I remember this story. In the comments OP details abuse he endured from the grandma and brother was the golden child who could do no wrong. Nana is the covert villain here
NTA he's setting clear boundaries and sticking to them. Sometimes our elders are toxic, sometimes our siblings shouldn't be part of our lives. The stories i could tell about the people I'm no contact with.
For a moment I had to remember myself that John wasn’t talking about MY grandma. She is the reason I don’t want to go home for the holidays. So far, I had avoided seeing her for 7 years. She is evil, and so was OP’s grandma. I’m glad the brother is getting better!
Just because she's his grandma does not mean she's a good person or nice to op. When they clearly favor one and insult the rest, making her cry does not bother you. The lifetime of hurt they gave you ensures that
It truly is!! Especially when told no....if they were close and it was like a planned thing by the bride and groom also but if someone says NO you should have asked only that first time if at all brother is a Beach
That's exactly why people like the brother choose to do it that way. They don't want to pay the money for their own big event, so they want to hijack someone else's. They can have a huge party without paying a dime.
This is insane at one level. In India, cutting out elders from wedding events is just not done. It would in fact be seen as inauspicious to not get their blessings. Westerners are so gross and selfish. Indians also pay tons of money for their weddings, having your brother propose etc would be seen as a cost effective way to celebrate the family and all the future changes to look forward to. Again, making your grandmother cry, not letting her in when she made the effort to drive and make it to the event - like, everyone here in this story is a piece of shit for just having all their priorities wrong! Respectfully, Americans need to grow the hell up
@marleymorningstar3671 Oh, totally. It's a free photographer, all the family is present, a beautiful venue, and a huge party to celebrate. The attention shifts to the newly engaged couple while the bride and groom are left behind.
Story 1: OP doesn’t need anymore compassion to his sibling. I have a 38 year old sibling who’s just like OPs brother….its taxing. I’ll start being more compassionate once he starts to grow up…until then, I protect my peace. It’s hard to understand when you aren’t in the same situation.
This episode has my vote for being the most all over the place. It was a roller coaster for sure. You guys should start an awards show at the end of each year. That would be interesting to recap and also watch you grow as a show.
This was the freaking story of the year, wow. OP and his family deserve a medal or an extra vacation for goin thru all of this. Put up a plaque for them at the OKOP studio.
Worst idea ever to propose because you think it’ll fix your relationship problems. Can’t believe this 4 year old actually managed to get a girlfriend that he thinks will agree to marry him 😅 Just got to the update where the gf dumped that man-child - good for her 😅
What a story, OP had some drama that he handled they way he saw fit. Can't be mad at it. Glad he came out the other side ok with how things turned out. Your story was cool John, great friend duty. 😊
As someone with a grandmother who has a shit personality, I disagree. Making my grandmother cry doesn't have me in a dark place. It's just the consequences of her own terrible behavior and actions. 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉
As someone with a terrible grandmother as well, she would've totally deserved for her family to go no contact and not help her during her last months, but the family just showed they were the bigger people, props to them for showing how compassionate they can be.
Legit the same here. My grandma unalived herself too, but only after terrorizing her entire family until literally everyone, grandpa, 2 aunts, my mom, all 6 granchildren all cut her off. She tried to convince us that grandpa (the sweetest, soft spoken, loving guy who loves reading, gardening and who supported his parents as soon as he was 17 and sends money to my mom now and again to support her even in his old age) was some deranged, abusive, murderous man who wanted to unalive her, his children, and grandchildren (according to crazy granny). My mom had a major head trauma when she was 19/20 and my evil granny used it to try to brainwash her because she had amnesia and still has trouble remembering anything before the accident today. And nothing was her fault ever, it was my grandads,or my mom's, woe is granny. She tried convincing me too, but she stole 8 GRAND, from me when I was 20 and said I didn't deserve it and she needed it so I cut her off too.
Lol, my crappy "grandma" would turn on the waterworks all by herself. I'll never forget my sister and I visiting her at her job as we were passing by, and my sister, as a matter-of-factly mentioned that it's my birthday; we didn't really expect anything from her anyway. As if on queue, she started crying to us how poor they are and how they don't have any money, high drama. I was 6 and my sister was 11. Our family was REALLY POOR at the time, like "it's lunch time, but there's absolutely no food at home of any kind" poor. My "grandma" wasn't poor, though. She loved spending money on our half-brother, and they were eating expensive food all the time. They never invited us for meals though. So just the fact that it was my birthday and she knew that she didn't remember/want to get me anything (even though I didn't really ask for anything) made her feel guilty so she started high drama crying. I remember that even though I was just 6 at the time, I was confused and then annoyed, and then disgusted.
Would love to see Riley more often! He has a chill vibe that works really well on the channel, and you guys riff off of each other in a really entertaining way.
Continuing on, the comment about showing more compassion towards the older brother got me. There comes a time in these situations where you realize you've been compassionate to the point of becoming a doormat, which can dramatically lessen one's self-worth. Referring back to my previous comment, this is where setting boundaries comes into play. Obviously, the younger brother reached his limit when his family started going after his fiancee via the wedding. His duty now isn't to provide for his grown family members, but rather to provide for and protect the family he is starting with her. In order to do that, he has to stand up to them. His fiancee might actually be the reason he's able to do that, she might be the only one telling him he's worthy of respect, which would make him fight even harder for her. If you've been in a similar situation, you can easily understand where he's coming from.
