Glad Marie spoke up and pushed her sister out. Tonya can’t seem to take any hints. Even after her sister told her to leave and she was fine because she had help, Tonya still tried to stay by renting an Airbnb. Glad OP gave Tonya a reality check of where their relationship was going if she didn’t get her priorities right.
That Airbnb request was NUTS. She wants to start their marriage living separately? That's pretty bizarre, if they didn't agree ahead of time that they want to marry but not live together.
the most she could give was emotional support, but since her little sister already said for her to go on the honeymoon, not even that support was needed
@@GiordanDiodato the sister told her to go and then forbade her from bothering them. If she asked it would be support, since she didn't want her there she was just avoiding the honeymoon.
Wow, is there no one on the planet that you care about? Are you a pure psychopath? Assume that someone who you raised as a daughter went into labor premature and their child was in a life-threatening scenario. Would you go celebrate on a vacation?
The fact that OP's wife stayed there after husband went on their honeymoon alone UNTIL HER SISTER KICKED HER OUT speaks volumes. She didn't want to go home, and she didn't want to go on the honeymoon. I think she had a change of heart with the marriage, and is panicking that she's the one who's going to get dumped. It's going to take very serious therapy to salvage this. But I do appreciate that OP is open to working on the marriage. Reddit can get a little nuts on DTMA and it's nice to see that sometimes people can admit they screwed up and are looking for a solution together.
Marie was not in danger and told Tonya to go on the honeymoon. OP would have wasted thousands so Tonya could support the entire support group around Marie? This would be rethink the relationship time. OP is not her priority. And she has a year to figure out if she's going to be a couple.
Time for an annulment. There was no reason for the wife to stay behind. I dont blame him for not wanting to waste the trip. She couldve gone. She chose not to.
Exactly. She chose to go even there was zero helping for her to do. Baby was in NICU. Sister was cared by husband. Surprised sister didn't kick her out earlier. Thankfully they are not legally married.
No one was dying. Plus, if things DID take a turn for the worse and mom or baby was in life-threatening trouble, she always could have gone home early from the honeymoon. There was no reason not to go.
He's not #1 in his wife's life. There was absolutely nothing she could do except sit there and all he was to do was sit on his ass at home. She wasn't taking care of her sister and baby, the baby was in the NICU, SHE WAS NOT NEEDED!! It's almost as if this gives her an ego boost for her..... She said screw you, you're not important, our marriage isn't either.. Nta!
Yeah, OP was coming in 3rd in a two man race. The not-quite-wife has her apron strings made of titanium, and can't take a hint to save her life. At least OP got a vacation out of it, but waaay too much BS to put up with from the start.
Glad that OP is giving her a chance to get therapy to do so! And a year should be enough time to see some improvements (but not completely! ) in her behavior to hopefully save their relationship! To anyone claiming he's a simp or doormat .... think again! He's strong enough to give their relationship a chance, but not wait forever in the hopes she will change. He loves her enough to give her that chance. I just hope and pray that she takes it.
No she has not weird codepences. She took care of her sister as a mother.. no mother leaves her kid in this sort circumstances. I am a mother if i have to choose to help with the baby or honeymoon i help my kid. And yes an early birth is covered in a return Policy it called medical emergency. An early birth is just that.. Op was just bored and thought fuck this i go.
@@paulinadeboer3604 I think you're missing one important thing here - Marie was not in danger and even told Tonya to go on the honeymoon. Not like Tonya could really DO much it anything to help out even if she wanted to since every base had already been covered. It honestly seems to me that Tonya is overly attached to her sister and seriously needs to seek help to work through her lingering issues.... more so since she's clearly at risk at permanently damaging her relationships with OP and Marie.
"I feel unsafe talking to her about my feelings." And you want to continue your relationship with this psycho? Just dump her politely and don't look back.
Yeah, I don't understand why he's given her a year to decide if she wants to be married or not. I'd be out because I know I'm not important enough and I don't want to wait for someone to tell me that after a year.
Story 2: She's just trying to rationalize her crappy behavior. *"It doesn't count if it's in a different area code"* type BS. There is no logic to it, she just wanted to eat her cake and have it too.
And the waterfall of tears start when her crappy behavior has consequences. Thank god OP has some self-respect. Cheater's mindsets rarely change for the better.
It's moot now, but OP said she pretty much was checked out for a good 3 months. Just imagine the fit she would have thrown, if OP flipped the script and ignored her?
Story 1: Man, OP is insanely lucky he's not legally married yet. I don't think I'd ever pull the trigger on that in his shoes, but I have a boatload of abandonment issues so maybe a better person could find it in their heart to forgive
I think if this behavior came out of nowhere, or is even just a dramatic escalation of previous behavior, then I understand why he isn’t willing to walk away just yet. Especially if she eventually relented that she’s going through something mentally, that it is serious, and she requires real counseling. She seems to have developed an unhealthy fixation, and she needs to deal with that. Like, this recent behavior would be problematic, even if she wasn’t in a relationship; if not for her, then for her sister and BIL. When someone you’ve loved for a long time experiences mental illness, it is so hard to see them like that, and you don’t want to leave them because you genuinely want the best. Short of tolerating abuse, I think it’s noble to try and stand by someone through that, at least for a time. In this case, what is 1 more year when you were ready to commit to a lifetime? After all, you never know… one day you could be the one struggling mentally, and it would suck to go through it alone. I guess what I’m saying is, there’s nothing wrong with treating people the way you want to be treated, as long as you hold them to the same basic expectations you hold yourself to? I will say…. If I were OP, I would be relieved the marriage wasn’t legal just yet. I don’t think her actions leading up to being confronted bode well, in this case. But, hey! There are always exceptions to the rule, and I’m rooting for them. I wish them both the best!
@@YellaBellaReno definitely, but Op needs to accept that there is a likely chance she doesn't love him and that's why she made the excuse to avoid the honeymoon.
@@spectrelead Oh! it`s Gold alright, she is living in fantasy land with unicorns and rainbows. Sins she thinks cheating is okay as long as she has it in her head that they where on break without saying anything to OP about it.
