A Difficult Conversation (Hard to Watch)

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  • Опубліковано 12 вер 2024
  • Dad was Sundowning and I came home from a walk to a very confused scared man. This is my attempt to ease his mind. These are very difficult interactions for me.

КОМЕНТАРІ • 3,5 тис.

  • @marciastewart1527
    @marciastewart1527 Місяць тому +1199

    This made me cry. I’m 90 & fortunate to not have dementia. Getting old is difficult tho. Thankfully Ed has family to help him. You do a good job. ❤

    • @bethpagan3225
      @bethpagan3225 Місяць тому +73

      90 wow God bless you. ❤🙏

    • @Belle-tn8qr
      @Belle-tn8qr Місяць тому +39

      This made me cry too.
      Take care❤

    • @TracesofTwaunsLife
      @TracesofTwaunsLife Місяць тому +25

      Well bless the Lord ❤❤❤

    • @elizadawne3896
      @elizadawne3896 Місяць тому +46

      I read a saying somewhere that said, “getting old is not for the weak”

    • @Debbie32352
      @Debbie32352 Місяць тому

      @@elizadawne3896 Some of us may be weak though.

  • @mysteriousplankton
    @mysteriousplankton Місяць тому +482

    "Do you have any more questions?" "What time is dinner." Hilarious.

    • @KentuckyNaNasLife
      @KentuckyNaNasLife Місяць тому +7

      😅😂❤

    • @ninaappelt9001
      @ninaappelt9001 Місяць тому +20

      Ed never forgets his grumbling tummy.

    • @JT1358
      @JT1358 Місяць тому +13

      That made me chuckle - back to normality!

    • @olivianazareno6129
      @olivianazareno6129 Місяць тому +12

      God bless this sweet man. You have been a very dutyful son to your dad., Dan❤

    • @lamiwamdeo3554
      @lamiwamdeo3554 Місяць тому +7

      @@mysteriousplankton exactly, it made me laugh so loud. I love him so much

  • @kbee6078
    @kbee6078 20 днів тому +83

    Dan, thanks for taking such good care of your Dad. My neighbor had dementia and sometimes he would get out of the house without his wife knowing. I would see him walking down the street “to go home to Texas.” I would get my car and ask him if he needed a ride. He would get in and we would drive around the block and then go “home.” He was always so happy to be home. You and your wife are such a blessing to your dad. God bless you! 🙏🏻

    • @luv2luv720
      @luv2luv720 14 днів тому +3

      That was so kind of you to go the extra mile for your neighbor!!

  • @SimonKelk
    @SimonKelk 27 днів тому +170

    He's very gentle even though he gets confused. That is a blessing in itself.

    • @staceyroberts3468
      @staceyroberts3468 21 день тому +2

      It sure is!! Sometimes it can be an agitated reaction or lots of anger and that can be especially hard. You give such good reactions for others to learn from ❤️

    • @karencatlett9381
      @karencatlett9381 21 день тому +1

      Truly ❤

    • @bigbongo1736
      @bigbongo1736 11 днів тому

      YES. MY GRANDFATHER WOULD GET VERY ANGRY

    • @drcuda71
      @drcuda71 9 днів тому

      @@bigbongo1736 caps lock button is sticking, huh

  • @ZND572
    @ZND572 Місяць тому +428

    Hello Dan,
    I've been watching your channel for a good while now and I've never commented here before. Today I felt compelled to leave a comment. Dan, I was in the healthcare field for about 11 years as an army medic and clinical technician. I have dealt with, interacted with and cared for many patients in one aspect or another. In all that time I've never come across a caretaker as devoted and effectual as you are. Your situational awareness and ability to remain calm under that kind of emotional strain is truly something to behold. What you demonstrated here with your father by tracking where your fathers triggers are, staying on point and talking him through the bind by offering a timeline is nothing short of spectacular. Your interaction with Ed is so fluid it reads like a screenplay. You know where to stand, when to take cues what triggers to look for and how to avoid them. You gracefully guided Ed from a scary place to a more comfortable one. I can feel the love you have for your Dad through the screen on my phone. Well done my friend because that is what it means to be human and we all should take notice to better our lives and the people we interact with.

    • @MeJaneEntrprsz
      @MeJaneEntrprsz Місяць тому +22

      THIS!! Spot on. Good job, Dan. You're a pro at this. Big hugs via the ethers to you, Pops & Danielle🍷🍹🍸 cheers

    • @OreoTime1
      @OreoTime1 Місяць тому +29

      I don't think what you said could be said any better. WOW!!! 🙏 Blessings!

    • @LindaAustralia
      @LindaAustralia 29 днів тому +20

      And Danielle... she gets stuck with doing lots for her father in law too. They need to make sure their marriage doesn't suffer.

    • @jans3133
      @jans3133 29 днів тому +14

      You did a better job of expressing praise than I could have. I had similar conversations with my dad and it's not easy. They need to have a point of memory that they can identify with so that they can get a handle on where they are today. Making sure they know they are safe and well taken care of is very important for them. Great job!

    • @kathunter5773
      @kathunter5773 29 днів тому +11

      👆 YES

  • @1airdrummer
    @1airdrummer 22 дні тому +58

    There is no WAY you're feeding him too much information. Damn...you made ME feel like I live with you and that I'm safe. You're a great son!

    • @1airdrummer
      @1airdrummer 22 дні тому +2

      Also...I was born in Seattle but grew up in NorCal (Sacramento, Sunnyvale, Amador County...etc) Keep up the great work, homie!

    • @ChalNjurshEp
      @ChalNjurshEp 19 днів тому

      @@1airdrummerlocal here, too

  • @mybby1966
    @mybby1966 Місяць тому +335

    Growing old isn’t easy for anyone. This is pure ❤! Your Dad is blessed.

    • @cremebrulee4759
      @cremebrulee4759 Місяць тому

      That's for certain. It's not for sissies.

