Narcissistic Relationships | 5 Strategies
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- Опубліковано 21 лис 2019
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If you have a relationship with a narcissist, here are 5 crucial ways to manage it.
Want to get Dr. Ramani's advice directly? Check out our Ask The Doctor LIVE feature HERE: bit.ly/34cpK1Z
Narcissistic relationships are difficult. Whether it's a coworker, family member, friend, romantic partner, or boss, Dr. Ramani Durvasula has the strategies you need to effectively manage each type of abusive relationship with a narcissist.
In this interview, Dr. Ramani answers...
How do you manage a relationship with a narcissist when you can't just "cut out" that person from your life?
How does managing your expectations help you manage your relationship with a narcissist?
How does radical acceptance improve your life if you have a narcissistic person in your life?
And much more.
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#Narcissism #MentalHealth #MedCircle
Who is the narcissist in your life?
Access hundreds of original mental health videos with Dr. Ramani HERE: bit.ly/2pG8bZa
MedCircle Currently, it’s a female coworker. I’m beginning to think the females are worst than the males. She has so many people fooled. They are blinded by the fake, charm, overly I might add. It’s a cancer that permeates our team. I’m one of her targets. God does not sleep!
My daughter is the Narc in my life
was
My husband
My son
Narcissist will provoke you to a reaction,
(often bad if you're emotional) then use that reaction against you. 😠
Lioness3000 I’m learning this the hard way ouch
Same.
Be smart to use tricks to get your self going when such situations. You must learn and fast. It is not about being defensive it is about the art of living.
If you ask a narcissist why they r like that or why they do such thing, they will not really have an asnwer becoz they either do it to get their way or they r scared of their own weakness. So please use your intelligence.
Amber Heard!!!
Dealing with a narcissistic husband is draining. It means you have to find other relationships to fulfill your emotional connection if you’re going to keep your conversations superficial with the spouse. However realizing he is a narcissist has been eye opening but also sad for me.
Same!
my mom is done
she's been dealing with that for over 20 years, and still counting
I'm with you
Same
How do you do it?
I burst into tears when you said “gaslighting only works if you’re gaslightable” because holy hell… that’s an epiphany
gas lighting can destroy you 3 yrs ago I thought I had met a wonderful man I fell head over heels for about 3 mts everything was wonderful then it started to change I. Could not do anything right I was being screamed at over the least little thing I was suddenly stupid and an a idiot a liar a s...head I was the one who caused all the problem it was because I just would not do as he told me to do I was so confused all the time and so sad crying unsure I lost my self esteem my confidence in my self felt so alone I had no idea what was happening to me I even started getting physically sick high bl ood pressure and stomach problems I am so glad to see that I am not going crazy and this nightmare is not my fault now I have to figure out how I can get out when I try to go he cries says he can't be without me says he just loves me so much makes . me feel so guilty so sorry for him I don't want to stay but I can't find the strength to go I just keep leaning on my faith that God will get me thru this please pray for me my name is Gail
@@margaretsheppard2433 Margaret, I hope you can think of a way out soon. Sounds like a miserable relationship, I hope you find happiness soon
@@margaretsheppard2433 you’re not alone. I’m in a very similar situation. I can’t leave. I still let it get to me, but I KNOW I am not “crazy” or “stupid” or “lazy” or any of the other things he says. I KNOW he is gas lighting me. Now I just have to learn to give zero response when he does it.
@@jennifertoole7560 me too in same situation he abuses me and my parents if I fight against it he says he will solve this problem if I don't fight he says I don't love my parents don't give them respect. We got into relationship last year I had never sexual relationship with anyone. I fall for his charming and caring personality. He was totally fine till we get into physical relationship. From that time he started abusing me although he was not virgin had sex with a prostitute. But he says he is a boy and can do anything. From that time he abuses me and my family. Even beat me 2 3 times on a very very pity things. When I says I don't want this relationship he sexually abuse me that I want another guy. Me vegina is streached like a 2 3 children mum. This all thing is worst and most worst thing is proving yourself continuously. He helped me to get a job. Now makes me feel guilty of this too.
I have a girlfriend that literally fits everyone of the characteristics of NPD.
Normally in a relationship, you set boundaries so that the other person knows not to cross them. With narcs, you have to set boundaries for yourself to keep safe. So exhausting.
Narcissism, should be a punishable crime. It may not be premeditated but it's intentional and it kills
Absolutely. You cannot win an argument with a narcissist.
You really can not, they must come out on top. They won't be interested in understanding you nor do they care too. It is a complete waste of time trying to explain your feelings to them bc like I said they do not care. It is like banging your head against the wall, you are the only one that gets hurt and they enjoy seeing you frustrated and upset. It gives them a sense of power and control. Sickening. #LackofEmpathy
Lies and Infidelity is a very serious issue to deal with and it’s a major threat to most marriages and relationships.Scars left behind from a narcissist husband is hard to erase from the mind. I was reluctant at first about finding the truth about my cheating husband but I’m glad I finally took the courage for it .I got help from Cyber Hack Solutions as he helped clone my cheating husband’s phone and I got access to all his phone call logs, emails, text messages both deleted texts and also social media chats; whatsApp , Facebook, Instagram without having access to his phone because he is mostly out of town due to the nature of his work and I was able to track his location too, all I provided was his phone number to this wonderful hacker. This was very revealing for me as he’s a serial cheater until I got into his phone and ended things.I’m glad to uncover his, lies, secrets and Infidelity. You can contact this amazing Hacker David via gmail (cyberhack003) or text and call on his phone and WhatsApp : +15303784744
They also MUST HAVE the last word or text. Very sensitive to anything that resembles criticism
@@stephanieduncan9023thanks for sharing
yes you can..DON'T argue with them.let them ramble. You don't need to resond AT ALL.💝
1. Have realistic expectations of what your interactions will be like with the narcissist
2. Radical acceptance. Accept that this is what the person is like.
3. Don't engage. Don't give away too much personal information - keep the conversations superficial. Be prepared with topics that you can introduce. For example, the weather.
