A Little Diatribe on Why I Don't Fit In Where I Live | ELIZABETH CRONISE MCLAUGHLIN
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- Опубліковано 13 жов 2024
- So this video is a little experiment in vlogging for me, on the topic of what it feels like to not belong where I live, and how there are no easy answers or easy fixes. Here's to carrying on, even when we feel like we don't belong. Join me on a totally not emotionally unstable hike while I talk about single motherhood, not fitting in, and what to do about it.
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Ive never fit in anywhere so now at 60 I spend my time alone and love it.( for the most part)
👍👍Solitude, sweet, sweet solitude! ❤
I turned 50 this year and realized that I have built a life that I hate. In the process of getting a degree, raising kids, constantly working for someone else’s dream, I’ve given up everything about myself. I’ve started looking at what things cost me. Not in money but in the hours of my life that I can’t get back. I’m hoping by thinking that way, I’ll actually figure out who I am and what deserves my time.
At least you are honest enough to even face or admit that. You can find some joy elsewhere.
l hear you
Be careful. This is a time like transitioning from high school
To College. The whole
World is a new place and the possibilities seem endless.
You weren’t necessarily giving up anything about yourself. You were building and building up to who you are becoming. I have no less than 10
Friends, former friends, who blew their lives up because of all the un-surety.
You can do all
Of those things without leaving everything behind.
I find myself building new boundaries all the time. I’ve been married for 40 years.
Things that I was ok with before don’t feel as ok now. He doesn’t always know how to take it but so far he’s been like, 🙄. Give folks a chance and give yourself
Grace. We are all, ALL OF US, making it up as we go along.
Launch into your new phase, just be careful about those thrusters. There are folks who could get burned. Maybe even folks who you love. Or that love you.
Best of luck.
I feel no obligation to think of others instead of myself. Don’t mind considering them but not to the exclusion of myself. Im allowing myself to change and grow. Whoever chooses to
Keep up and come along is welcome, but go forward we, or I, go.
@@patticriss2238 thank you so much for that. You are correct in that I was leaning towards just shutting down one life to create a new one because maybe I’ve always been afraid of setting hard limits and boundaries. Maybe it was out of fear or maybe because I just didn’t want to fight to implement my change. I see that I need to address those things before I make choices I might regret. Totally agree that the people who love me the most will stay even when I feel I need to change course.
"Life is what happens when we're making plans"
OMG This spoke to me. I lived SEVEN years in Mississippi. I did not fit in and lived with a narcissitic abusive husband. I finally got away and divorced. Life is hard, especially becoming a single mother of two small boys. It's twenty years later and I have endured the death of my oldest son and breast cancer. I wish I could tell you it gets better. But life is a constant struggle to survive. Financially, emotionally and physically.
Hang in there. Sending love.
Yes but she can find her grounding once again and things will get much better. I believe that.
Just saw this, and I wish I could be there to give you a big hug. You need a pal, a buddy. Someone you can talk to and know that they hear you. I am a new viewer, so I have no feel for how much has changed in the last ten months, but I hope things are much better now. I get the feeling that you are working harder/longer than you should. Please find some time to do a fun activity that relaxes you. Perhaps you will find that good pal that can make all the difference. Wishing you the best.
Join the club gals. Just when you think it can't get worse, it does. Bad day today. I'm REALLY TIRED.
All I can say is that you are not alone and that I hope you get as much comfort out of making your vids as I do watching them. Big hugs, hun.
Thank you so much for sharing your struggles. Your kids are so fortunate to have such a great mom! If you do decide to relocate I think your kids will be fine. They love it there not because it’s California, but because where they are is the home that you have made for them. YOU! 😊
I didn’t know you had this channel! It just popped up for me. I was a single mom for most of my life. I guess I’m not able to relate completely because I’ve always lived where I grew up and near family. I didn’t have a professional job like yours but I was in the skilled trades. I remember the emotional ups and downs of being a single mom. I know one thing for certain. We are momma bears who will move heaven and earth for our kids. I hope your struggles are resolved by this time I’m reading this. I’m a new member of your resistance channel and I admire so much the work you are doing. I know your kids must be so proud of their mom. Sending you peace.
Just to let you know-we see you, and have respect for you. Thank you so much for the wonderful support that you have given each of us, we appreciate you. The best of luck on what ever you decide. Every person I know that has moved from where they were has said the same thing that you said, " This is not home." I think you haven't found your right tribe. You are a brilliiant and special person, and in that regard it is tough to find others that are on an upper level. Not impossible, just hard.
“When i’s time to make a change, the universe will make it so uncomfortable for you that you will have no choice but to leave. When you are not happy in a situation, don’t stay in denial and try to make it work. The world has better plans for you, trust in the process and do your part by aligning yourself with the things you want. The rest will be history.”
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Who do you want to be? Not a role like a good mom, friend, etc. Who do you want to be? That's where you start. You're moving into a new iteration and in order to do that everything will fall apart. Like the caterpillar that becomes goop in the cocoon. That's ok. Don't look back. Who do you want to be....be her. Dress like her, eat, read, speak like her. Get out of your environment for a while to think new thoughts and new perspective. Something is wanting to be born in you. Allow it. Don't worry if no one else understands it. You do. Not clearly yet but if you ask yourself who you want to be now you will find that you already know. And as you start to take tiny steps towards her all will become clear. This new iteration will be fine for all of you...trust it. You have a deep inner knowing that is causing you to feel a change coming. Be patient with its fragility right now. Nurture it. Tiny steps will lead you there.❤
This is helpful. Thanks.
