Apparently the time stamps aren’t showing…so here they are: 0:00 Intro 0:08 Story 1 Post 5:34 Story 1 Opinion 6:56 Story 1 Comments 10:01 Story 1 Update Enjoy!
Lost Genre, you should have put an advisory at the beginning of the story warning about triggers related to the loss of a baby. It doesn't affect me personally, buy I have friends who have lost babies at or shortly after birth. It is a good video, but I would appreciate you adding a verbal warning.
"And 'forgives' me for losing our son" Nothing like being able to pinpoint the exact moment when everything went from marital problems to flat out nope.
@@DarkPhoenixNeos hubs rocked me through six losses, while crying his guts out himself. OP's husband wouldn't be complaining about her career path once mine was done with him. Very little causes him to go 'push the button' nuclear like this does.
No woman who "has only ever wanted to be a mother" would volunteer to carry a child and give it away. Especially if she doesn't already have children. She is looking for a husband and a baby daddy.
Yeah that line alone should have made the bells ring, but obviously he was too deep. Once she is pregnant, she'd say yeah I am not giving this up and because husband is so desperate to have a kid, she'll make him divorce OP or else
@@duckeh1952 If she had gotten pregnant, she would probably have said something like: "We could be a perfect family together. Well both love and raise our baby together."
Bingo, so true. This chick was shopping for a baby daddy and had zero intention of handing the baby over, like, ever. God I hate women like this, so desperate for a man that they’ll knowingly try to steal someone else’s husband instead of finding one unattached. Unless the wife is openly cheating first and breaking his heart and he’s already planning to divorce, any other excuse for going after a married man is completely bogus. Even then, that is questionable at best. Better to wait until the divorce is ongoing and in progress.
@@Undomaranel it's a strange stigma that goes all the way back to the time before science proved that women aren't the only ones who have fertility issues, and that their genetic contribution doesn't determine gender - Henry VIII is a very infamous example of this. Convents, and later sanatoriums and mental hospitals were a common dumping ground for women whose husbands viewed them as little more than brood mares. It's an incredibly destructive thought process that still exists today, but it is getting better.
Having a miscarriage and my sister having a still born I have no clue what his logic is, he blames her for the baby being still born. If my husband said that I would blow up, and probably throw something at him. If my husband would of ever blamed me for having a miscarriage I would of went psycho crazy on him and he better go find somewhere else to stay for the night, even the dog house is to good for him. Giant Jack Ass
Yeah, that bothered me. OP needs to run. Coworker wants to have an affair and possibly the husband, too. No way coworker wants to have a baby and then just hand it over to OP.
Even though OP says both her and her hubs are "average" in looks. I am willing to bet he is way above average in looks and is bankrupt in the common sense and intellect department. In other words, he is her trophy hubs. He thought it would be a good idea to have a baby that way but he did it without any malice towards their marriage or for sexual desire/pleasure outside the marriage according to the way OP describes it. Basically, he is an intellectual idiot that easily got suckered in by another woman with an agenda. So, unless he is really good looking, has a fun and friendly larger than life outgoing personality, or has a foot-long dong and tongue, I can't see her falling for him as an intellectual equal lol.
Not wanting records or paperwork pretty much confirms she wants a child and the husband is kind of an optional bonus. If she can’t get with him she could probably still get child support from him and they’re forever legally tied.
What is she just going to give birth in the cow barn??? Otherwise, there will be records and paperwork of her giving birth in a hospital as well as all the clinic visits, etc. I could see this woman using this baby to lure the OP's husband to her. He doesn't seem like the brightest bulb around. However, I think OP is probably one of those workaholic Doctors that feels they need to be either on-site or on call at all times. They might not be compatible when it comes to their marriage especially when it comes to children. OP says both her and her hubs are "average" in looks. I am willing to bet hubs is above average in looks and probably outgoing in the personality department and that is why she is with him because I can't see her being with him for his intellect lol.
@@thomasjoseph5876 The records she was trying to avoid were ones that would indicate she was a surrogate/donor, or at least could give the 'intended parents" more standing in court depending on their state. Basicly with surrogacy (again depends on the state) you can file to have intended parents declared the only legal parents before it's born via a Pre-Birth order, OR go to court for a post birth order for the same. Likely this is based on or otherwise helped by documents basicly stating "Woman is donating her egg(s) and Husband is providing sperm" By 'doing it naturally' and not worrying about IVF documentation she is able to go about things like this is any other 'one night stand' or affair, which puts her in the legally powerful position to say "This man had an affair, knocked me up, and now just wants to take my baby." I don't even think she wanted the husband, just saw a decent looking guy who was desperate for a baby and figured she could get her wish by using him.
@@mousepariah3884 There would still have to be some sort of written legal agreement between the parties. This legal paperwork would be required for guardianship, privacy concerns, etc. and nearly every Doctor/Clinic/Hospital would require that legal paperwork. I know, I am a Doctor who has delivered nearly 1,000 babies.
@@thomasjoseph5876 I dunno where I lost ya but the point is the coworker wanted to claim the baby as her's and while the husband could take her to court for custody her case would be stronger.
OMG!! The husband in this story found a elegant way to say: "Since OP can't give me a child I want to cheat on her and get a mistress pregnant instead."'
I'd say this too, and he probably had her hitting on him as long as he's known her and wanted to cheat and is using this situation to cheat without feeling bad or as an excuse
@@HauntinHex or he was hitting on her. Either way, doesn't matter - he's supposedly an adult who encouraged the coworker, didn't take it to HR, and gaslit OP over his sh*t behaviour. He has a chronic history of impulse control issues, and doesn't give a sh*t about his wife. If he did, he would've taken the list of therapists who specialise in prenatal death they handed him while he was standing next to his half dead wife, and got to work. But it's OK, because HE forgives HER, right?
"Forgives OP for losing their son"... That right there is a deal breaker. OP didn't kill her son and SHE almost died as well. OP needs to divorce this asshole NOW so she can have the happiness she deserves. Her husband is already emotionally cheating on her with his coworker and it appears this "sidechick" is willing to be the pregnant wife he wants. So OP should just free herself, and him, so both can have what they truly want. OP gets her independence and career and success and her husband can go play house.
Exactly. I think he quit his job so he can get spousal support when he leaves OP. He'll end up using that money to support side chick and all the babies he just has to have.
Right like it's her fault? People like that really make me mad it's not like she intentionally did something to cause a stillbirth and put herself and him through emotional damage
Exactly. I've lost SIX pregnancies in different stages, and both my husband (who teared up for her a little bit) and I physically recoiled when that came out. Get rid of this guy.
@@MaryTheresa1986 eh, that's going to backfire if that's what he's thinking. They haven't really been married long enough for palimony (and he'd lose it as soon as they decided to get married anyhow), and judges are less and less inclined to pander to this bullshit.
"he forgives me for losing our baby." Excuse the eff out of me?? Forgives her?? I would have slapped him sideways and backwards if my partner told me this. I have gone through pregnancy loss and it is so hard for the majority of women. I am relieved and happy for OP that she found peace with it and came to terms with it but it doesn't end the same for lots of women. To those who have experienced pregnancy loss, stillbirth, chemical, molar, ectopic, anembryonic pregnancies and who blame themselves for it: IT IS NOT AND NEVER WILL BE YOUR FAULT. Don't let any buttholes tell you otherwise Thank you for listening to my TED talk. That line from OP's husband just triggered the heck out of me. Sorry, LG. :(
Triggered me, too (six losses in various stages). My husband's response to OP's husband from across the room was, 'she didn't ask for or need your forgiveness, AH, and you don't deserve her'.
@@catandrobbyflores oh, he's pretty rare, TBH. We've beat so many odds that I'm always afraid our luck will run out. Lost pregnancies, a set of genetic disorders that I was diagnosed with that make my life expectancy a gamble, his mental health issues that he's had to learn how to coexist with, and going on almost three dozen deaths (some of them particularly violent, most of them sudden and shocking). Statistical analysis says we shouldn't have lasted a year, but here we are, almost 20 years later, and completely content to ignore the outside world when needed.
Yeah the hubby messed up big time there,sharing private matter to "female friend". It's a red flag there when op read his email the husband didn't defending op when the said friend insulted op.
She had a point asking how he’d feel if the scenarios were reversed. Imagine if he had a physical trauma that left him infertile but not to worry! She’s willing to forgive him for going through that and has a helpful friend she told all about it who is happy to inseminate her naturally! I’d eat my hat if he’d go along with that. Hate his gaslighting behaviour of acting so surprised she was upset by the suggestion. She is some kind of saint to give him a second chance! Not how I thought it would end at all. I know they had been through a lot but there is bad communication based on emotional problems and then there is basically saying ‘I blame you for the death of our child so I want to fuck a coworker. What’s the matter? I thought you’d be pleased!’ That’s in a different league.
That's some impressive gaslighting from the husband. She also has issues, she doesn't want children, she should say it as it is and end the relationship.
She wants to be a mother - eventually - right now isn't that time, though. There's a giant difference between *never* and 'when we're ready'. Her husband is using her trauma to run over her, and it's gross.
I honestly feel like they were both wrong but she was more wrong. She has a lot of issues but it's clear he wants children and she does not. This marriage is not going to last. She's treating him like he cheated
He was a vector of her manipulation. It's funny to me that she thought this would work and op would accept that plan of hers. She was so close to stealing op's husband
The husband is very bad but frankly they should both divorce and go be happy. She doesn’t want kids and is afraid to say it. He wants kids and is clumsy about saying it.
Listen to the video, this time pay attention, and try again. She's open to having a child. Just not right now. There's a big difference. But yes, let's completely ignore the fact that he wore her down into accepting a pregnancy that ended in trauma and almost dying herself, pulls this sh*t less than a year later, but it's ok, because he forgives HER for a STILLBIRTH.
@@pansprayers I shouldn’t reply as you seem needlessly mean. That said, we already said the husband is very bad. The forgiving for a still birth was the worst. She should leave because do that. However..a 32 year old woman who says that in 2 years will be ready for a child is likely to have another reason why not when she is 34. If you can’t see that, you aren’t being honest. I predict this couple will divorce in that 2 years time.
@@moviestarmotivation They may divorce, sure, and I think they should, but she is only 32, and if she is like the vast majority of ER doctors she finished her residency two years ago at age 30. So not making any real money until two years ago, has many loans, has not made partner at the hospital or group she is working with, just bought a condo. She is absolutely correct to not want a child before she has had a chance to enjoy a little financial stability, and waiting even four years would not be waiting too long, since she figures she will not be able to have a baby herself.
Throughout the husband keeps making unilateral decisions that would affect both of them without consulting the wife. *HE* decided that they should have a family, and pressures the wife into complying. When that failed, *HE* decides that they should have a baby through/with the co-worker, then when that blows up, *HE* decides that he should quit his job (that he didn't like). The husband needs to understand that a marriage is a PARTNERSHIP, not just a way to always get what *he* wants.
And SHE didnt gave a frick about him so much that she didnt even knew problems for years. SHE didnt talk with him. SHE is a workaholic whose work was and will always be more important than anyone or anything else. So far as she happy noone matters, only her looks. I am curious the husbands unfultered side.
