The Myth of Difficult People | Karen Gordon | TEDxUTAustin
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- Опубліковано 27 лип 2024
- Have you ever wanted to avoid someone because they were just too difficult to deal with? On what grounds do we reject or dismiss those people we work with at work or community? Social Entrepreneur Karen Gordon will elaborate on why there is no such thing as a “difficult” person, and how you can establish develop better relationships with others for long-term organizational success. Karen Gordon is a serial entrepreneur who has been helping individuals reach their highest potential for 20+ years.
Karen has spent her career learning the leadership and management techniques people need to thrive. In 2010, she founded 5 Dynamics, workflow-oriented set of tools that companies like LinkedIn and IDEO use to empower team environments, increase workforce productivity and collaboration, and develop strong leaders. Her company’s methodology is based on groundbreaking neuroscience and psychometrics research on maximizing human potential.
Karen is passionate about helping others create resonance in their lives through a deep understanding of why we do what we do. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx
She has no idea what a work place bully, work place politics is , yet she assumes she knows by using false examples of diversity and preference as being 'difficult'. I personally don't like these kind of 'textbook' like, non practical talks.
so the work place bullying and hazing and group think is a gift. the person constantly undercutting and trying to use others as a stepping stone is a gift. The person consistently working against you rather than with you and not being on task is a gift.
Who irritates you? AHEM Shsh
Adam Grant does a wonderful job of advocating for having disagreeable givers on the team (think of the show House). His thesis is that there are givers, takers, and matchers. Matchers operate using the law of reciprocity (give and take). There can be both agreeable and disagreeable givers (as stated earlier). But there can also be agreeable and disagreeable takers. Takers pull people down so they have an easier climb to the top. They take credit for work they didn't do. They sew the seeds of dissension for personal and selfish gain.
Takers are not a "myth." They are real and can destroy organizations. They cost the economy billions with their counter-productive antics.
I get Karen's point. We shouldn't write people off just because they aren't Rainbow Brite or willing to go along to get along. But really, that should be obvious. We don't want to create organizations of group-think, or thought police. But denying that there is such a thing as a "difficult person" is a recipe for disaster.
Who you let "on your bus" is important to the health and wellbeing of your team and organization. There are "snakes in suits." Protect your workers and your company.
It's probably difficult to have *her* around...
Anyone else get the feeling that Gordon would rapidly becoming very 'difficult' indeed, if you were one of her underlings, and you happened to disagree with her about something???
Karen Gordon claims that there are no difficult people in the world. I react to this statement positively.Karen has spent her career learning the leadership and management techniques people need to thrive and divided people into 4 groups, counting on successful work, so they are: explore, excite, examine, execute. If there is such a division, it will protect us from problems of difficult people. She also gave advice to be aware of our energetic preferences, such as awareness, appreciation and adaptation with which I also agree.
You also have to consider that “difficult” person as toxic to a team, when they do not respect all diversity. Difficult is one thing, disruptive and costing you good talent due to a toxic culture is not a positive. I do believe life experiences can change a persons outlook, if you have a structure to have good dialogues not combative, then difficult can be resolved or open your eyes to someone who is just plain angry.
love this topic I feel like people choose to say a person is "difficult" instead of really listening to how they can be valuable to a situation
P.Quinlan stated the poorer you are the more you smoke the blacker you are the more you smoke....he was replaced as CEO of Ochsner. Article available from 2012
To all those making negative comments: Ok, sure. Are "difficult people" really just a "myth"? Of course not! Unfortunately, the world is full of *toxic* people, and it's imperative for companies and organizations to avoid them like the plague! But her talk is based on the assumption that we're discussing "good faith actors" here. *Amongst* good faith actors, her thesis is that there are "four energies", and that you need all four represented across the people working in your organization to thrive and succeed. Do workplace bullies exist? Do people who take credit for the work of others exist? Yes. But *amongst* those who are truly trying to contribute to an organization and have the talents to do so, we need to be open to the value that each approach brings. How do you ensure someone is acting in good faith and isn't trying to sabotage you? That's a very different topic (one that deserves its own TED talk, I might add)!
