@@gabbys2950 I'm not going to deny that there are some systemic issues that prevent people from making money, but for the most part, people who complain about not making enough money aren't willing to do the basic things needed to be financially successful.
In an age where people are so quick to break up and don't wanna get married, I can't imagine why someone would want to rely on someone else for financial stability.
I always thought stay at home girlfriend videos were very well hidden satire. I don’t think it’s a genuine lifestyle, especially since the girls that post them probably make income from influencing
@@imanigordon6803 uhh, ever heard of socialism? This sort of thing would be possible under socialism, which fits the whole “anti working to live” thing aswell. Stop being nihilistic and bringing everyone down with you, I actually believe in change-
@@LordOfElysium my love, there is something that's called Twelve rules of the Builder of Communism and one of rules is literally that who doesn't work doesn't deserve to eat. Sure, this was for landlords and similar parasites, and this kind of lifestyle was always available only for upper class white women. No healthy, able-bodied person should focus all their energy serving man at home instead of doing something for their community, something meaningful and worthwhile under an organized system around workers. I am not trying to discourage young baby leftie but please read Principles of Communism at least (very short easy to read and trust me you need theory not a illusion or an empty dreams)
@@LordOfElysium A billionaire boyfriend who provides for all your needs is possible under socialism??? Stop being nihilistic? All this ‘woke’ word salad isn’t a good cover for unintelligence. Just talking to talk. She’s exactly right.
I was a stay-at-home gf with a son and when he cheated and left me, I didn't have any money or anything so I was homeless. I vowed to myself to NEVER put myself in that situation again.
im so sorry that happened to you. whats the point of cheating? grow a pair, remember who cleans your dirty laundry and respect that being. that's it. but if you're gonna cheat, just break it off or talk it out. but also, good for you to promise yourself to never be in a situation like that again.
These are white, upper middle class, thin, conventionally attractive white women. They are not getting pregnant without a ring and they are making income through social media. You and then aren’t in the same boat
@@meggo329 there are always exceptions to the rule, but my point is that these white women engaging in this trend are definitely not getting themselves knocked up without a ring.
As someone who loves rest, my issue with this stay at home girlfriend trend, isn’t with the girlfriends themselves. But the unrealistic idea that you’ll find a partner (a man) who is willing to provide for you financially, without any of the traditional expectations that would typically come from such an arrangement. Also, I think of the longevity of the stay at home girlfriend, with no kids lifestyle. Because there’s a possibility that there will come a day where the stay at home girlfriend becomes a mom, eventually maybe a wife. What then? Will she be satisfied and happy taking care of her boyfriend/husband and kids?
Right where are you gonna find a man who's not gonna take full advantage of this dynamic? It is almost dangerous to put yourself in a situation like this without your own income. What if he's abusive? You could be a gf for years and doing all this labor for a man who could leave you with nothing. Anything could happen. What if he dies??!
@@m0mmy2aStar Yes! At least stay-at-home wives are usually left with something after divorce and if the husband dies. Marriage is essentially a legal-binding contract, and you don't get that same security as a girlfriend.
@@paperheartzz the stay at home girlfriends are insuring the their boyfriends are financially stable enough for the both of them. Not herself. If they break up, as the idea is they are not even married, he’s not still supporting her financially. It’s not her own. What if she wants to break up with him? She has no money to leave or move out without his say. They may have wealth, but without independence you give room for allowing yourself to be controlled.
@@skyfish8530 that's why you save the money he gives you... You can still secure yourself financially while a man is taking care of you. I don't understand this underlying mindset/narrative that wealthy men are abusive. It's weird. Poor men can and will abuse you and leave you broke and looking haggard while you're out "working hard" and being a "boss babe" just like most of these companies will replace you in a millisecond the moment they need to cut cost or find a replacement. Why struggle when you don't have to?
@@TheSunflowerGoddess i did not write date someone poor by any means. I did not say wealthy men are abusive. I’m saying make sure you have financial independence. If saving his money is how you do it then that’s your prerogative. If the couple breaks up, the source of money is gone. Make sure your taken care of. My dad is wealthy and my mom was a stay at home wife who never worked. I’m not completely against the idea, but make sure you have your own independence so you can make your own decisions. I hate to see situations when people ARE controlled and often the situations when women do not have enough money to leave someone allows for control, gaps in resume if not an entrepreneur or if boyfriends money/job does not last, possibilities of abuse, or lack of options/places to go to when you do leave. Me personally, I do not want to ask someone to fund my dreams. I want to make decisions without any possibilities of defiance. I would like a man independent enough to want the same for himself. Ambition, passion, goals, action… but, that is my personal desire and not everyone has to have my desire. I’m just asking to make sure you are financially stable with or without a man if you are privileged enough to do so.
my issue with 'stay at home' wife/gf etc dynamic is that when the person leaves you, they have x years of work experience and have income but you have to start all over again bc you were jobless for x years. tradwives face this problem pretty often, they get a divorce and suddenly they realise they lacked autonomy for x years and relied on something so flimsy and fragile like relationship :/ i feel like stay at home anything can work out, but both parties have to he mature and honest.
@@MaejorArray actually I only said socialism in this one, in all the other ones I actually expanded on it. I’m tired of just saying the same shit, I’m trying to show you people that you aren’t even complaining about the concept of a stay at home girlfriend you are I complaining about capitalism. So stop projecting in on the “stay at home girlfriend” idea and realize that your complaining about an economic issue. It’s deflecting from the actual problem here, that’s why it’s important to point out. So maybe, actually read those other comments? Just a thought.
I genuinely feel like Black women would not get away with posting about being stay-at-home girlfriends or wives. The same people that stereotype and complain about us being too independent would still take issue with us being taken care of and especially spoiled by a male partner.
Black girl here!💅🏾 who was a sahg & now a sahw. I saw black sahg on TikTok & there are lots of black sahw on UA-cam. If you live in fear of what other people think you’ll never live the life you desire.
There’s black female influencers who are SAHG or SAHW. They do get a lot of pushback online but it’s all talk. These ladies are marketing professionals and their bag has not stopped bc people are misogynoirstic. Live ya life 🤷🏾♀️
My mother, who tends to be traditional with her perspectives of women's roles in a marriage, told me to NEVER quit my job after marriage. She said that if I did, to make sure I was financially stable and invested time in a passion of mine. Even my hallmark-loving, Christian mom has that to say lol
Omg I forgot to mention how Gen Z is embracing their ‘Grandma Era’ where crochet takes precedence over clubbing. The need to rest is real. It’s a hellfire out there.
My grandmother was born in 1924 she always worked since she was 14 until the day she died, my mom was born 1960 and is 62 and still works, my parents were married for 30years before my dad died, my grandmother was married for 40 years and my grandfather died
Y’all are about to dislike what I’m about to say, but don’t act like a wife, if you don’t have the title/perks of one. If the working boyfriend decides he’s tired of the stay at home girlfriend, she’s ass out. If a husband does the same thing to his wife, there are societal and legal protections in place to help her stay afloat 🤷🏾♀️ (Ex: Alimony) This rings true in relationships that include children as well
I agree 100%. People act like marriage is just a piece of paper and a ring but no...marriage is a LEGAL contract, meaning there are legally recognized benefits. A girlfriend will never have that. No matter how long you’ve been a girlfriend. You could nurse a guy until he’s on his death bed as a girlfriend, but guess what. A girlfriend doesn’t have any say on what legally happens to her boyfriend. Only a wife can call shots like that. Also the protection aspect. If he leaves, cheats..etc. There’s real legal protection as a wife that will NEVER be given to a girlfriend. Marriage is more than just a ring and a wedding. It’s more than just a piece of paper. Marriage is PROTECTION. You can do all these wifely duties as a girlfriend and come out 20 years later with literally nothing to show for it. Not a dime to your name because legally, you’re not his wife lol. It’s almost laughable how people brush this aside like it’s nothing and it doesn’t matter
Except that common law, among several others are a thing in the U.S. and Europe. She, living with him as evidenced, get compensation through law for being there.
@@klove5974 partially true, except only 15 states in the USA still recognize common law in some form and most of them have restrictions that you would have entered into them decades ago for the protections to apply. At the very least, the few states that still recognize common law, it requires being grandfathered in or living together for quite some time. By and large in the USA, the wife has far more legal protections than a girlfriend, and rightfully so.
And this is why...I'm going to Africa or the Caribbean for a WIFE that actually wants to be/act like one🤦🏾♂️ If you don't show your "wife qualities" then why should I show you any "husband qualities"? I might as well just buss it down and go find my wife if you clearly aren't it based off of your actions of withholding your "widely qualities"🤦🏾♂️ This wouldn't be an issue if people simply discussed these things from the beginning.
A stay at home girlfriend is just a stay at home wife but not as smart. A wife has protections, thats why she can stay at home and not be financially independent. If he decides to cheat or hurt her she can take legal measures to ensure that she wont be left with nothing. A stay at home girlfriend does not have that. If he decides to leave her, she has zero legal protections and will end up broke without any skills or experience that can get her a job to sustain herself. Yea these stay at home girlfriends have clout that they can use to make money, but for most of them the clout is inextrocably linked to the content they produce. The second they are no longer stay at home girlfriends, their content wont be interesting anymore snd they will lose their only independent financial life line
Thank you, someone, that gets it. You have no legal protections or "insurance" as a girlfriend. The women showcasing these lifestyles on social media are getting paid to do so. In the traditional sense, they aren't actually stay-at-home gf; they're remote self-employed individuals. People love to undermine marriage. However, marriage isn't meant to be a lovey-dovey thing; it's a business contract between two people who love each other (sometimes).
Palimony is rare and hard to prove. You would have to be living with this person for a significant amount of time to sue for support, along with many other qualifications. Thus, marriage is usually a more reliable insurance. I live in a community property state, and I've met and prepared the taxes of many scorned women who thought they were living married however their partner disappeared, and they have no way to prove they were living like a married couple.
And this is exactly why I am pro stay at home wife. Even though I agree with what you said, I’ll still admit that their lifestyle is slightly better than most of the regular girlfriends out here doing the exact same thing as them (wifely duties) , being his personal c*rn star, AND they still have to clock in and probably go 50/50 on the bills. I think that lifestyle is glorified as better than a stay at home girlfriend because these women think they’re better because they have a job, but in reality it’s far far worse IMO. But yes, STAY AT HOME WIFE IS SUPERIOR.
Honestly my issue with the whole thing is the “girlfriend” part. It’s just not a smart choice and it’s very risky. If it were the same lifestyle except they were married then at least you have the law to fall back on if things go south.
@@mxflint1715 but if you stay at home, you can add that to your title. yeah you dont have to, but thats what it usually is. still maintaining the house so their partner doesnt have to worry about doing it.
I'm surprised these women are not afraid to rely on men. I was listening to a podcast, a woman did everything for her husband. She was studying but her husband had found a job abroad so she had to quit her study. She raised their children and never worked during her marriage. Years later, her husband decided to divorce her to be with a younger woman, her life fell apart, she had no experience, so she couldn't find a job. Today, she relies on her children to buy her groceries because she has governmental help for but it's not enough. She knows she won't be able to have a pension for retirement because she didn't work and she doesn't have savings. I'll never forget her crying, it's horrible to be in that situation when you did and everything for a man and abandoned your dreams. Please, I beg you girls, no matter what, find a way to gain money. Do not be financially dependent on anyone
Are you married or in a relationship? You just heard 1 side of the story...You do not know what happened... This is just a bad advice you are giving which will burn a lot of women. A lot of women now are independent, even if they have the money and carrier, they are still unhappy. why?
As someone who has been a stay at home girlfriend, I think all of those girls are at the very least being performative if not outright lying. They clearly have an income of their own, and have at home help of some kind. The reality is very different.
I'm not about hustle culture and I don't dream of labor either. I do believe in working for my own money though. I live in the countryside too, by myself. I am a freelancer in medical field. I dont work all week nor all year. I'm not rich but I'm not struggling either. I travel for leisure and love shopping and self care. I don't think it has to be one extreme or another. All these influencer just leading ppl astray with unrealistic lifestyles. Everyone should chose how they want to live that is realistic for their situation.
