I was punished if I showed anger by both of my parents. It made me so confused because they were both using anger and emotional bullying. Still dealing with this anger that wasn't allowed to be expressed. Thank you Lisa for sharing, it helps so much, thank you. x
My mother ruin me. People (mostly immature men) who say girls are allow to cry and it's not fair. I understand that society has created a line to seperate us and it would seem like men shouldn't cry. I say we humans shouldn't hold in our emotions and shouldn't be control by them either. Balance is key. If we are not allow, then why do we have them in the first place. That being said, you guys have never met my mother. I have never met someone so cold-hearted. dude, elsa from frozen is not even that cold. The stereotype of women being emotional is not always true.
Thank you Lisa - what you share is amazing - I always, yes ALWAYS, come away enlightened by gems of insight from you. When you said "hypervigilent" - Super Bright Light Bulb Moment for me. I have caught myself nodding my head in my sleep. Seriously !*!*? RUKM !!! The degree of programming infuriates me. I will Not settle for IT. 😊💝
I can really really relate to being scared to share myself. I shared myself and attracted the most abusive narcissistic folks because I did not know or that I even could have boundaries.
When I confided n my narc sister, she just gave a contemptuous grunt/laugh. She's 10 yrs older & had no comfort n her to be able to comfort a little sister.
Worst thing I ever did was confide anything to my narc sister. Like you and your sister, she was 10 years older. In many ways it was like having a third dysfunctional parent. Sometimes I can’t believe I survived my family. Awful people.
I just recently learned that I struggle with expressing my emotions…and dealing with grief. But hearing you say out loud the way it could be like for someone who had been raised by a narcissist, I instantly related.. And wow…I’m trying to let myself be able to grieve more normally I guess…? But I guess I still don’t feel safe to do so..always had to explain everything to my family only to be judged..but I was also expected to share everything. But it did feel more like I was mocked too..and like I couldn’t express them without fear that my narcissistic father would blow up for just asking a very innocent question. I remember asking my dad when I was little for some help with math as I wasn’t great with that subject. All I got..was him suddenly yelling very loudly at me..for interrupting whatever he was doing. I was constantly guilted for doing that..that I should’ve known what he was doing…he then would just tell me I should already know it and that there was no reason for me to have any help… That went for everything.. I never liked that, nor did I like being expected to tell my family everything either..so I started being quiet because I don’t want to share every aspect of my life like that.. It felt wrong.. I guess I’m good at analyzing how I’m feeling, but not how to deal with that..outwardly…I think. 🤔 I don’t know how to explain it..
Wow this was such a helpful video and I loved the concrete steps that you have provided, specifically just did the thesaurus exercise that was instantly useful to me
Or anger gets released when the person yes is needing to talk about what they are going through, instead they shut off others, shut down emotions, except the anger...overwork, and generally make problems for themselves. It's not healthy to avoid the truth going on internally. Find someone to release the emotions to on a healthy way. Do not be afraid to be honest. It makes a difference in life.
My repressed feelings are stored in the abdomen, the solar plexus, tightness, anxiety. I use breathing techniques and visualizations while under the influence of Mescaline to do deep releasing work.
What about this situation when growing up?…. My mom did not want me to feel my emotions. She discounted how I felt, or did not want me to work through them, or finally she would assign her feelings to the situations. To this day, she does not want me to have feelings; instead she wants me to assign hers to any situation or conversation topic. Talk about confusion on my part, growing up this way. I am 52 years old, and only over the last 7 yrs. have begun understanding… And am beginning to understand that it is ok with people to disagree about your feelings; you have the right to have your own emotions! 🙌🏻 👊🏻 💥
Thank you so much Lisa Romano!!! My notification popped up and I was so blessed to see this video!! Thank you for putting knowledge into this world for people like myself who need it! Your an amazing beautiful soul!!
Namaste Jamie!
Somethimes its difficult to identify those kind of emotions since it becomes "familiar". And by living wifh a narcisist they make you feel exactly what is familiar and could destroy you.
Thank you Lisa! Here in Brazil we love your videos.