@@ecmclaughlin After watching your vlog and then reading this, it was clarifying for me. The symbolism the poster used reached into my mind and heart and soul and feels like it took root there. Time will tell, but look at each day as a new fresh beginning. Don't dwell on the past, you can't change that, but you can find the little joys in each day that brighten your outlook and help to give you a direction to head. From an old song I think, but be at peace with yourself and hear what your soul is saying to you. Let the stillness soak into your mind and soul and let the quiet of each moment surround you.
Have you entered the “teacher has become the student” phase of your life? Questioning your own self? No matter where you go, there you are. Putting the burden on your neighbors to meet your intellectual needs is not fair to them. I have lived in LA and if you can’t find your tribe there then it doesn’t exist. Join a book club, go to lectures. Look farther than your own block for connection. And if you think you are the only SINGLE mother out there then you really don’t understand anything about the life if women. Their struggle is real. Find them, start a group for them. Give, instead of taking. It will be a refreshing change. Pax to you ❤
You should write a book. Your info is good. It’s a shame we don’t look into that till the children are gone and now old.
2023 has shattered me. I have many of the same struggles and questions that you do. It’s a tough road, especially when you’re on it alone.
Mom's mental health is key to the child's well-being. No matter if they move from a place they love. Blessings
I thought the same thing!
I feel like I don't fit in anywhere because I am 46 and don't have kids. Almost all of my peers are doing kid things and here I am, waiting for people to have time to get together. I rarely fit in.
Starting my career over. Struggling to fit in and need to find another school to attend for my career change. I am brave enough to try because what have I got to lose.
My friend is 56 and never married, no kids. She belongs to groups. She catches up with her friends when she can.
You aren’t meant to fit in. They are not your tribe. Their mindset is not the same as yours and they are are closed society. Someday their kids will fly the nest and those moms will wish they had a friend like you. An independent soul who knows her own self worth.
@@PaulieAragon She never really said that they wouldn't be happy to have her as a friend. I think she said that she just saw herself not fitting in with them.
😂😂😂..... and so are empty nesters
I see you. I appreciate you. I admire you. I'm moved to tears by the rawness of your authenticity.
Omg! This spoke to me on so many levels. Thank you so much for making this video. I just moved from Northern CA to Central TX and good god I can't seem to adjust. I moved from a place that was all about individualism to a traditional subdivision that is reminiscent of the "Stepford Wives." No exaggeration! I seem to be the only unmarried woman in the entire neighborhood, the only person that does their own yard work, the only person who gardens. I am a fish out of water. I feel I'm smothering - and the weather, don't get me started about the weather. I still don't know what I'm going to do about it, if I will do anything at all. My adult daughter lives in the area - the reason I moved. I feel I lost my identity to a certain extent. I didn't realize how much a part of you also becomes who you are. Thank you again for sharing and being so real.
I see you. This was so damn good, it spoke to me in a million different ways. I hated living in Southern California. But in a larger sense, the not belonging, is so familiar. It’s not easy. Thank you for giving voice to the struggle.
I understand.I'm 78 and I was an old single professional mother.My son is now 40 and last week I want to a leadership meeting of a nationwide women's organization and realized that I was the only single woman at the table.The situation never has changed for me.I lived in a suburban home because I wanted a good school district for my son. Unfortunately suburban areas are made up of two parent families. When your children enter high school you will be able to move into a more diverse area because the kids mobility will mean different schools and different friends.That will alleviate some problems but you will always be the odd man out in this American society.
Elizabeth dear. You are stressed out and that’s understandable. Just know that you are loved and Respected. You are going through a difficult time. You need to take a break. Find one good friend, or a therapist. You are a very gifted woman. You are so amazing. Find your spiritual center. Gain positivity in your life. No more negativity. No more anger. Become your true self. We. Care about you. You are loved, seen, valued and respected. Bless you Elizabeth. ❤
You probably DON'T 'fit in' where you live, but your podcasts are wonderful and reach a myriad of people from ALL walks of life .. we actually appreciate your intellectual observations borne out of your legal background. Okay, you're loud and in your face, but boy, you sure make an impact. So yeah, bloom where you are but don't forget to water flowers who are growing up around you.🌹
Bloom where you’re planted is such a weird saying because humans have locomotion that flowering plants don’t. Having moved on average once per year growing up, I can tell you - the most important aspect of where your kids live is that you are there and that you are happy and leading a fulfilling life. Feel free to move to where you have support and can flourish in every way! You deserve the best friends, the unfailing support, the loyalty, the inclusion. ❤️
It means make the best of your situation. Yes, it can be done.
@@marysmith4811 and a cactus is not going to bloom where it snows 3 months a year. It likely will die. I hv felt like you describe for 30 years now. Always looked for the best place, I cd afford, to raise my 4 kids as a single parent & they were all isolating and lonely. My kids are all adults now… and I am more alone than ever. I can’t afford the cost of living in a metro area, so here am am like a potted plant in the snow. If I cd simply stay home, it might be might be tolerable, However one needs to get groceries, pharmacy… and I hate going to the store for fear of running into some of the asinine community members who lack intellect, are noisy, small minded and boring. What to do. I subscribed to your channel thinking you might figure it out and share with me (us) how to get of this hell hole corner, before death. Good luck to us all! 🙏🏼
The reason your kids love it is because you protect them from the culture and you create a safe culture in your home.