Hey, I have a very soft spot for older people, I can't see old people cry, or I'll cry. But damn, being old doesn't make you a good person, grandma had it coming.
We definitely have different perspectives because you guys were like “oh no, he made granny cry!” In my mind I’m like “oh granny is using her tears to manipulate him”
Loving Riley getting in on the stories, you all have a great dynamic ❤️ also was not expecting this to be a single story vid but fucking hell that was wild
Omg you made me remember how my 2020 came in, I drove 3 and a half hours for a first date with this guy I met on Facebook dating. We went to a nice Mexican restaurant and things were looking good until his ex started drunk texting him. He got so distracted by his phone I was getting pissed. So every time he responded to her, I ordered another dish from the menu. By the time the check came I had 7 togo meals stacked up at the counter and the bill was $275. He got a room for us to hang out in and I took the key to it and told him to have a great life. I slept in the room alone and surprised my daughter with a LOT of food the next morning. He learned not to be rude on dates that night. We laugh about it now as we became friends after I was done being pissed at him.
Honestly I do not think OP is the a-hole and I could tell right from the get go what type of person his brother and grandma were. I feel like you can tell that John and possibly Riley have not had to deal with narcissistic or toxic people. You cannot “love” or “be compassionate” enough to change them. They usually are only likely to learn through hard experiences. When people take care of them, they will not learn and will take advantage because they feel entitled to your help. I personally feel you should never stoop to their level and you should live and behave as your values tell you so, so you can show a little compassion, but don’t ever expect them to change or be thankful for that. I was glad they were able to come to that conclusion in the end, and brother was able to pull some of himself together and put in the needed work. I have much respect for that because I know how hard that can be for those individuals.
I don't think OP was harsh at all with his brother, even drunk on the doorstep. I grew up in seemingly similar dynamics except my father was murdered when I was 10 and my mom made it VERY clear I was NOT wanted. She told me, when I was seven years old, "I had everything and then you were born and ruined everything." My childhood and most of my life has resembled that sentiment. My father did adore me so I did have 10 years of knowing what it was like for my brother to be "glorified"... but man, the stories about our family dynamics would be a thriller novel. 😂😂 I say good on OP. I didn't even tell my brother I was getting married, of course found out from my mom... had her suggest to me that I should consider not only inviting him but having him walk me down the aisle.😂 I looked her in the face and said "He will never be half the man my father was, I rather die." 🤷🏽♀️ Siblings are supposed to be your best friend... not your competitors for love, affection and normal human rights. Respect for OP, good for them.
I miss Sam! But it is so nice to have Riley on the podcast too so we still get the back & forth & then John is not alone. Plus Riley has a great perspective & opinions!❤
Always get excited when I see Riley featured in an episode! Also, OP is NTA, and whatever lack of compassion might be perceived I think comes from years and years of seeing this brother getting a free pass and the grandma’s favouritism to brother. I think OP putting the brother in a cab and paying for it (and paying for the 🤢 mess the brother made in the cab) was the most compassionate and safest choice he could make given if OP let his brother in and let him try to manipulate the situation again. Brother needed to go home and sleep it off
EDIT: can we just say what an amazing guy John is? We all need a John. ❤ It’s bananas that all of this started because brother wanted to propose at OP’s wedding. Clearly clearly a man child, I’m glad he is trying to improve himself
I am just at that part, where John wants OP to take his brother in and 'cuddle' him. I do understand OP, if you have a sibling (or siblings even) that are always taken sides from parents and grandparents, you just get sick of it, and that situation OP's brother found himself in, lying drunk in front of OP, are consequences of his own actions. You just get sick of it and immune to it, and no matter how serious it can be, OP just gave up on this drama a long time ago. OP is prioritizing his own happiness and sanity, drama is not welcome any more.
#MissingSam This is hands down in the top 5 best stories for 2023. You and Riley held it down!! I also loved the story of the forgotten employee - this guy is paid to do nothing. I think we missed John on that one funny enough 😂
Unfortunately most of the time especially if it's a requirement people push back against therapy bc it has such a stupid inaccurate and out dated stigma attached with it. 😔 so even if people went it doesn't mean they will talk and even if they do doesn't mean they will be honest.
@@rachelhatchet Before you say it has a "stupid inaccurate" stigma attached to it, please do some research. The history of psychology is super dark and terrible. Insane asylums were real, and to a point, still are. Electric shock treatment. Lobotomies. Hysteria. Look up these words and understand how recent a lot of this terrible history is. "Doctors" used to tie women down and give them orgasms by force as a treatment for hysteria. Would it really be the patient's fault if forced therapy was rejected? Not everyone needs therapy. Many people need medical treatment, not talk therapy. Many just need to stop attacking others out of pure selfishness. Therapy can't require someone adopt good behavior, greater kindness, forgiveness, or love. When it's voluntary, modern counseling can do a lot of good, but it'll never be a cure all.
