Enneagram Shorts Type 9
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- Опубліковано 7 січ 2019
- It's about merging with others in order to feel a sense of worth and belonging. The avoidance is discomfort and conflict.
HARMONY SEEKING, CONFLICT AVOIDANT, PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE, INCLUSIVE, STUBBORN, CONSIDERATE, ANXIOUS, CALM (on the inside), ACCEPTING
www.lesliehershberger.com
Oh mercy - this is me - almost 70 years old & now understand who I am - a 9!!!
You are so kind and nice. As a 9 I hear about how frustrating my personality is for other people and how I need to adapt. It is so wonderful to hear you just getting 9s. Asking a 9 what they don't want to do is really really nice. You're lovely. Your video made me cry.
When you spoke about how sometimes we can sound harsh when voicing our opinion... that hit. I never understood why sometimes I can sound rude or angry when asserting myself, but when you talked about how it takes so much energy to speak up that it kind of spills out, it makes so much sense! Thanks for the insight.
Yes! My daughter says to me sometimes I am talking loudly when asserting myself. I think she doesn’t like the challenge so deflects. But maybe I am loud?!
One time I even got a bit intimidated by my 9 friend because she had such good argumentative skills and I didn't want to contradict. Most of the time she is very chill, but when she burns for something she really engages me in whatever it is:)
This really resonated with me, too. I never knew why it is that my responses sometimes can be short or clipped, or loud, or pulsating with energy, all of which can seem harsh. It’s because there is so much unexpressed energy gurgling inside me during an interaction, especially if in a group. The intention is not to be harsh, but simply to express my thoughts.
I was told at work many times that I needed to “assert” myself more. Then, when I actually did speak up, I was told I was being closed and defensive. I never was able to figure out what they were looking for/expecting from me in that environment.
Yes
When people come on too strong with gushy emotion I bristle.
Yes. I had a feeling of “don’t touch me” the other day that left me feeling a bit confused and that explains it.
As a self preservation 9 I feel my energy retreat from me a lot. In all aspects of life, in a difficult conversation or even just washing dishes! I often stop and pause in the middle of daily routine jobs to go check out. And I will leave jobs half completed. The irony of this is that I never nap. But I’ve always had a low energy about me my whole life so much of my work in the last year has been to be aware of myself when I am retreating and to stay present to what’s in front of me. It’s been incredibly difficult as I’ve also been navigating grief from tragically losing my brother a year ago. I have yet to find any extensive sharing on how each type manages grief but man, I can tell you that as a 9, it’s been the most revealing process to me as to how I manage energy and how I disassociate. It’s been a huge struggle.
Sounds like you're doing serious, deep work, Tracey! Your big heart is beating stronger than the 9 defenses. As a 9 I know it helps to connect with nature, let nature respond to your grief. Nature can hold you, fit your grief and loss into the web, and warm your opening. a big fellow 9 hug for you! Janet
Agreed - it’s easy to dissociate from my own energy
I’m a nine and sense that you really care to support us types. Often I feel like I’m in a shell. I believe your husband is lucky to have you.
100% agree. Watched a video about “annoying traits of 9’s” and felt so so hurt and angry afterward. I like this video because of the kindness and clarity and the tips for partners too. Really helpful.
This really helped me realize I am a 9 and not a 2. The avoiding conflict might be abit more. about personal conflict rather than having an exchange of ideas. I just had the realization that as a 9 I don't avoid all conflict but conflicts that are more personal in nature I do tend to cave if its not a big deal to me, or I'll avoid fighting about something if I'm the only one who looses out in me not fighting for what I want.
I like this tip you shared about asking nines what they DONT want. Additional tip from a nine: Give us five options (for a restaurant, activity, etc) and let us choose 2. Then you choose from those again. That way you both make a decision and no one is left out.
