How Hollywood Culture Leads to Narcissism | Dear Hollywood Episode 4
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- Опубліковано 4 жов 2024
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What happens when child performers - due to fame and the industry - accrue copious access to wealth, material luxuries, status, and power? What traits and behaviors show up? Alyson confesses to early moments that led to an inflated self-esteem, selfish behavior, and getting kicked out of a rehearsal for disrespecting the crew. They explore the paradox of extremes where child stars gain unusual power and influence over others, yet remain voiceless and vulnerable in the workplace.
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About Alyson Stoner:
Alyson Stoner is a multi-hyphenate known for their on-screen acting work in franchises such as Step Up and Camp Rock to dancing with the likes of Missy Elliot and Eminem and now their original digital content across all her platforms. Alyson is also the founder of Movement Genius, a digital wellness platform that provides live and on-demand classes to help you improve your mental, emotional and physical well-being.
Alyson, the way I am GLUED to this series.
Your personal experiences coupled with your ability to make this digestible is absolutely invaluable.
Thank you SO so much for handling this with as much care and professionalism as you have.
I tell everyone I can about this series.
Agreed it's so informative
cannot agree with this sentiment more, i have yet to comment on these videos but i have fully watched them all. i am glued, i am SAT. i am ready to hear at whatever pace it comes, and i am happy, as i hope this is healing for Alyson
There’s something about her delivery that’s so wise!
When I was 14 I volunteered for a charity event at the Santa Monica Peer, I was assisting with the VIP tent and was so psyched to meet some of my favorite Disney stars. My mom was also volunteering as a “chaperone” for the child stars at the event. At the end of it, I was telling my mom what a life the stars lived and how I was so jealous. She replied “I think it’s really hard that these kids are already acting like adults. They’re being treated like products than people.” And I’ve thought about that for the 13 years since. Your series sheds such a good light on the experience and puts it in a frame we can understand. Thank you for sharing your story.
I recently learned that the word 'idol' comes from the Greek word 'eidolon' which means a spirit, or shade. An 'eidolon' literally meant the reflection of a person, ie. how they looked to others. So a spirit or 'idol' could be created by many people admiring you, ie. a celebrity. To the ancient Greeks, Helen of Troy became an eidolon. But in the modern day we have celebrities. Learning that the root meaning highlights a "mirror image" made so much sense to how truly hollow "idolhood" can seem. A mirror is only a mirror, but a person is a person; I hope that makes sense. (I grew up knowing [a very famous young female singer]. When we became teens, watching her rise to fame was really surreal. Honestly it's still surreal. I studied philosophy in college, and unpacking the meaning of fame has been a really big thing for me. I really appreciated this podcast, and I wish there was more media like this in general.)
WOW! This is so insightful!!! Sitting with this.
So, uh, I have an extremely unique perspective on this episode: My childhood was commodified for productivity purposes (I have Cerebral Palsy so I’m funneled through a dehumanizing work and medical system anyhow) and I was periodically put on camera and used as a “brand ambassador and research subject” for fundraising purposes. In short, I was treated LIKE I WAS a “child laborer/unpaid child actor” and I used “real” child actors to be able to cope with a “split self” that needed to be in a professional environment at all times, separate from non professional activities
It's been my lifelong goal to do a project like this on growing up disabled. I wasn't a brand ambassador but I wish I wasn't so exhausted I'd still have the energy to explain the similarities in the lack of bodily autonomy and boundaries of having an adult team of essential strangers telling you what to do with your body weather it's good for you or not because they were not medical professionals just teachers or family who didn't neccesarily remember or understand medical advice but still get to tell the child what to do and how it goes unchecked if the understand an the effect that has on the nervous system. Growing up being a people pleaser to people grabbing you on the street to push your wheelchair or physical body when they think you need help even when it's dangerous an possibly fatal an they ignore you coz they don't understand that. How we're conditioned 100% in many spaces as children to ignore our voice an boundaries as children an how that wires us for chronic illness, suicidality, agoraphobia, social isolation, abuse, dissociative disorders, cptsd and little room for safe physical intimate connection because once it's happened enough that's mostly all I can see an have very little hope or proof anything better exists or ability to relate or exist in healthier spaces if by rare chance there even accessible. Love this project of Alison's so much. Im glad they didnt take the rip off deal. Can't wait for next episode.
This is a whole other level of egregious because they're exploiting your vulnerability.
@@phoebexxlouise yep an I imagine like celebrities it feel like Most of the public reacts that way, disconnected from awareness of your semse of safety an boundaries to hopped up on adrenalin reacting to us that anyone could do it at any moment we step out our door, and do, and the rest of the public bar a special few will step in to stop it because celebrities and disabled people are both othered and ogled at
yes!
wow i was just coming to comment something similar - i was a "cute," "precocious," "obedient" poster child for vertical HIV (from birth) in the early 90s raised partially by a desperate mother trapped in poverty and a narcissistic grandmother who was a master of emotional manipulation and using others for her own means or benefit. cut to adulthood and i'm still struggling with profound mental illness, self advocacy, maintaining healthy boundaries (not being a people pleaser), and even the basics of caring for myself ("how do i find the drive to care for myself Just for myself when there's nobody to perform for?" is a question i've asked myself many times during this journey of healing and self empowerment). there is absolutely a psychological & emotional dissonance caused by Being Special while also having no bodily or even emotional autonomy that i'm still navigating to this day, let alone the lasting physical limitations not just from the damage a lifelong disease causes but honestly mostly from the toll of that amount of stress forced onto a developing brain. ANYWAY, thank you Alyson for doing the work, doing this work, and shedding light on the immediate need as a society to cherish and protect children.
Incredible work. Trauma informed, evidence-based, accessible information, anchored in reality. She is power mapping the industry for us. Alyson does it all in this series. Thank you for using your lived experience to advocate for children still working in the industry.
Alyson's pronous are they/them
I studied Early Childhood Education teaching and I love the perspective you're bringing to this topic. It's really obvious how much time and care you've spent studying childhood development.