Here kids can't see the difference between their previous culture and their new one? School alone should be a clue.
That's Southern California Elizabeth. Come up north to the San Francisco Bay Area and I think you would have a whole different attitude. This is coming from a 70-year-old man. If it's any consolation, your by far and away one of my favorite podcasts. I'm going to say a prayer for you. 😊
I was thinking the same thing. Northern Cal is soooooo much better. The vibe, the people, the understanding, the diversity.
I lived in LA and there are ALL kinds of people there. Not fair to generalize about all of southern cali.
Wow! I’m in TN. 57 years old. I would love to see northern California! People bad mouth Cali here all the time. It doesn’t seem fair.
I wd go in a min, if I cd afford to.
I lived in LA too and found it odd. People kept to themselves mostly. I found it hard to create a community. Also I'm professional with no kids. LA is a melting pot of all kinds of cultures which makes for great food, etc. but people tended to stay in their own lane - at least that was my experience. I found the energy a bit frenetic.
You need the right soil, the right sunlight, the right water, the right temperature. I don't belong where I live. I've been here 20 years. I don't belong anywhere. Single, no kids, never married, 68. Not looking. Working on cultivating my "inner" soil. Ha! I wish you well.
Thank you so much! I agree that I need the right sunshine and the right soil! I’m hoping to get back to reading, gardening and spending time with myself.
No answers for you--just understanding. I am living your experience of not fitting in where I live (rural Kentucky). It is hard, hard, hard. But, slowly I've found a few people here--mostly in the art community--where I don't feel like an outgrouper. If you can't find anything that you absolutely love about the land or the energy where you live, it is time to seek that place in another locale. In order to be a change agent, you need to be grounded and get your energy for the work from something. This might be an opportunity to show your kiddos the importance of authentic belonging, wherever that may be. Thank you for being honest and vulnerable in this video.
This broke my heart. I’m so sorry and you deserve better. ❤
💙💙💙 peace love to you .
‘I’m tired of not being seen in all the ways that matter’ oh this hit hard. My current experience is mirroring your words, even my closest friends aren’t able to really understand my life, so there’s very little support. I’m a brown 2nd gen Indigenous Asian Australian immigrant single mum of special needs beautiful girl living with post separation abuse after 20+ years. I’m resourceful, Ive an mba that helps me work in incredible places, I’ve built many amazing things for my daughter & I. But, I’m so tired. I’m exhausted on a cellular soul level & no one around me can really see it. It’s truly exhausting not being seen in all the ways that really matter!
I see you ECM, I’m blown away by your insight, your strength, your wisdom, your authenticity. Love to meet you one day & have a tea, think we’d have lots to share!
Thanks and sending love your way.
After ONLY having seen you on "Resistance Live" the past year, happening upon and watching this video really touched my heart. You are one helluva resilient and special gal to get done all you do. And your kids will only respect you for your grit. Dems desperately need your voice, so hold your head high and keep on fighting! Thank you.
For several extremely different reasons, I don’t *belong* here any more. Maybe I never did. Because I see NO WAY OUT, I slowly retreated into a hermit world. I never could have imagined such a thing. I always felt I was enveloped in support. Now I feel like an alien from outer space.
And NO BODY GETS IT.
The rub: my aging mother in here. My son & grand kids will be here soon and they visit a lot. They are my motivations.
Blah, blah, blah.
I feel every word of this.
EVERY. SINGLE. WORD.
I see you. I see as much as you show and then some.
I hope you share more as you sort this out. (Selfishly & otherwise.)
I’m sad for you but from what I know, I believe you will sort it out.
Whatever it takes.
XO
Elizabeth come visit me in Vancouver. Bring your beautiful kids, your sweet dogs and come stay with us. So much diversity, so many different types of families, inclusion and diversity is on display every day we walk down to the beach and revel in the progressive, intellectual energy. We lived right near you in Mission Viejo for years. My kids were born there. And I never fit in, felt so alone and isolated on our neighborhood walks and kept holding in my feelings - never saying them out loud because I should be so grateful to be so privileged I didn't have the right to feel anything less. I was dying there. I was so depressed but with a face on the outside that everything's so perfect because we live in such a perfect place. It's been a trip coming back home here but my kids have had an education in diversity and inclusion and have opened their minds so much just being in a place like this. There's no guns. There's free medical, there's a year maternity leave, there's subsidized childcare and sure it's far from perfect but there's an actual safety net and being around these programs just has a feel to it. I meet strangers every day that I can actually call on and I know they'll be there for me. Seriously take me up on it. Come visit. There are ways to get here if you can think outside the box and I meet people who feel the same way all the time. Thanks for being so real.
I see you, and I hear you. Lived in Manhattan and Brooklyn for 12 years, met my husband (at a conference in Maryland), married and moved to a semi-rural community that seems like a wonderful place to visit, but to live?? 😮18 years later, still here, virtually no community, and I just got diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer, which I'm sure is a product of my depression, anger and stagnation. You owe it to yourself to keep looking for your happy place. Maybe Europe? I feel a big change, like Belgium or Holland, would be good for you. Just a thought. You have my compassion.
Sending healing thoughts your way.
Thank you for sharing so much of yourself, particularly in this video. I think many of us see you and can relate to how you’re feeling. I don’t have advice because I believe your intuition will guide you, but I’m really rooting for you to find the path to more community for you and your kids - wherever that may be
Thanks for watching.