@@kuruzsloorig278 Wow, thanks for telling us without actually telling us that you think that gaslighting and cheating on your wife in all but the physical aspect (and that only didn't happen because he got called out for his massive impulse control issues) is acceptable behaviour. He married a doctor. That's at least a decade of schooling, and it's universally known that medicos work all the time. But, yes, please tell us again - this time more directly - all about how you think it's acceptable to wear someone down to get what you want.
@@kuruzsloorig278 Did you really listen to this story? A few things I picked up on. She wanted to be a doctor, made that decision at 12. This woman was determined and went into a demanding field. Her job is not a nine to five thing. And this man she was with was not unaware of her decision to be a doctor, it is not like he was hiding it. She never said in so many words, so it is very possible I might be wrong about this, but it sort of came across to me that husband did not make a huge deal about having kids before the marriage. She didn't mention they discussed him wanting children before marriage and she said she would think about it. It sounds like he didn't mention and with her already in medical school, or perhaps already a doctor she just didn't understand and he didn't make his desires plain. Not good for either of them, perhaps just an oversight. But it is an oversight that I can forgive her more than him because she was not hiding her career choice and he wasn't born under a rock. Who in their right mind believes that a person who is a doctor and working in the medical field wouldn't be ambitious and hardworking. And given the cost of a medical degree I have serious doubts about any doctor, male or female having much of a choice about being a workaholic. Husband sounds like a clueless duffus at best and and a narcissist asshole at worst. Sort of like you
@@patpaiz5693 OP literally said it was a relief the baby died... does she deserve abuse? No. But she's not an innocent party here either. Both of these people are fucked up and just wrong for each other.
OP should just leave his ass. I'm not convinced he didn't cheat, or wouldn't cheat in the future. I think hubby is just telling OP what she wants to hear so he can continue living in their condo and have access to her resources.
He should leave her . Its not gonna work she doesn't want a kid he does he's gonna wait on her and jn two years when she said she would want one she's going to push it back again because she's gonna be in another great spot in her career and want to push it back again another couple years . She doesn't really want to have children which she says in the story and can tell by how she talks about kids and her career . They should just divorce the husband ready wants children and it's his dream to have them his wife doesn't . They will resent each other later .
I'm not entirely convinced he didn't screw with her birth control with the first pregnancy. He's got a pattern of self absorbed, impulsive behaviour that directly points to the possibility.
@@justinbaker2184 there's a difference between 'not right after you pulled this sh*t on me seven months after our child died, and I almost did, too' and 'NEVER', genius. No therapist in their right mind would encourage them to have a kid in any way, shape or form right now - no reputable adoption or surrogacy agency would allow them, either. The minimum is literally TWO YEARS after both start therapy. We do agree that they need to split, though. She doesn't need this self absorbed, gaslighting, impulsive, cheating sponge tied around her neck for time and eternity.
@@justinbaker2184 He won't leave her. He does NOT want to work. Like she said, he is much more interested in his hobbies and his friends, like a teenager. He thought he hit the jackpot by marrying a future doctor, securing his dream to be the fun SAHD who maybe works part time at being an engineer. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but he has been very dishonest with OP about all of it.
I'm genuinely confused by OP's actions. How exactly did she neglect him while mourning the loss of the baby? How did she believe he didn't mean to manipulate her when he said he "forgives" her for the stillborn? If were me I would immediately think he cheated, she was already pregnant and due to give birth in the fall, and only keeping me around for temporary financial stability. I would have sat there so quietly and put all my pieces together, get evidence and fuck off to an unknown location. Fuck that.
You got that right!! This is insane!! Omgosh go look up Dr. Phil channel.. He just had a guy on that GIVES his sperm in a turkey bastor and he has over 40 kids and 11 on the way!! Omgosh this just reminded me of that.. Lol..
She’s still too willing to see the good in him, and while that’s understandable when it’s someone you love and trust, he’s proven to be undeserving of any of that.
@@TopazFire15 she's still grieving. He pulled this garbage on her seven MONTHS after she had a still birth and almost died herself. So, this little plan of his was in place for at least a month prior to this. So, six months (or less) after his wife almost dies, and their child does die, he's out there pulling this garbage. And now he quits his job without communicating with her first? Yeah, eventually the grief fog will hopefully lift, and she'll pack his crap for him.
@@pansprayers yeah that part. He quit knowing she would take care of his ass. Now he's latched on to her. I know I'm speaking highly of myself because I never experienced having a child die inside of me and almost lose my life just to face another death. This shit is so ugly and if he's truly innocent, why would you want someone that fucking dumb for your future kids? Again, I'm jaded ass hell. Too many people who shouldn't have kids be having said kids
@@wiggilytaco7570 I've lost six in various stages of development. It's a soul crushing, body destroying experience that takes YEARS to figure out. When other people start nattering on about HIS mental health regarding the still birth, I'm happy to point out that he showed this pattern of behaviour first by pushing for a pregnancy (that I'm really doubtful was planned on her part, and have little doubt WAS on his, if you catch me) that she wasn't ready for, but went to therapy so she could eventually be not only at peace with (this happens even for women who were TRYING to get pregnant, for various reasons - because women ARE still human after all), but excited for, only to go through one of the most harrowing experiences a woman can go through. She's still going through the complexities of the improperly named 'stages of grief', and that's a minefield, not a map or a direct trajectory. Right now, she's relived - not because she lost a child, but because she's freaking ALIVE. Eventually though, that anger stage is going to hit, and she's going to realize just how f*cked up his impulsive BS is, how much it's cost her (almost cost her the ultimate prize), and just how incredibly self absorbed and impulsive he is. Luckily when that time comes, she has (I hope saved) a documented paper trail of his garbage to go with the fact that he willingly quit his high paying job on a whim - if he thinks that her divorce attorney isn't going to go for the throat and utterly humiliate him and this coworker publicly if he asks for palimony, he's got another thing coming.
I dont know OP, do you really want to stay in this marriage? Your husband sounds insane and 'forgave' you for giving him a stillborn. Then proceeds to tell a female coworker all the intimate info about your marriage and then suggest going the natural way in surrogacy. Girl, I probably would've just given him the divorce papers already
I would've too, but I can give the guy the benefit of the doubt that he lost his mind from the miscarriage and just didn't think clearly for a while. At least he's trying now that she had to talk some sense into him. They're definitely going to need to talk about him quitting his job with talking about it first though.
Keep in mind he pulled this seven months after she not only lost a child, but almost died herself. She's still grieving, and is in that weird part of the process where you're still relived to have survived, and processing the anger that someone who's had a pre-existing pattern of impulsive, self absorbed behaviour that helped get you into this mess to begin with had an emotional affair isn't on the radar right now. Don't worry, though. The average time frame to be able to process this kind of loss is about two years with intense therapy - she's going to realize eventually though that he doesn't give a f*ck about his very alive wife, because he values the concept of a non-exisitant child more. It's going to hit the fan when she gets there.
@@untitled-gv3qp he didn't care before the pregnancy he wore her down into almost killed her. If he did, he would have taken the list of pre-natal death mental health professionals he was handed while he stood next to his half dead wife and scheduled an appointment, not had an emotional affair with a coworker within six months of said tragedy, only to quit his job without discussing it first.
@@pansprayers You have a point. I was trying to be optimistic because of how he started distancing himself from the coworker. They both need serious therapy and counseling for the relationship to work, if it can. He at least needs to come to terms with the fact that theyre not having kids anytime soon.
@@pansprayers do you hate all men except your husband? Like a stillbirth is hard for everyone involved and to act like he should be in the right frame of mind all the time and be her support while he has none is really shitty. We get it. You had losses and your husband didn’t suck. You’re not the only person who went through that so you don’t get a monopoly on the “right way” to respond to trauma. He needs therapy because he’s not in his right mind but he never solicited the other woman and mentioned it to OP without cheating on her. He clearly loves and appreciates her enough to not to that to her, he just got blinded by the stillbirth and the idea that *there won’t be a baby anymore* it’s irrational but it literally makes sense. Personally I couldn’t imagine calling this gaslighting when OP was literally never lied to. Clearly you’ve never been gaslit if you think that’s what this is. OP and her partner both suck and need to communicate better but she doesn’t get to be the only one to say “I’m suffering” Every single one of your comments is about how great your husband was. Why not lend him out to these women with shit partners then? Why are you here talking about how great your own husband was when you’re giving another man shit for a story about 2 minutes of their lives together.
That woman definitely wanted OP's husband. But what was he thinking? How do you make such huge life changing decisions w/o talking to your partner first? And then to be surprised when it blows up in your face? He definitely could use some grief counseling.
Just divorce already. They're two are completely different people who want different things. OP wants her career. Husband wanted a family. If one gets what they want, the other will resent them.
It’s only shocking because no one is ever allowed to talk honestly about pregnancy or motherhood. We’re supposed to believe it’s something we all want and it’s our #1 priority. We’ve been conditioned to believe it’s a malfunction if our priorities don’t gear towards motherhood.
I openly, and regularly talk about it. I absolutely refuse to allow the younger generation in my orbit to go through the stigma of this crap like I had to. Pregnancy (nine), losses (all six), traumatic births (two), being pushed into motherhood way too early (yay religion), menstruation, all of it. It's part of being a mammal, and frankly, the only way the stigma is going to change is by talking about it.
Exactly! I had a lovely exchange with a bloke in another comment section with him saying men “are failures if they don’t want to get a woman pregnant” and “women who don’t want to get pregnant are failures too”, oh and apparently I’m the worst choice for any man cos I don’t want kids and enjoy life with my animals ... and that suits me just fine, I honestly have no interest in the whole process and am perfectly happy being childless. Now those who want children? I honestly wish you all well! Just don’t call those of us who don’t want it “failures as men/women”
@@LadyLeomon totally agreed! I mean, what do these people expect? That by shaming those of us who don't want children will make us change our minds? And if it does, what then? Do they want us to have 7 kids that we didn't even want in the first place, and give them a bad life? No thank you!
Oh yeah he trying to cheat with your permission. She knew all of your marital issues before you even really knew her? Yeah... Your husband is trying to step out. Cut your losses.
I really think they should just end this marriage. It's clear they don't want the same things. But "forgiving" OP for miscarrying? Sharing intimate secrets with a stranger? Giving no regard for OP's concerns? These are huge red flags. See also: quitting his job without any discussion. Sounds more like he wants to get alimony if a divorce happens! Glad OP moved out and he seems to be mostly doing the right things. But I hope OP isn't falling for the sunk-cost fallacy. In addition to all else, OP needs to work on her spine.
The issue everyone seems to be missing here is that she's not opposed to having a child - just not right NOW. Instead, he's steamrolling her, and showing some massive impulse control problems, while using grief that (if my math is right here, this started fourteen months prior, and she lost the baby and almost her LIFE at seven months) isn't even a year old. Way too soon to even begin broaching trying an alternative route. Rather than get therapy (they hand both parents a list of grief therapists who specialise in this specific hell while you're in the hospital), he chose to use his co-worker as not only a surrogate for a kid, but also as an emotional support animal, and here we are.
