I found out that I’ve been cheated more than once with different people about 4 weeks ago. She didn’t tell me, her friend did. The amount of anger I feel at this point is almost unbearable. The rage physically hurts my chest. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through.
You're not alone same boat here bud..Even last I got into it with my because we are almost a full year from disclosure of my knowledge of D Day and she still can't answer my question of why she had an affair..Other than we all sin and she was triggered because she went back to work in the town that her affair partner lived in
As the betrayer… Am so sorry we have put you in this bad dark corner. My husband has been struggling 2 years now and it’s like the D day… Am so sorry 😞
I am so thankful for deciding to look for video about betrayl...I was sure I was going crazy. The emotional flooding is so overhelming and when the partner won't hear it, hurts all over again. It feels so lonely.
When they lie and withhold information like my narc ex did, it only prolonged the entire process. It was like every lie I figured out, it was like being cheated on a,, over again. Because lying is a betrayal.
27 years later I'm still so angry and full of rage. I've forgiven him. I had my 15 minutes with him. I stupidly still care for him. We never got back together and never will. He valued a hooker above me. I just can't get past the humiliation.
My now husband cheated on me during the whole relationship and 2 weeks before the wedding with multiple prostitutes. The pain is unbearable. I haven’t been the same since I found out.
I can't tell you how grateful I am to have found your videos. My husband has a porn addiction that i discovered shortly before our wedding, 10 years ago. I recently discovered he has never stopped, despite 10 years of what I thought was us fighting the addiction together. I thought he had 3 years clean this time, I can't give a D-Day #, bc ive lost track a long time ago. Thank you for so accurately explaining what it is actually like for us. ❤
We are 5 weeks out of me discovering my wife cheating. Any time I mention it now she gets aggravated. She wants me to “drop it”, but she doesn’t realize how much her actions have really hurt me. I am so angry and full of hurt and wish I could just “move on”, but it’s hard. Especially when she still seems to be keeping secrets and won’t answer questions to help me “gather all the pieces of the puzzle”.
Same. What has been killing me is trying to forgive her but not getting all the answers I need for closure. The bad thing is that she still works with this person and even though she says there’s nothing going on I find it hard to believe.
I found out about my wife on dec 5th and all I can say is keep trying because every week has been better. She needs to understand though that you need answers or you are going to walk away emotionally. Ask her, lwhy are you still here if you don’t value me and aren’t willing to do anything to fix this?”
Right there, myself. 4.5 months since discovery & having multiple discovery days learning of more lies I asked the first week. He does not get it just sets us back.
@@jonnysabueso2688You have a point . The point is , the secrets and reasons they have for this behavior is and probably will never be revealed. Why would it . I’m married with a family , and I think there is a big difference between getting cheated on by a wife then by a girlfriend. Even long term Gf , you should be able to leave and walk away from it. With a wife and children, it’s an entire different ball game, meaning there is a lot to lose, sometimes everything to lose. The truth is , when someone cheats , they are longing for something they not receiving from their partner. Be it sexual, emotional, or many reasons depending on the person. Trust is everything, living in a world with access to anyone at anytime is just to easy to start something. It’s like the digital devil, always calling. Especially with Snapchat. Find a hacker and get all their phones information and see what they’re up to. Sometimes it’s better to just not know.
I wish there were videos for the betrayed that have had to leave their partner, and so do not have the help that comes from working through the pain with the unfaithful.
I'm so happy I found this channel yesterday. You are putting all of my thoughts and emotions and explaining them in a way that I haven't been able to communicate to my husband. I'm hoping that if I share your videos with him that finally something will click and he'll hopefully get where I'm coming from and how I feel. I've watched about 7 of your videos so far and every one is spot on with how I feel or how I have felt. I feel like I'm not psychotic or being too sensitive. Every word has been relatable, resonates and validates ALL of my pain and trauma. I'm hoping after 10 months of pretty much zero progress that maybe we can actually survive and our relationship will finally be on the track to real recovery. If these videos don't get through to him what needs to be done to be in a healthy loving relationship, nothing will. 💜💜💜
My ex disclosed the affair to me 2 weeks after my first child was born. To me that is the absolute worst time. I was still trying to recover from having the baby. It devastated me.
What if the unfaithful says that they're trying and have realized they wanted me the whole time, but that the hardest part about moving forward in our relationship is having to let go of their affair partner? I feel even more betrayal because I feel like if he was serious, the hardest part about our relationship would be the fact that he hurt and betrayed our relationship, not that he has to let go of what hurt us...
30+ and I still get as angry as the first day I found out. Not a day goes by that it does not find a way to creep into my thoughts.. I cannot let it go even aftrr another child and staying with her...
I was well into “momentum” phase when my wife relapsed. Talk about devastation... something I never saw as a possibility happening yet again! I am lost. Now 10 weeks into “D-day #2” I have much more anger than before, and cannot seem to process it. After doing some research, I have determined my wife is a “Covert Narcissist”... why am I now just discovering this after 39 years? I am afraid it is time for me to don my life-vest and jump off this sinking ship.
Sam you've gotten me through some hard times and pain. I wish i could give you a hug man. I appreciate what you do from my core brother. Would love to take my wife to an ems one day and meet you. God bless you and samantha. You guys are incredible people.
that means a ton andrew. thank you for saying that. happy to meet you one day. it's a joy to help people and messages like that make it all worth it. i wish you the best my brother. be safe out there.
Spot on Samuel. I year after D day and my anger is much less largely due to the effort on the part of my husband. I never thought it would get any better but slowly it has. I know I have a way to go but I’m so grateful for my progress.
2 years today and we have some good days...now I the betrayed have gotten to a point of anger yes, but I don't cry hardly anymore. I have watched all the videos, and he continues to "try" but won't watch videos unless I beg him too, that intimacy we had a long time ago its gone.
I'm going through this now 15 years after an emotional affair. I can't even believe what a horrible person I have been and have no idea how this can be fixed. I can't give up and I can't walk away because I have always done that. I want him to know that I am sorry. Some days it's so hard to take the anger especially when alcohol is involved. I am not confrontational at all. I just wish I could go back...or fall off the face of the earth so he can find someone better that deserves him. Cause I Don't
It has been 17 years since i caught her. The first month was shame and anger. I would vomit and i could barely eat. She offered no solutions and all i could do was make demands that she meet certain conditions or do this or that. I wanted to stop the pain and i wanted her to feel what i felt. I wanted to have an affair with her full knowledge. It made things worse when i couldnt find anyone willing to have an affair. This only reinforced the belief that i wasnt man enough to keep a woman. I would always throw her affair back in her face with every argument or if i had a bad day at work. I would pray that God would take me through the night. I would exhaust myself trying to catch her cheating. I became afraid to go to sleep because i knew nightmares were waiting for me. It wasnt till i accepted Jesus and He changed me i was able to see that i cant change anyone. All i can do is be the best i can for her. That is when things started to get better. She never was one to be completely honest. She only divulged small details. My anger prevented me from asking the right questions. Now she has the years to hide behind by claiming she cant remember. As you can probably see by the tone of my words that to this day i still have trouble dealing with this. I wish i could relive this nightmare just so i could improve how i handled things. Maybe then i would have been able to put this whole thing behind me. I guess the duration of the anger has a lot to do with getting help immediately after d day. If not the pain will have to be dealt with daily. If you are the betrayed dont make any decisions or seek revenge. If you are the unfaithful be as open and honest as possible. Also take the initiative to take the lead in fixing the damage regardless of the outcome of the marriage. Accepting full responsibility and supporting the betrayed in what ever they decide is the only way you can "make it up to them".
