This Argument Will Change Your Thinking on Exclusive Relationships
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- Опубліковано 12 бер 2024
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I hate how my generation and the ones after ( Millennials and Gen Z ) get painted by the media as wanting polyamory and “open” relationships. Many of us do not! In fact a GREAT MAJORITY OF US DO NOT. Our generation has been wrecked by loneliness, porn, hookup culture, social media making ( men and women ) both feel like shit for no reason at all. Monogamy, marriage and long term love are not “outdated” or “wrong” but is the BEST WAY for long term happiness and love for both partners. I don’t want to hookup with many people. I want to be that special one for someone. :)
You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders and are on the right track. Good on ya, friend. You’ll find her. 💛
As someone identified as polyamorous.... I agree, mostly... It's not common for people, surprisingly being polyamorous actually limits potential partners significantly.... although I would like to say I hate how polyamory is always discussed and commented on as something with purely sexual intentions.... it's really not.... some people look at it as a glorified way of being a slut.... I like to look at it like this; I can't possibly expect myself to meet all of someone else's needs all of the time, and vice versa.... one girlfriend or partner might really like hiking and want someone to hike with whom they love, another might want to travel lots, another playing video games and twitch streaming.... I view every relationship in my life as unique and don't compare it to other relationships, they are just different... and if i have someone's best interests at heart, I want them to have the best of the best no matter what it is and to learn and grow and experience all they can, and i can't always provide that.... so if they have another partner who can provide that particular need or facet of growth for them, that's awesome! And for me... same goes... some people I enjoy discussing Jordan Peterson's videos with, some people just can't .... just can't do it... and so I won't... if i happen to be very attracted to that person who does enjoy talking about JP's content, maybe it's not just their intelligence, and i begin to grow very fond and care for that person, then i will nurture and protect that love if circumstances allow.
About 5% of us are poly and that number is not likely to change significantly.
@@skyrat174 Question( and this is just curiosity so, tell me if I am misinterpreting something): Why do you consider each of those relationships love and not just friendships? For me (a monogamous individual), it is very much the same way, it's simply that those other relationships are not "amory" aka love, it's mere friendship. I can't expect my partner to be perfect and do everything and fulfill my sexual desires. So, I have my male friend I do kickboxing with. My female friend I go hiking with. My Saturday brunch pals to have political and philosophical talks with. But, in my mind all are just FRIENDS not loving partners. So, where do polyamorous individuals draw the line between friendship and love?
I think the baby boomer pursued polyamory and just called it divorce and remarriage.
People mistake pleasure for happiness & comfort for safety.
Both are essentially the same want and need
True, but it's not a mistake of perception, it's intentional indoctrination. Most people are not introspective of why they do the things they do, and when you pull the rug out from under them under most circumstances their ego collapses. The fact most people follow a blueprint society imparts on them is not unnatural or unusual, the problem is when it is maligned by nefarious entities.
I love how succinct this description is.
Many philosophers have taken pains to draw fine lines between different kinds of pleasure. For example, Aristotle considered the best and most lasting kind of pleasure to be that of 'eudaimonia', which he defined as the pleasure of living up to your fullest capabilities and being the most you can be through virtue, as opposed to a mere passing pleasure of 'hedonia' from, say, a good lunch or basking in the Sun on a summer day. Even the famous hedonist Epicurus argued that the very temporality of those latter pleasures made them vastly inferior to things like good relationships and just generally avoiding unpleasantness.
@@Mereologist Wow! You used the word "eudaimonia." I haven't seen that word ever, anywhere since I read about it in the days before the internet when words and wisdom were still transmitted on paper.
I genuinely misread the title as The Surprisingly Sound Case for MAHOGANY. I thought it might be about deforestation or something. Must get my eyes tested.
It tracks; Dr. Peterson is a classy dude. I bet he smells of rich leather and mahogany (name that reference 😆)
Hahahahhah
I read it as, misogyny, 😅. The trolls would have field day!
I'm down with mohogany.
Monogamy, not so much!
In my defence / defense - I had previously been watching a David Dickinson video, the antiques guy who appears to use wood stain on his face.
Married in Vegas 33 years ago - we met playing co-ed sports, we’re genuinely compatible on many fronts and we chose each other - it was “our wedding” not “my wedding” - 2 grown children and still evolving……
Lobster logics (me)
At the end jordan peterson talks about marriage being a commitment in front of family and community. For many of us, there is no family or community😢 and this makes it harder to demand commitment because there's no structure under yourself, and no one has got your back. Hence not being married.
Strong families aren't a reality anymore for a whole lot of people. And loneliness will have the best of us on our knees eventually accepting unfavorable conditions just to not be vulnerable alone or in the world. Without real friends or any family we are that weak.
In such situations, we have to dig in ourselves to be the strength that we need to keep a marriage going. People also come from dysfunctional families that can't give sane advice for marriages, such as the family I grew up in. We need to be willing to read and listen to learn what we do not know. We have to talk with our partners and listen to them to ensure that everyone is fulfilled in the marriage.
@@proudatheist2042 unfortunately I never was able to find a partner.
You stated the problem perfectly.
This is why humans need religion. After being a Baha’i for years now I really understand the reason why religion is really a gift and necessary for humans to have moral discipline and accountability.
That’s why you need to join a community. It’s out there. You simply need to find one that has the values you aspire to and join it. That’s also the best way to meet a quality spouse. Then you get married and create the family that you wish you had. I’ve had to do it and many others are doing the same. You don’t have to accept a broken life but you have to be willing to do what it takes to create the new life you want.
Some people believe that sex gets less exiting in a long term relationship. My experience is quite the oposite. I've been marries for 20 years, and sex has never been better than in the last 5 years.
Thats maybe just age, not the relationship:) but can be...
@@jarkachalmovianska7812 Even if that's the case, age... so? What better situation would you ask for as you age? She is a lucky lady! Her man is doing it right. You will age too. Better pray it works...
Maybe due to you being a woman. Happy for you
If you are abusing ten women at the same time, that is not serial abuse. It's parallel abuse.
You cant abuse a woman that does not choose to be abused. Society needs to stop infantilizing women.
😂
@@joshualambert8346bro.
@@joshualambert8346 well women are still earning less and are physically weaker so are still easier target. Charges for abuse must be more severe. Why does anybody feel need to abuse?
That’s such a black n white statement for a black n blue subject.
Love is not an emotion. It's a decision.
*decision
But it's only possible with a cooperating partner
Feelings can sprout from that which can themselves also be called love. But these can also be smothered by the circumstances of the shared reality of both parties. Something to consider.
It's both, a feeling & a decision that's more like, surrendering
@@flower9015
Or it's like taking on a responsibility.
Depends on which side you're on.
My mother used to say……..Why buy a book….If you can go to a library and borrow one! I think woman have made themselves far too easy, to their detriment. What has happened to morals. People behaving like rabbits! What about love and commitment? I have been married for 50 years, three children, and eight grandchildren. I would not have changed any of my life. We all loved each other so much, and have had happy and fulfilling lives.
If you value morality then you treat a woman right and expect the same from her. Morality is independent of what others do or don't do. In other words, if a man needs the collective of women to withhold sex to seek out what looks like a real relationship, it's actually not. It's a facade, cause if given the opportunity to "be bad" he would take it. I think today women are able to see who's who and not marry low character men. The incel movement is evidence of this.
@@thestorybehindthat5236 No, they just marry wealthy men, regardles of character.
@@thestorybehindthat5236You are completely missing the point.
