I went to America fill in love with a man in Vegas and I was already married to my husband it was true love not ljust!!! The big problem IS breaking hearts and people who are only LUSTING-being selfish thinking only of themselves-THAT AINT LOVE,. Friends Yes I tried to make it all work but that’s THE DREAM Yes in the end nobody wins everybody loses I will always love them to a degree
i read all those comments and i have to say. i don't agree with most of them. what if, you fall in love with one person and later with another person, but still when you see person 1 you feel the butterflies. and akso when you see person 2 you can feel them. and please stop saying, that something is not possible. it is about love. everything is possible.
@@nb_3736, I strongly feel that falling in love with multiple people is not only possible, but for some preferable. My strong and only suggestion is to be open and honest with everyone involved. Secondly, if this is the kind of person you are I would make people aware before getting into a serious relationship with anyone you are considering before the relationship moves to the serious level.
I was in this situation in my late 20s (I’m now 45). I chose to stay with the first guy, which was 100% the WRONG choice. I knew it within a few months after making the choice, and looking back, I can totally see it even more clearly. I should’ve gone with the guy with whom I felt open to be more of my silly self with and whom I was most honest with when it came to sex and other touchy areas. There’s also something to be said about the fact that I was even able to be so uncontrollably attracted to the second guy even though I was quite in love with the first at the same time. Things were obviously not right with the first guy; I needed something else. I wish I had made the right choice. We would be happy together today. He ended up meeting a nice woman, marrying her, and then died in a traffic accident 4 years ago (he was 41, and I was 40 at that time). I had always hoped that if things didn’t go well with her, he and I would somehow gravitate back towards each other. Now I will never get to be with him. I wish I had made a different choice. I’m still looking for a man just like him.
@nakidz its sad hey , i got married to somebody id known only for 6 mos & been with him for 13 years , he js divorced me & i remembered i chose him over a relo of 8 years with sbdi id consider my bestie, we laughed , shared the same hobbies, love for music & everything.we js fitted like a glove in a hand , now bcz m single i want him back but he is unavailable💔💔😭😭
Maybe we should look at what we're missing with the old partner. Instead of looking someone else for that need, but express that need to your new partner.
I'm so glad emphasis was placed on "getting to choose how you respond to how you feel." There's always a choice...and most of the time people who are already in committed relationships make the wrong choice of being sneaky and dishonest. I think it's important to establish boundaries against your emotions when you're in a relationship to decrease the risk of becoming emotionally connected to someone other than your significant other.
I agree on all points! Yes you can love two people at the same time, however it takes lots of energy and I'd rather spend that energy on improving my life and my current relationship. Life is complicated enough why add 2 lovers?
Stephanie Bullock That's my exact thought. All that time and energy spent on a "possibility" can be channelled into a hobby, business, closer relationship with myself or my current spouse.
If you're in love with two people, you already violated your commitment to your current partner. You engendered your love by engaging with someone of your preferred sex, recognized the attraction at some point but continued to develop intimacy and let that blossom into love. Attraction cannot be avoided...falling in love (real love, not lust) can be! Honor your partner and their feelings.
love can not be avoided. How you respond to that love can be. If one sees this new person on a daily basis such as a coworker. In addition, there are lots of people who have said they didn't even like their partner when they first met them, but eventually ended up loving them. Love or connection is oftentimes correlated to proximity.
IYANLA! you better preach! I see what you did here. You needed to tie "LOVE" with "Lust" and just call it 'Love" because there are those out there that are convinced that if they are turned on "romantically" by someone, they're immediately "in love", which is not true at all, you're in lust at best. I love how you identified all of the problems that come when choosing the new "love" over the old one. I love how you also identified all of the weaknesses of that person that find him/herself in love with 2 different ppl.. commitment & discipline. I believe ppl will always lust for those they are not in a relationship with, but to be in love is not as simple as the definition defines it. There are so many elements to consider. Love is a serious belonging and its very spiritual.
Excitement and lust is not love. Loving someone is not wanting to hurt them. A second "love" means someone is getting hurt. One of those "loves" is not real.
BS. People hurt the people they love all the time. Whether deeply or superficially, whether on purpose or by accident. If love is not hurting them then nobody can love anyone because people hurt people because we are humans and make mistakes.
I'm not quite sure that I would necessarily equate being infatuated with a new person (what you describe as passionate love) when bored with your current relationship "love". It might just be that, infatuation or simply lust. However I suppose it is possible to have a profound spiritual connection with two souls for different reasons but at the end of the day I think one would emerge as the more practical or desirable choice for one reason or another
It puts me in tears cause I know it’s wrong but my heart truly feels for both of them😞. I never cheated or lied in a relationship everything about this is new and feels wrong 😞. But it’s draining me💔 to hurt either one of them.
Are these people who love 2 people at the same time willing to be the third wheel if their partners were in love with multiple people? If not, then it says a lot about them.
I never thought this was possible either. I have been with a man for 14 years. We split, I met someone and then the ex and I started trying it again. This was 2 years ago. I love them both. They both have qualities that I absolutely cherish. They know about each other and we have even hung out all together on a few occasions (awkwardly). I have told them both that I have no idea what to do and begged for them to figure it out, or for one to give up. Thag probably sounds horrible. I have a large heart. It kills me inside to see either of them hurt inside so horribly. How do I walk away? Neither of them make it any easier. When I have chose throughout the two years. The one I did not choose just would not give up. No matter how much they say I have killed them inside and they want nothing to do with me. Neither will fold. I am completely at a loss, almost to the point of making myself physically ill. I need help. Is there anymore advice? I need it asap. My stress and anxiety has never been so bad. Please help
I'm in the same condition sis... I was in a relationship and we broke up after 2 years of relationship... After one year of breakup I found another guy and both of them areee soo nice...! I thought he is the one! But things didn't go well and we ended up in no contact two months later both of them come back at the same time... And I'm kinda talking to them both... Both of them are really really nice and they know I'm talking to both... And it feels like they're competing to win me over nowww... And I don't know man it's such a mix of emotions... I feel guilty but at the same time I know it's not my fault... Sometimes I just feel like I'm a prize both of them are trying to win... This is just sooo weird mannn... I have no idea what to dooo!!!! And yup they both went to the same school so they already know each other even before they knew me!
Hi, I was in a similar situation 1 year ago. What worked for me was to choose one of them. My partner doesn't have the traits I really loved from the other one but he has many others and, at the end of the day, one cannot have it all. You cannot imagine the weight that was lifted after I finally made up my mind. And it was so sad, I was crying for days and the partner I chose couldn't understand the sadness. But time does cure everything. And letting go opened up space in my heart to focus on the person I chose. After a couple of months all I felt was bliss in my relationship and gratitude towards the person I let go. The truth is, and you probably know it to, you would be happy with either of them. Because your happiness doesn't depend on them as it does on you and it will be you who chooses whom to love. I hope this helps :)
When I was younger, I would agree. However, as I get older. I have to disagree. you cannot be in love with two people at the same time. You better go with the second person because you obviously don't love the first person as much as you thought you did.
Nicole Thomas but what happens if the person goes with the second person and then finds themselves being in love or attracted to another person . Does the cycle not just carry on? Where does it end?
IF he wants or she wants to love two people, then now it's your time to decide if you will accept that or you will move on. Polyamory is indeed a thing. People have created monogamy and 1 on 1 relationships, but that doesn't mean it's the correct relationship. Plus one can be in a polyamorous relationship and still be monogamous. Monogamy means being committed to a person, but who said one can't be committed to two people?
I don't believe that a person can be in love with two people at the same time. However I do believe that you can be attracted to several people at the same time.
I was in love with 3 at one time. One knew about the others because we were in an open relationship. I was committed to all three. I just had to be careful getting the names mixed up so I just called them all baby. It was a fantastic experience. Each one had something the others didn't have. It was like having the perfect mate divided into three men. Hard to explain. It was tricky though making sure the dates didn't run into each other. And no, I didn't like them being with others but I sure did enjoy sharing my love with three.