Thanks for sharing that. I think it’s normal to feel to want to do all those things it’s just a natural reaction. It’s been about 18 days since I caught my wife cheating on me. I am trying so hard not to make quick decisions or lash out so much. But I still feel like I’m not getting enough from her. every time I try to bring up what she did she shuts down and even gets defensive. I really wish that things would be back to normal between us but I think I’m just trying to block out those memories rather than confront them, but I end up having to put on a poker face every time we hang out now. I’m just trying to survive day by day and seek clarity within the eternity between weekly therapy sessions.
My ex husband cheated on me after being together 16yrs. He left me for his mistress and confessed afterwards. I’m angry. Not sure how to deal with it because he gets to be his mistress and I’m left with these overwhelming devastating feelings. Wish there was videos for people who are not trying to salvage the relationship. Even if the relationship has ended, it’s still as painful.
It will end horribly for them. I wish my husband (of 13 years) would leave me for one of his horrible side chicks. Instead he begs me to stay but gets angry at me for wanting honest information. They can have him. Right now I'm staying out of religious guilt or something. I'm so angry I think I'll have a heart attack. I was 100% devoted and never thought this was going on. I thought we had a perfect marriage. You and I deserved better. Let's remember to love ourselves and Jesus loves us.
@@evej865You are probably right . Why would you want to jump into a relationship with someone married or still with the other person. To me , that says a lot about THE person. If they leave someone for you , they’ll leave you the same way. It makes no sense, but we have to realize that selfishness doesn’t make sense to us sometimes. I hope y’all are doing well .
I'm surprised how helpful UA-cam has been for me during the time. I realize now it's probably a wasted time because there was never full disclosure. He cares more about his pride than my sanity & theres nothing I can do about that. He doesn't think it benefits him to be 100% honest about it.
We are 16 months out. Nothing has been resolved. He refuses to speak about it and doesn't understand I keep asking questions, because he hasn't answered them beyond "I can't remember. I don't know." I have had multiple discovery days and he has denied stuff he did say at the beginning. Of course, he thinks I should trust him already. This is the 2nd affair & he is doing the same exact thing this time around. He won't even admit after being presented with hard core proof such as receipts, etc. He thinks he's good to go, because he's being honest now. I need a clean slate & that means everything needs an admission.
Thank you I’ve been in a rage since and it’s only when I talk or see HIM, it’s not projected onto anybody else. I do a lot of meditation and videos like this to help me forgive, let go and move on. My wish is he stops any contact with me because he’s not sorry, he’s a little boy in a grown man’s body. Good riddance lol 🦋🌺🙏🏼
do you feel like you're traumatized? maybe it's time for help with the trauma? something like emdr or ett may help you my friend as it's awful to feel triggered so often. im sorry for the pain you're in.
Great video explaining what some of us are going through, and that it’s ok to feel the waves of anger and rages from time to times as part of the journey and process of healing from infidelity to point us towards the right directions of getting back to life’s in search of our once upon happiness from the results of infidelity in our journey of it's aftermath actuality.
Thank you for your honesty. Your videos are helping me get through the most difficult and hurtful time in my life. I feel like I'm going through my recovery alone. My unfaithful husband thinks we should stop talking about it and move forward. But sometimes I think of something I forgot to ask and even though it's hurtful I want to know certain details. One thing my husband can't or won't answer is why? Why did you do this to us? He says he doesn't really know. You said it took about a year to figure it out. What was your reason?
it's complicated but i was addicted to the applause of an audience, and terribly insecure and wanted to be wanted. i had severe deficiencies inside of me and instead of dealing with my own junk and pain, i projected it on to samantha and others and was incredibly weak. my soul was not healthy and i was dealing with immense rejection. ((just to get the picture started as that's not the total reasoning but just some))
I hope my husband watches this - 2.5 years in and he wonders why I'm still so angry. Why? He continues to minimize and defending his actions. He refuses to see a qualified therapist for his addiction. He feels weekly therapy and listening to blogs ever so often is doing "the work"...
1 year out just 2 days ago. 30 March 2020 since I found out. I'm constantly miserable and cry for no reasons but self pity I think. I hate my new reality.😭
Thank you Samuel, this has helped me a lot. It does give me a sense of hope and peace about where I am at in my healing process. I'm grateful for all that you do.
I feel that the betrayed spouse needs to feel safe and it's the cheating spouse that needs to build that safe space. Being patient, honest and attentive to the betrayed spouses feelings and thoughts will only foster comfort. Working through the heartbreak is like grieving. Different stages no time frame but allowing the betrayed, the entire truth is the best first step to healing broken trust. Sidestepping excusing, minimizing and not giving a damn will slow the process of healing. When you get impatient or upset because the betrayed is having a hard time. Put yourself in their shoes and ruminate in those feelings. You might find more compassion.
Thank you Samuel, and everyone else at AR. Your videos have really helped me tremendously over the past year or so that I have been watching them. I will continue to watch them even though I have decided to leave the marriage.
I'm so glad I could help. I'm terribly sorry things didn't work out. I know it probably hurts like hell and hope you can find healing for your own pain and hurt my friend.
Honestly, watching these videos is just making my rage worse. It's highlighting just how little effort he is putting in and how hopeless the situation is. It solidifies my decision to leave, because clearly he will never learn so long as I'm still around. He's been absolutely delusional this entire time.
My heart breaks. I realize that ill have to do this alone. When he wants the marriage to work but wont do work and im over the damage that now i just cant explain? No disclosure, no treatment. Just sorry and then reasons.
I'm expecting too much from her to be understanding about what's going on within me. It makes me want to walk away. I become convinced it's not going to work and that I need to plan on leaving for good. Its been 4 months and Im still having anger outbursts (not physical, not throwing things but I will shame her). It's like if I get angry, I have to worry about being cheated on again and abandoned while I'm the one watching videos to understand it, attempting recovery work while she is overtaken by guilt and shame and wants to forget about it. It angers and upsets me tremendously being cheated on 4 times, once on Christmas Eve. She brought her kids to his house and left them in the truck while she went in for 15 minutes and had sex with him, then came home and kissed me and had sex with me. I never saw it coming with her. I thought she was beyond doing anything like that. I'm mentally exhausted. It's always on my mind.
Samuel, your videos have been a Godsend to me as the Betrayed even though my situation isn’t exactly what your program addresses. My spouse was diagnosed by an expert with an “addiction” Intimacy Anorexia for 50 years of marriage and dice disclosure 18 months ago
Continued... our progress has been slow. My spouse is doing his work and willing to get better. But, I am beyond very stuck. After listening to your videos now for months I have come to the strong conclusion that in reality I traumatized myself for 50 years believing his distancing behaviors were ALL my fault. I won’t go on in detailing the harmful self talk that sent of in my life. Suffice it to say I need help with my recovery. I understand my triggers and they feel like they are destroying me. Is it possible that your “Trauma Specialist” could help me? I look forward to your speedy recovery, if possible. Thank you. Please keep up the invaluable work you are doing. Most appreciatively.
