Ranking Every Mario Kart 8 DLC Track by How Safe It Is
Вставка
- Опубліковано 17 тра 2024
- Support me on Patreon: / j0rts
Follow me on Twitch: / j0rts
Mario Kart is dangerous, so I put on my safety inspector hat once again to rank every Mario Kart 8 Deluxe DLC track by how safe it is.
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ Timestamps ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
00:00 Intro
00:31 Paris Promenade
01:21 Toad Circuit
01:48 Choco Mountain
02:21 Coconut Mall
02:55 Tokyo Blur
03:27 Shroom Ridge
03:54 Sky Garden
04:13 Ninja Hideaway
04:54 New York Minute
05:33 SNES Mario Circuit 3
06:00 Kalimari Desert
06:32 Waluigi Pinball
07:07 Sydney Sprint
07:32 Snow Land
07:58 Mushroom Gorge
08:24 Sky-High Sundae
08:49 London Loop
09:19 Boo Lake
09:43 Rock Rock Mountain
10:19 Maple Treeway
10:43 Berlin Byways
11:18 Peach Gardens
11:50 Merry Mountain
12:19 3DS Rainbow Road
12:49 Amsterdam Drift
13:13 Riverside Park
13:40 DK Summit
14:11 Yoshi's Island
14:49 Bangkok Rush
15:20 DS Mario Circuit
15:53 Waluigi Stadium
16:20 Singapore Speedway
16:48 Athens Dash
17:24 Daisy Cruiser
17:52 Moonview Highway
18:14 Squeaky Clean Sprint
18:43 Los Angeles Laps
19:12 Sunset Wilds
19:36 Koopa Cape
20:12 Vancouver Velocity
20:49 Rome Avanti
21:39 DK Mountain
22:27 Daisy Circuit
22:55 Piranha Plant Cove
23:23 Madrid Drive
24:18 Rosalina's Ice World
24:49 SNES Bowser Castle 3
25:25 Wii Rainbow Road
25:59 Results/Outro
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ About j0rts ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
Hi there! I'm j0rts (Ben), and I like to explore mostly pointless things in video games while playing them in weird, unconventional ways.
Despite my name, this channel has nothing to do with jorts. In fact, I've never even worn a pair of jorts in my life. I just find the word fun to say... j o r t s.
Anyways, thanks for taking the time to check out my channel. If you'd like to hang out with me live, be sure to visit my Twitch channel over at / j0rts
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ Links ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
▶Patreon: / j0rts
▶Twitch: / j0rts
▶Twitter: / j0rts_
▶TikTok: / j0rts_yt
▶Discord: / discord - Ігри
Where my safety enthusiasts at?
Right here!
Everywhere
Here 😐
Well u safety tested it all and I feel safe but what about smash courses or Pokémon gyms
Here!
In the interests of safety I must point out that in Tokyo, Sydney, London, Bangkok, and Singapore, you were driving on the wrong side of the road
Though in the case of Singapore, it's likely the roads were sectioned off for the race specifically so that's not an issue. (Similarly to how roads are sectioned off for f1 races)
No they’re wrong
What about Germany and ampsterdam
Very very good safty point alway drive on the correct side of the road
@@justincecilThey drive on the right side of the road like America and France
I appreciate j0rts' determination to get eaten by every single piranha plant
It’s a tough job but someone’s got to do it
@@j0rtsYou missed one in piranha plant cove!
@@j0rts"how fast can you get eaten by a piranha plant in every..."
It's for science!
Also jorts kinda died in bowser castle 3
7:22 As an American who has never been to Australia, I can confirm that Austrialia is FILLED with jumps over water out of buildings
Lmao paid healthcare moment.
This has gotta be one of the best responses I’ve ever seen
@@LegendofLink5204 Thanks.
Who Dey🥸‼️‼️
As an Australian I can confirm
j0rts, the only man who can give 3DS' Rainbow Road a 1/10 and everyone is cool with it
That's because he is right
@bronzebeez9963 that's it
And the only man who can give Toad Circuit a 9/10
@@bronzebeez9963only right in the safety sense right?