A lot of these online stay at home girlfriends and trad wive influencers earn a very good income from posting content online. Some of them Even have courses and sell digital products. These women aren’t completely dependent on their husbands and I think it’s kind of offensive for them to suggest this lmao! They’re business owners trying to convince everyone that they do nothing all day.
Honestly I’m just tired of seeing all these lifestyle “trends” popping up every couple of months. I don’t even have TikTok, and yet they still manage to proliferate throughout the rest of the Internet and I’m SICK OF IT. I wish we could just collectively divest from this kind of content since the reason why it’s popular in the first place is because it’s unattainable for most people
I don’t have any issue with resting (we all need more of that), but I do find it concerning when a person (especially a woman) builds their identity around someone else. Of course she has her own identity, but the term “stay at home girlfriend” requires a boyfriend for the title to exist. If this woman did not have a social media platform, she would be dependent on her boyfriend and would therefore have to cater her life to his. Romanticizing this dynamic also serves to reinforce gender norms which I find concerning.
@@DaBabyGurl Personally, yes. It’s not bad to stay at home, to cook, clean, etc. My issue is that women are raised to believe this is their role and men are told it’s emasculating. Any gender can enjoy being a stay at home partner, but gender norms stigmatize the validity of this choice for anyone non-woman
i feel like the change from girlboss to stay-at-home girlfriend is just a dramatic swing from one extreme to the other; being a girlboss was a appealing becuase of the "i don't need a man to do things" slogans and then stay-at-home girlfriends are completely financially reliant on their male partners and perform gender in this new filter (soft life/ feminine energy/ whatever tf they make up next)
20mn of skincare and daily gym attendance dont sound like leisure but that's just me. From the videos, it looks like she has at least 2 jobs: maintening her assets (like an actress or a model) and housekeeping. Both are unpaid. Not sure how that works long term but to each their own. Also, she felt the need to go online and build a community around herself (and earn some money doing so). I think, people enamoured with the aesthetic and privilege, should take that into consideration as well.
Hoping everyone realises that the main 'issue' with any of these trends is that they're indeed trends & practiced in such imbalanced ways. The radicality of girl boss then brought in this 'cottagecore' as it's opposite, when truthfully it's healthy to practice all aspects of what it means to be feminine in a way that resonates with us all individually as people rather than to get swept up by these waves... aka do you x 💚💚
love this!! definitely agree that we need to focus more about finding balance between these different ways of living and reflecting on what resonates with us. Going towards extremes of each lifestyle is unhealthy no matter the lifestyle
Very true. What’s ironic is that the people advocating for stronger harsher capitalism are the same people who want more traditional family dynamics where women stay home and do domestic work
I also think the I don’t dream of labor can come from that a lot of people don’t really know what they enjoy or their passions + some people don’t want to monetize their passions. I’m grateful to finally know what I wanna do & have a degree that’ll give me $ + fulfillment. Not everyone has that & not saying being a SAHM or gf is good or not - but I can understand why they choose to go this route instead.
love how you can tie these deeply relative memes that get passed around millions of times - back to shifts in culture. truly, they are staples in our modern communication! I don’t know how I’d be able to express that I would like to rest guilt-free in a world of hustle, without sharing a picture of a sleepy mouse on a cozy chair!! but everyone gets it!!
Now that we're no longer "dreaming of labor," young people are left with the issue of "well, then what DO I dream of?" I think this is just one way that society is testing out alternatives to the capitalist dystopia, and i predict we're going to see a lot more of this kind of lifestyle trend.
i joked about being a stay at home girlfriend this summer because i’m still finishing college and my boyfriend graduated and got a full time job. it was fun, but i would genuinely lose my mind if i did it for longer than 2 months
i'm not a stay at home anything...i'm single, unemployed since April (soon to be [under]employed - had no choice but to accept a very part time job because i'm financially insecure) and losing it 😩 ...i suffered nerve damage that affects my leg after a back surgery. i know this doesn't really have anything to do with your video but...i wish i had the luxury of being able to not work without being constantly anxious about how i'm going to pay my bills or buy dental floss or pain pills...or just not being discriminated and overlooked for jobs because i require a cane to walk. :[
I’m ok with the term ‘sugar daddy’ and ‘sugar baby’ till we realise how skewed and unequal that dynamic is. It’s the same as the Stay At Home Girlfriend or Trad Wife.
Mmmm they aren’t classified as that for a reason. Not all sahw are traditional. Trad wives do things such as growing & raising their own food, cooking meals from scratch, homeschooling their children, etc. I also know modern sahw who doesn’t cook at all & has Nannie’s to help raise their children, but their husband make tones of money & that is simply their social group culture. I’ve also known sb & sd. Sb aren’t birthing these men’s kids, they don’t have to deal with them everyday & aren’t going through the highs & lows. They see each other for x amount of time or x amount of days for x amount of money & can call it quits much easier and faster than married people. I think is unfair to say married couples & sugar couples are the same.
I've always dreamt of marrying a rich woman, to be a stay at home dad. I'm grown up know and me and my partner doesn't want kids, we've both nearly finished our psychology masters; she's going into data science & I'll try to become a therapist. New dream is having a dog & a cozy office in our ground floor (of the imaginary house we'll never be able to afford), so it's still a kind of stay at home d(og owner)ad, right.. right?
The main issue with being a stay at home girlfriend to escape 'hustle-culture' is that it provides you with no security and no back up plan. If you are dumped, you are out on your ass without anything to show for it. In addition, it makes it harder to leave an abusive situation when you don't have any means to provide for yourself. At least as a wife and mum, you have recourse in cases of separation. But even then, stay at home mums are more financially vulnerable than working women. You don't need to do everything yourself, in long term relationship there is always an extent of financial reliance on eachother (eg you may need two incomes to pay a mortgage). However, do not make your partner your only financial plan.
I think these women are rightfully receiving criticism because while they choose to opt out of hustle culture and live a lavishly restful lifestyle, their partner has to take part in hustle culture for these women to keep up their standards and that aesthetic, ethereal nature of their life. It’s hypocritical.
I am a stay at home girlfriend, I’m disabled so I can’t work but yet and still I stay home and keep the house together and clean (to stay productive) I’ve been a stay at home gf for 4 years and I can’t wait to be a stay at home mom and YES it is WORK . I have no kids but keeping the house together is a job in itself. I cook the meals, I do/fold the laundry, all of that, while Monday to Friday 7 to 4 my man is at work. I enjoy it and even though it is a lot of repetitive work it’s still easier than having a job so I’m satisfied. And it takes maybe max 2 hours to do all my tasks. And that’s on a busy day then the task becomes keeping myself busy until bf gets home. I’m also an artist, so I have that too focus on. 🤷🏾♀️
it’s a shame people are judging you. These are just bitter broke working people who can’t conceive of having better so they cope by judging people with better lives online.
also amanda, i love your videos and the research done for them, bravo!!! the way you made the connections with stay at home girlfriends, girl bossing, and pandemic are things i never would’ve thought of (aka, im a grandma who’s so out of touch with the social media culture and “reality”💀)
And let's not forget that ONLY white women look "right" doing this trend. Imagine if she were a person of color? Or an immigrant woman? You would be able to see the inconsistencies of this being an "easy" life. But because she still posseses the privileges of being a young, single, white woman, her situation looks extremely ideal to us.
Maybe thats your own racist prejudices making you think that? Personally, i can easily imagine a black woman or a Arabian woman doing this trend, or really, any woman so long as shes attractive.
I’m half Asian and disagree with your comment. Why do you think ONLY white women look right doing this? It honestly sounds like you’re the one with racial prejudice.
I'm a woman and honestly im on the fence about being at home girlfriend/wife, i personally suffer from depression and anxiety and i hate going out, work makes me wanna end it all, so if i ever meet a wealthy and loyal man, i would honestly like being at home while they provide. Though by the other side i dont wanna depend on someone, and what if they leave? How am i sustaining myself? I would never be financially independent out of nowhere. I really dont know.
It's so funny you bring this up! I didn't even know this was a trend, but I said to my boyfriend today that I felt like a stay at home gf. I work part-time but not a lot of hours because I'm working on my mental health and also haven't been hired for full-time work since covid, and my bf just got a full-time job so now he's away most of the day. I mostly just self-cared today (rather than the usual stress of 'I'm not good enough I'm not doing enough") and it was wonderful! I would want financial independence (which I have), but also I do consider lifestyle vlogging as work! Anything you can profit off def counts in my book!
This was such a fantastic video! I have a friend who is a stay at home girlfriend and I hadn't heard of the term until she mentioned it. And now, I'm living with my sister who is a nurse and she pays the bills while I keep the house clean. I am SO GRATEFUL!!!
I beg of stay at home girlfriends: arrange backup! Financial stability is not guaranteed. There is no marriage contract to promise alimony while you search for a new situation if the relationship needs to end. Power dynamics are real and it’s never fun to be on the short end of the stick! Logistics first! Romanticism second!
I love this video! I'm happy you pointed out that the "stay at home girlfriend" influencers are just like any other influencers, creating a new trend, aesthetic and an aspirational lifestyle content. And in doing that, they are working smart, not hard; nothing makes people as mad as showing someone just choosing to chill :D Even tho these women are in fact working and making a living; they are influencers just like any other full time influencer, that's their job. I personally chose to move to live in a tiny small town because I wanted to slow down my life; living here is soooo much cheaper and with remote working and online content creating, I can live here, make less money, spend less money, chill more, spend more time outdoors, read books and just live life. I'm almost never busy :D I'm not living a performative cottage core fantasy, I'm just living a simple life :D
I typically know nothing of these trends because I’m not on Twitter or tik tok and I make it my business not to really follow or watch influencers on Instagram or UA-cam. But I’m an older millennial in my mid 30s.
Yeah same, I’m gen z but i don’t have tiktok Twitter or even Instagram so I’m never up to date. I didn’t even know dream did a face reveal till commentators i watch started making videos about it-
@@klove5974 yes and I love it. That’s why it’s intentional for me not to engage in every social media platform and on the ones I am on I pick and choose intentionally what I want to see and interact with.
To me, this trend feels deeply uncomfortable because it glosses over all the issues inherent to this situation : women's who rely on the revenu of their partner are more likely to get stuck into unhappy relationship, or in worst case to suffer domestic abuse. At the minimum, maintaining the relationship becomes their job as they are providing emotional labor. I think it's so natural for some people to want to take care of their partner/children. Reproductive work is work and should be valued just as much as productive work. The money should go directly into their pocket, without their partner in the middle left to decide the valor of their domestic labor.
As an artist, staying at home would mean that much more time to paint instead of doing meaningless work in a month to month existence. It sounds idyllic to me.
Literally everyone in the comments like “but her resume, and what about saftey nets?” Are literally just complaining about capitalism. This life style would be very possible under socialism as you wouldn’t have to worry about that shit-
@@mariey8167 it’s very rewarding! And people wonder why I keep saying “socialism ____” in the replies lol. I think by people blaming this on the concept of a “stay at home Gf” is just deflecting from the real issue 😅
I completely agree on women pursuing whatever makes them happy but... Looking at the past, where it was almost the only option to be at home with a husband providing for you, it was also a time where women's rights were solely dependent on men. Yes, because if positions of power (such as politics) were occupied only by men, only men were able to do rules and rights for women. So... I'm just worried that this "movement" comes from women having full bellies, taking their rights for granted, so they can allow themselves to entirely rely on a men without feeling they are giving up on something. These things can change! The rights us women has earned are constantly attacked. We need women in positions of power as well, so all women can be represented and protected.
this video was so well l put and planned out. it actually shifted my perspective a bit, because before i was almost… offended? by the stay at home girlfriend trend. but your points really made a lot of sense! also, your voice is insanely calming.
I don’t think people love the hustle. They resent the hustle, but are forced to do it so they resent people who appear to opt out. Especially if you still have a job, so on paper you have the hustle but you’re not showing it. There’s also folk like me that are just concerned for the stay at home girlfriend due to lack of commitment. With a job or even a marriage, a contract is signed which can provide protection.