I cheated on my 15 yrs wife. Never knew how much damaged I would have done.......How I can help her to gain back her trust. I know I messed up really bad.
Can I recommend an amazing book by Jason B Martinkus and Stephen Arterburn called Worthy of her Trust. It's written by and for unfaithful spouses but I read it as a betrayed spouse and found it very validating of my feelings. The author(s) pull no punches but if you're serious about regaining your wife's trust, then this is the book. It's written from a Christian faith perspective but don't let that put you off - if that's not where you are at, read the book anyway and use the bits that resonate with you. 18:01
I have waited for four years for this process of healing to occur. It’s not until recently that I realized none of the work has really been done on his end. I pray now that I’m sharing these videos with him, he will be given a new perspective on the process. For anyone who reads this... if he still works with the affair partner, whether he sees her daily or not, am i justified in asking him to leave the job?
Yes you can ask that. I am going through the same thing but worse. I am sorry for your pain. There's nothing anybody can say to make it better. I am crying every single day. The female was my friend and I'll her child Godmother and she's his cousin wife.
My fiance has been getting a lot better but I'm still so angry. I'm so hurt and angry about everything he's did because even though we were young, we had been together since 8th grade and he cheated in the final year of high school. He was immature. But even though he's listened and answered everything over the time of a year and a half, I just can't get rid of the anger. I feel like it has nowhere to go. It affecting us a lot. I feel like I can't even show him I love him well because I just can't seem to get over it enough to just move past it already.
I am right behind you.....Nov 18.....and again the 22nd of Nov........bits of "real truth" there after......I was too concerned about getting the unfaithful help( as we do, as he "was" a drug addict( another disclosure). The rage and frustration comes in waves...... he is being "good".......BUT I am still lost and unsure.
hahahahaahah. awe, so glad i could help. many tell me that jessica. i hope i've been more helpful than hurtful though and that you didn't crack your screen. in terms of why....did you mean you wanted to know why i cheated? i'm just wanting to make sure i answer your question correctly. thanks for sharing such great feedback.
There are many reasons why, most of them are because they need something new. Think about it . A new experience, a new sensation, new sex partner = new experience. That’s just a part of the equation though . I believe women cheat for different reasons. Life is hard and being with someone for 15 years can be , well after a while, boring.
Overcoming Infidelity we had martial therapy and I’ve had EMDR therapy. I was unable to continue due to finances. Maybe I’ll give it a try again. My husband has been doing everything right to help me. I cannot get past his AP and no consequences for her? Why do I care so much about that? I’m so angry that her husband doesn’t know, yet I don’t tell him to protect me husband....? Crazy 😝
@@juliepetulla9513 not crazy at all. stuck more like it. i would get back to emdr asap. i would also find a professional you can process this with so you can get your own head space back and your own life back. it's normal, but you have to decide you're not tolerating it any longer and you're ready to live again and let go.
Ive had multiple d days. My wife of 15 years has BPD with Sproadic betrayals throughout the first half... Affair with doctor for drugs ( i got his license suspended permanently in 3 states) then following that, an additional 20 other men spoken to on a dating site for money. Physical affairs.a million instances of deceit...Stayed because kids but that isnt enough anymore. Ive lacked important things in myself and have developed a lot more strength and bravery. The biggest regret has been spending any amount of energy and stress on it all while ignoring my own true self
Unfaithful was angry that I went through his phone 3 weeks out. Should I not have done it? Unfaithful husband has been on both ends. Is there anything about that situation in recovery? He never had therapy and became an alcoholic. We both want therapy now.
My partner is reacting the same way you recommend the betrayer should but I'm so angry even though it's been about a month since his relapse. Im so scared to work on our relationship with him because when he's being nice i wonder if its just manipulation. I wish i hadn't told my family and friends either because no one thinks i should trust him and those opinions keep swirling around in my head.
Hi Sam Thank you for this video. I am struggling but it seems like I take 2 steps forward and 3 backward. I've dealt with lots of trickle truths in the beginning and this has set me back alot. I'm tired of feeling insecure. Can you please send me a recovery timeline?
I'm terribly sorry for the pain you're in my friend. here is the timeline: www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founders/2010-03-timeline these two pieces are also exceptional when it comes to multiple disclosures and the betrayed spouse: ua-cam.com/video/A3NWbFpo4pc/v-deo.html ua-cam.com/video/TYGDt5onips/v-deo.html
Bc of multiple d days I am not sure where I am in the recovery time line. Last d day was feb 2020 when i found an email from 10/2017 when uh flirting with AP. I thought this issue all started back in 2019. I thought first d day was 6/2019. This sucks
He betrayed me twice, one night stand and the second one is emotional affair. He had history of betraying his family which he thought it was just alright because he and his ex was already adults. I don’t like him to talk to his siblings because his brother thought that the emotional affair is just fine because the woman-husband’s ex is in different country. I don’t like him connecting with his siblings
Leave him alone to start realize the good parts on you. I did the very same thing after 3 years of humiliation and verbal abuse. Many betrayed think that they ' re loosing time and opportunities when they stay married with the betrayer. So, give them space and time. I managed to regain his trust by divorcing him and stay single and transparent. Set him free to learn about other betrayals (much more worse), to - maybe- get involved to new relationships, to see how complicated people are and then he will forgive you and he ' ll come back.
Why does the unfaithful spouse even want the betrayed spouse, after they've cheated over and over? Obviously, I'm a recently betrayed. My wife was diagnosed as a sex addict and sex with a bunch of men in a two month period. I feel horrible about myself. I found out little by little via her phone and gut instinct. But, she attempted suicide. I had to 51/50 her. She released her phone to me. And found everything. She was keeping receipts as if she were proud. Now medicated. She acts like a victim. Tries to say it was for attention I wasn't giving.
jen, the unfaithful doesn't make a lot of sense. it's only through expert help that typically truth and healing can come. what are you both open to? there is hope and help, but it's going to be a process. the unfaithful is still a mess and doesn't usually know how to show or even tap into empathy and remorse. they just aren't healthy upfront and need help to see the pain they have inflicted upon the betrayed spouse. it takes work and expert help.
Thank you Samuel! I'm an unfaithful and my betrayed partner and I listen to these videos daily. Can you reply with the link for the recovery timeline? Thank you again for doing these videos. These videos have helped us both so much.
How do I get through the other side of pain and hurt and heart break my husband is divorcing me for his girlfriend he refuses to talk to me or even work things out he is already moving forward in his new life with her and there are zero signs of him coming back
it's time to heal you and work on you and make your own well being a priority. while it hurts, we have to go with what people want us to believe and see about them. it's clear he's moving on and while you're heart broken, its time to heal and do your own work to move forward my friend.