It flew right over you.
His point still stands.
Why would you buy a book when you can borrow it?
As long as commitment is not required to get what you want then why would anyone commit to get it?
It's like if everyone is getting on the train for free by skipping the fare, then why would you pay $20 for it?
You'd be getting punished for doing the right thing. You'd get the short end of the stick.
You'd be the only fool to do so.
@@mickcrovo5238 I see plenty of not wealthy men wearing wedding rings everywhere I go. Stop making excuses.
@@thestorybehindthat5236 Your anecdotes don’t refute the overwhelming statistical data
Wonderful piece here. Mr. Peterson, might I suggest doing a piece on single Fathers with 100% custody. It is a growing phenomenon in western society the I myself am going through. My daughter is 7 years old now and I raised her alone since she was 7 months old. I would love to hear your advice.
Stay strong. Clap clap
I suspect that much of the advice given here would apply. ua-cam.com/video/75uuWtRrnJI/v-deo.htmlsi=KxKIKmDFq0l8oXyN
I'm in my thirties. My dad raised me and my brothers alone since we were around 12. My mother came and left before she finally moved to another city with another man and totally renounced her responsibilities as a mother. I'm eternally grateful for my dad. He has been an awesome dad, always supporting us with love and understanding. Just do your best and it will pay off. You don't have to be perfect, any intelligent son or daughter can understand that perfect is just an ideal and we all go through personal challenges due to internal or external struggles, but you are family, and together you can get through everything. Thank you for staying in your daughter's life.
Im in the same position, single father with an 8 year old daughter. I've been raising her by myself since she turned 3.
If her mom's not around you could get relatives if you have any that can act as motherly figures. My sister is a single mother (father fled from the responsibility) so my brothers and I and my late father filled the role of the father-figures. It's worth considering if there's any suitable candidates that come to mind
Mr Peterson,
I've always admired what you do, but I can't agree with many of the points raised here. I do not fear commitment, I fear an ugly divorce and being turned into a court-ordered slave.
Not all men want to sling seed far and wide. Most of us wanted to find their own "forever person", but it seems that's no longer fashionable.
Where are you looking for your "forever person"? Are you in a developed country? If so, you should not fear the court. In the modern world, in western society, the court sees no difference in gender. You are court ordered to do what is rightly your obligation, regardless of your gender. Have you a different experience of the divorce court system? Or maybe you heard it in red pill podcasts? There are a lot of bitter men who spew a lot of hate and (baseless) misinformation. You might want to look at the proper sources and educate yourself in these matters. However, if you are afraid of getting married because of a possible divorce, that's already not the best personality trait. When you are focused on the fear, you can't love. How do you then expect to find your "forever person"? In a marriage, you must give in a greater measure than what you plan to take. As a masculine man, that is the virtue you must possess for a marriage to work. Protect, provide, and serve. Lead by example. Be brave and bold, be fearless. And remember that perfect love casts out fear. ;)
@@joanofarcxxi
Hello Joan
What you're describing is the age old, slay the dragon, win a princess and live happily ever after myth. Courage is required for love, and men are expected to demonstrate courage to earn that love. It's a story as old as romance, itself.
My opinion on modern marriage comes from talking to real men with real "lived experiences", as some like to say. The online RP community simply gives some context as to why it happens.
At a glance, the law does not discriminate based on gender. In practice, it's not so even handed. Most women will not settle down with a man who earns less than they do, so according to the spousal support obligations, men are the ones who pay, more often than not. And it's not by a small margin. A significant majority of all SP payments flow from men to women.
One friend and former co-worker had his wife cheat on him and deliberately under-report her income in court. The judge did nothing about her little fibs and simply ordered him to pay SS for the next 10 years, based on her under reported numbers. Yes, he did have lawyer. Didn't matter.
Another guy's ex when nuts with drugs and alcohol and child protective services went after him, instead (she got full custody). Only later, did they ask him why he didn't "speak up", once they realized she was a basket case. He was already considered the bad guy and was barely scraping by, so what reason was there to believe that they would take his side? Many men simply give up on speaking up. Once labelled a deadbeat, creep, etc, and threatened with jail, you're done. That second guy hadn't seen his kids for over 2 years. And yes, he was still paying for the house, plus all his other obligations. His ex even came over to threaten him a few times. Got it on video and everything. Didn't matter.
A third guy ended up committing you-know-what, when an ex girlfriend and her current boyfriend started a non-stop harassment campaign against him. I found out through his colleagues. One of his colleagues had let him stay at his place for a while so things could cool off. She found him there, too and was shameless about harassing him even there. This last one hits home, because he was one of the best workers I ever hired. An older, stoic gentleman who didn't talk much but had a lifetime of experience in his trade. He had mentored many apprentices during his career and was well respected. Didn't matter.
Fourth example. Guy gets married, has two kids. Both husband and wife have great jobs. Able to go on vacations. Kids are thriving. Wife tells him she never knew it was possible to be this happy. Didn't matter. Two years later, she files for divorce.
All of the above examples are men that I know or knew or worked with.
I'm not going to presume that women don't suffer. That's not my point. My point is, whenever a man suffers, the law doesn't care, especially if it's at the hands of a woman. It is presumed that no matter what a man goes through, women still have it worse. We only care about abuse when it happens against women. If a man is abused by women or the state, he's told to man up. He's told to change. He's told that he's the problem. Are you aware of the male suicide rate, and how it compares to women's rate? As with spousal support, the difference is not by a small margin.
Are all women villains? No. Am I saying you would do that? I don't know. That's not my point, either. Not all women would, but any woman can. That's my point. Finding someone that wouldn't do that is not a zero risk venture. Fair enough. Show courage, right? However, ending up with a possible criminal record because of a vindictive ex does spoil the appetite.
Here's a question for you, Joan: Would you sign a Prenup?
And by the way, feel free to share some links to that more reliable information that you mention.
@@grndiesel and ALL those examples you mention - the same is true also among women. I know many who have had their children removed from them by a punishing partner who lied in court just because he didn't want to pay child support. Courts will even overlook spousal / child abuse and give the abuser custody if he has money to drain. Men who seek custody win it more often. Most don't seek it. Women are instructed by their attorneys not to tell the court about abuse, because it will reflect badly on HER.
Also, men in those groups lie for cred. Men bond with other men this way. They often aren't truthful about their own actions, or what led their wives to divorce them. 'I don't know what happened' - of course they know what happened. Of course some women are just as shitty. But the system does not favor us in any way because of our sex.
I dated a man for 3 years, who convinced me that his ex 'took him to the cleaners' and that the court punished him by making him pay excessive spousal support and child support (he kept the house, all their savings, all marital property and paid her about $500/mo total. He had convinced her to stay home to raise the kids then turned into a jailer. When she left, she took the $500/mo and thought it was generous... because all she wanted was to escape). I had believed him completely, until it became apparent what I was dealing with, left him - and reached out to her for the rest of the story.
We all have cause to fear the courts.
*Everyone should sign a prenup*
@@joanofarcxxi The court sees no difference in gender? Are you delusional? >90% of alimony is paid from men to women.
@@themuse11 Well, perhaps we agree on one thing: Prenups. Although depending on the jurisdiction, they can easily be tossed out by a judge. A prenup is an attempt to limit a Judge's discretion, and a lawyer's earning potential. Folks of the robes generally don't take kindly to that.