  • @debbiemac1950
    @debbiemac1950 Місяць тому +1012

    It’s tough and I can’t imagine how frustrated and confused he is. You are doing a great job. Imagine being 92 and thinking your parents are alive. This is a cruel disease.

    • @Nanab1975
      @Nanab1975 Місяць тому +19

      The cruelest 💯💯💯

    • @kimwilkinson3650
      @kimwilkinson3650 Місяць тому +22

      Good job Dan ❤

    • @cjhoward409
      @cjhoward409 Місяць тому +39

      My mom took care of her 90 year old aunt. She never was married or had children. And at 91 she started calling out to her mommy. And crying. It was so sad. And my mom was a nurse and she did so well with her

    • @DavidLS1
      @DavidLS1 Місяць тому +14

      It's even sadder that Dan has to repeatedly inform him that his younger brother is deceased.

    • @AllieWhitt1959
      @AllieWhitt1959 Місяць тому +3

      ​@@cjhoward409😢

  • @elidee2914
    @elidee2914 День тому +6

    Your Dad is an angel. My mom is 81 and now she is our baby. She is like a little child. We enjoy her as You enjoy your Dad.

  • @guavagirl8344
    @guavagirl8344 27 днів тому +142

    "Thank you, Dan."😢 I think you really comforted him.

    • @paprgl
      @paprgl 25 днів тому +6

      I agree. I know this has to be difficult for him and you, but I really take comfort from your tone and patience.

  • @Freshpraise777
    @Freshpraise777 25 днів тому +236

    I’m a Nurse & Caregiver for over 35yrs to patients with Dementia & Alzheimer’s & it’s very important to just redirect when you’re dealing with an issue like this. There’s NO WAY to “reason” with this disease. Their mind is compromised & they PHYSICALLY CANNOT UNDERSTAND the words that you’re saying to them. I’ve had to do things that don’t make sense to the normal mind to redirect them to get over their obstinance, like when they start wanting to go “home”, in THEIR mind, they are back when they were younger. I’ve had to get them in the car & drive around for usually 30 minutes or so & then drive back “home” & they are SO GRATEFUL that you’ve “helped” them. They don’t comprehend that their parents & other family members are passed on. You have to just reassure them that they’re ok & not home right now. Nothing makes sense to OUR NORMAL mind. Keep doing a great job, Dan!

    • @jillr759
      @jillr759 22 дні тому +8

      Poor Dad is going to fizzle out. No need to reorient in these moments.

    • @Loriburnett
      @Loriburnett 22 дні тому +30

      EXACTLY! CNA here reality orientation has been proven in the 80s to not work. You’re agitating him more. You need to go to his world. Make things up, redirect. Engage him in past interests such as music from his era, tinkering with cars etc. tell him his parents are at work and he can visit them when they get home. Or they are on vacation etc.

    • @ChalNjurshEp
      @ChalNjurshEp 19 днів тому

      @@Loriburnettoh. I need to learn more about this. Can this help for Delirium?

    • @AlexOmelyayunk
      @AlexOmelyayunk 19 днів тому +1

      @@Freshpraise777 this really sucks yeah! 👍

    • @Love-hx6nb
      @Love-hx6nb 18 днів тому

      @@Loriburnettand is that proven to work or be ok were they are not more confused ?

  • @Stacie2440
    @Stacie2440 20 днів тому +4

    Your an amazing son! The patience you showed while listening and giving him reassurance, security, confirmation and love was very respectful and sweet. Don’t forget to take care of yourself as well. It’s heartbreaking to watch a parent especially a dad of strength be so vulnerable. He is very blessed to have you. You did a GREAT job!!!

  • @Scags
    @Scags Місяць тому +433

    That "Thank you, Dan" at the end is all I need to hear to know you did your job. You calmed him down and eased his mind, and he is expressing that. You did as good as you could've Dan ❤

    • @KentuckyNaNasLife
      @KentuckyNaNasLife Місяць тому +3

      ❤❤❤❤ Yes 🙌🏻❤️🙌🏻❣️., This is my words of Comfort n Peace knowing Dan is doing a Awesome 👍🏻 job 😁 taking Care of Pops 🏡❤❤❤💯❣️

    • @dianelaliberte1878
      @dianelaliberte1878 Місяць тому +1

      🙏

    • @mflournoy2971
      @mflournoy2971 Місяць тому

      That part.

    • @katajha831
      @katajha831 Місяць тому +3

      just typing the same thing. He is so lucky to have his family!

    • @naomieberhardt3931
      @naomieberhardt3931 Місяць тому +1

      ❤️⭐️🙏🏼

  • @culturematters4157
    @culturematters4157 Місяць тому +111

    Dan, you did an EXCELLENT job calming down your father. Peace and blessing to you and your family!

  • @terryperry4160
    @terryperry4160 22 дні тому +13

    My mom passed in March at 91. I was her caregiver for the last several years. She started showing signs of dementia at around 2013. Its the most horrible thing to watch your parent lose every part of who they once were. You two are doing hard work, my other siblings have no idea what ive been through. Its had profound impacts on my physical and mental body.

    • @Alexis-b17
      @Alexis-b17 14 днів тому +3

      You did a great thing caring for your mom it sounds like none of the siblings were there to help you and l am sure it was challenging at times! but love ovecame! and now you must look after yourself! for your own health sake you have a right this time is for you now! God bless you❤

    • @terryperry4160
      @terryperry4160 14 днів тому +1

      @@Alexis-b17 thank you, yes, I am starting a new chapter. I love my family very much. Sometimes there's only one that doesn't have something else to do.

    • @barbaraminto6709
      @barbaraminto6709 11 днів тому

      ❤🙏

    • @barbaraminto6709
      @barbaraminto6709 11 днів тому +1

      You are so compassionate with your wonderful dear Dad. 😇🙌🏼 Kent UK

    • @onthehill3381
      @onthehill3381 4 дні тому +2

      I’m going thru the same. My mom is currently 90. She was officially diagnosed in 2017 but showed signs in 2015. Almost going on 10 years. She lives with me and it feels like she’s pulling me into the grave with her.