4. Don't defend yourself or attempt to explain yourself. You will just be giving them ammunition to work against you with. Move on to the next topic of conversation.
5. Gas-lighting only works if you are 'gas-lightable'. Don't buy into it.
6. Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries!
7. Don't ruminate and obsess over the interaction you just experienced with the narcissist. Refer back to points 1 and 2.
@The Rainbow's End I just wrote out in point form exactly what Dr. Ramani says in the video - I think it helps me to process things when I write them down. I'm glad yu got something from it. x
a great cheat sheet Thank you
@@saharaalberto4057 I do the same thing! Been doin' it for almost 2 years. I have NOTEBOOKS full of notes from UA-cam. Lol
THANK YOU!
wow... only number 7 is left to implement
If you absolutely have to “deal” with a narc, I would recommend to keep firm bounderies, and keep your distance at the same time. As a second choose on how to deal with the narcissist I would recommend keeping firm boundaries and also to correct them every time they missteps, lie, manipulates etz. When your boundaries are not respected by the narcissist, you need to follow through with consequenses of bad behaviour. You will have your hands full going forward this way. When following through with consequenses to their “re”actions, you explain to the narc, that you are not one of the narc`s victims. You have no intentions of becoming one but will be a nuisance to the narcissist in a way that is irritating to him/her. This method is not risk free but narcissists will often choose the path of no or low resistance. This method is a time consuming path to chose. This route sometimes require more time than you would like to spend on these issues. You feel that distancing yourself all together would have been easier. That is however not always possible. Often there is no way to avoid him/her. You unfortunately have to deal with the narcissist because you are colleagues or close family. You must think through what you need the narcissist to respect and what arias of conflict you must pay extra attention to, to keep your integrity and to detect manipulative behavior. Be prepared and clear in your communication and stick to your guns. Try to stay under the radar as much as you can, even when this method is the best for you. A way that works as well is to play along with the narcissist and act like you agree with everything they do and say. This method works well until many people in the narcissists sphere do the same. When everyone agrees with the narcissist you are back on square one. The narcissist must have victims and this setting is no different. To go NO Contact is another good alternative and method, and is probably the best option when it is possible to cut all contact permanently. Additionally, That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him / her so you just death with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one_living and seeing him everywhere anticipating when him or she do it again. The best thing is to hire above private investigator Metaspyhub@gmail. com to help you spy on their cellphone remotely just like he did for me.
Once I realized how my husband’s mind works, and researching all the traits of narcissism, it’s been a bit easier to deal with him. I know what to look for now, and its so textbook, it’s actually funny! What would have made me cry a few years ago, now just makes me laugh and shake my head. It gets worse when he drinks :( These types of people are so sad…
Do you have any tips? I'm having trouble dealing with my boyfriend.
@@maggieglenn571 leave him!
@@maggieglenn571 don't take anything they say seriously. They lie all the time. If he lashes out... it's just a toddler throwing a tantrum
Stop trying to make sense of his accusations. Ignore it. When he acts crazy remain aware and watch his behavior.
And most importantly... what is your emotional blueprint? Why did you attract him into yr life. Understand your emotional pattern (codependent maybe?) And things will get clear.
To the point you might consider a relationship with someone who does not challenge you... but truly appreciates and respects you. Good luck.
@@ursulachirin1095 yes, me is definitely codependent
@@maggieglenn571 plz leave, don't "deal"
The best way to manage it.... RUN, RUN like the wind
G Town 😅🏃♀️
Were can we run when a Narc is the most powerful man in the world appointing his friends who are the same type of people or follow the system blindly. The sooner you admit we are all doomed, the more honest you are with yourself. You can run all you want but eventually you will have to fight.
Lies and Infidelity is a very serious issue to deal with and it’s a major threat to most marriages and relationships.Scars left behind from a narcissist husband is hard to erase from the mind. I was reluctant at first about finding the truth about my cheating husband but I’m glad I finally took the courage for it .I got help from Cyber Hack Solutions as he helped clone my cheating husband’s phone and I got access to all his phone call logs, emails, text messages both deleted texts and also social media chats; whatsApp , Facebook, Instagram without having access to his phone because he is mostly out of town due to the nature of his work and I was able to track his location too, all I provided was his phone number to this wonderful hacker. This was very revealing for me as he’s a serial cheater until I got into his phone and ended things.I’m glad to uncover his, lies, secrets and Infidelity. You can contact this amazing Hacker David via gmail (cyberhack003) or text and call on his phone and WhatsApp : +15303784744
That would have been great advice 15 years, and 4 boys ago..😯
ikr
Have you ever discussed narcissism with a narcissist? They tend to have a lot to say on the subject - but it's the only time it has nothing to do with themselves.
That would be hilarious to watch from the outside
Yes!! Omg 😳
YES!!! My narcissist sibling just kicked out her probably psychopathic ex. Now she's all "He's both a covert and overt narcissist". I try to keep a straight face and just nod along, but sometimes I can't help the smirk, because the lack of insight is astounding.
Mine says..maybe..but you can't deny my godlike skills
lol
"You can't leave your mother"- yes actually, you can. You are not required to have a relationship with any adult regardless of blood or family ties that may be impacting your mental and emotional health detrimentally, especially without the possibility of change.
I agree 100% . Only people who have narcissistic members in their family will understand this.
@@tnkn969 Yup. My sister tells me i need to just "let things go." I have let things go many many times. Im done.
My parents used me and then I married
ABSOLUTELY!
You can cut all communication and ties, but your mother (father, etc) will always hold that title. It is not something you can in reality break like a marriage, partner, or friend.