I grew up in Texas. Very south Texas. I went to a different school every year of my life. Best thing that ever happened to me. I don’t know a stranger, you CANT SCARE ME, and I’ve learned how to find “ my people”.
We moved, my own family, once. My daughter thought she would just die.
Now she said she is so grateful.
We are built to adapt.
Great Expectations!! My friend you are expecting the outside world to make you happy. That comes from within. Be thankful and appreciate all you have right now in this moment. Like your children!!! Your health!!! Your home, food etc!!! God will often bring us to a place of isolation so we may take notice of HIM. 2023 almost took me. My beautiful 26 yo daughter died of stage 4 bone cancer that spread to her organs too. While watching you and listening to you, all I could think of is you are blessed to have the those problems. And all I could see was your yellow nails ... the exact same yellow my daughter was wearing when she died.
Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And God bless you. I lost my parents recently and can't imagine what you are going through. Hearing someone like her rant about nothing is sickening.
God doesn’t hurt people so we notice him. That’s a lie.
Oh, I SOOO feel this. Not feeling seen and feeling isolated is f'ing painful and soul crushing. I know how this feels and I see you and I honor your vulnerability and honesty. I don't know what the solution is, but I do know you will find it/are finding it. For me, naming honestly what I feel is always the first step to some form of action and/or acceptance. From my heart to yours, sending you so much love and understanding. Also, if you have any kind of betrayal trauma in your past, even minor "offenses" from friends that are betrayal-like, can feel SO extra. Not only does the current betrayal hurt, but it activates past ones so it's a double whammy. In my own personal experience this can be utterly overwhelming and requires not only extra self-parenting, but trusted relationships with whom I feel safe.
If you were my neighbor we would have deep talks every. flipping. night. No joke. I miss that so much, as my deep talking friends live in heaven now. The struggle is REAL. TFS!
I’m a loner because people are just stupid sheep. I don’t want to be superficial. I want to have real conversations about why we are here. What is the purpose of life real things instead of superficial things. We could be good friends. The problem is when you live in a superficial city you likely are going to have superficial people around you. God wants us to Himself remember that… be in the world not of the world. He is a selfish God and it is a beautiful thing to go into isolation and really understand what life is and how beautiful it can be and it has absolutely nothing to do with the people around you or whether they like you or whether they do not.
I’ve lived all over the country (spouse’s job), didn’t fit in in most of those places, and learned that I need to live near my people. Kids can really be happy anywhere, but they will be happiest if mom is happy, and also (and super importantly) you want to raise them in a place that you feel represents your values, because pretty soon their environment and peers will be hugely influential.
My kids were almost raised in some really red places and I’m so glad our last move brought us back to a sane part of the country.
When I was 9 my parents moved to a new town and I was miserable for awhile, but am now grateful for all that came after in the new town.
Your kids will be alright and I think way better off if you are in a community where you ALL feel happy snd supported and the environment represents who you are and the world you want your kids to grow up seeing.
Elizabeth, I hope you find your solution soon. If it isn't right for you, it is not likely the actual best place for your kids either. They need and deserve a happy mom. BTW, just started following you again. Thank you for all your videos.
Liz - you are not alone. I feel exactly what you are going through.
Sister! I hear you and see you. I moved from a place I loved - Oakland CA - back to Iowa, where I grew up. I'm not a single mother, so I don't know what it is like to not have authentic community support as a mama, but I do know what it is like to be the odd woman in my family and this area. But, I will say after 3 years, I finally found 2 women who totally get it (non-conformists, free thinkers, open minds and hearts, and curious about the world), and it is amazing. I hope you get what your heart and brain crave. great job sharing and being vulnerable.
I lived in NYC, too, and totally get the prison feeling… that place is tricky… amazing, and harsh
This hit me in the heart. I'm sorry that you are going through this alienation and struggle. It happens, even to the most incredible people. I know you will get to the right place, it's waiting for you.
Thank you for sharing so openly. I can so relate. I lived 3 years near San Jose, CA, and felt lost and couldn't find my grounding no matter what I tried. I finally realized that I'm an East Coast girl, northern part for that matter, and interestingly my body just vibes viscerally with fully experiencing the 4 seasons, as well as people being more raw and open. I moved back to NYC and have been thrilled ever since. I hope you find your way.
Oh, Elizabeth - I know you made this video 10 months ago but, damn, woman, it so resonates with me! I was not a single mother but was married to someone who struggled with undiagnosed bipolar illness for years before he finally got help. I was a paramedic in New Jersey at the time and for the next 28 years and my schedule was three 12 hour shifts a week. As a result I never fit in with the PTA crowd in the affluent town that we moved into years before it became so expensive to live there. I hardly knew any of my neighbors. Most of my friends/acquaintances came from work. Paramedicine was a very male-dominated profession back in the mid-80s so women had to "work twice as hard to be considered half as good" as their male counterparts. I never really felt like I fit in with the rest of the women in my neighborhood. They were focused on different things than I was. Now, I recently have relocated to Florida to be near my son and his new wife. It was hugely difficult to pack up and move, especially to predominantly red Florida, but thankfully I did come to know a few people in this area who had the same Progressive political leanings as I have. Nonetheless I feel adrift. Most of my really close friends don't live here. We talk frequently on the phone but it just isn't the same. My 2 a.m. friends are far away. However, this only affects me not two young children. I wish I had sage advice to offer you. I don't. They can take "Bloom where you are planted" and stuff it where the sun don't shine. I'm sorry that you were (and maybe still are) sad and frustrated. In the interim, this is me, virtually having coffee with you and agreeing that sometimes life really sucks. Thanks for what you do, despite your personal difficulties. Much love across the miles.