You are right, it DOES feel like i am yelling when i force my voice so i am heard in a group setting. Learning to be aware of my numbing and working to resist the urge to do so is hard. Specially eating or keeping busy. I have come to know how if i suddenly feel the need to distract myself or eat, then i am running away from a strong emotion. The hardest thing for me as a 9 is to stay with emotions. Sometimes even my mind goes wild which makes it hard to feel it as i have to bring myself back in the emotion.
Becoming aware of signs of stress was a big step forward, as tension in my body lets me know i am pushing myself too hard. Means i need to calm down. This helped reveal how i truely feel.
SirenoftheVoid I agree about feeling tension in the body. This past yer I’ve been mindful on the amount of energy I have at each moment and allowing enough rest before certain activities. I’ve noticed my anxiety levels and restlessness have slowly dissipated.
This is the first video I have watched of yours. I love your voice and grace on the topic. Even hearing the sound of your jewelry was very pleasant to me. ❤
I also noticed the pleasantness of her voice and jewelry. Those seem like things a body-oriented type would notice!
Ha! Yeah, I loved the jewelery sound too :)
Appears you know us well ! Comforting to know information has been established to explain our nature and you do it well , thank you !
"the sloth" is REAL 🤣
Hi fellow 9's! Another 9 reporting in here (9w1). Leslie, thank you for this awesome explanation! The numbing out, the tension from struggling against life, the lack of humor and free expression...these traits have defined most of my life experience. The most pain has come from not feeling like I am normal, and not being able to respond as relaxed and confidently and playfully as I wish I could when dealing with other people, which has sometimes caused me to be treated negatively. I have noticed that the numbing out seems to particularly bother certain other personality types. Those who require more engagement and extraversion quickly tire of me. I am mid-30's and I have never felt I dealt well with being how I am until recently. Before I learned of the enneagram and other models of personality psychology I felt that something was really wrong with me. Others tend to say, "you need to relax", or "your such a downer", or just laugh at me, or think I talk funny because sometimes I do speak loud or sound strained without intending to-when I finally do enter a conversion. It's caused me to be seen as timid, weird, and once in a while others bully me. One time I even had faculty member of a career/educational program asked me to leave their program. At this point in my life, I can honestly say that I am fine with how I am, and I completely accept myself, but I do feel like my awkwardness has caused me to miss out on a wider variety of social experiences and relationships because they failed to launch after several interactions. I agree with a lot of other things that were mentioned. I am grateful that my core group of mostly childhood friends accepts me and loves me how I am. ONE THING that I felt improved my functioning a lot was drinking a heavy metal detox smoothie daily for many months.I drank this smoothie In order to remove mercury and fluoride and other contaminants out of my brain which I learned were interfering with normal brain functioning and neural impulses (this teaching is not from conventional medicine who hardly know anything about mental illness or chronic illness). I also started a diet to starve and kill of Epstein Barr virus which was causing other symptoms. Those last pieces of information were all taken from 'The Medical Medium Anthony William'. Check out his books!
It’s funny, as a 9 I always have such a difficult time posting on social media (or online forums) and because I feel like my perspective isn’t worth sharing or profound enough to invest the time in trying to put it into a coherent statement. It just clicked for me that it’s part of my unhealthy 9 baggage.
Oh I relate to this so much
I don’t post my political beliefs because I don’t want to upset people I haven’t seen or talked to in 35 years. I know I’ll never see those people again my life but I still don’t want them to think poorly of me. Is that a 9, or what?
I've posted things in the past, that I really thought about and spent a lot of time getting my thoughts down, only to discard it. Lol.
Sometimes just getting my thoughts in printed form helps though
Studying a ton on subjects that interest me has helped me with confidence, as well as creating a separate creator Facebook page and aligning with like minds. Our personal pages in my opinion are limiting bc those relationships were formed mostly with blood relatives, classmates and old neighbors, colleagues. Our thinking is evolving and not necessarily in the same direction as those comprised on our personal pages.