My girlfriend saw my messages with a female friend that I went out with unbeknownst to her, I texted my female friend to get home safe and miss you. However my girlfriend thought I was cheating on her because I didn’t tell her I went out with my female friend. I hid it from her because I was scared it will cause trouble. However it was a choice that I made so I don’t really blame her but she kept accusing me of cheating how do I go about repairing the relationship
I cared for his dying mother and was with her for her last breath. Then diagnosed with breast cancer myself. Then corona hit. Then I found out about his 4 year “emotion affair”. May 7th, 2021 I found thousands of the text messages and confronted. Now, Over a year later and he won’t get a counselor and barely admits any wrong-doing. Some days are good and some days I just want to get away from him.
Please send time out protocol. Bs will not use time out protocol except to shut me down when im speaking. Also when i call time out bs. Ignores it, or to get last stab in.
Hi. Your videos are so realistic that I feel like it's my story. Me and my husband married for about 11years and came to know that he was cheating for about 9 years . Now he is remorseful and feels guilty. There were multiple D days and finally according to him he has opened up completely to me. But I still feel that he has not told me the entire thing. I feel if I get to know everything it will help me to heal. Please advice how to convince him to speak everything or is it just my imagination? Please reply
you definitely need all the info to heal. this is a good article on the subject: www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founder/survive-an-affair-how-much-to-tell i would have him read the article with you as well as take a course and get the best help possible. cheating for 9 years necessitates expert help and intervention. you don't need a band aid you need expert care and guidance my friend. what is he willing to do to heal?
My husband works all over the place we have 4 kids now I just find out that his living in New Jersey with another woman don't know what to do I live in England can someone help me please
My husband won’t answer this please answer this why does the unfaithful grieve for their affair partner ? I don’t want him to I want him to see what he has done to our family our kids that seen it all he left us for her. Our kids are teen age kids. They see him when I ask does he miss her he tells me no and I don’t believe him. This hurts so bad he even forgot when he came back home. He was with her for 7 months he has been back for 4 months already forgot when he came back home but remembers when he meet her. He don’t tell me everything. He lost his job he I am working since he left I was a stay at home mom he stays home now. I come from a faith back ground I even work at the church doing house keeping I talk to my pastor he has not yet gone to any counseling but tells me wants it. He is studying the Bible more getting closer to God but not finding counseling for himself. I tried counseling and he walked out on her before this even happened so I don’t want to find a counselor for him cause he just tells me I am a manipulator and will get them to see things my way so why do they grieve their affair partner ?
Hi Sam. could length of affair push out the recovery time? our initial D day I was told 6 months and twice. I was starting to get my head around that and then WHAM! 7 months later D day 2. time of affair blew out to 10 years! 2 years down the track from D 2 anger low but still struggling.
it certainly affects recovery time, but two years later and still struggling would motivate me to ask you what work you've done over the last two years? have you taken any courses or intensives etc? it's not that i'm saying you should be further along, however, i am wondering what you've done to heal over the last two years as it sounds like it's time to increase your work and strategy...hope that makes sense.
How do you move forward and start over again if the discovery phase was longer than 6 weeks. (Information was not fully disclosed from the starting point) can you still repair the relationship if that happens
Yes! However my “timeline” is so much longer. 3 1/2 years later still angry with my husband at times. Always angry with his AP. I can’t get past the anger with her.
Overcoming Infidelity been to martial counseling (both of us) and Emdr therapy for myself. Tough to stick with that due to finances. Strange thing, my husband -who has had very little therapy, has been doing everything right, per all your videos, etc. I’m stuck and almost afraid to “not remind” him of the pain. And I cannot find it in my heart to forgive the affair partner for her being “one of those women” who would do this horrific thing to another person and her having no consequences. Her husband still doesn’t know... it eats me up! Why?
I have so much rafe its not funny , he has done absolutely nothing to repair us. He thinks takimg the trash out or mowing is fixing things. Its just makimg me more angry he sounds so stupid ,because he not stupid but likes to act that way when needed ... Narcissistic to the bitter end
And what happens when you don't think of certain things till later that are small things...are they worth saying? I don't remember everything and because it was so long ago I can't think of details. Although all the bad stuff has been said although he believes there is more. I keep trying to think of things.
My BS has been angry for 2 years, 3 months ago he moved out. I am not able to make sense of it. I don't know what to do or how to reach him, I don't know if he still wants to be married or not. So stuck
I found out that I’ve been cheated more than once with different people about 4 weeks ago. She didn’t tell me, her friend did. The amount of anger I feel at this point is almost unbearable. The rage physically hurts my chest. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through.
I know its freaking painful.
@@jhonrestrepo3987 I feel the pain 😢 because I struggle with not being angry with my wife for disrespecting me with her affair 😤
You're not alone same boat here bud..Even last I got into it with my because we are almost a full year from disclosure of my knowledge of D Day and she still can't answer my question of why she had an affair..Other than we all sin and she was triggered because she went back to work in the town that her affair partner lived in
Same
how are you feeling now? has the feeling got easier to deal with? its bloody awful, im sorry someone did this to you
I’ve been angry for 2 years. It comes and goes. It’s brutal
As the betrayer… Am so sorry we have put you in this bad dark corner. My husband has been struggling 2 years now and it’s like the D day… Am so sorry 😞
Me too. He repented, he paid for it and yet I can't get over my rage, my pain and my shame.
30+ years 💔
6 yrs and it still hurts
After 30+ years - the pain is still there 😢
Twenty four years, for me. You are not alone. One just gets a little better at accommodating the anger.
These videos are saving my sanity at this time.
Same 😭
Me too. Soothing to listen.. helps calm. The rage
Me too
I wish he understood this. That he could try to understand and not deflect or ignore me when I open up about my pain
I am so thankful for deciding to look for video about betrayl...I was sure I was going crazy. The emotional flooding is so overhelming and when the partner won't hear it, hurts all over again. It feels so lonely.
This video helped me understand that I'll never be out of it. I'ts been years and I still experience rage, crying, pain, distrust and humiliation.
Sorry. It is unbearable.
When they lie and withhold information like my narc ex did, it only prolonged the entire process. It was like every lie I figured out, it was like being cheated on a,, over again. Because lying is a betrayal.
27 years later I'm still so angry and full of rage.
I've forgiven him. I had my 15 minutes with him. I stupidly still care for him. We never got back together and never will. He valued a hooker above me. I just can't get past the humiliation.
This. This is why infidelity is so insidious and severely selfish. Look what it does to the betrayed.
Please get professional help. Don’t let this steal the rest of your life
My now husband cheated on me during the whole relationship and 2 weeks before the wedding with multiple prostitutes. The pain is unbearable. I haven’t been the same since I found out.
I can't tell you how grateful I am to have found your videos. My husband has a porn addiction that i discovered shortly before our wedding, 10 years ago. I recently discovered he has never stopped, despite 10 years of what I thought was us fighting the addiction together. I thought he had 3 years clean this time, I can't give a D-Day #, bc ive lost track a long time ago. Thank you for so accurately explaining what it is actually like for us. ❤
We are 5 weeks out of me discovering my wife cheating. Any time I mention it now she gets aggravated. She wants me to “drop it”, but she doesn’t realize how much her actions have really hurt me. I am so angry and full of hurt and wish I could just “move on”, but it’s hard. Especially when she still seems to be keeping secrets and won’t answer questions to help me “gather all the pieces of the puzzle”.
Same. What has been killing me is trying to forgive her but not getting all the answers I need for closure. The bad thing is that she still works with this person and even though she says there’s nothing going on I find it hard to believe.