The stay at home gf (who is not a content creator) in real life is likely not neurotypical. She is likely anxious or has other mental issues ( on the ADHD spectrum etc). This might limit her ability to create communities and sustain them, or complete daily/monthly tasks efficiently. Notice these stay at home gf creators never show themselves cleaning their closets, grocery shopping or volunteering. The labor required in her relationships, the upkeep of her assets or life as a woman in the 21 century is never mentioned. It is in fact cosplay; an ideal situation for the woman who struggles with life as it is. You could never perform this in real life without major issues/ consequences. Unless you have your own source of income of course.
I get your point but I don't agree. People with ADHD hate working for someone. They live in their own world and making coffee for someone isn't for them when all they want to do is building lego they spent all their money for. Anyway, it's the same what is with 'it girl'. It's about the vibe and romanticizing life in late capitalism.
I feel spotlit omg 😭 I'm not proud of it but I spent the last year and a half freaking about going back to work. Married and relied on savings but didn't have a job to go to. I've had too many bad experiences (even calling the police at some points) to even want to go back to work. Now I do have a job where I'm just restocking shelves overnight. No customers to deal with (except the weird ones coming in at 6am) and no corporate aficionados as well. So ideal
100%. These girls are glamorizing and cosplaying a life that is actually not that easy for people who have no choice but to live it. It reminds me of those rich people that made videos like "i became a starbucks barista for a day!" and the whole time they barely do any work and dont deal with a single angry customer
Your comment hit so hard esp as an AuDHDer who’s had over 22+ different jobs for the past 8.5 years. I actually just lost my most recent FT job this past week too. So I’m technically a stay at home gf atm (luckily my bf has a great job, so I can breathe and go down to PT work.) Some of my ND friends can manage FT and others work PT w help from their partners. But yes most ppl don’t realize how overwhelming and draining “simple” tasks can be for NDs. It’s also harder to stay on top of hygiene, notifications/texts (social media can be very overwhelming) cooking, cleaning and just basic life stuff in general and even harder with a FT. I do agree that growing social media/community can be harder due to deadlines and breaking down things into manageable bite size tasks. But it’d be kind of nice to see a ND content creator make a video of an ADHD stay at home gf trying her best to clean her closet while her inner monologue is going at 100mph with multiple thoughts and ends up not being able to get anything done. Or her sitting down to plan for the day and ends up with a 40 to do tasks list. So she ends up getting so overwhelmed that she ends up playing Animal Crossing or some other game the whole day. Or an autistic SAHG who has to do things a certain way (like wear gloves for all cleaning tasks or examples of other sensory processing stuff she has to deal with in order to complete “x”) while having the same song on repeat the whole day. It can be funny and informative. (These are just examples from my own experiences.)
@@boopty1164 So relatable. and it's completely ok to have those problems. But it would be dangerous for someone to put themselves in a situation where someone else is providing everything for them-without any insurances. The trend could show us how we want to feel most of the time and how to treat our bodies.And what to prioritize in our life. But that's it lol
You always do a great job of pulling all these threads together and articulating current phenomena in such way that’s easy to follow! I always learn something ✨ or gain clarity around something I’d been wondering about
This was fascinating. I’m not on TikTok so this is the first I’ve heard of this trend. It’s interesting to compare a “stay at home girlfriend”, who essentially does freelance work by way of content creation, versus someone who’s home a lot because they’re unemployed against their desire. I fall into that category right now, and have in the past, due to the cyclical nature of available jobs in my industry. I definitely empathize with the stay at home girlfriend, in the level of leisure and rest that is possible when not tied to a job that requires working at a specific time or a specific location. And I also see what other people say about financial independence. I guess my takeaway is similar to yours, that we can cut people who don’t traditionally work a little more slack, while being aware that no one (or at least almost no one) lives a fully labor-free life. Even people who are unemployed and want to be employed are doing labor, i the form of looking and applying for jobs, learning new skills, and yes, maybe picking up more housework depending on how they and their partner or housemates balance that out.
"What happens when they break up?" They don't break up. He knows he can do whatever he wants to her and she has no power to break up. Why a stay at home girlfriend instead of a stay at home wife? Because your "hubby" doesn't want you to have access to alimony or his assets. He wants to pile money into HIS savings, doing well at work and getting promotions because of his girlfriend's labor supporting his career, and then leave her without dividing shared assets. Or worse, abuse her knowing she has no safety net to leave. Will she be resting then? If you guys don't want to get married, he needs to be putting some money into YOUR savings every month. Frankly, if any trend was empowering, restful, good for your health... Men would be doing it. Why the rise of the stay at home girlfriend and not the rise of the stay at home boyfriend? Because it's just another way to exploit women.
There are many women who stay home that aren’t lifestyle influencers and content creators! Loved the video. I’m a recovering girlboss, and current housewife. I have to say from my own experience, I love being able to stay home and live a domestic life centered on my loved ones. I understand I’m privileged, but I think there is a way for most people to live a slower life and build this lifestyle by making financial sacrifices like moving to a more affordable location, and cutting down on costs. Being at home also means that you have more time to do things that you would normally spend money on - cleaning, preparing meals, manicures, facials, etc. There is great opportunity to cut costs when you stay at home and have the time to learn new skills. This is something that is generally not always a feature of the SAHGF content, although it’s prominent with tradwives, which I feel more aligned with. Also, if you are serious about this lifestyle, you need to also be serious about finding a partner who’s values align and values you being at home. This should be a conversation brought up early in dating.
I am quite mad about this trend, women have been fighting for 150 years literally to not depend on a man, to own their property and bank account, to be free from ties and relation to some man that would control her life. And even now we are beaten and killed in such high rates one in 4 women die from a hand of her partner, yet this is the ideal dream now?? yes work is hard, nobody likes grinding so someone else can get richer, we all know that we will not be able to accumulate any wealth during our life so its easer to imagine if we didn't have to get up and work hard than to imagine system that doesn't exploit us or actually do something about it
for me personally, this is hell. and it’s not because i think stay at home girlfriends are lazy (for one laziness is a myth) and their lifestyles are some how inferior to a working lifestyle because working is so closely tied into self worth, inextricably so, because of the plethora of capitalist propaganda we are constantly subjected to-so thank you for bringing that up! but anyway no-this is hell to me because women empowerment is not the same as liberation. that’s why marxist feminism is something im so deeply interested in. “marxist feminism analyzes the ways in which women are exploited through capitalism and the individual ownership of private property. According to Marxist feminists, women's liberation can only be achieved by dismantling the capitalist systems in which they contend much of women's labor is uncompensated.” stay at home girlfriends DO work it’s all domestic labor that goes unpaid, essentially trading in one boss for another, your boss being your effing boyfriend/husband. for abusive relationships not having finical independence is horrific. and does being a stay at home girlfriend mean constantly putiing work into your appearance, becoming a commodity your boyfriend can trade in for something younger?? okay that’s pretty extreme and a bit stereotypical but this topic hits pretty close to home haveing been raised by an on again off again stay at home mom that largerly worked for most of my life, which i’m very grateful for! but the women in my family have a history of being forced to become housewife’s before they turn 18-it’s just terrible honestly. anyway-obviously this isn’t the case for all stay at home girlfriends but i worry that the women finding this aspirational won’t be able to find the same success as a content creator thus literally being exploited for their labor and reaping ephemeral benefits. although i am NOT in the business of dictating what people do and the lives women chose to live is entirely up to them. and maybe for some women those benefits are worth it. it just reminds me of when women were allowed to work during world war I, as if women weren’t already being exploited for their labor and “actively” participating in capitalism was being advertised as a one way ticket to autonomy and then immediately taken away after the war-when women weren’t needed anymore. that same goes for black americans at the time. it was especially heinous. but, ofc take my opinion with a huge grain of salt. it’s that i can’t help but see this as being a one way ticket to the nuclear family- a white, heterosexual, cisgendered white picket fence-family that is THE corner stone of capitalism, the patriarchy and ofc yt supremacy!! it’s however, not lost on me that the Queer community, Black communtiy and just the BIPOC community as a whole has faught for just that. a chance at having a family, a white picket fence and a chance at the ameircan “dream”, at normalcy-just like everybody else. i understand that not everyone wants to dismantle yt supremacy, capitalism and the patriarchy and most are just wanting connection, safety, family, communtiy and love. some just want to get by, survive, and maybe even thrive and i completely respect that. but godamn i want freedom, in fact i think all of those wants inherently come WITH FREEDOM and everyone deserves that, but man are we far from it. it just sucks that we’ve been taught that we have to work to be deserving of anything when we are all inherently deserving of food, water, shelter, and community. thank you so much for this video, i love hearing your thoughts and this essay gave me a lot to think about:)
thank you for bringing up how domestic work is work! there is 'work' all throughout our lives but patriarchy, yt supremacy doesn't count a large majority of the work in our daily lives as valuable (contributing to capitalism)
thank you so so much. seriously thank you all so much for all of these incredibly sweet replies. i really didn’t think anybody would read this. i cant thank you guys enough for reading it🥹
You guys are not gonna like when I say this but some of you all are so obsessed with documenting your own life on social media down to the littlest detail like making coffee in the morning and there are people who fall for contents like that. It is mediocrity at its best.
Unless she’s married to him, this lifestyle is a lose-lose for the woman (and even when married, you’re playing with fire). Stay-at-home gfs are working for free, enabling their bfs to focus all their energy on developing their careers and amass more wealth, while the gf has zero consistent means to ensure her own financial and professional future. When the relationship ends, he’s left with career progression and all the money he’s saved not having to pay for takeout, house cleaning, etc; but what is she left with? Unless he’s paying her a significant “allowance” that she’s able to stash; or shes actually got side hustles that allow her to make and save money. In which case she’s not actually a STAH-anything, she’s just working from home and selling a dream to impressionable young women on the internet who are lapping up the fantasy of finding a man who will take care of her. I support all women who seek out and create lives that works for them, and that includes being a SAH-wife/gf/whatever. But do your due diligence and don’t obfuscate the ultimate reality of these choices, the sacrifices being made in order to present a picturesque, byte-sized, TikTok-friendly lifestyle aesthetic to the world. The vast majority of women do not get to live off a man’s dole and come out on top owing back nothing in return. It’s just not in the cards for most of us.
If her and her partner are find with it. I would just take classes especially cooking or sewing or something that I could use in case I wanted to build a savings in case something happened to my partner. Maybe sell items online for fun. But to not have to clock in everyday is a blessing for some people. I really don’t care if these women stay home or not as long as they’re happy with their choice.
The reactions of people to the stay at home girlfriend thing remind me of how people treat those who cannot work due to disability/illness/mental illness with complete derision. It is so wild to me that society is set up not only to shame those who choose to leave the workforce, but also those who - for whatever reason - cannot work. It's this mass guilting that really unsettles me.
It seems like a nice and easy life at first, but then it seems like a recipe for disaster. It could turn into an abusive relationship. Or if they break up it could be hard for the girl to find work on her own. Maybe these videos aren't the actual influencer's reality, but I fear for those who see this and try to attain it. I also was hoping you would talk about the way these influencers eat. Or I should say, how they DONT eat. It's something that also stuck out to me when I saw these videos. It at least seems as if the girlfriends barely eat anything throughout the day. They only show themselves drinking coffee and matcha and maybe eating a pepper and that's it.