  • @MrsJHarrington
    @MrsJHarrington Місяць тому +405

    Dan and Danielle, you both take wonderful care of Grandpa, and may God bless you both for everything you do. You are wonderful folks!

    • @user-xe3en5sb8n
      @user-xe3en5sb8n Місяць тому +9

      Love you 2!! Very difficult but you are so patient! He is good 😊...love yous so much! Thanks 😊

    • @KentuckyNaNasLife
      @KentuckyNaNasLife Місяць тому

      ❤❤❤ Yes 🖐🏻 💯 I agree 👍🏻😍 I ❤ seeing Pops n Dan 😀😊😅, although 💔 to 👀 Pops 😔 worried about his parents n Feeling Lost 😭❣️... Dan Does take Good 👍🏻 Care of Him, I cared for a Lady in her 60"s n Cried 😢 for her Daddy Every evening after her husband went home 🏡 to eat dinner 🍽️ After feeding her, n get some sleep 🥱😴 ❣️ It hurts My ❤💔 to sit with Her Till she went to 😴 herself 😭 n he'd be 🔙 in the morning 🌞 this was Every Day 👍🏻💯❣️... My Dad had 😢 spells at night 😉💭 when he'd get tired 😩 🥱❣️... It's So 💔😞😢 Sad 💯😭, I wish I could help them ln have time with my dad n my Mom But, It Be Greedy 😔 to want to keep them Here 😩😢❣️.,..

    • @AlexOmelyayunk
      @AlexOmelyayunk 27 днів тому +1

      May God bless them richly 🙏🏼

    • @Lola-ip6yi
      @Lola-ip6yi 26 днів тому

      They are sweet angels 😇 here on earth!!

    • @AlexOmelyayunk
      @AlexOmelyayunk 24 дні тому

      @@Lola-ip6yi Hi Lola

  • @Boogledigs
    @Boogledigs Місяць тому +58

    Please don't doubt yourself, Daniel. You brought your dad's emotions from frantic to "when is dinner?" in about five minutes. It was a masterclass in dealing with sundowning. Ed is in excellent hands with yourself, Danielle, and Mark.

  • @vickyjackson9795
    @vickyjackson9795 20 днів тому +9

    Dan, You are doing a fantastic job in gently helping your Dad remember things. You make him as comfortable.

  • @lawrielillie3145
    @lawrielillie3145 Місяць тому +62

    8:00 Dan you could see Ed’s breathing slow as you talked …Extremely well done💜💜💜💜

  • @cmaldonado3389
    @cmaldonado3389 26 днів тому +141

    I’ve been home health aide a CNA for over 40 yrs. You handled that better than a lot of people I know keep up the good work and thank you for keeping your father home with you as long as possible

    • @michelleroberts6597
      @michelleroberts6597 22 дні тому +1

    • @RoniShawn
      @RoniShawn 21 день тому +3

      @cmaldonado3389 thank you for the job you do! People like you are far under-appreciated. I take care of my momma 24/7. So I get what you do, and it’s not easy. 🙏❤️🤗🙏

    • @ChalNjurshEp
      @ChalNjurshEp 19 днів тому +3

      @@RoniShawnme, too 😞😔🙏🏼💖 and God bless you, too ❤ I have been doing the same for mumma off and on for 12-13 years now, and we just unexpectedly painfully lost my daddy & it’s all I can do to keep living for my mom…..

    • @RoniShawn
      @RoniShawn 19 днів тому +1

      @@ChalNjurshEp oh my goodness darling. I’m so sorry! Sending you prayers, love, hugs and condolences 🙏🤗❤️💐🙏. Yes it’s very tough. And you’ve been at this nearly 13 years! A long time! I’ve been at it 5 in November.

    • @user-tc7vg3zr5l
      @user-tc7vg3zr5l 12 днів тому

      That’s why they have such a bad reputation.

  • @JeffBourke
    @JeffBourke 8 днів тому +4

    I love that he is such a caring person! Still thinks about feeding his kids and providing for them! He's an amazing man!

  • @SpiritAnimal1212
    @SpiritAnimal1212 Місяць тому +124

    You did a great job Dan bringing your father back around to a state of calm and reason.

    • @KenIvywood
      @KenIvywood Місяць тому +4

      Bless his kind heart ❤️ wanted to see his parents. I am sure he was the kindest person and still is……😀😍

    • @KentuckyNaNasLife
      @KentuckyNaNasLife Місяць тому +1

      ❤❤❤ Yes 👍🏻 Agree 💯❣️... So Sad 😢 to 🚫 know 1 Minute to the Next, n miss his parents n 🚫 understand you've lived n married n had children n Retired from being in podiatry for all Those years n 🚫 remember anything but names n your parents 😢😮💔😭❣️

    • @KentuckyNaNasLife
      @KentuckyNaNasLife Місяць тому

      ​@@KenIvywood❤❤❤ yes 💯 agree 👍🏻 it 💔😢❣️

  • @claudibiscotti4710
    @claudibiscotti4710 Місяць тому +103

    What a tender moment, “ Thank you Dan” , it brings tears to see when a parent truly appreciates their child
    your Dad loves his family so much❤️🌞

    • @keeganlovee
      @keeganlovee 28 днів тому +5

      That was my favorite part ❤ He felt relieved. I believe Dan’s way of repetitious daily conversations brings familiarity to grandpas mind, and therefore brings him peace.

  • @jonathanwilson-k5y
    @jonathanwilson-k5y 20 днів тому +4

    That was fantastic. You handled his fright and worry with patience and love!!