I found out about my wife on dec 5th and all I can say is keep trying because every week has been better. She needs to understand though that you need answers or you are going to walk away emotionally. Ask her, lwhy are you still here if you don’t value me and aren’t willing to do anything to fix this?”
Right there, myself. 4.5 months since discovery & having multiple discovery days learning of more lies I asked the first week. He does not get it just sets us back.
If they act this way, it's time to leave.
@@jonnysabueso2688You have a point . The point is , the secrets and reasons they have for this behavior is and probably will never be revealed. Why would it . I’m married with a family , and I think there is a big difference between getting cheated on by a wife then by a girlfriend. Even long term Gf , you should be able to leave and walk away from it. With a wife and children, it’s an entire different ball game, meaning there is a lot to lose, sometimes everything to lose. The truth is , when someone cheats , they are longing for something they not receiving from their partner. Be it sexual, emotional, or many reasons depending on the person. Trust is everything, living in a world with access to anyone at anytime is just to easy to start something. It’s like the digital devil, always calling. Especially with Snapchat. Find a hacker and get all their phones information and see what they’re up to. Sometimes it’s better to just not know.
I wish there were videos for the betrayed that have had to leave their partner, and so do not have the help that comes from working through the pain with the unfaithful.
I'm so happy I found this channel yesterday. You are putting all of my thoughts and emotions and explaining them in a way that I haven't been able to communicate to my husband. I'm hoping that if I share your videos with him that finally something will click and he'll hopefully get where I'm coming from and how I feel. I've watched about 7 of your videos so far and every one is spot on with how I feel or how I have felt. I feel like I'm not psychotic or being too sensitive. Every word has been relatable, resonates and validates ALL of my pain and trauma.
I'm hoping after 10 months of pretty much zero progress that maybe we can actually survive and our relationship will finally be on the track to real recovery. If these videos don't get through to him what needs to be done to be in a healthy loving relationship, nothing will. 💜💜💜
I’m at this stage in my life and I have every right to be upset deep down to my heart . Lies and deceit I don’t think I can ever accept his sorry s
My ex disclosed the affair to me 2 weeks after my first child was born. To me that is the absolute worst time. I was still trying to recover from having the baby. It devastated me.
That was so completely selfish of him.
So sorry you went thru that 😢
I'm very glad the word 'ex' is there. I'm glad he's not around, that's rotten
It's been 2 years and my unfaithful husband still doesn't know why he had an affair. I'm still in anger because he wont give me the why.
They know why. Just don't have the nerve to tell due to consequences.
@@LA-1969 No, he might not know why. I am a dude and i don't know myself why i do what i do... And not a cheater here!!
Me too
What if the unfaithful says that they're trying and have realized they wanted me the whole time, but that the hardest part about moving forward in our relationship is having to let go of their affair partner? I feel even more betrayal because I feel like if he was serious, the hardest part about our relationship would be the fact that he hurt and betrayed our relationship, not that he has to let go of what hurt us...
It’s been almost 3 months for me my fiancé cheated on me and it’s hard some days are good and some days I get depressed.
30+ and I still get as angry as the first day I found out. Not a day goes by that it does not find a way to creep into my thoughts.. I cannot let it go even aftrr another child and staying with her...
it would seem it's time to get help patrick. you need expert help to ease the pain and make life more enjoyable even after staying.
I was well into “momentum” phase when my wife relapsed. Talk about devastation... something I never saw as a possibility happening yet again! I am lost. Now 10 weeks into “D-day #2” I have much more anger than before, and cannot seem to process it. After doing some research, I have determined my wife is a “Covert Narcissist”... why am I now just discovering this after 39 years? I am afraid it is time for me to don my life-vest and jump off this sinking ship.
Evan Williams I’m sorry Evan. Blessings to you of peace and strength to do what u need to love yourself enough to heal 💔
Tell us how that want????
Sam you've gotten me through some hard times and pain. I wish i could give you a hug man. I appreciate what you do from my core brother. Would love to take my wife to an ems one day and meet you. God bless you and samantha. You guys are incredible people.
that means a ton andrew. thank you for saying that. happy to meet you one day. it's a joy to help people and messages like that make it all worth it. i wish you the best my brother. be safe out there.
@@samshealingpodcast Kindly in need of that "time out protocol"... advise how to get it....
One must take into account sex addiction as a big part of many of the betrayals. That changes the time-line drastically.
Spot on Samuel. I year after D day and my anger is much less largely due to the effort on the part of my husband. I never thought it would get any better but slowly it has. I know I have a way to go but I’m so grateful for my progress.
2 years today and we have some good days...now I the betrayed have gotten to a point of anger yes, but I don't cry hardly anymore. I have watched all the videos, and he continues to "try" but won't watch videos unless I beg him too, that intimacy we had a long time ago its gone.
I'm going through this now 15 years after an emotional affair. I can't even believe what a horrible person I have been and have no idea how this can be fixed. I can't give up and I can't walk away because I have always done that. I want him to know that I am sorry. Some days it's so hard to take the anger especially when alcohol is involved. I am not confrontational at all. I just wish I could go back...or fall off the face of the earth so he can find someone better that deserves him. Cause I Don't
It takes way way longer than this time line. I’ve never met anyone that moved along this quickly. It happens but give it all the time you need.
It has been 17 years since i caught her. The first month was shame and anger. I would vomit and i could barely eat. She offered no solutions and all i could do was make demands that she meet certain conditions or do this or that. I wanted to stop the pain and i wanted her to feel what i felt. I wanted to have an affair with her full knowledge. It made things worse when i couldnt find anyone willing to have an affair. This only reinforced the belief that i wasnt man enough to keep a woman. I would always throw her affair back in her face with every argument or if i had a bad day at work. I would pray that God would take me through the night. I would exhaust myself trying to catch her cheating. I became afraid to go to sleep because i knew nightmares were waiting for me.
It wasnt till i accepted Jesus and He changed me i was able to see that i cant change anyone. All i can do is be the best i can for her. That is when things started to get better. She never was one to be completely honest. She only divulged small details. My anger prevented me from asking the right questions. Now she has the years to hide behind by claiming she cant remember.
As you can probably see by the tone of my words that to this day i still have trouble dealing with this. I wish i could relive this nightmare just so i could improve how i handled things. Maybe then i would have been able to put this whole thing behind me. I guess the duration of the anger has a lot to do with getting help immediately after d day.
If not the pain will have to be dealt with daily. If you are the betrayed dont make any decisions or seek revenge. If you are the unfaithful be as open and honest as possible. Also take the initiative to take the lead in fixing the damage regardless of the outcome of the marriage. Accepting full responsibility and supporting the betrayed in what ever they decide is the only way you can "make it up to them".
Thanks for sharing that. I think it’s normal to feel to want to do all those things it’s just a natural reaction. It’s been about 18 days since I caught my wife cheating on me. I am trying so hard not to make quick decisions or lash out so much. But I still feel like I’m not getting enough from her. every time I try to bring up what she did she shuts down and even gets defensive. I really wish that things would be back to normal between us but I think I’m just trying to block out those memories rather than confront them, but I end up having to put on a poker face every time we hang out now. I’m just trying to survive day by day and seek clarity within the eternity between weekly therapy sessions.
