Why knowing more about grief can make it suck less | Lisa Keefauver | TEDxUTAustin
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- Опубліковано 16 сер 2023
- 100% of us experience grief, multiple times in our lives, yet individually and collectively, we remain grief-illiterate. While there’s no getting around the fact that grief is hard, we suffer unnecessarily because of the limited and misguided stories we tell ourselves and each other in the wake of loss. Grief activist Lisa Keefauver expands our narratives of grief by examining its most important components - the who, what, where, when, and why - so that we can reimagine grief with self-compassion and collective care.
Lisa Keefauver is a grief activist and the founder of Reimagining Grief. Lisa has more than two decades of professional experience with grief and loss - as a social worker, narrative therapist, and educator within multiple settings, including foster care/adoption, family services, crisis intervention, public housing, and cancer care. Lisa's wisdom and understanding of grief are also embodied by her personal losses, including the death of her husband. Lisa uses her knowledge and lived experiences when cultivating grief-smart cultures with individuals and organizations. She has developed grief-literate practices that reduce unnecessary suffering while increasing people's sense of belonging. Lisa's grief advocacy has inspired her to create and host the top-rated podcast, Grief is a Sneaky Bitch; serve as an adjunct professor of Loss and Grief at the University of Texas at Austin; act as an organizational consultant to facilitate grief-smart organizations; write/appear as a thought leader across media platforms and on multiple stages; and write her heavily anticipated book, Grief Is A Sneaky Bitch. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx
"What is grief, but love persevering? " Or as I once described it after losing the love of my life, the agony of unspent gratitude.
Bro what editor watched this entire video and thought that constant scratching sound was okay to keep? This was a very powerful message, but it was made into an absolute pain to listen to.
This warrants a re-upload with audio edited to be honest.
Her hair and the mic...
I lost my son 12 years ago & it still hurts me to tears & physical pain...😢
That was powerful.👏💔
My sincere condolences. Vilomah, it's the term used for parents who have lost a child. Like when a child loses a parent, the child is an orphan, Vilomah is a parent who has lost a child. That is who you are, how you are, depends on which minute you're in, where you are is anyplace your child is not, and your child was your world, anyplace sucks to be in. Why is the hardest question of all and most of the time, you'll never know why, what is the easiest, what do you grieve about him, everything. You must break before you can stitch yourself back together. But you already knew that. ❤️ Take care of yourself.
@@CL-we8tn Thank you ❤️
My mother died on Sunday and I needed this.
My grandpa just died an hour ago. The first of my family. Crazy how this was uploaded at this time
Prayers for your family and more to u keep his good memories of lessons he gave 2u and signs will be sent to you by him as love❤
When you focus on fact, that life on earth is just temporary. You will see your loved one again. This is a 100% guarantee. Keep praying.
Love can not be destroyed ❤
Thank you
I couldn't get through this video. Not because I just recently lost my husband to suicide. But because the speaker was holding something in her hand that must have been part of her audio equipment and each time she touched a part of it, it sounded like a piece of wood being shaved. I know she didn't mean for that to happen, but it just kept breaking my concentration. I wish this could be redone without the noise so I could benefit from it. 😢
I saw a saying that said, “Grief is love with nowhere to go.” 😢 ♥️
I found Lisa after my mom passed in May. Lisa has been a wonderful gift to me.
I lost my younger brother years ago. In my grief I was thinking "I'll never see him again", "I won't talk to him again", "I..." - I noted I was more interested in lots of "I's", not much about him.
How old was your younger brother?
I found Lisa a few months after the loss of my husband in 2021, and she guided me through some very tough terrain. I am so grateful to and for her, for the language I now use to discuss my grief, and for the courage to help others develop their grief literacy. Kudos, Lisa, on this talk and on your continued mission to spread this message. ❤
Lisa did an amazing speech here wherein she expands our understanding of grief and advocates for reimagining it with self-compassion and collective care. Kudos! 💪🏻
The more you understand the cause of grief, the less painful it becomes. Knowing the reason behind it can make us feel more composed. For instance, if you unexpectedly learn about the death of a close friend and initially nobody knows the reason, it can be extremely distressing. However, once the reason is revealed after a few hours, it can bring a sense of relief, as you come to comprehend the cause.
Lost my mum last year I am still shaking. And I think there is no really a way out.
Losing someone important to you is quite literally like losing a part of yourself. You heal, slowly, unevenly, but never completely. You do find new moments of joy, but you're never the same. You just... adapt.
I lost my mom in 2007 and my seven month old daughter in 2010. You’ll never get over your loses you’ll just scar over.