I'm so grateful so many people here have a background in childhood development! I need us all to have a large roundtable! haha
@@TheRealAlysonStoner
Can I join?
I have a college degree in Early Childhood Development!😇
As a hearing impaired person - I thank you for the captions ❤️❤️ So nice to see something like that becoming more prevalent on UA-cam!
I'm not hearing impaired, but I use CC to help me better understand whatever it is that I'm watching... And yes, Alyson's CC is great! I love videos that dont rely on the automated captioning. I mean, I'm glad that an automated option exists on youtube, but there's a big difference between the automated captioning and the captioning that creators are actually typing out themselves.
I'm so glad this is helpful! Special thanks to Mina and Joseph for adding them each week!
@@pandap4ntzAgreed, i'm not hearing impaired, it's more of a speech processing thing for me, and these captions are great!!!
What shocks me is that a child actor’s job isn’t seen as child labor, because that’s what it is. I have always thought about that but people always seem to speak about the shiny side of it; so glad for those like Alyson who actually tell us about the shady side of it.
So ok. I trust this space you've created enough to post my actual feelings on the public Internet. Here goes.
I was absolutely one of the consumers of media who believed that child stars were to be envied. All I saw as a young child (who had my own talents I believed were comparable) was the status, opportunities, and accolades received. I saw them living the life I thought I was missing out on.
It's only now as a 30 year old I'm beginning to realize that not all those opportunities were bound to be good things, and all the bullets I dodged when I DIDNT get put into the commercial acting baby mill.
Like, genuinely. My talents are my own. To share when I want with whom I chose. And I've had privacy, anonymity and humility my whole life because of my mundane irl experiences - balancing out all the praise and encouragement I was also receiving.
Thanks for doing this podcast- it's helped me gain sympathy and allowed me to stretch my brain with nuanced thought.
I sure do appreciate it.
-RR
Yeah I relate to this! I have talent and I always envied others being recognised for their talent. I felt like I was not being recognised. But I don't think I could personally handle the scrutiny they go through
Yes! I can relate to this as well.
So well said. I still have these moments where I will compare myself to celebs my age and wonder why they're so much more achieved than me, and I had an older friend remind me that they have a completely different way of growing and that it's not realistic to compare myself to them. I constantly have to remind myself that I'm taking my own journey and mine has privacy and autonomy and is therefore, much better.
I love this comment, thank you for writing your thoughts out! I relate to this in a big way
I’m so glad that you speak out about your experience Alyson. Seeing what happened with Nickelodeon and Dan Schneider, I’m glad that work conditions for child entertainers are being spoken about!! Between McCurdy’s I’m Glad My Mom Died and this series, I’m becoming so intrigued about what happened in the making of my childhood shows.
WHY isn’t there more standards and protections? WHY isn’t more attention focused on the safety and long term success of the child? WHY are they treated as disposable?
I can not thank you enough for speaking out about this. Hopefully the industry starts to change. ❤️❤️❤️
I’m a bit perplexed as to why Josh Peck’s “Happy People Are Annoying” has flown under the radar.
@@HD_Segal I read that one, It's very good as well. My guess why it's not as much in the spotlight is that we just don't appreciate the emotional vulnerability and struggles of boys as much as we do girls.
@@rvawildcardwolf2843 Perhaps, though Peck doesn’t strike me as the kind of guy who deliberately tried masking his personal insecurities through machismo whatsoever.
Listening to this episode I couldn’t help but think of the Chuck E. Cheese slogan, “where a kid can be a kid!”. When I was younger and I observed the behaviors of child stars my age I was always in shock and appalled. Mostly because I grew up with super authoritarian household. And I always questioned the fact why and how? But as I’ve grown up I’ve realized that child stars were not allowed to go through the stages of development in the same order I was allotted. Forced to grow up faster than the age that was present. This episode truly helped to open my eyes more.
So are hundreds of thousands of regular k*ds that are abus3d, child actors don't go thru any more or less tr@uma than alot of us
I used to work at a talent agency in a smaller non-union market that signed child actors. Right from the beginning the talent agent would tell parents they are only the “chauffeur” and to not give the child any advice about line delivery or try to put their idea of the character into the child’s head. In some ways, I do think this helps put the parent in a headspace to not be a stage parent and live out their dreams through their kid (which some still do) but I imagine it would also set the stage for a parent to question setting boundaries or giving advice/perspective while on set or auditioning.
Also it's so exciting to see actors like Alyson, Jeanette, Alexa, taking a stand and being bold.
This is so fascinating. I think one thing that came up for me with this episode that I don’t see people talk a lot about is the effect that child-stardom has on the child’s siblings. One of my best friends as a teenager had a little brother who was a semi-successful child actor. It always perplexed me how their whole family revolved around his schedule and what would be best for his career. She and I were also actors, but nowhere near as successful as her brother. They got a long really well, but I’m sure there are plenty of cases where the competition ruins relationships.
I've been thinking about Jodie and Buddy Foster.
I've seen this up close because I had an ex who's younger brother was famous. There were a lot of disturbing things happening that I don't want to talk about, so I'll just share this one little story: I remember vividly going to the bathroom at their family home and all the photos on the wall were of the kids - with celebrities. So where you would normally have photos of the kids when they were small, playing sports, out camping, in funny dress-up... Here it was the kid with Celebrity A, with Celebrity B... It weirded me out so much.
@@Bianca_Toeps that is WILD 😭 so bizarre
true but at the end of the day, celebs are people too@@Bianca_Toeps
I’m learning that there is a lack of emotional intelligence due to constant gratification, lack of mentorship, and lack trust
So like you said this episode had a whole different texture to it. It is really interesting to learn not only how narcissism develops in child actors but the long lasting effects it has on their adult life. Thank you for having the humility to expose that child actors develop these traits not so much through their own ego but from a culture that fosters it. This series has been very enlightening and looking forward towards what is to come
It really is fascinating to observe the combination of factors that go into personality formation and behavior - genetic, hereditary, environmental. It's also interesting to examine the various forms of narcissism, ie the grandiose version versus vulnerable version. To boot, narcissism can result from both neglectful *and/or* overbearing parenting styles...so it isn't automatically *only* a result of parents overvaluing the child and giving them everything they want. It can absolutely result from a deep sense of neglect and early trauma/wounding.