Creating a separate page changed the game for me bc I got annoyed with overthinking how certain people would accept certain information I posted. So thankful that a friend suggested the creator page to me. Now I post freely on my creator page and receive love and support with my extended social family 😊
You discussed things about 9s I hadn’t heard before and this entire video was just so much me!
I’ve walked into rooms and have a very clear “feel” of the room - rooms have vibes and it can be unsettling. I definitely “merged”with my career until I was reorg’d out of the corporate world after 30+ years and my identify essentially vaporized. I’m still looking for it. I definitely have the fog - while I would love to have clarity around goals and purpose, I don’t have a clue. I also get irritated by “comment hogs” on Facebook. I’ve been tempted to leave several groups because a small group of people dominate the group and it seems that the group becomes more about these “loud” individuals rather than the group, and that’s not what I signed up for. I could keep checking all of the boxes you mention because this whole video is right on the money Thank you!
THAT'S EXACTLY HOW IT SOUNDS! My gosh I never knew that was just my perception. Overall - wonderful video, very useful to me, thank you
So enlightening and thoughtful. Thank you. As a 9, this makes so much sense.
So so good. It was really hard for me to even solidify myself as a nine because I saw myself in every type. It wasn’t until I understood that nine’s tend to repress anger that it finally dawned on me. Conflict is something I definitely try to avoid at all costs.
You have amazing insight into the 9. 9w1 here and this has been my life. Working on improving and this helps so much!! Thank you.
This is such a great video. I felt so understood.
WOW! You really understand me! I especially like what you shared about looking at my role when someone monopolizes the conversation. Spot on! As a 9, it’s easy for me to step back and become an observer. Your explanation of “body” type was also helpful. We 9’s are full of emotion; in fact, we can have so many feelings gurgling up inside, it’s hard to know what we’re feeling at any given time. Thank you for your compassionate teaching on our traits. 🙏❤️
Very helpful, unique, and informed information. In a world swamped with (not always great) enneagram content…you are doing something really good!
Thanks for sharing this. ❤️
I’m also married to a 9 and constantly learning about the “care and feeding” of this beautiful “type”(i know, people aren’t existentially their “type” but you know what i mean…)
2 of my closest friends are type 9's and one of the things you mentioned about them not knowing what they want is so true. Initially when it comes to plans I'm always the one to offer a place to eat or a place to go. As a 4 it's quite daunting because I know what I want but obviously not what THEY want and the idea of deciding on their behalf is stressful lmao. so that was and kinda still is a problem. I ask and they say "I don't mind". Its probably the most reoccurring conflict we have, but we laugh about it afterwards.
So the “where don’t you want to go?” Tip is good. Another good one is to do “where do you want to go?” And if no response then give a choice of two places and let them choose.
I really appreciate your message of kindness at the end
Great information! This has some new information to me about 9s. Thank you for sharing!
Thank you immensely. I feel very encouraged.
This is incredible.
I love this video, you are so kind! I have been studying the enneagram for a while and I understand my personality completely but now one talks of how to learn/deal with our conflicts. “Learn how to say no” thats all we get. I’m crying right now because it’s all true, some forms of affection might be too much, but a calm walk with someone you love is priceless! I will try the don't want technique and I will keep watching more videos 💖
Spot on! Thank you for this it’s affirming
Very much me. I really liked this video and your other 9 videos. Especially where your talking about the loud inner voice and the knowing what I don’t want over what I want. Excited to hear about the instincts for 9s
I’m fairly new to the enneagram, but a lot of your remarks are leading me to identify as a type 9. Particularly when you mentioned that 9s are usually at a fog when asked what they want (me, every single time), or the other aspect of “becoming” whatever individual I strongly associate with (adopting mannerisms, hobbies, etc). For me, however, it is more about having a genuine interest in whatever I might morph into, about having a thirst for the new, rather than to simply avoid conflict. I find it that I also use it as a means of persuasion-but again, I need to be interested in the subject, it must be a win-win, so to speak. The one part I’m having a bit of a struggle with, is that, although I do tend to avoid conflict, I am by no means afraid of it. It is almost as though I have this imaginary threshold, and once my limit is reached, I will “switch” to a confrontational stance. And I’m not talking about being passive aggressive, I’m referring to being extremely direct and rational about whatever I’m communicating to the other person. I feel that that throws some people off, because it doesn’t match with what they expected of me up until the point of conflict (someone who usually just goes along nicely and does not judge their actions). I do tend to be motivated by other people’s goals, and usually forget to put myself first.