....Thank you for helping me to clarify and move forward, my choice is to love, honor and respect ME first. I will be letting them both GO because I feel that if you love me, "...I alone am enough..." :)
Is it that you fall in love with a second person or is it in lust. I like the explanation of discipline and commitment. The human instincts is to seek out good feelings. Meeting a new person can evoke that good feeling vibe. It's what you do about it.
In love with one but love the other as a friend but feel guilty for falling in love with someone else while being married, but the one i've fallen in love with is the love of my life and i had no control of, letting go of guilt is so hard, but i only want to be with the man i love with all my heart and for that i feel no guilt but happy!!!
"Choice how you respond" ... Such good advice here. Don't compare. My situation is a bit different. But love the advice. Don't do anything you don't want your partner to do. I feel I always have respected that.
Thank God I stumbled upon this video, I'm in deep suffering because of this situation. I feel so guilty over having feelings for someone else, I still love my partner and I would never want to hurt him. It's such a shitty situation but it feels good to know that it'a not this gigantic testimony about my character...I know that with my head, I just need to feel it in my heart.
Thank You because my husband fell in love with his mistress got her pregnant and left her right after the baby. Also she was so smug when she meet me face to face but I knew and GOD knew what was real. Lust is so temporary.
I'm already committed and i fell for another .I totally agree with this . It happens my partner haven't do anything wrong nor i wanna cheat him i just fell in love accidentally now i don't know what to do
I love two women i have children from both of them. They live in two different countries. I do love them. Truly i am 38, Christian and someone who went to school or grew in city a son of educated family. Is not easy but that is my life.
I've been casually seeing this one guy and our bond has started to strengthen and I somewhat see him wanting more with some of his little gestures. He warms my heart but we're not there yet and aren't committed to each other yet. I kinda also reconnected with my ex earlier this year and had been sporadically seeing him. This ex I have a lot of history with and had deep feelings for and a part of me still does, even after a little over a year to the break up. I'm so confused about if I should continue to nurture the dynamic I have with the new guy or should I try to put in efforts to make things work with my ex. Right now I have neither of them and I fear my greed of not being able to choose who to pursue and continue to put efforts into will make me lose both of them. Because I have my leg in two boats right now and I'll eventually drown at the rate at which I'm going. The new guy is giving me enough but commitment is not on the table yet however it's not off the table either. With my ex there is so much baggage that we've only talked about keeping it casual and limited to physical encounters but we do have moments where we get vulnerable and talk about the break up. And I find myself feeling things for him again as he stirs up these strong emotions in me. Now I know people who say that an ex is an ex for a reason and maybe start a fresh chapter with someone new but it's hard when your turbulent mind pulls you in two different directions. I still feel strongly about my ex and have had several positive experiences with him after the reconnection but we see each other occasionally. Could say the same about the new guy, it's a new budding dynamic and we are having a lot of positive experiences that are frequent. But just as I start to get into this idea of wanting this new guy, my ex pops back up and we have this very vulnerable chat or a fun meet up that kinda messes with my head a bit. I'm very confused about which direction I want to go in. I don't know what I want!
@tiname1805 I dated the "new" guy without labels for nearly two years during law school. The casual dynamic worked for me then since it allowed me to invest in the capacity of a situationship and I also got to occasionally see my ex without feeling like I was cheating. The "new" guy also enjoyed the freedom of dating around while having me as a constant companion. I probably would have gotten serious with him but I never got that feeling or reassurance from him. But when I became a lawyer, I wanted to take things more seriously. He asked for two months to think, as "serious" meant marriage to him. During that time, I noticed he’d grown complacent, enjoying the no-strings-attached arrangement, and had started talking to another woman just around that time. I ended things, and later found out he continued seeing her. They took international trips together, and now they’re getting married. 6 months was enough for him to be sure about her, 2 years with me was not. He broke the news of the marriage to me himself, tried to get my reaction to it or something. He is still on dating apps and flirted with me up until last month even after getting serious with her. It made me feel good about my decision to move on from him - he was never going to truly settle. I still occasionally see my ex. Coincidentally he started working near where my current office is. But our dynamic has remained casual and hasn’t evolved into anything serious. I’ve mostly made peace with it, realizing that maybe we trigger each other in ways that prevent compatibility. Plus, he’s becoming less attractive to me from a long-term perspective. A friend once said that when you’re confused between people, they eventually weed themselves out without you having to do anything. I believe that’s true. Recently, I met someone new - a filmmaker. For the first time in years, I felt those intense, fuzzy feelings again. Although his schedule is packed with shoots, I understand the demands of the media industry as a Media lawyer, I understand the business. Meeting him made me realize it’s possible to feel this way again. I’m not sure if he’s "the one," but it gives me hope that I will eventually find the right person. It’s just a matter of time. I hope you do too. Good luck!
@@tiname1805 I dated the "new" guy without labels for nearly two years during law school. The casual dynamic worked for me then since it allowed me to invest in the capacity of a situationship and I also got to occasionally see my ex without feeling like I was doing something wrong. The "new" guy also enjoyed the freedom of dating around while having me as a constant companion. I probably would have gotten serious with him but I never got that feeling or reassurance from him. But when I became a lawyer, I wanted to take things more seriously. He asked for two months to think, as "serious" meant marriage to him. During that time, I noticed he’d grown complacent, enjoying the no-strings-attached arrangement, and had started talking to another woman just around that time. I ended things, and later found out he continued seeing her. They took international trips together, and now they’re getting married. 6 months was enough for him to be sure about her, 2 years with me was not. He broke the news of the marriage to me himself, tried to get my reaction to it or something. He is still on Tinder and flirted with me up until last month even after getting serious with her. It made me feel good about my decision to move on from him - he was never going to truly settle. I still occasionally see my ex. Coincidentally he started working near where my current office is. But our dynamic has remained casual and hasn’t evolved into anything serious. I’ve mostly made peace with it, realizing that maybe we trigger each other in ways that prevent compatibility. Plus, he’s becoming less attractive to me from a long-term perspective. A friend once said that when you’re confused between people, they eventually weed themselves out without you having to do anything. I believe that’s true. Recently, I met someone new - a filmmaker. For the first time in years, I felt those intense, fuzzy feelings again. Although his schedule is packed with shoots, I understand the demands of the media industry as a Media lawyer. Meeting him made me realize it’s possible to feel this way again. I’m not sure if he’s "the one," but it gives me hope that I will eventually find the right person. It’s just a matter of time. I hope you do too. Good luck!
@tiname1805 I dated the "new" guy without labels for nearly two years during law school. The casual dynamic worked for me then since it allowed me to invest in the capacity of a situationship and I also got to occasionally see my ex without feeling like I was doing something wrong. The "new" guy also enjoyed the freedom of dating around while having me as a constant companion. I probably would have gotten serious with him but I never got that feeling or reassurance from him. But when I became a lawyer, I wanted to take things more seriously. He asked for two months to think, as "serious" meant marriage to him. During that time, I noticed he’d grown complacent, enjoying the no-strings-attached arrangement, and had started talking to another woman just around that time. I ended things, and later found out he continued seeing her. They took international trips together, and now they’re getting married. 6 months was enough for him to be sure about her, 2 years with me was not. He broke the news of the marriage to me himself, tried to get my reaction to it or something. He is still on Tinder and flirted with me up until last month even after getting serious with her. It made me feel good about my decision to move on from him - he was never going to truly settle. I still occasionally see my ex. Coincidentally he started working near where my current office is. But our dynamic has remained casual and hasn’t evolved into anything serious. I’ve mostly made peace with it, realizing that maybe we trigger each other in ways that prevent compatibility. Plus, he’s becoming less attractive to me from a long-term perspective. A friend once said that when you’re confused between people, they eventually weed themselves out without you having to do anything. I believe that’s true. Recently, I met someone new - a filmmaker. For the first time in years, I felt those intense, fuzzy feelings again. Although his schedule is packed with shoots, I understand the demands of the media industry as a Media lawyer. Meeting him made me realize it’s possible to feel this way again. I’m not sure if he’s "the one," but it gives me hope that I will eventually find the right person. It’s just a matter of time. I hope you do too. Good luck!
