How to handle a partner who pushes your boundaries
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- Опубліковано 5 жов 2024
- Does your partner whine, complain, and act disagreeable when they don’t get their way? Though immature, this is emotional manipulation. Here’s how to establish your boundaries and come to a more agreeable partnership with your mate.
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I was dumped because I asked my ex to set boundaries with ex wife. She was calling and texting constantly. I tried to communicate and share how it made me feel.
Then he dumped me after 6 weeks of moving in with him. I should have seen the red flags. I realize now he didn’t value me enough. I deserve so much more!
You’re awesome!! Thanks for helping me stay strong!
He was still sleeping with her
Thank you for this. Having to constantly fight for air, and having your guard up for what's the next manipulative move, is so exhausting to live with. I do however agree that these relationships come as a gift for us to grow and learn our boundaries, but they are not for keeps.
Beautifully stated, Tankgirl185. Love your insight. Wishing you well!
Yes... use it as a learning experience.
In the name of love!!!! This is so true, I really needed to hear this. I am a chronic over-giver & I would always give and give and give to people who weren't reciprocating that. BUT NO MORE. I am open to receiving the love I deserve from people who are healthy emotionally & ready to love.
AMEN! NO MORE EMOTIONAL ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS
It s typical of people with borderline personality disorder, in other cases it s pure selfishness and immaturity... so watch out who re dealing with
Mireille 013 I believe it’s mostly their upbringing. These people grow up always getting their way. Perhaps, spoiled and pity from parents or grandparents. They’re just no use to hear someone tell them ,NO.
100%
My partner and I have been together for 10 years, known each other for for 28 years.
He has been so loving and respectful and wonderful for many years, and I couldn't understand the last 7 months, small little tantrums and pushing the boundaries, I nearly thought of just giving up because it's like an overnight change into a person I didn't know, I didn't even make the priority list, everything took preference, too busy to spend time, etc., So much so where there's that eerie uncomfortable silence where I didn't know how to approach or speak to him anymore.
It got to a point of seeing him twice a month, if I'm lucky!
What I did when I found this video, I sent him a text message, literally taking your words, pausing the video and typing it out to him, saying no more, I was done.
Guess what, we ended up talking for 5 hours non stop about everything that bothered him and why he was so angry, and yeah, I'm so relieved, I'm respected again, I'm loved again.
Thank you so much for the insight and guidance on how to handle relationship problems. Very greatfull🙂
In this type of relationship and it’s complicated because we live together. It feels like I’m counting down the days until the lease is up
I've just discovered you and I'm binge watching all your videos! Your content is fantastic, your words ring true. X
Thanks Elga. Happy to connect with you here.
Agree......im addicted.
same here.... binge watching ❤️ love her so much
I never realized that the battles are indeed almost always over relatively small, inconsequential things. That's why they are so wearing; because they are so unnecessary. Anyone who does not respect your right to say no does not respect you.
Exactly what I've been thru in the last year and a half with a close friend. Until I got tired of his passive aggressive behaviors and backhanded compliments. He didn't respect my boundaries, so I let him fly.
Exactly my relationshit
Wish I found you several months ago Susan - Thanks for affirming the 'normal' and healthy
Thank you for your note. I wish you well!
Just happened to me and now I am even embarassed and cannot even talk to him. Not bringing out the best in me ..not at all. I feel sort of violated even though it was over the internet. I told him I was uncomfortable but he kept on--perfect thank you Susan
You're welcome Jia.
i’ve had this video on repeat to soothe my thoughts...and to continue to stand firm
What are your most important values in a relationship? Mine are: respect, freedom, trust, independence, honesty, being mature (probably a lot more too)
You've chosen excellent qualities. Thanks for your comment and for watching the video.
This has been my life the last 5+ years
Be more specific. Sometimes one partner is exaggerating everything and still thinks she's the victim. Like "let's have a trip once a month" - "you are FORCING ME TO DO EVERYTHING YOU WANT"..
Crazy magical thinking.
Thank you for confirming what my intuition has been telling me for 2.5 years. I'm struggling so much. I feel like I'm suffocating.
Thank you, Susan. You're so... "true".
Some things are hurtful to hear, but so true. Thanks for taking the time to share it and make it accessible to all of us.xx
Thank you for putting into words exactly what I’ve been struggling with. Little jabs, snarky and sarcastic responses, guilt trips, it’s so sly and insidious and it’s over tiny nonsense things. I’m so worn down and tired. Planning on the exit. Thanks for helping me craft my breakup words.