I'm a 9 with a wing 8, and I feel the same about conflict. I believe thats the 8 wing. It's an interesting wing, because it's contradictory of a 9. But I have that same "threshold" feeling...I'm a 9 until I feel like I need to be an 8 for defense of myself or someone else (usually someone else).
Haha...I took mediation training & refocused my thoughts to ‘conflict must be faced now to be at peace later’ and I’m a lot more confrontational now!
Thank you so much. This really resonated with me and my roommate. We have this constant push and pull. I'm a to and hes a 9 and generally we get along really really well. But then, we have these moments of that push pull and this helps me understand exactly what's going on with both of us.
4:45 got me when she started talking about narcotization! Mind blown. I tend to get sleepy when I go to bible study, and I'm usually anxious beforehand.
Well, if I was wavering between a 5 and 9 before this, I no longer am. Thank you.
Oh my gosh! Spot on!
I think part of the harshness when I finally do have to enter into conflict comes from my anger that I am having to do this thing I hate and you’re making me do it
LOVE your new hairdo!! My husband is a 9w1- thanks for the helpful and gracious insights.
tracymcg3 thanks! I wish I’d done it sooner. And you’re welcome...my husband and daughter are both 9s and whenever I listen to a panel of 9s share their experience of themselves, I get such a better understanding of that “inner cloudiness” when attention gets placed on what matters to them. Their anger is often their portal of entry to what that is.
Nice, clear presentation. Thanks.
One of my daughters is a 9. Her astrological sign (Libra) adds even more spin to her main enneagram type. Both (type 9 and the Sun in Libra) have a strong influence on her, therefore it becomes quite hard at times to decide what does she want (career, job, studies, adventures, hobbies, food, etc). It does not mean at all a lack of decision power, rather it seems more a need for more time to process deeply the effects on her of possible actions. I noticed in her those tendencies at a very young age (she 6 or 7 years old). Back then I had some deeper knowledge on astrology, and did not know the enneagram yet. In my relationship with her, it helps her to be listened to in those moments when she comes to talk, even if it is only to share a riddle. To try to give her as often as I can my full presence when she wants to tell me something, or ask me something. That full presence makes her feel valued, important, and soothes her if she has any inner insecurity (what is quite normal for any human as we face life as it comes) I have also learned to allow her space and time when she is in the mood for her own space and time. It is equally important for her to have time alone when she longs for it, as to have adventure and go out when she craves it. It all encourages her to allow into her conscience the power to interpret her longings and accept that can be equally contradictory at times, and it is alright being so. It gives her an inner freedom to be truly herself. That has foster stronger confidence and self-satisfaction. Type 9 are truly a blessing in my life ♥ as she is compassionate, ready to listen and support you, truthful and committed. Full of energy and joy at days, and other days like a quiet lake, both of her energies feed her and feed me as a mother. It is completely okay to move between action and stillness, as long as you become more aware of what happens to you, when does it, and how it affects you
I share your daughters traits as being a 9 & Libra . In the MBTI I profile as INFP. Just wonder how she would test ?
@@rodneypratt3718 Nine and Aquarius Sun - INTJ.
I’m a 9, Libra sun, and an INFP and your daughter’s experience sounds very like my own. She is very lucky to have you as a mother, one encourages her to flourish in her own way. We need more parents like you in the world 💕
@@phoebelianna7226 Thank you sweet soul. Follow your dreams, and allow yourself to be in the opposites and find your own balance at each life event. We are blessed to have you also in our world ♥
I am a 9, Libra, and an ENFP. Mom, you are a blessing for your daughter to understand her the way you do.