  • @Abbie-UK
    @Abbie-UK Місяць тому +87

    Dan, you did amazing , poor Pop was having a bad spell , but we can tell he felt calmer after you talked to him x Hugs you all xxx

  • @judgejenny2251
    @judgejenny2251 Місяць тому +204

    A lot of dementia or alzheimer patients talk about "going home." It breaks my heart! You are amazing Dan!

    • @I-AM-Awsome-Too
      @I-AM-Awsome-Too Місяць тому +24

      When he starts Saying he has "seen" his mom and dad and any other siblings that have passed. This could be the time they are coming to help Ed back home.

    • @jamesgrant9858
      @jamesgrant9858 Місяць тому +12

      Yes , my thoughts exactly

    • @ocean_hummer
      @ocean_hummer Місяць тому +10

      I think "going home" could be their childhood home or their heavenly home, either one being a good thing in their mind. ❤

    • @timeforchange3786
      @timeforchange3786 29 днів тому +7

      ​@@I-AM-Awsome-Toothat is what I was thinking. I have heard it is common they speak of going home or need to go somewhere. My mother-in-law kept circling the kitchen island in her wheelchair because she said she needed to go somewhere but wasn't sure how to get there. She didn't want to go to the bathroom, food, or bed. The next day she was bedridden and died a week later. My grandfather kept saying his brother that had died decades earlier was there to get him and take him home.

    • @msbondutoyou520
      @msbondutoyou520 27 днів тому +4

      You are so right-I’ve seen that so many times ❤

  • @user-fb6gl4fv7w
    @user-fb6gl4fv7w 23 дні тому +5

    You’re a Great son. You calmly explain things to him over and over understandably. Wish I had a daughter or son to help me out when I need it! Thanks for being there for pops

  • @lamiwamdeo3554
    @lamiwamdeo3554 Місяць тому +94

    I literally laughed out loud in delight feeling so peaceful that grandpa Ed is back when he asked 'what time is dinner?' . It made me soo happy

  • @deniseward6172
    @deniseward6172 Місяць тому +73

    Amazing conversation, excellent job of explaining every detail to him. Nobody knows until they walk a mile in your shoes.

  • @rhonda5891
    @rhonda5891 16 днів тому +3

    I am a caregiver for an ederly woman with the dementia that has moments where she is very mean. She refuses to take meds, refuses to let anyone help her go to the bathroom and change her pullup, some days refuses to get out of bed... some days are ok, but I have been told that she was not a nice person when she was younger and that she always thought she was "better" than everyone else. I have only been a caregiver for the ederly for about 8 years mostly with dementia and hospice patients BUT this lady I have been with for about 3 months and she is the hardest I have had to help.... Be thankful he is so sweet... always saying thank you and I appreciate that lol.... I think yall do a wonderful job

  • @fateemajohnson825
    @fateemajohnson825 Місяць тому +76

    As a daughter who took care of both parents and a nurse you did a great job 👍🏾💯

  • @Lisajb11
    @Lisajb11 Місяць тому +77

    Dan, you handled your Dads confusion with love ❤️ and understanding. Your Dad is so blessed to have you and Danielle.

    • @dsalnorcal1434
      @dsalnorcal1434  Місяць тому +13

      ❤️💜 thanks for the words

    • @AlexOmelyayunk
      @AlexOmelyayunk 27 днів тому +1

      He's a rare gem😊

    • @eskanda3434
      @eskanda3434 25 днів тому

      @@dsalnorcal1434have you tried giving your dad. more meat, eggs and all keto diet? Or mushrooms to help brain regrow his cells? Lionmane is top supplement for dementia

    • @eskanda3434
      @eskanda3434 25 днів тому

      @@dsalnorcal1434read this study on keto diet pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/31996078/

  • @kimalbrecht2004
    @kimalbrecht2004 18 днів тому +4

    I took care of my grandmother for 6 months. She had Sundowners dementia and it was a struggle. She thought I had rented my room out to pregnant women so they could have their babies on my bed. She thought I used the phone to call H men (not sure what she meant by H men). She saw children crawling on the walls.
    After 6 months, we had to put her in a nursing home. She was a remarkable women, but watching her fade was a valuable lesson in life. Never underestimate how much time you have left. Love the people around you. Take care of your family, because someday you'll need them to take care of you.

  • @Nurse.Heather
    @Nurse.Heather Місяць тому +106

    You do so well at redirecting and ensuring safety. I wish half of my patients' families on the memory care unit did as well.

    • @MetsterAnn
      @MetsterAnn 29 днів тому +2

      Show them Dan’s videos. It’s a master class in comforting the Alzheimer’s patient.

    • @AlexOmelyayunk
      @AlexOmelyayunk 27 днів тому +1

      He should have be place under your care nurse! 😊

    • @AlexOmelyayunk
      @AlexOmelyayunk 27 днів тому +1

      ​@@MetsterAnn😊

  • @user-uz9cd1yp4s
    @user-uz9cd1yp4s Місяць тому +48

    I am 80 yrs. old now & live with my youngest daughter, and am so blessed to have my family who cares about me. I watch everything you post and see that Ed is so blessed , too, and just wanted to tell you that you and your family do such a good job taking care of Ed. There are good people out there in this world that take wonderful care of family. And I applaud you for it. Great fun watching you all, Ed makes me smile ! Big hugs !

    • @dsalnorcal1434
      @dsalnorcal1434  Місяць тому +16

      Thanks for sharing. This comment made my night. Solidarity bump with your daughter 🤛. ❤️❤️❤️

  • @cynthiathompson1192
    @cynthiathompson1192 24 дні тому +2

    No one should be judging you.. each person with dementia is different..your love and dedication is immeasurable ❤

  • @ednaakrish3581
    @ednaakrish3581 Місяць тому +35

    Amazing how you informed him that his parents are gone - without saying it bluntly - you let him figure it out…Your dad is one of the few lucky ones who are with family at this stage and this age - not alone in a “facility care”… Blessings and strength to you -אמן 🙌

  • @tcarroll3954
    @tcarroll3954 Місяць тому +52

    The last thing Ed said in this video was "Thank you, Dan". That shows how well Dan does to sooth him and take away his anxieties, etc.

