The Cause and Effect of Being Owned, Controlled and Manipulated | Dear Hollywood Episode 3
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- Опубліковано 24 сер 2023
- TW: sexual violence/abuse. Hollywood was not built with children in mind, nor is it prepared to protect children on set. Alyson explores the risks and unsuitable conditions of adult workplaces and responsibilities, including a personal account of being given a cigarette as an 11-year-old on an ABC series. They outline facets of Hollywood culture such as having a posse of “yes people”, never turning “off” the Performer identity, and power dynamics that enable abuse behind the scenes.
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About Alyson Stoner:
Alyson Stoner is a multi-hyphenate known for their on-screen acting work in franchises such as Step Up and Camp Rock to dancing with the likes of Missy Elliot and Eminem and now their original digital content across all her platforms. Alyson is also the founder of Movement Genius, a digital wellness platform that provides live and on-demand classes to help you improve your mental, emotional and physical well-being. - Розваги
Is it messed up to say I’ve been looking forward to this for days?
Me too
Me three
No, if you are looking forward to learning the truth and you are grateful that she grew strong enough to share it then you are appreciating the hard work she did surviving and processing all of this enough that she could share. To do this took decades of work, countless tears and likely some blood was shed. Thank you for wanting to know the truth, so many people would rather live in a delusion where they normalize a spectrum of abuse.
Alyson is so knowledgeable and such a great story teller. I look forward to anything she puts out because I know it will leave me with a better insight into situations that occur more often than we would like to think
Me tooo!!
when you said that 4 letter word, I cried. not because it obviously is an atrocious act but because you had the strength and courage to call it what it is and out loud. many of those who have been victimized can even say the word.
It has taken several years and I still sometimes choose not to say the word. It took awhile to even acknowledge that it happened. Thanks for understanding!
I think that's partly why the book speak was so important to read in hs and the movie was just as impactful
@vidiesel so true, thank you both.
@pimpking5000 I read _Speak_ in middle school and it was profound to me. One of the most heartbreaking and movies/books still after all these decades later.
@@TwiFiveGirls101 One of a few movies i leave in my cart. "Very Young Girls" and "Ask Me Anything" I recommend as well
Around minute 17 Alyson mentions she didn't feel motivated to take care of her hygiene and appearance when not on camera. I read that the husband and wife that took Marilyn Monroe in for a time during her career said she dressed really sloppily when not performing. She had a lot of depression and anxiety. She was abused since she was a child, and she didn't know how to have a healthy relationship. She still had the mindset of a helpless foster child, even as a wealthy, successful adult. She was still looking for a mother and father figure. But as adults we can learn and choose to parent ourselves and be for ourselves what our younger selves needed.
Some people die never healing that inner child 😢
"forever likable, never a burden" hit me right in the heart. I was abused for my entire life by a parent. Im also autistic and wasnt diagnosed till this year at 29, so the chameleon idea is a great description of my experience as well. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I would read any book you write.
This series is amazing. I refuse to participate in pedstal treatment when it comes to humans who just happen to be celebrities. The exploitation in the film and music industry makes me really hate participating in consumption of it.
Mm, this is such a fascinating response because it speaks to a critical part of the conversation - how we as an audience are intertwined in this ecosystem, intentionally and unintentionally. I'm so eager to speak to this in coming episodes!
Honestly it’s so appreciated.
@@namelastname-qg6qw nick Fuentes us a n*zi
Rapists are exceptionally skilled at giving off no warning of their intention, and giving no indication to other connections what they're capable of.
We are having a case in Brazil from a known child actress from here, Larissa Manuela, who didn't know about her money and her company's contracts until her adult years. It's so sad that this keep happening, it's so important that entertainers like you and her speak up about this.
Thanks for sharing! I’m looking up Larissa now to learn more!
@@TheRealAlysonStoner It was all set up by her parents and she still wants to keep contact with them, but they are sending real manipulator vibes, her disclosure interview was by Fantastico.
Yes, but keep in mind that it’s not the sole responsibility of Alyson to have these conversations! They’re very emotionally draining and intense.
@@shizzlemywizzle1 for sure!!!! They are very strong to talk about it, I can only imagine how draining it is.
nossa, lembrei da larissa na hora! muito pesado
Alyson, I want to commend you not only for your vulnerability and bravery in speaking out about this, but also for your eloquence and ability to be so compelling. I am a high school English teacher, and the wheels in my head are already turning with plans to use this podcast in my AP English Language & Composition course. At just three episodes in, it has already been a masterclass in developing an argument, which is a central focus of our course, and the topic is highly relevant to teens who have grown up admiring child stars. You are doing excellent, important work here. Thank you.
As someone who hardly has an official high diploma but always loved writing and learning, I am honored!!!
I had a similar experience as a young child with a gentleman who I later found out was a serial groomer and abuser. Many of us came together in our late teens to get him convicted. We were lucky- we had a lawyer who advocated for us, his employer believed us- the only group against us was his church. Exactly like you said- I know it's not my fault that I got hurt, and it's not my fault he hurt other people. But I to this day still feel responsible for every girl that came after me. It's taken years of therapy to recognize that feeling as a cognitive distortion, and illusion of control. Thank you for sharing your experiences and lasting feelings around them.