Yes, my perception of it is that people jump on to my ideas and try to force me to follow their instructions, and then I lose all power to move forward and I stall.
For example, I wanted to turn the tv cabinet into a game cupboard by adding shelves. I buy some braces at the hardware store, but when I ask my (5) husband for the drill, he thinks that it would be better to do it this way so that the shelves will be adjustable, and actually he just bought a tool to make this method easier! Well, he's right, adjustable would be better... it's very overwhelming to think about, and I back away completely, leaving it all just sitting there for a month or so, until he does it for me. Such a relief!
I always thought it was related to him being a perfectionist and me just throwing something together in a more timely manner but a bit higglety pigglety... obviously it's better to do it right, so if he's telling me the better way, I'd be foolish to stick with my original idea, but I don't have the passion to stick to it long enough to learn and do it "right". So I have told him, either do it yourself or don't comment on my projects!
Interesting to think that I might be creating most of this dynamic by being a 9, and maybe his advice is not as overbearing as I experience it.
Same kinds of issues with my five husband, as I'm a nine. The latest was on new curtains for the bedroom. I decided I would sew some and ordered fabric (quarantine). It came but I'd already ordered another different fabric. He scolded me and is having our five daughter pick out drapes after I set the parameters: color, pinch pleat, width/length, opaqueness. So what was very simple and me doing it myself is now a family project with the nine needing help from the more "capable" family members--both fives.
@@laliawilson9937 😢... so sorry to hear that you are being trampled over in this by your husband. (I am merging with you - not with him.) If it is really 'no big deal' - then great. - But if it is yet another deselfing and settle-for- less 'what matters what my opinion is ...as you fade into nothingness'... then making an assertive " I" statement ( even a small one) would save and nurture your self-respect. Do it FOR yourself - not for them to have some 'a-ha' moment and include you all of a sudden.
" I planned to make those drapes for my own growth and challenge." ( Or whatever... think of what made you order that fabric in the first place) OR - " I am being run-over here - and wanted to let you know that. Thank you." Or - " I know that I am very easy going, but do not take advantage of my good nature. You (to husband) are not my father - and I am not a child who needs scolding. Talk with me about household decisions - and not our daughter. Thank you."
(OK... I have had more practice in the terrifying "calling up of my courage" to speak to - or write out - ASSERTIVELY to stronger types... but you CAN speak up for yourself!!! No one should be treated as a doormat - NO ONE.)
Your have GREAT worth and can learn to love yourself and nurture self respect. What others think about that (or think about you) matters NOT. ~ YOU matter, too.💕
@@Redberryfarm888 Well stated!!!
Thanks Leslie. 9 is in my tritype and I feel it's influence quite a bit.
Thank you for this. I’ve just recently begun to delve into the Enneagram and at 1st i thought I might be a 2 or a 7...but then I read about 9’s and how they avoid conflict and often self forget. Hmmm, that sounds an awful lot like me! I do believe i AM a 9!
Thanks for making this video Leslie - really informative :)
Always good to see you've posted something new. Your lecture at the Integral recovery group is a favorite of mine and I recommend it to anyone who wants an introduction to the Enneagram. Keep up the good work.
Thanks Hal!
She was spot on, for me at least.
Great video. I’m a 9, I have a long list of what I don’t want and draw a blank on what I want. Conflict sees me retreating, I can’t bear to argue with my spouse and actively avoid him. When in intense social situations I feel a shadow fall over me and ringing in my ears. I am an OBGYN Resident and feel so alive in my emergency work and my colleagues marvel at how calm I can remain in a crisis. Self development work is hard and I worry that I am not progressing x xx
By watching this and talking about your experience you are progressing!