A lot of these “stay at home girlfriends” are trad wives in training but aren’t traditional. She has a job and it’s social media. Also a lot of these women are thin and white, so I highly doubt they’d struggle to find someone to give them that struggle free life after marriage. No hate at all, love that for them. Just making a point that beauty is currency
My biggest gripes about the stay at home girlfriend/wife thing are two fold. First is the risk the woman is taking. The man may decide to break up with you for whatever reason, he may cheat, he may be abusive...etc and where do you go from there if you dont have your own income or home? Its literally placing your livelihood at the whims of another person and unlike a job there arent legal protections in place to protect you from losing your livelihood unfairly and theres no severance pay or employment tribunal or unions. At least a wife can seek alimony but a girlfriend cant. But even wives are in a precarious position. Contrary to popular opinion women who divorce dont walk away richer or financially the same. They're usually worse off than before they married. About a third of women who divorce end up in poverty. One of the quickest ways to get poor is to get married then leave your husband particularly if you were a stay at home wife. Second is the mindset behind it. Now this obviously doesnt apply to every woman (Ive encountered many who arent like that) but Ive met more than a few who seem to think that men exist to "rescue" then from poverty and shield them from every day life. It's like wanting someone to constantly stand behind instead of using your own capability. The problem is that from what Ive seen women with this mindset are prone to entering and being unable to leave unhealthy relationships (there's a very one sided dependence which leaves the woman vulnerable to mistreatment. Its hard to leave a guy when hes the reason you have a house and when you believe you neeed him for your survival) and to having self worth issues. They're the type whos self esteem plummets when they're single. That may be controversial to point out but it certainly happens.
As a dude watching this I'm just like wtf. Maybe you're just skinny young and white? And what of the male partner who has to hustle enough to support both of you? Being pale and privileged in America is a crazy drug.
As a just turned 50 year old woman whos been married since I turned 18..... I have never had a "job" outside the home, nor do I want one. I think if its your jam to have a career, go for it.... it just isnt mine. I look at my homestead like its my full time plus life long career/passion. My only concerning thought is this though: the videos I have seen are largely unrealistic. I work, I just work on my home and homestead. I think the videos make it seem like you get something for nothing and it isnt true. I work. My husband sees it as work. I am compensated for that work by having all of my needs met. It isnt for everyone and I am somewhat afraid the trend videos make it seem like a spa day on repeat. Maybe for some it is that however I dont think for most stay at homes thats the case. The money earner has a right to expect certain things be accomplished or done in return for provision. Those terms need to be negotiated and accepted by both parties and revisited periodically. Its a business arrangement somewhat of sorts. Im a girl boss, and I run this "company" day to day..... it just doesnt often look like what todays woman has been told is a career or sadly even a worthy pursuit. As for me and mine, I cant imagine living any other way
I'm a student in europe, I get paid by the government to not work. And I intend to not work for as much of my life as possible. It's so amusing to watch desperate ppl pull each other down with the mindset of "if I have to be miserable and work for my entire life, you need to be miserable too".
@@KakiT1 please don’t do either of those things it’s extremely manipulative and a rich man could abuse u. I think you should journal and find what ur passionate about and volunteer, meet people try new things like learning languages. u won’t be happy with a weird rich person this can lead to financial abuse. ur lucky to live in europe, i’d love to be there rn
the secret to a different life is nor a stay at home trad-regression nor being a girlboss but a third little mysterious thing (proletarian emancipation)
The problem is the stay at home girlfriend is being compensated for being hot. This further solidifies the toxic aspect of society that taught women being hot is the highest achievement. If we want this to continue than this is the trend for you.
Yeah unfortunately this lifestyle is often reserved for exceptionally attractive women that really keep up with their looks. The good side is most women can level up to be in those positions if they really put in the work and effort. It’s sad, but it’s just how this world works. At this point I’m working to be in the same positions as those women. Pretty privilege...etc is NEVER going away. These dynamics and social constructs will always be here. But in this lifetime I’m here to play the game to make my life as easy as possible. It’s not right, but it is what it is I guess
I wish people would realize people can easily trend off of controversial TikToks. She probably figured that out and because people are so gullible and triggered on the internet (and also because TikTok is lots of children/teens) now she has an income and everyone is talking about it.
The problem isn't people reacting to the work culture and looking for ways to build lives that are more balanced and healthier in that aspect. The problem is the sexism (and romantication of these gender roles) aswell as the unequal and dangerous situation this puts women in. And, something that is rarely talked about; the very damaging and unhealthy aspect of staying at home every day and not having a purpose or something that gets you out. I have been staying at home without a job or anything else to do for a long time now, due to being deemed too sick (mentally) to work, and I know others in the same situation. But the truth is, not having anything to get you out/not having a purpose, just as much as having too much on your plate and a toxic work environment, fucks up your health completely. As far as I remember, research on the subject shows that peoples wellbeing improves with more work hours up until 8h/week, at which point it stops improving.
I'm a naturally domestic woman ( a nice way of saying a hermit). Advice I was given from an older woman: Don't give yourself wife roles for someone who's unwilling to wife you. I'm not against women who stay home-- it's a lifestyle that has worked for many. I'm against women giving their labor to someone who won't commit to them. Ladies look out for men who are searching for moms instead of partners. Or as Frank Reynolds put it "a bang maid".
Scary that some women ~straight women~ fantasies about that when financial dependance is the worst and women fought for centuries to work and be independent. I just hope little girls don’t follow them. It’s dangerous
Ive always wanted to be a stay at home “girlfriend” the thought of my partner coming home everyday happy to see me and being able to take care of him (and myself) sounds very nice, I feel like then we’d both be able to relax with eachother at the end of the day. 💕 I often feel guilt for this dream tho, a lot of people think that’s me being “anti-feminist”.
Feminism is about choice and equality- you can choose how you want to live your life- if you want to be a SAHG, do it- piece of advice, make sure you have an emergency fund just in case
being a stay at home gf DOES sound nice, but it’s also rlly impractical and very risky. Even if you take away the potential of breaking up with your s/o for whatever reason, life is unpredictable so what happens if they lose their job? or suddenly are no longer able to work (like they’re in an accident)? when you only rely on one income everything becomes more precarious, especially if u end up needing to get a job again and it’s suddenly 10x harder bc of the gap in your resume. so unless ur a trust fund baby and know you could comfortably be independent and/or support ur s/o with ur savings if the worst happened, it’s a rlly big risk deciding to be a stay at home gf. i think that’s why it sounds kinda anti-feminist to be promoting it to others, especially without explaining the risks that come attached? bc being in that position means u lose autonomy and it’s v easy to end up in a situation where u are taken advantage of bc ur more vulnerable than someone w their own seperate income
I would rather be the guy in this, to have someone at home take care of you after working like most other people & clearly being the one with the advantage if your unmarried/have a prenup sounds nice.
What if I have your same exact dream life in mind only I want to be a traditional stay at home wife because that gf bs is for the birds. I want all the protections the law and society gives me as a wife. Am I now an anti- anti feminist? Did the feminist factor cancel itself out?
This girl told me once her she and her boyfriend bought a house together. I thought to myself you are picking the finishes for his future wife. Her name wasn’t on the deed etc.
Kendall is a liar, she is working, she's an influencer. So she's not a stay-at-home girlfriend. I'm sure her boyfriend pays foe lots of things but once again, she works.
I don’t remember in which video I saw this, but they were saying that no man can expect a woman to clean, cook, and do every household related job and have a full time job on a side. If a man is expecting that from a woman he better cover all her expenses and future children without complains, I don’t support the idea of the stay at home gf, but if we look at the past it could kind of work for some people
As a straight dude, this trend annoys me because of how much it enforces and romanticizes the "men are providers" gender role. We never learn anything about the actual boyfriend in these videos besides that he has money, which alongside "I wish that were me" type beat comments, sends a message to boys/men that their value in a relationship in what they provide, not necessarily who they are. This low-key encourages boy/men to prosue the #HustleCulture that the trend is apparently bucking. I'm very interested to see what the reaction to a stay-at-home boyfriend tik tok would look like, since that would flip the script instead of playing into the patriarchal gender roles that I thought gen z was leaving behind.
But the woman on the relationship also works in home, she takes care of the man, do the chores, etc. Then it also romantices misogyny. Its not just bad for the man, is bad for both the man and woman involved.
And tbh no woman want to do chores for a man that provides nothing, its basically work without payment. Maybe if he also took care of her it would worth It.
@@moonamoonz Agree. They're problems with it from both ends, but i can't speak about it from that perspective. One could have easily replaced "men are providers" with "women are caretakers" in my comment. This gets to me because I mainly see the "men are providers" message from the manosphere, but yet here it is from people whom'st probably don't normally align with them.
I just don't want to work, ever. No traditional job. No household chores or looking after a man. No creative job. Creative output? Sure! But on my terms, when and how and if i feel like it. And basic income. But I realise that's incredibly unlikely, so probably eventually I'll have to go with my backup option, assisted sewerslide.
This is absolutely tragic! Why would you want to be a stay at home girlfriend, loose your independence and miss out on work opportunities to excel in life in your 20s for a relationship that may or may not work out. The cons honestly outweighs the pros. You can be in a relationship in any season in your life, but being young, having a ridiculous amount of time to make a life for yourself and work on yourself, your youth. That for you. For me it makes absolutely no sense to give that up for a the privilege of being a “stay at home girlfriend”
I just wish there was a way to be independant and financially secure without devoting most of my life to making other people rich
You can start your own business or develop skills that pay really well. This is not that complicated.
@@walterhoward5512 if it was that easy everyone would do it
@@walterhoward5512 But the more money you make, the more money the government taxes you on🤣 none of this is easy like it used to be.
just wishing for utopia lmao
@@gabbys2950 I'm not going to deny that there are some systemic issues that prevent people from making money, but for the most part, people who complain about not making enough money aren't willing to do the basic things needed to be financially successful.
In an age where people are so quick to break up and don't wanna get married, I can't imagine why someone would want to rely on someone else for financial stability.
I always thought stay at home girlfriend videos were very well hidden satire. I don’t think it’s a genuine lifestyle, especially since the girls that post them probably make income from influencing
Yeah but unfortunately people look at it and think it’s possible. 😂 sad that there are people that believe this…
@@imanigordon6803 uhh, ever heard of socialism? This sort of thing would be possible under socialism, which fits the whole “anti working to live” thing aswell.
Stop being nihilistic and bringing everyone down with you, I actually believe in change-
@@LordOfElysium my love, there is something that's called Twelve rules of the Builder of Communism and one of rules is literally that who doesn't work doesn't deserve to eat. Sure, this was for landlords and similar parasites, and this kind of lifestyle was always available only for upper class white women.
No healthy, able-bodied person should focus all their energy serving man at home instead of doing something for their community, something meaningful and worthwhile under an organized system around workers.
I am not trying to discourage young baby leftie but please read Principles of Communism at least (very short easy to read and trust me you need theory not a illusion or an empty dreams)
@@LordOfElysium A billionaire boyfriend who provides for all your needs is possible under socialism??? Stop being nihilistic? All this ‘woke’ word salad isn’t a good cover for unintelligence. Just talking to talk. She’s exactly right.
I agree most of them are satire but do you think stay at home wife’s/girlfriends/homemakers don’t exist anymore? Because they do…
I was a stay-at-home gf with a son and when he cheated and left me, I didn't have any money or anything so I was homeless. I vowed to myself to NEVER put myself in that situation again.
im so sorry that happened to you. whats the point of cheating? grow a pair, remember who cleans your dirty laundry and respect that being. that's it. but if you're gonna cheat, just break it off or talk it out. but also, good for you to promise yourself to never be in a situation like that again.
i hope your life is well & healthy
These are white, upper middle class, thin, conventionally attractive white women. They are not getting pregnant without a ring and they are making income through social media. You and then aren’t in the same boat
@@Chi_di I have seen a lot of people from varying races doing this sooooooo no your wrong
@@meggo329 there are always exceptions to the rule, but my point is that these white women engaging in this trend are definitely not getting themselves knocked up without a ring.
As someone who loves rest, my issue with this stay at home girlfriend trend, isn’t with the girlfriends themselves. But the unrealistic idea that you’ll find a partner (a man) who is willing to provide for you financially, without any of the traditional expectations that would typically come from such an arrangement.
Also, I think of the longevity of the stay at home girlfriend, with no kids lifestyle. Because there’s a possibility that there will come a day where the stay at home girlfriend becomes a mom, eventually maybe a wife. What then? Will she be satisfied and happy taking care of her boyfriend/husband and kids?
in short, stay at home girlfriending sounds like an anticapitalist cheat code, but it is, at the end of the day completely unsustainable.