Also, at this point, they haven't been married long enough for palimony, and judges are less and less inclined to give it OR alimony out to spouses who quit, for no other reason than 'I hate my job'.
@@ChyarasKiss nope. You don't say that, 'just because'. It's not something you even play at after you go through the hell this woman's been through. Seriously, I'm thrilled that you've never had to experience this, but stop acting like this isn't so far out of your wheelhouse you're not even on the boat.
OP is being steamrollered and gaslit. She needs to get out. He is more control about "his" child than OP. And "forgiving her" for the stillbirth - NO!!!!
"Forgives you for losing his son"? "Having a baby with him is non-negotiable"? Wants to have this baby au-naturelle with some lady from work? Couldn't tell him no to pregnancy in the first place? Yeah, no. This is not a healthy relationship. Sounds to me like he's looking for an incubator, not a life partner. He and that 'helpful' lady from work can have each other.
Anyone else get "hand that rocks the cradle vibes" ? That co-worker would get pregnant, keep the baby since there is no "sterile paperwork" to legally declare that this baby is OP's, but her husband is definitely the father.
I know this was posted sometime ago on reddit, but I hoped she kept an eye on her husbands ex-coworker/mistress Facebook and social media for pregnancy announcements. He gave off guilty and caught and "oh sh*t" panic by deleting everything, changing numbers and quitting. There's something hidden there.
Yes, I thought him quitting work was very sus, and supposedly canceling all social media and changing numbers. Right. You know that if he is as social as she says he is not going without social media more than 24 hours.
I'm at minute 5:13 and GOD this couple is awful at communication lmao. The fact that either of them is okay with treating each other like this.. She doesn't tell him that she doesn't want a child right now, and ends up despising her unborn child for the first six months. He somehow made every wrong choice you can make in a marriage and also doesn't tell her about his feelings about ANYTHING. They both need a maturity check, marriage counseling and individual therapy. I have no clue how people get married without even talking about a time frame around pregnancy, priorities or about what they consider cheating and breaching trust lol.
I was initially in the “Get out of there crowd” after that forgiveness comment until it became clear that the husband was being manipulated while at his most vulnerable. Not saying he’s 100% innocent but I feel horrible for him and am happy that he’s being so transparent and apologetic. I wish these two the best.
First thing they tell you in the hospital after a still birth (usually as the grief support staff is handing you a list of therapists to talk to) is, 'this isn't anyone's fault, no one is to blame here'. She didn't ask for his forgiveness. She went to therapy, while he acted like a self absorbed jerk. So, no, this isn't ok at all.
I agree. He messed up and has a lot of work to do, but I’m glad he took the wake up call. I wish them the best in mending their relationship, it looks like they’re taking all the right steps.
Story 1: NO NO NO, You should *Never* go around the official channels for surrogates. More then half of the point of the official channels is to ensure both parties are protected, that way the surrogate isn't forced to pay child support, and the would-be parents won't have to worry the surrogate will do some kind of ransom pay. And the husband isn't okay to even try. S1 Update: Yup, "I don't want medical records of this" NO she wants the ability to hold the child over their heads, I don't doubt she would resort to ransoming OP and husband. This guy is an idiot, and yes he needs therapy, OP is only going because she is the one he needs to improve communication with.
Actually she'd never give them the kid. Women who say "all they've ever wanted is to be mother" don't give up their babies. Workfriend was playing husband hard. I hope someone points this out directly to him.
I'm sure with the condition I have, troubles getting pregnant and higher chances for miscarriages are probably something I'll face and if any partner I had spoke to me like that, I'd immediately leave and only contact them once papers were signed. OP deserves someone vastly better than the garbage can she's with.
Never settle for someone who would treat you this way, EVER. I wish you the best in the future, and hope you know that, should you ever have to go through this, this Internet stranger sends their love.
@@hadeswoof8060 he's a selfish, impulsive tool who has the interpersonal skills of a garden hose. Men openly resent their pregnant partners all the TIME, and they're back patted through it. But apparently if you have a uterus, you're considered a human AFTER you're an incubator. She went to therapy, and she was excited for this baby. Then she almost DIED, too. That 'resentment' you're mislabeling is acceptance of her circumstances, and thankfulness that she's still here. But, less than a year afterwards, rather than therapy, he has an emotional affair and when he gets called on it, quits his job. He's really good at trying to make his impulsive, stupid decisions everyone else's fault, but it's ok, because he 'forgave her' for one of the most horrific things you can ever go through, that wasn't her fault.
i can already see what would have happened - they get pregnant - he gets worked on by the crazy lady and he starts to realize he should be with her and the baby as a "real family" and leaves his wife - that is what the crazy co-worker would have been planning on happening. OP should be clear on whether she actually wants children or not and have this discussion as it doesn't seem like she wanted a child but then got pregnant. if hubby wants kids but she doesn't really - maybe they should part ways.
And co-worker was planning on hubby's half of divorce proceedings to support them (not realizing that they don't have that much yet). And I don't agree that OP doesn't ever want children, but I agree she should wait to have them- with an adult this time.
The only thing that bugs me is the wife do not want children and is not being upfront with the husband. The best way to move forward with this is DIVORCE. There is no other way. it is unfair on both side. The moment that she realized that she is not fit to be a mom, she should have divorced him.
With every story about troubled married couples on reddit, I do become more grateful for the lessons that I received from traumatic events that occurred from toxic married couplings. Yeah, I do have PTSD that were born from several of those incidents. But I do feel grateful for the lessons that I learned. It has taught me about how certain marriages aren't worth the troubles. With the right partners, marriages are beautiful.
Man this one was a roller coaster cause I went from "he's a cheating asshole" to "these people need serious work before they have kids." Maybe I've just known too many idiots in my life but from OP's explaination of the communication between her husband and the coworker it seems to me like the co-worker found a golden goose for getting a baby for herself and ran with it. Meanwhile the husband was in such a state of grief and still baby crazy (seriously ignoring gender that's what this was) that he just saw someone offering a way to "fix it all". He's just the early stages of a male version of those women so desperate to have a baby they spend years obessing over, diet and cycles, about their partner's underwear choices, and the best positions for conception. Was he in the right? No and he sure as hell deserved to apologize for that "forgive you" comment but y'know what grief is a complicated beast and people say stupid shit. If we're gonna give OP slack unconcously resented her baby and in time working through that why can't the husband have slack for 'resenting/blaming his workholic wife for the stillbirth" provided he recognizes that now and works to correct it. I think OP spelling it out to him with the role-reversal and presumibly his brother giving him an outside perspective was the reality slap this guy desperately needed. In the end yeah I think both OP and her husband really need counseling and to work on being a partnership with real comunication before they add a dependant to this mess.
But NOTHING makes up for the massive violation of sharing all the intimate thoughts and medical details of OP's life and pregnancy even before the miscarriage with the work skank.
It seems like this broke down over a lack of communication early on. He shouldn't have cheated, but it does seem like she acted distant from him and he felt like he couldn't open up. That is much less bad than cheating but this was doomed a long time ago
The second she said she didn't want a baby but having a baby wouldn't be a huge sacrifice I couldn't be 100% on her side. I can't help but wonder if she had just had a conversation with her husband before they tried to have a baby that she was not ready, if this is how things would have gone.
no the husband is a piece pf garbage. He pressured OP into becoming pregnant while knowing she didn't want to and then vilified her when she had a very understandable reaction. And then when she lost it he "forgives" her. And let's not even start on the crap he talked about to the woman he "totally didn't cheat with". There is no future with a person like that. He doesn't care about OP. He cares about what OP can/can't give him.
"you put your career above me so I'm going to guilt trip you into becoming pregnant before you're ready and then act like you're a villain and like you killed our baby but I forgive you uwu also let me knock up the woman I'm having an emotional affair with teehee"
I'm actually not happy about the end at all wtf. Sure it's OP's choice but......hello? some people really put up with and forgive more than they should. Let's just hope the husband doesn't spiral and "forgives" OP if she loses the next baby. Tbh though I wouldn't want to raise a family with a dude that handled his grief that selfishly.
@@teatime1480 my husband already called dibs on having a chat with him, lol. But on a more serious note - she's still grieving. It's not a linear process, and he pulled this less than a year after a super traumatic event. It's part of the reason even adoption and surrogate agencies require a two year minimum window from the time both enter therapy to start the consideration process. Eventually that relief that she survived is going to wear off, and then anger is going to hit, and she's going to realize exactly what kind of impulsive, self absorbed POS he is.
@@teatime1480 she didn’t tell him she didn’t want a baby until it was took late and by that time the only one actually happy about the loss was OP. How does that even make sense?
OP needs to admit, to herself, she does not want to have children. I was confused about what went wrong with the birth because she said it was "unlikely" she could have more children and then said they would have to use an egg doner. Too much contradictory info. Also, her husband knew she resented the pregnancy and that is not a good thing. He knows the loss was devastating for him and a relief for her. Then she bitches he quit his job when he is bending over backwards to prove to her he did not/will not cheat. She needs to cut him loose, her job is more important to her than anything else. He needs to find someone who wants a family as much as he does. If they stay together, guarantee in two years she will be pushing him off even further on starting a family. While what he did was bizarre, and disgusting, she is not blameless in this. She got pregnant knowing she did not want kids (and it is obvious she wants to be child free and that is perfectly ok) and led him on that she was ok with having kids. I think deep down he knows she does not want kids and does not know how to deal with it. I think counseling will help the two of them realize they are not on the same page and they need to cut their losses and move on. I wish the two of them luck and offer sympathy on the loss of their child.
Op is too nice. Should've just dumped the divorce papers and left without a word. Seriously blaming the lost of the baby on HER??? the audacity, that would've been the dealbreaker and the slap of reality that this man-child is not a good husband.
I can kinda see what happened to him, it doesnt absolve him of everything though. Grief does weird things to people and can make them a bit nuts and unable to see things clearly. Biggest problem (as it pretty much always is) is poor communication. Her not telling him her feelings on the baby matter, sharing why she was detached. Him not telling her how much the loss of the baby affected him. If they stay together, i would recommend them never stopping couples counselling as they have problems communicating and holding back for the others sack when all it does is make it hurt worse later instead of a small amount of pain right now.
If there was an award for the worst plans to ever exist, the husband would easily win it over Dr. Doofenshmirtz and other villains who defeat themselves. He needs years of therapy.
Sounds like is having an emotional or physical affair or is highly likely to lead to him cheating. The husband has already disassociated from the marriage and blinded by the prospect of having a child just because! It’s time to get ready to separate!
Dude! They need a divorce stat! ..and she needs to stay away from children. The amount of disassociation. It’s rather startling. He wants a family. She doesn’t. She’d be the type to have the Nanny raise them and only bring them out for show and tell. He was totally manipulated by the chicks crazy. Two separate issues. But she needs to let him go, so he can have a family. It’s sad what happened. But she certainly didn’t hide her disdain for being pregnant or how it would interfere in her life.