No, there isn't. There is a way through though. Your mind must process what your heart feels. And the mind is slower because it must understand every little thing your heart feels. I have three decades of personal on-the-job experience as a grieving widow/daughter/grand-daughter etc. I still grieve the people who have passed before me.
This woman used the example of a manuscript being shredded and handed back to you. In my opinion, you die too. Whoever you were when this person was alive, you're not that person anymore. That 'you' died with them, what you have is what is left.
Don't punish the person who is you now. Love her like you did the 'you' who died. You liked that person because the person who passed was holding a mirror to you and what you saw wasn't so bad.
There were days when I lived for 60 seconds a go. I could not last or live for 60 seconds without wanting to die of heartache. There were days when I told myself an hour has 60 minutes. I stopped counting days and hours and minutes. I tried so hard to keep the hurt out but my heart only began to heal when I stopped counting how long I could live without him and just accepted that I was living without him and told the pain to take it's best shot.
I survived. I existed. I let it in. I let it break me. And the pain became duller and duller, and that creeps up on you too. One day you rage against the pain, the next day the pain is level one. I am who I am now, I'm changed a few times over. And I'm not so bad. I did good to these people before they passed and I believe in God and heaven and now in the late afternoon of my life, I know I'm going to see them in heaven again, in a few years, just want the kids settled.
Sorry for rambling
But at least it gets a little more bearable when you meet people that know how you feel.❤️
I will have to listen again to absorb all you said. I was 32 when my husband died of a sudden illness at 34. I had 2 young children. There was no warning. No one knew what to do, so I was left to fend for myself. I am now 70 and just starting to feel deep grief and loss of who I thought I was and wanted to be. I could say much more but I'll leave it at that. I want to learn more so maybe I can start living.
A good tip I picked up from an article on pet grief, is don’t dwell on the circumstances of the death, or the events leading up to it.
It’s too dark and traumatic, so it’s best to block it out.
Wish I’d known that 20 years ago.
Also remind yourself regularly that the deceased wouldn’t want you torturing yourself.
Wow, this video about grief using acting is so interesting! It's like we're all acting in our own stories of change after losing something.
Grief is love with nowhere to go
no one teaches what to feel when you finally go thru it by yourself...
scars wont heal but time moves
yes we may grief but in the end of the day will they be hoping you grief for them?
no
chin up and enjoy life while it last
and live the best life you can
then they'll be happy and proud of you
love you all
Grief insists that we come to terms… grief is metal is sadness. Grief is strong loss, not really wishing for the past yet the body mind reaction to an attachment to something we cannot have when we want it.
We honor grief by giving it space as one of the appropriate energies in our fully human lives.
To grieve, you need not suffer.
What is the constant back ground scratching noise? Like someone drawing near the mic?
I hear it to. Something of her’s rubbing her mic.
Yep
The sound is horrible
I know right, I cant focus on the message
i really love ted ed. im really young but these are so informational for me.
Lisa gave us a gift here, beautiful! I lost my love 10 months ago. He died suddenly heart, and the pain is the confusion, shock, and a realization all our plans and dreams now are gone. It’s crushing. Work has been a distraction and it does help those that love me think I’m doing well, because I work. Sigh.
Thank you.
ouch. Hard story about your husband. I just lost my wife to divorce, betrayal... my grief has been riddled with anger.
get well, best wishes to you all.
This podcast / video was a genius one.
❤thank you
When my spouse died my co-worker who had lost hers a couple of years ago. She sought me out about 2 weeks after I had returned to work... I had debating seeking her out but unsure of whether I should do that. We stood in a dark and pretty much empty parking lot on a cold November night for quite a long time, talking.
Her words stuck with me...
Grief is like a wound. It will feel like it has healed, but then something will happen that tears off the scab and reopens that wound.
My condolences about the family member Murphy 💙
5:00 Grief-illiteracy
8:30 Arrive
9:05 *5 W’s of grief*
13:30 Grief transforms
How about funding for early brain tumor detection and safe removal (I've written a patent on the safe removal) ?
When my eyes close I pray they open up to u 🚪🚶🏾♂️
boa tarde.👏👏👏
Or on the contrary, something we don’t expect to materialize but materializes. Like contempt towards parents.
I wish someone had taken the time to set her up properly. Almost impossible to listen with the constant scratching on her mic. 😔
We might completely not agree on points expecially with cut outs.
Can we already preventively grieve our own death? Unless we are Henrietta Lacks who didn’t die just turned into a different species and lost capability for consciousness but is doing pretty well.
Sesh
I'm Batman and I'm the first comment
What's your job/work actually??
Cecilia Ponce y Alberto Guerra del equipo naranja son unos presumidos ese tupo de personas a mi me caen mal