@@doggo7721 yes
I truly admire j0rts's commitment to the safety officer craft, truly an inspiration. If only more safety officers adhered to j0rts's example by driving headlong into any and all dangers to prove how dangerous the roads are. He truly is an exemplar of his craft.
"Maybe it's not so safe here" Yeah honestly that describes London quite well
As a Canadian, I can confirm the Vancouver track is pretty accurate. They drive through figure skating rinks all the time. The only inaccuracy is that they didn't hang any cars under the bridges.
As another Canadian I testify to this statement
As another Canadian I also testify
As someone who hasn’t been there since pre-pandemic 2020 (and another Canadian), I can also testify.
As a Canadian I contend there wasn’t enough of a riot in and around the hockey rink but I guess they gotta keep that ESRB rating
@@tracychallice1099 Lol
Thank you for pointing out all of the safety hazards on these tracks. Going forward I will only play tracks with a 9 rating and above to make sure I am as safe as possible.
bot.
@@echoingoutofexistence4222 Nuh uh
@@echoingoutofexistence4222are you sure about that
@@echoingoutofexistence4222I don't think you know what that word means.
This may be a bit controversial, but as it name says, Waluigi Stadium is a stadium, so it is prepared to do this sort of jumps and stunts, so, in fact, Waluigi Stadium is one of the safest roads😂
Maybe for bikes, but not for cars
As a Londoner, can confirm I have to dodge a Chain Chomp during my morning commute. It’s still more enjoyable than the Central line rush hour stampede. 10/10 accuracy from Nintendo. Hope this helps ☺️!
23:49 I’m not sure that’s quite the word you were looking for…
So people in Madrid don't crap out safety signs?!
I think he meant "defacement" lol
@@Chubby_BubI think it's desecration
@@Chubby_Bubmy first thought was he meant “deprecation”
defamation is probably what his brain was going for but it was so close!
i feel that the princess' garden course may need a second look. reviewing these courses as you do, may have hidden the fact that her course redirects you back into oncoming traffic against your fellow racers. a significant safety hazard, easily overlooked when you are the only racer on the track.
Same goes for Paris promenade!!
Rome Avanti
Same for Paris, Rome, Amsterdam, and maybe some more that I’m forgetting
I think we all owe j0rts a huge round of applause for doing his utmost best to keep us safe. I now know that I shouldn’t take my car underwater, on a ship, or in outer space. 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
I just thought of something, since you covered all mario kart 8 stages maybe you can rank all mario oddyssey kingdoms by safety? I think that could be fun
Ooh!
Yeah! (Please like this comment)
@@cevatkokbudak6414 your comment or the one above
I did, @@cevatkokbudak6414
I love how he is, in game, taking every turn sooo cautiously.
Avanti is Italian for “forward” or “ahead” or something along those lines.
Also the Rome Avanti Chain Chomps *will* attack you, just only if you’re moving fast
Their speed bumps
@@qykolas which means they're a safety feature, not a safety concern
In Rosalina's Ice World, those are stalactites. You can differentiate them from stalagmites if you remember that stalactites are holding on TIGHT to the ceiling, and stalagmites are MIGHTY structures coming from the ground.
Can we just appreciate how safety inspector always gets bitten by the piranha plants so we don’t have to ❤️
Can we all just appreciate how the safety inspector never disappoints with his safety-ness.
As an Australian I can confirm that we must jump over water to reach the road, the drop bears managed to tear down many bridges and roads forcing us to have to jump over water to travel (I recon the tourists forgot their Vegemite behind the ears)
Yes we do ride kangaroos
13:12 as a dutch person i can say that that score is quite accurate to the actual city
1:41 the most danger is the unrendered grass
My headcanon is that the Toads who were responsible for building the racetrack didn't know how to take care of grass, so they just used green concrete. Driving on it still slows you down because it was a late addition so it hasn't fully dried. Thoughts?
So who took care of the grass in Mario Kart 7 since the grass was much better there
womp womp
As a biomedicine major, I would like to point out the dangerousness of the Sqeaky Clean Sprint driving through a fiiiiilthy sewer pipe, you will get sick and die from that.