Right where are you gonna find a man who's not gonna take full advantage of this dynamic? It is almost dangerous to put yourself in a situation like this without your own income. What if he's abusive? You could be a gf for years and doing all this labor for a man who could leave you with nothing. Anything could happen. What if he dies??!
Bingo!
@@m0mmy2aStar Yes! At least stay-at-home wives are usually left with something after divorce and if the husband dies. Marriage is essentially a legal-binding contract, and you don't get that same security as a girlfriend.
@@MissGoldynBrownrelationships are unstable how are you gonna make a lifestyle out of being a girlfriend that can switch so fast 😂
I beg of women to insure their own financial independence.
isn't that what these women are doing? with the social media thing?
@@paperheartzz the stay at home girlfriends are insuring the their boyfriends are financially stable enough for the both of them. Not herself. If they break up, as the idea is they are not even married, he’s not still supporting her financially. It’s not her own. What if she wants to break up with him? She has no money to leave or move out without his say. They may have wealth, but without independence you give room for allowing yourself to be controlled.
@@skyfish8530 that's why you save the money he gives you... You can still secure yourself financially while a man is taking care of you.
I don't understand this underlying mindset/narrative that wealthy men are abusive. It's weird.
Poor men can and will abuse you and leave you broke and looking haggard while you're out "working hard" and being a "boss babe" just like most of these companies will replace you in a millisecond the moment they need to cut cost or find a replacement.
Why struggle when you don't have to?
I like how you used insure, because it is insurance indeed
@@TheSunflowerGoddess i did not write date someone poor by any means. I did not say wealthy men are abusive. I’m saying make sure you have financial independence. If saving his money is how you do it then that’s your prerogative. If the couple breaks up, the source of money is gone. Make sure your taken care of. My dad is wealthy and my mom was a stay at home wife who never worked. I’m not completely against the idea, but make sure you have your own independence so you can make your own decisions. I hate to see situations when people ARE controlled and often the situations when women do not have enough money to leave someone allows for control, gaps in resume if not an entrepreneur or if boyfriends money/job does not last, possibilities of abuse, or lack of options/places to go to when you do leave. Me personally, I do not want to ask someone to fund my dreams. I want to make decisions without any possibilities of defiance. I would like a man independent enough to want the same for himself. Ambition, passion, goals, action… but, that is my personal desire and not everyone has to have my desire. I’m just asking to make sure you are financially stable with or without a man if you are privileged enough to do so.
my issue with 'stay at home' wife/gf etc dynamic is that when the person leaves you, they have x years of work experience and have income but you have to start all over again bc you were jobless for x years. tradwives face this problem pretty often, they get a divorce and suddenly they realise they lacked autonomy for x years and relied on something so flimsy and fragile like relationship :/ i feel like stay at home anything can work out, but both parties have to he mature and honest.
If mostly an influencer thing I hope folks aren’t actually thinking of dating and living like this in real life…
Socialism
Exactly
@@MaejorArray actually I only said socialism in this one, in all the other ones I actually expanded on it. I’m tired of just saying the same shit, I’m trying to show you people that you aren’t even complaining about the concept of a stay at home girlfriend you are I complaining about capitalism. So stop projecting in on the “stay at home girlfriend” idea and realize that your complaining about an economic issue.
It’s deflecting from the actual problem here, that’s why it’s important to point out. So maybe, actually read those other comments? Just a thought.
@@LordOfElysium you're right. Under socialism the state could assign her a new breadwinner. dw mate i get cha 😉
I genuinely feel like Black women would not get away with posting about being stay-at-home girlfriends or wives. The same people that stereotype and complain about us being too independent would still take issue with us being taken care of and especially spoiled by a male partner.
Black girl here!💅🏾 who was a sahg & now a sahw. I saw black sahg on TikTok & there are lots of black sahw on UA-cam. If you live in fear of what other people think you’ll never live the life you desire.
There are plenty of BW who show their stay at home journey. If they don't like it then oh wellz 🤷🏾♀️
Literally!!
There’s black female influencers who are SAHG or SAHW. They do get a lot of pushback online but it’s all talk. These ladies are marketing professionals and their bag has not stopped bc people are misogynoirstic. Live ya life 🤷🏾♀️
@@Life-sk9ec thank you!
My mother, who tends to be traditional with her perspectives of women's roles in a marriage, told me to NEVER quit my job after marriage. She said that if I did, to make sure I was financially stable and invested time in a passion of mine. Even my hallmark-loving, Christian mom has that to say lol
Yep called wisdom. Women got to be smart now. Or get taken advantage of.
Omg I forgot to mention how Gen Z is embracing their ‘Grandma Era’ where crochet takes precedence over clubbing. The need to rest is real. It’s a hellfire out there.
My grandmother was born in 1924 she always worked since she was 14 until the day she died, my mom was born 1960 and is 62 and still works, my parents were married for 30years before my dad died, my grandmother was married for 40 years and my grandfather died
@@GameOn71213 That’s interesting.
@@GameOn71213 Sounds like hell tbh
A large percentage of grandmothers were not resting though.
yes I I am def embracing it, the club scene is out
Y’all are about to dislike what I’m about to say, but don’t act like a wife, if you don’t have the title/perks of one. If the working boyfriend decides he’s tired of the stay at home girlfriend, she’s ass out. If a husband does the same thing to his wife, there are societal and legal protections in place to help her stay afloat 🤷🏾♀️ (Ex: Alimony) This rings true in relationships that include children as well
Thats capitalisms fault dude
It’s called having saftey nets and not needing to work in order to live. 🙄
I agree 100%. People act like marriage is just a piece of paper and a ring but no...marriage is a LEGAL contract, meaning there are legally recognized benefits. A girlfriend will never have that. No matter how long you’ve been a girlfriend. You could nurse a guy until he’s on his death bed as a girlfriend, but guess what. A girlfriend doesn’t have any say on what legally happens to her boyfriend. Only a wife can call shots like that. Also the protection aspect. If he leaves, cheats..etc. There’s real legal protection as a wife that will NEVER be given to a girlfriend. Marriage is more than just a ring and a wedding. It’s more than just a piece of paper. Marriage is PROTECTION. You can do all these wifely duties as a girlfriend and come out 20 years later with literally nothing to show for it. Not a dime to your name because legally, you’re not his wife lol. It’s almost laughable how people brush this aside like it’s nothing and it doesn’t matter
Except that common law, among several others are a thing in the U.S. and Europe. She, living with him as evidenced, get compensation through law for being there.
@@klove5974 partially true, except only 15 states in the USA still recognize common law in some form and most of them have restrictions that you would have entered into them decades ago for the protections to apply. At the very least, the few states that still recognize common law, it requires being grandfathered in or living together for quite some time. By and large in the USA, the wife has far more legal protections than a girlfriend, and rightfully so.
And this is why...I'm going to Africa or the Caribbean for a WIFE that actually wants to be/act like one🤦🏾♂️
If you don't show your "wife qualities" then why should I show you any "husband qualities"? I might as well just buss it down and go find my wife if you clearly aren't it based off of your actions of withholding your "widely qualities"🤦🏾♂️
This wouldn't be an issue if people simply discussed these things from the beginning.
A stay at home girlfriend is just a stay at home wife but not as smart. A wife has protections, thats why she can stay at home and not be financially independent. If he decides to cheat or hurt her she can take legal measures to ensure that she wont be left with nothing.
A stay at home girlfriend does not have that. If he decides to leave her, she has zero legal protections and will end up broke without any skills or experience that can get her a job to sustain herself. Yea these stay at home girlfriends have clout that they can use to make money, but for most of them the clout is inextrocably linked to the content they produce. The second they are no longer stay at home girlfriends, their content wont be interesting anymore snd they will lose their only independent financial life line
Thank you, someone, that gets it. You have no legal protections or "insurance" as a girlfriend. The women showcasing these lifestyles on social media are getting paid to do so. In the traditional sense, they aren't actually stay-at-home gf; they're remote self-employed individuals.
People love to undermine marriage. However, marriage isn't meant to be a lovey-dovey thing; it's a business contract between two people who love each other (sometimes).
She could sue for palimony
Palimony is rare and hard to prove. You would have to be living with this person for a significant amount of time to sue for support, along with many other qualifications. Thus, marriage is usually a more reliable insurance.
I live in a community property state, and I've met and prepared the taxes of many scorned women who thought they were living married however their partner disappeared, and they have no way to prove they were living like a married couple.
And this is exactly why I am pro stay at home wife. Even though I agree with what you said, I’ll still admit that their lifestyle is slightly better than most of the regular girlfriends out here doing the exact same thing as them (wifely duties) , being his personal c*rn star, AND they still have to clock in and probably go 50/50 on the bills. I think that lifestyle is glorified as better than a stay at home girlfriend because these women think they’re better because they have a job, but in reality it’s far far worse IMO. But yes, STAY AT HOME WIFE IS SUPERIOR.
Not really where am from the stay at home wife can easily get kicked out .
Honestly my issue with the whole thing is the “girlfriend” part. It’s just not a smart choice and it’s very risky. If it were the same lifestyle except they were married then at least you have the law to fall back on if things go south.
but also, some of those stay home girlfriends have remote jobs
we dont always know where they get their income from.
I would have a remote job or my own online business. My money would be in a separate account. 😊
Than they wouldn't be stay at home girlfriend? If you work you're not a stay at home anything
@@mxflint1715 but if you stay at home, you can add that to your title. yeah you dont have to, but thats what it usually is. still maintaining the house so their partner doesnt have to worry about doing it.
I'm surprised these women are not afraid to rely on men.
I was listening to a podcast, a woman did everything for her husband. She was studying but her husband had found a job abroad so she had to quit her study. She raised their children and never worked during her marriage. Years later, her husband decided to divorce her to be with a younger woman, her life fell apart, she had no experience, so she couldn't find a job. Today, she relies on her children to buy her groceries because she has governmental help for but it's not enough. She knows she won't be able to have a pension for retirement because she didn't work and she doesn't have savings. I'll never forget her crying, it's horrible to be in that situation when you did and everything for a man and abandoned your dreams.
Please, I beg you girls, no matter what, find a way to gain money. Do not be financially dependent on anyone
Are you married or in a relationship? You just heard 1 side of the story...You do not know what happened... This is just a bad advice you are giving which will burn a lot of women. A lot of women now are independent, even if they have the money and carrier, they are still unhappy. why?
@@JosiphiaRizado married for 18 years and she’s right sweetie. ❤
@@JosiphiaRizado You just got deBUNKED. Look at statistics and not your little feelings and emotions. LOGIC.
Or do whatever works for you because one woman's experience, no matter how heartbreaking, does not define what will happen to you.
@laila5946 Yes. And you know what the only thing that works is? Having your own money.
As someone who has been a stay at home girlfriend, I think all of those girls are at the very least being performative if not outright lying. They clearly have an income of their own, and have at home help of some kind. The reality is very different.
I couldn’t agree more
The trend of the stay at home girlfriend is so interesting in light of the I don't dream of labour trend. I love your video essays - so perceptive.
I'm not about hustle culture and I don't dream of labor either. I do believe in working for my own money though. I live in the countryside too, by myself. I am a freelancer in medical field. I dont work all week nor all year. I'm not rich but I'm not struggling either. I travel for leisure and love shopping and self care. I don't think it has to be one extreme or another. All these influencer just leading ppl astray with unrealistic lifestyles. Everyone should chose how they want to live that is realistic for their situation.
A lot of these online stay at home girlfriends and trad wive influencers earn a very good income from posting content online. Some of them
Even have courses and sell digital products.
These women aren’t completely dependent on their husbands and I think it’s kind of offensive for them to suggest this lmao! They’re business owners trying to convince everyone that they do nothing all day.
Honestly I’m just tired of seeing all these lifestyle “trends” popping up every couple of months. I don’t even have TikTok, and yet they still manage to proliferate throughout the rest of the Internet and I’m SICK OF IT. I wish we could just collectively divest from this kind of content since the reason why it’s popular in the first place is because it’s unattainable for most people
I don’t have any issue with resting (we all need more of that), but I do find it concerning when a person (especially a woman) builds their identity around someone else. Of course she has her own identity, but the term “stay at home girlfriend” requires a boyfriend for the title to exist. If this woman did not have a social media platform, she would be dependent on her boyfriend and would therefore have to cater her life to his. Romanticizing this dynamic also serves to reinforce gender norms which I find concerning.