Props to Nick Cooper!
It’s so interesting because I grew up trained for professional ballet, and so much of this applies to my childhood but minus a lot of the access. The way adults had access to touch my body and compared me to the other kids around me. These people who are your peers and are the only ones who understand you become your competition. I think being able to relate the “child star” experience to a more “normal” childhood (kinda lol) really humanizes them and allows for more empathy.
Yes, there are huge overlaps with the ecosystems for competitive athletics, arts, academics... thanks for sharing your experience!
I always forget these are on Fridays, and am always delightfully surprised when it pops up
It seems to me that there’s an unspoken exchange going on - people get unhealthy access to you if you get unhealthy access to others. So you grow up without the basic framework of any kind of healthy boundaries existing at all.
Alyson was the first and only celebrity I have ever met. I was in first or second grade and she was on a school tour. I was last in line to meet her. Her team and my principal told me that she had to go and that she couldn’t meet me. Alyson took the time out of her day to tell them it was okay and she gave me an autograph and took a picture with me. This series is so fascinating to me. Each episode I think back to how I felt when I met her and how she made me feel special. I’ve talked about that moment so many times. Keep up the amazing work Alyson and thank you for your time!
I’m just baffled at the fact that there are almost NO CUTS. 👀🤯😂 They seem to not make any mistakes while speaking and articulating everything so clearly, I’m so impressed! 😮
I know. Almost like they've been trained to do this.
@@carag2567 well... haha 💯
@@Evolutioninthestars They did. I was referencing the subject of the series, how child entertainers are conditioned to work to near perfection. Also Alyson uses they/them pronouns.
@@carag2567 Thank you for putting it in a perspective I can understand. What are you referring to with the use of they/them pronouns?
@@Evolutioninthestars That Alyson is non-binary and doesn't use pronouns like she and her.
I am so glad you are doing this. I was coming up at the same time and my name is Demi. I was VERY early on told there was another Demi that would rule me out if I didn’t really do EVERYTHING. I was so totally overworked but I was told by every adult and any kid on these sets that I was the best, I was going to be famous … and it is ALL I wanted. I was so hungry. Now looking back I wonder if I wasn’t responsible in a way for the demise of my parents relationship. My mom supported me my dad didn’t he wanted me to just be a regular kid and I hated him for it. I remember I made a large purchase and he called and canceled it and I lost my mind. I thought that was the most cruel and ridiculous thing anyone could ever do.😂 all this behavior was being reinforced by the people around me though, I’m not making excuses for being a total bratty child. There was an entire agency in my town that I was the founding and main focus of. My face is on billboards everywhere I feel like I’m am the most important person on the planet. Meanwhile, most people outside of my town have no clue who I am. 😂 in short, the reason I got out of this pipeline is because my mother realized I was out of control and went back to my father. I was so angry I feel that they were directly responsible for ending my career. I had adults reaching out to me and offering to pursue this without my parents, and that I should look at emancipation. I was 13. Thank God my parents never let me go off with these other adults, and something in my head was screaming danger, so I refused, and just blamed my parents. At the time I blamed them for ruining my life now I know they saved it. It was a close call, but I ended up having a normal life and I can say that taste I had was very addictive. That power you’re talking about should not be given to a kid it’s horrifying. We don’t understand the consequences of the things were doing and demanding. Not to mention the pure hatred I had at that age for Demi Lovato, whom I didn’t even know and who doesn’t know I exist. But I was told this is my direct competition. When I see what she has went through that we know of I always think that could have been me and I’ve never thought that in a good way.
Thank you Alyson for your compassion and dedication in releasing this series. You are so so loved, and you’re making a huge difference with your voice.
Well said ❤
ask her if she cares if all people like animals including andres galarraga aka the big cat
I was born with Dwarfism, which in my case has come with countless surgeries, hospital stays, and unique "experiences." Some of these experiences, depending on how you look at it, could be considered similar to those of a child actor. One of the biggest examples is being public outings. More specifically, people with Dwarfism face challenges such as being stared at, asked rude questions, taking photos with/without permission, and so forth. As a child, I knew I was different, and faced many of the same (if not similar) emotions. Despite this, I was still one of those kids who would dream about being famous, being on TV, and having a chance to meet "everyone at Disney Channel." But I knew It would never happen because of my disability. Alyson, what you are doing here is absolutely amazing. Your story is powerful, and I love listening to every video that comes out! In some odd way, hearing your story has helped me heal and realize that all the times as a kid I "wished I could be normal like those kids on Disney channel," those kids themselves were (and I say this nicely) nothing special-they were human beings with real struggles, that most likely had deep issues that were being drowned out by all the bells and whistles of the industry. and through this, I have also been reminded that no matter your size, background, talents, abilities, or physical appearance, we all have our issues and struggles. Thank you for shedding some light on the areas not thoroughly discussed about child stardom- I genuinely believe you are making a difference.
I will say that during this video, I couldn't help but think about that one episode on "That's So Raven" that you had participated in that I still remember to this day. It was the episode where Cory Baxter won a contest to be on a TV show and meet the cast members. You played the young girl in this fictional show, and this episode actually showed how you (your character) really wanted to be a kid and how tough it really was being a child actor ( I don't remember the episode title, but those who are curious can look it up.). I find that very interesting foreshadowing.
Yes, thank you for sharing your experience and perspective! Public outings and the stares, questions, photos.. I can only imagine how that feels, especially when it isn't related to something like being on a TV show. // The Raven episode was titled "Better Days" I think :)
This episode reminded me of a weird dichotomy within me when I was young. I remember seeing the public breakdowns of celebrities; nude leaks, DUIs, etc. On one hand I would think "Wow, I thought they were a GOOD PERSON! I can't believe they would do that..." and on the other hand I would think "I'm so glad I'm not famous so my problems aren't plastered everywhere." Yikes! I was conditioned to judge people like Vanessa Hudgens for her nude leak, when the leak happened from an EX boyfriend??? Yet SHE was being publicly shamed for it, PAID less by Disney,,, and forced to make public apologies.