Yep that’s me 😊 thabks for your video
On point👌
Before I got married, I was super skinny and knew I had a hard time with procrastination and merging with people. I married a sexual 1 and had a terrible time with weight gain. 1's create a lot of conflict and feelings. I started numbing all of my feelings with food to keep the peace. The enneagram has helped me so much! Now I have a hard time acting like an 8, when I feel like people are taking advantage of me. Hopefully someday I will get it figured out!😂
I feel like you just described my life. I think I need to do a deeper dive into the enneagram.
@@faithb8343 It's definitely worth it and has taken me a few years to figure it out. Watching videos has helped me to understand the most.
Im a 9 and this video helps alot
I’m a 9 and enjoy chatting with one or two people maximum. Any more than that I shut down and will leave the conversation if I can. When I DO talk, I often replay what I said later and beat myself up for either not telling the entire story (forgetting crucial parts of it), or I’ve shared too much, or said the wrong thing (because I didn’t have a day to compile my answer haha)
I also mirror other types. That’s why If someone’s negative and I get negative (or gossip for example) I hate myself afterwards. And for these reasons I live alone in silence hahaha. My peace and bliss. I can’t get a cat because it’ll eventually die and I’m not setting myself up for that pain lol.
A fourth, less discussed, response to trauma is called fawning, or people-pleasing. The fawn response is a coping mechanism in which individuals develop people-pleasing behaviors to avoid conflict, pacify their abusers, and create a sense of safety. So for 9s people pleasing could be a strong childhood trauma response.
Thank you for this. Fawning has become more a part of our understanding and I appreciate your foregrounding it.
I'd also like to throw in something else worth considering: these may not always trauma responses. Sometimes they are born in a natural mammalian/human desire for safety and security , power and control, and affection and esteem.
We long to connect so sometimes we may fawn or we long to feel secure/ safe so sometimes we may fight or flee. While I am trauma informed and trauma trained, I'm mindful of how some aspects of our responses are less aspects of trauma and are born in innate aspects of mammalian/human core needs.
I say this because I want to depathologize and normalize some of our natural human proclivities...it's hard to human and we are all in this together as a matter of course.
Thank you again for talking about the fawn response!
So in that view people pleasing is more just a part of temperament? Character disposition? And main needs?. I had a narcisstistic mother, she expressed her anger often and directly, her attitude was my way or high way, she always was telling me you are so, you are too sensitive. So I was considering if people pleasing is my defense mechanizm? Or it is part of my temperament?
@@evbemma33 That's my thought...I am concerned the word trauma is overused. (And I used to be someone who enthusiastically embraced the understanding of trauma and couldn't wait until it was normalized). There is small "t" trauma and big T trauma.
I have seen a slide into a tendency to pathologize being human and pathologize others in our lives. It divides us against each other and divides us into victims and perpetrators.
We *all* are adapting to experiencing the slings and arrows of being alive in this world. It has been this way since the beginning of time. Depending on our somatic makeup, our bodies may experience slings and arrows as a small "t" trauma, but I am careful about pathologizing/labeling people with diagnoses.
Imagine if I were your friend, partner or daughter saying your people pleasing is a pathology...or saying something pejorative like pleasing others is fake or all about you.
In *your* experience, you're simply adapting to a world where conflict feels overwhelming to your entire nervous system because your system tends to be more sensitive to discomfort. These are mammalian adaptations that even four legged mammals experience.
In that context, you are seen as a fellow human...it softens our hearts to each other. Also, it helps us understand each other
For you, you can see yourself as a human who's working on building sturdier inner boundaries. You can practice could be breathing inside yourself ("coming home") and practice feeling your own power rather than reflexively people pleasing. (When I work with 9s on this, we work somatically).
Can you feel the difference between this context rather than people pleasing as a pathology or trauma response? (That's not to say people pleasing is *never* a trauma response..but sometimes it's simply a kid using a workable strategy to adapt to the herd).