That was really quite a story. I'm so glad the parents realised how bad their own, and their son's behaviour was. My theory on why granny was so biased towards OP's brother is that he was the first grandson. I don't remember hearing about other grandkids besides those two. Now, on to other things - yeah, we miss Sam, but Riley is pretty awesome too. And finally -👏👏👏👏 Good for you John, being such an awesome friend.
I miss Sam 😭 I'm happy to have Riley and John isn't alone again 🧡🧡 Edit: Damn, man can make grandmas cry . Go OP Not going to lie this brother, sounds like an ex of mine. Literally stabbed himself in his forearm with sticks he kept grabbing and breaking on his arm that was all bloody and dirty. Then puked all over the doorstep and my friend was behind me watching and listening to everything. He was there for 2 hours or so and then left me alone. If you'd like more details lmk :P O jeeze, this story was an adventure with Granny G ready to throw fists on sight and alcoholics 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 Love and appreciate ya guys . Whole team ❤ whole team should get some 💕 💕 love 💕❤️
@@feefee6889 lol, he finally did then was unable to face me but kept my name in his mouth. I became friends with one of his other ex's that came after me because she wanted to actually know me instead of the shit he would say about me and tell her to not be like . 😂😂😂😂
My maternal grandmother called me about me deliberately leaving my mom’s estranged and abusive brother out of my mom’s OBITUARY. My gram worried more about what was in the obituary than that her own daughter was gone. I flipped out n hung up on her.
@feefee6889 my gram passed 9 months after my mom. We had a few awful years for death in our family. But gram was the coldest about my mom's passing. She refused to go to my mom's funeral because my uncle wasn't in the obit.l but went to everyone else's service in the fam. Oh well. Gram is probably very warm right now.
I have a grandma who's entire mission in life is to make my parents split up. So no. Let grandma cry and let OP be detached it shows even with this miniscule context it shows how problematic brother n grandma is
OP is not cold blooded. He is justified. When you deal with bullshit form your sibling all your life and unreasonably so you have to demonstrate tough love. Everything that POS brother is doing is pathethic and overly entitled. There are consequences to his pathetic actions. If at all OP mentioned that his brother finally saw how unreasonable he was being and apologized at the time before his girlfriend left him I would have said okay forgive him but nah. He gets what he gets until he takes responsibility for his own actions. Ex girlfriend is better off. OP's parents are better off! Grandma sounded like she was a piece of work. Really hope the brother's maturing behavior sticks.
watched the short and was like i need more saw it was 50 mins and was like oh cool more than one story nope just one great long story with all the ups and downs and some commentary on it 10/10 keep it up guys
I would guess that the older brother is the favorite for the simple fact that he’s older. I remember my aunt telling me that my oldest cousins just “feels different” implying there’s a favoritism there.
I'm so glad you mentioned your coliving situation in LA towards the end of the video. I've been wanting to find an affordable way to do short-term stays in new cities. There's a whole network all over the world, I'm so excited!
when yall were saying that OP was the ahole at certain points and even in the end you were saying he should have been more empathetic, you're just so very wrong. you cannot give a narcissist with borderline personality disorder and inch. ever. they'll just see it as a win and then they will go one level up from their last behavior that got them that win. if OP's brother ever sees your video and reads this comment, i'm sure the diagnoses "narcissist with borderline personality" is going to be very familiar to him. it won't be the first time he's read or heard that about himself if he's actually in therapy. good for OP.. i'm glad he did nothing different. this was the only way he was ever going to be set free from these rotten people. i include his parents in that since they only saw his point of view when he hit them in the wallet.
I also sensed the fragile loyalty of the parents being tied to their financial kickbacks. They're about as reliable so long as they're dependent on OP. 😕
I have to disagree that op needs to show a bit of compassion towards his brother. Y? He sounds like hes burned all the bridges there is to burn.hes gotten all the compassion hexdeserves with the parents and grandma helping him out all these years. And im sure op had to give up a few things over the years becuase of his brother.
As far as being cold to his brother, there’s just some things that can’t be forgiven. I’ll never forgive my sister for abandoning our mother after she found out mom was being emotionally and mentally a*used by mom’s own siblings, both during the time mom was taking care of our dementia ridden grandma and physically struggling grandpa, but continued after grandma’s passing. My sister just said she was staying out of it and NEVER even asked mom if she was okay. I’ll NEVER feel any warmth towards that woman again.
14:01 honestly the brother got saved by op. I imagine it could be embarrassing to have the person you ask to marry you at a wedding FULL of family and strangers.!!
Ask someone with a narcissist set of grandparents, making them cry is the easiest thing to do. They used to manipulate you not because they’re actually sad. She wasn’t getting her way and thought tears would make it stop.
Compromise and ask her when the wedding is over and the guests are ready to leave the wedding so it doesn’t take away attention from the wedding and the bride.
Its funny because people who do this, who propose at other people's wedding, never goes well for people who are proposing. They get sued for ruining the whole wedding, and they lose that battle. Its best just to do it on your own time.