    • @sueojeda7277
      @sueojeda7277 Місяць тому

      Ed is so clueless 😂😂😂

  • @MarthaGarcia-vh2jv
    @MarthaGarcia-vh2jv 16 днів тому +4

    My mom was 92 from dementia she became very angry and would yell at me and my kids. It was difficult and heartbreaking but I never gave up on her. My heart goes out to you and you’re doing an amazing job. Stay strong.

  • @user-jb8zh6hi8d
    @user-jb8zh6hi8d 26 днів тому +39

    You are a good son to your Father. We should all be so lucky to have Family like yours.❤

  • @steveladner4346
    @steveladner4346 Місяць тому +119

    Grandpa is and always has been a very responsible man and I can understand how he feels because I don't depend on anyone but myself.

    • @user-ne2uw8ji7h
      @user-ne2uw8ji7h Місяць тому +3

      Me to ,even though I have siblings who I'm still close to.But I fly solo and have been since 2005. Into the home straight on the pension ladder 3,4 year's away. Presently I'm trying to think of something to do so I don't wither on the Vine. I'm in fairly good nic for my age and past life decisions. One of the enemies, procrastination. Trying to feel enthusiastic about what's ahead is difficult. The mind barriers get overblown and we get stuck in the negativity. Have a good day everyone ✌️☘️

    • @mytruthmylife8725
      @mytruthmylife8725 29 днів тому +1

      Well it's a bit different for him you guys, he literally has timelines missing in his head that's scary. & To have to relive the fact you're learning all over again that your parents passed away. Got to be tougher than just being a caring person. I see your point, but I don't think we ourselves know how it feels unless we're in his shoes.

    • @ChalNjurshEp
      @ChalNjurshEp 19 днів тому

      @@mytruthmylife8725🩶🩷🩵

    • @ChalNjurshEp
      @ChalNjurshEp 19 днів тому

      @@mytruthmylife8725🩵🩶🩷 re-living that horror that your parents passed on

  • @k.Newbbie
    @k.Newbbie 21 день тому +4

    Awwww. Dan, you did a great job with Grandad 👌🏽👌🏽❤️ Grandad was quite calm, considering he was confused 🌹 "what time is dinner?" That tickled my tear duct 💧 then at the end the "Thank you Dan" 💝💝💝💝

  • @christineschwenker5824
    @christineschwenker5824 Місяць тому +33

    Hi Dan,
    I work in a Nursing Home and I see and engage with this on a daily basis as well as personally.
    You managed to diffuse what could've been a negative situation. Keep doing what you are doing!❤

  • @namjune7361
    @namjune7361 Місяць тому +138

    he's thinking about his parents and how they're old (in his mind) and how he wants to take care of them 😢
    Grandpa has such a kind soul and heart.
    God please have mercy on these good people ❤

    • @gladysvogel9442
      @gladysvogel9442 26 днів тому +3

      I have experience working with people with Alzheimer's and the Best way to deal with them is to go with their reality at first and as they calm down then do the explaining!! You did great!! God Bless you for your Love and Kindness to your Dad!❤

  • @carola4655
    @carola4655 24 дні тому +2

    You are stepping into his reality, however whenever he becomes agitated and scared you use diversional tactics, and bring him into a safe reality. I manage a Day Centre for people with a dementia and I praise you for the care, love, patience and understanding you are giving to your dad. An extremely sad situation which you are handling magnificently. Well done Sir 🙏🏻❤️🙏🏻

  • @kaiadavis100
    @kaiadavis100 Місяць тому +30

    That, “thank you, Dan” was so beautiful to hear. You could hear the ease take over as the conversation progressed. If I am ever dealt that deck of cards in life I could only hope and pray that my children would as loving and caring!❤️

  • @marlenemanion9776
    @marlenemanion9776 Місяць тому +55

    Those golden years aren’t always golden:-(. You do an exceptional job taking care of your Dad♥️.

    • @marciastewart1527
      @marciastewart1527 Місяць тому +1

      @@marlenemanion9776 I don’t think they should be called Golden Years! They’re more like lead!

    • @KentuckyNaNasLife
      @KentuckyNaNasLife Місяць тому +1

      TRUE STORY 😢💔❣️

  • @Moebabee
    @Moebabee 15 днів тому +2

    You did a great job Dan. I took care of my parents, both with dementia. Until they passed in their own bed. They passed 6 weeks apart. I remember their them regressing to the point where they thought they were children again. A constant asking to go home and see mom and dad and sibs. They think that they will feel safer with their mom and dad. At one point they would not even recognize themselves in the mirror. My mom would conversations with her image in the mirror thinking she was talking to her sister. I send prayers and comfort to all of you. Music was a huge pleasure.

  • @revs-and-obs
    @revs-and-obs 25 днів тому +42

    The best approach I found when dealing with my Dad"s dementia was to pretty much agree to what he said and tell him his relatives would be coming soon to visit or we would visit them. These thoughts are only retained for seconds anyway so pretty much forgotten as they are spoken. I became quite adept at dodging his questions but in the moment it calmed him down. I found it best not to overload with reality and information - it was overwhelming to him but "playing the game" worked the best.

    • @AzDesertFoxx
      @AzDesertFoxx 16 днів тому +6

      Agreed. That's the best way. Trying to MAKE them live in reality isn't good for any of them. Go with their flow is the best policy.

    • @rosleengardner9325
      @rosleengardner9325 16 днів тому +2

      @@AzDesertFoxx I too experienced this way of coping with my dad ,he was in another country but I managed to see him once a month and he would ask me about things that happened years ago but to him they were in his reality now , eventually he stopped asking questions ❤️

    • @onthehill3381
      @onthehill3381 4 дні тому

      Going to try that. Thank you!