Yes, women do suffer in divorce; it's an ugly system. But on average, men are punished more. Why? because in most long term relationships, men still earn more than their wives. Spousal support flows from higher income to lower income. So while the system doesn't explicitly discriminate, it does so in practice. Men have been paying more Spousal Support by a wide margin. This is not disputable, and exceptions don't disprove the average. The same is also true for "self-offing" rate.
You gave an example of a relationship where the man was earning 100% of the income (or close to it). He had to pay SP but kept all the assets (or close to it). Curious...who paid for those assets if he was the only one earning income? Who owned the majority of assets when the relationship began? These details matter. Modern, no-fault divorce is supposed to operate fully independent of any alleged behavior that led up to the breakup.
Frustration is why most people divorce. They are looking to be happy but the concept of happiness all the time is a trap. No one is happy all the time. There is no way to obtain it for the long term because something will always go wrong. Society has accepted everything as disposable and to excuse our behavior by saying 'no one has to put up with....' well if you want anything to work, you have to put up with..... Way to many people jump into relationships too quickly and end up regretting it
Underrated comment and wise understanding my friend. Your name will be respected wherever you go.
Don't marry just for happiness, marry for the real moments, the shared or alone tears, the whole ride. If you can't see the good and bad in your partner, you are living a lie. We all have good and bad moments/parts to us nobody is perfect.
Entitlement is why most women divorce men, and women are by far the most likely to divorce. Remove at fault divorce and remove the division of assets. I think you will see far more people work through their problems instead of divorcing for no reason. There is not much wrong with jumping into a relationship quickly. That is how we are built. Lust brings up together and pregnancy soon follows. Arranged marriages produce MUCH happier people. Most people are compatible with most other people. Separation or divorce should be reserved only for seriously heinous situations.
@@Reallgeemachine sounds a little bitter. A man secretly beating his wife controlling her every breath should definitely not have to give up any of the marital assets to an entitled woman. I'm sure you have it all figured out. Especially those entitled women who were never treated like ladies as a child to even know how to be a lady. But I'm sure you took that into consideration also. Those entitled women who were sexually abused should never assume they should be treated any better in a marriage either. I also saw you never mention entitled men.
@@Reallgeemachine sounds like you speak from bitterness. The men who dont want to lose marital assets will love this idea. Men feel entitled and beat their wives when they dont submit their every breath. I dont agree that any such thing is appropriate in this era. Men aren't men anymore and women aren't ladies. Barely anyone can manage relationships these days and no, not most people can get along. Just look around you. No man deserves anything they dont earn. If a man wants marriage then they can court and prove themselves. No woman should be told to marry.
I would agree that some of the hesitation for male commitment to marriage has to do with a limiting of options, however I don't think that it's the primary driving force behind that behavior today. There is significant risk to marriage with the existing judicial system biases, no fault divorce laws, and the funding of judicial retirement through child support resources. It has turned into a gold mining operation both legally and for some people financially. I'm not saying that this will stop all marriages in western society, but when you see men (and women) question why they should do it, I think we should look at the existing incentive structures for and against the marriage institution for clues.
Peterson is very conservative. Marriage has nothing to do with love but financial security. Most people are into eugenics. Not a good perception. Sex is the least important aspect of a relationship and alot of women are sex addicts and so are men. Hedonistic. Most people who are hedonistic tend to be abusive.Most women like bad men and visa versa.Alot of bad men. Famous people usually have horrible relationships. Abuse has nothing to do with monogamy or polygamy. It has to do with purpose and meaning between individuals.Jealousy and possessive people is a abusive trait. It is a piece a paper Its trivial. The strength of the relationship is valuable.
I think monogamy without marriage is the way to go right now
Life is full of risks. Previous generations of men were more prepared to take risks, whereas younger generations are far more risk-averse and quite frankly, cowardly.
@@apebass2215I'm not talking of courageous or cowardly behavior, I'm talking about society incentive structures.
If you have a safe market for cheap groceries with a good selection you'll have a high percentage buying at that market. If suddenly you take away some of the selection, less people will go to the market. If you make some of the produce rotten scams then less will go to the market. If you make the groceries expensive then less will go to the market. If you make shopping in the market legally difficult and punish individuals unfairly then less will go to the market.
See my point?
@omegahunter9 I see your point. But I think that it does take courage to risk cutting off all other options for one person. I think the failure of society is it doesn't train the young to discern good partners and the tricks or features of potentially bad partners, also not much self awareness training. More of this will lead to less mismatching of individuals which is really what fuels the fear of losing either in marriage or divorce.
I don't understand how these two can boil down the argument against modern marriages as "only a piece of paper".
I love the idea of 2 people committing to each other for life. I don't think the government should be involved in it. I married a woman legally once. I was faithful and she was not. So, the argument that the society and government help to buttress the marriage is poor.
One of my absolute favorite things about certain species of animal/bird/whatever are a that they mate for life. I find it sweet and meaningful, even if it’s not even so much that, for them. It gives me hope for people though.
I have seen some outstanding monogamous relationships, particularly that of my grandparents. They were they most loving, perfectly matched couple I’d ever seen. Only as an adult did my grandma tell me shortly after my dad was born, they were at each others’ throats constantly, and one day stormed out the door to the courthouse to get a divorce. When they got there, they realized they didn’t have enough money, went home, cooled off, and stuck it out. It made me love them all the more.
@@Ruby_Villain operative phrase PERFECTLY MATCHED. Unfaithfulness only comes with mismatching. When your shoes fit perfectly you don't want to wear any other pair.
Marriage is nothing but a social construct. If society didn't exist, then there would be no reason for marriage. Therefore, a society is the only real foundation to marriage. Society is required to respect the marriage between two people. If society doesn't support that contract, then there is no real foundation to the marriage. Pressure from society would crush a marriage if that society rejects your commitment to each other.
Society and govt help crush men in divorce so be careful who you contract with and the local laws
Society and government are bad for marriage, in our case, in the here and now, because our family courts are utterly corrupt and because of the selfish and ungodly popular norms. Hence why Peterson is speaking to the problem of our society tearing down marriage and family when we should building up those central, foundational institutions. I know how bad it is having been dragged through our ridiculous divorce court process for three years while he lived with the mistress he'd moved in with. But I also appreciate this speaking out in this video about how our society and government ought to be, even though I myself am unlikely to ever want to trust again or take the enormous risk again.
Sounds like my ex!! Very jealous but he wanted to cheat on me too. This was NOT an open realionship and I brought it up and he said no to open realionship after he had cheated and been caught! He wanted to have me and cheat on me without my knowledge!
So the solution to a cheater is offer an open relationship? No wonder you dated him in the first place.
Whats up with all these incels in the comments🤡🤡
I think she meant that she used would you prefer an open relationship to prove her point that he only wanted to cheat and have her reserved. Stop projecting on a comment first comment
for whatever reasons people don’t bother to work on themselves enough to have the substance to last a marriage, yes people are becoming bored of others because of ignorance or unwillingness to see the other person as the intricate being they are, but on the other hand a lot of people are actually boring unpleasant people. it’s the me me me mindset and the ability to construct a version of one’s self online that are two big factors here i believe
Love this i want to see more of this ❤❤❤❤
Never enter into a contract where 1 person is paid to break it.
Funny how they keep talking about the "health" of the people involved as well as society in general, that is hurt by the decline of marriage in our society, but completely failed to mention the complete absurdity of the family court system and how the marriage contract is fully enforced on one side and completely dismissed on the other! As you said, it's a contract that is binding on one side but not on the other, and one predetermined party is actually rewarded (by both courts and society) to break the contract.