An update was skipped. The reason he uninvited the grandma is cause his then fiancee told him she tried to poison her against him fpr the lols(or cause she realized he was in a relationship leading to marriage but the brother not?). She told the fiancee a story that OP had broken a very treasured antique vase in her house, a story OP recognized cause that was the last time he held regard for his grandmother. What happaned is that long ago, when OP and his brother visited her house, the brother made a habit of to break all the rules when at that house cause OP would be the one punished for it if brother said OP did it(even if it was an obvious lie) and OP was punished cause his brother said OP was the one playing with a ball inside the house and that broke the vase when OP never played ball inside cause even the act would be punishable but grandma spanked him red anyways instead of brother. From that moment the parents made it a chose for OP to visit that house but OP kept going only to spend time with his grandfather(that apparently was a decent man that tried to be fair) but once he died he stopped visiting at all. OP explodes on the grandmother by that weird an outright evil act of sabotage and says her "I don't understand..." is just an excuse, that she does, she just doesn't care and thinks playing innocent will let her get her way when she is caught in a wrongdoing.
Well the parents don't want to lose their "cash cow". Once the parents realised that OP would stop paying them $500, they swapped. Of course, they also realised how entitled the older brother was.
I didn't hear them bring it up but the op in this story was beat by his grandma and not only was she physically abusive she was emotionally and mentally abusive to him This is a perfect story of how the golden child dynamics hurts everyone including the golden child but especially the scapegoat child because they are innocent I get why people who have never had hurtful toxic people in their life may think op was too mean but there isn't any nice with these people and to even entertain the idea the op should have been nicer to people just because they were family or a grandma or their brother is an insult people don't get to abuse you just because they are family
So it sounds like the parents of the "golden child" brother felt the need to speak for him when asking about the proposal...? And what is he doing proposing when he's 30 and still living at home?? Story isn't complete yet, and I'm already fuming.
OK.. so the OLDER brother 1) Still lives at home with the parents while his younger brother has his own place..2) Shows up two times at his brother's apartment yelling and screaming and trying to manipulate because he cannot get his own whim satisfied ( And I say whim for a reason, as it does not sound like he wanted to do this before he felt like she was going to leave him, this is not well-thought-out)..3) He tries to rope Grandma and his parents into the pressure tactics. Who exactly is the older brother and who exactly is the younger brother?
The brother getting married isn't the AH. No one is an AH for setting *boundaries*. The other brother chose to ignore those boundaries, tell lies to G-ma, act a jerk... His choices, his consequences. The younger brother was still being responsible and looking out for his jerk brother when he hailed a cab for him, and paid for it... Including the cleaning bill. The drunken brother is the AH, plain and simple.
I am only at update 2, and I am firmly team OP, I had a sibling growing up that treated me much like the brother treated OP (I suspect since OP doesn't give specific details other than the brother was the "golden Child"), so OP is absolutely right.
I imagine that OP has shown his brother compassion more times than he can recall, but some people can and often DO take advantage of that kindness to the point that we'll of compassion for them is just empty. You can only give so much when NOTHING but contempt is returned.
I remember this story. In the comments OP details abuse he endured from the grandma and brother was the golden child who could do no wrong. Nana is the covert villain here
Yep!
NTA he's setting clear boundaries and sticking to them. Sometimes our elders are toxic, sometimes our siblings shouldn't be part of our lives. The stories i could tell about the people I'm no contact with.
For a moment I had to remember myself that John wasn’t talking about MY grandma. She is the reason I don’t want to go home for the holidays. So far, I had avoided seeing her for 7 years. She is evil, and so was OP’s grandma. I’m glad the brother is getting better!
Yes, removing toxic people from your life is never a bad thing. And no amount of past trauma excuses their current behavior.
Just because she's his grandma does not mean she's a good person or nice to op. When they clearly favor one and insult the rest, making her cry does not bother you. The lifetime of hurt they gave you ensures that
I think it's the rudest and most selfish thing to propose at someone's wedding. They pay so much money for that day.
It truly is!! Especially when told no....if they were close and it was like a planned thing by the bride and groom also but if someone says NO you should have asked only that first time if at all brother is a Beach
I could only see it if it was the bride's idea and the groom was ok with it. Any other scenario you're a selfish jerk.
That's exactly why people like the brother choose to do it that way. They don't want to pay the money for their own big event, so they want to hijack someone else's. They can have a huge party without paying a dime.
This is insane at one level. In India, cutting out elders from wedding events is just not done. It would in fact be seen as inauspicious to not get their blessings. Westerners are so gross and selfish. Indians also pay tons of money for their weddings, having your brother propose etc would be seen as a cost effective way to celebrate the family and all the future changes to look forward to. Again, making your grandmother cry, not letting her in when she made the effort to drive and make it to the event - like, everyone here in this story is a piece of shit for just having all their priorities wrong! Respectfully, Americans need to grow the hell up
@marleymorningstar3671 Oh, totally. It's a free photographer, all the family is present, a beautiful venue, and a huge party to celebrate. The attention shifts to the newly engaged couple while the bride and groom are left behind.
Story 1: OP doesn’t need anymore compassion to his sibling. I have a 38 year old sibling who’s just like OPs brother….its taxing. I’ll start being more compassionate once he starts to grow up…until then, I protect my peace. It’s hard to understand when you aren’t in the same situation.
38:58 y’all should let the OKOP Reddit fam nominate stories and vote on them for awards for the year
👀👀👀👀
Do it!!!
This episode has my vote for being the most all over the place. It was a roller coaster for sure. You guys should start an awards show at the end of each year. That would be interesting to recap and also watch you grow as a show.
