Yeah. I had the whole of last week and this past weekend to do a small assignment and start studying for a test (I’m in college and was on spring break), but the dread of starting it and the stress of the fact that I had not yet started it, paralyzed me to literally not do anything, not even basic self care. It’s very discouraging and it often feels like the longer amount of time I have to do something, the more likely that thing won’t get done.
that link between shame/guilt and ADHD is like a double-edged sword. it ends up being a powerful motivator but being driven by such a garbage feeling is devastating
I am incapable of working on anything if I'm only motivated by shame or guilt. I've reached a point where I genuinely can't be productive in that mental state anymore, it actually just makes me shut down completely to the point where I don't eat, sleep, drink, shower, or leave my bed at it's worst. Relying on guilt/shame is super unsustainable and I genuinely believe it always stops working at some point, the stress from it eventually builds up until you can't handle it anymore (ie, severe burnout) and then your brain/body just stop being able to work under that kind of negative motivation at all anymore. literally I feel like it drives so many people to suicide, it absolutely has almost led to me attempting suicide multiple times. I never thought it'd get that far for me but if you keep going down that road to force yourself into productivity, suicidal thoughts are bound to manifest themselves sooner or later. I hope you're able to find more positive motivation soon and to learn to forgive yourself more easily whenever you do slip up.
I used negative self-talk to motivate myself for a long, long time. It worked for years. Then someone kindly pointed out that it might be doing damage in addition to helping motivate me. So, I’ve stopped the negative self talk, but I have yet to find a sustainable substitute to motivate me to do stuff that I don’t want to do. :-|
it’s so often that I see people saying that the shame/guilt/anxiety is a great motivator, but like HOW? How do you feel that the sciency and guilt and shame and fear motivate you, it feels like the only people saying this are either no neurodivergent or have some special ability to turn into a work machine
@@mattie_x3 i think it depends on what you have experience as a neurodivergent person. i, for one, have had many experiences where i've been shamed and berated for not doing something/forgetting something/etc because of my ADHD. so when the shame and guilt start to creep in, it is motivating because i don't want to feel that negative reaction again. that's why it's difficult though, because you're driven by something painful, not something positive.
@@BrianKellyA2i don’t know if that will work for you but i read somewhere that we should think of adhd not as an attention deficit but as an INTENTION deficit. That really resonated with me and realized i wasn’t finding meaning or purpose in what i was doing with my life. Are thoughts are so scattered we kinda just wandering through life in all situations. Literally. My health, career, relationships, spirituality, etc. I think operating with intentionality is a good motivator cause instead of going about it from a place of shame, you are fueled by self-love and self-esteem. Good luck!
I used to be an arts journalist, and I’m still haunted by an article I never finished for a magazine, where I interviewed a bunch of really amazing people and had great conversations about some of my favourite things… and then could just. Not. Write. The. Article. I ghosted the editor and it still haunts me.
Same issue with a website I was commissioned to do about 15 years ago. Really liked the job and had many great input sessions but could never get started with building the site. Ended up ghosting the company owner and it still something I think about when quoting new jobs.
something i've been thinking about lately that I don't think people talk about is how *terrifying* having adhd can be. you mentioned at one point how you'd have periods of focus and productivity and then periods of debilitating procrastination. i have the same experience, and it's so unpredictable. the most basic and universal fear is fear of the unknown, and not being able to know if you'll be able to commit to something or crash and burn, constantly being unsure of your own schedule, sometimes being unable to control when you can and can't do anything from finish a project to get out of bed, being scared to take a break for lunch because what if you won't be able to focus anymore and you'll miss another deadline... it's horrible.
i have a bunch of projects at work that i havent touched for weeks because i forgot where in the process im at . and now people are starting to wonder when im going to be done. aaaaaaaaa
Omg I didn’t know the not wanting to take a lunch break at work was an adhd thing!!! I will literally dread lunch because I know that I will get too comfortable and when I get too comfortable, I fall apart.
@@transsexual_computer_faery I always have to make a very detailed list of what exactly I am going to do and I have to designate days to doing things instead of trying to get alittle bit done each day. So I will create tasks on my Google calendar such as brush teeth, take shower, clear desk, etc, and I have to make it “fun” or my brain will get bored and give up, so I try to make a game out of it. Hope this helps, but everyone is different.
This is my life with AuDHD. Fun fact: Autistic burnout, which many autistic adults find ourselves in at least once in our lives, also affects executive functioning. The result is a lifetime of shame, self-blame and high anxiety.
Before I was diagnosed I failed out of college, was stuck in a toxic relationship, lost several jobs, moved a lot, got into debt, etc. After a fairly traumatic breakup and moving back in with my parents I was able to land a pretty easy office job with benefits, finally got around to talking to a psych and got an official diagnosis. A year and a half out from that breakup I’m doing much better and starting to dial in the medication. Something something indomitable human spirit.
My ADHD made me decide to leave my job years back. I was working in a role in the healthcare industry where being careless and forgetful is not an option, due to HIPAA regulations, and after about a year of poor performance reviews and duties being revoked from me, I decided to leave my job. This was back at the end of 2019, so I didn't really get to work again, so I was unemployed and quite depressed for a while, and I wound up seeing a therapist during that time, which is ultimately how I found out that I had ADHD.
I'm going through this exact experience right now. I told my counselor that I'm no longer cut out for this and need to switch job types and this is a first for me. Glad you were able to recognize you had to leave for your health. Hopefully things are different and you're in a better place now vs then
@@ericaj4494Things are better. Now my job sucks because it’s the company’s fault and I’m too competent to be fired. 😂 With all seriousness, things are much better now, especially since I’m aware now, and built habits that help me work with my focus issues. I wish you the best of luck with your career change too.
I was a teacher in training, thinking it was the right calling for me. Left that vocation and stumbled into tech. It was the best decision I ever made, not feeling responsible for failing to teach kids what I needed to teach them and instead fixing stuff that's basically always broken.
Me too, I was managing 20 people in 4 seperate social care settings and the level of responsibility was killing me. Took me a while but I figured out in that kind of job you need to be on top of your shit every single day. Someone like me, who is amazing one day and a drained husk the next, cannot survive in that environment
It's very difficult to ask for help when you're not sure what the hang up is because you're stuck in paralysis. So real. Also, the feeling of being embarrassed about not being able to do things you feel like you should easily be able to do or things that seem easy for other people to do. Just makes it worse and worse.
yes omg that's the most frustrating bit. I _want_ to ask for help, I just don't even know where to begin. Sometimes I just completely give up and preface my question with "I have no clue how to word this in any way that makes sense, but here goes nothing" and honestly I've had good results with that
i never looked into an adhd diagnosis, but having a late diagnosis of anxiety+dysthymia (that could be a consequence of untreated adhd? maybe idk) i can really relate to feeling like i should be able to do stuff without struggling so much. and definitely feel like i could do so much better at work (and life in general) if i could just Do The Things without having to do so much work before/during/after just to avoid the same mistakes everytime. things that make me think i should probably look into a diagnosis, but at the same time i lack the ability to book the appointments and follow through with the commitment since its not an emergency task, just a thing i have no deadline to do etc. i spent half of my life thinking i had something fundamentally wrong with me and not really knowing it could be a proper diagnosis, a name for what i was experiencing. and i do wonder if i had been diagnosed as kid and got treatment (with the anxiety/depression i've always had or a secret third thing lol) what would i feel like today. maybe better? maybe i wouldnt feel so much anxiety/guilt/shame over stuff i do(nt) do but definitely would have been helpful with the feelings of otherness i felt when i was a kid
ive never related so much. im literally ruining my life at this point and dont know how to even make myself care but im also stressed out so bad about it like wtf. i sometimes sit outside work and cant make myself go in bc i was late but now im making it worse and the anxiety that comes with it is kinda the worst. like i cant make myself do simple things, even knowing it could result in losing my car, house, etc. i feel like a horrible useless person.
My undiagnosed adhd made my low level corporate job nearly impossible but due to the company I was able to hide my low output but the anxiety at work was nearly crippling which just led to more dysfunction. When I moved on to other jobs that were more creative, I excelled until the fun wore off and routine set in and then I floundered again. Been diagnosed and medicated for 6 months now and I currently stay home with my toddler but thinking of rejoining the workforce in a few years is terrifying.
@nolaray1062 I take Vyvanse. But in addition to medication the things that have helped me most are decluttering my home and developing a schedule that is easy to resume if I get off track.
42 yo man here 🙋♂️ dad, married, two kids. Was finally diagnosed and treated for adhd in my 30s around time when my son was also diagnosed. Always struggled w school, college. Somehow managed to complete my comp sci degree. Maybe SSRIs helped. Found my groove working full time in my 20s, but was still wondering “will I be pulling all-nighters for solo work all my life?” Abundance of free time let me recover from over-used energy bursts. Met now wife, kept grinding in startup life. Kids arrived almost 12 years ago. Along with all the good parts, it also forced me to recon with my executive functioning limitations. I ignored that. Three years ago, post-COVID-ish… I hit a wall. A complete wall. Quit work, and spent most of the time since feeling guilty about it. Despite being privileged to do so, I was miserable. Finally now trying to accept who I am and the world I’m living in. It’s hard, but videos like this are helping. Thanks, Noah.
Oh, I forgot to mention. That part in the video about “not being able to ask for help on a project despite desperately needing it” hit me hard. My god. So many times. It’s like if I’m late on something I’d rather not ask for an extension and instead beat myself up, daily, and procrastinate until it’s no longer possible than talk about how I’m struggling. I fairly certain this stems from learning that my neurodivergence was “bad” and so rather than deal with it and talk about it, I’d rather just pretend it’s not there. Still working on not judging it, but man, those grooves are deep.
@@justchilling5893 thx for the note. Sorry to hear you can relate. 🙃 wish I could say it was diagnosed, treated …and fixed. ✨ but, it’s a long and winding road. I am currently ping ponging between self loathing and self hatred with an healthy side of self sabotage. Therapist says I need to heal from childhood. (Don’t we all). Mostly I just want to trust that people mean what they say when giving me a compliment. “But *why* do you think I did a good job?” My best advice is to help others. Whether or not you talk about your own struggles, it’ll feel good to help someone else. Be a good listener. Respond to texts. (Mostly writing this to remind myself to do the same) Hang in there. Thanks for saying hi.
i liked the vibe. reminds me of the type of sleep overs i used to have with my friends in high school/college, talking late at night about all the things, big and small when i basically turned every single one of my friends leftists lol
When you were describing how ADHD messed up your contacts and the feeling of shame, that was like hearing my own thoughts coming out of your mouth. I have the exact same problems, and I have undiagnosed ADHD too. I'm going to speak to my doctor about it, though... thanks for helping me decide.
Falling a big college project right now because of some undiagnosed neurodivergency, ive fallen into a deep depression that left me unresponsive for months this winter because i thought my inability to do things was a personal flaw of just being worse than everyone else, when i finally did research into mental health i realized just how many things i have wrong with me and how long ive been masking that im ok and trying to juggle all these demons
If you’re at college you should be able to make free therapy/counseling sessions through your health center. This helped me so so much because I hadn’t been able to set up a therapist in a new state. It doesn’t go on any records or anything if it’s something you’re worried about your parents finding out. I strongly recommend to take advantage of these services especially if you are struggling. They can’t diagnosis you but they can help you build coping skills or point you to more serious services.
