37:30 I realized while you were in this segment that a lot of our false perceptions of "friend groups" come from TV shows like Friends, Happy Endings, That 70s Show, Coupling, The Big Bang Theory, the list could go on and on-where we see the SAME SUPER TIGHT KNIT friend group get together, seemingly ALL THE TIME, and they never really introduce any new friends or even acquaintances into the group hangouts unless it's a person that someone in the group is dating. It really built an unrealistic picture of what real friendship circles look like in adulthood. You're 100% right. They are not ONE perfectly overlapping circle. They are Venn diagrams!!! And people come and go from each person's circle too, as like you said: people get married and have kids and become busier with their own nuclear family, or get wrapped up in a new business or job, or move to a different state or even a different part of the city, or become engrossed in a new romantic relationship, or they simply drift apart.
LOVED this episode!! Jess had such thoughtful and empathetic responses to listeners’ questions and I felt myself nodding along the entire time. So many great insights and the perfect balance of practical advice and personal anecdotes, etc. Would love to hear more solo episodes from Jess in the future. Keep doing your thing!! You’re great at it!!
Appreciate this so much! I have several solo eps available on audio and one other on UA-cam, so if you haven’t tuned into those yet, please do! But more to come from both me and Caroline of course 💜🧡
Have experienced this with a dear friend over the past year. I had to come to terms with the fact that I was putting too much pressure on the friendship staying strong AND that this person was just not gonna be there for me in the same ways
As a guy, I kind of believe IHWTHW. Like, the flowers thing... I know culturally in North America that getting a girl flowers is a way to express your affection for a person and until told otherwise, that is one of the options I can choose to let a girl know that I'm thinking of them, I appreciate them, I like them or whatever. The conclusion that you jumped to for IHWTHW is that not doing something means "he doesn't like you" - I think it's more "he doesn't want to buy me flowers." Whatever the reason for that is, that's what he doesn't want to do. Maybe, he's worried it's cliche and trying to find something else to express his feelings or another gesture. Men are knowledgable, creative and very capable. We put in so much effort to succeed at work and do all kinds of things and put in a lot of effort and sacrifices for that promotion or the raise because we WANT it. Men throughout history have done things to make the impossible possible and very much have the resources to make a relationship work and even thrive. We're going to colonize Mars so we definitely have the ability to get to the root of what my person needs to feel loved and cared for. That's kind of my position. I'm known to be wrong about a lot, but I have extreme confidence in the abilities of men to get what they want and make things happen. Cars will eventually drive themselves so he can definitely send that text message to say "hi, thinking of you" that is basically effortless and you can do while pooping that his girl will appreciate or not. And even if that level of capability seems extreme and that capabilities differ from person to person, I'm sure if a man wanted to fix his car with duct tape and a spork to save a few hundred bucks to spend of beer instead he would make it happen. We'll use apps and software and rig entire user interfaces to hide our browser history or text messages we don't want anyone to see. We can do it, if we want to and if it's important enough to us. One hundred percent.
Changing friendship dynamics is one of those things that's been really hard on me emotionally lately. I miss the sleepovers, the group texts, the hangouts, etc. And now it's like, we'd be lucky to do a hangout once a month or YEAR depending on where they live :C To add: Also, the best friend / close friend not being MUTUAL wasn't something I even considered until you guys mentioned it on your podcast. It's something we do a lot as kids, exchanging the friendship bracelets and what-not. It was just a conception I had of "best friends" I've had since I was little that it has to be a mutual thing. And if it wasn't actually mutual when I thought it was, I would feel devastated. My two best/closest friends right now might not consider me to be their closest friend, but as long as we're still tight and have each other's backs it doesn't matter. At one point, one of them told me I was their best friend even though I didn't feel exactly the same way, but it was fine. Cuz we've always been good friends in one way or another.
I'm the listener from the beginning! Thanks for all the advice, it was very helpful ❤ definitely a pattern with this friend, have been holding onto the old relationship for a long time I think. Thanks again Jess, love you and the pod 🧡💜
It’s the most understandable thing of all time to hold onto those relationships 💜 thank you for writing in and trusting us with the topic! I had a lot of feelings about it hahaha
Why do i feel like the person who wrote in left a big part of the story out? it seems like she perfectly wrote the message in a way to perceive her as the poor me victim.
Once you make a commitment to join a trip anywhere with a group of people, you should pay your share whether you get sick, change your mind, have to work, lose a job etc. The rest of the group should not have to pick up the additional cost if you committed. It’s called adulthood/responsibility.
Seems like DMer didn’t want to go, used the most basic excuse (doubtful she’d “feel better”). Once she didn’t get her money back said the real reason “money issues”. Airbnb charge a fee per person plus having to book a larger house w appropriate number of rooms. Very selfish friend in my opinion.