Genuine question: do you feel like gender norms are in inherently bad? 🤔
@@DaBabyGurl Personally, yes. It’s not bad to stay at home, to cook, clean, etc. My issue is that women are raised to believe this is their role and men are told it’s emasculating. Any gender can enjoy being a stay at home partner, but gender norms stigmatize the validity of this choice for anyone non-woman
i feel like the change from girlboss to stay-at-home girlfriend is just a dramatic swing from one extreme to the other; being a girlboss was a appealing becuase of the "i don't need a man to do things" slogans and then stay-at-home girlfriends are completely financially reliant on their male partners and perform gender in this new filter (soft life/ feminine energy/ whatever tf they make up next)
20mn of skincare and daily gym attendance dont sound like leisure but that's just me. From the videos, it looks like she has at least 2 jobs: maintening her assets (like an actress or a model) and housekeeping. Both are unpaid.
Not sure how that works long term but to each their own. Also, she felt the need to go online and build a community around herself (and earn some money doing so). I think, people enamoured with the aesthetic and privilege, should take that into consideration as well.
Hoping everyone realises that the main 'issue' with any of these trends is that they're indeed trends & practiced in such imbalanced ways. The radicality of girl boss then brought in this 'cottagecore' as it's opposite, when truthfully it's healthy to practice all aspects of what it means to be feminine in a way that resonates with us all individually as people rather than to get swept up by these waves... aka do you x 💚💚
love this!! definitely agree that we need to focus more about finding balance between these different ways of living and reflecting on what resonates with us. Going towards extremes of each lifestyle is unhealthy no matter the lifestyle
Finally some common sense. Like it’s ok to aspire to be a “girl-boss” but also to prioritize rest. It doesn’t have to be one or the other
Wanting a job as a woman isn’t even about feminism atp. We live in a capitalist society. We have no other choice 😭
Very true. What’s ironic is that the people advocating for stronger harsher capitalism are the same people who want more traditional family dynamics where women stay home and do domestic work
@@2FINE4YOUBABYGIRL gosh, that is so true! It doesn't make sense at all.
@@2FINE4YOUBABYGIRLYeah,they're called right wing christians and they're worthless to society.
Everyone has a choice your mind is obviously blocked
I also think the I don’t dream of labor can come from that a lot of people don’t really know what they enjoy or their passions + some people don’t want to monetize their passions. I’m grateful to finally know what I wanna do & have a degree that’ll give me $ + fulfillment. Not everyone has that & not saying being a SAHM or gf is good or not - but I can understand why they choose to go this route instead.
love how you can tie these deeply relative memes that get passed around millions of times - back to shifts in culture. truly, they are staples in our modern communication! I don’t know how I’d be able to express that I would like to rest guilt-free in a world of hustle, without sharing a picture of a sleepy mouse on a cozy chair!! but everyone gets it!!
"the cracks in the girlboss empire" is a phrase I never thought would hear
Now that we're no longer "dreaming of labor," young people are left with the issue of "well, then what DO I dream of?" I think this is just one way that society is testing out alternatives to the capitalist dystopia, and i predict we're going to see a lot more of this kind of lifestyle trend.
i joked about being a stay at home girlfriend this summer because i’m still finishing college and my boyfriend graduated and got a full time job. it was fun, but i would genuinely lose my mind if i did it for longer than 2 months
i'm not a stay at home anything...i'm single, unemployed since April (soon to be [under]employed - had no choice but to accept a very part time job because i'm financially insecure) and losing it 😩 ...i suffered nerve damage that affects my leg after a back surgery. i know this doesn't really have anything to do with your video but...i wish i had the luxury of being able to not work without being constantly anxious about how i'm going to pay my bills or buy dental floss or pain pills...or just not being discriminated and overlooked for jobs because i require a cane to walk. :[
Yo that sucks :( What's the field you ought to be employed in?
Although white women are the face of the trend, wasn't Eartha Kitt the one who famously said, "I do not dream of labor"?
Absolutely!
I’m ok with the term ‘sugar daddy’ and ‘sugar baby’ till we realise how skewed and unequal that dynamic is. It’s the same as the Stay At Home Girlfriend or Trad Wife.
whose we're all
@@Carlover19538 I edited my comment.
Yes it’s unequal under our current economy, but it’s not inherently unequal.
just dont talk about sugar mommies! That's still an unequal power dynamic right? Where is the male privilege when he don't got money?
Mmmm they aren’t classified as that for a reason. Not all sahw are traditional. Trad wives do things such as growing & raising their own food, cooking meals from scratch, homeschooling their children, etc. I also know modern sahw who doesn’t cook at all & has Nannie’s to help raise their children, but their husband make tones of money & that is simply their social group culture. I’ve also known sb & sd. Sb aren’t birthing these men’s kids, they don’t have to deal with them everyday & aren’t going through the highs & lows. They see each other for x amount of time or x amount of days for x amount of money & can call it quits much easier and faster than married people. I think is unfair to say married couples & sugar couples are the same.
I've always dreamt of marrying a rich woman, to be a stay at home dad.
I'm grown up know and me and my partner doesn't want kids, we've both nearly finished our psychology masters; she's going into data science & I'll try to become a therapist.
New dream is having a dog & a cozy office in our ground floor (of the imaginary house we'll never be able to afford), so it's still a kind of stay at home d(og owner)ad, right.. right?
The main issue with being a stay at home girlfriend to escape 'hustle-culture' is that it provides you with no security and no back up plan. If you are dumped, you are out on your ass without anything to show for it. In addition, it makes it harder to leave an abusive situation when you don't have any means to provide for yourself.
At least as a wife and mum, you have recourse in cases of separation. But even then, stay at home mums are more financially vulnerable than working women.
You don't need to do everything yourself, in long term relationship there is always an extent of financial reliance on eachother (eg you may need two incomes to pay a mortgage). However, do not make your partner your only financial plan.
I think these women are rightfully receiving criticism because while they choose to opt out of hustle culture and live a lavishly restful lifestyle, their partner has to take part in hustle culture for these women to keep up their standards and that aesthetic, ethereal nature of their life. It’s hypocritical.
I am a stay at home girlfriend, I’m disabled so I can’t work but yet and still I stay home and keep the house together and clean (to stay productive) I’ve been a stay at home gf for 4 years and I can’t wait to be a stay at home mom and YES it is WORK . I have no kids but keeping the house together is a job in itself. I cook the meals, I do/fold the laundry, all of that, while Monday to Friday 7 to 4 my man is at work. I enjoy it and even though it is a lot of repetitive work it’s still easier than having a job so I’m satisfied. And it takes maybe max 2 hours to do all my tasks. And that’s on a busy day then the task becomes keeping myself busy until bf gets home. I’m also an artist, so I have that too focus on. 🤷🏾♀️
This kind of made me sad
That’s not work, that’s doing the bare minimum to not be taking advantage of the guy.
it’s a shame people are judging you. These are just bitter broke working people who can’t conceive of having better so they cope by judging people with better lives online.
This video was absolutely captivating. How you explained and presented your opinion partially without shattering the opposing side’s was refreshing.
also amanda, i love your videos and the research done for them, bravo!!! the way you made the connections with stay at home girlfriends, girl bossing, and pandemic are things i never would’ve thought of (aka, im a grandma who’s so out of touch with the social media culture and “reality”💀)
And let's not forget that ONLY white women look "right" doing this trend. Imagine if she were a person of color? Or an immigrant woman? You would be able to see the inconsistencies of this being an "easy" life.
But because she still posseses the privileges of being a young, single, white woman, her situation looks extremely ideal to us.
Maybe thats your own racist prejudices making you think that? Personally, i can easily imagine a black woman or a Arabian woman doing this trend, or really, any woman so long as shes attractive.
@@dianalove539 ***Arab woman
@@danpatrick24 ?
I’m half Asian and disagree with your comment. Why do you think ONLY white women look right doing this? It honestly sounds like you’re the one with racial prejudice.
What? Lol there are plenty of black stay at home girlfriends in the real world and especially to rappers and athletes.
Wife role without the security of marriage sounds like a scam.
I'm a woman and honestly im on the fence about being at home girlfriend/wife, i personally suffer from depression and anxiety and i hate going out, work makes me wanna end it all, so if i ever meet a wealthy and loyal man, i would honestly like being at home while they provide. Though by the other side i dont wanna depend on someone, and what if they leave? How am i sustaining myself? I would never be financially independent out of nowhere. I really dont know.
It's so funny you bring this up! I didn't even know this was a trend, but I said to my boyfriend today that I felt like a stay at home gf. I work part-time but not a lot of hours because I'm working on my mental health and also haven't been hired for full-time work since covid, and my bf just got a full-time job so now he's away most of the day. I mostly just self-cared today (rather than the usual stress of 'I'm not good enough I'm not doing enough") and it was wonderful! I would want financial independence (which I have), but also I do consider lifestyle vlogging as work! Anything you can profit off def counts in my book!
I think lifestyle influencers have always existed throughout history. It’s the new Socialite/Salon (not the Beauty Salon) Fixture.
that would imply our salon is TikTok and that alone makes me depressed 😔
@@maYTeus Social Media in general is a salon that doesn’t follow the rules of time and space. That’s how I see it.
@@PokhrajRoy. Ok but people also need a third space. somewhere in real life to socialize
@@maYTeus Fair.
This was such a fantastic video! I have a friend who is a stay at home girlfriend and I hadn't heard of the term until she mentioned it. And now, I'm living with my sister who is a nurse and she pays the bills while I keep the house clean. I am SO GRATEFUL!!!
I beg of stay at home girlfriends: arrange backup! Financial stability is not guaranteed. There is no marriage contract to promise alimony while you search for a new situation if the relationship needs to end. Power dynamics are real and it’s never fun to be on the short end of the stick! Logistics first! Romanticism second!
I love this video! I'm happy you pointed out that the "stay at home girlfriend" influencers are just like any other influencers, creating a new trend, aesthetic and an aspirational lifestyle content. And in doing that, they are working smart, not hard; nothing makes people as mad as showing someone just choosing to chill :D Even tho these women are in fact working and making a living; they are influencers just like any other full time influencer, that's their job. I personally chose to move to live in a tiny small town because I wanted to slow down my life; living here is soooo much cheaper and with remote working and online content creating, I can live here, make less money, spend less money, chill more, spend more time outdoors, read books and just live life. I'm almost never busy :D I'm not living a performative cottage core fantasy, I'm just living a simple life :D
Any chance the word ‘Lululemon’ is mentioned, I can’t stop laughing.
I typically know nothing of these trends because I’m not on Twitter or tik tok and I make it my business not to really follow or watch influencers on Instagram or UA-cam. But I’m an older millennial in my mid 30s.
Yeah same, I’m gen z but i don’t have tiktok Twitter or even Instagram so I’m never up to date. I didn’t even know dream did a face reveal till commentators i watch started making videos about it-
Funny how when you’re not on social media most pf this crap doesn’t affect you.
@@klove5974 yes and I love it. That’s why it’s intentional for me not to engage in every social media platform and on the ones I am on I pick and choose intentionally what I want to see and interact with.
To me, this trend feels deeply uncomfortable because it glosses over all the issues inherent to this situation : women's who rely on the revenu of their partner are more likely to get stuck into unhappy relationship, or in worst case to suffer domestic abuse. At the minimum, maintaining the relationship becomes their job as they are providing emotional labor. I think it's so natural for some people to want to take care of their partner/children. Reproductive work is work and should be valued just as much as productive work. The money should go directly into their pocket, without their partner in the middle left to decide the valor of their domestic labor.
As an artist, staying at home would mean that much more time to paint instead of doing meaningless work in a month to month existence. It sounds idyllic to me.