...Meanwhile I'm a teenager having my own awakening to sexual experiences, but I get the luxury of my formative experiences not being plastered everywhere. I recently looked up news coverage from Vanessa's situation and was Appalled by the level of public shaming that was involved in this TEENAGER'S personal love life! Something that would be NORMAL for other developing teens is treated like an absolute betrayal to the audience, The Company, teens and children everywhere! Oh the Horror! There ain't no way in HELL that that's normal.
I can cringe at old facebook posts and quietly delete them... you can't delete all that news coverage, tabloids, and public consciousness that is tied to an underdeveloped Child lashing out at the extreme world around them.
I'd love to hear more of your thoughts on the public shaming that often accompanies all of these trainwreck stories. What do we do to help stop these tabloid abusers from perpetuating these awful tendencies??
Appreciating this series so much.
Final thought:
I know we wanted to be a child actor because of all the happy shiny faces we saw growing up. You all looked so happy, and seemed to be living the life, it was never apparent that there were so many adults that didn’t protect you guys or have your best interests. That there were so many adults who crossed boundaries and acted like more of a friend than an adult. Easy access to drugs and alcohol while telling you all that they’ll “keep your secrets safe” while overworking you and telling you to keep up a squeaky clean image is damaging.
You have so much power, yet no voice to communicate your own thoughts and needs all while being a puppet for the adults around you and someone of no personal boundaries because if you don’t give the fans what they want you’re deemed as ‘rude’ or hard to work with.
I, on the other hand, had difficulty trusting close adults growing up. On one hand, I wanted to please them and make them happy so I could ‘win’ their approval. However, I didn’t feel supported or seen or heard much from certain individuals I sought approval from.
To this day, I’m no child star, but I remember what it was like being the oldest and being a scholar and then finally crashing under all of that pressure. Everyone chose activities they thought were best for me instead of focusing on what I liked. Today, it’s challenging to even know what I like and be willing to explore new avenues without being immediately great at it and exceeding expectations. Eventually, the adults around me were disappointed in me. I no longer interested them and to this day I struggle to voice my needs or try new things. I hate disappointing people or making them upset in any way.
I’m thanking you in advance for your personal perspective Alyson, as well as the time and thought you’ve put into this. It mirrors a lot of different perspectives and I hope to hear more about what happens to the child star after they grow up and face reality for themselves.
- Taelyr 🧚🏿♂️
This is powerful to read. Thanks for sharing some background regarding your own experience. Being the oldest and a scholar... oof. // The pressure to be excellent instantly can prevent us from starting so many things. Learning to accept ourselves even when we're "average" or "bad" at something is definitely a process. // Wishing you well in your journey!!!
I had a monstrous ego as a quasi-child star that only showed up at school - it seemed like career suicide to be a bastard on set. But at school - it was my way to defend myself against the bullying I would get. A white-hot ego at an early age amplified by success makes you feel truly infinite - and it lead me to be very productive, always wanting to prove them wrong, and in the process, becoming a bully and nuisance to them as well. Since my ego brought me and others so much hardship, I don't think I've ever looked at early success as something beneficial for my self confidence - but overall, I think you're right. It did instill in me a relentless sense of 'I can have what I want' that was positive, a respect for my pure desire to create and express, a constant sense of underlying belief that has always remained even through deep depressions. However, it took me a decade or more to start to allow a healthy amount of self-confidence back in, out of fear/certainty I'd become what I was before. The problem was, the only way I could like myself was by emphasizing my specialness and in many cases being a tyrant. Its taken a lot to like myself without the need to bully to get there.
I’d even say it’s hard for adult stars too. I get it I have so much empathy for all people that are lied to manipulated and get their egos boosted for others gains. Very important conversation
Putting aside child stars, I often think about toddler and baby “actors”. I can’t imagine the stress their bodies experience being surrounded by studio lights, strangers, auditions, etc…
The way Allison said everything just made me think to myself, imagine looking at a 3 or 5yo and some stranger comes up to them telling them: “HIII!!! Remember your lines sweetheart? When that strange lady comes up to you, you’re supposed to look scared and confused and ask her “mommy?” And hug her alright?!” all while being stressed because your parents told you, either because it’s something you’re supposed to be having fun with or to help them, because you can’t tell a toddler it is for money… they can’t even comprehend that.
This series has been very telling. I hope that parents thinking about letting their kids become Hollywood stars watch your podcast first so that they are at least a little informed about what they could be getting their child into.
What stood out to me was the example of performing spontaneously at a sporting event without prior engagement. Tbh, I always thought that anytime a child star was performing, there was usually an agent or publicist behind those appearances. I know usually it is arranged beforehand, but it still makes me think about artists that may have previously had to step aside, so someone already established in the public eye could have another moment.
Alyson, this series is incredible. In the late ‘00s, I wrote for a teen magazine called Pixie that was owned by American Media, Inc. I was actually on staff at another of their entertainment magazines, but AMI forced their writers to contribute to Pixie - for no extra pay. I pitched ideas for serious articles that might help teens, but AMI wanted to focus on fashion, TV, etc. So, we had many photo-driven pieces with a million pics of Miley or Selena in cute dresses. I interviewed most of the Nick and Disney kids - probably you at some point - and as a then 30something adult, it always felt “off” to me to be chatting with a kid about work schedules - as if we’re peers. On the flip side, I worried about how printing this collection of flashy, curated images would influence kids who read the magazine. Pixie was a blip on the radar, but was still part of that child actor “machine.” Hearing all of the stories coming out lately about the young stars from that time has been heartbreaking, especially knowing that we were presenting this glittery, false facade to our readers. I apologize for even being a small part of that culture … and hope this series leads to some change and legislation in the industry.