This whole public proposal thing baffles me. To be so sure of her response means you’ve probably kept her waiting long enough already. Just ask her!
Public proposals are peer pressure, it's harder to say no with everyone watching.
This was the freaking story of the year, wow. OP and his family deserve a medal or an extra vacation for goin thru all of this. Put up a plaque for them at the OKOP studio.
Worst idea ever to propose because you think it’ll fix your relationship problems. Can’t believe this 4 year old actually managed to get a girlfriend that he thinks will agree to marry him 😅
Just got to the update where the gf dumped that man-child - good for her 😅
Sometimes grandma's need to cry too, no one is above being called out on their bullshit.
What a story, OP had some drama that he handled they way he saw fit. Can't be mad at it. Glad he came out the other side ok with how things turned out. Your story was cool John, great friend duty. 😊
"It was a family event, what else were you expecting him to do?" 😂😂
"You wanna taste my soup bone?!" is now my go-to bad ass smack talk. 😂
Shout out my grandma one time for the one time - John
As someone with a grandmother who has a shit personality, I disagree. Making my grandmother cry doesn't have me in a dark place. It's just the consequences of her own terrible behavior and actions. 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉
As someone with a terrible grandmother as well, she would've totally deserved for her family to go no contact and not help her during her last months, but the family just showed they were the bigger people, props to them for showing how compassionate they can be.
Legit the same here. My grandma unalived herself too, but only after terrorizing her entire family until literally everyone, grandpa, 2 aunts, my mom, all 6 granchildren all cut her off. She tried to convince us that grandpa (the sweetest, soft spoken, loving guy who loves reading, gardening and who supported his parents as soon as he was 17 and sends money to my mom now and again to support her even in his old age) was some deranged, abusive, murderous man who wanted to unalive her, his children, and grandchildren (according to crazy granny). My mom had a major head trauma when she was 19/20 and my evil granny used it to try to brainwash her because she had amnesia and still has trouble remembering anything before the accident today. And nothing was her fault ever, it was my grandads,or my mom's, woe is granny. She tried convincing me too, but she stole 8 GRAND, from me when I was 20 and said I didn't deserve it and she needed it so I cut her off too.
Lol, my crappy "grandma" would turn on the waterworks all by herself. I'll never forget my sister and I visiting her at her job as we were passing by, and my sister, as a matter-of-factly mentioned that it's my birthday; we didn't really expect anything from her anyway. As if on queue, she started crying to us how poor they are and how they don't have any money, high drama. I was 6 and my sister was 11. Our family was REALLY POOR at the time, like "it's lunch time, but there's absolutely no food at home of any kind" poor. My "grandma" wasn't poor, though. She loved spending money on our half-brother, and they were eating expensive food all the time. They never invited us for meals though. So just the fact that it was my birthday and she knew that she didn't remember/want to get me anything (even though I didn't really ask for anything) made her feel guilty so she started high drama crying. I remember that even though I was just 6 at the time, I was confused and then annoyed, and then disgusted.
they’re forgetting that for a lot of people tears are a tool of manipulation
SAME!! Narcissists use tears to manipulate
I don't understand why someone would want to propose at someone else's wedding, I mean if you are proposing you should want your own special memories.
I've gotta say...John... you're a great friend... getting him home...watching him...kudos to you!! 👏 👏 👏 👏
Would love to see Riley more often! He has a chill vibe that works really well on the channel, and you guys riff off of each other in a really entertaining way.
Not that we don't all love Sam, obviously! It's just fun to see different people. Mixes it up a little.
Continuing on, the comment about showing more compassion towards the older brother got me. There comes a time in these situations where you realize you've been compassionate to the point of becoming a doormat, which can dramatically lessen one's self-worth. Referring back to my previous comment, this is where setting boundaries comes into play. Obviously, the younger brother reached his limit when his family started going after his fiancee via the wedding. His duty now isn't to provide for his grown family members, but rather to provide for and protect the family he is starting with her. In order to do that, he has to stand up to them. His fiancee might actually be the reason he's able to do that, she might be the only one telling him he's worthy of respect, which would make him fight even harder for her. If you've been in a similar situation, you can easily understand where he's coming from.
Hey, I have a very soft spot for older people, I can't see old people cry, or I'll cry.
But damn, being old doesn't make you a good person, grandma had it coming.
We definitely have different perspectives because you guys were like “oh no, he made granny cry!” In my mind I’m like “oh granny is using her tears to manipulate him”
Loving Riley getting in on the stories, you all have a great dynamic ❤️ also was not expecting this to be a single story vid but fucking hell that was wild
Story so crazy Riley starts quoting a Katy Perry song lol you know it's nuts at that point! Lol
We miss you Sam but it’s nice to see Riley and all other guests on the show!!
Omg you made me remember how my 2020 came in, I drove 3 and a half hours for a first date with this guy I met on Facebook dating. We went to a nice Mexican restaurant and things were looking good until his ex started drunk texting him. He got so distracted by his phone I was getting pissed. So every time he responded to her, I ordered another dish from the menu. By the time the check came I had 7 togo meals stacked up at the counter and the bill was $275. He got a room for us to hang out in and I took the key to it and told him to have a great life. I slept in the room alone and surprised my daughter with a LOT of food the next morning. He learned not to be rude on dates that night. We laugh about it now as we became friends after I was done being pissed at him.