My dad for sure. Invalidates, gas lights, rages, etc. I was actually a little nervous to write this comment in case he saw it. These videos are very helpful, thank you
I'm nervous too...
Don' worry - lil Bro ! See that possibility as your challenge - not your ordeal. x ;)
Leave him
Hope you’re doing well and healthy ! You’re also very brave for posting that comment despite those intense feelings. Wishing you strength and kindness!
Strange…there really is an impending fear of doom, kinda like walking on eggshells, but different. Sounds like you did good. You may have felt fear, but was brave enough to overcome it. ✝️
Me. My fiancee introduced me to Dr. Ramani's work just now because we identified together that I have strong narcissistic tendencies. I am finding this extremely valuable. At the same time, I find it hurtful that most people believe there's no hope for us and we cannot change. Maybe it's because I'm not as extreme as some others, however I know I can change. I'm committed to it. My life depends on it.
I fit those character traits of a narcissist. I'm also looking for help. I'm learning my flaws little by little.
Jon Block just the comment I was looking for.
🙌🙌 we al have struggles, ours is codependency which is just as bad. 🙏🙏🙏
i’m sorry but i hate you
I wish I was that lucky...
My husband is an extreme narcissist, and I’ve GOT to learn his language, and coping techniques or I’m going to lose my mind.
Amen to that! Please do a video on coping with and living with an extreme narcissist husband
Yes how do u cope it on a daily basis and not lose your patience and get upset 😭
Girl please help! Mine is too & I cant live like this anymore!
LIFE is too short to put up with Narcissist Turds. LOVE YOURSELF, they will NEVER TREAT YOU with the LOVE n RESPECT you deserve... WALKING ON EGGSHELLS is B.S.
@@stephaniemacedo4152 u need to show u have no fear to leave........if u have to make sure u r financially independent ,,,thats their power over u usually
Im discovering after 16yrs that my wife is a narcissist. I love her so much and I don't want to be mechanical or shallow toward her but I'm so exhausted.
I feel you, I m in one.
Ditto! This video is everything! Sometimes I can't help but want to be petty knowing full well it will cause it fight. Sometimes you get tired of being sweet and nonchalant, when your spouse is salty. But I made a commitment, we took a 2 year break and that really helped us. You can see the pause when he starts spewing his "whoa is me" he is definitely more aware. Hang in there! So happy to see I am not alone, my family thinks I am crazy for staying. But for whatever odd reason I love his crazy ass!
I have found that if you have to deal with a narcissist it's best to look at it as transactional. Do not expect real emotions. If it's a husband or wife think of them as a roommate you sleep with. Do not expect them to ever have the emotions you do. It's a learning process for sure. Realistic expectations is 100% necessary for any relationship but especially one with a narcissist.
1) Maintaining realistic expectations
2) Radical acceptance (This is it. It is not changing)
3) Don't engage (Don't defend, Prepare superficial topics e.g. the weather, clothes, food, holidays)
4) Don't fight, don't be gaslightable,
5) Boundaries
123Iamawesome321 thanks! Copying and pasting to my notes for this Christmas
And how do you not fight when they begin abusing your animals to trigger a reaction or heaven forbid children? (I thank God daily I have none, although its all I've ever wanted). Just let them? My dogs are riddled with tumors and illness from the stress he puts them through, they cant understand what's happening. They are so crippled now they can barley walk, I cant use the bathroom now when he is home because everytime I do I hear a yelp, or come out to them trembling...He is so mastered in manipulation, everything, and I mean everything, he does has plausible deniablity... I've just come to accept our fate, I know when they pass, I will soon after, or the other way around but its inevitable, Id give us 1 maybe 2 years left living. So I try making the best of the time we have while he is not here, but now we're all too painfully ill to enjoy living or to leave. So farewell world, Im a dead woman walking, barely.
@@clarissamcdonald-vitale8711 Clarissa, I hope this comment finds you well. I feel such sadness for you, as I’ve experienced much of the same as you and know how excruciating it can be.
Please hang in there, and update if you can! Has anything changed for you since this comment?
Best wishes
Love it --"Gas lighting only works if you're gas-light-able."
Don't trust too much on anyone, even your shadow leaves you when the light vanishes."
When my wife started getting frequent night calls, I'd ask and she'd wave off those calls as unimportant. When I couldn't take it anymore, I contacted Hacker Nevetica via cybertherapies@gmail who helped clone her phone. All I did was share her phone number and through a remote link on my phone, I was able to access all of her messages. (both incoming and deleted) I also discovered her 8 months affair with one guy she met on a dating app. Thanks to him, I can now file for divorce.
If you need help, I recommend you get in touch with Hacker Nevetica through cybertherapies@gmail
I hope you find peace of mind just like myself after discovering the truth.
With a mother, what do you do?
Not being gas-lightable can be a real challenge. We may not be "exactly where we need to be" like the new age platitudes might say. But we're exactly where we put ourselves.
But this IS thankfully under our own control if we're willing to do what it takes.
not true in the initial stage
And once you are not gaslightable, donʻt call the narccisist out on being a narccisist. That one, I did not see on time. Lol.
You might not be gaslightable anymore, but they will light you up in every way left, even ridiculous Fairly laughable things. . . Which still makes the empath feel bad, for giggling..
It sucks we have to be the strong ones in these emotionally draining relationships but you’re right. We can’t win so it’s better to just not fight at all. Thank you for this video, I appreciate the tips and I’ll try to keep them in mind for the future. For anyone else dealing with a narcissist in their life, just know I’m here with you and I’m proud of you for doing your best
I need help
To be fair, I wanted to watch a video about how to maintain the relationship. I spent so much time thinking things would be different. I can’t spend the rest of my life dealing with this.
this describes my relationship. . right down to the viewing things in their own reality. He changes things to benefit himself or completely omits things.. he needs constant appraisal.. .. I'm constantly confused
the narcissist in my life is my boyfriend. i love him more than anything but i hate him. i’m such a pushover and he knows he can use and abuse me. i feel so anxious lost sad scared depressed. i’m walking on eggshells. he gets mad at me for every little thing i do. he’s made me isolate myself. i’ve turned into someone i’m not. i’ve lost my light. i don’t eat i don’t sleep. i know i have a choice but i feel like i can’t get out. i know i should but i almost don’t want to let him go. i’m scared of the unknown.