@@tiname1805 I dated the "new" guy without labels for nearly two years during law school. The casual dynamic worked for me then since it allowed me to invest in the capacity of a situationship and I also got to occasionally see my ex without feeling like I was doing something wrong. The "new" guy also enjoyed the freedom of dating around while having me as a constant companion. I probably would have gotten serious with him but I never got that feeling or reassurance from him. But when I became a lawyer, I wanted to take things more seriously. He asked for two months to think, as "serious" meant marriage to him. During that time, I noticed he’d grown complacent, enjoying the no-strings-attached arrangement, and had started talking to another woman just around that time. I ended things, and later found out he continued seeing her. They took international trips together, and now they’re getting married. 6 months was enough for him to be sure about her, 2 years with me was not. He broke the news of the marriage to me himself, tried to get my reaction to it or something. He is still on Tinder and flirted with me up until last month even after getting serious with her. It made me feel good about my decision to move on from him - he was never going to truly settle. I still occasionally see my ex. Coincidentally he started working near where my current office is. But our dynamic has remained casual and hasn’t evolved into anything serious. I’ve mostly made peace with it, realizing that maybe we trigger each other in ways that prevent compatibility. Plus, he’s becoming less attractive to me from a long-term perspective. A friend once said that when you’re confused between people, they eventually weed themselves out without you having to do anything. I believe that’s true. Recently, I met someone new - a filmmaker. For the first time in years, I felt those intense, fuzzy feelings again. Although his schedule is packed with shoots, I understand the demands of the media industry as a Media lawyer. Meeting him made me realize it’s possible to feel this way again. I’m not sure if he’s "the one," but it gives me hope that I will eventually find the right person. It’s just a matter of time. I hope you do too. Good luck!
Reading these comments it seems as if people don’t understand that there can be different situations in which falling in love with two people is DEFINITELY POSSIBLE. for example, I fell in love with this boy and man was I head over heels. I never imagined being without him. I still love him to this day. However when things got rocky, he would treat me horribly, and after a while I started to feel very alone and hurt because I wondered why he would do this to me when all I did was love him, and because of this feeling of loneliness I felt I ended up falling in love with another guy who was one of my good friends because he was always there for me. He gave me what my boyfriend did not, love and hope for the future. As time went on I knew the second guy was a better choice but I loved my boyfriend so much I didn’t wanna leave him. Fast forward to today, my decision was to break up with my boyfriend and stay single, until I figure out my feelings I will stay single. I do still love both of them. Yes I know the first boy is obviously a bad choice if he has hurt me multiple times, I don’t know why I love him either
You cannot be in love with two people at the same. a man cannot give his heart to two woman at the same time. And if you think you are in love with two people then you need to know what love is. You don't fall in love you grow in love. And lust will make you think you are in love.
So…I believe if you are truly in love with someone, there wouldn’t be a second. Listen! Before you cuss me out and this is solely my opinion. When you are in love, you are completely submerged in that person. In order for me to meet someone and fall in love with them. I’d have to be open to receiving. I don’t believe In love at first sight etc. We can fall in love with someone’s beauty, even inner beauty. How they think, talk, etc. but to truly be in love, you have to truly know the person, in order to make that beautiful and bold claim “ I am in love” that takes time, but Cinderella, music and movies have us believing what love looks like and feels like, that we want to rush and label everything and then after the honeymoon phase , claim “ we fell out of love” or feel crushed when things don’t pan out. I believe you can love people , like I love people, kids, etc but to truly be in love with someone, and meet someone new …that would take a conscious effort on my part to be open to receiving someone else, I would be making conscious decisions on the fact that I want to explore this attraction, I want to be alone with this person, I want to get to know this person. I want to trust this person, confide etc. I am responding to a feeling and intentionally lighting the fire. If I were truly fulfilled and in love…I would not be open to receiving…unless I’m missing something and still searching. I’ve met many amazing men while in my long term relationship …the idea of entertaining someone else is inconceivable. As I attracted, flattered, sometimes did a little switch cause I was feeling myself. I have met gorgeous men at work, same sense of humor , understood me ….but I choose not to respond to those feelings because the door to my heart was not open, I choose to keep it closed because there is someone already in there. My man had my heart, so this emotion I feel is something I will feel many times with different people, and that’s ok! But in order for me to entertain someone AND then fall in love with them? It’s because I had a hand in it.
I love the way someone loves himself and I love the way someone loves me but hate how he loves himself because he is jealous but I don’t know which one I love I think I don’t love myself
Open your minds...love is not necessarily a finite resource. its a little sad to me that people limit themselves so much with this mode of thought and believe that one love cancels out the other. Doesnt seem like a lot of people here are poly either. Being poly works for me personally...however if you do practice monogamy I respect that and yes you do make a choice, but the beleif that being in love with more than one person is a betrayal leads to a lot of unnessary pain, shame and dishonesty.
Thank you for this comment. Exactly what I was looking to hear. Loving 2 people is not betrayal. There is a belief system that causes shame, guilt. I choose to let this belief system go. Truly...... thank you for this reminder.
You can love multiple people… but not be “In Love” with multiple people. Love & In Love are two different things. The example she gave… he needs to leave his partner. He is no longer in love with her.
Honestly, I just have to give gratitude to the Universe right now. This video came at the exact right time. I have feelings of what could be love for a man I just can't be with right now. It hurts. But I need to deal with it. I won't tell him how I feel because what's the point? If there's a chance of him being with me, he can tell me. But until then, I'm content being single.
I don’t think you can be in love path to ppl. I’ve been there. You gone love one more than the other. Know the difference in Love & Limerence. Make sure you are compatible with someone. Chemistry isn’t just enough, ppl just jump into relationships cause of the chemistry
Thanku for this ❣ now its clear to me whom should u choose...the first one coz he's the one who kept me smiling for past yrs n now suddenly I should not move on to another guy just because there something new in him!!! A big thanku for whatever you said ❣
I do love two people in the same time, I am in a relationship with one person, but the other I feel like his sad and I also love him for two years I don't know what to do, my one of my heart is happy but other.. Is broken in pieces
The girl I’m in love with is goin through the same thing. She wants to be with me but her ex she was wit for 2 years tht she loves is holding her back. What did you end up doing?
I just want to refrase something the only reason I fell in love with someone else is because of her personality and sweetness that person has,true love has nothing to do with sexual thing not on my perspective,
I beg to disagree with most of the points you raised, ma'am. To consider being with someone else means the former partner is losing the place they once occupied in one's life. If you want to be with another for the stimulation and excitement, then you can't call this excitement love!!!
I agree with you man! This theory of being in love with two people at the same time on the same level is a palpable falsehood. In a best case scenario... the intensity of the love for the two people is not the same.
There are other circumstances where you can be in love with two people at the same time. A person can fall in love with someone who is unavailable at the time (for whatever reason), try to move on and end up falling in love with someone else, only to have the original love interest resurface with availability and shared feelings. This is the situation I am in. I am starting to truly love my current partner, but now the person I have been deeply deeply in love with for 7 years has come back into the picture, available and expressing interest. I will not cheat on my current partner, but it is only because I refuse to put myself in a situation where I could be tempted, because I know under the right circumstances I would be fully capable of it. How do you reconcile STILL being deeply love with someone from your past, who is now available to you, and also having fallen in love with someone else during the time the first love was unavailable?