Honestly I do not think OP is the a-hole and I could tell right from the get go what type of person his brother and grandma were. I feel like you can tell that John and possibly Riley have not had to deal with narcissistic or toxic people. You cannot “love” or “be compassionate” enough to change them. They usually are only likely to learn through hard experiences. When people take care of them, they will not learn and will take advantage because they feel entitled to your help. I personally feel you should never stoop to their level and you should live and behave as your values tell you so, so you can show a little compassion, but don’t ever expect them to change or be thankful for that. I was glad they were able to come to that conclusion in the end, and brother was able to pull some of himself together and put in the needed work. I have much respect for that because I know how hard that can be for those individuals.
I don't think OP was harsh at all with his brother, even drunk on the doorstep.
I grew up in seemingly similar dynamics except my father was murdered when I was 10 and my mom made it VERY clear I was NOT wanted. She told me, when I was seven years old, "I had everything and then you were born and ruined everything." My childhood and most of my life has resembled that sentiment. My father did adore me so I did have 10 years of knowing what it was like for my brother to be "glorified"... but man, the stories about our family dynamics would be a thriller novel. 😂😂
I say good on OP. I didn't even tell my brother I was getting married, of course found out from my mom... had her suggest to me that I should consider not only inviting him but having him walk me down the aisle.😂 I looked her in the face and said "He will never be half the man my father was, I rather die." 🤷🏽♀️
Siblings are supposed to be your best friend... not your competitors for love, affection and normal human rights. Respect for OP, good for them.
I miss Sam! But it is so nice to have Riley on the podcast too so we still get the back & forth & then John is not alone. Plus Riley has a great perspective & opinions!❤
Is Sam gone for good?
Always get excited when I see Riley featured in an episode!
Also, OP is NTA, and whatever lack of compassion might be perceived I think comes from years and years of seeing this brother getting a free pass and the grandma’s favouritism to brother. I think OP putting the brother in a cab and paying for it (and paying for the 🤢 mess the brother made in the cab) was the most compassionate and safest choice he could make given if OP let his brother in and let him try to manipulate the situation again. Brother needed to go home and sleep it off
That was definitely a rollercoaster of emotions
EDIT: can we just say what an amazing guy John is? We all need a John. ❤
It’s bananas that all of this started because brother wanted to propose at OP’s wedding. Clearly clearly a man child, I’m glad he is trying to improve himself
I am just at that part, where John wants OP to take his brother in and 'cuddle' him. I do understand OP, if you have a sibling (or siblings even) that are always taken sides from parents and grandparents, you just get sick of it, and that situation OP's brother found himself in, lying drunk in front of OP, are consequences of his own actions. You just get sick of it and immune to it, and no matter how serious it can be, OP just gave up on this drama a long time ago. OP is prioritizing his own happiness and sanity, drama is not welcome any more.
The only thing the story was missing were twins😂😂Especially an evil lost twin
Plot twist, OPs wife delivers twin girls and one is the grandmother reincarnated!! Lol
#MissingSam This is hands down in the top 5 best stories for 2023. You and Riley held it down!! I also loved the story of the forgotten employee - this guy is paid to do nothing. I think we missed John on that one funny enough 😂
So many people need therapy. Should be required with every yearly doctor checkup
Unfortunately most of the time especially if it's a requirement people push back against therapy bc it has such a stupid inaccurate and out dated stigma attached with it. 😔 so even if people went it doesn't mean they will talk and even if they do doesn't mean they will be honest.
@@rachelhatchet that is unfortunately all very true
@@rachelhatchet Before you say it has a "stupid inaccurate" stigma attached to it, please do some research. The history of psychology is super dark and terrible. Insane asylums were real, and to a point, still are. Electric shock treatment. Lobotomies. Hysteria. Look up these words and understand how recent a lot of this terrible history is. "Doctors" used to tie women down and give them orgasms by force as a treatment for hysteria. Would it really be the patient's fault if forced therapy was rejected?
Not everyone needs therapy. Many people need medical treatment, not talk therapy. Many just need to stop attacking others out of pure selfishness. Therapy can't require someone adopt good behavior, greater kindness, forgiveness, or love. When it's voluntary, modern counseling can do a lot of good, but it'll never be a cure all.
If people don't face the consequences they will never learn
SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE OLD PPL IN THE BACK!! 👏👏👏
That was really quite a story. I'm so glad the parents realised how bad their own, and their son's behaviour was. My theory on why granny was so biased towards OP's brother is that he was the first grandson. I don't remember hearing about other grandkids besides those two. Now, on to other things - yeah, we miss Sam, but Riley is pretty awesome too. And finally -👏👏👏👏 Good for you John, being such an awesome friend.
Of all of this, believing that the parents did such a 180, is the hardest.
Grandma and little bro are narcissists. Can almost guarantee. Go low to no contact!! No pity parties anymore!! ✂️
Yes!! The tears scream manipulative.
Liked the last story best - that was a 'wholesome award' right there, John my friend!