@@davidjones8942how is it enforced on one sided but not the other
No one is paid to break it
@jenealeverett2269 that may be your point of view. Ours is obviously quite different!
Try sitting in a family court room some time.
@@davidjones8942 Can't expect a woman to understand. She's the one getting the benefits of a divorce.
Thank you, 💯
Thank you for all you do Dr Peterson!
To give fair creedance to the 'piece of paper' cliche: If a state has no interest in enforcing or even properly defining marriage then that document isn't worth the paper its printed on. It's no excuse to not take responsibility, but it is a fair criticism of the governments and societies who gave up their collective responsibility to uphold their end of the institution of marriage long ago. No wonder we are all getting divorced.
And especially if this very piece of paper is used in the divorce to exploit one of the parties
JP is good in his field, but he had no relationship experience.
He is together with his childhood sweetheart.
Marriage today doesn't have the same rules as the historically successful model of marriage.
To compare them is to be historically illiterate.
Govt only enforces one-half of marriage contracts. The dissolution of the man's estate.
Its a commitment to the state and most people think that if the marriage doesn't work then they don't want to go through a divorce. The divorce rate is probably around 65😮 percent of the population.
As much as I would like to marry again one day,, there is not a chance I'd ever risk it again, the state can respectfully ( kiss my azz ) .
I agree with marriage in the fact of the declaration of "this person is the only person I will have an intimate relationship from now on" I am not against other forms of marriage that declare the same, so long as there is meaning to that promise
I was married
It was one of the worst experiences of my life. Life is much easier on my own.
There are millions of guys like me…… which makes me wonder why the pro marriage people have to lie about marriage.?
They use historical examples...
...but the rules were changed completely.
These naive boomers have no idea.
I was married too, it was awful. I'm a woman and I have never been treated so poorly in my life. I'll never get married again. Men think when they marry you, they own you like a slave and can do ANYTHING that they want to you.
I am married. Getting married was the best decision of my life. And this is coming from someone who had no problems getting dates/laid as a bachelor. And so marriage for me wasn't an escape from loneliness or any form of lack.
I am not saying this to dismiss your experience. Nor am I in any way trying to convince people to marry. I'm writing this to give a balanced perspective on this matter.
@@4120306 I'm glad it worked out for you. I wish I could say the same.
When it's a good marriage, it's heaven. When it's a bad marriage, it's hell.
The problem with formalizing commitment with marriage for men in today's judicial landscape is that a lot of them end up financially brutalized in the event of divorce with alimony and child support. I personally don't take an issue with marriage from a religious standpoint, but I don't see a viable argument for getting married if you're a secularist. Involving the state in one's love life can't amount to any positive outcomes. Couples can share a long-term or even a life partner without the legally binding contract.
How about states where common law marriage exists? this is like being in a contract i never even signed. Peterson kinda touched on that at 14:00
I disagree "Couples can share a long-term or even a life partner without the legally binding contract."
Stay safe brother.
Man, I’ve been looking for this whole interview for the last year or two because it disappeared from the Internet
This is a really important interview, man
Some men may feel like they want to keep their options open (although I don't know anyone like that personally) many men don't want to sign the paper that women are rewarded for ending.
The secret is that paper does not create commitment from nothing... either it is there before and without the paper, or it is not there at all.
@Mereologist worse, just because it's there at the start doesn't mean it persists. Divorce is more than half of marriages and that rate has only increased.
That’s exactly right. This trope of demonizing men is hollow. The thing is, esp if there are no children, the state enforced marriage contract is anti men and gives women perverse incentives.
@@Gt3ch so every young woman in america suffers because of laws that were created 20 years before she was even born? make it make sense. So an entire generation doesn't procreate (men refuse to marry) because of laws that were written 20 years before they were born? again-make it make sense.
There are unfortunately a lot of men in the past who would accelerate sadism and abuse once the woman was “trapped.” That’s why no fault divorce came about. A lot of people aren’t good. Women are still more likely to be unalived by their husband or bf. In the past lots of men abandoned families to start new ones. The economy is worse now and so that’s why it seems a burden, but the protections of marriage, no fault divorce, and child support exist for a reason.
Why would anyone want to trap someone in a relationship they don’t want to be in, for any reason? It’s draconian. People in love treated well stay together.
A couple relevant facts:
Jordan Person grew up on the same street in small town in Northern Canada as his future wife. Yet, they didn't get married until college. She had been with other men at this point. It's not clear if Jordan had been with other women.
She waited to see if he'd grow up to become someone worthy of her.
We don't all get to marry our first crush, at pure as that would be. Without that purity or fairytale, you're left with practicality: how well you actually get along, if you can deal with her level of promiscuity (since women have more sexual choice than men, the man's will be lower on average), if you can trade novelty for fidelity.
This is the reality. Beautiful? No. But we do it because monogamy is a social construct. A powerful one.
Its not a social construct. Its how we have been made.
Promiscuity is the fallen state and social construct of the human race
It's not till I find someone better but things can stop working out at some point or I may fall in love harder for someone else in the future and it's easier to make the change without that contract signed, yes. This is not devaluing the person I'm with now, in my mind living with that person for the rest of my life is also a possibility and a likely possibility. Also, I wouldn't want my companion to feel shackled by that contract either, if she wants to leave me, she should feel as free as possible to do so. If you want to achieve the opposite by signing a contract, then you are a selfish and a weak individual as far as I'm concerned.
This is how I see it for me and at least I'm not a liar. If people were enforced to fulfill the promises they make when marrying, not even 0.1% would do it.
Greatly respect jordan but I do disagree with him on why men don't want get married. It's because if the woman decides I'm out, that's it, he's lost everything he owns and then he's expected to pay for her for the rest of his life. All because the courts are heavily in favour of the woman, regardless of how she treated him. Why would most take the risk.
Side note before anyone has a go, I do want to meet a girl that I trust enough to marry but that doesn't stop me seeing what's happening to a lot of guys.
Solution date men.
@bradleywang5739 kind of hard to produce kids with another dude, but I appreciate your suggestion 😅😆
@@empiricalwolf1256 Let me contextualize it like this, I'm sort of joking. I am an young adult I have dated both men and women.
The fixation on women being able to betray you and take everything you have, and having to take care of them as a man. As well as marriage being risky is very silly in my opinion. Are these concerns? Yes they should be pollical and social concerns and people should advocate for mens' rights in these areas. I did used to have the same concern before I started dating as an adult.
As an actual adult dating other adults, if you have these concerns you are dating the wrong person. The vast majority of people are perfectly normal and are not looking to take advantage of you. They can take care of themselves and if they can't you should not be in a relationship with them, they also expect you to take care of yourself.
Having the fear of entering a relationship because of uneven power dynamics and risk is mostly an in your head situation. If the person you are dating or in a relationship is causing these anxieties or fears in you, talk to them about it or leave. Most people aren't and will not try to take advantage of you or harm you in that way. Regardless of being male or female.
Men and women are the same in this regard one isn't better than the other or less risky. They are all people and act accordingly. (Though one thing I've noticed is men have a much higher tolerance for relationship based frustration).
I mention this reason being I think the whole discourse around women and relationships being risky is unfounded and rather bizarre (Mostly because of how overblown cancelation and the MeToo movement are in the press and society), don't worry about it and find or allow someone you are interested in enter a relationship with you. Don't be a scumbag sexual harasser, womanizer misandrist etc and you aren't really in any risk as long as you are reasonable.