I appreciate that you kept reiterating to think in the mindset of a child - too often we think about this issue by putting our present selves in the celebrity's shoes. As I remembered being a child, one that literally started doing theatre and taking acting classes at age 6 because another kid I knew was in a commercial and I thought that was so cool, I can't imagine who I would have developed into if that actually did become my career. Honestly until probably late teenhood, a part of me never let go of the thought that fame and notoriety were the markers of a meaningful life. If I actually would have achieved any of that as a kid, my child brain would have thought I had it made. But my adult brain has been through all the disappointments and realizations that I'm not "special" in the sense I thought mattered as a kid and I'm so fucking grateful for it. Now I realize that fame is extremely overrated, and I'd rather be special to a handful of people I'm close to because of our rich and unique, yet relatively anonymous relationships, than to be put on a pedestal by tons of people that don't know me. and I'm so glad I was able to go to college and learn to critically think about the sociological factors that made me equate fame with meaning in the first place. All this to say, if I had achieved any sort of fame as a kid I don't think I would have become an intelligent or thoughtful person, but Alyson you are both of these things and it is clear you have put so much effort into becoming a thoughtful citizen of the world even when it could have been easier to remain in a bubble. Thank you for shining light on your experience and sparking conversation about deeply ingrained cultural value systems that are detrimental to our well-being.
Wow. This insight is super powerful. It truly makes a world of difference when we place ourselves in the mind kid a child while discussing these topics. Thanks for sharing!!
Thank you Alison for humanizing celebrities that are often deified or spoken about moreso like a concept than a living person actively interacting with a world looking at them in real time. The pressure is a lot and the rewards are huge, so are the responsibilities. I think you’re both giving grace and explaining your peers in a way that isn’t too specifically personal, and also effectively showing people who have wished they were famous that maybe that’s not a reality they would like to wake up to every day. We’re living in a time where it’s so much more likely that children can become famous and it’s a very life changing thing. I remember being broke as a child and wishing I could fix it by child acting because it’s literally the highest paying legal form of child labor. I’m very happy with my life from what I did get from it instead now. Hearing about what it would have actually been like makes me forgive myself even more now.
Thank you for sharing! It is so tender to hear how many people at young ages were trying to help support their family or "fix" a certain life circumstance, and that fame was positioned as a potential solution (albeit it was also likely painted as "out of reach" which could add to a sense of helplessness amidst the temporary relief of the fantasy). /// I'm wondering how access to becoming famous via social media is shaping young people's understanding of how to establish themselves in the world... if there's an increase in perceiving fame/having followers/etc as an important (or even necessary) part of "making it" as an adult.
I was brought up in the theater community and it is insane to have so many adults be so close to me and being able to comment on my body in such harmful ways. And being in an environment that’s normalized being half-dressed in a room full of your peers is so crazy to me. Hearing this really confirms a lot of experiences I’ve had, and shines a new light on what adding FAME and MONEY on top of that could do to someone
I was about to make a comment about community/school theatre. It really does feel like this on a mirco level
It is absolutely baffling / heartbreaking to me to revisit some of these environments as a guest instructor and hear what parents and teachers say to young people!
@@TheRealAlysonStoner It really is horrible! It is unfortunate because a lot of the kids, myself included, love the arts and want to participate. If school, or their local cities theatre programs, are the only ones you can attend...it almost feels like you have no other option to express your creativity.
I recently rejoined my high school theatre program to hopefully offer a safe space for the kids. Of course, while trying to maintain a professional space.
I love that you have that view on everyone changing the world. I've argued this point for years. 'Its only normal because we have made it that way'
Mm, love that statement!
i wish you could talk for hours! it's so nice to see you grow, and also see you take back your power, and your privacy! you deserve to be heard
After getting a better picture of the environment that child stars experience, the heavy privileges and setbacks, puts so much into perspective. Quite honestly, i felt very fearful when you mentioned about minors getting access to go to clubs and mingling with other adults and being so easily exposed to certain drugs and addictions so early in life. As a mom listening to this, I was literally biting my fingernails.
The most captivating series on UA-cam, this honestly deserves all the accolades it can get.
You deliver this complex topic so concisely and succinctly furthermore you exhibit such a calming aura.
When I hear this I think about the fact that social media can make a child stars. The life of a child influencer feels even more attainable from a child’s perspective because there are no auditions. It can be done with fewer boundaries and at a rate companies like Nickelodeon and Disney could have only dreamed of a generation ago. There are virtually no regulations for social media child stars.
Knowing the risks “traditional” child stars have faced for generations, one can only imagine what may happen to the many kids that are pushed into social media fame now and in the future.
This is going to start a cultural shift, and I’m so excited to be here at the start of it.
You bring such a dimension to what it means to be a child actor. It’s must be really weird not to really know what a normal life is like growing up. To have strangers grant you privileges because they know you as another character and you don’t know them at all. That’s really terrible for a child to experience. I truly feel for you.
My mother definitely struggled with narcissism from her own childhood and life experiences. My oldest sister has a diagnosis of NPD. I wish to God someone had told her she was wrong or not good enough at something and then actually was dedicated to showing her how. She really thinks, or definitely used to think, she was amazing and everything was going to work out for her. Having to compete in the real world made her an even nastier person. Thank you for talking about this. Despite her antagonistic self centered ways I wish she could just be herself. Hopefully we can prevent this from happening to future kids
NPD is such a complex and challenging experience for the individual *and* everybody around them. Thanks for sharing.
I can’t get over how fast paced life is for child actors. Humans of all ages need slowness and silence to regulate nervous systems. Super interested to see what you mention in the next video about it. I hope you’ve been able to have more moments of solitude as you’ve gotten older. Thank you soooo much for all the work you and your team have put into this.