I miss Sam 😭
I'm happy to have Riley and John isn't alone again 🧡🧡
Edit: Damn, man can make grandmas cry . Go OP
Not going to lie this brother, sounds like an ex of mine. Literally stabbed himself in his forearm with sticks he kept grabbing and breaking on his arm that was all bloody and dirty. Then puked all over the doorstep and my friend was behind me watching and listening to everything.
He was there for 2 hours or so and then left me alone. If you'd like more details lmk :P
O jeeze, this story was an adventure with Granny G ready to throw fists on sight and alcoholics
👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏
Love and appreciate ya guys . Whole team ❤ whole team should get some 💕 💕 love 💕❤️
DAYUM!! Wtf is wrong with him!?? I hope he left you alone finally 😭😭 man babies really suck
@@feefee6889 lol, he finally did then was unable to face me but kept my name in his mouth.
I became friends with one of his other ex's that came after me because she wanted to actually know me instead of the shit he would say about me and tell her to not be like . 😂😂😂😂
My maternal grandmother called me about me deliberately leaving my mom’s estranged and abusive brother out of my mom’s OBITUARY. My gram worried more about what was in the obituary than that her own daughter was gone. I flipped out n hung up on her.
Some old people really be crazy. My grandparents are similar and it’s hard but it’s healthy for us to draw a firm boundary
@feefee6889 my gram passed 9 months after my mom. We had a few awful years for death in our family. But gram was the coldest about my mom's passing. She refused to go to my mom's funeral because my uncle wasn't in the obit.l but went to everyone else's service in the fam. Oh well. Gram is probably very warm right now.
I have a grandma who's entire mission in life is to make my parents split up. So no. Let grandma cry and let OP be detached it shows even with this miniscule context it shows how problematic brother n grandma is
👏🏼 👏🏼 👏🏼 👏🏼 👏🏼 That's why we love you, Johnny 😂😂😂
OP is not cold blooded. He is justified. When you deal with bullshit form your sibling all your life and unreasonably so you have to demonstrate tough love. Everything that POS brother is doing is pathethic and overly entitled. There are consequences to his pathetic actions. If at all OP mentioned that his brother finally saw how unreasonable he was being and apologized at the time before his girlfriend left him I would have said okay forgive him but nah. He gets what he gets until he takes responsibility for his own actions. Ex girlfriend is better off. OP's parents are better off! Grandma sounded like she was a piece of work. Really hope the brother's maturing behavior sticks.
watched the short and was like i need more saw it was 50 mins and was like oh cool more than one story nope just one great long story with all the ups and downs and some commentary on it 10/10 keep it up guys
Fav episode by far
28:28 my gee (grandma) would always say (with her little fist waving in the air) "you wanna taste this knuckle sammich?!!!"
I would guess that the older brother is the favorite for the simple fact that he’s older. I remember my aunt telling me that my oldest cousins just “feels different” implying there’s a favoritism there.
This has been a great e pisode start to finish. 👏👏👏 for John.
Backpack trick is interesting. Gotta remember that just in case. I’ve been that friend checking constantly on them & getting no sleep.
Happy to see Riley here!! How dare you call it a 'solo episode' when our boy RIley is there, lol
It's a 'solo episode' because they only talked about one Reddit story. lol
Lol, OP is the karma for this toxic family.
I'm so glad you mentioned your coliving situation in LA towards the end of the video. I've been wanting to find an affordable way to do short-term stays in new cities. There's a whole network all over the world, I'm so excited!
I love seeing Riley on these episodes. And he cute! 😀
John called the brother op by accident a few times and I just kept saying “bro- p” after 😂
There was a whole ass redemption arc there
Love you Sam!! All of you!!
OP is not the ahole, period
John is the friend I wish I had on drinking nights💙👏🏼
We miss you Sam! John is fire and fun as always even with Riley...thank you Riley 💕 we still miss you as part of this weird little nerd family 😂
Petition to have Riley in more videos 🤣 it’s like a reward 🤣🤪
I miss Sam, but hello Riley. Thanks for officially joining the squad with your pretty Lil face.
“Does anyone have any obligations”
It took me 1 hour to walk 4 miles whilst pregnant. Its not far at all
when yall were saying that OP was the ahole at certain points and even in the end you were saying he should have been more empathetic, you're just so very wrong. you cannot give a narcissist with borderline personality disorder and inch. ever. they'll just see it as a win and then they will go one level up from their last behavior that got them that win. if OP's brother ever sees your video and reads this comment, i'm sure the diagnoses "narcissist with borderline personality" is going to be very familiar to him. it won't be the first time he's read or heard that about himself if he's actually in therapy. good for OP.. i'm glad he did nothing different. this was the only way he was ever going to be set free from these rotten people. i include his parents in that since they only saw his point of view when he hit them in the wallet.
I also sensed the fragile loyalty of the parents being tied to their financial kickbacks. They're about as reliable so long as they're dependent on OP. 😕
I miss Sam 😢, but I am so glad we get to see more of Riley 🎉
I have to disagree that op needs to show a bit of compassion towards his brother. Y? He sounds like hes burned all the bridges there is to burn.hes gotten all the compassion hexdeserves with the parents and grandma helping him out all these years. And im sure op had to give up a few things over the years becuase of his brother.
Then why does she need to show more compassion for his brother? Makes no sense. He is not a child anymore and is not acting understanding.