They paid for a fake wedding in the sister’s hometown so the sister can “attend” and then paid for a trip “fake homey moon” before the actual marriage registration. The wife didn’t treat her honeymoon as honeymoon, and plans her life around her sister even against the sister’s wishes. She thinks the husband/fiancé should be her assistant in her fantasy of babying the sister forever. She needs therapy really bad
It wasn't fake, it was so her pregnant sister could be there. If Tonya had listened to her sister and gone on the honeymoon, then they would have submitted the license.
@@dk9619 To be fair being right was a negative factor in that relationship, Rachel was generally high maintenance but hated to be called on it ( all those pages of that letter) and Ross was addicted to being right over anything(they were indeed on a break). They could not be with each other, or without each other!
The wife seems to have some sort of creepy stalker thing going on with sis. When sis kicked her out, she tried to stay with relatives. When it didn't work she wanted her new husband to fund a b and b for her after all the money he wasted on a wedding. I don't understand her at all.
@@thisisavivistanaccount7866 Well, they were pointing out that they were never legally married! So you responding to their correct statement WAS the snark! 😂😂😂
1st story, before the update I could understand staying with her sister in difficult time, though OP was in the right for going to the honeymoon. The update changes everything ! She was kicked out by her sister ? Told Marie and her husband have a problem with her staying ? Relatives were warned they were not welcome if they hosted Tonya ? Sounds like Tonya was becoming a nuisance and STILL she didn't get the hint since she asked about renting an AirBnB nearby...
Story 2: sounds like OP has/had every right to feel insecure. Then she tried to justify her cheating by claiming they were on a break.😂 wow, the delusion is strong with that one.
Legit it's basically that one story where op fiance went on a trip with her friends on eroupe and told that op their on break. Only difference is this post got an answer.
Ah yes the Ross Gellar "we were on a break" defense. Didn't work for him either, surprised people still try to use it. She thought she was dealing with a simp but nope OP had self-respect & a spine. Love to see it.
Story 2: It was very nice of the ex-girlfriend to tell OP that 1: They were on a break and that and 2: Since they were on a break, she hooked up with the guy she knows in Spain. Yeah, totally NOT CHEATING! 🤦♂️🤦🤦♀️ Glad she's single. Now she can write about ALL of her summer adventures!
Even before Op got the truth he realised his girlfriend showed behaviour single people do during that trip and afterwards she acted heinously towards Op
S1: Why should OP squander his paid honeymoon, because the wife can't pull her head out of Marie's backside? Don't waste any more time fighting. Judge her by her actions: she is no wife. Instead of a honeymoon, she gets an annulment. Good job! Update: completely disagree with LG, not a good outcome. Marie made it abundantly clear with her choices, she doesn't want to marry OP. This year of limbo and counselling is a complete waste of his time.
My husband and I had been planning a vacation for a couple of months with my in-laws. Something short just 4 days 3 nights in Vegas. 2 weeks before we are set to leave my mom had a stroke spent 2 weeks in the hospital and passed away the day before we were set to go. My husband of course dropped everything to be with me during that whole time, he’s the best. During these two weeks I kept telling him you’re going on that vacation even if I can’t go with you no matter what. Some backstory: my husband works hard and family is his number one priority always. My mother in law has dementia and she forgets a little more everyday. She’s even forgotten him at times which breaks mine and my husband’s heart but we do our best to keep positive. He kept telling me there was no way he was leaving me. After my mom passed my whole family was at the hospital and overheard me telling him to go on his vacation. They all thought I was crazy. They said no his job is to be by your side right now. My logic was well my mom is dead so I won’t be spending anymore time at the hospital. I’m going home with my dad so he won’t be alone. There wont be any funeral or any plans for at least the next week or so, he should be back by then. But most importantly I wanted him to go somewhere fun with his parents spend time with his mom take pictures, videos just be together. Because even if she won’t remember he will and time is something we don’t get back. My whole family understood and told him to go. Which he did and I’m glad he did and he called me almost every hour to check on me. We did what was best for each other; which is all we can do in those hard times.
I’m sorry but I’m Laughing that SIL had to kick her out. Clearly wife has some weird attachment issues to her sister. Unwelcome issues. OP would be a fool if he goes through with this marriage.
I’d be relieved it wasn’t legal if I were OP, but I think it’s hopeful that she seemed to acknowledge that she has a real issue, it’s not OK, and she needs professional help. She definitely needs to deal with this, regardless of whether or not she’s in a relationship, if only for her sister and BIL’s sake. She has an unhealthy fixation, and she needs to sort that out before it escalates even further.
WTF !!!! Get an annulment ASAP! You were smart to go on the honeymoon! She’s upset? This is on her. Sister has a dad, husband & stepmother to care for her. Move on OP. Not a match. You will never be as important as her sister
Why was she even upset? It's not like OP had a place or function in all of this, or I suspect even noticed OP missing. Even the sister was telling her to leave.
@@user-wr3vt8uq4s I’m not saying the wife is right but she’s probably having difficulty with her sister growing up and having her own life. OP said their mom died and their relationship is more like mother/daughter. She’s probably struggling with the fact that her sister doesn’t need her anymore and they have their own separate lives. That’s also her problem to deal with and she shouldn’t put these issues on OP though. At least they’re not actually married yet.
S1: NTA. I can't believe Tanya really expected OP to just stay behind at the house and do nothing. All for what, so she can play hero. Glad she got a reality check from OP and Marie.
I would have taken a friend or sibling with me so the other ticket wouldn’t go to waste. 😂 She’s big mad that he didn’t sit at home waiting on her like a good doggy.
Story 2: wow, a rare OP who says that he doesn't wish the cheater anything good. I'm with OP! I'm sick and tired of "I wished him|her the best and we hugged goodbye" in stories with cheating or abusive partners.
In my experience if you ever have a conversation with your significant other and they call you insecure and controlling leave them they're hiding something.
jesus man, that level of obsession over her sister and sisters kid, ffs the sister didn't even want her there and told but she wanted to get an air b&b despite that? nah shes iff her head, op should run like hell
Oh, man. I love the mood booster. There’s no space for humoring Karens in the NICU. Families in there (especially mothers) should be supporting one another; not stubbornly lashing out and starting arguments.