I absolutely LOVE THIS. This is such a ridiculous concept and an absolutely beautiful out of the box idea. Super entertaining.
You've covered Zelda and Mario content..... I'd love to see some Donkey Kong Country. Maybe fastest animal mount?
I would love more weird ranking videos!
I also recommend the channel @Any_Austin too! He has a series taking employment surveys in various video game towns (more entertaining than it sounds) and also inspecting/ranking Skyrim's restaurants, among other unusual video game content.
@@ShiroiSenritsu thanks I'll check it out. Sounds interesting! I love out the box stuff like that. I love ai things as well. Patrick Star ai "Because I got High" is FUCKING HILARIOUS. I suggest checking it out. The song canonically fits his character to a "T" as well!
australian here! we do this all the time, don't even worry 🥰 I once performed in the opera house and there were in fact cars flying through the whole time. everyone was totally safe, it's pretty standard
Apparently he’s got a hatred for chain chomps. Maybe he should rank the species of chain chomps based on how safe they are next.
It's said King Theseus had the Athens course commissioned to take his new chariot for joyrides.
Tragically, the chariot kept getting blown up by Hades's kid, who spammed the Water dash around it, and so Theseus never got to take his chariot to Mario Kart.
I love the splash dash, thanks Poseidon!
I like how the more dangerous corses tend to be ranked the better ones.
Aside from coconut mall and waluigi pinball but yeah
J0rts, you are a lifesaver, i was recently thinking of going to rainbow road for a vacation but now that i've seen this, i will surely go to daisy circuit instead, Thanks!
As a proud Aussie I can confirm that it is quite common to drive through buildings a 200kph and fly out over water just to get to the road
As someone who lives in Vancouver… we do get dangerous bridges, dangerously fly towards color coordinated buildings, get cult vibes when we drive through an ice rink so pretty accurate
Baby Park still holds the crown as most safe
14:06 you cannot forget the halfpipes, and how, if you're not careful, you can fly off.
The snowboarders were shocked at dk summit they just had a mask on so you couldn't tell
Coconut Mall is slightly more dangerous in online races. The cars don't move in time trials, because that's how they were on release, but Nintendo updated the track so that the cars move (because people complained about the cars not moving I'd assume) and make reckless donuts that take up a lot of space. Its rating might be affected by that. The cars weren't changed in TTs so that they wouldn't have to clear the leaderboard or anything like that, also an assumption by me
15:19 transitioned perfectly between the explosion and an ad for a match 3 game involving an explosion.
Im very happy someone took time out of there day to adress this matter i am so enthusiastic for saftey my son goes to school surrounded by bubble wrap
I like the part where you called the oil fields a construction site.
What about how he ridiculed the people of Madrid for defecating a stop sign?
I'm genuinely surprised that OSHA hires a duck for this position, but he honestly seems to be doing a good job. I'm impressed.
You are truly the safety hero we all need
I've combined both videos and made a list a top 10 for Safest and Most Dangerous tracks.
Safest
1. (tie) Baby Park (GCN) and Daisy Circuit (Wii) 9.9
3. Toad Circuit (3DS) 9.8
4. Mario Circuit 3 (SNES) 9.7
5. Excitebike Stadium (WiiU) 9.2
6. Moo Moo Meadows (Wii) 8.6
7. Ice Ice Outpost (WiiU) 8.5
8. Yoshi's Circuit (GCN) 8.4
9. (tie) Royal Raceway (N64), Mario Kart Stadium (WiiU), and Sunset Wilds (GBA) 8.3
Most Dangerous
1. Rainbow Road (3DS) 1.0
2. Rainbow Road (Wii) 1.8
3. Rainbow Road (WiiU) 1.9
4. (tie) Bowser Castle (WiiU) and Bowser Castle 3 (SNES) 2.1
6. DK Mountain (GCN) 2.2
7. Grumble Volcano (Wii) 2.3
8. Yoshi's Island (Switch) 2.4
9. Piranha Plant Cove (Tour) 2.5
10. Piranha Plant Slide (3DS) 3.7
23:49 😂😂 that's....that's not the word but I can't stop imagining that action now
ikr
now what would be funny would be if someone modded all the tracks to fit the safety guidelines
When you said infraction I immediately thought of bumbles micfumbles but you have a great video and I enjoyed it a large amount
Hey j0rts! That video was great, but I would like to point out a flaw that wasn’t mentioned. On Rosalina’s Ice World, you forgot to take into account that it took place in outer space. Just thought I would let you mkow
I mean, it does take place on a different planet, but there are trees on it, so the planet seems to have an atmosphere, suffocation shouldn't be a problem.