@@tedddybear it's not about a therapist not being available, it's the overwhelm of having to say you need help,then set it up,then leave your house and commit to talking to another person,it might seem small to other people but to me things like this are really hard, I've self isolated for months if not years now and just communicating with another person especially about needs is something I need to mentally work through first
@@kanjonojigoku8644 fair enough. I was able to do everything online through a Microsoft form so I never had to interact with anyone until my appointment. I know it’s a lot of mental work, but it might be worth it to look up the process your school uses just in case it’s at a level you can currently engage with. But I’m wishing you the best either way!!!
@@kanjonojigoku8644 i feel that. ever since i graduated highschool and dropped out of college due to stress i pretty much just stayed in my room all the time. i also struggle really bad with being overwhelmed and paralyzed by it. it seems like you know there's a problem and you need help but it is just too much to handle. something i do is kind of pretend i'm like a houseplant or pet i'm taking care of, and i separate myself from the emotional aspect and guilt feeling of being such a waste. then i break it down into tiny steps and don't even think about the steps that come next. its really hard for me to make doctors appointments for some reason but if i just say okay i need to look up the number, and i just do that one thing. then i type it in my phone, then hit call, then talk to the receptionist, then i'm done, and i'm surprised how easy and quick it was. i also should take my own advice because i've been putting off scheduling my psychiatrist appointment for like a month. i guess what i'm saying is that its really fucking hard at first and it feels bad and scary, but you just have to be brave and take one step at a time because you know its the right thing to do. then when you do the thing you will realize that it was kinda silly to be so worried. and if you do call but then cant get yourself to leave the house, that's still a win because you did the first step. next time will be easier. i mean, you felt the need to make this comment and you did it, you are communicating with people about it and you can do it. and there's nothing to be ashamed of when asking for help, its the therapist's job to help people and they don't judge. so good luck and i hope you can help yourself feel better. :)
@@kanjonojigoku8644 i feel you. it took me years to commit to therapy (quit b/c i couldn't afford it despite loving my therapist) and then picked it up again this year (only did one session cus talking to someone is just so scary idk).. i dont know if ill pick it up again soon but honestly, take your time. it must be really hard dealing with all of this yourself. i know you'll work through this and the feeling of overwhelm won't be as big anymore. i know it's scary to ask for help but you deserve the world
Why, why, why is this not better understood… I am 43, almost 44, and just getting diagnosed. I relate to everything you said. The guilt the paralysis, the fear and the shame. I am unable to start medication until I get my blood pressure down so I get to deal with this for at least another month and hope I don’t get fired from another job in that time.
I struggle so so much with hyperfixations. I mean it’s cool because I know how to do a ton of creative stuff (for example my last hyperfixation was aquariums/aquascaping and now I’m learning piano..in my house full of fish tanks) but it can be such a strong compulsion that it takes over my life awake and asleep. When my fixation was swimming laps, I’d think about it day and literally dream about it every night for months. It’s hard to be a functioning person when the hyperfixation compulsions are so overwhelming. This video was so validating and relatable.
and its addictive too! when im not obsessive about something i feel life lose its colors, but when i have a new hyperfixation on something life is so much more fun! but then come the problems: i cant focus on other things without struggling and neglect my health (mental and physical (not eating/drinking/sleeping)) all in the name of [insert current hyperfixation]. i sometimes get UTIs from not drinking enough water/holding my full bladder for way too long without realizing. just being so focused on an activity i actually almost forget i have a body with needs, so what i usually do is setting alarms for drinking/bathroom breaks. and i must confess i still ignore it sometimes, but it works most of the time.
My adhd got me fired literally yesterday, and I wanna thank you for the feeling of kinship this video brought. It’s been difficult to balance accepting my limitations/disability while also taking ownership of the ways I've failed myself and the people around me. I feel like I have no concrete framework to understand my own agency, and so I write off my own capacity as luck and any failure to "succeed" as innate. Also, I’ve had luck getting generic vyvanse scripts filled during this shortage by requesting different increments. Ex: Rx of x3 10mg pills/day instead of x1 30mg pills/day.
ADHD played a role in me getting fired from a job as well. I also lacked the confidence and skills to advocate for myself when I needed more clarification on project expectations or when I just didn’t have the capacity or resources needed to complete everything that was asked of me. It was ultimately used as evidence of my inability to perform satisfactorily and justification of my eventual termination when I “failed” to succeed in my professional improvement program (PIP). It was one of the worst experiences of my life, but a catalyst for so much growth that I’ve made since then. Get the help, do the inner-work, and be kind to yourself❤
@@aminafahmy3711 I am sorry that you’re experiencing this. You may not be feeling the most optimistic right now, but it can be worked through. A lot of my shadow work dealt with shame and self-love. It also meant learning more about ADHD and how to cope with it. I’ll share some resources that helped me and continue to help me below. Books: “Healing the Shame that Binds You”, by John Bradshaw “Unwinding Anxiety”, by Judson Brewer, MD, PhD “How We Change”, by Ross Ellenhorn, PhD UA-camrs: Heidi Priebe Dr. Tracey Marks, MD Patrick Teahan Sisyphus How to ADHD Alecia Renece HINDZ StyleLikeU ABI General Topics to Search: -Detaching from outcomes -“Eliminating Guilt, Shame, Regret, and Worry”, (Article) by George S Everly Jr., PhD General Practices: -JOURNALING!!! -Exercise (30 min. Walks or longer is just fine) -Voice memo diary -Personal interests projects -Quality time with people who love and care about you -Therapy if you have access I hope this is helpful.
@@aminafahmy3711 I am sorry you are experiencing this. It may seem difficult to be optimistic, but things will get better. I just posted a bunch of resources that helped me, but it looks like the comment either got removed or the channel needs to approve it since it was so long. I'll keep it more brief this time: Books: -Healing the Shame That Binds You, John Bradshaw' -Unwinding Anxiety, Judson Brewer, MD, PhD -How We Change, Ross Ellenhorn, PhD UA-camrs: -Heidi Priebe -Dr. Tracey Marks, MD Practices: -JOURNALING!!! -Exercise (30 min. walks is fine) -Personal interest projects -Quality time with people who love you and care about you -Voice memo diaries
@@aminafahmy3711 Sorry, UA-cam kept deleting my response. I hope you’re in a better situation now. But what has been working for me is intentionally working on my self-esteem by honoring my desires, goals and intentions in general. Building confidence by practicing and being open to failure or imperfection. Asking for clarification. Asking for time when I need it. Practicing saying “no” when I really don’t want to or shouldn’t be doing something. Voicing my concerns when they arise. It’s not easy or comfortable, but I’m so proud of myself for having my own back and being honest with people for a change. Taking time for myself has also been important. I value my solitude. I love being around others, but I NEED “me” time too. I’ve learned that there will always be discomfort and uncertainty. The trick is not in knowing the outcome, but rather in being able to trust yourself to give it shot. To fail, face rejection, learn, and grow. *Also check out Heidi Priebe and Tracey Marks on UA-cam for awesome content on ways to practice these things.
Watching this video while being in a state of paralysis myself right now...very relatable. I had to power through the last few weeks without my ADHD medication, because I forgot to setup my doctor appointment to get another prescription. It's my first time I've had to go for so long without medication since being diagnosed last year and boy... I've been taking for granted how much the medication was helping me be functional. Your videos are very helpful to calm me down and get some chores done, so thank you Noah :)
bro it made a shit ton of sense. if it helps make it a little bit less bad, i relate to this like A LOT. i have ADHD and OCD and my therapist said i have bpd but i'm still cheking on everything. and damn man, the dysfunctionality really gets to you. even if you try and push on if you don't do it the right way you just get burout and you burn all the bridges you spent so much time trying to build with patience and understanding. but unfortunately when it comes to life you just kinda have to suck it up and do whatever the fuck you can to survive i guess. which is prety sad, but i think is possible. much love
Jesus im only 10 min in and i feel like you’re narrating my last 10 years of struggle. It’s good to know that im not alone. Relating so much to the overwhelm, and the way that editing is so much easier to procrastinate than shooting. Story of my life
needed this, i’ve been fired from four jobs and i’ve done my damndest to communicate how my attention works in each of them but it’s always seen as a shortcoming rather than a part of my outlook
Bro the bipolar-ADHD combo is so fucking hard. I think it might just be ADHD shame and hyperfocus mimicking the states of depression and mania respectively, but regardless if thats true bi-polar or not, it wrecks your mind, body and self-worth. Thanks a lot for posting this video, it made me feel a lot less in these problems.
i've only recently, like 2 weeks ago, been diagnosed with ADHD. currently medicated and it's helping i think. i'm honestly so surprised that i've made it almost 6 years in my industry working a creative, but corporate, job. i'm lucky that i found a company that really likes me and empathizes with me to an extent, but i have felt so bad for inadvertently and consistently pissing my really hardworking and kind coworkers off by not realizing that the work i've put through was not as carefully checked over as i thought it was. it gets embarrassing and shameful making the same mistakes over and over again, fucks with you if you do this for 40 hours a week. this has been a thing ever since college, crazy that it took this long for me to finally get meds/diagnosed
i went through a similar thing with doing vintage auto work at home. way overstretched my self and said yes to everything. ADHD took over and i couldnt take it. starting a project was impossible and i would just go ride my bike for hours. ended up with total burnout and giving up a career i had cultivated since 2008. deleted all my social media and quit my extremely good job working for a highly sought after vintage car shop and started working a bicycle shop atless than half my wage at the car place. still totally lost and overwhelmed by everything every day. all i can do is ride my bike in the wilderness pf the PNW all the time. at least my legs look nice.
you cant see my face, like i can see yours but i hope the comments you get comfort you like your videos comfort me its comforting to see a guy who is just . normal ? youre normal. youre so normal. you talk like me and my friends, you have to clean your house like us, you struggle, *deeply* like us... and sometimes it gets to you i feel comforted seeing someone who struggles and tries anyways. youre wading through like us, its scary and bad stuff happens and then we have to assess and keep moving. im not very smart and i didnt start this with structure. but . thank you noah
I too have ADHD (diagnosed last year) and I also have a really hard time with procrastination on tasks that don't have immediate consequences. For my entire high school and college career, I don't think I ever started writing a paper prior to one or two nights before it was due. Thankfully I went to art school which was more project based with weekly check-ins. I think I would have failed out of a school that required regular studying and essay writing in all classes. In art school I only had to muddle through one or two of those classes a semester.
I started a long term research project and had to extend it another year because I had no proper consequences. Disappointing someone else wasn't enough, but the fear of failure would come too late where I was too stressed and not capable of writing a 12,000 word essay in two weeks. Now my only motivator is getting medicated for ADHD and not repeating the stress cycle I was in last time. passion for academia is a blessing and a curse for my brain
I'm barely hanging on at my low-level part-time grocery job. If it weren't for the people around me, I'd be homeless. It's scary. I'm so scared to mess up and lose everything. The answer can't just be don't mess up. It doesn't feel like a system where the answer is "well just dont ever make a mistake" for so many people.... ADHD is so hard
On the ADHD/Bipolar train with you, friend. Being diagnosed as an adult helps, but we have to relearn everything with that in mind, creating new habits and finding tools that work. I’m glad you are discovering a balance for yourself ❤. I’m still working on that too!
Same. The relearning is suuuchh a journey. And the weird sense of grief that comes with realizing your earlier years could have been so different if you’d known sooner. At least we know now though!