From a stranger's perspective, OP and husband aren't compatible. Maybe they should work on that first before deciding anything. 1) Husband wants kid(s), OP doesn't. 2) OP loves her work (and most likely prioritize it), husband doesn't understand (or maybe even refuse to understand). 3) husband feels like his feelings/actions are his decision to make ie, having a baby, finding 'solutions' for the pregnancy thing, quitting his job without discussing it with his wife first. OP often felt she's being strongarmed into these situations And probably many more. OP also has communication issues too as well as the husband. I wonder how they even sustain the relationship all these years? Not to mention how they seems like they hadn't discuss their viewpoints prior to this. And it seems like they each hoped the other party would magically understand and be on the same page about everything.
Reading the title my first impression was that he’s just using it as an excuse to bang a woman who isn’t his wife, but I was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. Until this line: “Forgives me for losing our son…” Aaaaand that’s when I went from being annoyed at his pestering to regarding him as an asshole. How magnanimous of you to treat this as something within OP’s control and forgive her Edit: OK, he’s not malicious, just a complete bonehead who is more dense than pea soup, and What’s-Her-Face probably saw him as a maleable baby daddy
Husband was all for it, completely convinced he was in the right and assumed he’d be able to manipulate OP into agreeing by using their dead child as leverage. He gets a baby out of the situation and a free pass with someone out of his league. Only now OP’s proven she can’t be talked around, he’s back peddling and trying to blame his reaction on grief. Where was the grief or concern for OP when he was discussing screwing someone else to get her pregnant and then acting as if he’s so magnanimous to “forgive” OP for their loss whilst also producing a child?
Especially less than a year after she not only lost a child, but almost died herself, during a pregnancy she wasn't ready for yet, that both he and the therapist (seriously, WTF?) wore her down over.
Grief shows its way in different ways. He was for it because he thought having a baby would fix the loss he feels. The blame falls mostly on the harpy who manipulated him. You're trying to fully blame someone who can be forgiven with time and effort when thats not the case.
@@pansprayers the therapist didn't wear her down. The therapist showed her that she was harboring resentment towards an unborn baby for the choice she made.
I don't think the husband was trying to get a free pass. I think he was just trying to get a baby either through natural way or by any other way. For example, if the husband's friend suggested in vitro instead of natural, husband would have jumped on that chance instead. So, I don't think he was emotionally cheating or suggesting cheating. They were not communicating and he was just venting out to someone and that someone took advantage of the situation. I think that he was very depressed and not realizing what was coming out of his mouth. Similar to how sometimes pregnant women have the "mommy brain". I think this was the husband having "daddy brain" in a sense.
@@fishbowl5308 yeah, that's unethical on about twenty levels, but slow clap for you. Therapists aren't supposed to draw a bullseye around a specific target, and it's pretty clear that, in doing so, it was the wrong target anyway. The resentment, if any, should have been appropriately aimed at this impulsive waste of a husband who pushed her into a pregnancy that she wasn't ready for, that almost killed her, and resulted in one of the worst things a woman can go through.
First story: He's cheating!! At the very least emotionally. He just wants a green light from op to make it seem not so bad. Or just a cover up for something
He forgives her for having a stillbirth. HE FORGIVES HER. 🚩number one. Then he has a random woman OP has never heard about or met who knows all of their marriage issues. 🚩 number two. She is willing to be the surrogate if OP’s husband has sex with her until she is pregnant. 🚩 number three. That is three strikes. There is no guarantee this woman would get pregnant. I absolutely believe this woman preyed on him while he was grieving. A good friend a good co-worker would have said talk to your wife. Not try and create further divide or wedge in their marriage. He clearly had an emotional affair with this woman. He needs a lot a therapy and needs to learn to communicate better. I think their marriage could work possibly in the longterm, but it all depends on him.
After losing 3 pregnancies I finally had a child. It took 16 years to accomplish this. And even with baby rabies, I'm very glad my husband would NEVER even think of suggesting something like this! The fact that I'd have wrung his neck like a chickens, then boot his ass MIGHT have something to do with it😈
Husband keeps making these big life altering decisions by himself without thinking how it would impact OP, their marriage and household from his long emotional affair, then to the baby “plan” and now to quitting his job. OP needs to keep her pills locked up because the husband may change his mind about waiting. OP still has some blinders on and may need to extend the baby plan longer especially with how therapy goes and if the husband sabotages again. .
Fortunately it doesn't sound like she can get pregnant without help. She just needs to cut her losses and divorce him before he can leech aff her any more.
I'm sorry but I was checked out of this relationship from the moment I heard "he forgives me for losing our son". Just nope. Nope nope nope. Fuck that.
The fact that he told a third party deep emotional secrets about her and her health without asking would make me so very wary of ever telling him a secret of mine again - and doubled with the emotional cheating, her insulting her and talking logistics behind her back??? WOW. I’m just glad that his brother got his mind set straight and that he realized how much of an absolute IDIOT he was. I’m also glad OP realized where she had failed in being there for his partner, and how she had focused on her work more than him. I hope he realizes he should be seeking comfort in *a therapist* not another woman for the future. And I hope their communication is better so they can be the family they want, but I also hope the 2 yr timeline won’t come with them being in the same place and still not better. Either way, the best to both!
And I hope she moves forward and divorces him. She has already thrown too much of her life away for his ungrateful azz. SHE is the one who had the stillbirth and life-threatening surgery and SHE is working full time while HE quits his job? FTS!
Wtf? 1: As soon as Op and her husband made a commitment to each other they BECAME a family. 2: I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around any adult man thinking any of this crap wouldn't be the grossest of betrayal.
Because grief is a mind f*ck in this case. He pulled this SEVEN MONTHS after a still birth she almost died from herself. Eventually the relief that she survived is going to wear off, and that lovely anger stage is going to kick in.
Yeah, no, so the woman who has "only ever wanted to be a mother" is looking to have a baby and hoping to poach the husband along with it as an added bonus.
OK so, I'm only through the first part of the story and I already know that OP's husband is cheating and is trying to justify it by saying that this woman wants them to get her pregnant the "natural" way. They've already been practicing and she's already pregnant. I'll wait to see if I'm right but I'm pretty sure I am. OP needs to run like the wind as far away from this dumpster fire as she can get. He has been cheating with that woman. And what the hell does he mean "he's forgiven her for losing their baby?" It's not like she went out and lost the baby the poor thing died in utero but he somehow thinks she's responsible for that? He's awful.
No.no.no.. OP you need to just get a divorce and let him go on with his life and have kids. You didn't even want kids. So be truthful with your husband and move on. Js
Really OP? You still want to stay with him after all this? He forgives you for losing your son? What in the fuck? I get after you lose a kid your marriage goes downhill but this just to much he can't say "I just want a family with you" than pulls this they need to divorce she doesn't even want kids so what's the point of being married?!
As a woman consciously child-free, please OP, divorce him already. She doesn't want kids, he does, nobody is wrong. But this kind of major life decision incompatibility doesn't work out. This man will definitely cheat later, if not now, & this is the road to resentment. Right now they're all 'sacrifices', but in no time this will turn into hatred.
S1: you’re a doctor and can’t see through this!!! He’s having an affair with her, I wouldn’t doubt she’s pregnant already. Anyhow it would be like giving him a permission slip to cheat. Leave this pos who has zero respect for you and has the audacity to say that this is non negotiable. Control freak. As a doctor, you spend many hours away from home and he’s gotten himself a tart and has spoiled the beans on everything including your intimate life. Walk away before he takes more than your dignity
How come she didn’t react when he told her he « forgave her for loosing the baby ». Plus the personal details sharing, My god ! Husband just want to cheat with OP’s blessing.
Good to see that they are committed to trying to work on communication issues and priorities. Will be interesting to get another update two years down the road. :-)
The "friend" sees the way to take away the husband and the husband is more than ready, willing and able to let her. The marriage was over from the moment he said that he "forgave OP for losing his son". OP needs to present him with two sets of papers: One is for a therapist, the other for a lawyer. Then let him choose.
Red flags: He forgave her for losing their baby. She wants it done the natural way. Her dream was to be a mother. (She is so gonna keep that baby and fuck up the agreement and relationship)
Apparently the time stamps aren’t showing…so here they are:
0:00 Intro
0:08 Story 1 Post
5:34 Story 1 Opinion
6:56 Story 1 Comments
10:01 Story 1 Update
Enjoy!
Thank you so considerate of you.
I can see them; right below your links.
@@katarinad1309 6hhh8inñk
No
Lost Genre, you should have put an advisory at the beginning of the story warning about triggers related to the loss of a baby. It doesn't affect me personally, buy I have friends who have lost babies at or shortly after birth. It is a good video, but I would appreciate you adding a verbal warning.
"And 'forgives' me for losing our son"
Nothing like being able to pinpoint the exact moment when everything went from marital problems to flat out nope.
@@Midnight0Mistress yeah, roughly my reaction as well
Exactly. My husband's jaw dropped, and he offered to have a chat with dude.
@@adrianmcbride1666 same here!
@@pansprayers Girl, please let him!
@@DarkPhoenixNeos hubs rocked me through six losses, while crying his guts out himself. OP's husband wouldn't be complaining about her career path once mine was done with him. Very little causes him to go 'push the button' nuclear like this does.
No woman who "has only ever wanted to be a mother" would volunteer to carry a child and give it away. Especially if she doesn't already have children. She is looking for a husband and a baby daddy.
Yeah that line alone should have made the bells ring, but obviously he was too deep.
Once she is pregnant, she'd say yeah I am not giving this up and because husband is so desperate to have a kid, she'll make him divorce OP or else
Yeah her plan was to have him bond with her over their baby and leave OP.
Exactly
if not a husband then she wants the child and to cut OP out
@@duckeh1952 If she had gotten pregnant, she would probably have said something like: "We could be a perfect family together. Well both love and raise our baby together."
Bingo, so true. This chick was shopping for a baby daddy and had zero intention of handing the baby over, like, ever. God I hate women like this, so desperate for a man that they’ll knowingly try to steal someone else’s husband instead of finding one unattached. Unless the wife is openly cheating first and breaking his heart and he’s already planning to divorce, any other excuse for going after a married man is completely bogus. Even then, that is questionable at best. Better to wait until the divorce is ongoing and in progress.
OP’s husband “forgave her” for having a stillbirth. 🚩
@@Undomaranel it's a strange stigma that goes all the way back to the time before science proved that women aren't the only ones who have fertility issues, and that their genetic contribution doesn't determine gender - Henry VIII is a very infamous example of this. Convents, and later sanatoriums and mental hospitals were a common dumping ground for women whose husbands viewed them as little more than brood mares. It's an incredibly destructive thought process that still exists today, but it is getting better.
Having a miscarriage and my sister having a still born I have no clue what his logic is, he blames her for the baby being still born. If my husband said that I would blow up, and probably throw something at him. If my husband would of ever blamed me for having a miscarriage I would of went psycho crazy on him and he better go find somewhere else to stay for the night, even the dog house is to good for him. Giant Jack Ass
This got me so pissed off
Yeah, that bothered me. OP needs to run. Coworker wants to have an affair and possibly the husband, too. No way coworker wants to have a baby and then just hand it over to OP.