As a Christian, it absolutely SICKENS me when I hear and read stories of people in the church defending a predator. I’ve seen it happen first hand when someone I knew and thought was a friend was a child r*pist. We immediately believed the victims and all who came forward. There was no reason not to! But people from the churches he attended over the years started posting “we believe you” on HIS social media! I was livid. When women started coming out telling their stories on his FB, I reached out to these complete strangers just to tell them how sorry I was that they were not believed and advocated for and that I believed them. It’s no wonder people leave the church and never come back. The wolves in sheep’s clothing come to destroy, and destroy they do. But man, the number of devotees just because someone calls themselves a Christian is insane. So what if he served at the church every week and showed ip to every event? You see him one hour a week and suddenly you know all about the guy and his darkest secrets? Blows my mind, but mostly lights a fire under me to stand up for victims whenever I can.
So this was an exceptionally heavy one. Thank you for sharing your experience Alyson as that must have been quite hard to discuss something that personal. It’s sad that the child star culture is so ingrained that some stories like these are almost common. This series is very eye opening. Again thank you for having the courage to share and try to break this cycle and provide awareness.
PS you are undoubtedly worthy
Thanks for moving through the heavy clouds here. Next week will have a different texture and tone! And actually, I'm super curious to hear how people will respond. We'll see!
This is so relatable to anyone playing sports and the parents trying to get you to go professional! A lot of the things mentioned in this series can easily coincide with kids getting thrown into the athletic fame pipeline.
Omg I had a realization that I really identified with child actors but it was different because I was in the sports world and every bit of my sports career was managed and a caregiver had their hands in everything and I had no say, until I did…
@@TheBrookeJ @teresarancadore6814
YES! The overlap for high-performing children .... athletes, academics, arts ... there is some fascinating research on how this specifically affects three critical areas of development: 1) identity formation, 2) secure attachment, 3) nervous system regulation. // I'm excited to expand the conversation across demographics over time. So glad to see you drawing the correlations.
@@TheRealAlysonStonerinteresting to see you mention academics! I remember in my high-achieving high school, I saw a therapist at one point who saw so many kids from my school that she had to specially arrange her schedule so we wouldn’t run into each other. We all did so much homework that we slept 4-5 hours a night on a good night but our principal was like “WELL if students would get off Facebook they’d be FINE” lmao
@@TheRealAlysonStoner I draw the correlation from my personal experience of being in competitive sports and couldn’t help seeing the similarities in the experience. It’s eerily similar and caused me so much trauma. It would be so resourceful to have series on other topics concerning high performing children.
This is such an important point. Hockey organizations, for example, have fostered really abusive and exploitative environments where teenagers are expected to do anything in order to have a hope of making it to the NHL. Graham James is the most famous predator in that industry but that's only because his victims were heard in court.
19:06 this is EXACTLY how I describe growing up in a hyperreligious background. I don't feel like i started becoming a real authentic person until I was about 23. I don't have any friends from before that time because none of those people were really friends with me. They were friends with my disguises. When i committed to not wearing disguises, they all feel away
There are so many layers to this experience. I would love to unpack this down the road. One topic at a time! 😅💕
Same here. I literally said, "I don't know who I am" so many times when I realized I wasn't ever going to be enough for my family because, in large part, I knew I wasn't religious anymore. That sense of having your self not be acceptable, not be okay, while the same person who finds that unacceptable is also telling you that they'll be there for you no matter what--after a while, the reaction from them is so inconsistent that you don't know what to believe. You (literally, in my case) don't know up from down. You feel completely crazy and like you want to let someone else take control, to make sense out of everything, and it's frustrating and traumatic and awful. I only recently committed to shedding my last few disguises and I lost my entire family of origin. On the plus side, I've gained a sense of peace and a sense of security and genuine love and authenticity with my chosen family, both immediate and extended--and that's invaluable.
But the path to get there is excruciating. If we can just set kids up for handling this stuff much earlier on, maybe they won't have to expend so much energy as adults unlearning and relearning everything, especially stuff as basic and fundamental as self-esteem.
Same here
I also became real around 27-present time aka 30. All trauma will cause this unfortunately. I hope this series can influence change for the kids in Hollywood.?as she mentioned in last episode American society is based on dysfunction I would love to see things beginning to change for future generations 🫶🏻
💯💯💯💯💯
I was raped as a child too. I only had courage to tell my mom a month ago. The most hearthbreaking thing is that the person who raped me was not an adult but another child. It hurts to much. Even though you know it's not your fault, you'll always find yourself thinking "what if i did things the other way, maybe if i didn't get there that day, nothing would happened to me. Maybe it was the wrong day. Maybe if i wasn't such a pleaser, maybe if i said no!!!" I will never know. Now, i have been followed by a psicologist who helps me with ansiety and panic attacks. I still struggle with suicidal thoughts. And i have two backplans how to kill myself if i want to. But i feel better with the help, and i'm starting to have less and less this thoughts. Eventually i will get better, if not... Well, you know that happens. 🤷♀️
You’re doing great despite the challenges you face! If you can, just work on the next small step, and don’t focus on any big milestones yet. Just getting out of bed deserves a pat on the back ❤ Everybody has to do the small steps to move onto the things they want to do/get to. The majority of people do all these subconsciously, so you might have become hyper aware of the steps when you suddenly have difficulty doing them. There’s nothing wrong with noticing that you complete the small steps little by little and practicing self care. If more people did so, they might even find their day a little brighter I think 😅
Sorry, went on a tangent there haha. I wanted to say, perhaps the mind ruminates the “what ifs” to prepare us for the future. By simulating (though in a sucky way) if you have “control” over the situation, then you can protect yourself from future trauma. And while true…control isn’t something people often have, I’d say. It’s something that’s shared. It depends on others…that’s why there’s a connection with people who protect abusers (allowing them freedom to commit heinous deeds) and people who protect each other from being abused. People who are alone (not just physically) become easy targets, so it’s important to find a good support system for this and other mental health issues. In both cases, community plays a significant role; it can either save or trap the individual.