This was like listening to you describe my life currently as a freelance illustrator; having to refund commissions and things because I haven't been able to get them done, It's literally just drawing some pictures, it should be the easiest shit ever, but yeah... that stuff gets hard sometimes. Sometimes a lot of times. Sending love yo x
I've been struggling with procrastination and task paralysis for most of my life, to the point that it's ruined my chances at a creative career and left me totally broke. I've watched many a video on motivation and getting productive, but this video is one of the few I've ever actually related to and connected with. Thank you for taking the time to do something vulnerable and vent about something you feel ashamed of on camera. For the first time in a long time, I don't feel totally alone in my experience. You're crushing it man, keep going.
I just found your channel, and I just want to say thank you so much for how honest and vulnerable this video is, Noah. My twenties have been wracked with confusion and shame and loneliness over everything I Should be doing for my career or personal life that feels impossible with ADHD and depression. I firmly believe that sincerity and vulnerability are our best weapons in fighting for ourselves and for each other.
Yes!! Self producing is soooo hard. I do 3D motion design and the difference in projects with and without a team and the quality we can create is pretty huge. I think if you have a process in place almost like a productized service it’s doable for those smaller projects but man… the longer I do it the harder custom work gets. With long term clients that ask for a variety of work I made sure to have the client set deadlines that were well ahead of time (but I didn’t know the real deadline so I didn’t feel like I could fuck around). It really does feel like it’s all your fault and you’re being shitty but truly there are ways to self accommodate and ask your clients to accomodate as well and set up your services in a way that is more sustainable for you. For me process is probably the biggest thing. It makes it a little less creative but honestly it’s a bit of a relief when I don’t have to create from my soul every single time!
First of all, thank you, Noah, for making this video. I am in my early 30s. I finally got assessed for ADHD and began taking medication a few weeks ago. I first learned of executive dysfunction in Thought Slime's video on their experience finding out that they had ADHD, also as an adult in their 30s. How it was described mirrored what I experienced at so many different points in my life. It was a useful framework for explaining why I struggled to accomplish what was asked of me, how I let people down in both my personal and professional lives, and why I was so frustrated with and ashamed of my inability to do anything about it. I hope I haven't overshared. Please don't hesitate to delete this comment if that is the case. *At least for the first time in a way that resonated with me.
fuuuck, hearing this at a point where i'm parallyzed, procrastinating and dreading deadlines is tough. im studying editing at film school & currently working on my thesis film. i love editing but feeling like im not in control of when i can actually finish a project sucks. something ive found that works for me is just arranging a meetup with the director (or anyone related to the project) as soon as i feel like things arent moving on my own. this has been a huge help but sadly it's not possible to always have someone by your side when you work. still figuring out how to actually do stuff i need to do when im by myself. currently ignoring a bunch of messages due to shame, rip.
I got fired for the exact same reasons you are talking about a year ago and it kinda destroyed me mentally. It means a lot to me to see a video about this, thank you
Due to the nationwide shortage here in the shithole country of the USA, i havent been able to get my ADHD meds for over a month now. i can see my life falling apart all around me. Relationships straining from my out of control emotions, regularly oversleeping and staying up too late, house turning into a disaster area from not being able to keep up with cleaning, all bring compounded by major depression. Fun stuff. So glad the government is empowering the morality police to keep me safe from the scary stimulants.
God this is so similar to how I felt when I was doing wedding photography and I realised I just couldn't do a job that was self-motivated. The crippling guilt and feeling like an asshole was so real and I just had no idea why I was that way and I got so depressed at how lazy I was being. So glad I've realised it wasn't my fault and I'm working to deal with these things.
Personally I think a lot of our ADHD brains are just not designed to be employees. We thrive on novelty, short term projects, new challenges, following our passion. Modern society just doesn’t allow many of us to find our feet and our flow. I think people like us in the past were the explorers and pioneers. Leaving the herd behind to carve out a new life in a new land. But now there's no land left for us to escape to.
I have been pushing myself a lot this year, and I finally managed to finish my Bachelor's thesis and complete another university course. But now I'm really struggling to be able to study for the last 2 courses before I can graduate. And I'm afraid my university won't grant me an extension for the third time 😭
I'm also in a creative field with ADHD and I have had so, so many of the same experiences and thought processes... I went to art school to make furniture/art and am still here after 7 YEARS lol, mostly bc of the toll that repeated school/life failures from undiagnosed ADHD had on my mental state, which eventually culminated in severe mental health issues. I had to take a few medical leaves. I'm terrified of finding work because ultimately I am not made for the professional working world. No matter how much I try - rigid deadlines, schedules, meetings, email exchanges, etc will never be something I can keep up with for more than a couple months. My grades and academic performance have been so bad over the years that my most recent academic advisor (an asshole) often doubts my ability to even pass classes let alone graduate. I know I can graduate, I have enough credits and all I need to do is finish this semester. No one from my department/faculty will recommend me for any job lol. So my only real option to pursue a creative career is to work for myself or find some kind of studio assistant job that is more about the physical making of things and nothing to do with admin. I'm on medication that really helps now without major side effects (thanks dexedrine..) but I also know that I need a LOT more support than medication or therapy in order to succeed. I've tried working in multiple retail industries and other 'normal' day jobs but if I'm not doing something creatively enriching I tend to get incredibly depressed and hopeless and won't see the point in living anymore. However, if I am in a job where I get to work on creative projects, that means I now have to deal with all these deadlines, appointments, schedules, email exchanges, and the very real potential of letting everyone down. School has been genuinely traumatic for me at times (literally been hospitalized for severe depression/suicidality mid-semester) and I feel like my task paralysis has gotten worse than it used to be in many ways because of how rarely I've actually been able to finish things. And the shame/guilt just feeds more into the mental health issues and it's this insane vicious cycle that can feel impossible to break out of. I feel like every employer is looking only for the most self-disciplined and highly organized people and realistically I will never be one of them, I've tried to be for years and years and it just kept driving me to suicide because every time I got *close* to being the person everyone wanted me to be, everything would fall apart again within a month or two. But to summarize, yeah, ADHD can be really fucking debilitating. :(
I have ADHD and I’m watching this while working on a project that’s due in less than 6 hours. I only started it today. There is so much guilt and shame from not being able to do tasks in a normal timely manner. I hope that everyone that struggles in a similar way finds ways to make it a lot less burdensome.
Thank you so much for making this video man you have no idea how much I needed this it’s like watching myself describe every problem I’m currently facing. I’ve been struggling in the freelance web development space for these exact reasons and am currently “undiagnosed”
There's someone with a sniper rifle outside your window. It's like Sarah Connor stalking Miles Dyson. But you survived long enough to upload the video, so I guess you're not responsible for the end of the world. Much compassion for those ADHD delays. I've had similar experiences throughout my life - it's one reason I would be terrified to take on a job that requires me to finish completely independent projects.
You said everything I've been feeling. I have my own creative business and feel like I let my customers and myself down all the time. I have several special projects to do and just can't move to do them. This inspired me to talk to my psychiatrist about if I have ADHD. I've suspected for a while now but, surprise, just kept putting it off. Thanks Noah. You're the best.
I literally just did the same thing after watching a sad boys video where they talked about ADHD and executive function. I've been on meds (non stimulant) like 3 weeks now and it's really helping.
@@colleena6671 Interesting, I had the understanding that stimulants were the only way to treat Adhd with medication! I had no idea there were non-stimulating variants!
Fellow ADHDer who just got recently diagnosed last year (November) here. I've been watching your vids from this channel lately and I'm glad one of my fav youtubers is talking more about ADHD. I love ya dude
god this all sounds so familiar.. i finally got diagnosed 3 weeks ago and only now am i realising what adhd really is and does. ive struggled my way through uni and am still working on my masters thesis (have been for nearly a year, lol!!!!!) and CHRIST is it a challenge. these videos make me feel less alone, thanks noah! it means a lot
My country doesn't have the medications available for ADHD due to its regulations, I've been prescribed antidepressants which helped a bit but it made me slower, my skin felt heavy on my body, I had no motivation, and I kept reacting slower than usualy, ended up stopping those. Holding on this lab tech job for more than 2 years but I feel so burnt out.. rant rant rant
I went through something like this, not because of ADHD but my depression was at an all time low and I was barely getting through day to day. Someone had asked me to work on a project a year in advance, which made it suck so much worse. I did it, but I couldn’t perform as I should have and I felt really ashamed and as though I hurt these professional relationships. Your point thar resonated with me was that despite how understanding people can be, my work quality or lack was still affecting others. I don’t think I could’ve done any better in the moment, but it still sucks to know I let them down
I wish I had seen a video like this years ago. But alas, I’m seeing it now after struggling an clawing through pharmacy school to get my doctorate and 10+ years of working and only just recently getting my formal diagnosis at the elderly age of 32. This is a great explanation of the executive function gap that I have to overcome, too. I’m so grateful for the confirmation of a diagnosis, the accessibility and opportunity to test out different meds over a few months to find what may work for me (a privilege in the US), and the counseling/therapy that will still have to help me overcome the emotional parts (I.e., guilt, frustration, fear, etc). It’s also uncanny that I too was headed for a career in music video production, but my aspirations were forced to shift to something more “structured.” I hope as many people who need to see this video do get the chance to watch it (and pay attention!! lol)
literally going through this as a software engineer currently. biggest pro tip i can offer that helps me is to externalize as much as possible, but make sure your externalizations don't depend on consistency. (ex: a task list doesn't have to cover all your tasks, but any task that makes it onto the list can't disappear as long as the list doesn't. you can blindly throw tasks in without changing mental context then check the whole list and remove outdated entries when you know you have more energy. using it to comprehensively cover all your tasks, though, would require a new habit, so i view it like a net to trap slippery, indirect tasks that I know I'll lose otherwise) but even with that adhd just fuckin sucks man
I'm grateful for my ability to see the bigger picture and spot a bunch of moving pieces that interact together. I feel like my adhd really helps me with that, but the flipside is that actually sitting down to do the work requires me to be single focused. Otherwise, I also fall into a hole of distraction, procrastination, and inaction. I get overwhelmed easily by too much going on, or too much to do, but it helps to recognize that. I've been doing better with self empowerment, and part of that is learning to just accept your limits. When you accept that you simply CANT take on that other project or task (could even be "I cant do this, yet" or "I cant do this until, yada yada"), it's easier to work with what you have and move forward. It's also easier to manage others' expectations of you. idk, this line of thinking has helped me, so hopefully someone else can take something from it. Lifes tough when your inner zoomzoom gets you stuck in the mud.
I’m currently dealing with this at my work. It’s a bit different but I had a negative performance review stating that I “had trouble staying on task.” It’s so frustrating and it feels so helpless bc that’s not something I can control and that’s just how I am. And it was just salt in the wound bc I had been trying and I really felt like I had been getting better. I cried in front of them, and it was humiliating.
honestly this video was a big help this morning 💖 the shame part of the adhd has been jumping out for me and it was nice to hear about how you've dealt with it and kept going
Huge thing about editing is that you're doing it alone. Speaking from a lot of experience with these kinds of corrosive, high-tension thought patterns-the easiest way to get past them, for me, is to work with someone else. It really helps to keep the obstacles in perspective. When you're alone you get to thinking about everything ahead of you as though it's one solid mass. But with someone else around, you can break it down into manageable pieces and keep yourself from getting too deep in the weeds on any one thing.