I know how you're feeling trust me .. I wish you all the best, hopefully he would stop treating you like that but if he won't listen to all the 5 ways in this video to know how to deal with him effectively if you want to stay with him anyways or if have to. Try not to spend too much time with him and don't be in his presence for too long, give him and yourself a lot of space, best of luck to you dear.
i dont know how old u r....but please talk to someone....life can only get better if u leave....before u get children with him...this is not love not even good friendship....its abuse.....u know it and he knows it and he love it...plaese u r lovable and u r enough ....dont let others misery destroy ur light...maybe talk to woman refuge etc...ask ur local authority for help or ur local dr
I feel the exact same way.
This sounds exactly like my relationship.
Yes, that’s how I’m feeling right now. I’ve lost so much of myself to just hear him say he’s sorry for everything he has done but it’s obviously not going to happen. I’ve distanced myself too...
i'm grateful for meeting the narcissist in my life. the experience taught me valuable life lessons!
The best convo on how to manage a relationship w a narcissist IF you have to deal with one
One thing I started doing when my narc starts being ridiculous in a conversation and either belittles or humiliates me I just stop responding and start laughing it off and act like the convo is over and I noticed they leave me alone. If they DON'T i started to literally agreeing sarcastically with everything they're saying so they don't have any more poking to do. This so far, seems to be working.
Update: When the narc begins to be difficult again, I have stopped my momentum in the argument by literally ending the conversation/fight/etc and pull out a little notepad and start asking them questions like a psychologist would do their patients/clients. It has been driving them crazy (in a good way) and I finally feel a sense of "winning". I hope this helps anyone who was desperate like I was/am...
@@iniubongnkanga9390 o God what world at present..
Nailed it!!!!
Great advice!
Diane Delfino what kind of questions? This sounds great!
I’m the narcissist in my relationship. I’m glad that I can finally realize that and only hope to be better.
I don't think you are narcissist cause they think they are already the best, they don't need to be better
@@SarahAbuHemeila I just saw a video that explains narcissism and it said that there's two types, one of them is more sensitive and doesn't like feeling like that
No one likes you lol
@@Face_Reality seriously? That is not helpful to a person who's trying to admit their flaws.
It takes a huge person to admit they are not perfect. Wishing the best for you.
1.) Break up with them because a healthy, fulfilling relationship with a narcissist is not possible.
I can't even begin to say how enabling this entire video is.
This video is out there for those who can’t entirely separate from this person, aka a family member, such as my situation... I love my dad to death, and I don’t just want to get him out of my life. This video helped me tons, realizing a little more on how to interact with him.
Some people have to keep contact with the narcissistic because there are children involved unfortunately
Not everyone has this luxury and privilege of runing away
my dad is one and i had to tell myself it wasnt me anymore. i want to be a lot better and life a healither lifestyle. take charge of who you are. be who you are and dont give up
i do the dead kangaroo face: a blank stare when they start up that insanity, then turn and hop away. 🤫
dont give them audience...good call
Dead kangaroo face 😂😂😂
"One of the big differences i can already see is, when you are in a relationship with a narcissist you have the option to leave.."
*Dog jumps down and walks away* lol
SuperOlivess 🤣
Dogs can sense boredom, dog thinks I'd rather chew a pig's ear or eat myself from the foot up rather than listen to this. I may even run out in front of a car 🥶🥶🥶
Colin h 😂😂😂🤣😂🤣😂
😂 😂 😂
This is so eye opening. Last week I went to visit my parents across the country to surprise visit, and tell them about my miracle pregnancy that my husband, and I were trying for years for. My sibling knew I was surprising my parents with the visit, and with the news about the baby. I found out after I got there that my sister was trying to convince my dad to go see her on the other side of the country where she lives the same exact week I was going to have such a special moment with my folks (even called him crying that he wasn't going to see her). I wasn't surprised that she did this, but was very frustrated that she was jealous enough to try and take such a special moment from me and my parents. I really appreciate this video, because I do not know how to take to her sometimes when she gaslights me, and tries to turn my milestones into more attention for her every time.
My husband is a Narcissist but finding it difficult to leave him because of the kids but it’s making me unhappy person
Same...😢 draining and just confusing 😕
Exhausting...this defines the whole relationship. It got to the point that I was too exhausted to give a F. Being away from him, after our 5 days I started to feel alive again. This though, was about the tenth time that I " left". Each time got better - just keep trying to get out , don't give up on leaving
As an adult, you CAN walk away from any adult family member. Parents are people, and it is 100% possible and sometimes even healthier to walk away from a toxic parent or other family member.
I don’t want to though. I want to have a healthy relationship with my dad. I’m kind of stuck in an internal battle right now cause of this.
Yes, you’ll always have your mother in your life but you can definitely walk away from any adult family member (including her)!!! I did that with both my parents. It’s not easy to do for sure but you’ll feel so much better afterward!
What if your mom is the single parent and is mentally frustrated and physically sick?
How to cope with a narcs mother without losing your mind ?