Thank you Lisa. Scapegoat here. This video is me to a T. I recently explained was I have never felt I was allowed to have feelings. I had them of course...but it might have just been like witnessing nightmares. I guess I was good at surviving and and managing in "emergencies". I know that. But this video is hard to listen to. But I will but I have to take it piece meal. It hurts right now. I have figured this out already. But it is hard to hear. But you are lovingly right on target. Thank you Lisa.♥️
@@lisaaromano1 sigh. Very important to acknowledge the reactions to other people. Very important to remain peaceful. Very impossible after a narcissistic abuser to accept any of the same Ill treatment. Validate your own justified reaction to refusing to go through the same behaviors in others again. We will run into plenty of narcissists. We do respond, we do have reactions. It was an outrage and still is. Be cautious to avoid more trouble in the future.
@@elisadaudt1 you're a life saver!
My anger can often be broken down into three pieces ...sad ..... Scared .... Tired. Grew up in a toxic family with a narc mother. Working on identifying and feeling my feelings
I feel the same way i dont even argue react or take anything personal anymore just walk away.
Wow. That really makes sense cause the anger does Protect me from certain family members eating me alive as you say. It's like without my trauma what am I ? But It's lonely when You feel like you can't trust anyone
Your statement on without my trauma , what am I ?, hit home so deeply . Thanks for sharing the thought and existential question
That's how I feel too. My anger was all I had to protect myself with. I'm not good with confrontation! Without my anger... there is nothing but sadness. No other emotions. I can't trust... I've been betrayed by damn near everyone since my unwanted birth. This is A lot, but does make sense. I'll think about this for sure. Someone needs to Care about what I think n feel. Guess it needs to start with me tho huh....😔
Thank you a thousand times! I can now better understand why I feel so low when I come back home. Hypervigilance, that's the problem. Home was such a toxic place, where I was laughed at for being clumsy, my dad was verbally and physically abusing towards my mum. My mum was so low and desperate. No one cared about my feelings, and moreover I had to be careful not to trigger my mum. That's why I became a people pleaser, so out of touch with myself, with eating disorders. I started taking care of myself in 2020. The more I dig, the more issues I find. Oh Lord!
Yes, that's it exactly. Under the anger, I feel so sad and lonely, and in need of someone to love me that I feel like I'm falling apart. But I refuse to trauma bond with anyone in this state. I have come to the realization that real unconditional love will never come from anyone in my family, and I have to be okay with that, and believe it will some day come from elsewhere. For now, what sustains me is that, to my creator, I am worth an only begotten son, and he loves me unconditionally. Always has, and always will. And that has to be enough.
I’m right there with you. I felt the same way until i had kids. That is the purest unconditional love I ever got in my life was from my 3 beautiful kids and i believe my grandchildren will love me unconditionally as well. The path will get clearer, but it takes time. Be patient with yourself.. in Love and Light 🤍
Yes, me too. Spot on.
Is the same here
@@lovesylvia2621 While I'm happy for your having kids, and trust you do your best every day in raising them; the fact that they are your kids is never a guaranty they will grow up healthy. My mom raised a narcissist whom she thought she could trust til her dying day. and in the end, he was a monster narcissist who turned on her for power and money.
No one will love you more than Our Lord did. That doesn't necessarily mean you only have to rely on Him. Else, His Grace won't shine through your heart.
I was allowed to be sad, but not angry. So when I feel angry I cry :(
Thank you, Lisa!!!!
Same😪
Same
My parents weren't alcoholics but my experience (my feelings)growing up was so similar to how you explained your own, to a tee.
Me too
It's taken me SOOO long to admit to myself that I'm an adult child of an alcoholic.
I couldn't admit it to myself because it was always described as something else (like mother would rather him drink beer over taking antidepressants).
I have sooo much anger!! I've been trying so many avenues and it's true, I didn't realize how many other emotions lie under the anger.
I wasn't allowed to be unhappy OR I would hear "Oh, I thought you were like me and your sister (happy, happy, happy, fakely) but you seem to be more like your father"
Yeah because y'all wanna pretend that upset between us never happened and la dee da all is well by ignoring the problem at hand.
I definitely try to feel into my feelings more and to be the healthy example my children deserve.
Thank you Lisa!! You're kindness extends the world many times over. Xx
Lisa, thank you so much for the distinction between anger as an emotion vs. anger as a defense, especially as a scapegoat. This SO describes my experience!
I've had a couple revelations in the last couple days listening to you. #1 was the concept that if my parent/ex-spouse were unhappy that means I was bad. #2 was. how I am currently feeling, that no one seems to understand is "I feel as if my ex and his girlfriend (they had an affair that broke up our 32 year marriage) "murdered" someone close to me and got away with it. Now I'm expected to go to family events and treat them respectfully even though I know, they were the ones that did it." It's so much easier for everyone else to sweep it all under the rug. No one feels my pain, so they expect me to put on my big girl pants and suck it up. I don't want to suck it up anymore and its ok for me to not want to suck it up.