Technically, it wasn't for "show", it was so her sister and family could enjoy it, since she was pregnant and wouldn't be able to travel. They would have submitted the license if she had gone on the honeymoon with OP. So in a way, it was good this came up then and not after. OP is giving her a year to put him first, otherwise he can walk with ease. Kudos to him to give her a chance to start working on her issues, because too many people forget that it's "for better or worse".
Not legally married but having a ceremony makes them married to their families, and if they are religious, they would be married through the church, just not through the state but not being legally married does help make the likely spilt a lot easier for OP
Mood booster: Karen got her way. And an eye full! I feel bad for the medical professionals that have to deal with the nonsense but I bet they have great stories to tell about work now! 😂
The fact that Marie and her hubby are banning anyone who hosts Tonya from seeing the baby makes me wonder how bad she was acting. From the way OP described their relationship, Tonya sounds like she could be acting like those overbearing MIL's from the JNMIL stories. If this is how she treats someone she sees as a daughter, i fear for OP having any children with this woman.
1. NTA. If the baby was still in intensive care, her sister was probably there as much as she was allowed, no one but the mother and father would have been allowed in at all. Where was she during all this, while expecting him to twiddle his thumbs, without her, in a hotel room? So what exactly was worth throwing thousands of dollars away? This was nothing but a power play, a test to see how far she could go. Well, she F'd around and found out. I'm not sure I would be going back for her, just go see a lawyer about how to get an annulment, then she will be free to help her sister all she wants. Counseling won't do anything but make him out to be the bad guy, so why bother?
Story 1: (NTA) In cases like this, context helps, is the SIL a forever victim and Wifey and her have a co-dependent relationship? If yes, you're being an a**hole to yourself for marrying a woman who will always put her sister before you. Then there's the question why didn't you stay with her? You could try to refund the tickets. And a question, why not discuss the possibility of SIL giving birth right before or during the wedding? You'd have some idea of when the baby would be due and medical complications can happen. Before you propose, you should really look at your relationship, how much you prioritise your partner and how much your partner prioritises you. Do they tell their friends or family everything about you, the good and the bad? All of your plans for outings and holidays? Do you spend a lot more time with their family instead of yours without a good reason? How much have you compromised compared to them? And great point about Wifey being not the only one SIL has for support. I have to wonder how the OP enjoyed his trip alone when it was meant to be a honeymoon for OP and Wifey. And SIL said for Wifey to go on the honeymoon, this gets weirder. Update: SIL kicked Wifey out, sounds like an overbearing mum or MIL of an adult child who just had a baby and wants space. Another thought can wifey have kids of her own? Not yet legally married, interesting. OP put his foot down and Wifey is getting therapy for her Sis vs Hubby issues. A good small update, I think. Story 2: (NTA) You can believe what you want to and your girlfriend's behaviour is strange. I guess she wanted a summer fling. What's important right now is how you want to proceed. Get proof by snooping or just call her out for being a bad girlfriend and break things off. Don't call her out for cheating and then look for evidence, if it's there now she'll definitely delete it once confronted. Update: Oh, she had a "hook-up" because "We were on a break" gaslighting at its finest. "We're only in a relationship when we're not living apart" So the OP could have slept around while she was in Spain and she'd be okay with it? I'd get an STD test, just in case.
Story 1: OP is lucky they arent legally married yet. His "wife" is throwing off all sorts of red flags. Her relationship with her sister is very unhealthy and even her sister sees it. I'm no doctor but it seems like she developed a pretty bad trauma after their mother died and has never dealt with it. Also not looking so great for OP considering his wife didn't listen when her sister was trying to set boundaries. The fact the sister was ready to cut off any family that put the wife up because she wouldnt back off is a huge uh oh.
I think what the wife needs is therapy. She was parentified into raising her sister and is struggling to let go, possibly questioning her place in her sister's life if sis no longer needs 'mom' and has a support network of people rather than just relying on OP's wife. She is so used to being the sister's caretaker and having to do everything that now sis doesn't need that, wife can't seem to dial it down Op's wife needs therapy to help her process and help her let go
Giggling with the mood booster. I've been in the NICU 3 times - twice with premmie babies, once because one of my kids needed the lights for jaundice. Thankfully not much drama. Though I did have one nurse or whoever she was ask if I wanted my baby to die all over my asking about sleep. I was a first-time mother, to a premature baby graduating to go home at that point. I wish I could go back in time and walked out of that room and spoke to the people just outside that area about what was told to me. Another was when a young possible somewhere in her 20s nurse tried to literally tell me what to do, and pretty sure she had seen that I had other children with me, but no... she had to say something about my pumping... or my feeding... she literally looked like someone who had a stick up her and didn't belong there. Not around extremely vulnerable mothers, new or otherwise.
Interesting stories: Story 1, Tanya seem to have a Messiah complex - only she can help her sister (who doesn't want her help!) I think annulment would definitely be advisable. Story 2, GF seems to have a very convenient conscience. Glad OP has extricated himself from the situation. Story 3, I love malicious compliance!
As a retired nicu nurse, op is NTA! its family like ops wife that made my job difficult, always interfering, secnd guessing what myself and the very qualified Dr have said/done/need to do, constantly attempting to fiddle with baby, messing with wires, trying to shove their way into the nicu and trying to push the birthing parent to do more than they are capable of doing. I HATED familynlike tonya and it sounds like her sister is getting fed up with her too. Im the 3rd oldest of 19 and the oldest of my mothers 4 so i 100% understand how difficult it is to let go after being parentified for decades, trust me, i get it! My youngest sisters always felt more like my babies than my siblings because i raised them but there is a time you have to let go, good or bad, tonya needs therapy. Desperately.
First story: What kind of help did Marie need? The baby was in the hospital. Even if Marie had an emergency C-section, she had a whole support system already, and did not want Tonya there. Does Tonya have a controls issue - she MUST be in charge? Or is she one of those people who gets off on sacrificing herself so everybody knows how wonderful she is? Doesn't matter - she needs to realize her husband comes first unless there's an emergency. I like OP's attitude.
@@ssjup81 Well how smart can she be in that case? Her sister is a grown woman who neither needs nor wants her help - she has her own family support group. I've been around women like that - they barge in where they're not wanted, and look to everyone around them for kudos on their sacrificial natures. They end up looking silly. And the idea that she dumped her brand new husband on their honeymoon??? AND expected him to sit home twiddling his thumbs while she did - what? The baby was in the NICU and doing well. Her sister was home and doing well. This chick is a drama queen.