@@bradleywang5739even if the woman you're seeing isn't trying to exploit you, they are highly incentivized to by their divorce lawyer.
Power corrupts. The power to enslave the ex husband is extremely tempting especially if things end bitterly, which is hard to predict even if both parties are "functional independent adults."
No matter how much you love someone you shouldn't put a gun in their hand and tell them to point it at your head.
@@LeFlamel For some men, any obligation to a woman post-divorce is 'enslavement'. Even if that woman put aside her career, and served the man during the marriage, enabling his material success. Rare is the man who can admit, especially post-divorce - that her contributions to the partnership contributed to his success. Even if she worked in the family business. In fact, that's why women leave relationships most often - having their contributions taken for granted. Those husbands often think room & board is good enough. The outrage over the Crowders' situation is telling. She worked in his business - and in the home. He would not have had the material success without her.
Single women, in other contractual relationships - get compensated. Only in marriage is a women supposed to be 'selfless' at her own expense.
Yes, power corrupts. Power dynamics in SAHM situations are a perfect example.
Two people, both acting selflessly in a marriage = good marriage. It doesn't work when it's only one.
Laughing when I read Mr Peter 😆 reminds me of that scene in family guy with consuela 😅
4:15 Because they know another man could offer his bang maid a happier romantic life, potentially without the added aggression drama.
Perhaps even marry her, honour her and treat her right, unlike him.
She probably hasn’t got those options. She’s likely loyally blind because he’s nice to her most of the time or he’s broke her down enough to believe no one would want her. Or she’s worried how he’ll terrorize her and her new man if she ever dares to have one.
The problem is there are not enough of the people , people actually want to go around.
I actually agree with marriage is just a paper, my wife and I didn't get married for 6 years until I had a job that had insurance. We went to the courthouse the next week to get the paperwork done. We were married before in our hearts and a paper or the few ppl in the room didn't do that.
Same. The ceremony was the done deal. The paper years later was like "Oh yeah, we should go get that done today" and it was just an errand. Not special and quickly forgotten.
When you're all in, you're all in. That's when it gets interesting. A stupid courthouse document won't do that for you.
Very interesting topic
Thanks.
I would've agreed with the claim that marriage is the cornerstone of child's life (aside from psychological and social stability), but I have "a bone to pick" with that.
Most of the people are getting married for the wrong reasons; they might be- pressure (both from society and the other party), false beliefs, need for control and not being ready for the responsibility. So when people, whilst having these issues and not addressing the properly are getting married- that's when it becomes hell from which there is no escape. Yes, you can divorce, but it can have big impact especially on women. So the issues is- how can you trust yourself firstly, that you are ready for this commitment, and how can you trust that your partner is ready? Yes, work on the issues that stop you from getting serious about your life and relationship and yes, grow up and become responsible adults. But as it was said in the video "most men don't want to tie the knot, because they don't want to close the door on variability", how are we supposed to build a healthy relationship let alone get married?
I want to note that not all heavily tattooed people are violent. Some of them have had a rough past but have grown to be very lovely and rational individuals! Sometimes people might also want to protect themselves in a difficult environment by appearing tough and scary.
But tattoos combined with hostile demeanour is of course a clear red flag.
Alternative title: Dr. Peterson called 2003 and discussed relationships.
Great information though hehe.
😂 They must have time traveled.
In reality, they did.
These are older dudes discussing it with their view from when they were getting married 30-40 years ago.
Not seeing it from the real perspective of what a modern day young man is experiencing.
@@VividVicente I was talking about the video quality of the guest
I'd say most people in relationships did not CHOOSE thier partner but instead they were in proximity to one another and both seeking to in a relationship. Most of the time it is only proximity, .
The whole episode is great. Some magic happens and also it’s fun. Please try to speak again with Mr Dalrymple / Daniels.
I would love to hear this topic discussed between Dr. Peterson and a woman with similar education and experience in marriage counseling.
Stable homes is how we end this. At some point we are going to have to collectively come together and prioritize something other than ourselves when it comes to marriage, which both sexes are utterly failing at.
I think a lot of this started back after the one-two punch of the Vietnam war and 60s free love revolution. Not only do you have traumatized men coming home from war and creating instability in family life, but you have a relaxed environment for women to seek opportunity elsewhere when things go south. Divorce became normalized. Birth control didn’t help either. You also have the phenomenon of the latch key kids and moms no longer home to watch after kids because they’re out working. Young males desperately need supervision and strong male role models to do well in life.
All of this relative ‘freedom’ creates a cycle of broken homes and poorly raised kids that perpetuates down the line. When no one has modeled stability for you, it’s very difficult to learn on the fly.
By the time I was a teen in the 00s it seemed most of the kids I knew had divorced parents, myself included. We raised ourselves on TV and the internet. Public schools were fraught with social gangs because supervision was so low.
Without a Dad in my life and dealing with a ton of instability, I grew towards progressive ideology because it was the only tool I had to feel safe in a world that seemed to want to hurt me as a young woman. I had to learn how to navigate relationships with men without ever really having a positive male role model and that had terrible consequences for quite some time. I entered into poor relationships, abusive situations and got divorced young myself. I had a lot of anger as a young woman that I directed at men as a group so feminism was very enticing to help me deal with my frustration.
It took a lot of conscious effort to learn healthy boundaries, discipline and structure. Learning the tools that a father might have provided in my life led me to become more and more socially conservative, more and more understanding and appreciative of what positive male role models could be even though I never had them. I started to see how my parents’ divorce was a product of their liberal views and how that impacted me terribly growing up. Christian values later taught me the importance of monogamy and the sanctity of marriage that has changed my priorities for the better.
I needed a dad to show me these things as a kid. I also thoroughly believe young males need supervision in a more structured apprenticeship like environment with older males to fix some of this too. They need to be taken under the wing of good leadership early on instead of rotting in a desk and developing little gangs of their peers in public school. Women also desperately need their fathers to show them how a potential mate should treat them.
If we want this to change we need to start at our own home. I’ve made a lot of changes in life and have taken it upon myself to take marriage and child rearing very seriously along with my role as a woman. It’s been hard - the men my age seem to resist taking on their role as providers just as much as the women seem to want total freedom from men. Men grew up with no supervision, playing video games all day and the idea of actually having to work and be responsible for a family terrifies them. Women get angry at the idea of authority and having to possibly control their behavior. I’ve heard a lot of excuses on both ends but we can’t keep making excuses for our lack of participation in something we know is beneficial for ourselves and society. Even if it fails terribly, at least you strived to do better. Don’t blame society any longer if you aren’t actively working on making it better.
Front of the class lady. I bet I could sit and enjoy a convo with you. So much my dad did not tell me either. ❤❤❤
Your novel is cute, but women won't comply. We don't have to be trapped in a marriage anymore.
@@teresamagnusson it isn't a trap if you're working with a real man on a shared vision. It is otherwise. #weonlyneedkings
@@nzingahoneyThat's a big if. If he pulls his weight in the relationship it can work, but nuclear families really don't work in the first place. Extended families are what work. It takes a village to raise a child.
Not really possible when you have to leave your village for a job.
For many men it's not a piece of paper, it's a bear trap. Within those, "love" becomes a bait, not a boon.
Agreed and unless the Office for National Statistics are making things up..men have a 50% chance of losing house,pension and a large chunk of their income. So those above accusing men of cowardice..it's not cowardice it's pattern recognition.
I like Dr. Peterson well enough, but listening to him talk about love and marriage is like a leper listening to a supermodel complain about her imperfections. My world is so different from his that I can't begin to relate.