I just want to escape the late stage of capitalism
fn same i swear
Literally everyone in the comments like “but her resume, and what about saftey nets?” Are literally just complaining about capitalism. This life style would be very possible under socialism as you wouldn’t have to worry about that shit-
@@LordOfElysium yes !! working for yourself and your community is rewarding
@@mariey8167 it’s very rewarding! And people wonder why I keep saying “socialism ____” in the replies lol.
I think by people blaming this on the concept of a “stay at home Gf” is just deflecting from the real issue 😅
I completely agree on women pursuing whatever makes them happy but... Looking at the past, where it was almost the only option to be at home with a husband providing for you, it was also a time where women's rights were solely dependent on men. Yes, because if positions of power (such as politics) were occupied only by men, only men were able to do rules and rights for women.
So... I'm just worried that this "movement" comes from women having full bellies, taking their rights for granted, so they can allow themselves to entirely rely on a men without feeling they are giving up on something. These things can change! The rights us women has earned are constantly attacked. We need women in positions of power as well, so all women can be represented and protected.
this video was so well l put and planned out. it actually shifted my perspective a bit, because before i was almost… offended? by the stay at home girlfriend trend. but your points really made a lot of sense! also, your voice is insanely calming.
I don’t think people love the hustle. They resent the hustle, but are forced to do it so they resent people who appear to opt out. Especially if you still have a job, so on paper you have the hustle but you’re not showing it. There’s also folk like me that are just concerned for the stay at home girlfriend due to lack of commitment. With a job or even a marriage, a contract is signed which can provide protection.
The stay at home gf (who is not a content creator) in real life is likely not neurotypical. She is likely anxious or has other mental issues ( on the ADHD spectrum etc). This might limit her ability to create communities and sustain them, or complete daily/monthly tasks efficiently.
Notice these stay at home gf creators never show themselves cleaning their closets, grocery shopping or volunteering.
The labor required in her relationships, the upkeep of her assets or life as a woman in the 21 century is never mentioned.
It is in fact cosplay; an ideal situation for the woman who struggles with life as it is.
You could never perform this in real life without major issues/ consequences. Unless you have your own source of income of course.
I get your point but I don't agree. People with ADHD hate working for someone. They live in their own world and making coffee for someone isn't for them when all they want to do is building lego they spent all their money for. Anyway, it's the same what is with 'it girl'. It's about the vibe and romanticizing life in late capitalism.
I feel spotlit omg 😭
I'm not proud of it but I spent the last year and a half freaking about going back to work. Married and relied on savings but didn't have a job to go to.
I've had too many bad experiences (even calling the police at some points) to even want to go back to work.
Now I do have a job where I'm just restocking shelves overnight. No customers to deal with (except the weird ones coming in at 6am) and no corporate aficionados as well. So ideal
100%. These girls are glamorizing and cosplaying a life that is actually not that easy for people who have no choice but to live it. It reminds me of those rich people that made videos like "i became a starbucks barista for a day!" and the whole time they barely do any work and dont deal with a single angry customer
Your comment hit so hard esp as an AuDHDer who’s had over 22+ different jobs for the past 8.5 years. I actually just lost my most recent FT job this past week too. So I’m technically a stay at home gf atm (luckily my bf has a great job, so I can breathe and go down to PT work.) Some of my ND friends can manage FT and others work PT w help from their partners.
But yes most ppl don’t realize how overwhelming and draining “simple” tasks can be for NDs. It’s also harder to stay on top of hygiene, notifications/texts (social media can be very overwhelming) cooking, cleaning and just basic life stuff in general and even harder with a FT.
I do agree that growing social media/community can be harder due to deadlines and breaking down things into manageable bite size tasks. But it’d be kind of nice to see a ND content creator make a video of an ADHD stay at home gf trying her best to clean her closet while her inner monologue is going at 100mph with multiple thoughts and ends up not being able to get anything done. Or her sitting down to plan for the day and ends up with a 40 to do tasks list. So she ends up getting so overwhelmed that she ends up playing Animal Crossing or some other game the whole day. Or an autistic SAHG who has to do things a certain way (like wear gloves for all cleaning tasks or examples of other sensory processing stuff she has to deal with in order to complete “x”) while having the same song on repeat the whole day. It can be funny and informative. (These are just examples from my own experiences.)
@@boopty1164 So relatable. and it's completely ok to have those problems. But it would be dangerous for someone to put themselves in a situation where someone else is providing everything for them-without any insurances. The trend could show us how we want to feel most of the time and how to treat our bodies.And what to prioritize in our life. But that's it lol
You always do a great job of pulling all these threads together and articulating current phenomena in such way that’s easy to follow! I always learn something ✨ or gain clarity around something I’d been wondering about
This was fascinating. I’m not on TikTok so this is the first I’ve heard of this trend. It’s interesting to compare a “stay at home girlfriend”, who essentially does freelance work by way of content creation, versus someone who’s home a lot because they’re unemployed against their desire. I fall into that category right now, and have in the past, due to the cyclical nature of available jobs in my industry. I definitely empathize with the stay at home girlfriend, in the level of leisure and rest that is possible when not tied to a job that requires working at a specific time or a specific location. And I also see what other people say about financial independence. I guess my takeaway is similar to yours, that we can cut people who don’t traditionally work a little more slack, while being aware that no one (or at least almost no one) lives a fully labor-free life. Even people who are unemployed and want to be employed are doing labor, i the form of looking and applying for jobs, learning new skills, and yes, maybe picking up more housework depending on how they and their partner or housemates balance that out.
"What happens when they break up?"
They don't break up. He knows he can do whatever he wants to her and she has no power to break up.
Why a stay at home girlfriend instead of a stay at home wife? Because your "hubby" doesn't want you to have access to alimony or his assets. He wants to pile money into HIS savings, doing well at work and getting promotions because of his girlfriend's labor supporting his career, and then leave her without dividing shared assets. Or worse, abuse her knowing she has no safety net to leave. Will she be resting then?
If you guys don't want to get married, he needs to be putting some money into YOUR savings every month.
Frankly, if any trend was empowering, restful, good for your health... Men would be doing it. Why the rise of the stay at home girlfriend and not the rise of the stay at home boyfriend? Because it's just another way to exploit women.
There are many women who stay home that aren’t lifestyle influencers and content creators!
Loved the video. I’m a recovering girlboss, and current housewife. I have to say from my own experience, I love being able to stay home and live a domestic life centered on my loved ones.
I understand I’m privileged, but I think there is a way for most people to live a slower life and build this lifestyle by making financial sacrifices like moving to a more affordable location, and cutting down on costs. Being at home also means that you have more time to do things that you would normally spend money on - cleaning, preparing meals, manicures, facials, etc. There is great opportunity to cut costs when you stay at home and have the time to learn new skills. This is something that is generally not always a feature of the SAHGF content, although it’s prominent with tradwives, which I feel more aligned with.
Also, if you are serious about this lifestyle, you need to also be serious about finding a partner who’s values align and values you being at home. This should be a conversation brought up early in dating.
I am quite mad about this trend, women have been fighting for 150 years literally to not depend on a man, to own their property and bank account, to be free from ties and relation to some man that would control her life. And even now we are beaten and killed in such high rates one in 4 women die from a hand of her partner, yet this is the ideal dream now??
yes work is hard, nobody likes grinding so someone else can get richer, we all know that we will not be able to accumulate any wealth during our life so its easer to imagine if we didn't have to get up and work hard than to imagine system that doesn't exploit us or actually do something about it
for me personally, this is hell. and it’s not because i think stay at home girlfriends are lazy (for one laziness is a myth) and their lifestyles are some how inferior to a working lifestyle because working is so closely tied into self worth, inextricably so, because of the plethora of capitalist propaganda we are constantly subjected to-so thank you for bringing that up!
but anyway no-this is hell to me because women empowerment is not the same as liberation. that’s why marxist feminism is something im so deeply interested in. “marxist feminism analyzes the ways in which women are exploited through capitalism and the individual ownership of private property. According to Marxist feminists, women's liberation can only be achieved by dismantling the capitalist systems in which they contend much of women's labor is uncompensated.”
stay at home girlfriends DO work it’s all domestic labor that goes unpaid, essentially trading in one boss for another, your boss being your effing boyfriend/husband. for abusive relationships not having finical independence is horrific. and does being a stay at home girlfriend mean constantly putiing work into your appearance, becoming a commodity your boyfriend can trade in for something younger?? okay that’s pretty extreme and a bit stereotypical but this topic hits pretty close to home haveing been raised by an on again off again stay at home mom that largerly worked for most of my life, which i’m very grateful for! but the women in my family have a history of being forced to become housewife’s before they turn 18-it’s just terrible honestly.
anyway-obviously this isn’t the case for all stay at home girlfriends but i worry that the women finding this aspirational won’t be able to find the same success as a content creator thus literally being exploited for their labor and reaping ephemeral benefits. although i am NOT in the business of dictating what people do and the lives women chose to live is entirely up to them. and maybe for some women those benefits are worth it.
it just reminds me of when women were allowed to work during world war I, as if women weren’t already being exploited for their labor and “actively” participating in capitalism was being advertised as a one way ticket to autonomy and then immediately taken away after the war-when women weren’t needed anymore. that same goes for black americans at the time. it was especially heinous.
but, ofc take my opinion with a huge grain of salt. it’s that i can’t help but see this as being a one way ticket to the nuclear family- a white, heterosexual, cisgendered white picket fence-family that is THE corner stone of capitalism, the patriarchy and ofc yt supremacy!!
it’s however, not lost on me that the Queer community, Black communtiy and just the BIPOC community as a whole has faught for just that. a chance at having a family, a white picket fence and a chance at the ameircan “dream”, at normalcy-just like everybody else.
i understand that not everyone wants to dismantle yt supremacy, capitalism and the patriarchy and most are just wanting connection, safety, family, communtiy and love. some just want to get by, survive, and maybe even thrive and i completely respect that.
but godamn i want freedom, in fact i think all of those wants inherently come WITH FREEDOM and everyone deserves that, but man are we far from it.
it just sucks that we’ve been taught that we have to work to be deserving of anything when we are all inherently deserving of food, water, shelter, and community.
thank you so much for this video, i love hearing your thoughts and this essay gave me a lot to think about:)
Socialist be going off 🔥🔥🔥🔥
thank you for bringing up how domestic work is work! there is 'work' all throughout our lives but patriarchy, yt supremacy doesn't count a large majority of the work in our daily lives as valuable (contributing to capitalism)
there's so mich heart in this comment. thanks for sharing your analysis 💕
You put my every thought into words, can't thank you enough for taking the time to write this up!
thank you so so much. seriously thank you all so much for all of these incredibly sweet replies. i really didn’t think anybody would read this. i cant thank you guys enough for reading it🥹
You guys are not gonna like when I say this but some of you all are so obsessed with documenting your own life on social media down to the littlest detail like making coffee in the morning and there are people who fall for contents like that. It is mediocrity at its best.
as a man... I'd love to be a stay-at-home girlfriend...
i desperately need all women to have something to back their finances at all times, please
These women being proud to be servants to their partners makes me want to throw up! Preferably into Luke's ice latte with cinnamon and maple syrup.
Unless she’s married to him, this lifestyle is a lose-lose for the woman (and even when married, you’re playing with fire). Stay-at-home gfs are working for free, enabling their bfs to focus all their energy on developing their careers and amass more wealth, while the gf has zero consistent means to ensure her own financial and professional future. When the relationship ends, he’s left with career progression and all the money he’s saved not having to pay for takeout, house cleaning, etc; but what is she left with? Unless he’s paying her a significant “allowance” that she’s able to stash; or shes actually got side hustles that allow her to make and save money. In which case she’s not actually a STAH-anything, she’s just working from home and selling a dream to impressionable young women on the internet who are lapping up the fantasy of finding a man who will take care of her. I support all women who seek out and create lives that works for them, and that includes being a SAH-wife/gf/whatever. But do your due diligence and don’t obfuscate the ultimate reality of these choices, the sacrifices being made in order to present a picturesque, byte-sized, TikTok-friendly lifestyle aesthetic to the world. The vast majority of women do not get to live off a man’s dole and come out on top owing back nothing in return. It’s just not in the cards for most of us.