37:30 I realized while you were in this segment that a lot of our false perceptions of "friend groups" come from TV shows like Friends, Happy Endings, That 70s Show, Coupling, The Big Bang Theory, the list could go on and on-where we see the SAME SUPER TIGHT KNIT friend group get together, seemingly ALL THE TIME, and they never really introduce any new friends or even acquaintances into the group hangouts unless it's a person that someone in the group is dating. It really built an unrealistic picture of what real friendship circles look like in adulthood. You're 100% right. They are not ONE perfectly overlapping circle. They are Venn diagrams!!! And people come and go from each person's circle too, as like you said: people get married and have kids and become busier with their own nuclear family, or get wrapped up in a new business or job, or move to a different state or even a different part of the city, or become engrossed in a new romantic relationship, or they simply drift apart.
This is spot on!!! Such a good point that I wish I had thought of while recording. Glad it resonated - we’re just all out here unlearning
LOVED this episode!! Jess had such thoughtful and empathetic responses to listeners’ questions and I felt myself nodding along the entire time. So many great insights and the perfect balance of practical advice and personal anecdotes, etc. Would love to hear more solo episodes from Jess in the future. Keep doing your thing!! You’re great at it!!
Appreciate this so much! I have several solo eps available on audio and one other on UA-cam, so if you haven’t tuned into those yet, please do! But more to come from both me and Caroline of course 💜🧡
Have experienced this with a dear friend over the past year. I had to come to terms with the fact that I was putting too much pressure on the friendship staying strong AND that this person was just not gonna be there for me in the same ways
As a guy, I kind of believe IHWTHW. Like, the flowers thing... I know culturally in North America that getting a girl flowers is a way to express your affection for a person and until told otherwise, that is one of the options I can choose to let a girl know that I'm thinking of them, I appreciate them, I like them or whatever. The conclusion that you jumped to for IHWTHW is that not doing something means "he doesn't like you" - I think it's more "he doesn't want to buy me flowers." Whatever the reason for that is, that's what he doesn't want to do. Maybe, he's worried it's cliche and trying to find something else to express his feelings or another gesture. Men are knowledgable, creative and very capable. We put in so much effort to succeed at work and do all kinds of things and put in a lot of effort and sacrifices for that promotion or the raise because we WANT it. Men throughout history have done things to make the impossible possible and very much have the resources to make a relationship work and even thrive. We're going to colonize Mars so we definitely have the ability to get to the root of what my person needs to feel loved and cared for. That's kind of my position. I'm known to be wrong about a lot, but I have extreme confidence in the abilities of men to get what they want and make things happen. Cars will eventually drive themselves so he can definitely send that text message to say "hi, thinking of you" that is basically effortless and you can do while pooping that his girl will appreciate or not. And even if that level of capability seems extreme and that capabilities differ from person to person, I'm sure if a man wanted to fix his car with duct tape and a spork to save a few hundred bucks to spend of beer instead he would make it happen. We'll use apps and software and rig entire user interfaces to hide our browser history or text messages we don't want anyone to see. We can do it, if we want to and if it's important enough to us. One hundred percent.
Changing friendship dynamics is one of those things that's been really hard on me emotionally lately. I miss the sleepovers, the group texts, the hangouts, etc. And now it's like, we'd be lucky to do a hangout once a month or YEAR depending on where they live :C
To add: Also, the best friend / close friend not being MUTUAL wasn't something I even considered until you guys mentioned it on your podcast. It's something we do a lot as kids, exchanging the friendship bracelets and what-not. It was just a conception I had of "best friends" I've had since I was little that it has to be a mutual thing. And if it wasn't actually mutual when I thought it was, I would feel devastated. My two best/closest friends right now might not consider me to be their closest friend, but as long as we're still tight and have each other's backs it doesn't matter. At one point, one of them told me I was their best friend even though I didn't feel exactly the same way, but it was fine. Cuz we've always been good friends in one way or another.
I'm the listener from the beginning! Thanks for all the advice, it was very helpful ❤ definitely a pattern with this friend, have been holding onto the old relationship for a long time I think. Thanks again Jess, love you and the pod 🧡💜
It’s the most understandable thing of all time to hold onto those relationships 💜 thank you for writing in and trusting us with the topic! I had a lot of feelings about it hahaha
my new favorite episode!
Thank you Jess. You picked the right day for this talk
My favorite scientist. Perfect start to my morning ❤
Hello. My week has also been super busy! Must be something in the air. Love this podcast!!
Such a good episode jess!
Why do i feel like the person who wrote in left a big part of the story out? it seems like she perfectly wrote the message in a way to perceive her as the poor me victim.
Once you make a commitment to join a trip anywhere with a group of people, you should pay your share whether you get sick, change your mind, have to work, lose a job etc. The rest of the group should not have to pick up the additional cost if you committed. It’s called adulthood/responsibility.
Seems like DMer didn’t want to go, used the most basic excuse (doubtful she’d “feel better”). Once she didn’t get her money back said the real reason “money issues”. Airbnb charge a fee per person plus having to book a larger house w appropriate number of rooms. Very selfish friend in my opinion.