I did just that. My entire, huge family. Life is peaceful and good now. No drama, no treachery, more room for good people and more time for living
Had to give up on my father after 45 years. Out of respect to my mother I'm still respectful towards him when I see him but I now have a very sallow relationship him. It's sad but it works
Your video's on Narcissist's are life saving THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH 👏 Mine is the guy I've been with for 8 month's. Literally writing this in the Hospital after suffering yet another heart attack. From the stress he caused me with his: verbal, emotional and psychological abuse, plus pure vicious rage. Wish I had known the signs sooner as it has almost killed me. 《MY ADVICE: IF IT'S POSSIBLE ~ RUN, LEAVE, GO FAR FAR AWAY FROM THE NARCISSIST NOW. BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE》.
I can't tell you what these talks have done for me. They are an oasis in the desert of my 5 year relationship with a very smart narcissist. She's a psycho-therapist, lawyer, and successful mediator who is the power broker in our fraught union. I now feel like I can take the armor off, see her for who she is, and use your advice to decide whether I should accept the challenge or not. I now have a choice rather than a confusing problem. I can't thank you enough.
My mother, my husband and now my son. I wish I had this information in high school, my life would be so different. I keep remembering your words, do not engage. My sister always quotes my grandmother, ‘what do you expect from a pig but a grunt?”
I'm actually wondering if you're not the narcissist.
I am in the same shoes as you are.
Hahaha, that quote made my day.
@@sac3958 I thought the same.
@RealestRealist It is because she seems to have a problem with so many in her life. That in itself is a red flag.
I’ll honestly would love a video and how to understand the scars left by narcissistic abuse and what to do about it if you aren’t in a position to get therapy.
I first watched this almost 4 years ago, and I still come back to it whenever I have to "communicate" with my Mom, my main abuser since I was born. Thank you, Med Circle!
Over 90% of people who grew up in a narcissistic family system walk around with the mantra, “ I am not enough”. Thank you Dr. Ramani that is the absolute clearest way to describe why I think the way that I do, I uncover/explain to myself more memories of emotional events every other day now and yes you can’t unsee this once you see it for what it is.
yes, you will always feeling not enough, i've experienced this for 10 years, and let's count from childhood, it's about approximately 21 years you feeling inadequate, stressed and traumatized.....
no matter how much you try to be positive, or sometimes telling the truth, they always lashes back at you, and if you try to be vulnerable with them. they will attack your vulnerability, guilt trip, shaming you, definitely sick people to live with ...
sometimes you wonder you become like them, engaging with them, use their own weapon to them, and you know what? you still never win, geez....
i become sadistic around them, and it's not healthy, i wanna back to my ownself, long lost Empath....
i thought being kind, loving, and empathetic are enough, turns out i become prey, stressed out and traumatized.....
that's why i feel lonely and sad since childhood, everytime i open up about my problem, they gonna silenced you, invalidate, criticize, or worse, put everyblame to you, and bring you flying monkey....
Empathy are equal to enabling to their toxic behaviour....
@@Peanuts76 well said yeah I’ve experienced this from a very young age I never understood what was going on, now I know and see everything in amazing detail and it’s even more sad
Use this mnemonic in communication with a narcissist. Memorize it. It works!
NO JADE
No justification
No arguing
No defending
No explaining
Thank u i need this
Correct
I can’t sometimes they get me doing these things unfortunately because I get angry easily
Thank you.
Will try this...
"I am not (good) enough"
Love what dr. Ramani said”Gaslighting only works if I am Gaslightable”.. Thanks For your insight dr Ramani. 💙💙
Thanks medcircle for spreading the mental health awareness.
I made excuses for him for years... I thought it was me... so then I worked on my own character... (so in a twisted way, he’s helped me strengthen myself & gain the self confidence he so despises now!! Lol!)
The predictability feels like stepping into the twilight zone. I can never thank you enough Dr. Ramani. I’m now struggling with how to protect my son from being manipulated and trauma bonded on a daily basis and how to get on my feet (behind the scenes) so I can LEAVE. I’m a stay at home mom 😣 Any advice would be greatly appreciated by anyone who has gone through this!
My boss, my estranged partner, his mother, my sister, my mother, I just became aware in my 31th year of existence. I am free.
My father..
He ruined my mental (&physical) health...
I wish i knew better earlier.. i wish i knew how to set boundaries..i wish i knew i had power...
He even blocked opportunities for me to get psychological counseling when i was a teenager every time he sensed that counseling was threatening to him & pulling the control he has over me & the narrative of our relationship..
Bec he wants everyone to think (including therapist) that he is the best dad ever..
I wish i was less dependent & weak but he kept feeding into my Dependent personality disorder
&borderline personality disorder, he used them against me..
so he keeps the upper hand.
I'm now 27 year old woman with chronic mental /Social damage , autoimmune diseases, not sure about the future, trying to rebuild myself from below zero.
I'm so devastated.
You're not alone..for me it was my mother..even at age 55, I struggle with internal feelings of being bad, inconsequential and less than. I've felt that way since I was a child. My mom passed away years ago but the damage is still there. I'm so sorry you're struggling!
I relate a lot. I was diagnosed with dependent personality disorder too. I’ve never met anyone else with the same diagnosis... just want you to know that you are not alone.
geminilicious n my husband ruined mine ..
The fact that you are trying won't let you sink, you are a swimmer! Good vibes!
You are lucky that at such a young age you figured out the problem. You will be ok.
Husband of 37 years ugh. Hard to untangle finances but almost ready. Your videos are life changing!!! After years of therapy, years of self help, years personal growth I Never really understood what I was dealing with until now even though there was a psychiatrists diagnosis years ago I did not know what that meant and I still kept Trying to change it and figure it out. Thank you
Forever grateful, to the whole med team! Everything you do is “real”; brought to life by those with the strength to show vulnerability and held by those who truly care!
To you Kyle “ Whatever you’re going through , you got this” is now my mantra!
Dr Ramani ... your clear no nonsense advice and experience is priceless!
“ Once you see it, you can’t unsee it” is spot on!
Such a shame these issues aren’t a compulsory part of our education system!