@@veronciasworldi would have throttled him. The absolute nerve of him!
"sure honey, you can sleep with her to get pregnant."
"that's gre-"
"here's the divorce papers. have fun."
that's the only way I'd allow it
Even though OP says both her and her hubs are "average" in looks. I am willing to bet he is way above average in looks and is bankrupt in the common sense and intellect department. In other words, he is her trophy hubs. He thought it would be a good idea to have a baby that way but he did it without any malice towards their marriage or for sexual desire/pleasure outside the marriage according to the way OP describes it. Basically, he is an intellectual idiot that easily got suckered in by another woman with an agenda. So, unless he is really good looking, has a fun and friendly larger than life outgoing personality, or has a foot-long dong and tongue, I can't see her falling for him as an intellectual equal lol.
My husband tell me that then he would know how much of a temper I have and just how angry I can get, and you bet he would be receiving divorce papers.
LOL that was great! I can already imagine the scum's face changing from "My wife says I can cheat now" to "She's about to become my ex" 🤣
Don't even warn him with the divorce papers just leave them on a table for him to sign and walk out the door
So this story is essentially how to say "I want to sleep with my coworker" without actually saying "I want to sleep with my coworker".
😆
Not wanting records or paperwork pretty much confirms she wants a child and the husband is kind of an optional bonus. If she can’t get with him she could probably still get child support from him and they’re forever legally tied.
What is she just going to give birth in the cow barn??? Otherwise, there will be records and paperwork of her giving birth in a hospital as well as all the clinic visits, etc. I could see this woman using this baby to lure the OP's husband to her. He doesn't seem like the brightest bulb around. However, I think OP is probably one of those workaholic Doctors that feels they need to be either on-site or on call at all times. They might not be compatible when it comes to their marriage especially when it comes to children.
OP says both her and her hubs are "average" in looks. I am willing to bet hubs is above average in looks and probably outgoing in the personality department and that is why she is with him because I can't see her being with him for his intellect lol.
@@thomasjoseph5876 The records she was trying to avoid were ones that would indicate she was a surrogate/donor, or at least could give the 'intended parents" more standing in court depending on their state.
Basicly with surrogacy (again depends on the state) you can file to have intended parents declared the only legal parents before it's born via a Pre-Birth order, OR go to court for a post birth order for the same. Likely this is based on or otherwise helped by documents basicly stating "Woman is donating her egg(s) and Husband is providing sperm"
By 'doing it naturally' and not worrying about IVF documentation she is able to go about things like this is any other 'one night stand' or affair, which puts her in the legally powerful position to say "This man had an affair, knocked me up, and now just wants to take my baby."
I don't even think she wanted the husband, just saw a decent looking guy who was desperate for a baby and figured she could get her wish by using him.
Because she wants to have the baby for herself and she could claim they had an affair and claim for child support.
@@mousepariah3884 There would still have to be some sort of written legal agreement between the parties. This legal paperwork would be required for guardianship, privacy concerns, etc. and nearly every Doctor/Clinic/Hospital would require that legal paperwork. I know, I am a Doctor who has delivered nearly 1,000 babies.
@@thomasjoseph5876 I dunno where I lost ya but the point is the coworker wanted to claim the baby as her's and while the husband could take her to court for custody her case would be stronger.
OMG!! The husband in this story found a elegant way to say: "Since OP can't give me a child I want to cheat on her and get a mistress pregnant instead."'
I'd say this too, and he probably had her hitting on him as long as he's known her and wanted to cheat and is using this situation to cheat without feeling bad or as an excuse
I feel like she is already pregnant
It wasn't even elegant to anyone but him and the coworker.
@@HauntinHex or he was hitting on her. Either way, doesn't matter - he's supposedly an adult who encouraged the coworker, didn't take it to HR, and gaslit OP over his sh*t behaviour. He has a chronic history of impulse control issues, and doesn't give a sh*t about his wife. If he did, he would've taken the list of therapists who specialise in prenatal death they handed him while he was standing next to his half dead wife, and got to work. But it's OK, because HE forgives HER, right?
@@matthewball8147 maybe she is and want him to take over as the parents. The world may never know
"Forgives OP for losing their son"... That right there is a deal breaker. OP didn't kill her son and SHE almost died as well. OP needs to divorce this asshole NOW so she can have the happiness she deserves. Her husband is already emotionally cheating on her with his coworker and it appears this "sidechick" is willing to be the pregnant wife he wants. So OP should just free herself, and him, so both can have what they truly want. OP gets her independence and career and success and her husband can go play house.
Exactly. I think he quit his job so he can get spousal support when he leaves OP. He'll end up using that money to support side chick and all the babies he just has to have.
Right like it's her fault? People like that really make me mad it's not like she intentionally did something to cause a stillbirth and put herself and him through emotional damage
Exactly. I've lost SIX pregnancies in different stages, and both my husband (who teared up for her a little bit) and I physically recoiled when that came out. Get rid of this guy.
@@MaryTheresa1986 eh, that's going to backfire if that's what he's thinking. They haven't really been married long enough for palimony (and he'd lose it as soon as they decided to get married anyhow), and judges are less and less inclined to pander to this bullshit.
He's looking for an excuse to cheat if he hasn't already.
"he forgives me for losing our baby."
Excuse the eff out of me?? Forgives her?? I would have slapped him sideways and backwards if my partner told me this.
I have gone through pregnancy loss and it is so hard for the majority of women. I am relieved and happy for OP that she found peace with it and came to terms with it but it doesn't end the same for lots of women.
To those who have experienced pregnancy loss, stillbirth, chemical, molar, ectopic, anembryonic pregnancies and who blame themselves for it: IT IS NOT AND NEVER WILL BE YOUR FAULT. Don't let any buttholes tell you otherwise
Thank you for listening to my TED talk. That line from OP's husband just triggered the heck out of me. Sorry, LG. :(
Triggered me, too (six losses in various stages). My husband's response to OP's husband from across the room was, 'she didn't ask for or need your forgiveness, AH, and you don't deserve her'.
@@pansprayers sounds like a good man. We need more like your husband!
@@catandrobbyflores oh, he's pretty rare, TBH. We've beat so many odds that I'm always afraid our luck will run out. Lost pregnancies, a set of genetic disorders that I was diagnosed with that make my life expectancy a gamble, his mental health issues that he's had to learn how to coexist with, and going on almost three dozen deaths (some of them particularly violent, most of them sudden and shocking). Statistical analysis says we shouldn't have lasted a year, but here we are, almost 20 years later, and completely content to ignore the outside world when needed.
Girl, I've never been pregnant and it triggered the shit out of me too!!!
@@pansprayersgood!
Yeah the hubby messed up big time there,sharing private matter to "female friend". It's a red flag there when op read his email the husband didn't defending op when the said friend insulted op.
She had a point asking how he’d feel if the scenarios were reversed. Imagine if he had a physical trauma that left him infertile but not to worry! She’s willing to forgive him for going through that and has a helpful friend she told all about it who is happy to inseminate her naturally! I’d eat my hat if he’d go along with that. Hate his gaslighting behaviour of acting so surprised she was upset by the suggestion. She is some kind of saint to give him a second chance! Not how I thought it would end at all. I know they had been through a lot but there is bad communication based on emotional problems and then there is basically saying ‘I blame you for the death of our child so I want to fuck a coworker. What’s the matter? I thought you’d be pleased!’ That’s in a different league.
My husband laughed so hard when she flipped it around on him. He still wants to throat punch the husband though.
If my wife ever had this hair-brained idea she'd be out on her ass.
That's some impressive gaslighting from the husband. She also has issues, she doesn't want children, she should say it as it is and end the relationship.
She wants to be a mother - eventually - right now isn't that time, though. There's a giant difference between *never* and 'when we're ready'. Her husband is using her trauma to run over her, and it's gross.
More gaslighting than an oil refinery!
I honestly feel like they were both wrong but she was more wrong. She has a lot of issues but it's clear he wants children and she does not. This marriage is not going to last. She's treating him like he cheated
He was a vector of her manipulation. It's funny to me that she thought this would work and op would accept that plan of hers. She was so close to stealing op's husband
@@kashiialcuin1688 that was literally his plan tho.
The husband is very bad but frankly they should both divorce and go be happy. She doesn’t want kids and is afraid to say it. He wants kids and is clumsy about saying it.
Listen to the video, this time pay attention, and try again. She's open to having a child. Just not right now. There's a big difference. But yes, let's completely ignore the fact that he wore her down into accepting a pregnancy that ended in trauma and almost dying herself, pulls this sh*t less than a year later, but it's ok, because he forgives HER for a STILLBIRTH.
@@pansprayers I shouldn’t reply as you seem needlessly mean. That said, we already said the husband is very bad. The forgiving for a still birth was the worst. She should leave because do that. However..a 32 year old woman who says that in 2 years will be ready for a child is likely to have another reason why not when she is 34. If you can’t see that, you aren’t being honest. I predict this couple will divorce in that 2 years time.
@@moviestarmotivation They may divorce, sure, and I think they should, but she is only 32, and if she is like the vast majority of ER doctors she finished her residency two years ago at age 30. So not making any real money until two years ago, has many loans, has not made partner at the hospital or group she is working with, just bought a condo.
She is absolutely correct to not want a child before she has had a chance to enjoy a little financial stability, and waiting even four years would not be waiting too long, since she figures she will not be able to have a baby herself.
Throughout the husband keeps making unilateral decisions that would affect both of them without consulting the wife. *HE* decided that they should have a family, and pressures the wife into complying. When that failed, *HE* decides that they should have a baby through/with the co-worker, then when that blows up, *HE* decides that he should quit his job (that he didn't like). The husband needs to understand that a marriage is a PARTNERSHIP, not just a way to always get what *he* wants.
And SHE didnt gave a frick about him so much that she didnt even knew problems for years. SHE didnt talk with him. SHE is a workaholic whose work was and will always be more important than anyone or anything else. So far as she happy noone matters, only her looks. I am curious the husbands unfultered side.
@@kuruzsloorig278 I mean after the crap that came out of the husband's mouth, I wouldn't give a frick about him either
@@kuruzsloorig278 Wow, thanks for telling us without actually telling us that you think that gaslighting and cheating on your wife in all but the physical aspect (and that only didn't happen because he got called out for his massive impulse control issues) is acceptable behaviour. He married a doctor. That's at least a decade of schooling, and it's universally known that medicos work all the time. But, yes, please tell us again - this time more directly - all about how you think it's acceptable to wear someone down to get what you want.