This video catches me thinking about people's relationships. We often blame people for some absurd things, but in fact the problem is in us. It is necessary to perceive the situation from different sides and see other solutions. Many companies insist on creative methods of solving the problem and that's how it should be. Personally I will apply to new piece of advice and try to understand that all people give us some experience. So, the phrase “There are no difficult people” is very good.
Nataly Kolosova I absolutely agree with your point of view. “Difficult” people often turned out to be interesting and unique, others just don’t understand them or don’t want to understand them. We should take into account their opinion to overcome this difficulties. We should take care of each other and be ready to help.
easier said than done
I think about this ted talk often
As for me, it was very exciting, interesting information. I always think about communication. But now I have begun to realize that people, the team that is given to us, is a reflection of ourselves. That is, if a person has a complex, toxic relationship with people, then you should not constantly blame someone, but you need to think, and start listening to yourself, find the problem, understand and work through it.
Oh, I definitely agree with Christina. I think with help of her we will be able to learn how to behave with "difficult" people. Also we shouldn't blame others, we need to begin to understand and react to them correctly.
The speaker of this talk,Karen,must have been known about helping others to create resonance in their lives through a deep understanding of why we do what we do. The idea of her speech is that there are no difficult people and you shouldn’t have blame them for who they actually are. Usually some people is accused of reacting against bullies and this is a problem that should have been solved not in one particular person,but in the collective.
Always remember the rule of 3 As:awareness,appreciation,adaptation. Everybody should get engaged,so the productivity won’t go down.
This wonderful video gave me a new view of ppl who I called “difficult”. But I must be wrong cuz I could separate ppl on difficult or not, I didn’t criticize for their own, it was my mistake, because they aren’t difficult the have a gifts which we can open and be really good friends if we could do it. Also I should thank this woman for really good advice -“ be awere of your energetic preferences; appreciate the preferences of other; learn to adapt”. A lot of thanks and love to her.
I hope this video will help to all of us. I think we should blame this "difficult" people for their behaviour. And her advice must help us in future.
I agree with you ,you can’t be wrong and people just don’t need to be criticized for this and we should try to understand them and we can’t react to thin in negative way
I’ve just listened to this amazing talk that changed my life completely. After her speech I’ll be looking at difficult people from a different perspective. Us humans usually criticize people for not meeting our expectations, we react to their outstanding behavior in a bad way because we find it annoying. But we should definitely give them a chance. As when we are keen on something, we don’t listen to others, to their opinions. So we should try to be aware of them, appreciate them and try to adapt to them, because the person might bring great ideas and with his or her help you might accomplish many things.
Камила Кулиева yes, i totally agree with your point of view. those people who we might find “difficult” or annoying, often turn out to be creative and original. they can provide us with their exceptional ideas and solutions. so we shouldn’t turn our backs on them, we must appreciate their input in the work
I absolutely agree with you. We should not be concentrated only on our problems and our dislikes, we should take into account them and their opinions because we cannot overcome all difficulties on our own. Also, we should listen to them, because all people are different and all humans have their own minds, so communication with them may lead to the great experience and ideas.
I was enjoyed with the video. The most essential things which I pointed out were:
Irritating people must be in the team, because there are might be 4 important types of energy requires to success. What’s more we should remember that many men-many minds. We are all different and we need have three AS: awareness, appreciation, adaptation.
Yes I am agree with your opinion stranger. I might be thinking that most of people who might have been in such situation must stay calm and remember that this is just another person with another opinion and character.
That was very inspiring. It’s made me think and now I will accept “difficult people” as humans with gifts for me. Thank you !