Thank you, for your invaluable contribution to my “ way of being”
I have subscribed to your channel and will continue to share what you do , with those around me x
I watch all the videos and always learn something new and often take away ideas that I can apply to a totally different area and / or context .
I stopped giving my narcissist a reaction and how he is reacting and is frustrated lol. Funny how they can dish it but can’t take it
As soon as I notice his shit I go "grey rock". I already KNOW what I need to do. The rest is wasted energy....imo
Was just thinking the same thing!
please change that terrible long shot. Close up for interviews work the best, they put way more attention on the message and this woman's message needs a lot of attention. She's a real pro.
Yeah. That shot is hard to watch.
They are social distancing. 😜
@@SarahDale111 That was funny
It’s funny because once I got out of a narcissist relationship which last for 4-5 months, I’m able to speak up for myself and communicate my needs much better than before. It took so much energy investment during the whole process. Everything was so confusing and difficult. Not I get it it was just a play and some nonsense with a 3 years old. Nothing more than that. After him, every normal person seems fairly easy to communicate with, which is kinda funny😅.
Yeahhh, I feel so good at communicating and reading people's gestures and intentions, I feel like I went through an intense 2 year course on not talking anyones bullsh*t
I am binge watching all your videos. You have no idea how many people you are helping out there. Victims of narcissism are left confused and blame themselves. You are putting everything into perspective. Thank you👏👏👏
My husband of 28 years, I did not know what I was dealing with until I was listening to a Med Circle when Dr Ramani was talking about Psychopaths sociopaths and narcissists, when she started describing narcissists I was sick, it explained so much.
After doing a lot of research, I found that I am married to a passive aggressive covert narcissists. I know enough not to engage, I believe I will be in therapy for a very long time. I'm working on getting out right now.
I feel for yah ... Am in the same situation.
I know the feeling ... 26 yrs for me
28 years 😢 Geesh
I didn’t know what I was dealing with until last week. 29 difficult yrs with my narcissist husband. Praying 🙏
Covert abuse does not equate to a covert narcissist. The distinguishing factor of a covert narcissist is they can only be with a narcissist partner and they will stay no matter what abuse is inflicted upon them. They can't be with any other type of a partner, only narcissists. They are also known as the inverted narcissist. Sam Vaknin has some good info on this.
I'm not the best student, so I'm going to list for my review, what I think they mean when they say, "5 way to manage a Narcissistic relationship."
A. You have the option to leave a romantic or platonic relationship
1. Most important. _Maintaining Realistic Expectations._ It mitigates dissapointment & helps you physically prepare for the cruel behavior.
2. Radical acceptance; this is it, it ain't changing. They can't change unless they decide to on their own. Their unpredictable behavior is predictably bad.
3. Don't engage. You may have to talk to them but don't give too much rope. Avoid danger topics. Keep it tight & superficial; weather, turkey prices, gardening, etc. Contentious & argumentative situations are their kingdom; don't defend yourself, to defend it is to give credence to their ridiculous stories. The best thing you can do is be unemotional. Gaslighting only works if your gaslightable. (Exp good you; "Ok, I have this time on my phone but I'm here now, so let's begin.")
4. Boundaries!!! Understanding when to leave the conversation. We have so much hope things are going to be different this time but we need to keep a physical or at least a mental sign in the sign.
You leave the experience and you can't stop thinking about it, go back to realistic expectations. They are going to say something hurtful, it doesn't matter what, it's just a tactic, so divert the convo & don't engage and reward the bad behavior.
Tweak as necessary, because a relationship with a father narcissist is different than how you'd handle a coworker, etc.
9:36 It's not about diagnosing and proving the Narcissisim, if it felt that invalidatng and controlling a childhood, it was a negative experience for you. The mantra, "I'm not enough can paint you from it for the rest of your life."
o0Avalon0o brilliant!!! Thanks for taking your time and writing this; I was just about to do it myself but found you 😘
I hear your believing 'I'm not good enough' in your message, as you are clearly a very good student - now - for that very clear and concise report of that video. I think you are definitely good student material.
Thank you for the wonderful videos. I learned so much. The Narcissist in my life is my father and I think my mom, through long years of his abuse has taken on some of his mannerisms. We were so close, but now as we aged together she has closed off and is less affectionate. You have helped me understand so many years of pain and confusion. I am so grateful!
What a service you provide. Knowledge is power, and how much we victims of narcissistic abuse need power. You provide an incredibly useful source of help. Thank you!!!!
I tried to talk about the weather with my dad but even that led him to complain about the weathermen and then I walked away 🙄
Lol, sheesh I hear you. My mom can be the same exact way.
😂
😂😂😂😂😂😂 this got me
My mother judges people hbeyond annoying. She’s the most negative human I that’s oblivious to her behavior.
Amy Heyart I totally understand. That both of my parents. They both judge everyone but my dad is the grumpier of the two, who’s always angry about something. I can’t spare the energy they take from me anymore.
In an attempt to understand my childhood, I discovered a deep passion & understanding for psychology, which I’m happy to say is my major now. I had borderline tendencies as an early adult which have thankfully diminished through hard work & therapy. I believe these tendencies stemmed from my mom being a narcissist. I’m 24 now & today’s Mother’s Day, we talked for the first time in months & I finally dealt with her behavior using these points the doctor is stating. (Without seeing this video first.) I’m basically using this comment section as a diary right now, but man I’m so proud of myself for not only having the brains but the courage to face her head on & stick to my gut. Today was the day I got my life back.
God bless you. ❤️
reading comments like this really makes my day. it's really nice to find out that someone out there in the world is happy and liberated from this type of bs. so girl, good for you, honestly!
Similar situatiion, i would agree with some of this.
Proud of you too Jessica! I hope things have improved for you, if not in your relationship- then in yourself and your mind. Good luck
This is seriously thee best channel I have ever watched. So glad I stumbled across it. I’ve been watching it for hours!! Life changing!! THANK YOU!!