I went a little off topic again, but I meant to say: you might like to examine that the reason behind self blame is a faulty mechanism of the brain to try and protect the body. But again, it’s faulty because it doesn’t help you make sense of the situation and has you running in circles only to cause neglect/harm to the body. So when you’re hard on yourself, please remember there’s a lot people still don’t understand (especially the brain doing blame games which are supposed to be “helpful”). I wonder if that made sense? Sorry for the rambling if it didn’t 😅
I love you, and I’m rooting for you~
@@bubbiccino the majority of times, people who don't know me, think i'm sucessfull. I have a child with 13 months, a boyfriend (who i date for almost 15 years), a dog... i have a nice job, i had the opportunity to go to college (which i'm not in debt), i have a car of my own and we're going to build a new house with a pool for us. But the mental problems have a major role in my life. It influences everything. And, even thought you may seem sucessfull, you may feel like you wanna die just so you can forget your childhood traumas.
@@milenelourenco3147 Yep, you never know what a person’s going through- even if they wear a smile on their face and feel full of energy. If you don’t feel fulfilled or something(s) you didn’t fully process linger in a harrowing way, it will stay with you until it’s properly addressed. How it’s addressed that helps in a healing way varies from person to person, but it’s always something that needs to be done.
What you said about being perceived as “successful,” makes me think about individuals who are high Masking/have High Functioning Depression. It sucks to have to act “normal,” or put a pause on “negative emotions” to put others at ease and at the same time feel guilt for needing to not do that. I hope those closest to you can be understanding and that you can obtain time to take it easy (slowly resolve things). Whether that’s with company or alone, whichever you need, it’s valid! It’s possible go need both at different times, too 👍
I say all this because I suffer from chronic burnout (especially due to masking) and cPTSD among other things. I’m not successful despite how hard I’ve tried, and I also deal with s*cidal ideation. I don’t know what exactly we can do to keep ourselves healthily motivated and feel properly healed, but I guess we’re all in it together? I think we are trying the best we can do, and we do still need help (from the right people and places). I can only hope that the small steps lead to something better while staying realistic about expectations and trying not to be too hard on ourselves (when others will already willingly do plenty of that for us).
This happened to me too I'm so sorry you went through that 😢
The shapeshifting you mentioned is a hallmark of childhood abuse survivors, actors or not. It comes from the denial of autonomy and free self expression, no matter what is the source of this denial.
I can’t believe how much I relate to you. Like, I simultaneously know that violence is always the fault of the perpetrator - but I also know that there were warning signs that I was trained to be blind to, where other people are taught to recognize the danger and avoid it. Some danger is preventable, but it was never prevented for me, because I was always taught that I am only worth what I can give to others. I could have been taught to protect myself, to care about myself, but someone would have had to model that for me, and no one did. They were all just using me.
TW for below
I once had a man break into my house and come into my bedroom while I was sleeping because I canceled plans on him. I woke to him in my bed with me, and I’ll leave the description at that. When I wasn’t happy about what he did, he became enraged, because of all the effort he went through to see me, despite all of the rejection I put him through. After I kicked him out, everyone told me that I should be grateful to have someone who clearly cared about/wanted me so much, and that I really needed to calm down about what happened, because he was such a nice guy. He was friends with my friends/roommates and for them, that was enough reason to take his side, even though they saw him entering and leaving my bedroom and they knew exactly what happened. They didn’t want to have to break up their DnD group over my melodrama.
People don’t understand how much it messes with your head when you realize that no one cares enough to protect you or even to support you emotionally through the aftermath, even when they know what’s going on. It’s all hugs and smiles and high fives, as Alyson said, and you realize too late that you’re surrounded by monsters. And suddenly everything feels fake and empty; it’s all empty eyes and fake smiles and perfect friendliness that doesn’t mean anything, and it’s terrifying how perfectly believable it is when they look at you and smile and ask you how you’re doing, everyone still seems like the same warm person you trusted yesterday, and you realize how alone you really are.
It’s impossible for me to explain how it feels. I don’t have the same eloquence that Alyson does, who has managed to explain every complex topic perfectly so far. But thank you Alyson, for sharing your story. I know that our lives are completely different, but I can’t tell you how much I relate to literally everything you’ve said thus far, even as just an ordinary person. And it has helped me so much, to realize that I’m not alone; that someone else understands.
And the fact that you care enough to make this podcast and put your most vulnerable stories under public scrutiny, to help others in this way, truly moves me. I hope you continue to find peace and healing and happiness; you deserve to live a good and prosperous life.
I’m a huge fan of this podcast, in case you couldn’t tell. I think it’s really important. I hope that people care.
Just want you to know I’m listening. Sending so so much love on the journey to you. Thank you for your vulnerability to share here.
I couldn't imagine treating someone this way. I'm sorry this happened to you. No one deserves that.