  • @juliethompson9196
    @juliethompson9196 Місяць тому +57

    Such a cruel disease long story short I was employed as a cook for an elderly priest ( I am not religious) but needed a job , I accepted the job only to find out that he had Alzheimer’s. Again long story short I soon realised that the job entailed much more than just cooking 😅. I ended up staying for 4 years . I became extremely close to Father Dan and was with him until the end . I also ended up as his caregiver ( not just a cook )
    I see so many similarities with your dad like the rubbing of his eyebrows, they are trying to make sense of a very confused state of mind .
    The dipping in and out of reality and of course the constant reminding.
    I was with him the day he passed and even though those 4 years were tough I consider it a privilege to have looked after him . He called me his atheist Angel , and I get that in his lucid moments he would confide in me , in his non lucid moments it was a struggle.
    There are many funny and strange stories I could tell ( most I wouldn’t) but one was he had a very old and very smelly dog called Heinze , Father Dan had to attend Mass at our local nunnery every day , this one particular day Heinze had escaped and I know had to deal with a very distraught Priest and an escaped dog , we found the dog on his way to very busy road . Couldn’t take the dog home because that would have made Father Dan late for Mass ( huge conundrum) . Father Dans Angel came up with the only solution and that was to use Father Dans belt of his rain mack and use it as a lead for the dog and that my friends is how the Priest , the dog and the atheist arrived at church that morning 😂

    • @sos9020
      @sos9020 29 днів тому +4

      Hahahaha yes. I understand this so well. I do this for a living for 20yrs now,and oooo the stories, some very funny and most quite sad.

    • @sarahmurphy8030
      @sarahmurphy8030 29 днів тому +5

      My father would cry because he wanted his mother it was heartbreaking to watch 😢

    • @sos9020
      @sos9020 28 днів тому +2

      😭😭😭😭😭

    • @eskanda3434
      @eskanda3434 25 днів тому

      @@sos9020try keto pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/31996078/

  • @capetownrocks4112
    @capetownrocks4112 17 днів тому +2

    How devastating it must be to swing into and out of lucidity. Dan .....you are phenomenal at reassurances and making your dad feel safe. You have the patience of a saint!!!!

  • @user-vc6tm4of8f
    @user-vc6tm4of8f Місяць тому +24

    No one should judge you for how you take care of your father, until someone walks in your shoes for one day and see what you the son goes through on a daily basic there should be only positive comments , there is days that will be great but in those few seconds they go back to their childhood and get confused , you and your family are doing amazing taking care of your dad , he reminds me of my grandpa , he has moments where he has me laughing and then there's times where I cry, . Your father is blessed to have a son as loving as you are . May God give you strength to continue to be strong for your father .

  • @wendysue9042
    @wendysue9042 Місяць тому +22

    Fantastic job, Dan. Never once did I hear anything but kindness and patience in your voice, even though he talked about the same thing over and over again. I'm sorry Dan this cannot be easy.

  • @mikewinkelman7015
    @mikewinkelman7015 23 дні тому +2

    I lost my father when I was 31 . He was 55. Your lucky to have your father. Cherish him he's a sweetheart. ❤❤

  • @nzobriens
    @nzobriens Місяць тому +26

    Hello from New Zealand guys. Every time I watch Ed he gives me a smile. His good-natured acceptance of circumstances shows he's one in a million. All the best!

  • @AllieWhitt1959
    @AllieWhitt1959 Місяць тому +18

    Awww.... Grandpa made me 😢 at the end when he so lovingly said "Thank you Dan" ❤
    Dan, I really appreciate you shaing these videos...both the good and not so good. You are an Awesome son! 💯🙏

  • @violetwasik6527
    @violetwasik6527 3 дні тому +1

    Like father, like son, both lovely, caring and compassionate individuals. God bless.

  • @brandimyhren6317
    @brandimyhren6317 Місяць тому +24

    You’re his rock. It’s good he has access to you in times like this. To just help him settle and remain calm.

  • @peterhart3836
    @peterhart3836 Місяць тому +24

    I look after my 90 year old step dad. It’s hard but rewarding. You’re doing a great job Dan and Danielle.

    • @curtish.6900
      @curtish.6900 29 днів тому +2

      You and your 90 year old -step- dad are blessed.

  • @user-Danswife
    @user-Danswife 2 дні тому +2

    My father went thru this. It ALWAYS helped, when he went thru this, to ask him to tell me stories of the distant past (ones hes told a 1000 times) it soothed him and got his mind off things. Another very powerful thing that help was music from his time. He loved it!! NEVER, NEVER, NEVER underestimate how horrible they are feeling during anxiety attacks, which are different than this. They CANNOT control them, they arent the cause of them and they should always be treated quickly with whatever the doctor has perscribed for them. These attacks are the most dibilitating things on planet earth. (In my opinion)Treat them as such, PLEASE!!

  • @sherrytevis9610
    @sherrytevis9610 Місяць тому +48

    I think this is why it is important to take care of your loved ones if you are able. Strangers cannot bring up memories to help remind them,and calm them down. It is so very difficult and frustrating for you at times and everyone should appreciate your patience. Hang in there as long as you can❤

    • @AllieWhitt1959
      @AllieWhitt1959 Місяць тому +2

      🙏

    • @hollynelson543
      @hollynelson543 Місяць тому +2

      So true Sherry. Bless you.❤

    • @AnneCaulder
      @AnneCaulder Місяць тому +1

      Yes, it’s the best option but it’s extremely difficult with Alzheimer’s. I know my grandma got packed up every morning for six months in her Alzheimer’s unit, ready to go home because she didn’t know what she was doing there. Then she latched on to a man who resembled Grandpa, and I had never seen her smile so big in her life, it was so girl-like. She hadn’t been a particularly happy wife and mother, she apparently had bigger ambitions, so I hope she had some kind of happiness at that time.