No contact can work for some; such an abusive tribe. 🤗
Your words cut right to the deep hurt so many of us have felt but could never verbalize. You explain it effortlessly. Thank you for putting us on the road to healing our 💔.
Lisa, this video is so good. Thank you for being brave and sharing your story about being mocked for having emotions as a child. I am sorry you went through that. Sharing your story and validating that "we were not allowed to be sad" provides the witness/shared experience that many need to move forward.
Exactly my life! Especially from childhood to pre-widowhood, feelings had to be
suppressed often, so one adapts as best as one can. You have a beautiful,
giving soul, a tremendous instant resource! So many like me are grateful.💓
Thank you Lisa, this is sooo helpful❤ Growing up with an alcoholic father and codependent mother I used to feel sadness instead of anger. After working on my anger and finallly meeting It was a revelation and liberatiin. However, something happened on the way. I got stuck in my anger mode where by I get physical symptoms and sensations. It's actually a medical condition but I refuse to seek medical treatment. I strongly believe it's my activated anger that's causing my suffering. So, I am committed to finding the way out of it. I knoe I'm gonna get there 😅💯💫
This is me right now, the anger feels like poison running through my veins
@@melaniea3927 that's exactly how I feel. We need to transform the anger, all of it as it's such a low wibrating emotion that is destroying us and everything around. The way to transmute it is to intentionally be grateful for all the experience it has given us, for all lessons and then make peace with it, forgive ourselves that 'we didn't know'. 🥰
#trappedemotions #emotions #energyhealing #healing #emotioncode #love #reiki #emotioncodepractitioner #meditation #wellness #forgiveness #essentialoils #balance #releasingemotions #alignment #spiritualquotes #crystaltherapy #travel #pranichealing #gratitude #health #alexithymia #gmcks #buddahquanyin #emotionalhealth #bodycode #anxiety #trauma #spiritualawakening #lisaaromano
Amazing validation. Since I've started watching your videos, my life has changed. Thank you for sharing your own pain and your gifts with us!
Wonderful! We need to always first teach proper identification, then healthy processing.
Social teaching of this would move our species forward and address getting out of these toxic social cycles, which we would all benefit from.
Collective elevation must be a goal to achieve progress!
Agree with my whole heart. School maybe a good place to start.?🥺🙏
Yep, young boys were taught that angry was wrong, especially toward a parent who were wrong. You were belittled, bullied, threatened and yelled at. You learn to stay away, you couldn't do right. You couldn't cry, it was wrong or like it was a burden that parents didn't want to deal with.
Everything you're saying resonates with my upbringing and interactions as an adult. Have no feelings, stuff it, otherwise there are negative consequences. Vulnerability is something I don't do well, not because I don't want to be, it's not having the confidence to do so.
you explained my childhood , as if you lived it .i relate to you alot and the content in this video i behave hypervigalent everyday.
I just have to say, thank god for your videos. I go through periods where i start to 'disappear' or hide within myself. Everything seems fine on the surface, but i feel so 'lost' inside. And there's no one who gets it, who I can communicate it to, who can see it. It feels so validating hearing someone talk about the reality of this at length and in detail. Because it gives words and images to what is going on inside me, and it's like I can come out of hiding. Thanks.
Thank you so much Lisa, got my divorce from narcissist, settlement sorted but he's now trying to control what house I buy, where I live ect.
Felt so overwhelmed but watched your video.
So helpful
Thank you ❤️
When your parent ,has been used to repressing their emotions [even in grief],and you grew up ,in learning to ,not talk about what happened [treading on eggshells],does this pass on to you,even though you do have intense feelings ,and cant express them ,it becomes [in my case] depression,and shutting myself away ,not talking to people [which was the worst thing , as I have now found out ,through talking to others ,who did talk about how they felt ,and what had happened to them,how they dealt with them ,this was so liberating .I am a very introspective person ,sometimes ,too much so ,people do need to talk [when they can about what really matters ,not just small talk.
