How To Deal With A Fear Of Intimacy
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- Опубліковано 1 кві 2023
- If you're struggling with a fear of intimacy and worry about being rejected or abandoned, you're not alone. Learn how to overcome your fear by analyzing the roots of your anxiety, practicing self-compassion, and seeking help from a mental health professional if needed. Discover the reasons behind your fear and realize it's not your fault by exploring past traumatic experiences. Research shows that self-compassion can weaken the fear of intimacy by allowing you to give love to yourself, making it easier to let others love you as well. Remember, there is no shame in seeking help from a mental health professional to overcome this fear in a safe and comforting setting.
#shorts
Writer: Stela Košić
Script Manager: Kelly Soong
Voice: Amanda Silvera ( / amandasilvera )
Animator: Zuzia
UA-cam Manager: Cindy Cheong
References:
ChoosingTherapy.com. (2022, September 30). Fear of Intimacy: Causes, Getting Help, & Ways To Cope. Choosing Therapy. Retrieved October 6, 2022, from www.choosingtherapy.com/fear-...
Dupasquier, J.R., Kelly, A.C., Moscovitch, D.A. et al. Practicing Self-Compassion Weakens the Relationship Between Fear of Receiving Compassion and the Desire to Conceal Negative Experiences from Others. Mindfulness 9, 500-511 (2018). doi.org/10.1007/s12671-017-07...
Simon, V. A., & Cleland, C. M. (2009, February). Childhood sexual abuse, stigmatization, internalizing symptoms, and the development of sexual difficulties and dating aggression. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 77(1), 127-137. doi.org/10.1037/a0013475
This is what people mean when they say to work on yourself or love yourself first before getting into a relationship. Insecurities not only create fear of intimacy or commitment but they also create toxic relationships and leave room for manipulation, abuse, and irrational jealousy. A healthy relationship can only be started and maintained if you have a healthy relationship with yourself first! Because that determines how others will treat you as well!
Great insight! In your opinion, what are some things that people can do to practice self-love and work on their insecurities?
Just don't fall in love too fast. Give your heart when you are sure they are all in not just by words but by actions.
Thank you for your insight! What do you think people could do to keep themselves from falling in love too fast?
@@Psych2goonly fall in love with people that are around the same age as you are, speak English and Navajo, memorized the Greek alphabet by heart, and say “a’bo’o’oh’wo’er” instead of “a bottle of water”.
I’m currently not in love with anybody yet for some reason…
@@AtSymbolAtSymbol
I woul love to have gay experience in gym. But man i once had one and the guy told me you are so red. I told him that i was a little nervous he told me its ok, and he huged me i cried oh man the little kid i was he just wanted to be a happy adult, i am. And i would love in the future to have a boyfriend.
Great latter point. One reason I feared intimacy myself, was giving my heart to someone only to be deceived by them not feeling for me like I would for them.
Also was spooked by the idea of someone showing romantic affection towards me as if I didn’t deserve it despite what impressive things I might do that might cause someone to open towards me.
Intimacy is not about taking your clothes off and lying in bed.But it is one when you see THEM in the most difficult state.Its like the way THEY witness the most unlovable part of You.
As THEY slowly unravel each imperfections in front of them like a scar and despite all of this,You love THEM harder anyways.
That's a very beautiful insight. Being vulnerable can be even more important than, as you mentioned, "taking off clothes and lying in bed". In your experience, how do people overcome their fear of being vulnerable with their partners so that they can come to love each other's imperfections?
you voice is so calming
It would be great if you guys could do a full video on the fear of intimacy and any more tips on how to get better and get over it (both physical, mental, emotional intimacy). I'd appreciate it (if I can appreciate you guys any more than I already do lol)
Thank you! This can be a great idea for a video. We'll share it with the team :)
@@Psych2go Thank you! I look forward to watching it, I hope (along with many other of your videos)! 😀
After speaking with the team, it turns out that we already have some videos on the fear of intimacy! We hope that this video can help you start somewhere! :)
ua-cam.com/video/9EtKgmVMsFQ/v-deo.html
I litteraly got through this I am so happy you are making aware about this around the whole world.
congratulations! (: may i ask how did you do that? im struggling with this issue rn and i dont really know how can i "treat myself with compassion" :/
@@user-yj8ni6xv8w Sure I am not sure if this will work because uts ny own way bur I can always share . Try to take the issue out of yiur chest to the person and tell them yiu are struggling that way they know how you feel and try to make your life better but slowly let go of them by your pace and then you will feel so much better and it will remove that fear for good because if yiu get used to this it's good practice and it will lift it of the chest and try to enjoy quality time with yourself as well .Take time and try to understand yourself us the biggest one .
Thank you I really needed this today ❤
To anyone who needs a bit of validation today, I want you to know that you are enough. I know nothing about you, but I know that everything is going to be ok 💕
Thank you for the comforting words☺️
Thanks 💞.