Thank you, I have been seeking guidance on this situation that I’m in. We have chosen the route of radical honesty as feelings developed for an old, dear intimate friend that came back into my life. Having these new conversations with my husband about what we are all comfortable with and going at his pace has increased our intimacy and somehow really improved our marriage. My second love lives across the country, which I am sure helps. We also recently had a very planned out beautiful 3some hehe. I just want to say thank you for actually talking about this subject that I have felt quite alone in. For us, it has become a way to expand our circle of love while getting more needs met and healing from past wounds. I hope sharing my experience can remind someone out there are more options than choosing between 2 people. Enjoy the love while it lasts and see what you can learn about yourself and your loves, it might surprise you.
Oh my god.. This is the 1st time with you and... I'm so impressed with your knowledge, they way you describe, and the way you explain... Loved ur personality ma'am..
I think thats why before getting merried we have to make sure is the right person. Have a commitment we both respect love eachother make sure dont let the merriage get bored.
This is a supreme presentation 4 my wife Mrs. She Delta. CampbellLane Gen. 1,2... The Honorable Queen Esther 1:21,22...1Tim.3:1-1Peter 3:7, 1-7... 4 another Edition of Black Ishaw with The Dark & The Lovely Is.9,32:1,2 A Word 4 O... We Love Yall Much!
Because we were very young, I let a guy wait for 7 years. Now after all those years I fell in love with someone else. now I feel so sorry for him because I gave him 7 years of hope. PLLLSSS HELP ME.
What if the person is not a new person? They appear at the same time? And I have borderline personality disorder which makes it harder to choose. They’re both so compatible to me. everyone’s pressuring me to choose. And that drives me insane because I jst wanna be reassured who’s the best for me
i have been so hurt and keep being cheated on so now i am telling guys im dating i can't commit because i dont see the point and my heart feels like numpty dumpty.... but i really am falling for both, but by trying to date both my heart wont completely destroyed again
I've gone through three long-term relationships and this is the first time I've been on my own but I find myself falling for two people that I'm neither committed to either one but they are both moving in quickly and letting me know very quickly what their feelings are and I'm not sure how to handle it because there's a lot of flirting texts I've made love with both of them I'm not sure what to do. Like I said I'm not committed to either one but I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings
Cut the ties of both and fall inlove with yourself Pray and ask God for wisdom and understanding, go hiking, get out into nature and clear your head, then ask yourself " what love am I worth?" Listen to that quiet voice inside you and trust in God's match-making plan for you. 😊
Hey i am in a relationship with an aries female. I am a girl too. She already has a bf and she says she loves both of us. She treats me like her gf. What do you think she is doing? She loves her bf more or me?
Thank you so much for this finally I got the answer. The new partner is just a fling and I don't want to be caught in such a mess. I love my current partner and not willing to hurt him. Since I haven't made any moves yet with the new one am just in the friendly zone. Thank you this is wisdom for the relationship 🙏🙏🙏🙏
It is definitely possible to love 2 people at the same time, what if you love your ex who’s gotten their stuff together but you were already falling for someone else while you were dating after your breakup..it is possible
I fell in love with a man who reciprocates. Met him a few days afrer I left my ex of 14y but hoped distance would have him think abt his commitment issues. The ex is back 2months into my new relationship. I still don’t love the new guy as I love the old guy who is offering me everything I evwr wanted from him. It tears me apart bc my love for the old one is eternal and unique but challefing. The new guy offers more stability but what kind of life is it if I will love the old guy till I die. Which I will. I do not want to hurt the new guy either and give us a chance. I am in hell.
Yes and it’s killing me. I don’t want to choose I want to open up and tell them I don’t like to lie or hide anything about them I haven’t done anything and I won’t until I tell my partner about my feelings I’m just not sure how to open up
I'm sorry but no for anyone in that situation, had u really loved ur man/woman then u wouldn't be involved with another person physically or otherwise to reach as far as falling in love.. And let's just say ok shit happened and u feel yourself falling that's when u stop! stop communicating with the other person if u REALLY love your partner That's just an excuse to have it both ways
You’re stupid. Only because you’re stuck in a relationship for what ever reason you forget how it is to fall in love. Fuck you @bellasavage you a dumb ass
How do I choose, I like two people... One of them is in love with me and the other says he "might" like me. But he is making it seem like he really does like me. I said im not ready because I need time to learn to love myself because I don't know how to respond they both asked me out.... Ik I should choose who my heart wants but idk
My partner of 11 years left me three days later he was in love with a stranger he just met . Past month he’s put all his energy into the new guy and has completely thrown me away . So is that a sign that he has no commitment to me ?? And I must move on ?
Well, well I guess being open and honest about what one desires in a relationship becomes key. We have swingers (couples by mutual agreement, meeting up to engage intimately). This could be an ongoing arrangement or lasts for as long as both sides wish. of course this requires a certain level of emotional maturity and trust. I've had a chat with people who engage in such and it has worked for them over the years and they say it has strengthened their relationships and marriages, and keeps them excited and the adventure continues. Hmmm..
Loving two people make me hate myself... And it hurt me so much...
same
Me too
Ugh
Same
😑
I think loving and being in love aren't the same thing
How so
@@geraldway64000your love your sister but your in love with your wife...... Get it
Oh I get it lol but I hate my siblings 😒 😂
Millions agree there
I went to America fill in love with a man in Vegas and I was already married to my husband it was true love not ljust!!! The big problem IS breaking hearts and people who are only LUSTING-being selfish thinking only of themselves-THAT AINT LOVE,. Friends
Yes I tried to make it all work but that’s THE DREAM
Yes in the end nobody wins everybody loses
I will always love them to a degree
i read all those comments and i have to say. i don't agree with most of them.
what if, you fall in love with one person and later with another person, but still when you see person 1 you feel the butterflies.
and akso when you see person 2 you can feel them.
and please stop saying, that something is not possible.
it is about love. everything is possible.
Yeah that's what I'm going through now, I can't stop the feelings.. yeah I'm a jerk I know..
@@nb_3736 same to me :'(
@@nb_3736, I strongly feel that falling in love with multiple people is not only possible, but for some preferable. My strong and only suggestion is to be open and honest with everyone involved. Secondly, if this is the kind of person you are I would make people aware before getting into a serious relationship with anyone you are considering before the relationship moves to the serious level.
I've been debating with people all day about this and so many people disagreed but I really believe you can be in love with more then 1 person
@@spiritualswerve628 but how do you know one isn’t lust while the other is love
Yes, I am currently in love with 2 people at the same time, worst situation !!
Me too it's hard situation for me
What did you end up doing?
@@divyachauhan530 what did you do atlast?
It is hell.
How do you choose the right one? Please help🙏🇿🇦
I was in this situation in my late 20s (I’m now 45). I chose to stay with the first guy, which was 100% the WRONG choice. I knew it within a few months after making the choice, and looking back, I can totally see it even more clearly. I should’ve gone with the guy with whom I felt open to be more of my silly self with and whom I was most honest with when it came to sex and other touchy areas. There’s also something to be said about the fact that I was even able to be so uncontrollably attracted to the second guy even though I was quite in love with the first at the same time. Things were obviously not right with the first guy; I needed something else. I wish I had made the right choice. We would be happy together today. He ended up meeting a nice woman, marrying her, and then died in a traffic accident 4 years ago (he was 41, and I was 40 at that time). I had always hoped that if things didn’t go well with her, he and I would somehow gravitate back towards each other. Now I will never get to be with him. I wish I had made a different choice. I’m still looking for a man just like him.
😣😣😣😣😣 u made me cry
😥
Wow
😭😭😭
@nakidz its sad hey , i got married to somebody id known only for 6 mos & been with him for 13 years , he js divorced me & i remembered i chose him over a relo of 8 years with sbdi id consider my bestie, we laughed , shared the same hobbies, love for music & everything.we js fitted like a glove in a hand , now bcz m single i want him back but he is unavailable💔💔😭😭
Maybe we should look at what we're missing with the old partner. Instead of looking someone else for that need, but express that need to your new partner.