I see so much overlap with your experiences and the average population. There are definitely differences. Most of us never get to experience getting whatever we want. My experience was the opposite. The word no and the idea I wasn't good enough plagued my daily life. I was constantly seeking attention yet hiding from everyone. I didn't have a voice because if I spoke up those words would haunt my future. It wasn't safe to be myself so I worked really hard to conform to what the adults wanted me to be. I tried to be mature and invite myself to adult conversations to prove my worth. It never worked out of course. Kids were something to be handled and then tucked into a play area. They were never meant to interact with adults. They weren't worthy of that status. They were nothing more than an inconvenience when they entered the room. Still to this day I struggle to realize my self worth. I feel that one of the problems with our society is that the majority of adults turn off their caring attitude towards kids. Kids are treated like vermin. Either they're given whatever they want so they're happy and the adults can ignore them or they're given the bare minimum, if that, and pushed out of the way to also be ignored. The developmental needs of children are not being met in our society. Adults are conditioned to not care. There needs to be a shift in society where adults are taught how to truly nurture children so the kids can grow up to be stable adults. Kids will always be the future. We can not continue to give the future whatever it wants and expect it to think of society as a whole. We can not continue to ignore the future in hopes it'll fix itself. These seem to be the only two options in society right now. It isn't working. There has to be a change that swings into a healthy medium or else everything will continue to crumble around us and chaos will only get worse. Us adults can change this by acknowledging and admitting our wrongs then actively working to change them.
Thank you for this insight! Unpacking how a society/culture treats and values children is fascinating. Now I'm headed down a rabbit hole googling "social construction of childhood" -- thanks for the inspo!
One hundred million percent love this!!! My favorite humans in the world are the rare gems who can see and interact with a child as a unique human being. Bonus points if they can do that AND do the same for the parent(s) or, I guess, any average adult.
For some reason, I've often noticed that even if a person in early childhood development fields can be extraordinary at connecting with my children, they can be equally judgy with me.
This series has been so illuminating. I never considered the actual nervous system developmental issues that would stem from having to be 'on' all the time, or the fact that the way you perceived the world while your brain is still developing will have such real consequences on the adult one becomes. This has been amazing. Great work.
This is so trauma informed and so accessible. Thank you
Watching this series has made me so thankful for the adults and mentors that I had as a child. It makes me so thankful to be an average adult. Shame on Hollywood and adults in the industry that didn't do more to protect child stars from a world that is too much, even for adults.
This series has been so eye opening for me on such a personal level. Going into the body autonomy stuff - I went through a lot of trauma as a kid and never realised it was what caused my need to be such a people pleaser as an adult, shrinking myself so I’m “easy to be around” and don’t feel like a burden on others. I’m going to start looking into ways to heal this now I’m aware of it. Thank you Alyson, you truly are making a change in the world with this series.
Not sure if you are going to cover this but I’m interested in what you think the difference growing up with social media and how that affects child stars and access.
indeed!!! Coming soon!!
Living states away from the industry and having grown out of the performers dream this all reinforces the reasons why I never went farther in pursuing acting. Having a bf who majored in Film and who still actively works in the industry and is trying to make a name for himself, all of this scares the heck out of me
This whole series is an amazing entry into the truth behind child stardom and the psychology behind it is fascinating. Thank you for giving this insight and knowledge into the world behind the curtain. I commend you for your bravery to open up about the harsh realities you've dealt with alongside your peers. This is so important and I think (hope) it will make a tremendous impact in the entertainment culture for child stars.
Already liked because these are so good.
You do a really good job at immersive story telling, helps ppl to understand an experience they typically don’t relate to
It put into perspective the length of time (from childhood well into adolescence) a child actor could be living without boundaries. That is peak period of socialization and the Hollywood industry is setting you up for a downfall. So glad you had someone that gave you boundaries and supported you.
4:59 that’s brilliant that you went to him for help with vocal coaching after that bad rehearsal experience. Bring coachable and humble is the name of the game.
That’s why we watch your videos
I can tell you went to therapy, did the homework, and have healed a lot. thanks for breaking this down for us and humanizing celeb kids
I find the extremes so interesting. Inflated self esteem coupled with crippling self hatred or insecurity; everyone working to keep you happy while many abuses co-occur behind the scenes. It’s such a strange, dichotomous existence, and of course kids can’t wrap their heads around it.
I can’t know what it’s like to experience any type of fawning as a famous child (I was just a regular theatre kid lol) but I grew up in an ex-industry family and one experience stands out. I visited a family friend’s studio one time, and the front desk was manned by USC film students doing internships. They were SO nice. They were so doting and so accommodating and they offered to get me anything at all, and all I could think was “don’t they know I’m not important?”. My dad had to explain to me that I’m a close personal friend of the studio owner because I was like… but I’m ME. I have family and friends who are used to it, but I had no idea what to do with myself. I feel like it would be so overwhelming as a young child.
I’ll always have the utmost respect for Ethan Cutkosky because while he was filming shameless he wanted to be written out of the show during school because he wanted to go to school like a regular kid. From an outsider looking in I feel like that alone makes a famous person just a little bit closer to reality
Your perspective is SO honest and refreshing! THANK YOU ☺️ it’s so important we start talking about why people are the way they are instead of pointing the finger and judging.
Looove! Because these are weekly episode, make them longer please! The agony of the weekly wait !😢
I went to LA from Miami pre pandemic to visit a friend getting her Master's at UCLA and when we went out to a regular bar, not even club, I was offered party favors in the bathroom. I was like, "did i make a wrong turn and end up in MIA?" Bc that's sort of the debauchery you can find and what I experienced growing up in sfla. I made a vow early on, 13-14 to have strong boundaries on what not to try, but I also didnt have to navigate the additional burden of an exploitative, immoral entertainment industry. Kudos Alyson for this series, im recommending it to everyone i know
When you brought up the confidence that one can conjure after having been in such positive affirming situations (even if situational) really hit home for me. I was part of a wonderful advocacy group for 10 years from my late teens and almost to my 30s. Thinking on it now, I had so many positive teaching and activism experiences to draw my confidence from today, and it was a very progressive and powerful environment for me to gain that in. Thinking now, that is probably why I was able to grow into the person I am today that is confident and fairly well adjusted. Seeing how these kid stars weren’t in the same spot, it makes sense now why they adapted the way they did. Thank you for all this insight!