Sandi Scranton
There are a lot of lonely people out there. I'm stuck in Atlanta in a suburb that is very family oriented, and affluent (which I am not!). I want to move, but have nowhere to go. No kids or spouse so I really could go anywhere, but I'm just not feeling it. I hope you're doing ok in FL - they have their own set of problems!
@@sandraleigh4023funny, alone in life we have freedom to roam ... but we don't.
@@bluecube7247 We don't because we can't afford it, can't decide where to go, and when you're older, reluctant to leave what support system is left.
Been watching you since New York. I can't offer any comments of power, but thank you for sharing your life with us.
One thought came to me as I listened to you and read some of the comments, and this is it, take it or leave it, your choice.
Instead of looking to a place to find what you want or even to other people, go within and find yourself there. I assure you there is a universe there that you will be surprised to find was there all along. ❤💚💙💜
I was just going to say that very thing.......
Sadly millions of Americans unite to make certain not everyone in our country has that freedom or opportunity... hate, discrimination, otherism is about isolating and controling the futire of others... not granting them the freedom to find themselves or their happy, anywhere.
So true! I'm selling everything and moving to Vilcabamba Ecuador! And thank you Elizabeth for your authenticity, honesty, vulnerability.
There’s a major shift in people’s lives now. Life will never be the same anymore. We are all going thru this same thing, not everyone is talking about this new shift.
I lived in SoCal too and felt unmoored. It's really hard to be the odd one out, sweetie. It doesn't appear to feed you, and the betrayal, intentional or not, is the worst.
Thank you for sharing your reality. ❤ vs. the perfection everyone would like to think some peoples live are. Wishing you the best.
2014 i moved to sw florida... in 2022 i bought a house, , on my closing day Hurricane Ian struck... i should have opted out... and moved anywhere else. In 10 years here, I've made 2 friends... after being an active extremely social community member up north... im not welcome here, i don't fit in, there's no place or group i can safely go around here to feel included. i stayed in Florida anyway... for the weather. I've aged decades due to isolation... i feel so stuck, i kept hoping for a different outcome... each year is worse. I made a sad life here and wasted years of my trying to make it work anyway... the way I imagined the life i created and worked for would be.
I am so sorry for these very real struggles you are living with right now. When you are the sole provider for your children those struggles can swallow you. The sheer cost of living there has to be staggering. I wish I had sage advice for you. I was married for nine years had a child got divorce when he was 5. I was a single mom for 9yrs and living on an x-ray techs salary raising a son. But unlike you I did have a support system and it was still hard so very hard at times it was overwhelming. I do empathize with your circumstances. Teenage years are a challenge of its own. You need a support system! You deserve a support system! Move to where you have a support system! Your children will love having a mother who isn't being pulled apart at the seams. That's my advice. Your children know somewhere within them that you are struggling. Even if you are trying so very hard to not involve them, they know. So tell them you have to have some help so that all of you are able to live your best lives whatever that is. Btw my son is 42 now and married. I have been remarried for 27 yrs to a wonderful man whom I love dearly and who loves me back dearly. I just turned 70 this year and I hope we have many years to go. The struggle is real though. Keep on keeping on Elizabeth it's hard but it's worth it all.
Thank you.
Thank GODDESS! I was actually wondering when you, me, all of us who have been so strong for so long through the most horrific realities would just break open and into some genuine feelings about it all. Sorry, you are struggling. I am similarly in a place that doesn't feel right anymore. But sometimes I think it is exactly right because it has forced me to admit that no matter how powerful I am, I am not powerful enough to beat an ocean without a life jacket. So, I am just floating on my back sometimes and hoping for the best as I rest. But other times, I am doing the most amazing, artistic, powerful, and creative work ever.
I get this... I so get it 😢
The Miss Elizabeth I have observed is a focused competent leader of men. After each program, I think of the list of do's and don't you provide as you progress through a show, for example, the instruction that we should not speak of suspicions regarding potential drug use, for various reasons, all of them sound. You remind us what your followers should aspire to. You inspire me, in ways noone else does. Whatever you are going through, I wish you peace and the answers you seek. You are such a wonderful person. You deserve to be happy. 😊
You make the world a better place. Please take care of you…💞
Try the San Francisco Bay Area. Northern California is totally different than Southern California.
Dear Elizabeth. I hope you take the time to read all of the people commenting here. All these heartfelt messages of support must be somewhat soothing to your aching soul. I’m not a single Mom, but having raised a mentally disabled son, I know how it feels to not fit in. It hurts! I so appreciate that I found your Resistance channel, and wouldn’t want to miss it. You’re that much anticipated cup of (fill in the blank) in my day ☕️. I wish I could a enjoy a meaningful soul to soul chat with you. You’re very special. You’re more than worthy. I don’t want to ramble on, but know that putting this video out humanizes you and speaks to so many of us women who struggle every day to be relevant in our world, however large or small it is. You have affected me in a profoundly positive way, for which I am sincerely grateful. Sending love and light your way from Ontario, Canada. 🇨🇦 Bless!
I have definitely felt this as a non traditional mom. We all need support. I hope you find some folks.
I’ve been in the edge of a break down too. The pandemic has changed me.
Find your tribe. So important.