I'm so glad emphasis was placed on "getting to choose how you respond to how you feel." There's always a choice...and most of the time people who are already in committed relationships make the wrong choice of being sneaky and dishonest. I think it's important to establish boundaries against your emotions when you're in a relationship to decrease the risk of becoming emotionally connected to someone other than your significant other.
love this !!
I was going down the same road and now that hear and see it I don't want to lose the love of my life
I agree on all points! Yes you can love two people at the same time, however it takes lots of energy and I'd rather spend that energy on improving my life and my current relationship. Life is complicated enough why add 2 lovers?
Stephanie Bullock That's my exact thought. All that time and energy spent on a "possibility" can be channelled into a hobby, business, closer relationship with myself or my current spouse.
Stephanie Bullock hfdn 💋❤🎁🎂😚💕💕🎉🎈😇;-):-D:-*(^^)O:-)(TT)
Stephanie Bullock
Stephanie Bullock cause u don’t want to hurt either of them
If you're in love with two people, you already violated your commitment to your current partner. You engendered your love by engaging with someone of your preferred sex, recognized the attraction at some point but continued to develop intimacy and let that blossom into love. Attraction cannot be avoided...falling in love (real love, not lust) can be! Honor your partner and their feelings.
love can not be avoided. How you respond to that love can be. If one sees this new person on a daily basis such as a coworker. In addition, there are lots of people who have said they didn't even like their partner when they first met them, but eventually ended up loving them. Love or connection is oftentimes correlated to proximity.
Robin Laurence if they know and accept it how are you breaking anything
You can’t always avoid that immediate connection that is love. Sometimes it just happens out of your control
I don't think you can avoid falling in love, it's too strong of an emotion
Iyanla you always make me feel that whatever happens I can handle it.
IYANLA! you better preach! I see what you did here. You needed to tie "LOVE" with "Lust" and just call it 'Love" because there are those out there that are convinced that if they are turned on "romantically" by someone, they're immediately "in love", which is not true at all, you're in lust at best. I love how you identified all of the problems that come when choosing the new "love" over the old one. I love how you also identified all of the weaknesses of that person that find him/herself in love with 2 different ppl.. commitment & discipline.
I believe ppl will always lust for those they are not in a relationship with, but to be in love is not as simple as the definition defines it. There are so many elements to consider. Love is a serious belonging and its very spiritual.
Excitement and lust is not love. Loving someone is not wanting to hurt them. A second "love" means someone is getting hurt. One of those "loves" is not real.
knv1979 Preach!! I love this ☝🏾👌🏾
But what if you cant tell which one is which...
BS. People hurt the people they love all the time. Whether deeply or superficially, whether on purpose or by accident. If love is not hurting them then nobody can love anyone because people hurt people because we are humans and make mistakes.
You don't intend to fall in love with someone, it just happens.
Agree
I'm not quite sure that I would necessarily equate being infatuated with a new person (what you describe as passionate love) when bored with your current relationship "love". It might just be that, infatuation or simply lust. However I suppose it is possible to have a profound spiritual connection with two souls for different reasons but at the end of the day I think one would emerge as the more practical or desirable choice for one reason or another
In love with 2 people and I’m in a committed relationship I hate it cus I’m deadass in love with both of them 😭
What did you end up doing? Im having the same problem :(
It puts me in tears cause I know it’s wrong but my heart truly feels for both of them😞. I never cheated or lied in a relationship everything about this is new and feels wrong 😞. But it’s draining me💔 to hurt either one of them.
Me too it hurt as hell
Same situation I’m in
We all gotta choose..thank God Iyanla said it's nornal
Miss Iyanla, you are TIMELESS! I hope to look as great as you as a grandmother! You are BEAUTIFUL!
Are these people who love 2 people at the same time willing to be the third wheel if their partners were in love with multiple people? If not, then it says a lot about them.
I never thought this was possible either. I have been with a man for 14 years. We split, I met someone and then the ex and I started trying it again. This was 2 years ago. I love them both. They both have qualities that I absolutely cherish. They know about each other and we have even hung out all together on a few occasions (awkwardly). I have told them both that I have no idea what to do and begged for them to figure it out, or for one to give up. Thag probably sounds horrible. I have a large heart. It kills me inside to see either of them hurt inside so horribly. How do I walk away? Neither of them make it any easier. When I have chose throughout the two years. The one I did not choose just would not give up. No matter how much they say I have killed them inside and they want nothing to do with me. Neither will fold. I am completely at a loss, almost to the point of making myself physically ill. I need help. Is there anymore advice? I need it asap. My stress and anxiety has never been so bad. Please help
I'm in the same condition sis...
I was in a relationship and we broke up after 2 years of relationship...
After one year of breakup I found another guy and both of them areee soo nice...! I thought he is the one!
But things didn't go well and we ended up in no contact two months later both of them come back at the same time...
And I'm kinda talking to them both... Both of them are really really nice and they know I'm talking to both...
And it feels like they're competing to win me over nowww...
And I don't know man it's such a mix of emotions... I feel guilty but at the same time I know it's not my fault...
Sometimes I just feel like I'm a prize both of them are trying to win...
This is just sooo weird mannn...
I have no idea what to dooo!!!!
And yup they both went to the same school so they already know each other even before they knew me!
My situation now. It is really depressing
Hi, I was in a similar situation 1 year ago. What worked for me was to choose one of them. My partner doesn't have the traits I really loved from the other one but he has many others and, at the end of the day, one cannot have it all. You cannot imagine the weight that was lifted after I finally made up my mind. And it was so sad, I was crying for days and the partner I chose couldn't understand the sadness. But time does cure everything. And letting go opened up space in my heart to focus on the person I chose. After a couple of months all I felt was bliss in my relationship and gratitude towards the person I let go. The truth is, and you probably know it to, you would be happy with either of them. Because your happiness doesn't depend on them as it does on you and it will be you who chooses whom to love. I hope this helps :)
I am in this situation currently and it is debilitating. 😢
What did u end up doing with your situation?
choose to be alone
When I was younger, I would agree. However, as I get older. I have to disagree. you cannot be in love with two people at the same time. You better go with the second person because you obviously don't love the first person as much as you thought you did.
Nicole Thomas but what happens if the person goes with the second person and then finds themselves being in love or attracted to another person . Does the cycle not just carry on? Where does it end?
MzJamaica Mee well then you leave him and he needs to get somethings together. that's a different situation
It Is Possible You Just Dont Know Because Your Not In That Shoe
How do you heal when you are one of those two people? What do we do with our pain when we were in love with that one who wanted two?
Hope Stevens... REALLY good question! I'm looking forward to her answer to this cus she's good lol.
You get to choose how to respond. Accepting what is instead how we prefer it be...that is how the suffering begins to cease.
IF he wants or she wants to love two people, then now it's your time to decide if you will accept that or you will move on. Polyamory is indeed a thing. People have created monogamy and 1 on 1 relationships, but that doesn't mean it's the correct relationship. Plus one can be in a polyamorous relationship and still be monogamous. Monogamy means being committed to a person, but who said one can't be committed to two people?
This is how I feel. But I dont want to make them sad.
I don't believe that a person can be in love with two people at the same time. However I do believe that you can be attracted to several people at the same time.
Oh yes u can u can be in love with more than on person
I was in love with 3 at one time. One knew about the others because we were in an open relationship. I was committed to all three. I just had to be careful getting the names mixed up so I just called them all baby. It was a fantastic experience. Each one had something the others didn't have. It was like having the perfect mate divided into three men. Hard to explain. It was tricky though making sure the dates didn't run into each other. And no, I didn't like them being with others but I sure did enjoy sharing my love with three.
I needed to hear this. Thank you!
If someone loves you for real then he wouldn't fall for the second one ❤️
no
nah
....Thank you for helping me to clarify and move forward, my choice is to love, honor and respect ME first. I will be letting them both GO because I feel that if you love me, "...I alone am enough..." :)
Is it that you fall in love with a second person or is it in lust. I like the explanation of discipline and commitment. The human instincts is to seek out good feelings. Meeting a new person can evoke that good feeling vibe. It's what you do about it.