You are such a class act. As only a viewer, I never thought about this and knew how unprotected child “stars” are. This series is such a heartbreaking but informative view and exposure into the industry; with such dignity, grace, compassion and heart/ thank you!
Wow!👀 outstanding insight. I’ve never heard someone put this into words. Love that you’re spreading awareness and helping people understand! We are all human.
My entire life, my family has been struggling financially. I can’t categorize us directly as “poor” because I’ve been fortunate. But the things I’ve seen and went through as a child, conditioned me, as an adult who can appreciate a simple dollar. I’m one of those kids who grew up watching you on cheaper by the dozen, Disney channel, Nickelodeon and thought “wow I wish I could be them and be that lucky to work in Disney” lmao
But I am happy I’ve always been very grounded and can appreciate very simple things by working very hard for every dollar without having the press from magazines at my front door, or not being to enjoy a meal quietly in public. There’s a lot more to Hollywood than what we all realize and I’m happy to keep listening to what you very clearly express!
Love those segments and I hope you’re not receiving any hate mail from anyone (I imagine there’s some people who are not happy, I really don’t know) lol ❤
it's one of the worst feelings in the world when somebody who hurt you so deeply is accepted and welcomed by people you also want acceptance and warmth from, especially if they actually know what that person did to you.
It’s so sad and horrifying to hear what all of you at Disney and nick went through because so many of us wanted to be you or with you guys living your lives. I remember begging so many times for my parents to let me do it and even got scouted at like age 3 for modeling while at Disney as a guest!! (which is weird af) thank god my mom said no every time and never told me just made sure I knew it wasn’t gonna happen. I used to be really sad about that but after the last like 7 years I’ve slowly realized she saved me yanno. I’m so sorry for all of you, there’s so many that are gone forever we can’t even apologize to, that weren’t heard before they passed. Just sad but I’m so grateful you guys are all coming forward and making a hopeful and better future for the children. Gods work against the literal devils.
A little late to your series but I’ve been watching so much I’m sorry!! Will be fully in with it all now
“You’re ELEVEN.” 😂😂😂😂 I CRACKED UP!!!
You do a really good job of slowly breaking down your experience hilighting parts where you understand now that your life as a child performer is very different than that of children outside your industry.
well spoken- and i appreciate the interjections of later Alyson as well as initial Alyson 😂
The lifestyle and situations explored in the episode contain so much depth of perspective and information that it actually makes the subject matter feel brand new. It's so much more than spoiled rich kids, Hollywood brats, or whatever. The nuance is important, this dialogue is powerful, and this series is working wonders! Thank you, Alyson.
Wow this episode was so eye opening!! You speaking about the dichotomies is so interesting to compare as an average consumer/audience member hearing about life from the “other side of the wall”. Like when you spoke about not having any freedom or privacy as a child it instantly made me feel somewhat grateful about my “normal” childhood. Being able to go wherever I wanted freely without having to worry about that. Yet also having to life with the average, and unfavorable experience of being “normal” like struggling with finances, etc…the human experience is so wild. What we wish for comes with its own shadow side and vice versa it’s insane to think about
This is an amazing series. So eloquent, laid out, and researched in medical and psychological effects on child stars. I've always wondered about NDAs since most of the largest entertainers of our time period are still working for the major Hollywood studios. They aren't able to speak publicly about their experiences because even though their original 10 year NDAs from their teenage contract expired; their adult ones from when the re-signed those acting or show contracts, maybe could've put them back into that 10 years NDA contract timeline. What happens if the Hollywood studio goes bankrupt, is the NDA still active or not? Can they finally talk about their experiences publicly without Hollywood and unions backlash if the studios go completely bankrupt? Thank you for being so well spoken, intelligent, humanizing teen idols, and giving us the perspective of experiences of Hollywood that most people never get to experience. It makes me thankful for my normal childhood. I'm thinking what's going to come from all these social media and UA-cam child and teen stars of today's world facing similar pressures of child stars before them. Children have addiction to social media far beyond what's been in the days of MySpace and Xenga. Keep up the good and hard work in everything that you do! Thank you for this informative, personal, and great series!
This is a very good podcast. I've never thought that child stars have no other reference points than this "famous life"
I’m trying to take all of this in teeny tiny bites to absorb all the brilliance Alyson is laying out. I feel like I’m watching a therapist discuss child stardom.
I wanted to be famous so badly as a child and as I grew up I realized that I would be a terrible match for the responsibility, restriction and attention it brings you. I have loved learning from this series and can’t wait to learn more. Thank you for your research and effort, Alyson!
And kudos for creating a visual and audio safe space. I feel relaxed watching, even though they’re very tough subjects.
I'm so glad to hear this is resonating deeply. Shout-out to Mina and Joseph for helping create the soft and soothing ambience. It really helps set the tone!
This series is just so thoughtfully done. I'm really enjoying it. I took a grad class on trauma for work a couple years ago (I'm a teacher) and we learned that being spoiled is a trauma for kids because they're seeking boundaries and guidance for authority that they're just not getting and that's scary. What you say makes a lot of sense to me.
And as a teacher, does that impact how you might communicate with a parent of a student you may suspect is "being spoiled"?
My children are homeschooled but I did catch wind of our district implementing "conscious discipline" into their classrooms. Have you ever heard of it? Its the best!
@@daniellesaunders3798 Best practiced for a traumatized child doesn't change based on the nature of the trauma. Teachers are trained, and often highly educated, professionals. We know how to support our students.
I'm glad your district is finding success with that SEL curriculum. I would recommend Trauma Sensitive Schools as a starting place if you have further wonderings about best practice for traumatized children.
I feel so sad and guilty that most of my childhood shows, brought to us by amazing actors/actresses, that I grew up with (and loved) were treated so badly and have struggled so much. It’s so sad to think that these childhood actors/actresses were there to make us laugh and feel things while they were struggling behind the scenes and treated terribly. Thank you Alyson for sharing your story and experiences and for exposing the dark truth behind Hollywood and childhood stardom ❤️
Amazing series, but also amazing your additional work to caption the video yourself for accessibility and accuracy! :)
Alyson, thank you for this!