I'm a NICU mom and I can tell you, the sister wasn't needed lol. She would maybe be needed AFTER baby comes home BUT I can't help but wonder if her "help" was to hold the baby any chance she got and return her when crying lol noooo thank you!
I do think he is NTA but I want to comment on sisters support system. Her support system is basically non existent composted to what people are saying. She had her dad and sister. Step mom doesn't count, she would rather have her mom there and then any of the inlaws don't count because inlaws will turn a plesant situation very stressful. So if op's wife wasn't there she would have her dad and husband.
This would have given me second thoughts about the marriage she ditched you for a situation she can do nothing about without a conversation with you about it
Story 1 YEP I'd be reconsidering that marriage too......wife was not only not needed her sister TOLD her to go and she didn't......wife has a unhealthy attachment to her sister.
How did she “take care of sis and baby”? Is this an “enmeshed” family situation? I think she wanted the attention, excitement and wanted to feel important. I’m not sure there’s room for OP in the relationship.
Story 1: Not sure why he's giving her a year. The feeling of prioritizing would-be spouse is obviously NOT mutual. Story 2: Dump the cheater. Pathetic attempt at justifying cheating. When talking became a "chore", it was already over at that point, whether she cheated yet or not. Relationships require both parties to contribute for it to exist - as soon as one is no longer willing to contribute, it's like cutting off water to a plant - it starts to wither away. Further, she doesn't get to dictate when the relationship stops and starts again. She can STOP it, but without OPs willingness, there is no STARTing it again. smh
His wife is a woman to stick to. If something happens, she will be there to support you. Baby was in life threatening condition and she was there instead of having fun. If you have cancer of get disabled, she will stick by you when in need. Great woman.
Glad Marie spoke up and pushed her sister out. Tonya can’t seem to take any hints. Even after her sister told her to leave and she was fine because she had help, Tonya still tried to stay by renting an Airbnb. Glad OP gave Tonya a reality check of where their relationship was going if she didn’t get her priorities right.
That Airbnb request was NUTS. She wants to start their marriage living separately? That's pretty bizarre, if they didn't agree ahead of time that they want to marry but not live together.
Op is an idiot for staying with her. She has made it crystal clear that she doesn't love him
I suspect Marie is sick and tired of having Tonya around constantly treating her like a baby
@@damianolanzoni9583 I hope they all leave Tonya if she doesnt improve after this.
0:41 @@daphnereal3129
If the baby is in Nicu, shouldn't the nurse be doing most of the work with the baby? OP's wife wasn’t needed at all.
the most she could give was emotional support, but since her little sister already said for her to go on the honeymoon, not even that support was needed
it's called support, hon
@@GiordanDiodato the sister told her to go and then forbade her from bothering them.
If she asked it would be support, since she didn't want her there she was just avoiding the honeymoon.
@@GiordanDiodatosupporting how? she's just laying in a bed doing nothing while nurses take care of the kid.
Wow, is there no one on the planet that you care about? Are you a pure psychopath?
Assume that someone who you raised as a daughter went into labor premature and their child was in a life-threatening scenario.
Would you go celebrate on a vacation?
The fact that OP's wife stayed there after husband went on their honeymoon alone UNTIL HER SISTER KICKED HER OUT speaks volumes. She didn't want to go home, and she didn't want to go on the honeymoon. I think she had a change of heart with the marriage, and is panicking that she's the one who's going to get dumped. It's going to take very serious therapy to salvage this. But I do appreciate that OP is open to working on the marriage. Reddit can get a little nuts on DTMA and it's nice to see that sometimes people can admit they screwed up and are looking for a solution together.
What marriage, she clearly doesn't love him. Hopefully, OP will see that. If he marries her, he deserves to be miserable
What’s DTMA?
OP should run
@@Loki-and-Thor dump the mfer's ass
@@Loki-and-ThorDump The Motherf@@ker Already. It’s something coined by advice columnist Dan Savage
Marie was not in danger and told Tonya to go on the honeymoon. OP would have wasted thousands so Tonya could support the entire support group around Marie? This would be rethink the relationship time. OP is not her priority. And she has a year to figure out if she's going to be a couple.
I always wonder how it gets to an OP's wedding for an OP to see that they're second to their partner's pre-existing family in their partner's eyes.
i'd argue that marie isnt even her priority, she didnt want her there, tonya is prioritising a need to feel needed
Time for an annulment. There was no reason for the wife to stay behind. I dont blame him for not wanting to waste the trip. She couldve gone. She chose not to.
Exactly. She chose to go even there was zero helping for her to do. Baby was in NICU. Sister was cared by husband. Surprised sister didn't kick her out earlier.
Thankfully they are not legally married.
She clearly doesn't love OP and he is too stupid to see it. It's over.
No one was dying. Plus, if things DID take a turn for the worse and mom or baby was in life-threatening trouble, she always could have gone home early from the honeymoon. There was no reason not to go.
Indeed
Harsh, but i agree @@johnbradbury8610
He's not #1 in his wife's life. There was absolutely nothing she could do except sit there and all he was to do was sit on his ass at home. She wasn't taking care of her sister and baby, the baby was in the NICU, SHE WAS NOT NEEDED!! It's almost as if this gives her an ego boost for her..... She said screw you, you're not important, our marriage isn't either.. Nta!
Yeah, OP was coming in 3rd in a two man race. The not-quite-wife has her apron strings made of titanium, and can't take a hint to save her life. At least OP got a vacation out of it, but waaay too much BS to put up with from the start.
Not needed, and very clearly not *wanted*
Yeah, OP’s wife has weird codependency issues. She needs to learn and place healthier boundaries with her family now that they have their own lives.
Pretty much this. You can tell because even the sister was like no.Go home and anyone who doesn't listen to me about this also can go home
He said she was more of a parent than a sibling, seems she has the makings of a helicopter parent that never lets their kids go.
Glad that OP is giving her a chance to get therapy to do so! And a year should be enough time to see some improvements (but not completely! ) in her behavior to hopefully save their relationship!