So amazingly vulnerable. I live in SC but I am from PA and to this day I know I am a Yankee. I wouldn't go back there but I don't quite belong here either. I am lucky to have a partner with whom contentment is possible. Thank you.
A lot if not most single working mothers can't afford to live where you do. At public school, you find a nice mix of family arrangements and overall acceptance. Not so much in private schools. Where are the communities that feel more like who you feel you are? Do they even exist? Providing shelter, food, and education for your kiddos is what matters most. I hope you find your people out there. They have to be there.
After watching Resistance live for the last few weeks, it’s really different to see this video. I am a retired licensed optician and this is the first time that I’ve actually gotten to see your eyes in natural sunlight ( you hopefully have sunglasses by now)… I realize that this is an older video.
If I had to hazard a guess? I would guess that you are doing substantially better now that when this video was made. I’m hoping that most of the things that were troubling you then are now in your rear view mirror… I have great respect for your transparency and courage… Best wishes for all your future endeavors
Love your work and intelligent conversations. Keep doing you because no one does it better than Elizabeth. You are awesome, fearless and appreciated. You have love and that is everything!
It won’t matter where u live. You will always be there. Your kids will have their own lives before you know it. Right now, this is YOUR life. They’ll get their turn.
I went to a different school every year my whole life. So did my 5 sisters. In Texas. I’m so thankful for that now.
I hated Garden Grove. The best medicine for me is the beach and museums. I had to seek out culture. The weather is great, but I was an island into myself down there. I had one friend who was a senior citizen. That's it. Definitely force yourself to see some shows in other areas.
Kids adjust much easier during a move than us. They make friends easier as well. Seriously, you need to be where you are happy. Your sadness will affect them in my opinion more than anything. If your tribe is in NY I’d move back. They need you to be happy.❤
Yeah, I have to be able to afford to do that though, which I can't-- at least not right now.
I'm glad that your kids are thriving. Keep calling your friends in NewYork. I"m thinking that one of the people who withheld information from you might have been doing it to try to be nice and not hurt your feelings even if the rest of the people are just playing at middle school click stuff. I'm thinking that there has to be somebody that you will find eventually where you are who has your back even if they are privileged and happily married. Other people don't change but I'm hoping that you can make a happy life where you are since it seems to be such a good place for your kids. Hang in there.
Just got back from SoCal as 3weeks there. Had lived there a decade. I don't fit. Never will. It never felt like home. I want a simpler life and have one now.
You are not crazy!!!!! It seems that as we get older it is harder to fit in with the world when you make big changes. The under belly of people shows so clearly when you are more valuable due to being out of your element and structure. Your already feeling the loss of your security from your established prior life and then you feel like you get let down and unable to connect to the new people you meet. Your anger is ok because it is real about your situation and your feelings. Thank you for being so real don't give up. But its real
New Yorkers are challenging, and I miss that.
You are key to your family. You are not happy. Change is necessary. The kids will like where you go (Doylestown?) and you will be within an ethos that matches yours. Being invisible is part of being a woman post 50. It’s something you need to fight against. Nope. It’s not easy or simple but you know what you need to do.
I know you will find your answer. You are so resourceful and you will find your peeps. Sending you love and support.❤
A familiar feeling. I lived in Indianapolis for 12 years and never felt I fit in - I did eventually find people but not many and I don't feel nostalgic about the place. I was a single mother during my time there - and that was the height of the blame single mothers for every social ill period! It is brutal. I also lived in California (Sacramento) for 9 years and California is a funny place. (I was never attracted to Southern California for I suspect the same reasons you're having trouble with it.) I have since realized that for me living in a community with a strong higher education presence is important and is often what makes the difference. At any rate, hang in there. More will be revealed. The fact your children like it there suggests that you have done a lot of right things to make a home for them there. Frankly, that's really important. Keep in mind that the pandemic interrupted your settling into a new place. I believe it had a factor in how I feel in my current place. Enough. Sending you love, and light. Wishing you peace and love and ease.
With the exception of being a single mom, I can relate to this on so many levels.
Me too. Even as a single female without kids. I wrestle regularly with “where do I actually fit in?” And I don’t know. And sometimes it hurts. A lot.
Damn, I feel for you, Elizabeth.
LMK if you want to chat. Gratis. And I’m think of a body-centered exploration that could bring you clarity.
I've followed you from day 1. This. This. This. I have a trans autistic kid (22 yo), I'm a single mom, always only provider, and I'm still supporting my ex-husband, her father. In fact, he is disabled and lives with us. We are in Tucson. I am looking for areas to move with a safer outlook for a trans person. California and Colorado are on the probables. I've wanted to leave Tucson and return to the east coast, where my family lives since the marriage was over in 2012, but my kiddo loved it here. And her Dad was here. Well, my kid was 12 when we separated. I've been stuck here since. I don't know if I made the right decision. It is just so hard when all we want is our children's happiness, but so often it is at the expense of ours. I have one amazing friend here. Single, queer woman with kids. That's one in 16 years since moving to Tucson from the East Coast. Yes, there have been many others. The pandemic took care of those relationships as I still believe there is a pandemic and mask 100%. They proved themselves to be people I didn't want to share myself with any longer. All of this to say... you are not alone. You are not. I think there's so many of us sprinkled throughout and spread just trying to survive and juggle it all. It was not the life I had imagined. And yet, there is still beauty in it, too.