I can’t believe I aspired to be a child star and thought you guys were living it up!! I was debating putting my child in acting and … ehhh that environment is just too toxic for my sweet precious angel. I couldn’t imagine it for them. This breaks my heart.
It’s all a facade 😢 nothing everything that glitters is gold
The level-headed, analytical way that you approach these issues is so refreshing. It's such a hard topic to talk about without it slipping into the "trauma porn" category. This is the kind of deconstruction Hollywood has needed for far too long. It's not extreme, it's not "a headline," it's facts, it's science, and it's all presented in a way that's irrefutable.
"I started to wonder if I was a safe and reliable keeper of my own mind and body"!!! My inner sense of panic has been revolving around this, the way you framed this really stood out to me.
So sorry you were taken advantage of in this horrific way. It's disgusting that abusers can still be around kids is terrifying.
Thank you for speaking with both nuance and clarity. Also, thank you for giving some level of grace to the adults who were simply unaware of their impact--while not giving them excuses for clearly wrong behavior. I teach junior high and high school students, and watching how quickly they can change from one day to another, and some, literally from one hour to another, can be amazing sometimes. I remember the transition from being an adolescent to an adult very clearly. At work, whether retail or teaching, sometimes it's necessary to "act," to perform for the needs of the moment. While teaching I truly am "on" all the time. I need to do so for my job! I don't mind, because I know how my day works and the rhythms there. I can't imagine needing to be like that as a child, or even only being with adults when they are in that performative role.
well yea you learn to adjust based on the situation going on
That's true, and it's unfortunately common to be socially ingrained to be in a performative role. As someone that has mild social anxiety and trust/vulnerability issues, social masking is such a common thing (especially when we're in an environment/around people we're uncertain could handle authenticity or just generally unsafe to open up about certain topics).
sometimes it's wise not to discuss certain topics in mixed company as it might be triggering to other individuals or might cause problems. sometimes we're better off not saying something@@Scarshadow666
I love that this can also apply to non-celebrities who were neglected, and abused either emotionally, psychologically, sexually, or physically as well, especially with the conditioned to always offer themselves up and think we cant say no. Thank you. Thank you for sharing. Bless your heart honestly. ♥
Edit: BTW this was very healing. My therapist has told me plenty of times to not blame myself because being a child abuse victim always leads to becoming a victim in the future over and over until we get therapy to reform. Still, even so, healing is not linear and not easy.
Disabled, minority groups, the system needs to change.
hearing what you've been through literally makes me sick to my stomach, they just abandonded you and left you with having to pick up after all these adults
Sadly most child stars have the same experience. They’re alone at the end of the day with no one around to help 😢
I'm so sorry for what happened to you. Fellow former child actor here. I sent my TV dad to prison. (Turns out he molested a bunch of children.) This was before #MeToo and going through the accusations, investigations and eventual court cases, followed by two appeals was insanely hard. I'm so glad that others are now also speaking up about their experiences, as hard as they are. People need to know being a child actor isn't all fun and play.
Damn I’m glad he’s in prison. So sorry that happened to you
Reminds me of that incident where John Landis killed two child actors on the set of Twilight Zone. There was zero consequence for his career. and John’s son Max is out of control to this day… Max grew up completely entitled and used that power to abuse everyone around him. It is a gross cycle.
I've just always thought it was so strange that CHILDREN are allowed to have jobs that under any other circumstances would be considered child labor and illegal? I can't imagine how damaging it would be to essentially have no safe space(if things weren't okay at home). I would have to "perform" at home and could at least explore who I was at school to an extent. As adults, we're all aware of the toxic fake work culture, but as a child you wouldn't know whats real and whats not. Thank you for being so vulnerable.
Thanks for being so vulnerable, thoughtful, and considerate. I experienced a lot of childhood trauma as well and just listening to your story has made me feel more human.
❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹
I’ve never been an actor but I struggle with brushing my teeth in the morning, ESPECIALLY at night before bed, cause I eat so randomly and idk when I’m going to pass out; I have chronic stress, severe social anxiety, bad depression so often, etc. I can’t really take care of myself at all. I mean I try, but.. a lot of days I skip a lot of meals, don’t brush my teeth some mornings and lots of nights, don’t know how to force myself to be productive or get a job or do something. Barely know who I really am. Idk.
I swear Alyson is doing god's work with this series.
I remember being in middle school and feeling afraid to advocate for my basic needs. I felt afraid I would be punished or shamed for needing to go to the bathroom or possibly have an accident if I waited too long. As an autistic person, I wanted to please other people before I would please and care for myself. I didn't want to be seen as rude or problematic. But no matter how much I tried to blend in socially being shy and awkward but still being told I have potential as a singer, I couldn't grasp the "hint" that some people were not interested in me. It's not my "job" for everyone to like me, and it took me a long time to put my needs first. I still need to set reminders to brush my hair, drink water, and brush my teeth too! Self advocacy is important! Thanks for the great video and looking forward to the next episode!
Thanks for reading and hearting my comment Alyson Stoner! ♥️
The saddest thing about all of this, is that its common and no one is really doing anything to change it, at least the people in power. Its a great conversation you have started, and a fresh POV to the issue, I’m enjoying it a lot and learning new things.
We've got plans in place to change the industry! Eager to share more as time and episodes unfold.