Ehhh...ok...what if we stand up in front of everybody and have a ceremony without it involving the LAW...doesn't it mean the same thing without it being run thru the government?
When you sign a mirage contract, you give another person control over your life, or at least the ability to take half of everything you have and make your life a living hell in the process. There is no bigger risk most people will ever take in their whole life.
If you look at modern mirage from a purely logical perspective, like an investor making investment decisions, the legal contract portion of the agreement makes the investment significantly less attractive. (And don't think you're off the hook just because you didn't sign the paper. If you're living together or having kids, the court will treat it as a mirage.)
HONEST QUESTION: Is polygamy the same as promiscuity? I feel like there is a difference that most people tend to ignore...
The two are both lifestyles that do not commonly result in stable families.
So they are equally bad if you value that.
Equally bad but the difference is that promiscuity doesn't necessarily involve any commitment to any degree. Polygamy still holds the idea that there is some commitment, only to multiple.
@@GaiaNeh1013
That's the theory.
In practice, it mostly doesn't last.
No commitment is less painful than broken commitment.
@@spambot_gpt7 exactly! It's half-ass commitment. One foot in, one foot out, and under selfish circumstances.
They are not the same historically, but modern liberals practicing it are basically promiscuous with extra steps
I PREFER PLEASURE AND SENSATION WITH ETHICS THAN A MARRIAGE WITHOUT SENSATION AND PLEASURE IN WHICH I COULD BE , FAKE IT WOULD BE .
10:50 This here now is the important bit. Society doesn't seem to give any feedback positively on continuing through rough patches. I suspect part of that has to do with the extremes being displayed often, or loudly, compared to those who stick it out, despite the absence of general invested support.
marriage is awesome. it promotes clarity, much like fatherhood. it brings out your A game and helps to establish goals and priorities. in short, you stop d*cking around. As an artist and musician, I became infinitely more productive and creative once I found a woman with whom I could partner with and plan a life. And my experience, the sex is better and steadier. perhaps I'm just lucky, but I don't think so. A lot of guys are, sadly, are addicted to squandering their lives chasing p*ssy. Having said that, I'm not gonna pretend that finding a good woman is easy.
Could be nursing intersecting with low social status. It’s not clear cut regarding promiscuity- the closest explanation I can think of is the concept of “short life history strategy” mating strategy wherein the ecology is unstable and the outlook bleak enough that aggressive and wilful men dominate - and women mate freely with these males without seeking commitment or perhaps only seeking protection from other more violent individuals or complete lack of resource provision. Very true regarding the dishonest diminishing of officiating marriage.
What if you do meet someone else though? I'm not saying this always happens but for example, Rowan Atkinson has remarried and they've been together over 10 years. Ewan McGregor remarried. Hugh Jackman is now divorced. Nowadays I imagine someone might have had a couple of relationships/or less before getting married. JP has also said before that people lean towards monogamy, so that seems to be the state of things; as in that that's what people want. I think working on things is important however sometimes it does seem like people are unhappy and maybe married the wrong person idk.
Thanks for honoring my freedom of speech.
When her husband died, his wife of many years was heart broken ... that is ... until she found out that during the years she thought he was being faithful ... he had been busy with his other wife and children that they had together.
She was furious, and said that she wished he was still alive so she could k-ll him .
If we are realistic ... it should be plain ... that monogamy doesn't work for everybody.
So she had an apparently good life with him and then hated him for no other reason than she could not possess him 24/7?
That is why I won't and never will do monogamy. Creepy AF.
I don't lie to my partners though.
@@kenofken9458 Marriage is not the only commitment that causes people to think they own others.
Once a couple has sex and moves in together ... the thought of "ownership" of that person begins. That word infidelity drove many people to commit murder in rages of jealousy.
The only alternative is to never have sex or move in with anyone ... and even then you can be tormented by a stalker who is obsessed and will not leave you alone and might even kill you if they can't have you, and don't want anyone else to have you either.
Humans are the most nasty animals on planet earth.
@@kenofken9458 Humans are just not nice creatures.
From the book … WOMEN WHO RAPE MEN … author … John David BA JD LLM
Many people still have the mistaken impression that it is physically impossible for a woman to rape a man because a woman does not have a penis.
What this misconception overlooks is that a woman can force her vagina over a man’s penis (known as “forced envelopment” or “forced to penetrate”), or, a woman can use threats, emotional manipulation, drugs, alcohol, and a variety of other means to induce a man to penetrate her vagina. This latter phenomenon is known as “made to penetrate rape.”
As our culture advances in its awareness of men and boys who are victims of women who rape, it may become increasingly possible for men to report rape to authorities, and, have those reports be taken with sensitivity and seriousness. As difficult as it may be for a male rape survivor, it is important that the survivor consider reporting the rape to authorities.
Women can also rape a man by using an object, or one of her body parts, to penetrate his anus. This is a very common method women use to rape young boys. Keeping in mind that rape is not just about sex, but is about power, many female sex predators feel that humiliating a man or boy, by anal penetration, is a form of domination and exercising power and control over the victim. It is rape.
Telling a man that you want to have intercourse with him but don’t want to get pregnant (by engaging in sex with a condom) while planning to steal the man’s sperm for insemination is arguably “fraud in fact.” As most attorneys are aware, fraud voids consent. Consequently, in a case like the one described above, the woman arguably committed first degree rape by obtaining the man’s participation in sex under false pretenses.
This dramatic increase in the numbers of women who are rapists and sex offenders has drawn the concern of NGO’s and women leaders across the U.S.
Both forced envelopment, and, made to penetrate, are first-degree rape under the modern laws of most jurisdictions.
@@kenofken9458He betrayed her trust. It's heartbreaking that men think women should be able to accept their cheating.
I personally would rephrase that as, "responsibility is not for everyone".
If you're in an exclusive relationship and not happy, communication is key. Just saying from past experiences, it wasn't just my ex's fault, it was also mine, don't try to spare feelings my brothers.
Dr Peterson to say finger and hand tattoos make me a bad person and I am a SA perpetrator is wrong I was married to my wife for 32 years. She was my first sex partner and she passed away in 2022 I have not had sex with anyone else or even tried. I have piss off tattooed on my fingers because of a girl I lost who killed her self because of church politics when I was a youth minister she told me it means “people in shitty situation often feel forgotten”. So to say I am a bad person is not correct.
tattoos are fine, anyone under the age of like 50 doesn't care about tattoos. that was a boomer thing
@@user-lt1jd1ye3v it could be more he is from Canada also I guess.
I don't think it's _just_ a piece of paper either but what I think is getting left out is, when you get married, now the government is involved in your relationship. And if that relationship ends (and statistically speaking, there is a very very high probability that that will be the case), government does not favor the men. He'll lose half up to half his wealth and/or half his belongings. If children are involved, odds are he'll lose custody and may even have to pay a disproportionate amount of his income to child support - even if those children aren't his. Alimoney may involved. The list goes on and on.
Its been asked on several occasions, what legal benefit do men have for getting married? Thus far I yet to hear a good reason; certainly nothing commenserate with the potential pitfalls of divorce...
It’s the state and what that “piece of paper” allows. Talk about that. Change the laws/family courts . Talk about that.
“An unending calamity across every dimension you can possibly imagine”. If one were exceptionally limited in their imagination, sure. I can imagine hundreds of dimensions in which a) it is “ending”, & b) isn’t a calamity at all.
