Codependency Addiction and the Narcissist Drug Dealer
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- Опубліковано 9 лют 2025
- CODEPENDENCY ADDICTION: FROM MY UPCOMING BOOK:
"Throwing caution to the wind, codependent addicts immerse themselves into the “dream come true” relationship in which the safe-feeling vulnerability, excitement, intense attraction, and unrestrained lust soothes their addiction’s primary withdrawal symptom: pathological loneliness. Even though the “high” is indescribably pleasurable, it can never be maintained.
After prolonged exposure to this “drug,” tolerance develops, requiring a higher potency or frequency of the “drug” to deliver the same high. The development of tolerance parallels the timeline during which the codependent’s euphoria rapidly decreases, and their relationship with the narcissist shifts towards one of conflict, dismay, and disappointment. Like other drug addictions, there is a transition when the drug is no longer taken for the sheer experience of euphoria but to take away the pain that occurs when it wears off."
In this video, Ross Rosenberg, M.Ed., LCPC, CADC, explains how codependency addiction manifests as a repetitive and compulsive pattern of relationships with pathologically narcissistic lovers. Short or long-term relationships with narcissists, their drug of choice, create temporary or fleeting moments of euphoria and feelings of relational perfection. Like a drug addiction, codependents seek to replicate the initial blissful experience of connection and emotional fulfillment. Sadly, like any drug or process addiction, the codependent cannot control the “drug” or narcissist who, by their very nature, cannot be controlled.
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ABOUT ROSS ROSENBERG
Ross Rosenberg, M.Ed., LCPC, CADC is a psychotherapist, educator, expert witness, and celebrated author. He is also a global thought leader and clinical expert in codependency, trauma, pathological narcissism, narcissistic abuse, and addictions.
Ross's pioneering codependency contributions are responsible for the sweeping theoretical and practical updates and developing a treatment program that permanently resolves it.
Ross has been featured on national TV and radio and is a regular radio and podcast guest. In addition, he has traveled the world, giving his one-of-a-kind keynote presentations and educational workshops.
His global impact is best illustrated by his 23 million viewed/240,000 subscribed UA-cam channel and the sale of 150,000 Human Magnet Syndrome books published in 12 languages.
In 2013, Ross created The Self-Love Recovery Institute, a hub for his personal development, workshops, professional training, retreats, other programs, and services. Learn more at www.SelfLoveRecovery.com.
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#narcissism #narcissisticabuse #narcissist #addiction #loveaddiction #relationshipaddiction #trauma #codependency #codependent #selflovedeficitdisorder #selflovedeficient #SLDD #love #intimacy #gaslight #gaslighting #abuse #domesticabuse #toxicrelationships #relationships
"Love at first sight" stories almost always end up being "codependent meets narcissist" situations.
Next time you fall in love at first sight ask yourself how you fell in love with someone you dont know yet?
Exactly! I fall HARD after one date, I think for the euphoria of it all. Don’t know if a normal relationship will ever be “enough” for me without feeling bored. Not sure how I’d fix that
yeah. I think the very intense attraction is a sort of symptom of your inner detection system going bingo! We have found some thing a lot like the original family trauma
This sounds like my story. Learning to love myself being alone with my puppy
Same here! 💕 and I love my 🐶! 💕💕
I need a puppy too! ❤😂
Yes!!! Rescue a dog and your good❤❤
He is SO spot on!!! I have actually learned to fend off these types. I can tell immediately by the euphoric feeling I get from being near them and how I know they will let me down after the excitement wears off. It is just not worth the inevitable low.
Omg thanks for sharing this...totally understand this. Will be taking a leaf out of your book
Found a pregnant little stray cat. l am now helping raise 5 kittens. The innocence and the way they are helping me fill the void as I'm going thru a divorce from my Narcissist is heartwarming. The battle wounds I allowed him to cause me... hearing this video explains so much. I've always felt alone. Not sure if it started at 15 with my first bad relationship or not. Now trying to repair the damage.
We thought we loved the ex narcissist, but it was actually only a shared fantasy. They never showed us their true self, and we were so starved for love and companionship that we fell hard and fast ignoring our intuition. Our gut knew they were shady and manipulative, but as SLDD’s we dismissed our intuition and believed the fantasy the narcissist presented to us.