Wow why thi genius video didnt get in touch with more people ,I feel blessed
I totally agree with Karen that there are no complicated people,because we are all biosocial beings who have the right to a life that suits us. Someone likes to live and work in a mess, someone does not .It doesn't happen that everyone is satisfied with everything. There will always be those who will protest against our actions and words. Those who will always insist on their own.But this does not mean that the person is difficult . What may seem normal to us will be a shock to others. We have long had stereotypes that people who are different from us are very difficult to communicate. But they aren’t . We are just used to avoid them, we do not want to share our positive energy with them,we treat them negatively. But this is the reason for misunderstandings between people. This is what we resent. There are no complicated people, we just find it difficult to understand them and we put this opinion in our head. I believe that we need to be more friendly and considerate towards others. After all, we can easily keep in touch with each other.
Should change the title, "Lets all wear rose coloured glasses!" Lets pretend toxic environments don't exist. Lets play into the hands of the self-centered narcissists because they have great intentions, the rug on the floor lifts up, no one will notice what you put there. Difficult people are everywhere, pretending they don't exist doesn't solve anything, it empowers them,
I've watched the video where the speaker could have convinced us that complex people and relationships don't exist. She should have exposed to difficult relationships and she successed. She insisted on the claim and she gave examples of famous people and her own. Her methodology is based on neuroscience . Moreover, she gave a simple formula must shift those difficult relationship and make them easier. This might be great for many people who have the problem.
I completely agree with you. As I see it, person should go out of his comfort zone to develop himself and it is really important to see the world from different perspectives. People are able to create many new ideas if they start working together with different ways of thinking
she has never meet my brother.😭
wondering if there were any women, POC, etc. who could have also been used in the excite, examine, etc. examples?
I have just wasted my 15 minutes to listed to someone explaining she is not toxic while she is. Ah.
Agreement:
One can only change oneself, and having a good perspective and assuming good intentions can help collaborating with others even when we don't like their style.
Disagreement:
* Difficult people do exist and there is plenty of documentation about it, includes and is not limited to having anti social behavior. Read: 5 types of people who can ruin your life (by Bill Eddy).
How would you categorize someone who you caught lying to your and/or your coworkers? Or someone who sabotaged your work? Someone who moves the goal post? or overall, someone who you have clear evidence that does not have good intentions to the point that ended up fired (thus it was not only our own opinion)?
Saying that there are no people that are difficult could be misunderstood that there are no people with bad intentions. Thumbs down.
Recommendation:
Add to the message that there could be people with bad intentions.
i'm sorry never have clinton on a team,
Am i the only one who noticed repeating numbers in the spreadsheets?
Same picture, different perspectives
No. We see different things... perspective is about making choices. Having a different view.
I agree with Karen that there are no difficult people on earth. We are all different and it does not happen that everyone is happy. There are people who do not like our actions and they are protesting. What may seem commonplace for us may shock others. There was a stereotype that it is difficult to communicate with people who differ from us, but this is not so. We are used to avoiding them and treating them badly. And this is a misunderstanding between people. I believe that there are no complex people, it’s just hard for us to understand them, so I think that we should be more friendly and understanding towards them. And then we can keep in touch with these people.
The only guy complaining about doing his simple job and doing it poorly isn't valuable to my team.
This is so American, French people will always tell you what they think, and you better be prepared to hear complains or other point of you if you don't want lose your soul! Criticism can be productive if you are smart enough to put your ego on the side! Ahahaha! My husband is American and he says that I complain a lot, nope sir, I discuss and argue on various topics.
Marine lab is it how it comes off
I have a book I got to read on the science of feedback
Oh come on, Karen
what a bad talk...
so ted bundy wasn't difficult, but just giving a gift? well, maybe she'd say ted went beyond being 'difficult.' but then you're kinda back to square one, like who goes beyond difficult and who doesn't?
LOL I think you're going outside the scope of her TED talk. Of course, strictly speaking, there do exist truly "difficult" people who are toxic and that we should all avoid like the plague. But that's not really what she's talking about. She's saying, *amongst good-faith actors* there are different approaches, all of which bring value. But yes, before incorporating the lessons of *her* TED talk into your organization, first watch a TED talk on how to avoid hiring scheming, back-stabbing, politicking bottom-feeders and psychopaths! I agree!
What is your point
Didn't survive? that's really egocentric
i'm sorry never have clinton on a team,