@@agjakku that does make sense. Thanks for letting me know
just want to say, some track change each lap, for example, toad circuit gets a glider ramp added in 2nd and 3rd lap, so, you will need to cou't those in too.
Since you've evaluated the safety of all the Mario Kart 8 tracks, would you be interested in doing the same to the CTR Nitro Fueled tracks?
Man at some point I got so good at understanding your point system, I was able to guess Athens and Daisy Cruiser scores perfectly
There aren't many people who can make me laugh just from the quality of their voice let alone the content of their words
20:35 In our defense, hockey is a pretty pucking big deal here in Canada.
Glad to see you take the safety of drivers very seriously.
After discovering your channel you really inspired me to start a channel of my own! Thank you so much for making these awesome videos!
I HAD TO SEARCH FOR THIS AND NOW IM LATE BUT KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK OL CHAP I AM UR BIGGEST FAN
As a Canadian I can confirm that Vancouver is just a cult city. probably best to pick a different province if you want a safe drive.
I never knew I needed a video like this until I watched it, I’m now hooked on safety lmao 😂
Stalagtite - Stalagtites cling tightly to the ceiling, stalagmites are the other ones that grow out of the ground. (Other mnemonics are available, there are enough out there that you can basically pick whichever works for you)
Now that you've evaluated the safety of all Mario Kart race tracks, maybe evaluate the safety of Pokémon gyms, considering those are basically walk-in theme park attractions aimed at 10-year-olds, the safety of them feels super important.
Genius
I doubt any of them will be more unsafe than Skyla's cannon Gym, though I suppose the pinball game in Stow-on-Side might come close.
@@PriffyViole Hm. Not sure if being shot face first into a wall from a canon or crossing rivers of molten magma (as per the dragon gym in Johto) would be less safe. Either judging it generally or by theme park regulations.
@@PriffyVioleSkyla's cannons and Clair's lava pits are up there. Then there's stuff you have to do to face the leaders, like Jasmine's lighthouse that at one point includes a drop of at least 30 feet onto hard concrete, or Grusha's downhill race.
@@BJGvideos I honestly had no idea Johto was so unsafe.
We need him to just finish it all of with battle mode courses
The fact that it’s easily missed shouldn’t change the overall ranking, but I would like to point out the part on daisy circuit that propels you through an extremely narrow staircase and into a glider over the road
For those who wanna know for the ice cave course that Rosalina has, it's Stalactites that are from the top of the cave and Stalagmites on the bottom. Think t for tites and top and mites and bottom have M's.
23:49 My good sir. There is no poop on that sign. I believe the word you are looking for is defamation.
Thank you for never failing to make videos I didn't know I needed :)
j0rts: Don't drive through malls.
Me: haha, kid carts that look like cars go BRRRRRR.
I was like "didn't I already see this video" but I have no reading comprehension and didn't see the word "DLC"
This video is DLC to the other video
Shoutout to Lakitu for helping you follow safety regulations!👍
I think Koopa Cape used to be Safer too, but they renovated the tunnel to have no roof. You still drove in potentially electrified water but there was minimal risk of drowning
Your commitment to this bit all the way through is phenomenal. (I mean... bit? What bit? Thank you for keeping us safe!)
There's something charminb about seeing him go through all these maps while avoiding boosts, tricks, and drifts
“I appreciate how there’s a warning about boulders falling. I don’t appreciate that there are boulders falling” got me 💀
Oh I'm so excited for this!!! I was hoping you'd do a part 2 once all the tracks were out.