As I research new places to live, I already see myself trying to find cities with large queer communities for a 22-year-old needing to find her people. I realize I'm still searching for her dream area, not mine.
I'm almost 48. I'm so afraid of only ever imagining a future built for myself, instead of building it.
No answers. Just shared internal (and external) screams.
Me - NY to three other states and never fit in and with your same complaints, except no kids. I'm trying really hard to make this last state my home but it's hard but I'm old and can't move anymore.
The only thing Southern California offers that provides a path out of isolation is...how many people live there. Expand your search area! People who work at ...Universities. Museums. Think Tanks. Bookstores. Go to or form MeetUps. Find other Frenchie owners...they alone are a diverse group! There are people for you to forge bonds with, you just have to look harder and further. It looks a little too peaceful where you live :)
Good advice, harder to find in deep sw florida... but I'll look. There are no museums or bookstores round here, for sure.
That's enough to do anyone's head in!! Go easy on yrself x
It's the world we live in, today. My husband and I are 77, and we often feel alone. We have a wonderful son, 4 grown grandkids, and 9 great-grandkids. They live an hour away, have very busy lives, and we don't all get together as much as we did a few years ago. I battle anxiety and depression, which make me think and feel differently about myself and life in general. People everywhere are so consumed by their own lives that they don't see anyone else, nor do they want to take the time to spend with others. Many of us have holes in our souls that only God can fill. He promises to never leave us, to always love and take care of us. And He never breaks His promises. Go to Him, pour your heart out to Him, and He will help you in ways that no human can ever help you. I pray that you will find rest and peace in God, because, until you do, you may never feel that you belong anywhere in this fallen world ~ Sandi
If I was independently wealthy I'd hop on my private jet and fly straight to Ca to give you a hug. (Sorry, don't mean for this to sound invasive or creepy) Sending virtual hugs...and wishes for you and your kiddos that all works out for your family. You are extraordinarily gifted, which makes it difficult to find someone who can match your energy...your gifts...your vision. ❣
I moved 21 years ago to a place where I still feel like I don’t fit in & tried to adopt the “bloom where your planted” philosophy and it just never worked.
I feel you and can relate…wish I would have taken my children and moved back years ago, now they are married or have a partner and children… I feel I’m resigned to staying but still hate living here.
Go where your heart is happy. Your children will be happy when you are happy. It helps them later in life, as you know, how your mental happiness now will affect their future lives. As I have heard. Fill your heart with ♥️ and happiness. Good luck Elizabeth!🍀🤞
Wow! I’m a relatively new subscriber to your channel and I’m there for the legal discussion. I wasn’t going to listen to this but I did and I’m glad I did!
I’m a man but I really appreciate the courage it took (even if you don’t see it that way) to post this video. I lived in SoCal for about 6 years and mostly really hated it, so that is a commonality. I’m also a newly single parent of kindergartener on the spectrum in a state where I’ve no family and I can definitely relate to feeling very isolated.
Somehow just knowing there are others with the same pain is helpful.
Thanks and good luck.
I can relate....we are from NJ/NY and we moved west for 12 years and ended up in S. California. We never fit in and I found the crazy materialism was where the disconnect hit. Luckily, our son was in preschool so we jumped and moved to the NY Catskills before he started kindergarten. I made a video on my channel about why we left California. I know the feeling of not really fitting in. There is no easy solution. I hope you find peace and happiness soon.😊
Just ran across this. As much as the kids loved Southern CA, they will love being back in N.Y. home is where your heart is and their heart is with you. ❤
I really appreciate what you had to say. It helps me to understand better the dilemma that my son and his family are having, although they are in many ways it sounds like different from you and yours. I would say though that it's sad you're not an alcoholic, because even in my wealthy community of Marin County California there are many single mothers in the AA community who find a remarkable fellowship, people who pick up the phone when you call, and who will call you about the struggles (and triumps) that they are having. The inspiring thing is that when many people come in feeling the way you do, it doesn't take long for them to feel much better and see their lives starting to make sense.
thank you!
I’m actually crying for you. I’m 71, lived overseas with my parents overseas until I was 15. Westport, CT, St. Louis, Princeton area, NJ, Spring Lake, NJ. I have never felt I have fit in. I have one friend here. But. Have had a wonderful marriage, BUT. All hell broke loose in 2018. Husband had heart attack, quadruple bypass, massive stroke. Five years of taking care of him. I feel like I joined the walking dead. Don’t fit in at the Jersey Shore. Two boys in NYC. After all hell broke loose, my friends eventually disappeared. I want to get out of here, but can’t leave our sons. Your story resonated a lot. A lot. I’ll be in touch again. Because I have the same pain as you.
I am happy that you have landed in a happier place. Life is short and kids are resilient. It will be okay. Many of us do get it. And have our moments of reckoning. It’s hard even without kids to see clearly. But trust you, and trust them. You are a unit. And it’s a good thing. .
I can't believe it's been 5 years since you moved to CA! I was watching your Resistance Live avidly when you moved. I've always felt like an outsider wherever I live, so I can't offer much advice. I'm living in Alabama now and WOW, the culture shock is real. I've made it almost 9 years but I sure would like to be around some brash New Yorkers.
I gave SoCal 11 years. It never felt like home. I left in pieces and moved back to my home state (Ohio) a few months ago. Starting over at 46 😮💨
I'm 66, i've lived in 5 states & haven't fit in anywhere since I was 30. As others have said, you learn to be alone & it's alright.