Thank God, I'm not the only one. Thanks Samantha.
My ex husband cheated on me after being together 16yrs. He left me for his mistress and confessed afterwards. I’m angry. Not sure how to deal with it because he gets to be his mistress and I’m left with these overwhelming devastating feelings. Wish there was videos for people who are not trying to salvage the relationship. Even if the relationship has ended, it’s still as painful.
It will end horribly for them. I wish my husband (of 13 years) would leave me for one of his horrible side chicks. Instead he begs me to stay but gets angry at me for wanting honest information. They can have him. Right now I'm staying out of religious guilt or something. I'm so angry I think I'll have a heart attack. I was 100% devoted and never thought this was going on. I thought we had a perfect marriage. You and I deserved better. Let's remember to love ourselves and Jesus loves us.
Yes it is... blessings to you 🙏 hopefully you are taking the time to heal yourself and move on .
@@evej865You are probably right . Why would you want to jump into a relationship with someone married or still with the other person. To me , that says a lot about THE person. If they leave someone for you , they’ll leave you the same way. It makes no sense, but we have to realize that selfishness doesn’t make sense to us sometimes. I hope y’all are doing well .
Your videos are the most helpful of all the ones I’ve listened to. I appreciate your work, your help, your story. Gives me hope.
I'm surprised how helpful UA-cam has been for me during the time. I realize now it's probably a wasted time because there was never full disclosure. He cares more about his pride than my sanity & theres nothing I can do about that. He doesn't think it benefits him to be 100% honest about it.
They that are like this seem to no understand it’s not about them anymore and the betrayed needs it to heal.
We are 16 months out. Nothing has been resolved. He refuses to speak about it and doesn't understand I keep asking questions, because he hasn't answered them beyond "I can't remember. I don't know." I have had multiple discovery days and he has denied stuff he did say at the beginning. Of course, he thinks I should trust him already. This is the 2nd affair & he is doing the same exact thing this time around. He won't even admit after being presented with hard core proof such as receipts, etc. He thinks he's good to go, because he's being honest now. I need a clean slate & that means everything needs an admission.
Yesssss
Thank you I’ve been in a rage since and it’s only when I talk or see HIM, it’s not projected onto anybody else. I do a lot of meditation and videos like this to help me forgive, let go and move on. My wish is he stops any contact with me because he’s not sorry, he’s a little boy in a grown man’s body. Good riddance lol 🦋🌺🙏🏼
do you feel like you're traumatized? maybe it's time for help with the trauma? something like emdr or ett may help you my friend as it's awful to feel triggered so often. im sorry for the pain you're in.
Please treat ur pain. Focus on urself. He’ll either get it or watch u leave. Many blessings to you. I know ur pain 💔
Great video explaining what some of us are going through, and that it’s ok to feel the waves of anger and rages from time to times as part of the journey and process of healing from infidelity to point us towards the right directions of getting back to life’s in search of our once upon happiness from the results of infidelity in our journey of it's aftermath actuality.
Thank you for your honesty. Your videos are helping me get through the most difficult and hurtful time in my life. I feel like I'm going through my recovery alone. My unfaithful husband thinks we should stop talking about it and move forward. But sometimes I think of something I forgot to ask and even though it's hurtful I want to know certain details. One thing my husband can't or won't answer is why? Why did you do this to us? He says he doesn't really know. You said it took about a year to figure it out. What was your reason?
it's complicated but i was addicted to the applause of an audience, and terribly insecure and wanted to be wanted. i had severe deficiencies inside of me and instead of dealing with my own junk and pain, i projected it on to samantha and others and was incredibly weak. my soul was not healthy and i was dealing with immense rejection. ((just to get the picture started as that's not the total reasoning but just some))
@@samshealingpodcast Thank you for sharing and for your honesty. I think my UF partner needs to look deep inside himself for answers.
I hope my husband watches this - 2.5 years in and he wonders why I'm still so angry. Why? He continues to minimize and defending his actions. He refuses to see a qualified therapist for his addiction. He feels weekly therapy and listening to blogs ever so often is doing "the work"...
Purrfuklee Empurrfukkt same here But 9 months out
1 year out just 2 days ago. 30 March 2020 since I found out. I'm constantly miserable and cry for no reasons but self pity I think. I hate my new reality.😭
Thank you Samuel, this has helped me a lot. It does give me a sense of hope and peace about where I am at in my healing process. I'm grateful for all that you do.
I feel that the betrayed spouse needs to feel safe and it's the cheating spouse that needs to build that safe space. Being patient, honest and attentive to the betrayed spouses feelings and thoughts will only foster comfort. Working through the heartbreak is like grieving. Different stages no time frame but allowing the betrayed, the entire truth is the best first step to healing broken trust. Sidestepping excusing, minimizing and not giving a damn will slow the process of healing. When you get impatient or upset because the betrayed is having a hard time. Put yourself in their shoes and ruminate in those feelings. You might find more compassion.
Thank you Samuel, and everyone else at AR. Your videos have really helped me tremendously over the past year or so that I have been watching them. I will continue to watch them even though I have decided to leave the marriage.
I'm so glad I could help. I'm terribly sorry things didn't work out. I know it probably hurts like hell and hope you can find healing for your own pain and hurt my friend.
Mind sharing why you are leaving?
Honestly, watching these videos is just making my rage worse. It's highlighting just how little effort he is putting in and how hopeless the situation is.
It solidifies my decision to leave, because clearly he will never learn so long as I'm still around. He's been absolutely delusional this entire time.
We get over it when we choose, not a second before.
My heart breaks. I realize that ill have to do this alone. When he wants the marriage to work but wont do work and im over the damage that now i just cant explain? No disclosure, no treatment. Just sorry and then reasons.
All of these videos are great, but this one video has helped me the most.
I'm expecting too much from her to be understanding about what's going on within me. It makes me want to walk away. I become convinced it's not going to work and that I need to plan on leaving for good. Its been 4 months and Im still having anger outbursts (not physical, not throwing things but I will shame her).
It's like if I get angry, I have to worry about being cheated on again and abandoned while I'm the one watching videos to understand it, attempting recovery work while she is overtaken by guilt and shame and wants to forget about it.
It angers and upsets me tremendously being cheated on 4 times, once on Christmas Eve. She brought her kids to his house and left them in the truck while she went in for 15 minutes and had sex with him, then came home and kissed me and had sex with me. I never saw it coming with her. I thought she was beyond doing anything like that.
I'm mentally exhausted. It's always on my mind.
Hi Robert. Just wondering -- nine months later after you made this comment, how are you feeling now?
I pray that me and my wife can do EMS one day.
Your videos are awesome and they are helping me understand so much.
Samuel, your videos have been a Godsend to me as the Betrayed even though my situation isn’t exactly what your program addresses. My spouse was diagnosed by an expert with an “addiction” Intimacy Anorexia for 50 years of marriage and dice disclosure 18 months ago
Continued... our progress has been slow. My spouse is doing his work and willing to get better. But, I am beyond very stuck. After listening to your videos now for months I have come to the strong conclusion that in reality I traumatized myself for 50 years believing his distancing behaviors were ALL my fault. I won’t go on in detailing the harmful self talk that sent of in my life. Suffice it to say I need help with my recovery. I understand my triggers and they feel like they are destroying me. Is it possible that your “Trauma Specialist” could help me? I look forward to your speedy recovery, if possible. Thank you.