@TheRealAlysonStoner I think for me personally, as someone who did and now sometimes judges competitive public speaking, this is what separates this project from all the other memoirs and retrospectives. A call to attention without a call to action is just entertainment. Both are necessary for a piece of communication to succeed in changing anything. Looking forward to the ongoing conversation.
I would LOVE to hear a convo btw you and Keke Palmer on her podcast
I love Keke! She would be a fantastic guest! Going to reach out. :)
I relate to this so very much. I was born into The Mormon Church. So much of what you said can be transferred over to growing up in religious control and abuse. I was not allowed to be me and I certainly wasn't allowed to have control over my body, my choices, or my beliefs.
I am just now connecting how much of a negative impact that has had on my romantic relationships and my friendships.
I was groomed by older men. I've been in violent relationships. I struggle with saying no and not feeling guilty or "bad".
I am damn near 33-years-old and this shit is hard.
I believe you. 💜
Yes. The lack of informed consent and the pressure to be a specific person is so toxic in the Mormon church. I hope more and more people are realizing it the more people speak up and out about abuse in all the places it shows up.
I’m proud of you for being able to see the truth and accept it. And I’m proud of me too. It was scary and so so hard.
❤ another 33 year old exmormon
I'm sorry to hear you both had this experience! 😥 Control and abuse are totally opposed to what God wants. That has not been my experience as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. But good things can become bad if they are distorted or abused or taken to an extreme. ☹️ Among many things, serving my mission really reinforced for me the importance of agency - I was out there sharing the gospel of Jesus Christ voluntarily because I genuinely believe it and my experiences with God's love have brought me joy. My experience was that I did have agency and was encouraged since I was young to find out for myself if I believed the Church was true. I wouldn't want something that was voluntary and joyful for me to be forced upon someone else without their consent and agency--that totally changes it and corrupts it.
When I've been in situations where I'm feeling general pressure of external expectations (not necessarily referring to situations with larger issues of abuse where greater action is needed), it helps me a lot to focus inwardly on myself and my relationship with God and not what I think other people might expect be to do or be. I think a lot of times we develop this idea that there is a "mold" we have to all fit into because we're turning too much externally and not listening internally enough to God and what His Spirit tells us about ourselves and how we can apply His commandments in our lives and who He wants us to be. I believe God does give us commandments for our own happiness but there is flexibility within those for many personalities and people with different strengths and interests and challenges. There is a divine diversity in the "body of Christ" of the Church. God wants to make us our most authentic selves and there is space and flexibility for that in His plan. I find that becoming closer to Him gives me greater confidence to be the person He made me to be and to have courage about my viewpoints and experiences. We don't have to all be the same. We can be like an orchestra that is in harmony but with many different instruments. God gives us different gifts for a reason. And sometimes we lay upon ourselves expectations that are not His for us. He does not expect us to be perfect. He expects us to come to him authentically and give him our best and he will tell us it is enough and will make up the difference. His yoke is easy and his burden is light.
@@aliciamoulton6876 Your missionary work is apparently still going, I decline the sales pitch. Wisely and elegantly had my records removed at the age of 19 and have zero regrets from doing so. ✌️
@@maegenfoster It is very scary, and brave, to do something that has been engrained in us to be seen as wrong. I'm proud of you too! Mormon Corp. definitely doesn't make it easy. The risk of losing any and all connection to the community really does cause an inner battle. I hope you have been able to get out without losing too many loved ones. 🫂
Grew up in Baptist evangelical circles and it is the same shit it’s horriboe
Truly breaks my heart knowing what you and other childhood stars I grew up with went through. I'm glad you've been able to get to a place where you are learning to stand up for yourself and take ownership of your body and life. I thank you for taking the time to share all of this so we the fans can understand. And I hope this podcast can help bring change for child actors. What you are doing is SO important. This cycle of abuse and children being unsafe needs to end. ❤
As an autistic person who deals with heavy masking, I can relate to the mindset/routine habits of struggling to take care of yourself physically when you aren't in a position to perform.
"...rebuilding trust with myself..." this hit home. Something I'm still working on after years of therapy. Thank you for sharing these messages with us. For you, for me, for loved ones, for strangers, for everyone. Thank you.
My jaw dropped for 2 minutes straight. I’m so so proud of you for getting through everything you have, it’s really truly incredible and I wish you constant healing always!
Algorithm do your thing and take this series to the fkin top
🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻
As a mother of a tween I hope you discuss how young consumers of these shows might consider what they are taking in. How they interact with a young actor as a possible role model. How they can actively break down those issues as simply exposing them. You use some pretty big words, review fantastic key points. And I am tempted to use it as a teaching point for my tween daughter. Keep them coming.
I am fascinated by this contextualixation of Hollywood culture as a specifically American subculture. On paper it seems so obvious but your slingshot metaphor is so apt, it really does take pulling back to be able to dive in. I will be looking for a copy of that book the next time I have a chance to visit the library.
I mostly think in terms of tropes and fiction (it's amazing how storytelling can reveal so much), and even though she's a fictional character deliberately written to exemplify the "toddler to trainwreck" pipeline, I can't help thinking about Sarah Lynn from Bojack Horseman while listening to this conversation. Especially because so many of these moments you're describing were deliberately written into her arc: you can see the exact moment Bojack imprints the idea of being a performer above all else onto her (which of course was first pushed onto him by his mother) and how that affected her for the rest of her life. Don't Stop Dancing, indeed. I'm still impressed with how the writing in that show tackled some of this stuff. It's sobering to hear it come directly from someone who lived it.