They all are out this is all of them
And sorry this is part two
2:48 since a few updates ago, and specifically in the Grand Prix and VS modes, the drivers now WILDLY drive across the parking lot, doing sudden spins and lunges with their cars, I think this deserves at least a 0.5 point reduction
As a British person who has been to London multiple times I can confirm that sometimes we do let our chain chomps free.
Every time I see one of your videos recommended to me, I smile :) Thanks for that
7:20 we do drive through buildings, fly off a ramp just to reach the road
great job for that! I will now be able to pick tracks which have LOADS of safety precautions unlike waligi pinball where there are 2 strange barriers that give you a controlled shock near the end of the track (FNAF reference), giant meatal balls that will destroy anything in its path, random jump boots and at the start a EPILEPSISY FUNHOUSE
"i always forget which one is which" easy way to remember, a stalagmite stands MIGHTILY, while a stalactite hangs TIGHTLY
Another safety mention - THE SAND SHOULDERS! They’re a fantastic way to rollover your car. If you edge too close to the side of a desert road, your right tires will slow down WAY more than your left because of the friction with the sand.
"any track is deadly if you go fast enough"
i feel like the harshness with which london loop was rated was unwarranted given the only listed demerits were someone's dog getting off its leash and the inspector himself failing to obey traffic law
Singapore does have those rooftop infinity pools, but they have pretty serious safety precautions.
This video is hilarious and awesome. Great job
Can’t believe j0rts doesn’t know about the Vancouver bats. Those things are legendary for what they do to poor drivers who come across them. Should be a lower score as those things are evil
I love that j0rts is geeking out about Moomoo Meadows milk while inspecting Bangkok rush.
Personally I hope you do other racing games and such too, this series is great
If it helps, Stalactites grow from the roof of the cave and then Stalagmites form on the bottom, I always think of the M looking like spikes on the floor to remember it. Great vid man!
London Loop: "I'm starting to think its *_not_* safe here."
_Yep, London does that to ya pretty early on._
I wish they were releasing more courses, but the DLC is finished 😭😭💔
toad's factory needs justice ;-;
@@spicywaffle_ YES!
There’s 96 tracks. There’s barely enough retros remaining to last another 48 courses
@@polarbearfan they could always add the tour ones or hear me out, make new tracks
@@spicywaffle_ There aren’t enough in tour to sustain another 48, new tracks require effort which MK8 devs don’t do in making new tracks (no those three nitros don’t count thank tour), and let this game die.
im offended by how high up waluigi pinball is. if im not mistaken a pinball will occasionally follow you down the upper half of the track. i guess most of it IS guarded by rails
Thank you for looking out for us racers! The world would be terrible without people like you
More heroics, from the hero we need, but we don't deserve. You are an absolute asset, to all safety-conscious Karters, out there! 🎩
7:08 as an Australian I can confirm that this track is very inaccurate, it’s meant to be upside down
Thank you for taking the job here, Mr. J0rts, your compensation can be expected soon.
As an actual Australian I quite enjoy the sport of driving through buildings and then jumping threw a window
been waiting for this
australian here, driving thru buildings is completely normal here, it happens all the time! we even do grand prixs in our shopping centres so theres no need to worry :3
I really appreciate the throughline of how despite their less then noble intentions, Wario, Waluigi, and Bowser's tracks (sans baby park, obviously) all still make a basic effort to safety on the non-attraction parts of the tracks. Like, yeah, they put giant monsters, machines, fireballs, bolders, and other dangerous gimmicks in there, but Donkey kong just consistently has them beat in danger for sheer incompetence.
I was hoping you'd bring up the fact that if you fall off the track on Rainbow Road Wii, you plummet towards Earth and actually begin to burn up on re-entry.
7:20 as an australian citizen i can confirm we do fly over ramps to get to the sydney opera house in an orderly fashion
Normally in Rome Avanti the chain chomps try to kill you.
They only attack if you're speeding, that's even safer
Huh, so Mario Kart Paris is safer than actual Paris?
the sequel we all needed