In love with one but love the other as a friend but feel guilty for falling in love with someone else while being married, but the one i've fallen in love with is the love of my life and i had no control of, letting go of guilt is so hard, but i only want to be with the man i love with all my heart and for that i feel no guilt but happy!!!
"Choice how you respond"
...
Such good advice here.
Don't compare.
My situation is a bit different.
But love the advice. Don't do anything you don't want your partner to do. I feel I always have respected that.
Thank God I stumbled upon this video, I'm in deep suffering because of this situation. I feel so guilty over having feelings for someone else, I still love my partner and I would never want to hurt him. It's such a shitty situation but it feels good to know that it'a not this gigantic testimony about my character...I know that with my head, I just need to feel it in my heart.
I understand you clearly. Its just society is not ready for that concept
Wt u chose
Nd r u Happy with wt u chose
I have the same problem
Just watching this in May 2023. I sat down and took notes. Great advice! Thank you for your time, Iyanla! ❤️
Been going through this for a month. It's the worst!!!+
Thank You because my husband fell in love with his mistress got her pregnant and left her right after the baby. Also she was so smug when she meet me face to face but I knew and GOD knew what was real. Lust is so temporary.
Bytricia Bailey yes Ma'am! My husband left me for another and she's taking him thru Hell! I'm not mad....that's what he wanted.
I love her shirt....."Call a thing a thing"!!! Her infamous line......
I agree,its takes too much time,and energy trying to love two people.
Loving one at a time is less complicated.Loving 2 people could get very messy.
It makes me wanna cry😢
To make it even more complicated... what if you're single, and the two people you're in love with are together?
The best video for love advise i have ever watched in my 34 years of existence
God I love this woman!!! She knows her shit!!!
I'm already committed and i fell for another .I totally agree with this . It happens my partner haven't do anything wrong nor i wanna cheat him i just fell in love accidentally now i don't know what to do
I love two women i have children from both of them. They live in two different countries. I do love them. Truly i am 38, Christian and someone who went to school or grew in city a son of educated family. Is not easy but that is my life.
Yes, am in such situation and I don't want to leave both.
Same
Ditto
How did it work out?
I've been casually seeing this one guy and our bond has started to strengthen and I somewhat see him wanting more with some of his little gestures. He warms my heart but we're not there yet and aren't committed to each other yet.
I kinda also reconnected with my ex earlier this year and had been sporadically seeing him. This ex I have a lot of history with and had deep feelings for and a part of me still does, even after a little over a year to the break up.
I'm so confused about if I should continue to nurture the dynamic I have with the new guy or should I try to put in efforts to make things work with my ex. Right now I have neither of them and I fear my greed of not being able to choose who to pursue and continue to put efforts into will make me lose both of them. Because I have my leg in two boats right now and I'll eventually drown at the rate at which I'm going.
The new guy is giving me enough but commitment is not on the table yet however it's not off the table either. With my ex there is so much baggage that we've only talked about keeping it casual and limited to physical encounters but we do have moments where we get vulnerable and talk about the break up. And I find myself feeling things for him again as he stirs up these strong emotions in me.
Now I know people who say that an ex is an ex for a reason and maybe start a fresh chapter with someone new but it's hard when your turbulent mind pulls you in two different directions. I still feel strongly about my ex and have had several positive experiences with him after the reconnection but we see each other occasionally. Could say the same about the new guy, it's a new budding dynamic and we are having a lot of positive experiences that are frequent.
But just as I start to get into this idea of wanting this new guy, my ex pops back up and we have this very vulnerable chat or a fun meet up that kinda messes with my head a bit. I'm very confused about which direction I want to go in. I don't know what I want!
How did it turn out? I am experiencing the same thing.
@tiname1805
I dated the "new" guy without labels for nearly two years during law school. The casual dynamic worked for me then since it allowed me to invest in the capacity of a situationship and I also got to occasionally see my ex without feeling like I was cheating. The "new" guy also enjoyed the freedom of dating around while having me as a constant companion. I probably would have gotten serious with him but I never got that feeling or reassurance from him. But when I became a lawyer, I wanted to take things more seriously. He asked for two months to think, as "serious" meant marriage to him. During that time, I noticed he’d grown complacent, enjoying the no-strings-attached arrangement, and had started talking to another woman just around that time. I ended things, and later found out he continued seeing her. They took international trips together, and now they’re getting married. 6 months was enough for him to be sure about her, 2 years with me was not. He broke the news of the marriage to me himself, tried to get my reaction to it or something. He is still on dating apps and flirted with me up until last month even after getting serious with her. It made me feel good about my decision to move on from him - he was never going to truly settle.
I still occasionally see my ex. Coincidentally he started working near where my current office is. But our dynamic has remained casual and hasn’t evolved into anything serious. I’ve mostly made peace with it, realizing that maybe we trigger each other in ways that prevent compatibility. Plus, he’s becoming less attractive to me from a long-term perspective.
A friend once said that when you’re confused between people, they eventually weed themselves out without you having to do anything. I believe that’s true.
Recently, I met someone new - a filmmaker. For the first time in years, I felt those intense, fuzzy feelings again. Although his schedule is packed with shoots, I understand the demands of the media industry as a Media lawyer, I understand the business. Meeting him made me realize it’s possible to feel this way again. I’m not sure if he’s "the one," but it gives me hope that I will eventually find the right person. It’s just a matter of time. I hope you do too. Good luck!
@@tiname1805
I dated the "new" guy without labels for nearly two years during law school. The casual dynamic worked for me then since it allowed me to invest in the capacity of a situationship and I also got to occasionally see my ex without feeling like I was doing something wrong. The "new" guy also enjoyed the freedom of dating around while having me as a constant companion. I probably would have gotten serious with him but I never got that feeling or reassurance from him. But when I became a lawyer, I wanted to take things more seriously. He asked for two months to think, as "serious" meant marriage to him. During that time, I noticed he’d grown complacent, enjoying the no-strings-attached arrangement, and had started talking to another woman just around that time. I ended things, and later found out he continued seeing her. They took international trips together, and now they’re getting married. 6 months was enough for him to be sure about her, 2 years with me was not. He broke the news of the marriage to me himself, tried to get my reaction to it or something. He is still on Tinder and flirted with me up until last month even after getting serious with her. It made me feel good about my decision to move on from him - he was never going to truly settle.
I still occasionally see my ex. Coincidentally he started working near where my current office is. But our dynamic has remained casual and hasn’t evolved into anything serious. I’ve mostly made peace with it, realizing that maybe we trigger each other in ways that prevent compatibility. Plus, he’s becoming less attractive to me from a long-term perspective.
A friend once said that when you’re confused between people, they eventually weed themselves out without you having to do anything. I believe that’s true.
Recently, I met someone new - a filmmaker. For the first time in years, I felt those intense, fuzzy feelings again. Although his schedule is packed with shoots, I understand the demands of the media industry as a Media lawyer. Meeting him made me realize it’s possible to feel this way again. I’m not sure if he’s "the one," but it gives me hope that I will eventually find the right person. It’s just a matter of time. I hope you do too. Good luck!
@tiname1805
I dated the "new" guy without labels for nearly two years during law school. The casual dynamic worked for me then since it allowed me to invest in the capacity of a situationship and I also got to occasionally see my ex without feeling like I was doing something wrong. The "new" guy also enjoyed the freedom of dating around while having me as a constant companion. I probably would have gotten serious with him but I never got that feeling or reassurance from him. But when I became a lawyer, I wanted to take things more seriously. He asked for two months to think, as "serious" meant marriage to him. During that time, I noticed he’d grown complacent, enjoying the no-strings-attached arrangement, and had started talking to another woman just around that time. I ended things, and later found out he continued seeing her. They took international trips together, and now they’re getting married. 6 months was enough for him to be sure about her, 2 years with me was not. He broke the news of the marriage to me himself, tried to get my reaction to it or something. He is still on Tinder and flirted with me up until last month even after getting serious with her. It made me feel good about my decision to move on from him - he was never going to truly settle.