🥰❤️
Thanks, really needed to know this
Happy to help!
@@Psych2go thanks for the reply, made my day, have a good rest of your day or night.
I really needed this I was starting to get distant from my best friend because of my fear of being rejected or abandon I’ve gone through it once and I guess I didn’t want to go through it again…but I told my friend how I was feeling and she is helping with it
I respect the gesture of communicating your fears, its a scary but necessary step to be honest about that. Takes a lot of courage to do so and Its great to hear they have your back.
@@gatorssbm thanks for such a nice comment 😊
I don’t have a traumatic past. I just don’t want people to know me too well
How come?
@@Psych2go I’m insecure and would just rather be alone. My mom thinks I should get married someday or I’ll be lonely, but I don’t think it’s worth it. Love your videos btw ♥️
❤❤THANK YOU , YES, FEAR OF INTIMACY HAPPENS FROM USUALLY A TRAUMA IN A RELATIONSHIP LIKE ABUSE, BETRAYAL, LUARS, CHEATERS, ETC. .
I tried going to therapy, she said its bc low self-esteem, she gave me an official iq test ,I got a pretty high score and she told me that what else do I need, that it should be enough to solve it, I didn't have the opportunity to say anything(she talked with my mother thats why) ,she basically kicked me out indirectly and now I would have preferred not to know the score...
I’ve never trusted “experts.” Theyre self interested and often unhelpful.
Sorry you had to deal with that. Better to work through it on your own than to have someone take your money in exchange for empty platitudes.
My problem with intimacy is that it makes me uncomfortable. Unless you are my partner touching, kissing and hugging just feels weird to me. I tolerate some level of intimacy with friends, but that does not mean I'm fine with it, I still feel some discomfort at the slightest touch. And I don't really think it stems from the fear of being abandoned
Thank you for sharing your experience with us. I think some people are only comfortable with their partners when it comes to physical intimacy. However, we also believe that you can still experience closeness without the need to be physically intimate! In your experience, what are other ways that you can be close with your friends without being physically intimate like hugs, kisses, etc.?
Not afraid. Just don't like it. Connections breed feelings, feelings breed pain. Everything is a cycle of pain and suffering. It's better to just live without humans and others
real.
@Aqua exactly
As someone who has experienced chronic loneliness… I don’t necessarily think it’s good to have no connection to others. I’d rather have experienced life than what feels like aching death
I needed to know this ❤
I had a girlfriend from 3rd grade to 5th, but then I had to move schools in 5th grade because of some incident between my mom and dad, and now There's no way I can talk to her again. We loved each other alot, and now I don't even know if I wanna continue love anymore, but I do have a crush on someone else but then the thing that your explaining in this video is what's happening to me.
I have a question. My husband was adopted as an infant. He was raised in a very loving home, with two parents who loved him very much. My question is: emotionally, can a person still have the fear of abandonment and intimacy from being given up for adoption at such a young age?
At this point I think I'm a lost cause. I've been in therapy 10 years and I'm barely half fixed. Idk how to be lovable. I'm clearly not as I am now.
For the record, as someone who is not in a relationship and doesn't plan to be anytime soon, self love is important regardless.
this video helped alot thanks..
thanks, i really needed this !
I have this and I have trauma ❤😢
This helps a lot of people
The opposite of a fear of intimacy/fear of rejection is a sense of worth.
I have never been in a relationship, so no traumatic past or anything, but I’m scared of getting closer to someone anyway. No real reason, just fear that’s making me distance myself from that person.
Mental health professionals are too expensive 😢
29. Your videos has helped me alot. Thank you.🙏🏻
Sometimes I just click on a random video because it's basically self help and ASMR at the same time
Hi psych2go. My problem is I easily get attached to people and end up feeling sad when they ignore me. Can u pls help me?
See this video: ua-cam.com/video/23ePqRkOKtg/v-deo.html
🌷
My friend this is what we call life we
meet different types of peoples time to
Time .People come and go the the only
Person who always be with yourself
Is you .
Let me left you with this quote-
"Maturity is when you understand the happiness you are searching in others is reside inside you."
Also i advice you to listen the song - invisible from Klaus you feel better.
🌷
I always avoid making friends because Im scared of the inevitable end of the friendship. I also always have my guard up when near others because I was picked on so i never really make friends.
Hey can you please explain
"difference between self love and selfishness "
Because I suffer a lot to find a difference in between the thin lines 😶🌫️😶🌫️
Self love is remembering to do things to take care of yourself. Like going to a medical appointment or going to a spa to have a treatment. You know your value as a person and know you need to do things for yourself to take care of yourself.
Selfishness is more like you go out and purchase a big ticket item because you really want it. However, you have children at home who need new clothing and shoes. You do not care about what your children need, only what you want.