To anyone claiming he's a simp or doormat .... think again! He's strong enough to give their relationship a chance, but not wait forever in the hopes she will change. He loves her enough to give her that chance. I just hope and pray that she takes it.
No she has not weird codepences. She took care of her sister as a mother.. no mother leaves her kid in this sort circumstances. I am a mother if i have to choose to help with the baby or honeymoon i help my kid.
And yes an early birth is covered in a return Policy it called medical emergency. An early birth is just that..
Op was just bored and thought fuck this i go.
@@paulinadeboer3604 I think you're missing one important thing here - Marie was not in danger and even told Tonya to go on the honeymoon. Not like Tonya could really DO much it anything to help out even if she wanted to since every base had already been covered. It honestly seems to me that Tonya is overly attached to her sister and seriously needs to seek help to work through her lingering issues.... more so since she's clearly at risk at permanently damaging her relationships with OP and Marie.
"I feel unsafe talking to her about my feelings." And you want to continue your relationship with this psycho? Just dump her politely and don't look back.
Yeah, I don't understand why he's given her a year to decide if she wants to be married or not. I'd be out because I know I'm not important enough
and I don't want to wait for someone to tell me that after a year.
Story 2: She's just trying to rationalize her crappy behavior. *"It doesn't count if it's in a different area code"* type BS. There is no logic to it, she just wanted to eat her cake and have it too.
I'm shocked OP broke up with her, judging by the AITA? He sounded like a doormat. Way to go OP, you saved yourself a lot of misery.
And the waterfall of tears start when her crappy behavior has consequences. Thank god OP has some self-respect. Cheater's mindsets rarely change for the better.
Indeed
Its the mindset of a 14 year old. If I make rules for it then its okay........ 🤦♂
She was literally the Ross to OP's Rachel.
It's moot now, but OP said she pretty much was checked out for a good 3 months. Just imagine the fit she would have thrown, if OP flipped the script and ignored her?
Story 1: Man, OP is insanely lucky he's not legally married yet. I don't think I'd ever pull the trigger on that in his shoes, but I have a boatload of abandonment issues so maybe a better person could find it in their heart to forgive
You seem to have a lot more self-respect then OP does
I havnt listened yet but isnt he already married (but his wife didn't go to the honeymoon)>
Update: Still watching it but I stand corrected... that "Wife" left him at reception :/.
I think if this behavior came out of nowhere, or is even just a dramatic escalation of previous behavior, then I understand why he isn’t willing to walk away just yet. Especially if she eventually relented that she’s going through something mentally, that it is serious, and she requires real counseling. She seems to have developed an unhealthy fixation, and she needs to deal with that. Like, this recent behavior would be problematic, even if she wasn’t in a relationship; if not for her, then for her sister and BIL.
When someone you’ve loved for a long time experiences mental illness, it is so hard to see them like that, and you don’t want to leave them because you genuinely want the best. Short of tolerating abuse, I think it’s noble to try and stand by someone through that, at least for a time. In this case, what is 1 more year when you were ready to commit to a lifetime? After all, you never know… one day you could be the one struggling mentally, and it would suck to go through it alone. I guess what I’m saying is, there’s nothing wrong with treating people the way you want to be treated, as long as you hold them to the same basic expectations you hold yourself to?
I will say…. If I were OP, I would be relieved the marriage wasn’t legal just yet. I don’t think her actions leading up to being confronted bode well, in this case. But, hey! There are always exceptions to the rule, and I’m rooting for them. I wish them both the best!
@@YellaBellaReno definitely, but Op needs to accept that there is a likely chance she doesn't love him and that's why she made the excuse to avoid the honeymoon.
Story 2: Always get rid of a cheater.
Oh yeah in a hot second.
"We were on a break" .. shame he didn't know cause HE could have hooked up too but I guess that would be him cheating. She's for the streets.
"I dont wish her anything good" I LOVED 2ND OP. He puts himself first.
Story 2: She was doing olympic level`s of mental gymnastics 😂
Yeah, but not enough to even get the bronze, let alone silver or gold
@@spectrelead Oh! it`s Gold alright, she is living in fantasy land with unicorns and rainbows. Sins she thinks cheating is okay as long as she has it in her head that they where on break without saying anything to OP about it.
Circe Du Soliel levels 😂
They paid for a fake wedding in the sister’s hometown so the sister can “attend” and then paid for a trip “fake homey moon” before the actual marriage registration. The wife didn’t treat her honeymoon as honeymoon, and plans her life around her sister even against the sister’s wishes. She thinks the husband/fiancé should be her assistant in her fantasy of babying the sister forever. She needs therapy really bad
It wasn't fake, it was so her pregnant sister could be there. If Tonya had listened to her sister and gone on the honeymoon, then they would have submitted the license.
Mood Booster:
OP was the definition of
"If Mama ain't happy, nobody is happy!"
So how many here hears Ross Geller voice when they hear "we were on a break"?
I did. My first thought was "Who were you dating? Ross Geller?"
All hear Ross - the king of the most toxic train wreck of an on/off again relationship ever in fiction!
Only difference is Ross really was on a break but Rachel decided to change up the rules in her twisted head.
@@JohnnyDominionOh no! Don't start that debate again! Lol 😂
@@dk9619 To be fair being right was a negative factor in that relationship, Rachel was generally high maintenance but hated to be called on it ( all those pages of that letter) and Ross was addicted to being right over anything(they were indeed on a break). They could not be with each other, or without each other!
unless the sister was dying there was no reason for the wife to stay behind. Also the sister kicked her out???? OP needs to annul this
😂😂😂 good to know you ran to comment without actually listening to the story.... they never married. They don't need an annulment
The wife seems to have some sort of creepy stalker thing going on with sis. When sis kicked her out, she tried to stay with relatives. When it didn't work she wanted her new husband to fund a b and b for her after all the money he wasted on a wedding. I don't understand her at all.
@@ElleD308 okay? the comment section is to comment but thank for your snark
@@thisisavivistanaccount7866 Well, they were pointing out that they were never legally married! So you responding to their correct statement WAS the snark! 😂😂😂
1st story, before the update I could understand staying with her sister in difficult time, though OP was in the right for going to the honeymoon. The update changes everything ! She was kicked out by her sister ? Told Marie and her husband have a problem with her staying ? Relatives were warned they were not welcome if they hosted Tonya ?