Our parents didn't have this understanding. They were adapting too. They didn't know what we know about emotional regulation and didn't have tools...and even if they did, they were living in a cultural time where different things were valued and they were trying to adapt as well. My parent's historical context was so different from mine! It helps me give them grace from this context.
Even more, we are shaped not only by our parents, but by social groups, historical forces, cultural context, economics, geographical landscape, etc. Putting all that together helps us see that life is a LOT there are many forces we're dealing with. It's profound to me and opens us to compassion.
Anger and numbing (the way a 9 experiences anger) is a protective defense against feeling vulnerable or overwhelmed by the world.
If this is our adaptive strategy, sensitivity must be "fixed." The world may eat you alive if you live in a cultural context where sensitivity is seen as weak rather than as a strength as it is now. We're constantly evolving our understanding of the human condition.
thank u💛
Yup! 66 & just learning my Main Me-9
As a nine this „avoiding conflict“ thing for me doesn’t always show itself in retreating from it. I very often sense a conflict while it’s still building up and I step in as quickly as I can to resolve it. (Mostly when that conflict will affect me directly and massively.) Also when other people fight around me I usually sense the exact moment when something starts to escalate and I often step in and either calm them down or like... give them a metaphorical smack on the back of their heads so they come back to the present and dont get lost in their feelings. Maybe thats my 1 wing? I read that 1s are often these „manager types“ who basically tell you to get a grip. :D
I have so much in common with a nine. I have never done a test to see what enneagram I am but I feel like my extreme laziness is a dead give away. I obviously have other vices but it always feels like I'm pushing against gravity. I go to do something and there's just this push back, and also brain fog. As a result I take caffeine pills. Like a lot. Just to be a productive person. Also, lots of people say that I'm flat, like expressionless and so when I do stimulants I feel like I can show these emotions (I'm not even go to say more efficiently, like stimulants allow me to have facial expressions). I also don't have a sense of my own identity. I can become other people and that's happened enough times that I feel like there really is no me. I'm just a bunch of contradictions walking around. When people ask me what I think about something, when I honestly think about it and ask myself, I get no response from my mind. I'm a republican and a democrat. A trump fan and a Clinton fan. I know why Muslims believe what they do, why Christians believe what they do, and why atheists believe what they do, and this makes me feel fake but I'm not. I really can put myself other's shoes and fully understand, not just why, but how there's no other way. It makes no sense. It makes me feel despondent
I have walked into a shop before, disliked the music and walked straight back out again.....I’m a 9...instinctual about the room 100%. Seats in restaurants and cafes have to be comfy and temperature matters!
Things make so much sense now, especially learning that 9's are body types. I wonder if any other 9's have the experience of taking on other people's physical symptoms. I will get headaches when other people feel tense and anxious and they are near me, or we are very connected. I'll get stomach aches out of the blue and then the other person says their stomach hurts. Sometimes it's back pain, or neck pain, or generally tense muscles. It uses up a lot of my energy, but I'm glad I finally recognize it isn't mine so I can tell it to move along, lol.
Interesting...some people would say that is a spiritual gift and would use things like that as “words of knowledge” and follow up by praying for the person to be healed. Personally not had that one, that I remember. Though I do totally get where people are emotionally very quickly.
Absolutely relate to this.. Reiki helped teach me boundaries❤..
At first I would literally take on the energy I was trying to heal/move💥...
❤️
If a social 9 looks like a 3, what would a self preserving 9w1 look like ?
I am crazy irritated with 9 I hope I find more 8 w 7 I learn everything about him after 40 years pushing elephant in the room I need to give up on him and learn me...but here I am I’m gravitate here
Great Video...
What is your Enneagram Type?