Wow, thanks for sharing this reference in Bojack. I’m not familiar, but I’ll check it out!
@TheRealAlysonStoner in that case, obligatory warning that the show goes to some very dark places (many of the triggers applicable to this podcast apply in full force there as well). I'd recommend looking up a full content warning before diving in and checking in with yourself to make sure you're in a safe headspace for it. It took me years to get around to watching it myself but I'm very glad I did.
I'm proud of our generation and the generations that follow, who have been taking their autonomy and consent so seriously and raising more and more fists in the air and voices to the tumult.
thank you, Alyson.
You are so incredibly beautiful and graceful. Thank you for speaking on this. I was not a child star, but I was bought as a living doll for a very narcissistic woman. Trafficked and gaslit about it, up till going no contact 2 years ago. Still feels like one giant gaslight when I think about my old family. But that's ok. I am applauding you for eternity ❤
Wow, what a layered experience. Thank you for sharing this. Sending love in your process!!
@@TheRealAlysonStoner thank you! It's an honor to witness your becoming. So much collective trauma you are exposing, it's breathtaking the way you're doing it. Please 🙏🏽 KEEP IT UP!! 💖💖 Much love and hope from New Hampshire
That’s so messed up how they mishandled your money and took advantage of your innocence as a child.. even when it comes to your finances.. this really saddens my heart, there is so much wickedness going on in the industry .. so many changes need to be made. Thank you for your vulnerability
This is the kind of series I want to share with my daughter as she grows older. Our contexts may not be the same, but the entitlement that some feel to children's autonomy remains the same. Thank you for your vulnerability and for the conversations you are facilitating. Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Rachel Hurd-Wood (Wendy in the 2003 Peter Pan) talked about the struggles with maintaining hygiene as a child actor. I would have never thought of that, but it's interesting to have now heard two different child actors talk about this. Thank you for being so open on these issues ❤️. Thank you for sharing your story.
I am BUZZING for the next episode!
Me, too! I’ve been watching and reviewing the next few coming up. I can’t wait!!!
I am so sorry that happened to you, and even sorrier that you weren't believed. Predators are very, very good at manipulation, of their supporters as well as their victims.
The more I listen to your story, the closer I come to thinking we should follow Mara Wilson's suggestion and just use VFX for all child roles.
So excited for every single episode you release, Alyson. This is a fascinating and necessary look into the industry. Thank you for sharing not only your story and perspectives, but those of others who want to speak their truths. The poison is truly in the water we are all drinking, amazing statement. 👏
It's one thing to be hurt by someone, it's another for everyone else to act like it doesn't matter. It's all the more difficult to see and process trauma and abuse when it's the societal/cultural standard
I didn't grow up in the industry, but my entire childhood was "performative" if you have a family that witholds love or is toxic, you are constantly trying to "act" in a way that pleases the adults around you, or to avoid their wrath.
This reminds me of what happened to Brendon Fraser. He came out about his abuse.
And he was Blackballed...now imagine if you're a child, in that type of environment...
The whole self neglect & shape-shifting ppl pleasing section really hit home for me
It is so awful that adult feel entitled to take children’s money.
You mention the whole "have your kid do your job" as comical, but for myself and a lot of children whose parents run their own businesses that happened.
I was eleven when I was put to work in the office doing data entry during summer vacations (and some weekends). I never remember actually agreeing to it. I was thirteen when I was verbally abused, loudly, by one of my parents in front of at least seven other adults for messing up a form that cost the company $1000. Thirteen. No one said anything.
I've met countless others who went through the same thing and while some were children of immigrants (which seems to be acceptable to people for some reason) most weren't. There has always been a serious child labour problem in North America and I'd say that Hollywood is just the most visible.
I'm really glad you're doing this series. I think the more we talk about this problem the sooner we can start making real systematic changes that actually protect kids. Thank you.
Verbally abused? That's what we're calling yelling now?
As someone who loved all the child actors that were around my age, finding them relatable, consuming their films and TV shows - all this turns my stomach. I hate that all these kids were exploited and hurt at the hands of the adults in the industry. It makes looking back on such media with disdain.
Everyone is an enabler. The viewers, the production team, the producers...it's all a cycle. The rotten core of American culture. And don't forget the hidden agendas behind the symbolism of the content we watch...it shapes the way we think and feel...so that we also don't know who we are, because we're trying to mimic the Alyson's and Brittany's of the world. After years of entertainment, we are exactly what they want us to be: compliant consumers who value materialism and status above morality, values, and character. Integrity doesn't matter right? Because everything is relative and you can be whoever you want...diabolical and brilliant marketing.
It is crazy how many people feel this lost of control and body autonomy. It is so crazy how we as a society veiw actors and other famous people as less than because they have money, fame, success. Even when stories come out society is so easy to blame the victim for what they did wrong and that they choose this life.
I’m so sorry that people have stolen from you.
As a mental health researcher, I’d be so interested to see people research this topic using participatory arts-based methods (particularly through Photovoice or theatre-based methods). I think it would give rise to so much of child actors’ embodied experiences and the asymmetrical power relations associated with that in a visual and social action-oriented manner, especially things like body modification. Definitely something to watch for sure, thanks for raising awareness for these kinds of topics!!