Sounds like Tonya was becoming a nuisance and STILL she didn't get the hint since she asked about renting an AirBnB nearby...
Story 2: One-Sided taking a brake is cheating...
Even after her little sister kicked her out, she wanted to get an airbnb to stay around
She has alot of control issues to work out
lmao not Marie didn’t even want Tonya around, must suck for OP to hear that or that his SIL cared more about his and Tonya’s marriage than Tonya.
#2: "Wow, you actually remembered that I existed? Your cheating doesn't count? Get out."
Story 1: *"That's all. No more drama."*
AAAAHAHAHAHA Wait, you were serious?
AAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA
Story 2: sounds like OP has/had every right to feel insecure. Then she tried to justify her cheating by claiming they were on a break.😂 wow, the delusion is strong with that one.
Legit it's basically that one story where op fiance went on a trip with her friends on eroupe and told that op their on break. Only difference is this post got an answer.
Ah yes the Ross Gellar "we were on a break" defense. Didn't work for him either, surprised people still try to use it. She thought she was dealing with a simp but nope OP had self-respect & a spine. Love to see it.
A break he didn't even agree to, at that
@@akl2k7and a break he does not know...
Story 2: It was very nice of the ex-girlfriend to tell OP that 1: They were on a break and that and 2: Since they were on a break, she hooked up with the guy she knows in Spain. Yeah, totally NOT CHEATING! 🤦♂️🤦🤦♀️ Glad she's single. Now she can write about ALL of her summer adventures!
Even before Op got the truth he realised his girlfriend showed behaviour single people do during that trip and afterwards she acted heinously towards Op
Also, OP, use IRONCLAD birth control. You don't want to be locked into being the third wheel for life.
Heck I’m pretty sure he would get moved even further down if he had a kid with her
@@loganjoh1 He'd be kicked down to 4th wheel status, unfortunately.
She clearly wasn't wanted and she's still insisted on sticking around while blowing off for honeymoon? I'm very curious about a future update.
Agree and I wouldn’t be surprised if her sister and BIL were annoyed by her
S1: Why should OP squander his paid honeymoon, because the wife can't pull her head out of Marie's backside? Don't waste any more time fighting. Judge her by her actions: she is no wife. Instead of a honeymoon, she gets an annulment. Good job!
Update: completely disagree with LG, not a good outcome. Marie made it abundantly clear with her choices, she doesn't want to marry OP. This year of limbo and counselling is a complete waste of his time.
Completely agree. OP is not his wife's priority, he will always be sacrificed for the sake of her family.
My husband and I had been planning a vacation for a couple of months with my in-laws. Something short just 4 days 3 nights in Vegas. 2 weeks before we are set to leave my mom had a stroke spent 2 weeks in the hospital and passed away the day before we were set to go.
My husband of course dropped everything to be with me during that whole time, he’s the best. During these two weeks I kept telling him you’re going on that vacation even if I can’t go with you no matter what.
Some backstory: my husband works hard and family is his number one priority always. My mother in law has dementia and she forgets a little more everyday. She’s even forgotten him at times which breaks mine and my husband’s heart but we do our best to keep positive. He kept telling me there was no way he was leaving me.
After my mom passed my whole family was at the hospital and overheard me telling him to go on his vacation. They all thought I was crazy. They said no his job is to be by your side right now. My logic was well my mom is dead so I won’t be spending anymore time at the hospital. I’m going home with my dad so he won’t be alone. There wont be any funeral or any plans for at least the next week or so, he should be back by then.
But most importantly I wanted him to go somewhere fun with his parents spend time with his mom take pictures, videos just be together. Because even if she won’t remember he will and time is something we don’t get back. My whole family understood and told him to go. Which he did and I’m glad he did and he called me almost every hour to check on me. We did what was best for each other; which is all we can do in those hard times.
I’m sorry but I’m Laughing that SIL had to kick her out. Clearly wife has some weird attachment issues to her sister. Unwelcome issues. OP would be a fool if he goes through with this marriage.
I’d be relieved it wasn’t legal if I were OP, but I think it’s hopeful that she seemed to acknowledge that she has a real issue, it’s not OK, and she needs professional help. She definitely needs to deal with this, regardless of whether or not she’s in a relationship, if only for her sister and BIL’s sake. She has an unhealthy fixation, and she needs to sort that out before it escalates even further.
WTF !!!! Get an annulment ASAP! You were smart to go on the honeymoon! She’s upset? This is on her. Sister has a dad, husband & stepmother to care for her. Move on OP. Not a match. You will never be as important as her sister
Why was she even upset? It's not like OP had a place or function in all of this, or I suspect even noticed OP missing. Even the sister was telling her to leave.
@@user-wr3vt8uq4s I’m not saying the wife is right but she’s probably having difficulty with her sister growing up and having her own life. OP said their mom died and their relationship is more like mother/daughter. She’s probably struggling with the fact that her sister doesn’t need her anymore and they have their own separate lives.
That’s also her problem to deal with and she shouldn’t put these issues on OP though. At least they’re not actually married yet.
Story 2: cheaters call it a break, but doesn't tell their SO? Kick her to the curve with the rest and NEVER reconcile with a cheater.
Well, this marriage is starting off great, isn’t it?
Wife has made her choice and it wasn’t her husband.
Wife has made her choice and it wasn’t her husband.
Hahahahaaha, i don’t think it would last a year
OP 2 is awesome, he should talk to OP 1 about cutting your losses
S1: NTA. I can't believe Tanya really expected OP to just stay behind at the house and do nothing. All for what, so she can play hero. Glad she got a reality check from OP and Marie.
I would have taken a friend or sibling with me so the other ticket wouldn’t go to waste. 😂 She’s big mad that he didn’t sit at home waiting on her like a good doggy.
It was too late to add anyone. Whomever he could take needed vacation time.
"On top of being a cheate, she is insulting my intelligence" Love this much of self respect lol
Story 2: wow, a rare OP who says that he doesn't wish the cheater anything good. I'm with OP! I'm sick and tired of "I wished him|her the best and we hugged goodbye" in stories with cheating or abusive partners.