Very relatable. I have a corporate insurance job and I recently got off a performance improvement plan because my procrastination caught up with me. I’m now medicated and doing better, but I can feel that pull again. This time I’m confident I can stay in front of it. Thanks for the video
I’ve been dealing with this sort of thing, maybe on a smaller scale cuz I’m editing videos for a friend’s UA-cam channel He’s so understanding and by some miracle hasn’t gotten someone else to edit for him. Despite that, the depression is getting in the way of the shit I wanna do for him and other potential clients and it feels like I shouldn’t have this job I want, I dunno, feels bad, I’m trying to do better. I’m kind of just putting my thoughts down but the Noah Time comments section seems like a good place to do that Shoutout everyone for being cool and Noah for Noah time
I had a verrrry similar experience trying to freelance in my 20s with undiagnosed ADHD. I’m in my mid-30s now, just got diagnosed last year, and it really brought in to focus just how many of my problems as a working adult were rooted in undiagnosed and untreated ADHD. I’m getting better at the whole “self-compassion” thing but I still struggle with feeling like I screwed up and let a lot of people down in that period of my life.
Getting projects done can suck. I love the filming, but hate editing. Same with any other medium for art. I'm always a ball of chaotic purpose or a slug trailing behind me infinite sadness. I'm usually surrounded by a thousand projects halfway and hoping that one of them wasn't a waste of time. But that feeling when it's done, is better than when it's not. It might've taken me a month to finish, riding rollercoasters of which I didn't sign up, but it's done and that'll hold me until I sit back down to do it again. Oh no. I have to do it again? Yessir. Crap... No. C'est la vie. Que? Ah, well hello, Mr Squirrel.
struggling heavy finishing my undergrad degree and have trouble explaining how paralysis is/feels and just beating down on myself every day for not doing it but for some reason I’m stuck in place thinking about how much of a disappointment I am for not being able to do it instead of just doing it. this video makes me feel a little less alone, thanks.
i have a similar experience whenever i freelance. yes shit always gets done in the end, but is that looming guilt around procrastinating for weeks worth it? constantly drafting excuses in your head of what to tell someone if a deadline is getting too close? its awful! i’m in a privileged position where having a full time job with deadlines and people depending on me has helped my ADHD. I work well with structure (9-5) and clear expectations/actions. thanks for sharing and inviting discussion. i’m glad you’re doing better and have tools.
Reading these comments as someone without ADHD: holy sh!t how do we not have a reliable inexpensive method to test y'all. Living for so many years with these problems and suffering so much, thinking it is some failing on your end when it's just ADHD. ADHD is not necessarily a terrible thing. Medication, accomodations, behavioural techniques can all be implemented... ADHDers get so much shit for something they can't control like how is that fair.
Thank you for this. I found your channel looking for body doubling-like content while I do chores. I was also diagnosed with ADHD late in my 20s and hiring a coach super helped me while I was getting on meds. Stories like this really does make me feel seen- especially after years of getting tired of jobs (after 2 years or so) and needing something fresh to focus on. It’s been a wild ride. Thank you for sharing so honestly!
I had trouble with high functioning adhd/ocd for my entire life. While I kept work performance up, inside me was a nightmare scenario using strategies I developed to keep my world together, always one step away from everything falling apart. Created depressive and anxious comorbidities and lost who I was. Took a lot (and many years) to claw my way out with the help of being heavily medicated. I still have work improving executive dysfunction, but making progress compared to 23 years where things felt completely hopeless and that relief couldn't happen for me. I hope anyone reading does not give up finding relief, whatever that looks like for you. 💜
Thanks for sharing that, I had to deal with similar stuff due to my ADHD in the past and the guilt we feel for something that sometimes is not under our control at the moment, can be unbearable.
I feel the same way you do about being ashamed of supposedly being dumb. I haven’t had the thought to genuinely learn again until I was 23, but the fact that you haven’t had this thought until 27 doesn’t make you a failure in any way! If anything it’s great that you’re having this realization in your 20s. Even if you had the thought in your 30s, your 40s, your 50s, so what? It’s never too late to learn and grow and change!
me freaking too i once was going to make graphics for a pickle startup company and i did make a few labels and like social media pfps and banners for them, but suddenly just Couldnt anymore and i didnt know why and so i just kinda dropped contact w them and stopped thinking ab it bc they were on the other side of the country and i didnt have to think about it and it was really sucky bc it was a really fun idea and i really liked it
One thing that has helped me a lot with getting shit done with ADD is checklists (which are almost crucial for me to get any joy from daily tasks) and something you mentioned with Noel Miller, CONSTANT COMMUNICATION. I work as an architect and have always struggled with this, but I did have one firm that we did talk twice a week, even if there was nothing, and the chat was also organised as 1. how are you doing, what fun things have you been doing and 2. what are you working on, do you need help, what is happening. fantastic system, and I really recommend it. Also, thanks for this video, it was really nice.
Thanks for sharing! Add low self-esteem, and not as many connects and that’s me exactly. I still need to edit photos that I took in 2021 for a friend. At least you got the courage to go for paid gigs, I was having trouble with free gigs to mention I was all over the place, not knowing what I wanted to focus on, production, or photos, or editing. I’m lucky my day job paid the bills.
Can confirm that having contact with other people during the creative process is absolutely essential for me to get things done. I quit my marketing job (about a year ago, still looking) because I was stressed to the point of suicidal ideation, and most of that job was me working alone on my projects, too scared and ashamed of my difficulties to reach out to my coworkers. However, whenever I did, it usually gave me a reality check that could jolt me out of my avoidant spirals and make the projects seem more doable. The curse of ADHD, for me, is how the symptoms are basically indistinguishable from "regular" laziness. It can feel so shameful to even celebrate your Ws with friends because they feel like basic expectations. Human connection is really the only way for me to stay sane and keep it pushing though
I took an ADHD med the other day (diagnosed not yet treated, it was from someone who had an extra) and now I'm grieving the 35 years of failure guilt and shame that could have been so different after seeing how far from "normal" i am
Shame and being on some point of the ADHD spectrum is something I realized rather recently about myself. Thank you for talking about this stuff, even though my brain couldn't bother to actively listen, you voice kind of does the trick. Is you reading something like a relaxing, soothing story something we might someday see on Noah Time?
Hey thanks for the story man, i really appreciate hearing about and relate *heavilyyyy* to your experiences. It’s hard not to beat the absolute shit out of yourself for those sorts of “failings”, messed up opportunities, w/e we might call them (while being sufficiently kind to yourself, while taking responsibility and owning up to your actions and impact, while doing damage control, etc etc.). I’m glad you’re of the mind to be careful in not moralizing your actions, bc it’s all too easy to do and absolutely not helpful at all. You deserve that kindness from yourself and the world deserves to see and hopefully internalize these honest examples of people making mistakes/letting themselves down and not condemning themselves for it or attributing it to their character. Gotta treat ourselves gently and face the world and our impact on it boldly! Even if I feel like crying just thinking about it! Aha ha ha !! I can be brave! :’D Anywhoo. Thank you very much. Good work. I hope you’re doing well.
Procrastination is turning away from the productive mode out of fear and anxiety. I'd rather not try than find out I can't. At least that's how I act. But doesn't hell lie this way? Past some final opportunity, locked away from potential in the end only due to my own unwillingness to be discomforted? So I must overcome and by this very notion I become more anxious so I turn away yet again. The answer lies not in forcing to overcome but in dissolving the resistance. Lay your hand on your heart and accept some discomfort. Sit still in the moment without running away. Don't force your hand but don't pull it away and simply experience that the fear of failure is fear of an illusion. After a reset like this simply begin to do as a matter of fact. Focus on not stopping rather than starting. You don’t need to get past fear by force. It can be a matter of dialling down intensity and allowing yourself to stay and be / do / make rather than check out, postpone and run away.
this vid resonates with me a lot, thank you for this. recently dropped out of school because i have no interest in finishing my degree anymore, i've got only a few courses + thesis left, now focusing on finding a job since i've got a portfolio. however though, i feel like a fraud because adhd, i'm a jack of all trades master of none. rn just trying to do my best and cope, accept the fact that i'd probably behind my peers because i have to catch up with my late diagnosis because i felt like a missing part of my life has only been discovered and it's so much to take, it's also difficult when my family is half heartedly supportive.
This shit hurted, because it revolves around largely the same situation happening in my life. And it feels so shitty. Like, for months, I just can't wrestle myself into *doing* the things and as the true, no-shit, gotta-be-done deadlines approach, I can feel the panic and paralysis tighten even more. I had a few breakthrough days recently but then a wave of depression just broke it and I don't know if there's really anything I can do but keep going. The one bright side is my job has a hands on portion that'll come around and I excel there since I HAVE to get up and moving but all the planning and admin and such has been falling through my fingers and eventually I'll have to deal with the consequences.
I go through these periods of hyper focus when I’m starting something- a job or a project. But once the novelty or challenge wears off I lose interest and motivation, which causes procrastination, and that leads to anxiety and shame. I’m much more capable of doing my own art projects where I can choose something that gives me dopamine. But client work is usually a soul destroying boring negativity machine.
such a timely video for me as i try to get diagnosed, because i cant do my job and its making me terrified of being fired 24/7 but i am still paralysed and unable to do what i need to :(
I really like when you stop making jokes and get super real for a moment. It makes me feel more connected to what you're saying, and I empathize a lot. Please do more of these.
i have not discovered a youtube creator and immediately fell in love with their content for a long long time i genuinely watch these everyday while working on being productive 🎀
Doctors tend to do the awful thing of "diagnosing" afab patients with everything from a to z besides adhd or autism, when those is what's actually happening, it's awful
Anyone else ever paralyzed by shame over a task not yet done?
Yep
Yes all the time
This is every second of my
Life
Always lmao
Yeah. I had the whole of last week and this past weekend to do a small assignment and start studying for a test (I’m in college and was on spring break), but the dread of starting it and the stress of the fact that I had not yet started it, paralyzed me to literally not do anything, not even basic self care. It’s very discouraging and it often feels like the longer amount of time I have to do something, the more likely that thing won’t get done.
that link between shame/guilt and ADHD is like a double-edged sword. it ends up being a powerful motivator but being driven by such a garbage feeling is devastating
I am incapable of working on anything if I'm only motivated by shame or guilt. I've reached a point where I genuinely can't be productive in that mental state anymore, it actually just makes me shut down completely to the point where I don't eat, sleep, drink, shower, or leave my bed at it's worst. Relying on guilt/shame is super unsustainable and I genuinely believe it always stops working at some point, the stress from it eventually builds up until you can't handle it anymore (ie, severe burnout) and then your brain/body just stop being able to work under that kind of negative motivation at all anymore. literally I feel like it drives so many people to suicide, it absolutely has almost led to me attempting suicide multiple times. I never thought it'd get that far for me but if you keep going down that road to force yourself into productivity, suicidal thoughts are bound to manifest themselves sooner or later. I hope you're able to find more positive motivation soon and to learn to forgive yourself more easily whenever you do slip up.
I used negative self-talk to motivate myself for a long, long time. It worked for years. Then someone kindly pointed out that it might be doing damage in addition to helping motivate me.