Recently discovered Resistance Live and now some of your more personal videos. Girl, I so appreciate you!!! You are smart, funny, and really brave. If you lived in my world, you would be my best friend! Come back east to western Mass! Your kids will love it here and I think you will find endless support!!!!!
Grew up in central jersey in the 60s. My friend left for san diego came back he missed the tightness in eastern friendships.
Interesting to see what you’re going through. I’m a guy, hard to relate to the Mom part. I live in Australia so I do relate to the not fitting in part. Helps me get my head around the trauma response advice that you discuss on resistance live. But I think you have a sense of honesty about your feelings which I enjoy. I know I don’t want to in any way piss you off, but just enjoy your discussions. So thanks. 😅
I have family in CA who moved from NY/Long Island. They enjoy it. I went out there and fucking hated it. The people, everything rubbed me the wrong way. Im just a native New Yorker, born and raised cant change who I am.
We see you ❤
Well, I feel seen for the first time in many, many years. After getting divorced I left the town I had lived in with my husband, who was now with a MUCH younger woman, and was a big fish in a small pond. I couldn't stay, so I moved. I lived in a community like that for years with 3 kids. They loved it. My youngest just made a TV series (animated) about growing up there. I was alone.
And then I came to the US to try to make it, worked all over, living alone, and never fitted in, and then I came to LA to join my youngest, all sorts of health and financial reasons, and I don't fit in again. Now my son wants to move to ...OREGON to an isolated house on a lake, wants me to go with. Yeah right.
I moved from Boston to try and be a 'good' grandma and be near the grand kids, who live in freaking Mesa Az!.
I lasted a year, and went through the worst depression of my life. The least of which because I'm photosensitive and very heat intolerant. I get Summer Affective Disorder. It was horrifying.
Then there's the politics and the place feels like a police state! And I hate desert!
So I move to San Diego..about 22 miles inland do still not far from being desert.
It blunted the depression but that's all.
And yes...no one seems interested in anything besides chilling and the beach and gym!
No, as you put it...robust debate which for me forms intimate friendships and commeraderie.
My thinking is that because the seasons don't change much here, everyone seems outside oriented, and tome has no measure...which makes for a kind of la di da, feeling.
Back east there are obvious and evident changes to each season, marking tome and making us, I believe more aware of its passage, so more alive intellectually.
The debates happen first in traditions with fall and winter because it's a time for rumination about things. We're also more couped up together. We're also always in more contact with each other on crowded streets and in subways etc.
So people feel more real to me back east.
And I think the above elements are why.
And I miss real green, and beautiful old historic architecture, and park benches and shade trees.
And like you...I don't know how the hell to get back!
So, oh, my heart goes out to you.
If you want to talk...Em.
Hi ECM I’m finding this interesting broadcast just now. I hope you found any options since the podcast. I understand a lot of what you’re saying and feeling. I thought Tucson a year ago was going to be the best place from MN. I’m always here. Since the beginning of RISE & the Podcast! I’m keeping you in my thoughts and heart as well as the kids.
You will find your answers in nature. I live in red Montana which is challenging beyond belief politically at the moment 😬 but I’m surrounded by the most beautiful ecosystem you will find anywhere. I’ve been following you since the beginning of your social media journey and I just keep saying, “this wonderful human being needs to experience nature in my backyard.” Imagine you and your kids floating on a remote lake on a kayak listening to bird calls, seeing turtles and eagles and such and minimal humans around. Google up Bigfork, MT, If you like what you see, my home is open to you and I will show you and your kids some really great stuff. I worked as an adventure guide in my younger days in Bolivia, I was a scuba diving PADI dive master in Egypt and I worked for the Charles Darwin Research Center in the Galapagos. My life couldn’t be any more different than yours… If you want to change it up, have an adventure very different than what your family is experiencing, I’m here for you. ☮️
You are heard. You are seen. And that is hard. From someone who has never fit in as a child or young adult, bloom where you are planted is BULL $hit! 😢
Several people have mentioned northern California. Berkeley might be a great fit for you. A family trip north would be a great idea. Please take care of yourself.😘 Times are particularly difficult for everyone right now.
Fascinating and so relatable. This is the content I'm here for. Question though, about your kids, do they have a frame of reference about where they live? Do they remember New York well? Traveled a bit? Kids are very adaptable.
Popped into feed yesterday. So get you. From 20s was intense, purpose driven, craving justice and harmony and ecology. Made a move to SE tx and completely didn't fit but people kept telling me the crap line. I bought a mobile home and move to coastal prairie which son loved because I made it a sanctuary. People, politics, systems were all toxic 15 years ago. I moved back to IL and let him stay there and get ajob to take over payment. He failed to get the money and without making it all good...he came to IL. The point being strong women make the world safe for the kids at enormous cost to self. The time/stress in tx started decline to disability with myasthenia gravis, now in a town in decline no real friends but people are mostly ok. Life is weird
I get every word of this. Different circumstances, but I'm an American living in the UK--moved here nearly 12 years ago. One of the hardest fucking things I have ever done, and most definitely a mistake It's a very long story, and has nearly destroyed me mentally more than once. The cost has been far too high. I wish I could give you a hug because I get it. I miss the intellectual stimulation of my friends in the US; the support network I had which was just amazing; the community where I belonged. i don't belong here. I never will. I miss having those "middle-of-the-night" people I knew I could call and would be there for me. I'm lonely. I get it. I wish I had wise words to share but I don't. But you're not alone.