I still occasionally see my ex. Coincidentally he started working near where my current office is. But our dynamic has remained casual and hasn’t evolved into anything serious. I’ve mostly made peace with it, realizing that maybe we trigger each other in ways that prevent compatibility. Plus, he’s becoming less attractive to me from a long-term perspective.
A friend once said that when you’re confused between people, they eventually weed themselves out without you having to do anything. I believe that’s true.
Recently, I met someone new - a filmmaker. For the first time in years, I felt those intense, fuzzy feelings again. Although his schedule is packed with shoots, I understand the demands of the media industry as a Media lawyer. Meeting him made me realize it’s possible to feel this way again. I’m not sure if he’s "the one," but it gives me hope that I will eventually find the right person. It’s just a matter of time. I hope you do too. Good luck!
@@tiname1805
I dated the "new" guy without labels for nearly two years during law school. The casual dynamic worked for me then since it allowed me to invest in the capacity of a situationship and I also got to occasionally see my ex without feeling like I was doing something wrong. The "new" guy also enjoyed the freedom of dating around while having me as a constant companion. I probably would have gotten serious with him but I never got that feeling or reassurance from him. But when I became a lawyer, I wanted to take things more seriously. He asked for two months to think, as "serious" meant marriage to him. During that time, I noticed he’d grown complacent, enjoying the no-strings-attached arrangement, and had started talking to another woman just around that time. I ended things, and later found out he continued seeing her. They took international trips together, and now they’re getting married. 6 months was enough for him to be sure about her, 2 years with me was not. He broke the news of the marriage to me himself, tried to get my reaction to it or something. He is still on Tinder and flirted with me up until last month even after getting serious with her. It made me feel good about my decision to move on from him - he was never going to truly settle.
I still occasionally see my ex. Coincidentally he started working near where my current office is. But our dynamic has remained casual and hasn’t evolved into anything serious. I’ve mostly made peace with it, realizing that maybe we trigger each other in ways that prevent compatibility. Plus, he’s becoming less attractive to me from a long-term perspective.
A friend once said that when you’re confused between people, they eventually weed themselves out without you having to do anything. I believe that’s true.
Recently, I met someone new - a filmmaker. For the first time in years, I felt those intense, fuzzy feelings again. Although his schedule is packed with shoots, I understand the demands of the media industry as a Media lawyer. Meeting him made me realize it’s possible to feel this way again. I’m not sure if he’s "the one," but it gives me hope that I will eventually find the right person. It’s just a matter of time. I hope you do too. Good luck!
Reading these comments it seems as if people don’t understand that there can be different situations in which falling in love with two people is DEFINITELY POSSIBLE. for example, I fell in love with this boy and man was I head over heels. I never imagined being without him. I still love him to this day. However when things got rocky, he would treat me horribly, and after a while I started to feel very alone and hurt because I wondered why he would do this to me when all I did was love him, and because of this feeling of loneliness I felt I ended up falling in love with another guy who was one of my good friends because he was always there for me. He gave me what my boyfriend did not, love and hope for the future. As time went on I knew the second guy was a better choice but I loved my boyfriend so much I didn’t wanna leave him. Fast forward to today, my decision was to break up with my boyfriend and stay single, until I figure out my feelings I will stay single. I do still love both of them. Yes I know the first boy is obviously a bad choice if he has hurt me multiple times, I don’t know why I love him either
How are you now?
great advice! I Do still struggle with impulse control so this helped a lot
Well STD's was never brought up. That's my main concern.
Shhhh it
A
Condoms.
You cannot be in love with two people at the same. a man cannot give his heart to two woman at the same time. And if you think you are in love with two people then you need to know what love is. You don't fall in love you grow in love. And lust will make you think you are in love.
Dasaan Alston you do know you can grow with and grow for two people right.
U can love 2 people
So…I believe if you are truly in love with someone, there wouldn’t be a second. Listen!
Before you cuss me out and this is solely my opinion.
When you are in love, you are completely submerged in that person. In order for me to meet someone and fall in love with them. I’d have to be open to receiving. I don’t believe In love at first sight etc. We can fall in love with someone’s beauty, even inner beauty. How they think, talk, etc. but to truly be in love, you have to truly know the person, in order to make that beautiful and bold claim “ I am in love” that takes time, but Cinderella, music and movies have us believing what love looks like and feels like, that we want to rush and label everything and then after the honeymoon phase , claim “ we fell out of love” or feel crushed when things don’t pan out. I believe you can love people , like I love people, kids, etc but to truly be in love with someone, and meet someone new …that would take a conscious effort on my part to be open to receiving someone else, I would be making conscious decisions on the fact that I want to explore this attraction, I want to be alone with this person, I want to get to know this person. I want to trust this person, confide etc. I am responding to a feeling and intentionally lighting the fire. If I were truly fulfilled and in love…I would not be open to receiving…unless I’m missing something and still searching. I’ve met many amazing men while in my long term relationship …the idea of entertaining someone else is inconceivable. As I attracted, flattered, sometimes did a little switch cause I was feeling myself. I have met gorgeous men at work, same sense of humor , understood me ….but I choose not to respond to those feelings because the door to my heart was not open, I choose to keep it closed because there is someone already in there. My man had my heart, so this emotion I feel is something I will feel many times with different people, and that’s ok! But in order for me to entertain someone AND then fall in love with them? It’s because I had a hand in it.
This is amazing! This issue has had me going CRAZY :(
I love the way someone loves himself and I love the way someone loves me but hate how he loves himself because he is jealous but I don’t know which one I love I think I don’t love myself
Open your minds...love is not necessarily a finite resource. its a little sad to me that people limit themselves so much with this mode of thought and believe that one love cancels out the other. Doesnt seem like a lot of people here are poly either. Being poly works for me personally...however if you do practice monogamy I respect that and yes you do make a choice, but the beleif that being in love with more than one person is a betrayal leads to a lot of unnessary pain, shame and dishonesty.
Considerably the most thought provoking response I've seen!!!!!!
Thank you for this comment. Exactly what I was looking to hear.
Loving 2 people is not betrayal. There is a belief system that causes shame, guilt.
I choose to let this belief system go.
Truly......
thank you for this reminder.
The problem is not giving the person who finds it painful a chance to choose for them selves
You can love multiple people… but not be “In Love” with multiple people. Love & In Love are two different things. The example she gave… he needs to leave his partner. He is no longer in love with her.
Honestly, I just have to give gratitude to the Universe right now. This video came at the exact right time. I have feelings of what could be love for a man I just can't be with right now. It hurts. But I need to deal with it. I won't tell him how I feel because what's the point? If there's a chance of him being with me, he can tell me. But until then, I'm content being single.
Whom did u choose ?
@@ashishbhanarkar8749 I chose me. The man was married, but a huge flirt & I took it too far in my mind. It’s over.
I don’t think you can be in love path to ppl. I’ve been there. You gone love one more than the other. Know the difference in Love & Limerence. Make sure you are compatible with someone. Chemistry isn’t just enough, ppl just jump into relationships cause of the chemistry
Thanku for this ❣ now its clear to me whom should u choose...the first one coz he's the one who kept me smiling for past yrs n now suddenly I should not move on to another guy just because there something new in him!!!
A big thanku for whatever you said ❣
I do love two people in the same time, I am in a relationship with one person, but the other I feel like his sad and I also love him for two years I don't know what to do, my one of my heart is happy but other.. Is broken in pieces
Same
The girl I’m in love with is goin through the same thing. She wants to be with me but her ex she was wit for 2 years tht she loves is holding her back. What did you end up doing?
Right on the money! Compatibility over passion!
I just want to refrase something the only reason I fell in love with someone else is because of her personality and sweetness that person has,true love has nothing to do with sexual thing not on my perspective,
her "then what" at 09:03 gave me life haha
At first I disagreed but when she broke it down I understood.