I am so thrilled to have found this website, and I have decided that after 40 years in and out of this relationship I have had enough. I am removing myself from the equation. Thanks for the help in understanding what I have been dealing with.
OMG!!! This is absolutely exactly, exactly, exactly what I needed to listen to you today! I’ve been living with my narcissistic husband of 24 years. I honest to God I did not know that is who he is. For the past 16 years we’ve been raising our twin girls one of them with extreme special needs. Being so consumed with that I just figured my husband was very stressed out from all of her health issues. But I clearly so incredibly clearly now see this is who he really is and it’s not all me.
Now that I completely understand this is who he is how do I get the help to recover from all these years of emotional and draining abuse? How can I start feeling like a happy person again? How do I accept the fact that I don’t have the husband I’ve been hoping for for so long? How do I grieve the loss now that I’m aware of who and what he is?
You are not alone! Same same same... but 31 yrs & feel I'm in 100 directions! Ultimately GOTTA GO! No more! He got & took enough that he didnt deserve, at this point will leave it all behind, scary yes but imperative? Yes! Because if I'm dead or bed ridden/stagnant(mentally or physically)NONE of this foundation(material things etc of 31 yrs) will change it! So trying to stay focused to get other things in a row to GET OUT! You have to be "Alive"(A-live)to live it! I have given all unknowingly or knowingly in some form or another! At this point? Saying hey! This last 3rd of my life WILL be the best of my life! FOR ME, MY HEALTH & MY HAPPINESS...good luck to you too!💕
I too am with one for 17 years. Raising two girls as well. Hang in there.
Came from a home where dad was narcissistic and mom was a door mat. She died a couple of years ago from Alzheimer’s. She literally gave him everything, and yet could never please him. If he was angry, she would coach us to say we were wrong and to apologize. Him, never! 17 years in, and I’m just figuring it out with my husband. I feel so stupid! I worry for my kids, because their internal dialogue is so negative. They have big hopes, but Daddy wants control over their career decisions. I tell them do what you and God want you to do and you’ll be ok. I’m behind you 100%. I’m praying like mad! He is the only money-maker, and my kids are facing college soon. I’m hoping to last until they are grown. I have only told one person close to me, because the others shut me down as soon as I get started, and the rest all know hubs and think he’s a great person. They don’t live with him, though.
Morning Song I’m biding my time too. I feel like I’m in Shawshank Redemption
@@morningsong8077 May God's help be with you... I can't imagine how difficult it could be for you to talk to only one person and no other... For me I feel like I need to tell each and every one on the planet... But then I stop myself because it is against my moral values. Hence I have 4 to 5 people with whom I can vent out
Also had 4 bosses with NPD. I'm finally realizing that boundaries are life giving and essential.
This talk with Dr Ramani is a life saving medicine. Thanks a ton.
This information has been so helpful and could be a lifesaver for so many people!
Just love Dr. Ramani, her insights are so invaluable!
She really is brilliant. Adore her.
Thank you!! For so many years I couldn’t figure out my relationship with family members, I doubted myself, I was miserable and couldn’t find an answer to what was going on! Now I can’t thank you enough! I feel like a PERSON again ,I don’t feel lost anymore and I have some good advice to follow! Bless you
All of Dr. Ramani's advices are PERFECTLY on point. She gave me the BEST ways to deal with this kind of personalities.
Thank you very much
I would like to see her in practice.
Thank you
All good
Thank you for this concise list. I have two narcissists in my life. They are very similar to one another, though they'd be the first to say they are the least alike. It is so helpful to review these recommendations. It's true, we do know what to expect from a narcissist even if we sometimes hope that our support, vulnerability, or kindness will make a difference. Radical acceptance is what I'm focusing on at this time in my life. With it comes grief- grieving that I just won't ever have an honest and authentic relationship with this person because of how they are (and the older we get, the MORE narcissistic they become). Sending everyone on this journey lots of support.
ow well wouldn't really say my mom is a narcissist, but she does have a few narcissistic tendencies. everything is about her. she's the victim in everything but never tries to be there for anyone.
I am so grateful for this channel and the work that is put in with explaining narcissism and how to navigate these relationships. In my life, my wife is the narcissist as well as her father, mother, and older brother. I have complex trauma from childhood but I very much identify as a BPD. My marriage of 16 years has been pure misery and I had always taken full responsibility for every little thing that was wrong in the relationship because that is what I have done throughout my whole childhood. I grew up in physically, sexually, and psychologically abusive environments, not just in my home of origin, but in multiple foster homes that I lived in. No wonder I was ripe picking for a narcissist to control me and abuse me. Through amazing counseling and the enlightenment of this channel, I am no longer a doormat to this behavior! It’s so liberating!
Cannot believe how cool and articulate you are, every word resonated! Kudos!
I have been getting up to speed listening to so many programs by Dr. Ramani. It's so helpful and has stopped me from trying to argue with the narcissist, telling them off, I just have my eyes wide open now. It's also so helpful to know what to expect . I just wish there was a way to help the narcissist and it's sad and tragic that I can't.
I definitely have been empowered and as a mother of an narcissist, I can and will give myself the reassurance to implement the strategies to let go and start living my true self . Thank you
It all makes sense to me now..... I had a difficult time with my ex-husband (of 8 years) when he discarded me. I just thought it was just ordinary cheating. But then these presentations woke me to the fact that it was only the tip of the iceberg that I was seeing.. thanks for putting a 1word description to all the confusion I felt.. i feel like I've totally moved on from the narcissist in my life in just a few months compared to the years in many.. I love all the series. Keep it coming. It's such a blessing.. and to think all these knowledge is just a click away and for free at that...😊😍🤗
Been living with one for 35 years - it's exhausting and sends me in a tailspin. Thank you so much for the education!