Please keep up the invaluable work you are doing. Most appreciatively.
@@americajane8918 please reach out to our team at info@hope-now with this question!
I cheated on my 15 yrs wife.
Never knew how much damaged I would have done.......How I can help her to gain back her trust.
I know I messed up really bad.
Can I recommend an amazing book by Jason B Martinkus and Stephen Arterburn called Worthy of her Trust. It's written by and for unfaithful spouses but I read it as a betrayed spouse and found it very validating of my feelings. The author(s) pull no punches but if you're serious about regaining your wife's trust, then this is the book. It's written from a Christian faith perspective but don't let that put you off - if that's not where you are at, read the book anyway and use the bits that resonate with you. 18:01
I have waited for four years for this process of healing to occur. It’s not until recently that I realized none of the work has really been done on his end. I pray now that I’m sharing these videos with him, he will be given a new perspective on the process.
For anyone who reads this... if he still works with the affair partner, whether he sees her daily or not, am i justified in asking him to leave the job?
Yes you can ask that. I am going through the same thing but worse. I am sorry for your pain. There's nothing anybody can say to make it better. I am crying every single day. The female was my friend and I'll her child Godmother and she's his cousin wife.
Yes he leaves that job immediately.
Were 6 years out and still don't know how many and how long. Now all the flooding thoughts are coming back. Not sure I even want her anymore
My fiance has been getting a lot better but I'm still so angry. I'm so hurt and angry about everything he's did because even though we were young, we had been together since 8th grade and he cheated in the final year of high school. He was immature. But even though he's listened and answered everything over the time of a year and a half, I just can't get rid of the anger. I feel like it has nowhere to go. It affecting us a lot. I feel like I can't even show him I love him well because I just can't seem to get over it enough to just move past it already.
I hate that I have to take medication because of my husband’s choice.
Nov 15 was my D day, and still so hurt it will never go away 😢
I am right behind you.....Nov 18.....and again the 22nd of Nov........bits of "real truth" there after......I was too concerned about getting the unfaithful help( as we do, as he "was" a drug addict( another disclosure). The rage and frustration comes in waves...... he is being "good".......BUT I am still lost and unsure.
❤
Thank you so much for this
hahahahaahah. awe, so glad i could help. many tell me that jessica. i hope i've been more helpful than hurtful though and that you didn't crack your screen. in terms of why....did you mean you wanted to know why i cheated? i'm just wanting to make sure i answer your question correctly. thanks for sharing such great feedback.
There are many reasons why, most of them are because they need something new. Think about it . A new experience, a new sensation, new sex partner = new experience. That’s just a part of the equation though . I believe women cheat for different reasons. Life is hard and being with someone for 15 years can be , well after a while, boring.
4 years later and still devastated and angry.... what to do!?
what help have you used and been using?
Overcoming Infidelity we had martial therapy and I’ve had EMDR therapy. I was unable to continue due to finances. Maybe I’ll give it a try again. My husband has been doing everything right to help me. I cannot get past his AP and no consequences for her? Why do I care so much about that? I’m so angry that her husband doesn’t know, yet I don’t tell him to protect me husband....? Crazy 😝
@@juliepetulla9513 not crazy at all. stuck more like it. i would get back to emdr asap. i would also find a professional you can process this with so you can get your own head space back and your own life back. it's normal, but you have to decide you're not tolerating it any longer and you're ready to live again and let go.
Overcoming Infidelity agree! And thanks
Ive had multiple d days. My wife of 15 years has BPD with Sproadic betrayals throughout the first half... Affair with doctor for drugs ( i got his license suspended permanently in 3 states) then following that, an additional 20 other men spoken to on a dating site for money. Physical affairs.a million instances of deceit...Stayed because kids but that isnt enough anymore. Ive lacked important things in myself and have developed a lot more strength and bravery. The biggest regret has been spending any amount of energy and stress on it all while ignoring my own true self
I would like to see what the "time out protocol" is all about!
Unfaithful was angry that I went through his phone 3 weeks out. Should I not have done it?
Unfaithful husband has been on both ends. Is there anything about that situation in recovery?
He never had therapy and became an alcoholic. We both want therapy now.
My partner is reacting the same way you recommend the betrayer should but I'm so angry even though it's been about a month since his relapse. Im so scared to work on our relationship with him because when he's being nice i wonder if its just manipulation. I wish i hadn't told my family and friends either because no one thinks i should trust him and those opinions keep swirling around in my head.
This is so helpful iam feeling so good thanks a lot from India
Hi Sam
Thank you for this video. I am struggling but it seems like I take 2 steps forward and 3 backward. I've dealt with lots of trickle truths in the beginning and this has set me back alot. I'm tired of feeling insecure. Can you please send me a recovery timeline?
I'm terribly sorry for the pain you're in my friend. here is the timeline: www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founders/2010-03-timeline these two pieces are also exceptional when it comes to multiple disclosures and the betrayed spouse: ua-cam.com/video/A3NWbFpo4pc/v-deo.html ua-cam.com/video/TYGDt5onips/v-deo.html
thank you for allowing the holy spirit flow through you
Bc of multiple d days I am not sure where I am in the recovery time line. Last d day was feb 2020 when i found an email from 10/2017 when uh flirting with AP. I thought this issue all started back in 2019. I thought first d day was 6/2019. This sucks
what actions are you taking now? are you getting help anywhere at all?
Sir, respectfully, that doll house was a representation of you.
I'd like the timeout Samuel
s3.amazonaws.com/media.affairrecovery.com/docs/Time-out+Protocol_AffairRecovery.com.pdf here you go.
He betrayed me twice, one night stand and the second one is emotional affair. He had history of betraying his family which he thought it was just alright because he and his ex was already adults.
I don’t like him to talk to his siblings because his brother thought that the emotional affair is just fine because the woman-husband’s ex is in different country. I don’t like him connecting with his siblings
Forever!!!!!!!!
I don’t know how long I will have this rage inside of me towards my ex husband that cheated on me….
Help we are still struggling for 10 years now my husband is still hurt and angry 😢, i don't know how to heal him
Leave him alone to start realize the good parts on you. I did the very same thing after 3 years of humiliation and verbal abuse. Many betrayed think that they ' re loosing time and opportunities when they stay married with the betrayer. So, give them space and time. I managed to regain his trust by divorcing him and stay single and transparent. Set him free to learn about other betrayals (much more worse), to - maybe- get involved to new relationships, to see how complicated people are and then he will forgive you and he ' ll come back.
Why does the unfaithful spouse even want the betrayed spouse, after they've cheated over and over? Obviously, I'm a recently betrayed. My wife was diagnosed as a sex addict and sex with a bunch of men in a two month period. I feel horrible about myself. I found out little by little via her phone and gut instinct. But, she attempted suicide. I had to 51/50 her. She released her phone to me. And found everything. She was keeping receipts as if she were proud. Now medicated. She acts like a victim. Tries to say it was for attention I wasn't giving.
jen, the unfaithful doesn't make a lot of sense. it's only through expert help that typically truth and healing can come. what are you both open to? there is hope and help, but it's going to be a process. the unfaithful is still a mess and doesn't usually know how to show or even tap into empathy and remorse. they just aren't healthy upfront and need help to see the pain they have inflicted upon the betrayed spouse. it takes work and expert help.