@@kuruzsloorig278 Did you really listen to this story? A few things I picked up on. She wanted to be a doctor, made that decision at 12. This woman was determined and went into a demanding field. Her job is not a nine to five thing. And this man she was with was not unaware of her decision to be a doctor, it is not like he was hiding it. She never said in so many words, so it is very possible I might be wrong about this, but it sort of came across to me that husband did not make a huge deal about having kids before the marriage. She didn't mention they discussed him wanting children before marriage and she said she would think about it. It sounds like he didn't mention and with her already in medical school, or perhaps already a doctor she just didn't understand and he didn't make his desires plain. Not good for either of them, perhaps just an oversight. But it is an oversight that I can forgive her more than him because she was not hiding her career choice and he wasn't born under a rock. Who in their right mind believes that a person who is a doctor and working in the medical field wouldn't be ambitious and hardworking. And given the cost of a medical degree I have serious doubts about any doctor, male or female having much of a choice about being a workaholic. Husband sounds like a clueless duffus at best and and a narcissist asshole at worst. Sort of like you
@@patpaiz5693 OP literally said it was a relief the baby died... does she deserve abuse? No. But she's not an innocent party here either. Both of these people are fucked up and just wrong for each other.
"If you love me you'll let me do this" is the most manipulative thing I've heard recently
OP should just leave his ass. I'm not convinced he didn't cheat, or wouldn't cheat in the future. I think hubby is just telling OP what she wants to hear so he can continue living in their condo and have access to her resources.
He should leave her . Its not gonna work she doesn't want a kid he does he's gonna wait on her and jn two years when she said she would want one she's going to push it back again because she's gonna be in another great spot in her career and want to push it back again another couple years . She doesn't really want to have children which she says in the story and can tell by how she talks about kids and her career . They should just divorce the husband ready wants children and it's his dream to have them his wife doesn't . They will resent each other later .
I'm not entirely convinced he didn't screw with her birth control with the first pregnancy. He's got a pattern of self absorbed, impulsive behaviour that directly points to the possibility.
@@justinbaker2184 there's a difference between 'not right after you pulled this sh*t on me seven months after our child died, and I almost did, too' and 'NEVER', genius. No therapist in their right mind would encourage them to have a kid in any way, shape or form right now - no reputable adoption or surrogacy agency would allow them, either. The minimum is literally TWO YEARS after both start therapy. We do agree that they need to split, though. She doesn't need this self absorbed, gaslighting, impulsive, cheating sponge tied around her neck for time and eternity.
@@justinbaker2184 He won't leave her. He does NOT want to work. Like she said, he is much more interested in his hobbies and his friends, like a teenager. He thought he hit the jackpot by marrying a future doctor, securing his dream to be the fun SAHD who maybe works part time at being an engineer. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but he has been very dishonest with OP about all of it.
I'm genuinely confused by OP's actions. How exactly did she neglect him while mourning the loss of the baby? How did she believe he didn't mean to manipulate her when he said he "forgives" her for the stillborn? If were me I would immediately think he cheated, she was already pregnant and due to give birth in the fall, and only keeping me around for temporary financial stability. I would have sat there so quietly and put all my pieces together, get evidence and fuck off to an unknown location. Fuck that.
You got that right!! This is insane!! Omgosh go look up Dr. Phil channel.. He just had a guy on that GIVES his sperm in a turkey bastor and he has over 40 kids and 11 on the way!! Omgosh this just reminded me of that.. Lol..
She’s still too willing to see the good in him, and while that’s understandable when it’s someone you love and trust, he’s proven to be undeserving of any of that.
@@TopazFire15 she's still grieving. He pulled this garbage on her seven MONTHS after she had a still birth and almost died herself. So, this little plan of his was in place for at least a month prior to this. So, six months (or less) after his wife almost dies, and their child does die, he's out there pulling this garbage. And now he quits his job without communicating with her first? Yeah, eventually the grief fog will hopefully lift, and she'll pack his crap for him.
@@pansprayers yeah that part. He quit knowing she would take care of his ass. Now he's latched on to her. I know I'm speaking highly of myself because I never experienced having a child die inside of me and almost lose my life just to face another death. This shit is so ugly and if he's truly innocent, why would you want someone that fucking dumb for your future kids? Again, I'm jaded ass hell. Too many people who shouldn't have kids be having said kids
@@wiggilytaco7570 I've lost six in various stages of development. It's a soul crushing, body destroying experience that takes YEARS to figure out. When other people start nattering on about HIS mental health regarding the still birth, I'm happy to point out that he showed this pattern of behaviour first by pushing for a pregnancy (that I'm really doubtful was planned on her part, and have little doubt WAS on his, if you catch me) that she wasn't ready for, but went to therapy so she could eventually be not only at peace with (this happens even for women who were TRYING to get pregnant, for various reasons - because women ARE still human after all), but excited for, only to go through one of the most harrowing experiences a woman can go through. She's still going through the complexities of the improperly named 'stages of grief', and that's a minefield, not a map or a direct trajectory. Right now, she's relived - not because she lost a child, but because she's freaking ALIVE. Eventually though, that anger stage is going to hit, and she's going to realize just how f*cked up his impulsive BS is, how much it's cost her (almost cost her the ultimate prize), and just how incredibly self absorbed and impulsive he is.
Luckily when that time comes, she has (I hope saved) a documented paper trail of his garbage to go with the fact that he willingly quit his high paying job on a whim - if he thinks that her divorce attorney isn't going to go for the throat and utterly humiliate him and this coworker publicly if he asks for palimony, he's got another thing coming.
I dont know OP, do you really want to stay in this marriage? Your husband sounds insane and 'forgave' you for giving him a stillborn. Then proceeds to tell a female coworker all the intimate info about your marriage and then suggest going the natural way in surrogacy. Girl, I probably would've just given him the divorce papers already
I would've too, but I can give the guy the benefit of the doubt that he lost his mind from the miscarriage and just didn't think clearly for a while.
At least he's trying now that she had to talk some sense into him. They're definitely going to need to talk about him quitting his job with talking about it first though.
Keep in mind he pulled this seven months after she not only lost a child, but almost died herself. She's still grieving, and is in that weird part of the process where you're still relived to have survived, and processing the anger that someone who's had a pre-existing pattern of impulsive, self absorbed behaviour that helped get you into this mess to begin with had an emotional affair isn't on the radar right now. Don't worry, though. The average time frame to be able to process this kind of loss is about two years with intense therapy - she's going to realize eventually though that he doesn't give a f*ck about his very alive wife, because he values the concept of a non-exisitant child more. It's going to hit the fan when she gets there.
@@untitled-gv3qp he didn't care before the pregnancy he wore her down into almost killed her. If he did, he would have taken the list of pre-natal death mental health professionals he was handed while he stood next to his half dead wife and scheduled an appointment, not had an emotional affair with a coworker within six months of said tragedy, only to quit his job without discussing it first.
@@pansprayers You have a point. I was trying to be optimistic because of how he started distancing himself from the coworker. They both need serious therapy and counseling for the relationship to work, if it can.
He at least needs to come to terms with the fact that theyre not having kids anytime soon.
@@pansprayers do you hate all men except your husband? Like a stillbirth is hard for everyone involved and to act like he should be in the right frame of mind all the time and be her support while he has none is really shitty. We get it. You had losses and your husband didn’t suck. You’re not the only person who went through that so you don’t get a monopoly on the “right way” to respond to trauma. He needs therapy because he’s not in his right mind but he never solicited the other woman and mentioned it to OP without cheating on her. He clearly loves and appreciates her enough to not to that to her, he just got blinded by the stillbirth and the idea that *there won’t be a baby anymore* it’s irrational but it literally makes sense.
Personally I couldn’t imagine calling this gaslighting when OP was literally never lied to. Clearly you’ve never been gaslit if you think that’s what this is. OP and her partner both suck and need to communicate better but she doesn’t get to be the only one to say “I’m suffering”
Every single one of your comments is about how great your husband was. Why not lend him out to these women with shit partners then? Why are you here talking about how great your own husband was when you’re giving another man shit for a story about 2 minutes of their lives together.
That woman definitely wanted OP's husband. But what was he thinking? How do you make such huge life changing decisions w/o talking to your partner first? And then to be surprised when it blows up in your face? He definitely could use some grief counseling.
Just divorce already. They're two are completely different people who want different things. OP wants her career. Husband wanted a family. If one gets what they want, the other will resent them.
What a weird way to get your wife to agree to an affair! Yes, question everything here.
It’s only shocking because no one is ever allowed to talk honestly about pregnancy or motherhood. We’re supposed to believe it’s something we all want and it’s our #1 priority. We’ve been conditioned to believe it’s a malfunction if our priorities don’t gear towards motherhood.
I openly, and regularly talk about it. I absolutely refuse to allow the younger generation in my orbit to go through the stigma of this crap like I had to. Pregnancy (nine), losses (all six), traumatic births (two), being pushed into motherhood way too early (yay religion), menstruation, all of it. It's part of being a mammal, and frankly, the only way the stigma is going to change is by talking about it.
I don't want children and my mom is sure that I have to have some kind of mental problem to say something like that
Exactly! I had a lovely exchange with a bloke in another comment section with him saying men “are failures if they don’t want to get a woman pregnant” and “women who don’t want to get pregnant are failures too”, oh and apparently I’m the worst choice for any man cos I don’t want kids and enjoy life with my animals ... and that suits me just fine, I honestly have no interest in the whole process and am perfectly happy being childless. Now those who want children? I honestly wish you all well! Just don’t call those of us who don’t want it “failures as men/women”
@@mercdragons so ... you just had a kid/kids to make your wife happy? Damn man 😒😒😒
@@LadyLeomon totally agreed! I mean, what do these people expect? That by shaming those of us who don't want children will make us change our minds? And if it does, what then? Do they want us to have 7 kids that we didn't even want in the first place, and give them a bad life? No thank you!
Oh yeah he trying to cheat with your permission. She knew all of your marital issues before you even really knew her? Yeah... Your husband is trying to step out. Cut your losses.
I really think they should just end this marriage. It's clear they don't want the same things. But "forgiving" OP for miscarrying? Sharing intimate secrets with a stranger? Giving no regard for OP's concerns? These are huge red flags. See also: quitting his job without any discussion. Sounds more like he wants to get alimony if a divorce happens! Glad OP moved out and he seems to be mostly doing the right things. But I hope OP isn't falling for the sunk-cost fallacy. In addition to all else, OP needs to work on her spine.
The issue everyone seems to be missing here is that she's not opposed to having a child - just not right NOW. Instead, he's steamrolling her, and showing some massive impulse control problems, while using grief that (if my math is right here, this started fourteen months prior, and she lost the baby and almost her LIFE at seven months) isn't even a year old. Way too soon to even begin broaching trying an alternative route. Rather than get therapy (they hand both parents a list of grief therapists who specialise in this specific hell while you're in the hospital), he chose to use his co-worker as not only a surrogate for a kid, but also as an emotional support animal, and here we are.
Also, at this point, they haven't been married long enough for palimony, and judges are less and less inclined to give it OR alimony out to spouses who quit, for no other reason than 'I hate my job'.
@@pansprayers , I think she said that ‘just because’. I think she really wants to be childfree.
@@ChyarasKiss nope. You don't say that, 'just because'. It's not something you even play at after you go through the hell this woman's been through. Seriously, I'm thrilled that you've never had to experience this, but stop acting like this isn't so far out of your wheelhouse you're not even on the boat.
@@ChyarasKiss except she wants kids, just not right NOW.
So the guy wants to cheat without consequences? They don't need children, they need Jesus.