My husband. No sympathy for my suffering or others close to him when it involves him. But will cry when watching Bolt win the 100m at olympics. Always lets me down to such an extent that I don't believe his promises anymore.
My mother is a narcissist. She’s my only parent. Being an only child, this makes it challenging.
I have no other family but her.
Did you find the way to manage the relationship. Can you suggest some rules on this.
Amy Heyart
Use the above tools.
Don't have remorse.
I know...I am in the same situation.
Have boundaries and limit contact.
Regards
Morongwa Mohapi
Leave from her.
She use you forever.
Don't feel guilty.
You still don't have a family even if you don't leave her.
farida khanun thank you for the reality check
Thank you so much for this “guide to life”. I really wish I’ve known a few years ago, Narcissistic relationships are like a Nutri Bullet for the soul...
Thank you so incredibly much for this. This was so helpful. Almost every other website or video about how to deal with Narcissists tell you to cut contact immediately and to never talk to them again. They paint them as this terrible monster that isn't human, a monster one can't feel feelings for and can't love. I could never leave the person in my life, who is unfortunately a narcissist, because I love them so much. I couldn't bare leaving them alone with their pain, leaving them alone to die by themself. I wish I could just hug them and tell them that everything is alright and heal them, but I can't. Nobody can. But at least you've showed me how to improve our relationship and keep the damage as minimal as possible.
Beautiful setting, color coordinated so beautifully. Pleasing, relaxing.
At this point of my life she sound like god sent to me to convey his message. She compressed my story and the life I have gone through in 12 mins and answered my all my “why” questions. I’m a survivor and I will get through this.
Amazing ! Thank you so much
Dr Ramani I value so much your knowledge to enlighten me. x
I have this one narcissistic friend on the lower end of the spectrum who ironically might have saved my life by saying "Liliana, I'm a narcissist. I've been mistreating you. I'm in therapy." (the actual apology came a bit later) and I've not had a narc-free life ever so I didn't even get that this was happening, and had to really unroll that.
As long as she's in therapy I do feel safe with her if we only talk occassionally, but obviously a narc is gonna narc, so there still comes the gaslighting, and usually I don't respond to it at first, and then calmly bring it up with her once I can sense the "fight" mode is over, and what I found really, really interesting is that she told me very directly that she did gaslight me, and that she's really sorry, but what worried her and where she gets stuck is that while it was happening, she really thought what she said was true.
Narcs really are not in touch with reality. The moment that pin drops, life gets a lot better and easier.
A friend was living with me and I never knew he was a narcissist until I asked some of his friends and he told them he was. I was assaulted by him then I kicked him out. Now he is outta my life. Medcircle and Dr. Armani have taught me soo much. These videos are great so when youdeal with your Narcissist you don't be reactive to them set your boundaries with them.
Love this channel. Dr. Ramadi. Is so awesome. I want to thank you for the education and I enjoy watching this.
Thank you. This is so great.
Living with my narcissistic husband for 25 years and always wondering why he acts the way he does was YES very draining. Learning Dr Ramani’s techniques has literally saved me. Some of his actions in public or hearing some of his conversations with people he knew was so embarrassing. Now I know why. Thank you Kyle and Dr Ramani for posting these videos.
Thank you for all you're sharing. You are making a difference.
This is amazing, I'm listening to this on the balcony with my coffee before talking to my narcissistic dad and older brother, it's hard to leave but I'm so done with giving them the light of day to argue. This helps me get through today easier, thank-you!
I hope you are OK now
I am in love with her knowledge and understanding to these mental problems
My father is a covert and overt narcissist. Learning about NPD is helping me navigate myself and why I am the way I am at 36...
Thank you!
I love Dr Ramani for so many reasons. First of all, she's brilliant. Second I love her vocabulary. Almost Shakespearean in her descriptions, using as few words as possible. Finally, her advice is spot on and she delivers it with a sense of humor and compassion.
A question: if you're married to a narcissist and you practise all the tactics mentioned in the video, the following questions come to mind: doesn't that leave the other partner feeling lonely, a lack of connection/ friendship, doesn't it get tiring to always have guards up, be minimal. If they want to stay with the narcissist (because they know he or she has been a victim of child sexual abuse, abandonment and raised by a narcissist too and believes there is much good in them) is there a way you can still feel fulfilled in the marriage? Is there hope of having a fulfilling marriage with narcissists?
" Is there hope of having a fulfilling marriage with narcissists?" NO focus on your carreer, your friends, your family, but keep your expectation realistic, ie. there is NO relationship with a narcissist
i think the coping mechanism is to be used in the meanwhile while you regain strength to leave and come up w a plan to move on. a relationship w a narcissist is never gonna work.
Another excellent video, thanks for sharing
Dr Ramani you are my lifesaver at the moment. I have learned so much. I have been in a relationship with my partner for 10 years nearly and finally I have an explanation for his very predictable unpleasant behaviour. Things have escalated and reached a head. Fortunately I don't live with him [which is why I've survived for so long and why it took my a shockingly long time to realise what i was dealing with] but we can't really move forward . He's stonewalling me right now after an eventful Christmas but has just started to hoover. Same old pattern same old tricks. I'm so over it. I am about to get some counselling to help steer myself the hell outta dodge city. Wish me luck
This is amazing amazing advice and tricks! Thank you so very very much
This was very informative. Thank you. I wish I'd known this earlier, but at least I now have some idea of how to "deal" with the situation until I can find a way to leave my husband, the Narc. I have 2 young kids with him, so I am staying to protect them from him, while finding a way to leave safely. I know I have to be smart or he will destroy me.
Thank you so much for this . I just had an altercation w my mother which left me devastated and I couldn't figure out why is it that she hates me so much , I think I know now.
I love your work!! it helps to heal the pain, and understand ...