I love that you mentioned the difference in how people treat celebrities vs. non-famous people which I think is not talked about enough. It's super refreshing to hear from your perspective that you clearly gave a lot of thought.
I live in Japan, where sometimes I see local celebrities walking on the streets without people intruding on their space, at least in my experience.
A few days ago, I saw a model guy in the gym I used to follow as a teen. I was shocked for a few seconds that I actually saw someone I used to idolize, but at the same time, I was happy I was not a teenager anymore where this "halo effect" kicks in, and you think there is a divine creature in front of you. Cause if you think about it, he also came to the gym to mind his own business. Like others. And I don't really know him besides the images I saw on IG.
Though I got a few comments from circles about why I never approached this guy "to take a chance," I am happy I remained non-intrusive and minded my business with friends I know lol.
Would love to hear more about your perspective on fan behaviour!
Everyone needs to hear this story. It's wonderfully nuanced and honest and yes, I do think you need to write a book at one point!
My husband was a child actor and so was his sister. My husband became very SET in his ways once he got out of the industry. His biggest insecurities are not being heard and his weight. He keeps a lot of things personal and he has a hard time opening up and I never really understood why. He had a great support system at home, he had a lot of different opportunities growing up… I think I’m now starting to see how his childhood has affected him as an adult… he’s talked about the privileges that he was given and the things he was able to easily access. He talks about when fans started recognizing him and how it became difficult to go to certain events as just a kid. But I guess I never looked closer to what they could do to him. So thank you for this… it’s opened my eyes quite a bit and it helps me to understand my husband a little bit better.
Definitely a lot of thoughts that i’d never had about child stars - crazy
And the media really plays into this too. When Dylan or Cole was photographed as a waiter in a NYC restaurant when they were studying there. Immediate the weird suggestive headlines: “strapped for cash”, “fallen child star”. It’s not only disrespectful to the former actor but also to a whole profession of extremely hardworking diligent people. As if being a waiter is being below an actor. It’s vulgar.
Thank you so much for opening up and sharing your deep understanding and raw experiences in a articulate and digestible way.
I have to say I cannot help but notice the striking relatability and similarities of your experiences as a child actor to the experience of growing up with a low instance disability.
I was ordered around by well intentioned but misinformed adults. As child I thought the blame could be put on one person or another. However, as I get older I realized it’s a much deep systemic issue. It’s not just one bad doctor, teacher or parent.rather a system that’s rooted in lack of understanding difference and hyper focused on if you can’t not perform as we expect you will not be granted the opportunity to be like everyone else.
young actors and actress are told if you don’t act as your told you will be replaced.
While yes these are two different situations they leave the child experiencing them conflicted, confused, unsure and most of all rejected by the very people they are trying so desperately to please in order to validate the need to be seen.
I hope that one day we can all collectively create a space where children are able to develop in an age appropriate way. Both in the industry and in the world of disability. Understanding that children will ultimately grow into adult and over all are human just like the rest of us.
This is fantastic content. I love how she talks not only about child actors but high performance children. I believe this is the kind of content that makes the world a better place.
How do you find balance in all this? I can’t help but wonder if this is why drug addiction is such a common issue in Hollywood aside from trauma. I can only imagine what it’s like to have these expériences that are deeply understood by a small percent of the population.
I know this is going to shatter some of the one-dimensional, black and white perspectives that are usually held around child stars, actors and celebrities alike. What a breath of fresh air and I just want to say that I’m here for it. ✨
Hi Alyson, I'm Rika. I just wanted to thank you for speaking in the intentional way that you do. Disney (the entertainment industry as a whole) was a big presence in my life growing up. On one hand, I am so grateful for the work you and your peers did. On the other hand, I am so sorry for what this industry has done to you all. I am looking forward to seeing how I as a conscious consumer can help play a role in creating a healthier environment in the entertainment industry. Thank you again for sharing your research and personal experiences in order to create a better future for the next generations.
He taught you humility 🥺
Very well-spoken. Never thought I'd get emotional from an issue that I am removed from (not a child actor, never thought about acting), but I almost teared up. I caught myself though! Lol. But I feel sad for the people involved. You seem very wise, and again, very well-spoken. Kudos. All the best.
This series has been incredible! Thanks also for the captions. I have auditory processing disorder, so it helps me to understand the episode better.
I feel like i need to watch this episode multiple times and pause continuously to really process everything. (That's a good thing)
This could have easily been a book and I just appreciate you making this accessible which is necessary to get folks to act up and push for change.
When you asked, “so whose fault is it?” It’s a trick question. It’s not one sole persons fault. It’s like you said. The environment and the system that encouraged the behavior and also independently made choices of the person.
As someone who has begun processing childhood trauma and learning to live with mental health conditions I didn't know I'd had as a child up until recent years, thank you for advocating for mental health, for childrens safety from a realistic, lived experience perspective with your peers and the dismantling of norms that continue to harm everyone. It's thanks to resources and people like yourself who open these sorts of discussions that we can be more aware. Hollywood has normalised so many things that should never have been. Absolutely sharing this series with everyone, you're doing awesome shit Alysson, and from the bottom of my heart, thank you.
I’m commenting on every video in the series after watching in full. A truly incredible feat to get all of this important information and life experience out to us. Needs way more views and I sincerely hope this is the start of a u-turn on what hollywood, media and social media has done to children and innocence itself.
This just reinforces the desire & resolve to teach my son responsibility (not give him whatever he wants) & self worth & all the things.
Also, thank you for making these videos that are informative & making a difference!!
I find myself always looking forward to more episodes of this podcast. I always want to hear what you have to say. You opened my eyes and ears to a lot of what I didn’t know. My heart hurts for all of the child stars.
So grateful to have you here. It's powerful to see everyone's responses and I'm so eager to share everything we've put together.
I appreciate the discussion about the psychology of being a Person in public - it's a very different experience, one that I personally found made it easier to disassociate and be manipulated in as a grown woman. It's pretty chilling to think of a kid going through any version of that, especially on the internet where there are very few opportunities for third parties to step in and help.