My eyes got teary eyed when you disclosed. My heart goes out to you and what you experienced and that the person responsible has done it to countless others. It’s most certainly the worst crime…. Truly I’m speechless. I hope one day there is some kind of justice for you and the others.
I really appreciate the nuanced way you frame the system child stars have to operate in. I resonated with what you said about self neglect, though I didn't have the experience of being a child star, I definitely neglected my hygiene, sleep and eating as a teenager and young adult as a result of abuse. For me, I think it was a way of trying to prove that what happened to me was significant, and wallowing in my suffering made that pain matter. It's still a journey to teach myself that I'm not negating my experience by trying to make myself feel better - it's a way of honouring my experience and what I need. It's an after effect of trauma I wish more people gave voice to, so thank you for that! I also think you tackle the complexity of why people who are traumatized are likely to be traumatized again with a lot of grace and insight. It takes time to learn that what's happening inside of you is important, and to develop intuition about what's safe and unsafe.
I can relate, I may nor be an actress but I know what it feels like to be taken advantage of, I was and still being taken advantage of emotionally, physically, and mentally. You came out of this strong and for that I am a fan
Your experience of being a chameleon relates so much to so many autistic peoples’ experiences
Oh my goodness the master chameleon is me, my whole life, always making sure everyone around me is happy, even if I was falling apart inside. It’s insane how many facets of my life have been affected by this extreme people pleasing, how many parts of my life still are affected. Now at 32, I have to be so intentional about checking in with myself and giving gentle reminders that the happiness of other people is not my responsibility.
This podcast has shed so much light into humanity, hardship, resilience, and triumph. I graduated with my masters in social work back in May and the way you speak on these tough topics and can articulate each experience with such clarity is amazing. As a new grad in the social services, hearing peoples stories and experiences helps shed light into my own and it is a reminder that everyone has a story and we need to listen. I commend your bravery with sharing your experience in such a raw way. I come back every week because I love how mature topics are explored and tough conversations are opened because your delivery in how you share your experiences is so moving.
I’m sooo sorry this happened to you Alyson. You’re so brave to disclose and I’m with you! Stay strong sister!!
Is it weird to say that I finally feel seen and understood? I also was involved in the industry from 3-9 years of age- and while it was period of my life that now as adult has not come to much- there are soo many things that I deeply relate to and didn’t even realize I was still very much attached to/ holding on to. The “do anything for the shot!” Or the “just say yes” and being pulled early from school for auditions/ call backs working 6 plus days a week at 6 years old doing dance/ musical theater vocal lessons piano/ music lessons acting classes ect.. all while also trying to be a “normal” child.. this really just blows my mind. It never really occurred to me how much damage that has probably done to me. And why some of my habits, views of my body ect are affected by these things…
I've been thinking a lot about what you said earlier about not just listening but finding ways to act and dismantle this poisonous system. Like you said, it's wat too easy for us (on the other side of the screen) to be sad for a second for toddler-to-trainwrecks trajectories, blame singular individuals, insult obnoxious fans and toxic parents. We need to change the system together, but there are also actions that only us (the non celebrities) can do.
First, why don't we change the way we phrase admiration or disdain ? Instead of thinking "omg I love her" "omg I hate him", why don't we phrase the distance between characters and individuals ? "I love the characters he portrays". "I loved your role in that movie". In the case of child actors, such phrasings would help with the constitution of bodily autonomy, and the realization that something separates the actor from their role.
Chills! Love these ideas!
My husband is getting his master’s in Counseling Psychology and I stopped this series to watch it with his input. Absolutely shocked at not only his reaction to all of this and the psychological repercussions that society is passing off as “normal” but also disgusted with the fact that this IS considered “normal” at all.
I appreciate this series so much. You are bringing light to such a toxic and misunderstood industry. It's very important that people are able to see and hear that fame isn't all about money and happiness. It's simply not and it's very easy for someone who's "less fortunate" (depends on perspective) to idealize and idolize these concepts. Thank you Alyson for putting yourself out there in such a raw and transparent capacity. I appreciate you and all that you do. I hope you are taking care of yourself. Take care♥️ continue spread the positivity and unconditional love that people so badly need, you are doing a great job and I am proud of you :)
Gabor Maté’s books have legitimately changed my life, and The Myth of Normal is amazing! As is this series.
Your honesty about subjects that must be absolutely emotionally devastating to recount publicly is absolutely incredible! I’d read any book you published in a heartbeat.
I’m noticing a lot of similarities between childhood performers’ experiences and my own as a queer kid growing up in the 90s in the Midwest. The mindset of your actual feelings and desires don’t matter your persona and being likeable and palatable to the adults you meet is what matters, that’s so real and it absolutely affected the way I navigated adulthood as well.
Makes me so upset that the guy is still out there freely. Are you guys still within the statute of limitations? Praying you guys get justice. And thanks for being so vulnerable. You're absolutely right -- it was NOT your fault.
This is a serious question, if these producers, execs, etc. are working with children, have they gone through background checks at minimum? If not, why? I work with kids and I'm pretty sure I'm REQUIRED by law to do a ton of background checks, do trainings to prevent abuse, and I have to become a mandated reporter. It seems like these people aren't held to the same standard and I'm wondering why.