Definitely resonate with this🥰
@@loriraemorris4142 It takes the right people ,to bring you out of your self,,positive and those who look at what you can do,not the opposite,they do exist,just hard to find. ,you can blossom in these conditions ,
Thank you for sharing this 💕
Oh Boy!😭😭😭😭😭 the way that I can relate to this! 😫 neither of my parents were alcoholics so I didn’t feel this applied to me till I read the book you recommended Codependent No more! It changed my life! This was my upbringing. My father has a lot of Narc traits and my mother many codependent traits throw religion in there and one big giant mess! 😢
Thanks for all your hard work and for caring about people so much. Happy Women's month Ma'am. Blessed be. The Force is always with you.
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Aww Hugs! Rock on, Lisa!
Great video Lisa. I learned so much. I learned in my divorce that you can not control other people. You can only control yourself. I feel I need to journal my feelings daily after I work out. So I may take other action steps to achieve peace, love & joy in my life. And spend more time with happy, healthy friends in my life. People who want to be the best version of themselves on a daily basis. Just like me.
Amazing! Although I am a male, and grew up in different family circumstances, (not an alcoholic or narcissistic family), the results were very much the same. Shutting down of emotions.
Dear One you are speaking to me with aha after aha moments here! Wow wow wow! It so happens I am embracing this very area of my healing journey. Almost very sentence here is an aha moment! Brilliant just Brilliant!!!😀🙏❤
Wow. I can relate so well to this, it's brought my childhood into greater clarity for me, thank you for that.
Lisa your opening line of child to the alcoholic just made me cry love my late mum and dad, Without them would not have chance to change EVOLVE, me undo the old in with the new.
Thanks again Lisa! I might have to watch some of your videos more than once! I’m an older woman who’s been clean and sober for many years. My adult children can also use this content, I sent this to my daughter. I really struggle with boundaries and caretaking. I’m trying to make better choices. This video is so good because I feel like I have a pattern of shutting down and going to anger. That was my mother and my siblings too. Just watching your videos brings up a lot that needs to be processed!!!! Thanks for everything! Namaste 🙏
Always have meant to say I love your color scheme Lisa! Like a cozy foggy peaceful day.
Thanks for the excellent content as always. ♥️👍
This is such a necessary & ongoing check in for each of us! Thank you for this helpful insight Lisa! 💞
10:30 why we supress
This is soooo helpful 🙏🏼 I really can’t afford therapy right now but these videos give me a lot to reflect on.
Spot on, dear Lisa!!! You have been a big inspirator for my awareness.
Love from Jonna, Denmark
It makes things hard when you have people tell you you're to emotional and you need to learn to control yourself. Makes you feel like you need to avoid your emotions and disappear never to be seen or heard from again.
Thank you so much. You truly are amazing and have helped me recognize what is going on around me and inside of me. I can't stress enough how valuable you are to this world for sharing your experiences and helping so many people. I wish you so much love and abundance!
Wow. I never thought ab identifying my feelings. I went to start practicing this immidately. Thank you Lisa
The part about siblings turn on one another hit home hard. I could not trust my eldest brother, and my mother whitewashed all of his toxic behavior because he was #1.
I'm thrilled I've found this channel. This has been a savior for me. Thank you.
My mother often used to say You shouldn't feel that way. I was left bewildered. I too put up a shield in fear of getting "eaten alive" if I dared told the truth bout my feelings.
I am codependent and I suffer from Complex-PTSD. I live in a state of hypervigilance. My mother is a covert narc. My father is passive aggressive. It is no wonder where it comes from.
This amazing work certainly resonates. Synchronicity, for sure 💜 Thank you 🙏💙
Surrendering to the situation yes! Thank you so much for this message, the path seems more clear to me now, thank you for the step-by-step instructions.
Thank you for sharing your wisdom and insight! LIghtbulbs kept going off within me throughout this video. Your video is like a lost road map that I needed to find. Looking forward to more videos.
It helps to listen. When I was a teen, my mother would wake up before us and walk to the kitchen, screaming nonstop about those "lousy, Godamned spoiled brats." A few times, I couldn't take it anymore and start yelling that I couldn't stand her constant yelling. She would get a puzzled look on her face and say "I don't yell at you." I tried to state the obvious but she wouldn't get it. Later, she was try to explain things to me with ludicrous statements. Once, she even had Dad come home from work to find out what my problem was. I was horrified that he left work. He was a workaholic. I did tell myself that I knew what really happened but believed that no one would believe. At school, my grades were all over the place. A few teachers were baffled that I would go from As to Ds on tests. I just shrugged it off.