So, I’ve stopped the negative self talk, but I have yet to find a sustainable substitute to motivate me to do stuff that I don’t want to do. :-|
it’s so often that I see people saying that the shame/guilt/anxiety is a great motivator, but like HOW? How do you feel that the sciency and guilt and shame and fear motivate you, it feels like the only people saying this are either no neurodivergent or have some special ability to turn into a work machine
@@mattie_x3 i think it depends on what you have experience as a neurodivergent person. i, for one, have had many experiences where i've been shamed and berated for not doing something/forgetting something/etc because of my ADHD. so when the shame and guilt start to creep in, it is motivating because i don't want to feel that negative reaction again. that's why it's difficult though, because you're driven by something painful, not something positive.
@@BrianKellyA2i don’t know if that will work for you but i read somewhere that we should think of adhd not as an attention deficit but as an INTENTION deficit. That really resonated with me and realized i wasn’t finding meaning or purpose in what i was doing with my life. Are thoughts are so scattered we kinda just wandering through life in all situations. Literally. My health, career, relationships, spirituality, etc. I think operating with intentionality is a good motivator cause instead of going about it from a place of shame, you are fueled by self-love and self-esteem. Good luck!
I used to be an arts journalist, and I’m still haunted by an article I never finished for a magazine, where I interviewed a bunch of really amazing people and had great conversations about some of my favourite things… and then could just. Not. Write. The. Article. I ghosted the editor and it still haunts me.
Same issue with a website I was commissioned to do about 15 years ago. Really liked the job and had many great input sessions but could never get started with building the site. Ended up ghosting the company owner and it still something I think about when quoting new jobs.
something i've been thinking about lately that I don't think people talk about is how *terrifying* having adhd can be. you mentioned at one point how you'd have periods of focus and productivity and then periods of debilitating procrastination. i have the same experience, and it's so unpredictable. the most basic and universal fear is fear of the unknown, and not being able to know if you'll be able to commit to something or crash and burn, constantly being unsure of your own schedule, sometimes being unable to control when you can and can't do anything from finish a project to get out of bed, being scared to take a break for lunch because what if you won't be able to focus anymore and you'll miss another deadline... it's horrible.
i have a bunch of projects at work that i havent touched for weeks because i forgot where in the process im at .
and now people are starting to wonder when im going to be done. aaaaaaaaa
Omg I didn’t know the not wanting to take a lunch break at work was an adhd thing!!! I will literally dread lunch because I know that I will get too comfortable and when I get too comfortable, I fall apart.
@@transsexual_computer_faery I always have to make a very detailed list of what exactly I am going to do and I have to designate days to doing things instead of trying to get alittle bit done each day. So I will create tasks on my Google calendar such as brush teeth, take shower, clear desk, etc, and I have to make it “fun” or my brain will get bored and give up, so I try to make a game out of it. Hope this helps, but everyone is different.
This is my life with AuDHD. Fun fact: Autistic burnout, which many autistic adults find ourselves in at least once in our lives, also affects executive functioning. The result is a lifetime of shame, self-blame and high anxiety.
This skates dangerously close to an excuse. Expectation setting is critical no matter how sudden things change.
Before I was diagnosed I failed out of college, was stuck in a toxic relationship, lost several jobs, moved a lot, got into debt, etc.
After a fairly traumatic breakup and moving back in with my parents I was able to land a pretty easy office job with benefits, finally got around to talking to a psych and got an official diagnosis. A year and a half out from that breakup I’m doing much better and starting to dial in the medication. Something something indomitable human spirit.
Something something something so true
My ADHD made me decide to leave my job years back. I was working in a role in the healthcare industry where being careless and forgetful is not an option, due to HIPAA regulations, and after about a year of poor performance reviews and duties being revoked from me, I decided to leave my job. This was back at the end of 2019, so I didn't really get to work again, so I was unemployed and quite depressed for a while, and I wound up seeing a therapist during that time, which is ultimately how I found out that I had ADHD.
I'm going through this exact experience right now. I told my counselor that I'm no longer cut out for this and need to switch job types and this is a first for me. Glad you were able to recognize you had to leave for your health. Hopefully things are different and you're in a better place now vs then
@@ericaj4494Things are better. Now my job sucks because it’s the company’s fault and I’m too competent to be fired. 😂 With all seriousness, things are much better now, especially since I’m aware now, and built habits that help me work with my focus issues. I wish you the best of luck with your career change too.
I was a teacher in training, thinking it was the right calling for me. Left that vocation and stumbled into tech. It was the best decision I ever made, not feeling responsible for failing to teach kids what I needed to teach them and instead fixing stuff that's basically always broken.
Me too, I was managing 20 people in 4 seperate social care settings and the level of responsibility was killing me.
Took me a while but I figured out in that kind of job you need to be on top of your shit every single day. Someone like me, who is amazing one day and a drained husk the next, cannot survive in that environment
As a fellow recently diagnosed ADHDer, you mind if I ask how things are now?
It's very difficult to ask for help when you're not sure what the hang up is because you're stuck in paralysis. So real. Also, the feeling of being embarrassed about not being able to do things you feel like you should easily be able to do or things that seem easy for other people to do. Just makes it worse and worse.
yes omg that's the most frustrating bit. I _want_ to ask for help, I just don't even know where to begin. Sometimes I just completely give up and preface my question with "I have no clue how to word this in any way that makes sense, but here goes nothing" and honestly I've had good results with that
i never looked into an adhd diagnosis, but having a late diagnosis of anxiety+dysthymia (that could be a consequence of untreated adhd? maybe idk) i can really relate to feeling like i should be able to do stuff without struggling so much. and definitely feel like i could do so much better at work (and life in general) if i could just Do The Things without having to do so much work before/during/after just to avoid the same mistakes everytime. things that make me think i should probably look into a diagnosis, but at the same time i lack the ability to book the appointments and follow through with the commitment since its not an emergency task, just a thing i have no deadline to do etc.
i spent half of my life thinking i had something fundamentally wrong with me and not really knowing it could be a proper diagnosis, a name for what i was experiencing.
and i do wonder if i had been diagnosed as kid and got treatment (with the anxiety/depression i've always had or a secret third thing lol) what would i feel like today. maybe better?
maybe i wouldnt feel so much anxiety/guilt/shame over stuff i do(nt) do
but definitely would have been helpful with the feelings of otherness i felt when i was a kid
ive never related so much. im literally ruining my life at this point and dont know how to even make myself care but im also stressed out so bad about it like wtf. i sometimes sit outside work and cant make myself go in bc i was late but now im making it worse and the anxiety that comes with it is kinda the worst. like i cant make myself do simple things, even knowing it could result in losing my car, house, etc. i feel like a horrible useless person.
My undiagnosed adhd made my low level corporate job nearly impossible but due to the company I was able to hide my low output but the anxiety at work was nearly crippling which just led to more dysfunction. When I moved on to other jobs that were more creative, I excelled until the fun wore off and routine set in and then I floundered again. Been diagnosed and medicated for 6 months now and I currently stay home with my toddler but thinking of rejoining the workforce in a few years is terrifying.
May I ask which medicine seems to be helping you?
@nolaray1062 I take Vyvanse. But in addition to medication the things that have helped me most are decluttering my home and developing a schedule that is easy to resume if I get off track.
This is so real! Finding a job that meets both is tricky :/
42 yo man here 🙋♂️ dad, married, two kids. Was finally diagnosed and treated for adhd in my 30s around time when my son was also diagnosed. Always struggled w school, college. Somehow managed to complete my comp sci degree. Maybe SSRIs helped.
Found my groove working full time in my 20s, but was still wondering “will I be pulling all-nighters for solo work all my life?”
Abundance of free time let me recover from over-used energy bursts. Met now wife, kept grinding in startup life.
Kids arrived almost 12 years ago. Along with all the good parts, it also forced me to recon with my executive functioning limitations. I ignored that.
Three years ago, post-COVID-ish… I hit a wall. A complete wall. Quit work, and spent most of the time since feeling guilty about it. Despite being privileged to do so, I was miserable. Finally now trying to accept who I am and the world I’m living in.
It’s hard, but videos like this are helping. Thanks, Noah.
Oh, I forgot to mention. That part in the video about “not being able to ask for help on a project despite desperately needing it” hit me hard. My god. So many times.
It’s like if I’m late on something I’d rather not ask for an extension and instead beat myself up, daily, and procrastinate until it’s no longer possible than talk about how I’m struggling.
I fairly certain this stems from learning that my neurodivergence was “bad” and so rather than deal with it and talk about it, I’d rather just pretend it’s not there.
Still working on not judging it, but man, those grooves are deep.
@@BrianKellyA2 Hey, just wondering if things turned around after being diagnosed and treated? Relating to this too much and it sucks
@@justchilling5893 thx for the note. Sorry to hear you can relate. 🙃 wish I could say it was diagnosed, treated …and fixed. ✨ but, it’s a long and winding road.
I am currently ping ponging between self loathing and self hatred with an healthy side of self sabotage.
Therapist says I need to heal from childhood. (Don’t we all). Mostly I just want to trust that people mean what they say when giving me a compliment. “But *why* do you think I did a good job?”
My best advice is to help others. Whether or not you talk about your own struggles, it’ll feel good to help someone else. Be a good listener. Respond to texts. (Mostly writing this to remind myself to do the same)
Hang in there. Thanks for saying hi.
Also the lighting in this vid looks like conspiracy theory documentary and I’m here for it
i liked the vibe. reminds me of the type of sleep overs i used to have with my friends in high school/college, talking late at night about all the things, big and small when i basically turned every single one of my friends leftists lol
@@1152pm edited original comment to specify that I dig it too ✌🏼
When you were describing how ADHD messed up your contacts and the feeling of shame, that was like hearing my own thoughts coming out of your mouth. I have the exact same problems, and I have undiagnosed ADHD too. I'm going to speak to my doctor about it, though... thanks for helping me decide.
Falling a big college project right now because of some undiagnosed neurodivergency, ive fallen into a deep depression that left me unresponsive for months this winter because i thought my inability to do things was a personal flaw of just being worse than everyone else, when i finally did research into mental health i realized just how many things i have wrong with me and how long ive been masking that im ok and trying to juggle all these demons
If you’re at college you should be able to make free therapy/counseling sessions through your health center. This helped me so so much because I hadn’t been able to set up a therapist in a new state. It doesn’t go on any records or anything if it’s something you’re worried about your parents finding out. I strongly recommend to take advantage of these services especially if you are struggling. They can’t diagnosis you but they can help you build coping skills or point you to more serious services.
@@tedddybear it's not about a therapist not being available, it's the overwhelm of having to say you need help,then set it up,then leave your house and commit to talking to another person,it might seem small to other people but to me things like this are really hard, I've self isolated for months if not years now and just communicating with another person especially about needs is something I need to mentally work through first
@@kanjonojigoku8644 fair enough. I was able to do everything online through a Microsoft form so I never had to interact with anyone until my appointment. I know it’s a lot of mental work, but it might be worth it to look up the process your school uses just in case it’s at a level you can currently engage with. But I’m wishing you the best either way!!!