Two years being single, learning self-love, stepping into my authentic self and I’m not sure if I will ever date again after having finally broken free from the addiction(trauma bond to the narcissist).
I appreciate how Ross emphasizes how we weren’t addicted to the narcissist per se, but to the whirlwind and chaos of the relationship.
Hey!, would you share some tips on learning self-love?, like what are the things you do?
I didn’t see the red Flags 🚩 and I was weak on Boundaries and people pleased
This comment is spotted on. For me, I’m dependent on the (probably false) idea that finally someone loves me, I’m special to someone and I’m not alone anymore; finally I have a value because someone loves me.
As soon as they disappear on me I have my withdrawal symptoms and I go back to chronic loneliness: I live again how abandoned I was as a child and teenager and start feeling nausea, anxiety, depression, lack of energy and need to hurt myself.
Thank you for this content and all the comments, it really helps
❤Thank you ❤I’m trying to heal and get educated
I was married for 12 years to a narcissist and am fighting to get out of a 4 year relationship with one now. I literally watch videos on nothing else but this topic and healing and changing etc, but this has described what Is going on in the most real and relatable way. I am an addict and yup this checks out and follows suit as I have been quite aware I was more in love with the “thought”’of this person I was dating rather then experiencing bejng with this person. If I was honest I prolly would have told the person to stop calling or coming over just so that their image jn my head could stay wonderful and keep the high going. I always thought once I understood what was happening rhen I could change or stop it, but that addict inside has finally been uncovered and what a more lonely feeling then realizing ur never gonna get away and while I thought I was working on figuring myself out, I’ve just been going to other “meetings” so I wasn’t so alone…Hi my name is Brian and I am an addict, alcoholic, codependent, and just now really understanding the power of denial and it’s main role in every self destructive action I do….
Hi Brian. Go to the shelter and rescue a dog. Bam your fixed. Hug!❤
Always ask yourself," Am I one huge joke to that person?"
Good one! Thx
Ask yourself, why should i give a damn what this person thinks? I know it’s sometimes easier said than done, but this mindset can help you deal with these assholes.
Yesss!!!!! Your so Correct!!!
I accept my responsibility to allowing this
Me too. Red flags were there on the first date. Why did I stay with him 1 1/2 yrs??
Me too. Im guilty as sin, but i was never the villian. I was the unknowing victim who was trying to help his brother.
I stopped smoking using the Allen Carr’s method and it was quite easy and even enjoyable to quit, after failing on my own a few times. They applied the same method to other addictions, like alcohol, gambling, even “hard drugs”. I really wish there was a similar solution for this codependency addiction, because it wreaks havoc in my life
This makes so much sense even with my first boyfriend. I finally left and I knew even if I kissed him I’ll be right back where I started from and in the relationship immediately so just like a drink because I’m a recovering alcoholic, I protected myself no kiss.
Only when I was unconscious was I going through this. Your vidio on copendancy recovery stages (about 5 years ago) totally opened my eyes. Unfortunately I relapses with another one and so I'm here again to learn deeper stuff. I will be getting your book. I definitely don't have love addiction for him now as I learned about the trauma bond and fantasy. I do miss him... I have that pathological loneliness you speak about but I'm now healing this... Ive decided to be actively single untill I find happiness within myself. And I'm going to keep learning. Recovery is a long long journey. One step forward two steps back.
I think I will not fall for another narc. I am 3 years single. And now SLA.
You do realize that the author of the video himself, is a psychologist who married 2 narcissists in a row? Never be so sure. Recovery is a long process.
But the worst is when you give them money at your own detriment to help support them. My job is at risk, everything is at risk..