I'm so glad that I found you here. I just had it the other way around. I followed a whim and almost crossed the boundaries someone set for me. I backed away last second and apologized. Told them to talk to me if I ever try again without realising.
My mother in the other hand wanted me to be withdrawn and make him feel bad for standing his ground. I didn't like her approach one bit because I recognized her manipulation.
When you said very frankly, "I have had it up to here...", I was like cheering! Same, same, same!!! Thank you for your consistently honest videos. You are a gem!
Thank you ..... like you said if you’re asking the question. ,,,, where do I draw the line ,,,, this means you’ve been dealing with this shit for a long time. And it’s time to let them go
just what I am going through right now. thank you for saying out loud exactly what I‘m thinking. you‘re the best!
I thank God for you I'm in that exact situation funny part is it's always my fault they reflect their wrongs on me & love to pretend that they are the one wronged I'm trying to figure out how to get out right now because every time I try THEY always want to keep trying BUT Im the one who does🤣🤣🤣.
How are you now?
It's simple manipluative behaviour. If it bothers u and u can't tolerate it? Break up
I would have LOVED to see this video before starting my relationship! My ex boyfriend was constantly insisting, even intimacy. That made me drained and I lost confidence in myself. I accepted to gain his love but I lost myself, I regret it so much now 😢
Just got out of a relationship with a man like this…it was so good when it was good…once I put a specific boundary up he flipped and turned into a horrible toxic person full of hateful words and emotional manipulation.
You are so on point! Thank you for doing theses videos. My confusion is I’ve been married to an affectionate, attentive and very loving man for 42 years. However, 8 years ago and continuing, I realized we have differing boundaries about where he prefers to hang out and things he says in those hang outs. By this I mean I didn’t realize he was a “ bar fly”who loves “bar bantering” with provocative bartenders and similar minded people, with jokes, provocative text sharing, flashing and innuendos. I learned I’ve been naive! In his mind he sees no trust issues because I am “ the love of his life!” This is not a trust issue to me! He doesn’t see this is a problem although is a Christian man. I’ve discovered the 90 minute lunches ( he owns his own business), were not at a table with clients etc.... but were daily entertainment with bartenders and buddies. He has....so to speak, been the ambassador of some of these hangouts to clients and friends. Theses hangouts near his office are like Hooters for middle aged guys. He and other middle aged men also like hanging out at places like Hooters, even though I convey the creepiness of it since the girls are as young as grandchildren. We’ve had numerous arguments and disagreements about this. He sees my disagreement as lacking trust, although I see it as differing boundaries and I tell him that. Why does he not understand this? Is this because it has been a pattern for 30 years and is hard to change.... especially for some men? Or is he wanting it his way and not wanting to change a lifestyle? I am beside myself with frustration trying to set boundaries which I THOUGHT were in place 42 years ago but apparently were not! Help?
Tricia, I was with my BF (now ex) for 3.5 years. After 2 good years together, he shut off almost all affection overnight. When trying to discuss it with him he blamed it on pain from health issues and said I was too sensitive. Back in June of last year I discovered he was inapprpriately texting a married woman in California. He blew it off saying he hadn't seen her in a few years. I let him know I was no consolation prize and that it hurt him doing so. He continued doing it and I finally had enough. I tried to talk to him numerous times but he continued telling me he did nothing wrong and said I was jealous. IMO, it was a matter of morality and right and wrong. I finally had to end it with him on 10-2. If I were you ask your husband if he would go to couples counseling. He needs to see things from your point of view.
The most useful video I have ever seen!! Thank you so very much 💞
V L this is fantastic to read. Thanks VL
Still a relevant message today; concise and clear. Thank you
It's a winner. You are my best friend. I'm not putting up with manipulations. Compromise, compromise. Thanks. Less giving is what I shall work on.
Your words made me cry.
Thank You for the video.
Wow, thank you
0:24 - 0:28 - nails it
So happy i found this channel. You tell it straight. I needed guidance on how to handle this issue . Has me thinking more about letting go . Don't think he will change
Thanks🙏🥰No they push you on whims, you get in the car they throw fits, angry tantrums trying to get an emotional reaction. Overreacting over small stuff you have no energy for.
Emotional manipulation for personal gains, what in the world does it give them?
How in the world do you get through these people?