Lisa I am living exactly what you describe. I'm scared to say anything unless it's something that's going to boost his ego or he will make me pay for it. I decided today to be just quiet and not argue with him and so he took it out on my dog. I live in a marina and you don't take your dog for a walk in a marina without a halter and tags. If your dog falls in you need to be able to lift him out by the body and not the neck. I have begged and pleaded and he grabs my dog and takes him out with a rope around his neck. Today when he left he took the dog food. This is not a husband or a lover this is someone who a friend of mine said would be a good roommate but he never paid rent. I am handicapped 63 years old and I feel like I'm cowering in my room and I don't have a home left. My husband passed away last year he was wonderful I don't know what to do anymore. Please help me Lisa. I've been watching your show for several years now and I don't know who else to talk to.
Oh wow. I am so relieved to hear that someone understands what I am going through. I so appreciate the enlightenment and understanding you have brought to my heart with this explanation. I wish you were in Houston.
Yes. It is easier to feel safe, by withdrawing..
How do you know the deep feelings I hold???
Are you reading my mind? Yoi are the only person who I feel
GETS IT!!!
Oh yes, my sadness and hurt feelings get automatically and imperceptibly quickly transformed into anger every time. It’s a problem.
Wow😳 this just made me finally identify a particular experience in my childhood that is a very intense emotional one. My parents were young ( very) and the incident really left me feeling emotionally abandoned. Very intense and I was about 5 yrs old. I think well I know this is something that has some affect in my adult life. I need to explore and understand it and get it out of me. Thank you Lisa💗There was intense sadness and feeling of not being wanted. And yes, being mocked when trying to say how I felt. Made to feel stupid for feelings that I could not quite explain.
Anger is safer to feel than the other emotion because it makes you feel strong!!
Oh, I never thought that before but yet I can relate. Very interesting thought!
For me it was the opposite - no anger, only sadness, fear and anxiety. Always hypervigilant toeards my surroundings and other people’s feelings - serving everyone but myself.
Thank you Lisa. This was heaven scent for me today. May you continue to shine your light always. 🙏🏼💖
Timing is everything...I just found this and it was much needed. I am having problems with my emotions. Some of it is repression and some of it is just feeling weird in certain instances because I have shut down for so long. Saved this to revisit again...thank you dear lady!
Namaste Lisa🙏
I feel even more enlightened watching this✨A sense of calm “knowing” in my heart & head💝
So true that anger is often a “cover” emotion for grief & sadness. So often, especially for men, the other emotions like sadness are considered weak in dysfunctional families & still in many ways by society overall. So then anger is the go to reaction when let’s say a close family member gets sick. I watched this happen repeatedly in my family & never understood it until I began to heal. We were definitely never allowed to be sad. We’d be told we were ungrateful or having a “pity party.”
This was on both my Mom & Dad’s sides. 😿
I truly believe so much of our world is emotionally dysregulated due to repressed emotions. Our world is so uncomfortable with what are perceived as “negative” emotions when in fact all the emotions are valid, it’s just what we DO with those feelings to ourselves & others that matters.
Our emotions are messengers to deeper levels of our lives. I know I STILL need to refer to an emotional wheel image to suss out exactly what I’m feeling at times. I’m so glad you brought up the 123 process as well….that is a lifesaver for me💝🙏✌️
absolutely profoundly healing for me! so concise and well said! thank you, thank you!
You popped up on my feed. It must be a sign..This is everything l feel and I've always wanted to articulate..You described it perfectly subscribed
Thank you Lisa, I can so relate to all you say. I was often picked on and we were not allowed to speak about emotions or how we felt, all was to show a good side outwards whilst we were all desolate separete entities in a family unit. I was punished if I showed anger by both of my parents. It made me so confused because they were both using anger and emotional bullying. Still dealing with this anger that wasn't allowed to be expressed. Thank you Lisa for sharing, it helps so much, thank you. x
So thankful for this channel ❤️God bless you🙏🏽
Simply phenomenal. Thank you!
I strongly identify with what you are saying in this episode. It really hits home.
This has been extremely helpful.
I heard your emotions only last 60 seconds and it's the story we give our selves sourounding. It.
This is your best one yet.
I love these videos and the work you do ❤️❤️❤️
Thank you so much. You are sharp as a tack.