Sounds like they need to split. He wants kids she doesn't.
This wasn't out of character for him. It was just the first time she saw this part of him.
him pressuring her into pregnancy proves as much
the OP in this story could actually have no legal rights to the child created this way since it'll be a private impregnation
Yeah "surrogate" was never going to give them baby. She would have kept it and husband would be welcomed to be dad if xy and z
This is what i thought, without "paperwork" that child is legally OP's husband and the co-worker's, not at all OP's.
I love how LG always searches out additional info from the comments and curate's it into like mini updates/extra info!
Agree
OP is being steamrollered and gaslit. She needs to get out. He is more control about "his" child than OP. And "forgiving her" for the stillbirth - NO!!!!
DIVORCE WORTHY. He is already having an affair. (ETA) The brother probably did kick him in the cojones about that REALLY REALLY STUPID idea.
"Forgives you for losing his son"? "Having a baby with him is non-negotiable"? Wants to have this baby au-naturelle with some lady from work? Couldn't tell him no to pregnancy in the first place? Yeah, no. This is not a healthy relationship. Sounds to me like he's looking for an incubator, not a life partner. He and that 'helpful' lady from work can have each other.
Anyone else get "hand that rocks the cradle vibes" ? That co-worker would get pregnant, keep the baby since there is no "sterile paperwork" to legally declare that this baby is OP's, but her husband is definitely the father.
Nobody noticed that the work friend didn't want medical records of the whole thing? Big red flag there as well.
I know this was posted sometime ago on reddit, but I hoped she kept an eye on her husbands ex-coworker/mistress Facebook and social media for pregnancy announcements. He gave off guilty and caught and "oh sh*t" panic by deleting everything, changing numbers and quitting. There's something hidden there.
Yes, I thought him quitting work was very sus, and supposedly canceling all social media and changing numbers. Right. You know that if he is as social as she says he is not going without social media more than 24 hours.
He's cheating. He already slept with the "friend". She may already be pregnant.
I'm at minute 5:13 and GOD this couple is awful at communication lmao. The fact that either of them is okay with treating each other like this.. She doesn't tell him that she doesn't want a child right now, and ends up despising her unborn child for the first six months. He somehow made every wrong choice you can make in a marriage and also doesn't tell her about his feelings about ANYTHING. They both need a maturity check, marriage counseling and individual therapy. I have no clue how people get married without even talking about a time frame around pregnancy, priorities or about what they consider cheating and breaching trust lol.
He is still clueless. Quitting his job without asking shows he still does not feel op deserves to be an equal partner in their life decisions.
I was initially in the “Get out of there crowd” after that forgiveness comment until it became clear that the husband was being manipulated while at his most vulnerable.
Not saying he’s 100% innocent but I feel horrible for him and am happy that he’s being so transparent and apologetic.
I wish these two the best.
First thing they tell you in the hospital after a still birth (usually as the grief support staff is handing you a list of therapists to talk to) is, 'this isn't anyone's fault, no one is to blame here'. She didn't ask for his forgiveness. She went to therapy, while he acted like a self absorbed jerk. So, no, this isn't ok at all.
I agree. He messed up and has a lot of work to do, but I’m glad he took the wake up call. I wish them the best in mending their relationship, it looks like they’re taking all the right steps.
You sound as naive as op
@@robertorojasbalarezo and you sound like someone who thinks men aren't humans and can't possibly be manipulated from others
I'm sorry did that jackass really say he forgives you for losing the child, nope he out of there, that is the most cruel thing i have ever heard
Story 1: NO NO NO, You should *Never* go around the official channels for surrogates. More then half of the point of the official channels is to ensure both parties are protected, that way the surrogate isn't forced to pay child support, and the would-be parents won't have to worry the surrogate will do some kind of ransom pay. And the husband isn't okay to even try.
S1 Update: Yup, "I don't want medical records of this" NO she wants the ability to hold the child over their heads, I don't doubt she would resort to ransoming OP and husband. This guy is an idiot, and yes he needs therapy, OP is only going because she is the one he needs to improve communication with.
Actually she'd never give them the kid. Women who say "all they've ever wanted is to be mother" don't give up their babies.
Workfriend was playing husband hard. I hope someone points this out directly to him.
I'm sure with the condition I have, troubles getting pregnant and higher chances for miscarriages are probably something I'll face and if any partner I had spoke to me like that, I'd immediately leave and only contact them once papers were signed. OP deserves someone vastly better than the garbage can she's with.
Never settle for someone who would treat you this way, EVER. I wish you the best in the future, and hope you know that, should you ever have to go through this, this Internet stranger sends their love.
I think he was deeply troubled by a wife and potential mother who resents her child and had a great deal of grief over his loss.
@@hadeswoof8060 he's a selfish, impulsive tool who has the interpersonal skills of a garden hose. Men openly resent their pregnant partners all the TIME, and they're back patted through it. But apparently if you have a uterus, you're considered a human AFTER you're an incubator. She went to therapy, and she was excited for this baby. Then she almost DIED, too. That 'resentment' you're mislabeling is acceptance of her circumstances, and thankfulness that she's still here. But, less than a year afterwards, rather than therapy, he has an emotional affair and when he gets called on it, quits his job. He's really good at trying to make his impulsive, stupid decisions everyone else's fault, but it's ok, because he 'forgave her' for one of the most horrific things you can ever go through, that wasn't her fault.
i can already see what would have happened - they get pregnant - he gets worked on by the crazy lady and he starts to realize he should be with her and the baby as a "real family" and leaves his wife - that is what the crazy co-worker would have been planning on happening.
OP should be clear on whether she actually wants children or not and have this discussion as it doesn't seem like she wanted a child but then got pregnant. if hubby wants kids but she doesn't really - maybe they should part ways.
And co-worker was planning on hubby's half of divorce proceedings to support them (not realizing that they don't have that much yet). And I don't agree that OP doesn't ever want children, but I agree she should wait to have them- with an adult this time.
Run! Divorce Now!
The only thing that bugs me is the wife do not want children and is not being upfront with the husband. The best way to move forward with this is DIVORCE. There is no other way. it is unfair on both side. The moment that she realized that she is not fit to be a mom, she should have divorced him.
With every story about troubled married couples on reddit, I do become more grateful for the lessons that I received from traumatic events that occurred from toxic married couplings. Yeah, I do have PTSD that were born from several of those incidents. But I do feel grateful for the lessons that I learned.
It has taught me about how certain marriages aren't worth the troubles. With the right partners, marriages are beautiful.
Why is hubby telling anyone ops medical information? Hubby forgives op for having a still birth? No no no.
Man this one was a roller coaster cause I went from "he's a cheating asshole" to "these people need serious work before they have kids."
Maybe I've just known too many idiots in my life but from OP's explaination of the communication between her husband and the coworker it seems to me like the co-worker found a golden goose for getting a baby for herself and ran with it.
Meanwhile the husband was in such a state of grief and still baby crazy (seriously ignoring gender that's what this was) that he just saw someone offering a way to "fix it all". He's just the early stages of a male version of those women so desperate to have a baby they spend years obessing over, diet and cycles, about their partner's underwear choices, and the best positions for conception.
Was he in the right? No and he sure as hell deserved to apologize for that "forgive you" comment but y'know what grief is a complicated beast and people say stupid shit. If we're gonna give OP slack unconcously resented her baby and in time working through that why can't the husband have slack for 'resenting/blaming his workholic wife for the stillbirth" provided he recognizes that now and works to correct it.
I think OP spelling it out to him with the role-reversal and presumibly his brother giving him an outside perspective was the reality slap this guy desperately needed.
In the end yeah I think both OP and her husband really need counseling and to work on being a partnership with real comunication before they add a dependant to this mess.
But NOTHING makes up for the massive violation of sharing all the intimate thoughts and medical details of OP's life and pregnancy even before the miscarriage with the work skank.
gotta love the brother in law, ain't an ounce of sugar coating from him on "you are so divorced you dipshit"
She needs to just divorce already. He wants kids you do not. This is only going to get worse overtime. Go your separate ways and be happy.
It seems like this broke down over a lack of communication early on. He shouldn't have cheated, but it does seem like she acted distant from him and he felt like he couldn't open up. That is much less bad than cheating but this was doomed a long time ago
The second she said she didn't want a baby but having a baby wouldn't be a huge sacrifice I couldn't be 100% on her side. I can't help but wonder if she had just had a conversation with her husband before they tried to have a baby that she was not ready, if this is how things would have gone.
I agree that it was a bad move but she did say she wants a baby in the future (in two years), so I took the “sacrifice” as more about the timing
"I don't know what she gets out of this."
She gets your husband. And a baby. Gift wrapped with a bow while husband is happy as a clam.
End the marriage now! This guy is nuts and or cheating
After the update: He’s nuts!
I'm not even 3 minutes in and I want to throw hands with this husband.
no the husband is a piece pf garbage. He pressured OP into becoming pregnant while knowing she didn't want to and then vilified her when she had a very understandable reaction.
And then when she lost it he "forgives" her.
And let's not even start on the crap he talked about to the woman he "totally didn't cheat with".
There is no future with a person like that. He doesn't care about OP. He cares about what OP can/can't give him.
"you put your career above me so I'm going to guilt trip you into becoming pregnant before you're ready and then act like you're a villain and like you killed our baby but I forgive you uwu also let me knock up the woman I'm having an emotional affair with teehee"
I'm actually not happy about the end at all wtf. Sure it's OP's choice but......hello?
some people really put up with and forgive more than they should. Let's just hope the husband doesn't spiral and "forgives" OP if she loses the next baby. Tbh though I wouldn't want to raise a family with a dude that handled his grief that selfishly.
@@teatime1480 my husband already called dibs on having a chat with him, lol. But on a more serious note - she's still grieving. It's not a linear process, and he pulled this less than a year after a super traumatic event. It's part of the reason even adoption and surrogate agencies require a two year minimum window from the time both enter therapy to start the consideration process. Eventually that relief that she survived is going to wear off, and then anger is going to hit, and she's going to realize exactly what kind of impulsive, self absorbed POS he is.
@@teatime1480 she didn’t tell him she didn’t want a baby until it was took late and by that time the only one actually happy about the loss was OP. How does that even make sense?
This marriage WONT last two more years…..
He forgave OP for losing their son, HOW THE F*** IS THAT HER FAULT! Damn that guy is irritating
OP needs to admit, to herself, she does not want to have children. I was confused about what went wrong with the birth because she said it was "unlikely" she could have more children and then said they would have to use an egg doner. Too much contradictory info. Also, her husband knew she resented the pregnancy and that is not a good thing. He knows the loss was devastating for him and a relief for her. Then she bitches he quit his job when he is bending over backwards to prove to her he did not/will not cheat. She needs to cut him loose, her job is more important to her than anything else. He needs to find someone who wants a family as much as he does. If they stay together, guarantee in two years she will be pushing him off even further on starting a family. While what he did was bizarre, and disgusting, she is not blameless in this. She got pregnant knowing she did not want kids (and it is obvious she wants to be child free and that is perfectly ok) and led him on that she was ok with having kids. I think deep down he knows she does not want kids and does not know how to deal with it. I think counseling will help the two of them realize they are not on the same page and they need to cut their losses and move on. I wish the two of them luck and offer sympathy on the loss of their child.