I was hooked instantly
Omg trying to make sense of this because I’m dealing with the consequences of exactly what you just said those choices wow two years ago was worse than ever. I’ll be here trying to make sense out of it trying to break out of it because I have a baby though, and I’m so stuck I had quit drinking and my substance abuse when I found out I was pregnant and then eight months after my pregnancy I found myself like awakened and I saw things so differently and I’m like oh my God this is the person I chose. I chose this person and I just said OK let’s run with it and has been so hard because this person has been present in the child’s life but it’s the worst I think the worst decision I’ve ever made. I’m here looking up all these other things because I honestly believe that I became the abuser and the narcissist and from all these patterns from my childhood trauma that I’ve been well happy I knew that I have cool dependency, but I’ve never wanted to admit to the addiction and I am now back into my addiction. I guess I needed to hear this video. I started to drink again and I’m a high functional, but it’s just this is crazy. I don’t know what to do at this point I know exactly what to do but what I’m saying is, I don’t know how to do it in my current situation and I’m here trying to look for answers
I just picked up your book and have been watching lots of these clips! I landed myself into a relationship with a pathological narcissist last year. It’s been the eye opener that I needed and was inevitable for me to start healing. We live together,so I’m not sure how I can escape while avoiding homelessness,but I’m going to make an effort and at least start the process. Cheers!
I like that you said “it’s been the eye opener that I needed.” That helped me see my relationship with my ex narc a bit more positively… that I kind of needed to go through it so I can realize my issues with being attracted to the euphoria or ups and downs. I didn’t realize this about myself. Anyways, thanks. I hope you got out 🙏🏻
All narcissistic charActors ingest stimulants, substances, drugs, processed junk. The best thing to do is let go of them and set them free since they draw on your energy in different ways. I have never fallin' in love with anyone.
The person with NDP in my case actually was an ex heroin addict. It took a lot of effort to get away and go no contact
It hurts children who are blindsided
❤Ross thank you for spreading Knowledge & saving people!!💞💞💞
So true thank you Ross, I've never heard it explained this way, the love bombing. My responses to his love bombing fed his addiction too. I'm free now but we have a son together so he's still in my life. This video...THIS one, has helped me take yet another step forward in my healing journey. I don't hate him and I don't have to choose to in order to understand the truth and be set free. SLDD. Wow. OK, ready to take the next step 🎉
Can you say more about ways we "make sure there's pain" please! Is this why we ruminate, create negative-fantasy scenarios, tell ourselves we were rejected etc...just so we can go back to the narc? Thank you for a great video!
There is another idea that we are the narcissist drug and they are the ones who are actually dependant on us.
That would be in line with object relations theory right? The narcissist needs the bad mother/good mother to exist for him to survive.
@@marciestoddard730 yes. You need to know when to give them the right amount of supply depending on the situation.
Space it out so they want to come back again and stay around as long as you need them. Positive reinforcement is amazing because they hate their true self and would like to see you reflect to them a good new version. “You need to lie” so in order to lie You need to detach your emotions. It’s a business deal with narcissists! You can’t love these people and they can’t give love to you because they don’t love themselves! they aren’t made for romance. Just make them love themselves by the way you deal with them and using the no contact method first to heal so you can flip the script!
Don’t over do it so you won’t need to pump them again all the time. And make it sound as natural as possible. So choose the right time and place to do that.
You can absolutely use a third party to do this if you’re not looking forward to seeing the narcissist or hearing their voice. Lol!
U nailed it omg i thought I would be in control to leave after the fun part was interrupted by the toxicity and the crap I feed into I can no longer handle my addiction was at its worst
I just think you’re so right, I’ve suspected the addiction aspect before.
Really good 👏
Thank you Mr. Rosemberg🙏♥️🔥
I'm totally floored by this video!! Astounded..
I have been No Contact for a month or more. I haven’t smoked since 2012 because I have an addictive personality
Yes, but who wants to be alone ?
It’s just not human!
Narcissistic drug dealer 😂 that made me laugh. Its just exactly like that, its as if they have got something you need, and crave them, not in a normal way, like an addiction yet I believe its more like a thread entangled to ones insecurities and psyche and needs, and not so much like a fool who decides or knows from beforehand that they were going to have a drug, or an addiction. If Narcissistic people turned up like garden veriety bullies, it would be easier to understand and break the bond I believe. But naming the problem gives one more of a grip and a concious will over a trauma etc.
My pennies worth.