Push over pushed over it a long time ago, traumatized from the chaos
My boundaries have been overstepped for many years now and it got to the point where things started to get so severe I had to get the police and courts and everybody else involved unfortunately I'm just so tired of people not listening to me I am a 35 year old woman and I support my own self and I am tired of other people constantly intruding on me and not respecting my wishes I have a evil family member who does it and a partner who just doesn't give a crap about
Hi Susan, I have being watching your videos for sometime now,maybe a year or so... and its amazing how you always have deep thoughts or new insight to give about relationship issues, most of the time everything you say has so much sense for me, I really appreciate every video you give us. Im writing you cause I'm with a problem and i felt very alone with it, I think is first time I have face such a problem. I have a partner who most of the time is a lovely man, actually I have never had a man like this before , super committed to me , a good provider, romantic , handsome... in my life I think this is the best man I came across with ever... I was crazy in love the first month .BUT something about his communicational behavior its driving me insane, seriously driven me crazy. The thing is that most of the time I feel like he is avoidant or not paying attention to what I said. Sometimes we are talking and he suddenly don't feel like he need to reply to me or he just change the topic because he felt like it. Sometimes I'm trying to make a point about something, and I'm expecting that he will reply and he just talk about something completely unrelated to what I just said! This was a common thing the last month, so most of time I felt neglected or I felt super upset. I dump him because of this but we keep in touch to see if there something that we can fix.But lately Im not just getting sad or upset, now I'm getting super angry, so last time he avoid me or ignore me like usually he does I just explode!! insanely explode! I felt like I was provoked till that point, cause he made me say the same thing to him over and over and for what? he began to talk about unrelated things like usually he does. So couple of days ago I felt like I could talk to him so I pick up a call from him ( cause i was not answering his calls) ...and it was the same thing... he did the talking... whatever I said is like I said nothing. SO I explode again! I explode violently! I trashed him like have have never insult nobody before, completely out of control!!! Every time we try to talk now, and he began with that thing he does, I just explode!! violently!! Im so afraid about myself now, I feel like I don't have any control over my emotions now, cause I cant even talk to him, if somebody ask to me about that relationship I get completely angry just to thought about it!! I even get super angry while I'm writing this. And he just keep insisting in coming back and Im so done with all this! I'm so tired and angry. I don't know what to do with all this negative feelings. He said that I have to much anger inside and I should check on myself.... cause all he want to do is taking care of me... Most of the time I feel like he play with my mind. Like everything is because me!! Like we just fight because I'm just angry!! Everything its so frustrated that I cant even tell!.
he is playing you for his fun
No need handle a partner... Handle yourself and voila :)
Love your videos Susan . They are helping me grow and be more confident again in myself .. Thank you so much much your one awesome lady with so much insight and depth X😄
OMG I tried to find the advice for kind of this topic when I was beginning date with a guy who really good looking and succeed, but so weird he was pushing me a lot since the beginning, I was very confused because he doesn't like a needy person, from your advice make me understand more but still confusing because mostly only needy guy do this, but this guy is not a looser or needy or clingy, he pretty smart person, that's why..
Hi Ning. Pushing your boundaries is also about control. If he's successful. he may feel he deserves to call all the shots in his romantic life as well.
Thank you so much, love you 💟
So flip that around. What if you feel like you aren’t really being respected and always turned away. For instance we made plans to do something but last minute she changed her mind and I was left hanging. Or I support her hobbies, professions and go to things I’m uncomfortable going to because I know how important it is to her, but when I ask her to come to things I’m proud of or things to support me it’s shot down. This video kind of makes me feel bad about getting upset and maybe I can work on that, however I did feel I put more effort and value into what she thought was important than what I thought was important.
Love is a two way street, I guess. I feel you. I am the taker type, and struggled to change that when I realised my ways. It feels just crappy oistenijg to this video. My giver only game me till it fit her, too. I dont believe only one person is wro g. And I hoped we both could leran and grow. I let her go. But I dont want to feel like crap for not knowing better at that time, It was not my fault I was raised woth a hole in my heart and I am doing every my best to fill it and to be more sensitove towards other peoples needs, too.
My husband has zero respect for boundaries..I'm ready to file for divorce...
I discovered just you few days ago and you are a jewel!! Thank you, you are amazing!!
This is exactly what I needed to hear. Thank YOU Susan!
Well said, Susan. Thank You!!
Thanks Lucy.
I completely agree , learnt things the hard way.