Story 2: “we were on a break” we? Who’s we? That’s not how that works at all.
And she will continue to cheat thinking that!
In my experience if you ever have a conversation with your significant other and they call you insecure and controlling leave them they're hiding something.
Tonya needs therapy. The fact Marie had to threaten her whole family about not seeing the baby if they let Tanya stay is insane. Tonya needs help.
Your wife is thinking she is the only one who can take care of her sisters baby. Things are gonna get ugly between her and sister.
jesus man, that level of obsession over her sister and sisters kid, ffs the sister didn't even want her there and told but she wanted to get an air b&b despite that? nah shes iff her head, op should run like hell
Story 1: Sis con, that to a crazy one. It is not fun at all to the recipient. The poor new mom.
Story 2: happy ending for OP. World is getting pretty full with idiots like the EX
S2 - OP said it, if he confronted her directly he is confident that she will lie straight to his face. He already doesn’t trust her.
That mood booster is one of the best in a long time.
S1: I wouldn't give the year. 6 month maybe.
I loved the Malicious Compliance story-
S2 - NTA - she cheated. NO DOUBT about it.
OP's "wife" better get it together. Or at least pay him back for her half the honeymoon she didn't go on. She needs to grow up ASAP
S1 - NTA - If the baby is in NICU, Why TF is your wife there?! WTF?! This is crazy......
He really screwed up by giving her a year. Therapy rarely works and he is just giving her more time to screw him over.
The baby didn't even leave the hospital. She didn't have other kids to take care. They both should have gone on the honeymoon.
Oh, man. I love the mood booster. There’s no space for humoring Karens in the NICU. Families in there (especially mothers) should be supporting one another; not stubbornly lashing out and starting arguments.
Honeymoon story: well that was a twist
The wedding was just for show & wasn’t legal, so they aren’t really married
Technically, it wasn't for "show", it was so her sister and family could enjoy it, since she was pregnant and wouldn't be able to travel. They would have submitted the license if she had gone on the honeymoon with OP. So in a way, it was good this came up then and not after. OP is giving her a year to put him first, otherwise he can walk with ease.
Kudos to him to give her a chance to start working on her issues, because too many people forget that it's "for better or worse".
Not legally married but having a ceremony makes them married to their families, and if they are religious, they would be married through the church, just not through the state but not being legally married does help make the likely spilt a lot easier for OP
Good day to everyone.
It’s a crime against humanity that lost genre didn’t put a clip of “somebody that you used to know” after he said it in the story
I actually had included it, but I didn't like how it played in the final edit 😬
Mood booster: Karen got her way. And an eye full! I feel bad for the medical professionals that have to deal with the nonsense but I bet they have great stories to tell about work now! 😂
9:00 Marie gave every indication that Tonya should go home! Read the damn room!
Holy hell Tonya needs a lesson in respecting boundaries, way to make it all about you. Her poor sister needing to kick out this creep
I’m sorry ur baby was in icu I pray he or she is good an I’ll giggle every time I hear a nicu event god bless sweetie
S2: If there is no trust, there can be no relationship. You don't trust her. You know what you need to do.
This is helicopter-parent sister style to another level.
The fact that the SIL told OP’s wife to go on her honeymoon really makes OP NTA. He isn’t the priority in his wife’s life and never will be.
The fact that Marie and her hubby are banning anyone who hosts Tonya from seeing the baby makes me wonder how bad she was acting. From the way OP described their relationship, Tonya sounds like she could be acting like those overbearing MIL's from the JNMIL stories. If this is how she treats someone she sees as a daughter, i fear for OP having any children with this woman.
Story 2:
Ah, yes. The "It doesn't count because I was out of the country and on a secret break" excuse.🤣
1. NTA.
If the baby was still in intensive care, her sister was probably there as much as she was allowed, no one but the mother and father would have been allowed in at all.
Where was she during all this, while expecting him to twiddle his thumbs, without her, in a hotel room?
So what exactly was worth throwing thousands of dollars away?
This was nothing but a power play, a test to see how far she could go.
Well, she F'd around and found out.
I'm not sure I would be going back for her, just go see a lawyer about how to get an annulment, then she will be free to help her sister all she wants.
Counseling won't do anything but make him out to be the bad guy, so why bother?
Love the channel and the stories. Have a great week. 🎉🎉🎉
Story 1: (NTA) In cases like this, context helps, is the SIL a forever victim and Wifey and her have a co-dependent relationship? If yes, you're being an a**hole to yourself for marrying a woman who will always put her sister before you. Then there's the question why didn't you stay with her? You could try to refund the tickets. And a question, why not discuss the possibility of SIL giving birth right before or during the wedding? You'd have some idea of when the baby would be due and medical complications can happen. Before you propose, you should really look at your relationship, how much you prioritise your partner and how much your partner prioritises you. Do they tell their friends or family everything about you, the good and the bad? All of your plans for outings and holidays? Do you spend a lot more time with their family instead of yours without a good reason? How much have you compromised compared to them? And great point about Wifey being not the only one SIL has for support. I have to wonder how the OP enjoyed his trip alone when it was meant to be a honeymoon for OP and Wifey. And SIL said for Wifey to go on the honeymoon, this gets weirder.
Update: SIL kicked Wifey out, sounds like an overbearing mum or MIL of an adult child who just had a baby and wants space. Another thought can wifey have kids of her own? Not yet legally married, interesting. OP put his foot down and Wifey is getting therapy for her Sis vs Hubby issues. A good small update, I think.
Story 2: (NTA) You can believe what you want to and your girlfriend's behaviour is strange. I guess she wanted a summer fling. What's important right now is how you want to proceed. Get proof by snooping or just call her out for being a bad girlfriend and break things off. Don't call her out for cheating and then look for evidence, if it's there now she'll definitely delete it once confronted.
Update: Oh, she had a "hook-up" because "We were on a break" gaslighting at its finest. "We're only in a relationship when we're not living apart" So the OP could have slept around while she was in Spain and she'd be okay with it? I'd get an STD test, just in case.
Story 1: OP, when you get back file for an annulment. You are ALWAYS going to be second to your SIL.