I was enmeshed with my parents and 9 siblings
My Narcometer works perfect. So I felt safe. But then I fell for a quiet borderline. I didn't know about this disorder before, but they are just as bad as narcs. But it was my old problem - SLDD and it felt so good. Addiction on both sides. Terrible experience.
Borderlines are brutal.
Since my I have had my daughter and sobered up I don’t have the care of urge or desire for another bad picker or anyone I truly believe I’m so done until I get heal from all this . I have been really working hard on self reflection
Now the loneliness does occur the time when I’ve separated myself from three months or four months at a time and I see the possibility if I don’t do some treatment what can happen
I agree to an extent but with inner work, I'm past the pathological loneliness stage. I could be with other guys but am choosing to be alone in this time to give love to myself. I am missing this narc in particular, experiencing withdrawal symptoms. when I was in the prior stage of trying to escape loneliness, I would fill it with anyone I was interested in that was interested in me. I could be with my ex before him who keeps trying to suck me back in but I find myself experiencing withdrawal from this person in particular.
I love your book 📕
They just can't manage to come across honestly. I'm better off on my own than getting hurt Ross. Ive worked in the fostetcare system. I'd watch parents who had drug addictions going down that road on both drugs, gambling, abuse to both the kids and wife. Ive met tons of beautiful desireable people but it doesnt fly most of the time....what happens when u lose your looks? Its just not what I'm looking for. I sincerely thank u for speaking g today on addictions
I grew up around that. Its makes u just so isolated and so ostracised in society Pronised my.mother I'd control any addictions never get involved with these types
Thank you
Yeah. I don’t have this problem at all.
I made a new acquaintance who’s going through a divorce and believes his ex is the narcissist when it’s actually him.
Now he’s trying to drag me to his stupid art showing which is more than 30 miles away.
Yeah. No thanks. I’m busy.
I like cats 🐈⬛ 🐈 They’re sleeping; you pet them. If they like it, they purr. If give them cat treats they’re happy. You pet them. They go back to sleep. DONE.
WOW! Soulmate to Cellmate! YES!
I feel so sad 😢
Be safe and self loving!..
I still love him
I love the picture on the wall. Does anybody know what artist that is?
Very interesting, thank you.
Can wanting to or having to have some one that you can help only because you have a need to HELP someone is what you are talking about. I’m 50 years old and only been with two women in my life, my wife of 35 years left me and this person that I hired on my farm AS A WORKER fell in love with me and the past 7 months of the last year has been believe it or not even more stressful hurt breaking than than loosing my wife
10:15 +
There never was an authentic individual in either party. This is just another of the polar commonalities in the dynamic . We are but marionettes my friends.
My Therapist said that I had Limerence with my X
In all my year I never dated a narcissist until 48. Wow What savages. 6:mths seemed like 20 yrs. I hate the feeling I'm having. This is the worst!! JF 66. Go back downstairs..
My X didn’t hardly engage with me
Ross is it possible to be a narcissist and not hurt people? Or would that just be Borderline Personality disorder.
My X gave me my 1st Pain pill after my auto accident
I need therapy by you
To the SLD they seem so cool... (it's all a mask)
I did not ever cheat on my X’s
I was addicted to my X spouse who was a sex addict and Charismatic
😢
Jlo
Even video games
Try love bombing yourself. This helped me stay no contact. It really helped raise my self-esteem to a point where I didn’t tolerate the abuse anymore.