You just helped me so much with this video I never heard something like this before I’m subscribing now 🚨🚨🚨
Going through this now. 🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️ 19yrs no smoking in the house...now he's smoking in the house non stop. Only stops temp when my mom's here. B4 I didn't have health issues...now I have health issues and have doc orders not to be near it. He knows this. Ive tried to explain things and find ways to fix this situation. Nothing is working....I don't know what to do to address this issue. 😔😒
I JUST would like to truly thank you!! Since finding your videos I've been watching as many as I can
I want
2019
To be my year for Growth!!
To BETTER Myself
Become a Better person all around 👍👍👍
I thank you so much for the VERY helpful videos
YOUR insight is ALWAYS 100% ON POINT 🙏❤🙏
A boyfriend or girlfriend or a fiance, sure that works... move on to someone else. Not so much when it's a spouse.
Thank you for the wise words....appreciate it!
Great video! Needed to hear this
Can I show this to my partner or is that asking for it?
Great advice. Thank you.
:/ that's what I'm going through ...
Very timely message!! Awesome, as always.
Excellent, Kam. Thank you!
This is my wife, I need to get out, it's exhausting.
Thank you
What steps can I take to be less pushy and to better respect boundaries?
Susan you are so Amazing ! ( I'm sure you know that :) ] You've really helped me x x
My partner shits all over my boundaries and I'm the crazy one for having a problem with it
Thank you!
Is there a difference between consistently asserting yourself and being pushy?
I ask because a statement made in the video used the terms continually asserting themselves, at minute mark 1.20.
I feel confused on whether that was a mistake or an intended use of terms to state that continually asserting yourself has a limit.
Thank you!
thank you.
What if you don’t throw tantrums. You just probe for deeper answers and that triggers your partner?
He violates boundaries but he always apologize.. is this apologising good enough to stay? I am with him so obviously so far I have thought it was good enough, but I am very tired and losing my health. This is the problem not a luck of love. My boundary: " please I like you to speak more kindly to me even if you had a bad day or angry at somebody "
Example of boundary violation.
Me: "Where is your wrist watch babe?"
Him "it is in my pocket."
Me: "? Why is in your pocket?".
Him "BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT TO RUIN IT NOW THAT I AM MAKING THIS JOB, WHAT DO YOU THINK???"
Tone is very rude and upset and annoyed and unkind.
😭
Amazing 🎉
As a person that has CPTSD and withdrawal from a trauma boned relationship, what are the phases that we my experience when we brake up this particular bond??
Relationships are about being flexible and making comprimises,a man and a woman need to to treat each other as equal partners, how can he respect you in a marraige if he has no respect for you in a relationship, men and women need to be respectful towards each other and stop thinking about trying to get financial gain,men want to be treated as equal not as inferiors, any female that requests cash in incentives in the relationship is saying she doesnt respect him and if she doesnt respect him how can they even have a healthy relationship
During this quarantine, I’ve had to tell him twice I can’t see him because I’m a double risk, and even though he did a video chat, he contacted me when he was horny and even asked if he could use an N95 mask, latex gloves, and no condom 🤣.... I didn’t find it funny. I stood my ground and maintained my boundary, I got a crappy apology where he doesn’t take responsibility, and now he’s gone. It just sucks!
Thanks 🙏🏾
Bravo!!!
Thank you, private!
Can you recommend someone near SeattleWA for marriage couples counseling?
I love you thanks alot ma'am.
you have a fabulous wardrobe
Thank you Susan!
Recently my girlfriend discovered I was doing a Burpee challenge with another girl a close friend who I have told her is just a friend. We text just a burp to show we are helping push each other to the finish. My girlfriend had to step in and ask why she was not invited into this top secret group!!
Susan am I not allowed to have girlfriends I only want one girl, and I have told her that I love her and only want her but I like to have girlfriends and male friends. Confused.
true
This is my life now cant hangout with friends of same gender
Please watch universe guru it will change your life!!!... She teaches self responsibility, sekf respect, worth without blaming others and expect that the other person 'should' do this or 'should' be like this. In reality everything startd with you and ends with you.
Can these marriages be saved? Become healthy?
Geannie Sanders Ive been married to someone with this way of controlling for 18 years. It’s exhausting! And as time passes by, the relationship can become a mother child dynamic. You as the mother and him as a large teenager. And just as Susan describes, your partner pushes you and challenges you over small things. I come to realize, these people as children and adolescent, were just use to getting their way at home. No they won’t change. It’s part of their upbringing. I honestly wish I could have seen and understood the signs long ago.
@@Cami02ful Only if they are willing to change.
❤️❤️❤️❤️
Salesmen
She's describing Trump!!
Thank you
You're welcome!
❤️❤️❤️