Why does Jordan speak so incredibly imprecisely?
He's speaking precisely enough, if inaccurately.
If you're going to criticize others, examine yourself first ;)
@@aaronweiss3294 It's not precise enough, though. It's simply inaccurate to say a) "an unending calamity", b) "an unending calamity across every dimension", & c) "every dimension you can possibly imagine".
Jordan is unproductively hyperbolic. So hyperbolic, in fact, that his statements often suggest mania, & become reliably false.
IMO that one of the reasons we call the early medieval age "dark ages" - becouse the legal system then was based on tribal laws (of Germanic tribes and other tribes) as it was post-Roman empire law and it was of course polygamous in its aspects of family law, marriage law. And one of the things I remember best from the time I was studying history of law was that the legal system of dark ages (5 - 10 centuries) - before the Church developed monogamous marriage law - was horrible for women and for their kids. Men looking for another then another wife - younger or richer - and then those many wives (of rich guys) constantly fighting each other for the sake of the inheritance for their children! Women murdering women for want of inheritance (money, land) to be only for their child, not for the child of the second wife. And in such situation it was much more ocasions for slavery of children (rejected by their fathers - for example children of second wife) and for knight-robbers who were slavers trafficking women (mostly rich ones for ransom), and for women poisoning their rivals for the money of their husbands (and then being accused for witchcraft), and for feuds between two families who were able - according to the law - avenging (legaly) each other's misdeads and unhonorable actions even for generations - like for 200 years ! Like when a rich guy wants new wife but the family of the first wife are not happy about it. :)
"Women are wonderful, it is the men who need to step up."
I hope this is a joke 😂
If two people are not happy with each other and this happens, I feel they should part ways, but it is each persons responsibility to take care of the children they produce. Quite often a woman has not worked or worked at a low paying job, and she is the one left with the daily care of the children, food, school, doctors appointments etc. along with working at the low paying job; men quite often don’t understand this.
After listening to this, I am very curious as to the origin of marriage and why multiple cultures instituted this practice. Was there a break from a group (clan, tribe, hunter/gathering) polygamous mentality for survival to preserve culture? Or a religious experience? Are we regressing?
I've known a few couples that have been together for years... when they decided to get married, they soon after divorced.
Interpersonal relationships shouldn't be enforced by outside forces. Some people have other kinds of relationships and that's up to them
Not comprehending why modern western men won't fall into big daddy's trap of getting married is beyond me. Calling it "just a piece of paper" is borderline dangerous for the young men who listen. Marriage isn't what it used to be.
Also, if anyone doesn't want "to commit and close off all possibilities", it's predominantly women!
Personally, I don't think the public statement of commitment, or 'piece of paper', is the reason many resist marriage; it is concern about the subsequent involvement of the state and the law in the relationship that many see as a threat. This may well be more of a concern for men as the law, in most western countries at least (I'm in the UK), with regard to both children and financial matters, does definitely favour divorcing females. Even a no fault divorce initiated by the wife purely because she's bored and unwilling to adhere to the commitment she made in her wedding vows, is almost certain to result in the husband losing custody of his children, possibly with little or even no contact allowed, plus financial ruination.
Theodore is a British National Treasure. Came out of nowhere actually. He reminds me of my old Professor Josiah Carberry. But Daryrimple actually shows up and delivers!
It's not just a piece of paper. It is an unconscionable contract that promises nothing to the man and gives the woman the right to cheat on her husband, take half of his resources, and (usually) his children. No man in his right mind would sign such a piece of paper. I did it once and it cost me dearly. I would never do it again. Fortunately, in my case I had the support to enable me to gain physical custody of my son and now I am celibate and free. I take care of my son and my aging mother. Most of my male friends have similar stories.
The benefits of marriage for men have long since passed. Marriage is not necessary for a two parent household. What is necessary is two willing participants willing to stay together and work through hardships together.
That’s what’s missing.
No way in hell can I ever see myself getting married. Or living with a woman. Not in Canada. Not because I don’t want to keep options open and live a pleasure seeking hedonistic life, but because I don’t want my life obliterated by laws put in place by a society that hates men.
Society doesn't hate men - more the uncivilised lawmakers might.
Women don't hate men.
Lawmakers profit from division by creating cases
Imo
🙏☮️
In the confused modern era, we are subject to the whims of our partners “happiness”, which few can satisfy given the fleetingness of such an emotion.
That’s NOT a good partner. Get yourself emotionally secure first, then find a partner to marry who is also secure.
I listened to this to find correction for my attitude that a marriage legal contract is foolish. A marriage agreement between my God, my community, and my wife is a worthy goal. The legal system creates a motive in most woman’s cases to not have to compromise and cooperate and an unfair contract for the men in most traditional marriages. Prove me wrong. Most woman, especially the ones who don’t make as much money as their husbands can just take half of his money and leave anyway. Why bother? The legal document is modifiable in a prenup. What’s it good for? The threat of leaving with nothing vs actually working hard to settle disagreements is a good incentive to cooperate and stay married.
Agree that it is more than a piece of paper, it is a contract where one party gets a benefit when they break it. Men are not afraid of marriage, men are afraid of divorce. Want increase the marriage rate? Simple, abolish alimony and child custody by default 50/50.
I surely think that monogamy is the most viable pathway to organize the sexual life of civilizations. Arguments in this regard can be made psychologically (nurturing children, less distress, possibility of transformation through longterm growth with a partner), sociologically (monogamous civilizations (!) are the most successful and least violent) and of course religiously, but I don't think that Dalrymples argument on sexual freedom and violence is sound.
In more monogamous times - let's take the catholic Vienna of Freud or Victorian England or Prussian Germany - the threats men posed to each other because of inconvenient looks at their mates where in no means less serious. You could get beaten up because you took a queer look at some girls ankle. Cultures of honor flourish equally well within monogamous as within polygamous or 'sexually free' societies.
High oxytocin women (Nurses)- Extreme low oxytocin men (Violent psychopaths). I think its stereotypical polar atrraction
All my observations of sexual relationships is the more partners and this includes divorce as well the less trusting the sex partners and the violence is the result. A marriage does not remove jealously and violence if one or both partners were busy with sex before marriage. I have watched and seen and heard and lived it myself.
If you want to encourage marriage the legal landscape will need to change. No fault divorce needs to go, assumed paternity also need to go among other things. The deck is stacked against men.
Marriage is contract in which women are rewarded for breaking it.
It's "free sex" without the responsibility of caring for, feeding, or clothing the partner.
I think a good chunk of it that isn't hedonism comes from the face that marriage changes a woman and not always for the better and it can do it suddenly lots of people say "she was this way before we were married and then after she was totally different her true side came out" and then the courts will destroy a man utterly so it's now days it feels just like a liability instead of something honorable
The same can be said for men, too.
well it comes with the obvious conclusion that man and woman make the point that if they behave as the law forces them to behave they will be rewarded with monogamous love but that makes them pursue less real meaningfull realationship and just postpone if not ever have a real one, i say if manogamy is forced then people will be more tilted toward polygamy, there is a lot of factors to it this is just one point of many that makes the case that is presented, i am not presenting a good or bad side. i think letting pepole persue and experience without the burden of the whole world on their shoulders may lead to more responsebillity taken on their close relationships and let them reach the conclusion by themselfs
I can say from personal experience, in some instances, "just a piece of paper", can be a legal document, that gives permission to take things from one party, by one who has no financial, moral, or ethical, claim to it. That being said, I do, very much, prefer, and seek monogamy, over casual encounters. I take oaths very seriously. If I make an oath to a partner, and before God, stating till death do us part, you can bet your life, I will honor it....good times, or bad.