As far as being cold to his brother, there’s just some things that can’t be forgiven. I’ll never forgive my sister for abandoning our mother after she found out mom was being emotionally and mentally a*used by mom’s own siblings, both during the time mom was taking care of our dementia ridden grandma and physically struggling grandpa, but continued after grandma’s passing. My sister just said she was staying out of it and NEVER even asked mom if she was okay. I’ll NEVER feel any warmth towards that woman again.
Not john forgetting his own joke 💀
Grandmas gone wild... LOL
OP'S brother deserves no sympathy from the people he continually wrongs. He needs therapy, to apologize a lot, and do better.
14:01 honestly the brother got saved by op. I imagine it could be embarrassing to have the person you ask to marry you at a wedding FULL of family and strangers.!!
The guy on the tv says 'like' between every sentence
Ask someone with a narcissist set of grandparents, making them cry is the easiest thing to do. They used to manipulate you not because they’re actually sad. She wasn’t getting her way and thought tears would make it stop.
👏👏👏👏 @ JOHN!
Compromise and ask her when the wedding is over and the guests are ready to leave the wedding so it doesn’t take away attention from the wedding and the bride.
OPs parents really saw $$$ and switched their language.
Its funny because people who do this, who propose at other people's wedding, never goes well for people who are proposing. They get sued for ruining the whole wedding, and they lose that battle. Its best just to do it on your own time.
OP not the AH . he had boundaries and stuck to them. glad the family came around cept for grandma
Small PSA: Don't feed bread to ducks. It's bad for their digestion and nutritionally void.
I wanna send in a story about me and my sister fight lol back in 2018
Only on Reddit stories do people hire security for their wedding
An update was skipped. The reason he uninvited the grandma is cause his then fiancee told him she tried to poison her against him fpr the lols(or cause she realized he was in a relationship leading to marriage but the brother not?).
She told the fiancee a story that OP had broken a very treasured antique vase in her house, a story OP recognized cause that was the last time he held regard for his grandmother. What happaned is that long ago, when OP and his brother visited her house, the brother made a habit of to break all the rules when at that house cause OP would be the one punished for it if brother said OP did it(even if it was an obvious lie) and OP was punished cause his brother said OP was the one playing with a ball inside the house and that broke the vase when OP never played ball inside cause even the act would be punishable but grandma spanked him red anyways instead of brother. From that moment the parents made it a chose for OP to visit that house but OP kept going only to spend time with his grandfather(that apparently was a decent man that tried to be fair) but once he died he stopped visiting at all.
OP explodes on the grandmother by that weird an outright evil act of sabotage and says her "I don't understand..." is just an excuse, that she does, she just doesn't care and thinks playing innocent will let her get her way when she is caught in a wrongdoing.
Well the parents don't want to lose their "cash cow". Once the parents realised that OP would stop paying them $500, they swapped. Of course, they also realised how entitled the older brother was.
We miss and love Sam. But do love you John and Riley ❤❤😂
I met my thropple and I’m not even into it. But for the gents at okop…yes please.
I miss Sam 😭 but love you John and Riley!❤
So he doesn’t have enough money to live on his own but wants to get married? Plus HAS to propose at his brother’s wedding?
I wonder if little bro is kissing up to hopefully move into OP’s place. 😏
I didn't hear them bring it up but the op in this story was beat by his grandma and not only was she physically abusive she was emotionally and mentally abusive to him
This is a perfect story of how the golden child dynamics hurts everyone including the golden child but especially the scapegoat child because they are innocent
I get why people who have never had hurtful toxic people in their life may think op was too mean but there isn't any nice with these people and to even entertain the idea the op should have been nicer to people just because they were family or a grandma or their brother is an insult people don't get to abuse you just because they are family
Love the story and I miss Sam too!
So it sounds like the parents of the "golden child" brother felt the need to speak for him when asking about the proposal...? And what is he doing proposing when he's 30 and still living at home?? Story isn't complete yet, and I'm already fuming.
You're so handsome with the hair tied 😊
OK.. so the OLDER brother 1) Still lives at home with the parents while his younger brother has his own place..2) Shows up two times at his brother's apartment yelling and screaming and trying to manipulate because he cannot get his own whim satisfied ( And I say whim for a reason, as it does not sound like he wanted to do this before he felt like she was going to leave him, this is not well-thought-out)..3) He tries to rope Grandma and his parents into the pressure tactics. Who exactly is the older brother and who exactly is the younger brother?
The brother getting married isn't the AH. No one is an AH for setting *boundaries*. The other brother chose to ignore those boundaries, tell lies to G-ma, act a jerk... His choices, his consequences.
The younger brother was still being responsible and looking out for his jerk brother when he hailed a cab for him, and paid for it... Including the cleaning bill. The drunken brother is the AH, plain and simple.
I am only at update 2, and I am firmly team OP, I had a sibling growing up that treated me much like the brother treated OP (I suspect since OP doesn't give specific details other than the brother was the "golden Child"), so OP is absolutely right.
I imagine that OP has shown his brother compassion more times than he can recall, but some people can and often DO take advantage of that kindness to the point that we'll of compassion for them is just empty. You can only give so much when NOTHING but contempt is returned.
I miss Sam 🥺
Greg is Sam isn’t it? 🤣🤣