Self reflection to identify why you keep certain people around.. for instance.. love bombs and why they’re amazing.. it’s usually because the empath has a lack of what the love bomb provides.. which is admiration, the feelings of being seen, affection, and an opportunity to feel loved. So.. all the things from a love bomb you enjoy, how ever you interpret as love.. create for yourself. Learn how to provide that to yourself, so much that you are able to giggle, feel smitten, inspired, snd excited for life and living… without an outside source/love bomb. And it’s not to say you can never receive again, but when the only time you feel lit up and ‘happy’ is coming from outside source(s).. means you’re missing out on the whole other half of life.. and it’s your own creative abilities! You can create all those fuzzy feelings from a love bomb yourself.. look in the mirror and whisper sweet nothings to yourself ( you’re a total babe, smack your booty, blow a kiss to yourself!), buy yourself a delicious meal, when you’re sad and feel lonely and are looking for attention.. comfort yourself with some healthy habits like telling yourself it’s normal to feel lonely.. it’s just part of the human experience and it’s probably from some stress ( or if your an empath, absorbed energy .. this is where protection can be learned!) earlier that’s being processed by my body.. and feel those feels let them all out don’t ignore them! The whole honor your feelings thing.. it’s real lol..Let them pass, it is NORMAL to feel lonely… emotions are not good or bad they’re just emotions and usually your body telling you what’s going on internally.. be patient and kind to yourself and understand this is a moment for reflection..trust it will pass.. and allow it to pass too.. lol don’t stay all in the moping vibe too long.. and when it passes give yourself all that love the love bomb appears to give you. Once you’ve learned all that, and how to do it alone (which takes time and can be hard.. and yes feel very lonely/isolating ) .. you’ll find yourself not craving or seeking that outside validation, because there is this new found level of self empowerment and love/creation you’ve discovered..and you’ll be able to accept love so much easier and healthier… the minute someone starts taking your energy/lowering your vibe.. you’re gonna feel it and not like it and naturally deny it!!..vs when your esteem is low you take whatever form of love from who ever because you’re lacking so much of your own self fulfillment (sometimes we aren’t even aware we have low esteem if we’re very resilient personalities)..any who.. I say all this because I’ve been through it.. for many years I subconsciously accepted such shitty love and treatment just for the chance someone would be nice to me.. and no one ever gave the same amount i did..I always went to sleep feeling used.. alone even when someone was next to me.. and resentful towards the end.. I felt so empty with or without someone.. I decided to figure out what I was doing to attract this jnto my life. I held myself accountable.. started therapy.. started reading on healing, attachment styles, codependency, I started slowing my mind down with meditation.. started witnessing instead of reacting.. I realized for as smart and kind as I was.. I was making a lot of choices that were not serving my highest good, and had alllooott of room to up my self respect and love. I always worked, paid my bills, never asked for anything, and I thought that was enough to say I love myself! And to an extent it is, that was what I taught and that was what I thought the self love cap was.. but the truth is there’s so much more to self love and so many opportunities to show up for yourself more than you’re doing now.. every human in this earth can learn to be a little more loving and kind.. even the pope! It’s a journey.. but if you really truly want to feel good and fill your own cup.. learn.. practice it.. do the mantras.. do the affirmations.. look yourself in the mirror and say “you’re beautiful”..even if it doesn’t feel like it at first.. say “you’re a beautiful disaster” lol. And I rather be a beautiful disaster than just a disaster! Haha tell Yourself ..” I may not be able to say some Outrageous stuff at first like.. I’m a bad bitch!!!zz but you can start with .. I don’t know wth I’m doing but I’m going to love myself more and more each day until I can see it in my reflection…” ..listen to your body and give it what it needs.. anywayyyyy.. just like anything in life .. if you truly want it you can achieve it .. or at the very least start the journey and learn to enjoy it..because it is work.. it is hard work and why most people don’t do it.. it slow and it takes time and sometimes a lot of very hard days of releasing pain and overcoming some serious fears of being alone.. but.. if you believe in yourself you WILL learn how to fill that damn cup lol. Better yet you’ll get so damn good at creating love, you’re going to be oozing it and have the ability to help and give to others without the need of anything in return.. you’ll attract some of the fucking best people you life because you’re vibing so high.. you’ll also attract people wanting your light.. and that’s where you remember yo listen to your body/intuition and dip if people don’t feel/act right… mk.. rant over lol. Wishing you well, love and light👏🏼
@@jpscharged 🙌☺️✨
@@jpschargedI loved your “rant.” Thanks for that… I took screenshots ❤️
What organization provides crisis intervention? @RossRosenberg
I fall in love with narcissists.
Me too. We have to stop this. Red flags are there within the first few hours of meeting them. We need to stop ignoring them and bail immediately. I think the problem is that they give us that crazy euphoric feeling we get addicted to. We need to accept that healthy relationships may not have those crazy vibes right from the start