I beg to disagree with most of the points you raised, ma'am. To consider being with someone else means the former partner is losing the place they once occupied in one's life. If you want to be with another for the stimulation and excitement, then you can't call this excitement love!!!
I agree with you man!
This theory of being in love with two people at the same time on the same level is a palpable falsehood. In a best case scenario... the intensity of the love for the two people is not the same.
There are other circumstances where you can be in love with two people at the same time. A person can fall in love with someone who is unavailable at the time (for whatever reason), try to move on and end up falling in love with someone else, only to have the original love interest resurface with availability and shared feelings. This is the situation I am in.
I am starting to truly love my current partner, but now the person I have been deeply deeply in love with for 7 years has come back into the picture, available and expressing interest.
I will not cheat on my current partner, but it is only because I refuse to put myself in a situation where I could be tempted, because I know under the right circumstances I would be fully capable of it. How do you reconcile STILL being deeply love with someone from your past, who is now available to you, and also having fallen in love with someone else during the time the first love was unavailable?
I'm in this state right now,how did you manage eventually?
How did u manage then ?
Unexceptable behavior, I'm sorry. I did that in high school. It's too painful to live your life like that. UNEXCEPTABLE!!!!
Thank you, I have been seeking guidance on this situation that I’m in. We have chosen the route of radical honesty as feelings developed for an old, dear intimate friend that came back into my life. Having these new conversations with my husband about what we are all comfortable with and going at his pace has increased our intimacy and somehow really improved our marriage. My second love lives across the country, which I am sure helps. We also recently had a very planned out beautiful 3some hehe. I just want to say thank you for actually talking about this subject that I have felt quite alone in. For us, it has become a way to expand our circle of love while getting more needs met and healing from past wounds. I hope sharing my experience can remind someone out there are more options than choosing between 2 people. Enjoy the love while it lasts and see what you can learn about yourself and your loves, it might surprise you.
Oh my god.. This is the 1st time with you and... I'm so impressed with your knowledge, they way you describe, and the way you explain... Loved ur personality ma'am..
I believe you can love 2 people at the same time but I don’t believe you can be in love with either of them
I really enjoy this and now I understand, thank you for this great information and tips
Bless you and your family
I think thats why before getting merried we have to make sure is the right person. Have a commitment we both respect love eachother make sure dont let the merriage get bored.
Yes its call Polyamorous
This is a supreme presentation 4 my wife Mrs. She Delta. CampbellLane Gen. 1,2... The Honorable Queen Esther 1:21,22...1Tim.3:1-1Peter 3:7, 1-7... 4 another Edition of Black Ishaw with The Dark & The Lovely Is.9,32:1,2 A Word 4 O... We Love Yall Much!
Because we were very young, I let a guy wait for 7 years. Now after all those years I fell in love with someone else. now I feel so sorry for him because I gave him 7 years of hope. PLLLSSS HELP ME.
What if the person is not a new person? They appear at the same time? And I have borderline personality disorder which makes it harder to choose. They’re both so compatible to me. everyone’s pressuring me to choose. And that drives me insane because I jst wanna be reassured who’s the best for me
i have been so hurt and keep being cheated on so now i am telling guys im dating i can't commit because i dont see the point and my heart feels like numpty dumpty.... but i really am falling for both, but by trying to date both my heart wont completely destroyed again
I've gone through three long-term relationships and this is the first time I've been on my own but I find myself falling for two people that I'm neither committed to either one but they are both moving in quickly and letting me know very quickly what their feelings are and I'm not sure how to handle it because there's a lot of flirting texts I've made love with both of them I'm not sure what to do. Like I said I'm not committed to either one but I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings
Hey, what did u end up doing if you dont mind me asking?
who did you choose
Update?
i always say if you chase two birds at the same time, you will lose both of 'em.
Cut the ties of both and fall inlove with yourself Pray and ask God for wisdom and understanding, go hiking, get out into nature and clear your head, then ask yourself " what love am I worth?" Listen to that quiet voice inside you and trust in God's match-making plan for you. 😊
Thank you for grounded me on this most complicated subject. You are the best!
Sound like Aries ♈️ characteristic lol.. sounds more like “Lust” to me!! Most of us are in Lust not Love ❤️
I totally agree with you.
Hey i am in a relationship with an aries female. I am a girl too. She already has a bf and she says she loves both of us. She treats me like her gf. What do you think she is doing? She loves her bf more or me?
She gets jealous when i bond with men or women.
thank you, i really needed to hear this
Thank you so much for this finally I got the answer. The new partner is just a fling and I don't want to be caught in such a mess. I love my current partner and not willing to hurt him. Since I haven't made any moves yet with the new one am just in the friendly zone.
Thank you this is wisdom for the relationship 🙏🙏🙏🙏
There are a lot of resources around supporting people in polyamorus relationships these days.
Yes right now im dating 2 people
I am a divorcee & now madly in love with my ex lover of 8 years , i dream of him , we talk non stop , laugh a lot but he is unavailable i gotta stop
It's possible and some of us are having powerful, healthy relationships with 2 partners.
The statistics say otherwise in the communities. Gotta love yourself in order to be selfless to others
This was what I needed thank u
It is definitely possible to love 2 people at the same time, what if you love your ex who’s gotten their stuff together but you were already falling for someone else while you were dating after your breakup..it is possible
My exact situation. I’ve gotten back with my ex and the guy I was dating poured out his feelings and now I’m here. Ugh
I fell in love with a man who reciprocates. Met him a few days afrer I left my ex of 14y but hoped distance would have him think abt his commitment issues. The ex is back 2months into my new relationship. I still don’t love the new guy as I love the old guy who is offering me everything I evwr wanted from him. It tears me apart bc my love for the old one is eternal and unique but challefing. The new guy offers more stability but what kind of life is it if I will love the old guy till I die. Which I will. I do not want to hurt the new guy either and give us a chance. I am in hell.
Yes and it’s killing me. I don’t want to choose I want to open up and tell them I don’t like to lie or hide anything about them I haven’t done anything and I won’t until I tell my partner about my feelings I’m just not sure how to open up
What did u choose?
It was not love to begin with if you can love another person
Thank you! 😊😊😊 really needed to hear that
Thank youu so much this helps a lot
Thankyou so much for this video
Never thought i'd be here and it hurts so bad
dont u worry ur not alone i been going through this for a long time it will traumatise u. Its even worse when they both love u
i have had to go to therapy i lost myself throughout the situation
I'm sorry but no for anyone in that situation, had u really loved ur man/woman then u wouldn't be involved with another person physically or otherwise to reach as far as falling in love..
And let's just say ok shit happened and u feel yourself falling that's when u stop! stop communicating with the other person if u REALLY love your partner
That's just an excuse to have it both ways
You’re stupid. Only because you’re stuck in a relationship for what ever reason you forget how it is to fall in love. Fuck you @bellasavage you a dumb ass
80/20 rule.
Even I m struggling with this 😭
How do I choose, I like two people... One of them is in love with me and the other says he "might" like me. But he is making it seem like he really does like me. I said im not ready because I need time to learn to love myself because I don't know how to respond they both asked me out.... Ik I should choose who my heart wants but idk
My partner of 11 years left me three days later he was in love with a stranger he just met . Past month he’s put all his energy into the new guy and has completely thrown me away . So is that a sign that he has no commitment to me ?? And I must move on ?
This was amazing! Thank you
choice one can do so no need to be unfaithful
Well, well I guess being open and honest about what one desires in a relationship becomes key. We have swingers (couples by mutual agreement, meeting up to engage intimately). This could be an ongoing arrangement or lasts for as long as both sides wish. of course this requires a certain level of emotional maturity and trust. I've had a chat with people who engage in such and it has worked for them over the years and they say it has strengthened their relationships and marriages, and keeps them excited and the adventure continues. Hmmm..
that was great.. thank u so much!!!