    • @timeforchange3786
      @timeforchange3786 29 днів тому

      🎯💯

  • @23Pepper
    @23Pepper Місяць тому +21

    Dan, I love how you LOVE your dad!! You owe no explanation about how you take care of him! You are amazing and a wonderful loving son. Keep going and thank you so much for sharing with us all❤

  • @susancrittenden1559
    @susancrittenden1559 День тому +1

    I really appreciate that you share this with the world. It is truly inspiring and calming to see and hear your calm way about your dad. The love shines through.

  • @carolynbertram5598
    @carolynbertram5598 Місяць тому +15

    I'm so sorry. It's a cruel disease, but you did a great job with your Dad. I can't imagine a more difficult task emotionally.

  • @shericlayborne4299
    @shericlayborne4299 26 днів тому +43

    What a Wonderful Son you are Dan!!! I'm 76, my Daughter does not help me at all. You are so Blessed!!!!❤❤❤❤

    • @Bluets023
      @Bluets023 25 днів тому +3

      🤝🥰

    • @catn350z
      @catn350z 25 днів тому +2

      ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

    • @joinjen3854
      @joinjen3854 25 днів тому +2

      Why not?

    • @pennyp7382
      @pennyp7382 25 днів тому +6

      What do you want her to do? How did you treat her growing up and now? There's usually something 🤔 you did to cause such a rift. She doesn't owe you anything. No one owes you anything except your parents when you're a child. Other than that, you're responsible for you.

    • @Bluets023
      @Bluets023 25 днів тому

      @@pennyp7382That,s not what the book says , but I guess it,s a matter of believing .!

  • @loonlady2398
    @loonlady2398 18 днів тому +2

    I was the head nurse on a dementia unit for many years also worked it as a nurses aid I have even had my foot broke and skull fracture from my violent dementia patients. I have to tell you your doing a great job with your father,this disease is heart breaking for the families. Keep up the good work .

  • @roseschmieglitz7202
    @roseschmieglitz7202 Місяць тому +33

    I love Dad! And Dan you did fantastic! Love how he doesn't forget to Thank you Dan❤❤

  • @suewalker8356
    @suewalker8356 Місяць тому +54

    Dan it is okay to allow him to think he is going home tomorrow. It will quite him down, you are wearing yourself out. Allow him remember. He is not going to remember what you are saying. Allow him to think then you can divert him to a different subject. You are a wonderful son. God bless you.

    • @cathyblock6197
      @cathyblock6197 Місяць тому +6

      Good advice.

    • @christopherwilliams7905
      @christopherwilliams7905 28 днів тому +7

      I disagree but only because Dan is able to calm him down by telling him the truth. I think everyone should be given the dignity of being told the truth until the point that lying is the only thing that calms him down. I would do the extra bit of work to tell him the truth

    • @cathyblock6197
      @cathyblock6197 28 днів тому +17

      @@christopherwilliams7905 it’s called compassionate lying- no need for the person who is suffering from dementia to re-live the experience of being told a loved one is deceased over & over because they are experiencing hearing that information as if it were the first time being told that, only they are grieving again over & over, each & every time.

    • @suen5006
      @suen5006 26 днів тому +2

      I think that's what I would do, but I think Dan is doing a good job too. If someone had died, I wouldn't try to convince the person constantly.

    • @Bluets023
      @Bluets023 25 днів тому +1

      It,s like playing a game did so with my mom , it really helped her to know I was there and would go talk to those who were harming animals . Of course there wasn’t any thing going on but in her mind it was .

  • @dorispeterson9059
    @dorispeterson9059 23 дні тому +1

    Bless his heart! I hear this everyday at work. My residents in their 90's in Memory care. Love them. Love him ❤️❤️

  • @joandasenbrock1586
    @joandasenbrock1586 Місяць тому +19

    How special it is seeing the love of a son!! Thanks Dan and Daniel!

  • @sharon94503
    @sharon94503 Місяць тому +19

    This brings back so many painful memories as my late mother, who had Dementia that progressed very quickly would often talk about 'going home to see her mom' all while no longer recognizing me as her daughter. She was 86. It has been hypothesized that general anesthesia in the elderly can speed up mental decline, and for my mother who had 2 hip surgeries and 2 knee replacements (all general) within about 8 years, this probably played a part. Sundowning, if you don't experience it first hand can be hard to explain, but this video is a classic depiction. At the same time as they are living in the past, they are also frightened about the future. You are doing an admirable job of caring for your dad.

    • @marimercy14
      @marimercy14 28 днів тому

      Heavy metals in brain and statins. Brain needs cholesterol. Carnivore diet said to help along with detox

  • @justiningram9341
    @justiningram9341 6 днів тому +1

    Excellent... the world would be a much better place if there was more of this dynamic between generations in families... You're a good man, Dan! ❤

  • @susanlewis9351
    @susanlewis9351 Місяць тому +17

    I could just hug him!! And you for your love and patience!

  • @EveryCloud9999
    @EveryCloud9999 Місяць тому +132

    “What time is dinner?”
    That’s the perfect sign you’ve done a great job right there 😀
    -
    Ed’s such a brave and caring man.
    I can see exactly where you get it from Dan.
    Bless you all!

  • @fireman032180
    @fireman032180 9 днів тому +1

    You're doing an excellent job with you Dad. I lost my mom in 2022 she was 69 years old to the same disease. I miss my mom everyday. She was confused but couldn't make words to talk and she struggled but I will always remember feeding her near the end. Bless you for all that you are doing

  • @donnakearse2503
    @donnakearse2503 Місяць тому +11

    Pop is precious. You can tell Pop was always a kind and caring man. Bless his heart. Always thankful for any kindness shown to him.

  • @returnofthemac325
    @returnofthemac325 Місяць тому +19

    you done a great job reminding him of familiar times and places to ground him during a confusing moment for him. Pay no attention to the know it all's Dan.