Thank you Samuel! I'm an unfaithful and my betrayed partner and I listen to these videos daily. Can you reply with the link for the recovery timeline? Thank you again for doing these videos. These videos have helped us both so much.
so glad i could help. i'm terribly sorry for the delay as i was out of town: www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founders/2010-03-timeline
@@samshealingpodcast no worries. Thank you so much for replying.
Been almost two years after finding out and no disclosure.........
How do I get through the other side of pain and hurt and heart break my husband is divorcing me for his girlfriend he refuses to talk to me or even work things out he is already moving forward in his new life with her and there are zero signs of him coming back
it's time to heal you and work on you and make your own well being a priority. while it hurts, we have to go with what people want us to believe and see about them. it's clear he's moving on and while you're heart broken, its time to heal and do your own work to move forward my friend.
I'm sorry
great video like always.
you're too kind. thank you. i wish they were always great. hahahah. i try though.
Again. Thank you so much for helping me articulate feelings. During this time
My girlfriend saw my messages with a female friend that I went out with unbeknownst to her, I texted my female friend to get home safe and miss you. However my girlfriend thought I was cheating on her because I didn’t tell her I went out with my female friend. I hid it from her because I was scared it will cause trouble. However it was a choice that I made so I don’t really blame her but she kept accusing me of cheating how do I go about repairing the relationship
Omg. Today we have dealt with this!!! 9 months after first. D day
I cared for his dying mother and was with her for her last breath. Then diagnosed with breast cancer myself. Then corona hit. Then I found out about his 4 year “emotion affair”. May 7th, 2021 I found thousands of the text messages and confronted.
Now, Over a year later and he won’t get a counselor and barely admits any wrong-doing. Some days are good and some days I just want to get away from him.
Oh and if I bring up any pain hurt or anger I still feel; he says he’s going to killl himself. So, I drop it.
@@MomVids4 ~ If you do what is in your own best interest and he hurts or kills himself it is not your fault. That is his choice.
How do I get the recovery timeline? Thank you
What if the AF is still in the picture??
it's incredibly hard to heal if that's the case. there must be boundaries and a no contact rule if you're going to gain any momentum at all.
Four years. No remorse so no forgiveness.
Please send time out protocol. Bs will not use time out protocol except to shut me down when im speaking. Also when i call time out bs. Ignores it, or to get last stab in.
here is the the time out protocol: s3.amazonaws.com/media.affairrecovery.com/docs/Time-out+Protocol_AffairRecovery.com.pdf
I have no idea how people stay with a cheater. I'm not judging. I just literally have no idea how you do it
Hi. Your videos are so realistic that I feel like it's my story. Me and my husband married for about 11years and came to know that he was cheating for about 9 years . Now he is remorseful and feels guilty. There were multiple D days and finally according to him he has opened up completely to me. But I still feel that he has not told me the entire thing. I feel if I get to know everything it will help me to heal. Please advice how to convince him to speak everything or is it just my imagination? Please reply
you definitely need all the info to heal. this is a good article on the subject: www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founder/survive-an-affair-how-much-to-tell i would have him read the article with you as well as take a course and get the best help possible. cheating for 9 years necessitates expert help and intervention. you don't need a band aid you need expert care and guidance my friend. what is he willing to do to heal?
My husband works all over the place we have 4 kids now I just find out that his living in New Jersey with another woman don't know what to do I live in England can someone help me please
i'm so sorry Irene. are you seeing a therapist at all or someone you can trust professionally?
My husband won’t answer this please answer this why does the unfaithful grieve for their affair partner ? I don’t want him to I want him to see what he has done to our family our kids that seen it all he left us for her. Our kids are teen age kids. They see him when I ask does he miss her he tells me no and I don’t believe him. This hurts so bad he even forgot when he came back home. He was with her for 7 months he has been back for 4 months already forgot when he came back home but remembers when he meet her. He don’t tell me everything. He lost his job he I am working since he left I was a stay at home mom he stays home now. I come from a faith back ground I even work at the church doing house keeping I talk to my pastor he has not yet gone to any counseling but tells me wants it. He is studying the Bible more getting closer to God but not finding counseling for himself. I tried counseling and he walked out on her before this even happened so I don’t want to find a counselor for him cause he just tells me I am a manipulator and will get them to see things my way so why do they grieve their affair partner ?
Soul ties
Hi Sam. could length of affair push out the recovery time? our initial D day I was told 6 months and twice. I was starting to get my head around that and then WHAM! 7 months later D day 2. time of affair blew out to 10 years! 2 years down the track from D 2 anger low but still struggling.
it certainly affects recovery time, but two years later and still struggling would motivate me to ask you what work you've done over the last two years? have you taken any courses or intensives etc? it's not that i'm saying you should be further along, however, i am wondering what you've done to heal over the last two years as it sounds like it's time to increase your work and strategy...hope that makes sense.
How do you move forward and start over again if the discovery phase was longer than 6 weeks. (Information was not fully disclosed from the starting point) can you still repair the relationship if that happens
I need a time out protocol
Yes! However my “timeline” is so much longer. 3 1/2 years later still angry with my husband at times. Always angry with his AP. I can’t get past the anger with her.
what work have you been able to do regarding that anger? what type of help have you both received or have you received?
Overcoming Infidelity been to martial counseling (both of us) and Emdr therapy for myself. Tough to stick with that due to finances. Strange thing, my husband -who has had very little therapy, has been doing everything right, per all your videos, etc. I’m stuck and almost afraid to “not remind” him of the pain. And I cannot find it in my heart to forgive the affair partner for her being “one of those women” who would do this horrific thing to another person and her having no consequences. Her husband still doesn’t know... it eats me up! Why?
Julie why doesn't the AP spouse not know? He is living a lie and doesn't even know it. Maybe it's about time he did.
Trigger today it only 2 years in August i can't trigger sad 😔
Please give me the time out I need it desperately
I have so much rafe its not funny , he has done absolutely nothing to repair us. He thinks takimg the trash out or mowing is fixing things. Its just makimg me more angry he sounds so stupid ,because he not stupid but likes to act that way when needed ... Narcissistic to the bitter end
Please help me sir..how can i overcome after i found out that my partner was having an affair..he is working abroad.
Can I please get the time out protocol.
And what happens when you don't think of certain things till later that are small things...are they worth saying? I don't remember everything and because it was so long ago I can't think of details. Although all the bad stuff has been said although he believes there is more. I keep trying to think of things.
I was cheated on 116 days ago. She won't leave either. Wtf do I do?
What is the time out protocol?
here you go my friend: s3.amazonaws.com/media.affairrecovery.com/docs/Time-out+Protocol_AffairRecovery.com.pdf
My BS has been angry for 2 years, 3 months ago he moved out. I am not able to make sense of it. I don't know what to do or how to reach him, I don't know if he still wants to be married or not. So stuck