I don’t know what Jordan is talking about at 9:00 with there being extraordinary levels of violence in polygamy. I grew up around polygamy-my dad had four wives. And the men in this culture were quite docile in my experience.
In the US at least, many men don't want to get married, because they don't want to risk being destroyed by the family court system if the marriage end in divorce, which happens 50% of the time. So it's just a rational decision given the current environment. Who would want to take a deal that had a 50% of finanical riun with no upside.
Traditionally in the West long courtship was very much favoured. Our forebears definitely exhibited wisdom that’s sorely lacking today! It also shows that our forebears built a society that was built on the long game, not short term gratification.
How we have fallen short today 🤦♂️
They were smarter than the average bear
14:40 wrong
We don’t want marriage because it’s expensive and it’s a lie if people are willing to end it if they are unhappy
People evolve, people learn new things that can disconnect each other, and love can change so we don’t want to be dishonest thinking that we will 100% stay together forever
You can have the ceremony where you declare commitment in front of witnesses without the legal paperwork. Fortunately, where I come from, there is no such thing as common-law marriage. The problem is divorce. Who would get married in their right mind when the woman stands to gain in divorcing you? Not just gain, where she can ruin your life. Even if I trust my partner, I believe that power corrupts. I don't want to get into a situation where I'm continually at her mercy. Of course, this is irrelevant in Canada. As more and more men avoid marriage, I fear governments are, in my opinion, more likely to implement something along the lines of common-law marriage instead of improving the position of men in divorce. Pushing those men to avoid all long-term relationships with women. Essentially to avoid them like plague.
So called 'progressive' politicians actual aim to (covertly) undermine the nuclear family.
I’ve become quite discriminatory against people who are into polygamy, polyamory, etc. I just don’t want their influence in my life. I’ve brushed up against it already and decided I want no more of it. Jordan is right, there’s a lot more violence amidst those sorts of social circles. That’s just one part of the problem, and there are many more.
These people can do what they like, sure. Just provided it is far away from me.
I hear that. Agree. Stick to their own kind.
I consider it to be a cesspool. .
A sad thing is that traditions/mixed cultures that expect a man to submit to the woman who’s compelled to send money back to family in her home country, at the expense of managing their own financial concerns, and the pressures coming from mamas and family members in their country of origin.
It was never to be, and at a great cost!
Blind to the truth. Both of them. DIVORCERAP
Since theres a gold ad here i would remind everyone, any gold within the boindries of the usa is the sole property of the federal united states government and can be recalled at any time for any reason.
One thing about all these claims that men are more unfaithful than women has striked me even from time I was a teenager and here is the problem: Let's assume as it should be in the whole world, that we have about 50% men and 50% women and yet someone claims that cheating is more common among men... Yes, right, but with whom? With other men while we all know for a fact that homosexuality is at least twice as high among women than within men. Now here is the thing... You can believe what ever and have opinions on different matters but mathematic truths and probabilities are always the same and you can't go around it. As prostitution is merely a marginal problem now days on western countries, not that it is exceptable in any shape or form, to make men more unfaithful than women are, its means that these men cheat their women with same women... That is complete nonsense and every normal and not BIASED person understands this. To these aclaims to be true, we would have to have at least 3 times more women than men. Men do pay for a sex and use these women, but that is all fairness marginal and doesn't explain anything at all unless we take to account, that to every cheating man, there has to be a cheating woman... if this is a revelation to some, I am sorry for you.
most prostitutes aren't married? so that logic goes out the window. and there are statistically more gay men in the US than gay women, so. and gay men almost always cheat on eachother so bad reference.
You underestimate the number of men who are bisexual and homosexual who are married to women and cheat with other men.
I agree I think men do try to keep their options open. I do also think that there's great fear of divorce or having your life uprooted in Western society.
"Never sign a contract with someone where it benefits the opposing party to break it"
Seriously a marriage certificate is nothing more than a contract that can legally be used has been used and will continue to be used abundantly against a man's best interest not a woman's but rather a man furthermore speaking from a man's point of view you're supposed to bring something to the table both as a man is a woman what is being brought to the table with the women of the day that makes large commitment worth it.
That's totally and in agreeance with marriage however down in it twice already I think I want to make sure that she's bringing equal amounts to the table and by no means am I waiting for something that's simply worth all the hassle
Oh danged, Peterson’s last question 😮 where the individuals do well protected by the fact of those structures that they were only able to see the residual problems??? Okay sir!
Erin Pizzey identified and explained this attraction which some women have for violent men in the early 197s (see Prone to Violence). Essentially such women are addicted to it.
This discussion mentions brutish lower class sexual relationships. Is there any continuity with the more sophisticated sexual relationships where the upper classes casually indulge in long term affairs with mistresses?
... Where the working class vulnerable of both sexes and often low ages are funneled to the brutish hypocrite class. In Jack the Ripper's day, curtained coaches from the affluent West End of London would discretely visit the East End slums and what happened in the East End stayed ... as we now know.
Bonus fact the majority of the surviving Ripper forensic evidence has serially disappeared, over time from it's secure lock up, with limited access, in Scotland Yard.
This Psychiatrist is a great wordsmith and documentarion, but never ever raises his eyes and punches up, noted.
The Deal between men and Woman since forever is sexual exclusivity in Exchange for protection. The Woman must stay sexual loyal the men musst stay protective loyal. Its normal that high Status men have more women and Low Status men have No Woman. Aggression ist Vital to life itself.
According to Christianity which our entire modern Western civilization is built upon men are to stay sexually loyal.
The only reason i didn't want to get married is my exposure to risk is much higher than a woman's. But ultimately, i decided that we were going to get married and it was a suicide pact of sorts. The only way out is death. Now we've been married for 6 months shy of 20 years. It was hard and we fought. We even separated for about 3 months at around the 5 year mark. But we still spoke often ans never intended divorce. Just knew we needed some time apart so each of us could work on ourselves for a bit.
Matriage is the 2nd hardest thing a person can do. Only raising a child is harder. And the 2 are so inextricably linked that if you are working hard and successful at one you'll likely be working hard and successful with the other.
Like so many of you here in the comments, I think they've got it wrong. Until the conditions of marriage are made less unfavorable to us as individuals, people will avoid marriage.
From what I have seen elsewhere on UA-cam, men don't avoid marriage because they fear commitment, rather they fear divorce court.
Maybe the men fearing divorce court should open up a conversation with women on why many end up asking for divorce
@@Nosteponsnekssswould you sign up for an insurance that most likely will leave you bankrupt and emotionally destroyed in the case of an accident? Would you then ask “why did you have an accident in the first place then?”
Its a good question to ask why did it happen in the first place though, but this context is just not the right one.
@@Nosteponsnekssswomen don't "ask for a divorce", they just do it, making a mockery of their wedding vows. Divorce has become too easy and it's undermining marriage, with divorced men paying the price.
I know a man who doesn't fear divorce court, given the way he's been acting. His wife has hung on through thick and thin, through fourteen children and 24 pregnancies in 23 years. Protecting her children from dangerous associates of his and still teaching them to honor him. She's a bit stupid, or something, but a loving woman. He's acted like she was nothing or as though he actively hated her as soon as the honeymoon trip was over. I think those situations are why God provides divorce and police interference as an option now.
@@lisaharmon8401 sounds like a nasty man and your friend may need help.