  • @KJ-jt5uz
    @KJ-jt5uz 4 дні тому +1

    Great job! And you witness so much patience and strong confidence in affirming his current knowledge and continued health and safety! Just beautiful! Thank you!

  • @tilliemoore1268
    @tilliemoore1268 Місяць тому +16

    I love how he is relieved and looks better, sending my kudos for how well it turned out.

  • @ValSmart-p3d
    @ValSmart-p3d Місяць тому +27

    "Thank you Dan" When Grandpa Ed said that at the end, ooo that tugged at my heart ❤

    • @KentuckyNaNasLife
      @KentuckyNaNasLife Місяць тому

      ❤❤❤ 😢 Yes 👍🏻🤚🏻 Agree 💯😉💭❣️

  • @debbiemontgomery8874
    @debbiemontgomery8874 14 днів тому +1

    Well done. I’m 70 and worked nursing homes as a therapist for 20 years. This is my biggest fear. But I’m not sure the hubby is gonna escape this. Thanks for your good example.

  • @lisashephard2974
    @lisashephard2974 Місяць тому +33

    I miss my dad. He used to go through these sundowning moments too until he became non verbal. By which I mean he had the ability to talk he just didn't anymore and that was closer to the end of his life. I appreciate you and your wife making these videos because they are of service to those that are experiencing the same issues with their loved ones as well as opening the eyes of those that don't have to deal with these health issues. You are all very blessed. Thank you for doing these videos.

  • @Michelle-hq3tg
    @Michelle-hq3tg Місяць тому +19

    Awww, great job comforting your dad Dan ❤️

  • @lizzypoo75
    @lizzypoo75 10 днів тому +1

    You’re doing a wonderful job Dan! Thank you Dan for educating us on this terrible disease that Grandpa Ed is living with. Bless you and your family ❤

  • @joshbailey7856
    @joshbailey7856 Місяць тому +13

    My grandfather had dementia, he lived right next door to me. One time I had to go through this exact same thing. He was trying to leave and said “he was going home” and that his parents would be worried about him. He had lived in the same home for over 60 years, and his parents had been dead for many many years. I was able to calm him and he came back to reality. You did great IMO

  • @bobbigirl03
    @bobbigirl03 Місяць тому +26

    Dan u did great w/ helping grandpa Ed…..u made it clear to him he is safe & he seems to truly feel that❤

  • @vanessanurkala6868
    @vanessanurkala6868 22 дні тому +12

    Don't ever question yourself. You did an amazing job. It was heart-warming!

  • @susanfromthemountains1754
    @susanfromthemountains1754 Місяць тому +122

    Pop: "Thank you Dan".
    Dan: " You're welcome Dad".
    ❤ 👍

  • @lauraeastman
    @lauraeastman Місяць тому +10

    I think you did a terrific job! Most people would be going bonkers having to repeat themselves so often and loudly so he can hear
    ..... And you do it with an amazing amount of patience and love❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️

  • @robyoungquist5803
    @robyoungquist5803 6 днів тому +1

    Dan, you are a compassionate loving Son with a great deal of patience. I think you handled his sundowning well by reassuring him that he’s safe and loved and surrounded by family. You used the past timeline of his life to try to bring him into the present. Well done 👍🏻

  • @ElaineSharon358
    @ElaineSharon358 Місяць тому +31

    Dan you are a saint. ❤ nothing but love for you and Danielle

  • @williamcasey9501
    @williamcasey9501 Місяць тому +10

    What a hard conversation to have with pop.i was a hairdresser in a retirement community. I witnessed a lot of changes in people . The onset of living away from loved ones. They always are going home. After13 years of this at the end they usually are bedridden and I saw with my own 👀 eyes, them go to a fetal position before they pass. God willing they are calling home sooner than that. Dan you are amazing son to go through this day in and day out.. remember to take your wife and get away some weekends. For your rest and sanity. God bless 😇😇😇

  • @momc6972
    @momc6972 3 дні тому +2

    you are amazing Dan - you make this situation very easy and not so scary for others who are facing this and will be facing this one day. thank you

  • @lorisheheen2198
    @lorisheheen2198 Місяць тому +10

    I cared for my father for five year's until he passes away from complications of Dementia. I would never judge you Dan or anybody eles who cares for their loved one's. I would like to tell you that the Constant Reaaurance you give to your Dad is exactly what he needs. I admire you for all you do for your Dad and for bringing awareness to this disease on a daily basis. God bless.🙏❤

  • @Debbi56
    @Debbi56 Місяць тому +12

    Pops you are safe, you are loved, you are blessed. Thank you Dan for sharing your Dad's story with us. You and Danielle are beautiful people. You did a great job explaining everything to your dad 💜

  • @garyeagleson5634
    @garyeagleson5634 14 днів тому +1

    God bless you my brother, you & your wife are so Awesome for “watching” over your Great Dad. He is such a kind soul, he raised you perfectly. 👏🏼❤️✌️🌎👏🏼🤗⭐️😎

  • @MommaBird52
    @MommaBird52 Місяць тому +12

    He always remembers mealtime! You remained very calm and reassuring, and you kept him calm. This is normal even with no dementia. We remember things from years ago, but forget where we left our reading glasses 15 minutes ago. I know it is hard not to get frustrated, but you both do such a great job remaining calm and reassuring him 😊

  • @Ritapind1
    @Ritapind1 Місяць тому +11

    Dan you are doing a wonderful job … can’t be a better son ! Your Dad is blessed !

  • @SweetGypsyRose
    @SweetGypsyRose 16 днів тому +1

    Im 60 yrs young but eat up w/serious illnesses & diseases & suffer horribly GOD bless you for being a good son taking care of him ❤

  • @fatboyslim3550
    @fatboyslim3550 Місяць тому +11

    It’s so sad 😢I lost my mam with dementia and it’s so cruel to watch , can you imagine everything is so real to them , they get so anxious. Hope one day the terrible disease can get fixed . ❤