How To Deal With Assertive People | Chris Voss
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- Опубліковано 9 лис 2022
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Founded and led by former lead FBI hostage negotiator, Chris Voss, the Black Swan Group has 10+ years of experience working with companies and individuals on taking their negotiation skills to the next level. Chris’ book, Never Split the Difference, is a Wall Street Journal bestseller and has sold over 2 million copies worldwide. Our expert team of coaches discuss everything from silence techniques to influential empathy.
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Thanks for watching!
I went to buy a car 5 years ago, I walked inside the first guy that came he asked me , how can I help you? I told him, you wouldn’t be able to sell me a car in less than an hour. I don’t even know if I can qualify for the loan. The guy was confused and he said less check if you do. He came back and I qualified for a 0% loan because of my credit. In less than an hour I walked out of the car dealer with my car and I pay what I thought was the right amount. No hassle, not headache, fast and very smooth. This is the first time in my live that I brought a car in less than an hour. Of course I did my homework first about the price, the 0% interest and I was calm an I really enjoy it.
Sounds like preparation and an understanding of what the Black Swans were really gave you a leg up?
assertive types:
6:38 "getting what they want is 3rd on their list" "being in control is number one on their list, and thats emotionally satisfying" "the alpha type that we refer to as assertive, the one thing thats more important than getting what they want is being respected and making sure that you know everything about what they're coming from off"
7:20 "Its really more important to them that they felt that they conducted themselves respectably, that you respected them, and that you knew where they were coming from,. and when you know these things, they'll actually soften up on what they want."
7:43 "When they're demanding, what they're saying to you subtlety is " i want you to know how important this to me, i want you to know how important i am"
Talk about them as if they were someone known as respected, or worthy of admiration/respect 8:00 gives some examples. 8:30 'stroking their ego is not a bad thing'
10:50 "if you're dealing with someone, especially an assertive that might forget what they said or what they committed to because they were just too busy being aggressive, when you get in the moment, the rule of three, is this idea that we got confirmation from someone or something, three times before we move forward."
11:08 "Number one because people have a tendency to remember something they agreed to three times, and number two it also creates an emotional moment that we can refer back to later on in the timeline, lets say something blows up, we can go back to 'when you said this three times, how was i supposed to interpret that'
11:33 'do you got a problem with me doing x' "thats your first of three confirmations in the moment"
"you can also easily follow that up with a label, 'sounds like you're not going to have any issue with this?'
You can also paraphrase it. 'So you're good with me taking on this effort and handling it this way', "Now you've gotten that three times, and if something blows up, or they change their mind down the line, you've got all for all intents and purposes the instant defense, 'when we talked about this last week and you asked this three times, What did You want Me to interpret from that', "Now you're essentially off the hook."
12:25 "and then Another one thats just in general for dealing with assertive, they like to talk, they usually have a dissertation to get off their chest,
12:39 mirrors are a great way to navigate through that dissertation, and specifically when you're mirroring, right as they're going on and on, they're going to say stuff thats actually important to you, eventually they're going to say something thats you want them to focus on, thats what you end up mirroring, and it very much directs their thought process, very much like a pinball in a pinball machine, your flippers are the mirrors, for all intents and purposes."
13:
I work with an assertive - best technique for me, has been priming them - like if I need to say a flat no. I’ll prime them little by little - bit bit by bit, where eventually when they I say a flat out NO, I’ve mentioned this before. It has - for me, worked for me every time.
Can you please elaborate what you mean by this? English is not my mother tongue
Voss has made it very clear in many conversations that he does not necessarily like nor agree with those that he is negotiating with for the release of hostages. There is nobody so pure on the planet. Everybody has flaws. It sounds like you’re not willing to negotiate with anybody but those who have committed no sin
I appreciate his thoughts and writings. He is a deep thinker. God bless his team and those he shares with!😊
Used some of your methods today as in "negotiations" with barristers over forced covid jab of learning disabled in the UK. Slippery eels these types. They know what they want and engineer their positions to achieve. Did get them to snap and then said you're so gracious which definitely disarmed.
Very hard to configure questions to exact the negative also but hopefully I'll learn and fast for full trial coming soon
Chris’s videos are making a difference in my single family with the business in the Dallas-Fort Worth market
Does this work on car salesmen?
Car salesman "Does this number look good?"
Me "How... do you expect me to pay this?"
It sounds like our training would be a great fit for you. Go to the quiz on our website to discover which kind is right for you: bit.ly/3N9MhWc
I would love advice around using this technique for enterprise bargaining situations…against employer who wont budge from their initial offer and wont listen to our claims
When on a zoom call, if the main speaker (typically the person who set it up and is running it - the owner of the call if you will) spotlights himself than when other people talk, they won't capture the screen.
Super value packed
Apathy is expression with picture . Smile out inside apathy . The split is internal when you don t know yourself you let others describe you
I hate to say is but I have such a hard time "stroking egos" that are already GIGANTIC in the mind of the "assertive" or as I call them narcissists. I agree that it's probably to my advantage to flatter them and coddle them with inflating lies. It's STILL SO HARD for me.
Thank you for watching.