Amazing how you paint both sides without hating or being overly biased! Great job! I learned so much.
If her and her partner are find with it. I would just take classes especially cooking or sewing or something that I could use in case I wanted to build a savings in case something happened to my partner. Maybe sell items online for fun. But to not have to clock in everyday is a blessing for some people. I really don’t care if these women stay home or not as long as they’re happy with their choice.
The reactions of people to the stay at home girlfriend thing remind me of how people treat those who cannot work due to disability/illness/mental illness with complete derision. It is so wild to me that society is set up not only to shame those who choose to leave the workforce, but also those who - for whatever reason - cannot work. It's this mass guilting that really unsettles me.
the fact that this video isn't even 15 minutes long, yet it's so informative and comprehensive?? i'm in awe
It seems like a nice and easy life at first, but then it seems like a recipe for disaster. It could turn into an abusive relationship. Or if they break up it could be hard for the girl to find work on her own. Maybe these videos aren't the actual influencer's reality, but I fear for those who see this and try to attain it. I also was hoping you would talk about the way these influencers eat. Or I should say, how they DONT eat. It's something that also stuck out to me when I saw these videos. It at least seems as if the girlfriends barely eat anything throughout the day. They only show themselves drinking coffee and matcha and maybe eating a pepper and that's it.
A lot of these “stay at home girlfriends” are trad wives in training but aren’t traditional. She has a job and it’s social media.
Also a lot of these women are thin and white, so I highly doubt they’d struggle to find someone to give them that struggle free life after marriage. No hate at all, love that for them.
Just making a point that beauty is currency
You are an incredible writer
My biggest gripes about the stay at home girlfriend/wife thing are two fold.
First is the risk the woman is taking. The man may decide to break up with you for whatever reason, he may cheat, he may be abusive...etc and where do you go from there if you dont have your own income or home? Its literally placing your livelihood at the whims of another person and unlike a job there arent legal protections in place to protect you from losing your livelihood unfairly and theres no severance pay or employment tribunal or unions. At least a wife can seek alimony but a girlfriend cant. But even wives are in a precarious position. Contrary to popular opinion women who divorce dont walk away richer or financially the same. They're usually worse off than before they married. About a third of women who divorce end up in poverty. One of the quickest ways to get poor is to get married then leave your husband particularly if you were a stay at home wife.
Second is the mindset behind it. Now this obviously doesnt apply to every woman (Ive encountered many who arent like that) but Ive met more than a few who seem to think that men exist to "rescue" then from poverty and shield them from every day life. It's like wanting someone to constantly stand behind instead of using your own capability. The problem is that from what Ive seen women with this mindset are prone to entering and being unable to leave unhealthy relationships (there's a very one sided dependence which leaves the woman vulnerable to mistreatment. Its hard to leave a guy when hes the reason you have a house and when you believe you neeed him for your survival) and to having self worth issues. They're the type whos self esteem plummets when they're single. That may be controversial to point out but it certainly happens.
As a dude watching this I'm just like wtf.
Maybe you're just skinny young and white?
And what of the male partner who has to hustle enough to support both of you?
Being pale and privileged in America is a crazy drug.
Because white women mostly date white men who can offer her this lifestyle. Black women who date white do this too.
As a just turned 50 year old woman whos been married since I turned 18..... I have never had a "job" outside the home, nor do I want one. I think if its your jam to have a career, go for it.... it just isnt mine. I look at my homestead like its my full time plus life long career/passion. My only concerning thought is this though: the videos I have seen are largely unrealistic. I work, I just work on my home and homestead. I think the videos make it seem like you get something for nothing and it isnt true. I work. My husband sees it as work. I am compensated for that work by having all of my needs met. It isnt for everyone and I am somewhat afraid the trend videos make it seem like a spa day on repeat. Maybe for some it is that however I dont think for most stay at homes thats the case. The money earner has a right to expect certain things be accomplished or done in return for provision. Those terms need to be negotiated and accepted by both parties and revisited periodically. Its a business arrangement somewhat of sorts. Im a girl boss, and I run this "company" day to day..... it just doesnt often look like what todays woman has been told is a career or sadly even a worthy pursuit. As for me and mine, I cant imagine living any other way
“We saw the demise of one of hustle culture most valued henchmen” it was at this point I realized the writing here is next level.
just what I needed! a video essay to inspire meee
I'm a student in europe, I get paid by the government to not work. And I intend to not work for as much of my life as possible. It's so amusing to watch desperate ppl pull each other down with the mindset of "if I have to be miserable and work for my entire life, you need to be miserable too".
I’m american and I agree with you, but wdym u intend to not work? ur not gonna be a student forever
@@careforjusticealways I intend to become wealthy enough to not need a 9 to 5 job and to get to work only if I feel like it
@@KakiT1 how do u plan on doing that ?
@@careforjusticealways No idea. I'll keep my options open, but my best bet might be dating a rich blind person. Or starting a megachurch, who knows?
@@KakiT1 please don’t do either of those things it’s extremely manipulative and a rich man could abuse u. I think you should journal and find what ur passionate about and volunteer, meet people try new things like learning languages. u won’t be happy with a weird rich person this can lead to financial abuse. ur lucky to live in europe, i’d love to be there rn
the secret to a different life is nor a stay at home trad-regression nor being a girlboss but a third little mysterious thing (proletarian emancipation)
The problem is the stay at home girlfriend is being compensated for being hot. This further solidifies the toxic aspect of society that taught women being hot is the highest achievement. If we want this to continue than this is the trend for you.
Yeah unfortunately this lifestyle is often reserved for exceptionally attractive women that really keep up with their looks. The good side is most women can level up to be in those positions if they really put in the work and effort. It’s sad, but it’s just how this world works. At this point I’m working to be in the same positions as those women. Pretty privilege...etc is NEVER going away. These dynamics and social constructs will always be here. But in this lifetime I’m here to play the game to make my life as easy as possible. It’s not right, but it is what it is I guess
2:31 The one good thing the ‘That Girl’ Aesthetic gave me was the Flip Clock. Not a novel concept but I liked it.
Ladies make your own money, be financially stable and responsible, pity doesn't equal respect.
The only thing I would say is get married and stay at home
I wish people would realize people can easily trend off of controversial TikToks. She probably figured that out and because people are so gullible and triggered on the internet (and also because TikTok is lots of children/teens) now she has an income and everyone is talking about it.
The problem isn't people reacting to the work culture and looking for ways to build lives that are more balanced and healthier in that aspect. The problem is the sexism (and romantication of these gender roles) aswell as the unequal and dangerous situation this puts women in.
And, something that is rarely talked about; the very damaging and unhealthy aspect of staying at home every day and not having a purpose or something that gets you out.
I have been staying at home without a job or anything else to do for a long time now, due to being deemed too sick (mentally) to work, and I know others in the same situation. But the truth is, not having anything to get you out/not having a purpose, just as much as having too much on your plate and a toxic work environment, fucks up your health completely.
As far as I remember, research on the subject shows that peoples wellbeing improves with more work hours up until 8h/week, at which point it stops improving.
I'm a naturally domestic woman ( a nice way of saying a hermit). Advice I was given from an older woman: Don't give yourself wife roles for someone who's unwilling to wife you. I'm not against women who stay home-- it's a lifestyle that has worked for many. I'm against women giving their labor to someone who won't commit to them. Ladies look out for men who are searching for moms instead of partners. Or as Frank Reynolds put it "a bang maid".
living the adopted adult life 🤣
This video is so well written and thought out. I love the way you analyzed everything I was hooked the whole time
Scary that some women ~straight women~ fantasies about that when financial dependance is the worst and women fought for centuries to work and be independent. I just hope little girls don’t follow them. It’s dangerous
It wouldn’t be financial dependancy under socialism because you wouldn’t NEED a job to live in the first place
No one cares
Ive always wanted to be a stay at home “girlfriend” the thought of my partner coming home everyday happy to see me and being able to take care of him (and myself) sounds very nice, I feel like then we’d both be able to relax with eachother at the end of the day. 💕
I often feel guilt for this dream tho, a lot of people think that’s me being “anti-feminist”.
Feminism is about choice and equality- you can choose how you want to live your life- if you want to be a SAHG, do it- piece of advice, make sure you have an emergency fund just in case
trust me, no one does
being a stay at home gf DOES sound nice, but it’s also rlly impractical and very risky. Even if you take away the potential of breaking up with your s/o for whatever reason, life is unpredictable so what happens if they lose their job? or suddenly are no longer able to work (like they’re in an accident)? when you only rely on one income everything becomes more precarious, especially if u end up needing to get a job again and it’s suddenly 10x harder bc of the gap in your resume. so unless ur a trust fund baby and know you could comfortably be independent and/or support ur s/o with ur savings if the worst happened, it’s a rlly big risk deciding to be a stay at home gf. i think that’s why it sounds kinda anti-feminist to be promoting it to others, especially without explaining the risks that come attached? bc being in that position means u lose autonomy and it’s v easy to end up in a situation where u are taken advantage of bc ur more vulnerable than someone w their own seperate income
I would rather be the guy in this, to have someone at home take care of you after working like most other people & clearly being the one with the advantage if your unmarried/have a prenup sounds nice.
What if I have your same exact dream life in mind only I want to be a traditional stay at home wife because that gf bs is for the birds. I want all the protections the law and society gives me as a wife. Am I now an anti- anti feminist? Did the feminist factor cancel itself out?
it's like being on vacation forever
Ahhh I love that you covered this topic!!
This girl told me once her she and her boyfriend bought a house together. I thought to myself you are picking the finishes for his future wife. Her name wasn’t on the deed etc.
Kendall is a liar, she is working, she's an influencer. So she's not a stay-at-home girlfriend. I'm sure her boyfriend pays foe lots of things but once again, she works.
I don’t remember in which video I saw this, but they were saying that no man can expect a woman to clean, cook, and do every household related job and have a full time job on a side. If a man is expecting that from a woman he better cover all her expenses and future children without complains, I don’t support the idea of the stay at home gf, but if we look at the past it could kind of work for some people
I wanna be a stay at home girlfriend so I can work on my music cause this girl is bringing in racks just vlogging about it
As a straight dude, this trend annoys me because of how much it enforces and romanticizes the "men are providers" gender role. We never learn anything about the actual boyfriend in these videos besides that he has money, which alongside "I wish that were me" type beat comments, sends a message to boys/men that their value in a relationship in what they provide, not necessarily who they are. This low-key encourages boy/men to prosue the #HustleCulture that the trend is apparently bucking. I'm very interested to see what the reaction to a stay-at-home boyfriend tik tok would look like, since that would flip the script instead of playing into the patriarchal gender roles that I thought gen z was leaving behind.
But the woman on the relationship also works in home, she takes care of the man, do the chores, etc. Then it also romantices misogyny. Its not just bad for the man, is bad for both the man and woman involved.
And tbh no woman want to do chores for a man that provides nothing, its basically work without payment. Maybe if he also took care of her it would worth It.
@@moonamoonz Agree. They're problems with it from both ends, but i can't speak about it from that perspective. One could have easily replaced "men are providers" with "women are caretakers" in my comment.
This gets to me because I mainly see the "men are providers" message from the manosphere, but yet here it is from people whom'st probably don't normally align with them.
@@moonamoonz "work without payment" are we forgetting that the man is financially supporting the woman in exchange for her domestic labor?
@@moonamoonz nothing wrong with taking care of your man
I just don't want to work, ever. No traditional job. No household chores or looking after a man. No creative job. Creative output? Sure! But on my terms, when and how and if i feel like it. And basic income. But I realise that's incredibly unlikely, so probably eventually I'll have to go with my backup option, assisted sewerslide.
This is absolutely tragic! Why would you want to be a stay at home girlfriend, loose your independence and miss out on work opportunities to excel in life in your 20s for a relationship that may or may not work out. The cons honestly outweighs the pros. You can be in a relationship in any season in your life, but being young, having a ridiculous amount of time to make a life for yourself and work on yourself, your youth. That for you. For me it makes absolutely no sense to give that up for a the privilege of being a “stay at home girlfriend”