My mother ruin me. People (mostly immature men) who say girls are allow to cry and it's not fair. I understand that society has created a line to seperate us and it would seem like men shouldn't cry. I say we humans shouldn't hold in our emotions and shouldn't be control by them either. Balance is key. If we are not allow, then why do we have them in the first place. That being said, you guys have never met my mother. I have never met someone so cold-hearted. dude, elsa from frozen is not even that cold. The stereotype of women being emotional is not always true.
Thank you Lisa. This was a great lesson for me.
Thank you Lisa - what you share is amazing - I always, yes ALWAYS, come away enlightened by gems of insight from you. When you said "hypervigilent" - Super Bright Light Bulb Moment for me. I have caught myself nodding my head in my sleep. Seriously !*!*? RUKM !!!
The degree of programming infuriates me. I will Not settle for IT.
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I can really really relate to being scared to share myself. I shared myself and attracted the most abusive narcissistic folks because I did not know or that I even could have boundaries.
When I confided n my narc sister, she just gave a contemptuous grunt/laugh. She's 10 yrs older & had no comfort n her to be able to comfort a little sister.
Worst thing I ever did was confide anything to my narc sister. Like you and your sister, she was 10 years older. In many ways it was like having a third dysfunctional parent. Sometimes I can’t believe I survived my family. Awful people.
Thank you so much for your help and support Lisa.
Thank you so much
Such good info.
I have been looking for a video of this exact topic. Thank you it was perfect!
This was a brilliant expression and narrative. I really resonated with everything you said. Thank you 💖 🙏
Excellent and very helpful Lisa. Thank you so much! 💗
Thank you for all you do! ❤
Thank you so much for this!!!!❤
Oh that’s me, I don’t recognise my emotions 😂 but I came from a good home though.
I’m learning to feel
Thank you❣️ Thank you Lisa❣️
Really amazing, thank you so much. I relate to so much here
I just recently learned that I struggle with expressing my emotions…and dealing with grief.
But hearing you say out loud the way it could be like for someone who had been raised by a narcissist, I instantly related..
And wow…I’m trying to let myself be able to grieve more normally I guess…?
But I guess I still don’t feel safe to do so..always had to explain everything to my family only to be judged..but I was also expected to share everything.
But it did feel more like I was mocked too..and like I couldn’t express them without fear that my narcissistic father would blow up for just asking a very innocent question.
I remember asking my dad when I was little for some help with math as I wasn’t great with that subject.
All I got..was him suddenly yelling very loudly at me..for interrupting whatever he was doing.
I was constantly guilted for doing that..that I should’ve known what he was doing…he then would just tell me I should already know it and that there was no reason for me to have any help…
That went for everything..
I never liked that, nor did I like being expected to tell my family everything either..so I started being quiet because I don’t want to share every aspect of my life like that..
It felt wrong..
I guess I’m good at analyzing how I’m feeling, but not how to deal with that..outwardly…I think.
🤔
I don’t know how to explain it..
Very nice information.
From a fellow “shoulder chip holder”- Thank you so much❣️
Wow this was such a helpful video and I loved the concrete steps that you have provided, specifically just did the thesaurus exercise that was instantly useful to me
Thank you for this . Wow - explains a lot.
Thank you ❤️ I've gained some clarity finally
I’m going thru this very thing this week.
I can identify my emotions. Expressing them is damn hard!
Or anger gets released when the person yes is needing to talk about what they are going through, instead they shut off others, shut down emotions, except the anger...overwork, and generally make problems for themselves. It's not healthy to avoid the truth going on internally. Find someone to release the emotions to on a healthy way. Do not be afraid to be honest. It makes a difference in life.
I don't think I know any parents growing up who asked how do you feel. I'm glad I did a nanny course that taught me to ask kids.
My repressed feelings are stored in the abdomen, the solar plexus, tightness, anxiety. I use breathing techniques and visualizations while under the influence of Mescaline to do deep releasing work.
This is life saving!!
Thank you!🙏🙏🙏💚💚💚
OH WOWWWWW! What a gift this video
Thank you
What about this situation when growing up?….
My mom did not want me to feel my emotions. She discounted how I felt, or did not want me to work through them, or finally she would assign her feelings to the situations. To this day, she does not want me to have feelings; instead she wants me to assign hers to any situation or conversation topic.
Talk about confusion on my part, growing up this way. I am 52 years old, and only over the last 7 yrs. have begun understanding… And am beginning to understand that it is ok with people to disagree about your feelings; you have the right to have your own emotions! 🙌🏻 👊🏻 💥
Beautiful Lisa and right on time as usual ☺️