@@kanjonojigoku8644 i feel that. ever since i graduated highschool and dropped out of college due to stress i pretty much just stayed in my room all the time. i also struggle really bad with being overwhelmed and paralyzed by it. it seems like you know there's a problem and you need help but it is just too much to handle. something i do is kind of pretend i'm like a houseplant or pet i'm taking care of, and i separate myself from the emotional aspect and guilt feeling of being such a waste. then i break it down into tiny steps and don't even think about the steps that come next. its really hard for me to make doctors appointments for some reason but if i just say okay i need to look up the number, and i just do that one thing. then i type it in my phone, then hit call, then talk to the receptionist, then i'm done, and i'm surprised how easy and quick it was. i also should take my own advice because i've been putting off scheduling my psychiatrist appointment for like a month.
i guess what i'm saying is that its really fucking hard at first and it feels bad and scary, but you just have to be brave and take one step at a time because you know its the right thing to do. then when you do the thing you will realize that it was kinda silly to be so worried. and if you do call but then cant get yourself to leave the house, that's still a win because you did the first step. next time will be easier. i mean, you felt the need to make this comment and you did it, you are communicating with people about it and you can do it. and there's nothing to be ashamed of when asking for help, its the therapist's job to help people and they don't judge. so good luck and i hope you can help yourself feel better. :)
@@kanjonojigoku8644 i feel you. it took me years to commit to therapy (quit b/c i couldn't afford it despite loving my therapist) and then picked it up again this year (only did one session cus talking to someone is just so scary idk).. i dont know if ill pick it up again soon but honestly, take your time. it must be really hard dealing with all of this yourself. i know you'll work through this and the feeling of overwhelm won't be as big anymore. i know it's scary to ask for help but you deserve the world
Why, why, why is this not better understood… I am 43, almost 44, and just getting diagnosed. I relate to everything you said. The guilt the paralysis, the fear and the shame. I am unable to start medication until I get my blood pressure down so I get to deal with this for at least another month and hope I don’t get fired from another job in that time.
I struggle so so much with hyperfixations. I mean it’s cool because I know how to do a ton of creative stuff (for example my last hyperfixation was aquariums/aquascaping and now I’m learning piano..in my house full of fish tanks) but it can be such a strong compulsion that it takes over my life awake and asleep. When my fixation was swimming laps, I’d think about it day and literally dream about it every night for months. It’s hard to be a functioning person when the hyperfixation compulsions are so overwhelming. This video was so validating and relatable.
and its addictive too! when im not obsessive about something i feel life lose its colors, but when i have a new hyperfixation on something life is so much more fun! but then come the problems: i cant focus on other things without struggling and neglect my health (mental and physical (not eating/drinking/sleeping)) all in the name of [insert current hyperfixation]. i sometimes get UTIs from not drinking enough water/holding my full bladder for way too long without realizing. just being so focused on an activity i actually almost forget i have a body with needs, so what i usually do is setting alarms for drinking/bathroom breaks. and i must confess i still ignore it sometimes, but it works most of the time.
My adhd got me fired literally yesterday, and I wanna thank you for the feeling of kinship this video brought. It’s been difficult to balance accepting my limitations/disability while also taking ownership of the ways I've failed myself and the people around me. I feel like I have no concrete framework to understand my own agency, and so I write off my own capacity as luck and any failure to "succeed" as innate.
Also, I’ve had luck getting generic vyvanse scripts filled during this shortage by requesting different increments. Ex: Rx of x3 10mg pills/day instead of x1 30mg pills/day.
ADHD played a role in me getting fired from a job as well. I also lacked the confidence and skills to advocate for myself when I needed more clarification on project expectations or when I just didn’t have the capacity or resources needed to complete everything that was asked of me. It was ultimately used as evidence of my inability to perform satisfactorily and justification of my eventual termination when I “failed” to succeed in my professional improvement program (PIP). It was one of the worst experiences of my life, but a catalyst for so much growth that I’ve made since then. Get the help, do the inner-work, and be kind to yourself❤
This is exactly me right now and I'm feeling so down. Any advice about doing the work and getting help? thank you
@@aminafahmy3711 I am sorry that you’re experiencing this. You may not be feeling the most optimistic right now, but it can be worked through. A lot of my shadow work dealt with shame and self-love. It also meant learning more about ADHD and how to cope with it. I’ll share some resources that helped me and continue to help me below.
Books:
“Healing the Shame that Binds You”, by John Bradshaw
“Unwinding Anxiety”, by Judson Brewer, MD, PhD
“How We Change”, by Ross Ellenhorn, PhD
UA-camrs:
Heidi Priebe
Dr. Tracey Marks, MD
Patrick Teahan
Sisyphus
How to ADHD
Alecia Renece
HINDZ
StyleLikeU
ABI
General Topics to Search:
-Detaching from outcomes
-“Eliminating Guilt, Shame, Regret, and Worry”, (Article) by George S Everly Jr., PhD
General Practices:
-JOURNALING!!!
-Exercise (30 min. Walks or longer is just fine)
-Voice memo diary
-Personal interests projects
-Quality time with people who love and care about you
-Therapy if you have access
I hope this is helpful.
@@aminafahmy3711 I am sorry you are experiencing this. It may seem difficult to be optimistic, but things will get better. I just posted a bunch of resources that helped me, but it looks like the comment either got removed or the channel needs to approve it since it was so long. I'll keep it more brief this time:
Books:
-Healing the Shame That Binds You, John Bradshaw'
-Unwinding Anxiety, Judson Brewer, MD, PhD
-How We Change, Ross Ellenhorn, PhD
UA-camrs:
-Heidi Priebe
-Dr. Tracey Marks, MD
Practices:
-JOURNALING!!!
-Exercise (30 min. walks is fine)
-Personal interest projects
-Quality time with people who love you and care about you
-Voice memo diaries
@@aminafahmy3711 Sorry, UA-cam kept deleting my response. I hope you’re in a better situation now. But what has been working for me is intentionally working on my self-esteem by honoring my desires, goals and intentions in general. Building confidence by practicing and being open to failure or imperfection. Asking for clarification. Asking for time when I need it. Practicing saying “no” when I really don’t want to or shouldn’t be doing something. Voicing my concerns when they arise. It’s not easy or comfortable, but I’m so proud of myself for having my own back and being honest with people for a change.
Taking time for myself has also been important. I value my solitude. I love being around others, but I NEED “me” time too.
I’ve learned that there will always be discomfort and uncertainty. The trick is not in knowing the outcome, but rather in being able to trust yourself to give it shot. To fail, face rejection, learn, and grow.
*Also check out Heidi Priebe and Tracey Marks on UA-cam for awesome content on ways to practice these things.
Watching this video while being in a state of paralysis myself right now...very relatable. I had to power through the last few weeks without my ADHD medication, because I forgot to setup my doctor appointment to get another prescription. It's my first time I've had to go for so long without medication since being diagnosed last year and boy... I've been taking for granted how much the medication was helping me be functional. Your videos are very helpful to calm me down and get some chores done, so thank you Noah :)
I for one love longer videos of Noah rambling about nothing in particular best body doubling vid
Literally i was so focused on sending emails this entire vid lol
bro it made a shit ton of sense. if it helps make it a little bit less bad, i relate to this like A LOT. i have ADHD and OCD and my therapist said i have bpd but i'm still cheking on everything. and damn man, the dysfunctionality really gets to you. even if you try and push on if you don't do it the right way you just get burout and you burn all the bridges you spent so much time trying to build with patience and understanding. but unfortunately when it comes to life you just kinda have to suck it up and do whatever the fuck you can to survive i guess. which is prety sad, but i think is possible. much love
Jesus im only 10 min in and i feel like you’re narrating my last 10 years of struggle. It’s good to know that im not alone. Relating so much to the overwhelm, and the way that editing is so much easier to procrastinate than shooting. Story of my life
needed this, i’ve been fired from four jobs and i’ve done my damndest to communicate how my attention works in each of them but it’s always seen as a shortcoming rather than a part of my outlook
Bro the bipolar-ADHD combo is so fucking hard. I think it might just be ADHD shame and hyperfocus mimicking the states of depression and mania respectively, but regardless if thats true bi-polar or not, it wrecks your mind, body and self-worth. Thanks a lot for posting this video, it made me feel a lot less in these problems.
So glad I’m not alone here. My ADHD has caused huge trouble in every job I’ve ever had.
i've only recently, like 2 weeks ago, been diagnosed with ADHD. currently medicated and it's helping i think. i'm honestly so surprised that i've made it almost 6 years in my industry working a creative, but corporate, job. i'm lucky that i found a company that really likes me and empathizes with me to an extent, but i have felt so bad for inadvertently and consistently pissing my really hardworking and kind coworkers off by not realizing that the work i've put through was not as carefully checked over as i thought it was. it gets embarrassing and shameful making the same mistakes over and over again, fucks with you if you do this for 40 hours a week. this has been a thing ever since college, crazy that it took this long for me to finally get meds/diagnosed
i went through a similar thing with doing vintage auto work at home. way overstretched my self and said yes to everything. ADHD took over and i couldnt take it. starting a project was impossible and i would just go ride my bike for hours. ended up with total burnout and giving up a career i had cultivated since 2008. deleted all my social media and quit my extremely good job working for a highly sought after vintage car shop and started working a bicycle shop atless than half my wage at the car place. still totally lost and overwhelmed by everything every day. all i can do is ride my bike in the wilderness pf the PNW all the time. at least my legs look nice.
you cant see my face, like i can see yours
but i hope the comments you get comfort you like your videos comfort me
its comforting to see a guy who is just . normal ? youre normal. youre so normal. you talk like me and my friends, you have to clean your house like us, you struggle, *deeply* like us... and sometimes it gets to you
i feel comforted seeing someone who struggles and tries anyways. youre wading through like us, its scary and bad stuff happens and then we have to assess and keep moving. im not very smart and i didnt start this with structure. but . thank you noah
Get out of bed? I'm skeptical. It's warm in here.
then just get out for a pee and get back in afterwards
I too have ADHD (diagnosed last year) and I also have a really hard time with procrastination on tasks that don't have immediate consequences. For my entire high school and college career, I don't think I ever started writing a paper prior to one or two nights before it was due. Thankfully I went to art school which was more project based with weekly check-ins. I think I would have failed out of a school that required regular studying and essay writing in all classes. In art school I only had to muddle through one or two of those classes a semester.
I started a long term research project and had to extend it another year because I had no proper consequences. Disappointing someone else wasn't enough, but the fear of failure would come too late where I was too stressed and not capable of writing a 12,000 word essay in two weeks. Now my only motivator is getting medicated for ADHD and not repeating the stress cycle I was in last time. passion for academia is a blessing and a curse for my brain
I'm barely hanging on at my low-level part-time grocery job. If it weren't for the people around me, I'd be homeless. It's scary. I'm so scared to mess up and lose everything. The answer can't just be don't mess up. It doesn't feel like a system where the answer is "well just dont ever make a mistake" for so many people.... ADHD is so hard
On the ADHD/Bipolar train with you, friend. Being diagnosed as an adult helps, but we have to relearn everything with that in mind, creating new habits and finding tools that work. I’m glad you are discovering a balance for yourself ❤. I’m still working on that too!
Same. The relearning is suuuchh a journey. And the weird sense of grief that comes with realizing your earlier years could have been so different if you’d known sooner. At least we know now though!
This was like listening to you describe my life currently as a freelance illustrator; having to refund commissions and things because I haven't been able to get them done, It's literally just drawing some pictures, it should be the easiest shit ever, but yeah... that stuff gets hard sometimes. Sometimes a lot of times. Sending love yo x
I've been struggling with procrastination and task paralysis for most of my life, to the point that it's ruined my chances at a creative career and left me totally broke. I've watched many a video on motivation and getting productive, but this video is one of the few I've ever actually related to and connected with. Thank you for taking the time to do something vulnerable and vent about something you feel ashamed of on camera. For the first time in a long time, I don't feel totally alone in my experience. You're crushing it man, keep going.