@@NegotiationMasterysuch a crappy reply for someone looking for a bit of advise
An aggressive toxic person would never ask. Have you given up on doing business with me? However I wish they would ask that question because it would be an open invite to get away from them and I wouldn't have to say no slowly I would say yes LOL
It sounds like our training would be a great fit for you. Go to the quiz on our website to discover which kind is right for you: bit.ly/3N9MhWc
This lesson describe a paranoid man
Around 34:24, Steve drops a "you're right" on Derek. It sounds like Derek's advice makes sense to him in theory, he just doesn't have a clear picture of how to put it into action.
“You’ve said before, that you would never lie to anyone that you’re not going to kill.”
Holy fuck, way to cut from that subject.
ive never had to negotiate a Starbucks coffee .. i enjoy real coffee from McDonald's!
😎
They mistaken kindness with your being weak, cheerful with being ditzy ect so on.
Tom Girardi was charged with multiple counts of wire fraud for stealing money from clients for 10 years. And, other lawyers at his law firm were sanctioned for mishandling client money. It makes me really think about how you interact with people and the fact that you can never ever be 100% certain of someone’s intentions. Are they truly trying to build a relationship with you for mutual benefit or is there psychopathic harm involved in the case of the now disgraced Tom Girardi?
1:04:47
30:06 the guest is accommodating the assertive person right now. They have a guess and are afraid it would upset them to be both right or wrong. I wish the host would have confronted them with this and pushed them to go past their own inner block. Where is their resistance to the question coming from?
So you just mirror back to what they said? Say the same thing to them?
Mirroring is a great skill to use in many different situations.
I keep following BSG and I look for ways to just talk Russia into leaving Ukraine the way they are leaving Kherson. It may take time but it could go much faster than how long they took in Afghanistan.
I also want to influence people in Toronto, to encourage them to ride bicycles and build bike lanes. So many people are against bike lanes and against cyclists. It could take a while.
Keep up the good work, Chris Voss and Lewis Howes. Keep being nice guys. Let's talk nice to Russia, to bring this war in Ukraine to an end.
wait...what? you are looking for ways to talk Russia into leaving Ukraine? lol how does that work
@@mackhomie6 I'm inspired by the stories in Chris' book Never Split The Difference. There was a story about an American taken hostage in the Philippines. He just walked away after Chris coached a negotiator to get a That's Right out of the kidnapper. What is happening in Russia is a lot more complicated but the same techniques can be used there. I look for opportunities to use an accusations audit on Russians.
@@mackhomie6 It sounds like you are surprised with my idea. Maybe you really are not aware of the power of words.
Keep in mind, eventually there will be an end to the war in Ukraine and it will come with verbal negotiations. While the fighting carries on, there is a constant discussion between Russians and Ukrainians plus many other countries, including Americans. All of these people can talk Russia into walking away from Ukraine if they just figure out what words to say and how to say them.
Sun Tsu said in his book The Art of War
Those who win every battle are not really skillful. Those who render others' armies helpless without fighting are the best of all.
His book is about war but he was not a war monger. He treated war the way a doctor treats cancer, something to fight and end asap.
Look for what happened in Kherson recently. Ukraine isolated 40,000 Russian soldiers so they could not get supplies. They blew up bridges so they could not cross the Dnipro River and were basically under siege. So after 2 months of literal starvation of their best troops they had to withdraw their soldiers. And Ukraine let Russia do that. If it were me, I would have taken all of them as POW's but they thought better of that and let them go. That was in part through negotiation with Russia.
More is to come. Acusation Audits will be part of Ukraine's success. Chris spoke about Ukraine in one of his videos but was very timid with it. He knows things can go disastrously wrong when you try to negotiate. But they can go disastrously wrong with weapons too, so it's worth taking the chance. And if we win, we win peace.
@@mackhomie6 Gandhi won India's independence from Britain without firing a shot. He didn't even have a government job! But he got it done.
"Assertion" seems to used in a negative sense here, confusing. Self-assertion is being taight people who get deceived, run over, taken advantage of. What is meant in this video, is it a euphemism for "aggressive"?
When we refer to a person as "Assertive," it actually means their personality type. Data shows that most people split into 3 types. Fight,Flight, or Make friends aka Assertive, Analysts or Accommodator. The Assertive type style of negotiation often is perceived by the other 2 types as aggressive, abrasive or harsh in their method of communication. Anyone can practice assertion but when the pressure is on what personality type do you naturally fall into?
Paranoid people identify with the objet . The object in mine no I m an object .
Love the Black Swan methods, but Chris and group PLEASE stop using bad actors like Tom Girardi and Jack Welch as examples in your stories. They may have been very successful, but their methods have proven to be selfish and hurtful to those they negotiated with, something against what you teach.
It seems like you don't like Jack Welch. How can he do that though?
@@wkdravenna It seems like you are seeking attention?
@@miket2916 thanks Mike I feel like your giving it, you rock. 😁
@@wkdravenna You guys seem like you're having a lively conversation
Shows that skills can be used for good and evil
Kinda forgot what Girardi got dumped on for, may you elaborate his wrongdoings?
It seems like Chris has personally negotiated with Donald Trump. How else could he know how Donald yells and fails his arms in an aggressive manner? 🎉
No comment . Many people looking for stimulats drung ,viagra, pub . This is depression , sofa , no job , no family , no news ,
Totally wrong about Trump. Best president the USA ever had.