I know only that I am an INFP. I am having trouble determining whether I am an Enneagram type 4 or 9, though. I can relate to different traits of both. I can identify with the artistic, individualistic traits of the type 4, and like type 9, I seek peace and harmony. I'm conflict avoidant, but I also need to be authentic and resist assimilation with any group that doesn't share my inner values and desires. I won't argue and struggle with others as much as possible, but I won't "go along to get along" either. I just hold on to my truth and do what I need to do in most cases. I have a quiet way of expressing myself, but I won't change who I am and what I want to please others, either. Is this more of a type 4 or type 9 quality? Any illumination on this question would be greatly appreciated from anyone who knows the Enneagram better than I do. And thank you for this video, which really has me pondering how I should identify myself in this fascinating spectrum of personality and existing as a human in a very frequently confusing world. 💕
7:18 rip headphone users
INTPs with Ne critic often have troubles choosing what they want.
Here's the thing_ I am a nine married to a five for 29 years and after that long I can't figure out where I start and he ends! I have done a spectacular job of merging. How do I separate myself without appearing to be bossy or selfish? I have realized that I adopted his wants and preferences long ago to avoid conflict and now I need to figure out how I feel and what I want! Do you have a video about that?
I'm a nine married to a five for almost 40 years. I've definitely absorbed a lot from him, but I'm still a nine. This pairing of two introverted types does have its drawbacks.
I was married to someone for almost 20 years. In the end he complained that I never said no, and I can now see (years later) the destructiveness of me not saying what I liked, what I wanted etc. I think carving out time for yourself to think and ask yourself those questions is where to start. I also found Selfauthoring.com program v helpful though it took me a long long time as I found it’s really open structure hard to get the hang of. I did it and redid it. It was particularly helpful looking at the future I did not want and the future I did. And I encouraged myself with the strengths. Interesting the past one felt like too much hard work. Lots of soul searching to do that stuff...easier to avoid!! He he...
Struggling towards life? What does that mean?
Hold up, I'm a nine. Is that why when I meet people there are some that I just feel a special connection with right off the bat? Because I've been trying to figure that out and no one really understands what I'm talking about.
Chaelise Michaela I’m a 9 and I would say I feel the experience of speaking with a person very deeply because I absorb all of their energy. Feeling a connection with someone sounds quite a bit like a heart type :)
I have had that. I saw someone singing in a band one time and thought “I have to get to know her” that was 20plus years ago and she is one of my best friends.
I’m a fundraiser for an educational foundation so meet regularly with alumni for visits over dinner. I can sit down with a total stranger and have a three-hour conversation. People tell me I “just have this thing” that makes me easy to talk to. I listen intently and ask lots of open ended questions. I scored high on the charts for Empathy on a strength-finding assessment. The Enneagram is finally helping me understand myself. Hallelujah!!!
I thought I was a 5 but hearing this I may be a 9 as I do not focus for very long, I jump from one thing to another. I like to investigate many things. I want to say and rarely complete things, but that is not necessarily true. I also wonder if as one matures some things drop away. When I was younger I had more social anxiety. Well, let's say in a different way. I used to freeze up, but one stiff drink and I would relax, it was so palpable that people would comment. I can walk into most places now, alone and feel quite confident, however, it would be tricky for me to engage in a convo coz it probs would be trivial. I do sit at a bbq or party and say not much. Can't stand trivial talk. Then because of this, I am called a snob, up myself or judgemental, not my words theirs. Ugh! Help! LOL. Although I usually am shocked to hear this, I don't really care though, yes I do. Coz I'm none of that. As I said somewhere else we are often misunderstood.
She has a great video I watched about Fives and Nines can look alike but can feel very different on the inside. I thought I was a Five, but took a thorough enneagram test and landed on Nine as a landslide.
@@barbarajustus9754 Where do you find the Enneagram tests?
@@tinekehazel6709 search "free enneagram test."
im an INFJ type 9.... welp.
What would cause a unhealthy nine to get horrible tattoos at 60 when wife 40 years hates tattoos and he gave up Japanese bathhouses for rest of life which is my #1 joy
Holy smokes, this hard to listen to. I don't wanna hear this. Let's look at the other types!
Thanks for making me deaf