I just found your channel, and I just want to say thank you so much for how honest and vulnerable this video is, Noah. My twenties have been wracked with confusion and shame and loneliness over everything I Should be doing for my career or personal life that feels impossible with ADHD and depression. I firmly believe that sincerity and vulnerability are our best weapons in fighting for ourselves and for each other.
Yes!! Self producing is soooo hard. I do 3D motion design and the difference in projects with and without a team and the quality we can create is pretty huge. I think if you have a process in place almost like a productized service it’s doable for those smaller projects but man… the longer I do it the harder custom work gets. With long term clients that ask for a variety of work I made sure to have the client set deadlines that were well ahead of time (but I didn’t know the real deadline so I didn’t feel like I could fuck around). It really does feel like it’s all your fault and you’re being shitty but truly there are ways to self accommodate and ask your clients to accomodate as well and set up your services in a way that is more sustainable for you. For me process is probably the biggest thing. It makes it a little less creative but honestly it’s a bit of a relief when I don’t have to create from my soul every single time!
First of all, thank you, Noah, for making this video.
I am in my early 30s. I finally got assessed for ADHD and began taking medication a few weeks ago. I first learned of executive dysfunction in Thought Slime's video on their experience finding out that they had ADHD, also as an adult in their 30s. How it was described mirrored what I experienced at so many different points in my life. It was a useful framework for explaining why I struggled to accomplish what was asked of me, how I let people down in both my personal and professional lives, and why I was so frustrated with and ashamed of my inability to do anything about it.
I hope I haven't overshared. Please don't hesitate to delete this comment if that is the case.
*At least for the first time in a way that resonated with me.
fuuuck, hearing this at a point where i'm parallyzed, procrastinating and dreading deadlines is tough.
im studying editing at film school & currently working on my thesis film. i love editing but feeling like im not in control of when i can actually finish a project sucks. something ive found that works for me is just arranging a meetup with the director (or anyone related to the project) as soon as i feel like things arent moving on my own. this has been a huge help but sadly it's not possible to always have someone by your side when you work. still figuring out how to actually do stuff i need to do when im by myself.
currently ignoring a bunch of messages due to shame, rip.
I got fired for the exact same reasons you are talking about a year ago and it kinda destroyed me mentally. It means a lot to me to see a video about this, thank you
this is me right now :/, next week is my last
@@aminafahmy3711 im super sorry that sucks ass :( that can be really hard to talk about and feel super isolating so if u wanna talk abt it i am here
Due to the nationwide shortage here in the shithole country of the USA, i havent been able to get my ADHD meds for over a month now. i can see my life falling apart all around me. Relationships straining from my out of control emotions, regularly oversleeping and staying up too late, house turning into a disaster area from not being able to keep up with cleaning, all bring compounded by major depression. Fun stuff. So glad the government is empowering the morality police to keep me safe from the scary stimulants.
The vulnerability is much...MUCH appreciated :)
God this is so similar to how I felt when I was doing wedding photography and I realised I just couldn't do a job that was self-motivated. The crippling guilt and feeling like an asshole was so real and I just had no idea why I was that way and I got so depressed at how lazy I was being. So glad I've realised it wasn't my fault and I'm working to deal with these things.
Personally I think a lot of our ADHD brains are just not designed to be employees.
We thrive on novelty, short term projects, new challenges, following our passion.
Modern society just doesn’t allow many of us to find our feet and our flow. I think people like us in the past were the explorers and pioneers. Leaving the herd behind to carve out a new life in a new land. But now there's no land left for us to escape to.
I have been pushing myself a lot this year, and I finally managed to finish my Bachelor's thesis and complete another university course. But now I'm really struggling to be able to study for the last 2 courses before I can graduate. And I'm afraid my university won't grant me an extension for the third time 😭
I'm also in a creative field with ADHD and I have had so, so many of the same experiences and thought processes... I went to art school to make furniture/art and am still here after 7 YEARS lol, mostly bc of the toll that repeated school/life failures from undiagnosed ADHD had on my mental state, which eventually culminated in severe mental health issues. I had to take a few medical leaves. I'm terrified of finding work because ultimately I am not made for the professional working world. No matter how much I try - rigid deadlines, schedules, meetings, email exchanges, etc will never be something I can keep up with for more than a couple months. My grades and academic performance have been so bad over the years that my most recent academic advisor (an asshole) often doubts my ability to even pass classes let alone graduate. I know I can graduate, I have enough credits and all I need to do is finish this semester. No one from my department/faculty will recommend me for any job lol. So my only real option to pursue a creative career is to work for myself or find some kind of studio assistant job that is more about the physical making of things and nothing to do with admin.
I'm on medication that really helps now without major side effects (thanks dexedrine..) but I also know that I need a LOT more support than medication or therapy in order to succeed. I've tried working in multiple retail industries and other 'normal' day jobs but if I'm not doing something creatively enriching I tend to get incredibly depressed and hopeless and won't see the point in living anymore. However, if I am in a job where I get to work on creative projects, that means I now have to deal with all these deadlines, appointments, schedules, email exchanges, and the very real potential of letting everyone down. School has been genuinely traumatic for me at times (literally been hospitalized for severe depression/suicidality mid-semester) and I feel like my task paralysis has gotten worse than it used to be in many ways because of how rarely I've actually been able to finish things. And the shame/guilt just feeds more into the mental health issues and it's this insane vicious cycle that can feel impossible to break out of.
I feel like every employer is looking only for the most self-disciplined and highly organized people and realistically I will never be one of them, I've tried to be for years and years and it just kept driving me to suicide because every time I got *close* to being the person everyone wanted me to be, everything would fall apart again within a month or two.
But to summarize, yeah, ADHD can be really fucking debilitating. :(
I have ADHD and I’m watching this while working on a project that’s due in less than 6 hours. I only started it today. There is so much guilt and shame from not being able to do tasks in a normal timely manner. I hope that everyone that struggles in a similar way finds ways to make it a lot less burdensome.
i resonate with the hyperfixation v. sustainability in work thing a lot
My adhd has gotten me fired like 6 times. The frustrating part is feeling so alone and isolated and having no idea how to fix your habits
Thank you so much for making this video man you have no idea how much I needed this it’s like watching myself describe every problem I’m currently facing. I’ve been struggling in the freelance web development space for these exact reasons and am currently “undiagnosed”
There's someone with a sniper rifle outside your window. It's like Sarah Connor stalking Miles Dyson. But you survived long enough to upload the video, so I guess you're not responsible for the end of the world.
Much compassion for those ADHD delays. I've had similar experiences throughout my life - it's one reason I would be terrified to take on a job that requires me to finish completely independent projects.
“go get the asses of those dishes”
You said everything I've been feeling. I have my own creative business and feel like I let my customers and myself down all the time. I have several special projects to do and just can't move to do them. This inspired me to talk to my psychiatrist about if I have ADHD. I've suspected for a while now but, surprise, just kept putting it off. Thanks Noah. You're the best.
I've definitely got many signs that I have Adhd, and I've been telling myself I'm gonna go get assessed for a few months now... maybe it's time
If you can, go for it! At least you'll have an answer to what you've been wondering - regardless of the outcome. ❤
I literally just did the same thing after watching a sad boys video where they talked about ADHD and executive function. I've been on meds (non stimulant) like 3 weeks now and it's really helping.
@@colleena6671 Interesting, I had the understanding that stimulants were the only way to treat Adhd with medication! I had no idea there were non-stimulating variants!
Fellow ADHDer who just got recently diagnosed last year (November) here. I've been watching your vids from this channel lately and I'm glad one of my fav youtubers is talking more about ADHD. I love ya dude
Aw dang, SFU! We were glad to have ya, buddy.
god this all sounds so familiar.. i finally got diagnosed 3 weeks ago and only now am i realising what adhd really is and does. ive struggled my way through uni and am still working on my masters thesis (have been for nearly a year, lol!!!!!) and CHRIST is it a challenge. these videos make me feel less alone, thanks noah! it means a lot
My country doesn't have the medications available for ADHD due to its regulations, I've been prescribed antidepressants which helped a bit but it made me slower, my skin felt heavy on my body, I had no motivation, and I kept reacting slower than usualy, ended up stopping those. Holding on this lab tech job for more than 2 years but I feel so burnt out.. rant rant rant
I went through something like this, not because of ADHD but my depression was at an all time low and I was barely getting through day to day. Someone had asked me to work on a project a year in advance, which made it suck so much worse. I did it, but I couldn’t perform as I should have and I felt really ashamed and as though I hurt these professional relationships. Your point thar resonated with me was that despite how understanding people can be, my work quality or lack was still affecting others. I don’t think I could’ve done any better in the moment, but it still sucks to know I let them down
I wish I had seen a video like this years ago. But alas, I’m seeing it now after struggling an clawing through pharmacy school to get my doctorate and 10+ years of working and only just recently getting my formal diagnosis at the elderly age of 32. This is a great explanation of the executive function gap that I have to overcome, too. I’m so grateful for the confirmation of a diagnosis, the accessibility and opportunity to test out different meds over a few months to find what may work for me (a privilege in the US), and the counseling/therapy that will still have to help me overcome the emotional parts (I.e., guilt, frustration, fear, etc). It’s also uncanny that I too was headed for a career in music video production, but my aspirations were forced to shift to something more “structured.” I hope as many people who need to see this video do get the chance to watch it (and pay attention!! lol)
literally going through this as a software engineer currently. biggest pro tip i can offer that helps me is to externalize as much as possible, but make sure your externalizations don't depend on consistency. (ex: a task list doesn't have to cover all your tasks, but any task that makes it onto the list can't disappear as long as the list doesn't. you can blindly throw tasks in without changing mental context then check the whole list and remove outdated entries when you know you have more energy. using it to comprehensively cover all your tasks, though, would require a new habit, so i view it like a net to trap slippery, indirect tasks that I know I'll lose otherwise) but even with that adhd just fuckin sucks man
I'm grateful for my ability to see the bigger picture and spot a bunch of moving pieces that interact together. I feel like my adhd really helps me with that, but the flipside is that actually sitting down to do the work requires me to be single focused. Otherwise, I also fall into a hole of distraction, procrastination, and inaction.
I get overwhelmed easily by too much going on, or too much to do, but it helps to recognize that. I've been doing better with self empowerment, and part of that is learning to just accept your limits. When you accept that you simply CANT take on that other project or task (could even be "I cant do this, yet" or "I cant do this until, yada yada"), it's easier to work with what you have and move forward. It's also easier to manage others' expectations of you.
idk, this line of thinking has helped me, so hopefully someone else can take something from it. Lifes tough when your inner zoomzoom gets you stuck in the mud.
thank you for writing this :)
I’m currently dealing with this at my work. It’s a bit different but I had a negative performance review stating that I “had trouble staying on task.”
It’s so frustrating and it feels so helpless bc that’s not something I can control and that’s just how I am. And it was just salt in the wound bc I had been trying and I really felt like I had been getting better.