Story 1: Marie is way too clingy with Tonya. Even her sister doesn't want her to be hanging around like she is.
Story 1: OP is lucky they arent legally married yet. His "wife" is throwing off all sorts of red flags. Her relationship with her sister is very unhealthy and even her sister sees it. I'm no doctor but it seems like she developed a pretty bad trauma after their mother died and has never dealt with it. Also not looking so great for OP considering his wife didn't listen when her sister was trying to set boundaries. The fact the sister was ready to cut off any family that put the wife up because she wouldnt back off is a huge uh oh.
Op's fiancee: my sister comes first
Sister: no thank you.😂
I think what the wife needs is therapy. She was parentified into raising her sister and is struggling to let go, possibly questioning her place in her sister's life if sis no longer needs 'mom' and has a support network of people rather than just relying on OP's wife.
She is so used to being the sister's caretaker and having to do everything that now sis doesn't need that, wife can't seem to dial it down
Op's wife needs therapy to help her process and help her let go
the wife doesn't need to be there. she's got a savior complex and needs therapy for her weird obsession with her sister.
I feel bad for Marie, sounds like Tonya consistently inserts herself in her life and tramples over boundaries.
Giggling with the mood booster.
I've been in the NICU 3 times - twice with premmie babies, once because one of my kids needed the lights for jaundice.
Thankfully not much drama.
Though I did have one nurse or whoever she was ask if I wanted my baby to die all over my asking about sleep. I was a first-time mother, to a premature baby graduating to go home at that point. I wish I could go back in time and walked out of that room and spoke to the people just outside that area about what was told to me.
Another was when a young possible somewhere in her 20s nurse tried to literally tell me what to do, and pretty sure she had seen that I had other children with me, but no... she had to say something about my pumping... or my feeding... she literally looked like someone who had a stick up her and didn't belong there. Not around extremely vulnerable mothers, new or otherwise.
Ah yes, the 'secret break'. Every cheater rare special move... 😂
Lost Genre I sure you'll be updating us on story 1 in a years time!
This is going to be a good video
Interesting stories: Story 1, Tanya seem to have a Messiah complex - only she can help her sister (who doesn't want her help!) I think annulment would definitely be advisable. Story 2, GF seems to have a very convenient conscience. Glad OP has extricated himself from the situation. Story 3, I love malicious compliance!
It's pretty clear that next year we'll get an update about how nothing changed and OP ended the relationship.
Story 2 don’t walk RUN!
As a retired nicu nurse, op is NTA! its family like ops wife that made my job difficult, always interfering, secnd guessing what myself and the very qualified Dr have said/done/need to do, constantly attempting to fiddle with baby, messing with wires, trying to shove their way into the nicu and trying to push the birthing parent to do more than they are capable of doing. I HATED familynlike tonya and it sounds like her sister is getting fed up with her too. Im the 3rd oldest of 19 and the oldest of my mothers 4 so i 100% understand how difficult it is to let go after being parentified for decades, trust me, i get it! My youngest sisters always felt more like my babies than my siblings because i raised them but there is a time you have to let go, good or bad, tonya needs therapy. Desperately.
First story: What kind of help did Marie need? The baby was in the hospital. Even if Marie had an emergency C-section, she had a whole support system already, and did not want Tonya there. Does Tonya have a controls issue - she MUST be in charge? Or is she one of those people who gets off on sacrificing herself so everybody knows how wonderful she is? Doesn't matter - she needs to realize her husband comes first unless there's an emergency. I like OP's attitude.
If she’s always been her mother figure, she probably feels her sister is her responsibility.
@@ssjup81 Well how smart can she be in that case? Her sister is a grown woman who neither needs nor wants her help - she has her own family support group. I've been around women like that - they barge in where they're not wanted, and look to everyone around them for kudos on their sacrificial natures. They end up looking silly. And the idea that she dumped her brand new husband on their honeymoon??? AND expected him to sit home twiddling his thumbs while she did - what? The baby was in the NICU and doing well. Her sister was home and doing well. This chick is a drama queen.
I'm a NICU mom and I can tell you, the sister wasn't needed lol. She would maybe be needed AFTER baby comes home BUT I can't help but wonder if her "help" was to hold the baby any chance she got and return her when crying lol noooo thank you!
I do think he is NTA but I want to comment on sisters support system. Her support system is basically non existent composted to what people are saying. She had her dad and sister. Step mom doesn't count, she would rather have her mom there and then any of the inlaws don't count because inlaws will turn a plesant situation very stressful. So if op's wife wasn't there she would have her dad and husband.
I feel like the wife was worried for her sister that she basically brought up, i don't know why people don't get that.
Story one.... OP should clearly see he is NOT the top priotity for GF. This relationship is on the rocks.
“We were on a break!” Hmm, where have I heard that before?
This would have given me second thoughts about the marriage she ditched you for a situation she can do nothing about without a conversation with you about it
Story 1 YEP I'd be reconsidering that marriage too......wife was not only not needed her sister TOLD her to go and she didn't......wife has a unhealthy attachment to her sister.
Any marriage that has to start off with counseling just needs to end right there...
How did she “take care of sis and baby”? Is this an “enmeshed” family situation? I think she wanted the attention, excitement and wanted to feel important. I’m not sure there’s room for OP in the relationship.
Story: NTA, you need to get an annulment, OP needs therapy or it will only get worst.
"I don`t feel safe talking to her" is all I need to know ...
NTA you need an annulment because your "wife" will never put you before her sister.
You forgot to add timestamps
Story 1: Not sure why he's giving her a year. The feeling of prioritizing would-be spouse is obviously NOT mutual.
Story 2: Dump the cheater. Pathetic attempt at justifying cheating. When talking became a "chore", it was already over at that point, whether she cheated yet or not. Relationships require both parties to contribute for it to exist - as soon as one is no longer willing to contribute, it's like cutting off water to a plant - it starts to wither away. Further, she doesn't get to dictate when the relationship stops and starts again. She can STOP it, but without OPs willingness, there is no STARTing it again. smh
His wife is a woman to stick to. If something happens, she will be there to support you. Baby was in life threatening condition and she was there instead of having fun. If you have cancer of get disabled, she will stick by you when in need. Great woman.