@@RLS2512 so let's say if I do for myself but it doesn't harm anyone emotionally or physically but still people criticizing me for that would it still me called self-love?
@Purvi Dwivedi It depends on what you are doing. Give me an example of what you mean.
@@RLS2512 yeah sure
For example:- me and my best friend used to talk all the time but now they said they are busy and started ignoring my text messages when I realised this I stopped messaging them
Now they started blaming me that I am ignoring their text messages just cause they were busy
(To be honest I don't think anyone is too busy that they can't even talk for a second)
@Purvi Dwivedi I do not think this person is a true friend to you. I have a number of low maintenance friends. Meaning I understand they have busy lives, as do I. We often do not talk or text for months, and that is OK as when we do have the opportunity to catch up, we pick up right where we left off.
No standing on ceremony as to who owed who a text or a telephone call. Life is too short for that kind of nonsense.
Didn’t expect to be dealing with something so heavy first thing in the morning…
Yes
I don't fear they'll reject me, I don't fear them abandonning me. I know they won't, I know they love me for who I am, not what I have. I also know it will have to happen, the day where our paths goes different ways, and will never cross, that it is because of career, love, or death. I know how to cope with this loss.
I just fear the fact that it has to happen. I don't want to see them get out of my life. I wish I could just stay in these precious moments of hapiness forever. But I can't.
Every moment you spend with your friends, your family, the love of your life, or a simple crush you have that might not even any further as being a crush, enjoy these moments, take every single one of these golden seconds, and give them a place in your heart you know you'll never forget them. And live with these, use them as a reminder that no matter how deep the ravine seems to be, there's always that reward up there, waiting for you to get up, climb up that hole, and get out of this hell.
I worry that they will get too close and my depression will make me die and then they don't have me anymore. No one but God is enough to keep me here.
Yeah kinda .. i even got a trauma because of this 😢 It feel's so bad , I have so many issues & phobia's please help I don't know what to do !
I‘m scared that I’ll be alone forever and never have a real relationship because whenever I have one, I end up breaking up after a week or two because I start feeling anxious or nervous or generally just unwell when I’m with the person
Did this tell me to go love myself?
Was in a bit of a loop between can I be bothered seeing my psych this month and also wanting to give up on the idea of ever being someone worth respect or love, so this probably couldn't have come into my notifications at a better time, heh.
Yep, that took years to do
I know that asexuality and fear if intamcy aren't mutually exclusive; but even if I wasn't ace/aro I still wouldn't be comfortable with intamcy.
He'll I don't like hugging people, but I do make rare exceptions: My birthday to my parents, their respective birthdays, Mother's day and Father's day.
I have this fear I trust so many people but I get so close to them and then they betray me and I have this one best friend I knew him for about two years and he ghosted me for one year and then a year later he unfriended me me and him were best friends and now I feel left out with nobody talks to me and I have a fear of people leaving me because I don’t wanna be lonely
What do I do when i really REALLY don’t like myself and my body and I don’t know why?
👏👏👏
I have a tought time loving myself and my parents wont let me to go get help what am i supposed to do?
I can't say why. I jusy attract awful men.
Was there anyone who said you have a great voice?
Hey um no one’s probably going to read this but I’m going through a lot w my friends my insecurities and some other things but I don’t know how to get help it’s not easy to just tell my parents and it’s rly hard and I don’t know if I have something but I just wanted to say if anyone can give me advice or just anything rly I would love it I just rly want to get this off my chest
Hi. I'm here. I might not be able to help, but i can certainly lend a listening ear. ❤ What else do you need to get off your chest?
@@mollydoesart9348 thank you so much um that’s it but I’m just rly confused w all my emotions and what I’m feeling but I don’t know how to like confront that but thank you so much for replying one last thing I am supposed to get a therapist so I can finally get the help I need but for now I’m still struggling but thank you again❤️
@@mollydoesart9348 thank you so much for replying you are amazing❤️
This might sound dumb but I'm 15 and I've been with my girlfriend for 10 months and I haven't kissed her yet because of the fear of intimacy and Idk how to help it
What if that traumatic event was actually my fault?
🤙🏾😎🥰
I know exactly what happened and im terrified of woman, like i know it's a meme and it's funny but it's the reality, im not an incel, i love woman but im afraid of feeling the pain i felt last time when she did that to me, im terrified of this feeling, I feel like such a low quality person that I can't keep someone close for too long, they always lose interest, they leave, make fun of me, just abandon me with my feelings, that's why i feel like i don't matter, like I'm just a burden, unworthy of someones love or time, it's sad and i know it's not normal
What is intimacy
Ok but what if it was my fault?
Do you believe in Destiny?
Nah i just punch them automatically
Wait this isn't funny vtuber clips I've been watching to avoid the fact that I'm lonely because I have a fear of intimacy... oh
🤷♂️🏴☠️
I worry they might be stupid