I cried in front of them, and it was humiliating.
honestly this video was a big help this morning 💖 the shame part of the adhd has been jumping out for me and it was nice to hear about how you've dealt with it and kept going
my #1 comfort listening self help content
Huge thing about editing is that you're doing it alone.
Speaking from a lot of experience with these kinds of corrosive, high-tension thought patterns-the easiest way to get past them, for me, is to work with someone else. It really helps to keep the obstacles in perspective. When you're alone you get to thinking about everything ahead of you as though it's one solid mass. But with someone else around, you can break it down into manageable pieces and keep yourself from getting too deep in the weeds on any one thing.
Very relatable. I have a corporate insurance job and I recently got off a performance improvement plan because my procrastination caught up with me. I’m now medicated and doing better, but I can feel that pull again. This time I’m confident I can stay in front of it. Thanks for the video
I’ve been dealing with this sort of thing, maybe on a smaller scale cuz I’m editing videos for a friend’s UA-cam channel
He’s so understanding and by some miracle hasn’t gotten someone else to edit for him.
Despite that, the depression is getting in the way of the shit I wanna do for him and other potential clients and it feels like I shouldn’t have this job I want, I dunno, feels bad, I’m trying to do better. I’m kind of just putting my thoughts down but the Noah Time comments section seems like a good place to do that
Shoutout everyone for being cool and Noah for Noah time
I had a verrrry similar experience trying to freelance in my 20s with undiagnosed ADHD. I’m in my mid-30s now, just got diagnosed last year, and it really brought in to focus just how many of my problems as a working adult were rooted in undiagnosed and untreated ADHD. I’m getting better at the whole “self-compassion” thing but I still struggle with feeling like I screwed up and let a lot of people down in that period of my life.
Getting projects done can suck. I love the filming, but hate editing. Same with any other medium for art. I'm always a ball of chaotic purpose or a slug trailing behind me infinite sadness. I'm usually surrounded by a thousand projects halfway and hoping that one of them wasn't a waste of time. But that feeling when it's done, is better than when it's not. It might've taken me a month to finish, riding rollercoasters of which I didn't sign up, but it's done and that'll hold me until I sit back down to do it again. Oh no. I have to do it again? Yessir. Crap... No. C'est la vie. Que? Ah, well hello, Mr Squirrel.
Noah. This one hit especially hard. Thanks for talking about this
struggling heavy finishing my undergrad degree and have trouble explaining how paralysis is/feels and just beating down on myself every day for not doing it but for some reason I’m stuck in place thinking about how much of a disappointment I am for not being able to do it instead of just doing it. this video makes me feel a little less alone, thanks.
I have ADHD and this is a huge fear for me going into creative jobs ☹️ thanks for sharing!!! It's cathartic
i have a similar experience whenever i freelance. yes shit always gets done in the end, but is that looming guilt around procrastinating for weeks worth it? constantly drafting excuses in your head of what to tell someone if a deadline is getting too close? its awful!
i’m in a privileged position where having a full time job with deadlines and people depending on me has helped my ADHD. I work well with structure (9-5) and clear expectations/actions.
thanks for sharing and inviting discussion. i’m glad you’re doing better and have tools.
i feel the same way. i dont like working a 9-5, but i feel i work best in this environment
Reading these comments as someone without ADHD: holy sh!t how do we not have a reliable inexpensive method to test y'all. Living for so many years with these problems and suffering so much, thinking it is some failing on your end when it's just ADHD. ADHD is not necessarily a terrible thing. Medication, accomodations, behavioural techniques can all be implemented... ADHDers get so much shit for something they can't control like how is that fair.
finished cleaning the bathroom to this ty noah 😇💗
Thank you for this. I found your channel looking for body doubling-like content while I do chores. I was also diagnosed with ADHD late in my 20s and hiring a coach super helped me while I was getting on meds. Stories like this really does make me feel seen- especially after years of getting tired of jobs (after 2 years or so) and needing something fresh to focus on. It’s been a wild ride. Thank you for sharing so honestly!
I had trouble with high functioning adhd/ocd for my entire life. While I kept work performance up, inside me was a nightmare scenario using strategies I developed to keep my world together, always one step away from everything falling apart. Created depressive and anxious comorbidities and lost who I was. Took a lot (and many years) to claw my way out with the help of being heavily medicated. I still have work improving executive dysfunction, but making progress compared to 23 years where things felt completely hopeless and that relief couldn't happen for me. I hope anyone reading does not give up finding relief, whatever that looks like for you. 💜
Thanks for sharing that, I had to deal with similar stuff due to my ADHD in the past and the guilt we feel for something that sometimes is not under our control at the moment, can be unbearable.
Some people call it procrastination, I call it engaging in last minute excellence.
These videos help me. You are saying things that so many of us are feeling. I've felt way less fucked after finding this channel. Thanks man.
I feel the same way you do about being ashamed of supposedly being dumb. I haven’t had the thought to genuinely learn again until I was 23, but the fact that you haven’t had this thought until 27 doesn’t make you a failure in any way! If anything it’s great that you’re having this realization in your 20s. Even if you had the thought in your 30s, your 40s, your 50s, so what? It’s never too late to learn and grow and change!
me freaking too i once was going to make graphics for a pickle startup company and i did make a few labels and like social media pfps and banners for them, but suddenly just Couldnt anymore and i didnt know why and so i just kinda dropped contact w them and stopped thinking ab it bc they were on the other side of the country and i didnt have to think about it and it was really sucky bc it was a really fun idea and i really liked it
One thing that has helped me a lot with getting shit done with ADD is checklists (which are almost crucial for me to get any joy from daily tasks) and something you mentioned with Noel Miller, CONSTANT COMMUNICATION. I work as an architect and have always struggled with this, but I did have one firm that we did talk twice a week, even if there was nothing, and the chat was also organised as 1. how are you doing, what fun things have you been doing and 2. what are you working on, do you need help, what is happening. fantastic system, and I really recommend it. Also, thanks for this video, it was really nice.
I remember that video you edited for Noel and I thought it was super funny. Like I loved it because of your editing.
You need to read Laziness Does Not Exist, Unmasking Autism, and Unlearning Shame by Dr. Devon Price
I really love these more personal videos that you do. This one was definitely relatable
Thanks for sharing! Add low self-esteem, and not as many connects and that’s me exactly. I still need to edit photos that I took in 2021 for a friend. At least you got the courage to go for paid gigs, I was having trouble with free gigs to mention I was all over the place, not knowing what I wanted to focus on, production, or photos, or editing. I’m lucky my day job paid the bills.
The only person I have come across that also struggles with both adhd and bipolar. Thank you.
It’s never fun relating so much to such frustrating struggles others have gone through but there’s a peace in feeling that you’re not alone
Can confirm that having contact with other people during the creative process is absolutely essential for me to get things done. I quit my marketing job (about a year ago, still looking) because I was stressed to the point of suicidal ideation, and most of that job was me working alone on my projects, too scared and ashamed of my difficulties to reach out to my coworkers. However, whenever I did, it usually gave me a reality check that could jolt me out of my avoidant spirals and make the projects seem more doable.
The curse of ADHD, for me, is how the symptoms are basically indistinguishable from "regular" laziness. It can feel so shameful to even celebrate your Ws with friends because they feel like basic expectations. Human connection is really the only way for me to stay sane and keep it pushing though
I took an ADHD med the other day (diagnosed not yet treated, it was from someone who had an extra) and now I'm grieving the 35 years of failure guilt and shame that could have been so different after seeing how far from "normal" i am
Shame and being on some point of the ADHD spectrum is something I realized rather recently about myself. Thank you for talking about this stuff, even though my brain couldn't bother to actively listen, you voice kind of does the trick.
Is you reading something like a relaxing, soothing story something we might someday see on Noah Time?
Hey thanks for the story man, i really appreciate hearing about and relate *heavilyyyy* to your experiences. It’s hard not to beat the absolute shit out of yourself for those sorts of “failings”, messed up opportunities, w/e we might call them (while being sufficiently kind to yourself, while taking responsibility and owning up to your actions and impact, while doing damage control, etc etc.).
I’m glad you’re of the mind to be careful in not moralizing your actions, bc it’s all too easy to do and absolutely not helpful at all. You deserve that kindness from yourself and the world deserves to see and hopefully internalize these honest examples of people making mistakes/letting themselves down and not condemning themselves for it or attributing it to their character. Gotta treat ourselves gently and face the world and our impact on it boldly! Even if I feel like crying just thinking about it! Aha ha ha !! I can be brave! :’D
Anywhoo. Thank you very much. Good work. I hope you’re doing well.
Procrastination is turning away from the productive mode out of fear and anxiety.
I'd rather not try than find out I can't.
At least that's how I act.
But doesn't hell lie this way? Past some final opportunity, locked away from potential in the end only due to my own unwillingness to be discomforted?
So I must overcome and by this very notion I become more anxious so I turn away yet again.
The answer lies not in forcing to overcome but in dissolving the resistance.
Lay your hand on your heart and accept some discomfort. Sit still in the moment without running away. Don't force your hand but don't pull it away and simply experience that the fear of failure is fear of an illusion.
After a reset like this simply begin to do as a matter of fact. Focus on not stopping rather than starting. You don’t need to get past fear by force. It can be a matter of dialling down intensity and allowing yourself to stay and be / do / make rather than check out, postpone and run away.
this vid resonates with me a lot, thank you for this. recently dropped out of school because i have no interest in finishing my degree anymore, i've got only a few courses + thesis left, now focusing on finding a job since i've got a portfolio. however though, i feel like a fraud because adhd, i'm a jack of all trades master of none. rn just trying to do my best and cope, accept the fact that i'd probably behind my peers because i have to catch up with my late diagnosis because i felt like a missing part of my life has only been discovered and it's so much to take, it's also difficult when my family is half heartedly supportive.
This shit hurted, because it revolves around largely the same situation happening in my life. And it feels so shitty. Like, for months, I just can't wrestle myself into *doing* the things and as the true, no-shit, gotta-be-done deadlines approach, I can feel the panic and paralysis tighten even more. I had a few breakthrough days recently but then a wave of depression just broke it and I don't know if there's really anything I can do but keep going. The one bright side is my job has a hands on portion that'll come around and I excel there since I HAVE to get up and moving but all the planning and admin and such has been falling through my fingers and eventually I'll have to deal with the consequences.
I go through these periods of hyper focus when I’m starting something- a job or a project. But once the novelty or challenge wears off I lose interest and motivation, which causes procrastination, and that leads to anxiety and shame. I’m much more capable of doing my own art projects where I can choose something that gives me dopamine. But client work is usually a soul destroying boring negativity machine.
such a timely video for me as i try to get diagnosed, because i cant do my job and its making me terrified of being fired 24/7 but i am still paralysed and unable to do what i need to :(
I really like when you stop making jokes and get super real for a moment. It makes me feel more connected to what you're saying, and I empathize a lot. Please do more of these.
i have not discovered a youtube creator and immediately fell in love with their content for a long long time i genuinely watch these everyday while working on being productive 🎀
Adhd totally got me fired too. 'Cept I did not know it was adhd. The docs kept telling me it was just anxiety......🤷♀️
Doctors tend to do the awful thing of "diagnosing" afab patients with everything from a to z besides adhd or autism, when those is what's actually happening, it's awful
@@kanjonojigoku8644 true story!!!!
All these comments are just Yondu yelling at Rocket “I KNOW YOU BECAUSE I AM YOU BOY!”