I grew up watching the entertainment that you were exploited by. Over the years I’ve had moments where I’ve thought to myself, “I wonder what she’s been doing these days”. I am so sorry to hear what you’ve had to go through in your life. I’m close in age to you, and I was exploited by religion throughout my childhood, so I relate to many of your experiences. Thank you for your courage in sharing your experiences and being willing to talk about these things. Thank you for giving a voice to the voiceless. I am here for the ride and I’m eager to continue learning. 💛 Stay well, you’re doing great work!
I like how you told this story, particularly the assault, just stating what happened and that it wasn’t your fault. it helps me to see these things as facts and with my logical brain rather than the emotional one. Easier to reprocess.
I think this video and topic is helpful for anyone who had parents who were immature and not nurturing. Especially someone with a caretaker who had mental health issues like narcissistic personality disorder or borderline personality disorder. Those children are always having to perform to keep their guardians calm. (Like Johnny Depp with his mother and in subsequent relationships.) I think children who had narcissistic or BPD parents are primed to be performers. And they're not used to looking after themselves, as they are too occupied with trying to regulate the emotions of another person. They often push themselves to exhaustion every day, not having any energy left to do things like brush their own teeth at the end of the day. Abi and Justin Stumvoll of the Connected Life talk about that sort of thing a lot.
Alyson, you being so much sincerely, intelligence, kindness while being somber about the weight of the issues. Bravo. This is so incredibly well done. Thank you for sharing this with us, I’m recommending this to absolutely everyone I know
So sorry that happened to you, Alyson ❤️ proud of the work you’re doing with this very thoughtful podcast
I'm not an actor nor was I a child actor, but the amount of habits that I relate to is insane. Learning so much about myself. This is just so well written and presented. Thank you so much for this.
Breaking the entertainment industry down into children in everyday jobs was really eye opening to see all the facets that would be so confusing and harmful
Thank you for sharing your experience and being a voice for others.
As an autistic female, it seems like the childhood of a child star and a female autistic child is pretty similar. I am 24, I was only diagnosed with Autism when I was 21. Young girls are trained and expected to be nice and quiet and obey and say yes. When I was super young, any behavior or mannerism I did that got a mean reaction out of someone, I immediately hid. It’s like putting on a mask 24/7 in order to blend in super well so you can be “normal” and basically not be further traumatized from bullying and rejection. Life is like a performance in that every interaction you have to play up your emotions so you don’t seem robotic, so that people don’t notice you are weird. This creates a lot of issues later in life, and has an extremely extremely high correlation with mental health issues. I have finally started the process of unmasking my true self, which like you mentioned, is hard to even know what you really are. You let yourself be taken advantage of because you feel like your voice will not be valued. I just find it interesting and was wondering if anyone else could relate and thought I would share.
@Allycool3 I'm 44 and have only been diagnosed as autistic in the last year. I mean it makes sense right after spending my school years feeling like I was an alien. Id feel like I was wearing a mask. When it slipped people got mad at my behaviour.
I love that you're making this series we all need to hear this
Thank you for sharing your story. I’m so sorry that you had to endure this seemingly never ending onslaught of abuse and violence.
I am so sorry. This breaks my heart. You are so eloquent and you are doing the hard work.
I hope other child stars and/or children who were pressured by adults to be unrealistically high achievers in their respective domains find so much healing with this series. You break it down so concisely, kindly, and analytically!🫶🏾
Also appreciate the intersectional considerations since I’m a Black queer woman.
I stumbled across this series completely by accident and I’m so happy I did. You are incredible. Your bravery in making this series is commendable. I’m so happy that you’re talking about these experiences so that children and their caregivers and guardians can see the potential and avoidable damage. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
I didn't expect to be so quickly hooked by this docu series, But boy am I here for it Hook line and sinker.
thank you for speaking up ❤❤❤ im also learning how to use my voice and it's hard but really rewarding :,)
thank u for this !
You don’t understand how much this is helping me 😮💨
❤❤❤ makes it all worth it.
I never thought about child actors in that way. Conditioning children to work in adult catered environments… wow…
thank you for this series
Thank you so much for sharing!
I find your experiences relatable. I still Can explain why, but me. I always wanted to be famous, I wanted to be a star. It never happened, I even went to college, I choose a career thinking ir would make me famous, but it didn’t happened. I spend a lot of money. Now I’m mostly depressed dealing with the fact that I’m not famous, and dealing with that. I never stalked celebrities or anything but I was def a consumer, a fan, part of fandoms. I grew up with a screen (tv or phone) admiring/hating getting involved with celebrity culture through my entire life, it’s like a kid that becomes a profesional athlete because it’s being doing it all his life. I felt the same way, that it was me that had to be famous. It’s weird that I even stop consuming everything because of how frustrated I was. I honestly found celebrity culture as my hobby, and still is. I still consume celebrity content, but I have def reconcile with some “hate” that I had with celebrities I had at the time (to me Justin B and Demi L, seemed fake and I heavily disliked them, specially Demi). I wanted fame because I’ve never consider myself pretty or even cool enough. Until this day I’m still in “best friend” character, I don’t feel like I’m the protagonist of my own life, so fame was like, I’m finally going to shine and be the protagonist. But now I’m in the dark lol😂
Thank you for this
And I’m sorry that this comment is to long 😅
Thank you for sharing❤
Time to put that abuser into prison. At least speak open about him and accuse him of his crimes so the public is warned?
Thank you so much for sharing this ❤️
Lovin this series so much
Love this series thank you Alyson!
I don't think I've ever heard someone articulate this issue quite as effectively, objective and thoroughly as you do.