She should be honest with her husband and tell him she does not want a baby. In the long run, this will not end well.
Op is too nice. Should've just dumped the divorce papers and left without a word. Seriously blaming the lost of the baby on HER??? the audacity, that would've been the dealbreaker and the slap of reality that this man-child is not a good husband.
I can kinda see what happened to him, it doesnt absolve him of everything though. Grief does weird things to people and can make them a bit nuts and unable to see things clearly. Biggest problem (as it pretty much always is) is poor communication. Her not telling him her feelings on the baby matter, sharing why she was detached. Him not telling her how much the loss of the baby affected him. If they stay together, i would recommend them never stopping couples counselling as they have problems communicating and holding back for the others sack when all it does is make it hurt worse later instead of a small amount of pain right now.
If there was an award for the worst plans to ever exist, the husband would easily win it over Dr. Doofenshmirtz and other villains who defeat themselves. He needs years of therapy.
Sounds like is having an emotional or physical affair or is highly likely to lead to him cheating.
The husband has already disassociated from the marriage and blinded by the prospect of having a child just because!
It’s time to get ready to separate!
I'm glad there's something of a happy epilogue. I hope the best for OP and her husband.
He FORGIVES her for a stillbirth! OMG! What a thing to say.
Did anyone else do a double take once he said "I forgive you for losing the baby".
My husband wants to throat punch him, and I physically flinched.
Dude!
They need a divorce stat!
..and she needs to stay away from children. The amount of disassociation. It’s rather startling.
He wants a family. She doesn’t. She’d be the type to have the Nanny raise them and only bring them out for show and tell.
He was totally manipulated by the chicks crazy.
Two separate issues.
But she needs to let him go, so he can have a family.
It’s sad what happened. But she certainly didn’t hide her disdain for being pregnant or how it would interfere in her life.
I would have thrown out the whole man after "I forgive you for losing my son"
this reminds me of that story where the couple used a friend as a surrogate without any contract and the friend wanted to take the husband
Wait, wait, wait... He "Forgives" her for losing the baby? WTF?
From a stranger's perspective, OP and husband aren't compatible. Maybe they should work on that first before deciding anything.
1) Husband wants kid(s), OP doesn't.
2) OP loves her work (and most likely prioritize it), husband doesn't understand (or maybe even refuse to understand).
3) husband feels like his feelings/actions are his decision to make ie, having a baby, finding 'solutions' for the pregnancy thing, quitting his job without discussing it with his wife first. OP often felt she's being strongarmed into these situations
And probably many more.
OP also has communication issues too as well as the husband.
I wonder how they even sustain the relationship all these years? Not to mention how they seems like they hadn't discuss their viewpoints prior to this. And it seems like they each hoped the other party would magically understand and be on the same page about everything.
Pure stubbornness and codependency. they need to get out of this relationship and start fresh. It's the healthiest option.
Reading the title my first impression was that he’s just using it as an excuse to bang a woman who isn’t his wife, but I was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. Until this line:
“Forgives me for losing our son…”
Aaaaand that’s when I went from being annoyed at his pestering to regarding him as an asshole. How magnanimous of you to treat this as something within OP’s control and forgive her
Edit: OK, he’s not malicious, just a complete bonehead who is more dense than pea soup, and What’s-Her-Face probably saw him as a maleable baby daddy
Husband was all for it, completely convinced he was in the right and assumed he’d be able to manipulate OP into agreeing by using their dead child as leverage. He gets a baby out of the situation and a free pass with someone out of his league. Only now OP’s proven she can’t be talked around, he’s back peddling and trying to blame his reaction on grief. Where was the grief or concern for OP when he was discussing screwing someone else to get her pregnant and then acting as if he’s so magnanimous to “forgive” OP for their loss whilst also producing a child?
Especially less than a year after she not only lost a child, but almost died herself, during a pregnancy she wasn't ready for yet, that both he and the therapist (seriously, WTF?) wore her down over.
Grief shows its way in different ways. He was for it because he thought having a baby would fix the loss he feels. The blame falls mostly on the harpy who manipulated him. You're trying to fully blame someone who can be forgiven with time and effort when thats not the case.
@@pansprayers the therapist didn't wear her down. The therapist showed her that she was harboring resentment towards an unborn baby for the choice she made.
I don't think the husband was trying to get a free pass. I think he was just trying to get a baby either through natural way or by any other way. For example, if the husband's friend suggested in vitro instead of natural, husband would have jumped on that chance instead.
So, I don't think he was emotionally cheating or suggesting cheating. They were not communicating and he was just venting out to someone and that someone took advantage of the situation. I think that he was very depressed and not realizing what was coming out of his mouth. Similar to how sometimes pregnant women have the "mommy brain". I think this was the husband having "daddy brain" in a sense.
@@fishbowl5308 yeah, that's unethical on about twenty levels, but slow clap for you. Therapists aren't supposed to draw a bullseye around a specific target, and it's pretty clear that, in doing so, it was the wrong target anyway. The resentment, if any, should have been appropriately aimed at this impulsive waste of a husband who pushed her into a pregnancy that she wasn't ready for, that almost killed her, and resulted in one of the worst things a woman can go through.
First story: He's cheating!! At the very least emotionally. He just wants a green light from op to make it seem not so bad. Or just a cover up for something
He forgives her for having a stillbirth. HE FORGIVES HER. 🚩number one.
Then he has a random woman OP has never heard about or met who knows all of their marriage issues. 🚩 number two.
She is willing to be the surrogate if OP’s husband has sex with her until she is pregnant. 🚩 number three. That is three strikes. There is no guarantee this woman would get pregnant.
I absolutely believe this woman preyed on him while he was grieving. A good friend a good co-worker would have said talk to your wife. Not try and create further divide or wedge in their marriage.
He clearly had an emotional affair with this woman.
He needs a lot a therapy and needs to learn to communicate better. I think their marriage could work possibly in the longterm, but it all depends on him.
After losing 3 pregnancies I finally had a child. It took 16 years to accomplish this. And even with baby rabies, I'm very glad my husband would NEVER even think of suggesting something like this!
The fact that I'd have wrung his neck like a chickens, then boot his ass MIGHT have something to do with it😈
Husband keeps making these big life altering decisions by himself without thinking how it would impact OP, their marriage and household from his long emotional affair, then to the baby “plan” and now to quitting his job. OP needs to keep her pills locked up because the husband may change his mind about waiting. OP still has some blinders on and may need to extend the baby plan longer especially with how therapy goes and if the husband sabotages again. .
Fortunately it doesn't sound like she can get pregnant without help. She just needs to cut her losses and divorce him before he can leech aff her any more.
I'm sorry but I was checked out of this relationship from the moment I heard "he forgives me for losing our son". Just nope. Nope nope nope. Fuck that.
The fact that he told a third party deep emotional secrets about her and her health without asking would make me so very wary of ever telling him a secret of mine again - and doubled with the emotional cheating, her insulting her and talking logistics behind her back??? WOW.
I’m just glad that his brother got his mind set straight and that he realized how much of an absolute IDIOT he was. I’m also glad OP realized where she had failed in being there for his partner, and how she had focused on her work more than him. I hope he realizes he should be seeking comfort in *a therapist* not another woman for the future. And I hope their communication is better so they can be the family they want, but I also hope the 2 yr timeline won’t come with them being in the same place and still not better. Either way, the best to both!
And I hope she moves forward and divorces him. She has already thrown too much of her life away for his ungrateful azz. SHE is the one who had the stillbirth and life-threatening surgery and SHE is working full time while HE quits his job? FTS!
Why’re they even together in the first place if they both want different things
Oh, yes, that was OP's finest moment! Yes, indeed!
Wtf?
1: As soon as Op and her husband made a commitment to each other they BECAME a family.
2: I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around any adult man thinking any of this crap wouldn't be the grossest of betrayal.
Why do people fall for this bull crap. This guy just wants to cheat, drop his ass
Because grief is a mind f*ck in this case. He pulled this SEVEN MONTHS after a still birth she almost died from herself. Eventually the relief that she survived is going to wear off, and that lovely anger stage is going to kick in.
Yeah, no, so the woman who has "only ever wanted to be a mother" is looking to have a baby and hoping to poach the husband along with it as an added bonus.
I took a break for a couple years and man does it feel good hearing a story from you.
I think it will create a third woman who has his baby. Watch OPs marriage end and husband leaves with his newly ready made family.
OK so, I'm only through the first part of the story and I already know that OP's husband is cheating and is trying to justify it by saying that this woman wants them to get her pregnant the "natural" way. They've already been practicing and she's already pregnant. I'll wait to see if I'm right but I'm pretty sure I am. OP needs to run like the wind as far away from this dumpster fire as she can get. He has been cheating with that woman. And what the hell does he mean "he's forgiven her for losing their baby?" It's not like she went out and lost the baby the poor thing died in utero but he somehow thinks she's responsible for that? He's awful.
No.no.no.. OP you need to just get a divorce and let him go on with his life and have kids. You didn't even want kids. So be truthful with your husband and move on. Js
Love your reading as always Lost Genre! Good day to your and your family
Thank you FantasyFan! you too :)
Heard first part of story and it's a big Hewl No!
I have a feeling this marriage is probably over by now.
Really OP? You still want to stay with him after all this? He forgives you for losing your son? What in the fuck? I get after you lose a kid your marriage goes downhill but this just to much he can't say "I just want a family with you" than pulls this they need to divorce she doesn't even want kids so what's the point of being married?!
As a woman consciously child-free, please OP, divorce him already. She doesn't want kids, he does, nobody is wrong. But this kind of major life decision incompatibility doesn't work out. This man will definitely cheat later, if not now, & this is the road to resentment. Right now they're all 'sacrifices', but in no time this will turn into hatred.
S1: you’re a doctor and can’t see through this!!!
He’s having an affair with her, I wouldn’t doubt she’s pregnant already. Anyhow it would be like giving him a permission slip to cheat. Leave this pos who has zero respect for you and has the audacity to say that this is non negotiable. Control freak. As a doctor, you spend many hours away from home and he’s gotten himself a tart and has spoiled the beans on everything including your intimate life. Walk away before he takes more than your dignity
How come she didn’t react when he told her he « forgave her for loosing the baby ». Plus the personal details sharing, My god !
Husband just want to cheat with OP’s blessing.
Good to see that they are committed to trying to work on communication issues and priorities. Will be interesting to get another update two years down the road. :-)
Whoa. He "FORGIVES" her. No.
The "friend" sees the way to take away the husband and the husband is more than ready, willing and able to let her.
The marriage was over from the moment he said that he "forgave OP for losing his son".
OP needs to present him with two sets of papers: One is for a therapist, the other for a lawyer. Then let him choose.
Red flags: He forgave her for losing their baby. She wants it done the natural way. Her dream was to be a mother. (She is so gonna keep that baby and fuck up the agreement and relationship)